Tumgik
#:( i miss my best friend but we’re in a weird place rn so talking to her is making me feel worse
entropys · 2 years
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i haven’t felt this terrible in a loooong time :/
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punkclowngod · 2 years
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hi i’m back lol, haven’t killed myself if anyone wondered, just uh… idk been procrastinating? was feeling awful at first, then better, then great, then meh, now i’m kinda good
little life updates:
got a new kitty, his name is Bingo, i love him
my DC special interest only got worse, i am LOST, i’ve read over 500 comics in the last month and a half and it’s all i ever think and talk about lmao (i can quote so many Jason lines, it’s become a problem)
my sibling got top surgery yesterday and i am SO jealous
didn’t go through with my hysterectomy and instead i’ll just stay on pills
got new tattoo, it’s a clown dog :•>
started being able to go out and go to new places all by myself which is great for my brain but awful for my wallet lmao
got a new friend! then i started ghosting them and now i feel too bad to reach out to them again
seriously, DC is consuming my soul and bank account, send help, i keep quoting Jason all the fucking time and i’m pretty sure i’m driving everyone around me crazy but they don’t want to admit it, and also bcuz i know bunch of lines from Arkham Knight i also by default learn some of Joker’s and i HATE it i don’t want to quote that fake clown but i can’t stop myself. at this point saying “is that what you think this is about? your letting me die?[etc]” is as much as a vocal stim as making weird sounds (on top of “turn around. […] what’s the matter? lost for words? i expected more… i’m hurt.” and “I CAN FIX IT!” and other things), like for real i can’t stop.
comic con was fucking awesome, my sibling and i are going to go as Nightwing and Red Hood next year (why is every dysfunctional sibling dynamic in media always fits us so well? them, the eldest, prodigal, favorite, big older sibling energy, me youngest/middle child, troublemaker, loud, estranged. fr we watch Arcane or read anything with Jason and Dick and we’re just like… yeah that’s us). i bought a really cool Red Hood leather jacket and plan on buying the Nightwing one for my sibling this christmas so we can match. also i made crowbar earrings for my cosplay and yes i think i’m very funny
i got a button maker and it’s super fun
idk what else, once again DC is consuming my entire being and it’s very draining lmao
oh yeah i got two helix piercings
and i went to pride, it was super fun, can’t wait for next year already
and yeah i turned twenty in june and i’ve been coping with that the best i could lol
so yeah i’m easing back into social media, might not be very active still, idk, all i do everyday is read comics, replay Arkham Knight, quote Jason, and rn helping my sibling with their surgery recovery and trying not to be too jealous lol
sorry if i missed anything important, i hope everyone’s doing well, and uh.. yeah! idk if i’m gonna come back again, i’ve been pretty good rn and i know i get triggered often when i go online so i’ll be more careful now so i might log in more occasionally instead of obsessively!
missed you guys! <3
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bubbl3s-dot-jpg · 2 years
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I have weird feelings about ending friendships. I’ve never done it willingly, but it happens all the time.
Okay so, I had a best friend in high school. She was the person I’ve been closest with, other than my mother in my whole life. And I haven’t spoken to her in 10 months. Where do I draw the line when considering friends? I’m pretty sure she thinks we’re still friends. If I called her up and asked her to hang out once she’s done finals, she might say yes. (Or she’d say she can’t talk rn and she’ll get back to me and proceed to never say a word to me again like has been happening.) But if I never message her again, I don’t think I’ll ever talk to her again. And it’s driving me crazy.
It’s almost to the point that I’m not sure I want to be friends anymore? This happened in elementary school too, where I fell out of a friendship without realizing and when I look back on it now, no matter how much I’m jealous of their current friends, I don’t actually know them anymore. I haven’t known them for years.
But that was eight years of change. My old Best Friend spoke to me last year. Was with me during my last breakup. Approved of my current partner. Never, though, did she tell me anything. She didn’t reach out when she got a new partner ( I found out on a group call she spent 5 minutes on). She didn’t tell me she was moving out of the dorms at her school and into a place with her friends (old high school group chat). She was in town several times since she left fir university and never told me once (mutual friends told me after the fact). Am I missing something? Did nothing note worthy happen that it was worth me knowing? Does she not like me? Am I a bad friend? All of this wondering has caused me real time and energy. I don’t know if I even want her to contact me. I don’t know if I even want to message her to have her blow me off like usual.
But more than anything, more than all the pain this is causing me, more than all the sleeplessness where I wonder if she ever really liked me at all, more than the profound loneliness of losing a friends, the only thing I want is to tell her, my best friend, that I miss her. And then maybe everything would be alright.
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heteromcgee · 6 years
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hoo things are bad rn but I get to play an absolute fucking monster again in my final show at school and I am. very excited for that
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shorkbrian · 3 years
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i’m sorry but i luv your writing/thot process so i have to share this: imagine superstar trainer kiri marrying ur mom. he’s only a few years older (and you had a crush on him first) so you avoid him bc you’re shy/uncomfortable with it. your plans are foiled when mom’s away and y’all are stuck at home during a snow storm, power out, no heat/gas, and no matter how many layers u use nothing beats body heat. kiri is so sweet and just wants to get close and keep you warm/see whats under ur sweats
I’m literally melting rn 
Like imagine Kiri shuffling closer to you on the couch, scooting underneath the blankets you have piled around your body.
He keeps getting closer and closer and closer until he’s pressed up against you, and he feels like a heater, warm and cozy and comfortable. You don’t mind burrowing down into his side a bit, only blushing a little when the big man chuckles at your behavior.
There’s a movie playing on the TV, but you’re kind of sleepy, and your stepdad feels so sturdy and safe against your side, and you’re finally warming to a comfortable temperature, and before you know it, you’re fast asleep.
When you wake up, you’re laying down on a solid surface, heat wrapped around your body and trapped beneath the blankets. The surface rumbles and shifts, and only then do you realize that Kirishima must have moved you.
The room is dark, TV off, lights out. The wind is still howling and moaning outside like a mourner at a grave, beating against the windows and crying to the sky.
Lifting your head means you get a view of Kiri’s face, of his handsome, relaxed self as he gazes down at you, a pleased, soft smile on his features.
You go to apologize for falling asleep on him and for inconveniencing him, but Kirishima doesn’t let you. “It’s warmer this way, plus, I like holding something while I sleep.”
He has his arms wrapped around you, thick biceps pressing heavy against your shoulders, keeping you flush to his muscular chest. You blush a little at the position, shifting your legs and trying not to do anything weird.
But in moving your legs around, you find yourself straddling his thigh, the stocky limb flexing underneath your weight, Kirishima twitching.
“Sorry-” You blush again, intending on moving, but your stepdad drops a hand to your hip, steadying you.
“No, don’t apologize, I get it.” He winks at you, before jiggling his thigh a bit, settling you down further onto it. “I remember doing stuff like this back in high school, I know it feels good.”
A long moment of silence stretched between you two as you processed his words, feeling increasingly awkward.
“Um, okay...” Was all you could come up with.
Kirishima laughed a bit. “You’ve never cuddled with anyone before? It’s nice, isn’t it? ‘Specially with the heat out like this. Power went out while you were sleeping.”
You felt a little silly now, ducking your head and dropping your gaze. That would explain why the lights were off. You had just assumed the movie had finished playing and your stepdad had turned it off, but apparently that wasn’t the case. 
“Temp’s gonna drop fast, we’re probably going to have to use good ‘ole body heat while we sleep. You wanna move to the bed? Or just sleep here?”
A shrug, and Kirishima smiled. “Okie-doke, bed it is. Thank goodness, my back would kill me if I tried to sleep on the couch. Gettin’ old s’no fun.”
The man sat up, and you quickly disentangled yourself from him, ignoring the way his thigh rubbed in between your legs as he moved about. As soon as you felt the chill of the room, you shivered, clacking your teeth together and snatching the blanket tight around yourself.
“Oh, that’s so cold, fuck.”
“Hey, watch your language-” Kirishima chided, rising to his feet as he gathered the rest of the blankets up into his arms. “No potty mouths in this house, yeah? Keep it clean.”
He’d been married to your mom for almost a year now, and Kirishima had easily fallen into the “father figure” role, despite the fact that it wasn’t necessarily needed.
But you indulged him by laughing at his corny dad jokes, complimenting the various meats he grilled for meals, keeping your judgements about his questionable fashion choices to yourself instead of blurting them out to his face.
Kirishima led the way to the master bedroom, the room he shared with your mom, stating that the bed was bigger, it’d be more comfortable. Did you really expect him to fit into your bed?
He was a big man, strong and solid. He was able to throw you over one shoulder, your mom over the other, and run around the house whooping while the two of you laughed and pounded on his back.
“Alright-” Kirishima tossed his armful of blankets onto the bed he shared with your mom, immediately fluffing them up and pulling at the edges until he was satisfied.
The man pulled back the edge, holding it ups as he turned to you. “Head on inside!”
It was cold at first, the sheets and blankets chilly. You snuggled up to Kirishima as soon as the big man laid down, making him laugh a bit as your teeth chattered together.
“S-sorry it’s just so-so c-cold.” You explained.
“Your nose is all red, you look so cute.” His smile is warm, his hands even warmer as they begin to rub up and down your sides.
You don’t know how to respond, let yourself relax into the comforting touch, his fingertips dancing over your sweater.
“So.....” Kiri starts “You’ve never had a boyfriend then? You got so quiet when I asked if you’ve cuddled with someone before.”
A blush rose to your cheeks, and you shook your head. “No, I have. I broke up with him a little bit before you and mom started dating.”
The redhead’s quiet for a moment, then tucks his chin over your head, drawing you closer into his chest. “I’m sorry. Relationships can be hard, I know.”
“It was for the best, I think.” You continue, letting your stepdad rub your back as you talked. “We just didn’t really jive well together I guess. Wish we’d figured that out sooner though.”
The man pressed against you is so sturdy, solid and radiating heat like a furnace. It’s easy to relax in his easy-going presence.
“Well, if you ever miss cuddling, don’t hesitate to come find me, yeah? It’s one of my favorites.”
Kirishima was a touchy man, and it was obvious that his love language was touch, so it made sense. He always had his thick arms wrapped around your mom, was holding her hand, holding yours, placing kisses on your cheeks, kissing your mom every chance he got.
Sometimes he asked you to brush out his hair for him, when you weren’t busy or anything. He’d relax into jelly as you ran the hairbrush through his red locks, contented little sighs falling from his lips.
“Okay, I’ll do that.” You chuckle, thinking to yourself how the world had a funny sense of humor.
Truthfully, when you’d first been introduced to the man your mom had recently started dating, you’d developed a hopeless crush. He was attractive, kind, funny; if your mom wasn't dating him, you would’ve asked for his number.
A small part of you was irritated that the man was young enough for you to date him, your mother unbothered by the sugar stereotype she’d developed.
But ah well, what’s done is done.
“You know, I didn’t know what I'd be like having a daughter.” Kirishima soft voice breaks you out of your thoughts. “You’re almost more like.... I dunno, a friend? If that makes sense. I feel like we’re buddies.”
“Yeah, I feel like that too.” You confess, breathing into his neck, able to smell the cologne he uses, something heady and strong and manly.
A comfortable silence settles around you both, nothing but soft breaths and Kirishima’s warm hands rubbing gently over your body, against your sides, up and down your back, massaging your shoulders.
They traveled too close to your tummy, and you choked out a laugh, flinching away from Kirishima.
“Don’t, ‘m ticklish.” Came your breathless, giggly warning.
“Yeah? Yeah?” The redhead grinned, a glint in his eye, barely noticeable before he pounced, rolling over until you were smothered beneath his hefty weight, unable to move.
Horrible, terrible fingers descended, dug into your ribs and you shrieked, wide smile breaking across your features as your stepdad tickled you.
This is what happiness was made of.
Warm and fuzzy, the smell of rain, the sound of it pattering against the roof. Strong arms around you, a laugh on your lips.
Kirishima’s thigh slipped in between yours, pressed upwards, and you choked on a breath, hands immediately clutching at the man’s biceps.
“You’re so sensitive, it’s so cute.”
No time to say his name, ask any questions. He was situating you on your side, legs tangled with his, a big, beefy thigh still flush against your clothed sex.
“Mm, you ever do this with your boyfriend?” The redhead was moving, hands gripping your waist now, dragging you along his thigh, and you kept bumping up against his chest, his toned stomach.
“Yes-yeah.” Was your breathless reply, head whirling, eyes wide. This isn’t really what you were expecting, not from your stepdad.
But it wasn’t entirely unwelcome.
That’s why you weren’t screaming your head off, recoiling in disgust, scrambling for the phone to call your mom, the police.
No, you were still, pliant against Kirishima as he moved your body, his lazy red eyes fixed on your face. “Hm? Feels nice, doesn’t it? You like it?”
A shaky nod is all you can muster, feeling yourself beginning to drip against your stepdad’s thigh, slick all over your folds, the skin tingling, making your hips jump as your clit pulsed at the stimulation.
God, it felt good.
“You make me so happy, y’know? Such a pretty, smart girl.” He praised, and now you could feel it - feel the cock filling out against your tummy, hot and wet, leaking.
“I really hit the jackpot. A beautiful wife, a gorgeous daughter... I love you so, so much.” Kirishima was breathing heavier, his fingers digging into your hipbones as he dragged you back and forth against him. “You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. Just wanna take care of you, yeah?  Make you cum lots, whatever you want.”
Almost feverish now, his hips twitching forward, pushing against your tummy again and again, rubbing his cock against your soft flesh, groaning in your ear, breath stuttering-
And then a long moan, a burst of warmth soaking through your pajama shirt, right where the tip of Kiri’s cock rested.
“Oh shit-” He gasped, sucking in air, muscles flexing as he drew back his legs, hands shakily pushing you onto your back.
“That - Jesus, you really got me goin’.” Kiri panted, beginning to kiss at your neck, one of his hands diving into your pajama pants, straight down to strum over your clit.
Already keyed up from the dry humping, veins pumping with excitement, arousal, the thrill of being touched and fondled by your-your stepdad.
A finger teased at your hole, then inched inside, and you bucked your hips, crying out a bit.
“Hey, hey-” He was still a little breathless, a little lightheaded from his orgasm, but the man was determined. 
“It’s okay, it’s okay. I got you. I’m always gonna take care of my girl.”
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Charles in Charge
Flufftober prompt: Meddling friends Suptober prompt: Young at Heart Random word: serious
The heart of this fic was inspired by this tumblr post. The quiz in question is here.
(Read on AO3)
The email comes through with a beep, late Tuesday night.
From: Red <[email protected]> Subject: This is serious
The body of the message is nothing but a tinyurl link, no greeting, explanation, or context. Dean is no fool. He texts Charlie.
 Dude, did you just send me an email? No message, just a link? Or am I being phished rn?
The reply is immediate.
 Yes, I did send it, and ten points to Hufflepuff for checking in with me before you clicked – trust no one, my friend. This was in fact a test, and you passed, but you should also in fact click the link. Now leave me alone, I have company. Text me tomorrow, after you talk to Cas.
Okay, that's weird. “Company” probably means Dorothy is over, which means Charlie is unavailable to chat tonight. But why is she so sure he'd be talking to Cas?
Sure, he and Cas are friends, have been since college. (Maybe Dean wishes they could be more than friends, but he knows that's a pipe dream). They hang out every Friday night at his place, movies and pizza, and if any of their friends are free they join in. (Maybe Dean likes the weeks best when no one else shows and he can pretend it's a date). They text each other throughout the week, memes and weird news stories and bitching about their jobs. (Maybe Dean's mood improves every time his phone plays Cas's personal text tone). But they're not inseparable – they sometimes go days without contact when life gets busy. They have no upcoming plans that Dean can remember.
So what did Charlie mean by “tomorrow, after you talk to Cas”? Hoping that whatever is at the link will shed some light, Dean clicks.
The page loads, and Dean has a series of reactions in rapid sequence.
First, an eye roll: A Buzzfeed quiz? This is what you call serious, Charles??
Second, a scoff: A quiz to find out whether my crush likes me back? Okay, I'm all for staying young at heart but we're grown-ass adults here. This isn't middle school. “Does your crush like you back?” Jesus Christ.
Third, a tiny stirring of curiosity: But, well, does he?
Pipe dream or not, there have been moments between them, here and there, when Dean felt a glimmer of hope. There's a certain smile Cas has that seems to come out only for him, a particular way he has of meeting Dean's eyes that always sends a jolt across Dean's skin.
Even the dependable regularity of their Friday night movie “dates” is a little odd, now that he thinks about it. Why do they both have every single Friday free to sit on Dean's couch watching bad 50's horror flicks and scarfing down greasy pepperoni slices? They aren't monks, either of them, but Dean has never had a relationship that lasted more than a few months, and Cas's record is only slightly better. And no matter who they might be with or what's going on for them, they never miss a Friday, not in all the years they've known each other. In retrospect, the perfection of this record seems to be an indicator of... something.
Okay, what the hell, let's do this, he thinks and scrolls down. The quiz starts with the basics. “How Do You Know Your Crush?” “Does Your Crush Know Who You Are?” “How Often Do You Talk To Your Crush?” “Is Your Crush In A Relationship With Someone Else?” Click click click click. The answers come easily.
“Do You And Your Crush Have Any Inside Jokes?” Dean smiles, thinking about the dumb things they text each other, references no one else would understand. Click. “Have You Ever Made Your Crush Laugh?” He remembers last Friday, when he'd made Cas laugh so hard he'd almost choked to death on a piece of green pepper. Click.
“Does Your Crush Give You Hugs?” Ah, Cas's hugs. He'd never tell another soul this, but sometimes the bear-like hug he gets from Cas at the end of a movie night is the highlight of his entire week. Click.
“Has Your Crush Ever Touched Your Arm While You're Talking?” The question kind of takes him aback. I mean... Yes? Is that supposed to mean something? He and Cas have never been shy about touching when they hang out, even beyond the hugs. Someone grabbing the other one's arm when there's a jump scare. Playful wrestling over control of the popcorn bowl. Fond hair ruffles. The end credits of their weekly movie usually sees them sprawled across Dean's little couch, legs in each other's laps or arms resting side by side along the back.
Back when they were crammed into a tiny dorm room together, Dean hadn't given any of it a second thought. Space was limited, and cuddle puddles were a classic part of the homesick student experience. After his feelings for Cas had deepened, he'd gotten a little greedy about it, hoarding those moments of casual touch and letting them warm him from the inside all week. It had been one of his guiltiest little secrets, actually. He'd never considered that Cas might be doing the same thing. Click.
“Do You Feel Like You Notice Your Crush Looking At You From A Distance?” Dean has to think about this one for a minute, but... Well, yeah, actually. Casting his mind back over the years he is suddenly struck, remembering dozens of times he'd tried for a sneaky ogle, only to find those blue eyes already fixed on him. He's starting to feel like he's been blind to something important, that maybe he's been blind for a long time...Click.
“Does Your Crush Flirt With You?” I don't even... Maybe??? For the first time since he started this silly quiz, he has to really think before picking his answer. He wavers with his mouse, pointing to KIND OF and then hovering next to YES, back and forth and back and forth and then he cops out. I CAN'T DEFINE FLIRTING because apparently I'm a dumbass. Click.
The page scrolls to display the last question. “Do You Just Get A Vibe From Your Crush That They Might Like You?” He feels like that meme of the Brazilian actress trying to do complicated mental math because now that you mention it, Buzzfeed, I think I kind of fucking do, and there's a nuclear explosion happening in his brain and another in the vicinity of his chest, and he's reaching for his phone because he needs to talk to Cas, but his phone's already ringing, and he thumbs the answer button by reflex and–
“Hello? Dean?”
It's Cas.
“Hey! Hi!” his voice is a little bit strangled, and he can't seem to catch his breath.
“Are you... Are you busy?”
He tries for casual and misses by a mile, probably landing somewhere in the neighborhood of frantic. “Nah, nah, just hangin' out, chillin', you know, whatta 'bout you?”
“I, um...” There's a worryingly long pause. Just as Dean is wondering if the call dropped without him noticing, Cas starts again. “I needed to talk to you,” he says, all in a rush. “Charlie sent me an email–“
“Wait,” Dean interjects. “Was it a Buzzfeed quiz?”
Another pause. “How do you know that?”
“She sent me an email, too.”
“Oh, well... Was it about, um...?”
There's an awkward silence. Dean takes a deep breath and charges in. “It was 'Does Your Crush Like You Back,' Cas. And I think... I think my crush likes me back.”
“Same here.”
Another silence, but this one was comfortable, and full.
“You wanna come over, Cas? We could watch a movie, and then... you could stay the night?”
“I'll be right there.”
------------------------
PS If you answer that Buzzfeed quiz the way Dean (or Cas) would, this is the result you get (with confetti and everything!):
Tumblr media
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shoutogepi · 4 years
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Pull of the Moon
Kirishima Eijirou
word count : 7.8k
[ ✘ (nsfw!), werewolf!au ]  
themes : masturbation, licking/biting, dom!Kiri, rough sex, dirty talk, slight choking, friends to lovers, confession
bio : Eijirou makes sure he’s far away from you for when the heat cycle strikes, but just when he thinks your friendship is safe from his monstrous hormones, there you are at his doorstep.
author’s note : so this is a fic that i wrote years ago for my kpop blog, linked in my bio. i wanted to repost it here for bnha, just bc i like the way i wrote it and i think it’s pretty fitting character-wise for Kiri! plus im a slut for werewolf fics. and also i wanted to post something while work is keeping me from writing something 100% new rn :3 pls note this is NOT plagiarized as I am the original author of the original fic.
side note : if there are any places where it says Jae, Jaebum, etc. lemme know bc it was a quick job i did converting this to a Kiri fic lol like even the title is the same oops
also available on AO3 here
   ─── ・°* ゚✧:* • 。゚:*・☽・*: 。゚•*:✧ ゚*°・ ───
“🅂o you’re sure you have to leave for tonight, Y/N?” Kirishima inquires, tilting his head in his open palm to crane his bright gaze up toward your face.  
“Yeah, I don’t think I can get out of visiting my parents for dinner this time,” you reply, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear as you cuddle your chin into the warmth of Kirishima’s oversized scarf. The soft fabric grazes under your nose, and your eyes close blissfully as you inhale Kirishima’s strong, spicy aroma mingled with his cologne.
Kirishima watches you through slitted eyes, secretly pleased at your actions. Not that he would ever tell you, because that would be weird. He shuts his eyes tightly, telling himself in his head not to overthink it. Of course you like how he smells, he’s your friend. Friends like how each other smell… right? His body shivers as your fingers naturally slide into his thick, red hair. His face slides down as his body turns to jello, leaning completely on top of the table in complete euphoria at the feeling of your touch. If there was a price to have your hands on him for every hour of the day, he would pay it a thousand times over. His lips part as his jaw instinctively unhinges at your undivided attention like a newborn puppy, chin angling when your fingers slide down to the side of his jaw you brush just underneath it before pulling away.  
“Eiji, I really do have to go,” you murmur, fingers retreating from his form as he lets out a low whine. One of his warm eyes opens, scowling at you playfully.
“Okay,” he sighs when you push out your chair and begin to gather your things. He places some money on the table before following you out of the coffee shop. “I’m jealous, please bring me some of your mom’s noodles. You know how much I like them, and her.“
“I will Eiji. But you’re lucky you’re not coming, because all they ever do is gush about what a cute couple we’d be and it always ends up being weird,” you trail off, nodding to yourself.
Kirishima nods too but his heart jumps at you thinking of him as an intimate partner.
“By the way, thanks for the latte. And tell Mina hello for me when you see her tonight,” you laugh with a suggestive wink.
Kirishima rolls his eyes. “You know I’m only spending the night with her to help her with her… issues."
You smack his arm and scoff. “As if that’s a burden to you! At least you’re spending the night having fun. I’m just gonna be answering the million questions my parents will be asking about you the whole time and falling asleep in my bed by myself."
“It’s not my fault I’m so lovable,” he banters, a cheeky grin splicing between his lips, trying to shake the image of you alone in bed out of his imaginative mind.
“Say that to you baku-squad,” you retort, the two of you now standing in front of the cafe as you linger before your journey to the bus station.
“Hey— wait, is that my scarf?” Kirishima asks, pretending to notice just now when he really did the moment you walked in two hours ago. But you looked so cute all bundled up in his scarf that he decided not to say anything, content to see you warm and happy in his own clothing.
“Huh? Oh, yeah,” you unwrap it from your neck and Kirishima gazes at the newly-revealed skin there with longing, forgetting about the scarf. “Eiji?"
He snaps out of it. “What? Oh— the scarf.. Keep it, I was just teasing,” he mumbles as you hook the material around the back of his neck. He’s considerably tall, massive frame towering over you so much that you have to strain your arms to fling the material onto his shoulders.
“That’s okay Eiji... you look cute in it, so wear it for Mina,” you smile half-heartedly, tugging the fabric at the ends to coil around his throat snugly. “Don’t worry about me."
“I always worry about you, Y/N,” Kirishima gazes into your eyes with a passionate longing undetectable to you. Not Mina, he wants to add.
“Well, don’t, Red, I’ll be okay. I always am,” you trace his jaw slowly with a finger before your hands fall at your sides, brushing off your coat.  
Kirishima nods hesitantly, falling into a quiet, comfortable pace beside you.  
Your boots quickly become cold as the two of you trudge through the slush from leftover snow, the bitter winter breeze chilling your nose and ears. Sooner than either of you would like, you’ve reached the bus station. Kirishima shuffles from foot to foot, arguing with himself as to if he should ask you to stay and have dinner with him instead of going on the hour-long ride to your parents’.  
“Are you sure this is okay? You don’t want me to come with you? Or I can drive you. The roads aren’t that great tonight… Mina will understand. She doesn’t— We’re not dating, you know— me and her, I mean, I only… help her as a friend.. So I can cancel, and she won’t have any issues. She has lots of other guy friends,” Kirishima reasons.
“Eiji,” you chuckle, taking your duffel bag from his hand that he’d carried for the journey here, “Mina needs you.”
But I need you, Kirishima thinks as he bites his lip. “Okay… have a safe ride then. And text me when you get there.”  
“Yes, Dad,” you laugh. You slip into his arms easily, almost naturally, and press your face against his chest beneath his wool jacket.  
Kirishima’s arms encircle you immediately, instinctively pulling you to him as his chin falls atop the crown of your head. “I’ll miss you,” he breathes.
“Don’t be weird, Eiji,” you giggle, pulling away from him much too soon for his liking. “See you tomorrow.”  
Kirishima watches you walk into the bus terminal, duffel bag in your hand with his heart unknowingly tucked deep inside of it.
Kirishima paces back and forth between the couch and the dining table. His nerves are shaky and his body uncharacteristically twitchy. He’d been smelling female wolves around the city all day while he was out with you, but he managed to ward them off with icy glares and his steel-strong self-control. It also helped that you were there to distract him, seeing as when he wasn’t with you, you were the only thing on his mind. But now that he was alone— Mina had cancelled on him to spend the night with an “old friend” that had come back to town— and he was all by himself, he was feeling the full effects of the female wolf hormones he’d breathed in for the past twelve hours.
He closes his eyes as his mind wanders to the image of you wrapped up in his scarf in the cafe; the warm scent of coffee; the condensation on the windows; your light-filled eyes on him; the scent of your freshly-washed hair… He opens his eyes, tongue running over his front teeth as he feels the evident, sharp prod of his elongated cuspids as a result of his piqued interest. He groans, feeling his eyes dilate just the slightest of fractions. He sits on the floor, sliding down the wall with a frown on his plump lips.
Kirishima watches the hands of the clock tick on the wall in front of him for a moment before he shuts his eyes and smacks his head back against the drywall, a loud whine releasing from his throat. The apartment lacks of things that could possibly captivate his attention at the moment; all he can do is think about you— your pretty face, your gentle caress on his skin just hours before. There are no messages from you and his sensitive ears long to hear the chime notification that signifies your safe arrival.  
“Just friends,” he murmurs, “just friends, just friends, just friends."
He tries to breathe in deeply to relax himself, but success quickly slips through his grasp as the scent of you lingers on the scarf casually thrown over the back of the sofa. His jaw clenches as his teeth gnash, taking in your alluring aroma. He tries to think of something— anything else, but he eventually gives up, slamming his palms flat on the hardwood floor as he pushes himself up. He lunges toward the couch, throwing himself onto the open cushions as his hands immediately find the soft cotton. He brings the material to his nose, a low moan falling from his open mouth as the intense smell floods his senses.
“Fuck,” he murmurs, readjusting his hips as he feels his body reacting swiftly to the pull of your scent. He hisses lightly as he feels the blood rush to his pants, wiggling his hips around to feel the delicious friction against his hardening erection. He rubs the inside of his thigh gently with his palm, imagining your small hand instead of his on his jean-clad length. “God, this is so fucked,” he gasps, grip strengthening on himself through his jeans. Originally his plan for the evening consisted of fucking Mina senseless and imagining it was you, but seeing as she had cancelled, this was the next best option.  
Kirishima fumbles with his belt and shimmies out of his jeans, ripping his constrictive t-shirt over his head and whipping it elsewhere into the living room. He kicks the denim off from around his ankles next, one hand holding the soft fabric of the scarf close to his nose and the other trailing toward his throbbing hard-on from the bend of his knee; how he imagines your hand would do.
A feral grunt dislodges from the back of his throat as he pictures your hair falling around your perfectly cherubic face that leans down toward his own, one hand pressing his chest down against the couch cushion and the other hand on his thigh tracing the outline of his cock straining against his briefs. His hips jerk as his forefinger runs from tip to base, his thumb sliding backwards over the previous route to caress the head of his dick gently in circular swipes. He seals his lips together by sucking in the bottom one, his canines lengthened by arousal piercing the soft flesh of the lower lip so that a metal taste floods his mouth, but he only closes his eyes and continues his ministrations.
Kirishima continues to skim the pads of his fingertips over the prominent erection that pushes against his underwear in defiance, face pressed into the back of the sofa so the cushions catch his heavy moans instead of his neighbors. He halts for a moment so he can find a throw pillow to sink his fangs into, positioning the scarf above his lip and against the pillow so it presses right against his hypersensitive nose. A strangled moan tears from him, his hand immediately returning to his leaking hard-on. It dips underneath the band of his boxers before it wraps around his width, squeezing tight. His body shakes and he sucks in a breath, squirming to lay flat against the leather of the sofa. Slowly he moves his hand up to encompass the head, a heavy snarl being lost into the throw pillow. He strokes himself teasingly, thumb trailing behind to caress the aching tip. His hips push into the cushion as his body moves to a natural rhythm, thrusting them up slightly as his fist falls back down toward his abdomen. The thick precum dribbling from his tip lathers his palm so his cock slides into it easily. His eyelashes tickle his high cheekbones as his eyes shut tighter, fingertips tracing the prominent vein on the underside of his shaft.
The sofa wheezes as he shifts, impatiently pushing his briefs down in one tug to rest on his mid-thighs. He scoots off of the sofa and onto the hardwood floor, kneeling as he places his fist onto the tabletop, lining his hips delicately before sliding his length into his firm grasp. He whimpers into the pillow, now damp with his saliva, and hunches over the table, his free arm curled underneath his broad torso. The fabric of the scarf tickles his nose but he inhales deeper, hips pushing in and out of his fist quickly. He imagines you beneath him instead of the table and his fist, moaning with him as his canines sink into your neck to mark you as his and only his. His destitute wails are swallowed by the soft pillow and the scarf as he keeps thrusting steadily, imagination running so wildly he can almost feel your legs on either side of him, pushing him further inside of you.
“Oh, Y/N,” he grunts, cuspids fully lengthened and sharpened now in desire, piercing the soft fabric of the pillow almost enough so his bottom and top teeth could touch through the plush object,” Y/N, I’m gonna—“
Knock knock knock.
Kirishima’s body stills as he opens his eyes, disappointment rushing through him at the sight of the coffee table underneath him. He wants to scream, but he just shuts his eyes, taking a breath in before sliding his hard cock out of his fist and tucking the slick inconvenience back into his boxers. His breath is labored and heavy, but he manages to find his jeans and slip them on anyway. “One sec,” he says loudly, fastening the button before hesitantly wiping his hand on the side of the denim. He can’t help but sulk as he walks over and picks his shirt up from the floor, breathing deeply and hoping his canines aren’t too obvious of an indicator as to what he was just doing… not to mention the angrily-pulsing dick resting against the inside of his thigh.  
He strides toward the door, opening it ready to tell Mina he thought she’d cancel when he’s greeted with your sweet face and the scent of Italian food. His jaw almost hits the floor as he gapes at you, dick pressing longingly against his jeans at your familiar smell, but in person it radiates off of you so strong he almost lunges at you. You’re looking up at him with those bright cheerful eyes he loves, a timid smile on your lips as you swing the takeout bag back and forth behind your back in anticipation.  
“Hi, Eiji,” you smile and set the bag on the ground next to the door before you turn around and take his tense body into your arms, throwing yourself onto him.  
A gasp rips from his throat but quickly turns into a cough, body trembling at your singeing touch. His jaw quivers as he conceals his pointed teeth, angling his thigh away from you strategically. “Y-Y/N, w-what are you doing here?” He manages to ask, lips sealing immediately once the words are pushed out.   His hands remain clenched at his sides; he’s scared that if he touches you now he won’t be able to stop.  
“There was a freak accident on the highway ahead of my bus… We had to turn back. My parents don’t mind though, they said we can reschedule. Maybe you won’t need to miss my mom’s noodles this time; you can come if you want. By the way, I brought Italian!” You smile as you pick up the bag and brush past him, leaving him standing there, looking at the door with a glare.
You move around the sofa and sit on one of the leather cushions, setting the bag onto the coffee table. “Ew Eiji,” he sits next to you stiffly, eyes widening as you reach over to the table and poke a finger into the slick trail of precum that had dribbled out of his fist just moments ago. “What is this? Do you ever clean this apartment?” You giggle, unfolding the paper bag the food had come in and wiping your finger on your skirt. “Anyway, I got food from your favorite place and made sure I got the breadsticks with the extra sauce ‘cause I know you lov—“
A quiet groan escapes Kirishima’s mouth as he puts his head in his hands— your scent, your alluring body, your heart-swelling gaze, just you, being here—it’s too much for his raging hormones.  
“Ei? Are you okay?” You ask, scooting closer and pressing the back of your hand to his forehead. He’s shaking and you don’t know why, so you bring his head to rest against your collar, just above your fluttering heart. “Eiji, you’re burning up…”  
He stays pressed against you, the desperation and torture he felt earlier suddenly fleeting and gone from his body as your own erases them completely. He swallows. It feels so good, but he knows it’s wrong. This is wrong when you’re just his friend and his dick is leaking into his underwear for you as you hold him like this.
“Get out,” Kirishima murmurs, eyes set on the paper bag.  
You still, slowly pulling him. “W-What Eiji?”  
“You need to leave,” he says through his teeth, jaw set tight.  
“Eijirou.. I don’t understand— is this how you treat someone when they bring you your favorite food?” You spit, hands curling into frustrated fists.
Kirishima ignores you, knowing he can apologize tomorrow when he’s in the right mindset but you being here with him at the moment could jeopardize your entire relationship.
“I… Is it… her? Is it Mina?” You murmur, and Kirishima’s gaze turns to you sharply at the drop in your tone. His lips part to say something to soothe your confidence as he sees it shatter. “I didn’t realize— I thought—” you breathe in sharply and shake your head, shooting up from your spot and rushing around the sofa.  
Kirishima beats you to the door, palm reaching over your shoulder to slam it just as you can get it open a sliver. He grabs your biceps, spinning you around and pressing you against the door with his hand as a cushion to break your impact.
“It’s never been Mina,” he snarls, knee splitting your legs and sliding up the gap between your thighs to press against your core; your panties and his jeans the only thing separating your center from his skin.
Your eyes widen and you gasp as his hands cup your face with care, scarlet eyes searing into your own with an intensity you’d never seen before. His pupils are dilating with every second, a black coal seemingly swallowed up by the burning fire of his irises.
“It’s you, Y/N,” he murmurs, eyes shutting into a long blink, and when they open again the red you’re used to is flooded with tendrils of electric amber and yellow. “It’s always been you, and it’ll always be you.”
You gape at him as he holds you there, against his front door, professing his love to you.
“I need you Y/N, I need you so bad it fucking hurts not being able to touch you,” he growls lowly. “If you can’t love me back, you have to leave, now. I don’t want your lust, I can smell it from here,” his honeyed eyes roll back as he takes in a whiff of the wanton-perfumed air around you, mouth parting and you watch his pink tongue slide over his elongated canines, feeling a tremor between your legs. His eyes open and they set straight on yours with a certain determination. 
“I can’t wake up next to you tomorrow and have tonight be just for friends with benefits. I love only you, Y/N,” Kirishima delivers, voice never quivering,“now tell me you feel the same, or go.”
There’s a slight fragility in his gaze that begs you not to break his heart. He peers into you at such a small distance that you can see every brilliant fleck of gold in his sinful eyes, warm ginger bursting around the outer ridges of his irises that focus solely on you. The dim lighting casts stretched shadows from his long, dark lashes; his bronzed skin glowing subtly to intensify his passionate gaze.
“Kirishima,” you place a hand on his clenched but trembling jaw, tilting your face to look him in the eye better. “You’ve been hurting all this time for no reason.”  
His scarlet gaze lights with hope and happiness. “Say it then,” he whispers, words soft and nearly begging, as if he fears if his voice is too loud he’ll wake from a dream.
“Kirishima Eijirou, I love you, too. God, I have beein in love with you for so long,” you reply, and he wastes no time as his mouth descends upon yours. He presses your lips to his passionately, hands resting on your hips and rubbing the smooth skin there underneath your blouse. You gasp as they guide your hips gently in circles against his kneecap, your mouth falling open at his forward actions. He takes advantage of your open mouth and darts his tongue in, tangling it with yours in a powerful embrace.  
His steady clutch on your waist drags your body up his clothed thigh, and a soft, unabashed moan falls from your lips at the action. The taut muscle of his leg between his jeans and your panties rubs graciously against your flustered center, making your head loll back to rest against the door.  
“Don’t do that,” Kirishima groans, a hand leaving your warm hip and tilting your head forward once again to look at him directly. His fingers trail against your smooth neck, feeling the rapid pulse beneath the tender skin. His palm curls softly around the back of your neck, pressing you closer to him as his other arm hooks underneath your bottom. You squeak in surprise and cling to him, legs wrapping around his midsection and core pressing upon his rigid erection.  
You look at him with wide eyes as he throws his head back, sucking in air harshly between his clenched jaw. “Fuck, yes,” he hisses, holding you tighter and stalking over to the sofa. He places you in between the two cushions, standing in front of you and looking down, breathing laboriously before he tilts his head back again, willing for some kind of miraculous strength to get him through the night without sealing you to him forever.
“How come you get to do that and I don’t?” You frown as he looks down at you before he crouches, his face dropping just below your own to gaze up at you.  
“Because you don’t have the urge to sink your three-centimeter canines into my throat,” his upper lip curls back as he shows you the result of his attraction to you.  
You look at him with unintentionally pouted lips, batting your eyelashes as you take in his words. Isn’t that how werewolves marry or something? You think. Kirishima had explained it all once before, one night when you were both wasted at three in the morning at some bar on the outskirts of the city.  
“God, can you look unattractive for one second while I try to pull myself together?” Kirishima groans, a hand running through his disheveled hair.
“Who said I want you to pull yourself together?” You inquire, scooting toward the lip of the cushion.  
Kirishima looks at you warily with an underlying, longing hunger before you place your hands on either side of his sharp jaw and bring his lips to yours. Your eyes close immediately and his blissfully, your hands gliding down his neck to his broad chest. You grapple onto his wide shoulders, one hand burying into the hair at the base of his neck to push him into the kiss even more.  
His throat vibrates gently with an almost-inaudible growl, and you part his tender lips with a swipe of your tongue, the pink muscle coasting in and gently feeling the warm, smooth hardness of his cuspids.
Kirishima untucks your blouse in one pull, fingers nimbly undoing each button before sliding the clothing off your shoulders and tossing it away. His hands lay strategically on your ribs, fingertips brushing the underwire of your bra just barely.  
He pulls you forward into his arms, hands splaying onto your back with delight, fingers undoing the fastening between your shoulder blades with glee. You lean into him as he flings the bra in the direction of the blouse, mouth instantly latching to your breast and tongue twirling around the swollen bud. You wail, pushing him closer as his teeth bump against your nipple and his lips grow taut with a warm smirk, depraved gaze intense as ever.
You want more than ever to throw your head back onto the top of the sofa, but you know you’re forbidden to do so. Instead, you slide your body further down onto the cushions, hips brushing against Kirishima’s torso as his mouth leaves your nipples, your face coming to a stop directly in front of his. Your hands cup his angular jaw again, coaxing his lips onto yours into an ardent kiss. His long eyelashes flutter against your blushed cheeks, his coarse hair drifting softly through your digits.  
His hands land on your rolling hips, scuttling closer on his knees so his crotch feels the steady rhythm. He hums, a primitive trembling in his throat that sounds more like a soft growl. Your hands fall to the hem of his snug t-shirt, which he gladly expels into the corner toward your blouse and bra. You lean back a bit and admire his toned form. His broad chest, pectorals curving dramatically to his wide shoulders seamlessly; the v shape tapering down to the top of his jeans; the faint trail of dark hair waning below the brass button to his jeans; the way his abdominal muscles flex with each heavy breath; the salient outline against his thigh that both he and you know aches for your attention.  
You can’t help yourself. You reach between his strong thighs, fingers skimming along the bulge mockingly. Kirishima’s head rolls full circle, hand clutching your wrist tightly as he stares into you, lips parting and hot pink tongue gliding along his white, sharp teeth. “That was very naughty of you,” he murmurs, honeyed eyes darkening to a burnt orange. Trepidation ignites in your heart, but also desire floods your senses as well as your panties.  
“Eijirou,” you breathe and his lip curls back into a snarl, a loud growl releasing from his throat. His nostrils flare and he swallows harshly.  
“Say it again,” he orders, leaning into your face.
“E-Eijirou,” it comes out as a whisper, but his sensitive ears hear the slight whine to your tone, and his cock jumps at the sound against your eager fingertips. “You like it when I say your name, Eiji?”  
His tongue runs swiftly over his lip, his eyeing your chest hips hungrily. His hand reached forward on its own accord, sliding effortlessly under the soft material of your skirt to press against your warmed, wet panties. His lips curve into a devious smirk, fangs poking out slightly as his dark, copper-tainted eyes set on yours. “Mmm, and you like it when I growl for you, baby girl?”  
“God, yes Eiji,” you answer and gulp at his overwhelming intensity. He trains his gaze to the movement of your fragile throat, tongue flicking around one canine subconsciously. A deep purr of sorts emanates from him in approval, making your legs tremble and press together around his intruding forearm.  
He smiles devilishly, white teeth glinting in the dim lighting. His other hand circles round your back, pushing your tailbone so your body slides forward on the couch, to the very edge of the cushion. His fingers nudge your thong aside, immediately met with your poignant arousal. The tips of his middle and ring finger separate your folds facilely, gliding over your entrance and clit making you bite your lip to hold in an impatient moan. “Oh baby, you’re so wet for me,” he chuckles. “If only we’d figured this out sooner.”
“Eiji, fuck,” you cry when he rubs your clit gently, your jaw trembling as you sag against his arm’s firm hold and the back of the sofa. You can’t throw your head back so you lean forward, elbows falling on Kirishima’s generous shoulders, the side of your face against his soft hair as his tongue guides a pebbled nipple into his mouth, caressing it slowly and pressing it against his teeth. You whimper pathetically, his thumb replacing his fingers as they slide down and glide half-way right into your awaiting entrance.  
He hooks the two fingers and presses repeatedly, making you shove his face closer to your breasts in pleasure. He slides them deeper, knuckles lapping against your slick entrance as his tongue works diligently on your nipple. You clench around him and moan loudly at the depth his fingers achieve, the feeling of total ecstasy near. It had been a long time since a man had touched you, and it was no where near as incredible as having Kirishima’s thick fingers rubbing inside you.
“Eijirou, that feels so—” you warn but he only picks up the pace. He leans down, tongue replacing his thumb smoothly and you almost scream. He strokes your clit fervently, tongue lapping persistently up and down as his long canines brush on either side, his fingers curling and straightening at the same pace. “Fuck Eiji— I’m seriously gonna cum,” you pant, falling back against the back of the sofa.  
He looks up at you mischievously, dark eyes alight with arousal and a touch of humor. You feel his full lips in a smirk as he wraps them around your clit, tongue lavishing it faster. One hand falls to his hair, gripping it tight as the other curls against your mouth, your eyes shutting tight as your orgasm smashes against you like a wave crashing down upon you. You moan, body quivering in Kirishima’s strong grip, wiggling pointlessly against the sofa cushions.  
Kirishima doesn’t cease until you’ve returned from your high, standing up and unfastening his jeans quickly, pushing them down and kicking them off when they reach his ankles. You sit up from your slumped position, hands landing on his thighs and traveling around to rub the backs of them in anticipation. Kirishima watches you hungrily, his thick cock longing for your attention. You lean forward, almost touching where he wants you most, before you look up at him and give him your most innocent doe eyes you can muster after having his sinful session on you just moments before. You bat your lashes and he growls loudly, fists clenching at his sides.  
“Y/N,” he advises, tone a little menacing. You tilt your head and press your lips against his erection through his briefs, a low groan sounding from above you. You kiss down toward the tip and back up to the base of his shaft before you reach up and untuck him, briefs sliding to the hardwood floor. You smirk as you look at what you’ve done to him. His dick is throbbing gently as you rest it against a palm, beads of translucent-white precum adorning the tip of the red, swollen tip. You repeat your kiss trail on his bare skin, his cock twitching at the action as you feel the vein underneath contract harshly. When you reach the base your tongue pokes out, tracing up and down the prominent vein on the underside.  
Kirishima watches you with a dark, maleficent gaze, throat tightening and a growl tumbling out when you take the head into your mouth, sucking teasingly as your tongue dances around the leaking tip. “Fuck yes, baby girl. Just like that."
You retreat with a loud pop, smiling up at him and his heart flutters in his chest at the pureness of it. With an open mouth you glide your tongue along the sides of him to slicken his entire length before your lips encompass the tip and suddenly his dick is touching the back of your throat and you don’t even seem to mind. Kirishima lets out a strangled moan of shock, watching your head bob energetically up and down his hot length. He watches you in awe for a few minutes, just dazed this is really happening and he’s not waking up abruptly like when he’d dreamt this scenario so many nights before.  
He snaps out of it suddenly, aware his cock is tensing the way it does when he’s about to cum. You’d noticed, too, at the feel of the harsh, bulging vein on the under-shaft, slowing down to a halt and leaning back to catch your breath.
“Baby you did so good,” he praises, hands cupping your face and you beam at him proudly. “Now take off your skirt for me.”  
You comply eagerly, shimmying out of the cotton garment, your thong following close behind. Kirishima smugly watches the stings of your arousal snap as your panties are thrown onto the floor, fist stroking his length slowly to keep himself at bay.
“Turn,” he instructs, other hand guiding you to face away from him,” knees on the couch, now.”  
You do as told, looking back at him over your shoulder expectantly. He smiles and steps forward, and your back arches as you feel his length glide against your dripping entrance.  
“Be a good girl for me, okay? Do not let me get anywhere near your throat, got it? If I do, I’ll sink my teeth into you so fast you won’t know what’s happening. And then you’re stuck with me for life. So watch out for yourself, baby. This is your only warning,” he murmurs, lips brushing the shell of your ear before a hand lands on your hip and suddenly he’s pushing into you, a gasp tearing from your throat as he stretches you to your capacity. When his hips bump against your ass your eyes have already rolled back in delirium, your lip falling open in shock.  
He pulls out half-way before sheathing back inside slowly, a whine releasing from your mouth. His hand remains on your hip while the other grabs a fistful of your hair, trailing out again before snapping in. The tip of his cock nestles so deep in you that tears dot along your bottom lashes; the feeling is so blissful and fulfilling that your emotions skyrocket.  
“Eijirou— oh, yes,” you whimper as he repeats the action, movements still paced and measured to help you adjust to his size.
“Feel good, baby? ‘Cuz this feels amazing for me— you feel amazing on me, Y/N,” he grunts, fingers gripping the skin of your hip tighter as he angles your face so he can see it with his other hand.  
“Yes, fuck yes, you feels so good,” you commend as the pace intensifies, making a moan spill out of you. He groans from behind you, letting go of your hair and placing his hand on your other hip to keep you steady. You clutch onto the top of the sofa tightly as he pounds into you, and you gasp as a hand leaves your hip for a moment and delivers a sharp smack to your ass, making your back arch into Kirishima’s grasp. You’re babbling now, your entire body thrumming with pleasure. “Oh god—ohgodohgodohgodohgod.”
Kirishima hisses as he watches the bright pink mark on your ass cheek tremble as his hips slam against yours, bottom lip tucked under his offending cuspids. He licks his lip to keep from drooling onto you, eyes trained on your perfect figure that he’s fucking into the sofa. Pleasure courses through his body, intensified at the sound and obvious proof of your own satisfaction as he thrusts into you quickly.  
“Again,” you lament softly, and if he hadn’t been a werewolf with keen hearing he wouldn’t have heard your request over the assaulting sound of your skin slapping against his. He delivers and slaps your other cheek sharply, a lustful mix between a gasp and a moan escaping you.  
“Fuck, you’re so sexy, baby,” Kirishima admires, smirking as you turn slightly to look at him. He grabs your shoulder and pulls your torso back, slamming it against his as his other hand wraps around your throat snugly to stop his innate temptation to leave his mark there. The other hand leaves your arm and instead bands around your waist, pressing you flush against him. His hips retreat and pound into you in the new position, and you rest your head back onto his shoulder since your neck is safe from his view with his large hand covering it.
You stare into each other as he continues, and you move your hips back as he moves his in, making each thrust more powerful. His lips find yours and they mould easily, your hand coming up to caress his jaw and press his face closer to yours.
“Eiji, your cock feels so good,” you pant between his kisses and potent strokes, “God, you’re so big.”
“Mmm, I love when you talk dirty to me,” Kirishima murmurs against your mouth, a bead of sweat trickling down the side of his face.  
It’s fucked up but his tight hold on your throat is only turning you on more, making your eyes close as each thrust feels better than the last.
“Fuck, Ei,” you groan, slouching back against his toned form as the pleasure is too great.  
“Here, baby,” he says, cock slipping out of you before picking you up, walking briskly out of the common space and into a hallway, then finally into his bedroom. He shuts the door with his foot, laying you gently onto his messy bedsheets and blankets. He rolls you over onto your stomach before he climbs on top of you, hovering above you before he slips back in with ease.  
You moan and tuck your face into the sheets that smell like him, his arms bracing on either side of your head as his forearms rest next to yours, elbows bent and fists clenched. His hips swing effortlessly into yours, making a loud, crude slapping sound echo around the room. You moan almost pathetically into the sheets, turning to lay your face to the side so Kirishima can hear your noises of pleasure. He kisses your cheek sweetly before moving to your jaw and nibbling there gently, his tempo still quick and lethal. His tip, nestled deep inside, assaults your g-spot and you purr in content at the sensation, a gasp escaping you as he plunges in a little more forcefully. His hand wraps around your throat again, lifting your head up as his lips meet yours tenderly. His tongue plays with yours gently, a stark contrast to your hips. The hold on your throat is firm but also soft, and his thumb brushes along your jawline as his fingertips push into your racing pulse.
His hand leaves you and suddenly you’re on your back, Kirishima dragging your body up the bed so your head lays on the pillows. He smiles widely before he swoops in and his lips take yours again. His cock glides right back in, and you moan loudly into the kiss as the tip brushes your g-spot at a different angle than before. Your pussy quivers around him as he picks up the pace again, one arm folding under and around your waist and the other holding your chin, elbow digging into the mattress to keep himself propped up. His kisses trail from your lips to your chin and jaw, tongue sliding out and lathering your skin gently. Your eyes open as it slides down your throat, and the slight point of his canines poke against your skin. You quickly take his head in your hands, guiding his lips back to yours.  
“Baby, I’m gonna cum,” he murmurs against your lips, eyebrows scrunched in concentration, breath heavy as his exhausted hips keep up the erratic pace against yours. He whimpers as your walls constrict around him firmly.  
“I’m close, too, Eiji,” you mumble, legs folding around his waist, your arms tangling around his torso with your hands on each shoulder blade, fingernails gripping his slick skin. One of his hands is pressed into the sheets by your shoulder, propping him up, and the other is going white on your hip from his tight hold.  
“God, you feel so fucking good,” he snarls, voice low and resonating with a growl. You watch his abdomen accordion as he flexes in and out of you with apparent effort, drops of sweat gliding down his broad chest. He throws his head back and whines as your nails dig into his strong shoulder muscles, chasing his imminent ecstasy.  
Watching his body tremble and exert itself to bring you to your euphoria pushes you toward your own climax, and the feeling of his hand on your hip and the way his lip pinches between his teeth makes your eyes roll back and your body tense as you fall off the cliff, hurtling down into the thrashing waves of your orgasm. You call his name in a strangled cry, limbs clutching onto him for dear life as the pleasure shakes through you. His hips don’t stop; plunging further into you and pushing you harder under the tides of your climax. Your body shivers and you’re so out of it you don’t notice Kirishima’s thrusts becoming volatile, his arm that had once propped his torso above yours curling beneath your back to press your torso against his.  
A growl of victory splits from deep in his throat as he approaches his own high, muscles tense in anticipation for the long-awaited prize. He shudders and suddenly his cuspids are lodged deep in your throat, and it feels like he’s just been run over by an eighteen-wheeler of ecstasy. His jaw shakes as his eyes close, abdomen convulsing as he spills deep into you in long, relentless spurts. The combination of his orgasm and his marking you almost make him pass out in an exhaustive pleasure.
Just as you’d come to from your orgasm, searing pain splices through you as Kirishima’s fangs split your skin and neck tissue, your jaw opening but no sound releasing. And just as fast as the pain had arrived, it’s replaced and you’re submerged back into the tidal waves of a new climax, making you clench and flex around Kirishima’s throbbing member that pulses into you.  
His fingers clasp the skin of your hips so strongly the skin turns white, but your own nails lodge into his shoulders to grapple him to you; the both of you holding each other as if your lives depend on it. The sheets around you are twisted and damp from your sweat, but the two of you only seem to care about each other; drifting numbly and blissfully in your shared euphoria.
After a moment Kirishima’s body sags, sliding slightly to the side of yours as his muscles stop tensing and he stops physically releasing into you. His teeth still woven deep into your neck, he doesn’t dare move his face.  
As the tides form your orgasm slowly recede, your body hums in a warm satisfaction and a certain numbness. Your hands rove over Kirishima’s expansive back soothingly, and he exhales with a content but tired moan in response.  
Very timidly, Kirishima stretches his jaw to the maximum before he pulls away from your neck, leaving your head buzzing lightly. He licks the puncture wounds instantly, enzymes in his saliva helping to start the healing process while he cleans away the scarlet blood that beads there. He ghosts a kiss over your jaw before he pulls away, smiling warily as his eyes meet yours.  
The primal amber and yellow shades are gone, leaving behind the warm red you’d fallen in love with. They cast over your face in total adoration, with a hint of fear.  
He looks away as he slides out of you, his release immediately following and forming a wet puddle on his sheets. Your cheeks flush even though it isn’t your fault, but he just smiles and presses a kiss to one of them as if silencing your unnecessary embarrassment.  
Kirishima reclines next to you, pulling the blanket at the foot of the mattress up to rest on top of the two of you. He collects you into his arms, your body weak and unprotesting. His legs entwine with yours, pressing every piece of skin he can to yours. He makes sure to be careful with your neck, kissing it gently once more before settling his face next to yours. The kiss makes the skin tingle and heat, a fuzzy warmth flooding your body as you smile shyly.  
“I told you not to let me get near your neck,” Kirishima says softly as your eyes close, eyelashes brushing over his collarbone. “Do you know what this means, Y/N?” He tries again at your silence, thinking you don’t understand the severity of the situation. His fingertips run up and down your naked spine relaxingly.  
“It means you need to work on your self-control,” you murmur, giggling quietly into his chest.
“Y/N, this isn’t a joke,” he says lowly, “I don’t kno-“
You cut him off. “It isn’t a joke, I know, Eijirou. It means we’re tied together, forever— meaning we, this, us— we’re permanent. We’re wolf-married or whatever the term is now, I know. You can never love another person again, and neither can I,” your hand rests on his pectoral, a finger tracing along his nipple so you have something to look at instead of his face. “If you can’t deal with that, I’m sorry, but I can. I’m yours, Kirishima, always have been, always will be. If you don’t want that, then I’m sorry but you just sealed your fate with mine and there’s nothing I can do about that.”
“Oh,” Kirishima exhales, blinking. The only light in the room is from the window above the desk, moonlight casting the bed in a dim white light. He shuffles, pulling your body closer to his, smiling into your hair with a stupidly happy grin. “I just wanted to make sure that’s what you want. I.. uh, I feel the same,” he murmurs against the shell of your ear giddily.  
“Good,” you reply, eyes closing as you nuzzle your face closer to his warm heart.
It’s silent for a moment before Kirishima clears his throat gently. You peek one eye open, awaiting his words.
“Um… I love you, Y/N… a lot,” he says rather nervously, gulping softly as he pauses for a response.
“I love you too, Eiji,” you kiss his chest gently, sighing contently.
“And, uh, Y/N?”  
“What, Eiji?”
“I’m glad it’s you who I’m wolf-married to.”
   ─── ・°* ゚✧:* • 。゚:*・☽・*: 。゚•*:✧ ゚*°・ ───
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.
when he go from wolf to puppy 🥺 thank you for reading babies <3 & pls don’t be shy to let me know if you enjoyed!! 
➥ masterlist 
𝐂𝐨𝐩𝐲𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 © 𝐒𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐩𝐢 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎. 𝐀𝐥𝐥 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐞𝐝.
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nochiquinn · 2 years
Text
exandria unlimited: calamity: episode 3: Within Ten Feet Of Me
I skipped the live airing for reasons of Being Real Fucked Up, I've got notepad up for watching the vod but idk how much actual liveblogging will take place (for reasons of Still Being Kinda Fucked Up)
(edit from the future: I AM NOW FUCKED UP FOR NEW, DIFFERENT REASONS)
"they were makin chicken noises"
"am I a snitch or am I a reporter to the people?"
lmao the sticky note over luis' macbook
MAP
"don't invoke artax"
MINIS
GRIFFON
"that's a big ol' brumestone!"
he goes ON THE GRIFFON
necromancy is so tacky
"so he has back problems"
"electives courses is important!"
"talk about the dragon, I gotta go get a dragon"
"heard you was talkin shit"
"miles' friend sucks"
attel spack
miles come get your friend
I didn't ask how big the room is
the fringe on marisha's shirt confuses me
oh I know that vertebra
"you have approximately one hour before you can't move"
"tight clump, the ideal d&d formation"
everybody just piling on to protect loquatius
"I just lay down and cry in the street"
rogues are whatever
loquatius is whatever
omnislash
muscle wizard casts fist
"KNEEL TRAITOR" "I kneel"
excuse
"they're gonna eat me"
"NO ONE'S EVER LIKED FIREWORKS"
"YOU THINK THIS IS THE TIME TO DO BITS?!"
"I made the wrong choices! D:"
fucking flayed men motherfuckers
reverse what now
"there's no ceiling" "YEAH"
"Sam Riegel Hurt My Feelings"
"it makes ground 👆 that way"
piratical dexterity
cast stab
stab a BUNCH
hasted paladin HASTED PALADIN
aabria's face rn
"I mean if you INSIST...."
RING OF FACES
"you're my best fucking friend"
oshkoshbgosh
I probably missed a bit bc twitch lost my place when I restarted my computer >:[
(honestly it's on me, I should have left a timestamp for myself)
"can [cerrit] see windows or"
por'co's impenetrable bubble
POP POP
circle of WHAT
necromantic dutch oven
Mutiny Has Only One Punishment
wesley snipes??
I have been informed the second half of this episode is A Lot
"I just beat them with Faerie Fire, guys"
"we're at a table. I can reach you."
this feels like when you have to go around the classroom and say something about yourself
double twenties means all the batteries are safe
"let it fix marisha!!"
"I'll excuse myself"
"you look really nice today" lays in the floor
lays in the floor about the whole conversation but that was the emotional damage capstone
"short the tithe" that feels unwise
"insight and deception into yourself"
"I wanna unpack THAT"
"there's one story of a faerie who stumbled into this world and fell in love"
"why are you like this"
"I'm actively dying"
"you asked to not remember" fuck the what
hwat
patia what did you DO
"I hold that title very dear and sacred - but I hold that title"
patia
"are you guys having like a cute divorce moment?" "shut UP"
cerrit: now is the time travis: I want the TEA
"none of this matters, and he does" hello 911 aabria iyengar and sam riegel are fuckiNG MURDERING ME
zerxus: zone of truth laerryn and loquatius: absolutely fucking not
hello 911 brennan lee mulligan is fucking murdering me
hey what the fuck
HEY LAERRYN
HEY LAERRYN WHAT THE F U C K
Generic Tablet Device
"she doesn't trade in gold, but rather her grandfather's name" WOW
"I'm glad I killed you"
"your eminence...what the fuck"
25??
it's gonna be weird going back to the low-level chaos gremlins and not getting all these big numbers
"I leave." and I walk away
only, y'know. furious.
"I'm gonna go take care of mine now"
"you guys are very good at playing D&D!!"
by your powers combined
Time to Tree
"the biggest mistake I ever made was not trusting you" lays in the floor
"you already saved me once, maybe I can return the favor"
quay is gonna die bc he is a sam riegel character and I am going to cry
"the tree is ruining my cool magic"
aabria going from muttering death threats at the tree to "YOU SPEAK PRIMORDIAL?!?!" is very funny to me
"Iiiiii chose dwarvish"
hey laerryn
hey laerryn whatcha doin
that's a trick question I know what you're doing please stop
initiative??
against laerryn???
hey what the fuck??
hey what the f u c k??
big You Activated My Trap Card energy
"choose wisely. but choose."
patia: fuck y'all, I got shit to do
it's always fucking bears
sam riegel, forever drunk on Love My Wife juice
up to and including if the wife is fictional
(or yeza)
laerryn got LAIR ACTIONS
lou going under the fucking table
"do I get advantage if I roll from down here?"
Is He Within Ten Feet Of Me
"I need you to make this decision, I can't because I'll cheat" you know what A+ self-awareness
brennan that's so many dice
"go find my die!"
"what are we even doing now?" EXCELLENT QUESTION
"never trust a motherfucker with a cause"
there's only 20 minutes left in this episode and I Am Experiencing Fear
oh shit it's his mom
brennan how are you doing that with your voice
oh the LITERAL big bang, okay
the frantic note taking
"not fear at what I'm seeing, fear at what you're doing"
and it WORKS kdjfslk I'm going to die
EXCUSE ME
would that also blight them?!?!?
oh no
travis I will FIGHT YOU
I'm suing travis willingham for emotional damages
brennan's going in the suit
oh what in the fullmetal alchemist
I'm going to die
but that's bullshit tho! if they were gonna take advantage of it they would whether they knew what it was for or not!
HISTORY IS IMPORTANT
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lsvdw-blog · 3 years
Text
Not a Minute More: Part 2
Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x f!MC
Word Count: 1.8k
Warnings; Rating: Mentions of a cyberattack, Angst; Teen+
Premise: MC's perspective on the day that rocks Ethan to his core and threatens to change his life.
Author’s Note: I was going to wait to post this, but I'm loving the flood of content we're getting rn, so I thought I'd hop on too. I cried writing this... I'm so sorry 😭. Part 1 here. I hope you enjoy and thank you for reading 💖
~ Monday, 8:20am ~
"Good morning, Mike!" Serena greets the security guard right inside the door.
"Hey! How are ya? How's that Dr. Ramsey?"
"We're both doing well, thanks! How about you and the family?" She asks as she puts her phone in a cubby and unplugs the Wi-Fi enabler from her laptop.
"It was the wife and I's anniversary this weekend! We went to Martha's vineyard and saw the most beautiful proposal! You and Dr. R gonna get going on that soon? Aly has been talking about going to y'alls wedding since she met ya!" Mike gives a playful wink.
"Oh, congratulations! That's wonderful and send Aly my best wishes. But you'll have to talk to E on that one," she laughs before opening the door to a stairwell that leads to a classified area.
After keying in her pin, the door clicks open. She grabs a static protection lab coat, walks through the entrance, and is met with a plethora of state-of-the-art equipment. Floor-to-ceiling grey switch panels, curved monitors as far as the eye can see, and countless probes, clips, and wires.
She walks over to a few familiar faces. “Good morning! How’s it going?”
“Nice of you to finally join us! Dr. Ramsey keep you this morning?” Isla, one of the engineers, jests.
“I saw your check-in on the monitor — you walked in two minutes before me!”
“Those diagnostic skills at work, I see,” Isla retorts and they both laugh.
Isla had become a fast and faithful friend since Serena joined the project. They bonded quickly over both being minorities in the world of science and supported each other in every work facet. They had lunch together everyday and gradually, their work bond grew into a personal friendship as well. They’ve become so close that Isla now also regularly spends time with the original Edenbrook gang.
“Alright, enough chit chat. Let’s get this show on the road.”
The team nods and responds, “Yes, Doctor.”
~ 12:00pm ~
Serena exits the classified area with some colleagues and they all make their way to retrieve their phones.
"No new patients. Stuck in meetings and doing paperwork. I miss you and wish you were here."
She immediately breaks out into a large grin after reading Ethan's text and hits the dial button.
"Hey, ready for lunch?" Carmen, one of the lead scientists, asks.
Serena nods and moves her phone slightly away from her ear. "Be there in a minute. You guys go ahead."
She waits for a few more rings. He’s probably busy, I’ll call again later. She hangs up and makes her way to the cafeteria.
~ 12:40pm ~
"We did all the necessary prep work this morning to begin testing after lunch. Everything is looking good. We can begin running our tests since everyone is here. Are we all ready to begin?"
"Yes."
The system engineers are sitting at connected computer stations, inputting the required credentials to start. The rest of the team is standing behind them, waiting and nervously watching the screens. After a couple minutes of tense silence with nothing but the clack clack clack of keyboard keys, Vincenzo, one of the lead engineers, speaks up.
"This is weird… we're having some trouble accessing the necessary data. Did someone put up a firewall?"
Everybody looks around at each other, shaking their heads and muttering "no."
"Isla, are you seeing this? Can you get through?"
Isla continues to type, not saying anything. After a few more seconds, she turns to look at Vincenzo with a concerned expression. "I don't recognize some of the items in our system."
Just as she finishes her sentence, everyone's attention is pulled abruptly to a wall monitor on the right as it starts showing nonsensical images and patterns. Two seconds later, an alarm goes off and a red warning light begins flashing within the building. Everyone's eyes go wide as realization dawns on them: they've been compromised and shelter-in-place has been activated.
~ 12:55pm ~
Everyone begins to evacuate the classified lab area, grabbing their phones on the way out, and peering through the one-way windows. They can occasionally hear Mike speaking rapidly into the phone with a 911 dispatcher, when he's not being drowned out by shouts from colleagues.
On the descent to the bunker, the tension is palpable. Individuals clutch onto each other, others try frantically to reach loved ones, and some are in complete disbelief and shock. As they all descend the five flights of the winding staircase to the basement, windows are no longer available, but the ceiling bulbs keep flickering on and off. Each time it happens, everyone stops in their tracks, ducks down on instinct, and picks up the pace when the lights come back on.
~ 1:15pm ~
The entrance to the Harvard labs bunker is protected by a vault door that has a counter system. When the system is in place, the door can be opened once for people to get in. Once it's been closed, it can only be opened when there's one person on either side working together — it's futile with only one person. The only other way it can be opened is by shutting down the counter system from the outside, with the correct override pin, which only a handful of the most trusted team members know.*
As the vault door comes into sight, the wheel on the outside is turned, and the door opens with a whoosh. People slowly start filing in and head towards the back. However, not everyone can stay in the safety of the bunker. In case of an emergency, the project they’re working on must be erased, to protect it from falling into the wrong hands. Certain people have been assigned particular instructions to delete specific portions.
Serena is one of them.
She's walking next to Isla and their arms are looped together. As Isla enters the bunker, Serena lets go of her arm, stopping at the threshold. Isla whips her head around.
"What are you doing?! Get in here!" She reaches for Serena’s arm.
Serena shakes her head. "I'm the only one currently here who knows the medical codes."
Isla's eyes are frantic in realization. "I'll go back with you! I'll be your lookout! You're not going alone!"
"You'll be safe here. This is my responsibility."
Serena reaches behind her neck and unclasps her gold necklace for the first time in 7 years. She grabs Isla's hand and places the jewelry into her palm, closing Isla's fingers around it.
Serena stares at their clasped hands. "In case anything happens," they both flinch at another flickering of lights. "Promise me that you'll get this to E."
Their eyes are locked now, having a silent battle: Isla begging her to stay and Serena finding the strength not to.
"Isla, promise me. Please." Serena squeezes Isla’s hand that much tighter.
Isla realizes that there's no use in fighting Serena. Risking her life to delete the project is part of the job. They all made a commitment and if the roles were reversed, Isla would be the one fighting to go back.
Isla slowly nods. "I promise, Serena. I promise. But do your best to keep yourself safe. Try and stay near the corners, away from any large equipment that could have aftershock effects, and—"
Serena shakes her slightly. "I know, Isla. We did take the same training," she smiles, trying to make a joke to lighten the mood, but Isla just stares gravely at her.
A booming sound rattles the building and Serena knows it's time to go. She gives Isla a quick hug, before pushing her backwards into the bunker. Before Isla has regained her footing, Serena has closed the bunker door with a resounding thud.
~ 1:30pm ~
On the way back to the classified area, Serena takes out her phone. Ethan hasn't returned her earlier call. Her heart is pounding and with trembling hands, she hits the call button on Ethan's contact card for the second time in less than two hours. After a few rings, his voice comes through.
"You've reached Dr. Ethan Ramsey. I apologize for missing your call. Leave a message and I'll get back to you."
Just as she’s about to start speaking, the lights go down for good. "Hey E," she tries her best to keep her voice from shaking. She puts the call on speaker, places the phone out in front of her, and turns the flashlight on. "I don't know when this will hit the news, but we're currently under cyberattack. I don't know from who or what, but they’ve already gotten into our mainframe and power supply. Everyone has sheltered-in-place and is awaiting further instructions." She takes a deep breath as she inches down a corridor.
"Everyone except me, Vincenzo, and Carmen. We’re the only three here right now trained to completely delete the project in the event something like this happened. I'm walking back to the lab as I speak."
Serena rounds a corner and the lab comes into view. Thinking about what she has to say next, silent tears stream down her face.
"Ethan, sweetheart, I need you to know that the last eight months by your side have been the absolute best eight months of my entire life. You are the light of my existence and mean everything to me." She lets out a deep breath. "I wish I could hear your voice right now… I'm really scared. But I made a commitment, so I need to go back in and finish the job. If something happens, know that you are unequivocally the love of my life and the one for me. I know we haven't talked about it yet, but know that I want to spend forever with you as your wife and have you be the father of my children." She sniffs and continues, "you would be a fantastic husband and dad."
She comes to a stop in front of the keypad located right outside the lab and swallows past the lump in her throat. "But if the universe has other plans for me, I'll be waiting for you and I can't wait to spend forever with you in the next life. This isn't how I wanted to tell you, but until next time, whenever that is, I love you so much, Ethan Jonah Ramsey, more than words could ever properly convey."
She ends the phone call with tear-filled eyes, stashes her phone on a nearby workbench, punches in her key, and enters the classified area one more time.
~~~~~~
*Disclaimer: I have no idea if Harvard labs has a bunker and if they do, what kind of door/system they utilize. This is all purely AU!
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bqstqnbruin · 4 years
Text
F is for Friends - part 3
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Whoops I'm in class rn but I just finished part 3 so here it is! I think this is the longest part so far, but not much longer than the others, so have fun.
But yeah, ignore typos, I might fix them eventually, but knowing me, I'll miss them so call em out if you feel like it.
Read the other parts here: Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 4
________________________
“I don’t get why it has to be him, though,” Keelan whines on the other end of the phone. You did the stupid thing and reminded him that Nolan and some of his teammates were visiting your classroom to do a lab with your honors kids today, and he reacted exactly how you expected him to while you were driving in that morning.
“Because Anderson is an ass and Nolan volunteered.”
“Ok, but why Nolan?” he asks, saying his name like it was cursed
“Because when I called Tom Holland he said he was busy.”
“You know what I mean,” he mumbles.
“No, I don’t.” Yes, you did, but you weren’t about to tell him that.
“Why couldn’t you have invited Fran and Lindsey?”
You sigh, pulling into your parking space outside the school, Javier already waiting for you by the door. “Because they had to be prominent and I don’t think anyone needs the two of them trying to do an experiment. Now, I have to go, Nolan and the guys will be here after lunch, I’m already fucking nervous because of Anderson. I love you, goodbye,” you tell him, hanging up before he can get another word in.
“Are you ready?” Javier asks, handing you the cup of coffee he had picked up for you, waiting outside by his car like he did every morning.
“I almost threw up, like, five times getting ready this morning and Keelan is being an ass about this,” you huff, struggling to swipe your ID to get into the building. “Why isn’t this working?”
He takes the ID out of your hand, flipping it around in his fingers before swiping it himself. “Holding it the right way might help.”
You take it from him, clearly annoyed. “If this is any indication as to how the rest of the day is going to go I’m quitting and looking for another job at 3 pm.”
“So you’re not going to be dramatic today, I see,” Javier jokes, earning a glare from him as the two of you walk up to your classroom, greeting students as you passed by them in the halls. “Hey, listen. You’re a great teacher,” your friend assures you once you unlock your classroom door. “You’re going to be fine. If you need me, I have my free period during your first class they’re here, and I think Charlie has a free period during your second if you still need someone to run interference when Anderson is there.”
“Thanks,” you tell him, turning into your classroom to get ready for the day. Your phone was buzzing with texts, some angry from Keelan about what he was now referring to as ‘the neighbor situation,’ and one from Nolan asking you to confirm yet again where they were supposed to go.
“Are you buying lunch today?” Javier comes back into your room with his own to stash in the fridge that was in the back corner of your class. It wasn’t yours, nor was it for food technically, but that didn’t stop you and Javier from stashing your lunches in there instead of walking down to the teacher's lounge on the other side of the school.
You sit there for a minute, trying to remember if you even grabbed it when you were heading out the door that morning. Between Keelan busting your ass about Nolan, thinking of the lesson the lab that you were doing that afternoon, and just the general morning antics of getting out the door on time, you left your lunch bag on your kitchen counter. “Is there still a box of cereal in there?” you ask him when he opens the fridge.
“Yeah.”
“That’s my lunch then,” you say, keeping it in there so it wouldn’t be exposed to chemicals or attract any sort of rodent or vermin that you had no desire in dealing with. You knew today was going to be hell, and you weren’t even prepared for the college prep kids you were going to see during the second and third periods. You do your best to scramble and get everything you needed, thankful for the first time that you were giving them a test that you could grade during lunch and last period (and honestly, at home since that’s where most grading took place) instead of having to worry about teaching them when your mind was occupied by your honors lesson that day.
By the time your college prep kids were done with their tests, you were trying to mentally prepare for the lab, only to freak yourself out. Your computer dings, right before the bell rings, a message from Anderson saying that he would be stopping by during the second period to observe since ‘it was his job to make sure you were doing well as your superior.’ God, you hated him. The bell for lunch rings, your students filing out of your room as you grab the mug you kept on your desk and poured as much cereal into it as you could.
Javier comes back into your room, grabbing his lunch and plopping himself down at the table, eating his lunch as the two of you fell into conversation as you always did. Not even five minutes in, your classroom phone rings right as you hit print for the instructions you wrote up for the boys.
“Y/L/N’s room,” you answer, the school’s secretary telling you that the guys were in the office waiting for you. “Oh, wow, ok, I’ll be right down.” You hang up, throwing your hair into a bun, and grab your mug of cereal. “I’m getting the guys, do you want to come with me or wait here until we come back?”
Javier comes with you, both of you practically running through the halls out of panic that your students would bombard whoever Nolan brought with him. You were munching away at the cereal as you open the door to the main office, seeing Nolan and two of the other guys in their Flyers jerseys, all of them looking awkward with their hands in their pockets, unsure of what else to do. “Hey, guys!” you greet them, Nolan the first to turn around. Fuck him for looking good and making your heart skip a beat. It’s not fair, is it? “Uh, this is Javier, one of the other chem teachers,” you introduce him once you collect yourself, trying not to focus all your attention on Nolan.
This was at most a crush. Just a crush on the boy who lived next door to you. Who was also hot and sweet. Just a crush that you shouldn’t even be thinking about at school to begin with, so who cares? Having a crush on a boy does not mean that you loved him or that you loved Keelan any less. Oskar and Travis introduce themselves to you and Javier, the five of you walking back to your classroom while you continue to eat the cereal, suddenly very conscious of how weird it looked.
“No Kev?” you ask Nolan, the two of you lagging behind the other three guys while they talk.
Nolan shrugs, feeling nervous to even be with you in the school hallway. Every single thing he’s thought about you in the last how many days started flooding back to him, something was telling him that besides the fact that he shouldn’t be thinking them at all, he shouldn’t be thinking of them in your school. “He said he didn’t sleep well last night so he was going to stay at our place.”
“Hey, Y/N, what are we doing today?” Oskar asks, pulling your attention away from Nolan once you get back to your classroom.
“The kids are going to be designing a lab where they have to use the ideas of limiting and excess reactant to get the desired product.”
“What does that mean?” Travis asks, Javier sitting back and watching everything happen.
“So you’re not always going to have a perfect ratio of chemicals, nor are all reactions going to go to completion where everything reacts with everything,” you start to explain. “Think of it this way: you guys have your roster of however many players, yeah? You need three forwards, and two bluelines out on the ice in a normal five-on-five. Say every line is locked in; it can’t be changed, you can’t move people around, you can’t have people playing with different players outside of their line, it’s always the same five people. If you have nine forwards and 8 defensemen, how many line combinations can you have?”
“Three,” Nolan answers you.
“Why?”
“Because you have enough defense for four lines, but only three lines when you’re looking at forwards.”
“Right,” you say, not noticing the looks that Oskar and Travis were giving Nolan, “so your forwards in this case, are going to be like your limiting reactant, your blueliners are your excess because you would have two of them leftover.”
“And what are the kids going to do?” Oskar asks you.
“I’m going to give them a desired product, tell them how much of it they want to make, and they’re going to have to figure out how much of each reactant they’re going to need to make that.”
“And they can do that?” Travis asks.
“Knowing Y/N, they can,” Nolan mumbles, his cheeks turning red.
Before you can respond, the bell rings indicating the end of lunch. “Well, alright then.”
The boys and Javier lean against the back counter, your students coming into your classroom as you tried to down the rest of your cereal that you forgot about while you were talking to the boys. You knew that you wouldn’t be able to eat during the lab given the chemicals, but you definitely had to eat something.
“Ms. Y/L/N, who are they?” Spencer asks.
You hold up your finger for him to wait a minute, some of your students knowing who they are, one of your girls going absolutely feral in the corner opposite from where they were standing. The bell rings for you finally start class, getting your 24 students to quiet down as they wondered what the guys were doing. “We have guests today!” you tell them in your cheeriest teacher voice. You were genuinely excited for them to be there, but now that they actually were in the same room as your students, your nerves were threatening to take over. “From the Philadelphia Flyers, we have Oskar Lindblom, Travis Konecny, and Nolan Patrick to do our lab with us today! And for this period we also have Mr. Emillion, and later Mr. Fitzgerald later, so we’re going to have a lot of adults in our room.”
You start explaining your agenda for the day with your kids, knowing that some of them were focusing on the boys more than they were on you. You get into your lesson anyway, starting with your review questions. “If you have a reactant that remains after the reaction, is that the excess or the limiting reactant?”
“Excess,” Nolan mumbles under his breath as one of your students says the same thing. You ask another question, Nolan answering again, Travis and Oskar looking between him and each other.
“So, since when do you know so much about chemistry?” Travis leans over to Nolan while you’re explaining the directions to your students.
“I don’t. Y/N already explained it to me.”
“Let me rephrase it: since when do you care about chemistry?” Nolan just shrugs, pretending like he didn’t know what Travis was getting on about. “Oh, come on. Kevin told us about you liking her. At least be less obvious about it if you aren’t going to ask her out.”
Nolan takes in a deep breath, “We’re not doing this now.”
The students go off to do their thing, trying to brainstorm the procedure when you go up to the guys. Javier was already walking around and listening to the students chatter about their ideas. “So, you guys can guide them through everything, don’t outright tell them any of the steps they’re supposed to have written down. Follow what Javier and I are doing, I guess,” you tell them, having to force yourself to look at Oskar and Travis instead of just Nolan. They nod and start walking around, clearly confused.
This was going to end very poorly and you knew it. Especially with Anderson coming in. You watch the four guys walk around, the three hockey players clueless as the students try to figure out how they can interact with them. You realize the copies you made for them were still sitting in the printer tray in the other room, running to get them before anyone noticed you were gone. You were so scatter-brained by everything today, adding to the general anxiety you felt going into the lesson.
You start walking around, listening to the students and guiding them as they needed you to, thankful that they were actually getting the procedure they needed without much difficulty. “Alright, it looks like most of you have the procedure down,” you say to your class, walking around and hovering over your student's shoulders. “Make sure that before you start, either Mr. E or myself have to sign off on it, then our guys from the Flyers can help you with the lab. Sound good?”
Your students all agree, calling you and Javier over to read through their procedures so they can start. You were getting more nervous over the threat of the bell ringing soon and knowing that Javier had to go and teach his class, leaving you alone with the boys when Anderson came in to observe, too. You were running around, trying to scan through the procedures to make sure they were right so they could start working after the bell rang.
The bell sounds, your students starting to get chaotic, “Alright guys, you can take a break now or once you get your reaction heating, but not both. It’s up to you but you get five minutes either way.”
Some of your groups leave to go hang out in the hallway while their other friends move to their next class, some of your students get right to work with their lab goggles to start mixing. You were just waiting for Anderson to come in so he could rip you to shreds for whatever he felt like today.
“Hey,” Nolan says, taking you out of your trance. “You’re doing fine.”
“This experiment has to go well with the three of you,” you tell him, watching Oskar and Travis trying to help some of your students. Trying was the keyword there, but the students looked like they were having fun teaching the guys what to do.
“You’re an awesome teacher, it’s going to go well. Look at them. They know exactly what they’re doing and you barely had to tell them. That’s a great teacher,” you hear him say. You give him an unsure look. “Come on, would I lie to you?”
You shrug, a smile on your face. You could feel the heat rush to your cheeks as he scoffs when you tell him, “I don’t know.”
“Miss Y/L/N! Nice to see you!” you hear that voice calling you when the bell rings, all of your students filtering back in and getting right to work, knowing that Nolan heard you start mumbling under your breath as soon as Anderson appeared in your doorway.
“Hi, Mr. Fitzgerald,” you say, fake sweetness dripping in your voice when Anderson comes right up to you. “Class, say hi to Mr. Fitz!” you call him the nickname you knew he hated.
He looks around your room, trying to see who you brought. The fake smile he had plastered on his face drops when he sees the three guys. “You know the Flyers?”
You tried your hardest to hide the obvious smile on your own face, seeing the anger build inside him knowing that you had someone more impressive to work with your students. You shrug, “Yeah. Nolan here is my neighbor,” you introduce him, Nolan offering up an awkward wave, “I mean, they aren’t the president of a school in a university, but I think the students are having fun.”
“So what are the students doing?” Anderson asks, his face red with jealousy that you brought the boys.
Nolan walks away, as you start to explain that your students are going to make zinc chloride from an anhydrous copper chloride and solid zinc solution. He had no idea what it meant, but he knew that it was a silver piece of metal with a blue solid that you dissolve in water and it’s supposed to create a milky-looking liquid.
He starts walking through the class, listening to your students as they do the experiment, even though he still had no idea what they were talking about. One of your students was sitting in the corner, watching everything happen around him but not participating. “Hey, bud,” Nolan approaches him. “How’s it going?”
The student just nods, not taking his eyes off his paper while his partner does the rest of the work.
“I’m Nolan,” he says, sitting down next to the child. He watches the other student continue to mix the solution to get it to react. “So you let that sit now, right?”
“Yep.”
You and Anderson stand and watch the students, Anderson saying something about how the experiment was going, but you weren’t listening to him at all. You were making sure your students were doing what they needed to, working on the additional practice problems they had while the solution was sitting, seeing them get out the hot plates and set them up for when they would need them later, interacting with each other.
“Anderson,” you say, cutting him off once you see Nolan in the back corner, “look.”
He follows your gaze to Darren, your student who normally didn’t say a word, talking with Nolan and explaining everything to him. Nolan had a huge smile on his face that mirrored Darren’s and his partner Sydney’s. “I’ve never seen him talk with someone before,” Anderson says, dumbfounded. You knew Darren had been assigned to your class because Anderson wanted to see you work with ‘an unworkable student’ as you had overheard him telling Javier at the end of last school year. Darren was laughing with Nolan and Sydney, doing the work and actually helping his partner more than just doing the work on paper and passing it over to Syd like he normally did.
You both stand there, watching the three of them interact. You had a huge smile on your face, feeling the heat rush to your cheeks when Nolan looks away from the students and smiles at you, Darren holding up the beaker with their pale blue solution in it to show you. You give them a thumbs up, turning to Anderson and boasting, “I think they’re doing well.”
Anderson mumbles something under his breath, probably for the better since you had a feeling it was something about you as a general person.
You scan the room again, watching Travis and Oskar interact with the students, still not really sure what they were doing, but they all had smiles on their faces, so you couldn’t complain. You leave Anderson, walking around the room, making sure your students were doing ok. One of the groups asks you a question about the review worksheet they were doing, leaning against the table to help them. You listen to them talk through the problem, seeing Nolan staring at you out of the corner of your eye. Why couldn’t you focus on your students when he was right there?
You look up at the clock when you finish with that group of students. “Alright, y’all,” you get their attention, “Eyes on me for a minute. We have ten more minutes before the bell rings, which means we need to be cleaned up by then so you guys can get to your next class. You can leave the mixtures on the hot plates if they aren’t done heating and I will watch them. What I want one person to do right now is get a paper town and write you and your partner’s names on it and put it on the back counter for them to cool and we can mass them tomorrow, ok?” Your students agree and start scurrying around the room to do what you told them.
You move out of the way, going back to Anderson. “I’m impressed,” he says, a hint of genuine shock in his voice.
“Oh, really?”
Before he can answer, you hear something drop, the distinct sound of glass shattering on the floor. “No one move!” you say, all of your students halting as you try to figure out who dropped what.
Your student Nina waves you over as you rush to get your dustpan and brush, Anderson rushing over to help you clean up. “Are you alright?” you ask her.
“I cut my hand a little,” she lets out, showing you the scratch on her finger.
Anderson cleans up the glass, the rest of your students careful not to break anything else. You knew something had to go wrong. The day was going to perfect for something to not ruin it. “Let’s clean you up.” You help Nina wash her hand, making sure none of the chemicals got on her as you search for a bandage. “Was that the beaker with the zinc chloride?” She nods, you see a tear threatening to roll down her cheeks, knowing that she just ruined the product they had spent the entire period making and heating. Nolan watches you comfort her, feeling his heart flutter at the sight of you bandaging up your student. He pictured himself coming home after a game he got a fight in, you being there and helping him clean up a little more.
“Dude,” Travis whispers, scaring Nolan out of his fantasy. “You’re drooling.”
He waves him off while he watches you comfort your student who had started crying. “Hey, Neen,” you coo, a smile on your face, “It’s ok. Accidents happen. Remember I told you I was a lab assistant when I was in college? I can’t even count how many things I broke during one semester, let alone the entire time I was in the lab. We worked on the motto: if you break things that means you’re working hard. The harder you work, the more you break.”
“But we have to redo it,” she lets out.
You give her a nod, scrunching your face up. “Yeah. But if you get it started I can watch it heat. Do you have a class next period?” She nods. “Alright, hey Spencer?” you call over Nina’s partner, “Come here for a sec? Do you have a class next period?”
“Yeah. But I have a free period first period tomorrow. I can come in then.”
“Ok, here’s what we’re going to do,” you start, “Tomorrow, Spencer is going to come start the experiment, then Nina, do you have a free period at all?”
“Second period.”
“Perfect! Spencer will get it started, Nina will finish it, and if it’s not completely dry by class, I’ll give you an extra day to do the calculations. Sound good?”
They both nod, the bell ringing as you tell your students goodbye. That had to be the most stressful double period of your life, thanks to all the men who had to be in your room with you, the fourth of them now standing there staring at you.
“Not bad, Y/L/N,” Anderson says. “Only one thing broke. That’s gotta be a new record for you.”
He leaves before you could protest, your mouth hanging open even though you weren’t sure how you could even rebuttal his statement. You look at the three guys, Nolan looking significantly more upset than he probably needed to be. “That’s the first time something’s broken in three months.”
“He really is an ass,” Nolan says, grabbing a seat at one of the tables.
“I told you.”
“So, uh,” Travis starts, looking between you and Nolan. “Do you have another class or anything?”
“Nope. I have my last period free, but I have to go to the library in case any chem students need tutoring. You guys are free to go. I really can’t thank you guys enough. I’m not sure what I could ever do to make it up to you, but anything. This was huge,” you gush, really meaning it. The students loved it, and other than the one beaker breaking and Nina’s slight break down as a result, it went really well. You had done the lab in the past where the students had to redo the lab three times before it even worked, this time, you only saw one group redo it one time.
“Yeah, Nolan can probably think of something,” you thought you heard Oskar mumble, Nolan glaring at him. “We should get going, then.”
“Actually, Y/N, do you mind if I get a ride home with you?” Nolan asks as you gather your things to head down to the library. “You know, so they don’t have to go out of their way to drive me home?”
Travis’s mouth hangs open, a stupid grin on his face as he nudges Oskar, both of them looking at you as you’re clearly caught off guard. “Uh, yeah sure, we just have to go to the library, like I said. Are you sure you want to stay? I won’t leave for another hour and a half.”
“Yeah, I do,” he tells you, his cheeks bright red.
“Ok, um, you guys go back to the main office and sign out, I’ll just call down and tell them you’re staying?”
Travis and Oskar leave after bickering over something with Nolan that was out of earshot for you. Why would he want to stay? He had mentioned that Travis didn’t live that far away, so the ‘going out of their way’ argument seemed invalid.
You shake it off, leading Nolan down to the library. “You did a great job with Darren, by the way.”
He shrugs, taking the seat across from you at the empty table you found. Students were walking around, you hopeful that none of them would need help from you. “He’s a good kid.”
“I’m so excited to tell his mom about today,” you say, typing away on your computer. You look up, reading Nolan’s confused expression. “Getting Darren to talk in the class has yet to be successful for me. His mom asked me at the beginning of the year to tell her whenever he has a good day. I’ve never seen him talk that much and genuinely enjoy it.”
“Do you email all the parents when their kids have a good day?”
You shake your head, “I try to. High school kids, because they’re teenagers, don’t always get the praise and excitement from adult figures in their lives because they’re in that period of ‘you’re still a child and are treated as such but are expected to act like an adult.’. Even if it’s something small like they were participating a lot more than normal like in Darren’s case. It makes them more motivated and willing to learn if they know you recognize when they do something good.”
“Really?”
You force yourself not to make eye contact with him, knowing that you would see him blushing as he always was and that would, in turn, make you do the same. “Come on,” you say, pretending to watch out for kids who could be coming for tutoring, “don’t you remember when you were in school getting excited over the simple act of a sticker on a test you got a good grade on? I remember my senior year we were sitting in our world language class and everyone got an A on the test our teacher gave, and we all started begging for stickers because she had given them the last three years we had her. She was so annoyed with us, but every test after that, no matter what grade we got, a sticker was always on the test. It’s little, but it’s fun.”
“Teaching is a lot more than I thought it was,” you hear him say. Honestly, he wasn’t really paying attention to the words coming out of your mouth; he just loved that you were talking about something you so clearly loved.
You laugh, “Yeah. It can be a lot. You haven’t seen my college prep classes. Honors is a little easier because the students are slightly more independent in terms of their work, but my CP kids just have more needs for them to learn the same material.”
“What?”
“It’s the ‘lower level, but the difference is it just takes longer for those kids to learn the same information. So what we did today, I’ll probably do in a month or so with CP, and I would give them the procedure, either straight up or have them fill in the blanks depending on the child and the group.”
“Depending on their group?”
“Yeah. Each lesson has to meet the needs of every child, which means modifying and accommodating it based on if they have an IEP, a 504, which falls under special education plans, or if their parents request it or the student themself requests it but it’s not written. Like, I wouldn't interact with you the same way I would interact with Fran, or Maddy, or Keelan," or elaborate, swallowing hard at the mention of your boyfriend's name. " You interact with people based on how you need to interact with them and what their needs are. Kids aren’t one size fits all, so why should their education be?”
You kept talking but he stopped listening, hating himself for the realization that he came to while you talked about teaching, a soft smile covering your face while you continue to look around for students instead of looking at him: whatever feelings he had for you were more than just a crush, Kevin and Travis sadly being correct. He wasn’t in love with you, but he wanted, needed to be more than just your friend.
But you were still with Keelan.
The bell rings, signaling the end of the day, you and Nolan going back to your classroom until you were contractually allowed to leave. “So what are you doing tonight?” Nolan asks you. He wasn’t sure where he was going with this, but he didn’t want his day with you to end once you pulled into the parking space outside your apartments.
You shrug, looking around your desk for the tests that you had given your CP kids that morning. “Grading these,” you tell him, holding them up before stuffing them into your bag. He opens his mouth, about to say something when you get cut off by the sound of your phone. “Oh, it’s Keelan!” you squeal, Nolan’s entire body deflating at the sound of your boyfriend’s name. “Hey, you’re on speaker, I’m here with Nolan.”
He lets out a sigh before giving you a monotonous, “Hey, guys.”
“What’s up?”
“What are you doing tonight?” he asks you, Nolan’s heart dropping, knowing where this was going.
“I was just telling Nolan that I was going to grade the tests for my CP kids, why?”
“Can that wait until tomorrow, do you think?”
Running through your schedule in your head, you tell him, “Yeah, they’re not expecting them back for a week anyway.”
“Let’s go out tonight.”
Nolan could feel himself getting sick listening to this conversation, for no other reason than he wanted to be the one with you tonight. But he knew he couldn’t as he watched the smile on your face grow. “Where?”
“I want to take you somewhere nice, you know, treat my girl how she deserves to be treated. We haven’t had a date night in a while and I miss you.”
“What time do you want to go?” you ask him, your heart racing. It wasn’t racing in excitement to be with Keelan, but because you were suddenly incredibly aware of Nolan being right there as you were being asked out by the guy you were sure you loved.
“I’ll pick you up at five?”
“Sounds great. I’ll see you then.”
“I love you, Y/N.”
You hesitate, looking at Nolan who was no longer making eye contact with you. “Love you, too, Keel,” you force yourself to get out. You hang up, looking at the clock to see that it was thankfully time for the two of you to leave and go home, giving you around an hour to get ready by the time you got home and got as much ready as you could for school tomorrow. “We’re free to leave now, if you want,” you offer him, packing up your bag for the day.
He just nods, waiting for you at the door as you walk out to the car, driving home in silence, only a mumble goodbye as the two of you get out of your car and go inside.
Five pm rolls around, Keelan getting out of his car to greet you as you go running up to him. Nolan watches you from his window, knowing he was being a creep, but he couldn’t help it. You looked perfect in the dress and heels you had on, your hair and makeup done to make you look more beautiful than he had ever seen. He watched you run into Keelan’s arms, Keelan lifting you off the group as the two of you kissed, Nolan green with envy as he watched him get the door for you for the two of you to drive off to the night he wished he was experiencing with you.
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ofwannabees · 2 years
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𝐍𝐎𝐖  𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐈𝐍𝐆  :  𝐣𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐞  𝐜𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐥  .
the  “  i’d  tell  you  i  miss  you  ,  but  i  don’t  know  how  ”  chapter  .
𝚒𝚗𝚗𝚘𝚌𝚎𝚗𝚝             𝚝𝚊𝚢𝚕𝚘𝚛  𝚜𝚠𝚒𝚏𝚝  /  ❝  everything  out  of  reach  ,  someone  bigger  brought  down  for  you  .  wasn't  it  beautiful  running  wild  'til  you  fell  alseep  ?  before  the  monsters  caught  up  to  you  .  ❞
track 001. “it’s alright, just wait and see. your string of lights is still bright to me.” are you kidding me? that childhood innocence that’s such a big part of their dynamic. honourable mentions: seven. and just the way kitty has been cruel and made mistakes but he’s still ultimately there for her if she would swallow her pride and ask bc he still sees her!! her string of lights is still bright to him!!
𝚌𝚊𝚞𝚐𝚑𝚝  𝚒𝚗  𝚝𝚑𝚎  𝚌𝚛𝚘𝚠𝚍             𝚔𝚊𝚝𝚎  𝚖𝚒𝚕𝚕𝚎𝚛 - 𝚑𝚎𝚒𝚍𝚔𝚎  /  ❝  i  was  young  and  caught  in  the  crowd  .  i  didn't  know  then  what  i  know  now  .  i  was  dumb  and  i  was  proud  ,  and  i'm  sorry  .  ❞
track 002. the,, sad part of their dynamic. “when the kids called him weird, he didn’t try to deny it.” loud and proud jamie cromwell, the exact kind of person that desperately trying to fit in kitty maddox couldn’t be seen with. she turned a blind eye to the way cherry treated him as she was taken in by the popular kids. as time went on, she was even the one doing teasing and picking fights.
𝚍𝚘𝚛𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚊            𝚝𝚊𝚢𝚕𝚘𝚛  𝚜𝚠𝚒𝚏𝚝  /  ❝  are  you  still  the  same  soul  i  met  under  the  bleachers  ?  i  guess  i'll  never  know  &  you'll  go  on  with  the  show  .  but  it's  never  too  late  to  come  back  to  my  side  .  ❞
track 003. jamie was always a safe place to land. someone stable to come home to. even though katherine has changed, jamie never did. there’s no expiration date on offering her the spot next to him. “if you’re ever tired of being known for who you know, you know you always know me.”
𝚜𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚘𝚗𝚎  𝚝𝚘  𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚢            𝚟𝚊𝚗𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚟𝚎𝚛  𝚜𝚕𝚎𝚎𝚙  𝚌𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚒𝚌  /  ❝  i  know  how  it  feels  being  by  yourself  in  the  rain  .  we  all  need  someone  to  stay  .  ❞
track 004. he knows!! he gets it!! i cry a lil bit when i think abt the fact kitty often feels like a lot of the people in her life don’t understand (doesn’t help that she doesn’t let them in to try) or that the people she loves often leave, yet she’s here kicking jamie to the curb and telling him to get lost when he tries to be there for her. we ALL need someone to stay, kitty!!
𝚝𝚑𝚎  𝚜𝚝𝚘𝚛𝚢  𝚘𝚏  𝚞𝚜             𝚝𝚊𝚢𝚕𝚘𝚛  𝚜𝚠𝚒𝚏𝚝  /  ❝  this  is  looking  like  a  contest  of  who  can  act  like  they  care  less  ,  but  i  liked  it  better  when  you  were  on  my  side  .  the  battle's  in  your  hands  now  but  i  would  lay  my  armor  down  if  you  said  you'd  rather  love  than  fight  .  ❞
track 005. the belle of the ball right here. THEIR song. the story of them is looking a lot like a tragedy rn BUT a lot of it comes back to their chapter title. i’d tell you i miss you, but i don’t know how. kitty isn’t good at swallowing her pride and going back to jamie. she is STRUGGLING to say she’d rather love than fight. that she misses her friend. so many things she wishes he knew!! standing alone in a crowded room is such “being popular but still feeling alone” but she’s also,, simply not brave enough to publicly be friends with the town freak. she’s on thin ice i am so sorry jamie
𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚢             𝚐𝚛𝚊𝚌𝚒𝚎  𝚊𝚋𝚛𝚊𝚖𝚜  /  ❝  maybe  i  should've  ,  but  i  never  told  you  i'm  sorry  .  know  that  i  tried  but  my  words  always  got  in  the  way  .  could  you  hold  me  without  any  talking  ?  we  could  try  to  go  back  where  we  started  .  i  don't  even  have  to  stay  ,  but  if  i  woke  up  with  you  in  the  morning  ,  i'd  forget  all  the  ways  that  we're  broken  .  ❞
track 006. this is almost a cute lil look into the future!! without any talking being the key words lmaoo when she finally gets over herself and reaches out for one of the best friends she’s ever had?? good shit right there.
@jamiecromwell​
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delaber · 4 years
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Just Friends (Part 8)
Story Summary: After moving to America for a 3-month long internship, you meet two interesting characters on a boring night out.
Word Count: 4.6K
Pairing: Rafael Casal x Reader
Warnings: Alcohol, minor drug use, smut, slight dom!Rafa, swearing, and loads of British references (sorry not sorry lol)
Chapter Note: this chapter is dedicated to exrthangel because she’s honestly the sweetest thing ever and she’s studying so hard rn ❤️
Tag List: lonelydance mysearchforgratification ramp-it-up blndspotting summerofsnowflakes exrthangel honeysucklechocolatedrippin
Other Parts: See Masterlist
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You had read the message over and over again ever since you had received it a couple of days ago: I have a surprise for Friday. Will pick you up at 6. Wear dark clothes.
What the hell did he have up his sleeve? Why the dark clothes? You were utterly confused as you on Friday afternoon pulled on a pair of black jeans, a black top, and your leather jacket.
At 5.55 pm, you were tying the shoelaces on a pair of combat boots when you heard Samantha exclaim from her seat in the window sill, "are you kidding me?!"
"Oh no," you groaned, "what is it?"
Samantha was looking out the window with her mouth hanging open when she suddenly started to laugh, "he has a bloody motorbike," she said in disbelief, "Where'd you find this boy? He's textbook American!"
You rushed to Samantha's side and saw Rafa on a motorbike, wearing an outfit that was roughly matching yours. He pulled off his helmet and flipped his hair before he started walking towards the front door.
"Oh, and he's cute up close too!" Samantha said as she studied him swagger up to your house.
You hurried towards the front door, calling out to Samantha, "I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?"
"Oh no! You do not get off that easily!" Samantha ran from the window sill and held you back at the door, "I am going to meet this guy who's all you've been able to talk about since New Years!"
You heard a low chuckle coming from the other side of the door, "aw, you tell your friends about that guy?" Rafa spoke from the other side of the closed front door, his voice sounding as if it was about to burst with happiness.
"Not when he butts in on private conversations going on behind closed doors," you mocked him.
You could hear him chuckle slightly before Samantha in one swift motion turned the doorknob and opened the door to a smiling Rafa.
"Ladies," he nodded to both of you, sending you a wink. You had to give it to Samantha; he did look particularly good up close.
"Rafa, this is my roomie Samantha," you cleared your throat, "Samantha this is... the guy I've been talking about apparently."
Samantha extended her hand, "Nice to finally meet you. I'm Samantha."
Rafa took her hand, "likewise. I'm Rafael."
"Your real name is Rafael?" it slipped out of you and Samantha sent you a weird look.
"Yeah, what'd you think Rafa was short for?" he laughed, his crooked tooth somehow more fetching than usual.
"I honestly haven't given it much thought," you laughed and he sent you a sappy smile looking at you very softly for a couple of seconds.
Samantha noticed the sexual tension and decided to break it, "well you two have fun, yeah? I won't wait up so don't bother having her home on this side of midnight. The magic won't wear off, I swear," Samantha winked before she let you and Rafa go.
"See you later, Samantha," Rafa chuckled as he stepped down from the porch.
'Stop that!' you mouthed to your grinning roomie before you followed Rafa.
You heard the front door close shut behind you, and first then did Rafa whip around, "are you ready for the best friend-date you've ever been on?" he said theatrically.
"You bet!" you matched his level of excitement, "although I'm a bit nervous as to what we'll be doing with that," you gestured to his motorbike, while dreading his answer.
"We're going for a ride," he said dramatically and threw you one of two helmets that had been lying on the seat.
"You're not serious... I'm not going on the back of that!"
"Do you not trust me?" He smirked as he climbed the bike.
"Of course, but..."
"Then get up. I'll go slow, okay?"
"Are you sure?"
"You're gonna love it!"
"O-okay," you said and swung your leg over the seat, tightening your helmet significantly.
"Just hold on tight, okay?"
"Hold on tight to what? There are no handlebars back here," you said in a panicky voice.
"Hold on to me of course," Rafa laughed.
Your arms snaked nervously around his waist, and he put a reassuring hand on top of yours for just a second before he took a deep breath and retracted it again. You couldn't help but wonder if this was the exact reason why he had wanted you on the back of his bike in the first place.
He turned the engine and slowly drove away from your townhouse while you whimpered in the backseat. He started off by slowly going through your neighbourhood checking on you regularly while you felt more and more comfortable on the bike. Every time he felt your arms loosen their grip around him, he sped up slightly, causing you to tighten your grab around his waist significantly. You were quickly comfortable with his full control over the bike, however, and actually had to admit that you were enjoying the fast-paced way of getting around the city.
"We can go faster than this," you bellowed over the sound of the motor a couple of minutes in.
Rafa didn't need telling twice and quickly sped up the bike while you squealed in the backseat, holding on tight to him again. You rode all the way down Sunset Boulevard until you reached the coast close to the Santa Monica Pier. The bike came to a halt right before the beach.
"That was amazing," you laughed completely high from the ride.
He smiled proudly to himself as he turned off the bike, "What did I tell you? I knew you'd love it!"
"I did," you said excitedly, "thanks for making me do it!”
He looked at you tenderly for a few seconds before he came to his senses, "come. We're going over here," he said and put a hand on your leather-clad back leading you to a sketchy looking hotdog stand, where he placed an order for two of the most popular kind.
"Really?" you asked him with raised eyebrows as he handed you one of the hot dogs.
"Sorry, I couldn't help it," he laughed as you sat down on a bench overlooking the dark beach, the sky a beautiful lilac colour as you had just missed the sunset, "I was hoping it might lead to the story behind your tattoo," he sent you a crooked smile.
"God you're the worst," you laughed at him, "Alright then - but I'll only tell you because that was a really smooth move. And I'm having a bite of the hotdog first."
"Let me know what you think," he looked at you excitedly.
"They're that good?" you laughed as you took in his excitement.
"Oh you're about to taste a tiny bit of heaven," Rafa smiled, "Diggs is quite the hotdog connoisseur and he recommended the place to me way back in the day. They have bratwursts shipped in from Germany."
"You have expertise in both chillies and German sausages? You're a man of the world, aren't you?" you teased him.
"Shut up and eat your hot dog," he grinned.
You took a large bite of the sausage which was definitely one of the best you'd ever had, "oh bloody hell! This is good," you practically moaned while rolling your eyes backwards in an attempt to show Rafa exactly how much you liked his choice of dinner.
"Hey, you cannot do that," he looked panicky as he desperately elbowed you in the ribs to get you to stop, "you're giving me the chubs," he shot you an awkward laugh.
"That's all it takes?" you laughed at him.
"Hey, I'm a simple man: I see a beautiful girl putting penis-shaped foods into her mouth all the while she's moaning and her eyes are rolling to the back of her head - and the rest is physiology," he smirked and bit into his own hot dog.
"I'm beginning to suspect that's the real reason why you took me here," you laughed at him.
"Hey, don't make me out to be some creep, okay?" He laughed, "I'm your innocent friend Rafa who just loves hot dogs and beautiful women - especially the two combined. Now tell me the story behind that tattoo dammit!”
"If you must know," you groaned, "I got it at Glastonbury when I had just turned eighteen. It was part of a bet."
"Really?" He looked amused, "What did you get out of it?"
"My friends paid for the tattoo and paid me a hundred quid for it - which was a fairly good amount of money back then," you laughed.
"That's what? 130 dollars or something? I sure hope you bought yourself a car with that kind of money," Rafa joked.
"I spent all of it on booze that night alone," you laughed.
"I probably would've done the same thing to be honest," he chuckled.
"So we're both smart people!"
"PhD-smart," he tapped his temple while winking at you, "speaking of; how's your project coming?"
"Good," you nodded, "although, I'm a bit behind schedule with the project I'm working on over here. The next couple of weeks are without a doubt going to be quite busy," you sighed, "I'm not going to have much free-time."
He grunted in response, probably aware of what that meant in regards to your already limited time together.
"I constantly need to remind myself why I'm here and why I'm even doing the project," you eyed him. You wanted to tell him that he had made it hard for you to concentrate on anything apart from him but ended up deciding against it.
"Yeah? What made you decide to do the project in the first place?"
"Because it's the coolest thing ever," you bumped your knee into his.
"Yeah?" He grinned at the contact, "what's your thesis about? Explain it to me as if I'm five because I don't know science for shit."
You laughed at him and told him all about what your PhD was about, explaining it as simple as you possibly could.
"Sounds complicated," he blew out some air when you were done.
"Nah. It's just like learning a new language," you shrugged, "you get the hang of it."
"How are you so nonchalant about almost finishing a PhD?" he laughed, "it's fucking difficult and you've worked hard for it. Don't play it down. Tell me how hard it is to come this far and how amazing you are at it!"
"It's hard and I'm amazing?" you said half-heartedly with a laugh.
"Oh come on. Do it with a bit more gusto. Don't go all British on me."
"Uhm... it's hard and I'm amazing," you said a bit more resolutely this time.
"Damn straight!" he said loudly, "a project like yours does not come easy to anybody. Don't take away your own victory."
"Alright, alright, I guess I did work quite hard. But I'm very privileged to even have the chance to do it."
"Yep, that's fine and whatever," he rolled his eyes at you "- Now tell me how you really feel about it."
You eyed him for a couple of seconds. Was he really able to see right through you so easily? "Okay," you sighed, "at first all the lab work was fun but now it's kind of draining and I cannot wait until I'm done so I can start something new!" you laughed, "also, right now I hate the project because it takes away my very limited time with you."
He looked at you and tried to hide a proud smile. "Look at you being all honest," he nudged you softly in the ribs and winked at you before he responded to what you'd said, "when are you handing in your thesis?"
"If all goes well, it'll be done before summer."
"And then what?" he nodded slowly.
"Ah yes! The million dollar question," you laughed, "I don't know. Maybe a post.doc?"
"You're gonna spend your whole life in academia?" he looked at you intently, "how much money do you have?"
"You get paid a fair salary when you're doing a PhD - and tuition is free in most of Europe so you can just go to another country and study if you don't have the money for it."
"WHAT?" he bellowed, "Tuition... is... free? You’re kidding! What kind of a hippie continent is that and when can I move there?"
You laughed at him, "European welfare, boom!" You said while dropping the hotdog wrapper into the trashcan next to the bench, "Europe 1 - America 0."
"You bet," he mumbled, "Ah, I probably wouldn't have lasted a day anyway. I got kicked out of high school, you know."
"You did? What'd you do?"
"That's a story for some other day," he smiled at you, "come, I have another surprise for you."
He helped you up from the bench and snaked his hand around your waist as you walked over to the bike in silence. You wanted to tell him that what he was doing felt close to violating your code of conduct but just like the other night, his hand around you made you feel safe and warm, so you let him keep it there.
You rode back up Sunset Boulevard telling yourself repeatedly that safety was the only reason for your tightly wrapped arms around his waist.
A couple of minutes later, Rafa parked the bike outside a brick building with a big sign reading 'THE ECHOPLEX presents CLIPPING.'
You could hear the music boom from inside. "Is this a concert venue?" you asked him.
"Yep," he said, "you and I have tickets for the hottest shit in L.A."
"Oh, don't tell me you're going to try and convert me into a rap-lover?" you laughed, "I haven't even listened that much to your playlist."
"I'm not going to covert you," Rafa smirked, "Diggs is."
"Oh, we're meeting up with Daveed?" you said not really sure if you were excited about seeing him or disappointed that you'd have to share Rafa with him.
"...Kind of," Rafa said mysteriously.
"I'm intrigued," you said as you handed him your helmet.
He put it on the bike and took your hand, "Come on, we're late. The show's already started."
He showed the bouncer two laminated tickets and handed you one of them afterwards, "put this around your neck."
"Backstage pass?" you arched an eyebrow as you read the inscription, "really?"
"I came to impress," he laughed, "you want something to drink?"
"A beer would be lovely," you nodded, looking at the stage where a man was rapping rapidly to weird noises and sounds. You weren't really sure that this was anything for you.
Rafa came back a short while later and handed you a local beer. "I brought you an IPA," he laughed, "I figured you'd appreciate my average white-male taste."
"I like IPAs too," you laughed, "this music on the other hand is..." your voice trailed off.
"What, you don't like it?"
"No, Rafa," you laughed and pointed towards the stage, "what the hell is this shit because it surely isn't music! Don't tell me that you actually find this good."
"You did not just say that!" he looked at you with an amused face.
"What?"
"Have you even seen who's performing?" he laughed whole-heartedly and pointed towards the stage.
The guy rapping shirtless at the front was spitting bars and hyping people up, and first then did you realise that you knew him, "Hold up! Is that Daveed?"
Rafa laughed at you, his hand coming to a rest on the small of your back as he leaned in and whispered in a teasing voice, "I'm going to tell him that you think his music's shit."
"You wouldn't dare," you leaned threateningly close and squinted your eyes at him.
"Oh, but I would - so you better behave," he said devilishly, his gaze wandering between your lips and your eyes, clearly thinking about kissing you. When you noticed, it once again took everything in you to pull back and turn towards the stage instead. Out the corner of your eye, you saw Rafa take a deep breath before turning to the stage as well with a somewhat pained expression in his eyes. He slowly found the rhythm of the music, head bopping in time with the beat while he started quietly rapping along.
-
"I can't believe he's a rapper," you laughed when the concert was over and you were heading towards the backstage area, "normally he looks so... innocent - but up there he's so... raw!" You laughed and felt the many beers that you and Rafa had shared.
"Easy girl," Rafa laughed, "don't go change me out for Diggs.”
You sent him a look that he most certainly was familiar with by now.
"I know," he chuckled, "just friends. That's what I meant," he lied, "come on, they're in here," he pushed open the door to the band's private room.
"Alright, guys!" Rafa yelled in best hype-man style as he waltzed across the room to the mini fridge in the back, walking as if the owned the room, "well done. Great show! Even my homegirl here agrees."
You waved to the three guys, "very nice show. Love the energy."
"Glad you enjoyed it," Daveed nodded, "Rafa mentioned that you don't really get rap music - did we manage to change your mind?"
"I think the show was really great," you said slowly trying to figure out a way to not hurt his feelings.
"It's not for everyone. I get it, no worries," he laughed, "Just don't tell Rafa; it would just break his heart."
"Hey - quick question," you whispered, "what do you think would rile Rafa up the most: criticising rap music in general or criticising his beloved chili sauces?"
It made Daveed chuckle, "hot sauce! For sure. Did you not hear his lecture the other day? He takes that shit very seriously and just goes on and on and on to anybody that'll listen."
"Who are you guys talking about?" Rafa emerged at your side, casually draping his arm across your shoulder as he handed you and Daveed a beer each.
"No one," you and Daveed said in unison.
"Are you plotting against me?" Rafa chuckled, "should I be concerned?"
"No," you both said at the same time looking excitedly at each other.
"Right..." Rafa pulled you just a little closer to him, clearly wanting to show his friend that he needed to know his place - subconsciously or not, you did not know.
"So... what do you guys usually do after concerts?" you asked, hoping to break the tension you felt in Rafa who was now pressed completely up against your side.
"We get high," Daveed laughed, "I was just about to ask..."
"Don't worry, I didn't take you here to get high," Rafa interrupted his best friend and sent you a smile.
"It's okay! If it's what you usually do, I don't mind."
"Are you sure?" Rafa shot you a look, "it feels like kind of a dick move on my part to meet up with a bunch of my friends and get high when we're on a date."
"I thought you were just friends," Daveed mumbled without looking up from the cone he was folding.
"He gets it," you smiled and sat down on the sofa next to Daveed.  
"Okay, sure," Rafa nodded and sat down next to you with a small laugh, "I guess I could get high too if you're definitely up for it."
"I am," you sent him a grin.
"Alright, let's do this," Rafa said and draped his arm around your shoulders.
"Oh god, I haven't done this since I was twenty," you were slightly nervous as you eyed the blunt that Daveed was now lighting up.
"So last year?" Rafa teased.
"Easy grandpa, I'm 29."
"Ah yes, so young and innocent. So easy to manipulate!" he sighed, "I remember when I was your age."
"And you're what? Four years older than me?" You arched an eyebrow at him.
"Yes, but the years between 29 and 33 are really what define you as a person," he smiled and put his arm back around your shoulder.
Daveed took a puff of the joint before handing it to you, "Here you go," he said, "It's strong so you probably don't need that much."
You inhaled slightly, resisting the urge to cough before you quickly exhaled a mouthful of smoke already feeling its effects, "oh damn," you said as you already felt yourself growing relaxed and careless. You quickly took your second puff before passing it along to Rafa who was clearly more experienced than you were. He puffed it twice as well before he passed it on to Daveed's band mate Will. You held out your fingers, ready for hit number three.
Rafa raised an eyebrow at you, "are you sure?"
"Yep," you said, your speech a little slurred but you were sure you could take it.
The third hit of the joint hit you like a truck, "oh fuck," you exhaled as you felt a wave of warmth wash over you.
"You okay?" Rafa laughed at you as he took hit number four himself. His eyes were bloodshot but apart from that, he kept it together.
"Yep," you said as you slumped on the sofa.
"You look like a slug," Rafa mimicked you, arms hanging to the side, his chin pressed tightly against his sternum.
"But a cute slug," you pouted.
"The cutest," he snickered, his hands brushing slightly against your knuckles before his fingers entangled themselves in yours.
"Mmmh," you hummed at his touch, all thoughts of what you should or shouldn't do, gone. You couldn't remember if you'd ever been this carefree and relaxed before. Especially when his thumb was caressing your hand as he sent you a cute smile.
Looking into Rafa's bloodshot eyes, you reminded yourself that you needed to keep your cool. You were both drunk and high. You shouldn't be doing this no matter how much you wanted it. So you retracted your fingers from his and sat up straight on the sofa. "I need a beer," you mumbled and walked over to the fridge in the far corner.
"Yeah, bring me one too," Daveed called, "- maybe an entire round. My main man Will is looking a little thirsty over here," he nodded towards his band member who was clearly experiencing cotton mouth.
You looked back at the men in the sofa and counted each of them; thus you picked up four beers and slowly walked back to them. Rafa was staring at you through heavy-hooded eyelids with a smug expression on his face. He was looking very very fuckable as he slid down further on the sofa, spreading his legs slightly as you neared him. You really just wanted to say fuck it all and jump him - but no, you weren't going to go down that road. You had made a promise to each other. A promise you intended to keep no matter how high you were.
You sat down a beer in front of each of the men before realising that you had forgotten one for yourself. Giggling slightly at your own high, you returned to the fridge where you bent over and picked up yet another beer.
"Are you on a mission to torture me?" Rafa's hush voice sounded from behind you, "because bending over like that twice in a span of thirty seconds is just plain mean..."
"What?" You turned around, now face to face with him.
He stepped closer, "I'm sure you're aware of the effect that you have on me. Especially when you bend over like that."
"I have no idea what you're talking about," you said innocently, an involuntary smile spreading slowly on your lips as you took in his pained expression.
"Fuck!" he hissed, "That - that - is exactly what I'm talking about," he stepped as close to you as he possibly could without touching you, "half the time you look so innocent and doe-eyed and then suddenly - boom - your innocence is replaced by these... mewling sex-kitten looks and fuck it's hard to keep my hands to myself when we both know what we want - Regardless of your code," he ended up sighing.
He still wasn't touching you but the way he was moving his face told you that he was fighting hard to not kiss you. And to be honest, you were fighting too.
"It's not on purpose," you said, looking up at him, "I'm not so evil that I'd dangle bait in front of you on purpose and then get angry when you bite into it."
"I don't care that you're not doing it on purpose," he grinned and licked his lips, "you're still doing it. And I really want to fuck you right now."
"Too bad you can't," you said.
"You're really strong-willed, aren't you?"
"You don't move half-across the globe for a project you've lost interest in if you're not strong-willed."
He leaned in closer, lips hovering above yours but never touching, "fuck, it's so hard not to touch you..." he groaned, "I hate being friends with you."
"I hate being friends with you," you said softly, almost giving in and closing the distance.
Your moment of weakness, however, was interrupted by Daveed who gave out a loud whistle to get your attention. "Rafa!" he bellowed, "Party's moving downtown."
Rafa grunted in response, turning his attention back to you, "do you want to go?"
"Not really," you said, gulping up at him.
"Me neither..." Rafa responded and fidgeted with the hem of your t-shirt, "do you want to come back to mine?"
"That sounds dangerous," you smiled and avoided his gaze, instead fixating on the thin golden necklace he was wearing.
"I won't try anything," he grumbled above you, "I promise - okay? We could just... watch the rest of the movie from the other night."
You looked up at him, his eyes bloodshot but soft as he watched you contemplate your answer. "Okay," you ended up whispering, already knowing that you were now doomed. You just couldn't help yourself with him. Especially not when high and with alcohol coursing through your veins.
Rafa sent you a smirk, "good girl," he whispered darkly, sending shivers down your spine. "Diggs, we're not coming."
"Right," Daveed nodded, "see you guys later. Have fun," he shot you a smirk.
Rafa quickly ordered an Uber while you pulled on your leather jacket and started walking towards the exit. Rafa was walking behind you, his gaze almost burning a hole in your jeans as you swung your hips a bit more vigorously than you normally would've done. Not to get his attention, you told yourself.
When you arrived outside, the car was already waiting for you. You both got in the backseat, and intentionally left the middle seat empty between you. No need to tempt the devil.
You hadn't driven for more than a couple of seconds, however, before you noticed that Rafa was already having a hard time sticking to his promise of not trying anything with you, "I didn't even get a chance to tell you how amazing you look tonight," he put his neck on the headrest and looked over at you.
"Thanks," you smiled at him, "you look very handsome yourself."
His hand twitched in his lap as if he had decided to reach out and touch you had but reconsidered at the last possible moment. With a sigh, he turned his head and looked out the window instead, completely silent for the rest of the journey to his place.
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onyourzeus · 4 years
Text
11:48 am | pjh
title: 11:48am pairing: park jaehyung (of day6) & you genre: fluff, bullet style words: 2.1k
author’s note: mmm i’m kind of meh about this but i jus really needed to write so i don’t lose motivation, but this is just a short fic requested by this anon asking for a lazy day scenario with jae. hope it’s still an okay read.
any requests? check my pinned post if i’m accepting any at the moment, thanks!
once you receive a specific text from jae on a regular day
“whatchu doinnnn” 
you know he’s wondering if you’re not busy, and if you come hang out at his place
which, for the majority of the time, you always tell him “not much. y?”
even though you’re 99% sure of what he wants out of you
you have already made your way to a coffee shop before he had replied 
“same. wanna do nothing together? :)”
so u get two coffees: one americano and one vanilla latte (as much as you want to cut down calories here, there is no way you can drink just water and espresso by itself
you decide on getting two sandwiches as well, it’s close to noon and there’s a high probability that jae just woke up and he hasn’t even moved from the bed
you’re lowkey happy that jae texts you first (assumingly) during days like this because, honestly you miss the 6 foot lanky nerdy soft boy a lot
jae has a habit of keeping to himself during his downtime, especially now 
but with him streaming and having new friends through the platform has helped him socialize and feel a sense of normalcy from the world, which you are really glad for 
he’s mentioned how much he misses doing band activities but doesn’t really elaborate on them
he think he talks about it too much and that you wouldn’t want to hear his repetitive whining
you don’t have the needed bravery in your heart (yet) to tell him you will never get bored or feel burdened by his thoughts, no matter what they entail
so for now, when he asks of your presence in his lovely abode— you make time for him. always. 
even if it’s just a lazy day of doing nothing
you knock on his door and text him at the same time. you look around his neighborhood and enjoy the peace and quiet outside. you wonder if jae’s soundproof walls work well enough for his next door neighbors this time. you had told him multiple times that sungjin wouldn’t appreciate the noise too much, and he if he wanted to play he can do so at your place 
however you never suggested that last thought. it swam in the sea of your thoughts one too many times but it never came to shore. you thought too much about the implications of that idea
besides, what good came out of reminding him of his streamer noises is that he finally has an apartment of his own
and you don’t feel as shy or out of place whenever you came over to the one he shared with the boys 
“oh hey, wasn’t expecting you,” jae had opened the door and you snap out of your wondering
he greets you with drowsy eyes, a full yawn and long strands of hair sticking out everywhere 
you huff out a breath and show the goods in your hands. “you’re definitely gonna need this.”
his eyes light up as he recognizes the contents of the paper bag
“whaaaat you shouldn’t have, i was about to order for delivery,” he tries for an innocent tone but the goofy smile on his face makes that extra trip to the cafe worth it
“you’re welcome, jae.”
lazy days with jae come in two ways
number one: absolutely the title. you crash on the bed, he scolds you for it but then you feel his crushing weight on top of you for revenge or
you hog the couch, splay your legs until jae does the same thing and entangles all your limbs together it becomes a semi wrestling match
number two: he’d end up wanting to do something all this time, either jam on his guitar or play WoW with you in the background, just watching
commenting on things you have 0 knowledge about, and him dismissing every words you say with a random scream from his end
“you’re so bad at this lmao”
“NONONO STOPSTOPSTOP NONONO”
“is the riff supposed to sound like that? ew” 
“you want your face to meet my guitar? :)” 
yeah, banter between you can be brutal like this which is why it gets a little embarrassing to be your true self with him when the others are involved 
today, jae seems to just enjoy sipping on his iced coffee while tippy tapping on the floor to sit next to you on the couch
??? how can a grown man do something puppies so effortlessly pull out… just as cute if not even better??? 
usually, silence isn’t how the two of you spend lazy days together. once he’s thought of a topic to talk about, however out of this world or mundane it could be— the conversations you share are what you cherish the most bonding with jae
“you ever think about the first piece of a roll of sliced bread?”
“you mean the weird looking pieces no one ever chooses first and leaves it there until there’s none of the good slices left?”
“the very one” “what about it?”
“you’re that slice of bread”
“well yeah? jokes on you, you’re the OTHER piece. there’s two in a pack dumbass” 
one would mistake this as insulting, but this is how jae shows his affection to you, and you wouldn’t want it any other way
there’s a certain comfort in just.. not deliberating whether you’d overstep a line or say something that would be misconstrued. with jae, you appreciate the candid friendship you mutually benefit from
his sarcastic personality can be a pain at times when not needed, of course, but when you’ve missed him so much it just feels right
“jae your legs are too long for the couch get a new one.” he had taken over the other end of the couch with his legs over yours, and you’re trying your best to make the position comfortable
but being inches close to his socks and noticing that he’s intentionally moving his feet about just to annoy you
“you get me a new couch so we both fit here”
“bro do you know how empty my wallet is rn” 
“as empty as your love life?”
“oh we’re talking about ourselves right now? ok cool”
he scoffs at your comeback, but he remains speechless and gives you room to breathe. you panic for a second thinking maybe, this is the unexplained boundary he has to draw a line on? love? 
but he puts down his already finished americano, and looks back at you a deadpan expression
you sit up as well, nerves creeping up on your arm. you didn’t want to take it too far and in your defense, this isn’t the first time you teased each other about your, well, non-existent romantic endeavors
“jae, i—”
“oh my god did you see your face?? i was kidding chilllll” he starts to burst into a fit of laughter, the kind where he loses air and lolls his head back 
this time you pout, reaching over to flick him on the forehead. his 6th sense had improved a lot overtime being with you as he blocks your hand away from his face, and sticks a tongue out
“you think i wasn’t prepared for that anymore?” he taunt, locking his grip around your wrist
“now you’re just making fun of me” >:(
“you get really puffy cheeks and look adorable when you’re mad” 
“THAT IS NOT A VALID REASON!!”
eventually he lets you go, pats your head then proceeds to just ruffle it as messy as his, and in an instant your mood changes again
you shouldn’t lie to yourself anymore, you love jae’s company and it would kill you if he’d one day decide he’s too old or too “mature” for moments like this
you get winded up with denial of having a crush on your best friend, and you’re so sure he knows at this point
because he reels you back into the present and challenges you to a game os super smash bros
and when he loses, he does it again. and you win again, and this time he says it was just a warm-up and he shouldn’t go easy on you anymore
and then you win again, and you’re the one cackling in the air at his look of defeat as well as the 6 losses he had endured during the matches
“man you’re getting rusty”
“am not! i’ve just been playing WoW too much i’m not used to switch controls anymore…”
“sure buddy”
“HEY, 1v1 me in league right now, i dare you”
“no”
“WHY?”
“you only have one desktop, stupid. i didn’t bring my laptop”
“oh so by default I win :D”
nothing can ever get away with jae, he always needs to have the last laugh with you and at times it’s frustrating, but his carefree charisma has grown on you so much that you anticipate what else he has in store to give you a hard time 
jokes on him, you fall for jae just an inch deeper the more he treats you comfortably this way 
it’s only been an hour or two, but jae had decided that he’s done enough productive stuff for the day (read: losing too many times) and invited you over to chill on his bed
it’s not an uncommon sight for the both of you to lie next to each other, taking turns with queueing up music on spotify. songs you and jae love together, and those that are new to your ears 
sometimes, you’d talk over the playlist— it becomes more of background noise as jae asks you about your day, the days before that, and what you’re planning on doing in the future
he doesn’t ask for specific answers, he likes to hear how you’ve been feeling, emotionally so
jae has always been intrigued by other people’s perception of themselves, of the things around them, and of what they think of the universe in the back of their minds
it was a little too much to handle, those questions of his, when you first were just getting to know each other
but he eased into it naturally, confessing about his love for the moon— its beauty in appearance, and the beauty of its purpose
which made you think… you’re in love with the moon too, not just what you see in the sky
but what you see right next to you right now
jae had given you enough time before to open up about your own thoughts, struggles, and share secrets with him. it didn’t take long until you found the trust between you and held onto it for dear life
lazy days with jae can be just that— lazy, loafing around the house, stealing a chip or two from each other’s bag, falling asleep to the sound of lofi music on the speaker
but it can go this way too: with jae explaining how good this one song can be, the metaphors every verse carries with the melody. “you’ve always heard of chocolate eyes or whatever, but blueberry? and to describe the setting sun as strawberry skies? amazing, GENIUS” 
and you laugh, and listen to the same song over and over as per jae’s request until he overpowers the original vocals— and you don’t complain, there’s not a sound you love to hear on a lazy afternoon than his low register, the kind of singing he does just for the heck of it. he’s not exerting too much range, too much work on the words he sings— he’s just doing so to comfort him, to bring life to the room, to dwell on each poetic verse’s meaning
i’m so lost in your blueberry eyes
he finishes singing, and the playlist shuffles to an instrumental lofi track with an upbeat, charming rhythm to it
jae keeps his eyes closed, smiling to himself probably proud for his faux performance
“you done gloating in your head yet, jae?”
“shut up i’m feeling the moment”
you poke his shoulder with yours, and you’re suddenly hyper aware at how close the two of you are.. physically, right now
he turns his head towards you, eyes fluttering, lips slightly open. he catches you staring, and it’s too sudden for you to look away and pretend it’s not awkward at all
“what are you doing?” he asks, a lilt of teasing on his voice but his eyes never leave yours 
“sh..shut up,” you quip in a small voice, looking down on your laying bodies before turning away, cheeks warm
“wait what? what i was asking a genuine question—”
“i was.. feeling the moment, okay? god jae you’re annoying” you mutter under your breath, a lousy response to cover up the pounding in your chest
“this moment feels really nice, doesn’t it?” he says next to you, quiet but gentle
you pause for a second, taking in his words and letting go of the smile you’re trying to hold off on
your heart is still racing, but there wasn’t a need to worry about stumbling with your feelings
if jae himself is enjoying your own company right now 
“it is. if it’s with you, it really is.”
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bladekindeyewear · 4 years
Text
HS^2 bloggin’ mainline 2020-12-25
I’m not going to spend time BLOGGING an upd8 on Christmas morning!
...yes I am who the fuck am I kidding.  (Bonus stuff and Hiveswap are still well on hold though.)
So are we gonna follow up on the main ship?  Probably not, right, with that perfect Karkat point to cut away, right?  We’re just going to leave Roxy’s question hanging, as well as makeouts etiquette, and leave while having seen a COUPLE FRAMES of non-possessed canon Jade with only whatever fun fanart was inspired across the internet by the moment to tide us over????
Yeah, probably.
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Ugh, more Dirk.  I guess it’s overdue.  :(
> CHAPTER 16. Welcome to my Secret Lair
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Oh huh, I guess not?  So... Jane’s, or Rose and Kanaya’s?
Karkat stays for longer than John thought he would. They talk a bit, but mostly they are quiet. Eventually, Karkat gets called away on yet more important war business, leaving John with one final touch on the shoulder. John leans into it in response, though he’s a bit ashamed of chasing down a sliver of physical affection so soon after obliterating Karkat’s evening like he had.
Pretty much, yeah.  Can’t blame either of them.
When Karkat is finally gone, John still doesn’t move. It isn’t as though he has nowhere else to go, since there are quite a few places he might attempt to make himself useful, for better or for worse.
You’re still abandoning the task that was explicitly yours to protect your literal kid and his friends, but, oh well.  Low-point.  Dave dead, house dead, broke news, I get it.
He just doesn’t feel ready for that yet. The remnants of his house are still smoldering, and he can’t stop staring at them. It would make sense, he thinks, to want to root around through the rubble for anything that’s still intact; some half-charred keepsake to claim as the last thing left that’s still his. But he doesn’t want to do it, and he doesn’t want to think about it. And he still can’t move.
Can’t move.  No Breath huh?  What’s going to get him to, then?
> (==>)
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Oh boy, that might help.  XD  She’s pretty good at that.
> (==>)
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Still with the waistline gap.  And was his phone always yellow like his God-Tier shoes?
ROXY: hey john can u do me a quick solid ROXY: actly idk how quick itll be but its definitely solid ROXY: harry anderson says i just missed u being here but could u skip back on over?
Nice, huh!  No judgment, just a hey-any-chance-you-could-swing-back.  He sort of needs to be needed right now, in a simple, almost everyday non-judgmental way I guess.  (That’s what he NEEDED anyway-- whether he deserved it though is up for debate.)
ROXY: i need help w/smth and yr darling boy is holed up in his room working on some fuckin craft project or other and cant be bothered
YES SEW JOHN A BETTER FITTING FUCKING OUTFIT
ROXY: and now that me and u are freshly on speakin terms again i might as well take advantage of that olive branch and put u to work ROXY: assumin you havent died in an air raid, that is ROXY: which id also be interested in knowin about so if u wld be so kind as to reply instead of leavin me hangin
Heheheh.  Gosh Roxy is always the best.
JOHN: yea yea sorry im here. JOHN: i just had a hard time getting my phone out of these fucking tiny pants.
Hah.
JOHN: and also my house is bombed out so i'm kinda grappling with that. JOHN: but i honestly am not sure how much longer i need to sit around staring at it. trying to align my memories of my youth with whatever is happening right now so JOHN: short version is no i’m not dead, and yeah i can come back over there and help you out. ROXY: oh sweet yr alive and down to do manual labor its a win/win JOHN: see you soon.
Yep!  Pulled away from all the metaphorical, ultra-meaningful bullshit, back to some brass tacks with some easy humor.  Definitely something Roxy can do well.~
> (==>)
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EXCUSE ME.  What is that outfit and pose.  Did you--
ROXY: sup ROXY: follow me ROXY: well were just going to my room so i guess technically u know the way JOHN: haha ok.
Did you invite him over for the manual labor of banging you while your son is sewing in the other room
Or maybe the labor is making him a new sibling.  JFC
Is this plan part of why we got the sudden content warning that was mocked or was that mainly for Hiveswap 
John follows, trying to shake the ominous feeling he got from what she’d just said. He’d been in and out of this house a lot in the past few days. Why should this be any different?
I DUNNO JOHN DOES THIS SEEM DIFFERENT TO YOU
> (==>)
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Yea this seems like a fucc room.
JOHN: it’s not like i could forget! ROXY: ya i guess u only really saw the living room when you were here the other day but i have changed some stuff up ROXY: done a lil redecoratin here n there
So it’s MORE of a fucc room than previously >__>”
ROXY: may have to do a smidge more if my old bff decides im next on the list for bombing out ROXY: but so far so good
Ah geez.
ROXY: just a coupla exploded cars in the yard from some shenanigans our dear son and his friends were in but u kno it is what it is!!!
Well, that’ll buff out easy.
ROXY: can i get u anything? ROXY: just made some coffee JOHN: no, uh, i’m good.
Of course she has a fancy handled winecoffeeglass  (and the handle does look ridiculous but it’d be too hot to hold otherwise)
Roxy shrugs and swirls her own coffee around in her novelty mug. John looks around. A lot about the room is the same. The family photos, the rug. There’s a lot more cat stuff in there now, though. The bed is new. John feels like he’s about to take a test he hasn’t studied for. He makes himself focus on what she’s saying.
That would be the feeling.
> (==>)
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MY GOD.  Roxy is so fucking good at this holy shit
She KNOWS she’s making him squirm and she loves it
JOHN: so uh anyway. JOHN: what was this favor? ROXY: yo why dont u just come rest yr tush for a bit ROXY: take a lil relax next 2 me here JOHN: haha uh. JOHN: roxy i uh. JOHN: im flattered, but i don’t know if that’s really the right step right now. JOHN: don’t get me wrong, everything seems so fucked up right now that when i try to think about what might actually BE the right step, it feels like a huge cartoon question mark might physically manifest over my head. JOHN: but I’m not sure if um rekindling our physical relationship is really the best--
So is Roxy trolling him, about to reveal she wasn’t thinking of sex and was just making things seem sultry?  Or just had “lol jk” as an option-select, maybe.
> (==>)
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ROXY: r u kiddin me rn egbert JOHN: i’m not? unless you were, in which case yeah lets say i was also kidding. JOHN: oh my god, i’m sorry, i don’t know why this making me freak out.
OH NOOO NOT THE DISDAAAAIN - CRITICAL HIT D:
ROXY: i remember our past boot knockin with fondness but that is a situation im not interested in revisiting
boot knockin XD
ROXY: look john ROXY: i was trying to be polite about it ROXY: offering u sustenance n rest n all ROXY: but you look like shit ROXY: i just wanted to catch up on the whole heinous war situation were in and maybe check in on e/o before leaping strait to the real n actual nonsexual manual labor favor i have in mind for u JOHN: oh.
Hey, she can’t help looking sexy she’s too good at it.
Is the manual labor moving the crashed cars?  Can’t Roxy pull that off on her own, or... banish the cars to the void or something?  (Oh, but WOULD she want to do it on her own when she can rope in John and bring him down to earth by giving him a useful task?  And admittedly his strength and wallet would make things easier.)
John feels his shoulders unbunch. Of course. Yeah. He’s almost embarrassed by how relieved he feels. So what if his ex wife wanted to hook up? Shouldn’t that be a situation he could navigate? Don’t people like to find solace in human physical connection during dire times? Why did the idea of it make his mind white out in panic more than, say, any number of the traumas he just experienced?
Probably some gender stuff mixed up in there too, June.
He doesn’t know, but he believes Roxy that he must look pretty haggard. He probably feels haggard? Maybe sitting down will feel better.
Just put your feet up yeah
> (==>)
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WHAT A CUTE IMAGE
JOHN: sorry. like i said, my "how to react to stuff" meter is completely fucked right now. ROXY: thats fair bud
she’s used to being patient with you don’t worry otherwise you never would’ve gotten this far
ROXY: real fast i do need to do a quick takeback of all that shit i said last time we talked about janey not being literally the most evil person we knew or whatever ROXY: i guess i was hopped up on arguin or somethin since that was before we hit our conversational vibe bc of course u were right and i shoulda listened
Ouch.  Yeah, we saw just lately just how far off the deep end she was.  (Where was that funny upd8 reaction art summarizing the bit where Kanaya was holding Tavros hostage and Jane was transparently debating “hmm do I let my son die?” and Kanaya and Tavros were just looking at each-other flat-mouthed nervous?  I REALLY wanted to share that but I don’t usually want to reblog or put most stuff HS^2 not under a read-more, for spoiler purposes, usually.)
ROXY: im just glad ur ok ROXY: or like alive JOHN: yeah, jury's still out on "ok" but, you know. ROXY: ya ROXY: u said ur house is gone?? JOHN: yep. JOHN: completely. ROXY: jeez ROXY: i would ask how ur feelin but like the answer 2 that has got 2b "prtty bad"
Talk it ouuuut~~  get those feels out there and articulated john
JOHN: yeah. JOHN: i mean. JOHN: no? JOHN: it’s weird. JOHN: it feels like it should be a bigger deal, I guess? JOHN: like it’s my HOUSE. JOHN: but mostly it always felt like my dad’s house? JOHN: and when i started living there after i moved out of here, it was like i crammed myself back into whatever was left of my kid self? JOHN: and it didn’t feel good, but it at least was familiar, you know? JOHN: like living there let me feel closer to my dad, trying to be like the way i remember him, or like how i remember him wanting me to be, or something? JOHN: and i didn’t realize how much i hated doing that until i saw it all go up in flames. JOHN: so i guess i could have used my powers to stop the fire and save whatever was left of the place, but i couldn’t bring myself to do it. JOHN: like some fucked up part of me was glad i got there too late? JOHN: so i just sat there, watching, trying to figure out why watching my house burn down felt like i was being released from prison. JOHN: and even now i keep trying to explain it away, as though it’s because of how fucked up everything else is that it made me feel good. JOHN: but that’s just bullshit. JOHN: it DID feel good. JOHN: i DO feel free. JOHN: sorry.
I was kind of saying some Breath/Blood stuff at the time of him losing his last tie to his stubborn sticking-to-his-kid-self bit?  Except now we’re mixing it in with June Egbert and his gender-identity questions too.
ROXY: no need 2 apologize ROXY: we just delved in2 my whole gender thing last time so it seems fine for u to have a turn JOHN: i didn’t say it was a gender thing.
Oh shit
ROXY: well no i just meant like i did some sharing ROXY: like referrin 2 the topic i brought up when we chatted last ROXY: but like now that u mention it ROXY: *meaningful pause* JOHN: … JOHN: i JOHN: ROXY: lol well we can move on 2 the favor part if youd rather ROXY: stick a lil pin in that topic n come back 2 it when u have had sleep
Are you just INCREDIBLY incisive Roxy or have you and John talked about this before?
ROXY: like i said the other day its not like this shits figureoutable in 1 sitting anyways JOHN: yeah... ROXY: sooooooo ROXY: movin on
It’s just fine for Roxy to slow-roll this yeah, if she’s going to pry open that door a little
ROXY: dont be mad but theres a part of the house u didnt know abt the whole time u lived here JOHN: what? ROXY: yea ROXY: i got a secret lair ROXY: for my sciences
OH FUCK YES SCIENCE LAB, of COURSE Roxy would want a cool science lab basement because she always wants a cool science lab basement
ROXY: and i get to it via a transportalizer underneath our bed ROXY: which is 2 heavy 2 move by my lonesome so i just needed to borrow some o your aforementioned powers of wind
Okay no.  Wait.  What the fuck?
First of all, as funny and MSPaintAdventures-y as furniture being in the way of things is, why would you block it with a bed too heavy to move, but,
Second of all, more importantly, how is a GOD-TIER ROXY not strong enough to lift a heavy bed?!?!?!?  Either she’s lying to get John involved in things or this is a gendered cop-out because these characters are superheroes at the TOP of their echeladders, given obnoxiously powerful video-game strength and athletics only to then have ascended into DEITIES.  God-Tier Roxy could probably have lifted a bed like that when she was SEVENTEEN!  And now she’s an ADULT, out-of-shape or otherwise!  If this were a whole CAR I might be willing to handwave it, but just a heavy BED?!?  And none of the GUYS are going to have this much trouble lifting a bed like this, are they??  This just feels like following classic cartoony gender tropes in the complete absence of these characters’ super powers, what the fuck, and also Roxy if you didn’t make it Transportalizer-only access you could have given it an entrance you could phase through with your fancy powers to get to.  FUCK.
This feels stupid.
ROXY: so if u dont mind woosh away JOHN: uh ok, well... JOHN: a secret science lair, sure, i can deal with that. JOHN: why not! JOHN: it doesn’t work out great when i do the windy thing indoors, though. ROXY: aight then no wind bending just use your mangrit
Roxy flexes, the corner of her mouth pulled up into a familiar grin. John feels his guts, so recently calmed, twist up into knots again. Her eyebrows shoot up and the smile loosens. He must have shown something on his face.
You’re already THIS sensitive about gendertalk?
ROXY: ok or just like push when i push ROXY: we both got sick muscles ROXY: no other adjectives necessary JOHN: yeah ok. ROXY: on 3?
Please, please reinforce the idea that they both have sick strength, because they fucking do and the idea that Roxy actually a hundred percent NEEDED John to do this is BS.
> (==>)
JOHN: holy shit? ROXY: sorry to lop yet another huge scoop onto ur lil brains ice cream revelation sundae JOHN: so wait, if this thing's always been under the bed, how’d you get down here before without me? ROXY: well thats neither here nor there john JOHN: i mean it is kinda. Here. ROXY: fine ok checkmate ROXY: i dont ACTUALLY need ur nerdgrit for this escapade ROXY: like im sorry but i said it ROXY: i mostly just wanted to see you and show u wats down here
THANK FUCKING CHRIST.
If that wasn’t actually just a lie to get him involved I was going to stay SO mad.  Of COURSE Roxy can move a fucking BED no matter how heavy it is.  OF COURSE.
ROXY: and also uve been ~sent for~ JOHN: ok but like ROXY: john i am inviting u 2 my inner sanctum ROXY: i am literally bringing out the word "sanctum" in case u werent already clued in 2 how cool this is ROXY: so do u wanna go into my secret lair or wat JOHN: yeah!? JOHN: yes? i guess? ROXY: aight good
Yes John of course you want to stop fighting it
ROXY: then as they told me in the hospital before lil h a was born ROXY: just push
eyeroll, but yeah, of course
> (==>)
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Oh cool, sprite form version of her loungewear.
> (==>)
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Sorry for my compulsion to post every full-frame image of Roxy in this awesome outfi-WERE YOU KEEPING CALLIOPE UNDER YOUR BED THIS WHOLE TIME?!?????
That’s like... almost a fucking metaphor isn’t it????  For the relationship you preferred in the other timeline and possibly THIS one TOO or
ROXY: hey callieee i got him ROXY: o damn john sorry i shoulda also told u callies here weve been hangin out again ROXY: 1 more freak for ur bean
Oh huh, so this isn’t an always thing.  And these two can get close in more than one timeline where it would’ve worked out nicely.  :)
JOHN: oh it's ok, my bean feels pretty well adjusted to freakage at this point so keep them coming if you like! ROXY: k cool i will JOHN: do i get to know what that big thing under the sheet is? ROXY: hmmmmmm no JOHN: oh ok. JOHN: are you sure? i mean, it seems like a pretty prominent feature of the room. JOHN: space. JOHN: wherever we are. ROXY: and a totally mysterious n COMPLETELY inconspicuous feature it will have to remain for now ROXY: we r kinda in a hurry here fyi ROXY: and by that i mean ROXY: we are in precisely the amount of hurry that means im excused from having to a that specific q rn JOHN: right, sorry. JOHN: i will pay no attention to the object behind the curtain. ROXY: u catch on fast egbert ROXY: anyway theres more cool info coming so just follow me
I don’t have any big theories.  Is it just the Hiveswap device or something?  If Calliope helped with it it’d help explain the Cherubic theme.
> (==>)
JOHN: so... this is all downstairs? JOHN: it seems like you had a lot of work done. ROXY: well no not x actly ROXY: were in the old meteor JOHN: under the house??? ROXY: ok so ROXY: in hindsight it may have been a bit misleading 2 say like ROXY: "downstairs" ROXY: in reference to a place which is hells of buried underground and may not actually be literally under the house ROXY: but there is no time to explain all that rn john so instead im going to refer u to my adorable little green friend here CALLIOPE: #U_U# ROXY: (hehe) CALLIOPE: *AHEM* CALLIOPE: hi john! CALLIOPE: long time no see. ^u^
Cherubs just really like dark cavelike places full of weird tech don’t they.
> (==>)
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THEY’RE SO CUTE
JOHN: oh, uh. hey callie! JOHN: it sure has been a while huh. JOHN: now that i think about it, the last time the three of us hung out like this... CALLIOPE: was when i was aggressively third wheeling yoUr prenUptial coUrtship? CALLIOPE: if yoU dont mind, john, i'd rather not rehash that period of oUr lives. CALLIOPE: it was more than a little painfUl for me. JOHN: oh. JOHN: god, jeez, i'm sorry. i didn't mean to-- CALLIOPE: hee hee john i am only pUlling yoUr leg, don't worry. CALLIOPE: if anything i was personally a little thrilled with how things shook oUt in that respect. CALLIOPE: imagine, if yoU will, a yoUng cherUb raised in solitUde, whose only solace was the convolUted and tUmUltUoUs romantic schemata she projected onto her only friends from another Universe. CALLIOPE: and then fUrther imagine that this yoUng cherUb, throUgh varioUs even *more* convolUted contrivances, ended Up in the company of those selfsafe friends as an eqUal participant in their sphere of social discoUrse! CALLIOPE: it is a joy the like of which yoU possibly cannot fathom. u_u
Reinforcing that things turning out this way was in fact the FANTASY that Calliope was writing over in the Canon timeline.  Just, heavily, HEAVILY implied that the Candy timeline is -- or at least originated as -- Calliope’s fanfiction as a Muse of Space, and its competition for audience interest with canon is the essential conflict between alt!Calliope and Dirk (or Dirk and Andrew Hussie).
CALLIOPE: so to pUt it simply, getting to experience sUch emotional drama myself was an impossibly enriching experience. CALLIOPE: possibly a first for my species! CALLIOPE: it's actUally qUite interesting, if yoU ROXY: *nudge* CALLIOPE: oh, right. yes. i'm getting a little carried away, haha. CALLIOPE: argh, i'm sorry, this is not how i planned to begin this vital conversation.
Vital conversation?  What sorta truth-bombs are coming?
CALLIOPE: but to sUmmarise, what i was trying to say is: CALLIOPE: don't beat yourself Up aboUt it john. CALLIOPE: besides, hUman divorces are even more fascinating than i had ever imagined, and being able to witness yoUrs in motion was an honoUr. CALLIOPE: so i consider Us aboUt even at this point. JOHN: hahaha!!! JOHN: okay, well that's good to know! CALLIOPE: ^u^
Holy SHIT that was savage!  And we’ll NEVER know whether or not she really intended it so savagely, either.~
JOHN: so um... JOHN: i hear that there's this big secret thing you wanna tell me about? CALLIOPE: oh right, yes of course! CALLIOPE: let me jUst say first of all how thrilled i am that yoU're on board. CALLIOPE: i wasn't sUre if yoUr natUral inclinations woUld have preclUded yoUr coming to such a place as this, and yet here yoU are. CALLIOPE: this whole endeavoUr will be *so* mUch easier with yoUr help.
Uh oh.
Hopefully babies aren’t involved.
JOHN: oh! well, shucks. JOHN: not really sure what that means but i'm just glad to be of use somewhere, haha. JOHN: which, speaking of somewhere, CALLIOPE: ah right, right. yoU're probably a little cUrioUs as to where the dickens we are. CALLIOPE: how much do yoU know aboUt black holes? JOHN: um... like, the big space things? CALLIOPE: they aren't always big actUally, and in fact their relative smallness is practically their defining qUality. JOHN: oh. CALLIOPE: bUt okay i think we are on the same page. CALLIOPE: so, what if i told yoU that we are inside of a black hole right now.
Oh dear, we’re getting into the canon/noncanon divide?
JOHN: um... JOHN: like, HERE? JOHN: we just transportalized into a black hole? CALLIOPE: no, i mean, what if oUr whole WORLD was inside a black hole. JOHN: ok.
Yeah, that’s gonna be John’s reaction.  “ok.”  Pretty much inevitable.
CALLIOPE: earth c, or at least oUr version of it, has, from the moment we crossed the victory threshold, been inside a black hole. JOHN: ok. CALLIOPE: and not just any black hole, bUt the very black hole in which the green sUn Ultimately met its demise, allowing oUr victory in the first instance! JOHN: huh! ROXY: ("huh!") ROXY: (rofl my fucking ao egbert) JOHN: (shhhh!)
And Roxy enjoys his non-reaction reactions as much as we do, hehe.
CALLIOPE: bUt, paradoxically, the critical moment which determined its capture within the black hole happened *after* that point. CALLIOPE: i refer of coUrse to yoUr decision not to retUrn to the mediUm and fight my brother. JOHN: wait, wait. JOHN: you mean, the meat and candy thing? JOHN: oh my god. JOHN: you mean i actually DID make a mistake that day. CALLIOPE: well, that's not exactly what that-- JOHN: ugh, i fucking KNEW it! JOHN: i'm so sorry. JOHN: i'm so sorry that i put the earth inside a black hole everyone. ): ROXY: john ROXY: listen ROXY: u have got to get out of this mindset i am begging you JOHN: ):
Yeah shake him out of this shit.
ROXY: your choice literally didnt matter ROXY: the whole thing was symbolic in the first place ROXY: literally symbolic in the case of the picnic i mean come on ROXY: it was just some steak and a plate of candy suckers JOHN: oh. CALLIOPE: i mean, i wouldn't go so far as to say that the meal we shared was unimportant, given the sacred significance of the two options i presented. CALLIOPE: but yes, yoUr choice of snack was infinitely less important than the choice which it presaged. CALLIOPE: and even then, calling it a choice woUld be sorely misleading. CALLIOPE: think of it like a coin flip. CALLIOPE: the series of events that led to Us being trapped beyond the event horizon of an Ubermassive black hole could be considered "tails", while the events which would have occUrred otherwise could be considered "heads". CALLIOPE: since both were possible, and paradox space is the way it is, they actUally both happened. and we jUst "happened" (hee hee) to get tails instead of heads. JOHN: you mean we ended up with the bad possibility. CALLIOPE: not at all! since both possibilities depend on one another's existence, it really doesn't make sense to call them "right" or "wrong". they both just "are". JOHN: o...kay... CALLIOPE: u_u
Yeah, it’s going to take a bit more than that to convince him he didn’t make the “wrong decision”.
CALLIOPE: i realise that this may be a lot to process. CALLIOPE: it's easy to forget that this wasn't obvioUs to everyone from the beginning. CALLIOPE: anyway, the reason i went on this tangent in the first place was to explain that the space we are standing in right now has a special significance, in that it is the location which corresponds to the black hole's singUlarity. JOHN: oh, wow. JOHN: um. JOHN: ok so, sorry if this is a dumb question to ask suddenly, but what does being inside of a black hole actually... mean for us? JOHN: is that bad? JOHN: is it like in movie, um, JOHN: shoot. JOHN: roxy what was that matthew mcconaughey movie from your earth that we watched? ROXY: u mean interstellar JOHN: RIGHT. JOHN: the one with the organ. JOHN: man. i cried at that movie so much. ROXY: lol u can say that again ROXY: iirc at least part of y u got so weepy was the fact that u couldnt believe a version of earth existed where ppl got 2 watch more mcconaughey films than you JOHN: listen. JOHN: i simply don't think you all appreciated the gift you were given. CALLIOPE: i don't believe i'm familiar with this particular film ^u^;; ROXY: oh dont worry cal you didnt miss much JOHN: (gasp)
This is all gold
ROXY: but the important point is that no its not really an interstellar type situation here egbert ROXY: ur not gonna enter a weird time vortex and change the trajectory of a little girls life with the power of love JOHN: aw.
Dammit, now we have to be on the lookout for that possibility.  Or it did sort of already happen more than once to John.  ...Whatever.
CALLIOPE: to go back to your original question, john. CALLIOPE: it's not strictly speaking "bad" for Us to be inside of a black hole, mUch thoUgh that contradicts most of what anyone knows about them. CALLIOPE: of coUrse, if we had fallen into it, that woUld be a whole other kettle of fish. CALLIOPE: the tidal forces woUld have stretched Us all into spaghetti and then ripped us apart! CALLIOPE: bUt the natUre of oUr arrival was more akin to simply "being" here, sUddenly. one moment we were not, and the next moment we were, and somehow always had been. CALLIOPE: in everyday, practical terms, being inside of a black hole has very little bearing on Us. CALLIOPE: i mean, the natUre of space and time is a little finicky in here, bUt for the most part it doesn't seem to be anything too oUt of the ordinary. CALLIOPE: bUt beyond that, it means that we are sealed away from the rest of existence. CALLIOPE: oUr sphere of inflUence is limited to the sphere of the black hole's bounding horizon. CALLIOPE: as far as everyone else is concerned, we might as well not even exist! JOHN: is there no way we could let anyone know that we're in here...? CALLIOPE: almost certainly not!
No?  So this doesn’t have to do with the divide?
CALLIOPE: there are very few ways for anything to escape the kind of predicament that we are in right now. one of them is to be an all-powerfUl being with control over the very fabric of space, with the energy of two Universes at yoUr disposal. CALLIOPE: in which case, escape woUld become rather trivial, if a little Unscientific. JOHN: ok. i am going to assume that we can't just do that. CALLIOPE: yoU've hit the nail on the head, UnfortUnately. U_U CALLIOPE: the method i described was the one employed by my alternate self, who yoU may recall crashed through the event horizon in the body that once belonged to jade harley. CALLIOPE: she departed through a pUnctUre she created in the black hole's surface shortly after consUming my brother, a deed which provided her with the necessary "oomph", and which was frankly rather breathtaking to watch. =u= CALLIOPE: bUt Upon her departUre, the rift closed for good. as far as i can see, there's simply no way for Us to commUnicate with the world oUtside the black hole.
What the heck?  Calliope SAW all this?  Is this her Muse powers at work, letting her observe these things, or was she there?  And John certainly did NOT see ANY of what Calliope just said happen.
CALLIOPE: i woUld certainly be very sUrprised to find oUt that anyone had managed sUch a thing!
So we’re going to find that out if we haven’t already.  Maybe something to do with the way Vrissy just conks out narcoleptically?
JOHN: ...right. JOHN: so... let me just get this straight. JOHN: knowing that we're inside of a black hole... does that actually change anything? JOHN: like, can't we just go on living like normal? CALLIOPE: oh absolUtely not. CALLIOPE: i don't know if yoU've noticed john bUt this world is on the brink of a total cataclysm. JOHN: oh.
Um, what?
CALLIOPE: oUr exclUsion from the overarching coUrse of events which governs all reality means that oUr existence here is liable to dramatic and violent Upheaval. CALLIOPE: to pUt it another way, becaUse nothing in here "matters", we are likely to be sUbjected to things which are a bit bats in the belfry, for no reason other than it's totally insignificant to the wider canon of reality. CALLIOPE: and mUch thoUgh i am personally titillated by some of the conseqUences of this predicament, it is a degrading way for Us to live. u_u JOHN: that's... certainly one way to put it, yeah...
No plot-armor for your entire timeline, I guess, yep.  Outside of canon, we can imagine and write about ANYTHING happening to the characters, or just drop their existence entirely, much like a doomed offshoot timeline.  It’s a plot stability that depended heavily on the threat of Lord English and being trapped in a story, and without it things are bound to see a BIT chaotic (or “degrading” if you view it as subjected to the whims of fanfic writers, certainly).
CALLIOPE: at first, i believed that this was simply necessary. Us playing tails to oUr coUnterparts' heads, the black to their white, and so forth. CALLIOPE: bUt over the years i have come to the conclUsion that this is simply not kosher. ROXY: its total bs is what it is CALLIOPE: right, yes. CALLIOPE: a steaming pile of bUllshite. CALLIOPE: and so we have decided that something needs to be done aboUt it.
Ah fuck.  You’re going to regulate non-canon?  “Canonize” it?  Is the fact that you eventually succeed at whatever it is you’re trying to do part of why we have the story presented to us in this bifurcated structure?
ROXY: this is finally where u come in jegbert ROXY: we gots quests for yous CALLIOPE: hee hee, yes. CALLIOPE: or *a* quest, to be specific. JOHN: oh boy! ROXY: (this fkin nerd i s2g)
Roxy and Calliope setting him on this quest as a Rogue of Void and a Muse of Space feels fitting.
JOHN: i'm not sure how i can go about freeing us from a hellish space prison, but i'm up for giving it a try i guess? JOHN: i have... literally nothing better to be doing at this point. except for maybe hanging out with harry anderson. ROXY: nice save lol
YEAH WE’RE STILL GLOSSING OVER HOW YOU LEFT HIM UNPROTECTED, JERK
ROXY: but u dont need to worry abt busting us outta space jail tbh ROXY: thats not ur problem to fix JOHN: oh. JOHN: i'm... not sure i follow, then. ROXY: i mean yeah ur gonna obvs facilitate it in a sense ROXY: but only by going and busting the person who can actually help us outta normal earth jail CALLIOPE: we need yoU to free vriska from the clUtches of oUr misgUided friend jane, and bring her here, to the singUlarity. ROXY: weve been calling it the plot point CALLIOPE: yes, the plot point is a key part of oUr plan. CALLIOPE: as far as we have been able to sUrmise, the only remaining method for escaping oUr grim confinement depends on leveraging the UniqUe properties of this location to create an event of sUch catalcysmic proportions that it simply cannot be contained within the black hole any more. CALLIOPE: something SO dramatic, so hyper-relevant, that it becomes ontologically impossible for anyone to ignore it. CALLIOPE: for that, we need an individUal of sUfficient narrative cloUt, so to speak. CALLIOPE: and to liberate her, who better than the embodiment of the aspect of freedom itself? CALLIOPE: ... CALLIOPE: phew. okay, i'm finished. CALLIOPE: CALLIOPE: sorry, that took longer than i expected to go throUgh.
..............................
OOooooh, kay.
Whatever this is, it’s going to be really weird and PROBABLY infuriating and/or shippy, and I’m probably not going to like it.  Plus it seems like it’s some sort of inverse belated canonization of some other black-hole-rescue theories I went on about at some point.  Although, related to that link, “aspect of freedom” if anyone wasn’t paying attention!  That’s a (sorta-)canon mention of the purpose of it!
They’re going to attention-wh-- attention-hog themselves out of the black hole so that they’re “considered canon” too, or close enough.  Huh.
ROXY: what r u talking about cals that was great ROXY: i could listen 2 u plotsplain for years CALLIOPE: oh you >u< ROXY: fyi this was why i wanted u to get a move on eggbread ROXY: so callie could have more time 2 infodump ROXY: thats love bitchhhhhh JOHN: hahaha. JOHN: ok, well, i think i understood all that?
Love with who? Callie, John, both?
In reality, John isn’t sure what most of this means. But on balance, it feels okay? He’s gone back and forth about a hundred times in the last week about where his place in everything is, so he might as well ride this out. Plus, the last time a Lalonde kind of told him to do something, he thinks that he chose not to, and look where that got him. And it’s not like he has other plans. He may as well do this! It’s at least going to get him involved in things again, if nothing else. He turns to go, and then hears a sound. It’s the sound of feet and knocking on doors, echoed through stone and digital static.
Oh shit.  Is Andrew trapped behind some fourth walls behind the curtains.
> (==>)
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Oh RIGHT also that DEVICE is where they want to bring Vriska.  Are they going to overturn part of canon itself with a super-retcon thus making this timeline unbelievably relevant or--?  Maybe make all the PESTERQUESTS canon or something?!  I don’t know.  Maybe they’re INTENTIONALLY starting the game like Vriska wanted to??????
Guh, this is something so big that I don’t WANT to theorize about it, do I.
JOHN: did you hear that? ROXY: wha ROXY: oh yeah uh ROXY: i may have messaged rose and kan and jade to check on them too ROXY: so its prob onea them showin up ROXY: they don’t need to know bout all this tho ROXY: we got time to chat with them b4 u go get vriska
No, even if it’s a knock at the somehow-top-level-house-even-under-buried-- oh, right, maybe it’s covering in part a monitoring system that looks up there.  But still, part of that sound was DOUBTLESS these two hiding something, all standing in front of the curtain like that.
JOHN: i’ll go stall em. ROXY: thx babe ROXY: oh is it 2 soon for that joke or JOHN: no, weirdly enough, that one’s fine. ROXY: oh good ok see u up there soon!
How is calling your significant other “babe” not cool REGARDLESS of gender?!  Like wasn’t that always cool? --Oh wait is it because they’re not together or... but... guh, I don’t know.
Anyway, see y’all after the holidays at least.
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anyone wanna hear the story of how i found out supernatural was ending and proceeded to have the worst morning of my life?
(super-excessive rambling ahead. do not read the whole of it.)
so i don't remember the date but it was the day of my english 10th board exam. boards are like a series of subject finals, kinda the biggest exams conducted in a student's education in india, plus they're nationalized. so yeah, a massively big deal, and obviously the first thing i do waking up on this massively important day is open tumblr. there are about seventy messages and i'm confused cause i think i barely "talked" to ten people back then, but before i've even checked them out, the first post i see is a textpost about how the longest running joke universally across fandoms is that 'spn has been going on way too long and needs to end' but now that it is ending, all people can do is cry about it. for some reason, i don't process that post as fact™, assuming they mean a general "ending" instead of a "j2m announced last season" ending. anyways i move on to my messages, and all of them are people who've freaking the fuck out for at least a few hours (the advantages of being in a timezone different from of most people) and i go to my activity, still stunned, and someone's tagged me in a meta of some kind, and i check it out completely dazed and it's got gifs (already!) of the three of them standing there with teary eyes and jensen actually saying the words everyone had been screaming about in the chats, and it finally hits me that it's ending, supernatural is ending, it's going to be OVER, and it's already been decided when. obviously, the tears start, and literally crying in my bed, still under the comforter, i think i watched the video twice, without headphones in fact, which is extremely weird because i virtually NEVER do that, but as if anything else mattered at the moment!
i don't remember what all i felt in those moments but one of the thoughts that REALLY stood out was that i wish, wish, wish it lasted just one more year — so maybe supernatural could end at the same time as highschool ended for me, and it'd feel like the end of a phase of my life, but no, according to what they predicted (and not even kidding, now it's even worse) supernatural was going to end smack in the middle of senior year for me, obviously a super important, super stressful year, and god, i wished so hard it'd just go on ONE MORE YEAR somehow but look what happened now it's ending like three months before my college entrance exams and the competitive engineering exams and shit which is just absolutely perfect because it's doing wonders to my attention span and mental health and yeah i'm getting off topic i'm gonna come back to the topic now
it's two am rn and i'm weirdly tired of typing so what happens next is fucking wild, but i'm gonna hurry because i need to go cry some more into a pillow or a ao3 tab or something. so like a whole HOUR later i get up from bed. i've got to get dressed and shit, most important exam of my life YET and everything. so i start brushing, obviously scrolling through tumblr, obviously failing to not cry, and my mum walks in, and she doesn't know a thing about supernatural (even if she did, she would consider the idea of me crying over them announcing an ending RIDICULOUS) so she just assumes i'm sniffling and tensed up because i'm STRESSED and she tries reassuring me like i need fucking reassurance for ENGLISH of all things. anyway anyway anyway i have maggi for breakfast i think and i'm still pretty out of it and stuff but i get dressed in my uniform and put on the fucking blazer though its HOT outside but i like wearing the school blazer for exams but i underestimated how much of a physically draining effect the news and reacting to it would have on me, so then there's me sweating literal buckets and then we set off.
we're already late in leaving the house (why, i don't remember) and once we're at the centre, and my parents have dropped me off and wished me luck, i go to the gate, right. and THEN the guard gestures to my uniform and tells me i'm missing my fucking class ID. now i know i'm late so i panic on cue because shit shit shit i'm gonna be even more late, and i legit turn and look for mum and dad (we weren't allowed to carry our mobiles for the test) and what i see is that they've reversed the car and are about to drive out the gate and obviously my brain isn't really working so i fucking RUN AFTER THE CAR, like, i'm really not an athletic person, i avoid running as much as i possibly can, and i fucking lose my shit and chase the car down in like ten seconds of running cause it's only like ten metres away actually but the highlight of it all is that i run. in a public space. unprompted. with a shitload of emotions and anxiety and panic, and i basically almost sob in relief when dad immediately stops the car and pretty much pulls me in and tells me to stop worrying cause the house is like ten minutes away and i might miss the general waiting part and stuff but i wasn't gonna miss the exam. so THEN we start driving back and obviously because they are who they fucking are, they start arguing about which of them is at fault for this and who was supposed to check in on me carrying my seriously important ID and other crap, and then obviously they're yelling and that does even more wonders for my state of practically hysteria, but i hold it together until we get home and i get the ID (which is on the bed, probably was under my blazer or something) and we set back off, and i know we're late, and i know supernatural is ending, and i know it's going to take a part of me really, and mum and dad just won't stop yelling at each other about god knows what, and i manage to squeeze in the first time in SO many years that i cry in front of my parents right there in the backseat, and they're sort of stunned because i really don't cry (in front of people) and then there's just me losing it in a mixture of helplessness and nerves and anger for some reason and just. whoa.
ANYWAYS we get to the centre (in time for the exam, but like fifteen minutes later than i SHOULD have gotten there) and dad talks to the teacher and stuff and it works out because obviously it's a really important exam they're not going to make me skip it, and i go straight to my classroom — also did i mention these exams aren't held in our own schools but like, different test centres, so basically a different room and desk each day in a different school from mine, ugh, i hate new places — and i find out i have the FIRST bench of the second column which lowkey sucks because it's too public really, but at least my best friend's sitting like diagonally from me on the left, and my friends are basically sprinkled around the classroom as well and i see them eyeing me worriedly cause they were scared i might miss the exam but also because i was a MESS with bloodshot eyes and an outofit look in them and did i mention i was sweating like a dog all this time wearing a blazer because i'm just that idiot because yeah.
so then i calm myself down the best i can. sitting under a fan helps, taking off my stupid blazer helps, and seeing dish (beforementioned best friend) helps — because apparently she heard about the ending too (she's not in the fandom she just keeps up with news for my sake, yes, im very lucky to have her) and tries to cheer me up about it, but then it's time for the paper, and they give them out and...yeah.
three hours later, the exam ends, and i step out of that hall the most mentally exhausted i've been in YEARS. also i swear off tumblr until i've had lunch and napped and stuff because i was also functioning on extremely little sleep but i really think that part was obvious.
as it goes, i ended up getting a 95% in that paper :)
but to this date, my sister jokes about how i ended up getting my personal least marks of that year in english of all subjects which was supposed to be of my strongest suit heh all because of a six-ish minute video released in a different part of the world about something that wasn't even going to happen that year...and like. yeah.
that's it.
that's the story.
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purplesurveys · 3 years
Text
1161
 survey by pichu4850
What color do you think of when I say...
Anger? Red, or a really bright red-orange.
Confusion? Gray.
Inspiration? Sky blue. Both word and color give off calming vibes to me.
Shy? Something like an off-white shade, and maybe even pastel pink.
Agony? Olive green was the first color to come to mind, though I have no idea why.
Sleep? Dark blue, like the night sky.
Chipper? Yellow.
Beautiful? Red, the way roses are.
Morning? Light blue or yellow.
Would you rather be named...
Andrea or Aimee? Andrea.
Emily or Erica? Emily. I know an Erycka that I’m not too fond of, so this is an easy pass.
Kelsey or Casey? Casey, though I’d mix up my name a bit and have it be pronounced and spelled as Cassie.
Madeleine or Marina? Eh, not really a fan of either but I’d mos likely go for Madeleine.
Alec or Aaron? Alec.
Ryan or Ross? Not a fan of both names as well though I’d probably go with Ryan, but only as a feminine name.
Dylan or Daniel? Dylan.
Jack or Jordan? I guess Jack, if I have to pick.
Gabriel or Gavin? Gabriel.
How often do you...
Brush your teeth? Once or twice a day.
Eat breakfast? Twice a week, during weekends; though sometimes I’ll end up skipping it for an entire week altogether.
Check your email? I literally never check my personal email anymore after having gotten hired, but I know I should quit that habit and check it every once in a while just in case an intriguing opportunity might come my way. My work email is a different story; I have to use it everyday. I open my emails even during weekends so that when I report to my shift on Monday, my Gmail won’t look as clogged.
Go to the mall? When quarantine protocols loosened up a bit I used to go either on Saturdays or Sundays for some me time as well as some much-needed time away from the house, for the sake of my mental health and sanity. But now that we’re going through another surge in cases, no one’s allowed to go out again and malls are back to just keeping the essential stores open.
Go to the beach? A few times a year, at least before the pandemic. I haven’t been to the beach since 2019.
Play card games? Only happens once in a blue moon, when I get together with friends and someone happens to bring a deck of cards. This isn’t a usual occurrence with any of my friend groups, though.
Have at least 20 minute phone calls? Never. I have 20-minute Google Meet and Zoom calls instead.
Paint your nails? They are never painted.
Wish you were happier? Every now and then.
Did you ever want to be...
A veterinarian? Yes, when I was younger. I once stumbled upon an interview with a horse vet on one of my kid’s almanacs and thought what they did was so cool.
An astronaut? Yup, definitely became a big obsession of mine at one point in my childhood. I still think it would be cool to go to outer space and should the opportunity ever become accessible in my lifetime, I wouldn’t want to miss out on it.
An artist? Not really. I knew from the get go I wasn’t meant to be one.
A school teacher? I would guess yes, but I definitely wasn’t as interested in teaching compared to being an astronaut or like a firefighter.
A housewife? Lmfao yeah. This was the answer I would give when I was like 8 up until I was probably 10 and I knew it stressed out my Asian mother big time. My grandpa got a kick out of it, though.
A firefighter? Yes. This was up there with astronaut.
A princess? Not so much.
A lawyer? I definitely considered law for a brief period, but it was already during my latter college years. There wasn’t enough time to mull over it. But hearing all the law school horror stories from my friends kind of made me relieved I didn’t push through with it; I knew I wasn’t passionate enough about law to want to go through all the hardships that come with law school, so I was fine letting that dream go, and still am.
A doctor? This was never a dream of mine.
Would you consider yourself...
Materialistic? Yes.
Pessimistic? It comes out occasionally, but I don’t think it’s a main trait of mine that people would generally see me as.
Avoidant? Not so much. I can be shy and anxious sometimes but I get over it at some point.
Sarcastic? Only occasionally. I wouldn’t say I speak the language.
Talkative? Definitely not. I hate being in the spotlight, and whenever it’s my turn to share a story or talk in a group I usually have the tendency to rush through it or make it as short as possible so as to return the spotlight on someone else. I’ve always been more of a listener.
Strange? Maybe not strange but weird to an extent?
Intelligent? I guess in some ways.
Lucky? In some ways I am, but I also got handed the short end of the stick in other contexts.
In the next twenty-four hours, will you...
Talk to someone you care about? Probably. I talk to at least one friend a day.
Go to work? Yep, I’ll finally be going back to work since the Holy Week break is over. My workaholic self felt kinda unsettled with all the free time, so I’m actually kinda relieved.
Go to school? I’m not in school anymore.
Be in a different city? Nope, it’ll be working from home for me like usual. We were initially allowed to book visits to the office if we really needed to go there to pack some goodies and stuff, but because of re-heightened Covid protocols our admin has once again prohibited anyone to go there for the meantime.
Read a book? I highly doubt it. I haven’t read any in months.
Watch a movie? Nope. It’ll be a Monday coming from a 4-day break, so it will be incredibly busy tomorrow as there would be a lot to catch up on.
Go to a dentist/orthodontist appointment? No, I won’t.
Do your laundry? My parents probably will seeing as our hamper was nearly full the last time I checked.
True or False: Family...
I have two brothers or more. I only have one brother.
My mom lives with me. This is technically true but isn’t phrased right in my case. I’m currently living with my parents.
My grandparent(s) live with me. No, we moved out of our duplex (where I did use to live with my grandparents) well over a decade ago.
I have half-siblings. Don’t have any.
I am the oldest in my family. Eldest child, that is.
I am an only child. I have two other siblings.
I have 15 cousins I can name off the top of my head. Easily. My first cousins are less than 15 in total, but I know a good number of my second and third cousins as well so this is a cakewalk.
The nearest Aunt or Uncle lives less than an hour away from me. The aforementioned duplex we moved out of is just at the next village; we didn’t move too far so that we can continue visiting them.
True or False: Food...
I am allergic to chocolate. I’m not, fortunately. I’m not crazy about chocolate but I’d be pretty miserable if I could never have it either.
I like vegetables more than fruit. Infinitely more, hahaha. I hate fruits.
I have tried pizza dipped in ranch sauce. Ranch isn’t a very common dressing where I’m from, so it’s not usually offered in restaurants. Given the chance, though, I’d definitely try my pizza with ranch at least once.
I've never eaten kiwi fruit. True, but then again I’ve never eaten most fruits and don’t plan to.
I love junk food.
I love to try new food.
Ketchup goes best with fries (chips). I don’t like ketchup and barely put it on anything.
I like fried rice. I haven’t met an Asian who doesn’t like fried rice.
I can prepare dinner for myself (using a stove or oven).
I hate sushi.
How many...
Pairs of shoes do you have? A little over 10, maybe? I don’t feel like counting in my head rn.
Songs do you have on your music player? I don’t have a music player anymore.
Hours of sleep did you get last night? Around 4.
Times have you had alcohol? Like, ever since I started drinking when I was 18? I never kept track lmao but if I would guess, maybe around 50-60 times? I’m not a regular drinker; I drink probably once or twice a month at most.
Books have you read/started reading in the past month? None.
Windows in your house/apartment are open? I know my parents and sister have their windows open at the moment, so that’s 2. Mine are usually open as well, but I’ve turned on my aircon so I’ve closed them for the night.
Pets do you have? 2.
Kids do you have/want to have? I’d cut it off a a maximum of 3 kids, but having just 1 would already be so nice.
Minutes does it take to get from your home to school or work? I work from home, but in the two times I went to the actual office it took anywhere between 45 minutes to an hour.
Have you ever...
Spilled a cup of grape juice on the carpet? I don’t think I’ve ever even encountered grape juice in my entire life.
Played spin the bottle? I don’t think I’ve ever played this. My friends and I usually resort to truth or dare.
Played Twister? Yes, and there are many fond memories that come with it as well. So when I was 7 years old I befriended Katreen, and her mom and mine hit it off instantly so they started this arrangement where every Friday, her mom picked me and my sister up from school along with Katreen and her sisters, and we’d stay for several hours at their place until my mom would pick us up. Her mom was an amazing host and every week we’d play Twister, watch Pokemon, read books together, etc; anything to keep us comfortable and entertained.
Been caught doing something you weren't supposed to be doing? It’s bound to happen every now and then.
Walked out of a movie because it was horrible? I’ve gotten this feeling a few times but I always stayed in my seat because I paid for the damn ticket.
Given the finger to someone on the street? Oh most definitely, as well as drivers passing by. And it’s always been towards men that are being disgusting pigs.
Been so sad/angry that you started laughing? Sure.
Been in a wedding? Yes, but I only got invited as a kid since I was usually picked to be one of the flower girls. I haven’t been to a family wedding since 2007.
Been in a situation where you almost died? Probably not died but almost substantially injured, sure.
Misc...
Are you stressing out about anything right now? Just worried about the deluge of tasks that will inevitably come at me tomorrow but knowing how easygoing my bosses are, I know I’ll be able to ease up soon enough.
Do you think before acting or act before thinking? I used to be the latter but I now see the importance of first considering possible consequences of or how others would be affected by my actions.
Do you act upon your emotions and instinct, or logic and reasoning? Again, I used to be one of these, this time the former. Now that I’m at a much more stable and peaceful place in my life I try not to let my emotions get the best of me.
What are some personality traits you find appealing in a potential partner? I had a number of negative experiences in my last relationship so forgive me for scraping the bottom of the barrel when it comes to my expectations lmaaaao – I’d love for someone to be sensitive to my needs and feelings, and for them to be able to own up to their mistakes or hurtful habits and know how to apologize and be open to changing if it’s for their self-improvement.
How have you changed as a person in the last 5 years? I tolerate less bullshit now. I think I’ve also grown to be happier and a lot more stable, emotionally. I also have a better sense of what I want out of life and where I want to be, and I’ve also learned to be more sociable and open up to people.
If you could do anything you wanted right this moment, what would it be? Order sushi :(
Is there anyone you can totally relax and be yourself around? Yes, that’s what my friends are for. If I can’t feel comfortable around my friends, I’d view that as a problem.
Did you ever wanted to say something to someone, didn't, and regretted it? No.
Are you scared about the future? I’m scared of the idea of not meeting some of my goals, like having a family; but I’m also excited about what the future could bring me.
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