sunfish14124951

[sunfish14124951]

brainrot bc i have nothing better-

do you guys remember abt how after Kunikida fell and got his hands cut off, Jouno tries to convince him to join the hunting dogs? Obviously Kunikida said no, but what if the aspect of never writing again swayed him in some way to like join the hunting dogs? The idea that being rid of his notebook was abandoning his ideals, so he decides to team up with the hunting dogs for his ideals. And I know Kunikida already thinks that his ideals are beyond the notebook and Yosano exists, but just imagine he didn’t- like what would that be like? And what if Fukuchi didn’t turn Aku into a vampire, but recruited him as well into the hunting dogs. (Obviously both of them would NEVER actually work for them but like a funky little idea)

[sunfish14124951]

random soukoku thoughts

you know when you lose your favorite pen, or eraser, or waterbottle? something that you don’t really value when you had it, but when you lost it, you end up searching for it everywhere you go, asking everyone if they’ve seen it or not, and it seemed that everywhere you went it was always following you, but the lost item never turned up. even though you needed a new one cuz the old one was lost, you always thought that one day it would just turn up magically and appear at the most common or obscure spot. but you ended up waiting months and months, but you never found it so you end up buying a new one and promising you’ll never lose it again? but after a few weeks, your old waterbottle shows up again, you had found it again. but you already had a new one. 

but this isn’t about waterbottles. 

[sunfish14124951]

For once, I was a fool

Soukoku angst, (chuuya dies)

[this is legit just me venting from chapter 101]

Warning: angst, chapter 101, major character death, dazai crying, swearing, horrible grammar, not proofread, some blood, a drowning ed sheeran and a russian rat, su!cide, m*ri.

Timeline: After chapter 101, Dazai reflects on some interesting "things".

p.s. i'm not extremely well caught up with the recent events (im only on season 4) but i do know what happend on chapter 101.

It was dark outside. Isn't it funny? To Dazai, it was always dark outside. The sun was never warm enough to shine through the wretched crimson blood, and the white and sublime moon had always glowed red on the nights in Yokohama. The summer never held any warmth, and the frost in winter was only typical. No, not until he appeared. For once, Dazai felt that he deserved to feel happiness, deserved to care, deserved to be human. Soukoku, Twin Black, Double Black, the terrifying duo that vanished an organization overnight. To Chuuya, it was a failsafe that allowed him to use Corruption without fear. To Dazai? To Dazai, Soukoku was a privilage, a certificate to show that he was indeed human, that he was worthy enough to live, to care, to "save" people. It was a promise, it was an unwavering red string that gave Chuuya someone to trust, and someone for Dazai to anchor his emotions on. Yes, he was selfish, using Chuuya like a way to feel better about himself, but Chuuya never complained did he? He took all of the times he had to run Dazai to Mori as a job that he was proud of, something more than picutres and words to describe their bond. But if pictures could be burned and, and books are nothing without words, then what good are memories that no longer hold value?

"Dazai"

"Dazai"

"Dazai..."

"DAZAI ANSWER ME DAMNIT-"

"Fuck you mackeral"

Chuuya never knew Odasaku, he knew that he and Dazai were friends, but he never really thought much about it, Odasaku was just a low ranking member of the Port Mafia. But he had always wondered why Dazai had taken such a liking to him. But he didn't mind. Mackeral was going to be with him forever anyway, bandage wasting, suicidal, stupid, stupid Dazai. But Dazai never responded to him after that day, and Chuuya only found out that the day Dazai left, was the day Odasaku died. Dazai had escaped his cacoon and joined the Armed Detective Agency, fledging his wings, and escaping. But not taking someone with him. While Chuuya had been submerged into a path with no return. That was the first time Chuuya had drowned. Sober, drunken, crying, a phone in one hand, and smashed bottles of luxeriouse wine in the other. Dried tear stains, but no he was no longer sad, he was dead, "No Longer Human" as some would put it.

"Dazai, come back you stupid a*shole, idiot, bandage wasting-"

"Chuuya, you've been drinking again."

"Ane-san?" Chuuya rasped

Chuuya met Dazai years after, in the dungeon in the Port Mafia. He had expected some things, but Dazai's happy, smug, and cheerful face had pushed his limits far enough. He had acted like nothing had happened, like the past few years had been easy for him, louging around, acting like he didn't hundreds of people's blood on his hands.

"Chuuyaaa~"

Damn you, chocolete head, suicidal freak, ugly ass mackeral, bandage wasting machine, idiot, idiot Dazai.

And for once Dazai admits it, he was a stupid, bandage wasting machine, and betraying Chuuya, leaving him their with M*ri just to rot was his fault. He could have asked Chuuya to come with him, but he's way to loyal to do that, he could have told him beforehand, but M*ri would have executed him before Dazai could even step out of the building. So he ran, away from his past, his troubles, and his Chuuya.

"Chuuya, this is a goodbye to you to, seven since we met, and we did nothing but quarel with each other, but there were times we did connect..."

"Sorry! There weren't any! Goodbye~"

And now, Dazai, bloody bandages all around him, crying, empty surringes of promised but never given happiness, and no Chuuya. And then he realized, there was no more Chuuya. No one now, to take him to M*ri for his hellish experiments, no one to take care of him, no more Soukoku. And Dazai admits it. He f*cked up, the boat was never meant to cary two people. Dazai had ran away, leaving Chuuya to drown in darkness, and Dazai had drowned Chuuya again, in a vain attempt to save himself. Twice had Dazai destroyed someone he loved because of his ignorance and selfishness, and twice had he drowned Chuuya to his death. If Odasaku was still alive, Dazai wouldn't want him to see his hand covered with Doevetsky and Chuuya's blood, if Chuuya was alive, his hand wouldn't be covered with his blood.

"I'm sorry."

"I'm really sorry."

"Please, please, come back. No? No? That can't be, there's always a solution- always!"

There was a man by the river, sitting there with a beige trench coat, a bottle of 1889 Petrus in one hand, toasting to the sky. 

"When you left the Mafia, I opened a 1889 bottle of Petrus and held a party."

"Be on the side that saves people"

But I had already killed so much, perhaps this is the only way to save.