#[ as i wrote this i realized there's something wrong with her yeah im going back into hiding. ]

[fallenegos]

honestly, jieun was just bored.

bored and nosy and missing her best friend, even if she'd rather die than admit that. doah hadn't replied to her texts, and jieun, being who she was, checked doah's location and saw her at some random theater. waiting for a response would've been the normal response, but jieun was far from normal when it came to doah. she went to her location and figured she'd barge in, steal her popcorn, and complain about being ignored like a perfectly well-adjusted person.

there was something she loved about barging into doah's day like an unspoken 'i missed you.'

she slipped in just before the credits started rolling. and there, doah sat with her face in her hands, a quiet sob echoing louder than it should've in an otherwise empty theater. jieun froze. the words she'd planned—half a joke, half a demand for attention—died in her throat. she stood there for a moment, just watching. her grip tightened around the strap of her purse as her concern grew by the second. she moved down the row with soft footsteps. when she reached the seat beside doah, she didn't say anything, just eased her bag open and pulled out the little pack of tissues she always kept stashed. she quickly peeled one from the stack, leaned in, and held it out with a light touch to doah's arm. she only let out a small hum once doah took the napkin, quietly dismissing doah's reasoning for being caught crying in a theater by herself.

the second their eyes met, jieun nearly cooed at the sight of doah and bit back the urge to say something like 'aw, look at you.' the red-rimmed eyes, tear-streaked flushed cheeks, the glossy eyes... it's all so stupidly endearing. and of course it is. because of course even doah in this state has to be pretty. but jieun's chest still aches in that weird, annoying way it always does when doah starts crying. there's just something about seeing her like this that unsettles jieun, and she doesn't know whether she just hated it when people cried or if it was because it was specifically doah. she hated it when doah wasn't happy, which was already a lot more than she'd ever admit out loud since she didn't typically care this much about anyone who wasn't family.

jieun doesn't jump when doah speaks again, doesn't flinch at the threat. instead, she just blinked at doah. then, with that signature deadpan delivery, she starts talking. "i don't think things will end up very well for you if you killed me," she says after a beat, voice flat but laced with a kind of dry amusement. "you could try, but you know—with the whole midas co-ceo's daughter thing. might be career-ending... but some netizens might be happy so maybe it won't. either way, still very messy and not worth it. i heard prison lighting is not forgiving." she reached over, stole a single piece of popcorn. "not that i have anyone to tell this to that'd believe me anyway," she adds, softer now. "they'd just think i was talking shit. say i made it up. throw, like, ten stones at me for even hanging out with the industry's human barbie and tainting her." there's no real venom in it. just an edge of something dry and knowing. a quiet truth tucked beneath the joke. people always have something to say about jieun, and at this stage, she just lets them talk.

after standing there awkwardly, jieun finally opts to sit down and settle into the seat beside doah. she glances toward the screen as the credits fade to black, then back toward the popcorn tub between them. she reaches in, takes another singular piece, and pops it into her mouth. "so," she says, voice low and casual, "what were you watching? what scene made you cry?" her eyes flick towards doah again. it's brief, but attentive. she chews slowly. she just wants to understand, and some context would be great. "unless," she starts, letting her voice trail off a little before finishing, "it's not the movie making you cry." she doesn't press further. doesn't ask anything else. whatever doah says, or doesn't say, jieun will stay until the end of it.

crybaby open starter (for non-haute pink members)

it’s not quite comeback season, but it damn near feels like it with the amount of schedules midas music has shoved haute pink into—and honestly speaking? doah’s less than thrilled to spend this much time with her members. their seventh anniversary is approaching, and doah knows that means sappy, sugary-sweet group content to reassure their fans that contract renewals are going just fine, but having to pretend like one of her members isn’t a backstabbing bitch is pretty fucking exhausting. and the cherry on top of all of this? the backstabbing bitch in question is the member hauties think she’s the closest to—and to suddenly distance herself from hani would send the fandom into a complete and utter panic, so doah has no choice but to dance with the devil. 

sometimes, the devil is a five-foot-six bottle blonde.

but playing pretend is so fucking exhausting—and doah can feel her stress level rising with every second they spend together. and as if things couldn’t get any worse, she noticed a pimple on her jawline this morning. so, doah thinks she should spend her day-off doing some much-needed self-care—and what better way to treat yourself than to a marathon of your favorite romantic comedies? 

and luckily for doah, there’s a cinema near her apartment complex that happens to be screening some of her favorite films. maybe, just maybe, there is a god—and maybe he likes doah a little more today. so, doah catches a cab to the cinema—pulls her cap down over her eyes and buries her face in her turtleneck, quietly secures herself a small popcorn and a drink, and settles into the back row of the theater. the first movie starts, and doah notices she has the theater to herself—a realization that makes her remove her cap and lower her turtleneck. and since she has the theater to herself, doah doesn’t hide her reactions—letting out girlish giggles and audible gasps at every kiss scene.

but for some reason, doah finds herself crying at the end of the first film. she isn’t entirely sure why—but the credits begin to roll, and a loud sob bubbles past her lips. doah’s hands immediately raise to cover her face—letting out a string of muffled sobs as she hides behind her palms. 

doah realizes she isn’t alone when someone reaches out, touches her arm, and hands her a napkin. she lowers her palms from her tear-stained face—a scarlet flush decorating her cheeks. sheepishly, she accepts the napkin—dabbing at her damp cheeks while avoiding their eyes.

“i didn’t think anyone else was here.”

a sniffle, followed by a brief pause. her gaze suddenly flickers upwards—and she glares up at them, a small scowl enveloping glossed lips.

“if you tell anyone you saw me crying like this, i’ll kill you.”

[joaosnovia]

Hector fort taking care of reader who had her period unprepared and is embarrassed about it cuz her ex used to get mad at her for it?

Maybe?

Perhaps?

(Idk how to request if you didn’t notice already 😭)

❦ - unexpected but never a problem.

summary:: what the req says.

warnings:: nooooone? cussing i think…?

writers notes:: i love you anon you’re so cute i saw it and instantly wrote it you’re adorable! anyways im not very good w requests so i really dunno if this is what you wanted but i hope u love it nonetheless? gimme feedback yg i beg 💔. ALSO I HAVE NO JOAO REQUESTS GIMME SOME PLSSS

tags:: @barcapix @n0vazsq @httpsdana @paucubarsisimp @universefcb @nngkay

you realize it too late.

the uncomfortable dampness, the slight cramping you brushed off earlier, the way hector’s hoodie, his favorite one, now feels impossibly heavy around your waist as you tie it there in a desperate attempt to hide the evidence.

you should have known. you should have been prepared. but your cycle has always been unpredictable, and with how distracted you’ve been lately, school, work, trying not to fall too hard for the boy currently walking beside you - you weren’t paying attention.

now, you’re hyperaware. of every step you take, of every shift in fabric, of how you can feel it, and god, you don’t even want to check. you don’t want to know how bad it is.

but the worst part? you know what happens next.

or, at least, you think you do.

‘you good?’ hector asks, nudging your shoulder gently.

his voice is casual, light, but you can hear the underlying concern. you’re usually more talkative, always teasing him about something, and now you’re barely saying a word.

you swallow hard. ‘yeah. just… tired.’

he doesn’t look convinced. he studies you for a second, his gaze flicking to the hoodie tied around your waist.

then he stops walking.

‘okay, what’s wrong?’

your stomach twists. ‘nothing, hector, i just..’

‘nah, you’re acting weird. did something happen?’

the worry in his voice only makes the knot in your throat worse. but what are you supposed to say? hey, i just bled through my clothes, and i’m freaking out because my ex used to act like it was the worst thing in the world whenever this happened?

your silence lasts a second too long.

hector frowns. then his eyes flick down again, just for a second, before realization dawns on his face.

your heart pounds.

this is it. this is where he pulls back, where he sighs in frustration, where he makes some offhand comment about how you should’ve planned better. you brace for it, already shrinking into yourself, already fighting back the burning embarrassment

but then he’s shrugging off his jacket.

before you can react, he steps closer, wrapping it securely around your waist, completely covering the hoodie. he makes quick work of tying the sleeves, knotting them tight like it’s second nature.

your breath catches.

‘there,’ he says easily, tugging once to make sure it’s secure. ‘you wanna go home?’

you blink. ‘…what?’

he gives you a look. ‘you’re clearly not comfortable. we can dip.’

he’s not mad. he’s not annoyed.

he’s just helping.

you stare at him, your chest tight, emotions tangling together too fast for you to process.

‘you don’t have to do all that,’ you mumble.

he shrugs like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. ‘why wouldn’t i?’

you hesitate, fingers gripping the edge of the jacket now wrapped around you. ‘because it’s gross.’

his brow furrows. ‘who told you that?’

you freeze.

you don’t mean to react, but the words hit you like a gut punch. because you know who told you that. over and over again, in every careless remark, every sigh, every time he made you feel like something you couldn’t control was your fault.

and hector sees it.

he exhales, dragging a hand down his face, before looking at you again, softer this time.

‘listen, i don’t know who made you feel bad about this, but that’s bullshit. it’s not gross, it’s not your fault, and you sure as hell don’t need to be embarrassed about it.’ he shakes his head, muttering, ‘like, how do you even get mad at someone for having a body? that’s insane.’

you let out a breathy laugh, small, but real.

hector smirks. ‘there she is.’

you roll your eyes, but the knot in your chest loosens. ‘you’re stupid.’

‘nah, i just have common sense.’ he reaches for your hand, lacing his fingers through yours like it’s the easiest thing in the world. ‘now, c’mon. let’s get you home.’

you don’t argue. you just squeeze his hand, let yourself lean into the warmth of him, and for the first time in a long time, you don’t feel ashamed.

[lucimaaie]

missed you pt2 ✧.* tlou

pairings - ellie williams x fem!reader

summary - you have interesting hungover conversation with ellie.

warning - not proofread, was listening to laufey when i wrote this so if it’s sappy then yk why, i feel like I write the same thing but im trying to diversify I promise, reader kind of replaces cat

part 1

ellie hadn’t slept much that night unsurprisingly. whether it was the anxiety of how you’d react or that she hadn’t been this close to you in forever, she didn’t know. probably both.

so she snuck a few yours before you woke up, unintentionally leaving you to wake up alone. she was at the door kicking the snow off her boots before she realize you were waking.

her shoulders tensed as she closed the door with softest click she could and slipped off her backpack, back still facing you. “you’re up.” she said tentatively. once she was rid of her coat, she looked at you from the corner of her room.

tired was an almost euphemism for what you felt. fatigue seemed to blur your vision as you sat up and attempted to take in your surroundings. the room was familiar and foreign at the same time. there was one spot that caught your attention. the corner where ellie was emerging from.

her lips folded into a thin line that was supposed to look like a smile. the action made her cheeks puff up slightly, which you just happened to catch once the remnants of sleep were rubbed out your eyes. "i'm in your room." you said, voice rougher than usual.

"that you are." ellie sat at the edge of the bed, messing with the stray threads on the cuffs of her jeans. that didn't keep her eyes off you for long though.

"and hungover."

"that too."

"god." you mumbled into your hands. the covers scrunched around you as you brought your knees to your chest. you desperately wanted to crawl into the deepest, darkest corner of the world and disappear. yeah, you'd wanted to speak to ellie again, not as some drunk mess saying things you wouldn't remember the next morning. "please tell me i didn't do anything embarrassing.”

“you..said you missed me, almost threw up in my bed, and..” ellie trailed off, her mind fixating on one particular thing you’d said last night. something she still couldn’t believe you said. we shouldn’t have broke up. “other than that.” she shrugged.

“i-that’s still embarrassing. incredibly embarrassing.”

"it was a little funny." try emotionally confusing, you coming to her room with little to no filter and feelings she’d thought she was alone in feeling, but that’s not what she wanted to talk about. so yeah, she was going to laugh about it.

“it is not.”

“it is.”

"this is real shitty of you. laughing at my misfortune.” you feigned annoyance as you crawled out of her bed, eyes darted around for your shoes. your eyes froze as you landed on them in the corner of the room. you could slip them on, apologize profusely and leave. forget about the whole embarrassment of waking up in your ex's bed. who were you kidding, you could never forget anything when it came to her.

“your misfortune? try fighting off your drunk cuddly ass.” ellie tucked her bottom lip under her teeth as she saw you spot your shoes, growing quiet at the possibility of you leaving.

you rubbed your face, taking a seat next to ellie. for a moment, it was silent with the weight of everything neither of you wanted to talk about at the moment. you brought your knees up to your chest and rested your head on top. when you turned to look at ellie she was looking back, taking in what she couldn't last night. "on a scale of 1 to 10, how terrible do I look?"

"you're asking the wrong person." ellie said almost immediately. she let out a slow breath, pressing her teeth into her bottom lip.

you wanted so badly to stop her from biting her lips and soothe the pain with your own. you turned your head to stare at her drawings across the wall. "y'know, it's okay to say 10."

"i wouldn't say that."

"yeah, i know." your hands tangled in your hair as you tried to adjust it to something more presentable, but of course it wouldn't work with you. eventually, you left it alone and focused on ellie again, taking her in. your eyes trailed from top to bottom as subtly as you could. (which was not at all) "you still have that." your eyes fixated on the detailed design on her arm. you still couldn't believe that she'd trusted you do that, assuring you that she couldn't hate anything you put on her skin. of course, she enjoyed the brief panicked look on your face when she pretended you messed up. even if you did, she trusted you. did that change? "i mean, of course you would, how would you get it removed? sorry, that’s my hungover brain talking, i’m gonna go.”

ellie shouldn't have been surprised. that doesn't mean she was looking forward to letting you walk away, knowing you'd most likely avoid each other after this. "what? wait, we could..have breakfast, i dunno. i can see if marie has some of that soup she gives to-"

"you don't have to," you approached the door and slipped on your shoes. "i'm sure i've done enough to bother you."

"you didn't. you don't-" ellie hated how desperate she sounded. "look, you can't tell me you're not feeling sick, right now. let's just eat and we can't talk or we don't have to." whatever to keep you with her.

"and you promise i'm not bothering you?"

"i promise." you don't ever bother her. not even when you would knock on her door at the asscrack of dawn just cause you were in desperate need of cuddles. she needed that. needed you to keep her on track and reminded that she was worth loving, that she mattered to you as much as you did to her. you were the first to show her that and in a small town where she was liable to see you every day, she was never set up to get over you.

it was silent as you and ellie took turns bringing a warm spoonful of soup up to your mouths. ellie had seemed to get disinterested in it fast, leaving the rest of the canister on you. that was no doubt on purpose. the silence was stuck between being as comfortable as it used to be and heavy with the feeling of 'i'm not over you.'

"bunny." ellie turned her head to look at you, pointing out the grey spotted rabbit munching on some grass. she smiled as your attention completely shifted to the furry creature. "you still love those, huh?"

"course i do." you said confidently. "i haven't changed that much. if i do, you have permission to smack me." you mumbled through a mouthful of soup, eyes still focused on the now escaping bunny.

"noted." ellie leaned back on her hands, watching you with a look of adoration in her eyes.

when it was gone your focus shifted to her. "so have you?" you set down the canister, swiping your fingers across your mouth.

"what? changed? i don't think i have. not in three years." ellie looked out to the trees in front of you, suddenly uncomfortable talking about herself. she did not want to get into how she was doing without you.

"don't know if i believe that."

"what does that mean?" ellie asked, feeling exposed.

"three years' a long time."

"don't remind me." her eyes darted everywhere on your face but your eyes. her eyes fell to your lips, catching residue from the soup you’d just been eating. she leaned over and swiped her thumb on the side of your lips. she didn’t dare look back up to see your reaction.

“did you miss me?”

“you know the answer to that.” ellie kept her eyes on the dirt, ants walking in a line, anything to keep her from cluing you in on her internal battle.

“what if i want you to say it?”

“you’d have to say it back.”

“then i’m waiting on you to say it first.”

she finally looked back at you, seeing your teasing smile. “gosh, you’re a fucking tease.” she covered her face, letting them drop seconds later. how dare you tease her as if nothing had changed?

“you said we could talk. this is what i wanna talk about.”

“aw, i forgot you love to talk.”

“and i forgot you don’t.” the teasing in your words wasn’t enough to cover up, the underlying frustration. neither of you said anything, sitting in the truth of your words. “i’m sorry, i didn’t mean to-“

“no, you’re right.” ellie tucked her hair behind her ear, trying to hide the hurt in her voice. “we need to talk.” her fingers were digging into the dirt in an attempt to ground herself in this conversation. she didn't want to dig up anything from years ago, the day she stopped talking to joel, finding out the truth, pushing you away, she wanted to bury it. though, that was what got her in this situation in the first place. if she wanted you, she'd have to stop running, she knew that.

"i don't wanna force you to. i'm pushy, i know-"

"you're not. you never forced me to do anything. i just..i don't- i didn't wanna put any of my shit on you. it wasn't you. it was never you."

“it just seemed like you were always going through things you couldn’t tell me. or wouldn’t." ellie was forced to look at you as you angled your body towards her. "but it wasn't your fault, i was being too pushy with you and i'm sorry."

ellie hated the way you felt the need to excuse your needs for being pushy or expecting too much. that and throwing jokes out that she knew had truth to them, that you were completely serious. the word made her jaw tight. she made you do that and she needed to fix that. "you're not pushy. i'm just..an asshole." she leaned closer, dusting the dirt of her hands. “you were..good for me. are. you are good for me.”

"knocking on your door drunk. that's good for you?" you joked, failing at hiding the effect of her words on you. how they gave you hope.

“i'll take it." ellie said softly.

"what if..hypothetically, i don't come to you drunk and instead like 85% sober and we just.." you shrugged. "i dunno, whatever you want." now you were the one fidgeting, tying and untying your shoestrings.

"85% percent?" ellie's hand was gentle in stopping you.

"shut up, you know what i mean."

"we can do that." she was this close to stabbing her brain with a little screwdriver for not keeping her hands off you. here you were talking about just hanging out and she was ready to jump back into how things were. you didn't pull your hand as she rubbed circles across the back of your hand. "too soon?"

"not at all." you scooted closer, giving her your other hand which she took without hesitation. her hands were unsurprisingly cold in your warm ones, but you didn't mind warming her up. "look at you communicating."

"okay, too soon."

thank you for reading!

[daddyfroglegs]

hii i wrote this fic a while ago but just got this app again so im gonna post it here too! hope y'all like🙂

Something's Off...

tags: fluff, lil angst, death mention?? idk lmk if i missed anything

Ever since Miguel, your husband, came back home from running errands a few days ago, you can't help but notice that something is off. He's more muscular, his dark brown eyes that now hold a hint of red are more tired than ever, and he looks at you and your daughter like it's the first time he's seen you in years. And does he have..fangs? Slight differences, sure, but differences nonetheless.

You stand in the middle of the living room, about to put something on the TV for you and Gabi to watch. Suddenly, you feel a pair of big arms wrap around your waist from behind and someone's head rest on your shoulder, kissing your neck. You shudder and goosebumps run up your arms as your heart pangs with a feeling you can't quite name.

"I missed you.." Miguel whispers into the crook of your neck, lightly squeezing you tighter and planting another kiss on your neck.

Confusion creeps upon your face as you hesitantly respond, "I missed you, too?"

The man sighs contently, his breath hitting your neck and making you shiver. "Oh, where's Gabi?" He raises his head slightly.

As if cued, Gabi skips in sporting her favorite princess nightgown, babbling about the current drama going on in her second grade class. She stops when she sees Miguel and squeals excitedly. "Papi! You're home!" She giggles, running up to her father. Miguel turns around and beams down at the little girl, scooping her up into his arms. "Ay, mija!" He kisses her face and tickles her sides, and Gabi starts laughing and telling her father to stop.

Your heart sinks as you watch your husband hold Gabi, your mind screaming that something isn't right. However small they may be, the differences keep playing in your head. You look at the father-daughter duo, uncertainty written all over your face.

Miguel continues to play with his daughter and eventually stops tickling her, letting her catch her breath. He chuckles and looks over to you, seeing your expression. "Everything okay, hun?" He notices you staring at him, your gaze filled with hesitation. His eyes widen slightly, realizing that you know something isn't right. "What's wrong?" He asks again, his voice gentle.

You shake your head and plaster a fake smile on your face. "I-nothing, just, um, tired.." You lie through your teeth. "Come on, Gabi. It's late, let's get you to bed, yeah?" You take Gabi from Miguel's arms, quickly carrying the girl to her room. You chuckle softly as she tries to protest going to bed, unaware of Miguel watching you through narrowed eyes.

You lay her down in her princess themed bed, tucking her in and leaving a kiss on her forehead. You turn on her nightlight as you exit the room, closing the door behind you. You begin biting on your fingernails, deep in thought.

You bump into something as you walk, looking up slightly. You didn't hear Miguel walk over. You turn your head, beginning to walk away before the man grabs your chin and turns your head to face him, his eyes searching yours. "Cariño, what is it? What's wrong?" You swear you feel your heart stop, your eyes widening as he leans in to study your face. You stumble back a little, letting out a nervous chuckle. "Uh-nothing! Just, I had a long day?" You continue to lie, deciding it would be best to keep your doubts to yourself, not knowing if the man in front of you is dangerous.

Miguel watches you closely, not convinced. "Hey, don't lie to me. I can tell you're nervous." He moves your head side to side, sighing. "You know, don't you?"

Now you're sure your heart stops, all the color draining from your face as you look up at him. "Look-I don't know who, or what, you are, or where you came from, but you're not him. What did you do with him?" Your voice shakes with fear as you back up again, terrified.

Miguel's eyes widen, shocked at your accusation. What did you do with him? He takes a step closer to you, trying to remain calm and make you understand. You had to know the truth.

"Hermosa, listen to me. I'm not him, it's true." His hands move to cup the sides of your face, making you look at him again. "I'm not him. But you need to understand, I'm not here to hurt you, I promise. Just let me-" You cut him off by shaking your head, struggling in his hands as tears begin to prick your eyes.

"What happened to him?" You continue to struggle. "Let go of me! Please!" A few tears roll down your cheeks as you get more worked up and scared.

Miguel removes his hands from your face, letting you go as you beg him to, tears falling down your face. The sight of you like this makes him want to cry too, all he wants to do is hold you. He takes in a shaky breath, regaining his composure. "Please, sit down. Please listen to me." He pleads with you, his voice cracks slightly as he begs you to hear him out.

You look up at him, still confused and scared. You hesitate, but slowly nod before walking into the living room and sitting on the couch. You hug yourself, your hands squeezing your elbows as you watch him sit across from you. He rubs his hands on his knees, letting out a deep breath. "I know this is going to sound crazy, but I need you to believe me when I say I'm telling the truth." He looks into your eyes with full honesty and sincerity, waiting for your response. When you look at him and nod, though still a bit skeptical, his lips curl up into a soft smile before he continues talking. "I'm..from another dimension. Your Miguel, I.." He pauses for a moment, thinking of the best way to phrase it. "I replaced him. Though you seem to have figured that out."

He looks at the ground before looking back to you. Your face contorts with confusion as many questions flood your mind. You hesitate, thinking of what to say first. "That's not-How is that possible?" Is what you decide on, looking at the man across from you with genuine curiosity.

Miguel sighs with relief as you take in the news much better than he thought you would. "I figured you would ask that. Um, my universe is..gone. Destroyed. Erased." You look even more confused but continue to listen. "I had nowhere else to go. When I found this universe, when I saw that you and Gabi were here, I.." His voice trails off and he hangs his head.

You look at the man with pity, sorry for his loss that you're not quite sure you understand. "So then-" He raises his head to look at you again. "So then, where is he? Everything else makes enough sense, I guess, but what happened to him?" You ask, referring to your husband and saving all the questions you have about there being multiple universes for later.

Miguel bites the inside of his cheek before taking a deep breath and sighing. "To put it simply, he's..he's dead.." He looked at you before closing his eyes. He couldn't bear to to see the immense amount of pain and shock on your face. "He sacrificed himself for the safety of you and Gabi." He opens his eyes after you don't talk for a few moments.

Your heart drops and the reality of his words sets in. You cover your mouth with your hand and place the other over your heart. You can't control the tears that start to stream down your face. You would've rather been told that he's being held captive somewhere, he's in a different dimension, just as confused as you, anything but this. "He..he's gone?" Your voice cracks and your shoulders shake as you let out a choked sob, slightly muffled by the hand still over your mouth.

Miguel gets up from the couch and walks over to sit beside you. He wraps an arm around you, his hand resting on your shoulder. "I know, I know.." He coos, rubbing your shoulder as he comforts you. "I'm here for you and Gabi. You two can count on me, I promise. I've searched through countless amounts of universes to be with you again. I know it'll take time for you to trust me, but I'll be with you every step of the way, if you'll let me.." He looks down at you crying and squeezes your shoulder lightly, letting you know he means every word.

You pause, thinking about it. This man holding you is not your husband, but he is? He feels like him, smells like him, sounds like him, and travelled to another universe just to have another chance with you. After a moment, you lean into his touch, laying your body against his broad chest as tears continue to spill from your eyes.

Miguel lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding in as you lean against his chest. He wraps his arms around you, holding you tight. He looked up at the ceiling, thanking whatever higher power for the chance to have you in his arms again, even if it had to be like this.

"Mama?" You turn to see Gabi standing by the couch, rubbing her eyes. "What's wrong?" She asks, yawning.

You sit up a little, wiping the tears from your eyes. "Oh, nothing, baby. I was just thinking of this sad movie I watched the other day." It hurts to lie to your daughter, but you decide it's best to save the true reason for another day, if that day ever comes. You pull Gabi into your lap, running your fingers through her curly hair. "What are you doing out of bed, sweetie?"

Gabi sighs and lays on your chest as you play with her hair. "I can't sleep! I told you I'm not tired." She yawns again and you giggle. You're about to get up to take her back to bed before Miguel speaks.

"You want me to get her to sleep?" He offers, looking down at you. "That way you can get some rest?" You look up at the man, still a little uncertain, then nod.

"Mhm, that'd be nice." You sit up slightly as Miguel stands from the couch and takes Gabi off your lap. "Come on, nena. Let's get you back in bed."

He places Gabi on the floor and takes her little hand in his hand, leading her back to her room and helping her get into her bed. "Want me to read you a story?" The girl sleepily nods and Miguel picks a book before starting to read to her.

You sit on the couch, alone in the living room as you take a moment to process what just happened. You sigh and get up from the couch, going to your bedroom. You stop at Gabriella's door, watching Miguel read your daughter a story even though the girl is sound asleep. Your heart pangs with sadness. You walk to your room, sitting on the bed. You run your hand over the side where your husband sleeps, or slept. He's still here, it's just..not him. You feel tears prick your eyes again.

Miguel places a kiss on Gabi's forehead and puts the book he was reading back on her shelf. He leaves the room and closes the door behind him. He walks over to your bedroom and sees you sitting on the bed with a sad expression. "Querida." He whispers and you turn around. "Come here, please." He holds his arms out as you get off the bed and walk over to him.

Miguel raises your chin to look at him before taking your hands in his. "I need you to listen to me." He says, looking deeply into your eyes. "I'm not your Miguel, I know that. I know you're confused and scared, but I would never hurt you, I would do anything for you and Gabi. I will love you if you let me, just, please.." He promises and pleads with you, squeezing your hands.

You look down at his hands holding yours, then back to him. You take a moment to look at his face, seeing the sincerity engraved in his features. The honesty and love for you rooted in every wrinkle, freckle, and perfect imperfection. You move your hands from his and step closer, wrapping your arms tightly around his waist and laying your head on his chest.

Miguel gasps, his breath catching in his throat as he looks down at you. It takes a second, but the warmth of your body on his courses through every fiber and vein in his being. He wraps his arms around your body and rests his face on the top of your head, mumbling a small "thank you" into your hair.

You stay like that for a moment, embracing each other. Miguel slowly moves a hand up to your face, softly cupping your cheek. You look up at him.

"Can I, um.." He hesitates, not sure if he should finish his question.

But you nod, leaning in closer, just slightly. Not enough to close the space in between you, but enough so that he can feel your soft breaths hit his lips, enough that he can appreciate every single one of your features up close for the first time in what has been forever. Every moment spent away from you has been an eternity, and he finally has you in the palm of his hand again. You're close enough that he is reminded of how deeply his love for you travels. That if you asked for his heart on a silver platter, he would happily supply you the blade strong enough to tear through his flesh and ribs that have always been made for you. In every dimension, he is made to love you.

He leans in closer, your lips brushing against each other. He looks into your eyes, silently begging for permission.

You breathe out a laugh and close the distance left between the two of you. Your lips connect with his and he makes a noise of surprise. He closes his eyes and pulls you even closer, terrified to let you go. His lips move against yours and he hums, relishing in the feeling of your mouth on his. His tongue darts out and he tastes the flavor of your chapstick, the same in every universe.

You sigh and he takes the chance to deepen the kiss, his tongue meeting yours. You move your hands up, one moving to his neck and the other moving into his hair. You play with the hair at the nape of his neck and stumble backwards, the backs of your knees hitting the edge of the bed.

The kiss breaks as you both gasp for air, but you hold each other close nonetheless. Miguel moves his hands down to the backs of your thighs, lifting you up. You get the hint and wrap your legs around his hips. He carries you over to the side of the bed and places you onto it, his eyes never leaving yours. You lift the blanket and slide your legs under it as your husband walks around and crawls into the other side of the bed.

Once you're both under the covers, Miguel doesn't waste a second and draws you close to him again. You wrap your arms around his neck and his arms wrap around your waist.

You both smile softly at the other, appreciating what's in front of you in the darkness of the room.

"I missed you.." Miguel whispers, tucking your hair behind your ear.

"I know." You smile and place a kiss on the bridge of his nose.

---

transferring this was HELL so i hope the formatting isn't too bad😭 thank you for reading if you did💓 currently working on another one whenever i got the motivation!!

[walnutcookie]

going insane about this post of yours. THANK YOU for putting it into words omg,,, I was wondering why the story states that CASSA is peaceful/restorative or whatever yet jjanjang’s (I propably spelled that wrong) skill and trial is so. Violent (she gets literal flamethrowers in her trial like???). But uh yeah. Sorry if im not making sense lmao

LITERALLY. AUGHHHH. THANK U SO MUCH IM GLAD THAT IVE HIT SOMEONE ELSE WITH MY BRAIN BEAMS IVE BEEN THINKING SO HARD ABOUT THIS LATELYYYY LIKE. FUCKKKK. Ive been chatting with @cherryformula about jjajangs morals a lot lately and like we were talking about how when jjajang acknowledges that something is wrong she never really looks that deep into it.

For example when she got demoted for exposing a higher up she just... didnt really care??? Not in the way that someone who hates wrongdoing should. she was more pissed that she got demoted and her only focus was getting her position back - she never stopped to think about what it says about CASSA and how corrupted it must be. she just seemed to accept it as "man that was fucked up" and started to think about how she could climb her way back up

the exact same thing happened when aloe pointed out that she was driving recklessly and then directly after that tried to arrest and wipe the memories of the group without giving them a chance to defend themselves. She realized it was wrong and said "ok fine. start talking" instead of. Yknow. Taking a moment to realize really what the orders she was given entails. Wondering why CASSA protocol is to arrest/wipe the memories of anyone who interferes

THATS THE THING AAUGRHRHGHRJH SHE FOLLOWS ORDERS BLINDLY!!!! For someone who stands for justice and hates all wrongdoings shes awfully morally questionable!!!!!!!!!!! i really cant tell if this is what the devs were planning or if they just. Wrote it badly.

i think that jjajang is less against wrongdoings than she is enforcive of justice. She doesn't neccessarily stand for what's right, she stands for the law. (because theres a big difference between what's moral and whats legal!!!) Higher up being funny with funding? Yeah, thats against the rules, so she'll call that out. but shes so unaware of whatever shes doing with the memory wipers because Objectively erasing peoples memory is preeetty fucked up. From the cutscene with bell pepper we can see that they erase more memories than just anything to do with aliens. and anyways based on the job description youd expect that CASSA would advocate for alien acceptance and help protect them instead of just zapping peoples memories away and trying their best to keep the huge alien population under wraps???

Jjajang doesnt think about that though. At least she doesnt like to think about it. i headcanon that she really does try to stand for whats right but also one of her parents was a Cop and with the job she works shes just been taught not to question authority. She does question it all, staring up at the ceiling at night, but its too uncomfortable of a question to truly confront. She doesn't want to abandon that comfort of "I work for CASSA, so im one of the good guys."

all of my headcanons thus far are not set in stone though GXVJDHF there is still the second half of the update and we may see more to her in there so. Mmmmmm

[daisyjonesgf]

Honeybee writing 'Good Luck, Babe!' about Daisy...

And then performing it when she's an opener for the band...

So there's that line from the song: "With her arms out like an angel through the car sunroof"

and it just invokes that imagery of performers wearing those flow-y dresses with the sleeves and they're perfectly backlit by a stagelight

See here:

(Upon looking at images of dresses and outfits like that, I'm figuring that one would solve abt half of my problems) (also, that Daisy picture is exactly what made my brain make that connection that her and Honeybee are "GLB" coded)

So, I've only read the book so far (hurray!!! It made me cry!!! But now the personas and lore makes more sense to me), but the stint of time that Daisy was married to that one "prince" guy is definitely the bridge:

"When you wake up next to him in the middle of the night/With your head in your hands, you're nothing more than his wife/And when you think about me, all of those years ago/You're standing face to face with *I told you so*"

I feel like the song would come about when Honeybee is getting a bit miffed with the back and forth between her and Daisy and their usual "where is this relationship going?" conversation... ESPECIALLY IF IT’S AFTER SHE IMPULSIVELY MARRIED THAT GUY!!!

~~~

On the other hand, if Honeybee isn't feeling scathing and slightly wronged, I think she would've written "ivy" about Daisy(as im writing this, thinking about the line "i once was poison ivy, but now i'm your daisy" from Don’t Blame Me... hmm)

I, personally, have always seen "ivy" in a sapphic lense. I dunno why. It just... maybe it's because it was included in the show about Emily Dickinson! I don’t know!

And maybe it's more in line with Honeybee writing from the perspective of Daisy. Or, fuck, we can even flip it and say this is something Daisy wrote for Honeybee during a moment of sobriety or just realizing how much she genuinely does love her.

"I wish to know/The fatal flaw that makes you long to be/Magnificently cursed/He's in the room/Your opal eyes are all I wish to see/He wants what's only yours"

And

"How's one to know?/I'd live and die for moments that we stole/On begged and borrowed time/So tell me to run/Or dare to sit and watch what we'll become/And drink my husband's wine"

I dunno... I just can't wait to flesh out Honeybee a bit more

honeybee actually wrote so many chappel roan songs guys, she's just that girl I fear 😭

you literally brought the receipts and I love that, like yes, that's exactly what she would be referencing on top of all the times I think daisy would do that exact same thing when driving in the car

I do think though that honeybee would start gaining popularity as a pop singer before djats was on the scene, during the period billy was in rehab, and so the band would hate her based off of pop music but I think daisy appreciates all kinds of music and before they even met would have her songs stuck in her head

the book is literally my favorite book, I love it sm, welcome to the club ✨️ but yeah before daisy dissappears for her impromptu trip her and honeybee are fighting about how daisy could have her and chooses to put up with the billy bs instead, and daisy and honeybee are just a situationship and it's infuriating, but then daisy comes back with a husband after not long at all and honeybee is seething bc wtf

and anytime it plays on the radio when her husband is around daisy is changing that station so fast and just saying she doesn't get along with that singer

I like daisy writing ivy when she misses honeybee bc even if they see each other they're not on speaking terms after she gets married bc honeybee is obviously so pressed at the time, a song she would write and ppl would think it's ab billy but it's ab honeybee and karen KNOWS she can just tell

but the girlies do meet up at some point and agree to just be "friends" except that's def not what happens I fear 🤭

[blue-banditt]

ok I'm dropping some lore

Last time I went to the mental hospital, I had a , like, group therapist or smth that tried so hard to be PC that she somehow looped back around to misgendering me

So at the beginning of every single group session or whatever they would call roll so they knew who attended and who didnt— since this was adult ward you had the freedom to skip but it impacted your treatment length etc.

The chart had your first and last name, and room number on it, and we went around saying our name and room number and the person leading group would mark that you were here.

Ofc when it got to me, I refuse to deadname myself especially in a room full of adults 15+ years older than me, who don't know anything about me. So I would say "blue [last name] room 12A" and EVERYTIME without fail, despite the fact that I gave them 2 accurate identifiers, they would have me repeat it like 3 times and eventually they would end up deadnaming me in front of everyone once they realized. And for the sake of this story let's say my deadname is "pink"

OKAY BUT one time the group leader had her head up her ass and couldnt "find me" on the list so she "wrote me in" which omg I was so grateful for not having to hear my deadname for ONCE.

I hated this bitch anyway bc the entire group session was spent going on about narc abuse and using all these dumb ass pop psychology terms and everytime id call her out or even just share my own experience of being the "described perpetrator" (bc yeah the worksheets had like described BPD symptoms as abuse, so I was giving like "my side" to show how sometimes it's NOT malicious and we should be showing empathy towards people) shed find a way to shut me down, not expand on anything, or even politely explore what I was saying. Im pretty sure I just walked out in the middle of group actually 😭

Anyway I was sulking in my room and 45 minutes later this bitch walks into my room and goes "pink [last name]?" And ofc like literally everyone except my doctor would deadname me bc they refuse to look at the notes in my chart when they switch shifts, so I would respond to it since I was fucking tired of making nurses mad by ignoring them over something they thought was stupid

So I was like "yeah what do you want" and she repeats it, "pink?" , and I say "??? What?? 🙄" And she's like "I'm so sorry I used the wrong name for you in group 😖" and I was like "? What? You didn't??" Because remember she was the only one who never found my deadname bc she wrote me in instead

And she was like "no it's okay, you should've told me!! 🥺" And I was like "?? I did?? Tell you my name??"

And she said "pink? You go by pink right? I'm sorry, for misgendering you" And I was like "no [dumbass] I go by Blue, like I just told you"

And she was like "what?"

And I was like "what did you think I was MTF? . Just bc I have long hair and a deep voice? Tf? I'm a man. He/him"

And she looked embarrassed and then composed herself, apologized, and then walked out

I think one of the nurses told her I was trans and used a different name and she made assumptions. Which is like ?? Ok so you can tell this therapist I hate but not inform people when they switch shifts ??

[real-total-drama-takes]

Duncan’s over-hated

I’m gonna go ahead and elaborate on this, but beware: English isn’t my first language and im sorry if I’m not getting my point across in a way it’s easy to understand-

Firstly, he’s someone who’s obviously had a hard upbringing. It’s stated several times that he’s gone to juvie, he puts on a ‘tough bad boy’ act in front of everyone he meets, verbally and psychically. I’m no psychologist but people don’t do this for no reason. He’s been shown to hide his emotions easily, and fake them too (Him crying in world tour was faked) meaning it’s probably something he had to do growing up a lot, for reasons that aren’t so good.

Now, onto things that he gets lots of hate for, starting off with the worst; Cheating on Courtney. (I do not condone cheating or defend that in itself) in Duncan’s case, things are a little more different.

In island, him and Courtney were a healthy relationship. He was loyal to her and genuinely loved her, growing an attachment to her (he kept a picture of her under his pillow, obviously missed her) until action. She wrote an entire document detailing everything that was ‘wrong’ with him, and that needed to change. Of course, he did seem unbothered as he usually does, but he tried his best for her because he loved her.

Even after losing a full nights worth of sleep over her? it wasn’t enough. When he tried complimenting her like she wanted? still not enough. Let’s not forget the amount of times Courtney psychically hurt him.

Here’s the important part: When he met Gwen, he found her to be someone he related to. Both of them have similar styles, love horror movies, and have been showed to bond in island (which at that point, was only a friendship and nothing more) he grew attached to her because she was kind to him, didn’t yell at or hit him. When he realized how toxic Courtney was, yes, part of him still adored her, but part of him wanted out of it (as any one would) when he and Courtney weren’t ‘technically dating’, and Gwen was single, he saw it as a sign to make a move on her because he knew he would be treated with respect, and would feel safer. Was this wrong? Yeah, cheating isn’t okay. Did Duncan has his reasons behind it? Yeah.

No one would want to be in a relationship where if you do anything that upsets the other person, you get psychically beat as punishment. That’s literal abuse, and it’s understandable why Duncan would want to get out of that toxicity. He kept going back and forth between Gwen and Courtney because of his attachment issues, he knew it was wrong but he felt like he had to keep coming back to her because he does genuinely care about people. (He considered ending his rivalry with Harold after talking with him once, gave DJ a new rabbit so he doesn’t get upset, stood up for other contestants etc etc) so it’s shown time and time again he feels remorse for people and doesn’t always want to hurt them, yet he tends to hide his emotions a lot. This is what he felt with Courtney especially.

This isn’t to defend the wrong things he’s done, for example bullying Harold and messing with Courtney and Gwen’s friendship, probably more. This is just me going over why I think he gets a little too much slander. He’s not my favorite character, but I don’t hate him. He’s had his moments, great and terrible ones. I think this is what makes him more realistic. Duncan is a complex character, not saying he didn’t hurt other people or that he’s innocent, just stating this.

Thank you for reading (if you did read all of it) another apology if this was hard to understand

.

[myloveforhergoeson]

are there any differences to roxy's characterization from when you first thought up of her vs now over one year on? excluding plot directed character growth (like her being more comfortable in her standing within the group vs earlier). is there anything particular that you wrote/made notes on in the earlier days where youre like that's not what she would say

what about other ocs like declan somerset and mag and dani? or even canon characters youve fleshed out more like camille, jo, dak zevon

hi!! yes yes yes there are so many things that have changed about her over the course of this story from when i conceptualized the idea, wrote it out, and began publishing it!

like you mentioned, rox becoming comfortable with the guys and her new friends has been the main thing, but aside from that she's now learning about good relationships, realizing that being with dak messed her up a bit and working through that

but enough about plot directed character growth! there were plenty of instances and scenes i had written in her early days (and even now lol) where i just had to completely chop conversations out and reword them because she used to be a lot more combative than she is now. less go with the btr flow and more... hey are we going to get fired?? but that's not fun at all - so she's mostly transformed to be an accomplice.

i'm not sure if this also counts, but outside of her writing she's not very good at processing her own feelings so there were a few instances in which other characters made her upset (camillle; james; dak) where i wrote out some scenes where she essentially exploded at them and reading it back it felt so so so wrong. she can hardly put to words her own feelings in conversation, so i changed those to scenes that i think fit her better

instead of blowing up at dak over his cheating she chose to distance herself from what was happening and end their "business relationship" before their real relationship (originally she threw a stapler at him. it was awesome. but she'd never really do that so i cut it out)

instead of screaming at camille for kissing the boy she likes, roxy stepped back and asked her why she had chosen to hurt logan, not why she'd kissed james (i stopped writing this one fully before it got ugly because it hurt me, but roxy had some choice words about breaking girl code)

instead of actually talking to james and working out their problems on tour, she's trying to figure out why he doesn't like her - if it was something she had done, not if there was anything she could say

so yeah. dubs for the emotionally stunted girls. damn maybe she should work on that idk

i haven't written dec or dani enough to have their original personalities shift from what i had originally imagined - declan is just a goofy teen dad trying to raise his daughter the best he can. while he's just trying to be there for her, sometimes he's gotta put the father foot down too! dani is just kind of catty and they typically follow mag's lead on things.

as for mag, i originally wrote a scene where rox bumped into him at the grocery store when they got kicked off rocque records. he was a lot meaner than i wanted him to be, so i just kicked the scene entirely. but you can read it here if you want! in my head he's a lot more of a nicer on the outside kinda guy, like in the Morning Glory chapter. what he says is sweet, but his words have bad undertones and he's very good at getting what he wants. more of this in the future~

i think i do pretty well at writing the canon characters in line with how they act in the show... except for james.... god. literally every time i write him i think im doing it wrong and it bothers me so much lmao. like yes he's silly he's goofy he always wants to make out with his girlfriend (not that she's complaining) but he simply would not be like. the perfect boyfriend. but this is my story and i want him to be so he is!!!!!!!!!!!! so yeah sometimes i'll write him and rox talking and just have to completely delete what he says because he's not that brilliant and make him say something stupid instead lol

so tl;dr! yes all the freaking time. all. the. time. but that's what makes writing fun! it's like a puzzle, placing everyone's distinct personalities together and putting them in situations to see how they'd react. i think all of them get along really well, even when they butt heads :) but sometimes whats in the drafts has gotta stay in the drafts

[rtqbhx]

bro, priscilla, man (next time we talk, that is if we ever talk again lol, i need to remember to ask for her middle name)

i mean, i gotta ask, what even was the point of all that? she says she wasn't fucking with me, but if you were fucking with someone you certainly wouldn't tell them that. and man, its obvious you weren't actually planning on going. man what the fuck. bitches will having you rocking back and forth in a padded room with a straight jacket.

when she was telling me about the dude she was hooking up with, she was telling me how she was fucking around with him doing "dumb high school shit" like saying she wanted to hang out with him and cancelling last minute, or how she would say she was going over his place but would hang with her other friends instead, because it "was funny stressing that man out."

she also said she had "more research to do." whatever the fuck that means.

I don't know anything about any dumb high school shit, because I didn't talk to anyone in high school, but if it was like that, I'm glad i didn't, because bitch, what the fuck are you talking about?????

thinking about it tho reminds me of alyssa from high school. I didn't think she was doing it on purpose, at least it didn't seem like it, but she pissed me off so bad constantly telling wendi elliott and connor that she had a crush on me, but then in class she would only talk to them and refuse to even look at me. her cancelling on the date we had planned just to hang out with wendi the next day (? next weekend? whatever it was) had me tweaking out so bad, i told her that i wasn't interested anymore.

unfortunately 15 year old me had more self respect than 23 year old me currently, because now I'm just thinking "i have to have her. we need to have a really messy divorce in 15 years and then somehow still be hooking up after everything's finalized"

i need another crazy latina to fuck with my head. 2 times wasn't enough, 3rd times the charm. (well 1.5 times, crazy black girl double whammy. i need an asian girl next to cover basis with all the major races) 😮‍💨

but damn, i really did have more self respect in high school than as an adult. like i flirted with guys all the time just to end up ghosting them because the thought of anything remotely romantic with a man made me feel a deep pit of despair and discomfort. even with andrew and me constantly joking around that he was my husband, i knew I didn't actually like him (on brand with me liking fruity men lmfao, if richard never came out in 7th grade i probably would've had a "crush" on him too, he's a real looker lmao)

internalized homophobia. but fr tho, im probably like 3% bisexual, because i just can't discredit the fact that i had a crush on jonpaul in 5th grade (lmaoooo super on brand, there's no way he wasn't fruity, i wish i could know for certain)

but damn, yeah, now that I'm thinking about it more, i really do think valeria fucked me up more than i realize. because fuck man, i was SO terrified to kiss her. so terrified. i mean, first and foremost, i was scared of getting caught, because the fuck, we had just watched the CO's brief about recruit to recruit contact, and also it was my first kiss man. i didn't want to kiss her just yet, and i told her that, and then she started getting angry with me and accusing me of toying with her emotions.

i mean, if it were a different situation, like i wasn't going to get asmo'd and probably njp'd for kissing her (and potentially kicked out of bootcamp as a whole, cause we hadn't even finished p-days yet!) i'd understand where she was coming from.

i wrote a whole letter about it to elliott and then showed it to her, and she was like "yeah, okay i understand" and still went in to kiss me, despite me trembling so bad the whole rack was probably shaking. i didn't even feel anything when we kissed, even with marrel, and it made me think i was broken or something. (i'm so thankful though that our first kiss in monterey proved me wrong.)

and now its making me think about my first kiss with tristan. that was also extremely terrifying. especially because he had me cornered in the stairwell of the barracks, and didn't ask for my consent first. just fucking went for it. such a dumb fucking bastard. whenever he'd bring it up his dumb ass would constantly say "bro that was so cringey. I can't believe I actually asked you 'do you mind if i do something bold' and then kissed you."

like yes of course it was cringey you fucking dimwit. you didn't even give me enough time to process the question, let alone dodge your kiss.

later on, after my first time ending up end the hospital, i even showed him my diary entry where i explicitly said it was terrifying and i was afraid to go to sleep that night cause i felt like i was gonna have nightmares about it. (man i probably did lmao)

i feel like if that happened to me in high school i would've blocked him and dodged him like the plague. but 19 year old me, i was just all over the place because of valeria. if she hadn't of screwed with my head so much i'm pretty goddamn sure i would've politely pretended like tristan didn't even exist.

[magicalslug]

so like WHATEVER, WHO CARES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SO WHAT IF I LOST THE WILL TO LIVE

WHO CARES!!!!!!! I'M HAVING A FABULOUS TIME ANYWAY

I've lost myself to impulsive purchases and overeating and refusing myself the need to cry

WHO CARES!!!!!!!!!!!!

Went to a therapist for 2 months and you know what happened?!?!? SHE DIDN'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT MY TRAUMA

THEN BLAMED MEEEEEEEEEE FOR NOT OPENING UP FOR HER

FUCK1}}}}}}}}}}}

SHE DIDN'T EVEN TRY TO QUESTION ME ABOUT IT

"Well you see, we don't seek to revictimize people" WELL HOW ABOUT YOU ASK QUESTIONS AND BACK OFF WHEN I TELL YOU I DON'T WANNA ANSWER SOME THINGS. HOW ABOUT YOU TRY TO GET ME TO TALK!!!!!!! HOW ABOUT YOU MAKE ME FEEL COMFORTABLE ENOUGH TO TALK!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm blaming her because

It hurts

It hurts to once more realize I'm the one in the wrong.

I went to the therapist. And at first I was like "can we talk about my trauma. can we please explore my childhood trauma that has root in the horrific abuse i suffered/suffer actively even now"

And she was like

"well first we need to focus on your present, not stay stuck in your past" FUCK!!!!!!!!!!! OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I WANNA TALK ABOUT IT IM FUCKING TIRED OF BEING SILENT ABOUT IT I AM BROKEN AND I WAS HURT AND I AM HURT AND I WILL NEVER BE A WHOLE PERSON EVER AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I LACK SOMETHING OTHER PEOPLE HAVE AND I DONT KNOW WHAT IT IS!!!!!!!!! EXCEPT I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT!!!!!!!!!! IT WAS TAKEN FROM ME!!!!!!!!!!

HOW ABOUT YOU SIT DOWN AND LISTEN TO ME!!!!!!!! FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!

anyway.

She didn't make it a secret that she kinda avoided talking about my childhood trauma because she wasn't an expert in it and she had to investigate more. to deal with my trauma.

Except that for most of my sessions she would suggest an exercise. And I would go "I don't think it's working for me, this whole "talk to the inner child" thing. Because I don't manage to get into this make believe space. I can't even separate the inner child from who i am now. It's me. It's always just been me. It feels like I'm fooling myself"

and she would go "well how about u try at home anyway :)"

And like i get it. She didn't know how to handle my trauma.

But the exercises were so. Basic? The exercises made to know yourself.

I know myself. I know exactly what's wrong with me, and to a degree, how to fix them. But also I'm too inside my head and I'm anxious AND I DON'T WANNA BE MEDICATED!!!!!!!!! IM SCARED OF IT!!!!!!!!!!! THE PILLS WILL KILL ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(No, they won't. I'm just scared of becoming dependent or being unable to afford them in the future. Also, why bother with medicine when the issue at hand is just my abusive environment and not... Not really my mental illness. Like, don't get me wrong, it is an issue.)

(But when I was far away from here, I was stable and happy and flourished)

(and now i just actively think about. That. so much)

Also.

Also. well SHE never tried to get me to talk about my trauma. I guess in words, i'd say she didn't make a space for me to be able to talk about it?

And then my sessions ended.

And I told her, as feedback, "hey i feel like i was never given the space to explore my childhood trauma, to be able to openly talk about it, and that just made me feel like my worst fears were true: that what happened to me was too shameful and horrific that no one wants to hear it. that i'm tainted and don't deserve to speak about it"

And then she kinda chastised me for never opening up to her because i never asked to talk about it.

I just.

I had to sit there and take it and nod and pretend I didn't want to yell and scream that I'M TOO POWERLESS, TOO WEAK. I need the permission. I need the permission to talk about it. IM CURSED IM CURSED AND I NEED THE PERMISSION, LIKE SOMEONE THAT ONLY KNOWS HOW TO FOLLOW ORDERS. I HATE IT I HATE IT I AM SO USED TO BE CONTROLLED AND SILENCED, I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ELSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So i just nodded and went "yeah okay." and shut up for 20 minutes while she wrote notes on her file silently.

Anyway.

Therapy wasn't great.

Not... Not what I hoped?

Between the previous "someone saying they loved me for months only to turn out it was all a joke" incident and this i just

what the fuck, hm?

So what are we playing at??

Just.

Worst nightmares made real and now what? what am i fucking left with???

Lessons learned:

I'm unlovable and there's something inherently wrong with me which makes me unlovable, and it's something everyone can see and I can never truly understand

It's true, I'm too broken, and I am beyond fixing, and I will never be able to change. In fact, my problems are so big that even professionals won't touch them with a ten mile pole. Shit life syndrome, probably.

Was I a bad patient? Probably.

I was bad. I was bad. I was bad. I didn't try hard enough with the exercises.

I didn't wanna talk to the inner child.

she kept saying "you're such a strong woman, this is why you've survived"

i hate that

i hated hearing that so much

I'M NOT A FUCKING WOMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND I AM WEAK. I AM PATHETIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND IM NOT A FUCKING WOMAN!!!!!!!!

she said it each time

"Your inner child has been saved each time by you, because you've been such a strong woman that has been strong all along!" FUCKING, GENERIC, DIALOGUE.

you say this TO EVERYONE!!!!!!! THEY SAY THIS TO EVERY SURVIVOR!!!!!!

AND IM NOT STRONG, IM WEAK AND I WANT TO []

IM NOT A WOMAN!!!!!!! THAT'S

THAT'S INHERENTLY PART OF IT!!!!!!!!!!

I EXPERIENCE STRONG DYSPHORIA AND I DON'T LIKE MYSELF!!!!!!!!! BECAUSE OF WHAT HAPPENED TO ME!!!!!!!! THEY TOOK A PART OF ME AND NOW I WILL FOREVER BE INCOMPLETE AND THIS MAKES ME NOT A WOMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I WILL NEVER BE A WOMAN!!!!!!!!!! I WILL NEVER BE A WOMAN!!!!!!!!!!! I CAN'T BE A WOMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm

I'm barely even a person anymore.

...

...

I'm being so mean. whatever.

I told her I wrote a lot about my feelings, that it was one of the few outlets i had to express myself and vent about my worst moments.

She just acknowledged it in a "well that's good, it's nice you have that" and we never spoke of it ever again.

didn't ask to know more about it.

And.

I don't know what I expected.

I guess hollywood truly rots your brain.

I expected a therapist that would ask me questions, and by asking questions would force me to finally verbalize these things I keep inside myself.

I was ready to answer questions.

Instead she just. talked and talked and occasionally asked me surface things. Which is fair i guess.

Make no mistake, she also didn't make it a secret that apparently she wasn't given enough resources to treat her patients. Like, it was kinda raggedy in the sense that she couldn't even get the printer to work most of the time because she had 2 pesos and a dream as budget.

Anyway.

That ended.

And she went "I wanna thank you because I learned so much from this experience"

Fucking hell. Shut the hell up. You didn't even learn I wasn't a woman.

Fuck, we didn't even get to mention I was gay.

She didn't learn shit from me.

So that hurt.

It felt like a last slap to the face.

I'm glad i was a cute little failed experiment.

But what did i fucking get from this???? I got to go home to cry because no one will come to save me????

And I'm truly, so so truly, alone?

I know. I know it was my fault. I had too high expectations. Perhaps I didn't give it my all.

But im so fucking depressed that doing most things made me feel so tired.

I don't wanna talk to my inner child. Because they're dead. They killed it, they killed it and something broken and weird took their place.

And that is who I am today.

And my thoughts? My written thoughts are all sad and violent and alarming. Disgusting.

And...

And i'm so tired all the time that I couldn't even watch the movies she recommended in full. Had to watch resumes. Because where would i get the time?

It's my fault this didn't work.

It's my fault.

"You have to let go of your guilt" I DONT FEEL GUILTY ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED, I FEEL RAGE!!!!!!!! I FEEL RAGE!!!!!!!!!!! I KNOW IM NOT FUCKING GUILTY!!!!!!!!!! BUT NOW IM THE ONLY ONE LEFT FEELING DIRTY AND GROSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Is that guilt? Is that guilt? Or just an understandable reaction given how life has treated me like i'm a gross freak?

And make no mistake

I am a gross freak

But i feel that's secondary from how life has treated me. Society i guess.

I'm barely a person, I'm more vermin than anything.

I will never be anything more than this.

And i hate my job.

i hate it.

..

...

A guy killed himself, a guy i worked with once. We weren't even close.

But we talked, a few times. Briefly.

He was friendly.

Anyway. That was a week ago.

The company didn't even really acknowledge it in a "we're sorry about our dear teammate" way.

Nothing. Crickets. And I'm expected to deal with the questions my team members have about it because I'm the team lead.

I'm expected to deal with it. Even though now i can't stop thinking.

This fucking company that i hate. Will not even say my name. When I die for it.

This job will kill me and no one will ever care about it.

....

....

I miss my friends. I can't even talk to them nowadays because I'm so busy and so tired,

I don't know why i even bother. with it all.

It makes no sense to me anymore.

The money is good. The money is good.

But i keep buying stupid shit i don't need.

Because I'm looking for a reason to stay working there.

Even though it makes me miserable.

...

I keep applying to things. And they won't reply.

I'm over qualified for the things I apply to.

They won't call me.

they won't call me.

....

I miss my friends.

I miss not being wholly depressed. I miss when i was managing it. I miss when i thought i was... able to Control it.

Not like now.

....

...

A guy I barely knew killed himself and I can't stop thinking about it.

A girl I work with said "He was tired. Now I'm glad he's not suffering anymore"

I don't wanna suffer anymore.

....

...

..

I need to quit. I'm too miserable where i am and frankly, i don't know what i'm aiming for by staying at that job.

My senior manager gives us advice like "when you get to my position--" and i check out.

Because i don't want his role. his job seems even more miserable.

So like. what am i doing there, if i don't even care to grow and frankly i'm only there for the paycheck.

The office could burn and i would not care at all.

....

I'm tired, and I'm frustrated, and I'm sad.

But...

But I will not give up so easily on life.

There's art i want to make.

There's things I want to write.

I wanna make art.

Love never saved anybody. Art never saved anybody.

But I wanna make art.

Because it's the only thing that makes sense to me anymore.

The only thing that gives my life meaning.

.....

I will quit soon.

I'm not afraid of the backlash.

Because nothing will be as horrible as getting up everyday and feeling like an empty husk, being puppeteered around by inertia.

...

I will quit soon.

I will quit soon.

I'm afraid.

I'm weak.

But even a weak thing like me, a coward like me, can hit the bricks.

You can quit.

You're allowed to quit!!!

You're allowed to be a failure!!!

It's not the worst thing!!!!

And

And you can always move forward

It's never too late for that

(But it will be too late if you don't escape) (I know you want to escape from it all)

(But small steps. yeah?)

(It's okay, i'll love you anyway)

(As long as you're happy, I'll love you)

(no matter what, I'll love you)

[paulinawoodpecker]

Tad the lost explorer and the spear of blood and tears chapter 17

@jakkiisthatboy2

Tad in the morning noticed Dagenia got out and said “Dagenia. Where are you going?” “im going to fight zulo myself.” “alone?! You can die!”

“im always ready for danger, kid.” “would you stop calling me that?!” “tad. We met when we were kids. And we’ve been acting like we’re siblings. So this time, the bird left the nest…” tad took a deep breath and asked her “please?”

“tad. It’s too dangerous for you to go.” “but I’m supposed to. I’m the bravest hero!” “For now” “What if your mama will notice?” “what do you wanna do? Get help?” Tad suddenly uses the puppy eyes on her. “oh no! Do not give me that face. Do not! did you see on what happened to my sister?” Tad kept using the puppy eyes on her which made her sigh “are you sure you want to come? What about your triple team friends?” Tad gave her a surprised look and hugs Dagenia by holding on to her arm while making a puddle of his tears “PLEASE! THEY HAVE EACH OTHER! I WANNA BE WITH YOU! I WANT TO HELP YOU FIGHT ZULO! I WANNA COME! I WANNA COME! I WANNA COME! I WANNA COME!” Dagenia sighed again “classic tad.”

A few minutes later, the triple team and Derik, Dagenia entered the club, as they entered Imani and Zula noticed “holy *beep* ing balls! Is that who I’m seeing right now?!” “What are they doing here?”

“Ugh I so hate those guys and tad is back!” Imani cried out! “Oh I’m going to give him the extermination-” “shh. Imani! Remember from what my brother said? About our rule about the extermination?” Imani’s best friend asked her. “Uhh. No one or anyone needs to know about the next extermination! I know I know…don’t *beep* me you *beep*”

“You should listen to my sister Imani…” zulo entered “*beep* zulo! You can’t sneak up on a woman like that, jeez” “listen if we need to get rid of him, we must stay silent, who knows if anything can go wrong.” Imani noticed mellan and she started blushing for love. Tad noticed the backstreets. “No no no….not him again…”

“Now sorry about the destruction earlier, but we’re gathered around to see if the bravest hero ever saved Africa.” “Well I’ll start us here, Mr luwiki, so I tried my best and luckily I became one. And it’s all thanks to Ramirez.” “But um…well…”

“Is everything okay Imani?” “Give me a *beep*ing minute okay?” Imani wrote some facts about oganda and sends it over to Derik and Dagenia. “Don’t fight, don’t harass, don’t sex?” Derik spoke the words out loud. “Are you *beep* ing serious?” Dagenia asked. “I bet it would be an honor if we can trust this guy.” Mellan agreed

“see? I did everything to save the world! I saved the world and put us safe!” “well uh…then how come it didn’t affected on us, huh?” “yeah. Why didn’t it affected on us?” All the Africans began to mummer, tad realizes that none of them even saw him which made his stomach turn and said “wait…none of you Africans know that I’m the bravest hero?”

“this questioning stops now. We know when a conflict appears. We know when we pass divine judgement. and it’s our job to ensure the people are safe.” Zulo replied

So then the gang convinced them that he is the bravest hero, but zulo saw Derik and he showed her proof that they was once a backstreet, and that made them cry luckily tad cheered them up.

Imani gets out a love potion and sends it to mellan so he can breathe to her love spell and said: “I’m sorry. But it shows that there was no evidence that he was saving Africa!”

“oh *beep* yes! We win! Suck it *beep* you better save the date *beep* team because we are going to the castle first!” Imani warned them before she kicked them out “no! You can’t do this!” “you mother*beep*” and Security forces kicks them out of the club leaving Derik behind, then they cried out “dagenia! Don’t give up on this! I’ll figure something out! I promise!”

“that wasn’t called for Imani.” “yeah but did you see the look on their *beep* faces? it was-” zulo gave a strict look; telling her to stop. “sorry.” The backstreets and everyone leaves but zulo and Zula and Derik hides to hear zulo and Zula

“extermination of human souls…innocent or not, there is no reason to be doing this!” She angrily argued with her brother. “they were uprising Zula! It’s is my position as the head of the backstreets to protect our people at all cost! and it’s your position to keep them happy and joyful.”

“how can I bring joy when I now know we are bringing misery and killing thousands of innocent people?” She asked . “the backstreets needs us Zula. Everyone looks to us and we can’t doubt ourselves to worry about the fates of white people when we have our own black people to protect. please. If you continue to worry, you can end up like Derik…off with their head…I couldn’t bear to see you betray your brother like that. so please, let me worry about this…okay?”

Zula nods and feels defeated and did what her twin brother told her

[gurofushi]

“i left love letters in your locker, don't forget to read them.”

𝜗𝜚 saiki kuriko x fem! reader. (fluff)

warnings; none. <3

a/n; kusuo as a girl (kuriko) is actually so pretty oml i HAD to write something about her :<

🦷 (apologies for any grammar mistakes, english is not my first language^^)

recess was about to end soon. you and your usual circle of friends were sitting at a table somewhere near the entrance of the cafeteria.

they were being loud as usual, but you didn't mind, they were your best friends after all.

though for some reason, you couldn't seem to focus on whatever topic they were shouting on about to eachother.

instead, your mind was being occupied by a pink haired friend of yours, one that was sitting right across from you on the table.

saiki kuriko, she was one of your closest friends and long time crush.

she was quiet, reserved and liked to be alone most of the time, but you'd always find yourself spending time with her quite often.

even though she doesn't really say much, she has always had this silent charm to her that has never failed to draw all of your attention to her.

despite all of your feelings towards her, you knew that you could never confess, you were too scared to cause you knew you could possibly put your current friendship into jeopardy.

‘i'm completely happy with staying friends with her.. right? yeah, i totally am. she doesn't have to know anything, i don't wanna lose her.’

well, too bad for you. kuriko could only raise her eyebrows as she heard your thoughts.

unbeknownst to you, kuriko felt the exact same way. only difference is, she had already planned on confessing her feelings to you.

her plan was already underway as of right now.

so far, she successfully wrote three long and heartfelt letters expressing her admiration and love for you.

that was a lie. each letter only had ‘i like you.’ ‘you're very pretty.’ and ‘be my girlfriend.’ written on them. she tried her best.

she was able to teleport those letters into your locker, in exchange for some silly cat drawings you kept. (but don't worry, she made sure to remember to give them back to you.)

now, all she had to do was to tell you about the written confession she left so that you wouldn't miss them before you went home.

easy enough right?

wrong, seems like kuriko didn't think hard enough about that part.

there's no way she would actually *tell you* that she was confessing. that's absur–

ringgg!

the bell rung, signalling the students to go back to each of their classes.

each of you stood up from your seats and started to bid eachother goodbye before making your way out of the cafeteria.

“y/n, wait.”

kuriko held your wrist to prevent you from walking for a moment. you turned to look at her, and so did your other friends.

unfortunately, kuriko didn't notice that they did. her focus was completely on you.

“ah, yes?”

“i left love letters in your locker, don't forget to read them.”

she told you bluntly. you were stunned, unable to move as your mouth hung open.

after a moment of silence, you quickly regained your composure and nodded with slightly red cheeks.

“o-oh, i see. okay, kuriko. ill be sure to read them.”

kuriko only responded with a nod and slight smile before turning away and walking towards her next class.

she felt accomplished, all she had to do now was to wait for your response to her feelings, even though she already knew your answer, she wanted to hear it come out of your own mouth.

“woaah, y/n! didn't know our pal kuriko had the hots for ya! congratulations!”

she froze as her train of thought suddenly came to a halt.

others thoughts started to fill her brain as she slowly realized what she did.

she DID NOT just tell you that in front of all the others.. right?

‘im done for.’

this was way too rushed than i intended it to be 😭 it's literally almost 1 in the morning and im just finishing this up.

i hope this was still readable anyway, i promise that ill be posting better stuff soon! xoxo

[moondrop-writes]

Okay okay I know you JUST wrote something for me but I also JUST got an idea! What about either Connor Stoll or Percy dating a daughter of Dionysus!? He doesn’t know initially but when he noticed them spending more time together he gets suspicious and then when he walks into her cabin without word one day and catches her kissing him he realizes that his precious daughter is dating the guy…which he’s not pleased about. So he threatens his daughter’s boyfriend and is all “if you so much as look at her the wrong way I WILL hunt you down and you’ll regret it for the rest of your life” but ultimately approves because he sees how happy that he makes the reader? And so he goes back to reader and tries to make the threat not seem as bad and they just have a cute little picnic or something together.

If you choose to ignore that’s fine cause you did JUST write something for me, but I think it might be interesting.

hi hi! and no worries about the amount of requests ill take em all! because i just wrote something with percy, i'll go with connor + i love the stoll brothers so...thank you for the request!

edit: i just realized i completely forgot the picnic part...im so sorry :(

You sat on a bench on the porch of your cabin, bending grapevines and leaves amongst twigs to fold it into a crown. Connor, amused, sat at your feet, chin hooked on top of your knee.

"Just wait," you murmured, tongue poking out from your lips as you tie the twigs with a few stray pieces of string, "it looks better when it's on your head."

Connor hummed, raising an eyebrow. You've pricked your fingers about five times, and it'd been an hour of you carefully crafting the crown, but he'd stayed there at your feet for every second of it.

"Aha!" you grinned and leaned down to place it in his curls. Immediately, his dark curls seemed to swallow it up. He winces, as pulls on one curl that had been tugged on uncomfortably when it was placed in his head.

You'd been right, it did look better on his head. The leaves stood out in his dark hair, and the wood of the twigs was a lighter shade than his hair.

You smiled, cradling his cheeks in your hands. "See? Perfect."

He giggled, "me or the crown?"

"Both."

You leaned in to kiss him, when your name was sharply called.

"Y/N!" Your head shot up to find your father, Dionysus, making his way towards you. Connor's eyebrows furrowed, showing his distaste at the intrusion, but stood up and shuffled away a bit. Not even he would dare face your father.

"Papa," you greeted, standing up. He glanced at Connor, but looked over it and waved you forward. Nervously, you hopped down the steps to greet him. Even if he was your dad, and you were around him frequently, he was still a god and could very much turn you into a shellfish if he pleased.

"Yes?" You asked, hands folded behind your back. Your father rubbed his temple, can of coca-cola in hand.

"I need you to overlook the new campers in the archery range. I would ask somebody else, but they all made up excuses and I don't have the energy to do it," he looked genuinely sympathetic for you, knowing very well how much of a pain some new campers could be. It wasn't new to you, for him to treat you so kindly, but Connor made a noise of surprise in the back of his throat.

"Yes, papa. I'll be there in a moment, let me grab my bow," you ran back into the cabin, and exited just in time to hear your dad dismiss your boyfriend.

You gave Connor a brief wave, which he grinned and returned, but stopped and ran when your father stared at him.

"God, I hate Hermes' kids," he said before taking a sip of his drink.

You chuckled weakly, shouldering your bow. "Yeah..."

He walked off, and you blew out a puff of air.

Guess telling you dad about the status of you and Connor's relationship was once again put off.

--

Dionysus knew there was a problem with his eldest child, he just couldn't figure out what.

Castor and Pollux were easy, both boys barely into their teenage years. You were a different story. You showed a whole new set of emotions and talents that Dionysus couldn't figure out. It's why he and your mother hadn't worked out very long (other than the fact he was already married). You and your mother were very similar, but you were both very stubborn.

You obeyed, most of the time, but there were certain things you just refused to bend to. It was what had intrigued him of your mother, but now, while he was attempting to raise you well, it was a struggle.

But even then, you'd become more closed off. You used to greet him daily, whether it was a wave or coming up to say, "good morning!" you always gave him some sort of hello. And sometimes, you'd even join him to play card games, which is more than what he could say for your brothers.

Now though? Each morning when you walked by the big house you were talking to either Connor or Travis, sometimes even both, and it'd been weeks since you bothered to come play games, or even hang around with him.

He didn't want to say he missed you, because it didn't bother him that much. But he was a literal manifestation of entertainment and got bored rather quickly. He loved his boys, but he'd always had a closer bond with you than them. You were a form of entertainment to him, but you were also his daughter and such a shift in behavior concerned him.

Hate to say it out loud or not, he loved you dearly. You were his only little girl.

And it wasn't just the fact you'd stopped talking to him, it was the fact you stopped talking to your brothers too. Castor had approached him on the verge of tears because he'd thought he'd done something to offend you. But, when he payed more attention, he found it was because you'd taken to following the Stoll brothers around.

But teenagers did that right? Leave their annoying little siblings in order to hang out with friends? Gods, he's watched too many romance movies with you.

The number of times he's stared at a TV screen and seen the whiny little sibling snitch on the older sibling after they'd snuck out to talk with their partner should be a crime.

His thoughts flit back to Castor, sniffling in front of him because his older sister was off with Connor Stoll somewhere.

You, with Connor Stoll, somewhere.

Oh, my gods.

He stood up abruptly, just narrowly avoiding knocking over the table as he stormed down the steps of the big house. You had some major explaining to do.

It was easy to see why'd you been dating someone. He cherished you for a reason, so it isn't hard to see why someone else wouldn't. But you were still his daughter.

Connor Stoll? Really? He didn't want you dating any of these brats but there were certainly better options than Connor Stoll. Like that one Apollo boy, but Dionysus is pretty sure he's gay.

He approaches the cabin quickly, and he watches the camper's part to let him walk through. It's easy to anger a god, but it's not easy to soothe that anger.

Dionysus swings the door open and pauses. He doesn't know why he was so shocked, but he supposes it was just the confirmation that stopped him.

There were only three beds in the rather large cabin, so he found yours with ease. There was you, lip locked, with Connor Stoll. He felt his veins light with rage as the two of you jumped apart.

Connor's hand was still on your thigh, and yours on his arm.

"Hands off," he grumbled, swatting at his arm. Connor pulled back as if he'd slapped him.

"Papa!" you cried, jumping up. He didn't touch you, but he held out his arm and you understood. Quietly, you took a step back, staring at the floorboards.

He turned back to Connor, staring at him with wide brown eyes. He raised a finger to jab in his chest.

"Listen, Stoll, because I'm not going to repeat myself," he leaned back, gesturing to the space between you and him. Connor nodded shakily.

"Yes, Mr. D," he stuttered out, glancing over to you.

"Ah, ah, ah. No, eyes on me," Connor's eyes flit to him.

"If you even look at her again, I will make sure you and your future kids regret it for the rest of your small mortal lives. Understood?"

"Yes," he repeated, struggling to make eye contact.

"Good," Dionysus said and then he points to the door, "now get out."

Connor does, only after pausing at the door. He doesn't look back though, and Dionysus turns to you.

He sighs when he sees your tears, and you sniffle softly. "Y/N," he calls gently, raising his hand to wipe at your tears. You turn your head, and his hand brushes your shoulder instead.

You wouldn't dare say anything, so that meant it was all up to him.

"You know I'm doing this for you. Connor...he's just, not the right fit--"

"I loved him though!" you shouted, hiding your face in your hands, "he made me really happy, Papa, and you ruined it!" You sobbed, loud and noisy, and it reminded him of when you were young and wailed over things such as scraped knees.

"You're still young," he tries to reason, "there will be others!"

"Not like Connor," you say, "and besides, I doubt you'd approve of them either."

He pauses at that, hand hovering midair. He never knew what to do to please you anymore. You'd moved away, grown more distant, since your childhood. You'd grown up. He hadn't changed, you had.

Maybe he had to change with you.

His hand grabbed your wrists and pulled them from your face. Then, he wiped at the tears on your cheeks and pulled you close. You fought at first, but melted into the touch once he rested his hand on the small of your back.

"I just want you safe, you know that, right?" he whispered, like it was a secret.

Slowly, you nodded.

"I mean it, Y/N. I love you, and your brothers a lot."

Still, you weren't satisfied.

"And," he said, taking in a deep breath, "if Connor makes you happy then...you can pursue him further."

You jumped back, a grin on your face. "Really?" you asked, a small hint of doubt in your tone.

He sighed, "yes, really."

You threw your arms around him. "Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!"

Dionysus ran a hand through his hair. "Mhm, yeah, whatever.

You pull back again, your wide grin softening into a shy smile.

"Papa, I can handle myself. I mean it. Thank you."

Finally, a smile makes its way onto his features too.

"Yeah, you're welcome."

[mae-i-scribble]

I've recently read through all of fabiniku (my life as an ordinary guy who reincarnated as a girl or something like that for the english title) and it's just been such a fun and genuine time that made me so much more endeared to the series than I thought I was going to be going into this. And for me it touches on a very important part of representation and the argument that queer people will inherently tell queer stories better (spoiler alert i think this mentality is simplistic and unrealistic). Because full disclosure, yeah the author of fabiniku is not someone i assume is the best ally on the planet, and i dont even know if she's queer or not. Her author notes have some pretty :/// stuff in them about trans identity and the idea that being trans is a fetish or childish choice. However, there could also be translational errors messing up what exactly she means, and I can't exactly translate myself, so there is some doubt in that regard. But regardless of the author's opinions, none of that changes the very genuine and heartfelt story she is telling with Tachibana in fabiniku.

(putting the rest under a readmore bc its getting longer than i thought)

There's a reason fabiniku got its reputation as one of the queerest isekai's to ever isekai and that reputation is well deserved bc holy shit yeah these bitches gay and trans as hell. Fabiniku does something with its queer narrative that I personally really appreciate: it sidelines the queer themes. Now this may seem contradictory, but for me, I don't always want queer stories about being queer, I want the queer elements to be a part of the narrative without it being focused on them. And fabiniku absolutely delivers on this. It isn't the story of tachibana finding out he's trans and jinguuji finding out he's gay but also kinda technically bi now- it's a batshit insane isekai romcom about 2 best friends realizing they have feelings for each other. Of course, those queer elements are still very much there, but they're entrenched in the characters, not in the author saying "see this aspect of identity, i want to use these characters as a vehicle to tell a story about it." (Not that there's anything wrong with that, its just a difference in writing goals and how one goes about writing themes/stories)

Fabiniku was never trying to be anything profound or meaningful in terms of queer representation, its mostly a gag manga with some large overarching story beats, but the author's earnestness in portraying the romance and personal growth gives the series a real heart that 1)makes it enjoyable unlike some other comedy based isekai and 2) stops it from being offensive representation. Tachibana is a guy who finds himself becoming a girl one day without and warning, and his slow journey into realizing what exactly he wants in regards to his gender identity is never used as the butt of the joke or mocked. (I'm using he/him for tachibana bc literally as of a couple chapters ago we just got him admitting he may not want to go back to being a guy, he's still on the first steps of his trans journey). In the same vein Jinguuji's love of Tachibana is never truly treated as "only now bc tachibana is a girl, no way did jinguuji love him before nope nope." (yes the initial premise suggests this interpretation, but as the manga grows on it is increasingly clear that both these 2 loved each other before this isekai shenanigans began).

There's a lot more words in my head, but Im gonna wrap it up here. Fabiniku is hardly "perfect" representation, but it is telling a meaningful story with a lot of love put into it regardless. Blaming its mistakes on the author not being trans or gay while ignoring its strengths is useless nitpicking. I saw a post saying it would be a much funnier manga if a trans person wrote it, which is such an illogical point to make that I just had to go ????? at my screen for a minute. There's a lot to talk about with this story, and that's what you took away from it?? And im not saying there aren't criticisms to be made, I still think Jinguuji's arc should have been about him realizing that even if he didn't like women, it didn't change the fact that he was attracted to Tachibana- would have made for a more in character arc for him but again, the author was never intending for anything more than a romantic comedy manga, so I won't hold it against her too much.

Anyways everyone go watch or read fabiniku you won't regret it its so fucking good

[that-one-random-writer]

Chasing you Chapter 6 {Complete}

Summary: Jake retires from the military honorably. He steps into a new roll, ready to settle down in his hometown of Texas. He is placed on your shift. Your current relationship is stable until the dust settles, revealing cracks in the foundation.

Warnings: Cursing, violence, police experiences based on truth, accurate on most accounts of law enforcement, it might get gory at times. Be aware of blood, drugs, and all things law enforcement. Smut eventually. A/N may have my true experience attached if you're interested. All real names redacted.

Chapter 1. Next Chapter. Masterlist

Jake sat on the couch of the back patio, grabbing a toothpick from the pack on the table.

You sat in the chair across from him. "Why did you let me stay over?"

Jake sat back, situating his body. The air was still warm enough that his skin didn't feel too chilled in the growing darkness of the night. "I asked my mom about you when I got back home." He paused, looking at the back pasture that had his horses galloping around. "Our parents have been friends for a while. She said I could trust your family, so I figured that would extend to you."

You looked back at the horses playing. "Yeah, Nessie started his visits a few years after high school when I moved out. Mama got pretty close with Mrs. Ophelia for a while. Recently, she's been a little distant, though. Mama was worried she did something wrong."

Seresin looked down to his hands. He rubbed his palms together. "No, your mom didn't do anything. Mom has been going through a hard time. She hasn't even been talking to me or my sisters."

"Bless her heart. I am not going to ask for details. Im assuming your dads mess has something to do with it. Is she okay? Can I do anything?" You asked kindly.

"She will be. She's a tough woman. There's nothing I can think of." Seresin looked back out to the pasture.

"I'm gonna get her a gift basket together from the family." You pulled out your phone and wrote it on your to-dos. "You know ophelia talked about you a lot with my mom. I never got your name, though. Small world that we work together now."

"What all did she say?" His chest raised up with pride. Knowing ophelia, it would be all good accomplishments acknowledged.

"She said you were top of your class at the naval aviation academy, and you were awarded for your heroism against the enemy, and you had an award for Afghanistan combat." You smiled remembering how proud ophelia was telling your mom over a sweet tea front porch meet up the morning before a family dinner a few months back.

"Stop..." Seresin's signature smirk grew into his cheeks. He leaned his arm back behind his head. His toned body on full display. "Well, you know I did a few things." He failed miserably at being humble.

A laugh chimed from your lips. "Yeah, I bet you did."

The sun had gone down, and the stars peeked out with only the full moon casting dim light. Colder air blowing in.

Your phone rang. "Hey honey."

James was on the other end. "Hey, where are you? I haven't seen you all day." You cringed remember the guilt that was sitting in your chest earlier. Conversation was so easy with Seresin that it made you forget the world around you.

"Sorry, honey. I went to a friend's house to sleep, so I wouldn't bother you playing your game." You hated keeping details. It was the worst, but this called for it. The fight was not going to be here over the phone. The guilt set in further as you looked back at Jake, flipping the toothpick in his mouth so nonchalant and hot... no handsome... no, like a nice-looking friend. Your brain did flips, trying to rail itself back on track. "I'll be home soon. I love you, bye. "

James screamed at his TV again. As he clicked the end call. You squeezed your eyes shut, not wanting to face what was your reality at home. No more screaming at the TV and certainly no screaming at you. Fear seeping in realizing what you had done in your desperation to sleep.

"I'll take you back. Just let me ask, why are you with this guy? Dont give me the practicality crap." Jake heard the yelling, and seeing the reaction on your face was not pleasant.

"H-He stayed with me through cancer. He was at every treatment. He helped me live when I was really sick." You just threw it out there. You couldn't hold it in. The pain of hearing Jame's voice with his selfishness of the gaming while you slept pushed you into an emotional war. You wanted things to be good with him. They just weren't. You could see it. You knew everyone could see it. "He was such a good man. I don't know what happened. If he can stay with me through cancer, then I can stay through this rough patch. He will get better. I just have to give him time."

Seresin leaned up. He grabbed the toothpick from his mouth and flicked it into the grass. "Fair enough. I hope he figures it out soon for your sake."

The truck pulled up next to your car. "Thank you. Really, I mean it."

"You're welcome. You can stay anytime and as long you'd like. I really mean that." You opened the door with a nod of acknowledgment.

Your mind fought your body to hug him. You pressed on, walking to your car where you were safe from urges. His truck left.

You sat thinking for a moment. "He's just a good friend." You willingly convinced yourself. You stopped in the restaurant and grabbed dinner.

You got home sitting on the couch and set up dinner. "Hey honey. You go back to Kennedys house?" He knew Kennedy, and he knew that there was nothing to worry about.

"No, I was at a family friend's house. He is on shift with me and Ken now." You spoke. You never lied no matter how much shit you would get.

"He? Which family friend?" James didn't hide anger and assumptions well.

"Jake seresin, ophelia's son." You answered.

"The military guy came home?" He questioned.

"Yeah. He is Ken's new trainee." You prayed using Ken's name to vouch would lighten the blow.

"Why didn't you stay at Ken's?" He began interrogating.

"Kennedy wasn't going to be home, and his mom was there with her friend at the pool." You defended.

"Then why didn't you just stay here?" His voice began to raise.

"Because James," you matched his volume. Throwing the stupid salad on the ground. Venom spewed off him name. "You wouldn't turn the TV down, I had to roll Greg's dead body over on the pavement my knees were covered with parts of his brain, not that you fucking cared to ask, and then I come home finally get to sleep and you're screaming about headshots to the damn TV."

"I wasn't home to ask. How was I supposed to know that? Then you just come home from whoring around with this Jake guy and I'm just supposed to be cool with it because I was playing a game to relax from my hard night. I had four people call in sick. I had to run four extra positions... Not that you fucking cared to ask either." James screamed.

"I wasn't whoring around. I went there slept, ate and came home. I can't fucking believe you'd think I would do that to you."

"Is he gay?" James asked abruptly.

Your teeth clamped together. "What?" Your knuckles turned white against your sides.

"You heard me! Does he like a dick in his ass? Does he bat for Kennedy's team?"

"I don't know. I didn't ask." You held your arms out.

"Then I don't want you over there." James fumed. "When you're painting each others toe nails, talking about your door ringer celebrity men, doing whatever shit you do with ken. Then you can go, but until that happens, it's not okay."

"You're fucking ridiculous, and rude." You yelled and walked out. You grabbed your phone calling Ken. Tears spilled. "Ken, I need drinks are you busy."

Kennedy's deep voice came through the speaker. "Marilyn... I'm at home you can come over. What's wrong?"

You got in the car and drove the few miles to his house. "I fucked up."

"You didn't..." He trailed. "Did you sleep with Seresin?"

Your scoff was very dramatic. "No. I just went over there and slept. James is accusing me of it though, he basically made a fucking rule I cant go over there."

"Rules were meant to broken Mar. You know I can ask if we can go over to Seresin's I'm sure he would have us over for drinks."

"No, he's right. I don't need to go over there. He's a single man, and I am a taken woman. I need to respect him. I am pissed he put a rule down, but I understand why." You sighed.

"Suit yourself. I mean I think he's a great guy. He doesn't seem like the type to break that boundary. Not from how he was talking the last few shifts."

"Did he say anything about me with james?" You parked your car ending the call walking up to the door opening it.

"Come in..." Kennedy laughed at his sarcasm. "He said some things, but I'm not a snitch."

"Damn it, ken! Why did you let me go over there?" You held your arms up.

"No, I only suggested it because I couldn't have you over, you needed sleep, and I trusted that he wouldn't do anything. He didn't say anything intimate or misogynistically gross. Just that it was a shame you were in a relationship."

You groaned throwing a pillow at him sitting down on the couch. "Liam Kennedy!"

"Okay chill. I got it, Seresin is now on my shit list." Kennedy chuckled.

"Not funny." You threw another pillow. Throwing your hands in your face to cover the embarrassment.

"So now what, your man's all jealous of Seresin?" He sat up on the couch.

"Yeah, I guess so. Maybe this is a good thing. Maybe now he will try harder." You looked over at him through your fingers.

"Don't go playing with fire, Marilyn. You know that's what got you killed with our scandal." He joked about the conspiracy of Marilyn Monroe's murder by the government after the Kennedy affair.

"I'm not going to play with fire. I'm just playing the card you so graciously handed me." You rolled your eyes.

Kennedy sighed. "He is really hot, though. Those uniform pants..." He trailed, widening his eyes at the thought of Seresin's tight ass. Literal and figurative.

"Kennedy I'm not doing this..." you trailed.

"It was fine when it was that guy on A shift." He defended.

"He didn't cause an argument at home." You tensed.

"I'm just saying the man is ripped. I can tell from his arms. The sleeves look like they are holding on by a thread." He kept prodding for information.

"Oh he is." Your mouth was faster then your brain.

"I fucking knew it, you sly bitch. What happened, tell me everything..." He bit his lip sitting back knowing he had you cornered.

A/N: No one knows about Kennedy like that except your boyfriend and family. This is for the story's sake only, nothing further involving the job.