storytellersjheller - Tumblr blog

[storytellersjheller]

High-Functioning Dragon. . .

Dragons are mythical creatures that have been around since the beginning; even the Egyptians had dragons. Just think of it, a world separated by distance, and yet, dragons are everywhere and span all types of mythologies and vary in size, color and build.

I consider myself a dragon in some ways. Women, such as myself, have autism much like men, however, ours show in different ways then men. I'm not the only one in my family that is on the spectrum either; I won't go into details, though we all get it from my Dad who had Asperger's.

Aspergers; what kind of name is that? I mean, seriously?

I was taught to sound things out as a kid from my speech therapists to help with my lisp. Could you imagine, a 10 year-old me, or any kid for that matter, trying to sound out and write Aspergers?

Likely come out as @$$burger and the teacher would take the paper away and we would have no idea what we did wrong.

In fact, something similar happened to me in grade school; as soon as the teaching aid saw that I tried to rhyme duck, she grabbed my eraser and erased the word, saying, "we don't use that word here."

I thought it was strange at the time that she erased my work, but now as an adult, I try not to laugh at the thought.

My first step in my life as a dragon was when I was eventually diagnosed with astigmatism, as well as near and far sighted; not sure how that can happen, but apparently I get it from my Dad. My Dad also had blue eyes like me, so I literally have my Dad's eyes. So, yeah, I was in middle school sporting bifocals, though I didn't care since for the first time, I could actually see. I read more and did better on tests.

Over the years, such things as writing, reading and math were still hard for me; and they remain that way to this day. I'd get my numbers and letters mixed up, wondering if perhaps I was stupid or wasn't paying attention. My Mom theorized that I had dyslexia; and she was right, however, the path to getting the help that I needed didn't come easy.

in the state that I'm originally from, all we'd have to do is walk into my doctor's office and get tested for dyslexia, get a note and bring it to the school for an IEP. But after we moved to Arizona where we are now live, things weren't so easy; and being be in college made it that much harder.

Yep, you read that right; it took until I was in my 3rd year of college to find a dyslexia therapist who wouldn't charge me an arm and a leg, and maybe a kidney, for a three hour test.

I had gone to my community college's DRS department, but all the numbers they had listed were either too expensive (not one of them took any kind of insurance) or weren't taking on new clients. I ended up getting my therapist through a third party suggestion that still took another couple months before I could actually meet with the therapist.

I was super nervous the day of my appointment even with my Mom coming with me.

Yes, I was a 20-something year old who came with their Mom. I was freaked out and she waited in the parking lot in the car for moral support.

The therapist was nice. She was surprised to see that I'd answered all the questions on her intake form; something I didn't pay much mind to at the time. And we begun the tests. We paused for a bit after 45 minutes so I could use the bathroom. It was on my way back from the restroom, that I'd noticed the carpet of the office; and oh my gosh, my eyes started spinning.

"You have a really trippy carpet." I told the therapist.

She was rightfully confused by the statement, and I explained what I meant and told her that this wasn't the first time that my eyes had been triggered like that.

We continued the tests, and she looked over the results.

Yep, I was dyslexic. My brain interpreted words and sounds differently then normal people would, and also added or replaced words while I read without me even realizing it, too. Yeah, that was trippy to learn about.

"I believe you're high-functioning autistic." The therapist told me.

I swear the world froze around me for a moment.

Me? Autistic? Really?

"I've been doing this a long time, and you have a lot of the signs that are known for women with high-functioning autism." She continued.

I was still in a stake of shock.

Sad thing is, my therapist, though she could help me with my Dyslexia and possible high-functioning autism, couldn't test me officially for HFA (high-functioning autism). I couldn't afford the extra therapy either and haven't been back since.

I went home and started to research, and the more I did, the more I connected with others like me; I felt myself piecing together and started to better understand myself, too, and my Dad and family.

Though keep in mind that HFA for women is different then men, and autism is a wide range, too. New things are being learned about how women at affected by autism; I'm no means a doctor, but merely giving my side of how I see things and how I'm effected by autism.

I know this post is running on the long side, so I'll tell a quick story to better explain my point.

I've been in training as a barista for little near four weeks now.

To help with my Dyslexia, I carry a notebook with me to take notes and help recall things (I also likely have ADHD and OCD, too, so thoughts don't always travel in the directions that they should); but on this shift, I was working the cash register.

My sweet manager was aware of my neurodivergence; I told her a week after I got the job; and she was helping me learn the machine and it's many, many buttons and combinations.

A customer comes up and states their order, checking it come up on the screen while I punch in the order on the register. They finish their order, pay for their drink and the receipt prints.

I hold the receipt out to the customer, asking, "would you like your receipt?"

"How much is it?" The customer replied.

"It's a receipt, it's free."

The customer and my manager started giggling.

I'm left confused and embarrassed not sure why either of them are laughing, but knowing it's me that their giggling at.

"I'm not laughing at you, but with you," The customer giggled.

I wasn't laughing. Not even on the inside.

I know the customer and my manager weren't trying to be mean, and they thought my honest response was sincere and funny.

The customer really wanted to know how much their drink was; something I mentally knew that they could see on the screen and so thought they were asking if the receipt needed to be paid for.

I can be sarcastic, witty, and funny when I mean to be, but there are times, like this one, where I took what they said as face value; this is common in people with HFA. It can feel like a mine field trying to figure out what people mean and how to respond; and this often results in what's called masking.

Think of masking as putting on a mirror; a person who's HFA and in a group will watch how others in the group act and copy those actions or tones to better fit in with the group. I do this countless times, including with my family or out at work; and I can say from experience that trying to put on a mask that I believe will make others happy is draining mentally, emotionally and physically to the point that my anxiety comes in and then I find myself depressed, and it takes training and realizing the signs to know when masking is happening.

It's terrifying to try and be ones true self when all your brain can think about is what people might say and how you might respond, known as scripting, or trying to act like everyone else, such as masking.

And even after all those tests, my community college could only offer a cheep, old recorder that couldn't catch my own voice from an arms length away, a lousy text-to-speech reader that read so poorly that it triggered my auditory senses, and extra time on tests. I asked why that was all the college could do and was told that there wasn't enough funding going to the DRS; it really ticked me off to think that even after bending over backwards to get the testing that I needed, that the most that could be done was some shotty, old equipment and more time on tests. I ended up returning the recorder, getting Speechify and going for the extra time.

Calling myself a dragon started as a joke between me and my little cuz because my eyes look in different directions due to my astigmatism and double prism (also known as Lazy Eye, because one eye compensates for the other; only I have that in BOTH eyes; dang overachievers. I also am a bit colorblind as well.) Though the more I learned about myself, the more odd, or mythical that I kind of felt.

Women with HFA are also known to collect things, and well, I'm no different so like a dragon, I have a collection of various 'artifacts'. And my family tends to call my spots in the house as 'nests' because I like to be surrounded by things that make me happy; another thing common to women with HFA. So, yeah, in many ways, I'm a dragon.

I'm pretty sure my ADHD makes me like a fox; jumping from one place to another at the thought of something shiny only to quickly forget what I was even looking at before.

Not even sure what to go for with my OCD.

So maybe I'm like a fox dragon? Dragon kitsune? I've surely feel I've lived more then one life with everything I've been through, learned about myself and experienced.

If you've made it this far, tell me what kind of creature, mythical or otherwise, that you relate to and why; I'd be interested to know.

A group of dragons is called a thunder (que Imagine Dragon's song) and I'd like to get to know who's apart of mine, dragon or anything else. Dragon's are own as protectors and guardians, and so am I; so welcome to my Thunder.

[storytellersjheller]

The Storyteller. . .

Hello Tumblr World,

At the suggestion of my SMC, I'm dipping my toe into the pool that is this strange place. I'm SJ, and, as the name implies, I'm a writer. I'm here to help grow my portfolio, if that actually happens is yet to be seen. I have tried other sites with the same hope; only time will tell if Tumblr will be different.

What do I write?

I'm a paranormal and fantasy writer, and have been since I was 16. Yes, I am older then my picture may suggest. I like working in adventure, romance, and mystery and a touch of humor into my stories while also working twists to typical 'in-the-box' stereotypes. Some examples;

A Princess who might be in distress, but won't take crap from anyone.

A Knight who's sworn to his duty, but is willing to put it all at risk if it means saving who he loves.

An adopted Prince who is uncertain with his place, only to fight for the people and place that he loves.

I could keep going, but I don't want this post to run too long; and I don't want to give away too many spoilers.

Some of you might already know me or my stories from my podcast; Storyteller S.J. Heller; and my Paranormal Tales found on IHeartRadio and other podcasting sites or my Instagram - and if you have, I thank you for your support.

For those of you who don't know me; well, I've been writing stories since I was 16 and daydreaming of tales long before then. I'm also neurodivergent; and is something I talk about on my podcast as well. Writing was never easy for me, but the worlds that I've created help me make it through this reality that I find myself living in and my skills have grown over the years. My hope is that people can find themselves in my stories, connect with the characters and find a peace within them; or a witty joke or two, haha.

I'm also a full-time college student working to finish up my degree in Creative Writing. I plan on posting on my new Tumblr weekly or biweekly; perhaps even more if the feeling comes to me, so if you wish to learn more, feel free to follow along.

[storytellersjheller]

Just once, I want to see them team up for a year, and take over Christmas together.  Oh the adventures they would have. =D

[storytellersjheller]

I love Sally’s eyelashes.

[storytellersjheller]

We saw Wreck-It Ralph this morning and I loved it! I also loved Paperman, the short that played before the film. The animation was just stunning. I may or may not have shed a few tears just from the sheer beauty of it all. 

[storytellersjheller]

Belle for Adrienne.

Photoshop

[storytellersjheller]

My sister and her five year old daughter. True story.

Ballpoint pen.

[storytellersjheller]

The sketches I did of Ping way back during Long Lost Friends Week. She was also the original inspiration for my Jedi Mulan piece, so I had to draw something for that as well. ;p

Col-erase pencil

[storytellersjheller]

A little something I did for Kit, since she took care of me while I was sick. I know it’s random…but it makes sense if you know Kit. XD

Photoshop

[storytellersjheller]

Birthday present for Kit! Her favorite pony, Princess Luna. I mixed in a few traits from Nightmare Moon since she loves both designs. Happy birthday Kit! <3

Photoshop

[storytellersjheller]

I took my sketchbook to Long Lost Friends Week at Disneyland and got inspired to draw Meg.

Col-erase pencil

[storytellersjheller]

An old piece I regurgitated from school, showing the anatomy of a gryphon. Probably not 100% accurate, but referenced as best I could with actual animal anatomy.

Pencil and Photoshop

[storytellersjheller]

I was asked to do a “Wolvicorn” sketch today, and this was the result. #phoenixcomicon #myart #wolverine #mylittlepony #friendshipismagic (at Phoenix Convention Center)

[storytellersjheller]

The Moon Crisis: A Sailor Moon Tribute Art Show tribute show opens today, right here in Anaheim! It runs until August 30, and I will be there on August 9 for the Art Crawl experience!

NEWSAILORMOONWOOOOOOO!!!!

[storytellersjheller]

It would appear that I too have been sucked into drawing adorable baby Groot. #myart #marvel #guardiansofthegalaxy #groot #babygroot #iamgroot #copic

[storytellersjheller]

[storytellersjheller]

The Spring Sprite

Colored pencil, acrylic, gel pen on toned paper