stringsttothepast - Tumblr blog

[stringsttothepast]

My Response to Buzzfeed’s “I’m Gay, But I’m Not”  + My Story

This video has shown up on my Facebook Feed under fire, heavily criticized for displaying insensitivity by perpetuating a heteronormative narrative. To many, the video is perceived as a sort of attack on queer tropes as these men are essentially telling the audience “I am not that type of gay,” implying that there may be something wrong with other gay men that do identify with these stereotypes.

I’m going to give my own two cents on the matter, but before I do let me say a bit about myself so this post won’t come off as an outsider looking in.

My Story

To start off, I am a cisgendered queer person of color. I am also an introvert. I came out to my friends and peers in my sophomore year of high school, I believe about 2006 or 2007. At that time, I only knew of of two other queer guys from my school, eventually meeting more through a neighbor from down the block. At this point, my queer contacts  were more aligned with a more alternative rock, borderline emo clique.

My next encounter with any other queer folk didn’t happen till after my freshman year of college in 2010, when I’ve taken an involuntary break from school. I met with other queer folks through my ex’s ex. It was my first encounter with transpeople, and the group as whole had faced hardships. It was an oddball group of ravers, emos, punk-rockers, mixed with a little bit of Ke$ha and Otakus. A number of us faced homelessness, or the danger of homelessness. Some  picked up serious drug addictions, and resorted to using their bodies to be able to sustain themselves. Our migration often went from Chinatown Arcade, to Central Park, to Union Square.

Eventually, I ended up leaving for reasons.

At this point, I was found by someone on facebook, and was brought to the local LGBT center in my city. It was my first time being around so many other LGBT folks, and there was a steep learning curve to learn the climate. I began to learn more about the differences between sex, gender, gender expression, and sexuality. I’ve attended young men’s group, though the contents I’m omitting for the sake of confidentiality,

There were events that occurred on occasion. I’ve seen people vogue, but that’s the closest I’ve gotten to the ballroom scene. If anything, I ended up drinking with smaller groups.

In more recent years I have been more engaged in community activism, mostly working with communities of color on addressing racial injustices within our education system and how my city does policing. And lately more vocal in terms of representation of Queer People of color and issues that Queer PoC face. Studying film and production, I became more aware of how all media content is politicized. I’ll revisit my disdain of Babadook being the 2017 queer icon in a later post.

My 2 Cents

With all that being said, here is my subjective take on the video.

For starters, it is important to understand that the video is part of a series in which it explores the diversity of personality within the LGBTQ community, so it comes to reason that the opening part can be taken out of context as something that lends itself to the idea of internalized homophobia. Like I mentioned before, “I am not like other gays” or any variation, carries a tone that projects shame towards the community, with an air of “superiority” of not conforming to what people believe is queer culture, while often adhering to heteronormative standards as a way of being. That is often what is perceived when a person places too much emphasis on how “different” they are.

But I can resonate to the sentiments shared. Not that I feel that I’m superior, but feeling something beyond the scope of how the community expresses queerness. Given my upbringing, I was not as exposed to what is often believed to be “need to know” info with regards to culture. Because  I was more punk, alternative, and the like, I never felt as if I would fit in anyway within the community.

I see it as a narrative to deconstruct stereotypes on what people perceive queerness to be. While yes it’s something to be celebrated, not many LGBT celebrate it as the focal point of their identity as a person.

Part of the reason why this video is under scrutiny, aside from being taken out of context, is this sort of culture that looks down on femininity that exists within the community. There is a toxic sort of Masc4Masc Culture that exists that undervalues effeminate gays. This sort of mentality is reminiscent of old conservative LGB groups in the late 20th century that tried to appeal to the masses by rejecting those stereotypes and strictly adhering the social conventions of what defines masculinity and femininity.

That sort of thought process is toxic in which it goes against everything that the rainbow represents (of course, my thoughts on “inclusion” within the community is to be visited later on as well). It is seen as a form of constraint on expression, with cis-gendered gays eventually looked as the model for what the “socially acceptable” gay should be, in terms of adhering to heteronormative standards of being.

The Comparison

Now for the comparison to an earlier video, “I’m Bisexual, But I’m Not…” The video uses the same mode approach to debunking myths, though what is different between the two videos is that in the “I’m Bisexual, But I’m Not” video, it is more on myth debunking, as opposed to the “I’m Gay, But I’m Not…”  which is an opposition to a generalization of what people believe gay men to be, while inconsequentially projecting negative feelings towards what may be seen as a truth to many gay men.

Could they have done something else to show diversity and the complexity of queer individuals? Of course! It is something that is more complicated to convey given the amount of social oppression of the different forms of expressions of queerness within the community, while mainstream media and culture only showcases these caricatures.

In Short

The video was intended to debunk generalizations about gay men.

Unfortunately, the first half when taken out of context, further perpetuates this anti-feminine vibe which is an existing issue within the community.

[stringsttothepast]

Understanding what I need most right now

Someone  I can just be there in silence with. Just having there with me is reassurance enough.

[stringsttothepast]

When I say I prefer not to date white guys

It stems from a place of trauma. It stems from being looked at as an exotic morsel to satisfy someone’s voyeurism, a conquest, another accomplishment to say that they have. 

Seen as that island trip to the Dominican Republic, where they expected to be treated as gods, where to make contact with their phallic extensions is supposed to be a blessing, when I look at it as the same wretched disease that nearly wiped out my people.

I would not date a white man for they know not of the struggle that I have gone through as an Afto-Taino. 

They would never understand my fear of law enforcement, or the fact that I would have to put in more effort to achieve what they gain effortlessly. 

They would never understand how people like me would be looked as predators in the neighborhoods that we grew up on once the new age colonialists arrive.

Nor do I want to walk on eggshells to protect fragile feelings when the cruelness of the world smashes me and all those like me into pieces at birth, only to be ground into powder over time.

When I say I would not date a white man, he would never understand the richness of the culture that makes me whole, the beauty of my scars and the stories they hold.

When I say I cannot date a white man, I cannot relate to their stories. I know there are many that are gentle, kind, and honest, but even then, those rare encounters cannot make up for the the experiences I’ve had.

The, “damn you sound smart for a latino,” “You’re intelligent for a Latin American,” the “I’ve always wanted to get on top of a Latino.”

The times I’ve been called a spic, the times when they call me Mexican as if all Latin Americans are Mexicans. 

Where they show no genuine appreciation for my heritage. 

I’ll stand by this belief.

[stringsttothepast]

It’s Starting to Feel Like Fall

  The beauty of natural change as the earth below lulls itself into a gentle sleep Leaves gently kiss the ground after turning into embers like the summer before Wafting pumpkin spice aromas Long hoodies replace T-Shorts Sweet apple ciders, the last bonfires Cool shallow breathes

Laying on the ground, holding hands while the world stills, making the moment last forever