#<- might wanna blacklist because. as the kids say. shit has gotten real.

[scattered-winter]

crazy how I literally have no energy to do anything ever like isn't that totally wild (my life is literally in shambles)

[homosociallyyours]

hello good evening

i have been watching the real housewives of beverly hills for the past few weeks and i’ve just gotten into season 6. i’ve been sending chats to @jlf23tumble most nights to spill my feels about it, but my feelings have officially become too large to be held in a single chat. and so here, behind a cut, is me talking about things. in particular, yolanda hadid, lyme disease, and other things unique to RHOBH

ok so i mentioned maybe yesterday in a brief text post that i was shocked to find myself loving yolanda hadid when i truly went in expecting to find her as awful as i find 90% of the housewives, maybe more so. IMAGINE MY SURPRISE when she turned out to be shockingly down-to-earth and chill. in her first season i could imagine her shopping at the store i work at, maybe coming in to buy a particular Dutch cheese that reminded her of home or talking about the newest vegan options we carry. 

then in her second season she started getting sick, and so much of what she was going through hit home for me: the brain fog, the fatigue, the hope of a good day where your energy has returned. she spent her third season getting her life back in order somewhat, still having rough days but pushing through and doing more. 

i’m in her fourth (and last) season, where the lyme has gotten really bad. i started sobbing while watching when she talked about not remembering what it’s like to be well. sometimes i think back on the things i used to love doing like they’re some kind of fading dream. did i really enjoy hiking in the hills or taking my dog to the beach? was it someone else who would sleep 3 hours, work 9 or 10, and then still manage to go out two-stepping? 

when she laid on her couch with tears welling up just saying that it’s a struggle to keep going and that she wants her body to work like it used to, i felt that sense of recognition and relief. it’s not that i have a lot of people telling me i’m faking. i’m really lucky to have a lot of folks who believe me. but there is a voice in my head saying i’ve made all this up and it’s not real and to stop being lazy, and when i heard her talking it helped stuff a fucking sock in the voice’s mouth for a minute. 

what’s wild is this woman started out on the show as a self-proclaimed “dutch martha stewart” who was running up and down the steps of her house with baskets of lemons, working out and dieting non-stop, throwing amazing parties that she organized every detail of and traveling around a bunch. watching the series in such massive gulps (it takes me 3-5 days to finish a season) means that her decline happened in a time lapse, almost. 

and i’m seeing the reactions of all the people who didn’t experience it like that and who have maybe never known a chronically ill person in their lives. when she shows up to a birthday party with no makeup on, everyone at the table questions it after she leaves abruptly. “why would any woman choose not to wear makeup?” “if she felt so bad, why did she bother coming?” “i know i said she looked good but she didn’t.” 

i can’t speak for her, but i’ve stopped wearing makeup because it takes thought and energy that i don’t have, especially if i’m going to leave the house. i also hate looking at myself now most of the time, because all i see is half a fucking person-- a shadow with no life and no energy. i sometimes force myself to go to things when i know they’ll wreck me because not leaving the house is depressing af. i want to be a person again, and goddamn it i will throw every spoon i have at 30 minutes of quality time feeling like myself, even if i know it means i’ll be lying in bed the whole next day. 

and i actually hate hearing that i look good or cute because it feels like such a lie, but i do accept those compliments at face value because i know at the very least that i’m a good actor? like i tricked you into thinking i was a human and not some sad fatigue lump who gets winded from washing my fucking dishes. 

AND THEN-- (yeah we’re back to the RHOBH talk) --we have a plot about everyone secretly doubting her illness. talking about what it could or couldn’t be. as if they’ve been in the fucking room and looked at every test result and laid in bed hoping the next appointment would bring relief. i have generally liked lisa rinna because she’s pretty camp, but she’s the one leading the charge and now i wanna throw a shoe (or a prosthetic leg) at her. 

throughout all of this, i’ve started to really love yolanda. she’s honest and vulnerable and so generous with and protective of her friends. and i know i could get blacklisted for this, but her kids are all better people than every child i’ve watched on a real housewives franchise put together. like. they’re weird and loving and kind and respectful and not spoiled, and i am pretty sure it comes down to having a parent who’s modeling that behavior. 

i was joking with bander earlier about making a reality franchise called “the real spoonies of _city_” where you just follow several chronically ill people through their daily lives. and she laughed bc it would look like completely separate individuals just texting each other and not going out. And It Would! but i think maybe i’d still want to watch it? i wouldn’t mind seeing how other people have figured out their lives (i’m terrible at it and feel a lot like my body is an alien i can’t communicate with) and i’d enjoy seeing people sorting their pills and cooking their quick meals and doing restorative yoga and shit like that. 

instead i watch the housewives because they’re silly and dramatic and they go to fancy lunches or dinners and they take nice trips and go shopping and it’s weird. who lives like that? they do, i guess! 

i don’t wanna only talk about being sick and yolanda, though, so if you’re still reading and care, here’s my hot takes so far:  -lisa v has an atypical relationship with sex which she covers with odd sex jokes. i kinda think she might be on the ace spectrum, maybe?  -kyle and kim break my heart BUT ALSO they had a fight that reminded me of the last time i went home and my sister fucking lost her mind at me for rolling my eyes when she tried to dis the ACA and socialized medicine.  -brandi has some deep psychological trauma and her bisexual ass should consider dating a woman. i think that plus therapy might be good?  -lisa r and eileen have houses that are massive but so full of things that they feel realllly un-fancy compared with every other house i’ve seen on rhony or rhobh! whenever there’s a scene in one of their houses i feel like moving things so i can see them better 

also i know bethenny is gonna make a tiny appearance on this season and i’m so juiced you don’t even understand. bethenny is my girl, ok? i love her. and it’s gonna be weird af seeing her with the beverly hills ppl because they’re SO DIFFERENT. 

one day i’ll do a study of all the RH franchises and separate them out by vibe. maybe make one of those posts that list the aesthetics? like--

rhony: martinis, black manolos, espresso in the afternoon, cashmere sweaters that cost more than a month’s rent, cinnamon candies, red roses

rhobh: bright louboutins, margaritas and frose, high tea, beachy long dresses, pure white roses, pink champagne toasts at brunch, candied grapefruit peels

right? yeah. 

[yaz-the-spaz]

Let’s play a game called looking at things objectively (and not with 1D/Ziam/Larry goggles on)

I get that a lot of people are angry at/resentful of the beards and a lot of the time I am too but it's important to remember that Perrie's story is very different from most of the other beards, who came into things most likely of their own accord and on their own terms, and not as young and naive teenagers forced into signing a contract by the same shitty manipulative people from the same shitty manipulative tv show preying on desperate kids that 1D was

Just for fun let’s go through all the big things that people in this fandom criticize Perrie for (putting the rest under the jump cause this got hella long):

#1) She’s “extra” and an attention whore

Reminder: Perrie was under the same contract with Modest/Syco the entire time she and Zayn were together and therefore obligated (just like Zayn was) to participate in stunts

Said stunts were NOT her idea; she was  repeatedly photoshopped and also directed and told where to stand and how to look, etc. for photo-ops just like Zayn was (This Is Us premiere video anyone?)

There’s this persistent idea within the fandom that she was complicit in stunts just because she appeared to be more willing/like she was putting in more of an effort than Zayn. I want to stress that appearing more believable doesn’t mean that she was more willing - just because someone seems to be playing along well doesn't mean they're a willing participant. I think a lot of this type of thinking stems from people directing their misguided anger over the situation at her (as opposed to at Syco/mgmt where it should be) - again I wanna stress this was a situation that she had no more control over than Zayn did. Just because she was better at selling it than Zayn sometimes doesn’t mean she necessarily liked it anymore than he did

I also want to point out that she had her share of times where it was clear she was putting on a fake smile and/or wasn’t interested/happy which people often miss because they’re not as familiar with Perrie or her expressions as they are with Zayn’s, or they just don’t bother to look into it at all

For example let’s compare these smiles here with these smiles here which to me look pretty forced (interestingly enough these are some of the few that Zayn actually looks quite convincing in lol)

There’s also this idea that she started out less than enthused/willing about the the situation but became more complicit in it with time, which again I think stems from the same thinking as above with the misguiding anger/blame. But based on what I’ve seen I would argue that she was no more willing at the end of it than she was in the beginning either

If you look at videos of her talking about the engagement she honestly seemed just as apathetic and 100% done as Zayn did most of the time when she answered and even more recently both she and the other girls consistently tried to swerve on the Zerrie break-up questions whenever they were brought up (also wanna point out how she looks pretty much the exact opposite of broken up over the end of her relationship in that second vid lmao). That's not the behavior of someone who's all of a sudden willing to participate. The only difference is it just doesn't get highlighted because a lot of the fandom doesn't pay attention to her since they see her as the villain (and feel the need to demonize her just for being involved even though it wasn’t her choice)

For example in this video she seems extremely sarcastic and apathetic almost the entire time she’s talking about the "wedding” - not at all the attitude you’d expect from a supposedly excited bride-to-be

And then there’s this gem where again she seems super apathetic while immediately shutting down any questions about it and interestingly the interviewer seems to imply the topic might have even gotten blacklisted (I wonder why? Could it be because mgmt knew she wasn’t “selling it” very well either???)

#2) She uses Zayn’s fame to her advantage

Reminder: Perrie was subject to the same manipulative bullshit the boys of 1D were, she was coached on what to say and how to say it to push a certain image and angle (and also just as likely as the boys to have had her words twisted and taken out of context)

Bringing up Zayn in an interview is not reflective of Perrie using his fame to her advantage (as a lot of people on here like to argue), that is her team/mgmt forcing her to say certain things (sometimes even in a certain way) that they can then use to their advantage while simultaneously creating a certain image of her in people's minds (for example, as the innocent victim [previous years] or the bitter ex who can't let go [more recently])

Sound familiar? That’s because it’s a tried and true PR tactic and an especially tried and true Modest/Syco tactic. We’ve seen it happen with the boys over and over again yet with Perrie it gets dismissed as her “looking for attention” or “using his fame for her own advantage” as opposed to her being told/made to say these things to push the official narrative, which is what it actually is

#3) She’s racist (and dumb)

This is probably the main/biggest reason a lot of people have for hating her and on the surface it’s understandable but let’s break down the evidence shall we?

Most people cite the time she called Zayn and his family Indian in this totally verifiable and trustworthy magazine (can you hear me rolling my eyes?)

First off one of the biggest things we always reiterate in this fandom is DO NOT TRUST PRINT VERSIONS OF THE BOYS. So why then would we accept something that “print” Perrie has said in one random print interview as 100% Bonafide Certifiable Truth™??? Four words: Confirmation Bias and Double Standards. Perrie, as far as I know, has never referred to Zayn or his family as Indian in any other video interviews, performances, or on social media (or even in any other print interview for that matter). It was literally just the one time and on some shady ass news site no less - which leads me to believe that either the “interviewer” fucked up or someone in mgmt fucked up as far as coming up with a decent quote - and people jumped all over it because it confirmed what they wanted to believe, that Perrie is somehow the Devil Incarnate™ for being involved in something she again had no choice over and most likely didn’t even say out of her own mouth

As for the cultural appropriation allegations, I wanna make it clear I don’t condone that shit and as far as this whole post goes I do want to point out that I am a POC and the absolute last person to defend white people when it comes to their racist shit (check my #racism, #black lives matter, and #black excellence tags if you don’t believe me) so don’t even try to come at me with any “stop defending the racist little white girl” bs 

However, I do want to point how fishy it is that even after being called out for cultural appropriation multiple times her team continues to style her (clothes, hair, make-up) in traditional non-white styles (dread locks, indian and native american-like make-up and clothes, etc.) for promo and music videos knowing full-well, I’m sure, the reaction it’s going to provoke, which is why I think it’s important to bring up something we saw with 1D

Remember how they planned out down to the exact colors how each boy would be dressed to push a certain image? There’s no doubt in my mind that there’s a similar theme at play here 

Her team knows it will rile people up and get their attention on Perrie and LM and as the saying goes “no press is bad press” which by extension makes me suspect of the culturally appropriating things she’s done outside of music-related events, on social media for example. Were they really her idea/something she did on her own and decided to post or were they stunts used to push a larger narrative of Perrie as the “dumb racist blonde?” We’ll probably never know but given how we’ve seen seen clothing styles and especially social media posts being used to push official narratives (like Liam and Louis being homophobic) in the past, I have to admit I’m skeptical of it being all on her, especially considering the fact that I’ve never seen/heard her say anything racist out of her own mouth (although feel free to correct me if there’s proof otherwise) and that if she did I have a feeling Leigh or Jade would likely immediately call her out on it. And as we’ve learned with the boys when projected images of a person don’t match up with the things they actually do and say in real life that’s when thing start to get sketchy

In conclusion I think it’s time we stop acting like Perrie and LM haven’t had to deal with some of the same shit as 1D over the years

 All ll I’m doing is taking the same exact logic we’ve used in analyzing the boys and the shit we’ve seen happen to them and applying it to Perrie and LM who, having been under the same mgmt and label, were and still are subject to much of the same bs