suizaid

[suizaid]

i want to love someone, feel love for the first time; but if i get attached, what will i do? what will i do, if all i know is to use people for whatever benefits me? thats what i was taught. if i love someone, will i truly be able to use them? will my feelings stop me? what would i do, if there's nothing more to my personality than that?

[suizaid]

sorry i cant hang out i forgot how to mimic human like behaviour

[suizaid]

naps hit different when ur using them to avoid being alive

[suizaid]

intro post! ฅ^ >ヮ<^₎ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁

hellooo!! i dont have a name for personal reasons, so call me whatever comes to mind!

i go by it / he pronouns, though they / them is nice too, she / her is ok, and any neopronouns are great :3

im gender & sexuality questioning, but at the moment, ive figured out im a Cupioromantic bisexual w a fem pref ^_^

im a minor, but any ages are welcome here! also im an age regressor, but i mostly keep it to myself.

be my mutual after reading this post for a kiss. ;3

more info below! . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁

things i may post about:

self.harm

sewer.slide

mental health

gambling (mostly in videogames, though)

death

more to be added! :3

tags i have/need filtered:

injections/needles

s.kk/sou.koku

not a lot... maybe i'll have more in the future

BYI

i am insensitive

i have trouble with emotions, feelings, facial expressions, tone, and similar

i have bad hygiene and take bad care of myself overall

i dont really block, but feel free to block me

i'll do mostly anything to get my way so just ignore me ig

DNI / DFI you highly relate to Dazai [b.s.d] (especially PM dazai), you highly relate to Luka [alien stage], you hate on Kunikida or Oda [b.s.d]. maybe i'll add more later!

in case of any questions, send an ask! do not dm! im serious! :3

[suizaid]

Why must I have a reason for suicide? What if I just don't want to live?

[suizaid]

this song hits different when its 5:54 AM n the sun is rising as you force yourself to cry and hurt yourself as an attempt to feel something because you'd rather feel pain than be numb. you'll never change, though. youve been numb since you were about 9.

[suizaid]

"It's all in your head." - Thank you Janette, that's why it's called mental illness. It cannot be in my ass.

[suizaid]

the best feeling is watching the sunrise as it lightly rains after not sleeping and starving yourself for days as you survive on sucking on your sleeve to forget the hunger

[suizaid]

"where's your shame? dont you feel guilty?" no i dont! hope this helps!! i have never felt guilt nor regret, and thats not my problem!

[suizaid]

[suizaid]

i wanna push everyone away from me so i can kill myself alone without anyone noticing

[suizaid]

"youre horrible." i know! :3

"have some sympathy." i cant! :3

"where's your shame??" up your ass! :3

"youre so insensitive." im aware! :3

"stop being so mean." no thanks! i like annoying others on purpose :3

"why dont you ever talk about yourself?" you dont know me, and never will! :3

"i understand you." you dont. no person ever has. not even i do.

"why are you like this?" i dont know, and i dont care. its not my problem if it annoys you, hope this helps! ^_^

[suizaid]

we are all born to die right? so is it wrong of me to speed up the process?

[suizaid]

that fuckass ginger is SO annoying yet im curious about them. how 'human' they are, how they stay true to themself, how theyre so loyal—its weird. very few people catch my eye, but this stupid, loud, annoying ginger, who does nothing but bark, managed to do so. i dont know what to think.

[suizaid]

[suizaid]

"why'd you do that?" well, the outcome was good, no? im satisfied, so its fine. no matter ehat the process was, the outcome was good, and that's what matters. :3

[suizaid]

shut up, dont pity me. if i say anything related to my problems, i expect you to laugh, not whine. if im going to get pitied, it means im weak. if im weak, what did i do all that for? why did i go through all that? fuck off. ^_^