sunrae08

[sunrae08]

here i am scrolling tumblr instead of actually writing 🙃

It’s me. I’m the problem hehe

[sunrae08]

👀

my drafts keep growing…

[sunrae08]

"I'm writing", I say as I lay in bed staring at the ceiling, daydreaming about a plot point and going over the scene repeatedly in my head but never actually... writing... it... down

“I’m writing,” I say as I pace around my room listening to the same song for the 19th time, daydreaming about the general *vibe* of my story.

[sunrae08]

I'd like to say something, it being disability pride month and all. there's something about being disabled that isn't talked about enough. and that is the loneliness. when you are disabled, you lose people. so called friends who don't want to deal with your new needs and boundaries. family members who patronize you and treat you like a child. sometimes you have to spend so much time in bed by yourself because you do not have the energy to socialize or go out and do things and it fucking SUCKS. it hurts that people suddenly treat you differently because of your health. it hurts that you're stuck like this for the rest of your life with no cure. being disabled absolutely is a lonely thing. and i think more people need to talk about it

i remember the moment that I noticed the change in my friend's behavior towards me. my health had started to decline and I kept going to doctors. I tried to talk to them about maybe hanging out somewhere more accessible for me, I gave suggestions for ways that they could accommodate me. and you know what started to happen? I was excluded from things. they started hanging out together and not telling me. I'd message the group chat and try to plan something and they'd all come up with stupid excuses. I put up with it though, for almost a year. and then I finally had enough and I told them I wanted to meet up and talk. I confronted them about it, I was so hurt and at angry and you know what they said? "you can't expect those things from us." and I removed myself from that friend group almost immediately afterwards.

this is what I mean. the fucking loneliness of being disabled. it's real, and I know I'm not the only one with experiences like this.

[sunrae08]

after about the fifth time of going to a different doctor and hearing the same shit I said haha no more and decided to just live with the pain

[sunrae08]

How it feels to be queer & disabled:

[sunrae08]

shout out to the not one, not two, not three, but FOUR DOCTORS who all told me that I didn't have the condition, that it wasn't that bad, and that I'm just fine

guess what? I DO have the condition, it IS bad, and I'm NOT fine!

being disabled sucks and doctors don't make it any better

Happy disability pride to the undiagnosed, underdiagnosed, and misdiagnosed. So much talk and community are centered around certain diagnosis, or even just having any kind of diagnosis, but for many of us getting there is so hard, and we're often blamed or silenced both inside and out of disability community based off whatever label a doctor decided to apply or not apply to you.

No doctor can understand you and your body better than you do.

[sunrae08]

Happy Disability Pride Month to all who celebrate!

It doesn't get nearly as much attention as LGBTQ Pride month, but it deserves to. Living with a disability can be difficult, but you can still live that way and love who you are as you overcome those difficulties!

Love yourself, and know that you are loved!

[sunrae08]

this. for the longest time I tried to convince myself that I was lesbian because I felt that my attraction to men was making me "not gay enough" and that I needed to be more gay in order to fit into the community. I did the same thing with gender, I thought for a while that I must be nonbinary because I've always been a tomboy and "not like other girls" so there must be someone else going on with my gender. and it just wasn't the right fit. the whole idea that in order to be a part of the lgbtqia+ community you have to fit into these certain labels is so dumb to me. let bisexual/pansexual people be in straight passing relationships. let women be less feminine without calling us butch or "female lite". can't I just exist without everyone assuming things about me? I'm a woman who is queer because I'm pansexual and that's enough. I can belong to the community. I'm gay enough. stop being homophobic to your own people

We will literally never progress past biphobia until people realize that bisexuals in het relationships are still having a queer experience by virtue of being bisexual, we do not magically oscillate between gay enough and too straight. I’m going to maul someone to death.

[sunrae08]

me when the straight ship is doomed and slightly toxic:

Oh the ‘enemies to lovers’ trope but they’re not quite enemies, just emotionally ruled by their own beliefs in order to survive after being lost from the same place that they came from. Not quite lovers but they yearn for each other about a life that’s impossible in their reality, one must be sacrificed for the common good. They are built to fall apart.

Whatever it is, this trope will forever haunt me.

[sunrae08]

ho boy I love when things I love get compared to each other and it fits perfectly

*starts sobbing in the background*

the scars are part of me, darkness and harmony...

[sunrae08]

🎵 I'll be your idol🎵

🎵 keeping you in check, keeping you obsessed, (Korean) on repeat in your head🎵

🎵 Everytime it hurts, play another verse, I can be your SANCTUARY 🎵

[sunrae08]

*JULY

[sunrae08]

[sunrae08]

Something I noticed is that when things start unraveling, Rumi of course is focused on the mission and getting rid of her patterns, but Zoey is right behind her.

When they lose the people in the train, Zoey says "we can't do this without your voice". Not "without you". Your voice. It's unusually pragmatic or her to speak of Rumi in those terms. It's a cold kind of selflessness, she has to think of the bigger picture.

Then, when they're about to sing Golden at the awards, Rumi says "for the fans" (read: the honmoon), and Zoey follows with "for the world". Again, big picture selflesness.

But Mira? After the train what she says is they need to stick together. And before Golden she says "for us".

While Rumi and Zoey are focused on the mission, if with slightly different motivations, Mira always puts her family first.

[sunrae08]

🎵We're shattering the silence, we're rising, defiant

Shouting in the quiet, "You're not alone"

We listened to the demons, we let them get between us

But none of us are out here on our own

So we were cowards, so we were liars

So we're not heroes, we're still survivors

The dreamers, the fighters, no lying, I'm tired

But dive in the fire, and I'll be right here by your side 🎵

yeah this movie is fucking fantastic

Kpop demon hunters really said it isn't your fault how you were born, it doesn't matter what you did to survive, it doesn't matter if you're energetic and emotional, it doesn't matter if you're aggressive and blunt, it doesn't matter it doesn't matter it doesn't matter! You still matter!! You don't deserve to suffer forever!!! You don't deserve to believe you are unworthy! You don't deserve to believe you should be alone! You don't deserve to believe there's something wrong with you! You don't deserve to believe you're evil to your core! You don't deserve to believe you're a lost cause! Ever!!! It doesn't matter!!! You are not evil! You can choose differently, and it takes help because sometimes making that choice can be hard and dangerous to do on your own! And that's when people get taken advantage of, when they're alone and vulnerable and don't have people looking out for them. It takes support and community and a safety net and that's what we all truly crave anyway! That you don't have to lie about yourself to be accepted. And that the only way to accept it, ourselves, and others is to take the entire thing and look at it with as much understanding as possible. We should have that and it would probably save us all tbh

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YES

Lae'zel is at underrated I feel like, she doesn't get enough love

she says some pretty fantastic lines

"what good, this heart of stone, for it to be shattered?" fucking kills me every time

I love Lae'zel

The most BANGER thing Lae’zel says in the entire game is:

"If Voss speaks true - if ascension is a lie, if tadpole purification is a fairy tale, then I have not sinned against Vlaakith... she has sinned against me."