strawberry-janusian

[strawberry-janusian]

[strawberry-janusian]

just a heads up if you came from apate's source call go ahead and message us or submit an ask, whatever's more comfortable. i'm cool with getting them for you.

also if you want to chat with me that's fine - same deal. just be chill

[strawberry-janusian]

welcome back to "im tired of being the system asshole". good news is ive got backup this time.

i am trying to make decisions that are good for us and our relationships. but i always worry theyre not the *right* decisions.

i just think that were not ready for certian steps. and im glad were taking other steps that not everyone is on board with. but its so stressful.

i know why i have to do this - weve been taught to be afraid of standing up for ourselves, so my job is to do it for them. doesn't mean it always works out. but what can you do.

[strawberry-janusian]

Evening dress, Mark Mooring for Bergdorf Goodman, 1942

[strawberry-janusian]

messing around with canva. made these. might make more.

uhh yeah

(i miss them idk if you can tell)

[strawberry-janusian]

wanting to find a space for our syskids vs most spaces infantilize them and/or hate you for existing. alas

[strawberry-janusian]

Plural Ask Game!!

📢 1. How did you get your sys/collective name? 🔔 2. Who is the current host/frequent fronters? 📎 3. Who is your first known alter(s)? 🏳️‍🌈 4. What is your collective/most prominent identity? 🏳️ 5. What's your systems origin? ❗6. Do you have DID/OSDD?

🛂 7. What's your headcount? 👥 8. What's your brainmade to introject ratio? 🤫 9. Who's your most mischievous headmate? (/silly) ⚪ 10. What's your headspace like? 🤔 11. How did you find out you were plural? 🗨️ 12. Random quote from a headmate, go! 🗣️ 13. "Plural culture is..." ❤️ 14. What gives you euphoria about being plural? 💔 15. What give you dysphoria about being plural? 👤 16. Is there something that makes you different from other plurals? ❓17. Make up a random question to ask!

[strawberry-janusian]

Celeste Strawberry Jam🍓

[strawberry-janusian]

wikihow to communicate to outsiders that your sys will unintentionally be an asshole without knowing and you need some sort of warning before you fuck up without sounding like an asshole whos shifting blame.

[strawberry-janusian]

a little late but heres my annoying rambling

communication is definetly something we struggled with - it's gotten a lot better with time, but were by no means perfect.

as ive talked about before, talking out loud helps. we also have private discord channels where we can talk and ask questions - those are nice, as we don't have a set time limit. so we can have someone ask something, leave it and a few hours go back and someone's answered.

we also think a lot at each other.

as for feeling connected, we DEFINETLY undestand that. there's a lot of overlap/bleedthrough between headmates. we use the term hydraconscious (pluralpedia link) to loosely explain our experience.

constant blurriness is also a struggle. who am I? who knows. its like a game of "guess who" every time we switch.

yeah i dont make a lotof sense uhhhhh

okay so how it works for us. we have our host who is always partially in front. because of this, we have access to almost all body memories. (the only ones we cant really see are severely traumatic memories that have been delegated to a specific headmate. sorry, colin)

we are all our own selves, but the host is Also There, to an extent. we kind of get blurry and confused often because of this. some of the headmates have started massive lists of traits headmates have to help distinguish whos in front (ie. who has an accent? who walks/moves differently? who talks differently? who is very passionate about this?) but it doesn't always work. sometimes we just have to wait it out.

idk if this is helping. im tired and in the mood to ramble.

also, as for the destructive headmate - we have experienced that. anti, I'm putting you on blast, sorry man. (they're part of the Anti-British alliance /silly).

when they first formed, they were violent, angry, and often turned their frustration into hurting the body and other headmates. a lot of the plurals around us did the "lock them in a box forever and ignore it" strategy, so that's what our host tried. (they were young, confused by plurality, and scared. none of us blame them.)

it (obviously) didnt work. putting a headmate in "jail" only makes it worse. they'll resent you, and become more aggressive when they do "get out".

then carson formed, and he had a different idea - don't? ignore it. so him and the host started just... letting them be. carson reprimanded them when they hurt someone / the body, but didn't lock them away. sean (also part of the anti-british alliance) started including them in conversation and learning their interests - treating them like a person, basically. it helped a lot. they still have destructive urges, but it's no longer "them vs us", its "us".

this isn't always an option, but please, please do not lock them away/isolate them/etc. they are a person (or being) too, and deserve respect. even if they don't respect you.

if you want to chat with anti, they are happy to. but be careful, they may start sending you weird pictures of animals and shitty interior design.

sory for my nonsensical rambling. hope this helps, and were happy to helpfurther if needed. we've been aware of our plurality for half a decade now, so we kinda know whats going on sometimes.

i think that....... i might be......... a system?

(aka i have a lot of evidence pointing towards the fact that im plural but im really scared to talk about it because i keep convincing myself im a faker)

idk its just like... hey maybe its not normal to have guys in ur head that have individual names and opinions and appearances and to occasionally feel like ur body is being piloted by someone else while ur watching them and such

i think the thing that trips me up the most is that they dont show up a whole lot? it feels like i can go for a few days without really running into anyone else in my head (ignoring the fact that the concept of "me" is blurry in and of itself, but i cant get into that here)

but then again i have proof that we dont share memories for the most part (the only reason we have somewhat continuous memories is that "i" am almost always fronting) so maybe its just amnesia hiding amnesia. idk

also we dont/cant always talk to each other/we have a hard time talking to each other sometimes and like... i dont see a lot of people sharing experiences like that? a lot of systems i see around can have full blown conversations all the time and we just... cant do that most of the time? and sometimes we understand what the other is thinking without them having to say it? or we feel like partially connected or fused or something and idk mannn i just dont know who i am a lot of the time :[

if i am plural btw im most definitely traumagenic, i dont have any opinions about syscourse stuff tho

uh input or advice from systems would be greatly appreciated, i feel like a soggy kitten standing alone in the rain all afraid and such also if anyone has advice about alters that try to harm other alters/the system in general thatd be nice to hear :[

[strawberry-janusian]

Irish Hatsune Miku.

[strawberry-janusian]

well. i am sort of a celeste fictive. basically im madeline but very to the left. im fucking thriving tho

I love being alive!!! I want the world to know!!!! I love being a fictive, my memories are awesome and cool, and I'm so glad I exist!!! I exist, I exist!!! Isn't it great?? Isn't it beautiful?? I don't know why I am but I'm free!!!

If there're any other Celeste fictives out there lemme know!!!

[strawberry-janusian]

matching pride icons for you and the personification of your anxiety and depression the bestie

[strawberry-janusian]

[strawberry-janusian]

(Sorry if this is a lot, we tend to ramble.)

we have aphantasia, so internal communication, processing, and the like has always been difficult. it also introdues with things like blurring (i.e. when dissociated, we sometimes have trouble distinguishing who is in front).

something we use most often is discord and speaking out loud, which I can explain. we briefly tried writing, but it was usually frustrating and time-consuming.

for speaking out loud, we usually only do it when in private or with someone we trust (another system, usually). a lot of us have subtle differences in how we speak and move/behave, so we can usually use that to pick out who's who. (example; I have an Irish accent. it's something I share with two other headmates, but I talk a lot quieter/softer than they do). if we have trouble telling, then sometimes we'll just state our names. (example: our hosts are pretty similar, so they'll sometimes be like 'it's robyn - I say you're [insert words here]'.) it'll help to also keep track of who's part of the conversation and closest to front, though this is a bit difficult (especially as we switch often and our headmates can get pretty blurry at times).

discord, we have a private server with a bunch of channels for individual topics. such as sharing important irl information (i.e. 'remember to do this assignment', 'remember to take these meds', 'remember to talk to blank about blank', etc), or laying out roles/jobs ('get [name] to help with boundaries', 'do not leave [name] front without supervision', 'get [name] to solve violent disputes'). we also have some channels for general chatter, and will use pluralkit to distinguish who's who. plus personal channels for certain groups of headmates. though sometimes we end up accidentally having conversations in public spaces, though we try to be careful to keep it to a minimum. it can get annoying for others. (though sometimes we like to have public conversations for external input.)

we have tried jounaling, writing conversations, etc, though it's never stuck. we have found that having a daily planner can help. we can write out our daily schedule, due dates, etc, so the current fronter can double check what we need to do. this also helps with general memory issues.

because our headmates are less 'distinct', it does allow us to share thoughts, though this can get messy. i don't really know how to explain this in a way that makes sense, but it is something that some might be able to achieve.

if you have more questions or need any advice, feel free to reach out. we've been in the system community/aware of our plurality for around 4 years now, so we sort of know what's going on. but we are by no means an expert.

good luck!

does anyone have detailed advice from their own perspective about how to kickstart system communication with no headspace or detailed prior knowledge of other alters. preferably internal but external works i don't really care

heavy emphasis on "detailed" anything like "just start a journal/private discord" or "just call out inside" is something i've already heard a million times before and isn't helpful

[strawberry-janusian]

sometimes i cannot tell if im being paranoid or this is an actual thing to be concerned about.

get burned so many times, you learn to expect the worst - even when its not.

[strawberry-janusian]

"im overreacting this isn't a trigger" you literally had a panic attack so bad you almost got sick how is this an invalid trigger.

if you are triggered by something, then it is a trigger. you are not being dramatic for having one.