supportivephandom

[supportivephandom]

Have the courage to exist.

Hello internet. 

Today, October 10th, is World Mental Health Day and as a cause very close to my heart I am releasing a new range of merch where all proceeds will go to the charity I represent - Young Minds, to help fight for young people’s mental health.

In 2014 I made the video ’Existential Crisis’ where I dropped the surprisingly profound quote ‘Embrace the void and have the courage to exist’. This was a message that in a universe that won’t give you the answers, it’s up to you give your life meaning in whatever way makes you happy. 

In the years since uploading this video, I’ve spoken to many people who have told me how those words resonated with them and inspired actions, art (and even a few tattoos) so I thought this would be the perfect way to put some goodness back into the world and give you courage when you need it.

As of now the quote is available as both a simple black (of course) t-shirt:

And a flag for you to pin up on a wall like a poster, raise on a pole ..or just wear like a cape if you feel like it:

shop.danielhowell.com

When it comes to mental health I know all too well how difficult it can be just to exist, but days like this where people come together to show support for each other and raise awareness show that none of us are alone. A year on since I posted ‘Daniel and Depression’, where I was open about my struggles with mental health, I feel so much support from people around the world and pride that what I did may have helped others. I encourage anyone reading this who sympathises not to struggle in silence and otherwise to reach out to the ones you love and tell them you are there, it could make all the difference.

I hope that you like the sentiment and please get involved to support a wonderful charity, and as I said in a recent live show - if I can make it through life to this point, so can you.

Thanks Dan

[supportivephandom]

Um, sorry for a slightly serious one, but I can't sleep because I'm scared to be left alone with my thoughts. I've never found it easy to sleep (even as a baby) but it was always just an active mind and getting bored. A while ago I spoke to you when I was in a bad place and around that time trying to sleep would just lead to me thinking and crying and getting slightly suicidal thoughts. I'm in a better place now but still seek out distractions at night until I'm literally falling asleep. (Pt1)

I’m really struggling. I was trying to sleep just now and ended up crying about how insecure I am and my fears for a school trip I’m going on tomorrow which is meant to be a treat. I’m not getting nearly enough sleep (6 ½ hours on my best nights, more often 5) and I’m in a really crucial stage in my education so I really don’t need to be sleep deprived. I’ve tried listening to music and podcasts but they either wake me up or don’t distract me enough. What should I do? (Pt 2)

Hey there anon. First and foremost, I apologise if this ask has been sitting here a while. Myself and all the other admins have been going through things in our own lives so I guess this blog has had an unplanned hiatus. I am also so so so very proud that you're in a better place now. Well done lovely 

Secondly, please do not apologise. Your troubles are not a burden on us and we are here to help you. I can 100% empathise with you. I enter year 12 (senior year) in less than a week and I have chronic insomnia. 

I think it’s really important to try speak to someone soon. I may have not answered your original ask, so I’m not 100% sure on your family situation, but if you can, talk to a parent.

Insomnia in general starts with a few factors. Either anxiety, discomfort, breathing issues, sleep apnea, anything. What is important is singling out what actually is the issue. For your case, a racing mind or possibly nervous thoughts seems to be what you’ve identified. However, there could be more. 

My first suggestion, after speaking with someone, is to try change the environment you sleep in. It can start with:

- Using your bedroom ONLY for sleep. Maybe study in a library or separate room?

- Open a window, get a fan, get a heater. 

- Seriously, don’t use a phone 1.5 hours before you try sleep. 

- Set up a routine for each and every night. i.e, 9pm stop studying, 9:30pm brush teeth, 10:00pm make lunch for next day at school, 10:30pm, sleep. 

- Wake up super early in the morning, so you are even more tired than usual. That might make it easier to sleep earlier and could shift your body clock. 

Of course, these are only side factors and are very likely not to be the main reason you aren't sleeping. But making these changes and making a record of them will help with any diagnosis or isolation of the problem. 

Have a sleep journal. Include:

- Last time you checked the time before sleeping 

- Times you wake up at night 

- Conditions of room

- What are you thinking about that is affecting you 

By doing all these things, it may convince parents to take you to a doctor, and could also help the doctor in prescribing medication. Maybe making environmental changes could help as well. 

As for the main issue here: an active mind. 

Again, isolating what you are actually thinking about and what may be worrying you or keeping you busy may be a key factor in helping you. Finding out what actually is on your mind all the time and why can help you kind of establish these things during the day, hence meaning that you do not need to think about them any longer. It is a hard and stressful situation to be in, but just remember: so many people have been in the position you are and you CAN fix this. you won't always be sleep deprived. This will work out. 

If parents aren't as cooperative in taking you to a doctor, go yourself once/if you’re old enough. Try online GPs. take the steps I outlined earlier and talk to a professional if the problem persists. Like you said, you are in a critical stage of education so it is important to do all you can to help yourself. 

keep us updated. I hope all goes well for you. 

Love, Mae

[supportivephandom]

So you respond to asks anymore or is this account coming to a close?

Hey,

Good question! I wouldn’t say the account is coming to a close as much as currently on hiatus? Don’t take that as an official status of the blog, I just think there’s a lot going on right now for all of us and we can’t commit as much time to being online. I can’t speak for the others but I’m at college, starting a new job tomorrow, preparing for a holiday halfway around the world alone in two weeks and also having 3-4 appointments a week for my mental health currently. So it’s nothing personal, nothing permanent, and we still welcome asks which we’ll get to as soon as we can.

- Aoife

[supportivephandom]

soft yellow

[supportivephandom]

“can you tell [us that] all will be okay soon?”

[supportivephandom]

hi my gf just broke up with me and im very very sad do you guys have advice? :(

I'm really sorry that happened to you :(

I promise that you'll be okay, love comes and goes and it's perfectly normal to be sad, but know that you will get better. Don't rush into anything and let yourself heal, don't hold it against your girlfriend, don't blame yourself and take care of yourself.

there's this one video I really really love and I think it might help. Here

take care hun!

-Sam💛

[supportivephandom]

I relapsed in my self harm after being clean for so long. I guess I used it as a punishment for binge eating again for like the third time that week and I hated myself so much because I had most likely gained weight. But now I'm super scared of my parents finding out i cut again. I don't know how they would react and I'm not sure what to do.

hey hey hey there honey, it's going to be okay. I promise. I'm really really really sorry for thr late reply :(

first, I'm proud you managed to stay clean for a long time, we all have relapses, it's alright. Don't beat yourself up over it, work to achieve more, start slow alright?

Let me tell you something, a single pound is 3500 cals so even if you binge eat thrice a week as well as have regular food, you will not at all gain weight. It's actually impossible to get that many calories becuase we do burn calories too, you know? Don't worry. Please try to be healthy, don't binge eat and don't starve yourself, eat three portions a day not too much not too little, start slow and don't rush yourself into it. It's going to be okay, you lget better, I believe in you💛

-Sam

[supportivephandom]

We had to get tangled together in tinsel for this photo so we hope you love it.

bonus:

[supportivephandom]

alternative depression tips for when you read the ‘depression tips’ post and laugh hollowly, bc only in your fondest dreams could you manage to do any of those things

dry shampoo and face wipes are your friend. if you can brush your teeth you’ll feel maybe 2% less disgusting. wash your hands.

smelling nice is gr9, rubbing moisturiser in is Exhausting. perfume, scented candles and linen sprays are way quicker.

try to change your clothes at least every other day. wear sweats or pjs as often as you physically can.

you don’t need to put on underwear if you’re not leaving the house (that goes double for bras and binders)

drink any water that hasn’t been sitting out on your desk for a week. dust doesn’t taste good. stay hydrated. I fill one of those 2 litre bottles in the morning and keep it with me so I don’t have to get up and walk to the sink.

re: cleaning, try and keep one room vaguely clean. if everywhere else is a shit hole that’s fine, but you can go sit in your one tidy space and chill for a bit. it’s fine if that’s the bathroom or just the corner of your bedroom where there’s no crap on the floor. find a tiny space that isn’t horrifying and sit in it.

music helps.

eat a thing. +5 points if it has a fresh fruit or vegetable in it. take out is acceptable if it comes with veggies.

if your creativity curled up and died a long time ago try and find something that at least reminds you what it was like to feel inspired. watch a film, look at some art (probably not your own), read a thing. if that makes you feel worse, just?? don’t think about it??

grounding yourself is actually really helpful. open the window and breathe for 2 minutes. lay down on the floor and feel your whole body (unless you don’t want to in which case: lay down and don’t feel anything except the floor) 

human interaction is Good. text a family member you don’t hate if you have one. message a friend. reply to someone’s personal post with ‘SAME’. make your own personal post asking the void for validation. stare out the window at people and remind yourself that life exists outside of the black space inside your head. whatever works.

pets are amazing, agreed. watch some funny animal vines if you don’t have one.

[supportivephandom]

Even if it’s this Thursday or next Thursday.

[supportivephandom]

It’s your life. If you are unhappy, please make a change.

[supportivephandom]

“i think it’s only fair that he comes up here and shares this with me”

[supportivephandom]

Hey, so, year ago, my depression led me to drop out of high school, and due to pressure from people around me and my thought that I was somewhat better, I started again in September, only to drop out again one month after because of my depression kicking in again. Now, my mom wants me to go back after the Holidays, but just the thought of putting my feet back in that building makes me have panic attacks, and I can't get all my credits from studying online. Do you have some advice?

Hi!

Thanks for coming to talk to us, it sounds like things are pretty stressful, and I can completely understand why you’d be so anxious about going back. Do you have anyone you can talk through this with? You may benefit from talking about why you feel so anxious and panicked, and trying to get to the root of the problem, though it sounds like your depression is playing a big role in that. Feeling depressed is indescribable, it’s horrific, and I can absolutely empathise with why you’d want to avoid triggering an episode at all costs. Perhaps this time you may find it useful to put in place some plans to help you through your studies? Does your school have a support system? A pastoral team? You could speak to them prior to going back about just how much the thought of going back is affecting you, and from that they may be able to offer you some support. Also, putting in place a plan for ‘if things start to get bad’ might help. You could carry this plan with you to school for reference, and even share it with the people who could support you there so you’re all aware of what to look out for should you feel worse. This is just a suggestion but as an example, mine would look like this for college:

I hope that makes sense! If your symptoms are getting in the way of your life then I’d very much recommend you seeing someone about it, even if they can’t do anything. Just seeing a doctor means there’s a record of you talking about a specific problem, so it’s important you try them anyway. You may also find mindfulness helpful - a lot of people think it’s nonsense but I promise you that if you give it a chance, it really can help and there’s no harm in trying it, as it doesn’t have any risks.

If you’re not ready, you’re not ready, and only you can make that decision. You may never feel ready and perhaps that’s why people around you are pressuring you (not that pressuring you is helpful in any way!). I didn’t feel ready for college and I still don’t, but it feels easier each time I go, and they even give me extensions on my work should I need them. It’s worth seeing if your school can help out like that to try and reassure you that there’s a stable plan around you to keep you going.

I hope I’ve helped slightly, but you’re very brave for giving it a go, and I know it must be really terrifying to think about. It’s valid, it’s just getting over that fear that’s the hard part. I know you can do it, keep fighting because you may just surprise yourself!

- Aoife

[supportivephandom]

help me. i grew up “gifted” and now i’m grades above everyone in my subjects. now i have perfectionist tendencies that are killing me. today i cut because i got a b+ on an english essay and it was the deepest cutting i’ve ever done. i’m so afraid to get an a- even that i hurt myself if i do. i don’t know what to do. i can never tell my family. nobody can know about this.

Hey there anon!

Apologies for the delay in replying, it’s my fault as I said I’d answer this one because I went through something very similar. It’s always really difficult when you do well consistently from being young, which sounds odd because it’s what a lot of people wish they could do, but it’s hard. Everyone starts to expect good grades regardless of whether you’re feeling confident. I always used to find that if I commented that I’d struggled with something, or that I didn’t think I’d do well, people would invalidate those feelings just because they’d come to expect As. It’s really important that you do seek out help if you can. This might not be parents or relatives, but perhaps friends, trusted adults, teachers or a doctor. I’m not sure what country you’re from but here in the UK our GPs must keep things confidential even from parents, but teachers have a duty of care to inform whoever cares for you. This isn’t necessarily bad though, it’s hard in the beginning as it’s just such a shock to people when they first find out someone close to them is harming themselves, but it can get you the help you need in the long term. Other than that, there are helplines you may be able to access, so be sure to check those out. A google search can usually find you a few but if you need any help, let us know!

I know that when you have perfectionist tendencies, it can feel almost impossible to actually see past the letters on the page, but honestly I absolutely promise you that they don’t define you, and they don’t define your intelligence. I always got high grades and I revised constantly, but then when I was 15 I had to leave school. I thought I’d just ruined everything but it turns out that getting high grades isn’t as key to securing the best future for yourself as the teachers make out. There are SO MANY different routes into all kinds of jobs. I’m now training to be a paramedic and that was without GCSEs, I do have GCSEs but they didn’t actually count them for the course. It takes a bit longer but I can even train to be a doctor after that! I know it’s not as simple as telling yourself it’s okay to sometimes do a bit worse than usual, but try to keep in mind that high grades aren’t everything, and your health is absolutely more important.

Please consider talking to someone and in the mean time, check out our app master list for apps that may help you out. Try to find some distractions that work for you, along with some relaxation techniques. You’ve got this 💛

- Aoife

[supportivephandom]

[supportivephandom]

gentle reminder

you are not alone - there are many people around you who love you and want to help you improve and smile again, even if it doesn’t feel like it

[supportivephandom]

heart eyes for anon