summerystars - Tumblr blog

[summerystars]

I'm at the laundry in front of my primary school

Feeling this anxiety rise anew

I know this era won't last forever

but the stop light just keeps getting redder

Scared of lifting my foot off the brake

Because I once again have no idea what awaits

My love is stretched thin and far

I've forgotten what it is I'm looking for

The city smog makes it hard to see the stars

Now to them I can't even implore

[summerystars]

not even the most ancient of stars

could have written a tale so perfect, yet humble

born around the time of the ides of march

when the sleepy flowers awaken from their sweet slumber

the shivering sun regains its warm honeyed taste

the bees bumble from bursting bud to bud

young grass shoots spring from winter's chilly waste

and two heartbeats begin their fated run

[summerystars]

There's something so calming about this tree

Sitting under its shady expanse

The delighted calls of children, full of glee

White butterflies caught in an airy dance

The sun melting through the tree's narrow leaves

Music softly playing as clouds drift by

Gentle gusts of wind as the LA river breathes

These little moments of magic in daily life

Oh, how I love finding pieces of my soul

In my ordinary, day-to-day world

[summerystars]

love is you calling me at 1 am your time to tell me that my favorite song came on at the club. i wish we were 21 again, dancing in the basement of some frat as the blue and green lights wash over us and the bass reverberates deep in our bones. i live for those memories now <3

[summerystars]

i think ive been in love with you since high school. you, with the most perfect poems ive ever read, with the matching converse, and affectionately exasperated sighs. i never saw the warmth or vibrancy of yellow until you painted every day in a million gold and dandelion shades. you wore your scars without fear or shame, enough to make me reveal my own bleeding ones carved in my heart. we went our separate ways and yet, we followed the same path even a whole country apart. our calling was the same - to nature, to earth, to all things living, to remember and protect them. now you send me pictures of tiny bugs and pretty green-blue things, songs that soothe the constant ache of my soul, and things you find interesting. god, if this isn't love in its purest form, then i have no idea what love is. i love you, honey, in a surreal and transcendent way. it's an impossibly ancient kind of love, one where i think our souls have known each other even before earth was born. our threads of fate are forever tangled, and i cannot imagine a life without your presence, dear friend.

[summerystars]

re: when are you coming home?

love, how much i miss you

a pretty little ache in my heart

being away from you has turned it blue

and fractured it into a lovely thousand shards

i long for the sound of your name

rolling off these sun-kissed lips

sitting by the bay as we watch crashing waves

as the sun sets with streaks of pink

the warm sand feels just like your hands

encasing me so gently, so cozy

oh, how i'd wish time would pass

so i could finally hold your cheeks, so soft and rosy

[summerystars]

lima y limon

you and i

green and gold

day and night

soft and bold

who is what?

me or you?

it's just that

it's us both

[summerystars]

Re: What is love?

i don't expect to find the meaning of love

but sometimes it's so simple

what's love, abuelita?

love is picking guavas because I know how much you all love them

it's giving your dad a bowl of grapes in the middle of the day

it's feeding the cat vegetables and pieces of chicken

it's going to church to think of you and pray

what's love, friends?

it's mailing you a post card of where I visited six months ago

love is sending you a playlist of songs i think you'd like

it's making a podcast of what's going on in my life now

it's sharing a post and saying us with an emoticon smile

what's love, kitty?

love is greeting you with loud yowls when you're home

it's trusting you enough to flop on my back to offer up my belly

it's jumping on your chest and purring when you're cold

it's you petting me so softly and gently

what's love, plants by the window?

love is you watering us even before we start drooping

it's the sun shining day after day, willing us to stay alive

it's the bright green we share when you're looking

love is the words of encouragement you say passing by

what's love, universe?

love was carrying you for nine months through storms and hell

love is holding your hand and hugging you tight

love is believing in you no matter the times you have fell

love is trusting that we'll be alright

[summerystars]

orange is my new gold

i was never quite as good as you all were

weaving bonds with well-chosen words

screaming songs into the crashing waves

climbing strangling fig trees at the end of the day

i stood to the side, slightly smiling

loving you all in my own way

peeling orange after orange and handing you a half

because nothing tastes better than shared slices

and now a thousand miles away from you

i'm so glad oranges turned into my love language

because every time i hold this precious fruit in my hand

it's like you are right beside me

and i

am ready to hand you a slice of my heart

[summerystars]

jealousy is such an odd feeling. i'm jealous of the people who walk in on the mornings and get to see your endearing grin and hear your cheerful good morning. but most of all, i am jealous of the state that is keeping you 2,500 miles away from me. i wonder, do the pine trees and wildflowers bloom a little brighter because they know you're there?

[summerystars]

the forest back home

i was scared of the forest. it was what drew me to this place originally, but now standing in front of it, in its unsettling silence and majestic expanse, i faltered in step. trees, green, and nature were always my friends. but this was the first time i felt insignificant next to it. the city has such a way of holding things in place that being in nature's undiluted presence can seem just so overwhelming.

i'd always liked walking into forests, but for the first time, i was scared the forest would be walking me too deep into it. it took a while to build up courage and just be comfortable. i'd wander in, eyes darting from tree to tree and peering ahead on the winding dirt and leaf road, shoulders tensed and heart pounding in my ears. sometimes it felt like i was disturbing something impossibly ancient and i'd hasten my pace until i broke out of the thicket of pines. eyes of incomprehensible beings and hungry creatures would make my back tingle. i was scared i would be swallowed by the green.

then the pandemic happened, and it was my last few seasons here. i stood at the edge of the forest, remembering the quiet dread that filled my stomach two years ago. the crunch of the leaves, the snapping of twigs and rustle of leaves. this time, though, i tentatively reached out and smiled. nothing changed, but my heart settled into a steadier rhythm. thank you for letting me into your gorgeous house. i thought as i stepped in. gratitude and appreciation overwhelmed any sense of fear and it's like i stepped into a different world.

there were so many mushrooms. growing on mossy stumps, fallen birch trees, poking through the green and yellow leaf litter, sticking out of living pines. they were all shades of brown, red and spotted, creamy white, soft yellow, pinkish, and came in all sizes. some looked like tiny forests, with as many as 30 growing in a bunch. others looked like plates half-stuck in bark. others stood alone yet proudly, glistening with morning dew on their caps.

the trees, the shrubs, the decaying flora and the rich scent of pine. the soft footfalls on the thick soil. the glimmer of the river in the distance, the faint laughter of people canoeing far, far away. the birds chirping and warbling and singing, an erratic song that filled in the silence i was so scared of before. hanging bird nests, deer grazing meadows, and geese flying overhead. this is such a gorgeous, ethereal world, and it shames me to say i avoided it once.

now, i thank nature every day for making such places exist.

[summerystars]

ivies as hogwarts houses

okay this is so unimportant but!! i need to know what houses do colleges fall under!! because i've been through like 5 lists and i still refuse to believe dartmouth ISN'T slytherin!! like the legacies??? old money kinda vibes (ok yeah ik this applies to all ivies but it's a different kind of vibes idk how to explain it)??? THE GREEN???

this is how i think they'd be sorted.

Gryffindor:

Harvard (duh)

Slytherin:

DARTMOUTH (i spent 4 years here i rest my case), Princeton (? idk they give off those vibes tho)

Hufflepuff:

Cornell, UPenn, Brown (they seem so chill tbh)

Ravenclaw:

Yale (she HAS to be here), Columbia (n e r d s /affectionate)

open to criticism except for dartmouth's placement thank u <333

[summerystars]

give more than you take. poetry, love, flower crowns, kindness, smiles.

[summerystars]

reflections of you

it’s been a month since that era of my life ended. college, a long yet all too short four chapters in the twenty-two that span my life. it feels scary sometimes, like im drifting in space with no direction. other times it feels lonely. the sun that was seeing my friends’ smiles and the warmth that was hugging and holding hands is becoming a golden memory of the spring of ‘23. being home feels so bittersweet. i was waiting, crying, praying for this day to come the first weeks of my freshman year. yet, i felt nothing but longing and heartbreak leaving the ivy-covered brick buildings, rolling fields, and endless sprawl of vibrant green trees. i miss you, i miss you, i miss you. Home became New Hampshire and its rainy streets, pollen-dusted winds, and chilly evenings. it’s funny to think how the granite truly became part of who i am, and how it will always hold a bit of me there. the place where i stepped into adulthood, independence, and me. it wasn’t always beautiful. there were days i couldn’t get out of bed or force myself to eat. there were endless nights where i refused sleep or sank into a spiral of depression. there were nights you couldn’t see the stars, yet, the nights you could see the stars was always breathtaking. there were days the mist covered the tops of the green mountains and the cool breeze made holding a cup of hot green tea so comforting.

i am homesick for the place that made me homesick in the first place, and i carry that feeling with deep pride and love. because this means that something truly happened there, y’know? i see it everywhere. i hear it in blue banisters, that day i was a junior going to my morning biology class. i can see it so clearly, me holding my drink and my breath curling into a plume of smoke above me, the ground glittering as it was iced over and the sun spilling behind the snow-covered hills and bare trees. i hear you in invisible string and looking at tropical plants along walks. asteraceae, araceae, agavaceae, malvaceae, costaceae. a smile flickers across my face when i’m peeling clementines. one for you, one for me. choosing my earrings, the beaded colorful ones or the silvery sharp ones? and i go with the beads because you loved wearing them so much. i sit on the couch and i wish it was at your house, at one am again, slightly drunk and not knowing what to watch. the river, nothing like the one back at school, but still a river nonetheless. i miss you so much. everything, everyone, and those precious, precious years.

[summerystars]

you <3

it’s 11 pm and i should be writing my thesis (it’s due in a few days) but all i can think of is my love for you. you’re in my playlists, you’re the plushie on my bed, you’re in my pretty blue earrings, you’re everywhere darling. you’re melting into my past and into my future, but most importantly, you’re blooming in my present. i love you so much.

[summerystars]

idk but i want to love

i'm slightly tipsy and probably should edit this before i publish but. sigh there's so much i love and want to express without making sense!! there's so many people in my life that i want to thank and hug and love forever for making life itself be such a wonder to experience. there's days where depression and anxiety make it impossible to get out of bed, shower, or even eat even though i have another serious medical condition. but then there's days where it's full of sunflowers, warm sunlight, brown sugar oatmilk expresso, tight hugs from friends, waving across the road, learning new things during lectures, eating raspberry oatmeal bars, hearing about what my friends are doing on the other side of the world, looking at pictures from the ecology study abroad, turning on fairy lights at night, hearing my favorite songs, dancing in the middle of the room as i put my hoodies away, the sound of my mom, dad and sister's voices. there's the soil under my fingers, sometimes dusty and sometimes rich, ranging from gorgeous red-oranges to deep black to a sandy beige. there's the sun splattering its colors across the sky, golden and orange juice and lavender and pink cotton candy. there's the warmth of holding hands, the smiles you exchange with strangers, the laughter you share with the professor that's known you since you were a goddamn freshman, terrified of the world and embarrassingly shy. god there's so much to love about this world, this life, that i get through the gloomy days because i just know that there's so much more everything.

[summerystars]

people

i don't how to explain it, but it's so comforting to think that i've always been surrounded by the right people. something that gets me every time is thinking about how a large part of our high school friend group eventually came out as queer at some point in college. some of had come out before 12th grade, some of us changed labels, and yet some others of us came out openly. and then in college, the same happened. the people i gravitated to are also queer, women, and just beautiful human beings in general. who we choose to surround ourselves with shapes our lives and ourselves, so think carefully about who you want to share your energy with. but the beauty of life and auras is that you attract the people like you. and that's honestly magic in real life you can't convince me otherwise.