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“What happens if I do this?” Loki/Harry Potter

Harry was on the porch when it happened. It was a warm spring afternoon, not yet too hot, but the cold of winter had finally been chased off by the warmth and growing greenery. Only a crisp wind remained, and not for long. Harry quite expected it to be gone within a week. He was comfortable in his hammock, an Agatha Christie novel on his Starkpad and a tall glass of lemonade on the table beside him. The only danger expected for the day was of accidentally knocking his glass over, something he had done twice this month already. He was still getting used to the new hammock.

This expectation of a quiet, easy day was thoroughly ruined when from the corner of his eye, he saw something falling to the ground from high up in the sky. It was headed perilously close to Harry’s home. Harry didn’t worry over it, certain that with his wards it would bounce off the roof of his home if it truly came that close.

As for what this strange object was…

Harry turned his head back to his Starkpad and flipped to the next page. Quite happily, to himself he said, “Not my circus, not my monkeys.” Whether it was a meteor or a piece of an airplane, it mattered nothing. “The Boy Who Lived is in retirement.”

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When Charlie hears about the Niffler, he takes it to mean he can bring any young dragonets he’s fostering with him — after all, they hardly cause any trouble, compared to nifflers. Molly doesn’t know how to react; on the one hand, Charlie bringing home his work allows him to visit more often, but, on the other, ‘baby dragon’ from her point of view very much differs to his. Why, the last time he visited, the dragonet he brought was larger than their old car!

From the HP Wiki: “Nifflers are assigned to Curse-Breakers by the Gringotts Head Goblin to burrow underground in search of treasures hidden in cursed sites.”

BILL WEASLEY WITH A NIFFLER

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Your mom finding her friend at a store is like unskippable cutscenes

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AAAAAAA. Yesssss, bamf apathetic Harry goodness.

Imagine the crack spinoff AU. The Adventures of Teacup Grindelwald and his new owner, Albus.

What do you think about aphatetic! Harry? Like he has exactly zero fucks to give anymore, and would like to be left alone now, please and thank you, gut because of the damn Potter luck finds himself in sticky situations eery other day. Percival is just like~again, mr. Potter? This is the 3td time this month! And because of this notoriety, Grindelwald constantly tries to recruot him, sends him presents&fliwers whatnot. In the end he so pisses Harry of, that he teansforms him into a teacup or smth

For more drama: the Potter luck and the master of death luck! :D

Harry winds up in the past due to various shenanigans, maybe right after the battle with Voldemort, and frankly he’s exhausted but it seems like Voldemort was a symptom of the chaos, not the cause. For whatever reason (a giant tattoo? an aura of death? maybe Harry’s aura is heavy and powerful and gives even regular wizards an uncomfortable feeling), Harry can’t hide the fact that he’s master of death. He’s so, so tired, but people keep looking at him weirdly, and the elder wand is conspicuous but it burns any other wands Harry tries to use, and Harry spends a lot of time living under the invisibility cloak for a while. He figures he’s earned his hermit lifestyle.

Harry doesn’t want to actually do anything with his master of death powers, but after people keep attacking him for the elder wand (which all but purrs in his hand and has no interest in leaving its master), Harry just goes fuck it and is like, okay, whatever. He’s the master of death. Even the master of death needs to make some cash, so Harry sets up a storefront with the symbol of the deathly hallows and charges exorbitant amounts for anyone interested in speaking with the master of death. People go to him to talk to their loved ones, try on the invisibility cloak, and use the elder wand to create long-term spelled objects because it’s just so powerful. They’re Harry’s hallows, he can do whatever the hell he wants with them.

Meanwhile, Harry kicks back and rakes in the galleons and deals with the people trying to assassinate him every so often.

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This is perfect, I didn’t know I needed bounty hunter Harry in my life until now. Just Newt’ s super overprotective siblings 😭❤️

Much as I adore the idea that Harry looks close to canon, and everyone is just ????? you’re related, imagine Harry is the least known sibling because he prefers being in the shadows, and everyone’s like Newt???? when Harry sometimes pops up to get people that know Newt, or newt himself out of trouble, because they’re (nearly?) identical twins effojihegioh

When Newt looks awkward when he’s asked about it and is like ‘no, that was my twin...’ they assume he’s just being weird and humble because he doesn’t like being centre of attention so they tend to leave it. Until GrindelGraves sees both of them at once and is extremely fucking confused for several reasons lijfncjljb

Also I can’t help but ship Gellert/Harry in this AU, too, at least if the situation was a bit different. Imagine they meet because the elder wand rejected Gellert and vanished, or Harry just came to collect it 😂

So we’ve talked of my love of Newt being reborn as Harry. Consider the opposite where, after the war, maybe because of the MoD thing, maybe because fate wanted to give him another chance, Harry is reborn as a Scamander in the past. Either as Newt, himself, or maybe his twin who does as Newt does, only much more likely to fight you if he feels the need. Now with more snakes. Could follow the first movie, or prior, with Harry running into Graves when looking into trafficking in New York.

Scamander siblings! Maybe Harry is the older twin, as he reminds Newt all the time. It took some adjusting for him to be reborn in the past for some reason (@ Death/Fate call me I just want to talk -.-), but Harry adores his two siblings. Theseus, hilariously enough, reminds him a bit of Hermione if she were a guy and has wanted to be an auror since age four, while Newt reminds him of a much more breakable, even more creature-obsessed Hagrid. Both Theseus and Harry are extremely concerned about making sure Newt doesn’t get himself killed. It’s a big brother thing, they say, and Newt immediately complains that Harry isn’t even ten minutes older than him. Despite that, he’s always had this weird feeling that Harry is the oldest sibling even though he’s technically in the middle. Harry grows up happily in a world where his new parents don’t quite understand him, but love him anyway, and his siblings definitely love him though they all have trouble admitting it.

While I love the idea of Harry joining Newt in working with animals, it amuses the hell out of me to think of Harry being a magical bounty hunter who’s conveniently tracking bounties in every single country Newt visits. It’s a plan he and Theseus came up with when they were all in Hogwarts, and hey, it works. Harry likes a bit more action in his life and isn’t particularly concerned about rules, but he cares deeply about his baby brother. He wants to be nearby in case Newt needs his help. Newt, who tries not to need his help, still does use their emergency contact paper occasionally, most memorably with a girl in Sudan.

There’s a bounty on some animal traffickers in New York, and also Newt wants to release the thunderbird, so they head to America. They separate pretty quickly after arrival. Newt wants to check out the city, while all Harry wants to do is check into a hotel and rest on a stationary surface that isn’t constantly rocking about. He really should have taken a portkey and let Newt take the long way there to avoid any wizards scrutinizing his suitcase.

And so the events of the movie begin to unfold.

Newt doesn’t contact Harry at first.

He’s totally got this. Really. And then he nearly gets arrested, he has more creatures on the loose, and there’s a muggle involved, so with a huff he gives in. Harry’s good at fixing problems. And so they run around the city for a while. Harry runs into GG!Percival by accident. He was never a very good student of history, so he never knew that Grindelwald ever even visited the US. But there’s something about him that calls to Harry. It takes Harry until much later, in the interrogation room scene, for him to finally realize. He and Newt are on one side, GG!Percival on the other, and Harry leans over the table and plucks the elder wand from the auror’s front pocket.

“This isn’t yours,” Harry tells him, then he takes another look at GG!Percival. As far as he’s aware, this wand passed from Gregorovitch to Grindelwald. There wasn’t a Graves in the middle. He looks him over, taking in the face of the man whose fury is visibly growing, “That isn’t yours, either.”

Things devolve from there. The confrontation with Grindelwald happens in the MACUSA building instead. The aurors and the president arrive in time for Grindelwald to show his true face and he’s subdued with some serious struggle. In the aftermath, Harry slides the wand into his pocket and makes no comment on the fact that the wand the aurors take away is Grindelwald’s second wand. He’s accidentally made an enemy of a second dark lord, whoops.

Whether it’s through the magic of the deathly hallows or interrogating Grindelwald, Harry discovers the location of the actual Percival Graves and drops him off at the hospital. There’s no time to explain to explain anything; apparently, there’s an obscurus on the loose. He and Newt manage to bring Credence down and they convince him to live with Newt for a little while. Newt’s good with skittish things, Harry thinks, and gives his brother a hug. He has so much to report to Theseus later. Enough that he’s pretty sure his older brother is going to demand that they return to Britain for a while.

Harry doesn’t think he can do that. Not when he visits Percival in the hospital and feels the thrum of a life debt humming between them.

“I don’t like life debts,” Harry tells him, frowning at Percival, who is trying to cajole his way out of the hospital and back to work within a day of waking up. “Just, I don’t know, consider getting healthy as fulfilling the life debt.”

“I’ve been on the other side of things to know that isn’t how it works,” Percival tells him. There’s a tug at his lips as he asks, “What are you doing?”

Harry looks up from where he’s examining Percival’s neck. “You stitches are torn, what have you been doing? You’re going to kill yourself even without the help of a dark lord.”

And it’s not like Percival actually needs a minder, but Harry has a lot of sightseeing to do in NYC, and there’s quite a few bounties to collect, and okay, maybe there’s a certain director of the DMLE to get to know. Harry ends up sticking around. It can be Theseus’ turn to look after Newt for a while. (Meanwhile, Tina and Newt are already lowkey planning their boss/brother’s wedding.)

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Aaaaa yes, oh my god. Harry doesn’t really know what he’s getting himself into. After too many people start getting on his case with the homewrecking, he starts making up answers, most of which are vague forms of the truth. Percival can’t help twitching at all the rumours, but, at the same time it’s at least partially his own fault, too. Gellert is just extremely amused by the whole situation.

Harry’s not-quite lies include ‘Homewrecking, what homewrecking? That man is involved quite intimately with himself, I just keep him company sometimes’, ‘Oh, don’t you know? His spouse has been around quite a bit, I’m not sure why you haven’t seen them, they’re lovely, really. They’re both on board, so do stop looking at me like that’, and, quite notably ‘when you’re the head of MACUSA, and your spouse is a Dark Lord, you tend to want a third to warm the bed. We have an arrangement.’ Needless to say after that last one, nobody really thinks Harry is banging the boss anymore, especially with all his occasional outlandish anecdotes about outflying dragons, and repelling hundreds of dementors as a teenager. He’s a nice guy, really, but he does have a bit of a penchant for tall tales and exaggeration. For all that, though, he’s almost scarily competent. Of course he spends a lot of time in Graves’ office because he’s the man’s protege.

That sugar daddy AU but with a darker spin and Grindelwald mixed in:

Percival has worn a ring for nearly as long as anyone at the auror department has known him. Harry doesn’t care at first—so what if his mentor is married? That has nothing to do with him. As the weeks pass, it becomes more of a, “Fuck, my mentor is married,” and Harry takes to slapping his hand against his forehead to try to get those impure thoughts out of his head. But Percival never talks about his spouse and Harry can’t find a way to pry without sounding like he’s too interested, so he asks his fellow trainees for the gossip on that.

The fellow trainees are all, “Oh dear.”

Harry vehemently denies that he’s interested-interested. He’s just curious! All the time! Extremely curious! Especially when his mentor is running his hands across Harry’s muscles during training and curating his clothing choices. Anyway, the gossip on Mr. or Mrs. Graves is a conflicting mess. Some people say she’s dead and he’s a grieving widower, some say it was a messy divorce that scarred him for life, others just shrug and say maybe it’s a long-distance thing. The only thing that people agree on is that Percival is a very private person.

Harry mopes, but tries to put his fantasies out of his mind. Married, he reminds himself a lot. So very married. Is that Percival’s hand brushing up against his ass? Must be by accident because married.

Once, when he visits Percival’s home, he could’ve sworn he heard another voice coming from Percival’s bedroom, but no one joined him and Percival. Other times, it almost feels as though Percival himself is a different person. Nothing major, but Percival’s smile is a little different, his dueling style changes, and there’s a pet name or two that causes Harry to flush. He blames it on the exercise.

Meanwhile, Percival occasionally brings up the positives to Grindelwald’s plans. Only when they’re in private, of course. Harry argues a bit but mostly it doesn’t matter to him—he’s not prophesied to defeat this particular dark lord and as far as he can tell, Grindelwald isn’t crazy, nor is he a senseless murderer. Sure, it’s a bit weird that Percival seems to take Harry’s former situation as a further proof that his and Gellert’s path is true. A wizard shouldn’t have been left penniless and living in a tent. Harry mostly just likes the way Percival trails his hand along Harry’s arm when he speaks that passionately.

And then eventually, Percival invites him for dinner and tells him that his husband is dying to meet Harry. Harry, who nearly expires on the spot after his hopes of Percival’s spouse being dead or estranged, is cajoled into saying he’ll be there. And Harry may not have been a good history student, but he can recognize a dark lord perfectly fine. But Percival’s hands are on his shoulders as he guides Harry into the dining room and Gellert’s gaze may be heavy with intent, but it’s not cruel.

And that’s how Harry finds himself in bed with his mentor and a dark lord, as you do.

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Oh my god *yes*. Harry being all ‘my mind is telling me no, but my body is telling me yes’ is the best thing 👌🏼👌🏼👌🏼 and hell, why shouldn’t he go for it, dark lord or no? He’s sane, he’s with a guy who’s unfairly attractive, and he’s not unappealing himself. Harry’s done his bit, he gets to be selfish and reckless gdi.

Imagine down the line, when Harry’s story comes out a bit. Grindelwald just being so exasperated about this young moronic upstart who’d call himself Lord Voldemort and claim to be the *greatest* dark lord, when his followers and rallies would never compare to those Grindelwald held even in his early days. Also what the fuck did he do to himself??? How did he not do more research before making ***five*** horcruxes, much less the accidental and post-resurrection ones. Harry just awkwardly pats him on the shoulder, and continues debating what to do about the whole MoD thing. Like should he share??? It’s getting a bit annoying to hide the mark of the Hallows on his skin, but for all that he’s starting to trust this dark lord and his husband, there’s this nagging voice in the back of his mind that sounds awfully like Hermione. Then again, a lot of what they stand for isn’t all that inherently bad, and Grindelwald seems willing to at least listen, when he desires to make his opinion known. He’s been... happy... of late, which is a rare position for him, of late. Maybe it’d be worth it?

On a different note, imagine how their first formal meeting would go. Harry just observing how grindelwald moves for 0.5 seconds, nods, and is just all ‘okay that explains so much’. Graves looks smug because Grindelwald lost a bet, since only one of them was convinced that, of all the people in MACUSA, the new recruit that’s been there for a few months is the only fucking person who’s really noticed Graves isn’t always exactly Graves.

Also Harry would totally find a way to accidentally-on-purpose move Newt to their cause. Especially if their first meeting involves snakes, because Harry’s had a soft spot for them for a while, especially the smart ones.

Gellert is just like how???? B/c he tried to fish for Newt before 😂

That sugar daddy AU but with a darker spin and Grindelwald mixed in:

Percival has worn a ring for nearly as long as anyone at the auror department has known him. Harry doesn’t care at first—so what if his mentor is married? That has nothing to do with him. As the weeks pass, it becomes more of a, “Fuck, my mentor is married,” and Harry takes to slapping his hand against his forehead to try to get those impure thoughts out of his head. But Percival never talks about his spouse and Harry can’t find a way to pry without sounding like he’s too interested, so he asks his fellow trainees for the gossip on that.

The fellow trainees are all, “Oh dear.”

Harry vehemently denies that he’s interested-interested. He’s just curious! All the time! Extremely curious! Especially when his mentor is running his hands across Harry’s muscles during training and curating his clothing choices. Anyway, the gossip on Mr. or Mrs. Graves is a conflicting mess. Some people say she’s dead and he’s a grieving widower, some say it was a messy divorce that scarred him for life, others just shrug and say maybe it’s a long-distance thing. The only thing that people agree on is that Percival is a very private person.

Harry mopes, but tries to put his fantasies out of his mind. Married, he reminds himself a lot. So very married. Is that Percival’s hand brushing up against his ass? Must be by accident because married.

Once, when he visits Percival’s home, he could’ve sworn he heard another voice coming from Percival’s bedroom, but no one joined him and Percival. Other times, it almost feels as though Percival himself is a different person. Nothing major, but Percival’s smile is a little different, his dueling style changes, and there’s a pet name or two that causes Harry to flush. He blames it on the exercise.

Meanwhile, Percival occasionally brings up the positives to Grindelwald’s plans. Only when they’re in private, of course. Harry argues a bit but mostly it doesn’t matter to him—he’s not prophesied to defeat this particular dark lord and as far as he can tell, Grindelwald isn’t crazy, nor is he a senseless murderer. Sure, it’s a bit weird that Percival seems to take Harry’s former situation as a further proof that his and Gellert’s path is true. A wizard shouldn’t have been left penniless and living in a tent. Harry mostly just likes the way Percival trails his hand along Harry’s arm when he speaks that passionately.

And then eventually, Percival invites him for dinner and tells him that his husband is dying to meet Harry. Harry, who nearly expires on the spot after his hopes of Percival’s spouse being dead or estranged, is cajoled into saying he’ll be there. And Harry may not have been a good history student, but he can recognize a dark lord perfectly fine. But Percival’s hands are on his shoulders as he guides Harry into the dining room and Gellert’s gaze may be heavy with intent, but it’s not cruel.

And that’s how Harry finds himself in bed with his mentor and a dark lord, as you do.

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Klaus: I JUST WANT TO FUCK-

Klaus: -ING MATTER

Klaus: TO SOMEONE

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Luther: How high are you?

Klaus: No, Luther, it’s ‘hi, how are you’

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Reginald: What state are you in?

Ben: Constant anxiety.

Diego: Denial.

Klaus: Perfection.

Luther: …New York?

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Ben: have some actual food, like eggs!

Klaus: how do you cook eggs?

Diego: you're supposed to cook them??

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!!!!!!!!!!!!

“I can’t keep kissing strangers and pretending that they’re you.” Itachi/Shisui

Night falls without Itachi’s notice or approval. The lights in the hokage’s office flicker on with the momentary appearance of an ANBU guard, and Itachi stops having to squint at his paperwork, while the rest of the tower grows dim. His chief assistant leaves at six in the evening, followed by the rest of the staff. With one ear, Itachi hears the cleaning crew do their work, and then the tower is silent. If he concentrates, he will be able to hear his ever-present shadows. Itachi pays them no mind, nor does he apologize for staying so late at the office. It’s their job. If they weren’t at the office, then they would be watching him at the hokage’s home. It’s not in their duties to be lax. Itachi once did guard duty for the former hokage, and now he sits in this chair, and men and women watch over him in turn.

Duty compels him to stay, but Itachi allows himself a few comforts. He removes his ceremonial robes, leaving on the standard outfit he wears underneath. There is no Uchiha crest in sight, unlike the outfits of his childhood. He prepares himself a cup of tea. He closes his eyes for a moment, two, three. There is a steady ache behind his eyes that he just as steadily ignores. Itachi intends to return to his work until the familiar, fast-paced approach of his cousin. After a moment of deliberation, Itachi chooses Shisui’s tea and opens the window.

“You’re still here?” Shisui asks, slipping in through the window. He is the only one Itachi welcomes to do so, though a few still continue to make the attempt. “I’ll complain to Tsunade. Don’t think I won’t. You have a healing regime that you’re supposed to be following.”

“I’m drinking her tea,” Itachi says, mildly. “Would you like some, if it’s that healthy?”

Shisui shudders. “No. It tastes like shit.”

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@wynnefic

Do you think fives and Desmond would get along well? Both time traveling assassins, both trying to save the world, Desmond has bleeding effect while fives has a switch to a body many years younger.

Desmond: “Okay, I get that you’re like 60 or something, but your body is still like 8, so…age restriction wise, aye, alcohol tolerance wise… nay. Sorry man.”Five: “Just… make me a virgin Irish coffee and let me pretend.”

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TT^TT so much for not liking angsty endings. Cruel, cruel waifu of mine.

“I thought you were dead.” Tomarry/Harrymort

 "I thought you were dead,“ Tom says, so very quietly that Harry might be able to pretend that he hadn’t even said it at all. It’s not his usual tone; nothing about Tom Riddle is ever hesitant, nor is it soft. Harry had been able to live with that once upon a time.

Harry had woken up when Tom first entered, but it’s only now that Tom speaks that he forces himself to sit up in the bed. Every turn of his body hurts. Hiding a sound of pain behind a sigh, Harry turns to look at Tom. It’s dark in Harry’s room but light in the corridor just outside it. Tom is all shadows and dark features, but it’s the best glimpse of him that Harry has gotten in the four years since they graduated Hogwarts and Harry put an end to everything they were, everything he’d ardently wished they could be.

“Who let you into my hospital room?” Harry notices a glass of water on the table next to the bed, but he can’t reach it with the level of pain his arm is in. The only thing worse than seeing Tom as soon as he woke up would be embarrassing himself immediately after. “I bet it was Ginny. She’s a secret romantic.”

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can we PLEASE talk about the look Ben was giving Klaus when he was talking about Dave??? And the look Ben gave Klaus before he got up and walked away??? Or the look on Klaus’ face as he watched Ben walk away????

Or after Diego is done talking, Klaus suddenly claims he has to pee?? Maybe he was lying about wanting another fix and he really wanted to go to Ben but he couldn’t tell that to Diego because they don’t know about Ben???

Anyway I feel like there’s definitely some sort of History there

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Ben: I’m proud to identify as a moronsexual. I’m attracted to dumbasses and dumbasses exclusively. A guy asked me what the Spanish word for tortilla was once and now I dream of kissing him under the moonlight.

Klaus: What kind of animal is the Pink Panther?

Ben, already taking his clothes off: Klaus, you’re so fucking stupid.

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“You don’t see me.” Harry Potter/Orochimaru or Harry Potter/Stiles

 "You don’t see me,“ Stiles says, taking hold of his spark and putting power behind his words. With that, he steps through the archway of the archeological ruins, intent on finding the specific artifact that will clean up Beacon Hills’ insistent siren problem once and for all. Their town isn’t even on the ocean, for fuck’s sake. Stiles can’t see why this can’t be someone else’s problem.

The only person standing in the ruins is a man who he assumes to be an archeology buff. Some years older than Stiles, messy-haired and tanned, shorter than Stiles. Handsome in a nerdy sort of way. Or maybe that’s just the glasses. Still, Stiles doesn’t have time to embarrass himself while flirting. There are people to save. They may be idiots who fall for a siren’s song, but they’re Beacon Hills idiots.

The stranger raises an eyebrow at him. With a British accent, he says, "Sure, I don’t see you.”

“Weird, that usually works,” Stiles says, squinting at him. The sun is overly bright for a guy who prefers the computer screen to direct sunlight. “Trying again. Do your thing, inner spark. You don’t see me.”

Unhelpfully, the stranger says, “I still see you.” He looks more amused than unnerved at someone insisting otherwise. At Stiles’ groan, he adds, “Do you need some help with that? A notice me not spell or something? Have you lost your wand?”

“My what,” Stiles says, mouth dropping open. This stranger, who is taking him seriously, and asking him about wands. Okay, fuck Beacon Hills. The sirens can do their thing. Stiles just needs a few minutes, hours, maybe days to pick at this man’s head. He throws his bag onto the ground, sits down next to the stranger, and says, “Tell me everything. Please.”

Maybe with a little begging, he can get this guy to come back with him to Beacon Hills.

With any luck, Stiles has finally found his spark Yoda.

With a little more luck, maybe he’s found something more.