sweetcherrymoon22

[sweetcherrymoon22]

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hey lovely people! Im just popping in to say that I am officially merging all of my various blogs (three) into one master blog! this means that after a few days, I will be shutting down these separate ones, but fear not, my fics will still be available!

you can find my new master blog here: www.tumblr.com/musewritingsforyou

over the course of the next few days I will be working on making it nice a pretty with new masterlists and links to my stories, anything I have posted on this blog or my other will eventually be uploaded there for reading!

and stay tuned for some new things I'm working on (especially if you happen to like teen wolf)

[sweetcherrymoon22]

You should write something where maybe one of the other boys gets sick and y/n is taking care of them maybe even letting them lay against her and Harry gets super jealous and y/n has to go and talk to him and he’s just acting like a straight child all like “Get away f’me.” and pouty ahahha.

A/N: I'm finally back!!! I had to leave for a while to focus on ending the year strong but I am now back and hoping to post every-other day until I am done with the requests in my inbox!

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1.9k

Tw: sickness, slight angst, fluff at the end

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Now anyone in or out of health care knows this one little fact. Men are absolute babies when it comes to being sick. By now I was used to it. The “y/n my stomach hurts, i'm going to die!!” and the *sniffle* *cough* “are you okay?” “oh my god, yes i’m fine why would you even say that!” To be honest most of the time I ignore fifty percent of their complaining, treat their symptoms and by the next morning they are fine. But every once in a while they aren't being dramatic.

“Mhhh” Even from the opposite side of the bus I could hear him groaning in his sleep.

“Niall?” no response. It couldn't be that he was sleeping and making those noises at the same time. 

“Uhhh '' Alright so maybe he was. We had been driving for about ten hours when Niall fell to the bug. I had been doing my best to keep it from the boys but somehow despite my best efforts, it made it through. He was the first so far, but probably not the last. If one boy gets sick, the others always get it. The bug had been moving quickly through the crew staff, hitting at least three people a week. My once solitary and quiet med bus was now full to the brim with groaning patients. The other unfortunate side effect of this; I couldn't no longer sleep in the same bed as my boyfriend. Well, at least not until this infection is out of the way and I'm not scared of him getting sick. 

I walked out of the back rooms to see Niall passed out on the med bay couch, face down and groaning louder than a truck horn in his sleep. I had seen Niall sick before. Hell I've had to wipe vomit off of his face before, but this shit was brutal. And I won't lie, the toll of not being able to escape it at all for the past few weeks has been getting to me. My sleep is constantly interrupted by alarms on my phone going off to remind me to check everyone on the bus, refill their fluids, check their temperatures, and administer medication if needed. I haven't been able to talk to my boyfriend in weeks for longer than five minutes. At this point I was almost praying to get the virus just to have a week off. Except maybe without the fever, and then sore throat, and the nausea. So maybe not. 

“Ni” I shook his shoulder lightly to attempt to wake him up. Nothing.

“Niall” Again, nothing. I could only be grateful that right now he was the only one sick. Finally with a big snort and a flip onto his back his cloudy eyes opened.

“Hey bud, how ya feeling?” He groaned once more and shut his cloudy eyes. 

“Nope. None of that. I know you're going to hate me but it's time for more meds.” Nothing but another groan. 

An hour or two later we finally found ourselves at a hotel, a wayside stop for a few days until everyones feeling better and the boys are able to perform. The second we got off the bus- me with several bags of medical supplies along with my actual suitcase, and Niall with a single backpack underneath the blanket he had wrapped around himself like a cloak- Harry came up to me with a frown on his face. 

“Long time no see love bug” He moved in to kiss me but I gently placed a hand on his chest and pushed him back a step.

“I will not get you sick. Remember how bad it was last time? No way. I love you, but no.” He pouted like a child being told no and hung his head. 

“Baby, I promise the second Ni is better we’ll be spending all day together, we just have to be careful, that's all” while his head was still facing down I thread my fingers through his hair and gave his scalp a little massage. After I was done speaking I gave him a light kiss on his head.

“Now come on, let's get inside so we can all get our keys and go to bed, Okay?” Still pouting, he nodded at me and continued in without saying another word. 

~~~~

Once we were all inside Paul was standing at the desk waiting with keycards in his hands to give us our rooms. He started with the crew and then once they had all filed off to their rooms he gave the other boys their room keys. Lastly, he handed one to me. The last one. 

“Sorry y/n they’d only give me one key for the both of you” Harry standing with the other boys around me walked forward. 

“Don't know what you mean Paul, I’ve got the other key right here?” I signed and turned to face him.

“Haz-”

“Oh. you'll be sharing a room with Niall then, won't you.”

“Yes. I need to keep an eye on him tonight make sure his fever doesn't come back-”

“Whatever” I took a step back, feeling the lash of his tone on me. Did he really think this was fun for me? This is my job, the whole reason I get to be here touring with him in the first place, it doesn't just suddenly disappear whenever he wants it to. I took a deep breath. It's fine. He's just frustrated, just like I am, that's all. This cant be easy for him either.

“We might not be able to share a room tonight but I do hope you’ll still come say goodnight before you go to sleep?” I tried to reach out a hand and was coldy rejected.

“Maybe. I wouldn't want to disturb the both of you.” I made a surprised scoff and looked over at Niall who was standing behind me with an equally surprised look on his face. Before I would even respond, he was off to the elevators without aso much as a look behind him.

~~~~

After a few hours of television watching and unpacking in our hotel room it was time for Niall's least favorite activity. Taking his meds. 

“Niall?” I found him again face down on one of the beds in the room, not asleep this time, just hiding from the light. 

“No. I won't do it this time.” 

“Hate to tell you but I have dealt with non-compliant patients before and usually it ends up worse for them than it does for me.” He dramatically flipped over and layed starfish on the bed for a moment before slowly pulling himself up to a sitting position. 

Twenty minutes after he had taken his meds, like always with Niall; he began to groan my name while I was attempting to take a shower for a moment of peace. Like any good physician I ignored the first two and after not hearing a third, went out to check on him. 

“Ni? Are you okay?” He was in a fetal position with his eyes closed taking deep breaths.

“Puke. definitely going to puke.” I cringed a little and grabbed one of the anti-nausea meds from my bag. 

“Here. Put it under your tongue, it should work pretty quick.” He did as I said and continued groaning. In a moment of pity I grabbed my book and hopped onto the bed beside him. 

“What-”

“If you're going to be miserable it's the least I can do to not make you be alone” I moved up on the bed and patted my lap with one hand. 

“Come on, you big baby”  He placed his head on my lap and I opened my book, beginning to read from the page I had dogeared. Not twenty minutes later Niall was fast asleep and I left him laying with his head on my lap as I read my book in peaceful silence. Peaceful that is until a certain someone knocked on the door.

“You can come in Harry, it's unlocked.” He stepped in and right away turned what looked like a sorrowful- even remorseful- look, into one of pure fire. 

“Really, y/n” 

“Haz- '' I didn't get the chance to say another word before he was out of the room and walking quickly down the hall. I carefully untangled myself from Niall- who by some grace of god was still asleep- and chased Harry down the hall. 

“Harry!” I grabbed his arm and he pulled away.

“Get away f’me” 

He continued walking down the hall, and I almost let him until I snapped. 

“Harry Edward Styles don't you dare act like a child and walk away from me right now!” He stopped in his tracks at the tone in my voice but didn't turn around.

“Do you think that this is fun for me? Not being able to see you at all for weeks, having to stay away from everyone and anyone just in case I could get them sick. Having to constantly be on call and working for days at a time?” 

Now he turned around.

“While you have been out there, acting like a pouting child with the rest of your friends I have been trying to make poor Niall feel even the slightest bit better!” I paused for a breath. “So don't you dare try and make me feel bad about comforting our friend. Dont. you. Dare!” 

I realized then that a few tears of exhaustion and frustration had slipped down my cheeks. I swiped them off and waited in buzzing quiet as he walked toward me. His head was facing the ground when he finally got over to me.

“Im stupid.” he finally said in a small voice. He reached out and put both his hands on my arms, still respecting the distance I wished to maintain, but allowing some sort of comforting touch for the both of us.

“Yeah, you have been.”

“Does it help if I say that I'm sorry and I never should have acted like a child because you were just helping Niall?”

“Of course it helps Harry” 

“Are you still mad at me?”

“I mean, a little. You acted like a douche.” he let out a disappointed huff, but still nodded in agreement. 

“Are you mad enough that we should talk about it more before we both go to bed?” I thought for a  minute but the second I looked up at his cinnamon roll curls I knew the answer. I let out a dramatic sigh and opened my arms.

“No. come here” after a hug that the both of us had been waiting for over weeks, he released me and gave me a short kiss on the top of my head.

“Goodnight love.”

“Goodnight.”

So finally I made it back to my room, turned out the lights and settled into my own bed. It was colder without him in it. 

~~~~~

“y/n/n” someone whispered in my ear and I jumped awake. Harry stood over me pale and looking half dead. 

“Oh no. oh god no. you've got it don't you.” he did a slight nod before throwing off his shoes and jumping into the bed with me. One part of my brain went warm, comfy. The other was screaming expletives at him and myself for not being more careful. He nestled up next to me and placed his head in the crook of my shoulder.

“Well, at least now you get to hang out with me

[sweetcherrymoon22]

I LOVE UR WRITING💖💖💖💖

THIS MADE ME SO HAPPY I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!❤️

[sweetcherrymoon22]

Masterlist

For all my lovers I finally share with you a safe place to read, ask, receive, and chat, this will be updated whenever the spirit moves me, so hopefully more than once a millennium. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Key: fluff ☁️ , angst 💧, smut 🔥

Find out about the universe I write with here

Oneshots

A Nervous Tic Kind of Day- ☁️ 💧 - 2.4k - Tw: anxiety, ADHD, medication, crying - During a long meeting in LA, Niall and Y/N both get jittery

Headaches in Milan- ☁️ - 1.4k - Tw: none - behind the scenes of the Milan movie shoot

Tattoo Roulette- ☁️ 🔥 - 1.6k - Tw: pain kink (small), tattoo - behind the scenes of the famous James Corden episode

Blurbs 

(anything 1k and below)

Chest Pains- ☁️ 💧- 1.1k - Tw: medical, pain - Harry has chest pains on stage and needs help

Multi-chapter

Dinner With the Devil & Part 2 - 💧 - 9k total - Tw: past abusive relationship, anxiety, panic attack, OCD, Medication - y/n gets an unexpected text that sends them into a spiral 

Asks

Harry Gets bus sick- ☁️ 💧 -  under 1k - Tw: Vomit

Dinner With the Devil & Part 2 - 💧 - 9k total - Tw: past abusive relationship, anxiety, panic attack, OCD, Medication - y/n gets an unexpected text that sends them into a spiral 

Harry gets clingy ☁️  - 1k - Tw: None

Harry is jealous of sick Niall- 💧💧☁️ - 1.9k - Tw: sickness, relationship issues (tiny)

[sweetcherrymoon22]

could you do a one shot where harry is super clingy and y/n loves it but their friends tease them thank you 🫶

I love you sm for this! an adorable little fluffy blurb is here for you, I hope you like it!

1k

tw: none!

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I was never exactly a fan of PDA. More than just the “oh im single and I hate couples showing their affection for one another around me” kind of thing. It was more that I was never comfortable or close enough with someone where I could get to a point in a relationship to be casually touched and not have it make my skin crawl. That was the first thing about my relationship with Harry that my friends and family noticed. The weirdest thing was, I hadn't even realized it was happening. I didn't even think to call it “PDA” , that is, until the boys started to mention it. 

We were sitting on the bus together all eating dinner, take-out from some Chinese restaurant we got on the road to our next venue. Per usual we weren't having a formal sit down family dinner, just lounging about in different parts of the bus, eating and doing work, looking at emails, watching tv, just hanging about in some of the only free time that we get. Harry and I were watching friends on the couch together, cardboard containers of food in our laps. 

“You smell good” His head was resting in the crook of my neck and I could feel the muscles in his jaw clenching as he ate his food. I rested my own head on top of his.

“Because of the food or because I showered?” Idle conversation. Nothing of importance, nothing out of the ordinary. But that's how we like it. Even when we are sitting close practically whispering in each other's ear, we don't generally do anything but try and be together. 

“Think a bit of both. What would you do if I started calling you noodle?” I laughed and placed my close to finished container back on the table in front of us.

“Um, I’m not sure, I guess it depends on why you would call me noodle”

“Dunno, just thought it might be cute” he placed his own container on the table and we nestled into each other pulling a blanket over ourselves. 

“Oh god. No. Just no.” Louis walked in and squeezed his eyes shut at the picture of the two of us on the couch. For a second it didn't even occur to me what he might have thought seeing us like that with no one else in the room.

“What? Can we not watch Tv in peace?” I picked my head off of Harry's chest for a moment to speak. 

“Only if you want to be tortured endlessly for all of enternity.”

“Okay you're just jealous because you don't have someone to cuddle with. And don't even try to deny it. I know a touch starved man when I see one.” I could feel the rumble of Harry’s chest under me as he laughed. 

“You know what. I have had enough of the two of you. Goodnight, I hope you both wake up with bad backs and tingling arms.” The both of us said nothing and merely looked at eachother with raised eyebrows. 

Eventually we fell asleep just like that and woke up the next morning to the sound of several boys around us. As soon as I got them to dispel I tried to stand to go to the bathroom but Harry's arm locked me down. 

“Haz, I need to pee.”

“Cuddle with me” 

“Harry, I’ll come right back okay I promise.” I kissed his forehead and tried again, still not even budging.

“Harry.”

“I want cuddles”

“You're a child” I gave up, ignoring the urge to pee and hoped that the boys heard every single word of that conversation, maybe with enough teasing and a little bit of luck, they could set me free from the warm prison of love I had been caught in. 

“Really Harold? ‘I want cuddles’” Liam mocked as he walked into the room. Harry merely ignored him and nestled his face into the crook of my neck. 

“This is giving me second hand embarrassment mate i'm not gonna’ lie to ya” Niall walked in as well and sat across from the both of us. Harry picked up his head again and looked at me with bug puppy dog eyes.

“At least one person won't make fun of me” Niall burst out laughing before I started a smirk.

“Well, I don't know that I would go that far, Love, and I'm so close to pissing my pants right now that I very well may break out of the cuddle puddle you have locked me into.”

“I thought you loved me.”

“Harry?” Louis asked from a corner

“What.”

“You know you look and act like a child with a new toy when she's around ya, right?”

“And?” they all laughed at him again 

“You think I'm cute right? Coz that's all that matters to me.” 

“I think you're absolutely precious. Not matter what they say I wouldn't give up my cuddles for the world”

[sweetcherrymoon22]

Dinner with the devil

a/n: YAYYYY Part two is here and ready to party!!! thanks so much to the anon who gave me the idea!

PS, I'm working on creating a masterlist as we speak so that it will be easier to navigate my page, message me if you have ideas!

tw: anxiety, OCD, panic, abusive ex, panic attack, medication, cheese

4.7k

*if you haven't read it here is part one*

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Part 2

The next morning I woke up strangely calm knowing what I was going to be doing in just a few short hours. Harry had woken me up with a sloppy kiss to the side of my head and a sweet murmur before throwing himself downstairs to make coffee. Just a few minutes later I got out of bed still in his shirt and a pair of my shorts from last night. I threw my hair into a messy lump on the top of my head before getting myself a cup of coffee and sitting down at the island in the kitchen.

 “still planning on going?” He was laying with his own cup against the opposite side of the counter. 

“yes, Harry, still going.” He sighed but didn’t try to convince me otherwise this time. We finished our cups in comfortable silence before I headed upstairs to shower and get ready. After a quick shower, I braided my hair and put on some nice makeup, simple eyeliner and a rose gold eyeshadow with a dark berry lip. I threw on a beautiful new summer dress, spaghetti straps, and a floral print with of course my converse and ratty old backpack because from lunch I was going straight to round check where I would have to be on my feet for about 7 hours to the end of the concert. When I walked downstairs all made up and jittery Harry was waiting for me on his phone by the door. When he heard me walk down the last few steps of the stairs he placed his phone down on the kitchen counter and turned to look at me. His face lit up with a smile as he walked forward to sling his arms around my waist. 

“wow. You look absolutely beautiful love.” I gave a dramatic look and glanced down at my sneaker-clad feet. 

“really? You don’t think the ratty old sneakers were too much?” He laughed so big that the deep dimples on his cheeks bowed up and then he gave me a soft careful kiss on the cheek.

 “not at all, not at all.” He moved his hands from my waist to my cheeks and held my head in his hands to look me dead in the eye.

 “hey. If you need anything, anything at all, you call me and I will be there in a second okay?” I nodded.

 “I know.”

 “I mean it, one weird joke or awkward moment-“ I stopped him with a quick kiss. 

“Harry- I know. I love you.” 

“Love you too.” 

When I found the parking lot for the beautiful restaurant in downtown LA I was still somehow about 45 minutes early. I had called and made reservations for half an hour before I told y/e/n to get there so that if nothing else at least I could have a bit of an advantage by knowing my surroundings a little bit. At least this way I will know which way to run if I need an escape. It was a beautiful Italian restaurant and I chose a nice outdoor table for us to sit at. The hostess sat me there and I started to get acquainted with my surroundings. At least it was pretty out here.

Harry’s POV:

She left ten minutes ago to get to the restaurant early. At first, I tried coming to terms with the fact that she didn’t want me to come with her. I still respected it. It made sense that she wanted to do this by herself. But also I hated it and there was no way in hell I was going to send her to the wolves like that. So I texted the boys to call me. 

“Harold what do you want, I was busy.” I was in my bedroom frantically trying to find something to wear that would make me look slightly less like myself. 

“I need you all to go to lunch with me.” All three of them made confused faces.

 “need?” 

“Why can’t you go to lunch by yourself?” 

“oh and we have to go right now. And to this Italian place outside downtown”

 “Are you mad, mate?”

 “no, well, yeah a little I guess. y/n/n went to meet her shit of a human ex for lunch and she doesn’t want me to go but I'm worried about her being alone so we are going to go as a group and sit somewhere close by so she doesn’t notice us and I can keep an eye on her.”

 “And why do we need to come?” 

“one; because I don’t want to be noticed and it will seem less weird if I’m not alone, two; I am legitimately worried that I might attack this dude if he does anything weird.” They were quiet for a minute while I threw my phone onto my bed and threw on a pair of shorts. 

“I do love a good show.” 

“Louis! He means we would love to come.”

 “only if you’ll pay though.”

 “and I want actual food.”

 “Sure Niall, whatever you want, I’ll pay and get you food. So you’ll come?”

 “yeah I guess.” 

“I’ll be there in ten” I ran out of the house and got into the black SUV waiting for me outside. We drove to pick up the other boys and called ahead to the restaurant to tell them that we were coming and wanted to sit outside. I don’t usually use my status like that but, well, it was an emergency.  The second that all of the boys were in the car I started to realize just how ridiculous it was that I was doing this. I just couldn’t stop thinking about how angry the love of my life will potentially be at me if nothing happens and then she finds out that me and her closest friends in the world decided to spy on her. shit. 

Too late now though. I wasn’t about to leave her alone with someone who caused her so much pain that just the thought of what they did to her sent her into a spell of panic so bad that she needed to take medication. The restaurant wasn’t too busy, thank god, we were able to get in without her noticing us at all, again thank god because that would have ruined the whole plan anyway. We were just far enough away that we couldn’t hear her, but close enough that we could see her pretty clearly. I was sitting with my back to her so that she wouldn’t be able to see much of me if she looked our way. There were also several weird tall plants between our tables so I doubt she could see or notice any of the four of us anyways. It looked like he wasn’t here yet. 

“So can I get food now or what?” 

“huh? what?” Louis rolled his eyes and Niall motioned to the menu sat front of him.

 “cool if I get food?” 

“oh, yeah go ahead.” He ordered as did the other boys.

 “H, do you want anything?” Liam asked gently as he noticed how far off I was looking, trying so hard not to turn around and see her. 

“no, no I’m good.” Liam was quiet as the waitress walked away with their orders. The second she was gone he calmly turned to me. 

“don’t move or make a scene, but he just got to the table” Almost immediately I turned around to look through the leaves of the plant to see a tall man with curly blonde hair standing in front of y/n/n’s table, she stood to hug him and then they both sat down again. Louis smacked me in the arm. 

“did you not hear him say ‘don’t turn around’??” 

“sorry, just worried.” 

“I’ll tell you if somethings up all right?” Niall said while shoving fries into his mouth. We sat there eating food for a little while. Every once in a while I would turn to look over at the two of them having lunch and talking. I wouldn’t look for too long because one of the boys would slap me and tell me to turn around. I stole a few of Niall’s fries, much to his protest, and decided in a moment that it was worth the risk to turn around just once more to make sure that everything was going okay. As soon as I turned around with a fry half hanging out of my mouth I turned back with a panicked look on my face and took the fry out of my mouth.

 “what? What’s wrong?” Liam asked me as he was the first and only one to notice that I was clearly freaking out about something that I saw. Maybe I was overreacting. Maybe. But she was shaking. Shaking enough that I could see it from this far away, through the plants, and only facing her back, I could see her shaking. One knee bouncing and her whole body shaking slightly, just like it does when she’s having a panic attack. It wasn’t as bad as I have seen it, nowhere near as bad as last night even, but still, my girl was clearly shaking. 

“she’s shaking.” They all turned to look at her at once, trying to see what I knew for certain I had seen.

 “I mean, yeah, a little I guess.” Niall was shoving fries into his mouth while looking over my head at her back. 

“Harry, I’m sure she’s fine-“ 

“she shakes when she’s about to have a panic attack, Louis, she’s not fine.” 

“How bad does she usually shake?” 

“What?”

 “what's something else she does when she is about to have a panic attack? How badly does she shake? If we are going to go over there we need to be sure that that’s what it is.” I paused for a moment to think about it.

 “she-she picks at her fingers.”

 “Okay, now turn around slowly, and see if she’s doing that.” Liam talked me through it calmly while the other two boys mostly tried to ignore me and continue their lunches. I turned around to look at her again, this time trying to keep in mind that the whole point of me sitting this far away from her was so that she wouldn’t know I’m here. I only want to go over there if something is really happening, otherwise, I’m setting myself up for failure. This time I turned slowly, making sure to do a quick glance at first to make sure she wasn’t facing my way before turning fully to a good look at her. She was still shaking, but it wasn’t bad at all, in fact, I’m sure if I didn’t know her as well as I do I wouldn’t have noticed it at all. I glanced down at her hands which were bracing her on either side, palms bracing against the wooden bench she was sitting on. Neither of them were moving. Not even a little. I let out a sigh of relief before turning back towards the boys who seemed overly glad that I hadn’t jumped up from my seat and ran to her side. 

“See, she’s fine.” Louis repeated and took a long sip from his drink.

 “She's wearing a strapless dress and drinking ice water, Harry, she’s probably just cold.” Niall said, still chewing a large mouthful of food. I turned back around, pleased for the moment by the explanation that Niall gave to me. He’s probably right, I'm probably just overreacting, she's probably just cold. 

I told her to bring a jacket. Knew she would be cold. I brought one for her but I wasn’t going to go over there and give it to her obviously. Should have just put it in her bag before she-

“Harry.” Even my thoughts managed to freeze when I heard Niall say my name in a cautious voice. 

“don’t panic, but I think something is actually wrong now.” Needless to say, I did panic. I started to get up from my seat right away but Louis, who was sitting beside me, put a hand on my shoulder and forced me down into my seat before I could go anywhere.

 “Louis let me go!”

 “no, not until we know for sure, I’m not risking the first peaceful lunch we've had if Niall is just overreacting because you got into his head.”

 “He's right, maybe it's nothing.” 

“well at least tell me what you see then!” 

“It's probably nothing, she’s just talking with her hands a lot now. And also bouncing her knee. Like a lot.” His voice trailed off as all of us realized what was probably happening. 

“Okay, okay, so it sounds bad, but let’s just check okay? Liam can walk by to the ‘bathroom’” he used air quotes around ‘bathroom’,

 “and then when he circles back he can listen in and tell us if you need to go over there okay?” I nodded frantically and Liam placed on some sunglasses before standing from the booth and brushing off his shorts. I waved him off and watched him closely as he walked by her table, close enough to hear them but not too close for her to notice him. Now that I was turned around and could see what Niall was talking about I knew that we were in trouble. Even without Liam coming back and telling me what they were talking about I could see all of the little movements that she does when she gets so nervous. It was almost gratifying to know that I hadn’t come here for no reason, but at the same time, it broke my heart to know that I was right and I still let her go alone. I should have pushed harder. Liam circled all the way back without her noticing him by some miracle and sat down in the booth. Before I could even ask him a question or wait for him to explain what he heard, he took off his sunglasses and gave me a simple nod with a grim look on his face. I didn’t waste another second as I burst up out of the booth and practically jogged over to where she was sitting. 

y/n POV:

I was frantically using my hands as my voice started to raise from a calm whisper to a more pleading level. “I was a child.” My knee was bouncing fast under the table, I could feel myself start to shake. Having him in front of me in all his souped-up glory was hard enough. But hearing him talk to me about what he did. Hearing him ask me to admit something as if I was the one that did something wrong in the first place, it was too much for me. I had barely gotten used to the idea of speaking about what had happened. I only told Harry last night, and I have told him every little detail about myself. Even my parents don’t really know what happened that day. All of a sudden I could see a very familiar figure approach from behind me and squat down right next to me, placing a hand on my thigh. 

“Harry? What are you doing here?”

 “The boys and I went out for lunch.” He gestured behind me to where Liam, Louis, and Niall were all sitting munching on fries as if it was popcorn while watching the show go down in front of them. Liam gave me a shy wave and then slapped Niall on the arm who was trying to steal some of his food. Good to know they’re still the same. I wanted to be mad at Harry for coming when I explicitly told him not to, but also I couldn’t be more relieved at this moment to have him here with me. Especially when I could tell where this conversation was heading and that was not something I wanted to face alone. Or at all, but it seems like I don’t have much control over that anymore. 

“mind if I join you?” He asked me instead of y/e/n or even looking up at the both of us. I nodded and moved over on my bench so that he could slide in against it right next to me. The bench wasn’t all that big so our legs were pressed together. Even with our legs to gather he still managed to take one hand and rub it up and down my leg while the other was slung around my back in a slightly possessive manner. It was clear he was trying so hard to still be polite even though he could clearly tell that something had pushed me into a panic. 

“Actually, this is a private conversation.” I felt like time slowed for me as he said that. I knew it was coming and I knew my breaking point was just about met, but the second those words came out of his mouth there was no doubt in my mind that the line had been crossed. There was no longer a point of return, there was only kill or be killed, and I was not about to let him win, as vengeful and bratty tit may sound. 

“Private?” I went almost too still as I sharply glared at him with a response.

 “Who the hell are you to say that when you left and decided to tell the whole damn world what a slut I was? If anyone here is allowed to speak about ‘private’ it's him, not you, not someone who quite literally made me leave the country in shame.” I stopped for a minute, hoping and praying that although my own line had been crossed, his was still intact, though I had a feeling it wasn’t. Harry stayed silent, clearly not wanting to overstep as it was already made clear to him that my ex didn’t want him there. He was here to support me and that’s it. 

“I was seventeen and all alone and you told me that it was my fault when you yelled. When you almost hit me. And even worse I believed you!” Somehow words kept coming from my mouth before I had the chance to stop them and check what I was even saying. My stillness was replaced by even more vigorous shaking and I could feel the tears burn in my eyes. 

“I. was. A. Child.”

 “you’re not anymore, so it’s about time for you to admit what you did.” It was then that I finally started going headfirst into an irreversible full-blown panic attack. My breath was uncontrollable, shaking from head to toe, crying without really knowing how to make it stop. Through it all, I started to fight with him, not too loudly, but loud enough that tables nearby were watching. Harry looked back at where the boys were sitting and then back to me a few times. Finally, he realized it was getting to be too much and he stopped us both by standing up. He gently pulled me so that my knees were facing him and the aisle, my whole body facing him while still sitting on the bench. He was squatting in the aisle, close to the bench with one hand on my thigh and the other brought up to rest on my red cheek. 

“You did nothing wrong and you have nothing to apologize for okay?” I was too out of it to even nod or acknowledge that I could hear him at that point, all I could hear was the scoff from y/e/n across the table as he continued to try and fight with me even though it was clear that right or wrong, I was done for. Through my cloudy tear-filled vision I could see three more familiar figures come over to the table, one standing behind Harry and the other two going to stand on both sides of my ex’s chair. If I hadn’t known who they were I would have assumed that this was a legitimate gang dispute because all of them were dressed in shabby clothing to disguise themselves as much as possible while out at lunch.

 “Harry?” I could hear Liam ask from behind my ex. 

“What do you want us to do?” Harry tore his eyes away from mine for the first time in a few minutes and placed them with a hard glare on my uncle. 

“she was a kid, you were an adult. She cared enough to show up even after you hurt her, she cared enough to show up to a fucking lunch out of the blue, even after she blamed herself for something that wasn’t even remotely her fault. Grow the fuck up and stop bullying someone who is so clearly pure and good. She’s going to go now, and if you ever are lucky enough to see her again, try not to forget how much of an asshole you were to a 17-year-old.” He turned back to Louis and Liam. 

“Can you take her outside, please? Just get her out of here? I’ll meet you out there.” Niall turned to him and placed a hand on his shoulder. 

“What about me?”

 “Stay with me please Niall.” Nialls face got a little more hardened. 

“why?” 

“just in case.” He turned back to me and moved both hands to cup my face again. His forehead pressed to mine for a moment so that he could see my fear dilated pupils. 

“Louis and Liam are going to take you outside but I’ll be there in just a minute, Love, all right? Do you think you can walk?” I couldn’t nod or shake my head, but even if I could, I had no idea what my answer was to his question. Could I walk? I placed a hand on the corner of the table to brace myself and with Harry and Niall’s help I stood up shakily. The second I was upright the spinning in my head doubled and did my breathing. I was practically limp in Harry’s arms as he passed me to Louis and Liam who each placed an arm around me and half carried half dragged me out of the side of the patio where we were eating. I was glad that I couldn’t hear or see Harry from here because I would imagine I didn’t really want to know what he was saying or doing right now. At least Niall would be with him to either stop him from getting into trouble or more likely than that, join him in being in trouble. Better than being alone in it I guess. 

Once we were away from the patio and just in the parking lot by where my car was parked Louis and Liam placed me down on the curb and stood in front of me. I love both of them more than I can say, but they aren’t very good at this sort of thing. Liam just started to get a bit panicked himself and Louis, well, Louis was being Louis. Meaning he was standing above me with his hands on his hips and his lips pursed.

 “Just stop panicking, Las.” Liam turned to him with breathing almost as heavy as my own.

 “oh yeah Louis sure, that’ll help her!” They were now turning to each other arguing in hushed voices about what the best way was to calm me down. 

“Well I don’t know Payno, does it look like I’ve ever done this before?!” 

“you’re trying to tell me that not one of your thousands of siblings has ever been upset before?” 

“breathing let’s try breathing, out through the nose and in through the mouth. Shit! No, I mean, in through the nose out through the mouth!” Liam shouted to me and then elbowed Louis in the stomach. 

“right Tommo?” At this point, I had mostly managed to tune them out which was partly good as I didn't get even more stressed from them being scared but also, maybe if I had listened to their pointless banter it would have distracted me enough to calm down at least a little. Either way, after a few more minutes of banter between the two boys I could faintly see the blurry figures of Niall and Harry rushing towards the curb I was sitting on. Niall moved in front of me with the other two boys, moving them to the side and fishing them while Harry came and sat down on the curb in front of me. 

“I’m back baby, I’m right here. Let's get you into the car yeah?” He was stabilizing himself by holding my knees and then he stood up and picked me up with him, holding one arm under my knees and the other on my back. The boys opened the back seat of the SUV and helped him slide me in before arguing about who was going to drive and where we would be driving in the first place. In the back was me, Harry, and Niall, and up front was Louis driving and Liam directing him on where to go. If I was slightly less incapacitated I would have insisted that Liam drive instead of Louis, but I got nowhere with my breathing still so I was too distracted by panic. I was mostly still on top of Harry, his long arms were surrounding my shaking body in an attempt to calm me down until we could arrive back home and get me some medicine. He leaned down and placed a kiss on my cheek before moving some sweaty hair from my face and whispering to me. 

“it’s all okay now love. He isn’t worth all this'' I was clinging to him so hard I felt like I could have been leaving marks on his arms but he didn’t seem to care in the slightest. As we finally started to get closer to the apartment, though with LA traffic even within sight can be ten to fifteen minutes, my breathing began to calm enough for me to speak. 

“Harry just distract me or something please” I mumbled out weakly, starting to move from shaking and crying to fidgeting on his lap. He moved my hair out of my face and started to sing 

“if I could fly” . He knew that was one of my favorite songs on the new album and that whenever he would be gone I always put that on a mix to help me sleep. He kept running his fingers through my hair while singing softly to me. 

“Are you singing your own song right now Harry?” I heard Louis ask from the driver's seat while Liam turned around and made a face at him. 

“Louis shut up, he’s trying to distract her.” Niall cut in by singing from the window side in the back, harmonizing on top of Harry’s melody.

 “Oh lord you have to be joki-“ as Louis began to protest the under cheesiness that he was being roped into, Liam cut him off by beginning to sing his part of the song as well, it was slowly turning into a beautiful set of stacked harmonies to my favorite song. Louis resisted going with them for less than a minute until it came upon his part of the song and then he joined in somewhat begrudgingly to sing his own part with the boys. By the time the song was finished and the last note had rung out, we arrived in the driveway of the apartment and I felt good enough to breathe for the first time in hours. As a big group, we all walked inside and sat down In the living room together, Harry running off to go get me my pills and then coming back to lay me down on his lap with the boys all around us. I sniffled a little and then sat up with Harry's hand on my back. 

“thank you, really, all of you. I know this probably isn’t what you thought you would be doing today but… it means a lot to me.” Louis looked up at me and smiled. 

“What's that saying las?” He looked around the room for a minute at all the boys and then back to me. 

“It takes a village.”

[sweetcherrymoon22]

You should write more about y/n having anxiety and ticking and Harry comforting herrrr!!

You ask, and I have such a long answer!!!!!

Welcome to part one of a two-part fic all about anxiety and panic. I would like to make the disclaimer that this is purely based off of my own experience and in no way should reflect what other people do in those situations.

part two coming tomorrow!!

tw: anxiety, OCD, Panic, past relationship abuse (very briefly mention and very vague, no physical violence), medication

4.3k

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Part 1

We had only been in LA for a couple of days so far, the beginning of two weeks there for a few shows and a little bit of “time off” where the boys were having some meetings with the label and management while they were in the area. All of the boys have apartments in LA that they bought a while back when their management and label signed to be in LA, so, while we were here we all were back at our own apartments instead of in hotels by a venue. It was sort of nice to be at “home” for a little while, even if the apartment Harry and I were sharing in LA was not nearly as homely as the one in New York or our house in London. After two days of being in the house and going out or ordering in for all of our meals, I decided it was probably high time to get some actual groceries for the fridge so that we could cook something, or even just have a snack because there was not a single morsel of food in the apartment. I had gone out by myself to do the shopping, leaving Harry at home doing god knows what because we both did not feel like being mobbed getting groceries today.

While I was deliberating over the avocados I felt my phone buzz in my pocket and I slid it out to check who had texted me. I had expected it to be Harry adding something to the list, or maybe one of the boys asking if they could come for dinner, but what I found was a name I hadn’t seen or thought of in about five years. I was lucky his number hadn’t been changed because it was still in my contacts from the last time I saw him. A picture of my Ex with his dog beside him made me freeze when I realized it was real. Five years of nothing, no phone calls, no visits, no texts, no emails, no cards. He sent me a single check for a thousand dollars after leaving me with only a note left behind: for that plane ticket you got.

Of course, I had gotten over him. I went to therapy and did the work I needed and then I found Harry and eventually I forgot all of the terrible things that I went through when I was with him. I took a deep breath and threw the two avocados that I had my hands on into a produce bag without thinking about it. I shut my phone off and turned off the ringer, deciding that now was not the time to force myself to look at whatever the hell excuse he had texted me. I moved through the store getting the rest of the items on my list, moving as fast as I could in anticipation of the text, and nervousness to get back to Harry so I could ask him what he thinks about the situation. After I checked out and brought all of the groceries to the back of Harry's black SUV I moved to the driver's seat and sat there for a moment with my hands on the wheel in silence until I brought out my phone. I opened the text without hesitation and saw the barely three-sentence message that I had been panicking about for the past forty-five minutes. 

Heard from your mother that you were in town, sorry for not reaching out earlier. Would love to go out for lunch tomorrow if you have the time. I should explain.

No explanation, no apology, no personal message or nickname. From the absolute lack of care or emotion in it, I would not be surprised to find out that he had told an assistant to send me something while he was running out the door to some corporate meeting. Don’t know why I expected anything different from him. I opened a text to my mother who had apparently divulged my location to the man in the first place.

y/n: Care to explain why y/e/n knows I’m in LA?

Mom: Whoops, forgot to text you about that, he heard the band was performing and wasn’t sure it was you, I merely confirmed what he already suspected.

I sighed and placed my phone on the seat beside me. No use in being mad at anyone for this, it was bound to happen eventually anyway, besides I might as well get it over with. Most likely what will happen is I’ll go to the lunch and if he decides to grace me with his presence at all, he’ll get a salad, ask polite questions, make a few misogynist jokes, pay the bill and I won’t speak to him again for another five years. 

y/n: tomorrow sounds fine, I know a  lunch place in midtown, I can text you the address. If you give me a time I can make the reservation.

Ex: glad you got back to me, one would be perfect for me

This time when I started the car I didn't even bother to play any music for the drive. Not like I would be able to enjoy it or sing along with all the questions now swimming in my head. Even with LA traffic the drive back to Harry and I’s apartment didn’t take much time, I had worried before that anything frozen I got would melt from the mixture of the hot LA sun and the horrible traffic that never seems to let up. When I parked the car in the garage and went to inspect the Ben and Jerrys from a bag in the trunk I was pleased to find that it was still solid in all of its glory. Usually, I would have gone in and requested Harry's help bringing things in from the car, but there were only a few bags, none of which were all that heavy. With two bags on each arm and one in my hand, I managed to walk in the door and set all of the bags on the kitchen table without too much trouble. Upon hearing the sound of the door closing behind me and the rustling of the grocery bags on the counter Harry called out my name from the couch.

 “Hey baby, how was shopping” He was writing an email with his computer on his lap but reached out behind the couch to grab mine. I gave it to him and ran my hand through his hair for a second before walking back to the counter to unload all of the groceries. 

“oh, it was fine. y/e/n texted me while I was there, he wanted to meet me for lunch tomorrow.” I dropped the information causally while opening and closing the cupboards in the kitchen. I must have done it well, too, because it took Harry almost a full minute to practically slam the lid of his computer down and turn 180 on the couch so that he was facing me.

 “he did what?” I shrugged, avoiding eye contact and placing the bananas in a bowl on the edge of the counter. 

“asked me to go for lunch with him tomorrow. Said he wanted to ‘explain’”

 “and what did you say?” 

“I told him yes.” He was quiet for a moment before he placed his computer on the couch cushion next to him and rose from the dark grey square he was sitting on, sauntering over to me and standing directly behind me, trapping me against the counter. What I expected to be a look of jealousy or anger was nothing but a calm and worried stare. Once my belly was pressed into the white granite of the kitchen island he came even closer and wrapped his arms around my middle, arching his back slightly to place his head on my shoulder right at the crook of my neck. I took both of my hands and placed them over his crossed arms around my stomach, not trying to pry him off, but just resting them there for some show of what he was doing. He kissed my neck once tenderly before moving his head up to be resting on top of my own.

 “are you sure that’s a good idea?” I knew what he was talking about but a part of me felt like playing the long game. 

“what do you mean?” He was patient and still while he responded, not a hint of annoyance at my unwillingness to get to the point of the matter. 

“going to lunch with him, are you sure that’s a good idea, especially after what happened the last few times you saw him.”

 “I don’t know what you mean.” He groaned by my head and flipped me around so that his arms were still around me, but now my back was pressed against the island and my hands were resting on his forearms. 

“y/n/n… at least let me come with you.” I shook my head adamantly and tightened my grip on his arms. 

“no. no, this is something I need to do by myself. I need to show him that I’m not some weak little girl he can push around anymore.” Harry brushed a stray bit of hair from my face and tilted his head down so that he could look me in the eye. 

“baby, you don’t need to prove anything to him. If anything he is the one that should be proving something to you. He practically pushed you into a nervous breakdown love, just after-“ 

“I don’t want to talk about that.” I wrenched myself out of his arms when I started to feel myself getting shaky and nervous at the mere mention of what had happened the last time I was near that man. Normally I can talk about anything with Harry. He makes me feel safe and loved, and he has never once pushed me past what he knows I feel uncomfortable with. He waits and pays attention until he knows that I can talk about something without it being scary or nerve-wracking. But this was the one thing. This was just something I didn’t talk about, hell I tried not to even think about it after it was finished. I stormed off into our bedroom knowing that he wasn’t far behind. The second I got there I couldn’t help but think about the event Harry had unknowingly brought up. I had told him once in passing what had happened that day, but I never really explained how much of an impact it had on me. I crumbled on the floor just in front of the bed and slid until my head was in my hands which were resting on my bent knees pointing towards the sky. Tears started to fall down my face and dribble all the way to my crooked elbows. I could faintly hear the distant sound of Harry's footfalls coming up the stairs and down the hallway to our room, but I was too lost to the world now to think about what that meant or do anything to change how I looked or felt. Our oak door creaked as he pushed it open, I hadn’t even latched the door closed when I came in so quickly and fell to the floor. He took one hesitant step into the room and then stopped. 

“I’m sorry” he whispered, sounding guilty, it wasn’t really his fault, I think he just wasn’t sure what happened. In Harry's mind, any time anyone cries near him or in front of him, it’s worth an apology. Maybe not one on his behalf, but on behalf of whoever hurt them. 

“it wasn’t you.” I sniffled out and kept my head in my hands, nervously running my hands through my hair in an effort to keep my frantic fidgeting at bay. He took a few more steps into the room and then slid down onto the floor next to me, careful not to touch me just in case it would make things worse.

 “Do you need me to do something?” I shook my head and tried to focus on the movements I could do, tapping my leg, cracking my knuckles, running my hand through my hair. Any little movement that I could do without actually standing up to move and alarming Harry was what I was doing.

 “Can I give you a hug?” I shook my head again. I tried not to feel bad about it, I’m sure he knew and understood why I couldn’t have a hug right now, but still, I felt a little bad for rejecting something I normally craved so much. When I’m panicking within myself so much like this, trapped within a flood of thoughts and emotions in my own mind, the feeling and even the thought of being physically trapped in someone's arms is nauseating.

 “Do you want to try taking a walk?” He had started to notice how I was not just shaking with nerves but shaking with a need, an intent.

 “no. Maybe. I don’t know” There were so many things happening in my brain all at once that I couldn’t figure out what to address first. All of the questions he proposed just added to the clutter and confusion even though he meant to help. He stopped asking me questions and just sat next to me for a minute. At first, I appreciated the silence he was giving me. It made my brain feel a little less cluttered like I had more room to figure out what thought to focus on first. That didn’t last long though. After a few minutes of scouring my thoughts to find something to start with, my own brain became a battle zone of crossing wires and half-finished arguments with myself that will never even come to fruition. My breathing picked up, as did my fidgeting. I was practically vibrating from all of my little movements and hyperventilation. I could feel the veins in my neck start to stand out from the strain of breathing, my head was pounding and the only sound I could hear was the rushing of blood in my ears. 

“y/n/n?” He turned to face me dead on when he saw my chest rising and falling faster than I could control. I was so deep in my own mind and lost in the sound of the blood rushing to my head that I didn’t hear or respond to him. He moved, still being careful not to touch me, so that he was facing me, kneeling on the carpet half a foot in front of me. He could see my skin begin to get paler and paler with the lack of oxygen staying in my body.

 “y/n you need to breathe” it went on like that for a minute. He pleaded with me to calm down, tried to count with me, name the things around us, played music, sang to me, anything he could think of to get me to even out my breaths in the hope that eventually I would calm myself down and tire myself out enough to fall asleep. But none of it worked. Half of the things he said didn’t even reach me because of how loud it was inside of my own brain, the other half just were slightly depressing attempts at distracting me for long enough to figure something else out. Finally, he gave up the natural tries.

 “I really don’t want you to pass out so I’m going to go get the meds baby.” I couldn’t speak enough to protest so I figured he must be right. I hated being medicated, but I think I would hate passing out in front of him even more, so the lesser of two evils I suppose. He got up and walked calmly to the door, but the second he was out into the hall I could hear his footsteps become more frantic. Less than two minutes later I heard his feet on the floor again as he rushed back into the room. Again I heard his feet slow the second he got into the room, not wanting to scare me any more than I already was. He kneeled a little closer to me this time, holding a small pill and a glass of water in his large hands. 

“Do you need help taking it?” I shook my head and held out a hand. He dropped the small white pill into my palm first, waiting for me to toss it into the back of my mouth before handing me the glass of cold water that I took a swig from. Once the pill was down and the glass of water had been drained I timidly held out a shaky hand while I waited for the medicine to take effect. Harry looked down at my shaking hand for a moment before taking it in his own and kissing it. He didn’t say anything, but continued to hold my hand in his much larger one until about ten minutes went by and I gave his hand three strong squeezes. 

“you good? Is it working?” I nodded

 “yeah. Yeah, it's definitely moving along” He let go of my hand in order to stand, and then once he was standing he handed me a pair of shorts and his t-shirt from his side of the bed. My hands were still a little shaky and the drug had almost taken full effect so he helped me slide my jeans and sweater off and then slide his giant shirt over my head and shoulders. Once I was dressed he held out both of his hands for me to take.

 “mmm, nope, think you’ll need to carry me.” I mumbled sleepily and looked up at him with a sheepish smile. 

“really? Worked that quick? All right then.” He crouched down to take me into his arms and did so with little effort. I slung my hands around the back of his neck and tried not to go completely limp in his arms. That was the thing I hated about the medication so much. Although it certainly calms me down enough to make the panic attack stop, it also means that it shuts down my body and brain in the process. He carefully lowered me onto the bed and helped me slide myself under our blankets. He took my glasses off of my head and folded them, placing them on the bedside table to my right. As he was about to walk away I grabbed his hand. 

“don’t go. Please.” He smiled down at me and gave my hand a few squeezes. 

“not going anywhere baby, I promise.” I reluctantly let go of his hand and he stripped himself of his remaining clothes before climbing into the bed beside me in only his boxers. Once we were side by side in the bed he pulled me into him so that I was nuzzled into his chest with his arms wrapped all the way around me. 

“he really fucked me up, huh.” He gave an airy laugh into my head that was sadder than anything else.

 “eh, maybe a little. Are you going to tell me why?” I waited a minute and listened to his heartbeat under my head, considering my options before spilling all my tales of woe. I could just stay silent, close my eyes and pretend that I had fallen asleep. Or I could change the subject ask him what he did today, but I doubt he would fall for that one. Or I suppose I could just tell him the truth. Maybe that was just the medication talking but for some reason that seemed like the decision I was leaning towards.

 “Soph?” 

“hmm?” I hummed into his chest, still considering my options carefully.

 “are you going to tell me what happened with him?” I sighed. The third option it is. 

“yeah, yeah, just don’t know where to start really. I guess it started when we first got together, I just never noticed how sad I was until he left. I guess a part of me always knew that what he was doing wasn't right, I just couldn't do anything about it. Until I started talking with y/bff/n again and realized how much of an idiot I had been to let him convince me that everything he did was my fault. I held some weird reverence for him even when he let me down time after time.” Harry started to run a hand through my hair. I felt weirdly distant from the story that at any other moment would have sent me spiraling into a panic attack, the joys of antidepressants I suppose. 

“once I realized how fucked up it all was I tried to confront him about it. Not just him and how horrible he was, how much pain he caused me, but just how this one person managed to create some irreparable rift inside myself to the point where I was practically doing his work for him. When I decided to leave him I hadn't told anyone.Not that I didn't want to, just that I felt it had to be my decision, I had to be the one to leave, to take something from him for once. The first thing he did was refuse to leave. He said that I was being too tough and that he would never do things like that. I tried to explain how I had been feeling, I thought that maybe the part of him I had fallen in love with so long ago would understand. And then suddenly I couldn't breathe. Not because he had touched me but because he had gotten so, so close to it. I don't know what stopped him that night but I didn't care. Eventually he put his hand back down to his side. He slept on the couch but I was so shocked I didn't even think to call the police, or my mom, or anyone, I just went to bed. The next morning was strangely calm, I spent as little time with him as I possibly could, and then just before he left he started talking some shit in the kitchen within earshot of me and I sort of lost it.”  He stayed quiet through my story, every once in a while moving his large hands to rub some other part of me, but just staying calm and still like he was afraid any movement would scare me off.

 “I don’t remember everything that was said, but I do remember that I was crying, my hands were shaking, he was laughing at me, I called him an asshole to his face about three times, by the end of it I was shaking with what I thought at first was rage. But it wasn’t.” He spoke for the first time, 

“it was a panic attack.” I nodded into his warm chest and took a deep breath to remind myself that I could. 

“yeah. It wasn’t my first ever, but I hadn’t really thought it was in issue yet. So basically he ended up causing me to go into a manic state that I had no one to help me with and then he left. We didn’t talk again except for that note he left in the kitchen. Not until a few months later. He showed up at my college graduation which I was terrified of as it was, and effectively told me that it was my fault he left. I blamed myself for all of that anyway so him telling me that in my mind just solidified it.”

 “you know that wasn’t-“ 

“I know, I know, but I was young and terrified and upset. I was dealing with OCD and Anxiety, and ADHD all on my own without anyone to help me, I was newly on my own, I didn’t have a boyfriend, I had maybe one or two close friends, I was barely speaking to my family, so I believed him because I didn’t know what else to do.” 

“Then why would you go tomorrow? Why would you put yourself through that pain? When he has already hurt you just from the memory?” He was trying very hard not to sound upset, I could tell, but his words showed it anyways. I took a hand and stroked his arm while I explained to him.

 “ I need to prove to myself that I’m not that person anymore. I need to show him that he’s in the wrong, or maybe make some peace with what happened.” He was quiet for another moment until he took my hand in his. 

“Then at least let me come with you.” 

“No. This is something I have to do by myself. I love you and I am so happy that I have someone like you to support me like this, but I need to learn how to be strong for myself sometimes. Besides, I made the lunch close enough to soundcheck that if anything happens I can just make the excuse that I need to get to work and I can leave and go straight to you.”

 “I'm just worried.”

 “I know. So am I. But I promise I will keep my phone on and I will text you every chance I get and then when I leave I will go straight to sound check so I can see you and the boys. I’ll be okay.” 

“you promise?” 

“promise” We were both silent for a few more minutes until my breathing evened out and slowed, my eyes closing from the toll of a panic attack and heavy medication. As I started to fall asleep with his heartbeat in my ears and my arms wrapped around him I heard his sleepy voice murmur in my ear. 

“I love you.”

[sweetcherrymoon22]

could you do a blurb where harry gets bus sick and y/n babies himmmmn

Hell yeah, I can!!! thank you so much for being the first ask I have received, I hope you like it!!!

tw: vomit

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“Harry, we have a five-hour drive ahead of us, are you absolutely sure that you don't want to take something just in case?” He looked at me as if he were offended by my caution.

“Absolutely sure, I have not gotten car sick or bus sick since I was like a baby!” 

-----

And boy did we both regret that choice later on. The drive itself was beautiful, the lovely English countryside and only a little bit of highway at all. The smell of vomit, however, was very much, not lovely. 

“Haz?” I knocked on the door of the bus bathroom again but heard only the sad sounds of retching behind it. 

“Harry? Sweetheart just let me in so I can help you” A muffled groan came out before a dramatic,

“I can't let you see me like this, I'm disgusting!” A sigh came from every single person on the bus. Paul walked up to the back and tried his hand at getting him to open up the door.

“Harry, I'll give you three minutes before this lock is coming off” another sigh, this time only from me. 

“You wouldn't dare!” he mumbled still on the other side. Eventually, once the retching had quieted and the faucet could be heard along with an ungodly amount of gurgling, he unlocked the door, but still didn't come out.

“Soph?” I had been sitting on the couch just next to the door, waiting for him to say something for about thirty minutes now.

“Right here baby”

“You can come in now” I quickly gathered myself and all of the necessary supplies and dove into the bathroom before he could refuse me entry once again. He was sitting on the floor in the cramped space, knees up to accommodate his long legs and his head resting on them, facing me. I placed the large jug of ginger ale that I had brought underneath the sink and sank down next to him on the floor. Gently I scooted closer until our sides were touching and mirrored his image exactly so that we were face to face. I'll have to admit his breath was atrocious but all I cared about was that he was sick and had finally let me help him. Still with my head on my knees and facing him, I moved one hand to brush the sweaty hair out of his eyes.

“Thanks”

“Anything for you, rockstar” He let out a dry chuckle but then went silent again, a dark shadow passing over his face as blood rushed to his ears and-

“Out”

“Harry, this is not the first time that I have seen someone puke, just let me help you” I'm sure he would have responded with something embarrassing for the both of us in order to get me out of the room, but he had no time to speak before lurching forward and grasping the sides of the toilet with his clammy hands. Right away I was kneeling beside him, rubbing his back with on hand and frantically grabbing at the headband I had brought with me to hold his hair back. The second he gained reprieve from his heaving I slid the band on and pushed it up so that I could at least see his face. There were drops of tears in his eyes from the effort and an uncontrollable frown made its way onto my face.

“My poor boy” he leaned back again, heaving gone for the moment.

“I feel like shit”

“I know baby, I'm so sorry. But I'm here now, I'll make it go away”

“Do you still love me even though I'm gross and I threw up in front of you?” I laughed and sank back down next to him with a toothbrush in my hand.

“Always and forever, love” he began brushing his teeth as I pulled out a plastic cup with ginger ale and a small packet of crackers before he could take some medicine. With the toothbrush still in his mouth, he brought his green eyes into the perfect puppy dog stare.

“Even though I didn't listen to you and I should have?” I laughed again and kissed his forehead

“Even though you didn't listen baby.”

[sweetcherrymoon22]

Tattoo Roulette

a/n: I'm finally back on track! here's another shortie with a slight bit of spice!

same universe, medic!y/n and today Lhh

1.6k short but sweet

fluff, based on the tattoo roulette one direction video, slight spice towards the end, super mild

tw: tattoos, sex alluded, slight pain kink alluded

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 I always love being on James' show. I of course am not actually on it, but because whenever the boys go on they always have a small performance afterward so I get to come along with them and sit in the audience while they do whatever they need before the show. James is actually friends with all of the boys and I have had dinner with him quite a few times, not to mention Harry and I have babysat for him on a few occasions. He is a wonderfully sweet guy and truly a comedic mastermind when it comes to things like making up games for his show or anything like that. It's always a treat to see what he is going to have the boys do for him. 

I was with the boys backstage in their dressing room before they were about to go on stage, just grabbing Harry's ring to place on my necklace before I went out to my seat. Harry was looking very handsome tonight in his dark blue button-up (that was not really all that buttoned) and a suit jacket. His hair was starting to get so long that he was constantly moving it out of his face now. 

“Haz do you just want me to put it up?” I noticed him flipping it out of his face as I was about to leave for my seat.

 “No, no, it needs to flow!” I giggled at him but agreed and went to take my seat. I was right up towards the front with a wonderful view of the boys and James sat right in front of me. Paul and Lou were on either side of me watching as well and laughing at all of their jokes. A few times Haz would look over at me and smile, doing a not-so-discreet nose scrunch at me when he moved his hair out of his face, clearly regretting not letting me put it up for him before. Finally, they had finished at his desk and went for a break before the “game” section of the show would start. While the cameras weren't rolling James walked over to say hello to me with Harry following closely behind him. 

“Looking lovely tonight, y/n, as always.” I laughed and gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

 “Such a gentleman James. What do you have in store for my boys tonight?” He smiled at me and wagged a finger back and forth. 

“You'll just have to wait and see like the rest of them!” The crew called them back and Haz gave me a kiss on the cheek before he went back to the stage to join the other three boys standing there nervously. As James introduced the game I swear I almost thought he was joking. It was pretty unlike James to put himself in a situation where he could actually end up doing something as crazy as getting a tattoo, but it was clear he was not joking as the boys went to stand with their boxes on the other side of the room. I could see poor Niall's hands shaking from across the room, the boy hated the idea of getting a tattoo. Most of the other boys were unbothered by the idea, Harry, Liam, and Louis had all gotten them before and at this point (especially for Harry and Louis) it would just be another to add to the growing collection. I had been with Harry when he got tattoos before, as we have a couple of matching/corresponding ones we got together and I just go with him when he gets them. It's a whole event that we get to make a fun night out of. I wouldn't necessarily say that Harry has a “pain kink” but I will say this: getting tattoos turns him on. I don’t think it's actually the pain that does it, just something about that particular feeling is very enticing to him, it's similar to the high he sometimes gets after a big show on tour. The lighting turned to red on James as he was about to open his box, and he was taking a long time. 

“James?” Harry was standing right next to him trying to encourage him. 

“Harold?” 

“open the box” after a minute James did, in fact, open the box, to reveal the blue “safe” on the inside. The only two left were Harry and Niall. Poor Niall was becoming visibly more of a nervous wreck with each box that was opened and declared “safe”. I got Harry’s attention and attempted to sign Niall's name to him, eventually, he nodded before walking over and giving Niall a hug, trying to calm him. He whispered something in his ear though I couldn't tell what as he went back to his own box and got ready to open it. Although before I hadn't thought about it at all, now I was starting to get nervous as the red lights turned to Harry. 

“Very intimidating that light.” I heard him say and he moved his hair out of his face one last time before quickly sliding open the box. My breath got caught in my throat as Niall and James both erupted in screams and the buzzer went off to confirm that Harry was the one. He looked at me with a smirk on his face and shrugged before James opened Niall's box just to be sure and the show went into another commercial break. As they did the tattoo artist was brought back on stage and Harry walked over to me. 

“You want to come closer to watch?” He still had that smirk on his face and I nodded but looked closer to where the artist was setting up, there were no seats anywhere near there.

 “Haz, there are no seats over there.” His smirk got even bigger and I could see the little glint in his green eyes. 

“I know. I want you to sit right next to me.” For a moment I legitimately thought he was joking but then I saw James ask someone to get me a chair and suddenly there I was, sat right next to Harry on camera praying to god I didn’t look too stupid. The cameras came on with me on the other side of them this time as James asked Harry where he was going to get it. 

“I'm not sure, didn't really think about that before, to be honest, what do you think y/n/n, you get the final say.” I smiled at him and pretended to think for a moment. 

“There's a bit of a blank space right below our heart” He took off his jacket and one of the cameras came over to do a side by side of one of our matching tattoos, our “heart on our sleeve” we got a couple of years ago together. Just as I remembered there was a little patch of no ink below the heart, right above the crease of his elbow. We agreed it was as good a place as any and the artist went to work with Harry's arm outstretched and his other resting on my leg, squeezing occasionally. The entire time he looked right into my eyes while he was getting it and I could see his pupils get progressively larger and larger with every passing second. Something else was also getting larger and larger with every second, though I prayed I was the only one who noticed. I raised my eyebrows at him and the look he gave back to me sent a nice chill down my spine. He was finished quickly, and to my surprise, I actually liked the little tattoo added in the blank space. It was small but fitting for the mess of little tattoos around that part of his arm. His pupils were still blown when he made a joke to the camera about being a little woozy before they turned away while the boys got ready to do a song. 

He was in fact a little woozy so I handed him some water to drink while I helped him with his in-ear and mic. I was fitting the linear/mic box into the back pocket of his pants while he was taking little sips of water. Liam walked over to us and made sure his mic was all set before he leaned in close to me and said,

 “not the first time I've seen Harry's eyes go like that you know.” He was referring clearly to the time he walked in on me and Harry in a hotel room (inevitable when you live with that many boys and your boyfriend for so long) and I swatted away at him. 

“None of that Payno! It was one time!” he was walking away and dragging Harry along with him as he responded. 

“And I'll never let you lot forget it!”. They went off to do the songs they had planned on and Harry and placed his jacket back on over the tattoo. He kept his arm out relatively straight for most of the first song even while he moved the other one around so I signed to him: how's it feeling?. 

He signed back to me: arms fine, something else hurts.  I could feel my cheeks go bright red. I could only thank my lucky stars that they weren't doing no control tonight as they had originally planned and that we would soon be done with no after-party until tomorrow. Just a few more minutes and Harry would be dragging my arm out the door and back to our shared hotel room, hopefully, this time with no intruding band members to interrupt our fun.

[sweetcherrymoon22]

Headaches In Milan

a/n: so this was definitely later than I meant it to be! Sorry, I totally disappeared for a while, but I'm back now and here to stay! I have posts scheduled for every other day for the next couple of weeks so stay tuned for some good times!!

same universe with Medic!y/n

1.4k (a shortie) fluff, comfort, humor, behind the scenes of Milan movie shooting

tw: headaches?

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The planning of this tour and the filming in Milan had been in the works for a very long time. From before we had even left for tour we knew that one of the shows would be filmed and made into a short movie, it was about three months before we left for tour (fourth months before the concert in Milan) that we found out which one exactly was being filmed. Normally, while all the other staff gets worried when the boys are messing around during rehearsals I take it in stride. I never have any issue with them goofing around because I know that in the end they always get the job done and do wonderfully. That is, except for the week leading up to the filmed show. I hadn't expected it to be any different in my mind than any other, but the thing is, even if it was the same as any other show on tour in my mind, the reality was just so much different. 

With the amount of extra work I had to put in so that everything was perfect, not to mention the amount of work I was helping everyone else with and my regular jobs on tour, I was starting to go crazy. The boys had noticed how busy I was a few days before we got to Milan. While they were all enjoying themselves like usual on the bus I was working the entire time. It wasn't too bad just yet though, I was still sure everything would be fine, I wasn't too stressed or concerned, more just busy with all of the different things I was trying to arrange. That all changed once we actually made it to Milan and had three days to set up for the filming of the show. My general busyness turned into sleepless nights staying up working and days full of more work and more stress. By the time we had gotten to the day before the concert, almost everything was set up, but I had barely slept in two days and had only eaten a muffin with my coffee this morning. The stress of it all was starting to get to me and suddenly even the large amount of caffeine I was drinking couldn't keep the raging migraine I felt at bay. I was chewing on my cheek in pain while everyone walked around the venue casually. There were no rehearsals or interviews or anything today, we all agreed that it would be better just to have the day “off” and hang out at the venue, fixing anything we needed to and living for the moment in the calm before the storm. Even though there was no real work to do I still was walking all around the venue through my migraine, looking around and triple checking every bit of equipment I found on my walk. Harry jogged up from behind me and snaked his arms around my waist, placing his head on my shoulder as I rubbed my head. 

“You all right love? I can feel the stress coming off of you.” I moved my hands to be on his and turned around so that my face was in his chest.

 “Stress? What stress?” He laughed and kissed the top of my head before holding me out at arm's length and taking my hand. He could see clearly in my face that I was in pain and his eyebrows knit tightly together. 

“How about you and I go to the bus and take a quick nap, huh? You look like you could use it.” 

“I don't know Haz, there's a lot I have to check and make sure-” he stopped me by pulling me along by the hand towards the bus. 

“Haz really, I don't think-” He stopped pulling me as we entered the part of the venue where our bus is parked and turned around to look at me. He took both of my hands in his again. 

“y/n, look at me. You've done great, you have already triple-checked everything and it's all going to go amazingly, now I can see by the look in your eyes you haven't slept and you probably have a raging migraine so just let me take care of you for once yeah?” I sighed but let him lead me onto the bus. He was right, I had checked everything dozens of times and I did have a migraine. I sat down on the couch in the main part of the bus and Haz went to get me a glass of water and some painkillers. By the time he got back to me with both in hand, I felt like my head was about to explode. All the stress and exhaustion and pain of the past week finally got to me. Seconds after I took the pills I let out a tear. 

“Hey, hey, what's wrong?” I started blubbering like a baby into his chest. 

“My head hurts, and I'm tired, and I'm stressed, and there is so much to do and-” I went on and on for a few minutes before I finally calmed down. I wasn't crying anymore, though I had practically thrown myself into Harry. My head still hurt horribly, the painkillers hadn't even made a dent. 

“What can I do love?” he asked me softly and stroked my hair. I shrugged into him. 

“I'm so tired Haz, but I can't sleep because my damn head hurts so bad.” he continued to run his hands through my hair and then he moved so that we were laying down on the couch, I was curled into his chest and he wrapped his arms around me, placing kisses on my forehead. He kept on stroking my hair for about an hour but still, I couldn't fall asleep because of how much my head hurt. I was crying again now, not dramatically like before, just a constant stream of silent tears because I was so tired and my head hurt so much. Finally, Harry decided to do his last-ditch effort at helping me go to sleep. He took off his shirt so that my face was now flush against his chest, he placed my weighted blanket over the two of us, had one hand rubbing my back, the other stroking my hair, and then he began to sing. It wasn't something I had heard before. Might have just been something he was making up on the spot. I couldn't tell you what the words were but it had a sweet soft melody. It still took a little bit of that for me to fall asleep but when I did he could feel the tension leave my body and my breaths slow. He still didn't stop stroking my hair or singing, he kept going just in case it would wake me if he stopped. 

When the boys walked in an hour later to grab some things from the bus Harry frantically waved one hand at them, trying to get them off the bus. Finally, one of them saw me asleep under the big blanket, clinging to Harry's bare chest, and told the others to shut up. 

“Took me nearly three full hours to get her to sleep!” Harry whispered to them as they all sat down on the couch opposite us. 

“Jesus mate what was she on, cocaine?” Louis laughed and a few of the other boys along with him.

 “Oi! She's been working her adorable little ass off so that everything goes good for our dumb asses tomorrow night.” Harry said louder than he meant to and then when I stirred a little though not waking up he hummed a little of the song from before.

 “Just behave now, would you? At least until tomorrow night?” they all nodded at him. 

“Sorry little las.” Louis whispered to me even though I was asleep. The other boys all left the bus quietly, promising to behave themselves and not cause any more stress for me. Eventually, even though it was early we didn't have to get up tomorrow Harry decided that my sleep just looked so comfortable he might try it himself. He pulled me closer to him and placed his head on top of mine and within minutes the both of us were passed out in the parking lot of the biggest venue we had ever been to. But it was still just the same old us, asleep on the same old bus, the only difference being a bit of a headache.

[sweetcherrymoon22]

A Nervous Tic kind of Day

a/n: Hey everyone!!! thanks for all the love on my first post and welcome to an official posting streak. This one is close to my heart and a little more recent than the last one, I hope you enjoy it!

still with Medic!y/n

2.4k fluff, comfort, angst 

tw: anxiety, ADHD, medication, crying, one swear

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Sometimes you just get nervous. That’s part of having anxiety. Sometimes no matter what’s happening or how happy you are or what’s going right in your life, you just have days where you’re nervous. It sucks, but eventually, you get used to it. You get used to the awkward conversations and the explanations over why you can’t go out today or why your knee is making the table shake. You try to ignore the people that are staring at you in line, reminding yourself that they don’t even know you, even though your brain will tell you that they do. The only thing that makes these days a little easier is when you have someone to go through them with. 

One of the first things that made me realize Harry was going to be different from the other men I had dated was the fact that I was so comfortable with him physically so soon in our relationship. For a lot of people, it can take months if not years for me to even be able to give them a short hug without feeling all uncomfortable afterward. But with Harry that was never an issue, it was barely something that crossed my mind when it came to spending time with him. This is also something that made it so much easier for him to be able to comfort me later on in our relationship. Instead of comforting me by words (or attempting to anyway), he is one of the only people in my life that could see my knee bouncing, and stop it simply by placing his hand on my leg. 

When I woke up this morning and immediately opened my eyes to a blaring alarm I knew I was in for a long day. By the time I was dressed and downstairs Harry had probably been up for hours, letting me sleep in as long as possible before we had to go to meetings all day. Meeting days have always sucked to be a part of. Not because they are too boring (though they can be very slow) or because I don’t like the people there, but just being in a setting like that with the people that sign my paychecks and allow me to do everything that I do with my best friends in the world, is just a setup for anxiety. 

“love you want coffee or no?” Harry asked as soon as he saw me bouncing down the stairs to put my shoes on quickly. I hesitated for a moment, knowing that I really shouldn’t, but the exhaustion deep in my bones was saying otherwise. 

“yeah love I would, just some ice and-“ 

“Ice, almond milk, and a bit of maple syrup, I know love.” He smiled at me while I was throwing on my shoes. I was dressed decently enough that it was perfect for meetings with supervisors and tour managers and all that, but still comfortable enough that sitting in this outfit all day wouldn’t bother me one bit. Harry of course was wearing skinny jeans and a white t-shirt with his vans because he is technically in charge of everything else going on so he doesn’t need to think about whether he is being formal enough. Finally, with shoes on, bags, and coffees in hand, Harry and I left the house in the SUV and headed into London for our first meeting. One good thing about being with someone at the level of fame that Harry has is that usually when we both have to go to meetings and such, not only are they all going to be in the same building for security reasons, but he also usually gets to sit right beside me if he likes, there is no separating us for the meeting on different sides of the table or any shit like that. Every time someone from management has tried to tell him to sit with the boys, or next to a sponsor or something like that he always refuses, “s’not school anymore, no assigned seating far as I can tell” and then sits beside me. 

Today we might not even have to move rooms for the different meetings which would be nice I suppose, though sometimes at least a change of scenery can help with my running brain and fidgety limbs. Before I had enough caffeine in my system to be awake, I found myself sitting at the far end of a large mahogany table, spinning black office chairs all around it with only a few empty. Harry was sat on my left, to my right was the very edge of the table and then the head where no one ever seemed to sit. At least that could help with the nervousness a little bit, the only person to sit beside and have to think about would be Harry, I tried to keep that in mind. Harry first, everyone else comes later. 

As the chairs started to fill in and my brain fog finally lifted I could start to become conscious enough to know that both of my legs were bouncing under the table and my hands were sitting on my thighs, the skin on the edge of my fingers raw from being picked at. I put my hands on top of the table when I noticed, at least making it more visible for me and others so that I won’t keep doing it. Or at least, that’s the hope. It seemed there was nothing to do about my tapping legs or my racing mind however because the second the meeting had begun every single thought in my brain seemed to speed up and come to the front so all of the sudden I was left staring into space trying to sort them all out. 

“and I think that actually, it might be nice to hire another-“ Harry placed his hand on my leg while a woman from across the table spoke. He leaned over into my ear 

“s’all right love, we’ll have a break in a minute, yeah?” I nodded meekly but didn’t want to speak aloud in case someone heard. He kept his hand on my leg to relax it and moved the other up to take one of my hands from the table and place it over his thigh, keeping them there together so that my movement was restricted. If anyone else had tried this I would have either gone straight into a panic attack or would have more likely screamed at them for being an imbecile. But not Harry. For some reason, he can do barely anything but place a large tattooed hand on me and that’s all it takes for me to be cured. He’s my miracle worker.

 “Alright, we’ll break for some lunch and all meet back here around 1:30, sound good?” There was a mumbling agreement and all but two of the black office chairs spun around as people got up and left to go get lunch or use the bathroom in the short little break they had given us from their incessant talking. 

“What's going on, love? Ye’ tappin’ so fast you’d be fit for a marathon.” He laughed a little making his tone more lighthearted but I could still see the concern in his eyes. 

“I don't know, just having one of those days.” We spun our chairs a little away from the table once everyone else had left the room, both of his hands were on my legs and he was letting mine fidget with the rings on his tanned hands while we spoke. 

“something upset ya?” I kept my vision on his little cross. 

“no, I just feel so fidgety today, like I can’t stop moving or something. I’m not even that nervous, I’m just frustrated.” He took one hand away from my leg to place it on my chin and lift my head so that I was forced to look at him.

 “but you promise you’d tell me if something was wrong, yeah?” I nodded as best as I could with his hand still holding my head. He saw it but still held there for a moment before moving the hand from my chin to cupping my cheek, stroking the skin there with the pad of his thumb before pulling my chair in with one leg and kissing the top of my head. 

“Well, let's go get some food in you, and besides, poor Niall looked like he was fidgeting bad too, guess these meeting days are hard for some.” After we managed to thread our way around the halls to a vending machine and a few people standing around it we ran into Niall waiting there for a cup of coffee from the machine. I looked at him and then at the machine back and forth a few times. 

“do you honestly think that’s the best idea?” He glanced back at me and nodded. 

“Forgot to bring my meds to London.” 

“I have some.” 

“you have my meds? Why do you have my meds?” I laughed and Harry looked down at me while we were still standing with his arm around my back, side to side.

 “Do you forget what my job is?” He grabbed the now full cup of coffee and held it in his hand for a moment, losing at it longingly before handing it to Harry.

 “guess you're right, besides if I’m going to have to sit still for another four hours to talk about what color we want as the trim for the next stage I’m going to need some drugs.” Even though we were able to walk around the building it still felt a little like we were caged animals trying to escape every time we left the board room. There were only a few floors in the building that had anything on them but more boardrooms and offices, and we didn’t think leaving would be a good idea if we wanted to keep our heads. 

Eventually, we found some snacks and ate them in an empty room together before heading back to the big mahogany table where dreams go to die. This time when we sat back down Harry didn’t even have a moment's pause before hooking my leg with his ankle to pull my chair closer and taking my hands in his on his lap. I looked up at him with a little smile, thankful for all he was doing to help me today. 

“Thank you.” I whispered to him as people started to file back into the room to continue our meeting. He looked down and stared at my eyes for a minute before kissing me on the forehead. 

“you can thank me after we get to leave this bloody meeting” 

-----

Contrary to all of our beliefs there was in fact five more hours of meeting, not three, and I had to give Niall more meds twice just to be able to control the shaking of the table from the two of us bouncing our knees so badly. But eventually, after the sun had set and what was a beautiful day was gone and done with, we all filed into the elevator with Paul and then into our cars and headed home. By the time we had gotten home and eaten some real food, it was already nearing eleven. Haz and I headed up to our bed and did our usual reading for a while before he abruptly grabbed my bookmark and placed it in my book after putting his own down on his bedside table. 

“yes?” I asked him as he was staring at me while laying on his side. 

“ You need help relaxing.” I raised my eyebrows at him and gestured to the book. 

“thanks Bub, but I think the book was helping so-“ as I reached back for the book he shook his head at me and pulled my hand away. 

“baby, you were picking at your fingers that entire time.” 

“oh”

 I sat there for a minute in silence, not quite sure what the next step was going to be. It wasn’t like this would be the first time Harry would be helping me to relax before bed or anything like that, but it never gets easier for me to ask someone for help. Especially not with something that I felt so ashamed of. He took a hand and placed it under my chin before moving my head up slightly to look at him. 

“you know that it's okay to ask for my help yeah? That’s what this is, right poppet? You help me when I get scared before stage or when I’m sick. So let me help you with this okay?” While he said it I was looking into his eyes. Even though most of my brain is telling me what he said isn't true, I know that I need to start believing it. So even as a single tear slips out of my eyes I nod anyway and turn over to place my head on his chest. He turned off the lights and shuffled around so that my whole body was encapsulated in his grasp. He started to move one hand in my hair, running it through over and over while the other one did calculated circles on my back. After a few minutes of doing that in silence, he could feel my body start to tense up as I got fidgety from the lack of movement.

 “shhh, don’t pay attention to it, okay? Just pay attention to me.” The hand on my back went to doing larger and slower circles with a little more pressure, every single touch taking a second of my attention away from the itching feeling I had to move. 

“It'll pass baby, just give it a second.” He spoke softly and almost directly in my ear. Eventually, whether from his iron grip on my body, forcing me to stay still, or the sound of his familiar voice, my eyes started to flutter close. 

“Let it happen, love, I’m right here, nothings going to go wrong” he kept speaking and rubbing my back while my eyes closed, the dark only getting marginally more so from my head being pressed into his chest. I know he kept speaking after I closed my eyes but I only heard a few words here and there. 

“Sleep, I’m not going anywhere, you’ll be just fine.”

[sweetcherrymoon22]

Chest Pains

A/N: My first real post!!! so excited to share my writing with you. do keep in mind that I am starting with some of my much older work. Still worth the read but a little farther down memory lane and definitly in need of some cringe editing.

1.1k of fluff with slight angst/concern

tw: medical, pain, concern

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The time that Harry had chest pain on stage was a little scary. It was scarier for him than I think it was for me, just because he was clueless as to what was happening to him while I knew right away what was going on. He was on stage and had been feeling pretty okay (just the normal exhaustion that comes from being on stage) when in the middle of one of his favorite songs I noticed that he skimped out on a note. The first thing I always look-or listen- for if I think something is wrong with one of the boys, is their voice. The way they are singing can really tell a lot about how they are feeling that day, which is one of the reasons I always notice when the sound is slightly off or different than usual. Harry started to run out of breath so I motioned to Louis to take over his solo and told the sound booth to raise the volume on both Louis and Harry's mic. I made sure to walk over to the part of the stage that Harry was at so that I could be face to face with him, he never loses breath on this solo, so I knew right away something was up. 

Earlier in the show, I had given him his inhaler because he was having a little trouble, but after a few quick puffs and some water, it had seemed like he was fine. Once I walked over to his part of the stage and could see him better from a closer spot, I could tell something else was wrong. Right away I motioned for Paul to come over so that I could talk to him, if anything needed to get done around here, he's the first one to see. They were finishing up the song and I knew the break here would be long, so as soon as the song finished and the open line to the boys came on I asked Harry what he was feeling. He quickly refused to let me take him off stage as the next song had already started and the open line was cut off. I told Paul that he needed to be ready because I was probably going to have to take Harry off stage and he agreed. Harry was starting to look even worse, his shoulders were riding up high on his neck like they do whenever he is in pain and he was breaking out in more sweat than normal for a low-energy song. He was breathing sporadically and with every breath, you could tell he was struggling. 

The other boys were starting to notice that he was getting quieter and had started to miss parts of his solos altogether. They started glancing nervously between me and Harry, hoping to get some information as to what was happening. Harry suddenly brought his fist to his chest and pressed in between his ribs while screwing his face up in pain. I knew from his history and just what had happened earlier in the show that it was probably just pleura pain. Pleura pain sounds terrifying, and quite honestly, feels is as well, but is really just when the outer lining of the lung gets inflamed. It's certainly not comfortable, but luckily rest, water, and some anti-inflammatories usually take it out. The first time it happens it is so painful when you breathe that you try to hold your breath, but the thing is that means that when you do eventually have to take another breath it hurts even more. That same breathing pattern is what I started seeing in Harry. It calmed me some once I knew what was going on, but Harry was still in the dark, and still in pain. I was about to motion to him what I needed him to do, but just as I caught his attention his face turned pale and he turned away from me and the audience. He only does that when something is really, really wrong. 

Right away all of the boys and everyone on the staff team knew that something was up with him. He was only turned away for a few seconds before he turned back to me with his fist still pressed into his chest. I motioned to him to meet me backstage after this song and finally, he agreed with a curt nod instead of trying to argue with me. Paul walked over to me and asked me what I thought was going on but I didn't have time to tell him anything more than that Harry was going to be okay, I just might need the other boys to stall for a few minutes. I rushed backstage in a spirit with all of my supplies in my backpack and got as close to the edge of the stage as I could so that the second Harry could get off stage I would be there to help. He finished his ending note early and rushed to me while I opened the line to the other boys and told them to stall for me as much as they could. I forced Harry to sit on a couch that they had just on the edge of the stage and worked quickly to take his pulse and place a heart rate and O2 sat on his finger. He didn't fight me too much because he was in pain, but after a minute he took a wheezy breath and looked at me with panicked eyes. I told him not to worry and that he shouldn’t talk because I knew what was going on and what to do. I gave him his inhaler with a strong anti-inflammatory and once he took a couple of puffs of that I made him lie on his back with his arms at his sides. It took a few minutes of the other boys stalling for us on stage, but finally, I got Harry to take a deep breath (which took a little convincing) and when he did there was no pain. I checked his vitals one last time just to be safe but when I looked back and saw everything was okay, he took off as fast as could back to the stage. I sat on the couch for another couple of songs catching my own breath as I got over the bit of panic I still felt in my stomach. Seeing Haz in pain is the worst, but at least I know that I can help him.

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I love feedback or a little chat in the comments, whatever makes you lovley people happy!

❤️soph

[sweetcherrymoon22]

Headcannons/ timeline

This is just a little bit to explain the world that these fics will take place in as well as when in my timeline everything fits. Don't worry, this isn't everything your going to get! I promise more is on its way, I just wanted to make sure you understand the world before you meet its people

Posting first story soon!

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- When y/n joins tour Harry and them are already dating but very new in the relationship

- they are on tour for the third album (the tour where Harry is starting to grow out his hair so he always has it tied with a bit of fabric I think this will be like 2012-2016)

- Y/N’s job on tour is as a medic/doctor/nurse to the boys and everyone else on tour

- Y/N also has the unofficial title of “boy wrangler” because it seems like they are the only one that the boys will listen to

 - Y/N splits their time in between being backstage and on the floor in front of the barricade where the security is

 -  Y/N  has an earpiece that feeds them the same thing the boys hear so they know what they are dealing with, and then in the other ear is an open line of communication to the sound booth and the boys if needed. Y/N also has a walkie talkie for contacting security if needed 

- the way of talking with the boys while they are on stage is with sign language, ASL or BSL, or just signs that we have made up over time working together, y/n can also talk to them over the open line but in the middle of songs that line is only open to sound booth so if you are trying to talk to them like that you have to wait until in between songs

- y/n is friends with all of the boys and they have a wonderful relationship, Niall and y/n are especially close (probably because he is always coming to see me with some sort of issue)

- management/Simon/the studio is not at all problematic in this reality they are very flexible and not at all controlling and have a good line of communication with the boys and the crew

- y/n is a very good traveler and does not get carsick, bus sick, plane sick, seasick, anything like that

- y/n can sleep anywhere and everywhere, It doesn't matter what noise is in the background or what position they are in or the time zone or whatever

- y/n is a very calm and steady person, large crowds do not give them any anxiety and when something is wrong with the boys they very calm under pressure

- The times y/n get anxious are afterward if something very scary has happened once everything calms down sometimes I break a little because it was terrifying, but at the moment no one would be able 

- y/n technically has their own bus on tour because it is the “med bay bus” but most of the time they let other people use that as the “quiet bus” and y/n will sleep with Harry on the boy's bus, or in the hotel room with him, but sometimes when both of them are tired or just need a break from each other y/n sleeps on that bus (Paul stays there most nights too because it is quiet)

- y/n doesn't get tired of other people very easily so they don't have a lot of issues spending so much time with the boys and Harry and y/n rarely get sick of each other, they love being able to spend most of their day together

- y/n have an amazing singing voice, it is not their job or even really a hobby, just something that they like to do

- at least once a concert Harry will come over to y/n’s side of the stage and hold the mic in front of their face for them to sing a verse because the crowd loves it 

- During girl almighty Harry always comes over to wherever y/n is on the floor and he kneels right in front of them, blowing them a kiss at the end of the verse

- He is always prancing around on stage and the boys and y/n have a lot of fun together while they are on stage, Harry splashing y/n, y/n giving them all snacks, and making signs at each other. For each show, the boys and y/n have an unofficial competition to see who can make the other laugh the most

- Whenever any of the boys are sick they have to stay with y/n on the “quiet” bus, which sometimes leads to Harry being a little jealous and pretending to be sick too so he doesn't get lonely

- y/n is almost always busy with some medical emergency while on tour, Niall is probably the worst because he is always falling off of his Segway and breaking something, Harry is also a bit of a problem child because he has asthma which is a tough spot to be in on stage, Liam doesn't have too many issues (but for that time he breaks his arm), Louis never had any major issues but he is always coming to y/n with little scrapes and bruises (they have had to give him stitches a few times), Zayn is an angel he is never sick or injured and is just a sweetheart

- y/n’s biggest concern is always Harry, not just because he is their boyfriend but also from a medical standpoint his asthma can be very hard to control when he is on stage because of all of the different factors like the jumping around, long sustained notes, belting, smoke machines, inhaling water, dust, just general sickness so y/n always has like five different inhalers on them at all times and Harry usually needs one once a show.

- The boys always make fun of y/n for carrying a crap ton of stuff around with them during the concerts because they are always carrying snacks for the boys, waters for them and the other staff, extra medical supplies, pens, markers, snacks for themself, a coffee, and just a ton of other random stuff

- y/n is definitely the “mom” the boys and all the other staff. They all come to y/n when they are sick so she just kind of naturally assumes that role of the mom for everyone, plus she always has the most random things in her overall pockets that happen to be just the thing they need.

- Those bandana things that Harry wears are usually bits of y/n’s old shirts

- On the later tours when his hair is long enough he comes to y/n’s side of the stage and leans his head down for them to put his hair up

- Harry is almost always half-naked. Like no joke this boy never wears a shirt and if you see him wearing pants it's practically a miracle. He pretty much refuses to wear a shirt until seconds before he has to go on stage, and the second he is off stage the shirt is on the floor of the room.

- y/n is the queen of catching things that people are trying to throw on stage. Paul swears she has a supernatural sense for it, doesn't matter where they are coming from or what it is, she can catch it without a second thought. Harry thinks it's hilarious because y/n horrible at all other sports.

- That clinking sound that Harry's rings make when he puts his hands together actually happens all the time. Like he is always messing with his hands or with mine (y/n always has a couple of rings on as well) and that sound is so oddly comforting now.

- At the beginning of every new tour that we do, y/n cuts her hair very short and then just lets it grow out for the length of the tour (besides a few trims from Lou here and there) 

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A general timeline of events: first I show up when  Lux is born and meet Harry because I am the godmother, next year I go on tour with them by then we are dating, move in together, one more full tour, another tour in which Zayn leaves Louis mom is sick and Briana has Freddie, Hiatus begins, filming of Dunkirk, he proposes, Louis mom dies, I tell him I'm pregnant, Robin dies, all the boys solo albums come out, they announce they will continue as 1D and take occasional breaks to do solo music, I have the baby, we tour Made in the AM (I still work the tour with the baby, Maya and Briana come along for most of it as well with their kids), we get married when we arrive back from Made in the AM when bean is one year old. 

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welp, there's that, lmk if you have any recommendations or would like to make a request!

[sweetcherrymoon22]

Beginning

Hello friends! 

This is a new blog for me and I am very excited to share with people the things I have been writing for the past couple of years! I will start off with a post that has a description of the things I write, when I plan to post, and a loose timeline description for the one-shots I have already written

I love you already and can’t wait to share!