sunshine-and-misery-migrated - Tumblr blog

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“You always said You wanted a poet’s love. Yet I filled hundreds of pages with you, And you never read a word.”

— The Irony (G.J.N.)

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i watched Dead Poets Society a few days ago and havent been the same since:( just been thinking about how Todd grieves, its the purest form i have ever seen. like at least once a day i have thought of that one scene and almost started crying. just the thought of feeling so much emotional pain, the chock, the throwing up, the nonsensical screaming and the pure p a i n he must have felt… imagine loving someone so much that the loss of them feels like the loss of yourself,..

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i hope you see me everywhere,

in the movies we watched,

in dyed hair and inside jokes.

i hope that you hear me in my favourite songs,

in the areas we visited,

in the many photos and videos we shared.

i hope i haunt you like a stubborn ghost,

never again in your reach,

yet always there, a reminder of your past.

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Maybe I am destined to be alone,

to be a singular singular circling moon,

with no sun to light me up.

Maybe I was born unlovable,

like a fire without hearth,

turning everything around me to dust.

I hear all these words of love,

hidden smiles and forgiven flaws,

and I cannot help but hope.

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How do I tell you,

that I took the train an hour early,

just to maybe spend ten minutes with you?

How do I tell you,

that our conversations never feel long enough,

not even those til’ four at night?

How do I tell you,

that you awaken my emotions from slumber,

things I have never felt before?

How could I ever tell you,

that I am falling for your eyes,

for your smile and for your laugh?

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i always dogear the pages of books,

like a sign that i was here,

i have lived in this book,

listened to its stories,

cried to its pale papers.

i have caressed these white sheets,

fallen in love with its inhabitants,

dreamt and wished and hoped,

hated and dreaded and feared.

so i dogear my books,

to leave a trace of myself,

to show a path i have walked,

a story i have lived,

and a life i have loved.

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there is an ache within me.

i long for something unknown,

something to fill my heart.

i long for gentleness,

for a soft hand,

a slow dance.

i long for safety and light,

of sunsets and sunrises,

of the sound of the birds,

the sound of a stranger.

there is an ache within me,

and i fear it will remain empty.

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I get jealous really easily but not like an angry vengeful jealous more like a really sad lonely jealous because everybody likes everybody more than they like me and I really really don't blame them.

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the sweet stench of rot permeates the air, growing heavier and heavier the longer the clock ticks. tick tock tick tock, it goes, having no mercy for those left behind. the girl stays, she looks like she is asleep. her fluttering heart matches the butterflies swarming her, swarming and feasting upon her flesh, yet she does not get up. she stays and stays and stays, growing fainter for each tick. slowly the earth comes, vines creeping and flowers growing to return her to what she once was. returning her to the earth with open arms and a smile sweet. it holds her, tucks her into their arms, and welcomes her home, where nothing shall touch her ever again.

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dentist appointment? more like dentist disappointment

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my lungs feel heavy,

another day has passed,

precious, limited, time

that i will never get back

they say that my age is the golden age

the age of fun, of adventure, of discovery

it feels more like an age of sorrow

an age of loathing, an age of numbness

i waste away

a day passes, nothing changes

two days, no change

a week, nothing

a year, nothing

my lungs feel heavy,

tell me, is this normal?

i just want to sleep

being awake hurts