#[ her son would go on to become not only a king of spain but the holy roman emperor ]

[feretra]

I kind of hate that, as a historian, my knowledge bank is composed of two very contrasting things:

genocide/ethnic cleansing

historical textiles and fashion

like great, I can tell you about when x tried to kill a bunch of people or you can have me look at your favorite dumbass’ outfit and i can tell you all about a bunch of crazy little details you probably have no clue even existed

[princesssarisa]

In Heidi Ann Heiner's Cinderella Tales from Around the World, I've now read the few Donkeyskin tales from Spain and Portugal, followed by the more numerous versions from the British Isles.

*The book features two Spanish variants: The Ass's Skin, which strongly resembles the French versions and has the heroine become a goose girl while disguised in a donkey's skin, and The Golden Chest, which is a "princess hides in a hollow object" variant, in this case a golden chest.

**In The Ass's Skin, the princess's finery is just described as "the loveliest and most costly dresses and jewels," while in The Golden Chest, she asks her father for a gown of multicolored feathers, a gown of fish scales, and a gown studded with stars made of diamonds and pearls.

*The one Portuguese variant, The Princess Who Would Not Marry Her Father, reads like a slightly unwieldy composite of various French, German, and Italian variants. The king chooses his daughter as his bride because only she can wear her late mother's ring. Advised by an old woman who's really a fairy, she demands gowns with the themes of stars, flowers, and many colors, then finally runs away disguised in a wooden dress, which secretly holds the gowns. Calling herself "Maria Wood," she finds work tending another king's ducks; every day, when she's alone with the ducks in a field, she puts on one of her gowns. Three days in a row, the young king sees her from afar, but when asked who the "beautiful lady" was, "Maria Wood" pretends not to know. Meanwhile (whether accidentally or on purpose, it's not clear), she kills a duck each day, until the king decides she's not fit to be a duck herder and brings her into the castle as a maidservant instead. Soon afterward, three balls take place; each time Maria Wood asks to go, the king refuses and throws some object at her, and when she later attends the balls in her gowns, she claims to come from "the land of Boot," "the land of Towel," and "the land of Walking Stick." But then, after the balls, every night she secretly puts on the gowns in her bedroom. One night the king sees her through the keyhole, so he has a new key to the room made, and on a subsequent night he opens the door, catching the princess unawares in her finery. Thus the whole truth is revealed and the king and princess are married.

Next we move on to the English variants.

*Heiner includes Joseph Jacobs' Tattercoats in this section of the book, though I'm not sure why: it's not really a Donkeyskin tale, but more of an unconventional Cinderella. The orphaned heroine lives with her grandfather, a rich lord, who shuns her because his daughter died giving birth to her: he sits day and night by his window, weeping for his daughter until his tears form a channel to the sea, and letting his hair grow so long that it binds him to his chair. She grows up neglected and bullied by the servants, who call her "Tattercoats." Her only friends are her old nurse, who feeds and clothes her, and a boy who tends the geese, who plays music on a pipe that always makes her happy. One day the king gives a ball to find a bride for his son. The grandfather refuses to let Tattercoats go, but the gooseherd comforts her and suggests they at least go into town to see the lords and ladies on the way to the ball. Along with the flock of geese, they set out, dancing all the while as the gooseherd plays music on his pipe. As it happens, the prince comes riding along, and he falls in love with Tattercoats at first sight. (This is a very rare Cinderella tale where the prince falls for the heroine in her rags, though it's implied that the gooseherd's magic pipe causes it.) He brings her to the ball and proclaims her as his bride-to-be, and at that moment, the gooseherd's magical music transforms her rags into a beautiful gown and the geese into attendants for her. Thus she marries the prince, although the ending has two bittersweet notes: the gooseherd disappears and is never seen again, and the grandfather refuses to reconcile with his granddaughter, but still sits and grieves.

**I remembered this tale when I saw the concept art for Disney's Encanto that showed Abuela Alma sitting sadly by her window, with her long hair seeming to form a river. Since both stories have the theme of a troubled grandparent/granddaughter relationship that stems from the grandparent's grief (whether for a lost daughter or a lost husband), I wonder if at that early point in production, the Encanto creative team drew some inspiration from Tattercoats.

*Next, the book features three versions of Catskin. This English tale is a more straightforward variant of Donkeyskin, though without the attempted incest. It exists not only as a prose tale, but as a sung ballad: this book includes two versions of the ballad's rhyming lyrics and one prose version.

**In this tale, a rich lord wants a son, but his wife only gives birth to daughters (or, in the prose version, just one daughter), and when their youngest (or only) daughter is born, he's so disappointed and angry that he wants nothing to do with her. The girl is raised by a nurse in the country, and though her father sends her fine clothes and has her educated, he otherwise ignores her.

**When she grows up, in the two ballad versions, she just sets out to find work because her father doesn't want her and she has nowhere else to go. In the prose version, her father decides to marry her off to the first man who proposes, and he turns out to be a nasty old man, so she runs away. In all versions, though, she bundles up her elegant clothes, dresses herself in a catskin coat, and becomes a scullery maid at a young nobleman's castle.

***When three balls are held, Catskin asks to go each night, but either the bad-tempered cook or the young lord's snobbish mother refuses, and first throws water on her, then hits her with a ladle, then with a skimmer. At each ball, she claims to live at "the Sign of the Basin of Water," "the Sign of the Broken Ladle," and "the Sign of the Broken Skimmer." The fact that the young lord himself isn't the abuser obviously makes the romance more palatable for modern readers, though it means we lose the element of irony and satire from the variants where he is.

**On the third night, the young lord manages to follow the mystery lady into the forest unnoticed, where he sees her change from her gown into her catskin robe. The next say, he asks his mother for Catskin's hand in marriage, but she refuses, so he becomes gravely ill (or, in one ballad version, he feigns illness) and insists on having Catskin nurse him. She comes to his room in her beautiful gown, confirming her identity.

**Meanwhile, back in Catskin's birthplace, her mother and (in the ballads) her sisters have all died, leaving her father alone in the world. He deeply regrets having sent her away, but at last they reunite (either Catskin and her husband come to him or he learns of her marriage and comes to her), and Catskin forgives him.

*The one Irish variant included in this book, The Princess in the Catskins, is like a cross between the English Catskin and the European Donkeyskin tales. The princess's wicked stepfather seeks to marry her after her mother dies, but a fairy disguised as a horse advises her first to demand gowns of silver, gold, and diamonds and pearls, and then to hide them in walnut shells and run away in a catskin disguise. She becomes a scullery maid at another castle, attends three balls, wins the prince's love, and is identified in the end by a ring the prince slipped onto her finger.

**There's no abuse theme in this variant. Instead, the prince notices "Cat-skin's" resemblance to the lady at the ball and tries to question her, but each time she plays dumb. Then at the second and third balls, she pretends to be annoyed with the prince because she's heard that he's been speaking sweetly to a maidservant.

*There are also two Scottish variants, The King Who Wished to Marry His Daughter and Margery White Coats. In both, the princess is expected to marry her father because her late mother's clothes fit no one but her. In The King... her godmother advises her to ask for gowns of swan's down, cottongrass flowers, and gold and silver, for a silver shoe and a gold shoe, and for a chest that can float on the sea. Then she sails across the sea inside the chest, reaches another country, becomes a scullery maid in a wealthy house, and wears her gowns to church on Sundays, where a prince falls in love with her. In Margery White Coats, her uncle advises her to ask for gowns of birds' down, silver, and gold, and for glass shoes, and then helps her escape to another king's palace, where she becomes a scullery maid wearing only her white petticoat and shift, but attends three royal feasts. In both, Cinderella-style, she ultimately loses a shoe, and the prince tries it on every maiden until he finds her.

*Compared to the continental European Donkeyskins, I notice that none of the British versions have the heroine's love interest abuse her in her servant disguise. If the running abuse gag is included at all, the one who inflicts it is always a woman instead, either the love interest's mother or the cook. But several British versions have the heroine be abused and insulted by her fellow servants – whether just by the cook, as in Catskin, or by the whole staff, as in Tattercoats, or as in The Princess in the Catskins, where they can see her regal bearing and bully her for "putting on airs" and where the manservants sexually harass her. This theme is much less common in the versions from continental Europe.

Next on the list of Donkeyskin tales: the versions from Scandinavia.

@ariel-seagull-wings, @adarkrainbow, @themousefromfantasyland

[goodqueenaly]

I just realised that Catherine of Aragon and Kiera of Tyrosh both found themselves married to heirs, widowed, and wed to another member of the dynasty, later producing a single daughter with a disputed claim to the throne. Do you think there may be further parallels between the two women?

You're speaking my language - indeed, I very much believe (and have for quite a few years) that GRRM may draw inspiration for Kiera of Tyrosh from Katherine of Aragon.

Like Katherine, Kiera was a highborn foreign woman arranged to marry the heir to a dynasty facing disputed claims to the throne. I tend to think that Kiera and Valarr were betrothed and/or married shortly after the First Blackfyre Rebellion, as a calculated move by Daeron II to undermine or counter Tyroshi support for the Blackfyre pretenders in Essos. If the Targaryens under Daeron II had a far older and surer claim to their own seat compared to that of Henry VII to the crown of England, neither dynasty could rest easily at the times these marriages were arranged: just as members of the House of York (both real and fabricated) lived to challenge (or appear to challenge) the claim of Henry Tudor, so the Blackfyres remained troublesome would-be kings across the water, who had only recently raised a very serious rebellion against the Targaryen government. Katherine's powerful and eminently blue-blooded royal Spanish credentials (not to mention those legitimate English dynastic links thanks to her great-grandmother and namesake, Catherine of Lancaster) would, it was expected, shore up the Tudor government (and help both Spain and England ally against sometime enemy France), much as I think Daeron II might have wanted to draw on Kiera's Tyroshi connections to support his regime against the Blackfyre faction in the city. 

(I would like to think that, just as Katherine and Arthur originally only communicated awkwardly in scholastic Latin - Arthur speaking no Spanish and Katherine speaking no English - perhaps Kiera and Valarr might start off only speaking classroom High Valyrian to one another, somewhat similar to what Tyrion tried with the brothel proprietor in Selhorys.)

Too, like Katherine, Kiera might have been left in something of a limbo after the sudden illness and death of her first husband. Even if Katherine had not become pregnant by her husband as Kiera did by Valarr (which Henry VII did verify nonetheless), Kiera might have found herself facing similar uncertainty over her marital fate as Katherine did (given that even if Henry VII had wanted to marry her to his new heir as soon as possible - and time would show his level of careful calculation there - Prince Henry was still too young for marriage when Arthur died). The new Targaryen heir presumptive, Prince Rhaegel, was already wed to Alys Arryn, and his son Prince Aelor was (perhaps) already married to his own sister Princess Aelora; the most senior unwed princes were the widowed Prince Maekar (and future sons he had would naturally come after his sons by Dyanna Dayne) and his eldest son Daeron. Just as Henry VII proved unwilling either to give up Katherine (and her dowry) and so allowed a betrothal between Katherine and the new heir Prince Henry, not long after Arthur's death, yet also had no qualms about negotiating alternative matches for his son with even more dynastically attractive brides (even to the point of having young Henry repudiate that betrothal), so perhaps Aerys I's government debated Kiera's future within House Targaryen following Valarr's death - unwilling, perhaps, either to let Kiera go (and thus break off Tyroshi support for the Targaryen government) or to marry her to a prince unlikely (so it might have seemed) to succeed to the Iron Throne. Perhaps then, like Katherine, Kiera might have been the victim in this political tug-of-war, as the Targaryen court and her Tyroshi relatives negotiated over her dowry, her return, and/or her future marriage, a foreign woman probably largely if not completely alone at a court which could easily turn xenophobic (see, for example, the case of Larra Rogare).

Of course, Kiera was eventually married to the eventual King Maekar's son Daeron, much as Katherine was eventually married to the newly acceded King Henry VIII. Just as Katherine spent nearly eight years as a widow with an uncertain future at the court where she had first been married, so I think Kiera spent around a decade in the same boat before her second Targaryen marriage (if indeed this wedding happened around 219 AC, around the time of the Third Blackfyre Rebellion). I don't know that Daeron will be stated to have developed the same fond feelings for Kiera that Henry VIII did for Katherine (though her long tenure at the Targaryen court may have given Daeron the chance to fall for her, if he did, much as Henry had for Katherine during the latter's years in England), though as with Katherine a sudden shift in the political world may have been the determining factor (not the death of an old king, perhaps, but the rebellion of a would-be king in the person of Haegon Blackfyre, when Aerys I's government may have finally acknowledged the need to keep Tyroshi allies on their side). It's certainly true likewise that Kiera bore one daughter, Vaella, just as Katherine's only surviving child was her daughter Mary, although it's important to note both that the "sweet but simple-minded" Vaella seems to have had little in common with the well-educated and determined Princess (and future Queen) Mary and that we do not know if Kiera and Daeron had or tried to have more children, as Henry and Katherine certainly did (though I wonder whether Daeron may have passed a sexually transmitted infection to his wife which perhaps prevented her from having further children). (This is yet another opportunity for me to advertise my endless connections between The Accursed Kings and ASOIAF, as I very much think GRRM has sought to recreate the succession troubles of King Philip IV's sons in the sons of Maekar, with Daeron and Aerion each roughly representing aspects of Druon's King Louis X and Vaella standing in for Louis' daughter Jeanne, of questionable paternity - and, of course young Jeanne was passed over as a result of that question of legitimacy, much as Vaella was passed over as a result of her apparent "simplicity".)

Unfortunately, we have absolutely no information on Kiera at this point, still less when she might have died (grumble grumble she better not be killed off in childbirth). So whether or not GRRM chooses to strengthen the parallel with Kiera in the future from the speculation will be a topic for Fire and Blood Volume 2 and/or future Tales of Dunk and Egg. (But hey, at least it's a surface-level analogy to someone connected to Henry VIII where I don't have to mention Aegon IV!)

[scotianostra]

November 21st 1673 saw King James VII marry Mary of Modena.

The daughter of an Italian Duke, Mary wanted to become an Nun but at age 11 proposals for her hand in marriage were received from James, the then Duke of York and younger brother of King Charles II. James was a widower, the love of his life, Anne Hyde, had passed away age 34 in 1671, James was a staggering 25 years older than the future King, but fear not the marriage never took place till Mary was 15.

There were problems straight away, Mary was a staunch catholic and this didn’t go down well with the Parliament, which was all protestan, they viewed Mary with suspicion, believing her to be an agent of the Pope, such was life back then. Things worsened for James and Mary when a secretary of theirs was implicated in the fictitious Popish Plot, a plan to assassinate Charles II. This led to the Exclusionist Crisis, an attempt to bar the Catholic James from ever becoming King.

In an effort to ease tensions, Charles II sent his brother and Mary away from London, with them first going to Brussels and then Edinburgh for a few years, only returning to London for brief periods, such as when Charles got sick. In 1683, they enjoyed a boost in popularity after the Rye House Plot was discovered. The Rye House Plot had sought to assassinate both Charles II and James, which prompted many people to sympathise with them. Aware of this shift, Charles invited his brother and sister-in-law back to London. Charles II died in 1685, leaving no legitimate children. His brother was crowned James II and VII.

Since getting married, Mary had suffered several miscarriages, and all of her and James’s children had been stillborn or had died young. In 1688, she gave birth to a healthy son who was named James Francis Edward Stuart. James’s two daughters from his first marriage had been raised as Protestants, despite James’s own beliefs; because of this, Protestants had hoped that one of them would succeed their father. The new child became known by many as the “warming-pan Prince”, named so because of the rumour spread that Mary’s own child had been stillborn and swapped out for a random healthy baby. This, combined with a negative response to James’s policies, led to the Glorious Revolution, which resulted in James being deposed and him and Mary living in exile in France.

Louis XIV of France presented James and Mary with Château de-Saint-en-Layne, where they resided for the rest of their lives. Mary also spent a lot of time at Versailles, where she was well-liked. In 1692, she gave birth to a daughter, Louisa, who lived until 1712. The Jacobites referred to Mary as “The Queen Over the Water”.

In 1701, James VII & II died, and his young son succeeded him to the Jacobite claim. Mary, acting as regent, pushed for her son to be recognised as King. France, Spain, Modena and the Papal States acknowledged him, but in London he was declared a traitor. Though she wanted to promote his claim, she was against him being apart from her before he was of age. She acted as regent until her son turned sixteen.

Mary spent her later years assisting and visiting convents. She died of cancer at the age of fifty-nine. She was buried in the Convent of the Visitation at Chaillot, which was later destroyed during the French Revolution.

[horizon-verizon]

I had a moment of revelation and I wanted to come and ask you because you always give well-reasoned answers and I didn't see if you discussed it before.You've gotten the "Rhaenyra isn't open to ruling because she went to DS instead of staying at court and doing something" stance. I remembered, when I saw history (of Spain specifically) that there were several instances where the new king had never been before (sometimes because the main line died but I think the point stands) 1/?

Pt2 of Ask: "From what I understand, future monarchs did not have to be present to "defend" their position. *Rhaenyra* didn't have to do it. I grant that it would have helped because it is the center of her future power and it gave her closeness And allies but it was not necessary. Plus that argument always sounds like a double standard to me. R had to kill herself to be "worthy" while Aegon does nothing even though we saw R SITTING ON THE COUNCIL. For me, they judge her as if she were a democratic candidate--"

Pt3 of Ask: "instead of a royalist heir so she has to "campaign" but then they turn around and say 'no, Aegon is a man so he has to rule' What's the game?! Because from here it seems rigged against Rhaenyra not only within the Universe but also outside"

...................................................................................................................

A)

I have a tag called "Rhaenyra in Dragonstone" where I talk about Book!/Show!Rhaenyra's decision to live on Dragonstone and build her base there.

This post's section C goes into it simply, with quotes.

This post gives even simpler bullet points after "Which I must remind people that:".

And these posts get into a very troubling sexist take related to your point about the double standard they have about Rhaenyra vs. Aegon's "responsibility" to present themselves as "good" rulers:

POST #1

POST#2

POST#3

POST#4

POST#5a/POST#5b /*POST5c

B)

And to address the "when I saw history (of Spain specifically) that there were several instances where the new king had never been before (sometimes because the main line died but I think the point stands) [...] future monarchs did not have to be present to "defend" their position. *Rhaenyra* didn't have to do it".

We're talking officially & by custom, yes? Officially and by custom, the heir never has to actually defend their position prove to others that they should rule. An heir apparent of anything gets the right to become the next ruler and that's that. What disrupts this transefer has been and can be a number of things: rebellion, conditions on a will, or factions with their own candidate to usurp the heir or force them to abdicate, or their regents refusing to hand over the real, practical power.

Rhaenyra already had an opposing faction and actors against her who made the court so unliveable (look to the two posts I already linked) and undermined her power since she was 10. Rhaenyra never should have had to gather a faction against Alicent and the greens bc Viserys was well within his rights to name her his heir. And yes, as you stated, it definitely would have helped and possibly turned things around if she had been at Dragonstone when Viserys died.

Here are a few things thing that I may not have pointed out in those links:

Viserys was better off in terms of health in the book--he wasn't literally missing half his cheek and an eye, though he had severe gout. After Viserys cut his hand on the throne defending Rhaenyra against Vaemond's relatives' protests against her, Rhaenyra left Dragonstone with Gerardys and had him save his life. Alicent was the one making noise that Rhaenyra should have never come in the first place and "meddled" after Rhaenyra suggested that Gerardys should become the next Grandmaester. Also, there was tension between her sons and her brothers at the feast, enough that it would have been a fight. Again, let's go back to Viserys' health, even though he wasn't there wehn Aemond and the V boys were going to fight, the news alone PLUS his already having to mediate b/t Alicent & Rhaenyra about the Grandmaester position might have deterred Rhaenyra from wanting to stress him out: how would he respond, how would his body take the news that his family physically came to blows? Therefore, Rhaenyra most likely felt that she did actually need to be at KL bc she already saved/extended her father's life, didn't want to risk it again by staying, and thought the greens would at least not be able to really do much against her or be so bold as to leave her dad out to rot to steal the throne from her. Plus, Dragonstone was her home and her family's for years. It is where her supplies are, where her most loyal people are, etc. Make of that what you will.

In the show, Rhaenyra and Alicent had come to a (nonsensical but Hotd-canonical) understanding that they were not going to fight anymore after Rhaenyra apologized and recognized Alicent's "hard work". It could be that it seemed Otto was mollified enough from where Rhaenyra was sitting because Alicent ignored him when she accepted Rhaenyra's apology🙄. Rhaenyra could have had reason to believe that Alicent had accepted her prospective rule after feeling Rhaenyra wouldn't be a danger to her kids--as the writing would have us feel--AND Rhaenyra showed sufficient enough "deference" to Alicent and her status as Queen. (Yes, this contradicts how Alicent thinks they are peers/actual friends bc Alicent has been trying to get them all killed forever and one cannot be actual friends and pull rank to get one over others without listening to their thoughts, etc. all the time, but that's HotD writing for you). Therefore, when she found out Alicent usurped her, the show was trying to say to us that we'd have to excuse Rhaenyra's surprise. Add the parts from the last point about Dragonstone being her home/base and how in the show the boys actually did get into a fight (or just rewatch the episode), because those still apply.

Oaths absolutely mean something after generations pass, no matter what Tyland Lannister said. There may be different kinds of oaths, but: a) an oath to a king and their heir is one of the most binding, otherwise what's the point of a monarch? b) This entire society is built on oath-taking & their intended longevity: vassal lords vow to be loyal to their lords and fight when called; Kingsguard vows to protect their charges until the day they die; marriage oaths bind people together and are meant to ensure that their kids are legitimate and can inherit resources of the family/ies (there is no divorce in Westeros, even though it's possible for a king to "set aside" their Consort, and annulments are difficult to come by since they need to come from Faith's approval; divorce and annulment are two different things, one is the official break of a marriage, the other is making the marriage void as if it never was "legal" or valid in the first place); alliances are built on oaths and vows. Certain vows--like the one between a vassal and lord, and lords to their king or named leader like Daemon Blackfyre--transcend a generation or two and do not "decay" or end with the end of the oath taker's life--they pass on to their kids. Every single house in Westeros is bound to the Targaryens and has been so since the Conquest because this s the rule of law and conquest that they all live by. I already gave an example through vassals and vassalages, but here is an example of that example: the Karstarks are one of the Starks' most loyal and steadfast vassals. And we were all angry with the Freys for betraying the Starks. The point of an oath is that it is meant to last.

Only moments later, Larys Strong pulls out a knife to cut every male's hands to bind them all in a vow of silence....if that doesn't tell you that oaths and vows mean a lot to these people outside of their being a literal term for someone who breaks an oath, I don't know what else to say to people.

Therefore, one should look at Tyland's response to the greens in that council as him just trying to survive and benefit from the greens usurping Rhaenyra. His words only make "sense" when you already think the greens should rule by virtue of the fact that they are the traditionalists and have a male...funny, bc they actually go against the very essence of an oath...

C)

You: "For me, they judge her as if she were a democratic candidate--instead of a royalist heir so she has to "campaign" but then they turn around and say 'no, Aegon is a man so he has to rule' What's the game?! Because from here it seems rigged against Rhaenyra not only within the Universe but also outside".

No, there aren't any electoral colleges, campaign tours, and advertisements available nor possible in a monarchist society. Such investments, materials, & events aren't available the Great Councils of 101 A.C. and 233 A.C. were the closest to a "democratic" process in this society. What some people suggest Rhaenyra should have done is not "campaign" as if they will vote or as if these people had any real choice, but present herself as a sort of "blessing in disguise"--to support her rise and prospective rule willingly because they actually think that Viserys made a good choice....as if monarchies were overly concerned whether an heir was compassionate or capable outside of physically-and-mentally stable or able/not infringing on the lords' "rights" and main customs that keep them in power sense.

You made your point about people feeling she should have done something that leans towards modern democratic behavior instead of acting as her monarchial society has already experienced from their heirs and monarchs.

So....

Yes, it is "rigged". It's a society that already took its precedence of the GC of 101, another woman's actions to ice her out, and its belief that only a man can meet the criteria of a physically able, "strong", leader for military purposes. They are putting conditions on Rhaenyra while leaving Aegon conditions bc they do not think she should rule at all, so she has to prove--by their determined rules and qualifications--to them she can.

All in all, it's about people not living by the very rules they use to advance themselves or gain benefits from--their hypocrisy towards Rhaenyra's expectance to become the next monarch without having to actually work hard. If your own customs (that Alicent believes in, uses, and which Tyland benefits most from) say an heir automatically inheritors and any usurper is just a usurper (unless all of the last dynasty is dead), why else but misogyny does one protest against Rhaenyra's rule (before KL)?

If anything, if you protest against Rhaenyra being queen bc you think the same rules and conditions that allow a man to become a king shouldn't apply to her (the ignoring of "bad" or legitimately bad traits as well as succession customs--hello Aegon IV vs Daena!), then you're just sexist. There is no "but it's custom", you're just sexist and you've yet to be confronted by it.

[maximumphilosopheranchor]

Do you think Philip marrying Elizabeth could've ever happened? Like I'm reading this Armada book and the guys saying basically it was happening since she really liked him as much as he liked her and got in trouble with Mary. But then she like wanted him to win her over more and wait but he took it as rejection so married another woman, but that it would've been real but idk politics got in the way I guess

I'm intrigued - could you tell me which Armada book you are reading?

The problem with them marrying was that Elizabeth could marry Philip only on his conditions, he required her conversion to Catholicism and England remaining Catholic (not only because of his personal faith and conviction but also because without these conditions there was no chance for him to get a dispensation from the pope to marry her which he needed because Elizabeth was his sister-in-law). These two moments were non-negotiable and at the existing conjuncture they were unacceptable to Elizabeth, as she famously put it to Feria, I can't marry your king because I'm a heretic.

The thing you mention about her wanting him to wait longer - I think I understand where it comes from. When Elizabeth found out about Philip's engagement to Elisabeth of Valois she commented to Feria that Philip:

could not have been so much in love with her as I had said, as you had not had patience to wait four months for her ; and many things of the same sort, as if she was not at all pleased at the decision adopted by your Majesty.

(See Feria to Philip, London, 11th April 1559. http://www.british-history.ac.uk/cal-state-papers/simancas/vol1/pp46-64)

This passage sometimes is interpreted exactly as you said, but it's far more likely that Elizabeth as other English was not pleased by this turn of events because they were worried about the prospect of alliance between France and Spain against England, let's remember that France championed the rights of Mary Queen of Scots (the daughter-in-law of Henri II, the French king) to the throne of England. Elizabeth knew about France-Spain antagonism and counted on the fact that Mary Queen of Scots becoming queen of England was an unacceptable scenario to Philip. On her accession and afterwards the situation was Elizabeth and Philip against France, Philip had supported her accession. Now, with Philip marrying Elisabeth of Valois and becoming son-in-law to Henri II, it seemed in England that Philip was abandoning his alliance with England, and him turning against England allied with France was the worst nightmare to the English. I can tell you that their concerns were not unfounded because Henri II indeed offered to Philip to go to fight England together but he rejected these offers. So he really didn't abandon Elizabeth even when married to Elisabeth of Valois (my boy!).

If Elizabeth had had a sudden change of heart that winter and had said like "hey whatever, I agree to be a Catholic" and married Philip, her Protestant friends, followers, supporters would have perceived it as a betrayal and probably she would have lost their support. But I don't think she would have lost her throne or power because a) England still was a Catholic country where Protestants were in minority; b) although Philip had become more unpopular due to the loss of Calais he had brains and resources to improve English opinion of him; c) there were actually people like English merchants in the Netherlands who supported this match.

And I think in certain circumstances Elizabeth may have married Philip, like if their marriage were arranged by their parents when they were in their teens (explored in this excellent AU fic) or if Philip and Mary had had a living child but Mary had died and Philip proposed to Elizabeth.

[cottoncandytrafficcones]

10 Jewish Women from History

Karima bat-Ammar, AKA al-Wuhsha the Broker (11th - 12th CE, Cairo)

One of the few people mentioned in the Cairo Geniza with enough information to form a clear picture about her life. She was briefly married, but soon divorced and formed her own successful business in investments and loaning money. Known as eccentric and untamed, she became important enough that, despite the male-dominated society of Cairo, both her daughter and her granddaughter cited their connection to her in their own legal documents. 

Anna Hebrea (~ 1500s CE, Rome)

A beautician and cosmetician established in Rome, and one of the earliest businesswomen of her profession to be documented. She was successful and well known even outside of Rome, and had noble customers, such as countess Caterina Sforza.

Seble Wongel (? - 1567 CE, Ethiopia)

Born into a noble Jewish family from Beta Israel kingdom of Simien and a descendant of King Solomon, she was married to the emperor of Ethiopia in what was likely a major political alliance. An influential figure in the Ethiopian-Adal War, she conducted a prison exchange and brought home her son Menas, who would later become emperor in 1559. 

Gracia Mendes Nasi (1510 - 1569 CE, All Across Europe)

Born in Lisbon, Portugal, to a family of Conversos from Spain, who fled to Portugal for religious freedom but ended up forcibly converted a few years later. When he husband died, he left part of his fortune to her. Over the years, she lived in many places, including Antwerp, Venice and Ferrara, and finally Istanbul, making a name for herself as a businesswoman and provider for Jewish communities. In 1579, she established her own printing business, and became the first woman printer and publisher in the Ottoman Empire. She ended up having influence over kings, dukes, and popes, which often allowed her to create escape networks for Jews fleeing persecution. She donated towards the building of synagogues and yeshivas, and ended up getting a lease from the sultan on the region of Tiberias, which she built into a new center for refugees and others who wished to settle there in what is considered one of the earliest attempts at a modern Zionist movement. 

Asenath Barzani (1590 - 1670 CE, Kurdistan)

From the Barzani family, who were well known Kabbalists and rabbis in northern Kurdistan. Her father, a rabbi and leader of the Jewish community, taught her Torah to prepare her as his successor, since he had no sons. Her marriage was only allowed to go through once it was promised that she could spend her time as a Torah scholar. After her husband’s death, the leadership of his yeshiva passed to her. She became a well known Torah scholar and successfully ran the yeshiva for many years. She was well versed in Hebrew, Torah, Talmud, Midrash, and Kabbalah, and was also known as a poet. She became the focus of several Kurdish stories, including a story where she is able to summon angels and saves a synagogue form being burned down. 

Shinah Solomon Etting (1744 - 1822, Baltimore)

Born to a merchant in New York City, she married at the age of fourteen and soon thereafter moved to York, Pennsylvania, where she had eight children. Together with her husband, she ran a small store in York. After her husband died in 1778, she moved to Baltimore and, using her inheritance, purchased a small boarding house. The boarding house would later become successful enough that she was able to assist two of her sons in busines ventures, and become a stockholder in Union Bank. She had her portrait painted three times: twice by Charles Peale Polk, and once by John Wesley Jarvis. 

Eliza Davis (1817 - 1903 CE, London)

A Jewish woman born in Jamaica, she and her husband later moved to London after her husband bought Charles Dickens’ home. In 1863, she wrote to Dickens in protest over the portrayal of Fagin in Oliver Twist, and absurd number of times that he is referred to as “the Jew.” Although initially defensive, Dickens soon stopped the printing of Oliver Twist and changed parts of the text. In addition to Dickens, she was said to have had correspondence with several other notable individuals, including the Private Secretary to Queen Victoria. 

Sabat Islambouli (1867 - 1941 CE, Syria)

Born into a Kurdish Jewish family, she studied at the Women’s Medical College of Pennsylvania in the United States, and, after graduating with a medical degree in 1890, became one of the first Kurdish women physicians from Syria. After she graduated, she returned to Damascus, and later moved to Cairo in 1919.  

Jerusha Jhirad (1891 - 1984 CE, India)

An Indian physician from the Bene Israel Jewish community of India. After graduating from Grant Medical College in Bombay in 1912, she became the first women to be given a scholarship by the Indian government to study abroad. She attended school and later worked in London, specializing in obstetrics and gynaecology. From 1920 to 1924, she was a leading medical officer at a maternity hospital in Bangalore, and from 1929 to 1947 was a leading officer at a hospital for women and children in Mumbai. She was a founding member of the Bombay Obstetric and Gynaecological Society and president of the Federation of Obstetric and Gynaecological Societies of India, and for ten years was the president of the Association of Medical Women in India. She was a supporter of sex education. In 1950, she presided at the sixth All India Obstetric and Gynaecological Congress in Madras. In addition to her medical accomplishments, she also founded a congregation among the Bene Israel community with her sister in 1925. 

Polina Gelman (1919 - 2005 CE, Soviet Union)

A flight navigator in the women’s 46th Guards Night Bomber Aviation Regiment in World War II, she was awarded the title Hero of the Soviet Union in 1946. After the war, she continued her career as a military officer, and graduated from the Military Institute of Foreign Languages in 1951. At some point in her career, she served as an advisor and translator to Cuba. She finally settled in Moscow in 1957, where she taught political economy in college until 1990. 

[n-rnova]

The eligible princesses of the 1920s

It was the headline in The New York Times that caught my attention. "Princess Spinsters Worry Sovereigns: Royal Daughters, coming of age all at once, exceed princely suitors in Europe...."European royalty is facing a crisis in family life which is giving no end of worry to the households of various sovereigns.  The trouble is due to too many princesses coming of age simultaneously without enough royal princes to go around." As we approach the 21st century, we may scoff at such headlines.  But in the 1920s, marriage was largely the only option for royal princesses.  The one exception was Crown Princess Juliana of the Netherlands, the only child of Queen Wilhelmina and Prince Hendrik of the Netherlands  Prince Heinrich of Mecklenburg-Schwerin). Juliana was an eligible princess who was also the heir to her country's throne.

The dispatch acknowledged that there was a "growing popularity of marriages between royalty and the nobility." In 1923, Princess Jolanda of Italy married Italian count Giorgio Calvi di Bergolo, a member of the Italian aristocracy.

 Virginia Pope, writing in 1929 in The New York Times, noted: "Husband hunting is no easy task for royal princesses nowadays. There are far fewer prospective crowned heads to choose from, and the uncertain future of thrones has caused princesses to look outside the charmed circle of royalty for their mates."

In other words, there were not enough princes to go around. The Great War was responsible not only for the deaths of millions of young men but was also the catalyst that brought down three of the most powerful thrones in Europe: Russia, Germany, and Austria.

Kaiser Wilhelm II of Germany and Emperor Karl I of Austria spent their final years in exile.

 The Bolsheviks murdered the Russian Emperor and his family. Had they survived, the four daughters of Nicholas II,Olga, Tatiana, Maria, and Anastasia, would certainly have topped most lists as the most eligible young royal women.

despite his hemophilia, Alexis' position as heir to the Russian imperial throne, would have meant a brilliant dynastic marriage.

The surviving Romanovs, as well as the Archduchesses of Austria and the princesses and duchesses of the former German ruling families, were no longer considered on the A-List for marital consideration. The Greek princesses largely lost their allure when King George II was deposed in 1924.Seven years later, the former highly touted Infantas Beatriz and Maria Cristina of Spain experienced the same situation when their father, King Alfonso XIII, went into exile when Spain was declared a republic.As the New York Times article pointed out, marriages with the nobility were popular. In Britain, such marriages were becoming the norm as the first three royal weddings since the end of World War I was with members of the British aristocracy. On July 17, 1917, the day when the British Royal Family renounced their German titles and adopted Windsor as the name of the House, King George V wrote in his diary: "I've also informed the [Privy] Council that May and I decided some time ago that our children would be allowed to marry into British families. It was quite a historic occasion."

(It should be noted that before the accession of George I, it was not uncommon for a member of the English or Scottish royal families to marry into the noble families. Queen Victoria encouraged such marriages, as well. Her daughter, Louise, was married to the Duke of Argyll, and her granddaughter, Princess Louise of Wales, was the wife of the Duke of Fife).In February 1919, George V's cousin, Princess Patricia of Connaught married the Hon. Alexander Ramsay of Mar, the younger son of Earl of Dalhousie. The Princess, who preferred painting and country life to royal panoply, renounced her royal title, and following her marriage, she was known as The Lady Patricia Ramsay. It was also unlikely that George V's only daughter, Princess Mary, would marry a foreign prince, although some assumed she might marry her first cousin, Crown Prince Olav of Norway. In 1922, Mary married Viscount Lascelles, heir to Harewood earldom. Her parents supported the marriage, and her countrymen were delighted that the princess would remain in Britain. Crown Prince Olav aside, the majority of her suitors were British aristocrats, including Lord Lascelles, the Earl of Dalkeith, and Viscount Althorp, whose fathers were the Duke of Buccleuch and Earl Spencer, respectively. A generation earlier, however, Mary probably would have wed a German prince. But in 1922, it was untenable that a British princess would consider marriage with a German prince. The Great War was still fresh in Britain's memory.

One of Princess Mary's adult bridesmaids was Lady Elizabeth Bowes-Lyon, the youngest daughter of the Earl of Strathmore and Kinghorne. Lady Elizabeth had been briefly courted by Prince Paul of Yugoslavia, but she accepted the proposal from Mary's second brother, Prince Albert "Bertie," the Duke of York. They were married at Westminster Abbey in April 1923. "Duke of York Weds Simple Scots Maid; Throngs Hail Them," headlined The New York Times.

The princesses who emerged as the marital front runners in the 1920s included Jolanda, Mafalda, and Giovanna of Italy, the elder daughters of King Vittorio Emanuele III and his Montenegrin wife, Elena

Princess Ingrid of Sweden, only daughter of Crown Prince Gustav Adolf of Sweden

and her cousins, Martha and Astrid, the younger daughters of Prince Carl and Princess Ingeborg

Crown Princess Juliana of the Netherlands

Princess Marie-José of Belgium

Infanta Beatriz of Spain

Princesses Elisabeth of romania

Princesses maria of romania

Princesses Ileana of romania

[senatushq]

NAME. Dominic Birchall AGE & BIRTH DATE. 368 & January 8th, 1655 GENDER & PRONOUNS. Male & He/Him SPECIES. Vampire BLOODLINE. N/A, Formerly Mars OCCUPATION. Unemployed FACE CLAIM. Boyd Holbrook

BIOGRAPHY

( tw: death, torture, manipulation ) At one time, Felix had a family. He had a name that meant something to people, a life that was his – and a story that he’d carved out for himself. Born in London, his parents were an average industrial family. His father worked on the docks, and his mother worked in a factory. His name was Dominic Birchall, and while life didn’t look exciting for a middle class family in the 17th century, Dom knew how to dream. He’d help his father on the docks, growing up around trading, haggling, and the business that he would most likely begin to help his father with once he reached an age where he was an asset instead of a liability. London was ever growing, and the King was always expanding his empire. It didn’t take creativity to understand what was returning on ships, only bravery. And when Dominic reached the age of seventeen, he decided that he was going to get his own piece of the treasure. The one that was spoken about between traders, the one that spoke of a land that held wealth and riches. 

He volunteered to join a crew, and the rest would become history. Dom had learned quickly that there were ways to do things the right way – but why do that when there was an easier route? Spending years around ships and the sea told him everything he needed to know, and he was patient enough to wait for his chance. His charisma got him a position in the crew, but it was his ability to avoid conflict that got him popularity. A pirate ship attacked their trading vessel, but with enough of a spin on a story, he was accepted instead of killed. Perhaps it was his knowledge of the trading routes, his knowledge of ships, but his quick thinking saved his life, and he decided to embrace it. 

As the years passed, so did his skill. Dominic eventually got his own ship, setting forth for the Caribbean, where Brazil and the islands held gold and riches, and ships were constantly being sent back to England, France, and Spain with plenty of resources to be taken. His plans weren’t always flawless, though the only time he ended up in prison, he was released. 

Dominic became infamous in his own right, tricking ships into standing down without a single gunshot being heard between the sea, capturing a governor and cashing in on a ransom after being invited in for a dinner party – all things he enjoyed, and all things that gave him the attention he desired. Every now and then, Dom would send money home to his family. He would tell them not to ask about where it came from, and to remind them that his name had changed so many times, no one would ever know it was from their son. 

He was not a stranger to the occult, however. With so many places traveled to, people he’d met, information was passed along at the sight of gold. Witches who could see the future, crews that couldn’t be shot down, they were stories, of course, but Dom wanted to know how much truth was within each one. It took him places he could only have dreamed of once, islands surrounded with mystery and magic. It’s where he met a woman, Sumeyye, who held his attention almost immediately. Her knowledge spurred him on, their friendship turning into one of the closest things Dom would’ve known as family. He was a con man at heart, and he attempted once more to take a hostage at a dinner party. But they knew his game, and with Sumeyye’s blood in his system, Dominic was ambushed and murdered on the island of Prîncipe. Yet death was not his end, and when he came to, Sumeyye by his side, she told him what he was. A vampire, the bloodline of Mars his to call family, and the possibility of revenge without death. So together, they razed the island to the ground, the Portuguese soldiers responsible for his death dying by his hand. 

It was then that the real adventure for him began. With his knowledge and command of ships, and a newfound ability of compulsion, he sailed with Sumeyye across the world. The woman was an artist, and Dom was an explorer – it worked out for both until they went their separate ways with a promise to always find one another if they needed help, or anything, really. It was then that Dom went off to do what he loved: explore. With the added help of his compulsion, he could get everything and anything he wanted. 

The times passed, people and supernaturals coming and going in his life, and Dominic learned how to adapt. He made a friend in Elmira when he went home to settle his estate with his family, staying with her when he had little aim and the reality of immortality set in. One could make a name for themselves – but that worked for the mortals better than the immortals. He could never do that; Elmira reminded him that some things were left better in the past. 

Dom was, however, a man who was always meant to burn bright and burn out fast. He had vowed once to never get caught again, like how he’d been ambushed and murdered on an island so many centuries prior. Still a young vampire, at least in plenty of other’s eyes, he was naturally ambitious, naturally careless. The Eye needed a Leech, and he fell into their hands.

Taken when he least expected it, Dominic found himself in chains. His daylight ring was shattered, his life entirely in the hands of a pair of humans. He was nothing, they would tell him. A bane upon the world, something that was unnatural. Of course these things were true, Dom had never considered it otherwise, but his snarky demeanor was smothered after a few years beneath their care. There was a small chance of rescue, and Dominic held on to that idea for as long as he could. His spirit wouldn’t be broken, there would be no changing that. He was used to being put down like a plague, and he thought he could power through this, as well. 

It took a while, but eventually, his spirit was shattered. If he could remember, perhaps he would pinpoint it as the moment they’d broken his sire bond. The Mars bloodline was ripped from him, agony spreading throughout his being, and that had been it. Gone was Dominic, the Mars vampire that had tried his best to survive in a world that was unkind to everyone, and in his place was left a Leech. He wasn’t sure how much time had passed anymore – unsure how long he’d been there. It eventually became all he knew, and Leech could only hold on to the context clues that he was purposefully given. He was a weapon, one that had been manufactured. There was no one there that knew him personally, no. He didn’t have a history, he didn’t have a name. If he argued, if he asked questions – the agony would blossom from within his head, pounding in his skull until he was certain it would burst from the pressure.

Leech began to stop asking questions, to stop thinking instead of doing. And with a fake name in his hands, a purpose on his shoulders, he was unleashed into Rome. With freedom came a price; a loyalty to the Eye that was unquestionable. If he thought otherwise, that buzzing would begin from within his head. He was done with torture, however, and he’d taken freedom with a price than no freedom at all.

PERSONALITY

+ intuitive, charming, secretive – insane, manipulative, tormented

PLAYED BY LAUREN. PST . She/Her.

[itsthemysterykids]

Bruh I'm so invested in the mystery kids fairytales .

So King Henry and his ex wifes ?

Dipper: Alright, onto our next story- ‘King Henry’s Ex-Wives.’

Lili: That’s not a fairytale!

Mabel: Well I still wanna hear it.

Dipper: Once upon a time…

Royal Announcer: Her Majesty, Lili of Aragon!

*The trumpets go off as Lili of Aragon, a paragon of royalty whose loyalty is to the Vatican enters the throne room*

Raz: And just what are you doing out of bed? You should be praying that you bore a son! *To the readers* By the way, we're in like our early forties in this, just letting you know.

Lili: Your Majesty, I know you want a son. But must we discuss my womb in front of the entire court? *She gestures to the King's court, all laugh at her embarrassment*

Dib: As the royal physician, it is my learned opinion that her womb is filled with sea serpents. *Shows an old medieval diagram*

Lili: Well, we can't be sure. I mean, what if it's a girl?

Raz: Then you will bring about shame to this Kingdom! I can see it now. Fire everywhere, Protestants burning, she'll be bathing in their blood. *Shudders*

Lili: *Sighs* I could've married the King of France. He wasn't so preoccupied with procreation. But no, 'Raz the VIII is a good man, an honest to God man.' Thanks a lot, father.

*As Lili storms out of the throne room, Mabel Boleyn approaches*

Mabel: Oh, Sire, I apologize for your wife. Seems twenty-four years of so-called wedded bliss is one year too many.

Raz: Who would dare to flatter a King?

Mabel: *She curtsies* Mabel Boleyn, loyal subject, big fan. Modern Wench magazine dubbed me "Mabel of the Lovely Green Sleeves." *She flaunts the green sleeves of her dress*

Raz: Yes. Green sleeves indeed. I could make my songstress write hundreds of-

Lili: Enough! *She grabs Raz VIII's arm and drags him out of the throne room*

Raz: Hey, I thought you left! Where are you taking me?

Lili: Marriage counseling! *Raz screams*

Lili: We came here to talk about our problems... *Noticing Raz VIII is reading instead of paying attention, she punches his arm*

Raz: Fine! I want to marry Mabel Boleyn. But I can't chop my wife's head off because her father is the King of Spain!

Stan: Your Majesty, your feelings are valid, but I'm afraid marriage takes a lot of hard work. *Raz snaps his fingers and two knights hold their swords up to his neck* A-and who needs that? I say trade in that lemon and get busy!

Dipper: So they go to the Pastor of the Catholic Church.

Ford: Divorce?! Sire, there's no such thing in the Catholic Church. But it's the only church we've got, so what are you gonna do?

Raz: Then I'll start my own church.

Ford/Lili: What?!

Raz: Yes, my own church. Where divorce will be so easy, more than half of marriages will end in it.

Ford: Your Majesty, I work for the Pope, and I think a celibate Italian weirdo knows a lot more about marriage than you.

Raz: Mmm, I understand. And because you stuck to your principles, I'm going to canonize you... With an actual canon. *Ford gulps*

*Back in the throne room, Lili talks to her daughter, Winnie the 1st about the divorce between her and Raz*

Lili: Sweetie, sometimes a daddy and a mommy decide to live apart. It's not your fault... It's just that you came out as the wrong sex and ruined everything.

Raz: So, become a boy or get lost.

Winnie: But I can't. *Raz waves her off* But, why can't your heir be female? Or why can't we elect our leaders?

Raz: I wonder if I could canonize a child?

Winnie: Okay! Leaving! But just know, I'm going to resent you and your new wife for the rest of my life and commit some horrible deeds in the name of mother! *She leaves*

Lili: ... She'll be fine.

*Some time after King Raz's and Queen Lili's divorce, the King soon married Mabel Boleyn and he couldn't be happier... Until they had a daughter*

Mabel: Well how could I predict our heir would be a girl? Hell, why must it be a son? Why I bet she's going to grow up and become the Queen one day.

Raz: HER! Well, you might as well make Winnie the Queen!... Speaking of, take two steps to the right.

*Mabel Boleyn does so, and right before a flaming arrow could pierce through her*

Raz: No fire in the castle, sweetie!

Winnie: SHUT UP, YOU HEATHEN!

Raz: Oh, this day couldn't get worse.

*Suddenly, the royal messenger arrives*

Royal Messenger: A message for the Queen. 'Dearest Mabel Boleyn, I so enjoyed our date last weekend, and the jokes you told of the King were hysterical.'

Mabel: *Laughs nervously* I have no idea what he's talking about.

Royal Messenger: 'Inform me of when the King is being a complete arse again, and I shall comfort you, my love.'

Mabel: *Punches the messenger, knocking him out* Ha! Don't you just hate when these guys get mixed up, honey?

*Some time later*

Mabel: *With her head laid on a block* Well can you blame me? You're hardly ever around anymore!

Raz: *Rolls his eyes* If it makes you feel any better, I'll dip your head in gold and mount it on a pike in the castle. Do your thing, executioner.

*The executioner steps up to the Queen with an ax before bringing it down to her neck*

Dipper: Months Later, the King has found himself a new bride, Jane Seymour. Hopefully, she would be the one to produce a male heir.

*King Raz paces outside Coraline Seymour's room as she screams dozens of profanities every second*

Raz: *Crossing his fingers* Come on! Son! Son! Son! *Soon, the screams cease* ... Uh... Honey? You okay?... Is it a boy?... *He takes a peek inside before quickly shutting the door* ... Oh dear.

Dipper: Sad thing is he actually had some feelings for her. Then came his next bride, Anne of Cleves. Of course, though, he only fell for her after seeing her portrait. But then...

Royal Announcer: Presenting her Majesty, Queen Wyla of Cleves! *To the readers* Man, are we out of female characters already?

Raz: Alright, let's see what we're working with! *Checks out Wyla's portrait one last time* God, she is smoking!

*Wyla of Cleves enters the throne room, and immediately, Raz VIII screams at the sight of her*

Raz: OH, HOLY MARY! WHO LET A HORSE IN HERE?!

Wybie: What?!

Royal Announcer: Sire, that's Wyla of Cleves.

Raz: Wh... What the... WHAT?! Okay, either you got run over on your way here, or your painter is blind because the lady in this portrait looks nothing like you!

Royal Announcer: *Looks at the portrait then at Wyla of Cleves* Looks the same to me.

Raz: Look around the eyes! And the face shape! It is almost as if you have... Fish... Cat me. Yes! You are a fishcatter!

Wybie: *Scoffs* I'll have you know that in this century, I am considered to be quite attractive.

Raz: Not in England, buddy! Look, if I give you a few palaces will you get out of my sight?

Wybie: ... Fine! But I'm telling everyone how short you really are! And you have the gall to say my portrait is a lie! Auf Wiedersehen!

*Wyla of Cleves storms out of the throne room in a huff*

Dipper: After another divorce costing him three castles and tons of money, King Henry remarried again to a fine lady named Katherine Howard... Only to discover she had some... Uh... Other unsavory gents in the past.

*Norma Howard's head is placed on the same block where Mabel Boleyn was beheaded*

Norman: Would it have killed you to clean this thing? I swear you must have beheaded at least five people on this thing.

Raz: 70,000, but who's counting? Now, do you confess your sins or not?

Norman: Will that save me from getting beheaded?

Raz: Not on your life, sweetie. Get it over with!

*The executioner brings down his ax on Norma Howard's neck*

Dipper: Then finally, King Henry married his final wife. Catherine Parr, the one who saw him to the end of his life.

*King Raz laid weak and nearly lifeless in his bed with Delphinus Parr at his side*

Raz: Why on earth did I marry you again?

Dipper: My track record! I've had ten sons! I can't believe this, I leave a good man for a withered husk of a King?

Raz: *Sighs* My whole life, I was looking for that one woman whose execution could bring me happiness. Now I realize I was just beheading myself for divorcing the one woman who truly mattered.

Dipper: Didn't you force her into a nunnery?

Raz: ... Oh yeah. Delphinus, will you stay with an old head-chopping fool until his final breath?

Dipper: Oh, of course, Your Majesty. Let me just fluff your pillow for you, and- NOW!

*Wyla of Cleves comes out of nowhere with a pillow and shoves it over the King's face, smothering him until he stops kicking*

Dipper: See ya in hell, bastard!

Dipper: The end. Any other requests?

Neil: Oh! The Wizard of Oz!

Norman: Addams Family?

Lili: That's not a fairytale!... But I do like those movies.

Dipper: Well, I doubt it's even in- Oh, I stand corrected. Alright, which one?

[the-firebird69]

We're going ahead with this and we're going to use some old imagery and it's because it's real and this is what it my son and daughter called out a daughter-in-law is from Spain and he nailed it and it's exactly what it is and it's some fool who's making fun of the king and queen and they go there to the courtyard or even get an audience and making fun of him and he has them killed and they used to do this all the time. Mostly there would be entertained by morlock kings and queens and they were kings and queens often and they kill their own often and violent deaths and for the whole area to see do not make fun of us you will die a disgusting death lots of times they have that funny white thing around their neck and they would have it cut right in the middle if the Executioner missed sometimes they'd have him killed cuz it's not that hard to line up so they knew about it and they did it on purpose so the head would have one attached to it and the body and it was gross but back then you needed to to enforce some kind of law and these days they don't do it and they're getting crushed and if they start now they're going to go extinct. I'm thinking about what he's saying and we're going to have different bruise and they are from different areas they're bruise and the different recipes and they'll have different labels and I think I might use mostly old ones instead we can make this one you're not this one here my image he says into the staple very cheaper one and you take it and you go from cartoonized to a drawing and there's a setting and it's really easy and quick and we're going to put some old stuff in there and it's going to be really really famous I can see it in the movie now so it's giving the image it's the beer and Daniel Trejo is doing it and he's loaded and he's got stuff everywhere listen to a vampire himself and it's horrible and just sitting right on the stuff of the clones and it decides eating away and I know where this is and I know why the side is it's not the Yucatan it's in Brazil and they have a similar issue where a lake has built up and it washes out and like a mile down and this huge pyramid is exposed and people are sick because it's like a mild deep it goes down like 20 miles and it's full of stuff from ages ago and people try from everywhere to grab it and he's sitting right on it so he's loaded from being this beer salesman and whiskey and vodka and tequila tons of tequila and it's her son and daughter special and mine and people drink both equally it's just intense and it doesn't really give you a hangover and it just maddening to them why are we not hungover and they don't care I mean they're a little bit so they do be careful but boy I've never seen so many werewolves rancheros in my life they eat that stuff like it's their life and ceviche because he mentions it and it helps you and the fruit and the juice and the tacos I mean really these people are fanatics but they're following his brother Jesus and now it's becoming a plague and they're afraid of it and they should be and yeah he had enough computers and stuff and the plans to do that to overcome these gifted people yes we're going to start this now this is intense

Bitol and Goddess Wife

This is starting to be intense for me people want me to start it up tonight they want me to get the bar going now they want to be on top of that thing the only witness vampires they want to drink that whiskey and the beer and tequila mostly so I know where the place is and I don't even own it yet no that's not true I own it and he says he's going to try and send the beer sales person and it's his father and mother sort of side kids are there so a little bit odd and so they're going to come over he says he's going to try to if not we have the phone number I might try calling it now I'm getting impatient actually everyone is yes momentarily we can bring it by the train load so I'm going to try it

Daniel Trejo

He says remember you're saying this s*** and that means he's going to get so many people it's going to be gross and you should put a warehouse there you can see it off the distance and he's selling it wholesale well retail but tons of it

Lobo and Proxima Midnight

Olympus

I'm watching you buddy because I'm watching me too I get there but wow this is going to take off I can't believe this and what a weird place that got a strange anyways

Hera

So you're a giant and you're a baby and your stunted and that's weird okay I'm machete and I'm hanging out with all these guys are stuck with it's a little odd that and I'm an ex-con and they want to be in prison all the time it's strange too you can't stand these people I can't stand them at all yeah I'm going to have tacos and all that good stuff you like way Wilson Charles huevos ranchos and we have a lot of food here I'll probably have to get all sorts of tequila from local and then I'm going to have to start buying your stuff cuz I can't keep up are you at the store outside or in the damn pyramid

Daniel Trejo he says I can make up my own brand and it can have some of the pyramid stuff so on it I think they're going to do that and tequila like in a big jug

I'm going to get on this right now we like what he's saying and her son and daughter too can have your own brand and your own recipe and we can help because we we don't use any sugar and really tequila is made with guava but he knows what means and yeah this is great what an idea

Bitol and Goddess Wife

Well is the right side of the family so we're going to help him with the brand and the bottle and The jug he means like a jug an old fashioned one they look different in Latin America this is what Mexico but boy this is going to be great and it's kind of like above the canals it's kind of an odd place and he needs something and we're willing to put this in

Lobo and proxima midnight

Daniel you better get down there

Zues Hera

Yeah okay we see he says you too Ernesto LOL

S*** kid okay so we tried but we have to go look at it

Ernesto

Yeah that's great and we're on our way

Dan the Man

We know these cats and they can come down there welcome you don't have to stay too long but we're going to have my tequila there and I have my own version already but I want them to make a different one and mass produce it but mine is very nice high-end product

Daniel Trejo

[brookstonalmanac]

Events 10.27

312 – Constantine is said to have received his famous Vision of the Cross. 939 – Æthelstan, the first king of all England, dies and is succeeded by his half-brother, Edmund I. 1275 – Traditional founding of the city of Amsterdam. 1524 – French troops lay siege to Pavia. 1553 – Condemned as a heretic, Michael Servetus is burned at the stake just outside Geneva. 1644 – Second Battle of Newbury in the English Civil War. 1682 – Philadelphia is founded in the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania. 1775 – King George III expands on his Proclamation of Rebellion in the Thirteen Colonies in his speech from the throne at the opening of Parliament. 1795 – The United States and Spain sign the Treaty of Madrid, which establishes the boundaries between Spanish colonies and the U.S. 1806 – The French Army enters Berlin, following the Battle of Jena–Auerstedt. 1810 – United States annexes the former Spanish colony of West Florida. 1838 – Missouri governor Lilburn Boggs issues the Extermination Order, which orders all Mormons to leave the state or be killed. 1870 – Franco-Prussian War: Marshal Bazaine surrenders to Prussian forces at the conclusion of the Siege of Metz along with 140,000 French soldiers. 1904 – The first underground New York City Subway line opens, later designated as the IRT Broadway–Seventh Avenue Line. 1907 – Fifteen people are killed in Hungary when a gunman opens fire on a crowd gathered at a church consecration. 1914 – World War I: The new British battleship HMS Audacious is sunk by a minefield laid by the armed German merchant-cruiser Berlin. 1916 – Negus Mikael, marching on the Ethiopian capital in support of his son Emperor Iyasu V, is defeated by Fitawrari abte Giyorgis, securing the throne for Empress Zewditu I. 1922 – A referendum in Rhodesia rejects the country's annexation to the South African Union. 1924 – The Uzbek SSR is founded in the Soviet Union. 1930 – Ratifications exchanged in London for the first London Naval Treaty go into effect immediately, further limiting the expensive naval arms race among its five signatories. 1936 – Mrs Wallis Simpson obtains her divorce, which would eventually allow her to marry King Edward VIII of the United Kingdom, thus forcing his abdication from the throne. 1944 – World War II: German forces capture Banská Bystrica during Slovak National Uprising thus bringing it to an end. 1954 – Benjamin O. Davis, Jr. becomes the first African-American general in the United States Air Force. 1958 – Iskander Mirza, the first President of Pakistan, is deposed by General Ayub Khan, who had been appointed the enforcer of martial law by Mirza 20 days earlier. 1961 – NASA tests the first Saturn I rocket in Mission Saturn-Apollo 1. 1962 – Major Rudolf Anderson of the United States Air Force becomes the only direct human casualty of the Cuban Missile Crisis when his U-2 reconnaissance airplane is shot down over Cuba by a Soviet-supplied surface-to-air missile. 1962 – By refusing to agree to the firing of a nuclear torpedo at a US warship, Vasily Arkhipov averts nuclear war. 1962 – An aircraft carrying Enrico Mattei, post-war Italian administrator, crashes in mysterious circumstances. 1964 – Ronald Reagan delivers a speech on behalf of the Republican candidate for president, Barry Goldwater. The speech launches his political career and comes to be known as "A Time for Choosing". 1967 – Catholic priest Philip Berrigan and others of the 'Baltimore Four' protest the Vietnam War by pouring blood on Selective Service records. 1971 – The Democratic Republic of the Congo is renamed Zaire. 1979 – Saint Vincent and the Grenadines gains its independence from the United Kingdom. 1981 – Cold War: The Soviet submarine S-363 runs aground on the east coast of Sweden. 1986 – The British government suddenly deregulates financial markets, leading to a total restructuring of the way in which they operate in the country, in an event now referred to as the Big Bang. 1988 – Cold War: Ronald Reagan suspends construction of the new U.S. Embassy in Moscow due to Soviet listening devices in the building structure. 1991 – Turkmenistan achieves independence from the Soviet Union. 1992 – United States Navy radioman Allen R. Schindler, Jr. is murdered by shipmate Terry M. Helvey for being gay, precipitating debate about gays in the military that results in the United States' "Don't ask, don't tell" military policy. 1994 – Gliese 229B is the first Substellar Mass Object to be unquestionably identified. 1995 – Former Prime Minister of Italy Bettino Craxi is convicted in absentia of corruption. 1997 – The 1997 Asian financial crisis causes a crash in the Dow Jones Industrial Average. 1999 – Gunmen open fire in the Armenian Parliament, killing the Prime Minister and seven others. 2014 – Britain withdraws from Afghanistan at the end of Operation Herrick, after 12 years four months and seven days. 2017 – Catalonia declares independence from Spain. 2018 – A gunman opens fire on a Pittsburgh synagogue killing 11 and injuring six, including four police officers. 2018 – Leicester City F.C. owner Vichai Srivaddhanaprabha dies in a helicopter crash along with four others after a Premier League match against West Ham United at the King Power Stadium in Leicester, England. 2019 – Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant founder and leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi kills himself and three children by detonating a suicide vest during the U.S. military Barisha raid in northwestern Syria.

[x-reader-theater]

can you do rossi x male reader who is some sort of royalty and in love with rossi and is willing to leave his royal duties to marry David but since David is low key famous and v. respected readers family thinks its ok for them to marry (i just want to see rossi as a prince) (more than ok with it not being modern time but don't have to write it in medival)

I'm making this a young Rossi, one that has retired from the BAU but hasn't gone back yet, to make it more plausible that he'd be in another country. Also, this country is one that I made up and I will not be saying the name of because I don't have one lolll

This got long so if anyone wants a part two I'll continue this. Edited by @mystic-writes

Gif by @reidgifs

"Why, my good cousin Gerard, you have waited almost as long as my son to get married! And that's saying something!" your father, the king, says at the dinner table.

"Father, please don't bring this up now…" you mumble into your wine glass.

Your father looks up at you and glares. "Why shouldn't I bring this up now? You should have been married years ago to some lovely woman of high status!"

"But, what if I don't want to marry a woman? Ever think about that!" you exclaim, leaning over the table towards your father. "What if I want to marry a man!"

There's gasps at the table.

"But, don't you want to have children? What if you become king, and you have no heirs?" you mother asks from her position to the right of your father, where she's been delivered to for her entire life.

You shake your head. "I don't want children. And besides, I'm never *going* to become king. You made sure of that," you mutter. "Newsflash! Medicine has actually improved tremendously, and I have four older siblings who are never going to die before me. I'm never going to be able to BECOME king! AND!" you shout, standing up at the table. "Being royalty is nothing more than being a painting for people to ogle at! We have all this money and status and we don't need it! What about the people who we supposedly rule over? What are we doing to give them houses, or food, or jobs? We sit in our ridiculously large castle, which we don't even use half the rooms in, by the way, and there are people that don't even have a house! So, I don't even want to become King. The first thing I would do, as king, would be dismantling and abolishing the royal family, once and for all!"

There's more gasps and you slam down your napkin, which doesn't make a sound but does make a point, and you run out of the dining hall that you only use if your father has guests over. Most of the time the family eats in the kitchens.

You run up to your room and shed your fancy clothing, before putting on a t-shirt, jeans, and a black hoodie with nothing on it. You slip some trainers on and run to the front door, using all the hidden hallways you discovered as a child to make your way to the front of the castle.

You quickly slip your way through the front doors and up to the gate. You give a wave to the guards there and stop, waiting for the gait to open.

"Your highness!" one of the guards exclaims and you roll your eyes.

"Please, don't," you say, putting a hand up. "I just want to get out. Can you open the gate for me, please!"

"But- but we're supposed to go with you! What if you get hurt!" the other guard shouts.

You reach into one of the back pockets of your jeans and you take out a knife, flicking it open, and hold it out to the guards. "I can take care of myself."

They look at each other, back at you, before they nod and press the buttons to open the gate. You smile and thank them, putting your knife away, you make your way into the city.

The walk is long but it clears your head, and you find a bar open late. You walk in and the musty smell hits you immediately, and you smile. Walking in, there's only a couple people in here, and three are sitting at tables drunk off their asses. One, a very handsome, older man, is sitting at the bar, talking to the bartender.

You walk in and sit away from him, six stools away, and when the bartender comes over, and you try to order, a drink is placed in front of you, and you frown.

"Courtesy of Dave," he says, tilting his head to the handsome man, and you look over, and the man smiles and lifts his drink to you before taking a sip.

You look down at your own drink and frown, before picking it up and taking a sip of your own. It's bourbon. Good old American bourbon. And it's exactly what you wanted, and needed. You look up to thank the man when you startle. He's sitting right next to you.

He goes to speak but you cut him off, asking, "How did you know?"

"I'm sorry?" he asks, his breathtaking smile faltering for a moment.

You point to your drink. "How did you know this is what I wanted?"

He smiles again and takes another sip of his own drink. "You came in looking lost, and anyone who's lost needs a good finger of bourbon."

You smile and take another sip. "Your accent. It's American."

"And yours is not," he says, and you smile back at him.

"I'm [Y/N]," you say, holding out your hand for the man to shake. He does, and you feel the calluses on his fingers. "Were you in the military?"

He nods, and his smile widens to a grin. "I was. As well as law enforcement." You nod, and pull your hand away, though you really don't want to. "What about you?"

"Oh, uh," you say, not really knowing what to say to that. "I-I don't really do anything important." Dave nods, seemingly content with that answer and you let out a breath of relief. "Anyways, what do you do now? I do not think you are in law enforcement here."

He shakes his head. "No. I'm just writing now. Traveling the world now that I don't have to stay in one place anymore."

You nod. "I wish I could travel. I want to see Spain, and England, and Japan, and America. And other countries too, but those are at the top of my list," you say.

"Well, as an American, I would love to show you around one day," he says with a grin.

You grin back.

That grin drops however when you hear someone behind you. "My liege? There you are!"

You flinch and turn around slowly to see the captain of the guard, Heinrich, standing there in his full plate armour that really has no use anymore.

"My prince, we must get you home. Your mother is worried sick!" he exclaims, and you look up at him sheepishly.

"'Prince'?" Dave asks behind you.

You turn around and grab his hands. "I swear, I will explain it all one day, but I really have to get back. It was lovely having a drink with you. I would love to do it again some time!"

Heinrich grabs your arm like he used to do when you were a child and drags you out of the little bar, outside where a car is waiting, leaving a stunned Dave behind.

[thetudorslovers]

"Anxious not to offend the pope, Federigo temporized: ‘It seems to me,’ he was reported by the Venetian ambassador to have said, ‘that the son of a pope, who is also a cardinal, is not the ideal person to marry my daughter. If the Pope can make it possible for a cardinal to marry and keep his hat, I’ll think about giving him my daughter.’ Nor was his daughter happy with the proposed match; not only was Carlotta in love with a Breton nobleman, but she was also determined not to marry "a priest who was the son of a priest."

Charlotte of Naples (c. 1479/80 – 1506), also known as Charlotte of Aragon and Princess of Taranto, was the eldest daughter and eventual heiress of King Frederick of Naples. Although her father was dispossessed of his kingdom, her descendants, the House of La Trémoïlle maintained their dynastic claim in exile. Daughter of the Neapolitan king's first marriage to Anne of Savoy, a granddaughter of Charles VII of France, Charlotte was married to Guy XVI, Count of Laval, head of one of Brittany's most powerful noble families. Following her mother's death which occurred shortly after her birth, Charlotte was raised in France and brought up at the French court. One of her suitors was Cesare Borgia. Charlotte refused him, and instead on 10 June 1500 married Guy XVI de Laval, Count of Laval. Charlotte and Guy had: Catherine, married Claude I of Rieux Anne, married Francois de la Trémoïlle Francois, d.1522.

In the year following Charlotte's marriage, her father lost his throne and freedom to France in war. Her brother, Ferdinand of Aragón, Duke of Calabria, fled to Spain in 1504, whence he did not return. On his death without legitimate descendants in Valencia in 1550, Charlotte was long dead and France had lost the crown of Naples to another branch of the Aragonese dynasty. Nonetheless her issue took up the fruitless pretence to the crown, while pursuing their interests in Brittany and France. Charlotte is posthumously attributed the title, Princess of Taranto, which had been borne by Neapolitan heirs apparent.

"While the ruling families of Milan and Naples should have been frightened and undoubtedly were, for Cesare Borgia the new situation was rich in promise. He remained enthralled by the thought of a princess he had never met, Don Fadrique of Naples’s daughter Carlotta. What he knew of her made her seem the perfect bride: eldest child of a king whose only son was still a boy; great-granddaughter of a king of France; a lady-in-waiting at the French court, where she had been sent to be brought up when her mother died not long after her birth. The man who married her could be confident of becoming one of the leading lords of Naples and of being accepted into the French royal family. And only one life, that of a very young brother-in-law, would stand between Carlotta herself and the Neapolitan crown. Soundings were taken in Naples, and the results were not encouraging: Don Fadrique showed no interest in marrying his daughter to Cesare. The fact that Cesare was a cardinal of the Church is itself sufficient to explain the king’s wariness, but beyond that the summer that Cesare had spent in Naples had obviously done nothing to enhance his attractiveness as a possible son-in-law. Whatever his opinion of Cesare personally, Don Fadrique probably thought that his father Ferrante and brother Alfonso II had bestowed quite enough Neapolitan riches on various Borgias, especially in connection with Sancia’s marriage to Jofrè. But with a new king of France now in the picture, and Carlotta virtually that king’s ward, Don Fadrique’s feelings would not necessarily decide the issue. If Louis could be won over, Don Fadrique might find it difficult not to go along."

"Now it was only a matter of time before he was released from his vows and took Carlotta of Aragon as his wife. His wish to marry Carlotta had nothing to do with love - the princess was being educated at the French court, and Cesare had never seen her. But Carlotta was the legitimate daughter of a king. Marriage to her would make Cesare Prince of Altamura and Taranto, and these territories would provide him with an income sufficient to compensate for the 35,000 ducats a year he was surrendering along with his cardinal’s hat."

Source: "The Borgias: The Hidden History Book" by G. J. Meyer

[joachimnapoleon]

Meet the Bonapartes--Louis (3/4)

I left off with Part 2 of this an embarrassingly long time ago, but I'm trying to make it a habit of finishing more of the things I start, so I don't want to leave this hanging. So, one year later, here is Part 3 of my write-up on Louis Bonaparte, and I promise Part 4 will not have a similar gap in between.

(Part 1) (Part 2)

***

Louis had been sincere in his declaration, upon accepting the throne of Holland, that he had "become Dutch." He immersed himself in Dutch culture, encouraged his Dutch courtiers to wear their traditional clothing at court balls, and tried to learn and speak Dutch--sometimes with comedic results, such as when he declared himself the Konijn (rabbit), rather than Koning (king) of Holland. His subjects appreciated his efforts nonetheless.

They also appreciated the initiative Louis showed when tragedy struck early in his reign. On 12 January 1807, a ship bearing hundreds of barrels of gunpowder exploded in the Dutch city of Leiden, blowing up hundreds of buildings and killing 150 people, and injuring thousands. Louis immediately left for Leiden and oversaw the recovery efforts, earning him the nickname "Louis the Good" from a grateful populace.

[Aftermath of the Leiden explosion, by Johannes Jelgerhuis]

Louis began his reign with a flurry of activity, writing to Napoleon to request a number of measures intended to favor his new subjects. He requested a reduction in the number of French garrisons in the kingdom, a new treaty of commerce with France, and the right to choose his own men for his Royal Guard. Napoleon granted these, but refused his brother's request for a loan, arguing that the expenses of France were so great that he was unable to give Louis any money.

The Dutch climate negatively impacted Louis's perpetually delicate health from the beginning, but he rarely left the country for much-needed stays at health resorts; this was especially true later in his reign after his relationship with Napoleon had deteriorated so badly that Louis began to fear that he might be deposed in his absence.

That deterioration did not take long to commence. Napoleon began finding fault with Louis's reign almost from the beginning. Napoleon had intended for Louis to play a key role in the 1806 campaign against Prussia, and was seriously disappointed with his brother's sluggish movements and lack of cooperation with Marshal Mortier during the campaign. When, towards the end of the campaign, Louis balked at attempting to seize Hanover in spite of his greatly superior numbers, Napoleon's displeasure with his younger brother was complete. But Napoleon still took care to preserve Louis's reputation; Louis's forfeiture of his command to Mortier and subsequent return to Holland were attributed to bad health, and further territory from Napoleon's conquests was added to Louis's kingdom. Returning to his kingdom, Louis received a hero’s welcome.

If Napoleon was irritated with Louis's conduct during the campaign, Louis, in turn, was angered by the retention of Dutch troops in Germany after the war, commanded by a French general; this, in Louis's eyes, was proof that he was to be little more than a puppet-king. His flagging health notwithstanding, Louis spent the winter working to further assert his independence by implementing public works projects, reorganizing his kingdom's administration and law code, and creating his own military orders, the Order of Union and the Order of Merit. A major point of contention arose between Louis and Napoleon when Louis announced that he intended to introduce the rank of marshal into the Dutch army and navy. Napoleon wrote to him scornfully on 2 January 1807:

Do you think a French general of division would take orders from your Dutch marshals? You are aping French organization, though your circumstances are utterly different. Why not begin by establishing the conscription and having a real army?

He followed it up more bluntly and concisely a week later: "There is nobody in Holland fit to hold such high rank." Louis viewed this as an insult and persisted in implementing the rank, until Napoleon finally ordered him to abolish it as one of numerous conditions to which Louis was forced to concede in early 1810 in order to retain his kingdom. On the subject of conscription, Louis would successfully resist its implementation, despite Napoleon's repeated demands, to the end of his reign.

Louis's relationship with his wife, meanwhile, remained fraught. Hortense had stayed with her mother, the Empress Josephine, during the campaign, and did not return to the Hague until months after her husband, prompting a quarrel. Mutual recriminations abounded: Hortense was upset over Louis's attentions to a Dutch lady at court; Louis, in turn, complained of Hortense's conduct. Napoleon became aware of the conflict and wrote reprovingly to his brother:

You have the best and most virtuous of wives, and you make her miserable. Let her dance as much as she likes; it is only right at her age. I have a wife of forty, and from the battlefield I write to her that she must go to balls; and with a wife who is only twenty and naturally wishes to live her life and has still some of the illusions of youth, you want her to live as if she were in a convent, or to be busy always like a nurse with her children? You yourself are too much shut up in your study and not about enough in public business. I would not say all this unless I thought so much of you. Make the mother of your children happy. You have only one way of doing this, and that is by showing her a great deal of esteem and confidence.

Louis was stung, and protested to Napoleon that he was being misrepresented to the Emperor by rumormongers. The domestic quarrels continued, as did the gossip they inspired at the Dutch court.

The estranged royal couple suffered a severe blow with the unexpected death of their eldest son, Napoleon Charles. The boy, who had been regarded by the still childless Napoleon as the heir to the Empire, had fallen ill in late April 1807. Louis frantically summoned numerous physicians to tend to the child; multiple remedies were attempted; but all without success. The four-year-old child died at midnight on the 5th of May. Hortense was almost insensible with grief and had to be taken away from the palace. Caroline Murat arrived soon to be at Hortense's side, followed shortly thereafter by Josephine. Hortense eventually left to take the waters in the Pyrenees, and Napoleon gave Louis permission to leave his kingdom to join her in early June. At the end of the summer, Josephine arranged for Hortense, who was still very unwell, to remain with her while Louis returned to Holland. Their younger son, Napoleon Louis, remained with Josephine at Fontainebleau as well. This tragedy drew Hortense and Louis together in their shared grief, but the reunion was short-lived.

[Queen Hortense with Napoleon Charles]

Before Louis's return to Holland, he had argued over political matters with Napoleon. The Emperor wanted more troops from Holland; Louis replied that he could not afford to raise them, due to his kingdom's economy suffering from the recently enacted Berlin Decree, which prohibited all trade with England. But Napoleon was unwilling to grant any concessions on this subject, and it would ultimately be Louis's inability--which Napoleon would interpret as unwillingness--to enforce the ban on English trade, that would spell Louis's downfall.

The 1809 war brought Louis's kingdom under threat from attack by the English, who intended for an expedition to seize Antwerp. Antwerp, however, was a French fortress, and as such, Louis was technically not allowed to interfere with it; but his warnings to Napoleon of its vulnerabilities went unheeded. Louis pleaded with Napoleon that his entire kingdom was defenseless due to Napoleon sending Dutch divisions off to Spain and Westphalia; Louis was left with fewer than 9,000 soldiers in Holland. Napoleon refused to reinforce Louis and downplayed the English threat; when the invasion actually occurred, he then blamed Louis for it. Invoking his title as Grand Constable of France in order to take command of the French troops, Louis set to work arming his fortifications and extending river defenses. On the 16th of August, he handed over command of the forces at Antwerp to Marshal Bernadotte. The English expedition ultimately floundered, out of a combination of disease and incompetence.

Napoleon, rather than thanking or lauding Louis for his efforts, blasted him in his correspondence. Louis was told that his office of Grand Constable was purely civil and honorary and gave him no right to command French troops. He questioned how Louis could expect anyone to respect Holland's independence when he refused to provide a larger army and navy for its defense. Without a larger army, his kingdom was a farce.

Louis protested that he was being treated unjustly. He had already heard whispers that Napoleon was planning to annex Holland to France, and garrison it with French troops. As he would soon learn, these were more than just whispers. By late 1809, Napoleon had not only lost faith in Louis, but had come to suspect his brother of disloyalty. In the Emperor’s mind, his brother was far too sympathetic to the Dutch nobility, whom Napoleon distrusted for their ties to the English. Nor did Napoleon appreciate Louis's attachment to the Dutch people and his insistence on promoting Dutch culture at every turn. But above all, Napoleon could not abide his brother's failure to enforce the blockade against English trade; this, in the words of biographer Michael Broers, "was the issue that turned incapacity into treason in his mind." Napoleon was determined that his Continental System be upheld at all costs; he was not oblivious to the suffering this would entail, as he made it clear to Louis in one particularly menacing letter:

Make searches and seize English goods, and [then] my customs men will respect your territory. If you don't do it, I will, as is my right.... The blockade will ruin many commercial cities, Lyon, Amsterdam, Rotterdam, but this state of anxiety must be got over; it must go on to the end.

The efforts of smugglers and corrupt/patriotic police notwithstanding, the blockade wreaked havoc on the commercial cities, just as Napoleon had anticipated. Writes Broers:

Amsterdam plunged into harrowing decline in every sense. Emigration caused by the collapse of commerce was compounded by the spread of diseases related to poverty, reducing its population from 202,000 in 1808, to little more than 180,000 by 1815. Its shipyards, which had employed 2,000 men in 1800, had barely 500 by 1808. Empty towns stood in ruins, while shanty towns along the canals swelled. Poverty was manifest in the city, and even the number of taverns declined. The local system of poor relief and charity that Louis had inherited from the old republic was stretched to the breaking point by the unprecedented speed and scale of Napoleon's manufactured crisis; it is estimated that between 30 and 40 per cent of the population of Amsterdam depended on poor relief by 1809.

And yet Napoleon remained displeased with his brother's enforcement of the blockade, and was convinced that Louis was deliberately acting to thwart him. When the entire imperial family was summoned to Paris in December 1809 for what would be the announcement of Napoleon's divorce and ensuing re-marriage plans, Louis suspected--rightly--that he might be walking into an ambush. He warned his ministers that he might be coerced into signing documents against his will, and that they were to only regard documents signed with his Dutch name--Lodewijk--as valid. In the event of an attempted French occupation of the country, his commanders were to offer a passive resistance, bringing their men inside their fortresses, closing their gates, and raising their drawbridges.

Napoleon welcomed Louis to Paris coldly; at their second meeting, he told him frankly that he intended to annex Holland, and that if Louis resisted, he would find himself at war with France. "Holland," he said, "is nothing but an English colony, more hostile to France than England herself. I mean to eat up Holland!"

In a bid to keep his kingdom, Louis pleaded for a compromise, and demonstrated a willingness to make concessions, including increased enforcement of the blockade and a ceding of territory. Napoleon sent orders to suspend Oudinot's march to occupy Holland, so that negotiations could proceed. But first, there was the issue of the divorce. Louis attempted to piggyback on his brother's divorce from Josephine by petitioning the Emperor for the arrangement of a formal separation from Hortense. Napoleon, instead, decided to have the matter decided by a family council. Though the two would not be permitted to divorce, it was decided that they might live apart; Hortense was permitted to remain in Paris and given an income of half a million francs. She also retained custody of Louis's eldest son, to Louis's bitter disappointment.

During this interim, Napoleon's mind had changed about his earlier negotiations with Louis. He predicted that Louis would not be able to meet the requirements they had agreed upon, and that the annexation would only be deferred. Harsher terms were drawn up--Louis was required to cede to France all his territory up to the left bank of the Rhine; he was forbidden to trade or communicate with England; he was required to build an army of 25,000 men and increase the size of his navy; and the rank of marshal was to be eliminated from the Dutch military. Louis was prohibited from returning to his kingdom until the agreement was signed. The treaty was finally signed on the 16th of March; Louis arrived back in Amsterdam on the 11th of April. Despite his earlier agreement to let Hortense remain in Paris, Napoleon had insisted on her returning to Holland as well. Hortense dreaded the return. "I wrote the Emperor a despairing letter," she recorded in her memoirs. "He did not answer me." Upon her arrival, Hortense writes that Louis "was overjoyed to see his son again but paid little or no attention to me."

Louis's unhappy queen leaves the following portrait of her life at court during this time, on the brink of her husband's deposition:

Word would be sent me when dinner was ready that the King was waiting for me. While we were at the table he would scarcely say a word. After the meal the King would thrum on the piano, which stood open. He would take his son on his knees, kiss him and lead him out on the balcony which overlooked the square. The crowd, catching sight of them, would give a few cheers. The King would re-enter the room, return to the piano, recite some French poetry or hum an air. I would stay in an armchair, not saying a word and watching what went on in the room. When a few hours had passed, my husband, becoming conscious of the strained situation, would ring and send for the Dutch members of our household and the ladies in waiting. Card-tables would be brought out. Sometimes I played also and at nine o'clock I returned to my apartments after having said good night, the only word we had spoken to one another. This is an exact picture of how I spent my days at Amsterdam.

Hortense did not remain in the kingdom for long. Her health suffered, and it was soon determined that it would be better for her to return to France. She left her husband for the final time on 16 May 1810.

The Sword of Damocles was not long in descending on Louis. An assault on a coachman of the French ambassador gave Napoleon all the excuse he needed to finally carry out his plan to annex Holland. Napoleon demanded that the perpetrators be arrested and hanged; Louis's ministers pointed out the impossibility of identifying them. Oudinot was ordered to march on Amsterdam.

Louis briefly considered appealing to Russia or Austria for help, but it was far too late. He had word sent to Oudinot that, though his troops would receive no welcome, they would also meet no resistance. Louis made some final, hasty financial arrangements, including selling some of the Dutch estates he had acquired and transferring his diamonds out of the country.

On 1 July 1810, Louis abdicated in favor of his second son, Napoleon Louis. The following night, he boarded a carriage accompanied by his captain of the guards, an aide-de-camp, and his favorite dog, Tiel, and headed east. In one last parting blow, Tiel was hit and killed at a horse-changing station on the road. Louis was devastated. "It was," writes biographer Atteridge, "he said, part of his bad luck, that now haunted him everywhere."

For weeks, Napoleon was unable to ascertain the whereabouts of his brother. "We don't know where he has gone, and we know nothing about this lunacy." He asked Hortense if she had any word of him. Writes Hortense in her memoirs, “Real anxiety as regards what had happened to the King was my first reaction. No one knew where he had retired. I imagined that he had left for America, alone, with no one to help him, no one to console him. His fate aroused my sympathy. I almost came to believe that I had become fond of him, now that he had known misfortune." Louis finally wrote to Madame Mère from the health resort of Toeplitz, that he was "as well as can be expected, and well out of affairs to which I will never return."

Regarding Napoleon's feelings towards Louis, Broers concludes that they were

an ill-sorted mixture of piercing truth and injustice clouded by the deepest kind of hatred, rooted in love betrayed. Yet, Napoleon worried about Louis' safety once 'the business' was over. He did not harbour the fanatical hatred that leads to murder. Even after his ill treatment of Hortense, Louis was his brother, and Bonapartes did not practise 'insular vendetta.' Nevertheless, in the world of high politics, Louis' end signaled the end of his faith in his brothers.

***

Sources:

Atteridge, A. Hillard. Napoleon’s Brothers, 1909.

Broers, Michael. Napoleon: Spirit of the Age. 2018.

De Beauharnais, Hortense. Memoirs of Queen Hortense, Vol I.

Masson, Frédéric. Napoleon et sa Famille, Vol I (1796-1802), 1907.

Roberts, Andrews. Napoleon: A Life. 2014.

[calliopesstories]

The Heart Of A King - Chapter 1

Relationship: Caspian X Susan, Caspian X Reader, Platonic!Susan and Platonic!Reader

Warnings: 18+, smut (I’ll try the best I can), historical inaccuracy, misogyny and belief of 16th century, mention of death and sex, arranged marriage, /!\ Not proof read and non-english speaker writter /!\

Summary: There are opportunities in life that you have to take but you were different tough. Since you were born you always had things given to you on a silver plate. Yet you decided to create your own opportunities the day you chose to follow your father in all of his travels. It was no surprise for your parent when you left them no choice but to take you with them to the court of Cair Paravel, heart of your homeland. Even in your wildest dream you would have never thought of what destiny had in store for you when you took that opportunity and stepped in the castle of King Caspian and Queen Susan.

Words: 3,027

Author’s Note: Narnia (and the islands as well as the surrounding countries) is located in the Atlantic sea next to the strait of Gibraltar. It’s a mix between Southern Spain in terms of architecture and temperature, UK/France in terms of landscape and of course what you can see in the movies and be described in the books.

Two days of sea then just as much by carriage to reach the most magnificent palace of Narnia. No need to say it was all worth it. Nothing could compare to the beauty of Cair Paravel, its garden viewing the ocean, its impeccable white walls made of marble and the stained glasses that was colouring the inside of the castle in various colours. Last time you had been within the walls of this palace you were a child no older than five and yet it felt like yesterday. Nothing was as breath-taking as the home of the kings of Narnia, not even your father’s castle at Narrowhaven which was praised for its uniqueness and atypic beauty. Anyone who would be away from their home would feel homesick quickly but not you, you had left Narrowhaven when you were nine and only came back last year.

 Your father was the Grand Ambassador of King Caspian; he had started his duty under the rule of the king’s father and had sworn loyalty to his son. Thanks to his duty to the crown he had met your mother, he had married her and sired you, their one and only child. They had never needed more; you were everything they wanted and one day you would inherit the land and titles hold by your father. You were already marchioness of Narrowhaven however one day you would become the Duchess of the Lone Islands, courtesy of King Caspian IX. Not a lot of noble houses could brag about the fact that the king himself had gave them the right of female peerage. Just a few of you – daughters of high-ranking nobles – could take on the titles even with a male heir in the line of succession at the condition of the girl being born first. Not even the royal family had that right. Not that it made you feel particularly lucky, it was nice to think the castle you had grew up in would stay in your family forever even after marriage.

 The carriage stops right in front of the palace entrance. A flight of stairs leads to wooden graved doors decorated with gold and silver. You remembered well the tree with two trunks engraved on the doors after an old legend of Narnia but your child mind must have deceived you as you thought the doors were so big that giants must have lived here before. Turns out the door were huge, but not that much. They were twice the size of a grow man. Behind you servants were taking your personal items in order to put them where you’ll be leaving from now on.

 “You have the right to breath you know,” your father took your arm and patted gently your hand. “It’s not the first king you meet.”

 “There is a huge difference between a foreign king and the one for whom your father is working.”

 “Don’t worry Y/N, King Caspian is gentle and patient man. He knows you had never done this before that’s why Lady Prunaprismia will stay with you for a month then you will need no one’s help,” encouraged your mother.

 She knew you by heart. Every look, every breath and every head tilting had a significance your mother had no difficulties to understand. So when she saw you biting your lower lip, she understood how unsure of her statement you were. She had no doubt you would do well on your job. There were a few prized places at court that a woman of your status could hope to have: lady-in-waiting to the women of the royal family or governess to the king’s children. Those were official jobs but there was one every noble woman craved to have: mistress to the king. You had seen how this works and from one country to another, things weren’t that different. all hoped to dethrone the queen, thinking the king who loved them enough to put an alliance forged for years into the dirt for the beauty of their smile or whatever prowess they were doing in the royal bed. Foolish girls with foolish dreams.

 You were content with the place your mother had found you. What better way to learn the way of life than to help one grow? Prince Rilian wasn’t the son of Queen Susan yet she was the one who appointed you governess of the sole heir of the kingdom. This was thanks to your mother, the former governess of the queen. She had raised the Queen before she became your mother and by the way she was speaking of the queen you knew she was like a daughter to her although no one could take your place in her heart.

 You finally arrived in the throne room. The glass roof and the stained glasses gave the place an ethereal look worth of kings and queens. At the end of the room was standing four thrones of marble in front of a golden stained glass. You knew only three of them were occupied because the two were for the king and his queen, one was for the crown prince and the last throne was for the royal advisor – who had been executed last year for treason. The royal couple was waiting, stoically in their throne. You had no chance to look at them as you kneeled in front of your king and your queen before your father did, he had the privilege to stand in front of the king he had seen grow up.

 “His Grace Y/F/N, Duke of the Lone Islands, his wife Y/M/N, Duchess of the Lone Islands and their daughter the Lady Y/N,” announced a man on your right. “Welcome to the court of His Majesty King Caspian X and Her Majesty Queen Susan.”

 “Thank you Trumpkin but I know Lord Y/F/N for long enough to need no introduction. Please stand up my ladies there is no need for that between us.”

 You stood up and saw for the first time the king with your own eyes. You had heard stories about how handsome of a man he was and he truly was but more than that he had this glimmer in his eyes, something close to melancholia although well hidden behind a dazzling smile. You could lose yourself in his eyes. It was the voice of your mother that made you realised you were staring at the king for far too long. The queen had walk to your mother and the both of them exchanged some words before they turned to you. You bowed before the queen who wasn’t older than you.

 “I heard so much about you,” said Susan taking your hands in hers. Her smile was infectious and bright, contrary to her husband she was glowing with joy. “I’m sure will become good friends you and I.”

 “I hope so Your Majesty,” you really hoped to be in the queen’s good grace.

 “Last time I saw you, you were unable to keep yourself still.”

 “You remember Your Majesty?” asked your father. You had been told that the King and you had met when you were younger but you had no memories of such event. “Well, I must say Y/N has changed since.”

 “I can only agree with you.”

 You smiled at your father; you knew what he meant by this statement. You had become less impatient, more careful of your words and most importantly you were smart, street smart. You had helped him many times and he liked to think he was the reason why you were doing so good around people. But you were lacking the subtility to leave at court for a long time, which was a good thing when you were traveling around the globe with your father, staying at court for short periods but now you were to live at Cair Paravel for as long as the king would want you around, and unbeknown to you the king was thinking about the length of your stay.

 A door opened at your right and a small child ran pass you to be catch by the king. The prince you were supposed to take care of and who look exactly like his father if it wasn’t for his light baby blue eyes that was surely from his mother’s side. The young prince laughed in his father’s arms; he tried to push away from his face from the beard his father bore and that was probably irritating his soft and sensitive skin. The prince was five years old – for what you’ve been told – but he was taller the average five years-old, something he must have got from his father. The woman with him was his great-aunt, the Lady Prunaprismia, wife of King Caspian’s former advisor and his aunt by marriage. Although he holds no grudge against the woman for her husband’s betrayal, she had been asked to leave court forever. The King was a kind man but he wasn’t a very forgiving one. Not when it concerned his father and by extension his mother.

 “Rilian, this is Lady Y/N, she’s going to take care of you once aunt Prunaprismia will be gone,” informed Caspian. He put the child back on his feet and Rilian bowed before you. You imitated the prince, a huge smile on your face, won over by the child sweetness. The King kneeled next to his son and looked at him in the eyes. “I want you to behave with Lady Y/N like you’ll do with your aunt. Be nice, can you do that for me?”

 The prince energetically nodded widening your smile even more. King Caspian planted a kiss on his forehead. You saw him saying something to his son but couldn’t quite hear what it was. The queen had reached a hand for the prince to take but he preferred to stay with his current governess. The hurt in Queen Susan’s eyes was left unnoticed by you. it was common knowledge that, after five years of marriage, the queen hadn’t been pregnant once. Some rumours said she was barren, others that she had been made queen for very political reasons – which was the case for most queens though – and others that the king was never sharing her bed, still mourning his first wife, the one that gave him his heir, the one he had been in love with. And, after all, with an heir alive did he truly needs another child if he doesn’t love his current queen?

 Rilian and Prunaprismia left the group alone after the lady gave you a meeting point for the next day. Right after your mother and you were taken to your quarters while your father staid with the King to discuss important matter. It took you fifteen to arrive there. There were four separate rooms: two bedrooms, one for your parents and one for you, both at the opposite from one another and with separate entrance. A common room with a fire place, chairs, shelves filled with books and it was the room you entered first. Next to it there was a dining room big enough to fit ten people around the table and was only furnished with a sideboard to contain plates, forks, knives and the usual.

 Your room had a view of the garden and the sea, although you had been assured it would be temporary – you were supposed to get the one next to the prince’s – it was provided with all the luxuries you could think of. The decoration was elegant and refined, suiting a woman of your age and status. You had everything you could need, even your ladies-in-waiting you were sure had stayed at Narrowhaven. Those ladies were from smaller houses, ranks below your high-birth but they were your closest friends. Your only friends for that matter. Marwen, Cora and Lyria had been in your life since you were four, they had been your friends before being at your family’s service. They had travelled the world with you and your father, not once had they complained. They were the most loyal people you knew. After your father that is. Just seeing them made you happy and ready to face whatever the future had in store for you.

 Later that day Lady Prunaprismia’s servant had come to your door to take you to her quarters – which was supposed to become yours in a month. Lady Prunaprismia was in the middle of the room, waiting for you, the king by her side. On the table behind them was a book, both of them assumed you knew how to read and write, you were part of one of the great houses of Narnia, it would have been improper for you and your family to be illiterate. The king was the first to sit down, quickly followed by his aunt; again there were side by side while you were asked to sit across the table. You never liked being outnumbered and it was even more intimidating with the King right in front of you.

 “You have the right to breath you know,” King Caspian had leaned on the table to comfort you. you let out a stressed laughed but it made you realised you had been holding your breath. You took a deep breath and felt better. “That’s more like it.”

 “Lady Y/N, this book is the most important book in this castle. It holds all of the prince’s needs, medical events and so on. Until the day you’ll be left alone with him I am going to ask you to study this book to the point where you’ll know it by heart, words for words.”

 You opened the book carefully and the first sentence you read spoke about the prince’s books preferences, one of them you knew well as your father used to read it to you when you were younger. That memory brought a smile on your face. The book was quite big, there was a lot of information about Rilian and one month seemed like a too short amount of time to memories it all.

 “My aunt is a bit extreme; some information is dated and don’t suit Rilian anymore,” you continued to flip through the book as the king continued to speak. “Besides you are to be is governess, not his nurse, you are tasked to educate my son, to teach him basic knowledge until he’ll be old enough for a tutor.”

 “I’m allowed to enter the prince’s chamber at any given time?” you were sure you just had thought that but your mouth had decided to actually put sound on it. “Without permission or schedule!” Wow, that’s what you call trust!

 “You won’t be the only one taking care of Rilian. As I told you he has nurses who are supposed to bath, to feed and to generally take care of his physical health. Make sure he’s in good shape, if you prefer. You are in charge of making sure they do their job.”

 The close the book. You had never realised it was that much trouble taking care of a child. well, you guessed it wasn’t all day long a joyful stroll through the garden but God! Did the child really needed someone dedicated to wipe his butt? You remembered your childhood quite well and, in your memory, your parent partook a huge part of raising you into the woman you were today. But you kept that for yourself, not all parents have the same parenting technics, maybe it was how the king had been raised and he was a fine man. Besides, who were you to tell him how to raise a child? You had no child!

 “I know it’s a lot to take in one day. Don’t worry, you have time,” Prunaprismia took your hands, a kind smile provoking another on your face. “And from what I heard from your mother; you are more than capable.”

 “But if it’s really too much for you, I…we will understand, the Queen and I know taking care of a child, especially one who isn’t yours, can be demanding and challenging. If you think you won’t be up to the task, say it now or never, I’d rather know now and don’t worry it doesn’t mean you are not allowed in court anymore. That would be too cruel.”

 “You can count on me, Your Majesty. I won’t let you down.”

 You rose from your chair, taking the book in your arms and confidently walk away. That was the plan and, in your head, it was the perfect plan to show both of them how serious you were. Of course the cat didn’t agree with your plan and you tripped over him, falling on the ground. You heard Prunaprismia and King Caspian gasped before joining you, asking how you were doing. You felt humiliated. You just had fall on your ass in front of the king! God must have serious grudges over you! As you got back on your feet you swear you could see your pride and dignity staying on the floor by the devilish Shame. Hello you, you’re back again? You thought, sure to have left shame on the continent, somewhere in England or France.

 You assured the King and Lady Prunaprismia that you were fine and – carefully – get out of the chamber. You had a month to learn everything about the prince and to create a bound with him strong enough to hold against the child losing one of the few people he had entire trust and love to. One single month for something that took five years for the Lady Prunaprismia to achieve. That was so you, accepting a challenge when you perfectly knew it would difficult and completely impossible. But ever since you had dared yourself to do things no one would have thought a girl of your birth would do, it had always opened a door to something interesting and bigger than you thought. If you think about it, what would have happened if you had stayed with your mother at Narrowhaven all your damn life? For sure you would have never met the Royal Couple and have a full conversation with the king.

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