studyblrbymaya - Tumblr blog

[studyblrbymaya]

so, i’m back. it’s been a couple of months, we’re moving into my least favourite two seasons where i’m going to experience severe mental illness, far worse than my usual, i’m going into my country’s hardest year of education, we’ve had a pathetic summer (if you can even call it that), and guess what? none of my studying has paid off. al of the hours of studying that i’ve put in throughout my life? pointless. in that 2 hour exam, i destroyed my future.

i spent this whole summer working my socks off for this exam that determines my future, and i failed. i had my heart set on 4 universities, and i am now unable to apply to any of them. any of the tiny hints of certainty that there once were have completely disappeared: all of my hard work, and it went nowhere. a whole summer in my study, for absolutely nothing. i’ve lost faith, cried, had really, seriously nasty thoughts, and a week later, i’m shocked that i’m still here. i wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy: it is hell. absolute hell.

i’m having to alter my original plan for where to apply: i feel like an utter failure. i’m embarrassed, i’m lost, and i have absolutely no clue what my life is going to look like. absolutely no clue whatsoever.

the possibility of anything good happening for me now is all gone: i feel so stupid for hoping for my dreams to come true, so stupid for having fun now because i feel like the stereotypical stupid person who deserves nothing good, and so stupid for wasting a summer working. every single minute of all of my education feels useless and it feels like there’s no point continuing with it. i feel like i’ve let myself and my family down and i really don’t see anything improving. honestly, i’m so lost.

unlike most of my other posts, this one genuinely doesn’t have a meaning. there’s nothing behind it. no special message about how ‘you should never give up, even when it’s hard!!!’ because for me, there is no point. no message about what i’ve learnt from this (apart from that i’m a serious failure), literally nothing. im meant to be preparing my application for sendoff in 2 weeks, and none of it is ready. i’m throwing in the towel right now. i am tired, sick of being hopeful only for nothing good to come of anything. i’m absolutely exhausted, inadequate, reeling, a let-down. all of that wasted money, effort, and time. a whole summer and hundreds of pounds wasted on my failure. it honestly feels like i’ve been being hit by a brick for the past 6 weeks. i’m back to square one with self care, i’ve forgotten what i enjoy, i just can’t. im not okay right now and just feel so embarrassed. i’ve no clue how im going to face school or studying again. everything is so, so unbelievably dark right now.

no tags. i just need to get this off of my chest.

[studyblrbymaya]

life tip #3: have some perspective!

i was in my weekly workout class today and as it was drawing to the end we were doing an ab track. while i was woefully screwing up bicycle crunches, the instructor was effortlessly giving all 8 of us, as we drowned in our own sweat, a mini pep talk. to be fair, i was zoning in and out because all of my energy was being spent on not passing out after the unholy amount of burpees that i did, but one thing that she did say, that’s really stuck with me and made me think, was that ‘you’re happy, fit, and healthy. be grateful.’

i don’t think there’s much else that needs explaining there. the world is a scary, stressful, fast place. there’s never tranquility and we’re always having to put out fires all over the place. i tend to stress about small things and make molehills into mountains: my anxiety starts small and then grows and grows and grows until i’m an utter state, paralysed and unable to think of anything else. but honestly, remembering that i’ve got my health and fitness is so ridiculously powerful. suddenly, the seemingly huge things feel trivial and easily sorted. and i honestly think that if i could keep up that mindset, i’d be so much calmer. our health comes first, and if we’ve got that, everything else can fall away.

[studyblrbymaya]

study tip #2: discipline is more powerful (and important) than motivation.

in our lives, we often encounter people who always have a flame. this flame is never extinguished, it is consistently burning at the same, insanely bright, intensity, no matter what is going on. that flame represents progress.

a common misconception is that people with that flame are always equally motivated, that their flame is kept consistently bright only because their motivation is consistent. that’s a lie!!! 

what that flame is actually fed by is not motivation, it is discipline. i’m of the view that motivation is volatile. it is absolutely IMPOSSIBLE to be motivated 24/7. you simply cannot wake up every morning with crystal clear visions of yourself sitting in a lecture theatre and studying the subject that you love, you simply cannot sit in class and be absolutely motivated 100% of the time. if motivation fed the flame, it would not be consistent: on days where you get a rubbish test score back, that flame would probably have been extinguished, because it would be so hard to see yourself succeeding if you haven’t done so well and you would, very naturally, feel demotivated. if you’re absolutely hating studying a certain topic, chances are you’ll feel defeated and demotivated and again, that flame will flicker. 

but when discipline feeds the flame, when you wake up every single morning and by instinct and habit you pick up your vocabulary list and study it because you’ve been doing it for a ridiculously long time, the flame remains consistent. you keep making progress. slow and steady maybe, but progress. on the days where it’s cold and miserable outside, your day’s been long, and you just want to be curled up in bed with a teddy bear, a good movie, and some hot chocolate but when you’re disciplined enough to write an essay plan or read an article from a scientific journal, the flame remains bright. you keep making progress. doing nothing when you should be doing something will not be helping you make progress: the flame will die off. you may not want to do something, you may hate the very idea of it, but you might do it because you practically go on autopilot and do it because you know it will benefit you in the long run. that is discipline, and if you have the strength to always keep it up, if you’re genuinely passionate about what you’re doing, you’ll make that progress. motivation will always vary, but if you’re disciplined enough to keep consistent, to keep that flame going because you feel passionate about making progress, it will pay off.

i’m tired as hell today after exploring a new city and walking up and down its thousands and thousands of hills so i don’t know if any of this makes sense or if there are spelling errors or if i’ve even got my point across... but hey, this is something. 

[studyblrbymaya]

life tip #2: have some faith in yourself!!

i’m a total hypocrite, because quite frankly... i literally have no sense of self belief. in fact, it’s probably pointless for me to even talk about it, because i’m so useless at it. i always tend to knock myself down before i get my results, and when i knock myself down, very naturally, i feel really low. it’s always pointless too, because the vast majority of the time, my results are absolutely fine. recently, i was waiting on some really important grades and i spent the best part of 2 months engaging in very negative self talk, making myself believe that i had totally failed, and persuading myself that i had no future. a little voice inside of me knew, perfectly well, that that was just my irrational brain speaking, that that was me just being silly, and that the irrational talk had just taken over. the little voice was right: i got grades that i am really proud of, and i’m more motivated than ever to achieve them. the irrational brain was being totally stupid, succeeding in its quest to wear me down, and really did make me lose all faith in myself.  i’ve tried to type out this paragraph a lot, and have just never been able to hit the nail on the head. i guess what i’m trying to say is that it’s okay to not know how to stop the anxiety, it’s okay to have times where you feel low and lose faith. i don’t particularly know how to quell the part of my brain that tells me to stop believing in myself, but what i do know is that i could have spared myself a lot of INCREDIBLY pointless stress if i did. so this is your sign to try everything that you humanly, possibly can to shut that part of your brain up. whether you’re going for team tryouts or want a role in an organisation, or are waiting on results, this is your sign to have faith in yourself. this was a pretty useless post because i don’t know how to do that, but the sentiment is still important :)

[studyblrbymaya]

START HERE!!

hi!! my name's maya, i'm an absolute nerd, and one thing you'll learn about me is that my handwriting is illegible... i'm starting up a studyblr because i found myself far too distracted when i tried to use instagram, twitter is now a trashcan run by a corrupt billionaire who is commodifying what should be a free-to-use service that allows us to connect in the current global climate, and i find it so much more tranquil here.

i'm currently studying biology, chemistry, and french, with the hope to go on to university to study either biochemistry or medicine. i've already started to put some stuff up here, but i'm essentially planning on branching out a little, so that i'm posting things on productivity, daily life, studying, mental health and self care. i genuinely believe that studying should be enjoyable and fulfilling, and i really strongly believe that everyone can take the steps necessary to make that a reality. hopefully this blog will help some people but also me, as i focus on self improvement, productivity, and being the best version of myself that i can possibly be <3

[studyblrbymaya]

study tip #1: eliminate. all. distractions!!!

i kinda find that on days where i don’t feel hugely motivated, i tend to make use of every single excuse that i humanly can so that i can study a tiny amount, or even not at all. whether it’s a random politics thing that i supposedly have to do, or a random book that i supposedly need to read, or a random rabbit hole that i find and investigate, needlessly, for 3 hours, i’ll try and go straight for the distractions. inevitably, these usually work how they’re supposed to, and i usually end up kicking myself at the end of what could have been an extremely productive, useful day. 

for me, i found that my main culprits are pretty much everything on my phone, random news stories on my laptop, hearing my family outside my study, and random thoughts about random things that i may or may not need to do, creeping into my head at extremely random points during the study session. i also tend to get quite fatigued if i’ve studied for longer than i can cope with. acknowledging all of my distractors is great: i’m self aware, and i know the reasons for which i’m unproductive. i don’t know if i have these in common with some people, or whether certain ones are quite exclusive to me, but here’s what i’ve found helps to stop my focus dwindling:

for my phone: it goes away!! if i’m studying downstairs, my phone is in my room upstairs. it’s always just out of sight and out of mind, and as such i’m not tempted to pick it up and doomscroll twitter (or the few tweets that i can, anyway... thanks elon for the stupid rate limits.) or randomly send my friend a gif of a dog which inevitably causes gif wars to begin as she fights back with ones of cats... if it’s not with me, it’s out of my frame of mind and i can be more productive. as for random websites: i set myself a challenge. i might say that i can only use 5 websites not related to my studies all day, or within a certain timeframe. if i’m having a day where i feel particularly distracted, i’ll usually let myself scroll through random things during the pomodoro breaks that i take, and abide strictly by the time limits of these breaks. that way, i feel fulfilled, my brain’s had a break from studying, and i’m also on task when i need to be!! in terms of hearing my family outside my study, it’s a quick fix. CLOSE THE DOOR!! no matter if they’re baking delicious food outside, no matter if they’re talking about the latest marvel show... i’ll close the door and focus on what i need to do. sometimes that’s hard, but i always remember to spend time with my family if i can, even if it’s just a quick conversation with them in the morning if i’ve got a particularly intense day of studying to do.  as for the random thoughts creeping into my head, i never knew what to do with these. they would make their way into my brain, lodge there, and grow and grow and grow as i tried to focus on the task at hand. instead of ignoring them, i now  acknowledge them. i tend to write them down on the whiteboard next to my desk, or on a random post it which i’ll then stick on a wall facing away from me. this means i’m not distracted, but also can attend to it, so i won’t forget about it and feel frustrated in any way.  in terms of the fatigue, using the pomodoro technique works wonders. on a usual day, it’s 60 minutes on to 10 minutes off, but if i’m struggling with what i’m studying or i’m feeling particularly stressed, i’ll sometimes send 45 minutes studying and 15 minutes on a break. my breaks are never static: i might go for a quick walk, i might talk through what i’ve learnt with a friend, but i’m strict with myself. i set a boundary that whenever the timer goes off to start the next session, i need to be there and i need to be ready to study. this means i can avoid games like ‘i’ll make it up later!!!’ (i never do) or the famed ‘well, i’ve wasted 5 minutes, might as well go chill for the whole session.’ (all that does is contribute to a lack of productivity.) that was an absolute rant and a half... i doubt anyone read all of that, but it’s a useful reminder for me, too... happy studying :)

[studyblrbymaya]

life tip #1: it’s okay if it doesn’t go to plan

i don’t know who needs to hear this, maybe it’s me… but it’s okay if things don’t go to plan. it’s okay if you don’t get the one thing that you desperately wanted. and most of all, it’s okay to be upset about that, because it’s natural and just shows that you had a passion and love for that thing. i think that especially as academics and life in general gets more and more competitive, we need to acknowledge that it’s okay to take a different path to our desired destination, or to change destinations altogether. whether you want a spot on a university’s course, or a job, remember that life is very rarely linear, and hyperfixating on one ideal, while it can be motivating, can also destroy you completely. let yourself fail, let yourself screw up, let yourself feel all of the emotions that come with that, and just remember that your feelings are valid.

you’re going to be okay ❤️

[studyblrbymaya]

hello!!! i’m here now!!!

everything’s explained at this link, which is my other account. i know i’m speaking into a void now, but when i had a studygram and wasn’t getting too distracted by instagram in general, i found it such a useful place to think through my decisions and think through decisions that did/didn’t work for me when i studied, etc. hoping that this new studyblr will be equally as productive as my studygram once was, just without the rampant distractions and inevitable doomscrolling that came with it. as a student, i find it hard sometimes to strike up a balance between studying, self care, and the general life things that i have to do, so again, i really hope that this helps me to stay as focussed as i am, but also to switch off, relax, and unplug slightly. :D

https://www.tumblr.com/maya13039/721675429281431552/i-also-have-a-studyblr?source=share