#<- if theres a proper tag for this lmk

[lembowe]

is there any possible way you could perchance draw davepetasprite x John?

not a ship ive ever thought about before but they are pretty cute

hope this is good, anon! :)

[fruitybashir]

hello! i love your writing 💕 i often see you mentioned on fic rec lists (as you deserve!) and it made me wonder if you have any recommendations/fave fics? thank you!

aaaa omg thank you so much!!! 🥺💖💖 (im also super honored to be mentioned on any rec list at all but 'often'? 😭💖)

do i have recommendations? *cracks knuckles* oh do i (listed in no particular order):

been deprived (so wanna get it going?) [E, 14k, Bokris] by @seokoilua (okay maybe slight particular order since this is one of the first fic ive read in the fandom and it was the one that really got me hooked and inspired so it gets a special shoutout)

so then from the same author as well (all works really but these are my favs):

quietly (running out of breath) [E, 6.5k, Bokris]

flowers on the windowsill [Not rated, 3k, Bokris]

ravenous [M, 4.5k (ongoing), Bokris]

*

u men je že dost upanja [E, 43.6k, Bokris] by @itskrejsaitsparty aka the famous Hotel AU if you havent read this yet youre missing out

plastika [E, 30.5k (ongoing), Bokris] by @itskrejsaitsparty aka the possibly even more famous Filmset AU, you better be reading this ive been going insane over them

your microcosm [E, 2.5k, BoJan²] by @sizzlingsheepcheesecake

i got a hole inside my heart to be your girl [E, 7k, Lesbokris] by Anonymous

read between the lines [E, 3k, Jance] by @electron-road-suspect

i like us better when we're intertwined [E, 36.5k (ongoing), Bojance] by @madrabit

whisper to me how much you want me [E, 3.5k, Jance] by honey_and_venom

shutter [E, 3.5k, Damkris/Bakery] by helakkas

še bolj si te želim [E, 77.4k, Jance] by @xianvar oh this one had me in a chokehold fr, lump in my throat, heart heavy, all the good shit, i need to reread it actually

SSF constructions [T, 32.3k, Jance] by zojassparkle i know this is a rec list but this is fr one of my absolute faves ive read it a million times its so good and cute and fun allllll the way through

a seagull causing a storm [T, 3.3k, Bokris] by Anonymous

še bolj si te želim [E, 4.5k, Martin/Jan/Bojan] by cursed_throwaway

a me bo kdo ujel [E, 10.5k, Bojance] by @xianvar

[awkward-tension-art]

Darkness on Umbara Chp.2 (Rex x Reader)

Chapter 1. Chapter 3.

Pong Krell

cw: Rex x Reader, Reader is a medic, incorrect military procedure, graphic descriptions of injuries, blood, swearing, death and battle, Spoilers for the Umbara Arc, Pong Krell is an asshole, reader insert, reader is gender neutral, no use of (Y/N), if i miss a tag LMK

Minors DNI, even if theres no smut

“Don’t worry about me, Doc.” A trooper, Watcher, stood. His arm had been broken and it would need a few rotations to fully heal even with the bacta. 

“It’s my job to worry about you.” You smiled at him, “go on. You're all patched up.”

“Thank you, Doctor.” Watcher saluted respectfully before stepping to the edge of the trench and following it to his position.

Kix sounded from where he finished up with another trooper, “You're too nice to these guys.” 

“Well, I’ve found that my patients respond better to some kindness.” You snarked back, “Which is probably why everyone prefers me as their medic.” 

“Maybe if you-”

Kix’s words were cut off by a howl of agony further down the trench. You heard the cries and calls of different soldiers.

“What is that!?” “Shoot it!” 

Immediately chaos erupted. Someone, Jesse, tackled you to the ground. Just in time, because when you looked up, you noticed a dark, smoking burn on the trunk of a bioluminescent tree where your head had been in front of. 

“Ambush!” Someone shouted out through more blaster shots. 

Out of the corner of your eye there was a clone shaped burst of electric blue. His body collapsed and from it, a glowing six legged creature leapt to the ground and scuttled through the staging area. A couple of soldiers chased, shooting at the nimble thing.

Someone's down. Electricity. Heart could have stopped. Burns definitely. 

You ran forward, skidding to a stop behind a large rock. Two shots nicked the stone, but you remained focused on the downed trooper. After a second you ran forward again, only to jerk back, narrowly avoiding a blaster bolt to the chest. 

Two Umbarans burst from the foggy darkness and ran forward, blasters glowing through the shadows. You dove back behind the boulder, hand steady on your blaster pistol. 

“Get back!” The ground shook slightly as an ARF-trooper slammed the metal foot of his AT-RT in front of your cover. He snarled, firing his laser cannons. The damn Umbarans didn’t stand a chance.

“Thank you!” you shouted up at him before sprinting to the downed trooper. His body was smoking from the heat of the electric bug. you swore, ripping off his plastoid chest piece and beginning compressions. You counted, hitting 30 before checking his pulse.

Nothing. He wasn’t moving. Brain must’ve been fried.

You tried compressions again to the same result.

Name. What was his name? Through the dark you saw a diamond tattoo next to his eye. 

Vim. His name was Vim.

Another one of those fucking blue creatures scuttled over the side of the trench. The bioluminescent creature was focused on you. It screeched and leapt, sharp, crackling claws ready.

You were ready too, pistol aim steady. You pulled the trigger and scorched its tail. It missed your body and hit the ground where Anakin swiped down with his lightsaber. 

“Nice shot.” He greeted you, kneeling down behind the cover of the trench. Rex was, thankfully, next to him.

“What the fuck are these things?!” you asked, keeping your head down. You technically weren’t supposed to be in the thick of battle. Plus, you couldn’t see if Kix managed to protect the medical speeder and its supplies. You had to get back to your original position.

The jedi stood, deflecting glowing blaster shots, “Dunno, but they’re definitely a pest.”

“Call in an airstrike on enemy positions.” The 501st nodded to the general when Anakin knelt again.

“Let's hope they’re not too busy helping Obi-wan!”

Rex, the ever strategic mind, continued, “There's an opening to our south,” He motioned in the proper direction, “I recommend we move all platoons off the ridge in case the airstrike over shoots.”

Get back to the speeder and get the supplies out of here.

You didn’t wait to hear more. General Skywalker usually followed Rex’s recommendation, so that's your cue to get back.

As you weaved through other soldiers, cover and the glowing plant-life, Anakin called out, just as predicted, “Everyone, move out! Now!” 

Thankfully, the speeder was untouched. Nearby, an ARF trooper leaning over the edge of his AT-RT raised a shaky hand to you. He was alive.

You refused to leave him.

“Kix, where are you?” You spoke into your com as you started the speeder and moved closer to the downed transport. A blaster narrowly missed your cheek, but you didn't break your focus. At the moment, the pain was barely a sting.

“Heading south, where the fuck are you?” 

“On my way.” Your hands were on the injured soldier and heaved onto the attached stretcher in a matter of seconds. Revving the medical vehicle, you sped over the edge of the trench and followed the troopers south. 

The terrain was rough. You could barely tell what was on the ground as you drove. Leaning over, you put a stabilizing hand on the injured trooper, speeding over a pretty steep ridge. The transport lurched, but you managed to keep it steady. 

Thankfully, the poor ARF trooper groaned when you got the speeder stable again. 

If he had the energy to make noises, he had the energy to survive.

You noticed Anakin’s blue lightsaber in the distance. Next to him, Rex.

You slowed the speeder down, stopping behind the cover of dark, twisted claw-like plant life. Other soldiers had beat you there, and it seemed like most of the platoons would make it. 

However, you didn’t have time to really process who was around you. Killing the engine of your vehicle, you slipped off to kneel at the injured trooper's side. Even in the lowlight, you assessed what you could. 

Two blaster hits. One through the upper shoulder. Another through the thigh. 

Your eyes roamed the troopers around you. Mentally, you checked off those that you knew. Jesse. Kix. Hardcase. Fives. Rex and Anakin, of course. Seemed you were right and a good majority of the platoons made it.

“Kix, I need you.” you called to him. Tag-teaming these wounds would be the best option.

Wordlessly, he lowered his blaster and got to your side. 

As you worked, you heard the chatter, “All here, sir.” Rex breathed in relief. 

“Stay covered, we have to hold the position!” Anakin barked, keeping his body close to the black trunk of the mangled umbaran tree. 

It was quiet for a moment before Tup spoke, “Are you sure those bombers are coming?” The poor almost-shiny trooper sounded scared, but refused to show it. Jesse nudged him slightly.

There was more thick silence as you focused on treating the ARF trooper. 

Blessedly, in the distance you could hear the approaching drone of the bombers. Briefly, you looked up, recognizing the distinct shape of Y-wings. And usually, wherever they went, precise explosions followed. 

Just as you finished your thought, the world lit up with the burning fires of the bombs. The explosives went off, shaking the ground and illuminating everything around you. Immediately the soldiers cheered as the Umbaran forces were decimated by the air support. 

“Hell yea!” 

“Good ol’ Oddball! Always on target!”

“Take that Umbaran scum!”

You couldn’t help but laugh slightly. It always brightened your mood whenever the clones celebrated. Finding even the smallest amount of happiness did wonders for morale. 

There was another groan and the ARF trooper tried to sit up. He raised an armored hand to his helmet, as if trying to rub his eyes, “Thanks Kix, Thanks doc.” 

“Lay down, you barely just came back to the land of the living.” You gently put a hand on his chest and push him back down, “Get some rest. You need a good rotation or two before you're fit for battle.”

Kix patted your shoulder and stood, shushing you softly. 

You followed his line of sight, seeing General Skywalker and your lover speaking to another jedi. You missed the first part of their conversation, but quickly put the pieces together. 

“Well, I can’t just leave my men!” Anakin practically shouted in frustration. He cared too deeply to leave the 501st to someone else. 

The new arrival, Jedi Master Krell…

Your hackles were raised. You didn’t know the bastard, but you knew his casualty number. You’ve read reports. Too many troops died under his command. Too many good men. His tactics got results, but at the cost of his own soldiers. 

You narrowed your eyes. 

“I’ll be taking over in the interim.” Krell gave a slight bow.

“Don’t worry about a thing, sir,” Rex was facing Anakin, “We’ll have this city under Republic control by the time you’re back.”

The Jedi sighed and nodded, “Master Krell, this is Rex. My first in command." Even from where you were behind him, you knew he looked proud as he practically presented the captain to Krell, “You won’t find a finer and more loyal trooper anywhere.”

“Good to hear that.” The senior jedi patted the younger’s shoulder, “I wish you well, Skywalker.” The farewell was brief and the 501st general walked to the gunship transport. Two other soldiers were going to accompany Anakin, as it lifted to the air. 

You shared a look with Kix and returned to the speeder. Something tells you that everyone will be moving out soon. 

“Your reputation precedes you, General. It is an honor to be serving you.” Rex stepped up next to their new leadership. The clone captain was being respectful, as he always was. Since this isn't the first time the 501st was given a different command, everyone did their best to show respect. It established a good relationship right off the bat, and allowed for better communication for the future. 

“I find it interesting, Captain, that you are able to recognize the value of honor,” Pong Krell’s tone became icy. He turned, keeping his 4 arms clasped behind his back, “For a clone.” 

You paused, and immediately the mood shifted. 

Oh fuck no. it's one of these assholes! You looked over at Fives, his face held the same befuddlement as yours probably did.

“Stand at attention when I address you.” The Besalisk snapped.

The men stiffened and you slipped off the speeder to do the same. 

Krell began to stalk forward, eyes roaming over the battalion, “Your flattery is duly noted but it will not be rewarded.” His gaze was clearly critical as he took in his new force, “There’s a reason my command is so effective, and it's because I do things by the book.” 

At the cost of good men. You nearly snarled. 

“You,” The jedi master stood in front of you, “Are no clone. Name and rank, trooper.” 

You introduced yourself, “I’m the field doctor of the 501st. I tend to the seriously wounded and maintain the medical supplies.”

His eyes narrowed on you, “And why, might I ask, would someone with your…skill set be slumming it with the clone troopers. There are other platoons with non-clones that could use you.”

Your hand twitches, readying to swing. However, you caught Rex shaking his head from behind the General. Instead, you swallowed your anger. 

“Respectfully, General, I am not ‘slumming it.’ my fellow troopers are good, loyal and hardworking men.” you answered him honestly, “I see no difference between them and I.”

Pong Krell let out a condescending laugh, “Well, I suppose it doesn’t matter. As long as you can take orders.” He walked past you, but paused to glare down at the injured ARF trooper, “Have all platoons ready to move out immediately. That is all.” He sneered.

Your new General didn’t look back as the troops prepared to move. You got back on the medical speeder and cast a worried look at your lover. 

Rex sighed and put his helmet on to join Krell at the front.

This…is going to be a long campaign.

[prestonmonterey]

tlt update bc i need to distract myself

@vincentaureliuslin @tatsumisheep3 again, lmk if you want me to stop tagging you if its annoying

yippee :D

sorry i didnt do updates for a while :\ but its tech week!!

opening night is next thursday which is pretty exciting

also look at this cool lighting!!! i think this is for like strong or something,,, idk some sally n percy scene

i was

sigh

in the gym for like 5 and a half hours today TwT (and one of my friends as well) i think,, idk how to do math :P

but we finished the set i think!! so thats super cool!!!

i dont have proper pictures of the columns but thats we worked on mostly

(neeks did graffiti on them and it looks cool as fuck. theres a buncha riordanverse refrences, like a brick,,, r + j (riptide n jack), uh uh uh "punks not dead you are" and some like really cool things like lightning bolts and a big ol sun and i like em a lot)

heres a picture where you can kinda sorta see the columns but not really (and the lotus hotel sign!!! we spent so fucking long on that thing and its only on stage for like 20 seconds in drive TwT)

here idk you can kinda see some more idk most of the photos i have have actors in them and i dont wanna post that without their permission and also like doxing and stuff :P

heres the column cap in normal light bc thats what we attached today

also the lil golden dragon is festus we love him,, we put him up there and are just gonna hope no one notices >:3

heres festus on the ground

haha totally didnt mean to post that before i finished typing TwT

anyway im super super excited!!! and also really really tired bc tech week is killing me and we still have rehearsal tomorrow

anyway uhh goodnight/day idk

[bitchfitch]

tbh there's been a lot of Adi and Eadwulf, the capitalism cat and dog boys, and Tahir and Daeodon, hot boy and hot dragon, just sorta buzzing around my head.

like a lot of the less commonly seen/barley seen characters have just been tugging at my sleeves asking when it'll be their turn to get developed lately, but those four specifically have kinda been the most persistent. and not even in a related way, Variations of Adi and Eadwulf's first chat have been playing on repeat while Tahir and Daeodon are mostly just t posing in the back ground.

Idk, if i have time tomorrow I'm going to try and just, hammer out some summaries and pick up on a lil bit of planning work for them plus some of the characters who are being the most insistent.

so like, if any of y'all have someone from my roster you want to know more about tonight's the time to ask after them bc I'll probably just be focusing on whichever blorbo gets my attention first come tomorrows brain storming sesh

[bakatenshii]

❦ 𝖌𝖊𝖓𝖊𝖗𝖆𝖑 𝖙𝖆𝖌𝖘

#urusai! baka - asks

#baka bants - personal shitposts

#michelin star - fav fics

#hentai baka- doujin/hentai chat + recs. mlist here

#pinku - my pink edits!

#tags - tag games

#crack - crack posts! crack hcs! crack!

#baka lists - lists of recs for specific prompts

#baka no sakubun - my random posts (hcs, posts, crack) not in my masterlist

#bnha analysis - boku no hero academia meta

#bnha art - boku no hero academia fanart

#cap - boku no hero academia manga caps

#hq art - haikyuu!! fanart

#jjk art - jujutsu kaisen fanart

❦ 𝖘𝖕𝖔𝖎𝖑𝖊𝖗 𝖙𝖆𝖌𝖘

#bnha spoilers - bnha manga spoilers

#hq spoilers - haikyuu!! manga spoilers

#jjk spoilers - jujutsu kaisen manga spoilers

#snk spoilers - attack on titan / shingeki no kyoujin spoilers

❦ 𝖙𝖗𝖎𝖌𝖌𝖊𝖗 𝖜𝖆𝖗𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖌𝖘

#tw: incest - incest

﹂#tw: uncle - uncle incest (specific)

#tw: daddy kink - daddy kink

#tw: dubcon - dubious consent

#tw: noncon - nonconsensual / rape

#tw: virginity - virginity loss

#tw: somnophilia - somnophilia

#tw: drugs - drug use / abuse

#tw: blood - bloodplay

#tw: omorashi - watersports / pee

#tw: watersports - watersports / pee

#tw: fisting - fisting

#tw: femdom - female domination

#tw: gross - gross content (cum discourse/piss discourse)

— back to navigation

[foiblepnoteworthy]

[ID: 4 different drawings of Astrid from how to train your dragon. In each of these drawings she is taller, more muscular, and has more fat than she does in canon materials.

Image 1: she sits next to hiccup, half on her knees, leant against him, putting little braids in his hair. He is smiling softly at her.

Image 2: Astrid and hiccup are holding hands and dressed in wedding finery. She is a few inches taller than him. They are both clearly enamoured with each other.

Image 3: A screen cap redraw of the Romantic Flight scene. Astrid is sitting behind Hiccup on Toothless. She reaches up above to the cloud layer, delighted. Hiccup blushes at her behind him.

Image 4: A screencap redraw of Astrid's first appearance, lit from behind with a fireball as she walks forwards.]

Concept : the love interest warrior woman looks like she can actually swing an axe

Hey was anyone going to tell me i forgot to post my buff Astrid drawings

[furbysprinkles]

Update: eboy is up and working, and his fur is ready for a wash!

[omegawolverine]

since ive gained so many new moots in the last few hours i thought id give myself a proper introduction sooo let's go!

hi my name is damien, im 17 and i use they/them pronouns. im a slytherin, intp, 5w6 and a cancer too, if any of that junk matters to you!

this blog is primarily used to post things i find funny/interesting along with my hyperfixations, so while im mainly posting dream smp content now, ill probably throw in the occasional post from a past hyperfixation of mine or just some shit i find amusing.

just an fyi: i occasionally post triggering content but that stuff is tagged so as long as you have the words blacklisted, we should be good! just lmk if theres anything else youd like me to tag so you can avoid it!

um, quick byf ig?

-dni if u fit basic dni criteria

-im okay with adults following me just like. dont be creepy obviously lol

-i sometimes spam other hyperfixations (namely anime and kpop) so if u dont want ur dash to be occasionally filled with my bullshit then u probs shouldnt follow lol

-while im always up for a small, civil debate when it comes to dumb shit like tv shows, i am extremely uncomfortable with genuine arguing or "hate". if ive done something wrong, please just let me know in a private message. please also use tone indicators in these types of discussions (or at least when you first bring it up to me so i know you're being genuine)!

-i have a lot of problematic hyperfixations so if i ever post something that makes you uncomfortable please just unfollow/mute the tags i use for it instead of sending me a pissed off anon or something lol

-i swear A Lot, especially in the dms. lmk if that makes you uncomfortable when u first dm me and ill either tone it down or not swear at all (i wont not swear in my public posts tho lol)

-my dms are always open and id love to talk to some new people, however, im a very slow responder and i tend to have dry texts unless im talking about something that excites me a lot! i cant really help that tbh but if i seem uninterested im most likely not, i just dont know how to jazz up a conversation to save my fucking life

-i reclaim slurs sometimes so if ur uncomfortable with that, mute words or dont follow (i can reclaim the f slur, r slur, n slur, s slur, d slur, q slur and the t slur. if u dont know what those slurs are and u wanna ask me go ahead lol im just not saying them now so people arent made uncomfortable)

and that's basically all the important shit I can think of! if u have any questions, my dms and asks are always open! thanks :)

[voidselfshipp]

Cw: critica role spoilers from episode 49 onwards.

For context: colored dialogue is the character talking, what follows is the actor who plays said character describing what their character does. This doesnt mean I selfshipp with the actor, this is just a "what if I was part of the critical role cast and my character was cannon"

Nova is played by me.

Ashton is played by taliesin

Imogen is played by Laura.

Solstice scenes w Ashton and my s/I.

Jerico:"Ashton Wait" I call out, reaching for them "I gotta tell you something...it's important"

Taliesin:"You can tell me when this is over" and I turn around to meet her gaze.

Jerico:"No! I wanna tell you now!. If i die , I wanna die knowing I told you!" I make a pause,looking at the ground for a moment before meeting their gaze and go "I have feelings for you!" And I give them a quick kiss and run off.

Taliesin:"Before she leaves I Grab her wrist and kiss her, a proper kiss if you Will, "you better come back to me or so help me" and I let go.

Jerici:I give them a warm smile "not even the Matron of ravens could Keep me away from you"

--Jerico (Nova) and Taliesin (Ashton)'s interaction before storming the Maeleus key in the hellcatch Valley.

《♡♡♡♡♡》

[Matt:And then theres a flash--]

Jerico:Wait! Dm can I do something before that happens? Nothing big, its just a small thing.

[Matt: okay. Ill allow it]

Jerico:Nova pulls Ashton in for a hug, and I imagine her tail wraps around them and she whispers "Te quiero!"

Taliesin:If I May, Ashton hugs Nova back and whispers "Yo tambien"

--interaction between Nova and Ashton before The God Eater Predathos is released.

《♡♡♡♡》

Laura:"Theyre alive, dont worry" I say standing besides Nova " he loved you just as much as you loved him"

Jerico:"I dont know what I'll do if they are not okay, or alive...I think ill go full kamikaze and try to kill Otohan by myself"

Laura:Imogen scoffs lightheartedly "You and Ashton are meant to be. Im sure he'd do the same if he was in your shoes. Yall are really cute toghether"

Jerico:"Thanks imo"

《♡♡♡♡♡》

Jerico:I see Ashton laying down, half drunk. I sit besides them and I say "I dont know what's going on with you. Im here if you need me, dont be scared of reaching out". And im guessing since Nova also knows what not being able to remember who you were before a certain age, she'd know the telltale signs of something triggered by that feeling so Nova would just slowly druidcraft a flowecrown

Taliesin:"I dont need your sympathy"

Jerico:"I know. But it's not my sympathy im caring for you just like you care for everyone else, Wether you admit it or not"

Taliesin: Im guessing Ashton would remain silent, looking at the floor. He just whispers "I hate how you care for everybody. Actually I dont hate it. I think its w-wonderfull..."

Jerico:"Let me take care of you for a change, try and rest" and I settle the flowecrown on them and lay down besides them, Nova interlazes their pinky with Ashton's so as to not cause them that much pain. And she looks into their eyes and whisper "Te quiero"

Taliesin: "What does that mean?"

Jerico:"Its like I love you, but less...strong? Like a level before I love you"

Taliesin:"And what do you usually reply?"

Jerico:"Yo también ,means me too"

Taleisin:Ashton looks like they stop themself from saying something, they just nodd and close their eyes, and im guessing they pass out.

--Ashton and Nova's conversation before reaching the Hellcatch Valley.

《♡♡♡♡♡》

->only mutuals allowed to reblog. Lmk if I need to tag something else

->DISCLAIMER: its common for Rping actors to refer to their characters in first and third person.

->♡lovely taglist: @malewifehenrycooldown @mercuryships

[au-education]

blog expectations & boundaries

disclaimer: i am a 22yo nonbinary, queer, autistic adult. this info is stuff i & others have found helpful or informative. i am not a doctor, therapist, or any sort of professional so there are limits to my knowledge & expertise. i have done extensive research on my own time in regards to psychology & anatomy & physiology (and was a nursing student at one point). please reach out to a professional as they are able to provide services i have no authority providing

- this is for blog everyone though may contain distressing themes. this is meant to provide education & resources for most ages & comprehension levels. i encourage to send questions no matter if you feel they are "stupid". everyone has to learn something for the first time so theres no shame in reaching out.

- topics covered but not limited to...

mental health (what is it, various disorders & their symptoms, types of treatments, crisis contact info, what to do during crisis, etc)

gender & sexuality (definitions, concepts, my personal thoughts/experiences, types of dynamics, etc)

reproductive health (how it works, proper terms & definitions, safe sex practices, etc)

general health (hygiene habits, how to take care of yourself, how it works, proper terms & definitions, etc)

resources (links to mutual aid funds, crisis hotline info, scholarships, accessing services, etc)

- i will provide sources when necessary. feel free to ask for sources as well

- no tolerance for discrimination, harassment, or judgement. i will block people when i feel its necessary. please lmk if i reblog/post something problematic as well

- all posts will be tagged with one of the listed topics & tags specific to the post (including tw's). lmk if you would like me to add anything

- please keep in mind im a person too. i will answer asks when i get to them as i dont want to over commit myself to a specific response time. if its urgent, pls add (URGENT) at the beginning & i will prioritize yours over others. im just a guy, not a professional. if smth concerns you, i encourage seeking professional help. i can guide you to resources but cannot provide any sort of specific care, treatment, diagnosis, etc.