spamhamandeggs

[spamhamandeggs]

not dead, just had no libido for most of a year due to transition. estrogen really does temporarily kill your libido.

to my considerable annoyance, it is back. even worse, i have developed some mild bisexual inclinations.

i fondly remember one time during the summer when i realized i hadn't thought about anything sexual for over two weeks. that was a peaceful time.

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So it turns out there's a great trans community in my area. Not dead, I just somehow have started having a little bit of a real life. Just a little. But it's nice.

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so many of the transfems i know spent their time pre-transition performing a kind of lifelong exercise in self-deprivation, the goal of which was to find out exactly how little a person needed to live. they starved themselves, dressed carelessly, shunned friends, and hollowed themselves out so as not to be burdens on anyone but themselves.

i see it now, too, in the girls around me. i'll ask if they want care – a home-cooked meal, relaxed company, sex without the expectation of reciprocation – and they say no, no, thank you, i don't need it; what would you like, what do you want, because in their head they're still doing that awful calculus, still training themselves to disappear in the eyes of the people around them.

i don't think i'd have died without transition – not in the conventional sense, at least – but to take that leap, i had to stop thinking of myself as a human experiment in fuel-efficient living and start nurturing the anemic, atrophied flame of desire in my heart. i had to learn to eat well, to exercise, to style myself beautiful, but harder than that, i had to learn to ask the people around me to work on my behalf in order to enrich my life and give me the things i wanted.

and i did it; i learned. and it was agony, but courage is a muscle you can train, and every day i get better at accepting gifts with the hungry gratitude i never learned in my years and years as a sad, scared, lonely boy.

so be patient with the trans girls in your life. better than that: be proactive, attentive, generous; be forceful, if you have to, and learn to distinguish real discomfort from the terrified reflex of self-denial that so many of us once learned to rely on.

and if you are so lucky as to love a trans girl, you must insist upon her. you must insist upon her happiness, her comfort, her pleasure, and her rest, because she may still not yet know how to make those demands for herself. if you can devote any amount of energy to becoming an engine that nurtures the flame of even a single tgirl then there is a place for you in trans heaven, which as far as i'm concerned is the only one worth going to

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things you shouldn't say to (or about) an autistic person:

you don't know any better

stop pretending like you don't know what I'm saying

how don't you understand? it's so simple

r slur. dont say it period.

stop being so dramatic, it's not that big a deal

stop using your autism as an excuse

*explaining things in a condescending tone like we're children*

smol bean, so precious and innocent

well it's not like they can understand anyway

*talking about us like we're not there*

you're faking for attention

but you're not that autistic

but you're really good at talking!

everyone's a little autistic

stop doing those weird motions! you're drawing attention!

you're a buzzkill

it's so hard to talk to you

oh so you're like a robot! a machine!

nevermind. (you basically admit that we're not worth the extra few seconds it would take to include us.)

*laughing or shrugging us off if we say we don't understand*

don't take things so seriously (especially when we talk about ableism. never say this.)

you're reading too much into it

wow so you're like not even human

oh so like sheldon cooper?

I know a lot about autism. I've watched rain man

but you're not screaming or flapping your hands?

but then how are you talking

oh so you must be really good at math

so are you like really good at chess?

I bet you're really good at playing a lot of instruments

ohmygosh, the good doctor is my favorite show! it's sooo good

sometimes when I'm in a bad mood and I'm tired, I can't tell what people's faces mean, I'm probably a little autistic too haha

you're just a little awkward/it's just social anxiety

you're exaggerating

so can you tell what this face means? *makes some random constipated expression* (I think it means you're ugly, Susan.)

you're just quirky!

don't be so sensitive

they're not all the way there...

I thought you'd be ranting or info-dumping about your special interest 24/7

I met an autistic person before but you guys are nothing alike

but you're not a boy?

but you're not white?

I read somewhere on [insert obscure, non-factual blogging website] that you could cure it by lighting incense. (stop trying to shove cures at us. they don't work, and we don't want one anyway.)

that's so tragic

your parents are so strong!

but then how are you making eye contact with me?

so you don't feel any empathy?

are you like a psychopath?

autism moms are superheroes

you're emotionless

so you must be really nerdy and into sci-fi huh

I bet you'll cure cancer! (unless they have explicitly stated their interest in medical research or stem, don't assume that that's where their interest lies)

why are you so anti-social?

have you even tried to make friends?

it's not that loud, I'm not gonna turn it down

don't rely on aids! you'll get there through hard work and determination. aids will only slow you down in the long run

you're insane

you're no fun. you're like a cranky old person

this show has really good autism rep!

what do you mean it's not good representation? I think you're being too harsh and judgmental

but you're actually really nice? I thought autistic people had no filter

no you're not, I would know

that must be so hard for your family

so are you low- or high-functioning?

do you read really fast like reid from criminal minds?

I wish I was autistic

you're really akward

you're bad at conversations and social cues. (thanks, I hadn't noticed.)

no, don't call yourself "autistic"! say "person with autism", because you are more than your disability ❤

but you don't look autistic

autistic people, feel free to add more :)

allistic people are encouraged to reblog, but don't clown

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I know you gained like 75 pounds in a year when you first gave in to your desires. You must have felt noticeably bigger every month! Did you have trouble adapting to how your body was growing? I imagine you started bumping into things a lot, not realizing how much ass or boob you had padding out your once much-smaller body. Have you had a lot of embarrassing moments of whacking into things or knocking stuff over?

Yes definitely things like that. There was a time where it was like every week I was discovering something new. New stretch marks, a new layer of flab somewhere new. I remember being so turned on when I discovered I actually had a fupa now, or when my double chin first came in.

I’ll never forget the first time I struggled to roll over in bed. Feeling all my weight shift around as I moved. My fat kind of pinning me to the bed. It was something that I never really put much thought into before, and then one day it just became my life. Getting around the bed has been a struggle ever since.

I remember at our old apartment we used to have this chair that was nearby our trash can. I had to keep pushing that chair further and further forward because I couldn’t fit through the gap anymore.

I also remember going on vacation with my friends and not being able to fit us all in the backseat of a standard Uber. If we tried to sit all three of us in the back, I would crush them like a pack of sardines. For the rest of the trip we had to either get Uber XL’s or have someone sit up front with the driver.

I’ve had lots of little things like this come up now that I’m large enough that most public amenities aren’t made to accommodate me. Asking for seatbelt extenders on flights, handicapped seats in the theater (if possible), always having to eyeball chairs to determine whether or not it’s safe to sit. It’s all good fun to me :)

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i believe in ethical forcefem (only feminizing eggs)

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What are some of the positive things gaining has done for you?

There’s a couple of things, some sexual, some not. This might take a while so get yourself some snacks 😘

The physical sensation is amazing. I feel like I’m wrapped in a warm, soft, jiggly cloud at all times. Everything I touch is soft because I’m soft! And having my fat played with is absolutely out of this world. Nothing compares to it

The act of self creation! I choose how I want my body to be, and I make that happen by my own actions. That feels incredibly powerful to me

Defiance of societal norms. This is a big one to me, the act of pursuing a path that would be a nightmare for most people, willingly and against all odds. Just because I like it lol. Openly gaining weight and celebrating it makes me feel like the baddest bitch in town

Taking up space. This ties into the last one, I think it’s super important for women to finally take our space. We’re always told to be quiet and small, not to step on any man’s feet. Well no more! I’m gonna take up space, both physically and by speaking my mind and by not taking any shit from men lmao

The fucking indulgence!! I’m a huge hedonist and pleasure is everything to me in life. Especially in excess! So it might not surprise you that the thought of just living to eat, fuck and take drugs is incredibly hot to me

Related to the last one, I love weed and how much I can eat when I’m on it. My brain getting fried by all this and me slowly getting a little dumber is hot af

Being the center of attention. I’m a huge exhibitionist and love the thought of people being shocked by what a piggy I am! On the other hand, I love knowing how horny I make people by just being as fat as I am and waddling around like I own the place

Letting go of perfectionism. Also a big one. In my eyes, perfectionism just holds you back and life is way more fun when you let it go and embrace chaos instead. A little madness is lovely!

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Wait so . . . the complaint is that they're too affordable? As an American, let me say that's incredibly fucked up.

Hey, remember how just a few weeks ago trans folks were sounding the alarm about how The Gaurdian was seeking interviews for a story about DIY HRT?

And remember how there were a few folks on here who were saying that was misinformation cause some folks at the Gaurdian said it was false on twitter?

Lo and behold, turns out you should trust your own community more than the fucking journalists with a heavy anti-trans reputation! Use common sense next time and don't be so naive!

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just had the realization that i have never experienced "feeling sexy" or "feeling cute" before

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Why do you need your earbuds to have a wire so badly?

I am assuming this is about a post I reblogged like six months ago when I went off on forced technological enshitification and the slow erosion of consumer options. But sure, I'll bite.

Why do I "need" my earbuds to have a wire? I dunno, Anon, maybe I:

Don't want to have to worry about recharging my earbuds.

Don't want my earbuds to be even easier to lose.

Don't want my earbuds to need separate accessories that are as easy to lose as the earbuds.

Prefer to have bluetooth turned off on my devices for security and safety reasons.

Like being able to seamlessly plug my earbuds into my computer, my MP3 player, or any other device with a headphone jack.

Don't want to spend 50 dollars on decent wireless earbuds when I can do all the above things with a pair of solid earbuds that cost me like $12 during the Obama administration.

Don't care about what kinds of headphones or earbuds people wear but don't like what it says about our society when other people apparently care what kind of earbuds I'm wearing so much they have send an Anonymous ask to interrogate me about it.

And I guess, more abstractly, because fuck Apple. That's why.

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What I mean when I say I'm a fat fetishist:

Watching the movement of fat bodies and body parts turns me on

Looking at the shapes of fat bodies and fat body parts turns me on

The sensations of fat turn me on - the tactile softness and movement and weight of fat body parts and fat bodies

The movement, shapes, and sensations of my own fat body turn me on

Seeing other people love and flaunt their own fatness turns me on

I can cum from focusing on even just one of these topics while I'm getting off, and at this point in my life, it's difficult for me to get off by myself or with others in a satisfying way without at least one of the above being present as a stimulus (although imo someone doesn't have to be this exclusive with their sexuality to call themselves a fat fetishist)

All these things not only turn me on but are also delightful and joyous and fulfilling to me and just give me a feeling of rightness and balance in my life when I engage in my sexuality and sensuality while focusing on them

They're an essential part of myself that I can't ignore or push away without negative impacts on my wellbeing

My fat fetish is also distinct from my kinks, which are weight gain, feedism, and gaining/encouragement. Fatness, specifically becoming fat or fatter, is an inherent part of those kinks for me (although isn't for everyone), but my fat fetish exists on its own even outside of the dynamics and scenarios of a kink.

I am attracted to fat people, yes, and like everybody else, fat people are whole humans, not just their bodies and body parts, and I treat and respect fat people as whole people. But all those bullet points above are more than just attraction or even a preference.

I am attracted to fat people, and I also have a fat fetish.

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"I'm so boring," I tell myself, while designing an electrolysis machine with PID microamp control using recycled electronics, including LCD modules salvaged from early-aughts-era Nokia phones that I found in the back of a cupboard.

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i feel like ive noticed quite a few ppl on here that identify as autistic and kinky so im curious about the intersection!

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americans are always saying shit like garbage disposal and i-95

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Non-autistics living with autistics:

They keep eating the same freaking food and it frustrates me so much! We can't have the "big scary light" on just lamps everywhere! Even when I try to find peace by doing stuff with them they just ignore me and do whatever they want. They can't even do the simplest of things like go with me to the grocery store every week! How do people expect them to survive in society??

Autistics living together:

So as long as we get my 10 packets of this really specific food, and some snacks, I'll be okay. Also is it cool if you go to the grocery store? I can clean the bathroom since thats bad sensory for you and the store is bad sensory for me. Can you turn on the lamp instead of the big light? It gives me a headache. Thanks man. Yea I'll unplug the TV for you since you can hear the high pitched noise. Do you want to do two separate things in the same room as bonding again this evening? Thats my favorite part of the day too.