#/ this is a good image as to what milo's property looks like \

[keevansixx]

Tumblr+ is a bad idea, but i understand why they are pushing for it?

Ok, how many of us have lived through the purges, watched as they nuked from low orbit all the artistic smexiness in a bout of puritanical fervor, while leaving the bots and blatant unfettered to rampage across this lovely hellsite free range and unchecked? Doing nothing while the shitiness of humanity is allowed to harass and threaten people for posting their hot takes (regardless of whether they are right or wrong)?

yeah, some of us have watched all that has transpired.

This is nothing new....

When you view past the staff statements, all the carefully crafted wording and corporate speak, all that remains is greed, pure and simple....

for some of us, this is a safe haven, a refuge from the rest of the clusterfeck that is known as social media. where individuals can post their innermost thoughts, creative ideas, and feelings to the ether. If the stars are aligned in their favor, while the word gods shine favorably upon thee, and the image deities smile in dank approval, we find other like minded souls piloting their own ships within this digital night that meet briefly to share a like, comment. or reblog before moving on to other horizons. In it’s simplicity, tumblr is almost the last bastion of creative thought left in the entirety of the world wide web. 

for others, tumblr is just yet another extension of their social media psyche, dragging all their real world baggage into it’s pages, hoping that someone out there may offer a solution to their own personal problems (or at least stroke their egos or biases to orgasmic bit) . Activists abound, and are shouting from the digital rooftops “look at me! See! See the violence inherit in the system, help help, i’m being oppressed!”” While the darkest ugliness in certain parts of humanity responds with vile poison and vitriol to ideas that do not agree or align with their own...committing the oldest of digital sins, in the newest of ways. Sad....but i digress.

Tumblr, to it’s corporate and wall-street taskmasters, is not greatly profitable in it’s current form. Sure, they get a little bit of money here and there from all the boring unremovable ads sprinkled throughout everyone’s feeds...but that’s just it. ad money keeps the lights on and the hamster wheels turning in the server rooms, and maybe a pot of coffee or box of stale doughnuts in the break room to keep the hamsters happy, but in the end it’s just enough to keep the site barely alive, while ensuring the devils get their deep pockets full of due.

The question everyone is asking themselves, but don’t know it yet, is...

To just Whom does tumblr+ benefit the most? 

It’s certainly not for the fan-fic artists who create art based on someone else’s works. certainly not for the shit-posters who reblog all the weirdly wonderfully funny and bizarre things the world web has to offer. certainly not for the fanfic writers, who craft the continuing stories of their favorite properties they do not own. definitely not for average joe or jane blogger who basically repost everything that crosses their feeds because they enjoy that stuff immensely, and want to share it all with everyone who follows them. Certainly not for I, who basically just comes here to post fictional stories from pregenerated prompts, whatever pops into my head, and a few reblogs from things that catch my fancy.

So who does that leave? In the Immortal words of Sherlock Holmes, written by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, ”When you have eliminated all which is impossible, then whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.”

For a few original tumblr artists, this may be a boon (but i doubt it). why would you settle for a middleman to get paid for your original art, when you could sell to a direct market off site for prints/merch straight to the customer and making bank? Seems counterintuitive to me to allow a site to step in to earn money off your hard work and creativity. Plus a paywall cuts you off from potential customers who may be interested in your works, but will not pay tumblr just to view your works....kinda shooting yourself in the foot going plus.

Tumblr+ is being built for all the clout chasers that think they will benefit from a blue plus mark (just like on twitter and instagram, go figure) banking on human vanity and obsessive compulsive disorder to bring in the money. (that’s right! buy that blue + mark ya little cash monkeys...spend, spend for that social credit! muahahahaha!)

The other reason is Porn. (don’t laugh...the internet you enjoy today was built on the metaphorical backs of the porn industry. every internet innovation enjoyed in the past 35 years was created, tested, and tried first somewhere to deliver, watch, and enjoy porn. sure it got started on university campuses, but the porn industry made it take off like a rocket to push product) Tumblr can’t beat it...they have consistently shown they are incapable of removing all the raunchy naughty bits from this site. If you can’t beat them, join them. Put all the adult content behind a paywall, set the price, and watch the money roll in as humans just can’t resist watching a good fluff n’ tickle. Set the booby algorithm phasers to “paywall”!  Wanna see that statue of Venus de Milo, or the statue of David? gonna have to pay that monthly fee to see. “Oh, but you’re just an artist drawing artistic nudes as a hobby? too bad! behind the paywall you go too. We want our cut of the share regardless how you may feel about it.” 

basically Tumblr is trying to change the clientele....facts. They hope to draw in the same demographics that make sites like reddit, twitter, instagram, and others profitable to the corporation, at the expense of the long term users that made this site the unique thing it is today. 

but hey, what do i know, i’m just a messed up monkey with an opinion, take it all with a huge grain of salt and live your best life possible....but the cards are not in tumblr+’s favor. 

Everyone has got an opinion on this, that’s all well and good. If you agree/disagree that’s fine too....just remember to be kind in all things, show the wisdom and grace of the best of humanity, take a deep breath before responding, and reply with the best of yourself as you can muster...after all, you’re only human....Ook ook. 

[treatian]

The Chronicles of the Dark One: Magical Loopholes

Chapter 74: Rats and Crickets

When he left the shop, the first thing he did was round the corner and then disappeared. He took himself into the library, up into the clocktower, where he found the minute hand and checked to ensure his dagger was still firmly attached. It was. That was good. It meant that the pirate hadn't targeted this dagger, only the shawl. Though, now that he thought about it, that was scary in its own way. For a pirate to take a simple shawl when jewels and gold and other treasures so clearly priceless were within reach suggested that Hook wasn't looking to make a fast buck. He was seeking to hurt him but not to kill him. Hook wanted to deeply wound him right down to his soul. Suffering was going to be the name of the game. How he'd found out about his experiments and figured out that he needed the shawl…that was beyond his knowledge, but only for the time being.

As he stretched his senses out over the library, he felt no other presence there, not until he felt the familiar presence of Belle coming back. That was relieving. It meant that she was alone, Hook had not returned to the library, and he hoped it would stay that way. He trusted that if Belle had returned, she'd remembered to lock the door, though he knew that a locked door wouldn't be enough to keep Hook out if he wanted to come back. He already had the shawl; it would be all too easy for him to go after Belle again, to truly destroy every last drop of happiness in his life out of revenge the way he'd destroyed Milah in anger.

He didn't want to waste time, not with Belle on her own, not with Bae's shawl in the balance. At the moment, Hook was the only one with more information on him than Belle. Anything Milah knew about him was something he had to assume Hook knew. Hell, anything his father knew about him, he had to assume Hook knew. There was a reason he'd taken that shawl, and so there was a reason he had to take it back before it was too late. He needed to find Hook. Now. And he knew exactly where he was going to look first.

Ordinarily, for the task of tracking down an individual, he would have called Dove. But as of last night, that was entirely unnecessary when it came to William Smee. His own magic was invested into the potion he'd poured over that hat of his, and if there was one thing in this world he knew how to find right now, it was his own damn magic. It was like a beacon, calling out to him even from across town. Or down the street…

Idiot.

He wasn't even trying to hide, and yet the bag and the speed at which he was walking and his shifty little eyes darted around suggested that he knew that he'd be looking for him. He was wearing his hat, the one capable of crossing the town line. He probably thought he'd be safe there. Not a chance.

He used his magic to take him across the street just as Smee rounded the corner of the Rabbit's Hole. When he felt his magic draw closer, he threw his hand up and tossed a wave of it back at him, sealing around his throat so that it was difficult to breathe.

"Leaving town, Mr. Smee?" He turned and saw his magic force Smee against the brick wall as he struggled, the bag swinging by his side as he sneered at him. "I spared your life. And this is how you repay me? That object you stole from me – I want it back."

"I gave it to Hook!"

Hook. Funny how Hook was suddenly in Storybrooke.

"And where is he?"

"I don't know," he choked out, putting his hand uselessly to his throat. "W-we met on a rooftop. He didn't tell me anything."

Naturally. He knew nothing. He was just a man for hire. He'd hired him to get the bean and failed. Moe had hired him to hurt Belle. Hook had probably hired him to fetch that shawl while he'd distracted Belle. He could respect a man who earned a living doing tasks of questionable legality. He could not respect a man who didn't have loyalty to him in performing those tasks. Three strikes…

"And why would he? Hook knows exactly what you are, Mr. Smee – a sniveling rat."

He channeled his magic into his hands, gathered it there as he summoned up a wonderful image in his head of Smee becoming exactly what he was. With a turn of his hand, he released his magic, and in a puff of black smoke, Mr. Smee was no more. He melted away, clothes and all except for one item so touched by magic that it alone was the sole survivor of his spell.

Smee's red hat lay on the ground. Beneath it was a small, slight movement. With a sweep of his cane, he moved the hat aside to reveal a clean black rat, looking up at him with fear as his nose twitched. Perfect.

"Now, scurry off," he commanded of the rat. It circled around the hat once, as if convinced it might be able to drag it away with him, but on second thought, he abandoned it and hurried away from the scene.

Smee was useless. He thought to use his magic to track him down, but his memories of how he'd been unable to find Hook in the store before were fresh in his mind. Where he'd been all these years, why he was making an emergence now, where he'd gotten magic…there were many unknowns in all of this. So, he turned not to magic but rather the one thing that he knew. The sea. That was the one constant in Hook's life. He'd always been a Captain, always been a pirate. He couldn't be sure what their conversation had included before she'd called him earlier, but even Belle had known he'd been a pirate. When a person was scared or hiding, they looked for something familiar, something they knew. In this world, that was called "home-field advantage." For Hook, that meant returning to the sea or his ship. Whatever it may be.

He had experience with most ships in Storybrooke harbor. Hell, he owned most of them! And he made it his business to know his property intimately even if he never physically stepped foot on board. There were many familiar vessels in Storybrooke harbor. One by one, he walked the docks, glancing at each ship, letting Mr. Gold do what he'd always done.

The Elizabeth a crabbing vessel in the property of one Will Turner.

Voyager, a yacht owned by a young girl named Morgan who had hopes of sailing around the world before she reached eighteen; that was a rough dream to have in Cursed Storybrooke.

Louis' Bayou a large craft that hosted dinner on the weekends with a jazz band as it sailed the harbor-tourist attraction.

Milo Thatch, The Dream, Tantor, The Ark, Kwango Kate…it was useless! He made it to the empty last dock and was almost thankful there was nothing to see. Every ship he recognized, every one of them had a story that he knew, and Mr. Gold knew that none of them belonged to a pirate or even a one-handed sailor! Coming had been a waste of time.

He had to get back to the shop. He had that pirate's hand stowed away in a backroom somewhere. He hated to bring it out and use it on this, but if he'd once used a potion he intended to use on the Blue Fairy prematurely for Baelfire, then he was sure as hell going to use that hand to get his son back and ensure Belle's safety! In fact, whatever magic the pirate was using to hide himself, there was a chance that the hand would be immune to it because it was part of the pirate himself. And if it didn't work? Then he was back to using the old-fashioned methods, scrying or a locator potion, maybe something new to take him to the shawl. Maybe he could-

"Mr. Gold!"

He kept walking. Kept his eyes straight in front of him, unwilling to let one of his tenants, who he was sure just wanted to negotiate a new loan or perhaps get a lower interest rate, stop him. Gold's work could fucking wait until he had his son.

"Mr. Gold!"

But something about the voice shouting after him had him pausing on the dock. It had him stopping to furrow his brow in confusion because he knew that voice. It was familiar to him, but…it was impossible. Dr. Hopper was dead.

"Rumpelstiltskin!"

The shouting of his name finally forced him to turn and what he saw…he couldn't have prepared for. He'd seen many things in his life, many that didn't make sense, but this…this defied reason.

"Dr. Hopper…" he breathed as the red-headed doctor struggled to catch up with him. Obviously out of shape, he was pale save for red exertion in his cheeks.

"Mr. Gold," he finally huffed out, coming to stand before him, letting out a sigh of relief as he hunched himself over at the waist and supported his weight on his knees. This wasn't possible. Not by any means, and yet he felt no magic on the man suggesting it was a trick of Regina's or glamor of any kind.

"You're alive?!" he balked, trying to wrap his mind around it. It wasn't just that Belle had gone to the funeral; he'd seen the man die. He'd seen the memories Emma had brought forth from the dog, unaltered by him. Emma could have altered them herself, but…she'd been under the impression it was a frame job; she'd been supporting Regina and shocked by what she'd seen. To have conjured something she didn't want was…well, it was nearly as impossible as the dead coming back to life and yet…

"It was a trick," Archie huffed out. "A setup!"

"Regina-"

"Not Regina…another woman, older, dark hair, maybe his mother…" he explained, finally standing up as tall as he could while still gasping for air. He was in bad shape, which was odd because he knew the cricket wasn't. He walked Pongo twice a day; he was healthy. It could only mean he'd been contained for so long. "She's working for Hook! They were keeping me tied up on his ship to frame Regina! Belle found me. Set me free-"

"Belle?"

He didn't understand half of what Archie was saying, but all at once, he knew the danger of what his clues pointed to. Belle. Hook's ship. Mysterious woman. A dangerous situation indeed. His stomach clenched. Belle on Hook's ship…considering what became of Milah when she'd gotten onto Hook's ship…

"She sent me for help."

"Belle set you free?" he clarified, hoping against every logical thought he had that he'd misunderstood. "Belle was on Hook's ship?"

"Yes! That's what I'm trying to tell you!"

He'd barely gotten the last word out before he reached forward and grabbed the man by the collar. Damn wherever he'd been or what had happened to him, he had to get to Belle!

"Where is she?! Where is Belle?!"

"She stayed behind!" he cried. "I tried to get her to come with me, but she stayed! She sent me for help, to find you. I don't know why she stayed. I don't know!"

He did. He knew why she'd stayed behind.

The shawl.

That woman! She'd tried to get it back. How she'd done it, how she'd figured out where Hook was before he did was a mystery to him, but it didn't matter now. She'd longed to be a hero for him, for Baelfire, for herself, and now she was going to get herself killed over it because she hadn't a clue what she'd walked into.

"Where is she, Dr. Hopper?!" he stressed, trying to calm the man through any means necessary.

"On the ship. She wanted me to find you and take you to her, to bring you to the boat."

"Where is it?"

"It's…" Hopper turned so fast that he had no choice but to release him or trip. He observed as the man looked down the dock, then left then right, and by the time he looked down the empty dock again, he felt a knot in his stomach. Something was wrong.

"It was there a minute ago!"

"Where?" he demanded.

"I don't understand. It was just there?!

"Where?!" He questioned, hoisting his cane into the air as if it were a club. No more "there's"! If he was to help Belle, he had to know "where"!

"The end of that dock!" Hopper screamed and cried against the intimidation. He pointed in the direction of the empty dock. "I've been free for no more than a minute or two; he couldn't just disappear. It's like…like…"

"Magic," he finished for him, staring at the empty space.

[mondofunnybooks]

MONDO FUNNYBOOKS; HITLER, BREXIT THE COMIC ,WEIRD INDIAN GAY PORN AND SADDAM HUSSEIN ON AN OSTRICH!

There was a time where comic creators worked to cause up a stink. Keith Giffen shot a comic (We're still after one, please, Dave or anyone else who worked for Blackball.) Kevin Maguire made ALL of Steve Rogers embossed. Spawn shipped 2 issues out of order. Lobo punched God in the face. Kyle Rayner became a Green Lantern. Barry Windsor Smith said some of the early Image Comics were a bit rubbish while promoting his new book 'Storyteller'. Youngblood: Year One would feature fully painted art by Rob Liefeld, akin to just released hit 'Marvels', featuring painted art by Alex Ross. Tom DeFalco famously declared his new ongoing from Marvel, 'Sleepwalker', would be 'Sandman' done right.

Copies of Sleepwalker are usually found in cheap bins across the Western hemisphere so feel free to judge for yourself how successful he was with that.

But for our money, nobody stirred up trouble like Gregarious Grant Morrison. His interview alongside Mark Millar with Comics World to promote their upcoming mini-series 'Skrull Kill Krew' remains one of the funniest moments of 'What a load of old bollocks this is!' vindictiveness since John Buscema told everyone in his art class to swipe since 'this stuff ain't going in the Lourve, pal.' Some of the less informed American hype rags attempted to suggest that SKK was the natural sequel to Zenith since it would see Morrison reunite with his partner in crime: Steve Yeowell.

Which either means they didn't know, or thought it wiser not to mention a strip that ran in Crisis circa 1990 called 'New Adventures Of Hitler'.

We'll come back to Crisis in more depth because it's probably the answer to the question a lot of the UK retailers are asking at the moment: How do we get people reading comics again. Crisis or something like it would be a good attempt, featuring a ton of original strips in a format that didn't suggest it ought to be stocked amongst a bunch of plastic bags full of toys and a magazine. Crisis also featured two of our favourite stories: 'Dare' which finished off from the sadly cancelled Revolver (Again, more another time.) as created by Grant and Rian Hughes and 'Trip To Tulum'. Which oddly was the only way to find the English translation of the collaboration by Milo Manara and Federico Fellini for quite a long time. God knows how they even got that in the first place.

NAH featured in issues 46-49 and surprised a few newsagents opening their delivery at 5am across the UK when confronted with 'Mr Hitler's Holiday', featuring your man from The Third on a bike against a dirty lurid purple cover. NAH concerned itself with Adolf taking a trip to Liverpool from 1912-1913 and learning a few tricks about fascism from the English while reality warps itself silly around the wee lad. Morrisey shows up singing 'Heaven Knows i'm Miserable Now'. A bunch of randoms begin chanting 'Hitler Has Only Got One Ball' on a bus he's on leaving the future Fuhrer mystified and mortified.

'NAH' originally ran in something called 'Cut' magazine but one of the editors, also someone from a band called 'Hue & Cry' having a strop so either 'Cut' itself stopped or at least stopped running the story. In any event, it migrated over to Crisis. It's rather excellent and while we don't know who owns the rights to it, it's one of those things that really ought to be in print.

Speaking of which......

Those more in the know will have to explain it to us, because the common answer is 'Because Grant and Mark aren't friends anymore.' and we're not sure that's how book publishing works, but the question is obviously 'Why isn't Big Dave in print?' If ANY comic were a timely insight into the mindset of the Brexit voting population of the UK, 'Big Dave' prophetically nails it like a time bullet fired from 1993. Essentially a high budget Viz strip beautifully pencilled by Steve Parkhouse, BD is a series of increasing ludricious adventures featuring that wide necked bloke in an England shirt with a bulldog tattooed to his forehead you see every St George's Day with a copy of The Sun in his back packet. It is ludicriously sexist, homophobic, racist and pro-monarchy.

Or at least the character is. Quite a few people seemed to confuse 'the portrayal of an attitude' with 'the glorfication of same attitude'. 2000AD apparently getting a bit narky if you bring this not being in print up. Frankly, if you don't find Dave having a threesome with Princess Di and Sarah Ferguson funny, you're probably reading the wrong column. We'd like to see this back in print. And please, please do not feel compelled to update this strip the same way 'DR & Quinch' was earlier this year. We'll stick that little relaunch in the same bin as the 'Femme Fatales/What if our artists swiped from Loaded and stuck some 2000AD related costumes on the art.' supplement from 1994, aye?

Finally, we go from the unreprintable to the never even published and perhaps not even written!

Unless somebody does something incredible, we will probably go to our graves saying that 'Kill Your Boyfriend' by Morrison & Bond is the best single story in comics ever published. This, before old men start getting heart attacks, does not include long form series, mini-series, single graphic novels, cartoon strips, etc. In terms of a story that starts, continues and ends in one issue with no knowledge of any other comic ever published, KYB is it. It brings up and destroys the notion of the personality as anything other than a series of reactions to various traumas and conditioning far faster than 'The Dice Man' does and with much funnier results. It could be read as the documentation of how a good acid trip will crack the inner monologue of the ego and set your inner self free, if you were of such a mind. It's certainly one of the best things Vertigo ever did.

'KYB' was part of a line called 'Vertigo Voices' published in 1995. The other books were 'Faces' by Pete 'Shade' The Changing Man'* Milligan and Duncan 'Oh, all the good things' Fegredo a book about why is plastic surgery and what does it say about us that we've conditioned ourselves to believe that there is such a thing as an imperfect face. Also 'Tainted' by Delano and Davidson (we've not read it, but the line up is well sound) and another book that we'll come back to in a bit but what's relevant here is that there was meant to be another comic in this line.

That comic would have been 'Bizarre Boys' by Grant Morrison, Pete Milligan and Jamie Hewlett.

The legend is that a suitably refreshed Grant and Pete were out in India and were looking around at various stalls filled with magazines, amidst the chaos the publication 'Bizarre Boys' caught their eye and was so outlandish (we're not Googling it, but nor are we stopping you from doing so.) that they committed right there to sell a comic with the same title to Vertigo. It got as far as being previewed in Spin Nov 1994 along with talk of an Invisibles TV Show (and come on. PLEASE. Netflix has cleared the deck of all the boring Marvel Superhero things so now is the PERFECT time for the adventures of Lord Fanny And The Other Ones.) but somewhere along the line it simply dropped from the publication schedule with no word of why, although as the comic was to be a fictional biography of Milligan and Morrison's alter egos, it's suggested that they were too busy living the life to settle down long enough to document.

We'd have to make the point that an oral account of the Vertigo offices circa 1994-1996 as spoken by Pete and Grant while drawn by Jamie would be a far more interesting thing to bring us back to the shops for new comics than, well, Tank Girl or Green Lantern.

The following pitch ran as part of The Time Is Now: DC Comics' Editorial Presentation 1994.

'Here's the solicitation copy for Bizarre Boys, which ran as part of The VERTIGO does what it does best in VERTIGO VOICES - a new umbrella title for four distinctive one-shots - where four of VERTIGO's most creatively deranged writers give voice to their most outrageous, gripping and graphic imaginings. Each "VOICE" delivers its own sound, in turn hyperreal, darkly disturbing, irreverent, and biting. FACE is the first "VOICE" to be heard, followed by KILL YOUR BOYFRIEND, and closing with BIZARRE BOYS. These are stories with sounds all their own, tearing a jagged rip through reality.

BIZARRE BOYS, VERTIGO VOICES' most irreverent title, is a story within a story within a story. It's about some fictional characters called the Bizarre Boys, and about the writers who write them and about the writers who are writing about the writers... There are two voices telling the tale of BIZARRE BOYS, and they don't agree with each other at all.

BIZARRE BOYS is a comic about a comic and about the process of putting together a comic. It's a sparkling tapestry of post-modernism and a fast- moving breathless chase across time and space.

It all takes place - naturally - on Bizarre Boys Day, when writers Peter Milligan (SHADE, THE CHANGING MAN) and Grant Morrison (THE INVISIBLES) join forces with artist Jamie Hewlett (SHADE, THE CHANGING MAN, Tank Girl) to tell the tale of two writers called Millison and Morrigan, and their fabulous creations, The Bizarre Boys. Echoing James Joyce's Bloomsday, whatever events happen on Bizarre Boys Day also happen in the comic.

As the two writers begin their quest for the fantastic Bizarre Boys, whose sweat contains miraculous healing and hallucinogenic properties, these latter-day Brothers Grimm weave some dissolute modern fairy tales, take the wraps off the creative process itself, and tell a joke or three.'

We're told by inside sources that elements of 'Bizarre Boys' ran in the final book of The Vertigo Voices line: 'The Eaters' as drawn by Dean Ormston and Pete Milligan.

And that's us for now. What do YOU think? Should these projects remain in the dustbin of FunnyBook History? Maybe Kickstarters, er, started to try and release them as independent books (Lord knows if Cyberfrog can be a thing again, then...) Amazon have begun publishing comics directly from creators like Kyle Baker and Rick Veitch, which could sidestep the whole 'Comics are for kids so why is this in Sainsbury's!?' furor all over again. Image has put out some fairly anondyne nonsense lately and could do with something like this in their line-up. Let us know in the comments and as ever we'll see you in The FunnyPages.

(Big Dave ran as part of 2000AD's 'Summer Offensive' in 1993, some of the most fun the Progs have ever been. Big Dave features in the following issues*:)

"Target Baghdad" (with Steve Parkhouse, in 2000 AD #842–845, 1993) "Monarchy in the UK" (with Steve Parkhouse, in 2000 AD #846–849, 1993) "Young Dave" (with Steve Parkhouse, in 2000AD Yearbook 1994, 1993) "Costa del Chaos" (with Anthony Williams, in 2000 AD #869–872, 1994) "Wotta Lotta Balls" (with Steve Parkhouse, in 2000 AD #904–907, 1994)

*according to Wiki, anyway.

'New Adventures Of Hitler' can be found in Crisis: #46 - 49.

[teachanarchy]

We talked to nine Portland activists who think violence is necessary to fight fascism.

The nine anarchists who met me one rainy afternoon in Portland, Oregon, told me they almost showed up to talk to me "bloc'd out"—in the black clothes and masks that have become something of an iconic look.

You likely know what "bloc'd out" means because you've seen photos and videos of masked anarchists, or encountered them in person at practically any left-wing protests (or at counter-protests held in response to right-wing rallies). Bandanas, scarves, or helmets are used to guard against the effects of pepper spray and tear gas; they also make it harder for law enforcement to identify them.

That's essential, as the black bloc strategy utilizes militant and often illegal tactics—smashing windows, lighting cars on fire, hurling projectiles at police, and physically challenging the opposition. It was the black bloc who set a limo on fire in DC during Donald Trump's inauguration, it was the black bloc who punched white supremacist Richard Spencer to great acclaim and controversy, it was the black bloc who rioted in Berkeley to protest the presence of far-right gadfly Milo Yiannopoulos.

Black bloc tactics have been in use since the autonomist movement in 1980s Europe, but they first garnered widespread attention in the US after the chaotic World Trade Organization protests in Seattle in 1999. During those demonstrations, anarchists broke windows, and violent clashes between protesters and police culminated in tear gas being deployed—it got so bad that the mayor declared a curfew on the downtown area.

Although the black bloc strategy has been utilized stateside many times since then, it's escalated since Trump's election, and so has the debate over political violence. Demonstrations have turned into brawls between far-right and far-left factions in Seattle and Berkeley; in my hometown of Portland, there have been fights between police and anarchists; in Washington, DC, more than 200 protesters were charged with felonies after the inauguration.

Watch: This armed group is trying to become the new face of left-wing activism

I sought out the anarchists to learn more about what they see as their role in the growing anti-Trump resistance movement, and how they justify their extreme tactics in the face of criticisms from both the left and the right.

The group of nine is multi-racial and comes from varying economic backgrounds and regions of the country, although most claim Pacific Northwestern roots. Most seem to be in the millennial age range, although they tell me the organization has "tons of old heads" working with them. Some came into the anarchist movement after Occupy Wall Street, which one called "protest school." Others were introduced to anarchism at punk shows, or were seeking out something more extreme than "typical American liberalism," which they all reject. They all have jobs, but refuse to describe them for fear of being identified—they've all been involved in various illegal protest-related activities, and only agreed to speak to me on conditions of anonymity. (All names have been changed.)

They see their brand of anarchism as an evolution of an international movement that has been standing up for the disenfranchised for decades. That mission goes beyond the tactics that have caused so much controversy. The group told me about the classes local anarchists provide in first aid, self-defense, and other topics; the left-wing community outreach group Portland Assembly; and the anarchist effort to fill some of Portland's many potholes after the government failed to do so. (That last item represents probably the only good bit of mainstream press the anarchists have gotten as of late).

Portland has been dealing with a homeless crisis for years, and during an abnormally bad storm this January, four homeless adults and a newborn baby died. The local government's approach to the storm was seen by many in Portland as insufficiently urgent, and the anarchists joined with homeless advocates and went out into the streets with blankets, sleeping bags, coffee, and soup for those living without shelter.

Still, when I asked them if it's fair to say they represent the weaponized wing of the resistance movement (literally weaponized in the case of the black bloc), they said it was—but were quick to point out their motivations extend well beyond opposition to the current president.

"The narrative that this fight is pro-Trump against anti-Trump is wrong. This is about ultra nationalism," Victor, a mountain of a man who is clearly wary of saying too much, told me. "We have people working in France; we have people like the Zapatistas… We are all fighting in defense of our communities, but we have the capacity, skills and courage to be offensive. We will not bow down to fascists in the street, to a cop in uniform, or to those in the White House."

Clay, a skinny, intense man whose voice quivers and rises with passion when he speaks, told me anarchist beliefs "are rooted in the desire for a stateless and fascism-free society, and are defending marginalized communities from a long history of white supremacy asserting itself. We want to destroy the status quo and are willing to do so by any means necessary—whether it's teaching communities to be self-reliant or something extreme like blocing up."

They all have stories of mistreatment by police. Blair, who sat quietly, librarian-like, for most of our conversation, told me she was once detained in a West Coast city she doesn't want to name after a confrontation between the black bloc and police. She said she was shown a massive book with files on her and her associates and was told, "We're watching you and your friends." (She told me she wasn't charged with a crime.)

Victor added, "We operate under the assumption that we have already been infiltrated by right-wing groups and undercover cops, and that we're being illegally monitored by law enforcement just as Black Lives Matter and Occupy were by the NYPD."

It sounds, frankly, like an exhausting way to live, but to Victor the struggle with Trump supporters and what he sees as a fascist movement taking hold in America is "quite literally a war… for us, resistance is intuitive and something we have to do."

A protester throws a brick at police during Inauguration Day protests. JEWEL SAMAD/AFP/Getty Images

These anarchists think the mainstream left has never taken the rise of the alt-right and white nationalism seriously enough. They see their destructive acts in the streets as a wake-up call for the left and a warning to the extreme right—as a call to arms and an example of how to fight what they see as fascism.

Victor laughed when I asked about if they're worried about their more controversial actions turning people off to the movement, telling me that "mainstream liberals cling to institutions like the police and elected officials that time and again have let them down—yet they continue to return to their abuser like a battered spouse."

"We're willing to put ourselves on the line for this. 'By any means necessary' is something we take very seriously."

As for the debate over whether political violence can be justified, to them it's not a debate. "I abhor violence against people for the most part—but these aren't people, they're Nazis," said an anarchist I'll call Sean, to laughter from the group.

A man who goes by Rip described how it felt to be in the bloc, charging into literal battle. "I feel more logical than emotional," he said. "There are so many things going on, from the cops, to making sure your people in the bloc are OK, to staying vigilant for a crazy Trumper with a gun… Adrenaline is definitely running high, but the result isn't so much excitement of exhilaration as it is closely observing and calculating the risks. It's a strange calmness in the chaos that's born out of vigilance and trust in your people."

When I mentioned the bad press black bloc tactics got both the election and recent May Day protests here in Portland (both devolved into violence and destruction and were declared riots by police), Clay snorts and said, "Yeah? Nobody was paying attention to the Portland protests until we made them. Suddenly the whole world's eyes were on Portland. We're willing to put ourselves on the line for this. 'By any means necessary' is something we take very seriously."

I asked the group to respond to criticism that its tactics may turn people away from the causes it endorses, and Clay, speaking with such fervor the tables behind us looked over, noted that other political parties in Germany attempted to reason with Adolf Hitler during his rise. "The neoliberals may not know it yet, but the militant anti-fascists are the ones that history will remember as fighting the rise of fascism in this country—not them."

What about the property damage done by the black bloc? When a business's window is broken, that's not violence against a state but violence against that window's owner, and in Portland odds are good that the owner is anti-Trump.

The group nodded approvingly as Clay drained his beer and coolly told me they feel no pity for "a bougie boutique that has participated in the displacement and 'death by gentrification' of neighborhoods that used to be inhabited by families from already marginalized communities."

Norm Stamper was the Seattle police chief during those famous 1999 WTO protests, which led to his resignation. "It's a mistake to underestimate the anarchists as unthinking people bent only on destruction, they're actually usually some of the most organized protesters," he told me. More than almost anyone else, he understands the difficult position police are in when confronted by violent protests, and the lack of viable options.

Though he has been open about regretting the decision to use tear gas on the protesters, Stamper says that he "was shocked by the inaction the police" in Berkeley in April when anarchists and the alt-right clashed in the street. "If they don't act, then they have abdicated their responsibility. You'll be criticized either way, and it doesn't matter which side is to blame, you must act."

Stamper added that law enforcement's use of militarized tactics often only feeds the chaos the anarchist groups seek. "They'll probably tell you to 'go pound sand' when you try to talk to them. They might say something much worse! But you have to try and engage these folks," is Stamper's advice to cops dealing with anarchists. "Violence is rarely the answer—and tear gas never is. All you've done is prove their point and caused indiscriminate harm to citizens. Move them by force if you must, but don't make the first move and don't gas them."

Stamper is more sympathetic to the anarchists than most police chiefs, and the animosity between the cops and the black bloc cuts both ways. Clay told me that the at recent protests in Vancouver, Washington, anarchist and anti-fascist flagpoles were taken by the cops but the sieg heiling Trump supporters were allowed to keep their firearms.

"As police departments around the country become more and more militarized, and as white nationalist and alt-right groups are further emboldened by the Trump regime, the need for militant tactics is higher than ever," said Sean. "At these protests, the bloc takes up a lot of law enforcement's attention, which in turn allows actions to flourish in ways they couldn't if we weren't there… I bet some of the people we've helped unarrest were glad we were there to interfere." (Sean defined "unarrest" for me as "interfering with law enforcement's attempts to detain someone in the block by using force.")

I asked Portland Police Bureau spokesman Pete Simpson about these criticisms made by the anarchists, and he told me, "It's easy to paint us as for or against a certain group, but that's just not the case. The police don't like working the protests because it's hours of very tense boredom that can suddenly turn into confused violence—violence these anarchists start."

What about the militarized police tactics so despised by protesters?

"We are always reviewing our tactics," Simpson replied. "It's almost impossible because people want us to solve things… and half feel we don't do enough at these protests and half feel we go too far. They (the anarchists) force our hand."

If dealing with the black bloc is complicated for police, it's even more so for left-leaning activists who abhor the use of violence.

A protest organizer I spoke with under the condition of anonymity echoed a refrain I heard time and again when discussing this article with those on the left: "It's an incredibly complex situation with those guys because in theory I agree with them almost completely—but I still think the best way to alter a powerful and corrupt system is from the inside and exercising your rights to free speech… and I worry about something like martial law being imposed if something goes really bad."

"The fascists are organized and collaborating nationally. We have to be as well."

Those engaged in tactics like the black bloc see these sort of concerns as part of the larger problem of bowing to a corrupt system. "In an atmosphere in which the president and his representatives can outright ignore basic truths and freedoms, more and more people are realizing there is no room for the tepid debates of the past," said an anarchist I'll call Lauren.

To understand how this group thinks, it's important to realize that when they see conflicts like the "Battle of Berkeley," they regard them as progress.

"The fascists are organized and collaborating nationally. We have to be as well," Clay said. "They are violent and empowered, and we will continue to meet them with equal aggression. They need to know this. We are ready. We're not the ones the cops are out there protecting. It's the fascists on the right getting the police escort."

The rhetoric isn't likely to cool down anytime soon. Last weekend, two men were fatally stabbed, and a third was critically wounded while defending two teenaged women, one of whom was wearing a hijab, from a man screaming racist insults at them on Portland's light rail system. At his court appearance, suspect Jeremy Joseph Christian shouted "You've got no safe place!" and "Death to the enemies of America!"

In the wake of that stabbing, Portland mayor Ted Wheeler has asked a right-wing group to call off a rally scheduled for Saturday, but they are unlikely to heed him. The anarchists I spoke with would not comment on that rally, but chances are they'll be there with masks on.

But for all the anger in the air, few people seem likely to go full black bloc, even if they believe the cause is just. To belong to the group I spoke with, you need to not just oppose the far-right thugs willing to fight in the street, but also the government and the police. That's a tall order.

Stamper surprised me during our talk when he said he thinks people hitting the streets is the most viable form of protest, and that he understands where the rage comes from. But when I asked what he thought of the black bloc, he replied, "If you think there are nothing but bad apples in the police department, why provoke them? That's a battle the anarchists will never, ever win."

[femmelieutenant-a-blog]

A Case Against Reincarnation: Why Disney Should Not Remake “Atlantis: The Lost Empire”

So I'm hella passionate about the live-action trend happening and I felt that, after seeing a bunch of posts over the past few months about an Atlantis live-action, I should give my two cents.

It’s long.

 I begin by fully admitting that I am against film remakes. I find them to be the sign of dwindling originality and to be nothing more than cash-grabs centered around nostalgia or household names. So, that said, the recent trend in Disney remaking popular animated classics in the form of live-action films does not sit well with me. Were the premise somewhat refreshing (what we were hoping for yet did not get with Maleficent), this would be a different matter. However, it is not.

The list for the next few Disney live-action remakes that we are expected to see has already been released, and I am sad to see some properties on there, as I do love them. However, I am somewhat glad that these remakes favor profit-guaranteeing audience favorites instead of attempting to rework lesser-known films into new forms for audiences. This is purely because there is and will be less to mess up regarding keeping the Disney image preserved. Were films like, say, The Black Cauldron remade for a modern audience, a lot of things would need to be changed for the sake of maintaining that magickal PG rating to PG-13 rating (remember that TBC had to fight for its PG rating in a where the rating system was G, PG, and R).

The same goes for the subject of this rant: Atlantis: The Lost Empire, Disney’s 2001 action-adventure film. Despite the incredible amount of hype and marketing that this film had going for it, it was enough of a financial flop for Disney to cut their losses and just let it fade into the background while their teams worked for “bigger” and “better” projects. While the film has recently gotten enough of a cult following to warrant the film being released to Blu-Ray a few years back, it has yet to be a profitable enough project for Disney to consider reviving it in the form of a live-action film. This is a good thing. To remake Atlantis would be incredibly problematic for multiple reasons. Content, censorship, and plot integrity are all reasons why this film would ultimately be a disaster for Disney to undertake.

Atlantis’s content is, at best, problematic. That is not to say that there were no good ideas to begin with; the premise of a Lovecraftian-Steampunk action-adventure film is one incredibly rich with opportunity, and a lot of this was cut for the sake of keeping the maximum PG rating and production constraints. The same goes for less-aesthetic, more practical matters. Atlantis features a lot dealing with cultures, races, war, death, the moral grayness of man, and atheism. This is a lot of heavy subject material for, of all things, a Disney film. To keep the film’s content like that of the original animated film would be incredibly difficult while maintaining the image that Disney currently has.

Censorship will be a rampant problem with any attempt to update Atlantis. Animation allowed for certain things to be tackled with stylism to hide what would, in real life, be glaring problems. The amount of blood and death that would be seen, for example, would be its own problem. People die on screen in the film in violent ways, albeit bloodlessly and often just out of sight (or, my favorite, vaporized). The only blood we do see is the small scratch that Milo receives and Kida heals. Then there is the mater of censorship regarding race. Atlantis has a – somewhat – racially diverse cast.  To cast individuals of color in the primary roles would not be a problem, but to do the same for the entirety of Atlantis? For all the people? That would be hard to do. The current popular solution to this in Hollywood seems to be changing races altogether, but this cannot be done. The fact that Atlantis is a pre-Columbian, non-European civilization is integral to its identity.

For as much as I love the film Atlantis, I must admit that the plot is flimsy. The similarities to Roland Emmerich’s Stargate are glaring. The third act twist with Rourke being the main villain is weak. It is enough to fill an hour and a half, animated film, but for a two hour live-action release? There would need to be an expansion of the plot. The need to elaborate upon the plot could derail the film, and lead to an increased problem with the content and censorship. Were the creators to go back to earlier notes on the film and worked original concepts in, the film may develop more holes than it already has. Abusive relationships, potential homosexual relationships, war and the stakes of it, creature content (Atlantis was originally pitched as a Lovecraftian-Steampunk Creature Feature), and religion are among the plot points that can be pulled from and added. These, while they may look good from a progress standpoint in Disney’s favor, could shake the already problematic plot and take the film from a fun, Action-adventure romp with a lot of explosions into a darker, deeper film than I think Disney would be willing to take on.

Updated effects for an already stunning film, and a revival to try and introduce older content to a newer audience are often adequate reasons for a revival film adaptation. Sometimes it works, sometimes it does not. This seems to have worked well enough for the Disney company to launch an entire line of films to be remade. However, not all the animated films are a good choice for adaptation. Atlantis: The Lost Empire, were it to be adapted, would cause problems due to heavy adult content, censorship of ideas and concepts, and a plot that cannot be easily expanded on for the sake of a longer film.

[savedbyreason]

Contending with Dan Arel

I’d like to return from my long departure by contending with Dan Arel’s arguments for justifying punching nazis. As a former neo-nazi myself (who now identifies as a classical liberal and a secular humanist) I feel like I have a better understanding of how nazis think and about their ideology than most people talking about this subject right now, so I feel it is appropriate for me to throw my two cents into the marketplace of ideas.

On January 20th of this year the founder of the Alt. Right movement Richard Spencer was punched in the face by an ANTIFA (anti-fascist) member while giving an interview with an Australian broadcasting crew during Donald Trumps presidential inauguration. This assault sparked a debate about whether or not it was ethical to punch Nazis. Dan Arel, a liberal author and blogger, championed the movement that was justifying punching Nazis, and he contended with my colleagues and friends like Peter Boghossian and Lalo Dagach on Twitter who defended reason and secular American values.

Now, I will be contending with Dan’s arguments found in his blog “Danthropology” titled: “Should we be okay with punching Nazi’s?” and that he argued for vocally in his interview with Lalo Dagach on the Lalo Dagach Podcast on YouTube. Before you read this article, please listen to the Lalo Dagach podcast episode with Dan and read Dan’s aforementioned blog article for more context. I have provided the links to each below:

Dan’s blog: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/danthropology/2017/01/okay-punching-nazis/

Lalo Dagach Podcast: http://youtu.be/MQHP3FYSBl8

Allow me to begin to unpack this mess by listing Dan’s five main arguments and then by contending with each one individually.

1. Nazis advocate for genocide.

2. Anyone that’s not a nazi but also advocates for genocide should also be punched.

3. The victim should be a person with a significant amount of power and influence.

4. Punching stops people who advocate for genocide from the pursuit of extending their power and influence because it strikes fear into them.

5. Slippery slope arguments fail because punching people who are advocating genocide is self defense or acting in the defense of others.

After contending with Dan’s first point, I could wrap this whole thing up and call it a night. Because Dan’s entire argument fails when you take into account that most modern American Neo-Nazis do not advocate for genocide. This may be shocking to most readers, but it’s the truth none-the-less. When I was a skinhead I didn’t believe in racial genocide of any kind. And most of my comrades at the time didn’t either. In fact, the most common belief among modern racist skinheads or any individuals that identify as neo-Nazi's or national socialists/white nationalists believe the white race and it's culture is under threat of extinction and though violence may be necessary to defend their race and culture, the use of genocide is not. They believe the reason people believe they advocate for genocide is because they are just zionist lies told to make Hitler and national socialism look bad.

To Dan’s credit, he admitted that there’s a disconnect and that he could be misusing the word nazi as someone who advocates for the genocide of minorities. While it’s true that there are nazis who do advocate for ethnic genocide, they are on what I refer to as “the fringe within a fringe”. They are usually uneducated, unorganized independent skinheads that pose no real threat to society because they spend most of their lives either in prison or in poverty. They have no power or influence in the world.

But, this is not the mainstream Alt. Right “nazism” of people like Richard Spencer we are seeing today. (Some in the Alt. Right movement lean more towards the cultural libertarian side than they do the white nationalist side of the Alt. Right spectrum, as described in greater depth below, like Milo Yiannopoulos for example). I think to better understand how nazism is different today than it was in Germany back in the 1930’s and 40’s we need to examine what made nazism nazism then, and then examine how nazism in America has evolved into what we see today and examine the similarities and differences from it’s foreign predecessor.

When Hitler joined the very small German Workers Party back in the 1920’s, he added the term “National Socialist” to the party name so that it became the “National Socialist German Workers Party”, the NSDAP, or “Nazis” for short. The party was anti-democratic and deeply fascist, they were German nationalists, white supremacist and white socialists, (“White socialism” is a system where only whites benefited from the fascist-socialist state that owned all wealth and property that in Hitler’s Germany was private in name only). Neo-Nazis today will also deny that there even was a holocaust at all. That the “Final Solution” was simply Hitlers plan to expel all the Jews and all enemies of the reich from all Nazi occupied lands. That the pictures we see of thousands of frail twisted bodies frozen in horror were simply prisoners the Nazis could no longer afford to feed or treat for disease. That the holocaust is a conspiracy that the U.S. and Zionist leaders manufactured to establish a piece of land in Palestine as the state of Israel once again. Why would someone advocating genocide as a Nazi waste so much time and energy trying to deny the very genocide the Nazis are known for committing in the 1940’s? Unless, they believed genocide was wrong and that someone was trying to make Hitler and the Nazis out to be worse than they really were.

Ever since George Lincoln Rockwell started the American Nazi Party in the 1960’s, nazism in the U.S. has been evolving into something that can inter-grade with American politics better than the fascist post imperialist German Nazism of Hitler and his NSDAP. Dropping “Sieg Heil” and replacing it with “White Power” and limiting public display of the swastika were the early American Neo-Nazis first attempts at recasting the group’s image as a legitimate political party in the U.S. They were white nationalists like the original Nazis, but they denied the holocaust, did not advocate genocide, they promoted democracy over fascism and white capitalism over white socialism. David Duke of the KKK was a former American Nazi party member, as was William Pierce who founded the National Alliance and who wrote the Turner Diaries.

Now, in today’s political atmosphere, libertarian conservatism and American Neo-Nazism have clashed, evolving to inter-grate ever more into today’s political spectrum, into the hybrid known currently as the “Alt. Right” or as I call them, “Nazi Lite”. It’s the economic ideals of social libertarianism and a democracy with limited government, (which is the polar opposite of Hitlers economy), paired with white nationalism. As we are starting to see, the word “Nazi” defines a wide range of ideologies that are often conflicting ones. So, as Dan alluded to, his choice of the word Nazi as one that represents a person who advocates genocide was a poor one.

Richard Spencer, founder of the “Alt. Right” himself has never publicly advocated for genocide. As Dan said in the podcast with Lalo, Richard’s website hosted an article written by someone who was musing about whether it was justifiable to commit genocide against minorities, the very minorities that were trying to “commit genocide against whites”, in self defense. But, this is hardly enough to prove Richard Spencer is advocating for, or even believes in, genocide.

Now, while Spencer is a white nationalist, anti-Semitic and opposes gay marriage, he rejects white supremacy and slavery and believes that whites are under threat of extinction and that a “peaceful ethnic cleansing” will save it. In comparison, the original Nazis believed the white race was better than all others and that it needed a strong leader with all the political and economic power to run the white state. Today, the “Alt. Right” or the “Nazi Lite” movement believe the white race isn’t better, but never-the-less is under threat of extinction and must separate from other races to survive and be run by a limited democracy with a free market economy.

Before I move onto the rest of Dan’s points, as I said before, I could end this article now and still have successfully refuted Dan’s main argument. But I will continue as I feel this kind of faulty reasoning needs to be fully addressed and taken down intellectually so we can stifle the bad ideas coming from both the far left and the far right and replace them with good ones.

Moving onto Dan’s next point: “Anyone that’s not a nazi but also advocates for genocide should also be punched.” Dan took this position during the Lalo Dagach podcast and it is obviously Dan’s attempt at rationalizing his position and being fair. But, I missed his blog “Should we be okay with punching Jihadists”. So, his sentiment, to be fair, is lost on me.

Dan’s third point: “The victim should be a person with a significant amount of power and influence.” Dan also made this point on the Lalo Dagach podcast. And all I can say is that the people that have high positions of power and influence in the Alt. Right and Neo-Nazi movements are these movements intellectuals. These people aren’t the unorganized and uneducated “fringe within a fringe” crazies that yell “kill the Jews” while assaulting minorities and homosexuals in rural America. Many are highly educated, and they are expecting to be assaulted by some SHARP (Skinhead Against Racial Prejudice) or ANTIFA gang member and they know just how to make an assault on them work in their favor. In fact, they are hoping to be punched by a far leftist, so they can fuel their “white genocide” and “white victim” narratives by uploading videos of themselves and fellow Nazi’s being assaulted onto YouTube.

The next point Dan made was: “Punching stops people who advocate for genocide from the pursuit of extending their power and influence because it strikes fear into them.” To address this point, I guess I would refer back to my contention with Dan’s last point that punching them empowers their self-victimization. Even if it weren’t true, and that punching people that advocate genocide in fact did scare them enough to stop them from sharing their ideas, that is not the world I want to live in. Nor does any other rationally sane person that doesn’t want to live in a fascist state that confronts bad ideas with fear and violence. Isn’t that the world liberals like Dan Arel are fighting against? Dan celebrates Spencer’s assault in his blog, writing that Spencer even hired bodyguards because he feels uncomfortable in public now. But, should we be celebrating the fact that we scared someone in the marketplace of ideas out of an unreasonable position, no matter how unreasonable their ideas are? Shouldn’t the marketplace of ideas be a place where we combat bad ideas with good ones?

Dan’s final point: “Slippery slope arguments fail because punching people who are advocating genocide is self defense or acting in defense of others.” Do we justify our active behaviors that we find contemptuous in others simply because we are acting in self defense? Wouldn’t that make us hypocrites? In his blog, Dan wrote this about slippery slope arguments:

“Nazism is an ideology based on white supremacy and the eradication, through genocide, of nonwhites (and many others). A Christian, for example, can believe an atheist is evil for not believing in their god and punch them. Their action, however, is unfounded. They punched an atheist based on an appeal to their emotions.

We know Nazism is evil. We know their goals, we know where their ideology leads. If you punch a Nazi, especially if you’re one of those marginalized and threatened by their ideology, you’re acting in self-defense. Even if you’re a white person punching a Nazi, you’re acting in the defense of others.

So the slippery slope analogy fails immediately here.”

According to Dan, punching a Nazi isn’t an appeal to one’s emotions, but because we know what Nazis believe and we have seen what they’ve done in history, we have all the justification we need to punch them. Following this logic, because Christians used to slaughter pagans and non-believers, and their holy texts still can be used to justify such acts of religious terror, we should go around punching highly influential Christians too. And are we really defending ourselves from someone if they aren’t acting on their belief and therefore actually threatening us in any real way? Wouldn’t that be defending ourselves from “pre-crime”? I don’t know about Dan, but I don’t want to live in a dystopian world where Tom Cruise is crashing through my window and arresting me for something I may do in the future. I believe in the American value of free speech and the freedom to believe or advocate for whatever you want. And, when and if you cross the line from belief into action, well, we have policemen and judges to deal with crimes that have actually been committed.

Before I wrap this up, there were a few other things Dan said that I would also like to address here. In his interview with Lalo, Dan had a glass half full optimism that these assaults on people who advocate genocide with a significant amount of power and influence will be carried out perfectly, meeting the exact criteria Dan spoke about during the podcast or that we as a society collectively deemed the correct criteria for assaulting these people, that is just starry eyed optimism. I instead, and regretfully, see things unfolding much differently. I think you’d see a huge spike in homicides, hate crimes, innocent bystanders such as “formers” like me who may still have an old racist or Nazi tattoo they haven’t removed or covered yet like a swastika being assaulted, behavior that Dan himself justified when he said:

“Having a Nazi symbol like a swastika on your shoulder means you identify with Nazism and therefore a person with that tattoo should be punched.”

I think you’d see a rise in overzealous teens start down a road of recidivism in our corrections system. You’d see all kinds of negative effects on society I think Dan is ignoring to make his points.

Lastly, Dan brought up the 80’s punk scene on the Lalo Dagach podcast and talked about white supremacists and skinheads showing up to punk shows causing trouble for the punk kids who grew up opposing Nazis because of this infamy during the 80’s punk scene. I’m assuming he brought up this personal anecdote to show us how disruptive Nazis can be on a society and on a culture, but I wasn’t sure why or how that strengthened his position? As a fan of punk and someone who lived in East Los Angeles during the 80’s punk scene, I know quite well about the disturbance skins created during this time in punk rock history. This is when the anti-racist and anti-fascist SHARP gangs were born. Gangs that were and still are just as violent and disruptive. Those are not times or ways we want to adopt for how we behave in the marketplace of ideas.

Dan wrote in his blog:

“I want to make this simple. A fist to the head is still the moral high ground when you’re punching someone advocating for genocide.

If you’re not a Nazi, you have the moral high ground.”

This sounds, to me, like virtue signaling. He does not give any evidence or arguments to support that statement. He just says we need to make them afraid to share their ideas. And as I said before, fear and violence should not be welcome in the marketplace of ideas. We need to combat bad ideas with better ones. With good ones.

To Dan’s credit, he admits peaceful rational discourse is still needed and that 9.9 times out of 10 he is non-violent. But I hope, if he reads this, he will see that not only is he wrong in assuming all Nazis advocate for ethnic genocide, but that we also need to give people their right to believe and promote whatever they want to in America without assaulting them. And I hope he will see that once you don’t, and you assault someone for their ideas, you become the authoritarian fascist monster you are against.

Be Fearless. Be Free.

[myraelvira]

Various Places of Interest: California Edition

1. Pre Plastic Junk Museum

Image from clui.org Also known as PPJ, the venue is seemingly mentioned only on clui.org. I cannot seem to find any information about the place anywhere else online. Located in Red Mountain, the premise is that it has (or had? Not sure if it’s even still around anymore) a collection of things and artifacts scavenged from the desert. Includes a large wooden fishing boat labeled as part of the China Lake Fishing Fleet. If anyone just so happens to know if this place still exists, or any other info about, please consider letting me know. I would love to learn the history of this place. 2. Red Mountain

image from ghosttowns.com An unincorporated town in San Bernadino County, originally it was named ‘Osdick’ after a man with the same last name (P.J. Osdick). Created in 1919, it received a post office under its former name in 1922. In early 1929, they changed the town name to Red Mountain. Red Mountain has a small population, about 130 or so people. It’s approximately 23 miles north of Kramer Junction, and 23 ( or 32 depending on your source) south of Randsburg. It is also one of “three active ghost towns”, the other two being Randsburg and Johannesburg. The town also seems to have many of the original buildings from the mining days, including cabins, saloons, and a church. Apparently the main highway in the area (hwy 395) still has the original houses, which the current population lives in today. One website (ghosttowns.com) states that the “old general store looks like heck but is still in use”. If you want to see a timeline about the town, visit the ghosttowns.com link I’ll provide in the sources. It’s a real interesting place. The website has images sent in, though they look pretty old, at least by 20 years. Currently I’m unsure if any of these buildings are around anymore. Finally, there is a really interesting museum called the Historic Owl Cafe, which is a bit out of town when you look on a map. There is plenty of history on the area on their website, which I’ll also link below. 3. Burro Schmidt Tunnel

image from clui.org A 2,000 foot long tunnel located in the El Paso mountains in the Mojave, Burro Schmidt Tunnel took 38 years to finish. Different sources state that it was started in 1906 and finished after 32 years, where others state it was started in 1902 and finished after 38 years. Started by William Henry “Burro” Schmidt (1871-1953) with hand tools and explosives in order to transport the ore from his mine to the processing site, Schmidt devoted over 32 years of his life to the tunnel.

He was mining gold in the El Paso mountains ans was faced with a dangerous ridge between the mining claims he had and the smelter in the south. He said that he would “never haul his ore to the Mojave smelter down that back trail” with his two burros, and started in 1902 on the tunnel. Originally coming to California from Rhode Island after six of his siblings died of tuberculosis, he’d hire himself out as a ranch hand every summer while working on the tunnel.

Not saying much more than it being a shortcut, ‘Burro’ as he was called, removed rubble with a wheelbarrow and sometimes carried it on his back. He reportedly had abdominal muscles so strong that forced him to bend permanently.

In 1920, a road was completed from Last Chance Canyon to the Mojave, which took away the need for the tunnel, but by this time, Schmidt was obsessed and kept mining his way through the tunnel. In 1938 he completed his goal, but never used the tunnel to move his ore. He later sold the tunnel to another miner and moved away. I’m not sure what may have happened in between this time, but later in his life, Burro started giving tours of the tunnel with a partner named Mike Lee. Burro gave tours until he died in 1954, and Lee continued until he passed in 1963.  

In 1963, a woman named Evelyn ‘Tonie’ Seger bought the property with her third husband Milo, moving into a small cabin owned by the property owner who bought the land from Burro Schmidt. Apparently the couple moved to the area because they felt it was the best place to be, since Milo was dying. Less than a year later from moving in, Milo passed away while they were filling water containers from a spring.

The site attracts a lot visitors, who can take still take tours of the tunnel, which only takes 30 minutes itself to walk through. Reportedly there could be as much as 50 visitors on a good weekend to the tunnel. The tour includes looking at the shack that Burro Schmidt himself stayed in, which was filled with newspapers, magazines, and Aunt Jemima pancake boxes as insulation.

Tonie Seger was the keeper of the tunnel for 40 years, giving lectures on the subject and even writing a profile about Burro Schmidt in the book ‘Odd and Eccentric People’. Tonie Seger herself was an ‘Odd and eccentric’ person, where many people called her ‘The Old Lady of The Desert’ since it was such an oddity to see an old woman in the desert. Many people came to the tunnel to see her also. In 2003, Seger passed away at the age of 95.

After Seger’s death, there has been owership disputes between the US Bureau of Land Management and Seger’s descendants. Seger’s caretaker Dave Ayers was also supposed to be granted ownership with a Mr. F. Schmidt (a descendant of Burro maybe?). While the historic buildings were transferred to Seger’s granddaughter, but the BLM assumed ownership after a notice of abandonment was made. The BLM tried contacting the granddaughter, but apparently none of the attempts were made fruitful. Ayers was offered the opportunity to sign a memorandum, of understanding where the BLM were the full time caretakers of the site. Ayers refused to sign as he wanted to be the paid caretaker and left to work somewhere else as he had no legal right to be on site without signing the memorandum. So as far as I know, the Burro tunnel is owned by the US government.

At some point, Uncle Sam decided to put a fence around the Burro house, since it was a victim of vandalism. Though you can’t legally walk inside, you can still look at the building from the outside. If you want to see more pictures of the cabin that he lived in, with the time capsule insulation, I really recommend this blog post from yankee barbeno:

https://yankeebarbareno.com/2014/04/13/burro-schmidt-tunnel-and-shanty-1906-1930s/ The tunnel has been featured on Ripley’s Believe it or Not, and an episode of ‘California’s Gold’. The site was added to the National Register of Historical Places on March 20th, 2003. Finally, the mine overlooks the ghost towns of Garlock and Saltdale. Apparently from certain points though, you can see the old mining town of Randsburg too, which is about 20 miles away.

[SOURCES] wikipedia http://clui.org/ludb/site/burro-schmidt-tunnel https://www.ghosttowns.com/states/ca/redmountain.html http://digital-desert.com/red-mountain-ca/ https://www.redmtnkellysilver.com/ https://www.desertusa.com/desert-prospecting/burro-schmidt-tunnel.html https://www.latimes.com/archives/la-xpm-2003-jun-15-me-seger15-story.html https://www.amazon.com/Eccentric-People-Library-Curious-Unusual/dp/0809477238 https://www.findagrave.com/memorial/8398514/william-henry-schmidt https://www.kcet.org/shows/artbound/william-burro-schmidt-and-his-tunnel-to-nowhere

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Best WordPress Retail Themes

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Best WordPress Retail Themes

We know, running your own business is a big, big challenge.  That’s why you need the perfect retail WordPress theme to help you sell your products.  WooCommerce is one of the best themes for selling retail products and the selection of themes you can choose, well, it’s exhaustive.  High quality retail themes come in all shapes and sizes, so what’s the best?

How do you know where to start?  Well, we hope you start with our list, the freshest themes around, updated constantly.  And if you’re here, I guess that’s exactly what you’ve done.

If you’re looking to get started with eCommerce, we think WooCommerce is a perfect choice.  Why?  Well, first of all it’s free.

WooCommerce was forked from Jigoshop and since then, it’s come a long way to become the most popular and flexible solution for selling products online.  Whether you’re selling digital downloads or tangible products, WooCommerce can help you set up a shop quickly.  The learning curve is really fast with WooCommerce too, so you won’t spend weeks or months trying to learn how it works.

That means you’ll have more time to fine-tune your website and spend your time running your business, not learning all of the ins and outs of the software itself.  If you’re selling jewelry, clothes, electronic products and gadgets, digitally downloadable files, rocket ships, candy and cakes or whatever else you can imagine.  Track your inventory, add sale prices, set up shipping, track clicks and taxes.  WooCommerce is perfect for leveling the playing field so you can go toe-to-toe with the big online stores or big-box brick and mortar places you’re competing with.

That’s awesome.

Anyway, here we go, the very best retail themes available for WordPress.

Bishop

When you have a business, it is essential to make sure that you become prolific, and that your business becomes profitable—no matter if it’s big or small. However, most of the time, people get confused as to how they can market their business—especially online. Well, with that, Bishop might just be the theme that can save you! Basically, Bishop is a theme that’s specifically made for eCommerce purposes. Being neat and responsive, it is the perfect theme that can help you show your clients—and potential clients—your products or services, and help them learn more about your business, as well. It’s easy to manage and navigate as it comes with a drag-and-drop builder, and three special homepage layouts that you can choose from, depending on your needs and preferences.

Even without knowing anything about code, Bishop can help you make use of amazing, patterned backgrounds that can give more definition to your blog. This theme also features the following: quick product view popups—that you can click after something in the list catches your eye; product filtering options, so you can easily segregate the products that you’re featuring; solid codes and search engine optimization for easy search rank improvement; an extremely responsive web design that makes way for easy navigation, and easy page loading; currency switchers, so your readers won’t have a hard time understanding or converting prices; retina and mobile ready, for easy integration on any device; and is fully integrated with WooCommerce—so you can make it easy for potential buyers to shop or patronize your services. You can even choose your own dashboard, or customize the theme even better, and also get constructive feedback from your readers—so you can improve your blog and business even better. Surely, with the help of Bishop, you can be certain that your business will thrive!

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Hestia Pro

What’s Hestia Pro all about?  Well, it’s a flat, material design style WordPress theme that packs a lot of information into a single page format, using parallax scrolling and a highly adjustable layout to create the page you have in mind.  With WooCommerce, you can turn Hestia Pro into a full featured app sales page too, so if that’s what you want from a theme, Hestia Pro is a wonderful choice.  For flat themes, a simple that can ‘roll with the punches’ is what you want, adjusting to any kind of content without overshadowing it.  That’s what Hestia Pro succeeds at doing, in my opinion.

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Milo

Milo, from Made by Minimal, is a modern and sleek portfolio theme that does an excellent job of letting your content speak for itself.  This WooCommerce ready, minimalist portfolio and blogging theme is completely responsive.  No matter what device, this theme looks fantastic.  Desktop or laptop, Android or iPhone, the sleek and crisp, modern style looks fantastic.  For shops that do a lot of online business, that can be a really great feature to have, since the minimalist and responsive themes tend to load up quicker, you’ll get fewer folks abandoning their carts in frustration.  With all of Made by Minimal’s themes, which come in at a little more than other themes ($100), you get access to all four of their premium, minimalist blog and portfolio themes.  (They’re all WooCommerce ready too.)  So it’s a pretty good bargain, especially if you’re not sure exactly what kind of theme you want.  Sometimes you change your mind.  I know, I’ve done it.  That makes this deal pretty solid at $25 a pop.

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Divi

When choosing between different WordPress WooCommerce themes, one of the top choices is the Divi theme. Created by Elegant Themes, the Divi theme is best known for its WYSIWYG editor. Its main advantage is its built-in visual page builder where you can make changes to your website and see the changes applied in real time.

With the Divi theme, everything is customizable including fonts, spacing, CSS, rows, columns, images etc. The Divi theme also boasts a responsive design. It has more than twenty pre-built layouts and 46+ content elements that you can mix and match to create any webpage design element.  As a WYSIWYG editor, Divi allows you to adjust the heights and widths of any page element; edit and add new text content; change the user interface; add, copy, or delete any page design element; and drag, drop, and rearrange any content.

The Divi theme includes different page elements or short codes that can help enhance your website like audio player, blog, buttons, accordions, counters, comments, additional codes, page dividers, email opt-in forms, filterable portfolios, galleries, headers, shops, pricing tables, sliders, social media buttons, tabs, testimonials, toggle pages, videos, and video sliders.  Check out our full review of Divi here.

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Ultra

Looking for an incredible WooCommerce theme? One that’s flexible and powerful, allowing you to easily create a layout that perfectly fits the products you’re selling, even if you’re not an expert at web design or coding?  Have you taken a look at Ultra yet?  If not, please to, I think this is really among the very best eCommerce themes around.  Whether you choose to use WooCommerce or not, Ultra is a perfect fit, though I tend to recommend Woo-Commerce thanks to the wide range of addons and extensions you can use to power up you online shop.  With over five dozen demo sites included, each one eCommerce ready, you’re definitely going to find a style and a layout that you love.  But don’t worry if it’s in need of a few tweaks, Ultra is a drag and drop page builder, meaning you can add functions and content areas where you want them, making your site absolutely customized to be exactly what you want.

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Narcos

With several cool and lovely layout styles to choose from, I think Narcos is a flexible and well designed WooCommerce WordPress theme.  Narcos is a blog, a portfolio and an online shop all rolled into one, which makes it a real multipurpose theme.  Created by Tesla Themes and made for businesses who want a sort of vintage inspired look, this theme is a really solid choice for folks who want a well coded, responsive, multi-page or single page WooCommerce theme option for blog, for corporate websites, creative agencies, personal portfolio sites and more.  Since it was created by Tesla Themes, Narcos is fully documented and well supported too.

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Shoppe

This is the Shoppe WordPress theme, from Themify.me, and it’s another in a long line of great looking WooCommerce themes that these guys have come up with.  What Shoppe offers is a very beautiful and modern style with features to match, all built to help make your online enterprise a smashing success.  Themify have included demo data with your purchase, so you can upload that and then edit the existing pages, which can help you get started quicker than with some other themes.  Shoppe uses the power of Themify’s drag and drop page builder to let you craft a site with any feature and any layout you need.

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Amaryllis

Amaryllis is a nice looking WooCommerce ready WordPress theme that was built with fashion shops in mind, though it’s also well designed to sell products in just about any niche.  That’s thanks to the simple, clean design that means any products will be highlighted in a professional and beautiful way.  Amyrillis offers a unique design that helps make your business look very professional, no matter your niche.  With WooCommerce, or any of the other major eCommerce plugins, you can quickly and efficiently set up shop to sell your products.

Amaryllis employs a drag and drop page builder to help make your site look precisely like you want it to look.  There are multiple custom widgets to help with growing your social media presence, which is increasingly important these days.  Jetpack is fully supported too and since Amaryllis isvery well coded, it’s SEO properties are helpful for ranking.  This theme also works hand in hand with the top SEO plugins like Yoast and All-In-One SEO.  With Amaryllis, you get a very user friendly, incredibly flexible theme that will definitely help your business run as smoothly as possible.

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Adventure

Answer the call to Adventure!  This theme is a stylish, fun and well organized WooCommerce ready theme that’s meant mostly for travel blogs, but as a standalone shop, it’s a great choice too.  Nearly any kind of blog will work well with this theme and you can establish your online presence quickly, tailoring each page and post to fit your brand.  Swap out colors, fonts and layouts with ease.  Organic Themes has made sure that every line of code is up to the current WordPress codex standards and since Adventure is perfectly responsive, it looks amazing on all devices, no matter what.  Everything that Adventure does is built to make sure your eCommerce shop is easy to use, flexible and what’s most important, your conversion rates are bound to go up.

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Studio 8

Studio 8 is a blog theme with a stylish portfolio and WooCommerce support, so it’s a very nice solution for designers, shops and companies who want to offer a full website without breaking the bank.  Studio 8 is ideal for creative professionals, for photographers, advertising and design agencies, web designers and more.  The ability to showcase your products and sell them is a really nice touch and since WooCommerce is completely free, you won’t have to spend an arm and a leg purchasing an expensive license or paying a monthly subscription fee to set up a shop.  Pretty sweet!

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Float

With themify.me’s powerful, user friendly and feature-rich drag and drop page builder, a thorough and easy to implement customization panel, SEO optimization, fast page load times, tons of user friendly options and a simple interface, all Float needed to do was add WooCommerce support and we’d highly recommend it on this collection.  Well, they went and did it.  Float is a parallax, creative eCommerce theme with multiple pre-created demo sites to help you showcase your products or posts, highlighting your content in a professional and fun way.  Float is SEO friendly, it loads up really quickly, the blog is clean and attractive and Float is completely responsive, which is a key in this day and age.  If you’re not completely satisfied with any of the pre-made demo sites, you can always change things up using Themeify’s drag and drop page builder, which is included for free.  And best of all, you don’t even need to know anything about coding to make use of it.  Nice touch!

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CoupShop

For your online store, you’ll need a great looking theme with tons of features, a theme that’s simple to use as it is beautiful.  That could be Coup, a wonderfully clean. crisp, modern, simple to use and powerful theme for online shops.  Coup Shop, from Themes Kingdom, is powerful, it’s simple to use and it’s filled with options.  Themes Kingdom always does a great job of making their themes easy to operate, powerful enough for experts but simple enough for a beginner to get started with.  With a simple design, Coup Shop can work well for all kinds of products, from electronic gadgets to furniture, clothing and accessories or whatever else you can imagine.

For an amazing online shop, you need look no further than Coup Shop, a delightfully simple, user friendly and powerful eCommerce theme for all kinds of online shops.  Themes Kingdom is the group behind Coup Shop and they’ve done all they can to make sure this theme is easy to operate, easy to adjust and it’s really got enough features for any site.  Of course, the simple and minimal style lends itself to all kinds of online shops, so you’re definitely able to frame any type of product with ease, making it look enticing.  Whether you’re selling tech products, jewelry or something else, even digital downloads, Coup Shop is a wonderful choice.

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Zerif Pro

Zerif Pro is pretty unique when compared to a lot of WooCommerce themes on this list.  Why?  Well, it’s a one page theme, for one thing.  That’s possible because of the Site Origin Page Builder, which gives Zerif Pro a huge amount of design flexibility, putting products, blog, portfolio, pricing table and more, all on one page.  The net effect is a simple, clean and efficient site that can really help you sell products.  It’s probably not ideal for companies that have a ton of products like clothing stores, but if you’re selling apps, SEO services, software or something like that, Zerif Pro could be amazing.

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Hugo

WordPress WooCommerce themes like the Hugo is a premium theme geared towards ecommerce sites owners who want their brands to stand out. The Hugo theme boasts of a customizable elegant design that can support the WooCommerce plugin in your website. The main advantage of the Hugo theme is its page builder options. You can build your site pages by using either Elementor, Divi, and SiteOrigin Page Builders. All these page builders are included in the Hugo Theme.

As a go-to theme for an ecommerce site, Hugo includes all the different page templates that a site owner may need like a shop index, testimonials, blog, multiple types of product pages, contact page, and a customer account page.  Furthermore, included in the Hugo theme are different theme options where you can make any design changes to your site, .po and .mo translation files, optimized site pages, and a retina-ready responsive design.  You can create a website that is easily modified with the use of the drag and drop page builder. It allows you to see the changes you made on your site right away.  The Hugo theme is also SEO optimized and includes a built-in option to edit your site’s and any post’s on-page SEO descriptions.

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Foxy

Foxy is a WooCommerce theme from Elegant Themes, it’s a simple but highly stylistic theme that could be just what you’re looking for.  This is a theme with an opinion, if you know what I mean.  It’s not a neutral, minimal style template, it’s got a bold style that’s not incredibly flexible.  But if the style fits your brand, it’s a great way to go, because it’s well crafted and it works fast.  I think Foxy could be great for software sales, SEO companies, apps and stuff like that.  If you want to sell products or services, you’ll need a great shopping cart and for many, WooCommerce is that shopping cart of choice.  Check out the links below for more information.

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Bold

For a WooCommerce ready theme that doesn’t look like all the other themes out there, Organic Themes’ Bold magazine and blog theme is a great choice.  This theme really is unique.  Bold was created using the Organic Themes framework called ‘Seed’.  Seed makes it simple to create a custom look and style for your website, but that’s just the beginning.  Bold is WooCommerce ready, which means you’ll be able to set up and online shop with ease.  Add on any of WooCommerce’s extensions and add-ons to create a full service online shop.  Whether you’re selling digital downloads or hard goods, this theme works well.  As with all Organic Themes, this template is simple to adapt to any sort of shop and the customer service is outstanding.

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Elegance Pro

This is Elegance Pro, a beautiful and simple eCommerce theme for WordPress.  If you’re looking for a simple, effective and attractive theme, one that’s incredibly stable, SEO friendly and easy to use, that’s Elegance Pro.  This theme is a Genesis child theme, which means it’s got that clean code base that makes it a really great option for an eCommerce site.  Elegance Pro is graceful and minimal at the same time, it does a wonderful job of showing big, bold, beautiful images and combining that with a simple to manage online store.  If you want a refined, polished theme, with custom built page templates, easy to manage color schemes, social networking plugins for Instagram and more, a news widget and contact form built in, you should certainly consider Elegance Pro as your next web template.

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Beatrix

Got the entrepreneurial spirit?  Well, that’s half the battle, now all you need is a fantastic website to help you get the job done, earn some money and grow your business.  Beatrix was built specifically for self employed folks who make their own products to sell.  It’s sort of a ‘one person Etsy’ shop and it can really help you to build a reputation for quality.  Beatrix helps you pursue your passion of creating cool stuff while earning a little bit of money at the same time.  Even if you didn’t hand make your products, Beatrix is a great fit for watch shops, jewelry stores, antique stores and more, because it’s simple enough and sleek enough to work for nearly any style of product.  You can even use Beatrix as an awesome multi-vendor marketplace site, where users can create their own accounts and sell products on your site whil you take a small commission from every sale.  (Find more multi vendor themes in our collection, which can be found here.)

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Shop Isle Pro

This is Shop Isle Pro, another great WooCommerce ready WP theme from Theme Isle.  Shop Isle Pro is responsive, it’s multipurpose and it’s perfect for all sorts of online shops, no matter what kind of product you’re selling.  You can create an awesome front page for your online webstore in just minutes, customizing any setting you want to customize.  While WooCommerce is powerful right out of the box, you can also add on some great functionality with extensions like product addons, affiliate programs, PayPal by Braintree, Stripe or Amazon Pay gateways, WooSubscriptions, coupons, dynamic pricing, shipment tracing and a whole lot more.

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Create

Create is a powerful, premium WordPress theme that was created by ThemeTrust and I really recommend this theme if you’re building an online shop using WordPress.  Create is packed with features that make it a solid choice and ThemeTrust keeps adding features every month.  Create utilizes a drag and drop page builder, made by Site Origin, to allow the admin to craft a site with a unique and powerful layout and all of the features your site needs to be a smashing success.  This theme does it all, with either a boxed or a full width layout, parallax scrolling, video backgrounds, single page navigation, slick looking portfolios, professional blog templates, contact forms…the list goes on and on.  All of that in a beautiful, responsive and retina ready display.  This is truly a premium template.

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[trendingnewsb]

6 Famous People Whose Origin Stories Are Dark Secrets

Nobody expects celebrities to actually be exactly the way they portray themselves publicly. Bruce Willis doesn’t go around killing terrorists every day (that probably happens, like, every other weekend). When you’re famous, it’s understood that you’ll have to bullshit a little and cultivate an image that appeals to your audience. But some do less cultivating and more top-to-bottom renovations. It’s always shocking when famous people turn out to be the complete opposite of what they’re famous for. And that’s the case with …

6

Kid Rock Was Born Rich And Grew Up In A Huge-Ass Mansion

No “celebrity goes into politics” story will ever be weird again, but the announcement that Kid Rock might run for Senate still managed to turn a few heads. After all, his biggest claim to fame was supposedly spending a summer “trying different things … smoking funny things,” and based on his ability to rhyme “things” with “things,” he surely has no better than an eighth-grade education, right?

Rock wants us to think he’s some rough-and-tumble country boy, but that couldn’t be farther from the truth. His childhood home in Macomb County, Michigan recently sold for nearly $1.3 million, which we’re reasonably sure would be enough to buy whole towns around there. It turns out that his dad owned two luxury car dealerships and made some not-insignificant amounts of money.

Romeo High School “Your little rec center shall make a great showroom for our Bentleys. Papa will be most pleased.”

Mr. and Mrs. Rock’s “four-bedroom, four-bath, neo-Georgian colonial house” is over 5,000 square feet, has an indoor Jacuzzi, amenities out the wazoo, and the property itself contains an apple orchard. Rock has tried to flaunt his down-home country style and use it to smear politicians as “out of touch.” That doesn’t have the same gravity now that we know his past.

Adam Serwer/Twitter That’s a sad burger for so many reasons.

5

Rapper Rick Ross Was A Prison Guard

Florida rapper Rick Ross is best known for his songs about nonstop hustling and pushing it to the limit (“it” being all of the drugs). Hell, he got his name from a drug kingpin. That’s why it was kind of a shocker when it came out that Ross was a corrections officer (read: prison guard) prior to getting into the rap game.

After the story broke about his previous life of literally the opposite of crime, Ross originally denied it, but somehow the media managed to get ahold of pay stubs that proved it. For about two years in the mid-’90s, he worked as a CO in Florida. Granted, that makes him more of a badass than being a CO in, say, Terre Haute, Indiana, but it didn’t help his street cred any.

Florida Department of Corrections, Maybach Music Group His earliest songs were about how much he hated that Urkel kid who kept visiting his house.

Even 50 Cent took a jab at Ross in a rap to point out how dumb it was for Rozay to keep acting like he was something he wasn’t. After all, if you’re only learning about smuggling drugs and weapons from someone else’s case file instead of doing it yourself, can you sincerely say your raps come from the heart?

Probably thanks to some magical PR whiz, Ross finally owned up to his past. Rather than dismiss his old job as some kind of phase, he managed to call it a “hustle” in its own right. (We’re beginning to think that absolutely anything can be a hustle as long as one declares it so.)

4

Ron Jeremy Was A Special Education Teacher

Lots of people watch porn — about 67 percent of you are only reading this while you wait for some to load. Even the “casual” viewer can probably name a fair number of lady porn stars, but for some reason, about the only male porn actor most people can identify is Ron Jeremy. He’s been the mustachioed face of videotaped boning for decades, but believe it or not, that wasn’t really his Plan A.

On an episode of Judge Pirro, Jeremy admitted that his background was in theater, and that he’d gone on to get a master’s degree in special education. As in working with disabled kids.

Jeremy is happy to talk about his educator past, and always considered his teaching degree his fallback option, or “ace in the hole” (that’s probably not the only thing he’s called that). He majored in theater in college, and much like theater majors of today, he went and tacked on an education degree “just in case.”

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What Movie News Should You Know RIGHT NOW (11/24/17)

One time, Jeremy and a friend (the school psychologist) picked up a couple of women and brought them back to what they claimed was their “hotel,” which was in truth the school for developmentally challenged kids where they worked. The building used to be a hotel, so they didn’t lie, precisely, but that’s the kind of thing you’d expect from the future star of Ebony Humpers 2. They also told the ladies that they were going to a convention for doctors, which was pure bullshit. In the morning, Jeremy and his friend brought the women up to the “hotel restaurant,” cleverly disguised as a goddamned school cafeteria. (The kids there were reportedly quite thrilled to meet them.)

3

The “Blue Collar” Comedy Tour Is Pretty Well-Educated

The Blue Collar Comedy Tour is a group of comedians who joined forces when they realized they were essentially using the same shtick, so why not put on a show together? And put on a show they did, because as far as Larry the Cable Guy and Jeff Foxworthy go, their entire careers are an act.

Most people are probably smart enough to assume that Larry the Cable Guy is not in fact named Larry the Cable Guy. What fewer people know is that he’s as far from “Southern” as it gets. He’s originally from Nebraska, which is definitely rural, but not “The hell kind of accent you got there, boy?” rural. The closest he got was that attending Baptist University in Decatur, Georgia (to major in drama and speech), but even so, that means he went to Georgia to go to college. That’s like your friend who studied abroad in Ireland coming back to America with a Cockney accent.

Seriously, watch him duck in and out of his “Southern” accent. It’s creepy:

Foxworthy, at least, is a native Georgian. His accent is real. But asking him to host Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader was an interesting choice, because he almost certainly is — dude went to Georgia Tech.

Granted, he didn’t graduate, but that’s in part because he landed a job working for his father at IBM in mainframe computer maintenance. Foxworthy, for his part, has tried to downplay it. There’s an obvious dichotomy between “college-educated computer guy” and “redneck” in our culture, but Jeff thinks there’s a bit more nuance than that:

“Here’s the problem that the media makes: They tend to think if you gave rednecks a billion dollars they wouldn’t be rednecks anymore. Look at Elvis — he put carpet on the ceiling. We wouldn’t wear Armani suits, we would just go to every NASCAR race.”

Someone should maybe tell him that Armani makes rather comfortable sweatpants.

2

Only One Of The Beach Boys Could Surf

Surfing isn’t merely a fun beach activity — it’s a lifestyle, brah. As soon as people discovered they could ride waves, it became a culture in itself. Nobody embodied that culture in the 1960s better than the Beach Boys, with their songs about the beach, fast cars, psychedelic farm animals, and then the beach again. They knew everything there was to know about taming the wild waves and impressing those California girls with their surf moves. Right? Right?

Well, no. Only one of them could surf.

Dennis Wilson, the drummer, was the only band member who knew the correct end of a surfboard. In 1961, he told fellow Beach Boys Brian Wilson and Mike Love, “Hey, surfing’s getting really big. You guys ought to write a song about it.” And then more songs about it …

… and then a couple of albums about it …

… and then an entire career about it. Had Dennis picked another random hobby, today they’d be known as the Model Train Building Boys. The band basically owes their success to Dennis’ suggestion. Although he also introduced them to his buddy Charles Manson, so not all of his ideas were so good.

Sadly, Dennis passed away in the very California ocean he loved after falling off a boat at age 39. His legacy lives on in every pastel-colored surf shack up and down the Pacific coast, and in the hearts of every Los Angeles tourist who tries surfing with a Groupon on a Saturday afternoon.

1

Neocon Poster Boy Milo Yiannopoulos Was (And Probably Still Is) A Total Dweeb

Milo Yiannopoulos is … no, not the main character from Disney’s Atlantis: The Lost Empire. He’s this guy:

You may know him as the firebrand Breitbart editor whose swagger lets him get away with spouting fascist rhetoric for a little too long, turning thousands of confused young men into his personal fan club and helping push them closer to all-out xenophobia. Yiannopoulos has been known to flirt with Nazi ideas and imagery, and — despite straight-up asking white supremacists for snazzy new Breitbart story angles — it’s all OK! He’s only “trolling.” When he talks about the evils of immigration or how trans people don’t deserve basic dignity, he’s not repeating the same backwards bullshit your grandpa used to complain about on the dinner table; he’s writing genius political satire, you see. Truly, a Voltaire for the age of Twitter. (Or Facebook, since Twitter banned his ass.)

But before all this, Yiannopoulos got his start as a rather inept and awkward tech writer for a bunch of websites, including Breitbart, and he looked like this:

That’s Yiannopoulos showing off his dorky, possibly Nazi ring, and presumably posing for his MySpace photo. Wonder what that profile would’ve entailed? Maybe something about how he likes to write poetry (read: plagiarize Tori Amos lyrics) for fun? Perhaps something further about how video game fans are losers and psychopaths, despite using that whole ridiculous #Gamergate saga to further his career? Months before “freedom of speech” became his battle cry and the excuse for his particular brand of outrageous dickishness, Yiannopoulos wrote a whole Breitbart column about how those goshdarn video games (which are enjoyed by “unemployed saddos living in their parents’ basements”) were probably to blame for the Elliot Rodger murders, and someone ought to do something about them.

How did he evolve his writing style from “angry letter writer at your local newspaper” to “edgiest shitlord on the internet”? He didn’t. His current work is largely ghost-written and researched by people he actively works to maintain uncredited and anonymous, because if he doesn’t get all the fame and attention, then what even is the point? Yiannopoulos is barely a person; he’s a crappy Halloween mask precariously placed on top of a heap of regressive ideas society had already flushed down the toilet. By the way, it was an unassuming teenage journalist from Canada who put the brakes on Yiannopoulos’ rising star by digging up his pro-pedophilia comments from 2016. (If it wasn’t for that, he’d probably have his own show on Fox News by now.) We’re sure it wasn’t the Universe’s intention to violently punish him in the most ironic way possible — it was just a prank, bro.

Isaac feels like a fraud pretty much every day. Follow him on Twitter.

Feel like Kid Rock has betrayed you? Don’t go cold turkey, instead try a KICK ROCKS shirt as a way to cope with the pain.

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Check out Robert Evans’ A Brief History of Vice: How Bad Behavior Built Civilization, a celebration of the brave, drunken pioneers who built our civilization one seemingly bad decision at a time.

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[geek-gem]

So Disney Bought Fox

Well basically it's not 20th Century Fox anymore it's 21st Century Fox....okay I'm gonna be honest and will tag this. I had found out about this information on Tumblr and liked some posts that I'll reblog after this. But I didn't wanna talk about it because of a therapist also even at one point told her Disney are slowly taking over everything and I think Disney bought Fox that's what I told her.

Yet I wanted to see a video by TheFilmJunkee and it's just fucking hilarious. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=dQN6aZdNgC4 I watched the video twice and well before the 2nd time I looked at some comments. Including before hand spoilers before I watched video I pressed the back button then I heard a song and clicked on the video again.

Including what's amazing the image seen in the video it's on Tumblr and it just makes me laugh now. Including rewinded just that part of him drinking and the song. Even after that I went didn't wanna watch videos but comments below a Hybrid Network video but not the biggest fan these days. Including trying to find out who wrote that Simpsons episode almost left the word Disney.

Turns out the guy who wrote the episode it's named, "When You Dish Upon A Star". The guy is still alive because seriously how in the hell are these predictions just what the fuck. I'm hearing Dave's voice from TheFilmJunkee reading this.

Yet okay I'll get to the main topic. But I wanna mention this and forgot to mention as the first thing. But I feel the other stuff is important. That joke yet actual concern from one of my posts. I said to myself twice the fear of Disney buying the rights to the Sonic The Hedgehog franchise in a way relates to this crap.

But just forgot stuff and.... basically I'll be more detailed and talk about my opinions on this.

Also seriously those comments trolls just can't let people fucking enjoy other shit that isn't the God damn MCU. I even yell at the comments and say you would be doing the same thing is Marvel was in DC's place. Just saying I like the DCEU while disappointed at Justice League because some shit done to the film just shook some seconds.

Also I remembered writing that paragraph now remember again. I was seriously thinking why was this December 14th date to buy Fox so close to Star Wars The Last Jedi close....listen contracts are different. Including this stupid idea I mean Disney has a lot of money so Star Wars can't make the amount of money if possible to pay I mean it's already payed. Yet read on those Tumblr posts it will be finalized.

Also the net neutrality guys I'll still talk about this too don't worry. I honestly wanna talk about this now I will get to the main subject of it.

I did not like the idea of Disney buying Fox. While I'm not the biggest fan of Fox. I've talked about stuff like competition and diversity in films like different genres. But basically competition I've heard helps.

But what sucks my friend okay I'll mention him @fatpinkraccoon423 just it seems like I couldn't word it right or be very meaningful about the idea. Yet he seems I forgot to like it or not care okay I forgot. Because I wanna be honest. Yet he said quite some critical things on the comic book movie genre.

Including I've had mention at times I seriously don't like Disney. This mainly started last year and increased this year. Because of Gravity Falls ending but it's creator choose to end the series but I never watched the finale.

Yet over time with Wander Over Yonder being cancelled before a season 3. My dislike towards Disney increased. While I enjoyed films like Zootopia, The Jungle Book, Moana, and the new Beauty And The Beast these two years or some shit.

Also my disliking towards the MCU and how it was handled. While just I sound stupid saying this about the DCEU but now I understand. It had problems including Warner Bros fucking up some of the films with Justice League being a very big case of that. Yet I like what those films are doing. Still haven't seen Suicide Squad have the movie and Justice League should have the Snyder cut.

I mean seriously the MCU films can be quite enjoyable. I'll say this I saw Spider-Man Homecoming three times this year and that was a MCU film but released under Sony's stuff.

Including all the shit people some MCU fans or just trolls can't just fucking accept some people don't like the MCU and how they approach their films. I will say they are doing a more safe route but I'm not on board with that shit.

Seriously I haven't gave a shit about cartoons like Star Vs The Forces Of Evil because I don't care sometimes after season 1 and possibly this happened close to Gravity Falls ending. While I enjoyed Milo Murphy's Law because of a post I've decided to not watch any Disney related channel unless it's on TV somewhere and I don't care, or when my cousin T's baby girl my niece basically is here.

I even haven't seen the new DuckTales reboot because I'm still pissed off and my thing of not watching any Disney related.

Even though I have thought a times should I watch it but no yet at times I think I forgot. I've even thought maybe liking the custom character in Sonic Forces might help me with that but no. Along with the other time I'll watch a Disney related channel if Wander Over Yonder is on. It only happened on a weekend and that sucks okay oh head I mean I should be grateful the fact we had three nights of episodes with Sunday basically being almost all day. But it just sucks I missed the first night.

But now to more important things. Despite I've seen thumbnails and read comments. I don't fucking want Disney to even try to mess certain properties.

The biggest ones being well I'm not the biggest fan of the X-Men franchise. Yet I did like Deadpool but any film that Marvel and is R rated don't mess with that crap.

But I did support the idea of Fantastic Four being in the MCU because after all the shit that happened. They need a better movie and I think the Fantastic Four are cool. Including they be better probably in the MCU.

Now wanna say before I talk about other franchises. I've thought to myself why bought Fox then I thought of that Streaming service they wanna do after departing from Netflix and shit. To own some tv shows and shit.

So now I'll talk about the other franchises. We have Avatar now. As in the film from 2009 and just a little note for Disney Infinity sorry to mention some concept art or something their were plans for some Avatar figures. Yet the franchise wasn't bought. Honestly I'm not the biggest fan. Really it's a franchise I don't care and Disney can have it possibly.

Then we have the Planet Of The Apes franchise, again not the biggest fan. Yet with the recent films I've haven't seen Dawn or War but seen Rise. I thought Rise was a good film saw that film three times yet well yeah with friends and shit. The other two sound great but haven't seen much of the originals but I guess some of the original film or I don't know if I've seen all of it. Honestly just it has it's fans and I don't know what to say. In fact I feel kind of bad about saying that Avatar just does it still have a fanbase. Seriously again I don't like the film much sorry okay I wanna get to this part.

The Alien and Predator franchises. Including yesterday I had talked about that gameplay video from Ghost Recon Wild Lands and that Predator stuff they added. I seriously praised it.

But it's those two I worry about and I haven't seen AVPGalaxy as of now. I looked on it some days ago. Their were no news about the Fox and Disney merging thing. I'm wondering if now they will talk about it.

These are two film franchises I like. I'm excited for the Predator film next year. But I'm worried and even saw a Hybrid Network video on this. My worst fears were they would cancel both series of films. I'm gonna say both franchises have their ups and downs. Yet just the addition of new films is sometimes nice. Including video games and such.

I'm gonna mention this the thumbnails and comments I mentioned I forgot saying they will still do R rated stuff okay now I looked I didn't mention it at that one part.

Including I don't know just if this official Fox has a lot of stuff. Is that they have DreamWorks which I was very surprised by. Unless I'm wrong correct me please. Also Blue Sky now I remember. Including was thinking of talking about this in a status update on Deviantart.

Looked at my last paragraph. Honestly I was thinking if it's the way I think and that God damn Simpsons prediction and shit. Is that 20th Century Fox or 21st Century Fox I wanna call them 20th Century instead of this weird shit I'm being stupid or whatever.

But if the films release under their banner yet their still connected to Disney also this talk about Touchstone films and some shit and others. I'm some what fine or....I don't want Disney interfering with this shit.

Including I just don't wanna everything to be God damn jokes and whatever. Sorry I just wanna make this and sometimes hear my own voice and now TheFilmJunkee's or whatever.

I'm just seriously don't want Disney to fuck shit up. Just thought Disney should of bought Sony yet thought oh shit PlayStation and shit.

Got tags done and they still have a 20th Century Fox tag nice I mean it wouldn't be gone. Also almost left tags as rags.

Just Disney don't fuck shit up. I mean okay these are my random opinions and I wanted to share these

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Have you came across a ‘contractor from hell ‘? An unique whose company botched the helpful job you worked with all of them to do? An individual that is resistant to accept duty with regard to their problem? When our clients haven’t much, next you are really lucky. That it could receive prefer to irritating coping having this kind of others. The very last point individuals would likely really want whenever anyone split out money nothing but so finish up with a rushed job.

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Best WordPress Retail Themes

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Best WordPress Retail Themes

We know, running your own business is a big, big challenge.  That’s why you need the perfect retail WordPress theme to help you sell your products.  WooCommerce is one of the best themes for selling retail products and the selection of themes you can choose, well, it’s exhaustive.  High quality retail themes come in all shapes and sizes, so what’s the best?

How do you know where to start?  Well, we hope you start with our list, the freshest themes around, updated constantly.  And if you’re here, I guess that’s exactly what you’ve done.

If you’re looking to get started with eCommerce, we think WooCommerce is a perfect choice.  Why?  Well, first of all it’s free.

WooCommerce was forked from Jigoshop and since then, it’s come a long way to become the most popular and flexible solution for selling products online.  Whether you’re selling digital downloads or tangible products, WooCommerce can help you set up a shop quickly.  The learning curve is really fast with WooCommerce too, so you won’t spend weeks or months trying to learn how it works.

That means you’ll have more time to fine-tune your website and spend your time running your business, not learning all of the ins and outs of the software itself.  If you’re selling jewelry, clothes, electronic products and gadgets, digitally downloadable files, rocket ships, candy and cakes or whatever else you can imagine.  Track your inventory, add sale prices, set up shipping, track clicks and taxes.  WooCommerce is perfect for leveling the playing field so you can go toe-to-toe with the big online stores or big-box brick and mortar places you’re competing with.

That’s awesome.

Anyway, here we go, the very best retail themes available for WordPress.

Milo

Milo, from Made by Minimal, is a modern and sleek portfolio theme that does an excellent job of letting your content speak for itself.  This WooCommerce ready, minimalist portfolio and blogging theme is completely responsive.  No matter what device, this theme looks fantastic.  Desktop or laptop, Android or iPhone, the sleek and crisp, modern style looks fantastic.  For shops that do a lot of online business, that can be a really great feature to have, since the minimalist and responsive themes tend to load up quicker, you’ll get fewer folks abandoning their carts in frustration.  With all of Made by Minimal’s themes, which come in at a little more than other themes ($100), you get access to all four of their premium, minimalist blog and portfolio themes.  (They’re all WooCommerce ready too.)  So it’s a pretty good bargain, especially if you’re not sure exactly what kind of theme you want.  Sometimes you change your mind.  I know, I’ve done it.  That makes this deal pretty solid at $25 a pop.

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Divi

When choosing between different WordPress WooCommerce themes, one of the top choices is the Divi theme. Created by Elegant Themes, the Divi theme is best known for its WYSIWYG editor. Its main advantage is its built-in visual page builder where you can make changes to your website and see the changes applied in real time.

With the Divi theme, everything is customizable including fonts, spacing, CSS, rows, columns, images etc. The Divi theme also boasts a responsive design. It has more than twenty pre-built layouts and 46+ content elements that you can mix and match to create any webpage design element.  As a WYSIWYG editor, Divi allows you to adjust the heights and widths of any page element; edit and add new text content; change the user interface; add, copy, or delete any page design element; and drag, drop, and rearrange any content.

The Divi theme includes different page elements or short codes that can help enhance your website like audio player, blog, buttons, accordions, counters, comments, additional codes, page dividers, email opt-in forms, filterable portfolios, galleries, headers, shops, pricing tables, sliders, social media buttons, tabs, testimonials, toggle pages, videos, and video sliders.  Check out our full review of Divi here.

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Ultra

Looking for an incredible WooCommerce theme? One that’s flexible and powerful, allowing you to easily create a layout that perfectly fits the products you’re selling, even if you’re not an expert at web design or coding?  Have you taken a look at Ultra yet?  If not, please to, I think this is really among the very best eCommerce themes around.  Whether you choose to use WooCommerce or not, Ultra is a perfect fit, though I tend to recommend Woo-Commerce thanks to the wide range of addons and extensions you can use to power up you online shop.  With over five dozen demo sites included, each one eCommerce ready, you’re definitely going to find a style and a layout that you love.  But don’t worry if it’s in need of a few tweaks, Ultra is a drag and drop page builder, meaning you can add functions and content areas where you want them, making your site absolutely customized to be exactly what you want.

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Narcos

With several cool and lovely layout styles to choose from, I think Narcos is a flexible and well designed WooCommerce WordPress theme.  Narcos is a blog, a portfolio and an online shop all rolled into one, which makes it a real multipurpose theme.  Created by Tesla Themes and made for businesses who want a sort of vintage inspired look, this theme is a really solid choice for folks who want a well coded, responsive, multi-page or single page WooCommerce theme option for blog, for corporate websites, creative agencies, personal portfolio sites and more.  Since it was created by Tesla Themes, Narcos is fully documented and well supported too.

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Shoppe

This is the Shoppe WordPress theme, from Themify.me, and it’s another in a long line of great looking WooCommerce themes that these guys have come up with.  What Shoppe offers is a very beautiful and modern style with features to match, all built to help make your online enterprise a smashing success.  Themify have included demo data with your purchase, so you can upload that and then edit the existing pages, which can help you get started quicker than with some other themes.  Shoppe uses the power of Themify’s drag and drop page builder to let you craft a site with any feature and any layout you need.

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Amaryllis

Amaryllis is a nice looking WooCommerce ready WordPress theme that was built with fashion shops in mind, though it’s also well designed to sell products in just about any niche.  That’s thanks to the simple, clean design that means any products will be highlighted in a professional and beautiful way.  Amyrillis offers a unique design that helps make your business look very professional, no matter your niche.  With WooCommerce, or any of the other major eCommerce plugins, you can quickly and efficiently set up shop to sell your products.

Amaryllis employs a drag and drop page builder to help make your site look precisely like you want it to look.  There are multiple custom widgets to help with growing your social media presence, which is increasingly important these days.  Jetpack is fully supported too and since Amaryllis isvery well coded, it’s SEO properties are helpful for ranking.  This theme also works hand in hand with the top SEO plugins like Yoast and All-In-One SEO.  With Amaryllis, you get a very user friendly, incredibly flexible theme that will definitely help your business run as smoothly as possible.

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Adventure

Answer the call to Adventure!  This theme is a stylish, fun and well organized WooCommerce ready theme that’s meant mostly for travel blogs, but as a standalone shop, it’s a great choice too.  Nearly any kind of blog will work well with this theme and you can establish your online presence quickly, tailoring each page and post to fit your brand.  Swap out colors, fonts and layouts with ease.  Organic Themes has made sure that every line of code is up to the current WordPress codex standards and since Adventure is perfectly responsive, it looks amazing on all devices, no matter what.  Everything that Adventure does is built to make sure your eCommerce shop is easy to use, flexible and what’s most important, your conversion rates are bound to go up.

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Studio 8

Studio 8 is a blog theme with a stylish portfolio and WooCommerce support, so it’s a very nice solution for designers, shops and companies who want to offer a full website without breaking the bank.  Studio 8 is ideal for creative professionals, for photographers, advertising and design agencies, web designers and more.  The ability to showcase your products and sell them is a really nice touch and since WooCommerce is completely free, you won’t have to spend an arm and a leg purchasing an expensive license or paying a monthly subscription fee to set up a shop.  Pretty sweet!

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Float

With themify.me’s powerful, user friendly and feature-rich drag and drop page builder, a thorough and easy to implement customization panel, SEO optimization, fast page load times, tons of user friendly options and a simple interface, all Float needed to do was add WooCommerce support and we’d highly recommend it on this collection.  Well, they went and did it.  Float is a parallax, creative eCommerce theme with multiple pre-created demo sites to help you showcase your products or posts, highlighting your content in a professional and fun way.  Float is SEO friendly, it loads up really quickly, the blog is clean and attractive and Float is completely responsive, which is a key in this day and age.  If you’re not completely satisfied with any of the pre-made demo sites, you can always change things up using Themeify’s drag and drop page builder, which is included for free.  And best of all, you don’t even need to know anything about coding to make use of it.  Nice touch!

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CoupShop

For your online store, you’ll need a great looking theme with tons of features, a theme that’s simple to use as it is beautiful.  That could be Coup, a wonderfully clean. crisp, modern, simple to use and powerful theme for online shops.  Coup Shop, from Themes Kingdom, is powerful, it’s simple to use and it’s filled with options.  Themes Kingdom always does a great job of making their themes easy to operate, powerful enough for experts but simple enough for a beginner to get started with.  With a simple design, Coup Shop can work well for all kinds of products, from electronic gadgets to furniture, clothing and accessories or whatever else you can imagine.

For an amazing online shop, you need look no further than Coup Shop, a delightfully simple, user friendly and powerful eCommerce theme for all kinds of online shops.  Themes Kingdom is the group behind Coup Shop and they’ve done all they can to make sure this theme is easy to operate, easy to adjust and it’s really got enough features for any site.  Of course, the simple and minimal style lends itself to all kinds of online shops, so you’re definitely able to frame any type of product with ease, making it look enticing.  Whether you’re selling tech products, jewelry or something else, even digital downloads, Coup Shop is a wonderful choice.

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Zerif Pro

Zerif Pro is pretty unique when compared to a lot of WooCommerce themes on this list.  Why?  Well, it’s a one page theme, for one thing.  That’s possible because of the Site Origin Page Builder, which gives Zerif Pro a huge amount of design flexibility, putting products, blog, portfolio, pricing table and more, all on one page.  The net effect is a simple, clean and efficient site that can really help you sell products.  It’s probably not ideal for companies that have a ton of products like clothing stores, but if you’re selling apps, SEO services, software or something like that, Zerif Pro could be amazing.

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Hugo

WordPress WooCommerce themes like the Hugo is a premium theme geared towards ecommerce sites owners who want their brands to stand out. The Hugo theme boasts of a customizable elegant design that can support the WooCommerce plugin in your website. The main advantage of the Hugo theme is its page builder options. You can build your site pages by using either Elementor, Divi, and SiteOrigin Page Builders. All these page builders are included in the Hugo Theme.

As a go-to theme for an ecommerce site, Hugo includes all the different page templates that a site owner may need like a shop index, testimonials, blog, multiple types of product pages, contact page, and a customer account page.  Furthermore, included in the Hugo theme are different theme options where you can make any design changes to your site, .po and .mo translation files, optimized site pages, and a retina-ready responsive design.  You can create a website that is easily modified with the use of the drag and drop page builder. It allows you to see the changes you made on your site right away.  The Hugo theme is also SEO optimized and includes a built-in option to edit your site’s and any post’s on-page SEO descriptions.

Demo More Information Get Hosting

Foxy

Foxy is a WooCommerce theme from Elegant Themes, it’s a simple but highly stylistic theme that could be just what you’re looking for.  This is a theme with an opinion, if you know what I mean.  It’s not a neutral, minimal style template, it’s got a bold style that’s not incredibly flexible.  But if the style fits your brand, it’s a great way to go, because it’s well crafted and it works fast.  I think Foxy could be great for software sales, SEO companies, apps and stuff like that.  If you want to sell products or services, you’ll need a great shopping cart and for many, WooCommerce is that shopping cart of choice.  Check out the links below for more information.

Demo More Information Get Hosting

Bold

For a WooCommerce ready theme that doesn’t look like all the other themes out there, Organic Themes’ Bold magazine and blog theme is a great choice.  This theme really is unique.  Bold was created using the Organic Themes framework called ‘Seed’.  Seed makes it simple to create a custom look and style for your website, but that’s just the beginning.  Bold is WooCommerce ready, which means you’ll be able to set up and online shop with ease.  Add on any of WooCommerce’s extensions and add-ons to create a full service online shop.  Whether you’re selling digital downloads or hard goods, this theme works well.  As with all Organic Themes, this template is simple to adapt to any sort of shop and the customer service is outstanding.

Demo More Information Get Hosting

Elegance Pro

This is Elegance Pro, a beautiful and simple eCommerce theme for WordPress.  If you’re looking for a simple, effective and attractive theme, one that’s incredibly stable, SEO friendly and easy to use, that’s Elegance Pro.  This theme is a Genesis child theme, which means it’s got that clean code base that makes it a really great option for an eCommerce site.  Elegance Pro is graceful and minimal at the same time, it does a wonderful job of showing big, bold, beautiful images and combining that with a simple to manage online store.  If you want a refined, polished theme, with custom built page templates, easy to manage color schemes, social networking plugins for Instagram and more, a news widget and contact form built in, you should certainly consider Elegance Pro as your next web template.

Demo More Information Get Hosting

Beatrix

Got the entrepreneurial spirit?  Well, that’s half the battle, now all you need is a fantastic website to help you get the job done, earn some money and grow your business.  Beatrix was built specifically for self employed folks who make their own products to sell.  It’s sort of a ‘one person Etsy’ shop and it can really help you to build a reputation for quality.  Beatrix helps you pursue your passion of creating cool stuff while earning a little bit of money at the same time.  Even if you didn’t hand make your products, Beatrix is a great fit for watch shops, jewelry stores, antique stores and more, because it’s simple enough and sleek enough to work for nearly any style of product.  You can even use Beatrix as an awesome multi-vendor marketplace site, where users can create their own accounts and sell products on your site whil you take a small commission from every sale.  (Find more multi vendor themes in our collection, which can be found here.)

Demo More Information Get Hosting

Shop Isle Pro

This is Shop Isle Pro, another great WooCommerce ready WP theme from Theme Isle.  Shop Isle Pro is responsive, it’s multipurpose and it’s perfect for all sorts of online shops, no matter what kind of product you’re selling.  You can create an awesome front page for your online webstore in just minutes, customizing any setting you want to customize.  While WooCommerce is powerful right out of the box, you can also add on some great functionality with extensions like product addons, affiliate programs, PayPal by Braintree, Stripe or Amazon Pay gateways, WooSubscriptions, coupons, dynamic pricing, shipment tracing and a whole lot more.

Demo More Information Get Hosting

Create

Create is a powerful, premium WordPress theme that was created by ThemeTrust and I really recommend this theme if you’re building an online shop using WordPress.  Create is packed with features that make it a solid choice and ThemeTrust keeps adding features every month.  Create utilizes a drag and drop page builder, made by Site Origin, to allow the admin to craft a site with a unique and powerful layout and all of the features your site needs to be a smashing success.  This theme does it all, with either a boxed or a full width layout, parallax scrolling, video backgrounds, single page navigation, slick looking portfolios, professional blog templates, contact forms…the list goes on and on.  All of that in a beautiful, responsive and retina ready display.  This is truly a premium template.

Demo More Information Get Hosting

[templified]

Best WordPress Retail Themes

New Post has been published on https://www.templified.com/best-wordpress-retail-themes/

Best WordPress Retail Themes

We know, running your own business is a big, big challenge.  That’s why you need the perfect retail WordPress theme to help you sell your products.  WooCommerce is one of the best themes for selling retail products and the selection of themes you can choose, well, it’s exhaustive.  High quality retail themes come in all shapes and sizes, so what’s the best?

How do you know where to start?  Well, we hope you start with our list, the freshest themes around, updated constantly.  And if you’re here, I guess that’s exactly what you’ve done.

If you’re looking to get started with eCommerce, we think WooCommerce is a perfect choice.  Why?  Well, first of all it’s free.

WooCommerce was forked from Jigoshop and since then, it’s come a long way to become the most popular and flexible solution for selling products online.  Whether you’re selling digital downloads or tangible products, WooCommerce can help you set up a shop quickly.  The learning curve is really fast with WooCommerce too, so you won’t spend weeks or months trying to learn how it works.

That means you’ll have more time to fine-tune your website and spend your time running your business, not learning all of the ins and outs of the software itself.  If you’re selling jewelry, clothes, electronic products and gadgets, digitally downloadable files, rocket ships, candy and cakes or whatever else you can imagine.  Track your inventory, add sale prices, set up shipping, track clicks and taxes.  WooCommerce is perfect for leveling the playing field so you can go toe-to-toe with the big online stores or big-box brick and mortar places you’re competing with.

That’s awesome.

Anyway, here we go, the very best retail themes available for WordPress.

Milo

Milo, from Made by Minimal, is a modern and sleek portfolio theme that does an excellent job of letting your content speak for itself.  This WooCommerce ready, minimalist portfolio and blogging theme is completely responsive.  No matter what device, this theme looks fantastic.  Desktop or laptop, Android or iPhone, the sleek and crisp, modern style looks fantastic.  For shops that do a lot of online business, that can be a really great feature to have, since the minimalist and responsive themes tend to load up quicker, you’ll get fewer folks abandoning their carts in frustration.  With all of Made by Minimal’s themes, which come in at a little more than other themes ($100), you get access to all four of their premium, minimalist blog and portfolio themes.  (They’re all WooCommerce ready too.)  So it’s a pretty good bargain, especially if you’re not sure exactly what kind of theme you want.  Sometimes you change your mind.  I know, I’ve done it.  That makes this deal pretty solid at $25 a pop.

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Divi

When choosing between different WordPress WooCommerce themes, one of the top choices is the Divi theme. Created by Elegant Themes, the Divi theme is best known for its WYSIWYG editor. Its main advantage is its built-in visual page builder where you can make changes to your website and see the changes applied in real time.

With the Divi theme, everything is customizable including fonts, spacing, CSS, rows, columns, images etc. The Divi theme also boasts a responsive design. It has more than twenty pre-built layouts and 46+ content elements that you can mix and match to create any webpage design element.  As a WYSIWYG editor, Divi allows you to adjust the heights and widths of any page element; edit and add new text content; change the user interface; add, copy, or delete any page design element; and drag, drop, and rearrange any content.

The Divi theme includes different page elements or short codes that can help enhance your website like audio player, blog, buttons, accordions, counters, comments, additional codes, page dividers, email opt-in forms, filterable portfolios, galleries, headers, shops, pricing tables, sliders, social media buttons, tabs, testimonials, toggle pages, videos, and video sliders.  Check out our full review of Divi here.

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Ultra

Looking for an incredible WooCommerce theme? One that’s flexible and powerful, allowing you to easily create a layout that perfectly fits the products you’re selling, even if you’re not an expert at web design or coding?  Have you taken a look at Ultra yet?  If not, please to, I think this is really among the very best eCommerce themes around.  Whether you choose to use WooCommerce or not, Ultra is a perfect fit, though I tend to recommend Woo-Commerce thanks to the wide range of addons and extensions you can use to power up you online shop.  With over five dozen demo sites included, each one eCommerce ready, you’re definitely going to find a style and a layout that you love.  But don’t worry if it’s in need of a few tweaks, Ultra is a drag and drop page builder, meaning you can add functions and content areas where you want them, making your site absolutely customized to be exactly what you want.

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Narcos

With several cool and lovely layout styles to choose from, I think Narcos is a flexible and well designed WooCommerce WordPress theme.  Narcos is a blog, a portfolio and an online shop all rolled into one, which makes it a real multipurpose theme.  Created by Tesla Themes and made for businesses who want a sort of vintage inspired look, this theme is a really solid choice for folks who want a well coded, responsive, multi-page or single page WooCommerce theme option for blog, for corporate websites, creative agencies, personal portfolio sites and more.  Since it was created by Tesla Themes, Narcos is fully documented and well supported too.

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Shoppe

This is the Shoppe WordPress theme, from Themify.me, and it’s another in a long line of great looking WooCommerce themes that these guys have come up with.  What Shoppe offers is a very beautiful and modern style with features to match, all built to help make your online enterprise a smashing success.  Themify have included demo data with your purchase, so you can upload that and then edit the existing pages, which can help you get started quicker than with some other themes.  Shoppe uses the power of Themify’s drag and drop page builder to let you craft a site with any feature and any layout you need.

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Amaryllis

Amaryllis is a nice looking WooCommerce ready WordPress theme that was built with fashion shops in mind, though it’s also well designed to sell products in just about any niche.  That’s thanks to the simple, clean design that means any products will be highlighted in a professional and beautiful way.  Amyrillis offers a unique design that helps make your business look very professional, no matter your niche.  With WooCommerce, or any of the other major eCommerce plugins, you can quickly and efficiently set up shop to sell your products.

Amaryllis employs a drag and drop page builder to help make your site look precisely like you want it to look.  There are multiple custom widgets to help with growing your social media presence, which is increasingly important these days.  Jetpack is fully supported too and since Amaryllis isvery well coded, it’s SEO properties are helpful for ranking.  This theme also works hand in hand with the top SEO plugins like Yoast and All-In-One SEO.  With Amaryllis, you get a very user friendly, incredibly flexible theme that will definitely help your business run as smoothly as possible.

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Adventure

Answer the call to Adventure!  This theme is a stylish, fun and well organized WooCommerce ready theme that’s meant mostly for travel blogs, but as a standalone shop, it’s a great choice too.  Nearly any kind of blog will work well with this theme and you can establish your online presence quickly, tailoring each page and post to fit your brand.  Swap out colors, fonts and layouts with ease.  Organic Themes has made sure that every line of code is up to the current WordPress codex standards and since Adventure is perfectly responsive, it looks amazing on all devices, no matter what.  Everything that Adventure does is built to make sure your eCommerce shop is easy to use, flexible and what’s most important, your conversion rates are bound to go up.

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Studio 8

Studio 8 is a blog theme with a stylish portfolio and WooCommerce support, so it’s a very nice solution for designers, shops and companies who want to offer a full website without breaking the bank.  Studio 8 is ideal for creative professionals, for photographers, advertising and design agencies, web designers and more.  The ability to showcase your products and sell them is a really nice touch and since WooCommerce is completely free, you won’t have to spend an arm and a leg purchasing an expensive license or paying a monthly subscription fee to set up a shop.  Pretty sweet!

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Float

With themify.me’s powerful, user friendly and feature-rich drag and drop page builder, a thorough and easy to implement customization panel, SEO optimization, fast page load times, tons of user friendly options and a simple interface, all Float needed to do was add WooCommerce support and we’d highly recommend it on this collection.  Well, they went and did it.  Float is a parallax, creative eCommerce theme with multiple pre-created demo sites to help you showcase your products or posts, highlighting your content in a professional and fun way.  Float is SEO friendly, it loads up really quickly, the blog is clean and attractive and Float is completely responsive, which is a key in this day and age.  If you’re not completely satisfied with any of the pre-made demo sites, you can always change things up using Themeify’s drag and drop page builder, which is included for free.  And best of all, you don’t even need to know anything about coding to make use of it.  Nice touch!

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CoupShop

For your online store, you’ll need a great looking theme with tons of features, a theme that’s simple to use as it is beautiful.  That could be Coup, a wonderfully clean. crisp, modern, simple to use and powerful theme for online shops.  Coup Shop, from Themes Kingdom, is powerful, it’s simple to use and it’s filled with options.  Themes Kingdom always does a great job of making their themes easy to operate, powerful enough for experts but simple enough for a beginner to get started with.  With a simple design, Coup Shop can work well for all kinds of products, from electronic gadgets to furniture, clothing and accessories or whatever else you can imagine.

For an amazing online shop, you need look no further than Coup Shop, a delightfully simple, user friendly and powerful eCommerce theme for all kinds of online shops.  Themes Kingdom is the group behind Coup Shop and they’ve done all they can to make sure this theme is easy to operate, easy to adjust and it’s really got enough features for any site.  Of course, the simple and minimal style lends itself to all kinds of online shops, so you’re definitely able to frame any type of product with ease, making it look enticing.  Whether you’re selling tech products, jewelry or something else, even digital downloads, Coup Shop is a wonderful choice.

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Zerif Pro

Zerif Pro is pretty unique when compared to a lot of WooCommerce themes on this list.  Why?  Well, it’s a one page theme, for one thing.  That’s possible because of the Site Origin Page Builder, which gives Zerif Pro a huge amount of design flexibility, putting products, blog, portfolio, pricing table and more, all on one page.  The net effect is a simple, clean and efficient site that can really help you sell products.  It’s probably not ideal for companies that have a ton of products like clothing stores, but if you’re selling apps, SEO services, software or something like that, Zerif Pro could be amazing.

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Hugo

WordPress WooCommerce themes like the Hugo is a premium theme geared towards ecommerce sites owners who want their brands to stand out. The Hugo theme boasts of a customizable elegant design that can support the WooCommerce plugin in your website. The main advantage of the Hugo theme is its page builder options. You can build your site pages by using either Elementor, Divi, and SiteOrigin Page Builders. All these page builders are included in the Hugo Theme.

As a go-to theme for an ecommerce site, Hugo includes all the different page templates that a site owner may need like a shop index, testimonials, blog, multiple types of product pages, contact page, and a customer account page.  Furthermore, included in the Hugo theme are different theme options where you can make any design changes to your site, .po and .mo translation files, optimized site pages, and a retina-ready responsive design.  You can create a website that is easily modified with the use of the drag and drop page builder. It allows you to see the changes you made on your site right away.  The Hugo theme is also SEO optimized and includes a built-in option to edit your site’s and any post’s on-page SEO descriptions.

Demo More Information Get Hosting

Foxy

Foxy is a WooCommerce theme from Elegant Themes, it’s a simple but highly stylistic theme that could be just what you’re looking for.  This is a theme with an opinion, if you know what I mean.  It’s not a neutral, minimal style template, it’s got a bold style that’s not incredibly flexible.  But if the style fits your brand, it’s a great way to go, because it’s well crafted and it works fast.  I think Foxy could be great for software sales, SEO companies, apps and stuff like that.  If you want to sell products or services, you’ll need a great shopping cart and for many, WooCommerce is that shopping cart of choice.  Check out the links below for more information.

Demo More Information Get Hosting

Bold

For a WooCommerce ready theme that doesn’t look like all the other themes out there, Organic Themes’ Bold magazine and blog theme is a great choice.  This theme really is unique.  Bold was created using the Organic Themes framework called ‘Seed’.  Seed makes it simple to create a custom look and style for your website, but that’s just the beginning.  Bold is WooCommerce ready, which means you’ll be able to set up and online shop with ease.  Add on any of WooCommerce’s extensions and add-ons to create a full service online shop.  Whether you’re selling digital downloads or hard goods, this theme works well.  As with all Organic Themes, this template is simple to adapt to any sort of shop and the customer service is outstanding.

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Elegance Pro

This is Elegance Pro, a beautiful and simple eCommerce theme for WordPress.  If you’re looking for a simple, effective and attractive theme, one that’s incredibly stable, SEO friendly and easy to use, that’s Elegance Pro.  This theme is a Genesis child theme, which means it’s got that clean code base that makes it a really great option for an eCommerce site.  Elegance Pro is graceful and minimal at the same time, it does a wonderful job of showing big, bold, beautiful images and combining that with a simple to manage online store.  If you want a refined, polished theme, with custom built page templates, easy to manage color schemes, social networking plugins for Instagram and more, a news widget and contact form built in, you should certainly consider Elegance Pro as your next web template.

Demo More Information Get Hosting

Beatrix

Got the entrepreneurial spirit?  Well, that’s half the battle, now all you need is a fantastic website to help you get the job done, earn some money and grow your business.  Beatrix was built specifically for self employed folks who make their own products to sell.  It’s sort of a ‘one person Etsy’ shop and it can really help you to build a reputation for quality.  Beatrix helps you pursue your passion of creating cool stuff while earning a little bit of money at the same time.  Even if you didn’t hand make your products, Beatrix is a great fit for watch shops, jewelry stores, antique stores and more, because it’s simple enough and sleek enough to work for nearly any style of product.  You can even use Beatrix as an awesome multi-vendor marketplace site, where users can create their own accounts and sell products on your site whil you take a small commission from every sale.  (Find more multi vendor themes in our collection, which can be found here.)

Demo More Information Get Hosting

Shop Isle Pro

This is Shop Isle Pro, another great WooCommerce ready WP theme from Theme Isle.  Shop Isle Pro is responsive, it’s multipurpose and it’s perfect for all sorts of online shops, no matter what kind of product you’re selling.  You can create an awesome front page for your online webstore in just minutes, customizing any setting you want to customize.  While WooCommerce is powerful right out of the box, you can also add on some great functionality with extensions like product addons, affiliate programs, PayPal by Braintree, Stripe or Amazon Pay gateways, WooSubscriptions, coupons, dynamic pricing, shipment tracing and a whole lot more.

Demo More Information Get Hosting

Create

Create is a powerful, premium WordPress theme that was created by ThemeTrust and I really recommend this theme if you’re building an online shop using WordPress.  Create is packed with features that make it a solid choice and ThemeTrust keeps adding features every month.  Create utilizes a drag and drop page builder, made by Site Origin, to allow the admin to craft a site with a unique and powerful layout and all of the features your site needs to be a smashing success.  This theme does it all, with either a boxed or a full width layout, parallax scrolling, video backgrounds, single page navigation, slick looking portfolios, professional blog templates, contact forms…the list goes on and on.  All of that in a beautiful, responsive and retina ready display.  This is truly a premium template.

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[trendingnewsb]

6 Famous People Whose Origin Stories Are Dark Secrets

Nobody expects celebrities to actually be exactly the way they portray themselves publicly. Bruce Willis doesn’t go around killing terrorists every day (that probably happens, like, every other weekend). When you’re famous, it’s understood that you’ll have to bullshit a little and cultivate an image that appeals to your audience. But some do less cultivating and more top-to-bottom renovations. It’s always shocking when famous people turn out to be the complete opposite of what they’re famous for. And that’s the case with …

6

Kid Rock Was Born Rich And Grew Up In A Huge-Ass Mansion

No “celebrity goes into politics” story will ever be weird again, but the announcement that Kid Rock might run for Senate still managed to turn a few heads. After all, his biggest claim to fame was supposedly spending a summer “trying different things … smoking funny things,” and based on his ability to rhyme “things” with “things,” he surely has no better than an eighth-grade education, right?

Rock wants us to think he’s some rough-and-tumble country boy, but that couldn’t be farther from the truth. His childhood home in Macomb County, Michigan recently sold for nearly $1.3 million, which we’re reasonably sure would be enough to buy whole towns around there. It turns out that his dad owned two luxury car dealerships and made some not-insignificant amounts of money.

Romeo High School “Your little rec center shall make a great showroom for our Bentleys. Papa will be most pleased.”

Mr. and Mrs. Rock’s “four-bedroom, four-bath, neo-Georgian colonial house” is over 5,000 square feet, has an indoor Jacuzzi, amenities out the wazoo, and the property itself contains an apple orchard. Rock has tried to flaunt his down-home country style and use it to smear politicians as “out of touch.” That doesn’t have the same gravity now that we know his past.

Adam Serwer/Twitter That’s a sad burger for so many reasons.

5

Rapper Rick Ross Was A Prison Guard

Florida rapper Rick Ross is best known for his songs about nonstop hustling and pushing it to the limit (“it” being all of the drugs). Hell, he got his name from a drug kingpin. That’s why it was kind of a shocker when it came out that Ross was a corrections officer (read: prison guard) prior to getting into the rap game.

After the story broke about his previous life of literally the opposite of crime, Ross originally denied it, but somehow the media managed to get ahold of pay stubs that proved it. For about two years in the mid-’90s, he worked as a CO in Florida. Granted, that makes him more of a badass than being a CO in, say, Terre Haute, Indiana, but it didn’t help his street cred any.

Florida Department of Corrections, Maybach Music Group His earliest songs were about how much he hated that Urkel kid who kept visiting his house.

Even 50 Cent took a jab at Ross in a rap to point out how dumb it was for Rozay to keep acting like he was something he wasn’t. After all, if you’re only learning about smuggling drugs and weapons from someone else’s case file instead of doing it yourself, can you sincerely say your raps come from the heart?

Probably thanks to some magical PR whiz, Ross finally owned up to his past. Rather than dismiss his old job as some kind of phase, he managed to call it a “hustle” in its own right. (We’re beginning to think that absolutely anything can be a hustle as long as one declares it so.)

4

Ron Jeremy Was A Special Education Teacher

Lots of people watch porn — about 67 percent of you are only reading this while you wait for some to load. Even the “casual” viewer can probably name a fair number of lady porn stars, but for some reason, about the only male porn actor most people can identify is Ron Jeremy. He’s been the mustachioed face of videotaped boning for decades, but believe it or not, that wasn’t really his Plan A.

On an episode of Judge Pirro, Jeremy admitted that his background was in theater, and that he’d gone on to get a master’s degree in special education. As in working with disabled kids.

Jeremy is happy to talk about his educator past, and always considered his teaching degree his fallback option, or “ace in the hole” (that’s probably not the only thing he’s called that). He majored in theater in college, and much like theater majors of today, he went and tacked on an education degree “just in case.”

Read Next

What Movie News Should You Know RIGHT NOW (11/24/17)

One time, Jeremy and a friend (the school psychologist) picked up a couple of women and brought them back to what they claimed was their “hotel,” which was in truth the school for developmentally challenged kids where they worked. The building used to be a hotel, so they didn’t lie, precisely, but that’s the kind of thing you’d expect from the future star of Ebony Humpers 2. They also told the ladies that they were going to a convention for doctors, which was pure bullshit. In the morning, Jeremy and his friend brought the women up to the “hotel restaurant,” cleverly disguised as a goddamned school cafeteria. (The kids there were reportedly quite thrilled to meet them.)

3

The “Blue Collar” Comedy Tour Is Pretty Well-Educated

The Blue Collar Comedy Tour is a group of comedians who joined forces when they realized they were essentially using the same shtick, so why not put on a show together? And put on a show they did, because as far as Larry the Cable Guy and Jeff Foxworthy go, their entire careers are an act.

Most people are probably smart enough to assume that Larry the Cable Guy is not in fact named Larry the Cable Guy. What fewer people know is that he’s as far from “Southern” as it gets. He’s originally from Nebraska, which is definitely rural, but not “The hell kind of accent you got there, boy?” rural. The closest he got was that attending Baptist University in Decatur, Georgia (to major in drama and speech), but even so, that means he went to Georgia to go to college. That’s like your friend who studied abroad in Ireland coming back to America with a Cockney accent.

Seriously, watch him duck in and out of his “Southern” accent. It’s creepy:

Foxworthy, at least, is a native Georgian. His accent is real. But asking him to host Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader was an interesting choice, because he almost certainly is — dude went to Georgia Tech.

Granted, he didn’t graduate, but that’s in part because he landed a job working for his father at IBM in mainframe computer maintenance. Foxworthy, for his part, has tried to downplay it. There’s an obvious dichotomy between “college-educated computer guy” and “redneck” in our culture, but Jeff thinks there’s a bit more nuance than that:

“Here’s the problem that the media makes: They tend to think if you gave rednecks a billion dollars they wouldn’t be rednecks anymore. Look at Elvis — he put carpet on the ceiling. We wouldn’t wear Armani suits, we would just go to every NASCAR race.”

Someone should maybe tell him that Armani makes rather comfortable sweatpants.

2

Only One Of The Beach Boys Could Surf

Surfing isn’t merely a fun beach activity — it’s a lifestyle, brah. As soon as people discovered they could ride waves, it became a culture in itself. Nobody embodied that culture in the 1960s better than the Beach Boys, with their songs about the beach, fast cars, psychedelic farm animals, and then the beach again. They knew everything there was to know about taming the wild waves and impressing those California girls with their surf moves. Right? Right?

Well, no. Only one of them could surf.

Dennis Wilson, the drummer, was the only band member who knew the correct end of a surfboard. In 1961, he told fellow Beach Boys Brian Wilson and Mike Love, “Hey, surfing’s getting really big. You guys ought to write a song about it.” And then more songs about it …

… and then a couple of albums about it …

… and then an entire career about it. Had Dennis picked another random hobby, today they’d be known as the Model Train Building Boys. The band basically owes their success to Dennis’ suggestion. Although he also introduced them to his buddy Charles Manson, so not all of his ideas were so good.

Sadly, Dennis passed away in the very California ocean he loved after falling off a boat at age 39. His legacy lives on in every pastel-colored surf shack up and down the Pacific coast, and in the hearts of every Los Angeles tourist who tries surfing with a Groupon on a Saturday afternoon.

1

Neocon Poster Boy Milo Yiannopoulos Was (And Probably Still Is) A Total Dweeb

Milo Yiannopoulos is … no, not the main character from Disney’s Atlantis: The Lost Empire. He’s this guy:

You may know him as the firebrand Breitbart editor whose swagger lets him get away with spouting fascist rhetoric for a little too long, turning thousands of confused young men into his personal fan club and helping push them closer to all-out xenophobia. Yiannopoulos has been known to flirt with Nazi ideas and imagery, and — despite straight-up asking white supremacists for snazzy new Breitbart story angles — it’s all OK! He’s only “trolling.” When he talks about the evils of immigration or how trans people don’t deserve basic dignity, he’s not repeating the same backwards bullshit your grandpa used to complain about on the dinner table; he’s writing genius political satire, you see. Truly, a Voltaire for the age of Twitter. (Or Facebook, since Twitter banned his ass.)

But before all this, Yiannopoulos got his start as a rather inept and awkward tech writer for a bunch of websites, including Breitbart, and he looked like this:

That’s Yiannopoulos showing off his dorky, possibly Nazi ring, and presumably posing for his MySpace photo. Wonder what that profile would’ve entailed? Maybe something about how he likes to write poetry (read: plagiarize Tori Amos lyrics) for fun? Perhaps something further about how video game fans are losers and psychopaths, despite using that whole ridiculous #Gamergate saga to further his career? Months before “freedom of speech” became his battle cry and the excuse for his particular brand of outrageous dickishness, Yiannopoulos wrote a whole Breitbart column about how those goshdarn video games (which are enjoyed by “unemployed saddos living in their parents’ basements”) were probably to blame for the Elliot Rodger murders, and someone ought to do something about them.

How did he evolve his writing style from “angry letter writer at your local newspaper” to “edgiest shitlord on the internet”? He didn’t. His current work is largely ghost-written and researched by people he actively works to maintain uncredited and anonymous, because if he doesn’t get all the fame and attention, then what even is the point? Yiannopoulos is barely a person; he’s a crappy Halloween mask precariously placed on top of a heap of regressive ideas society had already flushed down the toilet. By the way, it was an unassuming teenage journalist from Canada who put the brakes on Yiannopoulos’ rising star by digging up his pro-pedophilia comments from 2016. (If it wasn’t for that, he’d probably have his own show on Fox News by now.) We’re sure it wasn’t the Universe’s intention to violently punish him in the most ironic way possible — it was just a prank, bro.

Isaac feels like a fraud pretty much every day. Follow him on Twitter.

Feel like Kid Rock has betrayed you? Don’t go cold turkey, instead try a KICK ROCKS shirt as a way to cope with the pain.

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