stresstakingover - Tumblr blog

[stresstakingover]

How is it called when u realize that u feel like you don't get what u deserve , but also feel like maybe you don't give enough. When you want to have someone with whom you can do stuff but also there is no one around.

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[stresstakingover]

Don't you ever want to just fuck up your life? Smoke, drink, get high and party so you can forget the emptiness inside your soul

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‘‘as always’‘

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[stresstakingover]

Si ves que desaparezco, no te preocupes, estoy luchando con cosas que jamás te conté.

[stresstakingover]

Dime algo,

¿No estás cansado de intentar llenar ese vacío? ¿No es difícil mantenerte fuerte cuando lo único que quieres es hacerte ovillo en la cama y desaparecer? ¿Aún intentas llegar a la superficie del océano sin fondo en el que sólo te hundes?

Ondulada

[stresstakingover]

Lo siento por querer desaparecer de nuevo....

[stresstakingover]

Tengo la sensación de que siento tan poco que busco encontrar los sentimientos en los recuerdos de los demás. Soy solo yo?

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Me pregunto si consolarme con que otras personas lo estarán pasando peor o que mis problemas no son importantes me ayuda o simplemente me hace odiarme mas por ser tan Gilipollas por no apreciar lo que tengo.

[stresstakingover]

I would like to try fixing myself, but that would mean accepting that I am more broken than I already am. Only thinking about people getting to know the truth scares me because it can only go two ways:

1. They tell me is normal everyone has donde that and then let it go and I still feel like shit.

2. They get worried and don’t know how to help me, what to say or do.

[stresstakingover]

Cuando te das cuenta que tú mayor obstáculo eres tú, empiezas a pensar de otra manera.

[stresstakingover]

It was life-changing for me when someone said that all coping mechanisms were necessary at some point and came from a place of survival. Behaviours that hurt you now at some point probably saved your life, because they helped you get through unimaginable trauma or symptoms, or because they helped you survive in an environment that wasn’t safe, or they helped you protect yourself against someone. Self-harm, disordered eating, and other trauma responses aren’t stupid or selfish, they’re your body trying to protect you with love, the best way it knows how. 

That’s why it’s so tough to break those habits and patterns, you can’t hate your way out of them. It’s been really helpful for me to reframe triggers and urges that way, instead of saying “you’re an adult you shouldn’t still be feeling like this, you’re stupid and immature for still wanting to self-harm” 

I’m trying to say things like 

“I appreciate the strength it took to learn this tool, I know it helped for a long time and it came from a place of love, but now it’s not helpful and we’re going to do something else because now I’m in a new situation and I have new and better tools.” (like journaling, playing music, talking to friends, going for a walk, listening to loud music)

[stresstakingover]

I had to become so cold to survive that now I don’t now if I can live with it.

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~ wonder like windflowers ~

[stresstakingover]

If you’ve ever cried to the point of your nose being so closed you can’t breathe and your chest starts to ache, the room around you starts to fade into black and everything feels so numb that you can’t even feel the tears falling and although you’re trying to be quiet you can’t help the squeals from not being able to breathe escape, while every thought of what’s wrong races through your mind making it feel endless until finally you’ve fallen asleep and wake up with a headache, I am so fucking sorry.