staylikethisforever

[staylikethisforever]

I live every moment inside my head suffering

[staylikethisforever]

what is it about me that nobody likes

[staylikethisforever]

They’ll never understand until it happens to them.

Sometimes I just don’t know if he gets it, the paralyzing fears I have of men, especially strangers, and what they will do if I make them angry by saying the wrong thing, or simply saying “no.” they never seem to take that as an answer, so I’m never really given the option, am I? If the answer is, must always be “yes,” or submissive, do you women really have an option?

I don’t think he gets it when a stranger tries to persistently speak to me, or get my attention, it very quickly makes me panic. the second they are clearly NOT caring, or respecting me saying “no,” me walking away, politely saying "i dont speak to strangers." i feel terrified in those moments. What will they do?

I’ve said “no“ so many times, in so many ways, and they’ve, more often than not, taking my “no’s“ as a suggestion rather than a declaration of boundary. So what do we do? We carry keys between our knuckles, never staying in your car in the parking lot of the store we just went to. We share locations and Uber trips with loved ones because the worst case scenario never feels so far-fetched anymore once it’s happened to you.

We must initially assume the worst and have them prove otherwise, rather than assume there’s good in all (just a few bad eggs, maybe?), and find out too late you are in danger. You never thought they’d do it. Until it happens to you. Until they do. Then you’re hyper vigilant. You maintain an internal security system and know just about anyone could do it.

I don’t think he’ll ever understand why it’s easier to be polite and let the stranger add you on social media, or entertain the uncomfortable conversation for the sake of just getting out of the situation as safely and quickly as possible. Then you do and block them and you thank God it didn’t happen again. When you’ve already said ‘no,’ and they won’t stop. When you’re not in public for others to save you. We do anything to save ourselves and as soon as we’re out safe, we cry, and tell our best friend or partner, and hope to God they don’t say “why didn’t you tell him to fuck off?“ “Why didn’t you say ‘no?’” But they do. And it kills you inside.

It’s not your fault, baby, but they will never understand the paralysis, followed by could’ve’s and should’ve’s and would’ve’s.

[staylikethisforever]

what’s broken in me that i am more afraid of making others uncomfortable than i am of compromising my own peace

[staylikethisforever]

i guess this will become the new place

[staylikethisforever]

2023

SPEND AS MUCH TIME OUTDOORS AS HUMANELY POSSIBLE

THROW YOUR PHONE IN A LAKE

WRITE HANDWRITTEN LETTERS TO YOUR FRIENDS

EXTRACT MEANING FROM YOUR DREAMS

PRACTICE SERENITY

CULTIVATE GOOD POSTURE

WEEP PROFUSELY

DO THE DISHES AS SOON AS YOU'RE FINISHED EATING

LEARN TO WHISTLE

WEAR PERFUME

[staylikethisforever]

[staylikethisforever]

[staylikethisforever]

[staylikethisforever]

[staylikethisforever]

[staylikethisforever]

[staylikethisforever]

[staylikethisforever]

[staylikethisforever]

[staylikethisforever]

[staylikethisforever]

Amalfi Coast, Italy (source)