skyjaber0019

[skyjaber0019]

be busy. busy not checking messages. busy reading those books you never started or finished. busy having a good night of sleep. busy taking care of yourself and your skin. busy moving your body. busy helping your community. busy reflecting on your life and what you can improve. busy doing things aside from the capitalistic viewpoint of “productivity.” busy slowing down.

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Hello I'm back

I'm going to try to move more onto Tumblr and off Twitter

Stick around if you'd like to be mutuals

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a warm cup of tea 🍵

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As the night closes in. Värmland, Sweden (June 7, 2025).

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"it's all in your head" correct! unfortunately I am also in there

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The Arrival of Spring

Illinois, USA

March 2025

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Taking my attention span back

My mind feels like it is rotting, and my focus is nonexistent. I'm going to be updating my journey and progress of what feels like resetting and reclaiming my mind through the intentional consumption of media, mindfulness, and remembering how to love and appreciate the slowness of day-to-day living.

Algorithms, doomscrolling, distractions, procratination, dumbing down, losing love of the mundane, unable to complete anything in one sitting, not being able to get out of bed, and not doing anything to help my apathy. I want to appreciate the beauty of living in a way I know I can if I can get my mind back from being festered.

I know my depression has encouraged this deterioration, but it is not all to blame nor the root of the problem. I will continue working to control it as normal, but this feels like a more controllable problem that can help improve my feeling towards being conscious while the depression feels more like a darkness in a brain I have been learning to live with.

I am making plans and trying to incorporate things that I know make me happy and present along with new ideas for things to try or need to start doing. I will be posting one or two times a week on here with updates to my feelings and experience, even if no one reads it. It's just nice to get it down and share some pictures of what I have been living.

I have always been a creative person who deeply feels and internalizes life, emotions, personalities, etc., and appreciates nature above all. I think I have forgotten this as I've grown up and experienced more pain, disassociation, loneliness, and apathy than I cared to recognize.

Feel free to share your own thoughts and experiences if you relate to anything I seem to be feeling. If there is a community or even a few people who want to join me, I can create a tag for us.

Take care. Remember your own mind.

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Jan. 20, 2025 2:09a.m.

This must mean something. I know it must.

This past year was the worst of my life. The worst when I thought I'd already hit rock bottom. In June I admitted I had a plan and was hospitalized. I said what I needed to, pushed through, went to partial, talked with professionals and was just upped on my dosage again. But I never felt better. Everyday, at some point, I would think how much I regretted admiting that I had a plan instead of just following through.

I am going back to university after being forced to take a semester off. I am leaving at 10am. I know my depression and it's symptoms only get worse when I'm there so naturally I am wary.

I'm still packing and when I went to take the trash to the curb I opened the garage door and a large deer was walking down the middle of my street in front of me. I saw him and he knew I was there but he wasn't scared. He calmly continued walking until he was out of sight.

I went back inside to get my phone and stood outside with the remaining deer all around me. I couldn't see them all but I knew they were there and I could hear they light treading. I felt something indescribable.

I have always lived in this small town and have seen many deer, but this was something I've never experienced and the timing is unbelievable. Since being discharged I have found great comfort in nature and caring for animals. When I think back, I was so lonely and yet I felt a sense of calm and acceptance when being alone in nature. It's like the deer knew this and were a sign to remember this feeling when I go back to an environment that is hard for me to live in.

It has just been so hard for me and this encounter makes me want to live- a feeling I haven't felt in a long time.

Thank you for reading. I wish you the best. We can keep living.

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I LOVE HORSES

duality

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It's hard not to believe your brain saying you are a horrible, useless person that shouldn't be alive when no one but your psychiatrist seems to dissuade that notion.

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It's so hard to believe I'm going back to campus in two weeks after taking the summer and fall semesters off...

I'm so nervous because I know how bad my depression and isolation gets when I go back but I really, really just want to finish my degree and move on in life.

It's so conflicting.

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they took the "match each other's freak" trope too seriously

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Folks

If you haven’t heard of Store norske leksikon yet you are gonna love it. It’s a big ol online encyclopedia, all in Norwegian, with fantastic articles and tons of topics to learn about. If you’re at a B2 level and looking for more to read & learn vocab from it’s super helpful.

I’m interested in linguistics in general so I started on an article about dialekter i Norge and ended up going down a pleasant rabbit hole of other articles about various linguistic terms, theories about dialect change, and specific dialects of certain places (ie Bergen).

I haven’t explored all the topics but it looks like there is so so much there, whether you want to learn about people, history, scientific concepts, art, farming, geography — you name it!

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Sunflower farm in Illinois, USA

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Drinks in Japan🧋

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Food in Japan