#<- can you tell my methods of self-expression have not progressed since the age of twelve

[bykalopsia]

also i am Not discussing ishiro and genba this episode bc if i think about them and taiya Too Hard i will maybe fall into pieces.

[downwiththeficness]

In the Bond-Chapter 2

Summary: Lilah often wished she’d never said yes to working with the Gecko brothers—usually while dodging gunfire. At no time was she regretting that decision more than when she’s hanging upside down from the ceiling, staring down a group of hungry culebras and one (1) extremely powerful sun god.

Word Count: ~2,300

Warnings: None

A/N: This is an AU of my Story In the Blood, which can be read here. Basically, this fic explores what would have happened if Lilah had met up with Geckos before she met Brasa.

Taglist: @symbiont13

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Lilah slid into a chair and regarded the lovers. Kate was sitting in Richie’s lap, rolling her eyes as he pressed intermittent kisses on her cheeks and neck. She’d grown used to their easy affection since the brothers had saved Kate from Amaru. For the first few days, Richie had hardly let go of Kate’s hand, would go where she went, snarling at anyone who came a little too close. Even now, he didn’t go very long without touching her, no matter the situation—a hand on her thigh, a the small of her back, toying with her hair. Kate seemed to take it all in stride, a soft smile that somehow made her look impossibly young.

It was Kate’s eyes that Lilah noticed first when she’d stepped through the doors of Jackknife Jed’s.  They flashed with gloom, aging her in a way that in no way reflected in her actual face. Looking at her made Lilah feel so disjointed that she still struggled to hold the younger woman’s gaze. Still, despite the unease, Lilah liked Kate. She certainly made dealing with the ever-arguing brothers just a little bit easier. Lilah couldn’t so easily be out-voted any more, and that was worth the disquiet she sometimes felt in Kate’s presence.

The door to the office flung open, Seth barreling through with no regard for how it hit the shelf behind it, a few of Richie’s knickknacks shaking in their stands. He was wiping sweat from his brow, his ever present frown just a little deeper than normal. Lilah’s eyes narrowed as she watched him come closer.

“Hey, watch the merchandise,” Richie called out, one hand lifting from around Kate’s middle to gesture broadly at the memorabilia.

Fandom was the one thing that Lilah and Richie really agreed on. They’d spent a lot of time on stake outs talking Star Trek, and then Firefly, followed by a whole host of niche geeky topics. He was surprisingly insightful about the little details that made each show unique. And, Lilah had spent a lot of time in hotels watching old B horror movies to be able to hold her own when he went down a rabbit hole.  It made the fact that she disagreed with him about the tenants of Jedi life acceptable, in his mind.

“We’ve got bigger problems than Obi Wan’s lightsaber, Richie.”

Seth was definitely in a mood. He might not understand Richie’s interests, and he might roll his eyes when his brother went on a tangent about canon timelines, but he at least respected Richie’s belongings enough that he didn’t intentionally screw around with them. This, whatever it was, was serious. Lilah eyed him narrowly, waiting.

Eyes vaguely betrayed, Richie muttered, “Its Mace Windu.”

Kate patted Richie’s arm lightly, saying, “What’s the problem?”

Rounding his desk, Seth sat heavily. After a deep sigh, he reached into his back pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper, tossing it on the desk in front of him. It bounced, making a soft ‘shhh’ sound as it slid across the pressed wood of the tabletop.

“We got a message today,” he explained, “And I don’t know what to make of it.”

Lilah leaned forward and plucked it up with two fingers. The paper was a heavy vellum, thick woven. She unfolded it, curious. The ink was a deep red, the lettering thick. As she brought it closer to read, Lilah caught a fragrance that had followed her in the weeks since their last failed mission.

Oh, no.

The letter was meticulously worded. The writing thick and bold, swirling softly around the crosses. Formal. Elegant. Commanding. Brasa.

Lilah read and re-read it, “He’s asking for peace.”

She looked at Seth, brows lifted in surprise. Then, she stood, stepped to Richie’s desk, and handed it to the younger brother. All the while, she tried to keep her face as neutral as possible. Lilah was grateful that Seth never bothered with the overhead lights, that only the lamps on either desk illuminated the room.  Her face was hot, her hands shaking. She didn’t know how to stand so as to draw no attention to herself while she internally panicked.

“He’s playing a game,” Seth said as he opened a drawer in his desk, pulling out a bottle, yanking out the stopper, and drinking straight from it. “Its a trap.”

Richie took a few moments to read the letter before Kate took it from him. She stood and read it, as well. Lilah watched her face, trying to discern her reaction. Kate chewed her thumbnail as her eyes flicked over the page, her brows together. A shadow passed over her expression.

“No,” Kate uttered so low that Lilah almost didn’t hear it, “He’s really asking for peace.”

Lilah didn’t have the time to think about how she might know that, or the implications. Or, how she might feel about those implications.

Seth scoffed, “How the fuck do you know that?”

Setting the letter down on Richie’s desk, Kate shrugged, “I spent a lot of time with him when I was...when she was inside me.” She sniffed, “Even though Amaru thought they were bullshit, he obeys the old laws. This is a formal call for peace talks. He’s written it in his own blood.”

Lilah felt her eyes widen, shocked that Kate could tell whose blood was on the paper. Shocked even further that someone would write a letter in their literal blood. Shocked still further that she cared how he might have procured his own blood in enough supply to write such a letter.

There were a few side effects from Kate’s possession, little quirks that Kate would sometimes display without really thinking. She’d stand up way too fast, know who might walk through the door next, hear conversations from the next room. Lilah did her best to just roll with it, but this was a little bit too freaky for Lilah’s normal ‘roll with it’ sensibilities. She deliberately set it aside, hoping that she wouldn’t need to examine the thought later.

Richie lit a cigarette, blowing the smoke through his nose, “Why now? We’ve spent the last six months fighting and killing each other, and now he wants to talk peace.”

Lilah sat down, folding her hands in her lap as she tried very hard not to think this was about her. She could not be so self-centered as to think that Brasa would give up a war just because she happened to be on the other side. A war he was, by all accounts, winning as the Gecko’s ceded more and more territory to the culebras he seemed to govern.  There had to be another explanation. A trap, maybe, a false sense of security.

“Alright,” Seth drawled, “We get him in a room and gank him.”

Kate gasped, looking horrified, “We have a chance to get real progress, here. Do you want to fight forever?”

Lilah definitely knew the answer to that question. Seth’s entire life was a fight—physical or otherwise. He wasn’t comfortable if there wasn’t some sort of conflict to battle through, his brother at his side. Even if they achieved peace, he’d be at someone’s throat within twenty four hours. It was both endearing and utterly frustrating to watch him cycle through the same motions over and over.

Seth rose, leaning his hands on the desk, “You, more than anyone, have a reason to want every one of those snakes dead.”

Sneering, Kate crossed her arms, “I, more than anyone, have a reason to want all of this to stop. I don’t want to see any more death.”

Behind her, Richie shifted uneasily in his chair. Lilah took each of them in, knowing there was far more history than she was privy to playing out right in front of her. It left her feeling like she couldn’t make a good decision, didn’t have enough data to create a strategy. This was not her preferred method of moving through life. She remained still, waiting.

“We should meet with him,” Kate asserted, hip cocking to the side.

It was not a rare occasion that Kate would insist that they act in a certain way. She had a strong moral compass that clashed with the brothers’ more criminal predilections. More often than not, Kate centered them, kept them from going too far. Lilah was grateful. She had never been successful in stemming off their momentum, once they got started.

“Absolutely not,” Seth shot back, his mouth a firm line.

Lilah surprised herself by adding, “I agree with Seth.”

Richie stubbed out his cigarette, “I’m with Kate.”

This was not surprising. Richie tended to side with Kate on most things. Lilah caught the look he sent Kate, though Kate was still looking at Seth. His eyes were following the line of her petite body, admiring in a way that made Lilah look away, embarrassed.

Seth circled his desk, leaning his hip against it, “Two against two. How’re we going to break the tie?”

There was a beat of silence, then Richie stood and offered up his fist, “Best out of three?”

When Richie beat Seth two to one, Seth gave him a hardy ‘fuck you’ and strode from the room. Richie heaved a beleaguered sigh and followed him. Lilah dropped her head in her hands, boggled by the decision making skills of her partners. Rock, paper scissors...honestly.

“Why don’t you want to meet with them?”

Lilah lifted her eyes at the question, feeling her chest constrict, “I won’t have to do the actual meeting, Kate.” Lie, lie, lie, Lilah, “I just don’t think we’ll be successful.”

Kate tilted her head to the side, “You think its a trap?”

Lilah grabbed onto that line of thinking. It was logical, far more logical than ‘No, Kate. I just don’t want to meet up with someone who claims I am his bondmate and with whom I have exchanged blood’. Even in her head, it sounded so incredibly stupid. Not to mention the fact that she’d been hiding it long enough that admitting it would only lead to suspicion.

“I think Seth is too hot headed,” Lilah clarified quickly, “I think that it’ll fall apart before it even gets started.”

There, that was a convincing lie that was pretty grounded in enough truth that even Lilah half believed it. She very carefully did not study Kate’s face to see if the lie had landed.

Kate moved closer, her ancient gaze peering at Lilah carefully, “You’re right.”

Oh. Okay.

“Thank you.”

“You need to go with them.”

Ah, fuck.

“What?”

Kate nodded, her expression hardening, “You go with them, keep things level, make this work.”

“Me?” Lilah didn’t like how high her voice came out. She cleared her throat, “No, you know them better than I do. You go. Bring me whatever contract they draw up, I’ll red line it, make sure its fair.”

That was her role. Look over the game plan, find the flaws, work out the kinks. In that, Lilah was comfortable and safe. No need to put herself back in a room with Brasa. No need to let this get even more out of hand. No need for the messiness that would come from that.

Shaking her head, Kate took a step back, “I can’t. I can’t face him. What I did to him was,” she searched for words, “terrible.”

The sudden turn of Kate’s tone, the way her face screwed up in real disgust, made Lilah sit up and stake notice. Where had this come from?

She inhaled, trying to parse the words, “What does that mean?”

Kate’s eyes were focused on the middle distance, her mouth quivering, “Amaru loved torture, all kinds of torture. She didn’t care who it was that she hurt. I—she liked,” Another breath, “Brasa was blood bound to her, she could make him do things, do anything. She never got her hands dirty, but him…”

Lilah waited for more, but Kate simply stopped speaking. She looked shell shocked, tears welling up. God, but Lilah had been completely fooled by Kate’s frequent smiles and clear headedness. She hadn’t known how much trauma the hell queen had put Kate through, hadn’t even thought that Kate was conscious of the things that she’d done while trapped inside her own body. Moved to action, she stood and embraced Kate, saying to her the only comfort she could think to give.

“Its the past. And, it wasn’t you.” Then, “Are you still blood bound?”

She felt like real shit for asking, but she needed to know what Brasa’s relationship was with Kate, and if it would make their own relationship (did they even have a relationship?) more complicated. Kate made a soft sound in the negative and Lilah let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. That was one complication she had, thankfully, avoided.

Kate’s body was taut, “When she first brought me back, when I met him, I felt the power I had over him. And, she abused it. I drained him dry that first night, to regain her strength. After three days, when he managed to stand up off the ground, she did it again. Because she could.” Kate pulled back and looked at Lilah, “That wasn’t even the worst of it. How can I look him in the eye after all that?”

Lilah shook her head, “Like I said, it wasn’t you. And, if he really wants to talk peace, he’ll set it aside. If not, fuck ‘im.”

That, at least, was the truth. Lilah had been fighting his kind of less than a year and she was tired of it. She wanted peace. She wanted to go on nice, normal jobs—jewel theft, a bank heist, possibly even some fine art that they could sell on the black market. Stuff that was in her wheelhouse, in her comfort zone. If he was going to hold Kate responsible for the actions of Amaru, then he wasn’t worth negotiating with. Full stop.

Kate loosed a soundless laugh, “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Okay.”

[labyrinthof-fan-fiction]

Fever {2}

Jacob/Bella Twilight Fix-It Fic

Series Masterlist

A/N: Bella acquires some self-awareness. Team let all these characters say fuck. Again, if you don’t like it, don’t read it, this is just me screaming into the void.

Warnings: Depression, Anxiety, Abandonment

Summary: Months passed since Edward left and Bella has finally reentered the real world, maybe Forks will be normal.

Rating: M

Word Count: 2,478

Walking into school when I was aware of my surroundings was jarring after months of floating in existence. I muddled through classes, thankful that as a senior, most of my teachers taught in a lecture format and I could lose myself while they instructed, by now most had given up calling on me for answers. As I was packing my bag from English I heard a voice call my name. I snapped my head up, Mike stood in front of me. “What? Sorry, did you need something?” I asked.

“Are you working tomorrow?” He asked anxiously, every week he had asked this question. I had been answering on autopilot.

“Tomorrow’s Saturday.” I said with a shrug, I always showed up. Maybe in zombie mode, but I was there. And that paycheck was what would be filling my college fund. Or at least giving me a starting point for it.

“It is.” He nodded, seeming satisfied with the answer before he left the room. I finished packing up and wandered into the hallway. My first exchange with someone wasn’t horrible, but I dreaded the next with Jessica. She had been like a fly buzzing in my ear, but something told me that today, I would not be able to just tune her out.

I walked to my seat and glanced over at her. “Hi.” I said awkwardly with a small wave.

Her eyes widened for a moment. “Hello, Bella.” She stated in short accented bursts, but today, she didn’t give me a mindless deluge of her life. She remained silent, she stared at Mr. Varner as he lectured Calculus methods, but her eyes kept flitting over to me curiously. When class had winded down she turned to me. “Do you need help with calc?”

I gave her what I thought was a hopeful expression, “I need so much help.” Then froze, “With calculus, well with other things too, but that’s not your department.”

She chuckled. “I think I can handle calculus. I’m free tomorrow.”

I grimaced. “I work tomorrow.”

She nodded, “Mike had said you were working at Newton’s.” She tapped her pencil on her chin. “We’ll figure it out, we can always stay late sometime to work on calc. The library is open until 4:30.”

I smiled, then the bell rang, the day was over, I had two conversations with classmates who probably thought I was possessed after the past few months, but it was progress. Maybe if I shared it with Dad, he’d feel hopeful. I drove home, the constant weight that had made a home in my chest had lightened. I was surprised to come home and see Dad’s squad car parked out front, he had been working later, I was used to being home alone until he came back from work.

He was sitting in his recliner when I walked through the door, his eyes closed and a quiet snore escaping his lips. I tried to tiptoe in, to let him get a half-decent nap in, but his eyes opened when I closed the door.

“Good day at school?” He asked groggily.

“It was a day, at school.” I shrugged, setting my backpack down and sitting on the couch.

He nodded, “I got ahold of the therapist, Dr. Theresa Gilbert. She said she can see you on Monday after school. We can drive up, we’ll get there by 4 and she said you could start with a session, see how you feel. If you don’t get along she can refer you to another.”

I nodded, one session to start, I could handle that. “Are you sure we can do this?”

Dad quirked an eyebrow. “Your mother and I talked it over, we can swing it, you’re on my insurance plan, it’s not the best, but it will be fine.”

“So I’ll just leave school Monday and drive up to Port Angeles?”

“I’ll drive you.” Dad stated, I started to protest, but he cut me off. “Bells, I want to support you, you can go in yourself, I can sit in the car and wait. I won’t go in unless you want me to.”

“Okay.” I murmured, sensing there was something more to his wanting to go. Not a ‘I’m going to ensure you go’ but more of a ‘I have to be there.’

“You have work tomorrow?” He asked.

“Yeah, Saturdays are my day.” I nodded.

He let out a hum and stood up. “I’ll get dinner started. Let you know when it’s ready.”

I nodded and opened my backpack. I wasn’t worried about English or Social Studies, those two classes I could muddle through. But Calculus was going to be the bane of my existence. I continued working until Dad called me into the kitchen, it was spaghetti, a staple meal for him. Which, the past few months, I didn’t really notice how many times we ate it, but I imagine he did. “Dad, do you want me to start helping cook again?” I asked as I took a helping of pasta and sauce.

“Getting tired of spaghetti?” He teased, but added. “Only if you want to, you don’t have to take over. I can… get adventurous.”

I laughed. “I’ll start doing some meals, get some change in our diet.” I said taking a bite.

He smiled at me and we ate in silence. I washed the dishes before going up to bed, he turned on the TV to watch some game that was important to him. I closed my bedroom door behind me and took a deep breath. The throbbing in my chest was present again, my knees felt weak. It had been a good day, why now? I curled into a ball on my bed and willed myself to sleep. The dull throbbing lulled me to sleep as I counted my heartbeats.

Breakfast the next morning was silent, Dad had left a note on the fridge that he had to go to the station early. Forks barely ever had need of him this early, but after spending a year with vampires, I don’t know how much would surprise me anymore. I put my empty bowl in the sink and walked out to my truck. I let the engine sputter for a moment before it started, rap music started blaring through the stereo and I flinched back. When did I start listening to rap?

Mike was at the counter when I clocked in, “Hey, Bella.” He greeted.

“Hey, Mike.” I returned, putting on my vest and taking a seat next to him. “Busy morning.” I joked, gesturing at the empty store.

He glanced up at me, eyebrows almost in his hairline. “Yeah, busy.” He let out a small laugh. “How are you?”

“I’m here.” I answered, grateful for the bell to sound as a few customers entered. Mike nodded and went to help them. Early on, we learned that I was best at the cash register, and Mike was best with helping customers. Maybe that was just because I had been off this plane of existence for so long. But I was pretty hopeless when it came to the outdoorsy needs.

It must have been at least two hours that he spent going over different items with them before they finally checked out.

“I’m telling you, it wasn’t a grizzly, that thing was bigger than any grizzlies I’ve seen.” The first one, a big burly man with an unkempt beard started, tossing his items on the counter.

“I doubt it, there’s only black bear up here, and they don’t get that big. You’ve probably only seen young grizzlies.” The other, taller and lean with tan skin stated, throwing his items next to the first man’s.

“I’ve seen a full grown grizzly, and whatever was in those woods had at least three feet on a grizzly.” The first retorted, handing me cash when I gave him his total.

“Bullshit, you’re acting like you saw Sasquatch. Probably just your eyes playing tricks on you. You haven’t been the same since you stared into the sun.” The second teased, handing me his cash, a smirk on his face.

“That was years ago, and my eye sight is just fine. There’s a big ass bear in these woods.” Beardy grumbled, stomping out of the store to their truck.

“Don’t mind him, he always gets grumpy when we start trips.” The taller man said, taking his items and following the other out.

I glanced over at Mike who watched them leave then flipped the open sign to closed. He shrugged at me. “What? It’s not like there’s going to be a sudden raid for hiking equipment, especially with those two as our only customers. I can close up.”

“I’ll help, no reason for you to be stuck with the grunt work.” I stood from my stool and grabbed the broom. I started sweeping, I could feel Mike’s eyes on me. “You need something?”

He froze, his hand going behind his neck and he looked a little guilty. “We’ve missed you, Ang, Ben, even Jess, she won’t admit it.”

I felt a blush creep up my neck. “I guess I’ve been a bit of a hermit.”

“Yeah, just a bit.” Mike chuckled. “We’re here if you need us.”

I paused, taking in that statement. I had been so absorbed in myself the past few months, I honestly had forgotten what it was like having friends that weren’t…..them. I know last year I had been consumed by being a part of them that I had forgotten the people who were there for me first when I moved to Forks. “Thanks, Mike.” I continued to sweep, feeling a bit ashamed of the tunnel vision I had been in for the past year. The day I stepped onto the Forks campus I had been obsessed with him. And he didn’t want me, he left me, who was I without him? I finished up and gave Mike a quick goodbye, walking to my car faster than normal. I slammed the door and sped, well, moved as fast as my old girl would, and drove home. I made it halfway there before the tears started to fall. I pulled to the side of the road and threw the truck in park.

I pressed my head against the steering wheel as the sobs continued to tear through my body. I had given an entire year to him, lost myself in the fantasy of being his for eternity. I had been obsessed with immortality, the promise of never aging, never dying. And he didn’t want me, I was just a toy. I had served my purpose of amusement for a fleeting moment of his life, then I was thrown to the wolves. I almost died for him.

I froze when that thought appeared. I almost died…. For him. I put myself into danger for him. My blood was boiling, I had gone to that dance studio and been prepared to sacrifice my life. For what? A year, one fucking year and a few kisses. Kisses that were so controlled and choreographed they might has well have been a peck on the cheek. My radio broke me from my thoughts as a loud, angry song started. I looked over at my passenger seat, the old wrench sat there. Jacob had left it there, “Just in case the hood refuses to go back down, give it a good whack with this and it’ll be good as new.”

Jacob, I hadn’t seen him in a while… I shook my head and grabbed the wrench and slammed it into the radio. I kept going until the sound stopped, the radio that they had installed for my birthday was in pieces. I dropped the wrench onto the truck bench, I stared at the bent and broken plastic. The tears had stopped, the dull pain in my chest was back. I groaned, not sure how I was going to explain the mess I had made to Dad. A twig snapped in the woods to my right. I swore that I saw a flash of movement from the woods as I put the truck into gear. The two hikers had been talking about bears, maybe it was just a bear. Yeah, just a bear.

I tried to quiet my mind as I drove home, I thought today had been a good day, but breaking down in my truck and destroying the radio probably didn’t fit the definition of a good day. I had felt something though, months of floating in a void and I had felt guilty and angry. I pulled into the driveway, Dad still wasn’t home. I checked the messages on the phone, “I’ll be late tonight Bells, there’s leftovers in the fridge. Don’t worry about me. I’ll grab something when I’m home. Love you.”

That was something that had become more common in the past few months, Dad letting me know he loved me. He was always saying, love you, I love you. And I had started calling him Dad, not Charlie. Sure, it seemed like something that would be part of a normal father-daughter relationship. We weren’t normal, or weren’t, and now…. I might have been in another headspace, but somehow we grew closer. I walked up to my room, took a shower and crawled under my covers. “Please, just let me have a normal night.” I mumbled, and closed my eyes.

I was driving through the forest again. It was dark, the trees all looked the same. Every turn, it was the same trees. I glanced at the dashboard, the radio was back in place and the first verse of the song from earlier was blaring on repeat. The trees were a labyrinth, there was no way out. I slammed on the brakes, skidding on the wet pavement. Then I heard a branch snap and turned my head. And he was there, eyes crimson.

“Hello, Bella.” He sneered, I caught my reflection in the window. It was Grandma Marie’s face again. Blood dripped from his fangs. “I told you my world wasn’t for you.” He lunged and I woke up, my heart racing as I tried to catch my breath. I heard Dad shuffling by the door.

“Bella? You okay?” He called, he must have just gotten home, I glanced at my alarm clock, it blinked a one at me.

“Yeah, Dad, sorry, nightmare.” I called back. “Go to bed, I’m alright.”

He grunted, but I heard him shuffle to his room. What was he doing until 1AM? He used to work late when I was younger, I remember a few nights when he was home by ten, but this, something was going on. I laid on my back and closed my eyes. I just hoped that what was keeping him at work late wasn’t of the same nature as that keeping me awake.

[nutty1005]

Xiao Zhan: Beyond The Transformation

Translator’s Note: This article comes from Madame Figaro Hommes 2019 Oct Issue.

The Summer of 2019 made us remember the name Xiao Zhan. From the stage to the silver screen, from an idol to an actor, he had not stopped sprinting and transforming, and give us endless reasons to be moved by him. His speedy rise to fame is traceable. Sincere, kind, hardworking, thankful, a desire to become better, and the pursuit of strict professionalism. Everyone who has seen Xiao Zhan has complete reason to believe that his rise to fame is not limited; his character and qualities will definitely withstand the test of time.

About the Present

Recently, Xiao Zhan had been busy with the shooting of a drama “The Oath of Love”, which was adapted from a novel, and in this highly anticipated drama, his role is that of a doctor named Gu Wei. The busy work schedule had caused Xiao Zhan to start dividing his time by precise minute pieces; the tight and fast pace of life subconsciously shaped his perception about living. Since one and a half years ago, Xiao Zhan barely returned home, and after every brief rest period, he quickly devoted himself into the next piece of work. His luggage that he brings to his shoots were very simple, he said that the things he really needed were very little, but the only thing he insisted on was to buy the same type of pillow, that he is accustomed to sleep on, whenever he reached a new city. This is the familiarity and sense of security he brings with him wherever he goes.

From his external environment, his bare minimal requirements of just “a pillow” is all that he needs for familiarity and sense of security.   Internally, his sense of security comes from how assured he is with his dreams, how clear he is with his goals and how protective he is with his individuality. The most important source of his sense of security comes from his work – the endless traveling between cities, the meeting of different people, the highly dense work schedule. These not only did not exhaust him, but instead, gave him more energy. If he were to imagine himself lying at home, doing nothing, he said “I might go crazy”. The love and attention from his fans are also a source of energy to him – when he spoke of the letters and messages from his fans, he was actually slightly shy. All these warm words of encouragement and concern, not only touched him, but also gave him an invisible sense of responsibility. These “sweet pressure” gave him his quiet determination, and encouraged him to become a better person.

About the Past

When Xiao Zhan graduated from high school 10 years ago, he was so lost and confused that he was not even sure what he was confused about. At that point in time, he never thought that he would be doing a job that he is extremely passionate about, as well as being liked by so many people. This imagery touched him deeply, and after some deep thoughts, he said seriously “If there was a chance meeting, I will tell the ‘me’ 10 years ago – you can be young and proud, you can even be arrogant and prideful, but you need to respect the others, and cherish every person who loves you”. When the topic shifted to unrealized dreams, Xiao Zhan regretfully expressed that he has not been able to bring his parents around the world. He did not find any excuses for himself, but said confidently that “there will definitely be a chance to realize it”.

On the topic of his changes in the past 10 years, Xiao Zhan joked “Obviously that I have lost 30lbs of weight”. When asked what was the juncture that caused this change, he thought deeply for a moment, and replied “Because it was ugly”, and after which he chortled in spite of himself. After seriously recounting these past 10 years, he understood many things that he did not quite understand previously. Now, he has determined his direction and goal in the acting career – that is to work hard to become an acceptable actor, even if that meant minute progress everyday; even if this type of progress would come with a bigger sense of defeat. 

Every decision made in the recent years were all decided by Xiao Zhan, even if it might have resulted in a longer path, he never regretted it. He said that he could no return to the past and make those “better choices”, but if time were to reverse once, the “Xiao Zhan” at that time, might have still made the same decisions again. Without the past him making those decisions, there would not be the clearheaded determined Xiao Zhan of now. To him, being himself is more important than being flawless. 

About the Future

In this era where idols a mass produced, too many have risen and fallen overnight; the speed of which they are replaced can be in months, even as short as weeks. These appears to be of not much relation to actor Xiao Zhan – he is working hard on his path of becoming a good actor, with is own targets and references. “What we do today must be better than yesterday’s, what we do tomorrow must be better than today’s” – this is the happiness and success in Xiao Zhan’s view. When asked if the Xiao Zhan 10 years later would be satisfied with what he has now, Xiao Zhan laughed “Oh my god, the 28 year old me would jump the gun and tell the 38 year old me don’t go overboard, because I am really doing my best now.”

Xiao Zhan said that as he ages, he starts to realize what he truly wants, but the uncertainty and his mastery will also increase along with that. His assurance and self confidence are built from the most basic methods – clear targets and always looking ahead. When we think of the name “Xiao Zhan” 10 years later, what reason could that be due to? He said that he hoped it would be because he had participated in a superb work, acted in a role that he loved. With regards to his future, Xiao Zhan still held on to the most basic and yet most extreme dream that an actor could have. He only hoped that after living seriously for the people in the stories, he could leave a ripple the passage of time, such that he would still be remembered by some. 

[muddyhippy]

Night Terrors, Chapter 5: Check-ins and Check-ups

A Lily Of-Many-Names Mechanisms Story

Okay, this is my last attempt to get this posted and picked up by the mechanisms tag before I just accept defeat and scream into the void! Apologies for the multiple times I have posted this now, I’m just trying to make Tumblr do it’s job for once! This will probably get self-reblogged once as a last ditch attempt because that sometimes works to make a post of mine appear on my own dashboard! 

Summary

Lily has another nightmare filled with darkness and bad ones later than her usual night terrors torment her and when her usual source of comfort is nowhere to be found she decides to try her luck with the one person she’s pretty sure will still be up…

Featuring;  Some science officer observations, discussions of nightmares, lots of comfort, medical practice, some past Jonny whump, and some soft mechs at the end!

CW-Medical examination, blood test (very minor), needles (very brief), discussion of nightmares (ALL of these are tagged on AO3 too)

(This is also posted on AO3 but I am not including links on this post to see if tumblr will actually allow it to appear outside of my own damn blog! If you want the link there’s lots of versions on muddyhippy!)

 Check-ins and Check-ups

 There was a tentative knocking at the lab door.

 Raphaella frowned, she checked the ship’s time, 4:54 am. That was unusual. The only one who bothered to knock like that was Lily and Lily would be in bed by now and—

 Ah.

 Raphaella moved in a fluid motion, rising from her workbench and opened the door to be greeted by a slightly soggy Lily, the tear tracks and snotty nose was evidence of what had happened, clutching a fuzzy lump of something.

 “Jonny not in his room?”

 Lily shook her head, “M’sorry.”

 Raph sighed. It wasn’t a great inconvenience, she was hardly interrupting a breakthrough, she’d just lost track of time documenting one of her less hazardous bio-concoctions. Without a word she scooped Lily and her fuzzy thing up and carried her back to the bench. Lily immediately cuddled in close to her, Gemini tucked against her chest, breathing in the science officer’s familiar scent of chemicals, leather and a hint of flowers from her long golden hair. Lily loved Raphaella’s hair, it was so beautiful and silky. She loved being allowed to play with it, threading her little fingers through the fine strands and trying to plait them carefully.

 “You want to tell me what it was about?” prompted Raph.

“It was silly.” Lily thought the science officer was so clever and busy with all he experiments she felt shy and small and silly admitting what was wrong, she was a big girl and she should be able to handle one little nightmare. Even if it had really scared her. Lily hadn’t wanted to bother her, Raphaella was always kind when she did her checks on her but that was always at the same time, they were planned. So were all her fun science lessons. This was definitely interrupting and interrupting was rude.

 Raphaella sighed, disappointed at Lily’s conclusion, “If it upset you then by definition it is not silly. Just because dreams are caused by synapse transfer and your brain’s interpretation of events does not mean that the outcome can be deemed ridiculous if it has an impact on you.”

 “Oh.” Lily wasn’t entirely sure what that meant but it sounded like she didn’t think Lily was silly after all.

 “Quite.”

 “I dreamt the Aurora was all dark and cold and I could hear banging like a big, angry someone was trying to get in.” Lily explained quietly.

 “I see.” Raphaella frowned.

 Lily quailed a little, misinterpreting her expression and began to hide her face, “I said it was silly.”

 The science officer sighed, realising what Lily thought she’d meant, “And what did I say?”

 “Sorry.” The child cast her eyes down as she mumbled.

 Very gently Raphaella caught Lily’s chin and pulled her face up to meet her, “No, don’t be sorry. This is a perfectly rational thing to dream Lily. You’ve been very brave and you continue to be brave. My research indicates that nightmares are a way of processing something very frightening and unpleasant that as happened to you. What happened to you was not silly so your way of processing it is also not silly.”

 It had actually be a good excuse to research nightmares in general since she knew full well the whole crew got them, regardless of age. Her own ones were manageable if unpleasant, determined to remind her of things she’d much rather forget.

 Lily’s lower lip wobbled dangerously.

 Raphaella sighed and for once decided to take a leaf out of Jonny’s book.

 Logical rational explanations could wait until she was little older. And she knew Lily responded extremely well physical comfort, she’d seen evidence of that be beyond that farthest doubt.

 “Come here little proton, it’s alright.” Raphaella wrapped both her arms and wings about the upset child and began rocking her like she’d seen Jonny do. It seemed to work after all and if observed action had been proved to yield positive results then who was she to argue with empirical evidence?  

 “It’s alright. You’re safe. Aurora is never truly dark, Nastya, Jonny, Tim and Brian don’t really like the dark either so she makes sure it’s always bright enough. And no one can get into Aurora without our say so. Aurora wouldn’t let them in anyway.”

 “An’ you’d shoot them if they did.” Came a convinced voice.

 “We certainly would. Or do something more interesting but we’d make sure they never got to you.”

 “Promise?”

 Raphaella was not in the habit of keeping promises, they were ephemeral and inconsequential unless you could use them to get what you wanted but this one felt important.

 “On my honour as a scientist.”

 Lily’s eyes widened at the words, that was very important. Raphaella was the best scientist there was and science was very, very precious to her. So she very much meant it.

 “Thank you.” Lily snuggled closer

Raphaella sighed once more, not really put out, she began to card her fingers gently through Lily’s silvery hair. It had been more pleasant than she’d been expecting to show Lily an exact comparison for her hair colour in the natural world, sunshine reflected off the surface of the lake. She rather thought the explanation of how light travelled and refracted might have gone a bit over her head but Lily had been an enthusiastic listener all the same which was better than her crewmates most of the time. She had been thrilled at being compared to sunshine too.

 Lily tentatively inched her fingers towards Raphaella’s cascading tresses, seeking the comfort they represented, Raphaella was kind and she was safe, she looked after her using her science. Lily loved sitting on the science officers’ lap, it made her feel important and special when Raphaella spoke science to her, (like when the others told her about things they loved too) even if she didn’t always understand it, she especially loved it when she let her play with her hair. Lily wanted to grow hers just as long.

 The science officer gave Lily her warmest smile, the one she had cultivated especially for the child. “Go on little proton, I don’t mind.”

 Lily gave her a smile filled with wonder that quickly turned into one of happy, soothed exhaustion. Two hands, one large, one small, each carefully combing fingers through soft hair, both knowing a singular form of peace.

 It took precisely two minutes and thirty seven seconds for Lily to fall asleep under the science officer’s ministrations. Lily had never fallen asleep on Raphaella before, she wasn’t normally the lulling type, leaving it to the others when the occasion arose but this was immensely satisfying, she could now see why Jonny never really complained about holding her till she slept.

 She was glad this interaction was being recorded too, it would be useful to refer back to when comparing different calming methods they all used to see which was the most effective. She had a suspicion that despite all their research, Jonny’s instinctive cuddle and rocking combination from the first night was probably the more sure-fire way to settle Lily. Not that she’s tell him of course. He didn’t need to know just what a comparably good job he was doing. The thing Lily had been clutching was likely to be a Jonny concoction too, the man was deceptively good at needlecraft, he’d mended enough of the crew’s clothes over the years when sufficiently bribed with whiskey, he’d even fixed the Toy Solider’s uniform when it got torn badly enough, complaining that he’d done so only because he couldn’t stand it moping around lamenting the damage.

 He’d even carefully embroidered eyes on the thing Lily held which seemed to be some sort of geological shape. She could admit whilst in her own company only that the craftsmanship on it was rather remarkable. He’d obviously gone to some effort to make her something with crystalline accuracy in some sort of fuzzy fabric and given how tightly Lily had been holding it but she’d never seen it in the mess at meal times nor had it accompanied the child to her check-up sessions, it was her comfort-at-night object. That, that was surprisingly thoughtful of him. She smiled quietly to herself.

 He definitely didn’t need to know what a good job he was doing.

 Maybe a hint.

 He also didn’t need to know the general positives these interactions were having on the pair of them and by extension, the rest of the crew. They would all work it out eventually and if she said anything too soon the idea would be dismissed out of hand, no, it was much better to be able to make unobtrusive observations and predictions unhindered.

 Lily was beginning to grow at a healthy rate, she wasn’t back up to where she should be yet but after three months she was now making steady progress. At her last weekly check-up Lily was now projected to be back on track to reach where she should be for a healthy eight year old in the next three months. They’d successfully reversed the physical damage done to her by the three weeks of acute malnutrition but the longer effects of a lifetime of not having quite enough would take longer to mend.

 Still, it felt, well, nice to see her improving.

 The first time she’d insisted on a proper check had been only few days after Lily had joined them. She’d asked Jonny to bring her to lab so she could get a real idea of what they were working with for Lily, exact height and weight, not to mention resting heart rate, lung capacity, bone density and a blood test to make sure everything was functioning as it should be. Lily was human so there were some basics that could be taken for granted but Raphaella wanted a solid starting point for knowing how best to reverse the damage of long term malnutrition.

 She’d argued with Jonny about it for 47 minutes before he finally saw sense and agreed to bring her along. His hang ups over poor medical practice were one thing and even understandable but not to the point that it impeded Lily’s recovery.

 He’d grudgingly agreed, especially when the others added their voices in assent and Raphaella assured him that she’d keep to the bare minimum of procedures to assess Lily.

 Marius had argued that it was so they could help her not hurt her. Given how delicate the matter was nobody teased Marius that surely it should be him leading the investigation if he was, in fact, a doctor. As it was, they all recognised that Raphaella’s dedication to the scientific approach would probably yield better results long term.  Marius and Brian advised on what she should be looking for specifically all the same.

 It was Nastya who’d finally swung him into accepting the proposal. She pointed out that if they didn’t check her properly when they could have and it turned out that they’d ensured the damage done by her ship management was permanent then that made them no better than the idiots that had led her mission. A grim accolade no one wanted to earn, the more Lily talked about life on her ship the more everyone was convinced it was mission led by utter idiots doomed to failure.

 She added quietly that they weren’t like their creator, that Carmilla would only be interested in tests to see how she could exploit Lily. They needed to conduct tests to work out exactly how to help Lily properly and make sure she stayed healthy and happy.

 Jonny couldn’t argue with that. Well, he could. But he wouldn’t, Lily being safe and well and as healthy as she could be was too important. Kid was a bag of bones, a mortal bag of bones at that and he should know, she still spent half her time attached to him and he was honestly worried by how light she was. He had very vague memories of being young except for a few key things but if he really thought about it he was sure at eight he’d been taller and broader. That wasn’t a bullshit boy vs girl nonsense thing either, he was sure he’d been taller and heavier at her age and that was with his family set up. Something was wrong. Raphaella was right, they did need to check.

 He didn’t have to like it though.

 Raphaella wasn’t sure which of the two were the more nervous coming in to the Lab.

 She made it more into a game in an attempt to settle them both, it wouldn’t do for their nerves to set up a negative feedback loop.  She got them both to play catch with one of her more robust recorders so she could check hand to eye coordination and reflexes. She challenged Lily to scrunch up as small as she could then stand on her tip toes and then stand as straight and flat-footed as she could on her weighing scales.

 Raphaella had Jonny pick her up and hold her as though they were posing for photo whilst she deployed the scanner for Lily’s bone density, explaining that she wanted close ups of her smiling face. It covered her dental development too.

 Checking her ears and throat had been relatively easy, getting silly to pull as ridiculous faces as she could whilst trying to sing ‘Old King Cole’ worked on her throat and the otoscope was hardly invasive.

 Jonny had managed to keep things light enough asking if Raphaella had found some of Ashes’ missing gold down there. Lily had been indignant and Raphaella had played along, pleased he was trying to make things easier.

 The blood test was unsurprisingly a little harder of a sell.

 Lily went rigid with fear when she saw the needle.

 Hmm. Understandable but not helpful, it was one of her smallest ones as well.

 Jonny cleared his throat, his own spine stiffening and also not taking his eyes off the syringe. “Why don’t we have a go with the stethoscope first?”

 That was a surprising suggestion coming from him. Raphaella had been planning to brace herself and try to use that as a wind down but maybe there needed to be buffer. She decided to put it to Lily to decide.

 “Lily, I’m not going to hurt you. I need to take a little bit of your blood to check everything is working as it should be inside you. Your blood can tell me all sorts of important things that you yourself won’t be able to tell me.”

 Lily still looked scared. Raphaella found it wasn’t an expression she liked to see on so young a face. Raphaella had no problem being seen as intimidating or even down right terrifying by those who crossed her path or got in her way. That was half the fun, but on Lily? No, she didn’t like being the cause of that fear one bit. The test was still needed though.

 “But you’ve got a choice,” she continued in the tone she’d already modulated especially for the child, no-nonsense but gentle, firm but soft enough to put her at ease most of the time. “I can take this sample now then use the stethoscope to listen to your heart and lungs or I can listen first and then take the blood sample but either way I need to take it.”

 The child had tried to melt into Jonny, clinging to him, fingers burying in fabric and belts.

 Raphaella tried not to notice that the comforting hand that was running up and down her back was trembling.

 Lily turned to face Jonny. “What do you think?”

 Jonny tore his gaze from the poised syringe and did his best to look relaxed and nonchalant despite the fact his heartrate had audibly trebled, “I think it’s always better to get the thing that scares you done first. Raph’s right though, she’s only doing it because she wants to make sure you’re okay inside and out. It won’t hurt, it’s more like getting a sharp pinch on your skin for a second and then it’s done.”

 He didn’t mention that it was fine when blood was being taken from you rather than a bunch of different poisons being injected into you over and over again to see how quickly each one affected you and how quickly you came back. How each one burned and cramped and ripped through every single system until he was desperate for death. He was the first after all. Carmilla had to make sure her new creation was full-proof and indestructible. That he could come back from anything.

 “How do you know?”

 Jonny smiled ruefully, “I’ve had a lot of injections over the years, given lots of samples too. It doesn’t hurt.” ‘It’s what comes after’ remained unsaid.

 “Oh.” Lily clearly thought about it, weighing up the pros and cons. She eyed the stethoscope on the science officer’s workbench. She knew how that worked at least. There was something right next to her that might make her feel braver. “If Raphaella takes a sample can, can I listen to your heart while she does it?”

 Jonny was halfway to opening his mouth to say ‘no’ on sheer reflex when Lily added in a small voice, “I don’t want to watch. I don’t like blood. It goes bad and gloopy and changes colour too quickly. And it smells horrible.”

 Well fuck. He could hardly say no to that.

 “You won’t be able to smell it Lily, it’ll be in the syringe.” Raphaella tried to distract, she was well aware of Jonny’s dislike of anything to do with exam practice. She was actually impressed he’d not just dumped Lily on her and run, that he’d taken part so far. He had more courage than she gave him credit for, that or a greater sense of guardianship than she’d expected. Either way, he was making her job much easier and she appreciated it.  

 Raphaella had tried to get a better understanding of his Mechanism not long after she’d joined the crew, intrigued by the ticking of his chest. She’d come at him with a stethoscope and woken up in the wreckage of her workbench recovering from 6 gunshot wounds.

 She hadn’t pursued that line of research further.

 “Still don’t like it.” Lily half spoke into Jonny’s chest and half to the science officer.

 “That’s fair enough.” Conceded Raphaella

 Lily’s eyes were doing the thing again. The thing where they took up half her face, she gazed imploringly up at him. “Please?”

 Fuck. He really had to immunise himself against that. Later. Now though?

 He swallowed. “Sure.”

 Raphaella raised an eyebrow, fully prepared to snatch Lily out of his arms and rocket skywards if he looked like he was going to detonate like he did last time.

 Jonny gave her tiniest nod.

 This was Lily. He shook himself internally. It was Lily. Lily couldn’t hurt him if she tried. Okay, well she could but she wasn’t armed right now and she liked his ticking. He forced himself to watch her, to brace for the touch of the disc. He’d be ready, he’d know. If he closed his eyes there was no guarantee he’d be able to hold it together for her. This was Lily reaching to him for comfort, he reminded himself firmly. She needed him to distract her from something frightening but necessary. Lily wasn’t going to sigh and tut and then open him up.

 He wasn’t strapped to a table.

 He forced himself to breathe as calmly as he could, the way Ivy had shown him from one of her books when he’d taken refuge once in the earliest incarnation of the library.

 He was fine, he was holding Lily. He was free to move. He was holding Lily and being reassuring because needles were frightening. He was proving it was fine. It was fine.

 The disc made contact.

 It took everything in him not to bolt.

 “Jonny, your ticking is very fast.” A little voice piped up matter-of-factly.

 Before he got a chance to answer Lily had already drawn her own conclusions.

 “I know I’m not a proper doctor like Raphaella but I won’t hurt you. See?” She took the disc off then pressed it even more gently against him, then rested her head on him too, trying to be reassuring.

 Fucking Hell. That she thought she could hurt him? Like this? At all? But the pressure helped. Carmilla had never been gentle with his chest. She’d never been gentle full stop.

 Lily was.

 This was Lily and it was fine. He held her a little tighter. “I like this,” she spoke quietly, as if she was speaking directly to his heart but then again, when wasn’t she? “I can hear your ticking all around. It’s going slower now.”

 It took two tries to speak.

 “T-That’s because you’re doing a good job.” Raphaella was watching him like a hawk, despite the fact he’d drained of colour and there was a noticeable (to her experienced eye at least) tremor running through him he was still sat still and solid for Lily, making no sign that he was about to flip her workbench.

 “I am?”

 “Of course.” He managed the ghost of his usual grin, “I don’t let just anyone listen to me.” If only she knew how true that was.

 Lily beamed at him, utterly delighted. Just as Raphaella took her moment.

 Jonny was aware enough of the situation to catch Lily’s face as she turned to see the source of the sudden pinch, directing her back to look at him, the surprised ‘Eeep!’ already escaping her lips. “Keep looking this way Lemondrop, it’s alright. Keep listening to the ticking.”

 Tears pricked the corners of her eyes.

 “It’s alright,” he ran his fingers through her hair, hating that she was upset, hating that they were doing this. He’d always sworn he’d have nothing to do with anything like this but here he was. A necessary evil. “It’s alright, she’ll be done soon. You’re being very brave.” He didn’t dare rock her and risk jostling the needle so he hummed instead.

 She clung to him with her other hand, with a muffled whimper but did as he asked. It didn’t hurt, not really but the idea of something being stuck in her was an idea she didn’t like. Still, Jonny had her and she could hear his ticking loud and clear and he said she was being brave so that was good. She could hear him humming Rose Red as well and she couldn’t help but relax, Jonny had her, she could hear his ticks and the humming and she could smell his spicesmokewhiskey.

 It was okay.

 She was safe.

 They were looking after her because she was part of the crew, they cared about her. It was alright.

 All at once there was the feel of something going away and something pressing on her arm.

 “There we go, all done, good girl, you’ve been very brave.” Raphaella finished taping the small cotton gauze to her arm covering the tiny pinprick of blood.

 Lily took a moment to take in the sight of her arm and then the science officer, Raphaella had been right, it hadn’t hurt. It had been scary because she wasn’t sure what it would be like and she was scared it would hurt because they were bigger and stronger and braver than her and that they said it wouldn’t hurt because it wouldn’t hurt them when they had to have needles in them but actually, it had been a bit of a shock but it hadn’t hurt at all and Jonny had made her feel safe all the way through and he wouldn’t do anything to hurt her or let anything else hurt her anyway.

 She gave a sunny smile to Raphaella.

 “It didn’t hurt!”

 Despite herself, Raphaella was rather pleased, she allowed a knowing grin to bloom across her face, rather than the haughty scoff that she saved for the others, “I did say.”

 “You did!” Lily beamed wider.

 “Well I’m glad I was proved correct. Are you ready for me to take a turn listening to you?”

 “Yes.”

 “Good, I just need a listen to your chest and then we’re all done. Can I have the stethoscope back?”

 Lily carefully removed the buds from her ears and hand the piece of equipment back, she missed hearing Jonny’s ticking quite so loudly. She leaned against him instead.

 Raphaella decided not to comment on the sudden drop in tension from Jonny the second the disc was taken away from his chest.

 With gentle efficiency she had the device in her own ears.

 “Can you sit up straight for a moment please?” Lily did so, “then take some nice deep breaths for me.”

 Lily did the best she could.

 After a few minutes Raphaella sat back, satisfied.

 Her initial suspicions were well founded, Lily was almost chronically underweight and under-height but that could be fixed with care. Her lungs and heart seemed strong through and her reflexes as well as hand to eye coordination were sharp and focused, ears and throat were clear of infection too and that was the most common source of ailments for human children according to her research. Lily was a fighter and, pending the results of the blood tests had no reason not to make a full recovery. That was pleasing and definitely worth the few uncomfortable moments.

 She gave Jonny a short nod over Lily’s head.

 The relief in his face was something Raphaella was going to remember for long time to come. She might find him deeply irritating most of the time but he’d certainly proved himself when it counted. He was many things but could not be accused of being a selfish bastard. At least, not right now.

 “Alright then, all done here. I think you’ve earned something nice.”

 “Really?” Lily perked up even more.

 “Oh yes.”

 “What?”

 “I happen to know Brian’s been busy in the kitchen with Marius.” She happened to know exactly because they’d planned it earlier, it was only fair for Lily to get some sort of recompense for having to go through something unpleasant. It was something they all wished they had had when they were young (not to mention everything that had happened since they were young).

 The excited squeal that erupted was something that warmed both of the adults in the room and would certainly not get passed on to the chocolate cake bakers. It wouldn’t do to give them ideas after all.

 Not for the first time they found themselves hand in hand with Lily, swinging the excited child all the way to the mess.

 Raphaella came back to the present and smiled as she held the currently comforted and sleeping Lily, the child had got far more used to the weekly check-ups following the first one, it helped that her blood came back fine and healthy, no underlying issues to be concerned about so no more blood tests were needed.

 She still liked to listen to Jonny’s heart with the stethoscope during the check-ups.

 Jonny still endured it for her sake.

 Raphaella thought that over the weeks he’d looked a little more relaxed each time.

 The check-ups proved what they were seeing in real time. Lily was mending. She was putting on healthy weight and starting to grow, her skin was starting to have a glow to it again. It felt nice to have used her research and scientific approach for unquestionable good for once. She’d shared her findings with them all. The rest were pleased too. They’d made a comprehensive list of supplies with Ivy and Raph’s information that Ashes organised and sourced. Marius and Brian eagerly added more recipes to the collection and the others made a point of each eating vaguely healthy snacks every so often so as to not make Lily feel like she was the odd one out. Regular mealtimes helped too.

 It was satisfying to see that improvement over time, Lily was proving to be a fascinating research study that Raphaella was very much invested in. It was also immensely satisfying that the rest of the crew was just as invested her topic of study for once. Seeing Lily grow and heal and improve was something that was having a positive effect on the rest of the crew, she’d noticed (and made notes of course) that the crew interacted more frequently and more positively usually when Lily was present but sometimes even without her there. These developments were, pleasing, to put it into layman terms. Though Raphaella wasn’t entirely sure why. It would take further investigation of course but she did have eyes, the positive interactions were slowly improving the general well-being in the crew, communal mealtimes and friendlier banter seemed to be improving moods across the board.

 Most notably of course was Jonny.

 His general comportment had softened a little, his violent outbursts reduced and he definitely looked like he was sleeping more regularly. Raphaella estimated his alcohol consumption had dropped by a least a bottle a night which was rather impressive, it wasn’t like the alcohol did anything long term since all their mechanisms prevented permanent internal damage, especially when one was killed far too frequently to even consider organ failure due to extensive alcohol poisoning. But still, it was nice to see him looking more, centred, for lack of a better word.

 Heavy boots made their appearance on the peripheries of her hearing.

 Think of the devil…

 Raphaella took a moment to soak up the situation, Lily had fallen asleep against her peacefully and easily as if she were her mother. It was a completely new experience but not an unpleasant one it turned out. Raphaella had enjoyed introducing the scientific process to Lily over the past three months, teaching her the basic principles of chemistry and physics and now botany since she’d set up the hydroponics lab with Nastya and Ivy. That had been a fun collaboration and all three enjoyed Lily’s delight at each seed sprouted and new leaf grown.

 She’d added a whole new strand of research to her study too, the poisons and toxins of plants were fascinating and she was eager to put those to good use when the next opportunity arrived. There was always opportunity for hybridisation too. Excellent.

 The heavy boots stopped right outside the lab door followed by an uncharacteristically gentle knock.

 “Come in Jonny.”

 The first mate entered looking annoyed at the presumption that quickly melted into relief when he saw a sleeping Lily in her arms.

 The science officer gave him an appraising look. Despite the obvious panic at not knowing where Lily was Jonny still looked calmer and better rested than he had for centuries. Raphaella found she liked that look on him, he seemed far more settled, music rehearsals with everyone had become a lot more productive too, always a bonus.

 She still found it funny he refused to use his ship communicator to ask the group chat where Lily was on an evening she had a late nightmare-startled wander, clearly too proud to admit he’d lost her. It wasn’t as if she could get into any real danger any more. Both the Octokittens and Stowaways knew not to touch her and Aurora wouldn’t let her get lost anywhere too dangerous. Then again, the day he did they knew it would be a serious one.

 As it was the first mate was only looking marginally stressed and panicked, a whole lot better than she’d seen him look.

 Jonny took in the sight of Raphaella as he entered the lab. From the lights behind her and a sleeping Lily in her arms the science officer resembled an angel that he’d seen statues of on multiple worlds, beautiful and terrible, just as he remembered the preacher talking about on Sundays when he was small. He’d seen what Raph could do to somewhere or someone that irked her and he’d come to believe all those stories.

 Still, the look she was giving Lily as he walked in was something else, it was a face he knew she saved just for Lily, that slight softness, a pride in her eyes and smile tugging at the corner of her lips.

 Jonny knew Raphaella was incredibly pleased by the progress Lily had made both physically and with all the science lessons she’d been teaching, Lily had talked his ear off about all the things she’d made by experimenting. The physical checks were good too, in their way. Much as he hated them. If he really had to admit it, the checks were worth it, it was good to know Lily was on the right track at least, that they weren’t making a mess of her, at least not physically.

 “Thought she might be here.” Came his way of explanation,

 “Well congratulations.”

 “She been here long?”

 “Only half an hour or so.”

 “Good.” He stayed curt, not wanting to give her room to rinse him more than he was expecting, Raphaella had a way with words that could cut like one of her scalpels if he wasn’t careful, most of the time it didn’t bother him but if it was about Lily and how he handled her, it tended to cut to the core of him, much to his annoyance.

 “How did you lose her this time?”

 “I didn’t lose her!” he snapped, “She just got up when I wasn’t around. I do check the times on things you know, she’s usually up at 11, 1 and 3 so much that you can set a metronome by her. It’s not my fault she just got up out of sequence!”

 “And you weren’t in your room because?” pressed Raphaella, not giving an inch.

 “Because I wasn’t!”

 “Jonny,” Began the science officer in a deceptively gentle voice, “I could wake her up and make Lily ask you with her big blue accusing eyes.”

 The first mate looked furious he was about to say ‘you wouldn’t dare’ but Raph absolutely would to prove a point and he really didn’t want to risk having to admit the truth to Lily, he found it incredibly hard to lie to her properly after all.

 “Fine, Lily mentioned a birthday coming up some months from now and I am making something for that. Away from my room. Lost track of time. That’s it.” He ground out.

 “A secret something I take it?” Raphaella teased, amused to have caught him in such an obvious lie, Jonny on the whole was usually quite good at lying. He managed it effortlessly on stage after all. And he was damned good poker player.

 “You won’t find it.”

 “It wouldn’t have anything to do with the bits of clothing several of us have missed over the last few weeks would it?”

 Jonny’s ears began to turn red.

 “No.”

 ‘Aha.’ Thought Raphaella. But she was intrigued enough to let it stand, it was honestly rather refreshing to have Jonny do something vaguely productive outside of his musical and lyrical talents, repair work not-withstanding. There were only so many theoretical studies of chronic alcohol abuse and sleep deprivation she could observe before it got tiresome. This proved to be far more interesting.

 “Alright then, well I await to see the results with bated breath.”

 “Fuck off Raph.”

 “I could just wake her.”

 “I could just shoot you.”

 “You know you won’t.”

 The impotent rage on Jonny’s face was amusing to witness.

 “Fine, but I fill find a way to make you suffer.”

 “I look forward to it.”

 He matched her feral grin, feeling like he’d at least gained somewhat of an upper hand he moved on to the more important issue, Lily hadn’t been out of her bed unexpectedly for the last month, not since she found Brian during the poker game.  

 “What was it about this time?”

 “Doors being rattled and banged on by enemies in the dark.”

 “Oh, standard then. Good.”

 “Standard? I thought they were all like this one?” This was interesting, there were others? Raphaella got halfway through that thought and froze.

 Uh, Jonny realised he’d not actually shared a lot of detail of Lily’s nightmares, he passed on the basics to everyone at Tim’s insistence after she’d climbed in with him, demanding to know at least what they might have to deal with if the crew was now fair game to ask comfort from. The others had backed him up, the bastards, and he’d been forced to share a bit. He didn’t really want to, nightmares were private things after all and it wasn’t fair for him to share stuff that bothered someone else but as it had been pointed out, Lily was a child whom they all cared about, whom they were all guardians for and thus they all needed to know likely sources of upset and triggers to avoid when they spent time together, either during the day or if they happened to be the ones to comfort her at night.

 He’d relented, wanting to make sure she always had some solid options for comfort. He knew in excruciating detail how unpleasant it could be to suffer that sort of fear and misery on your own. Until you learned to ignore and bury it that is.

 So the others knew the basics at least, it was always the threat of attack, rattling and banging and bellowing in the dark unsurprisingly. He tended to keep the extra details to himself though, he knew how desperately Lily wanted to be seen as a ‘big girl’ by the crew. Even though there was nothing she could say or do that would actually make them think she was somehow less. Kid had endured enough and was still pretty functional, that was one hell of an achievement already. And she was stil mortal.

 Sometimes her nightmares was flavoured with gunfire (though not Tim’s apparently, that sounded different according to Lily, Jonny had no idea how the hell gunfire could sound ‘friendly’ but supposedly Tim’s did-children clearly had a higher nuance of sound perception-it made music lessons all the more interesting that was for sure), sometimes it was visions of what was left of her crew, her parents dying and on one particularly horrendous night images of her parents demanding to know why she hadn’t saved them. He had mentioned that one to Marius and then the rest of the crew since it had taken the singing of the entirety of ‘Alice’ to lull her back to sleep bookended with ‘Rose Red.’

 The one about her being left behind that she told to Brian was concerning, that one he had talked to the others about straight away, worried that taking her to a planet had, in fact, been a bad move. Given that that was as near as an admission to the idea he’d been wrong about wanting to take her planetside actually had them all discussing it properly with only minimal jeering. It ended up being pointed out that since it was such a new experience, even though it had been very positive, Lily’s subconscious was so traumatised it wasn’t surprising it had sparked off a different set of nightmares.

 It had assuaged the guilt a little at least. He was glad she clearly had really enjoyed the visit.

 “Jonny?”

 He realised he’d been staring into the middle distance and not actually talking. Shit.

 He refocused on her. A look crossed Raphaella’s face that he’d seen maybe once or twice before in all the years he’d known her. A hint of worry.

 “Does, does she have nightmares about what we, what I,” she corrected, “do here?”

 That question knocked him sideways, his initial instinctive bastard response died on his lips. This was Raphaella actually asking him, Jonny, for reassurance, reassurance that what she was doing wasn’t physcologically damaging their charge. He’d never seen the science officer look unsure before. Jonny realised he had a choice, he could lie and tell her that yes, the check-ups upset Lily and he’d had to calm her down from a lot of nightmares inspired by Raph’s actions or, or he could be honest.

 He thought about how genuinely devastated he’d be if one of the others told him that the reason Lily had come to them wasn’t because she couldn’t find him but that she was scared of him, that she’d had a nightmare about him because of something he’d done. He felt his guts twist. No, he couldn’t do that to Raphaella, he could murder her happily along with the rest of the crew whenever Lily wasn’t about and he’d been suitably bored or antagonised but lying about this?

 He couldn’t do it.

 If he stopped to think about it, there were quite a few things he couldn’t do now. All involved Lily, he couldn’t lie to the others about her, they were all in this together, more so than anything they’d been bound by previously. Jonny knew he was the primary source of Lily information but he actually respected that fact and that he should share as much as was reasonable to make sure it was as easy for the others to comfort and look after her as possible. This communal guardianship parenting thing they’d fallen into was working but it needed proper communication much as it felt like pulling teeth sometimes. It was needed so he did it. So they all did it.

 He fixed Raphaella with as sincere look as he could manage.

 “No Raph, she’s never had a nightmare about you or the check-ups, I think she’d settled into them, always asks me stuff about what you do in the lab so I reckon you’re fine.”

 Raphaella tried and failed not to look relieved.

 “Oh, well, thank you that’s, that’s preferable.”

 Yeah, it is. Her ship’s done enough of a number on her, she’s been here long enough now to know, I think, that we’re not trying to fuck her up.

 That seems like a reasonable conclusion. She’s not been put off by what she sees on a daily basis, between Tim’s shooting practice, TS’s stories and my science if that’s not affected her negatively then, for the moment we may remain in grace period.

 “What do we do when that ends?”

 “We’ll have to slowly introduce more regular elements of life on board to get her more used to things, little by little, it seems to be working so far.”

 Jonny considered, Raph did have a point, last week something had exploded and whilst Lily had gone stock-still and the colour drained out of her face she hadn’t cried or outwardly panicked, instead asked Jonny very quietly if they could find out what happened, because ‘it was probably Tim trying his new canon that he had been showing her through the building process but could they go and check please just to make sure?’

 So they had and it was. Jonny was feeling pretty fucking murderous but Tim had ignored him and got there first, explaining when they arrived exactly what he’d been upto, that he was sorry it went off without her there to see but the trigger had been too sensitive. He’d shown Lily the system and rig so that she understood the weapon and where the sound had come from, feeling much happier that she knew this was something to protect them and not a sign that they were under attack.

 Jonny had planned an elaborate murder for Tim and braced himself for an onslaught of nightmares that never came. Well they did but it was just the usual, banging on the doors in the dark one nothing to do with Tim or his explosions. He’d been waiting a full eight days and nothing. He was beginning to suspect Tim’s approach of including Lily in the construct of the weapon really had been a big help. Clever bastard.

 “Yeah, that’s, that’s probably as good a plan as we’ve got.”

 Raphaella considered, Jonny didn’t have to have been kind a moment ago. But he was. She’d almost entirely forgotten what it was like to be concerned about the long-term effects of her science and she hadn’t liked the feeling whatsoever. He could have made it worse and didn’t. That certainly counted for something and definitely towards her working theory about him and his own developmental track.

 “It’s probably better than what she would have in any other circumstance or with anyone else who might have rescued her. We’re all doing well with her, physically and mentally, we’re all in this together and it’s working, I can see it in my results and charts as clearly as I see it on her, against more odds than I think even Ivy would be comfortable calculating we’re improving her, as a crew, she’s healing and mending, and,” she considered her words, “you’re both the catalyst and accelerator in this compound of all of us, with all the variables.”

 Jonny began to open his mouth.

 “You’re good for her, my research indicates it.” Elaborated Raphaella stiffly. Being kind and gentle with Lily was far easier than she expected it to be, transversely being articulately kind to her crewmates was decidedly harder, she’d had very little practice and took refuge in her scientific terms, they always flowed more easily.

 Jonny’s eyes widened at the implication of what she was saying. That it was her saying it.

 Still, with him, sometimes actions spoke louder than words.

 Very carefully she handed over Lily to him, fuzzy rock thing and all, taking care to catch Jonny’s hand in the process and squeeze it for the briefest of moments.

 She was deeply surprised to receive a returning squeeze, equally as brief.

 She tried to read his face, a myriad of expressions flitted over him, shock, confusion, wariness, pride and elation before settling back to his default of ‘cocky bastard smirk’

 He held Lily close a moment then allowed a softer, sincere expression to linger in his eyes, “Thanks Raph, s’what the crew’s for, everyone’s got a job with this one.”

 He sobered and shifted, face returning to its usual look, his regular swagger sliding into his stance, “See you at breakfast.” He threw out his familiar feral grin without the need or will to add a snarky comment and sauntered out with a Lily tucked up against his chest who was at least half an inch taller and several pounds heavier than when she arrived.

 They were working as a crew and it was mending Lily.

 Not for the first time Raphaella considered the pair as they left her lab, a fond smile spreading across her face. The unlikeliness of this scenario had already cost Ivy one full notebook but the science officer could honestly conclude that she was deeply satisfied by this anomaly and looked forward to the further variables it generated.

 Otherwise, what even was the point?

 Smile still on her face she settled down to update her research log on the day’s nocturnal events. Her file was getting decidedly long.

 Raphaella found that only pleased her more.

[thefinalexperiment]

The Final Experiment Chapter 28: James Buchanan Barnes

Peter Parker x OC

A/N: So I just wanted to preface by saying this chapter is fairly intense. Not necessarily violent, but just a bit more intense than an average chapter. The italics are flashbacks, any dialogue in the flashbacks is in Russian. It was way too much to run through Google translate lol. Hopefully you will enjoy getting some answers about Kait and Bucky's history together!

P.S.

        This is the longest part I've ever written, at almost 3,000 words, so celebration time for a new record!

I will no longer be linking things on new part posts due to dumblr and the link censoring, and just to be safe from any potential image post censoring, I will also not be including covers on my stories. All previous parts can be found in my masterlist, in my bio!

Warnings: This part contains a brief description of a knife wound, imminent danger to a child, and generally more intense themes than previous parts

---

        When we arrived back at the tower, the medical alarms on the transportable equipment they’d hooked Bucky up to began blaring and beeping like crazy. I jumped to my feet before we had fully touched down.

        “What’s going on?” Natasha demanded as the exit ramp lowered.

        “He’s lost too much blood,” one of the medics said, unfolding the wheeled legs of the gurney. “He’s gonna need a major transfusion, ASAP.”

        “We’re the same blood type,” I said quickly. I reached to peel my gloves off, but Natasha stopped me with a gentle touch to my shoulder.

        “Kaitlynn…” she said softly, “You can’t. You’d risk infecting him with the Ainterbach symbiote…”

        My heart was pounding so hard I feared my chest was going to burst, Alien style.

        “But…”

        The medics clicked the gurney into place and began to wheel my father away.

        “Don’t worry, Kait,” Steve said, unbuckling the top part of his Captain America suit as he moved to follow them. “Buck and I are the same type too, and the super soldier serum will help him heal. We have plenty of backup CCs on base for this exact occasion in case he needs more.”

        With that, he was gone, headed off to the medbay.

        What had just happened? It felt like the world was on fast-forward while my brain was in slow motion. Normally, my mind was ten steps ahead of everyone, but right now, I was dumbfounded and frozen.

        “Hey, Kait,” someone said, trying to get my attention. I couldn’t tell who. There was a gentle tug on my arm, guiding me inside, sitting me down. “Kait, look at me…”

        I was so lost in my own head, I wasn’t even aware of who was talking to me, much less where to look at them.

        “Kaitlynn, you’re making it snow…”

        I snapped out of my stupor at that, suddenly glancing around. Sure enough, flurries of snowflakes fluttered around my head. Natasha’s hand cupped my chin, obviously trying to get me to focus. Wait, what?

        “You’re touching me,” I whispered. “You’re touching me and you’re okay…”

        She paused, as if just realizing it herself.

        “I am…”

        I laughed, and, for the first time in over a year and a half, I willingly and joyfully wrapped my arms around her in a hug. She held me close, and I wondered if this was what a motherly embrace was meant to feel like. Suddenly, I pulled back, thinking of something.

        “But I don’t understand,” I said, “What’s changed?”

        Natasha shrugged.

        “I think you have,” she offered. “This is the most vulnerable and open you’ve ever been… these past few days, with all that’s happened and everything that’s come to light… It’d be a lot for anyone to handle. I’d say you’ve taken it all pretty well in stride. Maybe the more you learn to control your emotions - control, not suppress - the more you can control your powers.”

        I nodded slowly. That made sense. I let out a deep breath I hadn’t even realized I was holding.

        “It’s just… it’s all so crazy. Yesterday, I wanted to kill Bucky, and today, I--” I paused. “Oh m… I… I called him dad…”

        Natasha laughed softly.

        “Well I wasn’t gonna mention it, but yes, you did.”

        “That… that was like, instinct…” I frowned. “It wasn’t just a slip… It was… familiar.”

        “Maybe you should take a look at those video files,” Nat said. “It might have some of the answers you’re looking for.”

        “Maybe… we should take a look at them…” I suggested softly. I looked up at her, and we held each other’s gaze for a moment.

        Then, she nodded.

        “If that’s what you want.”

        “It is.”

        She nodded again, then stood.

        “Alright then. Let’s see what’s on that flashdrive.”

---

        I plugged the flash drive into the meeting room hub, and the hologram flickered to life. Natasha flicked through a few options until she found the files we were after.

        “Are you ready?” she asked.

        “No,” I said honestly, “But it has to be done.”

        Natasha nodded, then pressed play on the file. On the hologram screen, a scientist addressed the camera in Russian.

        “Winter Soldier and Child, Entry Number One. Today, we will introduce the Asset to the Offspring, age nine. The Asset was recently wiped and reprogrammed, no orders given yet. The Offspring has been given the most basic and rudimentary conditioning. This test will determine the strength of the Asset’s paternal bond. We wish to see if he will behave differently around her of his own accord. If not, we will inform him that we created her from him, and that he is to train her so as to one day surpass his skill. Should either of these yield a reaction, the wipe and reprogram process will need further adjustment to remove emotional connection or weakness.”

        The screen switched to security footage from the compound. I held my breath when I saw my younger self on the screen. She obediently sat on a chair, opposite the complacent Winter Soldier, who looked to be awaiting a command of some kind. Her hair was lighter than I ever remembered mine being when I was normal… it must have darkened with age. I know that happens sometimes.

        “Soldier,” said one of the… the trainers, I suppose you could call them. “This is your new charge. Say hello.”

        It was clear that the last bit was a joke. The Soldier glanced at the little girl, who stared right back. She looked him in the eye, unafraid. Or maybe it was her assassin genes showing, telling her not to back down, to never show fear or weakness… To always be the one to challenge. But, oddly enough, her gaze held no challenge. She was not passive either, however. More… expectant. She was watching the Soldier, as if waiting on him.

        The Soldier watched her in return. For a while, it seemed he might simply continue to regard her passively, but, after a moment, his face twitched ever-so-slightly into a frown. His expression was dazed, as if he was registering something off. It wasn’t clear if his hesitation came from the fact that he’d just been told he, a lethal killer, was now in charge of a child… Or if, perhaps, because he sensed she was more than just a child.

        The scientist off to the side wrote something on his clipboard, then asked, “Is something wrong, Soldier?”

        The Soldier let his face relax back into neutral and shook his head, almost imperceptibly.

        “Very good… Now, before you begin with training her, I want to ask you, how do you feel, knowing that this is your child, Soldier?”

        The creak of the grinding plates in his arm echoed through the room. Now, the expression written on his face was unmistakable. No longer was he a blank slate. His eyes were alight with a simmering fire. This was James Buchanan Barnes breaking through, even if not fully. Still, the Soldier did not speak. His dark gaze fixed on the scientist, then the guards, then the child, who had never stopped watching him. It was as if he were trying to calculate whether or not he could take them all and get her out safely…

        “Enough of this,” the scientist said, “Time for reconditioning.”

        The first file clicked off. I hadn’t realized I was trembling, ever so slightly.

        “We don’t have to watch these all today,” Natasha said.

        “No,” I said almost instantly. “I have to know. I have to remember…”

        Nat sighed, but switched it over to the next file. It was that scientist again.

        “Winter Soldier and Child, Entry Number Two. The Asset shows particular weakness when it comes to the Offspring. The programming lasts longer with each new method, but upon training her, he begins to slip. The Offspring, however, is beginning to become inquisitive. Memory wipe may be needed in the future. Cryofreeze will be utilized when the Soldier needed for a mission or is put in storage with no other trainer available. Other methods may be needed to bring the Offspring to a more lethal level than the Asset. This month, we shall attempt to spur further progress by utilizing the Asset’s weakness.”

        I knew my childhood had been wiped away, but hearing it suggested so casually was much more jarring than I had thought it would be.

        The Soldier was training the girl to fight. Trying to, anyways. Nine year olds aren’t exactly known for outstanding motor skills. Though this girl was obviously smarter than any other her age, she was still having difficulties mastering the physical aspects of it. More than a few times, a hit from the Soldier sent her sprawling. He stood menacingly, waiting for her to get to her feet.

        “Do not let her get up, Soldier!” a guard barked. “If she cannot defend herself, she must pay the price!”

        The Soldier’s jaw clenched, but other than that, he didn’t react.

        “Enough,” the scientist scoffed in disgust, “He is weak! Take her to the Foreman.”

        For the first time, The little girl’s expression changed. Her eyes widened, and she reached out for the Soldier.

        “No, Soldier, please, do not let them!” she cried.

        The Soldier made a move to go to her, but a quick reprimand, and several guns pointed at him held him back as she was dragged away.

        The Foreman… The sound of that name sent icy fear into me, even though I didn’t know why. In this next tape, the scientist had aged… It seemed a few years had passed since the last entry.

        “Winter Soldier and Child, Entry Number Three. The Asset was placed on cryofreeze for three years until better programming could be developed. His connection to the Offspring is becoming a problem. The Offspring has been trained by the Foreman in the Asset’s absence. It is time to test her against the Asset once more, to see where improvements can be made.”

        The fight between them was much more lethal than in the previous entries. Now three years older and with far more training, she lasted far longer in each bout against the Soldier. At least, until the trainers insisted on testing her weapons proficiency.

        By the way she moved, the girl was no stranger to knives. But against the Soldier, she was like a kitten chasing a string. She managed to plunge her knife into his bicep, but he used this to his advantage and pulled her off balance. With this one false move, the Soldier sliced a wound from the outer side of her right collarbone, curving to the top of her sternum. She cried out and released the knife from her right hand, exactly as the Soldier had intended.

        But then, the Soldier did something no one expected. He dropped his own knife and pressed his flesh hand over her deep cut.

        The scientist was heard cursing in the background, and a guard growled, “Back away, Soldier, let the medics through to check.” He muttered under his breath to the scientist, “It’s probably not even bad enough to need to stop…”

        Other guards with guns closed in, but the Soldier growled out, “No.”

        The tension was electric.

        “What?”

        “I said no. I will take care of her. She should be shown how to care for herself should an emergency occur on a mission, yes?”

        There was a heavy silence. Then…

        “Very well. Take her to your quarters. Just get it over with quickly.”

        I rubbed at that curved scar… My fake-parents had told me all my scars were from surgery, that I had been a very sickly baby… but that one, they said I had fallen from a playground set as a toddler. I suppose not everything could be explained away by surgery. There was only one video file left. This would hopefully hold the answer to how mine and Bucky’s story together ended… But undoubtedly, it would still leave me with many questions.

        “Winter Soldier and Child, Entry Number Four, Final Entry. Winter Soldier and Child project has failed. The Asset recalled details of personal life, and disclosed his fathership to the Offspring. The science division has developed a dark parasite… Tests are very promising. The Offspring and the Asset with both be wiped and reset. The Offspring will be relocated to America for the new project. The Asset will be placed back into cryofreeze and shipped to the new leader of HYDRA in a separate region of America. The wipe of the Offspring will be observed for data purposes on both the Asset and the Offspring. While the Offspring has never been wiped before, she has seen the Asset wiped, and she will know what is coming. The results should be intriguing.”

        The Soldier and the girl were both led into a room with a menacing looking chair. Evidently neither of them had known this was coming. The girl’s eyes widened, and she couldn’t disguise her concern, on behalf of what she apparently thought only the Soldier would be undergoing. The Soldier growled and struggled against his guards. It was evident how much of his programming had worn off. He was much more mouthy now.

        “Not again! You can’t take me away again!”

        “I’m afraid you don’t have any say in the matter,” said a technician. “But don’t worry, you’ll have enough time to prepare yourself… The girl is first.”

        The Soldier seemed to have had all the air knocked from his lungs. The girl’s expression morphed from concern to fear.

        “You won’t touch her!” the Soldier shouted. He managed to send two guards flying into the wall with a sickening CRACK, fighting to reach the girl.

        “Dad!” she cried, struggling against the guards dragging her towards the chair. She elbowed one in the throat, and kicked the other in the groin, making a break for the Soldier. He reached for her, too, and managed to grasp her by the shoulders long enough to whisper something to her before the guards tore them apart once more, more than happy to use the blunt ends of their weapons.

        The Soldier fell to his knees when the guards zapped him with what looked to be cattle prods. Not the two he had thrown, they looked pretty dead. Other guards forced the girl into the chair and restrained her, forcing the bite guard between her teeth.

        “You can remember, sweetheart!” the Soldier shouted as the contraption lowered around her head, “I know you can! My name is James Buchanan Barnes! I’m your father!”

        One of the guards around him slammed the butt of a gun into his jaw, then forced him to watch as the electricity turned on. The sound of the girl’s screams rang out across the room.

        When the last file finished playing, I noticed a wetness on my cheeks. I don’t know when I started crying. I swiped at the tears.

        “Are you okay?” Nat asked softly, rubbing my shoulder.

        “Not really,” I said honestly. “That was… really intense.”

        “Did… anything come back?” she asked tentatively.

        “Sort of… but mostly no,” I said with a sigh. “But I have a feeling I can predict the greatest hits reel for tonight’s nightmare. At least I might recover some memories from that…”

        The sympathetic look on her face didn’t irritate me, for once. Maybe because it wasn’t pity, but empathy.

        “Well then you should try to rest now.” I went to protest, but she wouldn’t hear it. “If anything changes with Bucky, I promise, I will drag you out of bed myself to tell you.”

        I sighed, but relented.

        “Fine…” I headed for the door, but paused, glancing at Nat. “Is there something you wanted to ask? I mean, I know we’re gonna talk this whole thing with the videos out eventually, it just seems like there’s something you wanna know now.”

        Natasha shrugged. “I know you said you don’t remember… But I was just wondering what Barnes whispered to you.”

        I paused, thinking. I don’t know how I knew, but I did.

        “He… he said… ‘No matter what happens… I love you’…”

        Wrapping my arms around myself awkwardly, I inched towards the door again.

        “I’ll see you later, Nat…”

        She nodded. “Go rest up, kiddo… Heaven knows you need it.”

        After everything I just saw? I definitely agreed.

---

A/N: Things are beginning to come to light... I think the next chapter will be fun to write. What did you think of this chapter? Let me know in the comments below!

Series Tags: @shamvictoria11 @mla02 @fanficcrapforme @goodbyefornow123 @thebookisbtr @what-inspirational-name

Everything Tags: @coconutknees @hollymac79 @jordan-ia @ace-marvel-chick

[cinematological]

The inevitability of destiny: Terminator Dark Fate (Spoilers for the Terminator Franchise)

Trapped between a massive generation of dying boomers who become progressively more afraid of change and a massive generation of millennials who have accepted that life will be only the most brutal and rapid change, my generation was perfectly primed to fall in love with Terminator movies. Too young to see the original Terminator (written and directed by James Cameron) in theatres in 1984, it was the perfect VHS fodder for me and my teenage friends. With its dramatic (and misleading) VHS cover announcing Arnold Schwarzenegger’s titular Terminator as the T-800 (actually a T101 model 800, neatly retconned by Cameron in T2), it represented the most neon and gun porn pastiche of the era. Gritty, methodical and relentless, The Terminator as a film is tense, romantic and cathartic. Cameron’s vision as director matches the mission of the killer cyborg (Schwarzenegger), and the film moves forward building to a literal and metaphorical climax.

With humanity having beaten the machines back in the future, Skynet, a self-aware AI and metaphor for the fear of cold war inspired nuclear fire, sends back a T-101 to kill the mother of the man (John Conner) who leads the human resistance. Sarah Conner (Linda Hamilton) is the beating heart and soul of The Terminator, a young waitress flung into a threat she has never conceived or is prepared for. Sent from the future to save her, Kyle Reese (Michael Biehn) is a human soldier who has essentially time-stalked Sarah, having been prompted to pine for her by his son John Conner, who never tells Reese that he destined to fall in love with and impregnate Sarah Conner during his mission. Reese’s body is scarred and worn, and Biehn’s intensity makes him the shitty but pretty boyfriend who is a great lay but also might get drunk and beat the shit out of you.

The Terminator is a crucible in which Sarah Conner, the leader and mother of the resistance is formed, and ends on a delightfully bleak note, as she drives pregnant into the Mexican mountains, to prepare for the nuclear war to come, Judgement Day.

Imagine leaving your teens as a young cis man, formed by Schwarzenegger action films and Cameron’s next films, Aliens and The Abyss. The late ’80s and early ’90s saw the end of the cold war, the rise of climate consciousness and a false sense of hope. Genre films had yet to slump as they would in the mid-1990s. Schwarzenegger had begun to make comedies as well as action films, Linda Hamilton had spent years romancing Ron Perlman as the Beauty to his Beast, and Michael Biehn was carefully destroying his career by falling into drug addiction. Imagine going to the movies, because it would be at least a year before a film would come to home video, and seeing a teaser for Terminator 2 or T2: Judgement Day, a film you had no idea was being made. I don’t remember what movie it was in front of but I remember I saw it at the Paramount Theatre in the defunct Famous Players chain. I remember gasping when I realized what movie it was, and I remember the audience cheering.

T2 was the first movie that I felt the marketing had betrayed the intent. Seen in a vacuum such as when I showed T1& T2 back to back to my step-son, the return of the T-101 is a tense Mexican stand-off of suspense.

Released in 1991 but set in 1994 or 95, Sarah Conner is now essentially a terminator in human form. Having carved her body and her mind into sharp angles of muscles and determination, and honed by the hopelessness that the end of the world is inevitable, Sarah has raised her son to be a military leader. This myopic world view has also dulled her empathy and emotional connection with her son, while he craves her affection. Incarcerated in a psychiatric institution indefinitely, Sarah uses her wits to try and escape while being tormented by her dreams and the staff. John Conner (Edward Furlong) is a young teen, bouncing between foster parents. He is skilled and clever but extremely unhappy. Two terminators are sent back simultaneously, a new T-101 sent by the resistance to protect and obey John, and a prototype, the T-1000 (Robert Patrick).

Seemingly unfettered by budget, T2 was the most expensive film ever made when released. Unlike the 4 million dollars spent on T1, T2 has an enormous scope and helped usher in the era of digital EFX, paving the way for Jurassic Park. Perhaps paradoxically, T2 is as relentless and methodical as T1, despite the exponential increase in resources. Like Sarah’s physical transformation, it is optimized for maximum impact with the least amount of excess.

Following parallel stories of John and Sarah as they work their way to each other, the T-1000 is an even more terrifying and perhaps undefeatable foe than the T-101. A mimetic polymorph, the T-1000 is an amorphous blob of metal than can form into roughly human-sized shapes, mimic people, and form large stabby weapons on its arm. Patrick’s performance is wryer than Schwarzenegger’s machine, but once again Hamilton is the emotional core of the film. She narrates the film, and it is her dogged determination to change the future despite the endless pursuit of an overwhelming foe that drives the plot.

While T1 accepts that the future is inevitable, T2 writhes and pushes at the chains of fate, becoming more deterministic. Having reconciled with John and taught the T-101 to begin to understand the value of humanity, T2 leaves the future open and uncertain, other than that Judgement Day has been thwarted.

Terminator Dark Fate makes two assumptions of the audience: that it has seen T2 and that the three sequels since T2 no longer exist. I have an enormous soft spot for Terminator 3 directed by Jonathan Mostow. Released in 2003 it was the last of an era of large scale physical action movies that relied less on CG than on practical effects. While CG is deployed and has not aged well, locations, sets and models are the predominant methods of staging action sequences. It is also the bleakest of the franchise, where an adult John Conner(Nick Stahl) mourns the loss of his mother, only to learn from a returning T-101 that Judgement Day was not stopped, merely delayed. Kate Brewster (Claire Danes) is initially kidnapped by the T-101 as they are pursued by a female terminator, known as the TX (Kristanna Loken). Unlike the T1000, she has a metal skeleton covered by liquid metal. T3 ends with the self-sacrifice of the T-101, the destruction of the TX and inevitability of fate, as nuclear war envelops the globe.

Terminator: Salvation promised the movie we had all hoped for, the future war writ large. It completely fails at its goal, following a Terminator that thinks it’s a person (Sam Worthington) and a stalwart yet not a leader John Conner (Christian Bale) as they battle the early Hunter Killer machines and Terminator models. Expensive, grim and empty, Salvation falls into the excesses of director McG but has no sense of character, plot or momentum. A digital T-101 returns in the climax and is deeply unsatisfying.

Terminator Genisys (directed by Alan Taylor) is a 2015 mashup remix, using Back to the Future 2 as a model for revisiting the events of T1 and T2 while building on a new story. Again the T-101 is sent back to save Sarah(Emilia Clarke) and Kyle(Jai Courtney) from a different T-1000, and to build a time travel device, allowing the pair to move forward from the early ’90s to the 2010s. John Conner (Jason Clarke) travels back in time to confront his mother in a parallel story from the future, only to reveal that he has become a Terminator. All three of these sequels end with clear sequel bait, for films that will never come. The inevitability of these films is to kick at the same can, fruitlessly.

Dark Fate announces its allegiance and intentions in the opening seconds of the titles, interspersed with a scene from T2 where Sarah, broken by the weight of the death of the world, futilely struggles against her captor’s disbelief that the end is nigh. A startling prologue set in 1998 heavily aided by CG de-ageing sets the emotional stakes for the film, which unfortunately does not include the ostensible stars of the film.

Two beings then fall from the sky, a startling Mackenzie Davis as Grace, whose physical transformation mirroring that of Linda Hamilton’s in T2. She is sinew and muscle, stretched out over an Amazonian frame. Her expressive eyes plead from a face cut from stone, and she is exposed as an augmented human. Once more a Terminator, this time a Rev-9 played by Gabriel Luna, returns to stock the new saviour of the future, Dani Ramos (Natalia Reyes). The Rev-9 is a black steel skeleton covered by a separate liquid metal form that can function autonomously and is indestructible.  A grizzled Sarah Conner returns to help Grace save Dani from the Rev 9 and ends up recruiting a T-101 that is stranded in 2019.

SPOILERS FOR DARK FATE

As a pastiche of all the previous films, Dark Fate is the most entertaining and exciting Terminator sequels since T2. It is essentially The Force Awakens in that it is a rehash of T1’s plot, with different pieces moving around the chessboard. It hand-waves at the significance of making it's lead’s Hispanic, and even passes through a detention center in Texas, but has nothing to say about it.  It follows the template of guns, large trucks, car chases and helicopters set by T1 & T2, but ends the film eschewing the physicality of locations and vehicles and devolves into digital nonsense. The first two-thirds of the film is fun, and surprisingly emotional, as Schwarzenegger’s T-101 has spent the last 21 years, having completed its mission, learning to be human. It has helped build a home, raised a step-son, and become a hell of a drapery salesman. Schwarzenegger’s “Carl” brings enormous pathos to the role, as an artificial being seeking purpose surrounding by humans beleaguered by it.

The hands of up to a dozen writers are apparent in the finished film, as plot threads and hints of characterization are touched on and forgotten. Grace seems designed to explore the concept of a human that has become more of a machine in contrast to Carl, who is a machine learning to be human, but the idea is never explored. She exists simply to protect Grace because, despite Sarah’s protestations that the future can be changed, the one aspect that seems immutable is that humanity will face self-created mechanical extinction, and leaders will rise to unite us. Sarah did change the future, eliminating Skynet, only to have it be replaced by Legion, a machine learning AI designed to combat cyber-warfare that quickly sets about eliminating the species. Unlike Skynet’s pre-internet incarnation as a military designed weapons platform and autonomous vehicle operator, Legion has no basis in the physical world, yet creates identical terminators and hunter-killer robots. It seems that the future will doggedly hand on terminators no matter what creates them.

Director Tim Miller aspires to pay homage to James Cameron’s vision and mostly succeeds. In an early car chase, I found myself wishing he had more closely aped Cameron’s direction in using wide angles of vehicular mayhem and letting the stunt work deliver the thrills. Miller relies on longer lenses, shaky medium shots and faster cutting to build tension and while never annoying or incompetent it becomes an albatross in the film’s last third. James Cameron's action films never eschew physics unless it is motivated by something extraordinary, where Miller relies far too much on spongy digital doubles and ridiculous action. In quieter moments, emotional beats seem missed, though a late sequence where Sarah shares with Dani the extent of her pain and loss is a beautiful measure of restraint and performance.

[gg-astrology]

SEVENTEEN: Xu Minghao (The8) - Overview

💕 Hello! Sorry for the long break but I want to get this out today! There’s been so much materials lately with all the SVT stuff that is going on (check out ‘Holiday’ special video if you can!) Please remember to take care of yourself and your own mental health if you need a break! 💕 

SVT Overview Series:

Seungcheol | Jeonghan | Joshua | Jun | Wonwoo | Hoshi | Seungkwan | Vernon | Woozi | 

Woozi’s Inner Planet Natal Reading

Masterlist

💕Disclaimer: I’m not claiming to be an expert astrologer nor do I know these people personally. These are my interpretations and how they’re working based on my experiences/studies on them. Everyone has different opinions/studies in astrology, please be mindful of others and all interpretation/experiences is valid to an extent. However, feel free to make your own post or skip if you strongly disagree. There might be inaccuracy and difference in opinions. But the point of this post is to entertain and relate. I’m hoping to help people with similar experiences and get people excited about astrology. Also, since we don’t know most of their birth times, I’m using the standard 12.00pm💕

Xu Ming Hao (The8/Seo Myung Ho)

November 7th, 1997 (Anshan, Liaoning, China)

Scorpio Sun/2nd Decan Pisces

Honestly Minghao should be our Icon for Scorpio out there just because he Does It So Well!!! 

It’s a lot more than just his Sun/Mercury (both in Scorpio) -- his aura just screams Scorpio, even his Aquarius Moon seems to somehow Behave when he’s around.  

You know what Scorpio does that make them seem so coy? It’s because their eyes are so expressive, particularly when they ‘sink’ into you (like focus in on you) -- they do that thing where they look away for a second into the distance, look back at you and then ‘sink’ into you before blinking it out of existence and leaves people kind of breathless (like ‘wtf was that??? what’s going on??’) 

It’s not so much as an intensity as something we’re not normally used to (from other water signs, where they start off somewhere and consistently goes about it) with Scorpio it’s a combination of how actually/facially expressive they are + their shift in expressions that makes them so ‘mysterious’ and interesting.

 It’s more than that, but on the surface level this is why they may seem coy, seductive or mysterious to other people. It’s one of the many traits others are interested by/picked up on. And it’s just so-- Scorpio.

Anyways that’s just a small tid bit, let’s actually talk about Minghao now

Scorpio natives at their core (self-esteem/ego) are naturally sensitive, they often gets a lot of flack for not being sensitive enough when in actuality they have a lot of potential to be one of the most giving, compassionate and deeply sympathetic people out there.

Because they’re not conventionally giving like how we expect water signs to be --the Mars ruled Scorpio often gets misunderstood for how they care/show their affections for others-- seemingly a bit more stilted or selective on how they do so (with their methods).  

This doesn’t take away from the fact that they are responsive to others and they do care for them. As part of their core, their energy is internalized (Mars/N) towards themselves and how they react to others-- they focus alot more on self-improvement in order to remedy their situation, rather than relying on changing the world to suit them.  

Scorpio Sun in general, may find themselves having a natural affinity to self-reflect and get introspective/understand themselves a lot better than understanding others. Because through understanding themselves, they can help educate, encourage and support others as well. 

There’s stability there in their approach, from inside outwards. That’s some kind of inner beauty right there, where they can resolve any personal problems that comes their ways and help others along with it as well (long-term problems)

In a way, it helps as much as it hinders. If the opposite applies-- when they are confronted with problems they can’t resolve about themselves, they tend to feel helpless and become vulnerable-- often cut back on their self-esteem, self-expression and potential because they are unwilling to try/give chance to an alternative hope. 

It’s like making a decision of whether to take one big leap forward, or stay where they are. Often times, when they’re hindered they’d rather take the defensive than the offensive. And in this time, the natural Scorpio ‘venom’ builds up in themselves and poison them instead. 

Scorpio is a sign about progress, it may be a fixed sign but it’s natural state should be constantly looking for transformation. If transformation isn’t kept, then it’ll drown them from the inside out.

Transformation in this case isn’t just talking about cardinal movement/progress, it’s talking about switching. When they go from offensive to defensive, but is too afraid to go back from defensive to offensive. It eats them up inside instead. 

Same applies to offensive who can’t get back to defensive, without the defensive portion to their transformation-- they can find themselves searching in a desert without water, and not knowing when they can rest/find their solace.   

Scorpio sun natives are gifted with inner depth to them, with this comes a personal demon as well. But conquering this demon through bravery and courageousness that they exhibit for other people’s problems is something that’s harder for them to apply back into themselves. 

Don’t stress too much about it, sometimes certain things can feel very stagnant, but as life progresses onwards-- Scorpio will find themselves naturally adapting from one side to another anyways. It’s a relief/solace to them to be able to do this subconsciously sometimes. 

Part of the problem occurs when they want to switch at will, or are conscious of what’s making them feel worse about themselves and wanting control. This is part of the offensive side of Scorpio, but learning that things happen passively sometimes-- with certain things happening as you let it happen (the other side) is also part of the lesson Scorpio will have to learn. 

A part of being Scorpio is that they’re never too paralyzed by change. 

Changes happen and changes are encouraged, however that stems from inner stability that they seek to have, in order to be comfortable enough within themselves that they can adapt/flex on their powers to move through changes (glide through them, water sign). 

When changes happens that they aren’t in control of, the main focus of external change becomes how it affected them internally instead. 

Rather than focusing on how the change had taken something away from them against their will, it is usually seen as a more of a ‘trigger’ to a spiraling of event for themselves rather than the change being a thing in and of it’s own. 

To a Scorpio native sun, it’s not just a singular thing that’s changed. It’s about the consequences of those change and how it had affected everything around them as well. This is why they’re part of the water sign, with their ability to link several subconscious things together and identify them flawlessly as part of the bigger picture. 

This is part of why they’re naturally suspicious or curious about certain things, because they see/can envision how those things can correlate to a lot of other consequences as well. Scorpio may not be the most careful in the conventional sense, but for loopholes and subconscious pick-ups, they’re extremely adept at avoidance and figuring out those problems.

Scorpios are actually pretty optimistic, if you’re grading the scale on what they’ve been through/how they can still have the ability to stand on their own two feet despite their challenges and sometimes trauma. 

Their wisdom didn’t come from speculations or pre-planning, it came from experience and courage the Scorpio has to give back to themselves in order to become a better person as well. 

This optimism gives them that ability to look forward to better things, regenerative powers and healing for themselves and others. 

Again, with Scorpios. It’s about the inside out, If they can’t heal themselves, then what’s the point of others trying to heal them?  

Accepting help is one thing, but self-improvement and aligning said help with how they can help themselves (regenerative) is just as important.  

Anyways, Scorpio in the Pisces decans may exhibit an interest in self-expression and artistry at a young age, 

More so than finesse itself it’s about finding an outlet for their energy/self-expression that could be communicative/self-identification outside of themselves.

Think of it as like, energizing something with their soul energy. Like a game. 

Through their hands/eyes/physical body they let their soul energy (core-Sun) through the act of creating something instead. 

With Minghao, you can see it in the way he dances and his interests in other artistry/fashion/crafts. 

His interests in artistry isn’t just for him to admire alone, it’s for him to create and explore his own outlet himself as well. 

It’s not just about recreating something once and being done with it, it’s about appreciating every process and details that goes into it as well (Scorpio-- thorough/methodical)

Pisces brings an element of carefulness to the Scorpio, it helps balances the stagnancy and determination the sign has itself.

With Pisces involved in the Scorpio Sun, the ego/drive of the person is balanced in the way that’s optimistic, determined and focuses a lot of planning/stabilizing the ground for their own future as well. 

You can tell Minghao gets through a lot of his hardship through understanding and expansion of himself, and to do that he has to have a lot of optimism that Pisces decan in his Sun brings.

It’s not just hard work for him, it’s an outlook. 

Having a determinedly optimistic and compassionate outlook helps him survive, focuses and bring in others into his life.

What this means is, he may find himself having an easier time drawing people to him for his compassionate nature and more open/diplomatic outlook as well.  

Pisces brings a movement to Scorpio (mutable/fixed) it gathers people rather than wait for others to come to them. 

With Pisces decan in his sun, he understands that a lot of his internal problems can be solved if he participates in a group and does his job within the group setting 

Anything else that worries/stresses him, if he offers help to others they will treat him the same way in his time of need. 

Having this support is determinedly important to Scorpio/Pisces, since the Pisces ‘opens up’ the Scorpio’s ego/self-esteem to achieving greater things in life if they give back just as much too. 

It’s a sensitive placement, a carefully dangerous one since it can titters and tilt at anytime if the person isn’t so focused/determined on staying balanced. 

I think of this as walking on a plank, if you freak out or lose concentration for a second-- all that you want to achieve in the world and all that’s great can equally unbalance the person as well. 

Like other Scorpios, Scorpio/Pisces will still have a formidable presence. 

But rather than staying guarded, they have enormous compassion and outlook (life-advice) to share with the world as well. 

Aquarius Moon 

Scorpio-Aquarius in his luminaries, Minghao shows tremendous will-power and energy to give back into the world as much as he can within his own grasp.

That’s why all of his advice are usually self-focused, by focusing on his own self and what he has learnt/gone through, he can give back to through his own steadfast determination and experience instead of wasteful, hopeful words.

It gives his Scorpio/Pisces optimism a ground to stand on, this Aquarius Moon works harder to fulfill his wants/needs with substantial, material knowledge and understanding.

Without an Aquarius Moon, Minghao might’ve had a harder time encouraging others without feeling unsure/let down by his own insecurities as well.

 Aquarius Moon when in combination with Scorpio Sun, helps the person makes quick/concise observational skills on people around them. 

Since Scorpio is already investigative and deeply understanding of others, Aquarius here acts as a counterbalance or ‘ground’ for treating people fairly/justly as well.

It’s a fail-safe, and it keeps him from imploding on others imperiously. 

With Aquarius Moon and Scorpio Sun, the person may find themselves acting more level-headed in situations but just as fiercely determined (with a cause) 

It helps them with treating other fairly, staying objective but understanding subjectivity from others. 

Balancing the mix of the two gives a person a dynamic personality where they are steadfast, grounded and self-determined to make improvements in the world through their own charge/decision in a dynamic way (as opposed to earth signs who are steadfast but more stagnant) 

This Aquarius Moon has a deep love for people, but alongside Scorpio-- they are determinedly loners despite how much they love/care for/influence others through being there for them. 

In fact, being there for other people is a commonality between Aquarius and Scorpio in the way they express their affection/care for others. 

Because they’re observers and problem-shooters for people, observational skills and being able to remedy what they see/feel the other is ‘worried/stress/in a bad place’ is something they handle with care and quietness.

Listeners in a sense, but by being present in the situation rather than passively taking in the information. Scorpio/Aquarius luminaries are those who would go above and beyond for their friends, particularly those they’ve laid their life down to. 

Because Scorpio/Aquarius are made up of Mars/Saturn this combination may have the person exhibit more of their Capricorn traits in a way that even native Capricorns hide away from/don’t tend to do. They’re pragmatic, chivalrous, steadfast, quiet and determined.

 This Aquarius Moon placement also helps spread his individuality, with Minghao-- when he establishes his outer security (being steadfast for others around him/doing his duties right) his freedom loving nature is more seen/appreciated as his form of his ‘happiness’ expression.

What this means is that, when you can truly tell that Minghao is in a happy place is when he’s branching out his interests, not being so stagnant/focused on a certain thing and engaging in other activities that he had to drop/wasn’t so focused on before.

Because he’s so fiercely loyal (Aquarius/Scorpio) and incredibly giving/loving in karma, when others betray him or brushes off relationships/hard work so easily-- he’s just perplexed and put off-guard by it rather than feeling angry.

He can’t-- he knows he can’t change others and that there are other types of people in the world who doesn’t see things the way he does (or acts in the way he does -- part of Scorpio/Pisces) -- he understands that emotionally as well (Aquarius moon) -- but rather than feeling angry/betrayed about it he brushes it off and takes it as an intellectual lesson instead. 

It’s not a lesson to ‘not trust others’ but rather a lesson to himself to use more precautionary and reflect/be receptive to those kinds of people. 

Next time, when he’s faced with problems regarding these people again-- he can find a remedy for it beforehand and he would rather think about helping them out of their own funk instead of what hurt they could cause him.

His own focus is on himself, again with Scorpio/Aquarius. It’s not about lashing out or blaming anybody else/circumstances. It’s about doing his own work, pushing his own determination and thinking ‘what could I do to help them/protect myself better through my own hard-work/self-improvement’ instead.  

This is what it means to have a Scorpio core. And what the benefits of having Aquarius Moon does for him as well. 

Disregarding the fact that it’s a pretty practical and honorable emotional outlook to have for things, Aquarius Moon does tend to disregard (unknowingly) unwanted emotions. 

Not letting themselves get carried away with quick-fire/stricken with irrational emotions, they have a hard time adapting to the full range of emotions if they don’t process or is prepared for it.  

In a way, it might be frustrating to someone who’s core/ego is through emotional fuel (Scorpio). But in this case, it’s not.

Mostly because Minghao does have sensitivity to others and it’s more of a protection than a hinderance.  

He’s still able to do and feel all the things Scorpio would want him to do, and then some (through compassion/giving nature). At the same time, the only hindrance it’ll cause him is feeling isolated or desolated even if he’s surrounded by people sometimes. And no one really knowing how to help him because he has to help/understand himself first. 

Air Moons with Strong Water in them often feels detached like this sometimes. 

It’s mostly because they’re so willful in their emotional approach that letting things come naturally to them (like what water signs would want) becomes a matter of restlessness/agitation instead. 

Aquarius is also about support systems, most of the time when combined with water suns-- this becomes apparent in a way that they will seek certain independence from others but build their own ‘family/support’ unit to be proud of as well.

They love family, they love support units. But in order to appreciate them, they have to understand the opposite. With Aquarius, the contrast between the two (independence vs co-habitation) helps them balance themselves/their love for others better. 

That’s part of why they’re loners at heart, it’s because of this seemingly contrasting yet correlated way of thinking that makes them so dynamic and interesting. Part of why they’re deep-thinkers and pragmatic people.  

Another thing about their willfulness is that they often have determined ‘self’/goals of what they want themselves to be. 

Combined with not letting themselves process certain emotions that course through them, it can lead them to being more isolated within themselves because they’re actively blocking themselves from feeling/accepting themselves as they are as well (to an extent).

This however, doesn’t apply to those around them. Whilst they may be caring/nurturing and stern to those they care deeply about (close personal relationship) they’re consistently faithful and devoted to those around them.

They’re willing to tolerate a lot of weird ideas and actions of others, just as long as they have an understanding of each other’s personal space, freedom and clear communication in their relationships (whether it’s bickering or dynamically knowing where they stand with each other)

They’re often seen by those outside as laid back and often pretty forgiving people, however when it comes to close personal dynamic, it’s more than likely they won’t let personal things slide/someone else self-destruct when in their presence (without them watching/observing them/being accessible to picking up the pieces afterwards -- which is how they show that they are for others)

Generally, the closer they are to someone, the more easily seen their dynamic will be for others around them. (Whether it’s bickering, becoming more talkative/caring or communicating non-verbally with each other) 

Scorpio Mercury (29′ degrees)

Supported by his Scorpio Sun/Aquarius Moon, the observational quirk of Scorpio Mercury is even more impressive 

More than that, because he has Aquarius in his Moon (although they’re not aspected) Minghao tends to be faster on acting/reacting to others than sitting back/watching how things fold out.

What this means is, when he sees a situation getting out of hands, he has the adaptive reflexes to quickly (and diplomatically) insert himself into the conversation and calm others down.

He’s a natural born mediator in this sense, even though he has his own moodiness/personal stuff going on. When it comes to others, Scorpio Mercury may find themselves being quicker to act/react when they have a fire/air moon in their chart as well. 

He extends his help easily, the kind of person who’ll sit you down and figure out what to do together with you.  

If anything helps, it’s being heard and not feeling alone in your struggles. And that’s what he does for people he cares about

Think of it as a jury hearing your case, he doesn’t pick sides but he’ll treat you fairly/caringly if you’re feeling a little bit more on the emotional side. 

He tends to be frank and upfront about certain expectations or experiences, it’s a personal frustration/obligation for himself to not delude anyone into thinking a certain way even if it helps save their feelings.  

The way he probably see it, the consequences of letting you go without helping you change/not make the same mistake again outweighs what other kind of support you might need right now. 

Thus why, when he gives advice he tends to be a little more realistic than idealistic side. 

For other people’s sake/their future expectations rather than the now

You can see it as a flaw, but Minghao is so careful with how he phase things/how he says things. 

He always considers other’s emotions, and he knows the value of cushioning words without being too detached/flippant about emotions (see: earth signs) 

With Minghao, he can be straightforward without being harsh. And that in itself is what defines Scorpio Mercury when they’re dealing with careful, detail work for themselves as well. 

It’s not-- it’s less to do with anyone else. Whether the person took his advice and tells him about it, or whether they shit talk about him afterwards isn’t any of his concerns. 

He had a duty to himself, and obligation and sense of moral/values that if he didn’t do that for them then, it’s going to come haunt him in the future. 

You can say it’s a kind of righteousness that Scorpio Mercury have, but this is in combination with Aquarius Moon/Scorpio Sun/Capricorn Venus. 

Because he’s a combination of all these placement together, he would’ve felt guilty with himself (self-decrepitation) if he didn’t do anything about it (Aquarius Moon/Scorpio Mercury). 

He has the strength and will-power to make changes in people, so it’s more like-- a personal flaw to him if he didn’t use it wisely 

Because of his placement, Minghao also has an unusual mind. 

Not confined by his internationality or his cultural understanding, his mind exceeds the typical ‘open-mindedness’ because it delves deeper into truly understanding the meaning of what people stand for.

You know like, with trends. Sometimes people join bandwagons for something even though they don’t fully understand the meaning behind the message/they’re conditioned that way? 

Well Minghao’s one of those people who actually studies deeper, does his own research and supports things with his whole heart.

Because it can be hard for a Scorpio (surprisingly) to commit to something, when they do commit it has to be 100% there.

That applies to their interest/intellectual matter as well. 

Those who does things breezily/without details or substance gets questioned by him. 

He doesn’t do it meanly, but he does tend to point out certain flaw in their thinking because he expects them to pick up on their own crap and pull themselves into becoming better as well.

Most people get annoyed by this, because sometimes it’s about PASSION not the reasoning behind something (think: Mingyu-Minghao dynamic) -- but having understanding for each other (sympathy/compassion/where they’re coming from) is important. With tolerance, it’ll help build some kind of understanding eventually (through effort as well).

Also, since he has an Aquarius Moon. When in combination of his Scorpio placements, he tends to offer a broader/open perspective on things people aren’t expecting.

It isn’t just two or three perspectives (the person vs the other person vs his perspective) -- there are alternative choices as well. 

Perspectives that are minor/not often talked about (like someone in between/not related to all that) he has a bigger vision because his Mercury is aspecting to his Uranus/Neptune as well.

Mercury sextile Uranus/Neptune (Uranus sextile at 0′23) talks about seeing a bigger vision, sometimes being able to pick up on societal changes and development in the world intuitive as well. 

The mind (Mercury) is connected to the world outside (Uranus/Neptune) and that by itself brings a lot of clarity and depth to his Scorpio Mercury to expand on.

What this means is, instead of being endlessly tortured by his own thoughts/introspectiveness, Minghao actually has an outlet (Uranus/Neptune) where his influences can spread across/get to.

It helps him be more balanced, as well as fuel his introspection with outside interference sometimes. 

He has an easier time agreeing/accepting other people’s feelings/emotions (Scorpio Mercury -> Neptune/Uranus) as well as feeling generally more accepted letting his own opinions be known. 

It helps him feel not so alone/him vs the world, when he knows how to utilize this placement/aspects well. 

Sometimes, with Aquarius/Scorpio combination-- it can be fiercely defensive (fixed signs) of it’s opinion and sense of self.

It can lead to trying to suppress others, staying quiet in order to manipulate others into thinking a certain way.

With Minghao, it’s not usually like that. His Moon-conjunct-Uranus (0′23) is working incredibly in his life (has a large influence over his person)

Alongside that is also his Moon-sextile-Pluto that makes him much more adaptable/accepting of changes and transformation in his life. He relish in it almost, because it’s like a fresh shower cleanse for him sometimes.

Most people view Pluto influence as being in a washing machine, you get out of it kind of whacked out. But for those who suffers from stagnancy/personal problems and has a positive aspect to Pluto-- the influence feels like an hour long shower with sakura petals and you get out squeaky clean from head to your toe nails.  

Scorpio Mercury can be a murky placement to be in, but as long as everything else is pointing to outlets/influences in one’s chart. In Minghao’s case, it’s actually a lot less troublesome than most sometimes.

Oh yeah, Scorpio Mercury can also get a bit tunnel-visioned when they’re having ‘alone time’ or focusing on their own thing.

Often times, it’s probably having something that requires a bit of their their concentration. 

Instead of multitasking like they are capable of doing (if they have some other stuff in their chart) -- they delve deep into it and become so concentrated on it that they can’t look away.

You’d have to look for a better/more opportune time or pull them away physically. They close themselves off from the outside world and reply with noises instead of words sometimes when they’re in the zone.

Most likely it’s something on the computer instead of a phone, but just think of something like-- Minghao getting into conspiracy theories. 

Imagine for a second, of him getting into something that can be branched out/expanded on in different ways. That requires concentration.

With Scorpio Mercury, that’s ALL of their concentration. Whether it’s gaming or anything considered to be ‘alone’ time-- they can get lost in their own mind

One last note, since his Mercury is on an anaeretic angle (29′) exposing the truth (and people for filth) being a messenger of hope/faith and helping others achieve better societal changes through themselves/their own expectations is a part of Scorpio Mercury in it’s point.

Capricorn Venus (1′ degree)

Undeniably, family and comfortability comes first fo Minghao.

In terms of social relationships, he doesn’t expect much as long as he can be himself/not hurt others because of it. 

Capricorn Venus isn’t looking for anything amazingly fire-work-like or extraordinary in their relationship, they’re not looking for tumultuous roller-coaster like relationship. They’re looking for something that could sustain them, understand them and be with them long term.

They may not be looking for it but they’re not going to say no to it either.

If it’s worth it (end goal being sustain them/understand them/longevity) the process of getting to that point is no problem to them.

The clear possibility of being where they want to be at the end, even through all the confusion and mess is worth it to them. 

If they’re able to achieve what they want to achieve, and have what they want to have. They’re not picky people as we’d like to believe. 

Of course, this applies to his craft/arts as well. 

With Minghao, he has to be sure this is what he wants before he commits to it. 

Capricorn and Scorpio has a lot in common, but while Scorpio looks for freedom in expression (in order to exert their inner power freely/without hurting anyone) -- Capricorn aims for prestige

Do something, do anything. But make it good and make sure you’re doing this for yourself and not anyone else. 

That’s the true motivation for Capricorn Venus to pursue something, whether it be dancing, arts, fashion, crafts, etc.

If they’re doing it for themselves and they’re committed to it long-term, they have the will-power and determination to do anything. 

Whether it turns out well or not, it’s not even a possibility that it won’t turn out well because they will do anything to make it good. 

It’s pure in a way, they’re pursuing the craft/interest not for fame/statues, but rather for the purity of the craft itself and their own self-expression that’s achieved through exerting their own power/working hard for it. 

Thats what Capricorn Venus happiness is, when they can pursue something just because they can and they want to. 

Because they’re committed to it, they’ll make it good no matter what. Set backs doesn’t deter them. 

Another thing about Capricorn Venus is that in social relationships, they’re just looking to joke around/have fun with people. Anyone who puts in the same energy/happiness into social relationship is welcomed to them. 

They themselves are people who appreciates light-heartedness in conversations and social relationship. 

Considering how hard they are in other areas of life/their determination, for things that doesn’t require determination and only good-will, they let themselves go sometimes within that circle.

That’s not to say, you can go too far or be impossibly rude within the circle. 

Capricorn Venus are peacekeepers in a way that’s sterner than most, if something’s not ok (like someone’s attitude) they’ll point it out immediately/privately with the person. 

Tact and appropriateness is still important things to have in order to keep that light-hearted mood going. And since this is their one solace  from how hard they are on themselves, they do their best to keep it that way.  

Improper behaviour, brash or seedy conversations/relationship isn’t something for them. 

In fact these people are just as bad as those who look down on others/have ulterior motives-- literally dirt on the bottom of the shoe for him.

With Minghao’s Scorpio placements/Aquarius placement, these things definitely won’t fly in his radar. His righteousness is incredibly strong and he’s probably striving to be more and more morally upright. 

Sure he may find himself dropping into temptation, but he won’t come out of it improving himself/regrets letting things go that way (control is a huge part of Minghao’s personal self/core)

He has such a strong emphasis on looking out for other people/looking for societal change (strong Uranus aspects) as well as his own integrity. There’s no way Minghao won’t make a lesson out of it for himself/someone else when he digest everything (Scorpio Mercury)

 With Minghao, Capricorn Venus is also the strongest point of his self-control. With his Aquarius/Scorpio placement, control is already part of what he strives to have/do. But with Capricorn it becomes an actuality.

In a way, Capricorn materialism and pragmatism actually comes in handy because Venus becomes more hands-on with things this way.

Instead of staying in a passive stance, Capricorn Venus with a lot of ‘push’ from other placements (for control) actually acts on it. (making dreams into reality in a way) 

It becomes an externalizing outlet for him to achieve a modicum of control over his life and see it happen in the material world. 

Alot of it has to do with money. Upgrades, success, and ability to splurge on things he wants (clothes, dorm situation, wine, decorations) 

It may seem trivial but seeing it all happen due to his effort/desire is like seeing his expectations line up with his reality for once and thats-- amazing. 

 It’s like asking something from Santa, baking cookies and all that. Knowing in your heart Santa isn’t real but doing it for tradition anyways. And then one moment later you realize that Santa is real. And it’s not your parents/someone you know, it’s actually Santa.

That’s how hard seeing your expectations line up with reality is when it comes to desire/need for control. Rarely can we find fair-game when it comes to what we want and seeing it happen in real time.  

Ah and also, Capricorn/Aquarius placement in a person (particularly Moon/Venus) can make a person extra shy. But they hide that well behind a mask of coolness/deliberate control. Thats why control is so important to them, because it’s like a natural armor/defense but also an achievement that they want to have. 

Sagittarius Mars/ 3rd Decan Leo 

His Mars is conjunct to his Venus at 3′ -- so thats Sagittarius Mars - conjunct- Capricorn Venus

Having this combination can make a quiet kind of person, in his actions-- he’d rather show you things physically/through effort than talk about it sometimes.

It’s about the deeper meaning and interpreting quiet ways to do things classily, with manners and respectability but undeniably proud at the same time.

What this means is that, Minghao is the type who does things through effort/natural charisma rather than relying on something like technique/style to boost himself forward. 

He’s passionate in what he does, and uses his physicality/action to show how much it means to him. (Venus-Mars)

In a way, he’s demonstrative and deliberate in what he shows to others. There’s raw passion in there as well (Sagittarius Mars) when he does something, he does it with his all and expects some kind of result to come from it (an ‘impact’ on others).

Having this placement also points to someone who has a lot of vitality, with Sagittarius Mars in Leo decan, there’s a lot of fire-power going on that makes them have to extend more of their energy to ‘let out’ some of the steam than most. 

Other than that, there’s a natural magnetism/attitude that they have that draws people in. It’s not just something they say, it’s what they do/prove to others as well.

With Sagittarius in the Mars, the person may find themselves demonstrating how they go about their life/their morals rather than just talking about it.

Combined with Capricorn Venus, most likely it’s a way to ‘back himself up’ when he says something-- providing tangible proof through effort and physical assertion in order to say the things he says and not be hypocritical/self-righteous in a way.

This placement also talks about raw instincts, with Sagittarius here-- imagine Scorpio/Aquarius/Capricorn as teenagers who talks about morally righteousness and this Sagittarius Mars being a big burly guy standing behind them backing them up.

Sagittarius is notorious for preaching about morally righteousness, nevermind if it’s conventional/politically correct or not. If it’s an idea, they will explore it and judge it. It’s similar to Scorpio, but more chaotic and less self-contained. 

With Sagittarius in Mars, there’s no way he’ll ever cheat his performance out of anything. 

Integrity comes from effort, and when he can’t perform-- best believe it hurts him the most because he feels like it’s going against his integrity somehow. 

Even if the head understands that it’s better for his health (Aquarius Moon) the heart doesn’t understand why it’s hurt by his own inability to control his efforts. 

It’s like a personal offense to Sagittarius Mars themselves if they can’t do something they want to do/set out to do. Because they hang their integrity and self-esteem on it as well. That’s their pride/ego there, and if they can’t achieve/do something about it it’ll hurt them more instead. 

Also, Sagittarius Mars is more of the flexible sign in this placement (mutable)-- this leads to a lot more spontaneous activity/bodily movement.

Impulsivity points to style of dances that allows more freestyle or flexibility involved. If he’s interested, he can even go into classical style of dance to expand his crafts (ONLY if he’s interested- Scorpio/Capricorn)-- but the set rules/standards might drive him up the wall before he gets started. 

Dancing/physical exertion isn’t a chore most of the time, it’s more like a relief/healing for him because he has fun doing it.

With Sagittarius Mars, they have fun with doing things to distract themselves from bigger problem rather than seeing it as something they HAVE to do.  As long as they can keep this mindset/not get bored of what they’re doing (having a certain degree of flexibility/personal freedom in their craft) they’re good to go for a long time.

High refractory period, not necessarily good stamina but rather a good mindset and determination/self-encouragement to get back on their feet makes them formidable people.

 Stress/anger wise, he switches between over-thinking something intensely (Aquarius Moon) and detaching from it consciously to do something physically different all together.  

Sagittarius Mars distracts the person from the problem, fight or flight in this case would choose flight until they can’t/gets confronted-- and then they explode with the Aquarius Moon on the person entirely. Laying out all their arguments and pointed notations across.  

Good thing is, Sagittarius Mars tends to forgive and forget. However, trusting the other person again (when it’s a serious problem) is another thing all together. 

As understanding and compassionate Minghao is, he is also pretty stern on appropriation and not crossing the fucking line. 

He has a high tolerance for a lot of things, able to teach and help others. But for those who insists on not helping themselves/testing others on irreparable subjects-- he might just cut them off for good.    

Other placements:

Virgo Juno Scorpio Chiron Virgo Lilith

Conclusion: 

With Minghao, alot of his placement points to taking actions/control of his immediate surrounding (including manhandling friends/people) so it might come down to Mars

His Mars is his strongpoint, not just because his Scorpio placement is ruled by Mars, but also because Sagittarius adequately sums up factors/aspects of his personalities that we’ve talked about.

He has facets of himself that’s deeply introspective, looking into his own being and personal stance on things. As well as trying to reach a deeper conclusion within himself in order to bring it outwards.

The sharing with the world part/helping to teach and guide others through his own experiences (which he does humbly) is his accumulation of placements + Sagittarius leading the troop.

His humbled nature, graciousness and natural tact/mediative quality (from Capricorn Venus) also adds to the philosophical/adaptive quality in him, making him seek multiple outlets for his interests and find ‘freedom’ in self-expression (Aquarius Moon/Sagittarius Mars) through doing stuff, rather than waiting on it forever/being too afraid to reach out for it. 

 His kindness, open-mindedness and caring nature he gives so much to others is showing Scorpio’s sensitivity and Aquarius’s quick-wittedness. 

But the ability to take action for it comes from a sense of personal integrity/responsibility that comes from Capricorn Venus/Sagittarius Mars co-operating together as well.

With Minghao, he has one main square which is his Sun-Square-Jupiter (Aquarius Jupiter aspecting at 1′) -- the rest of his charts are sextiles and conjunctions-- with multiple Moon conjunction to social/outer planets

This talks about him holding power in the mind (Aquarius Moon/Uranus conjunction) and expansion on his compassion/sympathetic qualities in order to fulfill his own emotional needs (giving so much to others = feeling grateful for the opportunity to be able to do so/exerting his energy in a fulfilling way to his inner core-- Scorpio w/ Sagittarius/Aquarius in their chart) 

 With Minghao, he has this sternness about him that can come across as a dominant person sometimes. You can’t deny the inner power/in-control he is of himself.

Even though sometimes he can be moody, desolated, impulsive or hot-tempered/abrasive in his speech, he tries his best to control those emotions (Aquarius Moon) and be in control of himself/his speech when it affects other people around him ( that he cares about- Capricorn/Scorpio).

Another thing to note is that because he has alot of introspective/depth placement in him (Scorpio/Aquarius/Capricorn) aegyo probably isn’t his strong suit. 

Being cute is more of a thing that comes naturally, through his earnestness and personal integrity rather than him flaunting it openly (cuteness) -- he also has certain shyness in him from Aquarius Moon/Scorpio Mercury/Capricorn Venus that makes him cringe to himself sometimes. 

When it comes to other people doing aegyo however, he is an encouraging and silent supporter of it because it makes them happy. 

In conclusion: Minghao is such a fun individual to read, mostly because he has a lot of things going on for his Sun/Mercury and Mars. 

With his Moon/Venus taking the lead with the direction he’s going (what he wants in life), his Sun/Mercury/Mars find themselves listening to his Moon/Venus and supporting them, finding their voice through them/co-operating with them much better as well (sextiles/conjunctions) 

A pretty straightforward guy with a lot of depth and charisma to him, he excels at the mind, the core and the action he takes. His personal relationship with other people prosper as well. 

Minghao is an example of his earth/water working well with fire/air in his placements--  instead of fighting against each other, it makes up for what each of them lack, support, accept and find their individual voice through working together instead.

 How can you not see that he’s a Scorpio President

💕 That’s it for Minghao’s reading! 💕 I hope you enjoyed!💕 To be honest, I haven’t done overviews/post anything of my own in a while so I wanted to get this out before I go to sleep (even though my eyes are blurry now). It is such a blessing that his placement is so straight forward, although I probably missed something/haven’t expanded on everything I think this is a good overview  in general and it gave me motivation to do Momo’s overview tomorrow as well. 💕 As for other seventeen overviews, I’ll be touching on Mingyu and Dokyeom next. I hope you look forward to it! 💕  

[lully-jo]

Final Fantasy VII: The Theme of Life [Part 1]

My introduction to Final Fantasy was with VII* in my freshman year of High School. Though the graphics did not age well (and have aged like milk with each passing year) the storytelling was so compelling and immersive that it carried the game into the hands of future generations who had become so accustomed to high resolution gameplay complete with voice acting and flashy action sequences. From the opening cutscene to the closing epilogue, I found myself thrust into a world that became more and more familiar as I explored every city and village and spoke with the townsfolk and learned about every party member’s backstory. These were people and places that I somehow knew. This was a fantasy that mirrored a reality that I and everyone around me was already living, and rather than being a pessimistic take on capitalism and classism and the destruction of the planet, there remained a glimmer of hope to inspire players when they turned the game off.

Interestingly, with the remake coming within the next year, it seems the themes of VII have only become increasingly relevant. Normally, I would be excited to see a new generation of players pick up this legendary masterpiece of RPG gaming and find within it the meaningful questions regarding humanity and its place in the universe, but I have reason for concern even with the mere teasers being released in preparation for this year’s E3. I want to take this opportunity to express just why VII is considered so legendary and masterful so that those who will enter the world of Cloud and company through the remake will know where the story started and what made it worth re-introducing to the new generation of gamers in the first place.

*I should probably make it clear that I only played VII because I instantly fell in love with Cloud’s character in the first Kingdom Hearts game which I played in middle school.

Be prepared for spoilers under the cut, but I’d be surprised if you’ve gone this long without learning about much of VII’s story. 

Storytelling: The World is Much Bigger Than You

One of the greatest methods in which VII expresses the grandness of the universe is in the simple method by which the story begins. The player is immediately thrust into a bombing mission as Cloud Strife, a 21-year-old mercenary who has been hired by AVALANCHE, a terrorist, anti-SHINra organization. The goal is simple: The planet is dying and big business is what's killing it. Therefore, cripple the company by destroying their methods of production. Immediately, the story is set in a world very much like our own; big business has all the real power, the wealthy live in luxury at the cost of the poor suffering and the planet’s ecosystem and essentially lifeblood is sucked up dry.

Without much further thought, Cloud continues along with Barret, Biggs, Wedge, and Jessie towards the center of one of SHINra’s reactors, killing any SHINra soldier along the way with little remorse. Again, at this point, the mission is simple. Once you reach the reactor, there is a short scene where Cloud collapses and we get a small piece of foreshadowing into our major plotpoint: there’s something else going on here. After detonating the bomb, Cloud and company return to Tifa’s bar, 7th Heaven--the HQ of AVALANCHE. There are arguments, as Cloud seems to be a mere bystander taking advantage of Barret’s need for insider information (Cloud was a 1st Class SOLDIER under SHINra before he became the mercenary he is at the start of the game) rather than someone who genuinely cares about the well-being of the planet. Eventually, Tifa and Cloud reminisce a scene together of a promise they made as children in their hometown; Cloud left Nibelheim in order to become a 1st Class SOLDIER, just like his hero, Sephiroth. If memory serves me right, this is our first introduction to Sephiroth.

Later, there is another bombing mission (Cloud has agreed to help again, but at a price) at it doesn’t go as planned. After a battle gone wrong, Cloud falls from the plate and lands in Aerith’s church. He had already met this girl once, but this time he gets a proper introduction to her and learns that SHINra has been keeping an eye on her since she was very small. This is another indicator that there is more going on to this story than players initially assumed; what else is SHINra up to? Why hunt this girl from childhood? She seems close with the Lifestream somehow--she can speak with souls that have passed on and simply knows when someone has died as though she’d been beside them when it happened.

As Cloud continues on with Aerith and learns more about her and is able to introduce her to Tifa and Barret, there eventually comes disaster; SHINra is about to drop one of the Sectors of the plate that hangs over the slums of Midgar, which will result in the deaths of thousands. Biggs, Wedge, and Jessie are already attempting to counter SHINra and their Turks (a special unit that SHINra sends out to do their dirty work and whom have been hunting Aerith since childhood), but they are easily overtaken. Aerith is kidnapped by the Turks in exchange for keeping Marlene, Barret’s adopted daughter, safe from harm, and though Cloud, Tifa, and Barret make an escape, the self-destruct button is pushed by Reno and the plate comes crumbling down. SHINra places the blame on AVALANCHE and thousands of innocent people are killed.

It is in this moment that we see Tifa and Barret now asking themselves if their methods of protest were worth it. If they had done the right thing and if all those deaths were, in fact, their fault. This is the beginnings of VII showing a recurring theme in the game; how do my actions affect everyone else in this world?

After a moment of grief and finding Marlene safe in the hands of Aerith’s adopted mother, Cloud and company decide to break into the SHINra building to rescue Aerith. On their way to the top floor, they discover a few hints at other projects SHINra has been working on and see into Hojo’s laboratory where he was keeping Aerith and what he calls Red XIII (otherwise and from here on out known as Nanaki), a wolf-like creature with fiery-red fur and a flame at the end of his tail. Hojo attempts to force them to mate, explaining that Aerith is the last survivor of a race called Ancients who can speak and connect with the Lifestream. The gang rescues Aerith, Nanaki joins your party (he can talk!) and then you are captured as you try to make your escape. What happens overnight is what changes the  name of the game from then on out.

After a short night’s rest, Cloud wakes up to find his cell door open and blood streaked across the floor. SHINra soldiers have been killed and the blood continues up towards the top floor of the building. When Cloud and company arrive at President Shinra’s office, he is dead--impaled with a sword. It is Cloud who identifies it as Sephiroth’s sword and now the player and all the characters are met with the realization that there is something else much deeper and much bigger going on than they had previously imagined. This storytelling method is continued through every interaction until it isn’t just a question of who the immediate bad guy is, but the implications of how every person can be the bad guy in some way and also how nature will always take everything back.

Though it took me a while to get here, the opening of VII is truly masterful in its buildup towards the actual meat of the story it attempts to tell. The focus is on Cloud and his small group and their very centered goals and eventually, through subtle foreshadowing and character dialogue, the scope of the story grows and grows until it’s no longer the question of one’s place in society, but one’s place in the universe. I find it so poignant how extremism is shown to be dangerous on either end of the spectrum, and just how dangerous is shown as you progress through the story and are made to think about the world on a much grander scale than yourself. As I stated before, the greatest power by the end of the game is the planet itself; Nature will always take everything back.

This method of storytelling allows players to learn along with the characters. It allows us to be part of the party without dumbing down characters in a way that doesn’t make sense within the canon. Not only this, but it takes the characters very seriously within their environments and their objectives. It builds them up only to make them question if their motives are justified. In the grand scheme of things, was setting off explosives to get back at a government entity good for everyone? Innocent people were killed in those explosions, and that’s not just including the dropping of the plate over the slums by SHINra. AVALANCHE sacrificed innocent lives as they battled with SHINra as a corporate entity. Were those deaths justified?

The slow yet action-packed buildup towards the meat of the VII’s story was purposeful, well executed, and honestly the best way to open this story. From a quick glance at the FFVII tag after the reveal of the new trailer, some fans seem to be speculating that the dark shadows that fighten Aerith are perhaps new foreshadowing into the remnants affiliated with Sephiroth and REUNION. I fear that trying to force too much early foreshadowing will cheapen what was already a beautiful story-telling method. Part of what made those remnants such a shock later on in the story was our sudden introduction to them. Bringing them in earlier in the gameplay seems completely unnecessary and like it will hurt the return to Nibelheim scene and the eerie feeling the player is supposed to be struck with when they enter the town. Not to mention, Aerith’s reaction was wholly unlike her and contradicts what made her such a complex character that broke the trope of petite-princess-girl-need-protection.

I’ll get into the details of characters in another part. This has already gotten long-winded enough and there’s still so much I’d like to discuss.

[ayanak-archive]

Arcs and Eps Allura Deserved

A lot of what bothered me about Voltron while I was watching and for the most part genuinely enjoying it is that I kept getting let down by what seemed like obvious groundwork just never getting followed up on, particularly concerning Allura.

It felt like they were setting up great things and time after time I’d get excited for them to happen and let down when they didn’t... so below are some examples of stuff Allura should have done in Voltron, that would have felt more natural than the show’s actual progression. I think the show held me so long because I thought there was no way these things weren’t gonna happen... until they didn’t.

The Balmera / Haggar / The Black Lion / Zethrid / Zarkon and the Original Paladins / Romelle and the Colony

The Balmera:

We’ll start light. One of Allura’s first displays of both her power and heart was right in the first season, when she healed the entire Balmera planet. It was a great character-establishing moment, and a really good episode.

The very next season, Allura returns to the Balmera alone, and the creature they subdued the last time comes alive. I was very excited; I was sure that it was going to be an Allura-centric episode about her defeating the Ro-Beast, especially since it followed several paladin-focused episodes, as well as an episode where Coran makes Allura stay on the ship for her safety (Space Mall).

It would have been a great call-back to season one, as well as a great character-building moment for Allura to have solved this problem by working with the Balmerans to protect the planet once again. Instead, Voltron swoops in immediately and hits it a bit. Yawn.

Haggar:

Probably my biggest pet peeve of the show at any time was that Allura and Haggar were not more obvious foils of each other, or at least that their arcs weren’t more tied.

I had picked up some pretty clear foreshadowing in Season 1 that Allura was going to fight Haggar later, which turned out to be true the very next season, but didn’t feel tied enough to their prior interactions. The foreshadowing in question was the scene where Shiro and Hunk are fooled by Haggar’s mirrored self trick, something Allura sees immediately through. A good tie-in would have been for them to fight one-one-one, long enough for Haggar to realize her normal methods weren’t going to work on Allura, and they could have referenced the scene where Allura blindly charges at Zarkon, stopped easily by Haggar. Instead, Allura hits her a couple times and deflects one blast of dark magic. The magic was significant in its own moment, but the scene did not tie backwards at all, when it easily could have.

Tie-ins to earlier episodes aside, the show generally missed the opportunity to tie into its own backstory with Haggar and Allura. Even before the reveal about Honerva, Haggar being Altean was already a significant detail that surely should have made Allura way more occupied with her than she was. I remember listening for the moment when Allura would tell Coran that the Witch was a surviving member of their species, but instead she kind of mentions it in passing to the paladins and moves on. She mentions Haggar from time to time, but while the writers found it important that Keith have significant interactions with other Galra, they didn’t seem to think Allura should care as much about her own Altean history.

The Black Lion:

The Black Lion arc was a very previously debated one, so I’m sure I’m not saying anything new with my opinion that while the switcheroo worked OK, it was kind of dumb. Even if you still wanted Keith to man the Black Lion, why would they specifically set up Alfor as the Red Paladin only to give that role to Lance, especially after making a point to say that Lance really liked being the Blue Paladin. I’d support putting her in the Red Lion with the opinion that the purposeful arc was Allura learning to take a step down from being the princess and learn to follow as part of a team, but really it just seemed like an insult that she never got to lead her own people, and now her limited role in leading the paladins as pilot of the Castle was being stripped from her as well.

It would have been a much better arc for Allura to take control of the Black Lion, assuming she was already prepared to lead, as she was meant to lead her planet someday. In the process, she learns she has a lot of work to do, and finds herself earning her title as a leader, instead of it just being expected of her.

For the episodes when Keith was gone, Allura can willingly surrender the Black Lion to Shiro, proudly piloting her father’s lion in the meantime. Add some extra depth when she’s piloting Black by giving her some angst about Zarkon, who she has a clear desire to kill; she had no interesting backstory around the Blue Paladin, but she did around both Red and Black, yet she got neither.

Zethrid:

I’ll jump back to a less deep one for a minute. Why did Allura not fight Zethrid!! It’s basic interesting writing that when one crazy strong woman says she’s gonna fight another crazy strong woman that those two crazy strong women should fight!! They left me hanging for seasons on this one guys. I didn’t even consider that Zethrid had died in season 7 because she hadn’t fought Allura yet. Allura never fights her but you know who does, twice? Keith! Why does Keith get all of Lotor’s generals. And most of the other big plotlines that should go to Allura...

Zarkon & the Original Paladins:

I’m not sure how much to write on this one except that you’d think Allura having known the original paladins would have come up more. We get that she was close to her father, but don’t even learn he was the Red Paladin for ages. She’s angry at Zarkon, and clearly feels betrayed, but the fact that he might have been a friendly figure in her childhood before killing her father is not really brought up. She also doesn’t really reference much about any of the other paladins, despite presumably knowing them her whole life.

Romelle & the Colony:

I feel very strongly that Allura’s arc should have ended with her ruling the Colony. She proved she was a good leader in the absence of having anyone to rule, in her goal to avenge her people by preventing what happened to them from happening to anyone else. She has genuine compassion and caring, as well as good diplomacy skills. Had she led Voltron, they could have tied in her gained leadership rules as helping her to become a better leader than she was at the start of the show.

Instead, everyone kind of ignores her every time she expresses a desire to make sure her people aren’t being wiped out for the second time, and the show kind of leaves it at that. Lotor rules her people, and Haggar rules her people, but since Lotor’s rule was all backstory and they didn’t work hard enough to tie Haggar and Allura together until kind of at the very end of the show, it didn’t really mean anything.

She doesn’t even really interact with Romelle all that much. She trusted her enough to turn on Lotor, but other than that we got very little meaningful interaction with the two of them. She wasn’t even lobbying to have Romelle travel with her on their journey back to earth. You’re telling me Allura, who was excited to have being a girl in common with Pidge, was not visibly excited to meet another Altean woman her age??

I’m sure there’s so many more I could think of if I watched the show again, but nothing demonstrates to me more that the show didn’t give enough of a crap about Allura than thinking of all the times that I was sure she was going to be involved in a plot point and she wasn’t. Feel free to continue discussions in reblogs or reply with more examples.

[voodoopupper-blog]

Trimix Injection, Dosage, Side Effects, Instructions, Cost & Where To Buy Them Online

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[inktrinsic]

‘ART IS EVERYTHING’

- interview with a tattooist

Baldwin Ang is a man on a constant quest, seeking to fill his life with experiences that enrich him, all of which he ultimately expresses in works of ink. Working with artists from all over the planet, Baldwin feels that his nomadic lifestyle is paramount to growth as a tattoo artist. The world his oyster, Baldwin's love for the craft brings him anywhere art exists - "everywhere, basically!", he laughingly says.

He believes every piece of inked skin tells a story, and listens intently to every customer who goes to him. Observing him at work tattooing fills one with a sense of wonder; such is the tangible passion he exudes when executing his craft.

With travel restrictions still in place, i manage to catch up with Baldwin here in Singapore, to talk about his passion for ink, and how he got into the craft.

Tell me about your first tattoo experience.

I grew up an only child in an average, middle-class home, typically Singaporean. My dad ran a small business,.and Mum helped out. Left on my own mostly, I pretty much entertained myself, with toys and later, other kids my age hanging around the neighbourhood. I started getting tattoos at a very young age - the first was a dare actually! Gradually I became intrigued by the art form, and this spark fueled my resolve to start doing research on tattoo as an art form and the history behind it.

I started tattooing at 16 (below legal age) without any proper apprenticeship, in a friend’s studio in Singapore. Initially, it was difficult to be taken seriously by people within the industry, they dismissed me as some "young punk" hence there wasn't much hope of me getting a decent appprenticeship anywhere. I stuck with it though, I guess I kind of knew this was what I really wanted to do.

I worked pretty hard, starting from bottom up, and about a year into it, my tattoo artist opened a door for me into the world of professional tattooing. I started understudying with Nicckuhori of Horikawa Tattoos, Singapore, (god-son of Sensei Horiyoshi III) whom i thank for showing me the proper methods pertaining to traditional Japanese tattooing. After that i worked alongside Augustine Nezumi for almost 2 years before embarking on my life as a nomad.

Do you think an apprenticeship is the best way to learn the business?

Without a doubt! Starting out without a proper apprenticeship, thats just a bad idea - like walking blindfolded- because you need to learn the basic techniques and stuff like that from the start correctly. Good foundation and whatnot. I took twice as long to get my basics right, and probably took alot of unnecessary detours, all for the lack of guidance. Although I think it worked well for me because all that hard work being self taught gives me a sort of perspective many younger tattooist seem to lack (no offense to anyone).

What is it about tattoos that compel you ?

That art can exist on a living human canvas.

What’s it like in your studio?

I work with my closest friends in the world, they are family. Nicckuhori, Sam, Colin, Wuzai - in Meteorite Tattoo in Singapore. There is so much creative energy andwe constantly bounce ideas off one another. There's alot of laughter, and camaraderie here - put 5 boys in a room, imagine the kind of mischief we get into! More importantly, there is a certain "sync" we share, artistically, aesthetically, and in even our beliefs so it works out well. Nicckuhori’s work is one of my greatest influences and a great source of inspiration; i respect and love him like a brother. Yet at the same time I hate him the way you hate your siblings because he fools around, laughs too much and always when I’m trying to focus.

Have you worked at many conventions?

I’ve attended many conventions but I’ve only worked at the conventions in Rome, St Gallen (Switzerland), Wurzberg (Germany) and Singapore.

How do people at conventions perceive your work?

(Laughs) I have no idea though I definitely hope it was positive.

Do you find working alongside other talented artists helps you to improve your own techniques?

It is really important for me to understand and learn from other artists. Observing other artists at work, discussing various pieces and techniques  with someone who is kind enough to share with me their ideas and techniques, that knowlegde is invaluable.

During your trips abroad, have you noticed any particular areas that are more welcoming to tattoos and tattooists than others?

Not really. I am lucky i guess, I have mostly only met really nice people who have welcomed me very graciously, and I’m very grateful for that.

Do you think that a formal art training is needed to becoming a tattooist?

I think it helps but formal art training in a traditional college is not totally essential as most aspects of tattooing are picked up on the job. While I have a diploma in graphic design from LASALLE, I don't attribute my artwork to the education i received in school.

Most of the best tattooists I know have no formal art training.

Who are your main influences, including both tattooists and the more traditional artists?

Sensei Horiyoshi III, Nicckuhori, Susan, Roland, Filip Leu, Mick, Aarron Cain, Carlston, Kuniyoshi, Hokusai, the list goes on!

Do you have a favourite style of tattooing? Can you describe your own style?

My genre choice would have to be Japanese style. I try to mix the traditional Japanese tattooing style with the neo-Japanese style. I am currently trying to explore a wider variety of subjects, colours and compositions.

What is it about your chosen area of expertise that you enjoy so much? Why were you drawn to it?

I revere the mystical history of Japanese and oriental tattooing rich in culture and tradition. Singapore is incredibly modern, there isn’t much preservation  of Asian culture, or any traditions since we’re a young nation. I have always been drawn to culture, and I was exposed to oriental art  at a really young age. Focusing on traditional tattooing was really just a natural progression.

What would be the ultimate tattoo for you to create? What subject matter/placement/techniques would you use?

I would love to do just a full body suit of Japanese background, water, earth, sky, fire, experimenting with shading the contours of the body. Maybe with a lot of positive and negative to create strong contrasts and boldness to last a lifetime.

How do you relax and spend time away from tattooing?

I am starting to try some abstract painting with oil, watercolour, Sumi etc. Nothing related to tattoos. And I watch too much Netflix. And I try to go to the mountains in Switzerland. I love nature. It’s good for the heart and soul.

What’s your favourite part of being an artist?

I get to be creative and the creation of good art. Art is everything, really, and it makes me very satisfied.

Lastly, what changes have you observed in the tattoo industry?

Not much, except for how society on a whole has evolved into one more accepting of tattoos as a form of art. There seems to be less stigma and bias when it comes to people sporting tattoos. This is definitely a sign of the times, and I hope that it will continue growing in that vein. That being said, I think there are also some who get into this trade with the wrong motivation, maybe it’s because of the hype sparked off by the media. Reality shows glamorise tattooing, making it seem really cool and easy, and with the Internet and websites that sells starter kits at super cheap prices and way too many books on how to tattoo, it’s becoming really easy to start tattooing, which somehow diminishes the richness of this art form.

[young-republicanette-blog]

Communication Training Western Australia

SOME EFFECTIVE TIPS FOR DEVELOPING COMMUNICATION SKILLS

t's a very normal fantasy that recent college grads are languid, entitled, need duty and before they even put their foot through the entryway, they're searching for the following huge thing. The considerable thing about legends is that they're only that, they aren't authentic. Be that as it may, there is a comment said in regards to twenty to thirty-year-olds getting lost behind smartphones, tablets and PCs and the departed craft of penmanship, that may call attention to something that isn't a fantasy: immature Communication Skills

Disclaimer: I will be the first to concede, I am a millennial and I am totally protective of my companions with the theme comes up. Is there any good reason why i wouldn't be? There are stacks of us in the workforce at this moment, a large number of which began from the base, and moving their way up. I need my associates to succeed on the grounds that we are the future pioneers. So don't believe I'm simply staying here on my overinflated ego hatin' on my associates. I'm definitely not. Twenty to thirty-year-olds make them astound qualities: they're committed, driven laborers, the most noteworthy taught workforce, and need to feel some portion of a group as well as work someplace with reason. So twenty to thirty-year-olds aren't too awful, however, we need to discuss the obvious issue at hand sooner or later.

Innovation and Millennials: Where It All Began

In the event that you recollect our relationship with innovation, and how for a considerable lot of us, it formed our lives as we probably am aware it. A few of us got our first PCs in 1995 and had our first since forever experience with that irritating little paperclip. Chocolate-bar style mobile phones turned into an important, if not overwhelming, malicious, but rather helped us make another dialect, IDC G2G, TTYL that finished all of us adulthood. The web, Google and Wikipedia changed the way we discover data; never again expected to go to libraries and chase down dewy-decimal codes for answers. Facebook changed the way we collaborated with our companions, to how we interface with individuals, and how to piece mum from seeing pictures of you from that one night you would prefer not to discuss. Twitter helped us refine our contemplations to 140 character limits. Images helped us make inside jokes, while GIFs and emoticons enable us to exhibit what verbal communication just can't (and FYI – don't send an eggplant emoticon to your colleague since that could in all likelihood be lewd behavior). I can't neglect to say wearables that let us know with information in case we're excessively lethargic and require, making it impossible to run 'round the piece a couple of times. Cell phones give us access to nearly all that we need, need and want at the touch of a unique finger impression (or asking Siri). Most would agree that innovation did in truth change the course of how this age conveys on an everyday premise, and with computerized disturbance having not a single end to be seen, there's a decent shot innovation will just keep on evolving Millennial (and how about we not overlook our younger siblings and sisters-Gen Z) communication skills too.

HR and L&D pioneers: make a stride back and take a gander at methods for understanding the communication skills hole through successful training that addresses twenty to thirty year olds. So how would you do this?

Step by step instructions to Develop the Soft Skills in Your Millennial Employees

As per Manpower Group's current study on Millennials, 93% of twenty to thirty year olds see progressing skills improvement as a vital piece of their future vocations. And afterward PwC's Millennials at Work: Reshaping the Workplace whitepaper, express that 35% of recent college grads discover training and improvement openings alluring parts of an imminent manager, alongside 65% discovering profession movement the key victor. Coming to an obvious conclusion here, we can see this is extraordinary news for associations, Human Resources and Learning and Development chiefs. Since recent college grads have that ability and commitment to build up their own delicate skills, it's simply a question of how, and an organized training system can be an alluring way to deal with achieve and hold millennial staff, particularly in the event that they know it will enable them to advance professionally. Approve, so we know the advantages, great. So here's a few hints to kick it into high gear:

Build up a training program that tends to the vital delicate skills, similar to communication skills. There are a wide range of training styles to suit the person. Regardless of whether it's a mixed blend of up close and personal (F2F), online e-learning courses, individual learning systems, social learning, down to earth at work involvement and perception. There are various ways you can build up your training program. It's tied in with finding the correct blend of conveyance strategies to accomplish the most ideal result – and have it fit inside your L&D spending plans.

Be that as it may, recollect your millennial gathering of people! Twenty to thirty year olds adore innovation – so don't overlook this when you're assembling a training program. A F2F training session on "compelling communication" with a PowerPoint slide deck most likely won't get the outcomes you're searching for. As a millennial, I know I like to gain from a blend of self-coordinated learning (I'll save my nighttimes to get up to speed with a MOOC from Coursera to build up my skills or side-premiums), social learning (Quora, Reddit, and different discussions where I can extinguish my hunger for new thoughts), e-learning (yes, we do take our own courses here at Learning Seat) and from the typical at work stuff that we invest 70% of our energy in (ah, 70:20:10). Be that as it may, one thing I've learnt? The main way I can deal with F2F training if it's as drawing in as a Ted Talk, it's intuitive and depends on helpful support. While I don't represent 100% of the millennial populace, it's constantly great to check your crowd and what they discover helpful to gain from. Bear in mind to use the full abilities of your Learning Management System (LMS) to track and report your student's advancement in the event that you are utilizing eLearning modules as a feature of your training program.

Begin at the absolute starting point, to get the most out of your delicate skills training program. What are the communication guidelines in your association? Is communication one of your association's organization esteems and your working environment culture? What delicate skills will new contracts need to truly flourish in your association? What does your corporate structure look like and what are the desires for their new part on an everyday premise with regards to conveying and working together with key partners? A compelling onboarding system can help incorporate recent college grads into your association, and sets a reasonable course on delicate ability desires and necessities to truly flourish in their new part.

Set an arrangement for vocation objectives, and what points of reference recent college grads need to reach to arrive. Let recent college grads realize that your association will offer them the profession movement that they're searching for. Make an improvement design. Feature the way that delicate skills, for example, communication skills, critical thinking help with long haul initiative and administrative parts, and it's basic to meet points of reference, and finish training to draw nearer to those profession objectives.

Make a mentorship program for your recent college grads. An organized, tutoring project can enable millennial representatives to get input, training and support from somebody inside the association that won't not be their immediate administrator. Tutoring twenty to thirty year olds give an inside take a gander at what it takes to be somebody at an official level, and take in direct from them what it takes to convey adequately at the best. Also, if twenty to thirty year olds do have optimistic profession objectives to one-day fill their coach's seat, it's an extraordinary chance to perceive what it takes to arrive.

Try not to sit tight for that yearly execution audit to give input. As specified before, persistent input is key for overseeing recent college grads. They're an age quick to develop and build up their skills, and they need to recognize what they're doing and how they could be improving. Sitting tight a year for that execution survey won't cut it. Consider setting up a private Slack channel where you can give nonstop, particular input in a way that isn't disciplinary (and startling), yet rather a method for instructing your millennial worker and telling them you're on a similar group working towards similar objectives. Utilizing a social channel like Slack, can help make a discussion and make negative criticism less cumbersome. Besides you can toss in a motivational image, or a thumbs up GIF to help the discussion.

not-certain if-positive-or-negative-input

Comprehend your millennial worker and how they have to get criticism to succeed. On a more individual level, when one of my best administrators (now companion), gave me input, he didn't sugar coat anything besides he additionally didn't make it an individual assault. The no-BS approach (see: radical openness), functioned admirably with the working relationship I had with my administrator (circumstantially, likewise a millennial), yet additionally my own particular identity and my qualities. It tested my mentality, my activities and my yield, however emphatically. It additionally demonstrated to me that my supervisor sufficiently minded to be totally straight-forward, and needed me to prevail past simply my part at that organization. While I'm not overlooking this approach as it won't not work for everybody, and cautioning: could apparently be marginal hostile if not done accurately, but rather it is completely vital for administrators to comprehend their individual representatives inside their groups and how they have to get criticism to flourish. Since toward the day's end, what worked for me, won't not work for the following individual in my group. It's tied in with building a successful working relationship where you can take advantage of their expert improvement needs and give them the suitable help, instructing and input, in a way that will impact them the most, when you have to.