sunshinefornapolean

[sunshinefornapolean]

Moving through.

[sunshinefornapolean]

Figure Studies

Cute girls with short hair

[sunshinefornapolean]

the woman entering an exciting world but she still feels displaced, disconnected, unsure

perhaps it’s because entry to this exciting world happens through a doorway that’s dimly lit and suffocating

perhaps someone might emerge from the deep dark

[sunshinefornapolean]

joji- sanctuary

[sunshinefornapolean]

I just want my family to be happy but we inherited a garland of death and grief and now we stare at our hands trying to unwrap something that is entangled around all of us tying us to each other, separating us from each other covering our ears, our sight. we try to love through snippets, through crevices our screams of rage and hurt are the loudest in the quiet, they are the quiet ominous, dominant, not allowing, not allowing

[sunshinefornapolean]

Checkpost Architecture

If an empty street says power If high walls and coiling barbed wires say protection If safety means surveillance If surveillance means security and security means love Then why do I suffer? Why do I suffer? Inside my house do I suffer? Within the bathroom is the inner sanctum of my battered brain And devoid of heart is this whole city Placating paranoia Higher! Higher! When will I really be safe? How many gates? How many worlds tightly hidden? Checkpost architecture A city full of only them I’d pass by each And say hello to each man Thank them for still being here In this endless enclosed I was meant to inhabit

[sunshinefornapolean]

reckless ornament

reckless brute

reckless minimalism

reckless mundanity

take me out unadorned, kind,

but not empty

but not dispersed into everywhere

[sunshinefornapolean]

I would like to have some time

To sit in a park ungated

under trees someone did not

place in a master plan but just placed

on whims, with moments, not strategy

[sunshinefornapolean]

It wreaks of coincidence, you wreak of familiarity. I just don’t know myself or the directness of asphalt as I try touching a silent railing... I don’t know the know-how of concrete... but I am surrounded... a city that spans out-I won’t even bother trying to describe you... I just sat in a park and now I sit at home. when summer is over i will go to school. and you? I don’t ever want to meet you.

[sunshinefornapolean]

Can I not place myself because I can’t acknowledge my place

Can I not place myself because I can’t acknowledge my place

Can I not place myself because I can’t acknowledge my place

[sunshinefornapolean]

a wound so terrible and deep, I can’t like or be content with a single person, the conflict is endless, this discord I feel with everyone is tiresome, how easily I get alienated makes me wary of not just others but myself, how easily I decide that I can’t sustain relationships, Why Can’t I Be Patient

When my parents say they’re tired, I marvel at how their rage never tires and I am the same, the same, the same,

my chasm will never become exhausted and decide it must rest one day and I’m so foolish I still keep trying

[sunshinefornapolean]

one way to look at my face is to pretend, one way to finish a day, is to pretend, relax, dog-eared man, I take my time, yet I don’t know what took it, I’m spending my days through whims, the future is a languid and maniacal hyena well versed in theory, messing up praxis, filling her tooth gap, losing her tummy fat, but also toying with the day, conquering and invading it and smoking in the power, a hyena with the ability to laugh inside the belly of the elephant, learning to caress herself, herself, only herself,,,,

[sunshinefornapolean]

J.R.R. Tolkien, The Two Towers

[sunshinefornapolean]

some are happy

some are destroyed

every drive from home to university

I sit and listen to the same song

I used to cry openly for the past 8 months

but I realized it made my face sticky the rest of the day

and that is such a terrible mundane feeling to experience

so I decided I will not cry for you the 5 minutes I first allotted for you everyday

it fucks up my skin and I look like shit the rest of the day

This might make it seem like I don’t really give a fuck or that I’m over it now.

but like Ray LaMontagne says in this stupid song,

he’s been to hell and back so many times, the pain bores him

I end up thinking about mundane things. I end up thinking about my hurt unrelated to you. Perhaps I focus on it more.

I had another dream and all I remember is that I was crying for you a lot. I don’t know how hafsa is doing. Even when we’re together I don’t know how she is doing.

Some are sad, others are destroyed

[sunshinefornapolean]

I miss, I miss, I miss,

I see, I see, I see

I wish, I wish, I wish

Let me witness your smile now

Your lilt, Your stopping and

Starting sentences

My beautiful brother in arms

I miss so much and some of the misses

Are the endless busy hours

Given to education,

We could’ve wasted ourselves running

On rooftops, teach me again

I wish you would teach me again

[sunshinefornapolean]

[sunshinefornapolean]

with fluorescent lights/anti-socialites/watching a wilted flower @alvvaysto

in reference to alvvays the band’s self titled album cover.

(6X6), acrylic on canvas.