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#//this is such a shit starter but thats all my brain can come up with
esmemaxwcll · 6 months
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Open to anyone: assume connections or whatever @aurorabaystarter Location: Black cat cafe "God...I just love cats, but I love dogs more--actually maybe I love guinea pigs more," Esme thought out loud as she held up a kitten and brought it onto her lap. "I might be in a predicament on whether if I want to adopt a pet or just love up on everyone's pet that comes to the clinic."
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thorowatch · 2 years
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FIREWATCH SENTENCE STARTERS
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sentence starters based on lines i didn’t hear in my first playthrough of campo santo’s FIREWATCH, as found in the localisation github. feel free to change pronouns, details and wording to fit.
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❛ don't tell me to take it easy. we've got a pair of criminal morons running around putting the forest and everyone in it in danger. ❜ ❛ just stay on my good side — but seriously, this is not my normal form of conflict resolution. ❜ ❛ i was just trying to be a self-starter. ❜ ❛ are you a freaking bond villain? ❜ ❛ well, i'm sorry — the distance between my brain and my mouth is… pretty short. ❜ ❛ well damn. if only you had some way to look out over the forest. ❜ ❛ do you think anyone knows what time it is? are all the clocks broken? ❜ ❛ well, obviously keep an eye out. don’t be dumb about it. ❜ ❛ do ropes… expire? ❜ ❛ last summer a woman opened one and it was full of bees. ❜ ❛ you’re alright with ‘pussy-willow’ possibly being your last words? ❜ ❛ yes, a lake is represented by a blue circle. and a condescending boss is, what, exactly? ❜ ❛ oh, i thought it'd be a good idea to chuck some roman candles into a smoldering fire-pit. ❜ ❛ if you could refrain from criminal destruction of personal property while on this job, that'd be great, okay? ❜ ❛ do you see me flipping you the bird while the wilderness burns down thanks to an idiot with a roman candle? ❜ ❛ i am happy to hear about the birds, the chance of lightning, whatever weird shit you've got going on, but can we please not talk about me? ❜ ❛ you didn't have the good sense to write the embarrassingly simple code down? ❜ ❛ did you just yell into a pillow? ❜ ❛ you don't think you're going to end up on a milk carton, do you? ❜ ❛ mad scientists? the CIA? wild separatists? the fucking… illuminati?! come on. ❜ ❛ jeez, do you have the hubble telescope over there? ❜ ❛ it's fine. i'll just chuck my walkie-talkie into the river. ❜ ❛ yep, just a hop, skip and a big-ass jump over a jagged ravine. ❜ ❛  i mean, it's the wilderness. it's wild. it says so right in the name. ❜ ❛ wow, you are a dork, huh? ❜ ❛ uh. what thingy? what now? ❜ ❛ what, is this the twilight zone? ❜ ❛ last thing I need is another big crossword breakthrough. ❜ ❛ i care about you. that's not made up. it's real. ❜ ❛ i'm trying not to scream every time you tell me about the trash they're leaving in my forest. ❜ ❛ you're losing your shit right now and… i want you to take a breath. ❜ ❛ what the heck, I've got no ties and no life, better go spend what's left of it in utter loneliness! ❜ ❛ my mother always said i would meet someone who'd give me a taste of my own medicine. ❜ ❛ let's hope this equipment isn't machine guns. ❜ ❛ you have some highly contagious pun-related disease? ❜ ❛ what’s with the ‘roger thats’? ❜ ❛ i have been pretty upset about things for a long time now and i haven’t really had anywhere to put that anger. ❜ ❛ oh, i just thought i would maybe stop there. let the mystery percolate. ❜ ❛ then… that's why god invented booze, i guess. ❜
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aenniesryu · 4 years
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tsukikage middle school exes
tsukishima kei and kageyama tobio. both in their first year of high school and are also teammates since they played in the same vb team for their school
ofc everyone is well aware of the fact that these two kind of hated each other. not that it was an obvious fact to begin with since ever from the beginning the two would constantly bicker and throwing insults at one another
however, that was it. that was the only thing everyone knows about the two. the team even had to separate the two of them when things escalated quickly just to make sure none of them will started to throw fits
no one knows the actual reason as to why they would bicker every so often. the team just thought that the two have so different perceptions towards volleyball that makes them so hard to get along with
the team did tried to help them to get along but it just ended up with them constantly at each others throat arguing about whatever it is
what the team actually didnt know is that tsukishima and kageyama once dated back then in their middle school days.
so basically the entire thing going on between those two were just them being salty because of 1) the break up and also 2) their mindset when it comes to volleyball
tsukishima and kageyama once dated before despite them not attending the same school
but, both were living in the same neighbourhood and their houses were basically next to each other making it easier for them to constantly see each other
however, that was a year ago before kageyama's family decided to move to another neighbourhood
no, the break up was not because of them moving because they would still see each other if they put more efforts in it
the break up on the other hand was because of this one major thing. it was a silly reason but nevertheless it was the thing that made them broke up and that thing is volleyball
yes, volleyball. even tho both were playing for their respective teams back in middle school, their perspective when it comes to volleyball differs too much.
kageyama being the volleyball freak he is would just spent most of his times practicing his serve. even on the weekends. tsukishima, however didnt really took it seriously when it comes to volleyball ever since it was just a club anyway, right?
with kageyama spending more and more time with his practice, tsukishima was left alone. they barely even get to meet each other because of them being in different schools and then kageyama's free time was now full with volleyball alone
tsukishima might felt a lil bit jealous since kageyama, his boyfriend at that time would constantly talked about oikawa. it's always oikawa this and oikawa that. he knows kageyama only meant no harm and hes just looking up onto his senior who plays really well.
tsukishima was fine with that. yeah, he really does because never once did he ever tell kageyama to shut up whenever he talks about oikawa.
what was not fine was that kageyama spent the only free time they had on volleyball. it was the only time that they would be able to hang out and go outside but suddenly it stopped. no more seeing each other, no more dates and no more talking to each other
yes, kageyama did tell him over and over again that he feels sorry and that he just needs to prepare himself to be the best for their team
tsukishima did understand him but as time passed by, tsukishima became selfish. well that's what he thought. hes tired of waiting. he shouldn't be blamed when all he wanted was for his boyfriend attention
then 2 months before the very important match for kageyama, tsukishima went and break things off. and just like that they are no longer boyfriends or friends
kageyama moving to another neighbourhood just make things a lil bit easier since they wont be seeing each other anymore after the break up
"What the fck was that kageyama?" Tsukishima is now in rage with his once called boyfriend. They were in the middle of a practice match where they were divided into two different teams and just to make them work along together and maybe become friends, coach ukai and daichi thought it would be the best to put them into the same group. Oh how wrong they were because now they are fight again.
"I just did what's the best for the team. All you need to do is jump a lil bit higher than usual for that toss. you are already tall enough, make sure of it for once" kageyama was surprisingly calm when he said that but only god knows how scared he felt whenever tsukishima raised his voice at him because he got irritated. it wasnt a pleasant sight to see and get into especially when tsukishima is dmn mad. like the situation they are in now.
"yes my height alone is enough and that is why, you as the setter should take in mind that I would perfectly score if you just tossed me the ball right at where my hand can reach. making me go through all the hard work just to reach that fcking ball you threw is just wasting my energy" tsukishima is really not having it. not only did kageyama sent him a high ball, hes also pissed that kageyama made him wasted his energy in jumping higher than he normally do.
"excuse me? I'm just doing what's the best for the team. I'm taking out that fcking capability that you have in you that you decides to freaking hide and toss it away, just because you think putting an effort even the slightest of it into the match is a waste of your time" now kageyama started to boiled up. he knows that tsukishima has a lot of talent when it comes to volleyball, he knows that really well. perks of being his boyfriend throughout their middle school years. well honestly kageyama thinks tsukishima is just wasting his talent with his kind of mindset.
everyone at the gym are just staring and listening to them arguing. daichi was closed to tear them apart and continue with the practice match, but before he can do that sugawara stop him. daichi was not having it but sugawara had something else in mind. he thinks that maybe them arguing this time would make the rest of the team to get a grip on what making them argue in the first place. and maybe the truth would unfold without them needing to ask tsukishima and kageyama. coach ukai seems to have the same thoughts too since he make no moves in stopping them. so the team just understands and silently look at them and wait for more.
"I dont get your obsession with drawing the team's talent or whatsoever because you ended up getting more demanding. I thought you were a setter. didnt setter usually can already feel his teammates thoughts? im here just doing what I have to do during practice and waiting for it to end like it always did but you? you just have to screw up everything. im already tired but you clearly didnt see that! just what kind of a setter who acted like a dictator and yet hes not even the leader of the team? tell me!" tsukishima yelled his frustration out. he wants this to end just so he can go back to his house and do whatever he finds interesting. and basically volleyball is not one of them.
kageyama didnt said anything after that. he felt bad and all the memories from when his old team abandoned him during a play starter clouding his mind. to make it worse he's on the verge of breaking down. his eyes are filled with tears but he held them back. hearing those things from someone you love didnt really felt the greatest.
"what? now you decided to stayed silent? why? just realizing how my words are true and theres no point in denying it? did you ever just sit back and think about how your shitty your attitude is in court? about how tired your teammates felt trying to satisfy you? this is literally the reason why your old teammate decided to abandoned you in the middle of the match. because you are so demanding and it stresses them out more than the actual game is" just when he finished saying what he needed to say, kageyama slap him. when tsukishima turn to see him, kageyama is already crying.
"YOU! out of all people in this world should know how important volleyball is to me. you should've known that theres literally nothing I can do aside from volleyball. you shouldn't have said that if you know what I went through the entire year. and then at the end? what did I get? I get abandoned. not only by my teammates but I was also abandoned by my own family. just to make things even worse, you fcking break up with me at the times when I needed you the most kei. the one person i thought that would always stay by my side. but you didn't even listen to the shit I have to tell you because you completely shut me off. I went through every single thing alone. All by myself. I practice alone, think of the best strategies for my own team on my own because I was pressured AND threatened by the coach, I came back to an empty house and freaking live alone. theres no one I can even call and relied to!! I cant even call the person I love because hes sick of me. all I ever wanted was people to appreciate my efforts even tho it's only in volleyball. I wanted YOU to be proud of me above anything else because I cant reach your level when it comes to academic. I wanted to be perfect for you and all I ever wanted was for people around me to be proud of me for the one thing I'm capable of but all I get is people abandoning me!!"
silence. theres no sound can be heard in the gym aside from kageyama's heavy breathing. everyone is just stunned with the sudden confession. not only did they just heard kageyama's biggest fear but they also heard the part where he mentioned about their break up. tsukishima and kageyama were a thing before? they were dating? since when?"
"tobio-" tsukishima breaks the silence. hes panicking but he didn't know what do to because everything is just too sudden and all he can think of is how shitty of a boyfriend he was during the time that they were dating. thats what his brain has been saying. after all never once did he ever asked how kageyama was feeling. he was indeed selfish and everything is all his fault. if only he stayed-
kageyama seems to snapped back into reality when he heard tsukishima called him by his given name. he panicked. he just spilled everything in front of the team.
"i-im sorry. I should just go home. I'm really sorry you guys have to witness such a pity side of myself" kageyama chuckled and wipe his tears. "coach, i would like to take a break from the team for the time being. again, I'm sorry for the inconvenience. I'll see you guys later" and with that kageyama walked out of the gym ignoring his teammates eyes and the calls.
"what the hell just happened" tanaka said as the argument really is tensed and they literally just heard something that is kept secret between tsukishima and kageyama.
"tsuki, you and kageyama-" yamaguchi said softly as to not add any more anger in tsukishima. after all tsukishima kind of had an anger issue.
"ugh fuck, yes we did." tsukishima sigh. theres really nothing he can do. everyone knows and they probably think its his fault anyways. but the team has the opposite thoughts than him
"I honestly dont know what to say" sugawara said to him. he really wanted to help but it's not in his power to do so. all he can do is give them advice.
"ha, no need. I already know it's my fault. you guys can blame me. I would gladly accept it"
"What? No" were the replies he get from his team members. he was clueless coz after all kageyama wouldnt turn into a tyrant if only he stayed and didnt leave.
"we didnt blame you. both of you were young that time it was just normal for you to feel he loved you less. but you two lack in communication which leads to this whole entire mess. idk what you two went through and how long you've been together, it's not my business. but, all I can say is that you two need some closure. and clearly none of you even moved on from the past. arguing with each other every other day isnt the healthiest way to cope with the break up. just please sort this out with him. hes in pain and so are you." enoshita who has been quite the entire time decided to speak up. he do got a point especially with that lack communication between tsukishima and kageyama. sooner or later he needed to settle this whole mess before it started to drag the entire team. kageyama is the regular player in their team, and even with sugawara who can replace him as a setter, kageyama really is needed in the team. hinata also needed kageyama.
"I know I'm the last person you want to hear this from.. but tsukishima please bring kageyama back to the team. I needed him. the team too. and I think you needed him too. so please, I will do whatever it takes to help get him back into the team" hinata cried out. after all they were the freaky duo. they relied more on one another.
"but didnt kageyama only asked to take a break? it's not like he would just quit" nishinoya chipped in. "indeed he said that, but we are not sure on how long would the break be. it can be days, weeks, months and even years." coach ukai reasoned.
"let's just stop here. you guys can go home now. I will cancel tomorrow's practice so please just take a good rest. We'll continue our practice on the day after that. And you tsukishima" coach ukai added and turn to look at tsukishima with a soft look. It was a rare sight to see but they know it's for the best
"yes?"
"idk what you are planning to do. whether you sort things out and talk to kageyama or you didnt do anything about it is up to you. just clear out your minds whenever you came intl practice. we already less in one member, we didnt need to lose another one"
"thank you coach!"
listen, idek what I'm doing but I'm just gonna post this even tho I know it was bad because honestly when I reread this I felt truly nothing lmao but my friend said it was good/okay idk dont really trust her but hey, the very least I can do is post this here so I can move on(?) welp, enjoy ig.
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syubub · 4 years
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ENERGY CHECKUP: YOONGI (again)
Now, I know I've already done an energy check up on yoon but I wanted to see how he was doing now that he's gotten his shoulder surgery!
Disclaimer time: tarot is not to be takes as fact and is my interpretation if the cards :) entertainment purposes only~
SHIT IS STRANGE (it is Yoongi though so I'm not too shocked)
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So. For starters, his energy is pretty calm and chill. He's also a bit more quiet?
I wrote a note that tomorrow is exciting... idk I wrote it down and I'm not sure if its exciting for him or for us? Maybe its just a general like, "tomorrow is a good day" type thing.
Now. 11... I wrote this down and I'm not sure why though I believe that he might be seeing 11:11 on the clock or possibly that something exciting is happening for him at 11:11 (I just checked and thats in like an hour and a half from when I'm writing this down(( update i just finished writing the whole post and it is about 11 minutes away)) idk. I make no promises but I wrote it down so there you go.
I also kept seeing plants and I'm not sure if people got him flowers or plants as a "get well" type thing or maybe he's stressing bc someone has to water his plants lol
Okay. Okay. Hear me out. Black bean noodles. It popped into my head and I was told to write it down but I'm also really hungry so take that with a grain of fucking salt. (I even pictured a nice elaborate bowl that was red as well as the take out container. Yum. Send me noodles)
MOVING ON
Here's the actual reading lol. He is bored.
Thats all. Thank you for coming.
Jk
I joke. The cards give me a kind of frazzled feeling? Its the struggle of knowing hes done something good but it comes at a cost. Yoongi works. A lot. All the goddamn time. So what now? He's having this shake up thats forcing him to deal with stuff. Him having this surgery also may have brought back some less than favorable memories/ feelings that hes being forced to deal with now. Over all though he feels like its good. The 6 of wands makes me think that he's thinking of our response when he comes back. Its like he's gonna be so much more confident in himself and his dancing and he can finally move on from the car accident? It happed so long ago but he literally carried this burden with him. Its good. The wheel of fortune and is about a change and the 8 of swords is about self imposed restriction, imprisonment and over all bad/ negative feelings. I pulled the wheel of fortune first and asked what was changing and that was the 8 of swords. This surgery is helping to free him from this restricting, painful thing that may have been reminding him of the past! YES HEALING
Now. For this section I just kinda asked "whats up?" And got, easy does it, divine life purpose l, balancing masculine and feminine energies and uplift your thoughts. He may be resting but he's got his mind working on 3,000 my dude. Its the regular "yoongi is woke af" bullshit but damn. The cards say what they say. He's preparing. I'll come back to this.
Now the 7 of cups and the 3 of swords. I asked how he felt about missing out on promoting. He's heart broken with the 3 of swords. It genuinely pains him. And with the 7 of cups he might feel like there's a lot of ways this can play out and he's considered a lot of options.
I was curious how he felt about me coming into his energy so I asked him what he thought of me. Lol. These each came out separately. We got, 2 of cups, four of wands, the empress, justice, the magician, the sun and the lovers. Ha
So. To add to the mood setting my guide said "he's a drama queen" lol yeah he is.
So so so so so. I was confused? Still am a little confused but I'm like 80.9% sure that he isn't bothered by me poking around in his energy n shit. In fact my theory is that he's using this connection to his advantage? Lol sounds dumb but my best guess is that home boy sees my energy/ what I'm doing as a way to figure out his own shit? Idk maybe he thinks I'm his energetic therapist. Maybe even a matchmaker (I mean... I have been putting a lot of energy and work into finding/ connecting with his soulmate so maybe he's letting me do all the dirty work) I really don't understand but I got no further explanation.
Oki oki oki. Now. I was drawn to 2 books. The kybalion and the prophet. I asked yoon if there was any messages that we wanted to point out through the books and I got a number for each book so I took it as page numbers. 28 for the prophet and 54 for the kybalion
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Take what you will from these if it calls to you. I haven't read these since I was around 13? The sentiments for each felt important to me so I'm curious what you all might think/ feel when reading these? ( I also get the feeling that Yoongi has read the prophet idk why)
Okay. At this point I was like cool, let's wrap this up but I need to talk about his pjs? Green/grey? Plaid pj bottoms don't ask me don't ask me don't ask me I don't know but It wouldn't go away so I had write it down? Help.
I had written yoongis brother down too. Theres something about him? I'm not sure what but thats all I got lol
I was very strongly told that I needed to remember 7, that its important. Got it. Worth it down.
Oki. As I was going back to the platform blah blah blah the string turned blue too. The cord is usually white or silver but it was blue so that was a fun thing and then I was like "nice. Cool. Thanks. This was awesome, get healthy blah blah" and go to leave/ end the connection but the cord wouldn't go away.
???
What.
Then the string (idk if I said but that string shit is like on the third eye? Its connected to my forehead and his too.) Kind tightens.
I'm like, "oh shit."
Listen. Usually everything is smooth and nice and I just leave.
All is well though bc my guide is like, "stop being a little bitch" so I just let it happen.
Yoon shoves me back off the edge of the platform. Why he gotta be like that?
Now. This is strange. I had dropped down into a library.
Y'ALL
I almost shit my fucking pants. Dear god.
THE AKASHIC RECORDS MY DUDE
He started walking me around until he found a blue book. His mother fucking book.
Home boy brought me to his fucking Akashic fucking blue fucking book.
I was big mad. "YOU LITTLE FUCKER! YOUVE KNOWN ABIUT THIS SHIT?" And he was like, "duh"
I've never felt more disrespect lol
Also the way the library was presented was way way way different from how it looks to me. So thats an interesting note. Looking at his book, on the base of the spine is a number 7...
Oki. Cool. I asked if I could look and he said, "Sure, when you can find your way back."
This mother fucker threw me out of a meditative state. Have you ever woken up just before you hit the ground in one of those falling dreams? THAT WAS THE FEELING.
?? I'm not sure what the fuck just happened or if it holds actual significance.
Anyway. After cursing the fuck out of yoobi I started thinking what else 7 ment.
I was specifically told to remember 7 and it was on his book. Then It popped into my head (I want to say its because I'm smart and thought of it all by myself but I think that was my guide wanting me to keep my last brain cell safe). What is yoongis life path number?
Now I don't know shot about life path numbers but imma read up on them tonight. I used a life path calculator on Google. HIS LIFE PATH NUMBER IS 7 Y'ALL.
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Maybe I'm dumb as fuck but yoobi never disappoints.
Conclusion: Yoon is fine. Hes just being a yoongi and a yoongi does.
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⬆️Me after this reading⬆️
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⬆️ Yoongi rn playing 12D chess⬆️
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dredbyun-blog · 3 years
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Umm, i don't know what I'm suddenly doing here. All I know Is I should be doing OTs to get my mountain of work done. Haha. Workload's been really bad for the past two weeks because covid has temporarily stolen some people from our team. But then maybe I'm just really tired so my brain just wants me off work for tonight at least. Not really sure what I want to talk about here though.
So I browsed my stuff here and well, I guess I remembered some fragments of my 90% bitter and I guess 10% sweet past and I've realized how much I've grown over the years and how much peace I have with myself right now. I guess thanks to the different work people and shits I've had to deal with, the bad decisions - both work and personal - that I've made in my life, the whole adulting thingy and my brain which had been stern in telling me that I gotta do at least one important thing to 'improve' my life and that is to try to love and accept myself and man, was that not easy. For starters, even if I wasn't clinically depressed (because I never really had a consult), I know that crying almost everyday, consistently staring at the ceeling while feeling an ironically excruciating void, imagining myself jumping off a cliff or having a dagger cut straight to my heart is not in any way normal like how do you love yourself when you're that broken? But a part of my brain was just like, hey, "it's enough, you're enough." I've had my fair share of toxicity that I've showered in this society and had tolerated a huge amount directly thrown to me as well and there was just one day where my brain was like, "hold up, that should stop right there". After several reflections, blocking toxic/unhelpful people off my life, getting rid of a few social media that I felt was toxic and by just being stealthy and focusing on myself - career, random hobbies, etc - I just did it. Don't get me wrong though. I still got some insecurities and frustrations but they just feel different like they no longer run my world. Rather, I've been letting my strengths rule me. The negative stuff comes to visit sometimes but I do my best to not let them win. I always try to focus on the things that I am and can be and let the I'm nots and can't bes take very very long huh naps. I've become optimistic with life yet still with a sense of realism. So what I'm saying is, there's hope and you just gotta get the help that you need to make you chase it and keep you to continuously do so. In my case, I was able to help myself but be it another person, a family, a friend, a religion or a professional help, you just gotta have to get that help. You have to allow yourself be vulnerable and to trust someone to help you with life. It's easier said than done but it'll definitely be worth it.
Idk why I suddenly preached. Lol.
But well, umm, a few life updates about me because this is my blog (is this still even a word) haha. I left my first job and for more than a year now, in a work-from-home setup for a corpo one. I'm quite missing some aspects of my previous job but I'm trying to put that thought behind because I know I did the right choice of taking a leap before the pandemic started because my home and my room is the safest place for me right now. All that's keeping me busy aside from work is tending to our doggos and aquarium fish needs, doing raw vocal covers when work stresses me out, watching random movies/series/anime but not like gotta-watch-them-all-ish Just a few random shows/episodes on the weekend. I have a person of almost two years now who loves me so much that I sometimes feel guilty cause I kinda have love reservations that is for myself but it doesn't affect our relationship much as he supports me all the way and wants me to always feel good about me. We got tons of differences and I feel like I've been maturing faster than him but it's also not too much of an issue because we're both lenient with each other with regards to different aspects of growth. I just feel quite lucky that I met him when I was already whole and had love to give. Like when I no longer need someone to fill my void because I've already filled it myself. The relationship is not in any way demanding nor either of us wanting to take specific this' and thats from each other and just us being there for each other with the ups and downs of our individual lives. It feels very chill yet very warm still. Truly, it makes a lot of difference when both of you got love from your own souls to share with. Feels soooo much of a refreshment also when you came from an unlabeled relationship where you constantly strived to keep the person even if he makes you suffer financially and sometimes makes you even lose some dignity. Oh, those dark times. Although I'm thankful that I made all those bad decisions in my life 'cause they made me grow. Maybe I'm still not financially well-off right now nor working my dream job; or as 'succesful' as some of my batchmates and I'm still having life problems but I feel peaceful and I wouldn't trade that for anything.
So, umm, I guess this ends my diary like I still gotta work in a few hours. Lol. Just realized, it's nice to put a bit of my story herein for my future self to read.
#personal #disry -ish
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guymaito · 3 years
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For the ask thing :3:
Top 5 animals? Top 5 fav/comfort movies? Top 5 fav cartoons/shows?
I’m honestly glad to know theres other people including you who actually like Pakku and his character :3 Yes he was a completely asshole at the start but he did change, it’s just that it was so subtle that not everyone saw it
Also random song associations with characters:
Fighter by Jack Stauber reminds me very well of Piandao, Pakku, and Jeong Jeong as their younger selves during the war.
Why do I associate Grace by Lewis Capaldi with Bumi? (the music video tho would give more context to why it might make sense)
Oh Klahoma by Jack Stauber reminds me of Piandao and his overall anxieties for his partners.
Consider some of these songs as sorta song recs? Idk but still :3
1. Giraffes!! the reason why their tongues look like That is cause of extra melanin and to prevent sunburn!!
2. Seals!! there are 33 different kinds of pinnipeds and there over 50 extinct pinnipeds
3. Dogs!! they can only see in shades of blue and yellow, so bright red roses look yellowish brown and lively green grass look dehydrated and dead
4. Crows!! a group of them are called a murder
5. Cows!! they’re actually colorblind, they can’t see red specifically, so male cows, bulls aren’t getting mad at the color, they’re getting angry at the movement
1. The Losers movie from 2010, it’s a action mystery movie about Clay and his team that are a part of an elite US Special Forces Unit and are approached by a mysterious woman to exact revenge on their handler, Max, who betrayed them and just,,,the characters, CHRIS EVANS, jake jensen and all of his kinda weird glory, THE ELEVATOR SCENE, also cougar!!
2. Captain America and The Winter Soldier movie, it’s a action movie, which makes me realize that a lot of my faves are prolly gonna be action something, but anyways, it’s about Steve Rogers, who now lives in the nation's capital as he tries to adjust to modern times. An attack on a S.H.I.E.L.D. colleague throws Rogers into a web of intrigue that places the whole world at risk. Joining forces with the Black Widow, Natasha Romanov, and a new ally, Sam Wilson, Steve struggles to expose an ever-widening conspiracy, but he and his team soon come up against an unexpected enemy. oh my god,,,just,,,the fight scenes, the running scene at the beginning of the movie, steve meeting sam that way, just everything!! this was also my introduction to marvel so in my mind no other marvel movie can live up to this (other than spiderman away from home)
3. Spiderman Far from Home, again, it’s a action movie, i’m not gonna explain this cause the post is getting long, but!! mj and peter!! just,,,all of their scenes!! also jake gyllenhaal!! the fight scenes!! the soundtrack!! everything about it is amazing!!
4. Thunderforce, again, i’m not gonna explain, it’s an action adventure and comedy movie (ofc it is look at the other 3 🙄 /s), the relationship between lydia and emily!! the relationship between lydia and emily’s daughter!! the humor!! the fight scenes!! the soundtrack!!,,,,just everything about is good despite the bad ratings
that’s more like a top 4 than a top 5 but that’s like,,,,all the movies i genuinely like and will rewatch if given the chance and for that where’s a honorable mention: Hamilton (the movie version on disney+ that came out i think nearly a year ago), the soundtrack is amazing, the characters are better, got some funny moments and is mostly historically accurate, like yeah angelica did forget her name cause at the time of her meeting alex ham, she was married to a man named john church (or something church idk) so her last name was church but she introduced herself to alexander as angelica schuyler, not angelica church, so in satisfied she was telling the truth about forgetting her own name, but in the same song she said that her father had no sons even though the real angelica had 3 brothers.
1. Avatar the last Airbender, ofc or else i would have a blog (mostly) centered around it and it’s sequel /s but fr though?? it’s such a good show!! zuko’s redemption arc, iroh’s redemption arc (even though his more subtle than zuko’s) , aang!! love him and his character so much, especially when he gets to be a sassy little shit, sokka and his shit humor and brains, katara, toph, hakoda and HIS shit humor, the fight scene with hakoda (he fights kinda like a waterbender, using his opponent’s momentum against them), bato and his lovely, lovely voice, piandao, aang going ‘how about he get on YOUR back and you can fly us to the south pole’ or something like that to sokka after he complained about appa not flying higher, the boiling rock episodes, hakoda apparently being a good dad but a shitty prison riot starter (love that for him), just!! atla is such a good ass show, im not changing my mind. also!! i like the way they introduced ozai, not showing his face but still presenting him as not only a shit dad, but a shit person as well, like up until book three, we only saw him like, the neck down and in like, a flashback or two (i don’t really remember how many flashbacks ozai was in actually cause it’s nearly been a full year since i last watched it) and that’s it, so it made seeing his face for the first time all the more better cause you was already like ‘what the hell does this shitbag look like’ and then you see him and now ur like ‘oh!! THATS what he looks like!!’
2. The Legend of Korra, again, ofc or else i wouldn’t have a blog (mostly) centered around it and it’s prequel, just,,,,korra’s arc from being hot headed to calm is fantastic but also sad considering the way she went from that to this, korra’s book 1 character!! for whatever reason i really like b1 korra, just,,her design, her hair style (even though she had it for nearly the entire series) just!!! book 1 korra <3, also the entirety of book 1!! just amon posing as a anti bender nonbender despite being a waterbender himself, the scene where tenzin and his kids nearly lost their bending, which would’ve meant that, if tenzin did lose his bending but his kids didn’t, that would’ve meant the strongest airbender would’ve been his 11 year old daughter, the gruesome way to end the season finale episode by doing a murder suicide which was dark as fuck for what?? a kids show??, also the villains in this show!! their good as hell!! the backstory of the red lotus and how and why they were created?? amon and his anti bending?? kuvira and her plan to basically rule the earth kingdom (idk i haven’t finished book 4), unalaq and his spiritual stuff and wanting to become a dark avatar and fusing with vaatu?? also!! the other disturbing scene of korra basically getting tortured near the end of book 3, i mean?? it deadass left her hella traumatized and unable to walk, again hella dark for a fucking kids show
3. The Walking Dead, even though i haven’t finished it or watched in like, 4-5 months, i just,,,the way the presented negan!! practically foreshadowing him the entirety of season 6!! him appearing at the very end of the season 6 finale and pretty much having an entire episode dedicated to him in the very beginning of season 7 (which is why some fans argue he was introduced in s7 not s6 cause of the fact that he didn’t show up until the very end of the s6 finale but had an entire episode with him in it in s7, while others say vice versa cause the very the first time we see him was in s6 not s7), the fact that the walking dead logo was getting progressively more and more decayed as the series go on?? the fact that the WALKERS (the zombies) are getting more and more decayed as the series go on?? dale’s death scene?? shane’s death scene?? negan’s relationship with rick’s daughter?? the fact that this show also has what?? 11, 12 seasons?? which reminds me that i’m still on season 9 of twd
4. Sabrina the Teenage Witch, just,,,salem and his sarcasm?? sabrina’s aunts?? sabrina herself?? just!! everyone is just so fucking funny in this show it’s unreal, specially salem!! a lot of my favorite scenes have salem in them, the ‘are you on a women’s chat room again?’ (or something like that) and salem saying ‘i like the attention’ in response, that one harvey and salem scene that i don’t know how to describe without turning this into a giant paragraph like the ones before this one
5. blue’s clues, it was my favorite childhood show and i love the reboot of it so much!! especially p for pride moment in that song i don’t remember the name of, blue themself!! steve leaving which was sad but getting an equally amazing host in the process?? amazing!! the scene where salt and pepper introduced their baby, paprika?? just,,,it’s such good show and i loved it when i was younger and i still love it now!!
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ghostpajamas · 4 years
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PJ .......do you have any advice for like. art programs and tablets and the like? cause im lookin to upgrade my art set up from my fingie and a samsung tablet the age of a second grader KSALHSJDKSJD. any advice is helpful like what to avoid what to get, etc. im just going around asking other artists what they think.
HMMM! YEAH I COULD PROB GIVE A RUN DOWN OF STUFF I'VE USED AND WOULD/WOULDN'T RECC! do you have a pc or laptop that runs windows? bc thats what i have going on so its basically all i can recc for kkjjjgjjgg
programs
>firealpaca/medibang: FREE!!! theyre basically the same program but medibang has cloud support and firealpaca has onion skin mode for animating. both work very smoothly (even on an ancient pc like mine) and have easy to learn interfaces! this is a big fave recc for beginners and honestly? it holds up, i still use it often. almost no computer strain. 4 stars
>aggie.io: free, in browser, can be used collaboratively. it has good tools ngl. i use it a lot to fuck around with and its pretty functional. id recc it for getting used to a tablet or if you dont want to learn a whole program right of the bat. or just for fun really. low strain. 3.5/4 stars
>paint tool sai: last i checked sai is 40$ish? now, sai is probably my favorite program in the world. it has such a smooth and comfortable brush engine, pretty limited tools (but sai v2 has a text and shape tool, swag), and a very clean ui. it took a bit more time to get the hang of than firealpaca but it's been my go to for 4 years now. low strain 4.5 stars
>photoshop(cs6): a million fucking dollars just pirate it. it has good brushes and tools if you know how to use them but its honestly a huge hassle to figure out how to do basic shit it. i really dont recc it. HIGH strain. 2 stars
>clip studio paint: 50$ but it goes on half off sale like, twice a year. photoshop done RIGHT. clip is very comfortable to learn and it has an online marketplace and forums for downloading other people's brushes/materials and figuring stuff out if you're having a rough time. has just about the same functionality of photoshop but without the brain hell ui. medium-high strain. 4.5 stars
>autodesk sketchbook (pc): free. i used this when i was just starting out back in 2014/15 and its pretty good for goofing around but i dont think i could do serious illustration in it (edit: iprob could if i could get my tablet to work with it). i reopened it a few months ago and i had no idea how to use it. last i checked it had a layer limit of like, 3 but i dont know if thats gone. (edit: it is) low-medium strain. 3.5 stars
tablets
for pen tablets, id recc taping shiny paper on the surface bc they (wacom tablets specifically) have rough surfaces that eat through your nib like candy
>wacom intuos pen and touch (small, old version): 200$, it was good. it broke for a while bc tea spilled all over it and the cord fell in yogurt but i excavated it from the attic and it works fine now? setup is pretty easy but wacom product constantly want driver updates. has an eraser and 2 buttons on the pen. 4 on the tablet, comes with 3 spare nibs. 3.5 stars
>wacom intuos pro (small): 250$, this baby was smoother and had a nicer pen, ngl. it also needed constant driver updates which was a real hassle. has an eraser and 2 more pronounced buttons on the pen. good pen weight. 6 buttons and a touch wheel on the tablet. comes with 10 spare nibs (variety set) and a pen stand. 4.5 stars
>xp-pen 13.3 inch monitor tablet: 300$, set-up was a BIG hassle but i havent had to update the driver since and it works very smoothly. 6 buttons on the tablet, 2 on the pen, no pen eraser. comes with 10 spare nibs, a glove, pen stand/a tube to keep it in, a screen protector (that i removed like a fool). no tilt support (i dont like tilt anyway so it wasnt a problem for me). requires an hdmi port on your computer. id say it's pretty good for the price, though i do still like pen tablets. 4.5 stars
for starter tablets id recc xp-pen or huion pen tablets bc they go for like, 40-60$ dollars and i hear theyre pretty good. or! i think wacom has some pretty cheap tablets available. a wacom intuos small is about 80$.
haha this was really long sorry. i hope it helps, good luck, evan!!! ❤️❤️❤️
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teruthecreator · 5 years
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if you're comfortable, could you say what specifically you hated about the finale? i never got into amnesty but i liked balance so i would like to know how disappointed i should be ://
okay i’m gonna explain this in-detail exactly Once bc i’m trying rlly hard to just forget about the whole epilogue and keep it moving like that shit never happened, so for anyone else who is asking me why i don’t like the finale (and im not saying you’re wrong for asking, anon, it just seems that when you vocally do not like a thing there are hundreds of people who come out of the woodworks to ask you why and i think thats kinda Huh, Weird of everyone but like whatever) i’m gonna lay it all out here on the table and you can take this as you will. 
i’m not gonna be getting into fistfights with people abt this so if you disagree please don’t try and banter with me. i am running on
also, CRITICISM OF ART DOES NOT MEAN CRITICISM OF THE ARTIST. I AM NOT CRITICIZING THE MCELROYS AS HUMAN BEINGS, BUT RATHER THEIR ARTISTIC DECISIONS IN TAZ: AMNESTY. MORE PEOPLE NEED TO UNDERSTAND THAT THERE IS A SEPARATION BETWEEN ART AND ARTIST, AND ONCE YOU (AS AN ARTIST) POST A PIECE, IT BECOMES SUBJECT TO CRITICISM. I AM NOT BRINGING GRIFFIN, JUSTIN, TRAVIS, OR CLINT’S CHARACTERS INTO QUESTION; I AM SIMPLY GIVING A CRITICISM ON THE SHOW THEY’VE CREATED AS A WORK OF ART. 
oh, this goes without saying, but i will anyway: SPOILERS FOR AMNESTY (IN GENERAL, BUT ALSO FOR EPISODE 36) 
i’m gonna start off by saying, i don’t think the whole episode was a total disaster. there are two things mainly that have ruined the whole experience for me, but for the most part i thought the like first 2 hours of this episode were a lot of fun! the fight scene was a little bogged down in the rolls imo, but it didn’t deter me too much from the overarching boss battle. the intro was a sick concept, i enjoyed the callback bits spliced in w newly scripted bits from mentioned past encounters, that was all well and good. i loved beacon in the episode, and god do i wish he stayed for the whole thing. 
my problem mainly sits with the epilogue, which is why i think the whole episode turns sour in my mind. because the epilogue is supposed to be what satiates your desire to know more, right? not to reference balance too much (bc these are two completely different stories w different premises, and for people to so readily compare them is kinda wack. that being said, they are two stories made by the same people that use an epilogue to wrap up the loose ends, so im gonna make this one comparison), but the epilogue told us, the listener, all the things we wanted to know about after the day of story of song. we got to know what they did, a little bit of their interpersonal relationships, and we even got a big group scene with the killarey wedding! 
this epilogue, though, feels like it left so much still on the table. one of those things i will swing back to later because it is the largest part of my argument, but after all of this time we still don’t know why everyone at the lodge got exiled! no one talks about it! we don’t know how dani ended up there, or jake, or barclay, or moira, or anyone! they don’t reference the banishments at all, which i think is a huge shortcoming figuring that is the core premise as to why these characters exist in our pc’s world in the first place. 
i also feel like the concept of the worlds being divided for a long time is kind of a dumb way to go about framing what they do After The Fact. like, they could have had those scenes happen without the looming concept of them being divided, especially when their big reunion scene is like 2 minutes long and basically does nothing. what would have been a cooler premise is if billy connected the worlds, and the worlds worked together in rebuilding themselves. we still could’ve had the same bits happen (for the most part), but i just think that whole separation bit kinda alienated the pc’s (especially thacker). 
but everything up to aubrey’s epilogue bit is fine. i have some problems, but it’s fine. where i started to completely abandon the work itself though is duck’s bit, and i’m gonna get into it by saying this: I know Justin Mcelroy is not legally required to make all of his characters gay, but this whole scene was just a big reminder to me that this show is done by 4 straight white men
and yeah, my big problem with this scene is the fact that justin had to make Duck/Minerva a thing. because it adds nothing to the story while also being a very skeevy concept in-general, and it reduces minerva’s character down to the Hero’s Girlfriend trope and it’s so comphet and she doesn’t deserve it. 
my first grievance with this: It adds nothing to the story. 
had justin not even mentioned the relationship part of their interaction before the scene actually took place, this scene would be like every other scene involving duck and minerva prior to this. duck says honey once, and even that could’ve been played off as duck just being affectionate to his friends (which is a thing, i call several of my friends “my love” irl and it isn’t a big deal). minerva doesn’t even use pet names, she calls duck by his full name, which is exactly how she addressed him in every other scene! duck’s speech is a genuine heart-puller, but it was completely soured by the fact that justin had to premise this entire scene by saying duck and minerva are a thing. 
my second grievance: it’s a skeevy-as-all-hell concept. 
this whole premise is nasty seven ways from sunday, and it is my biggest problem with duck’s bit as a whole. for starters, and i think more people need to mention this, minerva meets duck on the night of his 18th birthday. which means duck has literally just stopped being legally considered a minor before minerva appears before him. and honestly, i would still consider duck a minor in this case because he has literally just turned 18!!! his brain has not developed past one of a 17-year-old on the exact date of his birthday, and i argue it will not until he is at least in his twenties. keep in mind, your brain does not stop developing until you are about 25. so while in the legal sense, duck is an adult, in both the mental and emotional sense at that exact moment, duck is still a minor. AND he’s still in high school, as referenced in his response to her call to duty: “i got class tomorrow”. and minerva is old enough to have become the minister of defense for her homeworld, go through an entire war, and have several other chosen ones (including leo tarkesian, who is at least 20 years older than duck) before meeting duck. so that makes her much, much older than duck when she meets him. and i don’t care if they had barely any interaction after that first moment (though they did, as justin legit talks about when he introduces minerva as a concept to the show), that still establishes their initial interaction at a massive age difference. which, regardless of anything, makes their eventual relationship so genuinely messed up. 
sure, you can argue that when you get older age doesn’t make that much of a difference, and i would agree. my mother is 53 and her husband is 63, that’s ten years. but my mother and step mother did not meet at 8 and 18, they met at 50 and 60. the initial interaction makes all the difference between “older people meeting and having a relationship” and “a very messed up situation”. 
also, in this same argument, taking the mentor-student relationship and turning it into a romantic relationship IS SO MESSED UP!!!! GENUINELY AND HONESTLY MESSED UP!!! i feel like i don’t need to explain this because there have been so many examples already as to why this is a relationship you Should Not turn romantic, but i will anyway because it frustrates me so much that justin completely glosses over this!!! the power dynamic of a mentor-student relationship, in whatever way it is portrayed, displays a power balance that is heavily leaning to one side. there is not an equal distribution of power amongst the two because one person is teaching the other. the one person is weak to the others wills and whims because of lack of experience. think of your high school teacher or college professor; if you started a relationship with them, people would raise so many questions because you are not at equals to the teacher/professor. even if they treat you different, and even if they no longer teach you, it all has to do with the initial interaction. and minerva was still duck’s mentor up until either episode 34 or 35, when she handed off the title of Herald of the Astral Mind to duck. that means for nearly all of their interactions, there was a mentor-student dynamic. to have that turn into a romantic relationship is so sketchy and weird and leaves a bad taste in my mouth. 
my third grievance: it reduces minerva’s character down to a girlfriend trope, and it’s comphet as hell 
my friend tin (@taako–waititi) phrased this so well in the big group chat im in w her, so imma just quote her on this and then go into the comphet stuff: 
“i was dming max about it and they also mentioned, quote, ‘her story was never about romance. it reduced her down to ‘competent woman becomes endgame girlfriend’ trope’ and they are so right it makes me fucking pissed. regardless of any ‘mutual respect’ and ‘emotional intimacy’ kind of thing going on that some people are arguing for, it’s something that didn’t need to happen because minerva’s character becomes that. my thing is mutual respect and emotional intimacy between two people can. exist. without it being. romantic. like. friendship is. also valid. i personally don’t think that mutual respect and emotional intimacy are two buttons that you press to make the machine churn out a romance” 
not only does it reduce minerva’s character to tropes, but it also is extremely comphet for a woman who is so heavily wlw-coded or lesbian-coded and it just angers me. you could argue that she could be bi, but if we look at canon for just its face-value, the only romantic interaction she ever has is with a man, which basically makes her straight. this isn’t like aubrey’s situation, where travis clearly states she is a bi woman who is just in a relationship with another woman in amnesty. griffin doesn’t state anything about minerva’s sexuality and then she’s paired off with a man right at the end. and you could argue that she isn’t wlw or lesbian-coded, but i am not the only one who is wlw and thinks this, so i feel like i have more of a ground to stand on in this opinion. and this just feels so, like, textbook compulsory heteronormativity it made me feel physically sick when i heard this bit in the podcast. 
so that’s my first big issue with the finale, fully explained. my second issue with the epilogue is that ned’s death continues to be disappointing and his character arc is never completed, which just tanks the whole show for me. 
i’ve talked about this several times since ep 28 about how ned’s death was stupid and did nothing for his character arc, but i’m gonna reiterate my main points for the people who find this post without knowing my whole blog:
1. ned’s main interpersonal conflicts are just brought to the surface and never fully delved into before his sudden death. ned doesn’t ever get to explain his history with boyd and why he had to steal shade tree to mama or barclay or really anyone besides vaguely to aubrey. 
2. every character is just immediately expected to feel sad about ned’s death, despite the tension that still remains right up until the very end. aubrey shouldn’t have even known that the shapeshifter framed ned because that’s all explained once she goes to sylvain, but i think travis just assumed she did because he heard the interaction between ned, mama, and barclay. so she should’ve had Way more conflicting feelings about the whole thing, but ned’s death is just angst-bait so that doesn’t happen.
3. ned’s death doesn’t make roll sense because clint rolled a mixed success and mixed successes, by definition, are supposed to be less severe moves than a failed roll (which gives the gm the ability to make a hard move). there isn’t really anything harder to do to a character than kill them, but even if you wanted to argue that if clint failed the roll the hard move would’ve been ned failing and letting dani get shot, it still doesn’t change the fact that clint rolled a mixed success when slamming into the pizza hut sign at full velocity and came out of that alive (severely injured, naturally, but still alive). 
so, yeah, there’s that. and then theres the fact that griffin doesn’t ever give us any other scenes involving ned directly. ned only becomes a reference from 28 on, which is so disappointing given ned’s importance to the other two pcs. and i understand that the mcelroys have a lot of trauma related to death, but griffin shouldn’t have killed ned off then if he did not want to talk about death in graphic detail. we all have trauma. we all want to avoid topics. but to kill ned off and then never talk about his death in great relation to the others is a genuine disservice to ned’s character. 
the day episode 28 aired was the same day i buried my grandmother. i would have loved if death wasn’t brought up, but i don’t control the podcast. the mcelroys do; they had the ability to avoid this topic in a more servicing way to the characters and they didn’t. that isn’t to say they are bad people for not doing it, but it makes the finale even more disappointing because it means we never get the full rounding out of ned’s character arc. he becomes this like brief reference that is, once again, angst-bait or emotional fuel and i feel like he didn’t deserve that. he deserved a genuine reference, a genuine moment. even a dream sequence i would have appreciated!!! 
griffin had sylvain directly point at ned in aubrey’s flashback in ep 35, and then did nothing about what that could have implicated in the finale. it sours the entire episode in a major way and disappointed me immensely. there should have been more done with that topic and there wasn’t and i will never forget how deeply it hurt me and turned me away from canon as a whole. not to be ned kin on main, but ned was the backbone of this show and the exact moment he left was the exact moment the whole thing went downhill. it turned less into a story about growth and adversary and amnesty and more into a waiting game for when this very loose end was going to get wrapped up. 
i wanted to enjoy this episode. i tried so hard, y’all. but just the thought of ned loomed over me the entire time and i was waiting for a more proper completion to his arc, and it never happened. and coupled with that very bad and skeevy duck/minerva bit i was just so frustrated and hurt last night. 
so, yeah, that’s my whole spiel. you are free to disagree with me, but keep that opinion to yourself because i’m not getting into it with anyone. i will just block you; it’s better for us both, anyway. 
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lichbarry · 4 years
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Thoughts on The Moon Video
Hey guysss I dunno how many of my followers actually check out my text posts like these but I just watched The Moon Video and have some thoughts. Not necessarily theories, not necessarily criticisms, just... thoughts.
What’s most interesting to me is that the video isn’t set up how I thought it would be.  Most of the time, when someone on Youtube (or even on here) is introducing new ideas/theories to a fandom, they do it in an essay format. I’m sure we’ve all come across plenty of video essays, and I very much thought that’s what was going on here.  But it’s.... not. It’s not a video essay. As far as I’m aware, there wasn’t even any commentary at all. Which goes into my next thought:
The video opened my mind and then didn’t put anything in it.  The video is a conversation starter. From what I could tell (I didn’t have captions on or anything, I don’t know if there was extra commentary somewhere) there was absolutely no insertion of opinion or conclusions drawn. I described it in a liveblog to my friends as my brain feeling like “an open sunroof on a moving car.”  The most information we get is from the titles of each segment, as well as the order in which the clips are presented. But other than that the whole thing is entirely objective. The only fan theory it even proposes is the “Fjord is Goku” one, which from what I understand wasn’t the original idea of the poster, but was the headcanon of the man who asked the question at the panel. 
Speaking of, does anyone have more evidence on that? I’m going to go look in the tags later to see if I can find more arguments for it but I went from 0 to 65% convinced. Pointing out Travis’s love of Dragon Ball is the most convincing thing for me (I’ve never seen Dragon Ball so I wouldn’t have made that connection myself), along with Matt’s descriptions of falling.  One thing I didn’t see OP mention to support it was the “power words” Ukotoa was using in Fjord’s initial dreams. Obviously the ones we all remember are “Consume” and “Reward”. But iirc, the “consume” dream (and ones before that, if there were any we saw) was heavily implying that Fjord could only please Ukotoa by slaughtering in his name, similarly to what Yasha did as Orphanmaker. Obviously Ukotoa would want this for his own gain, but it would fit right into Fjord being sent to destroy the world, especially in an age of the rising of the personification of Chaos.  But yeah by the time I was starting to get on the bandwagon and wanted to see more evidence the segment was over so that was kind of disappointing. 
Again, aside from that ^ theory, there really aren’t any that the video presents? It just gives you the information and people are drawing their own conclusions.  Which is great!!! It’s fucking phenomenal! But it’s far from what I expected nor am used to in fandom. Information being presented objectively, without comment??? Unheard of. I’m still barely able to comprehend the idea. 
That being said, some of yall were obviously paying more attention than I was because I never put together any of the “Rudinis IS the Luxon” shit. I just knew things like metals were falling from the sky and assumed this whole video was just a buildup to the Fjord theory.
My own theory about what Rudinis is: a portal 
Again, take this with a grain of salt because I clearly wasn’t paying enough attention. But portals have already been a pretty major obstacle that the M9 are having to face, especially in the context of the BBEG (which I’m assuming is going to be Tharizdun). As in, portals have been behind basically everything so far. And while, yes, Rudinis being the body of a dead god or something is fucking awesome, it just seems unlikely given what’s been supposedly falling from it?? I know that metals and shit being organic material isn’t out of the realm of possibility for a god, but if you tie in everything thats fallen AND the Fjord theory, then that’s an awful lot of random shit to come from one organic creature.  You know what else is random though? Portals. Anything can fall through a portal. Metal, beacons, whole ass alien babies, other gods.  In fact, if you do wanna tie in the Fjord theory, then how many times in media have we discovered that our hero was an alien who fell/was sent through a portal down onto our world? Off the top of my head I can think of Doctor Who, She-Ra & the Princesses of Power, Dragon Ball Z, Megamind, Superman. I’m honestly a little sick of it but the trope is already there to fit in with that theory, and again, it allows for way more diversity than Rudinis just being a decaying body. 
The mental image of level 20 Caduceus decaying away the fucking moon tho??? Sick as hell
Anyway yeah I think that might be all you have to say. It’s a really interesting video and it’s starting up really good conversations but it’s not necessarily as enlightening as people are making it out to be? At least to me. I’m so used to getting presented with opinions that an hour’s worth of pure information is like. Unsettling. 
Here’s the link if you haven’t seen it/can’t find it. It’s incredibly well-produced, so enjoy. 
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irkvader-a · 5 years
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Shit me and my siblings have said Sentence Starter pack
"Come near me and i will use self defense"
"Shut up about Invader Zim"
"If it's not about Batman, I dont care."
"Whats a bird?"
"Oh yeah, you can just put that on the floor there"
"get the FUCK away from me"
* screaming and crying *
"i miss you"
" i only buy things for [siblings/friends/people] i like"
"Dont eat all that, you'll get sick and shit your brains out."
"Haha! jokes on you! i dont have a brain!"
"heh heh heh. i hate you."
"I can't wait till i see you."
"just dont tell [name/parent]"
"Oh my god!!----.. im gonna be honest I didnt think you were capable of this level of planning."
"I'll let you hit me back"
"Nerd"
"Loser"
"Youre such a fish nugget."
"oh shit--! I just remembered how big the universe is."
"No im not drinking your week-old Sprite."
"this is how you treat a poor little child??"
im gonna stand by [name] and anytime someone passes us, i'll point to [same name] and say "they dont like the environment"
"Your breath smells!!"
"IM NOT EVEN BREATHING"
"Wow i hate you"
"Dont make me get the crowbar"
"Hm. Yeah. Thats pretty wack"
"That's pretty uh, nifty, i would say"
"Give me back the uncrustables or im not buying you the antennae headband"
"give me back the uncrustables"
"[Name] hit their head.. could they have a concussion?"
"Let me test to see if you have a concussion. Whats todays date? Whats the Month?"
"What month comes before November?"
"[Name] is fine, theyre just stupid."
"It is a rose."
"At least i think they're bananas.."
"I dont know why people rob banks- all you have to do is go in and ask for money"
"theres a lot of wasps" (said while defensively carrying a shovel)
"One day, you will die. And I will take what I want."
"Why are you like this"
"Whats that thing girls have--- a Virgina?"
"Why are you looking at me like im the camera in the office?"
"Arent they a band?"
"[Name] stinks!! Kill them!!"
"Just burn it into your retinas"
"im gonna miss you"
"That enderman came out of FUCKING no where"
"Just --- stop talking"
"I love you"
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bma-2020 · 5 years
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Okiedok here’s the delio. I have a list of all the blogs from the last six months who’s actively either responded to a meme i sent, responded to a message ive sent, replied to something regarding mally herself, has actually written with me, written a starter for me from my liking a starter call, has at least liked a starter i wrote for them to awknowedge it exists, all that jazz, i have a lot of open field so it’s not just a possible tumblr didnt let them no option anymore, because i send memes to everyone who posts them that i see. I reply to most peoples ooc posts. I like most starter calls I pass by. I try my darndest to actually interact bc i know how it feels to be ignored and its… i’ve been called one before so i’m using the word, thats fluffing cunty behavior, and honestly if you complain about not being interacted with but never even try when i try with you, ya being cunty, end of. I gotta list. That list only entails Mally because she’s who I care about the most. I’m probably gonna start instilling a new rule in all my blogs that if you ignore Mally and/or Darcy( @tasedandconfused ), since I would say they’re my two main blogs tho darcy gets ignored even more than mally does, probably bc i denied canon and left it entirely we know fandom hates that, if either of them is ignored then… Ya out of luck, I’m gonna unfollow you. I’m debating soft blocking everyone who ignored me on both of them but I don’t want to like be mean and deny the chance to eventually try again but at the same time i shouldnt feel bad for taking a stand and saying this is bullsheet, idk my anxiety says im awful for giving a fluff about myself but also i should give a fluff about myself probably, ive nearly died in the last three months, my brain almost exploded, i just had three root canals on one corner of my face, i have to potentially get surgery on my inner ear which i cant even afford, i dont got time to deal with only being used for like smut memes or like as a resource blog or utter bs like that, i dont got time for it. So new rules here. 1: If Mally or Darcy are not acknowledged, written with, responded to, viewed as more than just their fluffing bodies? ya dropped, im unfollowing, potentially soft blocking, which means blocking and unblocking for those not in the know, on all accounts I follow you on. Every single one. I know most of my muses are on sideblogs but despite not being able to send memes from sideblogs you can block people from sideblogs fun fact, i will do that if i have to. 2: I’m gonna be posting SCs, PCs, memes, etc. I like and respond to plotting calls, starter calls, i send memes, all of that. If I don’t get any response within.. I’m giving one week for people who don’t run on a queue and a month and a half to people on a queue based system, if i dont get anything within that time like at least an im being like ‘its posted’ or ‘its queued i wanted to let you know in case tumblrs a fluffbutt’ (i do this sometimes if i dont get even just a like on the starters i post so i at least know people saw it since i know tumblrs bs, i wait until the day they’re active to do so in case theyre busy yknow) basically i need acknowledgment at all. No you can’t claim this is abt follower count bc when you unfollow someone they inevitably unfollow you too, thats gonna drop my following, not as quickly as soft blocking would but i wanna be fair i guess, which leads to: 3: I’m basing this on your activity too, like if i like a think and you’re gone for a month after that its fine, im not gonna unfollow you unless you never come back or youre online and posting others just not mine because that tells me youre specifically ignoring me and im gonna drop you for that end of. I’m done with the bullsheet im done w the dillish behavior, i love friendship but if im giving and never receiving thats extremely one way and not gonna work. I check through my follow list weekly and i go back about five-10 pages on someones feed before i unfollow them to see their actual activity and see if theyre here or if its a q so. I’m thorough basically. 4: You dont have to be active with me on all your blogs, i mean i’d prefer it but thats hard as fluff so essentially if you have like five blogs and are just like trying w me on two or three thats fine. Ten blogs, four or five with at least a plot formed is cool. Multis just one muse is all I’d need. I’m not gonna unfollow the blogs youre not writing w me on if you at least write w me on some. Again, specifically Mally and/or Darcy. If you ignore both of them, we’re done. I havent been active on darcy because of being ignored and its a huge butt mess and im just tired i wanna use my babies, you don’t get to have my ‘better’ muses like i know a lot of ppl only follow me for my boys or my villains, you don’t get them if you ignore my baby. But, there is a limit there too. 5: If you never respond to a meme or thread even once with Mally or Darcy, or post a starter, i reply, its never replied to again after a month, I’m unfollowing and/or soft blocking for that too. Bc that means youre just raising my hopes to fluff with me or get someone else and honestly, youre even more cunty than than the people just flat out ignoring me if you do that. And this isnt a specific person, this is five of the people actually on my list. Yes, my list is also annotated with specifics again I was very thorough on this yesterday, I hyperfixated I’ll admit it, I’m in a fluffing depressionary bubble and being told to get over it because people want something they dont deserve to have to. I am a believer that people deserve good things but if youre purposefully being cunty… no you dont. 6: No I’m not releasing my list, maybe I will and I’ll omit the urls because I don’t want people being buttholes to each other too but otherwise, yall not seeing it im not giving a callout because… really thats just unnecessary here. I don’t think yall are toxic people or something i just think yall are unintentionally being cunty. And no I don’t mean everyone that follows me i mean the ppl that add up to what i’ve documented so far and fit the bill of butthat that i’ve shown, its behaviors yall gotta check before ya wreck. Yes there will be some people who have priority, everyone has those people, I write w kathryn on other platforms since she doesnt go on here as often but when Kathryn returns from war here (if she does cause she also agrees most ppl on this platform are cunty, i feel really bad saying that word so often but im gonna keep doing it i recently deleted an ask saying I was a huge cunt for not sending someone smut memes when I didn’t even follow them or know they existed so, again the travesty of this place is nutballers) same with owly, alex is here too, my most active partners are always going to be priority because theyre the ones who show the most interest and the most care. I understand that with others as well which is why I have the timeframe set up, because I want to be as open and shizz as possible while atill being firm i guess. I don’t want to have extreme double standards like its impossible for double standards not to exist at least a little bit but I want to avoid a golden chest full of them I guess. 7: I don’t have a seven rn, this was an even number and it bothered me. Seven is nust my warning that I’m bittery writing this on mobile so formatting is not real but i tried my dandest to make this look like something people might actually mind. I dont want to be butty, i dont want to be awful, i dont want to start drama or have drama but that shizz comes around anyways so i might as well make my space as okay for me as i can cause im supposed to avoid stress so my brain doesnt almost explode again, like again i almost fluffing died i dont need ppl fake being my friend or anything, i want stuff to be real and clear. I want to be happy to be on here again and have fun like i used to since my health is plummetting and I’m not allowed to go outside near plants by myself anymore because i welt up. I have plants outside my work place and im surrounded by chemicals all day long I’m welted from here to new york constantly and never comfortable in my own skin because of it and constantly see people online acting like these actual real problems are pretentious because ‘its an excuse’ when, im a fluffing sagittarius, do you know how much i want to magically be a millionaire so i can pay for friends and my own medical stuff and go on traveling and adventures, be outside probably not camping bc as a pagan i know thats a death sentence but like be outside, lay on grass, go back to swimming because i used to swim competitively and due to health reasons i can barely even go in a pool anymore because theres too much sunlight which, bit plot twist i know, im fluffing allergic to vitamin D and the rays of the sun, so go figure, attempts to be healthy kill me more, i also cant eat most plants and am constantly dying from just eating food, they dont know whats wrong with me. i cant fix it by going ve/gan for a month inf act i tried and it almost made my heart stop thanks society. These arent excuses these are the lives of disabled and diseased and to a lesser but still very real point, ethnic lives every fluffing day. This is real shit and its murder and online and gaming? It may be all I have soon since I can’t just go out and make new friends cause, again, I’d fluffing die. I get sick going to the mall or the movie theater, I miss theme parks so much but have to minimize it to weeks i dont have work so i dont get fired for having a welt while working in the beauty industry. I may have to get a degree online and change my field entirely because of my illness that nobody understands. People even make fun of it constantly online and I wish I could just drop online entirely because of how unbelievably ableist the entirety of the world is, i wish i could drop humans in general for their ableism, but i cant. I don’t have choices in most cases, but throwing away people who maybe purposefully maybe unintentionally thats why i’m giving you this warning and will be repeating this warning for awhile, this is where i have choice. I have to use what little choice I have in life while I can since everytime i go to movies or a concert or a theme park i almost die because of not having an immune system that functions or being in certain air qualities pr being near plants or unclean people, I may not have much time and I gotta do whats best for what little mental health I have, and if that means dropping people i care about and really want to write with and do things with but who ignore me then, i guess so be it.
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midnigtartist · 6 years
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6. The super long kiss that wasn’t intended
He knows he should be watching the treeline. Sat beside Nott at the front of the cart, Molly knows that he ought to be scanning the tree line for any potential threats to their merry band as they weave their way through the valley. But he just can’t seem to get himself to focus on the slow passing trees as Nein marches southward. His gaze keeps slipping from the road, as he glanced over his shoulder at the wizard curled up in the back of the cart.
As to be expected, he’s got a book propped up in his lap. One of the spellbook he keeps strapped to his side, Molly notes, as he carefully and meticulously sifts through their recent spoils. The faint hum of arcane energy hangs in the air around him. It pricks at the back of Molly’s neck, making the hair there stand on edge and that’s why he’s been so distracted, and certainly not because Caleb looks so darling and content with his task, a small smile curling at the corner of his lips.
No, Molly thinks wryly to himself, it’s certainly nothing to do with that. Not at all.
He swings his legs over the side of the cart bench, earning and disgruntled yelp from Nott as she’s jostled by the movement. Molly ignores this, instead watching Caleb’s, dare he says, giddy smile as the pearl clasped tight in his hand dulls, and he picks up the bracelet he’s been inspecting. Sliding off the bench, Mollymauk seats himself cross legged at the perimeter of Caleb’s pile of spoils, resting his cheek to his fist.
“Anything interesting?”
Caleb starters, but only a little, his head jolting up and eyes blinking as he takes in the new addition to his ring of shiny things. Molly offers him a curling, close mouth smile in lue of a proper greeting.
Caleb nods, pulling at his beard. “Ja, this-” he gestured vaguely over the lot of stuff, a crooked grin on his face. “This ist gut. There is a lot a usefully things here.”
“Almost finished then?” Molly asks.
“Oh yah, I just have to look over these rings for Jester, you know, and then that will be all of it but ahhhh- you have come over here? Is- is there something you need?” the thrill the magic gives him, seems to bear wearing off and Molly can see Caleb slowly receding back into his shell. And that simply won’t do.
He shrugs “Not particularly. This is fascinating, by the way.”
Caleb lowers his gaze to his spellbook. He twiddles and twists the pearl between his fingers and Molly tracks the movement because that’s fascinating too. Caleb’s long fingers rolling the small bead between them is truly something and he can feel the slight flush crawling up his neck.
“You have seen me identify objects before,,,” Caleb mutters.
“And I find it thrilling every time!” he says. He leans forward so his elbows are pressed into his knees. “I think it’s just wonderful, that. How you can learn all of that stuff just from looking at it for a few minutes. It’s very impressive!”
Caleb shrugs, but Molly spies a phantom of a smile touching the corner of his mouth and he finds himself beaming all the wider for it.
“Well you know, there is a bit more to it then that but it is ahhh,, nerd shit.”
“What I’ve learned from traveling with the lot of you terrible people is that nerd shit tends to be the shit that keeps us alive. It’s very useful shit. Don’t sell your shit short Caleb, it’s very good shit! Quality, even.” he says. Somewhere to the right of him, he can hear Jester cackling. He keeps his eyes and his smile trained on Caleb, who’s actually turned a bit to face him.
“Ha ha.” it’s not a laugh, not really. It more just the noise, but it’s so endearing that Molly’s insides squirm with delight at the sound. “I suppose you are right- about that at least.”
“You’d be surprised by how much I’m right about, actually.” Molly says.
This time Caleb does laugh, even if all it is a huff of air. “Mister Mollymauk.”
“Mister Caleb”
The pearl rolls between his thumb and forefinger. “Would you like learn a magic trick? I, you know, I have tried teaching Jester before, and umm, Beauregard but, they don’t, well, they really do not have the patience for this sort of thing.”
He cocks his head to the side. “And you think I do?”
“I have seen you mend your coat.” Caleb says, actually leveling his clear blue gaze on Molly, effectively pinning him in place. “That embroidery is your handy work, hmm? Something like that takes a lot of time.”
Molly draws back so that he’s sitting up straight. “Well as flattering as it is to know you keep eye on me.” Caleb flushes. “-I don’t think I’m quite clever enough to do what it is you do dear.”
Magic, at least, the magic Caleb does, seems to require a lot of reading, and reading has never really agreed with Mollymauk Tealeaf. It makes his eyes hurt and his whole brain revolt against him, can even give him a terrible headache if he forces himself to work at it for too long.
Caleb’s brows draw together, forming deep creases between his eyes. “It is not that hard.” he says.
Molly flashes him a tight smile. “Yes, but I’m not that smart.”
The wizard shuts his spellbook with a forceful snap that makes Molly’s tail jump and curl up behind him. “Come here, Mollymauk.” Caleb says, commands really, Molly thinks with a shiver. “I will not force you, if you do not wish, but do not withhold just because you think that you might not be clever enough. I will be the judge of that.”
“Well when you put it so nicely,,,” Molly says, praying to the Weaver that he sound relatively unaffected by whatever that was. He slides over so that he’s sitting next to Caleb, instead of across from him. “So, what will I be learning then?”
Caleb hesitates, but only for a moment before he opens his book back up, and shuffles over so that Molly can see the pages, balancing it on his knee.
“Something simple, I think.”
“Oh goody.”
Even the creak of the branches in the wind sounds ominous, which Molly thinks is rather ridiculous and painfully cliche. His blade, glowing with a warm, white light, is wrapped up in the tails of his coat to dull it’s radiance as Molly creeps along low in the brush. The Nein had decided, against Molly’s better judgement, decided to travel a few hours past sunset.
“The next town isn’t that far, guys.” Jester had told them, brandishing the map with the same ferocity with which she handles her sickle. “We’ve been on the road for daaaaaaaaaaays and my feet are getting all tired and gross from walking so much and I just want to sleep in a bed and not in the grass and wake up with like, bugs in my hair and stuff.”
So they’d marched on, and now they’re paying the price because not only is it a good couple of hour past sunset, but they’d been assaulted by some ruffians. Taking advantage of the exhausted state of the party, they’d managed to stop them, rob them, and make off with Jester’s haversack of holding. With so much of their valuable shit in that bag, they’d decided to give chase, and had gotten spread pretty thin in the processes. Which, isn’t such a bad thing, Molly’d been able to pick off a few of the bandits, spread thin themselves, quickly and quietly. But he’s worried about everyone else. If they were unlucky enough to run into more of the bastards then they could handle alone, with Jester possible very, very far away. That could make things a bit more sticky.
Of course, they’re all pretty capable, decently strong. And yet,,, Molly’s worried about some, specifically squishy members of their party.
He’ll- they’ll be fine.
He marches on deeper into the woods.
A bit of time later, the sound of muffled voices hit Molly’s ears. Not long after does he spy the flicker of firelight through the leaves, painting speckled shadows along forest floor.
Molly pauses a moment, tucking himself against a rotting old tree trunk. Peeking over the top of it he can just barely make out a group of darkened figured, hooting and hollering like idiots around a makeshift camp. Why do petty thieves always do that? Make a whole fucking ton of noise that gives away their position. Every single band of thieves he’s ever run into does it. It’s just not smart. Though, if they were smart enough to understand that they probably wouldn’t be out here robbing well seasoned mercenary groups, he thinks. He counts the shadows, or at least he tries to. The back lighting from the fire is fucking up his night vision but he thinks he sees four or five distinct individuals. Too many to take out alone.
Reaching into his pocket with his free hand, he pulls out a little piece of wire. Its difficult, harder with only one hand, but he manages to wrap the bit of copper around his finger and brings it up to his lips. He points out into the woods in the general direction he thinks he saw people running. “Found a group of them. Looks like five maybe? North. Just past that one rock that looks remarkably like a penis. Oh ! and you can reply to this message” he whispers into his fist.
Molly does this eight more time, hoping that if he casts a wide enough net he’ll be able to get in touch with at least some of the Nein. Between not knowing exactly where everyone is and the, frankly concerning, fizzle of the spell against his lips he not sure how many of them got the message. On the fourth time, he hears Jester’s cackling rattling around in his skull. It’s a horrible bizarre feeling that makes his skin tingle,and not even in the fun way.  On the sixth one he hears Beau’s exasperated “real fucking mature, man” and has to stifle a chuckle. On the last one, it’s Caleb’s voice ringing around in his skull.
“I see the rock you are talking about. oh- ja it does look like a dick.” He says. “I am making my way over to you now.”
Molly waits, one eye on the trees around him, one on the group of bandits, watching for any strange movement. Maybe one of them will come over here to take a piss. He could take them out nice and quite, and that would be one less shit head to deal with.
The bushes to his right rustle and Molly tightens his grip on his sword. Caleb comes sprinting out of the underbrush towards him, crouched low to the ground to avoid being spotted. Molly can’t even even get a word of greeting out before Caleb is suddenly upon him, hands reaching to curl around the lapel of his coat.
The wizard is positively beaming at him, his face cracked with a wide smile Molly has only ever seen him give Nott. His eyes are practically glowing, wide and excited and full of pride. He’s on Molly in an instant huddled against the rotten log alongside him and Molly is stunned.
“You cast message!” Caleb says, barely able to keep his voice to a stage whisper for the excitement. His hands come up, cupping Molly’s face between them and immediately the teifling feels himself start to color. Thumbs rub over his cheeks, Caleb squishing his face between his calloused palms “You cast the spell, you did the thing that I showed you! Oh! I am so proud! I am so proud of you! You are brilliant Mollymauk. I could kiss you!”
Well, that makes Molly’s heart do all sorts of ill advised and complicated gymnastics in his chest.
He puts a shaking hand on Caleb’s knee. “Don’t say thing you don’t intent to follow through on, Mister Caleb.”
Brain seeming to have caught up with his mouth, Caleb pales, then flushes a deep scarlet. His hand stay cupped around Molly’s cheeks, though they do lessen they’re squeezing a bit. His gaze falls past Molly’s right shoulder. “I ahh- right. I was- well I got a little excited I suppose,,,”
“Happens to the best of us.” he gives Caleb leg a friendly jiggle “Your secret’s safe with me”
Caleb chuckles.
They don’t move. They’re still dreadfully, painfully close. Annoyingly, not close enough. He watches as Caleb’s gaze flickers back over to his face. Watches the way his sharp, ever curious blue eyes trace the curve of his palm where it’s pressed into Molly cheek, all the way down to the corner of his mouth. He leans in.
The center of gravity suddenly shifts and Mollymauk Tealeaf finds himself crashing against Caleb’s warm mouth. Its quick, but it’s everything.
Caleb presses his lips firmly to Mollymauk’s for a brief moment, pulling him in with the fingers still curved around his jaw. Molly gasps, fingers tightening around the fabric of Caleb’s pant leg. He lets his eyes flutter shut. And then the warmth is gone and Molly opens his eyes to see the wizard staring at him, wide eyed and flushed. Still his hands don’t move from Molly’s face.
“I should not have done that. I-”
Molly brings his other hand up to the back of Caleb’s neck and pulls him forward. Their lips meet again and Molly can taste the crackle of arcane power that lingers on them. It shoots a thrill down his spine. The hand on Caleb’s knee tangles into the coarse fur lining of his coat and Molly sigh, deep and wanting against the other man’s mouth.
To his glorious surprise, Caleb responds in kind. His hands begin to move, one sliding down his face to rest at the juncture of his neck and shoulder, those long, scholarly fingers spanning across his throat, making Molly shiver. The other tangles into the short curls at the back of his neck, drawing Molly even closer.
Molly breaths through the kiss, eyes shut tight as he focuses on the feeling. Of dry and ragged ruined lips against his own. On the slight scratch of stubble against his chin and the rough pads of Caleb’s fingers on his skin. He feels exactly like he looks, coarse and rough around the edges. Nothing like the soft, sweet smelling hired company that Molly’s used to. He finds he likes this much better. The earthy smell that clings to weather battered skin, mixed in with faint hints of whatever spell components line Caleb’s pockets. Licorice and molasses.
Caleb sighs against him, tilting his head for a better angle.  Molly puts all other thoughts out of his head. Forgets about the bandits at his back, and his friends stomping through the underbrush. Even forgets about their stole bag of good. He put his facilities to better use, memorizing the shape and heat of Caleb’s lips against his own
Molly parts his lips and prods at Caleb’s lower lip with the twin prongs of his forked tongue, makes a soft sound of pleasure as Caleb’s fingers tighten in his hair. Caleb jumps under his hands, pulling away. He desperately wants to follow, but Molly let him go, keeping fingers folded against the lapels of his coat, half  to keep himself grounded, half to keep Caleb from bolting before he can find his voice again.
“Don’t you dare apologize for that.” He crooks out after a moment.
Caleb stares at him with blown out blue eyes. He swallows, runs a hand across his jaw. His fingers linger against his lips. “Ja- okay,,, That was ahhh-”
“That was good.” Molly assures him, stroking fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck.
Caleb nods, looking a little unsure. “Gut, ja. You know, uhh maybe we should- should, you know- maybe we could do that again, sometime. But I think we should probably take care of those bandits first.”
A smile splits Molly’s face. “Think we can take them, just the two of us?
“No.” Caleb hands come back around to cup his cheeks, then slip down, coming  to rest against the front of Molly’s coat “We are pretty tough, but you said that there were at least five of them. I do not want us taking any unnecessary risks.” he starts fidgeting with Molly’s coat, adjusting it on his shoulder and smoothing out the silk with his hands. “Clever boy.” Molly says, fondness laced into his words.
Caleb doesn’t meet his gaze, but he does smile.
The sound of twigs snapping catch their attention and moments later Beau comes slinking out of the bushes, a new bruise swelling up over her eye. Caleb hands fall away. Molly keeps fingers pressed lightly against the side of his knee.
“That’s a good look on you.” he says, once Beau is close enough.
“Thanks asshole.” Beau wedges her way between the two of them, elbowing Molly in the stomach as she does.  
He whizzes out a pained laugh.
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magonumberfive · 5 years
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[My parents are coming to pick me up from the dorm in two hours and instead of trying to go to bed early and wake up in time for them to get here I elected to stay up all night until they get here to pack 
i will Not be doing anything serious like drafts and shit for a bit bc you can imagine how mush my brain is gonna be for a hot minute readjusting sleep and being at home, but I haven’t forgotten about those two likes on my starter call I haven’t gotten too and everything else thats been around!!”
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pokemagines · 5 years
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JAPAN TRIP 2k19 with Mod Elesa (1/?)
hey n’yall it’s mod elesa, lemme tell u bout my japan trip! u can find some of the photos of these events on my instagram @atel2er! i didn’t want to flood this post with pictures hehe ,,
GENERAL STUFF
went for school, study abroad trip to study visualization and simulation of “serious games” that businesses buy and use (but i dont feel like talking abt it since this is the FUN POST
may 10-26
the flight was 11 hours, p easy, i didn’t know anybody going into the trip because i didn’t go to any of the meetings HAHhaHEHA
whatever. everyone on the trip initially came off as if they had yellow fever and i was like ... i’m really not trying to interact with FETISHIZERS
turns out they were all really cool! only this one kid was a real weeaboo who was greasy and tall and a neckbeard who kept talking about being “culturally insensitive” and speaking japanese constantly to the teacher and the TA like ... ok patrick we get it you flex
i stayed in a hotel in shinjuku! everything is so small and i used the bidets for the first time and WOO chile that shit feels FUNKY on your asshole
i visited shinjuku major (kabukicho aka red light district, couple other places!), ikebukuro (THE MEGA POKEMON CENTER), mt fuji, fuji q highland, akihabara, hamamatsucho (area where tokyo tower is), HARAJUKU, and the emperor’s palace! i’m probably forgetting some places since we went to a lot of temples and shrines that were cool ...
the public transportation in japan is scarily on time.. like, by the second. they apologize if they’re one minute early and will wait until the scheduled time before they move omg
the subway stations have their own jingles! they kind of act as an alarm system because a lot of people sleep on the subway (which is why people generally don’t talk on it) and will recognize the jingle for their stop!
the crowded hours on the subway are noon and 6-8pm... like, its insane. it’s actually packed like sardines in there. 
EVERYONE THERE IS SO SHORT.... i was taller than a lot of the grown men there (i’m 5′4″ or 162 cm for reference) and most people were around 5 feet tall... the only people taller than me were some kids around my age and this gaggle of japanese schoolgirls who were like 5′7+ and i was like. sis you’re 13, why are you that tall
pokemon is EXTREMELY prevalent in japan wherever you go. there’s pikachu stickers on taxis, pikachu is on ads on the subway and at the AIRPORT, pokemon go is widely played by a lot of people and so many of the people in my group played it so i got conned into playing again. i leveled up 5 times within 3 days and honestly? i’m god
anime is very normal there... i know that sounds all “weeby” but a lot of normal shops had animated mascots and there were ads for anime all over the place. 
literally gacha machines everywhere i spent a lot of coins on gacha machines plz kill me
the homies in japan loooove crepes. they sold so many crepes. everywhere. just crepes. also spaghetti carbonara! and corndogs HAHAHA
the food there is so cheap but SOOO GOOD. sushi isn’t all that expensive at all?? like a set of 16 pieces is 1080Y... meanwhile that cost in america is like. $6000 HAHAHAHAH. 
very humid? at all times? also the RAIN is debilitating if u make one wrong step you will slip and die (like i did! i stepped on a tile and fucking fell into a puddle! i have bruises still!)
SHINJUKU (detective pikachu day, may 10)
i went to go see detective pikachu on its release day in shinjuku! before that, i went to a couple sega buildings--
the sega buildings are 4 story buildings FILLED with claw machines holding stuffed animals, figurines, candy, all kinds of stuff. when i went, there was a lot of detective pikachu-related stuff. i saw this detective pikachu hat in one of the machines and spent 1000Y (about $10) or 10 attempts at the claw machine ... i still can’t believe i got it ... nobody was there to see it besides me and i YELLED when it dropped 
i wore the hat that entire day around shinjuku because i honestly felt like god. people would point at me and go like “ah! meitantei pikachu!” and smile at me. i was a celebrity. i wore the hat into the movie theatre, i wore it through the entire movie, and when i was walking out, someone tapped on my shoulder and asked for my picture. she was all nervous about her english and was like “i love your hat. may i take a picture?” and i was like omG YES U CAN... sweet bab... so that’s the first photo of me that ended up on some random person’s phone
we waited around for the mass of people to exit the theatre and then left, and we ran into her again! she asked me more questions about the hat: “did you make it?” “no, i got it in a claw machine in the sega building.” she looked dumbfounded. “in shinjuku?” “yes.” “in the sega building? over there?” “yeees.” “in a claw machine?!” “yes!” “ah! i thought you made it! it’s so cute! i’m going to get one for myself.” “lol ok have fun”
i learned that its customary to stay until the very end of the credits before leaving a movie out of respect for the people who made it! meanwhile in america we walk out when the credits roll FHDSKFJS OOPIES
SHINJUKU (visit #2)
we went in the night time to go see the red light district aka kabuki-cho because thats where a lot of the bars are
i don’t drink so i didn’t join the people who went to the bars to get CRUNK, so i dragged two other guys with me and we walked around the red light district
I SAW SO MANY HOST CLUBS. so many maid cafes. so many bars. i saw a love hotel too... i was like... i wanna go inside... Blease... and my friends were like “you’re so weird KHEDJFSk” and im like “I WAS GOOGLING THESE IN CLASS TODAY, I DIDN’T THINK THEY WERE REAL”
my friend sean (he’s from taipei, cool guy, could read a lot of the kanji so we used him to navigate the subway HAHA) was walking with me that night and we saw this hole in the wall that had stairs going down to a peep show ... homegirl had her whole ass out on the sign... tiddies covered with caution tape ... i said MAAM?
one of the signs in kabuki-cho had a woman doing straight up ahegao with (what i’m pretty sure was) nut on her face. it was a small sign and i was the only one who saw it. i lost my shit. it was the funniest thing ever
kabuki-cho is really really dirty... like people straight up litter all the time bc there’s no trashcans around? so people throw their shit on the ground? and everyone steps on it... very seedy area, very gross, but i was absolutely enthralled with the nightlife and the blatant sexual vibes half the places had!
some dude stopped me and started speaking english saying “do you like karaoke? you should come drink with me for two hours, it’s a great price if you drink a lot” and i was like “no... i have to go home” and he’s like “come onnnn it’s a good price” and i was like. i’m not very assertive with men so i started panicking and my friend sean (A GOD AMONG MEN) started speaking chinese to him and he backed off ... i love you sean you’re so fucking COOL
IKEBUKURO (pokemon mega center)
so there’s this huge mall. i forgot the name, but it’s got like a lot of floors and they’re MASSIVE
on the 2rd floor is the MEGA POKEMON CENTER!!! i was so HYPED to go in there!!! it was teeming with people but there was just... so much stuff. all kinds of merch. they had plushies of the original 151, a shitton of really cool tshirts, a whole block for detective pikachu-themed merch (pins, socks, canvas bags, shirts, patches, hats, etc), and sooo much more. there’s a giant charizard statue when you walk in, as well as a statue of a pokestop HAHA. i was so excited and i wanted to buy so many things when i was in there bc they had stuff for all the legendaries (LATIOS AND LATIAS STUFF WERE THERE I WAS SO HAPPY)!!! literally anything you can think of, they had in some kind of pokemon print. including underwear. yeah i said it. here’s a really good article that showcases some of the stuff they sold there!
for reference, 100 yen is about 1 usd. a lot of things there were 480 yen ($4.80) or 3000Y ($30) and it was just... beautiful. 
when i was there, yen didn’t feel like it had monetary value since it’s not the currency i’m used to, so i sPENT WAY TOO MUCH AHFJKDFD
they had themed cash registers with each of the starters... i cried :’)
i actually went there a second time but it was packed for a different reason. some idol group was performing on the ground floor and a shitton of girls were screaming fanchants while their jpop boys danced LOLLL. now i know how people see kpop stans ...
AKIHABARA (i went like 8 times)
this is what i like to call my birthplace
we went to the maid cafe. of course we fucking did. i got a dreamland passport and some cat ears. THE MAIDS ALL LOVED HATSUNE MIKU
SPEAKING OF HATSUNE MIKU AKA MY GODDESS, she was pretty popular in akihabara! she was also on some posters in the subway stations (across tokyo, not just in akihabara) and was apparently having some magical mirai concert???
there’s this giant tower called radio kaikan thats right outside the akihabara station that’s filled with all sorts of anime shit. i spent so much money in there. Good God. there was a furret plush for 5400Y and i was so STINGY that day i shouldve BOUGHT IT....  it was a longboi and i was like... sis!!!!
remember how i said my brain didn’t register that yen had monetary value? yeah i spent hundreds of dollars here no cap ...
i went to a kaguya-sama cafe as well on another day bc my friend joe (one of the figureine-collecting weebs) wanted to go and get a chika coaster
i went into a three floor sex shop and gave no fucks, the bottom floor was filled with bdsm shit and LEATHER SCHOOLGIRL OUTFITS and it was WILD. and these two old men were just casually browsing this shit like we weren’t both looking at whips and buttplugs in Public you know
i wasn’t fazed by a lot of the stuff there bc i read Funky fanfiction but the people i went in there with were major uncomfy ... i was like PRUDES HAJKFDAHDS i almost bought something don’t tell anybody
OKAY SO. there’s this place called super potato that has a floor dedicated to old games and consoles. they had so many gameboy advances and gamecubes and old consoles (famicom, dreamcast etc) for CHEAP. they had a gameboy color for 4900Y and a gamecube for 5600Y. a bitch almost cried. they had every old pokemon game under the sun (the original red, blue, yellow, gold and silver) and i ,,, they were 480Y. they were 480Y. that’s five fucking dollars. do you know how much collectors pay for that shit on ebay? HUNDREDS. i could’ve mass bought those and sold them and made so much cash but I DIDN’T.
that store had an original unopened copy of super smash bros melee and pokemon colosseum and i was like... wait if i cop a gamecube i could play pokemon collosseum like a true g... ((i didn’t cop))
but anyways there were a lot of games that didn’t make it to america (including mother 3! which my friend connor bought! as well as the console to play it!) and just... so many old things i grew up with ... 
whenever i walked out of the super potato we’d end up in an alley where all the girls who work at cafes were advertising their stuff
i always took the flyers from the girls bc they spoke their cute english to me and i was like... i’d die for you, yknow that?
ALL KINDS OF CAFES. regular maid cafe, pirate cafe, ninja cafe (you could do that thing where you karate chop a wooden block in half), sailor cafe (as in actual ship captains), shrine maiden cafe, vampire cafe, prince cafe (for the ladies ;3), catgirl cafe, bunny girl cafe... i took all of the goddamn flYERS THEY WERE ALL SO CUTE :( i wanted to go so bad...
FUJI Q HIGHLAND (also known as the time i flipped my shit and went on rollercoasters)
when i found out about fuji-q, i told my group that we HAD to go. i didn’t want to go to an onsen. i wanted to go to fuji-q. i had to. i love rollercoasters, it’s my passion, my driving fORCE IN LIFE
so fuji-q is home to 4 record-breaking rollercoasters! u got fast boi aka jojo reference do-dodonpa; EXTREME TALL BOI fujiyama; superior to x2 at six flags eejanaika; and the steepest rollercoaster in the world TAKABISHA ... i got to ride fujiyama, eejanaika, and takabisha! the scariest one was probably fujiyama despite it being very cut and dry up for... ever ... 79 meters ... oh god ... i lost my shit on the way down ladies let me TELL YOU
FUJIYAMA ALSO HAS A VIEW OF MT FUJI AND I WAS LIK E”YO GUYS ITS MT FUJI” and then we went down and i screamed
please watch the pov videos for these rides they’re very good but they don’t convey the absurd amount of excitement i had going on these rides
anyways the fuji-q park was having a sword art online collaboration when i visited, so they played SAO music and had cardboard cutouts for them across the park... kirito’s ride was fujiyama (aka the king of them all). i forgot the other ones but those alicization kiddos were there but ion care about ALICE OR EUGEO
the first ride i went on was eejanaika which is a 4d rollercoaster, pretty epic, total Baby Ride though
i went on as a single rider so i ended up getting put in this group with these college kids! the guy i was sitting next to spoke to me in english and asked basic questions: “where are you from?”, “is this [ride] easy for you?”, “how old are you?”, basic stuff. he asked why i was in japan and i told him i was studying at waseda university, and he immediately perked up and went “I GO TO WASEDA!!! WASEDA YEAH!!!” and fist bumped me ... his friends were giggling and kept asking him to ask me questions and it was just. so wholesome.
when we were abt to get on the ride he looks at me and says “my name is soichiro. call me so-chan ok??” and i was like... “so-chan” and his friENDS ALL STARTED GIGGLIGN AND I WAS LIKE U///W///U
while we were going up on the ride, he kept yelling “JESUS FUCK YOU JESUS CHRIST” and my favorite: “JESUS CHRIST WHAT THE FUCK YOU” because apparently fuck cannot be standalone! “what the fuck you” is my new fave insult (i miss you so-chan)
afterwards he kept coughing and was like. dead. his soul left his body. so i asked in him japanese like,,, “daijobu ka?” and he was like “nai.” and i just laughed at him bc BA B Y SO-CHAN CANT HANDLE SOME SPINS 
i bought a corndog at fuji-q at this place called arirang hotdog which is a korean style hotdog place??? BRUH that shit is so good but i shat myself for a good minute afterwards ... damn i want those corndogs
sadly i did not get to go on do-dodonpa because nobody wanted to ride with me and i didn’t want to go by myself >:/// still mad abt that bc that was the FAST BOI ...
also. takabisha. the guiness world record with the 121 degree drop. not even scary. BUT they do hang you there for like 3 seconds before making you go down and i was like “YALL FUCKIN WITH ME” really loud when they hung us there ... PLS watch a pov video you’ll see what i mean ...
HARAJUKU (i totally forgot abt this place OH lord)
i bought ... clothes here ...
they have all those clothes with the random english words on them so OF COURSE i had to buy one AS WELL AS a hat to match!
i also bought one of those ear hats where u press the paws and the ears move ... bts inspired that one
so many people in harajuku absolutely DECKED OUT in fashion. what a bunch of legends.
apparently wearing shirts that say “babygirl” are popular here i have no clue why ,,,, also im pretty sure i remember seeing a shirt that said “call me daddy” and i’m like. Ok Japan
half the shit in english made ZERO SENSE or was SPELLED WRONG and that was common all across japan, not just on harajuku fashion pieces LMAOOOO
deadass i went to a couple businesses (fuji xerox, nissan factory, etc) and they had spelling errors all over the place... nissan really had a placard that said “Prease do not touch” AND I CACKLED hfDSKLJF ilove u nissan
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shhh-no-ones-home · 5 years
Text
give what it takes* 1/2 Remington leith x reader
+++++++++
hello i still hate writing for actual people but ya girls gotta do what ya girls gotta do, i love palaye and ive been like super obsessed with them again lately cause im seeing them in may and just bought their palette and cant stop thinking about it so ya know here it is #noshame #someshame
* - smut, mentions of sex, mention of kinks, thigh riding, etc. Read at your own risk
song: get some by ghosted
+++++++++
the concert ended but the party didnt. i was lucky enough to be on tour with palaye but still had work to do when the shows were over. it was a week we had stops that were close enough together to stay at an air b&b for the night, which was nice since i could finally sit down and get things done. we had all went back to the house after the concert to get cleaned up, the boys being extremely sweaty from the stage lights and high energy performance. i sat at the island typing as they all ran around getting ready for the night ahead of them. i sat quietly as they conversed with their girlfriends who were visiting for the weekend.
i looked up when remington threw himself into the bar stool across the counter from me. he smiled at me before picking up one of the apples from the bowl on the counter and tossing it in the air. he took a large bite out of it as emerson walked out into the kitchen/living room.
"you going with us tonight?"
i looked down at my laptop to scan my work before looking back at him.
"i dont think so, its already eleven and ive got too much work to do tonight."
he frowned at me before gesturing to remington.
"you coming?"
rem looked at me and i peered at him over my laptop.
"ya know what, why dont you guys go ahead, ill stay here and help y/n."
i looked up completely, shock written on my features.
"you dont have to do that rem, you should go and have fun."
his 'girlfriend' walked up to his side and played with his hair.
"yeah remi, come have fun with us, she doesnt need your help to do her job."
she peered at me and i sent her a stern glare.
he rubbed her back.
"why dont you go hang out with them, ill be right here when you get back."
she leaned down and kissed him and led the way for them all to leave. when the door was closed me and remi were the only two left in the house. he tapped the counter as i went back to typing.
"so, its been a while since we were alone together."
i looked up at him.
"yep."
i went back to typing.
"whatcha doin over there?"
"fixing lighting."
"whats wrong with the lighting?"
i looked up at him and raised an eyebrow.
"the yellows and greens where washing Emerson out the whole show. i have to fix the positioning on my renderings for the next venue."
he nodded and made an o with his mouth. i went back to typing.
"is there anything else you have to fix?"
i looked up at him.
"a couple things."
"like?"
i sighed.
"remington if you keep asking me questions im not gonna get anything done."
i laughed lightly and he smiled at me, throwing his hands in the air in defeat.
"okay, okay, if you want help with anything let me know, im gonna go chill on the couch."
he motioned behind him and i nodded before getting back to work.
---
i sighed and stretched, i had been sitting on this bar stool for almost two hours. none of the group had showed back up yet and remington was still sitting on the couch scrolling through his phone. i closed my laptop as i heard him laugh out loud at something he saw on his feed. i rolled my eyes before standing and shaking out my legs.
"god, i feel like ive been curled over forever."
he turned to look at me as i made my way to the couch, sitting on the arm rest next to him. he slid down the settings on his phone to look at the time more clearly.
"well, in all fairness you have been sitting on your computer for over two hours, its one."
i groaned.
"yeah, im surprised no ones back yet."
he stretched and clasped his hands together behind his head, lengthening his body.
"im not, when the boys drink, the boys drink."
he laughed and i just shook my head.
"whatever."
he nudged my leg with his elbow.
"do you wanna do something now that your work is done?"
i shrugged and let my legs fall on either side of the arm rest.
"what did you have in mind?"
i looked down at him, seeing him quickly opening youtube then shoving his phone in my face.,
"look at this."
i leaned back a little before taking it and watching the video. i looked at remington funny.
"really?"
he shrugged.
"what?"
i turned the phone around to show him.
"boy out here on the weird side of youtube."
he laughed and took the phone back.
"i mean you didnt have to take it."
i rolled my eyes.
"yeah but i was curious."
he raised an eyebrow and smirked at me.
"arent we all."
i winked at him.
"you know it."
he leaned toward me and rested his arm on my thigh, smacking my knee with his hand. i shifted.
"what?"
i shook my head.
"nothing."
he tapped my my knee with his fingers like he was playing a keyboard. i watched his hand intently before looking back at him staring at me. he raised an eyebrow.
"okay maybe im just a little touch starved."
i ran a hand through my hair and looked away from him. he scooted closer to me.
"touch starved?"
i looked back at him and nodded slowly. he locked eyes with me and squeezed my lower thigh.
"are you okay?"
i shrugged.
"i just dont touch people or let people touch me and thats one of the leading reasons im depressed and sick all the time. like adult humans need affection and hugs and kisses and things like that but i cut myself off so i dont really get the things that my brain needs to be happy."
i looked ahead of me, i didnt care to see his pity ridden face. suddenly he moved and hugged me tightly from the side, his left ear pressed to my right arm.
"do you feel better yet?"
i laughed.
"yes rem, definitely."
i ruffled his hair lightly with my left hand and he looked up at me but didnt remove his arms from my body.
"liar."
i slouched into him.
"okay, its not like you can fix it right away."
he loosened his grip a little before kneeling next to me on the couch and squishing my face in his hands.
"what else would you want me to try?"
i shrugged.
"did you ever used to try things to feel better? like find one person to hug everyday or something?"
i laughed and he let go of my face. i just shook my head,
"what?"
i looked at him knowingly.
"sex. i used to have sex."
his face went straight.
"sex."
i nodded.
"yeah, i used to have sex to make myself feel better, it was intimate and 'affectionate' touching for at least a night. in case you haven't noticed though i havent been with anyone since we started plans for tour months ago so yeah theres nothing i can really do about that."
he sat back on his knees defeated.
"i guess you couldnt masturbate either cause thats still not another person touching you, that you touching yourself."
he looked at me with a straight face before we both laughed. he laid back on the couch, his feet pushed up against the arm rest i was sitting on. he rested one hand behind his head and the other on his stomach.
"so, did you just find random dudes or?"
i sent him a look.
"really, thats what your worried about right now?"
he shrugged.
"i figured it was a ligther topic i dont know."
i just shook my head.
"no they werent just random dudes, you gotta have a connection first ya know. they were people that i had hung out with before, kind of close but not enough for them to care if we slept together and then didnt talk for a little while ya know. it was always easier that way cause i knew who wanted a screw and who wanted more depending on the mood i was in."
he raised a brow.
"particular people for particular kinks or turn ons?"
i smiled at him.
"yeah sometimes."
"like?"
"like people or like turn ons and kinks?"
"turn ons and kinks, i couldnt care less about the people."
i laughed at the face he made.
"what you want a reference?"
"just trying to see what kind of person youre hiding under that hard exterior."
i raised a brow and smirked at him.
"okay, well for starters id say soft touches."
he laughed.
"wow, soft touches?"
"dont laugh, its a turn on, start light and build up ya know."
"youre right, continue."
"neck fetish, not just like i like necks im talking like hickeys and kissing and licking, weird vampire shit ya know."
"amen to that."
i laughed at him.
"thigh riding-"
"im sorry what?"
"thigh riding?"
"yeah what the hell kinda?"
i lifted my foot up on the couch so it wasnt dangling in front of it anymore.
"its where you are on someones lap or like knelt over one of their thighs while their sitting down and grind yourself on them to get off. i guess in my instance making out with someone while they touch me, but while thats happening im riding their thigh.? "
"that sounds like itd be an  experience."
i looked at him with a sly smile.
"oh it is."
there was a pause.
"can you show me?"
if i was drinking i would have spat all over the place.
"you what?"
"can you should me? i mean your on the arm of the chair, you could do it on that right?"
i laughed.
"do you know how wet that would make someone? the couch would be near ruined."
i laughed.
"so do it on me."
i stopped and looked at him, he was staring up at me with a very serious face.
"You're joking right?"
"What's wrong with two friends hooking up?"
I shrugged.
"I don't know how about the fact that you kinda have a girlfriend."
"Oh come on no one here even likes her, not even me, and we're not really dating she's just like around."
I rolled my eyes.
"Tell her that."
"I'm telling you that, now get over here and show what the heck thigh riding is."
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moved3677 · 5 years
Text
PSA triggering subjects under read more
So i know i have a tendency to ignore drafts; starters, asks, all of it. Please know I dont do it on purpose nor to be mean. As im sure you have seen in some of my OOC posts that I have some pretty severe mental health issues. I dont really want to list everything but the main thing is I have Borderline Personality Disorder and that comes with a whole mess of shit. I have some really great days but then its like my brain does a switch and i convince myself i dont deserve to be happy. Realistically i know thats not right in anyway shape or form but thats just how my brain works. I struggle with self harm urges (im going on about 7 months with no relapse) and every day I have suicidal ideations. Im not looking for sympathy by any means, i just want everyone to understand that when i dont reply to things or if i reply to things over others, its cause my brain just cant process things that require alot of effort at the best of times.
Yesterday i had a mental break at work. Im not a crier, unless everything i internalize just builds up to a very dangerous point. So yesterday for the first time, I just lost it at work and i left to go to an emergency dr appointment. I dont even know if i have a point to all this yet. It just feels nice to type it out. 
Please dont take it personally if you see me avoiding drafts or answering something over someone else. Some muses im able to slip into that mindset and be able to give my mind a small break by using that reply, muse, whatever.
I love each and everyone of you guys. You put up with me leaving and coming back all the time. It means alot to know i have support on here. 
Today im not sure how i feel yet. I know im feeling a little raw and vulnerable but im really trying to keep grounded and calm. Some of my medication was adjusted yesterday so please bare with me while i work through that. Its so hard for me to talk about things some times because i feel like im being annoying when yet again i ask for help. I know thats not true but trying to convince myself otherwise is really difficult.
Thank you guys for following me, writing with me or just messaging me. It means the world and i feel so blessed to have a small community here. 
Please bare with me while i try and get back up to a state where i can do more.
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