swine-grl - Tumblr blog

[swine-grl]

k so long time so see ig lmao . basically i’m tryna recover…but my issue is that school starts up again next month . man idk how imma NOT relapse when first sem starts . even now i’m havin a hard time jus thinkin ab it . i’ve been doin SO GOOD too . like, tryna eat more, eatin when i’m hungry, tryna gain w8 . but i’ve had a lotta body thoughts still . both positive n negative . n it’s jus so rough, cuz i rlly don’t think i’ll b able to resist a relapse atp . i’m tryna get a job by the start of first sem so i can do that after school n on weekends, n i can do wtvr homework while there . for context, i’m tryna find a job as a nanny or pet sitter . ik i’m literally preparing to overwork myself rn, but it feels like i have to . the only way i’ll b successful is if i put myself into a “u gotta work now now now” mindset almost 24/7 . ik it’s a coping skill, but it’s the only thing that works for me 💀 been doin this shit since i was a kid, n it seems to b the only way i can get myself to do difficult things . [for example, i used to pretend i was a cat who caught prey so i could eat ribs for dinner as a little kid cuz i don’t like ribs 😭] basically larpin my way thru life 😭😭 i alr know imma relapse tho . n ik it’s gonna b soon . ughhhhhh . it sounds sp pleasant rn n i hate that . i don’t think i’m even 100lb yet n i’m alr tryna tap out 💀 oml . i don’t even know my exact lw cuz i started to eat more n then decided to recover w/o even checkin my w8 😭 ik it was around 90lb n when i think ab that i wanna lose more . i wanna at least hit my og ugw, which is 75lb . that was back when i was 14 . weird ash to think ab . but the good thing is that i’m taller nowww, so i’d b skinnier lmao . my lw since the start of my ed is 85lb so i wanna hit that too . grrrrrrrrr . NONONONO i can’t lose my boobs again 💔 buttttt idk . idk what to do man . part of me rlly wants to hit my og ugw or at the v least my lw, but the other part of me jus doesn’t wanna lose my boobs 💀 help bro plssssss 🙏🙏 also if u don’t recognize my acc thas cuz i deleted everything n redid my profile . probs gonna mess around w it for a bit tbh . kept my user tho ofc lmao

anyways, thas all got now i think . jus kinda thinkin out loud n askin for advice . basically should i try n hot my og ugw or nah ? [help]