#[[ and the truth about Rick and himself so he's more emotionally affected ]]

[countlessrealities]

Request or randomized kisses meme || No longer accepting

@advnterccs sent: 15. Kiss in the Rain { To your Morty from my Morty uwu }

{15. Kiss in the Rain}

Morty's heartbeat was echoing in his ears. It wasn't as loud as it got when he was extremely anxious or on the verge of a panic attack, but it was still insistent enough to make it impossible for the teen to ignore it. He was trying hard not to let it affect his behaviour, but he couldn't stop the light shaking of his fingers.

Hazel eyes darted towards his boyfriend, who was sitting next to it on the threshold of the French window that led to the backyard of his house. Above them, the sky was covered by dark crowd and the humid smell in the air betrayed that it would be start raining soon. He hated lying to his other self, but Rick had been adamant when he had told him that neither of their counterparts had to know about the hopefully short trip they would go on.

The teen dropped his eyes in his lap. He understood why his grandfather had forced him to promise that. It was a long shot and it really wasn't worth to give the other two false hopes, especially when they could have ascertained quickly enough whether or not it was a real lead. Yet, it still felt wrong.

"Uh, h-hey, I need to...T-There's something I need to tell you," he started, hoping that his voice wasn't as tight as it was sounding in his ears. "I...R-Rick and I are going on, uh, an adventure. I-It's the usual shit...w-well, kind of, but...w-we might be gone for a few days an-and...I wanted to let you know. An-And I wanted to say bye before we leave."

He swallowed, trying to ease the knot in his throat. Was he sounding weird? Too dramatic? He didn't want his boyfriend to get suspicious, but he couldn't help it. He was nervous, afraid even. And yes, his and Rick's adventures got scary and they sometimes still scared him, even after everything he had faced and done, but this was different.

Since that close encounter with that Rick...their original Rick, and damn if he still wasn't struggling to wrap his head around it...the Ricks had been acting weird, even before they had replaced themself with a robot. Now that everything was out in the open between the four of them? He could see how deep the abyss of obsession their two adventure partners were risking to fall in was.

Morty knew that he couldn't risk putting his foot down. Not now, not when his Rick had already proved that he could just decide to deal with it on his own. He and his boyfriends were the only thing keeping the two stubborn jerks from throwing themselves over the edge, as they had done years before. He had to be there for Rick, first and foremost. It was a task he could not fail. No matter the cost.

"G-Geez, I'm making it weird, aren't I?" He made himself go on, managing a chuckle that didn't sound too forced. "I-It's just...I'm going to miss you."

Damn, that was straight out cheesy. Yet, he would have lied if he had said that he didn't mean it. Maybe it was clichéd, maybe it sounded silly, especially since it should be just a few days, but he couldn't help how genuine the sentiment behind those words was.

Suddenly feeling too restless to remain seated, Morty pushed himself on his feet, hesitating just for a split moment before offering his hand to his counterpart to help him up in turn.

Once they were both standing, he found himself playing with the other's fingers. He couldn't tell if it was just a way to distract himself or if he was biding his time. Perhaps, he was merely seeking to prolong the contact.

"I-I have to go soon. R-Rick said that I could stay a while, b-but...he's really, uh, eager to leave." And wasn't that an understatement. "S-So...I..."

His voice trailed off as the first drops of rain started to fall over them. He didn't want to think about the grimmest what-ifs, but it was hard not to, with the weight of revelation on his shoulder and a shadow looming over them all. One shaped like the guy whose actions had been the start of it all, but he wasn't the one casting it. No, it was made of the obsession of their Ricks.

Swallowing quietly, he decided to give up on words and to let his action speak for him instead. With much less hesitation than he had expected, he leant forward, wrapping his arms around his other self's neck and bringing their mouths together.

The rain was falling more and more heavily, soaking their hair and clothes, spreading cold over their skin, but Morty almost didn't notice. His attention was fully focused on the feeling of those warm lips moving against his own and on the taste of his boyfriend's mouth. The moist sweetness and the hint of bitterness left by the dark chocolate they had shared earlier.

Eventually, he had to reluctantly break away to allow them both to catch their breath. As much as he would have liked to just stay there, in his counterpart's arms, getting lost in the kisses they could have fed to each other, he knew that it wasn't possible.

"I-I love you, FM." The words were still so new on his tongue, so foreign. Not just because they had shared them for the first time just a few days before, but also because his counterpart was the very first person he had told them to in a romantic way. "I-I'll see you in a few days."

The last sentence was barely out of his mouth when a portal opened a few steps away from them and Rick's voice called his name from inside it. Their time had run out.

Morty chose to indulge himself for one more moment and stole another quick peck from his boyfriend's lips before letting go of the other's hand and stepping backwards towards the green vortex. One last smile and a wave and he forced himself to turn around and stepped inside it, before he could do something stupid as running back into his counterpart's arm and telling him everything he wasn't supposed to tell.

It wasn't a big deal, if he didn't make the whole ordeal into one. They would see each other in a few days. Of course they would.

[seal-writes-stuff]

SFW Alphabet – Rick Dalton

Word count: 2.4k

Warnings: mental health struggles, alcohol abuse, mentions of the “OUATIH” ending (if you know, you know)

Summary: All in the title

A/N: Hi everyone! Couldn't post anything last week since I was away from my computer, so I’m uploading two fics this week to make up for that! Hope you enjoy.

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Rick isn’t overly affectionate in public. He’s used to paparazzi following his every move, so he wants to shield you from that. In private, however, it’s a different story – Rick never misses an opportunity to shower you in some soft affection (more on that later).

He’s also big on words of affirmation. Rick is ready to ramble to anyone who’s willing to listen about how lucky he is to have you as a partner, how talented you are, how beautiful and so on and so forth. He doesn’t let you doubt his love for even a second.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Your friendship starts when Rick meets you on set. You’re kind to him, in spite of his disheveled state. You’re sweet and genuine, and that’s not something you can easily find in Hollywood. He’s a loyal friend, ready to fight for you and support you in all of your endeavors.

The two of you also go through a horrifically drawn-out period of hopeless pining. You think he’d never notice you among the sea of people he encounters and Rick thinks someone as amazing as you must have plenty of options besides him. The whole thing almost drives Cliff insane before the two of you finally get together.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Although he’s not very vocal about that fact, Rick absolutely loves cuddles. He’s pretty touch starved, so cuddling feels very sweet and intimate to him. Rick's also a little spoon through and through: when you hold him in your arms, his head on your chest as you scratch his scalp gently... Absolute heaven, the man's gone. Don’t tell anyone though.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Let’s face it, he’s not the best when it comes to cooking or cleaning. Not that he’s completely incompetent, he’s just been hiring people to do it for so long that his own skills aren’t all that great.

As for settling down… When you start dating, coming back to his big, empty house starts to feel pretty lonely for Rick. Of course, he doesn’t tell you that, but he invites you to move in pretty soon. He’s pretty defensive about his space, but he gladly lets you in.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

He’d do it in person, no matter how much it hurts him. The only reason Rick would break up with you is because he believes you deserve better than him, even if it couldn't be further from the truth. In the end, he would spiral: hating himself, blaming himself for ruining one of the few meaningful things in his life.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Rick is the “love at the first sight” type of guy. As in, the man's fully convinced he's going to marry you a week or so into knowing each other. Of course, he wouldn’t propose that soon – not only because he doesn’t want to scare you off, but also because he doesn’t want to drag you into the media spotlight. However, it doesn't matter to you. If it means you can be with Rick for the rest of your life, it's all worth it.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

He’s extremely gentle with you, to the point that it actually takes some convincing to stop him from treating you like a porcelain doll. Rick knows that Hollywood can be a harsh place, so he wants you to feel safe and relaxed with him.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Just like with cuddles, hugs are a way to express his love for Rick. He doesn’t hug you in public all that much (aside from occasional half-hug with his hand over your shoulder), but at home it’s a total snugglefest. Rick loves how your bodies connect together perfectly, warm and safe.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

A few months into your relationship. It's casual too: Rick just drops a quick "love you, bye" before heading off to work as you stand there, shocked and overjoyed. He does have a freak-out session about it later though – it’s a good thing that Cliff is there to calm him down. It’s also a good thing that you return Rick’s confession as soon as he come home, pulling your boyfriend in a tight hug.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Rick’s not controlling at all, but he does get jealous from time to time. It stems from his insecurities for the most part: there are moments when he can’t see himself as anything but a has-been with loads and loads of issues. Surely you could’ve find someone better, so why wouldn’t you? He tries to keep it all to himself because he doesn’t want to worry you, but whenever someone tries to flirt with you Rick’s in a fight mode, sometimes literally. He also apologizes profusely afterwards, even though his jealousy is never directed at you.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Rick's kisses are passionate and full of devotion. It's his way of showing you his feelings when he struggles to put them into words. His loves to kiss you on the lips and he also likes to pepper your face in quick smooches. The look of you, flustered and giggling, is pure happiness for him.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Rick doesn't really understand kids, so he acts like they’re little adults. He has the good sense to shield them from the harsher parts of life, but he generally treats them as equals. Which, for you, is insanely cute, but he'd never believe you if you told him that.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Rick isn’t a morning person, so you’re usually met with sleepy grumbling as he begs you to stay in bed “just for five more minutes”. When the both of you have time early in the morning he loves to cuddle, basking in your warmth.

By the way, making him breakfast is a sure way of turning Rick into a flustered mess. For him, nothing is more domestic and sweet.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

At night, Rick usually makes cocktails, rehearses the script for the next day or both. Of course, he doesn’t force you to stay up if you don’t want to. Still, his heart warms up when you hang around, even if the two of you just quietly exist together.

Rick also loves to practice his lines with you, even if he has the recording just for that. For him, it feels more personal, like you become a part of his work even when you’re not around.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

It’s actually a weird situation. On one hand, he wants you to know everything about him. At the beginning of your relationship, Rick would tell every Hollywood anecdote he could remember, throwing some not-so-discreet glances your way every now and then. He desperately hoped he’d be able to impress you, totally oblivious to the fact that you were impressed already.

On the other, he tries to hide all the "ugly" parts of himself because he fears you’ll love him less because of them. Of course, you’re always here to listen to him, no matter how much or little he reveals. You accept all of him and never get tired of reminding Rick of it.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

Rick's emotions are usually pretty strong, but he tends to keep it together unless it comes to hippie altercations. He’s especially patient when it comes to you though. As it’s been said, he’d hate himself if he hurt you, even by accident.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

Rick does his best. As in, he keeps a pocket journal so he can jot down little things about you – the place where you grew up, favorite dishes, what makes you smile… Although with the way he does it, everything soon turns into a mess of scribbles, so he has to spend a lot of time deciphering it like it’s some kind of an ancient text.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

The first time you casually dropped that you didn't even watch "Bounty Law" before the two of you met. You’ve said it and forgot about it immediately, but he didn’t. For Rick, it was a sign that you fell in love with him for him, not for his past or current fame. He may have also shed a tear, but he’s not telling you.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Rick’s already been protective before, but this gets on a whole new level after what happened that night. He insists on picking you up from work every time, his hand is wrapped around your waist whenever he can get away with it, he gets nervous when you don’t tell him where you’re going, even if it’s just a trip to the grocery store… Rick believes that he failed to protect you, so the thought of something, anything happening to you terrifies him. It takes a lot of time, effort and mutual trust to work through these issues.

Rick also doesn’t want you protecting him because he really wants to be that fearless badass he portrays on screen. You look out for him in other ways though, by helping him battle his demons, cheering him on and accepting him as he is, with all his flaws. Rick really can’t believe how lucky he is to have you sometimes.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Rick goes all out. When it comes to you, he throws all the money he has left and right - he wants you to feel like royalty. You enjoy little things, but he still insists on treating you, at least from time to time.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Definitely drinking. It's Rick's primary form of relaxing, medicating and forgetting about the troubles of the day, which worries you immensely. Rick can get quite stubborn and argue a lot when you confront him, even though deep down he understands that you do it out of love.

Rick’s emotions are also pretty intense most of the time, which isn’t bad by itself. Besides, being in the public eye for so long, he’s learned to control them pretty well. The awful consequence of it though is that he turns all of his unexpressed anger and frustration on himself. The way Rick talks about himself makes you feel terrible, especially the things he says when he thinks you can’t hear him. You always make sure to give him some extra love afterwards.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Weirdly enough, being a Hollywood actor and all, not that much. Rick has heard how handsome he is from his co-stars, interviewers and fans before, but all of that has no weight in his mind. That’s what they’re supposed to say, right? Just part of the business.

Rick believes you when you compliment him, though. That soft look in your eyes, the way you say it… It's all the validation he needs.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Absolutely. Rick has plenty of doubts about his career, about his life, about who he is as a person – but not with you. You really ground him in reality, make him feel safe and comfortable. He thinks that if you’re by his side, he must be doing something right.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

Deep down, Rick is a real nerd when it comes to movies. When he doesn’t star in them, he stops seeing films as opportunities, gained or lost, or a competition and starts seeing them as art. He can talk about it for hours if you let him – and of course you do, playing with his hair as he goes on and on. That passion alone makes you fall for Rick even harder, if that’s even possible.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Well, he isn’t exactly fond of “dirty fuckin’ hippies” – and you’ll have a plenty, plenty of opportunities to hear about it. He also wouldn’t date anyone who would only like him for his fame or someone who would hate his entire personality. Yeah, the last point sounds obvious, but a couple of extremely awkward dinners with Cliff and his then-wife were enough to convince Rick that it’s really not.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)          

He’s a heavy sleeper. When he’s out of it, you can all but jump on the bed – he’s not going to wake up unless there’s an earthquake happening.

Or at least that’s how it used to be until the Manson Family.

Rick hates to talk about it, but you know that the whole thing messed with his mind pretty badly. That’s also when he starts talking in his sleep – mostly in quick, panicked mumbles that you can’t quite make out. You’re currently trying to get him help; above all, you want him to be okay, always.

[pricklerick]

Thanksgiving used to be Summer’s favorite holiday.

It meant spending two whole nights with Jerry’s parents and waking up early and going for a long walk in the snow, then peeling off wet clothes just in time to watch the dog show on TV while grandma baked pumpkin pie.

Things are different now, with Grandpa Rick and Morty gone. Dad, of course, had instantly accused Grandpa Rick of kidnapping Morty. Mom had screamed that her father would never do something like that to his family, to her (even know Summer knows that deep down, her mother was very afraid that Grandpa Rick had done exactly that).

The divorce was so ugly that Summer transferred to a school in Texas, losing a bunch of her class credits just to get away from them.

Texas is good. Well, it’s hot, and Summer’s skin hates that, but the people are nice and her classes are easy, and if she stays within a certain neighborhood, she can find whatever she wants without having to edge over to the east side of town.

She even has a finance. David plays football and his parents own a ranch in the Texas hill country. They have a little money and they like to flaunt it.

Years ago, before Grandpa Rick burst into Summer’s life and started taking her little brother on adventures, before portal guns and real guns and near death experiences became Summer’s adrenaline fix, she would have been thrilled to nail down a guy like David. David is kind, and sweet, and very attractive. He’s got a good future and he’s looking at being scouted as quarterback next year.

Summer’s ring is a gaudy thing, at least two carats, and it sits heavy on her finger. She only wears it when she knows she’ll be with David or the in-laws. It’s an heirloom ring, passed down through generations, and Summer hates it. She’s forever fiddling with it, or pulling her sleeve down to cover it, or hiding it in her back pocket when she’s out with girl friends.

She doesn’t go out as often anymore - they’re seniors now, and Summer has been told that the partying needs to slow down now that David’s future is getting serious. Summer is fine with this. There’s nothing on this earth that matches a party in space, anyway.

Sometimes, Summer looks up at the night sky and wonders how she could get her hands on some of Grandpa Rick’s K-Lax. That was good stuff.

It’s easy to justify spending Thanksgiving away from home because of travel expenses and final exams. Summer’s done it three years in a row now. She doesn't often think of Beth, or of Jerry, either. She’s deeply entrenched in a new family now, invested in a future mother-in -law who insists on being called “Mama June” or even just “Mama,” and an emotionally detached father-in-law who feels that talking to a woman who is not his wife is beneath him.

Summer is spending more and more time outside, looking at the stars, wishing, remembering.

But this week, the week before break, at 2:43 am, Summer’s phone screen lights up with a call from “Beth Smith.” And when Summer, groggy and maybe already a little hungover, answers with a hoarse, “Hello?” Beth is slobbering drunk.

“Honey, please,” Beth cries, slurring her words and hitching her breaths. “I need to see my baby, Summer. It’s Thanksgiving, next week. Summer, remember? Remember Thanksgiving? You... You’re all I have left.”

Yeesh.

Summer does not want to spend her break dealing with Beth and all of her sloppy-alcoholic coping mechanisms.That’s why she’d run away to Texas to begin with.  

Summer hasn’t been home since the night they lost Morty.

She doesn’t want to go back. So she shushes Beth over the phone, lets her cry it out and then they start it all again, the crying and the shushing, over and over until Beth is nearly asleep, slurring half-formed words into her pillow.

Summer disconnects the call and drops her face into her hands. “Fuck.”

“What, babe?”

Ugh, she’d forgotten that David had stayed over.

David wraps his greedy arms around Summer’s waist and pulls her in, his naked boner brushing hot against her thigh. It makes her sick. She pulls away from him, leaning against the headboard and fumbling for the lamp. Beside her, David blinks owlishly in the light.

“I’m going home for Thanksgiving,” she tells him. No sense dragging it out.

“Oh,” says David, reaching up to stroke Summer’s cheeks and twine his fingers in her hair. Summer tenses at this, but David is oblivious, still carding his big stupid paws though Summer’s shower-damp braids and looking at her with an intensity that is frankly... terrifying. “What about coming back to Pilot Point, babe?,” he reminds her and he leans forward in an effort to pepper Summer’s face with kisses. Summer dodges them, making a show of reaching for her phone, so David grabs her hand instead. “Remember talking about seeing my folks?”

Summer is suddenly disgusted with herself. She ran away from home straight into the arms of this Mama’s boy who can hardly keep it up for the four and a half minutes it takes him to blow his load in missionary position.

Summer is a Sanchez.

She’s wondered for a while, especially after that stunt Dad pulled during the divorce, if she should have her name legally changed. She shares a quarter of Grandpa Rick’s genes, and by her rights as a Sanchez, the universe owes her good sex.

At least.

“Sorry, David,” she says and she deftly rolls away from him to stand at the edge of their shared bed. “Plans have changed. Mom needs me.”

Now David is sitting up, looking for all the world like a kicked puppy, but there’s a hardness in his eyes that Summer doesn’t like. Oh well. In for a penny, she guesses.

“Listen, dude, this isn’t working anyway. I’m not the hot little wifey on your arm that your parents are hoping you’ll find here.” She snorts, pacing around the bedroom, ticking off points on her fingers. “I don’t even want kids. I’m Summer Sanchez. I’ve been to space. I’ve seen the stars and constellations and comets and asteroids.  I’ve met people you wouldn’t believe. I’ve met planets you wouldn’t believe - sentient planets, David! I’ve hit alien drugs that would blow your tiny mind.” She’s trembling now, all keyed up, but it feels good. There’s something cathartic about acknowledging the truth after so long.

She decides that Summer Sanchez has a nice ring to it.

She lifts her hands and twirls, landing in a heap at the foot of the bed. “The best sex I ever had was with a flying lamb on Oourivian Prime, for Chrissakes.”  Summer turns, flushed and grinning, and pokes David in the chest. “You better believe I’m not settling down on a silly horse farm in Pilot Point!”

David is looking at her wide-eyed and slack-jawed, like he’s seeing her for the first time. The thought makes Summer smile a real smile. In a fit of giddiness, she pecks him playfully on the lips, sliding his ridiculous ring from her finger and curling it into his palm. “Good luck with that, babe!”

Feeling freer than she has in years, she flutters around the room, grabbing a few outfits that she likes and stuffing them haphazardly into an old gym bag. The whole thing takes less than a minute.

“Oh, and don’t take it too hard,” she calls over her shoulder, “I don’t think we’re really all that sexually compatible, anyway.” She waves a hand toward the flagging erection that is peaking from David’s boxers. “I’m more of a tentacle kind of girl, if you know what I mean.”

And so, during the fall semester of her senior year, Summer Sanchez dropped out of Texas A&M’s pre-law program and flew home to see her mother for the first time in three years.

                                                            xxx

Morty enters through the front door because he’s not a stranger. He’s not exactly sure how long it’s been on Earth - time moves differently on Morty’s  waste planet - but somehow, he hadn’t expected it to be night. It makes him feel like a burglar, walking up the concrete steps to the front door with his big black cowl pulled low over his face, a deeply ingrained habit.

“You’ve only got one face, Mo-AAAUURRGG-rty. Don’t get caught with it.”

The key code to unlock the door is the same. Morty sighs, surprised at the stress that leaves his body with this revelation. He hadn’t wanted to break into his parents’ home. Now, he doesn’t have to.

He whirls around, taking one last look at the ship he’d parked on the garage pad. He’d avoided the streetlamps best he could, managed to land very quietly (thanks for that rad auto-landing feature, Rick)partially concealed behind some overgrown azaleas.

Morty sighs, tense again. Modifications aside, that is obviously Rick’s ship to anybody who knows it. Morty hopes he can get what he needs and get out. It would be wrong to disturb whatever peace his family had managed to regain in the years he’s been gone.

The front door is squeakier than Morty remembers. He slips into the kitchen as quickly, quiet as a ghost, and pulls the door slowly to behind him.

His first thought is that he’d forgotten that home has a smell. Carpet and lemon pledge and laundry detergent, and the lingering scent of last night’s dinner all converge on his senses like a physical blow to the gut.

How could Morty have forgotten that smell?

He glances around, eyes adjusting to the dim light of the street lamps. A few scattered dishes lie in the sink, an empty wine bottle sits abandoned on the counter. He’s standing on the same ugly linoleum floor with its worn green leaf patten, so subtle you’d miss it if you didn’t know where to look.

Time hasn’t touched the kitchen.

Morty stands in his childhood home and takes three deep breaths. He thought he’d been prepared for anything and everything - all the changes. He’d been ready.

But the house is exactly the same.

It’s Morty who has changed.

Morty’s breathing speeds, and he shakes off the shudder that tempts to run down his spine. If the kitchen affected him this deeply…. He swings his gaze to the garage door that beckons ominously to his left.

Don’t think about it, he reminds himself sharply. The plan is simple - break into the garage, grab the stuff, and get out. There will be time for memories later.

Don’t think about it. Don’t think about… him.

Morty shakes himself, setting his shoulders and pulling the heavy door handle toward him as he turns it to minimize noise. Unlike the kitchen, the swing of the garage door is silent.

The darkness deepens as Morty steps down the single step - there are no windows to let in the glow of the street lights here. The air is hotter and heavy, almost stale, and as Morty turns his back to the room to slowly pull the door to, he gets the strangest feeling. It’s almost the uneasiness he feels when he walks to the grave of the other Morty who is buried in the backyard.  It raises the hairs on his neck, and Morty wonders if anybody in the family have used this garage since...

Don’t think about it.

Door secured and locked, Morty lets his fingers drift along the walls, his opposite hand outstretched in search of obstacles. But it seems that the garage is exactly as Morty remembers, and he navigates the dark with increasing confidence. He snags the dangling string - right where it should be - and tugs. The bare bulb that hangs over Rick’s work table pops and hums as it slowly blinks on, and Morty bites back a smile at the irony of the inter-galactic space genius Rick Sanchez discovering his greatest scientific breakthroughs beneath this dirty fluorescent bulb.

A thousand memories assault him at once.

“A hair, Morty, I need one of your hairs!”

“Bring me the thing. The thing. The thing. The -- the -- it's got, like, buttons on it and lights on it. It -- it -- it beeps.”

“You little son of a bitch! Y-y- are you a simulation?! Huh?! Are you a simulation??”

“I’m the Rickest Rick there is. And you know, it would - UUUURRGGHH-  go without saying that the Rickest Rick… would have the Mortyest Morty.”

“Be better than I am.”

“Don’t… Don’t think about it.”

Morty sucks in a deep breath and grits his teeth hard. Time to get busy.

                                                           xxx

Three hours later, and Morty is almost done with the garage.

He glances at the digital clock that reads 3:33. By the time he gets this stuff loaded, it’ll be nearly daylight.

Damn, he’d really hoped to get everything in one trip. Fuel for a trip to Earth from his encampment is not cheap, and this was a long trip.

He picks up the first item, a strangely lightweight box labeled “Time Travel Stuff” and heads toward the kitchen. He dares not raise the garage door - that would make too much noise.

He opens the door and comes nose to nose with Summer.

“What. The fuck. Are you doing in my grandpa’s garage?” she says slowly, advancing on him with each word.

Morty’s first thought as he stumbles backward is, “Where did my sister get a pistol?”

He trips over the step in an effort to give her some space, sending the box flying. He finds himself sprawled on the floor, space bits everywhere, and his ass is killing him. “Ah, geez,” he breathes, repositioning slowly to take the pressure off of his coccyx. It’s probably broken.

Summer’s hands are trembling, and she lowers the gun. “Morty?”

Oh. His hood had fallen when he did. Morty looks up at her, a little sheepishly, suddenly very aware of the beard he’d decided to grow a while back. “Umm, yeah,” he says lamely, still wincing at the pain. “Hi!”

There’s a funny expression on Summer’s face, like she’s thinking a billion things at once, and her eyes are wider than Morty’s ever seen them. But then her gaze hardens. “And which one are you?” she demands, looking as if she’d like to bring the gun back to his head.

Morty raises his eyebrows. He wouldn’t have expected Summer to immediately question his dimension. Clever of her. He quirks a little smile. “C-137,” he answers her, trying and mostly failing to get back on his feet. “I’m your Morty. Well, your second Morty.”

Quick as a blink, Summer slings the gun away. It lands with a clatter and she launches herself at Morty, wrapping him in a rib-creaking hug. Morty’s body tenses - hugs are definitely not his typical physical interaction. But Summer is burying her face into the crook of his neck, and Morty is surprised to find how easily it fits there. When he’d left, they’d barely stood eye to eye.

Morty is stunned. Summer has never hugged him like this. Feebly, he reaches up and lays his hand across her back. She’s shuddering. So Morty pulls her closer, shifting his weight so that his knees are beneath him, and gathers her in. She allows this, never looking up at him, and slowly, Morty relaxes into it.

“Summer?” he asks softly after what feels like a long time. He’s never been good with his sister’s emotions.

Summer cranes her neck sideways to look at him, and she’s a mess of mascara and tears, red-faced and absolutely shaking with laughter. Morty huffs with her, still utterly bewildered by girls. “What’s funny?”

“Nothing’s funny, Morty,” she tells him, but she’s still laughing, so Morty laughs with her. “You’ve been gone for three years. You’ve been legally declared dead, you asshole!” She swats him on the shoulder, but he manages to doge the blow, which only makes her face fall. She comes closer, looking more tearful now than before, and settles beside him. “We had a fucking funeral for you, you complete sack of dicks!”

Morty doesn’t know what to say, so he grabs Summer’s hand and squeezes. “Sorry.”

And he is.

Summer rolls her eyes and snorts, but there’s something softer at the edge of her lips, and she lays her head on Morty’s shoulder and sighs. Morty assumes means he’s forgiven, at least on some level.

They only sit like that for a minute or so before Morty starts to fidget. His ass is absolutely killing him, and time’s a-ticking. He needs to get out of here soon. Summer seems to read the tension in his body, because she stands abruptly and offers her hand, pulling him to his feet with an exaggerated groan.

“Thanks,” he quirks her a little half-smile, the only thing he has to offer her.

But Summer isn’t looking at him. Her eyes are tracking around the garage, noting the boxes that have been drug out and packed up. Something tightens in her face, and when she speaks, it’s in that no-nonsense tone that always drove him up the wall when they were kids.

“What happened, Morty?” Summer finishes her sweep of the garage and pins her gaze on him.

Morty nearly stumbles back at the intensity of it.

“What happened to you? Where is Grandpa Rick?”

Authors Notes:

Based on Vapor Morty, who was originally developed in this hot mess of a text post. Rick’s been kidnapped and Morty has been scouring the universe trying to find him and doing a lot of learning and growing along the way.

Kidnapped Rick saw Morty “die” just before he was kidnapped and went crazy over it. Morty obviously wasn’t dead, was trying to get to Rick to say hey, I’m all good and these guys are after you so let’s get out of here.

Morty literally lives in an intergalactic dumpster and makes a living renovating and selling weapons and machinery. He found his way home to earth because he wants to find any of Rick’s stuff that he could possibly use to track him down, or maybe even build his own portal gun.

Basically, Morty is a little badass now.

I might write more of these little drabbles if people are interested in them. Also, just really hoping I got Summer’s voice right here. Feedback is always, always appreciated, friends! My messages and ask box are open!

[myopinionhi]

Solangelo as LGBTQ Rep and Possible Issues

I do not represent the LGBT community because I’m sure a variety of LGBT fans would have various reactions to Solangelo. As a shy, bisexual person myself, I’ll speak only for myself.

I’ve noticed some people praising Solangelo for being positive LGBTQ rep and then others thinking it doesn’t deserve the praise. I can see both sides. 

I think Solangelo overall is positive LGBTQ representation. It’s not perfect. I’m glad Rick made Nico gay. However, Solangelo has one huge problem. It actually kind of suffers from a sort of harmful gay trope. The trope isn’t nearly harmful enough to take away Solangelo’s positive representation, but it’s there. I’ll elaborate more on it at the end of this essay.

Here are things I’m mostly not bothered with that others are regarding Nico and Will’s LGBT rep. 

1. Nico being outed by cupid. The infamous Cupid scene made me uncomfortable, and seeing Nico forced out of the closet hit too close to home. I could relate to a young teen struggling to accept the truth about himself. Some LGBTQ characters in media appear in an amazing LGBTQ utopia that pretends LGBTQ individuals don’t have issues with self-acceptance. Heroes of Olympus doesn’t sugarcoat Nico’s issues, because the struggle can be real for some LGBTQ individuals. Yes, Nico was forced out the closet. But he was mainly forced out of the closet to himself. It was supposed to be some sort of emotional release and self-awakening. If he stays in denial, more harm than good will come out of it. What Cupid did was cruel and was supposed to be cruel. I’d have an issue with the scene if Nico was forced out of the closet in front of a group of people, but since he was only forced out in front of Jason and then Jason respectfully keeps Nico’s secret and supports him, I actually don’t have an issue with it.

2. Nico and Will constantly argue. Nico and Will argue since Blood of Olympus. Will is aggressive with Nico. I’ve mentioned this before in a previous essay; Will has to be aggressive because Nico is on the verge of death. Nico is about to disappear into the shadows and hasn’t properly taken care of himself in a long time. After not seeing Nico in months, Will must have been devastated seeing the state of Nico’s health and seeing Nico being so stubborn and anti-social about it. Will’s anger is justified, and Nico needs that push to start being healthy after so long. Nico’s anti-social and self-depreciation also probably frustrated Will. Nico thought no one wanted to be his friend and is going to leave Camp, so Will has to be assertive to convince Nico he is wanted. 

Nico and Will’ s bickering in Lost Oracle is more affectionate bickering. They have very different personalities, so they’re going to disagree and let it be known. They have more harmless and playful disagreements. It’s actually more cute, if anything. 

The only real issue I have with their arguments is in Blood of Olympus when Will snaps at Nico by claiming “Nobody at Camp Half-Blood ever pushed you away.” and “You pushed yourself away. If you’d get your head out of that brooding cloud of yours for once...”  The harmful implication of this statement is the dismissal of Nico’s real experiences of rejection and that if he’d just stop brooding he’d be happy. The implications are....unfortunate. Don’t get me wrong. Will likely lost his patience with Nico’s stubbornness after hearing Nico say he’s leaving Camp, likely never coming back. I understand Will’s devastation, especially since he wants to be Nico’s friend and knows others who do too.

 The statement isn’t problematic because Will simply said it. It’s a human to say hurtful things. Will is an exhausted teen who’s on the verge of losing Nico. The real problem is the book doesn’t acknowledge Will’s statement as harmful. Will doesn’t apologize or acknowledge how he was wrong. Will says it and then Nico suddenly agrees to stay at Camp, implying Nico’s isolation was brought completely on himself. Hypothetically, if Will acknowledges his mistakes later, like in Tower of Nero, then this unfortunate line is more forgivable. 

3. Nico has barely accepted himself. He’s not ready for a boyfriend. I’d accept this argument if Will and Nico started dating at the end of Blood of Olympus. Fortunately, they don’t. Nico doesn’t even acknowledge having feelings for Will to himself. It’s only implied. I find the many fanfictions having Will and Nico dating after Nico stays at the infirmary for three days unrealistic and rushed. But not this. Will and Nico aren’t a confirmed couple until Hidden Oracle, which happens months after Blood of Olympus. If Nico gets emotional healing and bonds with Will for months, it’s not unreasonable for them to be dating. Even their official relationship in Hidden Oracle seems pretty casual and low stress.

4. Will has Nico on a short leash. No Will doesn’t. After Blood of Olympus, when Will tries to save Nico’s life, Will isn’t controlling. He may tell Nico to be nicer or would bicker, but nothing  too overbearing. Will teases Nico for not calling him his boyfriend and doesn’t get angry when Nico shadow-travels in Hidden Oracle. Nico seems to want to be around Will on his own accord. He enjoys being around Will, hence the doctor’s note. 

5. Will “fixed” Nico and/or Nico became too dependent on Will. No, the reason Nico is happier in Hidden Oracle is because he has learned to accept himself and he has family and friends supporting him. Some of the most important loved ones for Nico include Hazel, Reyna, Jason, and the rest of the Seven. Blood of Olympus gives more focus and development to Reyna and Nico’s relationship than Nico and Will’s relationship. Will is the straw that broke the camels back, but it’s the accumulation of impactful events and support that gets Nico to happiness. Will helped, especially with Nico’s physical health. When Nico decides to stay at Camp Half-Blood, it’s likely he sees his home in Camp Half-Blood than Camp Jupiter. Bianca trusted Camp Half-Blood to take care of Nico. Nico and Will’s relationship did grow after Blood of Olympus, and Will’s support helps Nico, but there’s no indication of Will be Nico’s “fixer”. He’s just Nico’s friend and boyfriend.

Here’s an interesting argument I’ve been pondering.

Will can’t be both Nico’s doctor and his boyfriend. This argument interests me because if Will had a crush on Nico during Blood of Olympus, he maybe shouldn’t treat Nico as a patient. I’ve seen too many creepy fanfictions of Will using his authority as Nico’s doctor to get closer to Nico. However, Will likely is also the one who knows what’s best for Nico’s health. He’s a better healer even than Apollo. He may also be the only one who knows how save Nico from fading into the shadows in Blood of Olympus since Nico’s powers are unusual. Will’s emotional investment in Nico interferes with objectivity. Then again, Will may be emotionally invested with many people in Camp-Halfblood as well, and Will is the one with the best healing. Will’s doctor’s note for Nico to sit at the Apollo table does touch upon Will’s professional conflict of interest with Nico. It’s possible Will can keep it completely professional as Nico’s doctor since he’s a natural-born healer, but it’s relying on the good-faith of a teenager. 

It seems unfair to deprive Nico of the best medical care because Will is his boyfriend. Especially during the winter, it’s possible Kayla’s and Austin’s healing abilities are very inferior to Will’s. At the same time though, there’s conflicts of interest when Will has Nico as his patient. 

Here’s one issue I have in regards to Nico’s crush on Percy.

We don’t know how Nico gets over his crush on Percy. We’re never shown Nico’s POV until Blood of Olympus, so it’s very possible Nico goes through some self-realization after the Cupid scene. I find Nico’s dropped crush on Percy disappointing. I would have liked to see Nico admit there’s still some lingering, painful feelings towards Percy for a little while during Blood of Olympus. It would have been interesting seeing Nico accept the heartbreak and move on. Percy was Nico’s first love and someone who Nico invested in for years. House of Hades seems to imply there is still some lingering feelings, but then it’s dropped in Blood of Olympus, and Nico says to Percy “you’re not my type.” It’s lazy writing. It’s like Rick made Nico gay for Percy for that gay angst but then didn’t feel like following through. Nico’s crush on Percy affected Nico for years. How is it dropped within two books?!

The main issue I have with Solangelo

Their romance and relationship is hidden. Okay, if Will didn’t call Nico his boyfriend and Apollo didn’t gush over their relationship in Hidden Oracle, we wouldn’t know they’re in a romantic relationship. All their actions are completely platonic. I get that Nico’s probably not into PDA. I get romantic pet names may be too embarrassing for Nico. I get they may not want to flaunt their relationship. I get they may not want to hold hands. I get they’d want to keep their relationship private. I get they’re young. I get Nico doesn’t like being touched. I get Trials of Apollo is only from Apollo’s POV. That’s not the issue. 

What actions do they have that imply they’re boyfriends instead of friends? The most affectionate they’ve gotten is Nico resting his hand on Will’s shoulder, Will casually leaning on Nico before the three-legged race, or Nico grabbing Will’s hand once to shadow-travel to the chariot. There’s not really any tiny romantic actions. There’s no clear romantic flirting, loving gazes, hand squeezes, hugs, legs touching, footsies, kisses on the head, or hugs. Only a couple of these small romantic actions are all that’s necessary. Nico and Will don’t have to go as far as kissing and cuddling. The relationship gets brownie points for using the label "boyfriend”, but then homophobes don’t have to be squeamish about two guys getting even a tiny bit of romantic affection. It’s too easy to censor the explicit gayness of their relationship because there’s not much to possibly censor. 

Their absent romantic affection is only half of it though. Another major problem is Solangelo is only in two books. Even when they’re in those two books, their relationship doesn’t get a lot of scenes. In Blood of Olympus, Will and Nico work together and bicker during the battle against Gaia. It’s heartwarming, but they don’t even meet up until more than halfway into the book. In Hidden Oracle, Nico and Will are only in a handful of scenes, and many of these moments are brief. When Will and Nico are shown, they have chemistry. They clearly care and support each other. But this groundbreaking relationship of theirs doesn’t have much. Will is the son of Apollo, and, not including Tower of Nero for now, only appears in Hidden Oracle during Trials of Apollo. Why does Will Solace only appear in 1 (2 including Tower of Nero) books in Trials of Apollo even though his dad is the main character? We don’t know. He could be strong LGBTQ rep with a boyfriend, but....nope. 

The same-sex ships get tiny crumbs, and then you’ve got all these straight ships shown and developed in more than two or three books. I’m worried Solangelo is falling under the “But Not Too Gay” trope, where an author wants a gay couple for representation credit, but then won’t give them the same appreciation as straight couples.  

Don’t get me wrong. I’d much rather have Nico be gay, and I’d much rather have Solangelo be a couple. I think their relationship is wholesome, and what’s shown of them has positive representation. I don’t find Nico’s LGBTQ representation too problematic. It’s just sort of....missing something important that could make it really positive. For what it’s worth, I appreciate the Solangelo crumbs, and it meant a lot to me growing up. 

[zarchomp]

Bojack Horseman is my favourite show ever, and the more I analyze it, the more I continue to think it is the best show ever made.

I first watched it at a point in my life when I was at the lowest point I'd ever been in. I never felt good, and I felt like I'd never ever be okay. I'd been going to therapy for about 3-4 years at that point, but everything about my life felt completely negative and bad, like I could never be good. I started watching Bojack after finishing some other cartoons like futurama and Rick and Morty. And I genuinely felt like it was a show made for me specifically.

Without even going into any of the themes present in the show, it is beautifully constructed. It is completely consistent with itself, and never leaves any loose threads. Even when you think it will, it doesn't. The storytelling techniques are incredible and ever changing. Fish Out of Water and Free Churro are great examples of how the show can shine beautifully in completely different ways, one being completely without dialogue, and the other as a monologue, taking place in one location. But really, pretty much any episode could be taken and used as an example of how to build an amazing episode of television.

The animation, writing, acting, and sound design is incredible. Obviosuly, one of the worst self sabotaging things Bojack ever did was in New Mexico. The build up to that point, though showing his self sabotaging behaviour in the past makes this scene so believable. Despite pretty much the entire New Mexico storyline being in one 20 minute episode, the guitar sting which represent it are still absolutely haunting, years after I first watched the episode. The impact of this storyline, or Sarah Lynn's significance in Bojack's life shows how amazing the writing is on the show.

Not only is it a beautiful show, but it's also really funny. The jokes and timing are fantastic, and the ability of the show to balance genuine good comedy with some of the most tragic scenes I've seen in my entire life shows the versatility of each and every creative involved.

In terms of the themes of the show, I cant properly express how fantastic they are. It is often talked about how great the representation of mental illness is, but it goes a lot farther than that. Bojack is a bad person. He has ruined lives, both before the show and during. His behaviour is completely terrible. The show doesn't try and tell you he's a good person, deep down, but there are so many moments throughout the show where he is truthful and honest with himself, and you see his goodness shine through. The show itself tells you not to root for Bojack, but rather watch him grow. His journey is a slow, drawn out one. Throughout the series, he slowly progresses from being in denial about the fact that he's messed up, to finally be willing to actually change and take accountability for his actions, though this never ever makes him seem like a good person, but instead you see how bad he can actually be. Bojack Horseman shows the affect mental illness and addiction can have on you and the people you care about.

It also shows lots of different representations of mental illness and life. While Bojack is the main character, he isn't always the most important person in the show. Princess Carolyn, Diane, Mr Peanutbutter, and Todd are all treated in the show with as much respect as Bojack, and their storylines are strong independently of their intersection with Bojack's, which feels very true to real life, where everyone is doing their own thing. The struggles of all the main cast are important, whether mentally, emotionally, professionally, or otherwise. In a lot of ways, these characters demonstrate the realities of just being a person who exists in this world, and that's pretty cool.

In the end though, the show is about growth, plain and simple. It's not overcomplicated, but it shows the complexity of acceptance. The show's main principles are simple; being a good person is harder than it looks, but more important than anything else, and sometimes you need help getting there. The show examines this through so many different lenses, and the intricacies of all the different ways in which Bojack addresses this main issue are endless. Bojack Horseman doesn't over burden itself with too many pointless ideas or threads, but rather it focuses on something important and sees it through.

Like I said, part of me actually believes that Bojack Horseman was a show made for me specifically, because I think it's perfect. I'm incredible excited for the end of it. I generally don't trust creators to give me what I want, but at this point I don't even know what I want. That being said, I'm sure whatever it is will be made, as it always has so far. And I will be heartbroken if it doesn't. That's not the point though. I wholeheartedly believe that Bojack Horseman is a perfect show. It means the world to me.

[txladyj-blog]

Chapter 5 - This Time Around

a Daryl Dixon x OFC collaboration written by @xmistressmistrustx​

Rating: Explicit

Relationship: Daryl Dixon/Original Female Character

Tags: Friendship, Friends to Lovers, Awkwardness, Awkward Flirting, Awkward Crush, Fluff and Humor, Angst and Humor, Mild Smut, Strong Language, Eventual Sex, Eventual Romance, Slow Burn, Canon Divergence, Some Canon Scenes and Dialogue

Chapters 15/?

Sleep. It’s when the body recovers and processes the day’s events. It makes things clearer and allows for a new perspective. Resting the mind, the body and the soul all at once. That is, where decent sleep can be attained.

Jess tossed and turned in her sleeping bag all night, tears staining her thin and threadbare pillow. Eventually, when the exhaustion of humiliation and rage had defeated her, she drifted off in the early hours of the morning only to dream of being chased and jolting awake a mere hour later. Her eyes felt puffy and stung with the reminder that emotionally, she desperately needed a break. She sat up, wiped the sleep from her eyes and faced the dread that festered deep inside. Facing everyone after the events of the night before was going to be tough, she knew that much.

When she emerged from her tent, she quickly scanned the camp, seeing no sign of Sarah and Jodie and figuring that it was a good start at least. Carol and Andrea offered her a small smile as they stood and talked by the RV and Dale lifted a hand in a small wave from his perch at the top. Aside from their small acknowledgements, no one else looked up as she headed for the food station. The minimal and careless reaction she received did something to aid her relief at least and she sensed her heart rate calm and her anxiety lessen.

After a night of replaying her recent torture by Sarah and Jodie, she wanted nothing more than to sit next to the one person she found solace with, but even he seemed too far out of reach. She knew deep down his distance from her was down to being associated with the girl that was constantly made fun of. She wasn’t the only one that had been humiliated. The thought of giving up on their friendship was not one she wanted to entertain and so, she had to at least try to talk to him.

Sitting on a rounded rock, alone and with eyes pinned on the still water, like a sheet of glass in front of him, Daryl could hear footsteps wandering across the gravel towards him. He sighed, knowing it was Jess and feeling more torn than ever. Half of him wanted to yell at her and make her go away. To tell her that he was not the type of person to maintain friendships and that he was better on his own, without the hassle of drawing attention from the lesser liked members of the group. The other half craved her company, her lighthearted banter, her smile, the gentle way she nudged his arm and laughed quietly when she was making fun of him. It was this half that was stronger, but he was locked in a war with them both.

“Hi” She said quietly.

A quick glance at her told him she had been severely affected by what had happened. Dark circles under her eyes told of a sleepless night spent crying and pouring over the details. The ‘what if’s’ the ‘maybe I could have’s’. His heart stung with sympathy but his face displayed nothing. A blank expression.

“Hey” He grunted.

She held out a metal bowl to him. It was another habit of their friendship that had suddenly become as routine as their nightly RV meeting place. She would wake as early as him, before many of the others would stir. She’d fix them some food and they’d sit together and eat quietly as the sun crept up into the sky and the warmth in the air became heavy and intense. Jess was never much of a morning person but her disturbed sleeping pattern and her unavoidable new life meant she was adapting and although she rarely spoke much before the others began to emerge from their tents, she enjoyed the fact that Daryl obviously felt the same about the comfort of the morning routine, having never complained or walked off until she moved first.

“Brought you some breakfast.” She told him.

“I ain't hungry.” He muttered. His body was rigid, stressed and on edge and no matter how many cigarettes he smoked, he could not ease the tension in his muscles. He wasn’t lying. Food was the last thing on his mind.

“You can always eat, Daryl.” She smiled.

“Said I ain't hungry.” He snapped. His chest constricted with guilt.

I’m being an asshole to her. Again. Why do I do this?

She immediately noticed his changed attitude towards her and joined the dots, realizing that he was angry about the previous night.

“Look, about last night-” She started

“-I don’t wanna talk about that.” He cut in

“But, I don’t-”

His head snapped around and his eyes met hers. To her dismay, they were filled with fury and she almost flinched at his aggressive attitude towards her.

“-What is wrong with you?! Huh?!” He raged “We ain’t gonna be no best friends! I don’t have friends n’ I don’t want ‘em neither! I don’t work that way! So just give it up!”

Her mouth dropped open and she blinked at him in disbelief. It was no secret that Daryl could be unpredictable and sharp tongued, but she had seen very little of it directed at her until that moment. Her entire body recoiled and screamed at her to leave before she was faced with more bitter disappointment and hurt.

Still clutching the bowl, she turned and walked away. Her path was blurred through yet more tears and she considered that if she was going to cry at anything since the turn, it would be the loss of her friends and family. But it was different, Daryl had changed things. Sarah and Jodie had changed things. She was mixed up, confused and frustrated.

Daryl grit his teeth and swallowed hard as he watched her walk away. Sliding from the rock, he started after her, boots noisily crashing through the pebbles of the shore. But his mind was too filled with complexities to have formed any kind of calm and coherent conversation. He stopped and raised his arms, his hands pushing into his hair on each side as he closed his eyes.

“Shit.”

He didn’t know why he was angry at her, logic told him that none of it was her fault. She was merely an unfortunate and easy target, but the humiliation was still raw and he still felt it from the night before. Always being an outcast and a target himself during high school and in the small, mountain town where he and his brother lived, Daryl had quickly become tired with being kicked when he was down and being dealt the worst hand. He evolved as he aged into what people that knew of him saw as a mini-me version of Merle and it was a judgement he couldn’t seem to shake and so eventually accepted. But the truth was, he wasn’t like Merle. He was empathetic and sensitive, two traits that would only get him targeted even more. He knew how Jess felt, maybe it was why he had raged at her, the all too familiar feeling of being so publicly ridiculed. Or, maybe it was because he felt genuine, powerful concern for her that had startled him and he didn’t know where it had come from or to do with it.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Sarah flashed Daryl a wide grin as she approached him on the slope but received nothing but a scowl in return. She could see why the camp nerd had attached herself to him, he was brave, mysterious and surly. Not like the other men in the camp and he had garnered her admiration from the day she turned up with Jodie in tow, both shaking with fear and exhausted from the hike up the mountain. Merle had been easier to get through to, easier to persuade to follow her into the woods so she could use him to forget for a while.

It was an occurrence that he didn’t want a single soul to know about and gathered that Sarah felt the same. Daryl didn’t even register the first time she propositioned him, he’d shrugged off her passing, flirtatious comment as nothing, but it occurred to him when she tried a second time and made it more than obvious that she wanted something from him. He knew of girls like her. Whiter than white, rich kids from privileged backgrounds who love to make out that they’re so wholesome and in a position to persecute everyone else for their bad decisions, all the while going about numbing their own pain with the same activities they claim to loathe in others. When she confronted him in the tree line one evening and shoved him against a tree, he felt her hand cup between his legs and for a split second thought he might be having some kind of screwed up dream. Sarah’s long blonde hair tickled over his arms when she pressed herself to his body and brought her lips close to his ear.

“Wanna have a little fun, Daryl?”

His face twisted with disgust as he shoved her away from him, stopping himself from going as far as pointing his crossbow at her.

“Get the fuck away from me” He warned while she regained her footing on the woodland floor and stared at him with a determined look on her face.

“C’mon, let’s just forget for a while” She purred, reaching a hand out and dragging her fingertips down his bicep and biting her lip. “You’re hot. I’m hot. I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.” He grabbed her wrist so quickly it made her jump, his fingers like a vice as he used her arm to propel her backwards until her back hit a nearby tree and the air was knocked from her lungs, she buckled over and wheezed before gasping up at him in shock.

Self control was something Daryl was either good at or impulsive with, depending on the situation. Stood before a fed faced, coughing Sarah, all he wanted to do was shoot her in the face. But he wasn’t about to risk the place in the camp that he had earned. He knew Rick would banish him and probably Merle too for killing the living. He found himself inches from her face, sweat trickling down his temple.

“Don’t ever touch me again.” He growled.

Storming off into the dimly lit woods, he withdrew his knife from its holster and veered off in the direction where he’d last seen Walkers, needing to expel some rage.

When he noticed Sarah walking down the slope towards him, he decided that his lack of action to defend Jess and himself had meant that she thought she had triumphed over them, and so he needed the satisfaction of confronting her. But it wasn't just that, it was also years of being tormented, of seeing other kids dragged through the same ordeals. Dragged down to rock bottom by insecure, selfish kids that just made an already difficult childhood and life even harder. It was more than one thing. It was a multitude of things that Sarah represented and finally, he'd decided enough was enough.

Wearing a thin, dusty pink cami top that left nothing to the imagination, she ran a hand though her hair, gathering it at one side and winking at him. The tiny gesture did nothing but make him want to yell in her face. He stopped in her path and noted her looking him up and down with approval.

“Changed your mind?” She asked with a raised eyebrow.

Hi stomach churned. He couldn't think of anything less appealing. Merle's leftover's which happened to be highly undesirable in the first place. Daryl wasn't altogether as interested in the fairer sex as his brother was. Having never encountered a woman that possessed the traits in which he found attractive. While Merle went for the physical aspects of a female, Daryl was more drawn to the complexities of one's character and personality; Honesty, integrity, a sense of humour and a level of intelligence. As a result, the likes of Sarah was the embodiment of everything he despised.

“The hell was that last night?” He snapped.

“Just lightening the mood. Everybody’s so tense and boring around here.” She complained, rolling her eyes and twirling a piece of blonde hair around her fingers.

“Yeah?” He squared up to her, closing the gap between them. She tried to back up, stopping when she realized she was almost flat against the crumbling wall of the walkway to the quarry. “The next time ya do somethin’ like that for fun, ya better watch ya back, ‘cause you’ll be the one I trip up in front of Walkers to buy everybody else some time.”

An unsure but mischievous smile crept across her face.

“You’re real sexy when you’re mad, Y’know that? I bet you can unleash all kinds of rage in the bedroom. Can see why she’s got such a huge crush on you. It’s a pity your taste in women is so terrible, you sure you’d rather get your kicks with her over me?”

Actually, I would but I’m not about to admit that to you.

An idea crossed his mind. A risky one but an appealing one nonetheless. Sarah and Jodie toyed with Jess like a cat toys with a mouse before it kills it. Bit by bit, stealing small parts of its life force away. Daryl very deliberately dragged his eyes from her face, all the way down her body and back up again.

“You really wanna go to the woods with me?” He asked.

“You were my first choice, you know that.” She grinned.

“Alright, you gonna make it worth my while?” He asked.

“Oh yeah.”

Impulsivity. It was one of his flaws. His emotions and sensitivity leading him astray, into the realm of snap decisions that he sometimes regretted. But in the grand scheme of things, he couldn't see how any consequences that developed from his sudden idea could possibly make anything worse.

“Follow me.” He instructed with a small nudge of his head.

In the woods, Daryl walked as far as he could before reaching the border, stopping and leaning against a tree. He wiped his brow with the back of his hand and tilted his head back at Sarah, who had halted in front of him and was looking at him like a lion eyeballs a steak. Merle was the better manipulator out of the two of them, but Daryl possessed the higher intellect that meant he knew exactly what to do going forward. Sarah was a simple creature, after one thing and one thing only. All he had to do was lead her there and she would do the rest.

“C’mon, get over here” He encouraged. "Unless ya shy."

“I’m not the shy type.” She purred as she moved close to him began skimming her fingertips along the edge of his leather vest, drawing subtle lines down his chest. Everything in him was screaming to be removed from the situation. The sensation of her fingertips skimming down his chest over his shirt felt like pure poison.

“Bet you can be a real bad girl, huh?” He asked. She slowly peered up at him, licking her lips. He let her close the gap between them and felt her nose and lips graze the side of his face.

"You wanna find out how bad I can be?" She uttered against his skin.

He clenched his jaw in disgust and wondered how anyone could possibly enjoy this kind of seedy and nauseating state of affairs. He took a deep breath before rapidly seizing her shoulders and ramming her back against the opposite tree. Her back hit the bark with a thump and shock flashed across her face, her hands coming up and tugging at his wrists. She wriggled under the pressure of his weight, his forearm now clamped across her chest and rendering her immobile. He levelled his eyes at her, his glare burning into her self-centered soul.

“I ain't never laid no violent hand on a woman, but you ain't no woman. You’re nothin’ but a fuckin’ parasite. I wouldn’t screw you if my life depended on it. What ya did to that girl was fuckin’ low. She ain’t never done nothin’ to you.” He seethed, finally standing up for Jess’s honor didn’t feel as strange as he imagined it to. In fact, it felt totally right.

“That’s cute. You’re defending poor, chubby Jennifer” she pouted breathlessly

This bitch really doesn’t give up.

Daryl suddenly felt like he was watching someone else make a move as his hand lowered and took hold of his hunting knife. In a split second, the shiny, silver blade was pressed against Sarah’s throat and her eyes flashed with pure terror. The knife pressed further towards her skin and he knew he’d have to let up soon or he really would end up killing her. Her chin rippled and a small, frightened whimper was enough to tell Daryl that he had succeeded in scaring her into submission. Finally, she gave in, her cheeks suddenly wet with tears.

“Her name’s Jess, dumbass.” He spat. “I don’t know how the hell you’re even still alive if ya this fuckin’ stupid. You even look at her again n’ I’ll slit ya goddamn throat and leave ya out here to the Walkers. You understandin’ me?”

She nodded tearfully, sniffing and still trying to feebly pull on his arm to release her. But Daryl only moved when he was ready, staring her down before he eventually released her and was gone in the blink of an eye.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Jess didn’t move from her tent for the entire day. She ignored Carol’s attempt to coax her out to eat something and Glenn checking in on her by peering around the zipper of the tents entrance. In the night, she got up and wandered down to the water's edge. Unbeknownst to her, Daryl was sat in the dark, smoking and reflecting upon his actions that day. He was sure that Sarah deserved to be frightened into ceasing her childish and spiteful antics, but he was unsure if his violent threat had been the right move to make. He had never hurt or threatened a woman before, telling himself his whole life that he would be nothing like his father. But in that moment, with Sarah shoved against a tree with a blade to her throat, he wanted nothing more than to be able to follow through with his threat, especially when he visualized Jess’s horrified and devastated face while she watched in horror as Sarah read her journal aloud. He was some distance from her, far enough back from the water for her not to notice his presence but close enough to see her hugging her knees, lit by the moon and hear her quiet sobbing.

It was a sunny, Sunday afternoon. The first Jess and her family had spent in their new home on the Army base in Ft Rucker. Their sixth, official military base home in as many years. Moving so much had come at a cost, Jess never really settled anywhere and found it difficult to hold down friendships. Her studies suffered and her parents piled on the pressure to succeed despite her struggles. She wasn’t like them, not an overachiever in everything she tried and as a result, always felt a little outcast, even from her own immediate family. But she loved them unconditionally anyway. The Barbeque was in full swing, the burgers were being slid into buns and piled up on the table in the yard, the smell of charcoal and burning meat filling her nostrils and cementing its place in her memory as a connection to one of the most enjoyable afternoons of her life. Jess and her older brother played cards while sipping punch made from fruit juices and an extremely large bottle of rum that her father had emptied into it without her mother knowing. He offered Jess a small wink after he hid the empty bottle in a cupboard and carried the punch bowl outside. They ate as much as humanly possible in one sitting, laughed and felt the hazy blur of alcohol after a couple of hours and finished up the evening with a loud and boisterous game of charades. If she could choose to have anything, to go back to any point in time, she wouldn’t erase the last few hours, she would simply opt to go back to that day and relive it again. To be with her family and drink her father’s super strong punch and eat four burgers without caring what anyone thought. But she was stuck in a quarry, in a camp at the end of the world with Sarah and Jodie, the type of people she despised, a bunch of others that she hardly knew and didn’t want to, even though their hearts seemed good and their intentions were sincere. And Daryl, she didn’t know what she thought of him anymore.

He finished his smoke and drew in a deep and thoughtful breath. His heart told him to go to her, but his head said otherwise. He was getting attached; he knew that much because the feeling itself was unknown to him. He’d never felt it before about anyone, never cared enough. Certainly not enough to hold a knife to another human's throat in their honor. It was dangerous to become attached to people, he couldn’t trust them and didn’t need to rely on them and eventually, everyone goes away in the end in some way or another. But Jess seemed different and he pondered if it would be so bad to just have one friend. To have that one person that knew him more than his brother did. His heart won the battle and he got up and went to her, his boots crunching on the gravel. When she heard him near her, she jumped up and swiped tears from her face with her sleeve.

“Hey, Jess.” He said.

It was most unusual, the use of her name in his greeting to her. From this simple and apparently meaningless phrase, she knew everything had changed.

“Hi” She sniffed.

He sighed when he saw her puffy face, a tear glistening in the moonlight on her cheek. In his whole life, he was certain he’d not felt an ounce of sympathy when anyone cried, but stood there before Jess, who was undeserving and innocent, his chest hurt and he wanted to do something totally out of the ordinary…he wanted to hug her.

“Heard ya cryin.” Was all he said instead, unable to muster the courage for physical contact.

“Bad day at the office,” she remarked.

It was clearer than ever that she was the only person he’d ever spoken to that seemed to want to be around him and be his friend. His angry and embarrassed reaction to recent events meant he took it out on her with no grounds in which to do so, but it was all he knew and what she’d written in her journal had made everything exceptionally awkward.

“S’my fault. Shouldn’t have gone in on ya like that” He admitted.

“Don’t worry about it. I’m going to bed. Goodnight.” She responded, turning her back and walking to the slope.

Something in Daryl urged him to stop her. To say something. Anything to prevent her from walking away and the situation remaining unsolved or even improved in the slightest.

“Hey. Wait.” He called out, but she continued to walk, bringing a hand up and wiping her face again. “Jess. Stop. Please” He tried again. She stopped but didn’t grace him with turning around or even a glance over her shoulder. She couldn’t look at him, too mortified to be near him.

“Just ignore ‘em.”

By all accounts and by his own admission, it was a feeble and pathetic attempt to soothe her feelings. Far from being an expert, the intention was there but the know how and the sensitivity lacked. However, Jess couldn’t deny that she appreciated his effort, it was just too little, too late. Finally spinning around to face him, she flapped her arms by her sides with exasperation.

“You said it yourself, we weren’t even friends in the first place. Why are you even talking to me?” She asked, by that point totally done with skirting around the issue and feeling her temper beginning to rise.

“That was just some shit I said in anger.” Daryl tried to explain as honestly and to the point as possible.

“C’mon, Daryl. Don’t say that just because you feel guilty for yelling at me and being a dick for the past few days. You don’t even have a right to be angry at me, I haven’t done anything wrong. You don’t like me any more than they do. I’ve just forced you to talk to me since I’ve been here.” She argued. Her body language had changed, now laced with hints of anger and irritation as her hands flew up every time she started a new sentence.

“I don’t do nothin I don’t wanna do.” He told her.

She wiped at her face again, her skin still damp and puffy and the extra tears now doing nothing but increasing her anger. He wished he could say what he wanted to say but far from being an expert at such confrontations, he was having trouble getting his point across. Panic set in when he saw her try to leave again and so he blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

“The way you are with me, ain’t like nobody else.”

She halted and shot him a confused look.

“What does that even mean? I’ve always treated you like you’re another human being.” She cried with exasperation. If no one in the camp had heard her raised voice by now, they were lucky.

“Yeah” He agreed. “Exactly.”

Then, she understood. His uncomfortable expression, his hands pushed into his jeans pockets and the fact that he was still stood there despite the emotional toll of the topic, told her a lot. He was trying. What she couldn’t decide, was if it was through guilt, or because he genuinely cared. The prospect of them carrying on as friends after the journal incident was a ridiculous notion to Jess. Nothing would ever be the same again and neither of them had asked for it.

“I’m sorry you had to hear all that. What she read out. I-I didn’t know what I was talking about when I wrote it.” She attempted to explain.

“Don’t have to explain. It’s alright.” He dismissed as he dug a boot into the dirt.  

“I don’t want you thinking that the only reason I hang out with you is because I think your attractive or that I have a stupid crush on you. That’s not the reason I talk to you so much.” She confirmed with little belief that it would do anything to stop him going over what he had heard every time he looked at her.

“I know.” He mumbled

“I mean, I’m not saying you’re not attractive. You obviously… are. Very attractive. I just…”

I’m digging my own grave here. Stop talking.

“Nevermind.”

She heard him huff and caught him smiling in the moonlight. It was an overly shy smile and in that moment, during the most difficult conversation they’d ever had about a subject that was leaving them both highly uncomfortable, she had delivered a compliment to him that she was convinced had actually made him blush. To her it was the most amazing thing and a sight she could have looked at all night. He appeared so bashful that his lip curled up into an almost never ending half smile and he could only look out across the water. Her growing affection for him intensified in those few seconds.

“Um…Thanks.” He grunted

She sighed and dropped her gaze to the floor, sensing him studying her silently for a moment. He was baffled by his urge to protect her having previously failed to see how much their friendship had grown over the months they’d spent at the camp.

“We are friends. Alright? And I don’t think you’re a loser.” He wanted her to know.

She slowly looked up at him and he wished it was lighter, just a little more, so he could see her eyes and try to gauge how she was reacting. But a silhouetted figure and a darkness shrouded face was all he had to work with.

“Maybe a little weird…n’ too damn loud in the woods. But ya ain’t no loser.” He added, lightheartedly.

Just smile at me. Please.

“Not sure about that.” She whispered as she wrapped her arms around herself, hugging her torso.

“Jess, it don’t matter. What she did. What she read out. It don’t matter.”

It was a last-ditch attempt at trying to convince her to put it all behind her and try and start over. For a fleeting moment, he thought she was about to agree when she offered him a small smile. But then, she started to back away.

“Matters to me.”

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Such a conversation with Daryl was a first and Jess lay in her tent with her head propped up on her backpack full of clothes and over thought every single detail. It was one of her downfalls, overanalyzing everything and coming up with six when she put two and two together. The stitching on the inside of the roof of the tent was now serving a different purpose than to just keep a roof over her head. It was now a visual representation of every single time she’d been hurt by Sarah or Jodie. Every little quip or whisper sewn into the fabric just like it was now sewn into the fabric of her being.

Sitting up, she crawled to the front of the tent and checked the top of the RV. Andrea was sat alone at the top, reading a book. No sign of Daryl. She growled to herself. Typical. She wanted to find him, to speak to him and tell him that she was willing to try and put everything behind her and continue to be his friend if he wanted her to be. That she’d had time to think and decided that the friendship that had blossomed from nowhere between them was too good a thing to throw away.

She climbed out of her tent, crossed the clearing and approached the slope that led down to the water, checking the place she’d last seen him made the most sense to her. Hearing whispers in front of her from the cloak of darkness, she detected Merle’s voice, along with Daryl’s.  

“I hear you right earlier? Ya ain’t comin’ into the city.” Merle asked.

“No. Ya only want whiskey, Merle. Rick was right, s’a bad idea.” Daryl replied, shooting the idea down in flames.

“That little girlfriend of yours got ya all mixed up? You ain’t no fun no more” Merle complained.

Jess sighed, releasing a huff of anger at the notion that everyone seemed to have it in for them.

“She ain’t my girlfriend, man. Get outta here with that shit.” Daryl protested.

“We all heard what she wrote in that diary o’hers. Tellin’ me you wouldn’t tap that? it wouldn’t take much convincin’.”

“Stop.” came Daryl's short warning.

“Oh, I see it now. She actually means somethin’ to you, don’t she? That the reason our plan means diddly squat to you now? ‘Cause ya went ‘n caught some feelin’s for the little, fat chick?”

Ignoring Merle’s offensive description of her, Jess’s mind raced with the possible responses Daryl could have to the question. Would he tell his brother that he cared about her? Would he just brush it off and remind him they were just friends? Or was she about to hear him confess to seeing her the same way as she saw him?

“The plan ain’t a plan no more because it was a fuckin’ dumb idea! She’s just a girl, she don’t mean shit to me, alright?! Just drop it.”

In the blink of an eye, upon the delivery of one sentence, Jess stopped believing in happy endings. She knew fairytales didn’t exist and it was confirmed for her that she would never fully trust anyone again. Her sneakers scraped up over the gravel as she began to back away from the sound of the voices. Her heart was undoubtedly broken, but she was done with crying over it. 

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

I think it’s time I left this place. Maybe it’s better to keep moving. I don’t contribute anything to the group that can’t be replaced by somebody else and I don’t think I can live with the humiliation that Sarah and Jodie have caused. I also overheard Daryl telling his brother that I mean nothing to him. I thought we were friends at least. I should have known his mixed signals were lies. I’m so stupid. What was I thinking? In hindsight, it was obvious that getting attached to someone like him would only get me hurt. But I just had that hope. Stupid, wasted, dangerous hope. I still can’t believe it’s all been a lie.

I stole a gun from the RV and a couple cans of food that nobody will notice are gone until I’m at least a few miles out. Hopefully, it’ll help to keep me going on my way back to the city. I suspect Daryl may try to track me at first, but at least I know now that it won’t be because he cares. It’ll be because people will ask him to. Maybe Carol, or Carl. I’ll miss them and I hope they make it.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Two hours was all he needed. Two hours of broken sleep and he was up and tracking rabbits in the woods. The task at hand would have been easy enough, having been performed a million and one times over. But that was when his head was clearer and his circumstances were different. Even before the turn, there was always something hanging over him right from when he was a child. His father’s violence, his mothers drinking, Merle’s increasing absence, school, bar fights, drugs, bail money. The only tranquility in Daryl’s whirlwind of a life was the woods. The place he felt like he could be himself and stop entertaining thoughts of whatever issue he had to deal with that day. But now the world had changed and so had he, thanks to the introverted but chatty girl he had befriended and managed to hurt at the same time. He told himself; one more rabbit. It would be enough and then he could go back to camp and sit with her. He didn’t plan on saying much, but he hoped his presence alone would be enough for her to see that he wasn’t going to enable anything that Sarah or Jodie had done to impact their friendship after all.

Catching the final rabbit had been easy, barely ten minutes spent tracking the target that was so busy trying to find its own food that it noticed nothing untoward until the last, deadly second. When he pushed through the trees, clutching a collection of rabbits and squirrels, he was forced to halt where he was. Carol stood in front of him with her arms tightly wrapped around her torso and her lips pushed into a thin line. The first thought that entered his head was that the camp had been attacked and someone was dead. The flash of panic that surged through his veins at the thought of it being Jess took him by surprise. Carol slowly walked towards him.

“What’s goin’ on?” he questioned.

“Daryl…” She started. “It’s Jess.”

No. No, this can’t be happening. Tell me she’s alive.

He could sense his chest constrict and his grip become tighter around the legs and tails of the dead animals in his grasp.

“What? What about her? She OK?” He demanded.

Carol let out a sympathetic huff and tilted her head to the side, shrugging one shoulder up.  

“She’s gone.” She whispered.

“Gone? What d’ya mean, ‘gone’?”

Daryl’s voice was now a lot louder than he had meant it to be, but the need for more information was now starting to press on his last nerve.

“Her belongings are missing, so is one of Shane’s guns. We think she left in the night.” Carol explained.

His eyes flashed with disbelief and he surged past her, striding over to the camp and dumping the animals in the dirt by the burned-out fire. Everyone stopped their tasks and conversations as he began throwing open people’s tents, storming in and out of the RV like a hurricane and calling her name at the top of the slope to the water. Carol watched on as he paced back and forth with his hands on his head as Merle emerged from his tent.

“Naw.” He shakes his head “Naw. She wouldn’t. She wouldn’t just leave.”

“She not here. We’ve looked everywhere.” Glenn offered from beside Rick and Shane, who were stood next to the loaded-up truck which had all their guns arranged on the hood like a bizarre art installation.

Daryl looked over at her tent, lunging at it and ripping it open, his face falling in dismay when he saw nothing inside. He growled loudly to himself as his breathing increased and his heart started to hammer. Carol, who was usually skittish and nervous around aggression and anger, made the attempt to calm him by gently touching his arm but as soon as the contact was made with his skin, he flinched and threw her off.

“SHIT!” He bellowed.

Throwing his crossbow from his back onto the floor, he spun around, his gaze stopping on Andrea.

“You!” He exclaimed, pointing a calloused finger at her. His hand hovered over her chest and she took a step back. “You were s’posed to be on watch! Why didn’t ya see her leave?! Huh?! The fuck were ya doin’ up there?!”

Before she could even begin to fathom an answer, Rick stepped in and worked his way in between them, placing a hand on Daryl’s chest and coaxing him back. Again, he flinched off the contact which told Rick in no uncertain terms that now more than ever, was not a good time to be touching him.

“Daryl, this isn’t anybody’s fault. She took everything with her. She wanted to go.” Rick reasoned.

“No! You don’t know her! She wouldn’t!” He argued.

“You got it bad, boy” Merle laughed from the other side of camp. His boots cracked over snapping twigs on the ground while he slowly made his way over to the scene. Sauntering casually and rolling a cigarette between his fingers. “I thought she didn’t mean shit to ya. Ain't that what you said?”

Something in Daryl snapped. He swung an arm out and collided his fist with his brother’s nose. The impact was so strong that it caused Merle to stagger back after everyone winced at the sickening crack that echoed around the camp and bounced from the trees. Merle blinked in surprise and brought his hands up to his face. Warmth coated his fingers as blood trickled through the gaps. His eyes flicked up and he lunged at Daryl, only to be stopped by Shane. Daryl's hand thundered with pain but it was a pain he needed, a welcome distraction from the pain in his heart, caused by the knowledge that he had failed to reassure her, to keep her here under the promise that nothing had to change. A million and one 'what if's' floated through his mind.

“Easy” Shane grunted while throwing his weight back against Merle to prevent him from surging forwards and causing a mass brawl.

“I’ma knock you into the middle o’ next week, you little shit!” Merle hissed. Blood sprayed messily from between his teeth, peppering his vest and anyone unlucky enough to be close enough to him.  

Daryl, chest heaving and teeth clamped together, made off for the trees.

“Where are you going? Daryl?!” Carol called after him.

“To find her!” He shouted over his shoulder. “Y’all would do well to stay outta my fuckin’ way too.”

“What if she doesn’t want to be found?” Carol reasoned.

Ignoring her, he vanished into the trees, leaving Shane Still struggling with Merle and a dozen shocked faces all peering awkwardly at one another.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

When evening arrived, it brought with it Daryl’s return to the camp. Much to the surprise of the other inhabitants that expected him to be gone for days on end. He said nothing, only sitting down by the fire and hanging his head. His arms were decorated with scratches and as Rick watched him push his fingers into his dirty, tousled hair he realized that Jess’s departure had impacted their resident hunter more than he had thought.

“Here” He said, throwing a plastic bottle of water over at him. It landed between his boots and Daryl wearily reached down and picked it up. He unscrewed the cap and took a large gulp. Around him, was every single other member of the camp. He had walked into some kind of meeting but could care less about interrupting. He knew Rick was mid-sentence when he’d appeared and flopped down onto the ground, not listening to a word that was being said. In fact, he didn’t even notice when the cop and seemingly unelected leader stopped talking and his surroundings grew uncomfortably quiet. Clearing his throat, Rick carried on speaking.

“Is everybody in agreement that we should go ahead with tomorrow morning’s run?”

People must have nodded but Daryl didn’t look up or show an ounce of interest.

“We need more food.” Rick continued “Daryl?”

He didn't want to talk, or have to make any decisions. he didn't want to take part in a meeting or do anything except rest until he had enough energy to go back out in search of his friend. A long and exhausted sigh followed an angry glare when he finally looked up meant Rick had already been put in his place. But he knew he had to ask the question regardless."

“You OK to hunt over the next couple days?”

“No.” Daryl said firmly.

Rick’s eyebrows raised momentarily and he caught the gaze of his wife, Lori. She gave him a small nod, urging him to continue.

“We don’t have enough food for the next few days.” He explained.

“Yeah, n' I said no. I’m goin’ lookin for Jess.” Daryl snapped back.

“Oh, come on.” He heard Sarah scoff. Rage flared in his chest and pumped through his veins, white hot fury fueling him to act. He jumped to his feet and with a click and a gasp sounding out from those around him, he pointed his crossbow at her face. Tense murmurs filled the air and Rick was rapidly crossing the space between them with intent to stop him.

“Back off, Sherriff.” Daryl warned without moving his vision from his target, stopping Rick in his tracks and pushing the crossbow further into Sarah’s face.

“Hey, shit for brains” he hissed through his teeth at her. “You two are the reason she’s gone. If ya don’t shut up I’ma put a bolt between ya eyes”

“Daryl, you won’t be hurting anyone. Put it down.” Rick insisted, drawing his gun.

Merle, who had been slowly ambling up the slope to the camp when he heard a commotion, seemed to turn up out of nowhere. Calmly, and apparently with no recollection of his brother’s savage punch earlier in the day, he stepped between the barrel of Ricks gun and Daryl.

“Woah, now Sheriff. What ya say you just let my brother do what he pleases? He’s been feedin’ y’all for weeks now. He wants to shoot the bitch, then I say we let him.” He smiled. “She ain’t good for much anyways”

Sarah looked up at Daryl’s fierce expression over the tip of the arrow pointed at her forehead.

“You calling me shit for brains? Please. Stupid Redneck.” She shot at him with little to no fear of being impaled in the face with a crossbow bolt. Telling herself he wouldn’t do it, she forced her shoulders back and tried to hide her fear.  

“Rednecks good enough to scratch ya itches though, right?” Daryl commented.

Sarah rolled her eyes. “Oh whatever, asshole.”

“You been fuckin’ Merle in the woods” He proclaimed loudly. Sarah’s jaw dropped open and Jodie, who had shifted up considerably from her side, stared at her friend in disbelief.

“You said he was lying.” She whispered.

“Oh, ain't no lie, sweetheart!” Daryl shouted as he jostled the crossbow closer to Sarah's face. “Likes herself some rough, this one! Tried it with me n’ when I turned her ugly ass down she went after my brother! Goes around judging folks, makin’ fun of ‘em. When all the while, she’s lettin’ my brother search her for pocket change in the woods most nights!”

Glenn, who was sitting across the fire with wide eyes, sucked both of his lips into his mouth to stifle what would undoubtedly be a roar of laughter, not only at Daryl’s rage, but at his amusing choice of words.

“This is awkward” He pointed out.

“I know. It’s great.” T-dog added from beside him. He shuffled around on the spot, getting comfortable for the remainder of the show.

Andrea sprang forwards from where she was leaning against the RV, obviously feeling the need to intercept at the sound of such a crass topic.

“Daryl, that’s enough, there are children that can hear you.” She scolded as she stepped into the circle behind him. He lowered his crossbow and turned on his heels, locking her in a death glare.

“People out there eatin’ people!” He shouted as he raised his arms. His crossbow swung clumsily in his grip “Sluts fuckin’ rednecks all over the show but we better not say no bad words, huh?!" His neck flared red and veins protruded on his temples.

Sarah, who by now was completely mortified at the whole camp knowing about her night-time activities, slowly lifted her vision to Merle, who was still stood between Daryl and Rick. He began to laugh loudly to himself.

“Cats outta the bag, sugar! God damn!” He chuckles, throwing a wink her way. “No more squat thrusts in the pickle patch!”

She immediately got up and stomped off, leaving a collection of stunned faces. Jodie watched her depart, her face twisted with disgust.

“I ain’t doing nothin’ for none of y’all!” Daryl fumed, whirling around and swinging a pointed finger at them all. “Gonna look for Jess. Merle can hunt. I’m out”

With that, he threw his crossbow over his shoulder and scuffed out of the circle around the fire, off into the woods to set to work finding the girl that had managed to work her way so far into his heart that he wasn’t about to let her go without a fight.

Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3 / Chapter 4 / Chapter 5

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[fi-phillips]

Do you think there was an explanation for how Rick was going to live again? Fi was going to Hell to rescue his soul, but once rescued whose body was it going to live in? Were they going to exhume Rick's body? Or would it have been a body/soul combination that Fi rescues?

Hi @rockett-to-the-purple-moon​! I asked a very similar question during our interview with Jon Cooksey, show runner and head writer, on The So Weird Podcast. 

Here is Jon’s answer, pulled from the transcript:

Emily:  One more question about original season three for me. As you mentioned earlier, you all planned on having Rick come back to life, so I was wondering if you could tell us a little bit about how you think that would have happened. We know he would have had a new body, because you said that in the FAQ, but would it look like his old one and would his relationship with the family have been any different?

Jon: Questions like “would it have been his body?” usually are dependent on whether the actor is available at the time, and that actor would have been available, so I probably would have gone for putting him back in his old body. That’s a conundrum that I’ve addressed in different stories at different times of where that body comes from. The body has to be kind of reconstructed from something. He’s not just brought back into his old, moldering skeleton. He’s coming back as a real, human body that’s alive. We would have had to solve that logistical problem, but I think he probably would have looked like himself, because that would have been the most emotionally affecting way.

I think that would pretty clearly be the end of the series, so to some degree, you’re thinking “happily ever after,” which is, again, to Lee’s point, kind of problematic.  The truth is, a) people that have lost their loved ones don’t get them back, and b) the day would have come when the toilet clogged up and he was watching a football game and they would have argued, so nothing’s perfect forever, right? There is no happily ever after. But if I was going to go for wish fulfillment, I think you would have seen Jack cry, and they would have all kind of expressed their relief in the way that they most wanted to.

Check out the video of our interview here. I also made a transcript of the interview which can be found here. 

[trashyocstash]

the thing about rick is, his attitude towards love and the universe as a whole is dumb, his nihilistic attitude of “the universe is so big that nothing really matters” is dumb. but i think it needs to be understood of WHY does he think like that?

the back story i have for rick was born out of theorizing and rewatching episodes. he’s a victim of child abuse, specifically emotionally and physically, and i thought it made sense. effects of child abuse include:

difficult making and maintaining relationships

trust issues

depression

criminal activity

alcohol and drug use

uncomfortable with physical contact with others

and his hatred for authority makes sense too, as people who hate authority tend to be the result of growing up in a strict authoritarian-style household, and that’s why i had rick grow up in one. as a teenager, he shifted from sad, scared little boy to angry teen who hates everything and everyone. he was bullied, shunned by the world and his own parents who neglected and abused him, destroying his inventions to take away any sense of control in his life. growing up in a strictly religious household also fueled his hatred of religion.

rick was never shown kindness in his early life, and so he thinks “the world has treated me coldly, so i’ll treat it coldly back.” he has no one but himself.

when he is drafted into vietnam at 18, he instantly wants to leave, wanting to get away from the world who hates him, a hatred he returns. but being in the war shifts him again from angsty, edgy teenager to lonely, jaded young man, who decides to fully isolate himself from the world, and doesn’t share his inventions because he deems his planet “unworthy”. the war also taught him combat skills, and he became very tough and agile.

rick pretends he enjoys the isolation, but in truth, he loathes it. all his life, he’s been denied love, affection and kindness and so he wants it more than anything. but he can’t get seem to get it. and because he’s such an asshole, it makes it even harder.

upon his return, rick makes the portal gun and discovers the galaxy, which he familiarizes himself with. we tend to forget it, but rick is a scientist, and so, being a scientist, he does everything he can to learn about and research the galaxy, he meets new people like birdperson and squanchy, gaining himself friends in the process. but at the same time, rick turns to a life of crime, and quickly cements himself as a highly dangerous and notorious criminal. he also sees things in the galaxy that further jade him, and make him develop his nihilistic attitude of the world.

julie is the beacon of light in his life, and she gives him everything he’s been longing for, and despite his initial resistance, he falls in love with her. and as we know, they get married and have their daughter beth. but rick, being a victim of child abuse, doesn’t know what to do. julie tries to help, but rick instead becomes absent and negligent, though he still loves beth dearly.

julie’s death destroys rick. he fought so hard to protect her, and she died anyways. rick never wants to get attached to anyone again, and he can’t bear to love anyone again either. he lost the love of his life, and this makes him fall into an even deeper depression than before, and he becomes a violent alcoholic, and continues the cycle of abuse by being emotionally abusive and manipulative

at the end of the day, can you really blame the guy for being so fucked up?

[aion-rsa]

The Best TV Comedies of 2020

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Have we ever been in more need of a laugh than in 2020? Amidst a historic global pandemic, a tumultuous American political election, civil unrest, wildfires, MURDER HORNE… alright, you get the picture. 2020 has been the pits, man. Thankfully, this year from hell featured some bright spots on television, even if rays of sunshine were sorely lacking in reality.

If the shows on our list weren’t making us laugh, we would have been ugly-crying since March. While we were all locked in our homes, we got reacclimated with the Warner Brothers (and sister), said goodbye to BoJack Horseman, and met regular human bartender Jackie Daytona, making quarantine a bit more bearable, if only in 30 minute increments. From brand new series like How To with John Wilson, to swan songs for Den of Geek favorites like Schitt’s Creek, TV comedies in 2020 kept us cackling through the chaos.

To determine the best TV comedy of 2020 in a particularly stacked, diverse year, we polled 12 Den of Geek staffers and contributors. Below, you’ll find our honorable mentions and our list of the series most likely to raise your mood in the darkest year of our adventures.

Honorable Mentions

The following shows received votes but just missed out on the top 20: 

Ramy, Never Have I Ever, Feel Good, The Great, Avenue 5, The Duchess, Staged, Famalam, Inside No. 9, Ghosts, The Shivering Truth, Bob’s Burgers, Katy Keene

DEN OF GEEK TOP 20 COMEDIES OF 2020

20 – Big Mouth (Netflix)

How long can a show about puberty, a very specific time in the life cycle, remain viable? Well based on the fourth season of Netflix’s animated comedy Big Mouth, just about as long as it wants to. Big Mouth season 4 succeeds by finding new avenues to delve into the psyches of its young characters going through chaaaaanges. In the process it also finds ways to expand its storytelling capabilities, delving into issues of trans youth, code switching, and anxiety. Through it all it remains as hilarious, and disturbingly vivid, as ever. – Alec Bojalad

19 – The Eric Andre Show (Adult Swim)

It’s not like Eric Andre reinvented the wheel or anything with the fifth season of his anarchic, absurdist talk show. If you were never a fan of anti-comedy that centers heavily around duping random people on the street, gross-out gags, and the torture of unsuspecting guests, then you’re not going to start liking it now.

However, for those of us already onboard The Eric Andre Show train, it’s no small feat that, five seasons in, this is still one of the funniest shows on TV. You’d think by now Eric would’ve run out of guests who have no idea what they’re in for, but, no, there’s an all-new batch of naive celebrities whose lives are effortlessly worsened by Eric, his crew, and his new house band. You’d assume he couldn’t prank people on the streets of New York City and Newark, New Jersey anymore because he’d be recognized by now, but, no, he pisses off a lot of people and breaks a lot of other people’s brains with ever-inventive, bizarre, obnoxious pranks. 

Finally, you might think the series would suffer irrevocably from the departure of co-host Hannibal Buress only two episodes into the season, but Eric demonstrates he’s more than capable of spreading chaos all on his own (though he’s sometimes assisted, alternatingly, by a Hannibal clone named Blannibal, comedian Felipe Esparza, and Screen Actors Guild Awards nominee Lakeith Stanfield). Season five is the same The Eric Andre Show as it ever was, but that still makes me laugh harder than anything else on television right now. I’d be happy for Eric to keep making this show forever. – Joe Matar

18 – Saved by the Bell (Peacock)

A Saved by the Bell reboot shouldn’t have worked. But as Peacock’s recent series showcased, with the right creative team and angle, you really can successfully reimagine an outdated but beloved ’90s teen comedy for 2020. Working as both a soft reboot and sequel, this is meta-comedy at its best. Saved by the Bell is fully aware of what made the original special and why they don’t still make shows like it now. Juxtaposing those two competing views through the lens of the privileged and perfect Bayside kids and the new normal students makes this an accessible and seriously funny series with a biting humor rarely seen in teen comedy. – Rosie Knight 

17 – Everything’s Gonna Be Okay (Freeform)

Australian comedian Josh Thomas brings his off-kilter sensibility to a loving and sharply funny portrait of a modern family in Everything’s Gonna Be Okay. In the pilot, Thomas’s character Nicholas, a gay twentysomething from Australia, visits his father in the US and learns that his physically and emotionally distant dad is dying. Things really pick up as Nicholas steps up to care for his two teenage half-sisters, Matilda (Kayla Cromer) and Genevieve (Maeva Press), while also trying to date, and manage his melodramatic mother from the other side of the planet. 

Matilda especially comes into her own as she hopes to go to college away from home next year— something others doubt since she’s autistic. Her autism is a reality that becomes part of the fabric of the show, a setup rather than a punchline. Few shows would include a teenage threesome that manages to be funny, heartfelt, and matter-of-fact, but in Matilda’s world, sex (and exploring her sexuality) are often all three. Everything’s Gonna Be Okay is a family show that acknowledges the realities of family: death, disabilities, teenage girls with sex drives, and laughter at funerals. – Delia Harrington 

16 – Star Trek: Lower Decks (CBS All Access)

Created by one of the writer/producers of Rick and Morty, it’s no surprise that the first episode of Lower Decks involved some pretty broad humor and wildly out of control situations. The producers of the 1970s Star Trek: The Animated Series understood the creative potential of animation when they replaced Ensign Chekov with a giant cat, and Lower Decks follows suit, the pilot giving us blood, guts, gore, zombies and a giant spider, all in Rick and Morty’s madcap tone.

As the show has developed over its first ten episodes, though, it’s become something more than that. The knowing humor is a delight—the focus on things like “second contact” (the less glamorous setting up of diplomatic relations after first contact), ascensions to a higher plane of existence gone wrong, and re-visiting half-forgotten alien races like the Pakleds shows the same sort of gently teasing love of the franchise that Galaxy Quest did. But the characters have also developed into real, complex people to the point that a character death is genuinely moving, and the audience are really able to care about what happens to these essential cogs in Starfleet’s machine next. – Juliette Harrison 

15 – Solar Opposites (Hulu)

A big part of what makes Rick and Morty so great is that, in addition to all the sci-fi hijinks, there’s meaningful development of the show’s characters and world. Unfortunately, as the series has progressed, this is also what’s dragged it down. As Rick’s nihilism has increasingly alienated the people around him, a lot of the fun has been lost. The show still puts out the occasional brilliant episode (for example, the season four finale), but it almost feels like all the characters on Rick and Morty straight-up hate each other and watching it can be kind of a drag sometimes.

It’s such a treat then, to see all that fun sci-fi silliness rebirthed in the form of Solar Opposites, co-created by Justin Roiland and Mike McMahan (Rick and Morty co-creator and writer/producer, respectively). Making good use of all the storytelling lessons they learned from their other sci-fi cartoon show, the two have released a confident and consistently funny debut season. Though it feels awfully similar to Rick and Morty at first blush, it has more in common with classic sitcoms, with its focus on goofy, self-contained plots about the alien family at the show’s center. However, the series shakes the sitcom formula up a lot with a surprising dedication to callbacks and continuity, most notably exemplified by the continuing, dramatic tribulations of a community of people who have been shrunken down and forced to live in the aliens’ multilevel terrarium. The combination of madcap sci-fi alien plots contrasted with the trials of the melodramatic dystopian shrunken-people world makes Solar Opposites one of the most inventive comedies of the season, and I’m excited to find out where it’s going next. – Joe Matar

14 – Dave (FX) 

There are countless hip-hop artists whose backstories would make for compelling television. So why did FX choose to spotlight a goofball white rapper from the suburbs with a mediocre penis joke for a stage name? It takes only one episode to realize any preconceived notions about Dave, based on the life and rap career of Dave Burd, aka Lil Dickey, should be spit from your silly mouth faster than Lil Dickey spits bars on a freestyle. 

A telling sign that Dave was going to be a sleeper hit was the involvement of co-creator Jeff Schaffer, a longtime EP and writer on Curb Your Enthusiasm and the creator of FX’s The League. Together Schaffer and Burd mapped out a first season that sees Dave navigate the early stages of his music career with a level of narcissism he believes is needed to be taken seriously in the rap game. But the series also shows another side of Dave, self-deprecating in a surprisingly endearing way, rarely swayed by what others think, and frustratingly true to himself and the path he sees for his life. This is FX’s star vehicle for Burd, but the show manages to make him the center of the universe while still developing key players in his life as the season progresses, giving each character an affecting spotlight episode. The standouts include episodes about Dave’s real-life friend and hype man GaTa and his struggles with bipolar disorder, the evolving managerial relationship with his roommate (Andrew Santino), and how sudden fame begins to erode a once promising relationship with his girlfriend, Ali (Taylor Misiak). 

Already renewed for season 2 and a ratings hit with FX/Hulu reporting high streaming numbers, Dave is no longer an underdog and will carry a new set of expectations as the titular character’s career ascends. If you’re still a skeptic, you need to adhere to television’s golden rule when it comes to Dave: Don’t judge it until you binge it. – Chris Longo

13 – Brooklyn Nine-Nine (Fox)

At only 13 episodes, Season 7 was the shortest season yet of Brooklyn Nine-Nine, but it packed a lot into those 13 half-hours. With Melissa Fumero pregnant in real life, the writers used this to cover six months in series by following Jake and Amy’s attempts to conceive a baby, helping those limited episodes to feel like they were filling out more time. The show has also struggled to work in its annual Halloween Heist episodes since moving to NBC and being put into a winter start slot, but in 2020 Rosa managed to triple her victory by engineering Heists on not just Halloween, but Valentine’s Day and Easter as well.

Season 7 aired too early to deal with the Black Lives Matter protests that dominated the summer of 2020, but the writers have already pulled all their planned scripts for Season 8 and re-written them in light of those events, so that is yet to come. 2020 had a little bit of everything that makes B99 great—a dose of Pimento, Jake and his daddy issues, Holt’s adorable corgi Cheddar, and one final appearance from his nemesis Madeline Wuntch. For once, the season didn’t end with Holt somehow being removed from his job as Captain of the 99, but there’s still plenty to look forward to in Season 8—maybe 2021 will be the year that Charles Boyle finally wins the Halloween/Valentine’s Day/Easter/Cinco de Mayo Heist? – Juliette Harrison

12 – Animaniacs (Hulu)

Rampant remakes and sequel reboots have turned into the norm, but streaming services have especially embraced this idea as a way to anchor a library of programming. These endeavors are extremely hit or miss, but Hulu’s revival of Animaniacs is one of the few exceptions that feel justified for a return. Animaniacs always functioned as a radical cocktail of perversions of pop culture and classic comedy and 2020’s Animaniacs actively thrives with decades’ worth of new material to lampoon. The series has stripped itself back to its basics and temporarily removed most of the old supporting players, except for Pinky and the Brain, but this allows Animaniacs to build itself back up and establish new recurring characters and segments.

There’s such clear joy present in Animaniacs, whether it’s from the voice actors, the creative staff, or the animation team. Segments like an unauthorized Russian version of the Animaniacs or catchy songs about Shakespeare and the different First Ladies of America prove that the classic series’ sense of humor has successfully been maintained. If anything, the cartoon is even more fearless. It’s the perfect burst of ‘90s Saturday Morning nostalgia that’s also exceptionally funny and thought provoking. – Daniel Kurland 

11 – Rick and Morty (Adult Swim)

Rick and Morty is a colossal behemoth of storytelling that’s developed a fascinating and often antagonistic relationship with its audience. 2020’s Rick and Morty content only includes five episodes from the second half of the show’s fourth season, but they’re some of the series’ wildest installments when it comes to storytelling, perpetual jokes, and the show’s ability to deconstruct itself and its fandom. The series Emmy-winning “Vat of Acid Episode” explores the emotional highs and lows of “save states” while “Never Ricking Morty,” the show’s “Story Train” episode, is perhaps the most structure-obsessed piece of television that’s ever been written.

Rick and Morty continues to expand its universe in exciting ways and allow its characters to realistically mature. These episodes provide fascinating insight on both Rick’s relationship with Morty as well as his bond with Beth. Even Jerry and Summer get their moments to shine and Rick and Morty feels more like an ensemble than ever before as it prepares to shake things up even more in season five. – Daniel Kurland

10 – Aunty Donna’s Big Ol’ House of Fun (Netflix)

In 2019, Netflix gave us I Think You Should Leave, the sketch comedy series from Tim Robinson that birthed memes that somehow only get more relevant (and funnier) as time goes on. In 2020, Netflix, likely mindful they needed to hold us over until Robinson finishes filming season 2, gave us a gift from down under called Aunty Donna’s Big Ol’ House of Fun. If you liked Robinson’s sketch series, imagine that on crack, dialed up to 100, and featuring the three silliest Australian dudes to ever walk on that continent. The series stars Mark Bonanno, Broden Kelly, and Zachary Ruane, a group of friends who formed a comedy group called Aunty Donna and gained a large following on YouTube with their absurdist humor that features simple premises that often descend into frenetic madness. See: them explaining how a board game works or doing roll call at school. 

In Big Ol’ House of Fun, the series opens with a musical number that will have you wondering whether everything’s a drum. Episode 2 will change the way you think about your morning coffee. Friendly faces like Scott Aukerman and Ed Helms (or is it “Egg” Helms?) even stop by just to play ball. Through its infectious and (mostly) good-natured absurdist energy, the series lives up to its name with endlessly quotable and memable sketches. And much like I Think You Should Leave, Aunty Donna material only gets better when you rewatch it. Here’s to hoping Netflix will let us come back and visit this Big Ol’ House again for season 2. – Chris Longo

9 – Mythic Quest: Raven’s Banquet (Apple TV+)

Created by Rob McElhenney, David Hornsby, and Megan Ganz of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia fame, Mythic Quest: Raven’s Banquet is a new Apple TV+ comedy that easily justifies a subscription to the streaming service. Set within a video game studio for a popular MMORPG, Mythic Quest leans into certain workplace comedy tropes, but never feels derivative of the genre or that it’s just Always Sunny with a fresh coat of paint. The comedy effectively explores and skewers gaming culture, but a knowledge of the industry is not at all necessary to enjoy the program. 

Smart and creative scripts are punctuated by the show’s phenomenal cast, which features the likes of McElhenney, Hornsby, and Danny Pudi. However, Charlotte Nicdao’s work as Poppy Li, the studio’s neurotic perfectionist lead engineer, is a revelation. Mythic Quest works so well because of how it grounds its quick comedy in powerful character dynamics. The series’ “standalone” flashback episode, “A Dark Quiet Death,” received a ton of acclaim, but there are few episodes of television from 2020 that contain more heart and honesty than the series’ quarantine-centric installment. – Daniel Kurland

8- Search Party (HBO Max)

HBO Max’s first bingeable, bonafide hit was outsourced from TBS. After languishing on basic cable with critical praise but low viewership, Search Party made the move to the new Warner streaming service for Season 3 and proved that the series was the perfect “watch it all in one afternoon” comedy. What began as a comedic mystery series about a group of prototypical Brooklyn millenials on a quest to find their missing former classmate shifted in its third season to become a satire on celebrity trials and how tabloid spotlight can turn unassuming people into sociopathic narcissists.

Search Party’s strength is in its ensemble. Alia Shawkat brings an interesting vulnerability to disaffected Dory, but her other “searchers” are the real bright spots. John Reynolds is perfectly cast as the de facto worthless millennial “beta male,” and John Early and Meredith Hagner are consistently laugh out loud funny as self-obsessed, attention seeking airheads. Search Party has a twisty, interesting plot, but it’s also a scathing indictment on an entire generation obsessed with celebrity, self-analyzation, and searching for “meaning.” If you have not yet watched one of the year’s funniest shows, get caught up before Season 4 debuts in January 2021.  – Nick Harley

7- How To with John Wilson (HBO)

Life is strange. If you take a moment to actually watch and analyze many of the seemingly ordinary, day-to-day things you witness while walking down the street in a major U.S. city, you’ll be shocked at how alien it can all appear. In New York City in particular, every imaginable human behavior is on display somewhere, and documentarian John Wilson is out there capturing it all on camera. How To With John Wilson may seem like a series designed to teach you useful everyday skills like how to split a check or how to improve your memory, but in reality, it’s a love letter to New York, in all of its beautiful, ugly, life-affirming, and soul-crushing splendor.

It’s also insanely hilarious. Wilson’s deadpan, stammering narration on top of quick cut, slice of life footage is an endlessly watchable setup-punchline joke machine. Wilson also is wise to go down the rabbit hole and follow weird digressions wherever they lead him, like a Mandela Effect conference or the home of an anti-circumcision activist. Further, the series finale is the first piece of television to fully capture the reality of post-pandemic city life, putting to shame all of those half-assed Zoom created depictions of life in 2020. Few shows can effortlessly glide between cringe comedy and poignant moments like this. How To with John Wilson is unlike any other show on television, an absurdist masterpiece that makes the mundane feel surreal and vice versa. – Nick Harley

6- High Fidelity (Hulu)

In a time full of reboots and remakes, High Fidelity earned its existence and then some. To its many admirers, it warranted a second season for more eclectic music choices, guest stars, and beautiful lingering shots over the credits. Sadly, that is not meant to be. Hulu’s High Fidelity is so much more than just a gender-swapped adaptation, though Zoe Kravitz leads the endeavor in the lead role of Rob, the idiosyncratic record store owner counting off Top 5s, especially her Top 5 heartbreaks. 

Rob’s rich world is full of characters we’d love to spend more time with, like snarky Cherise, she of the eclectic taste who keeps putting off her musical dreams for “someday.” Or Simon, Rob’s ex and current best friend, who narrates an episode that completely changes how the audience views Rob. Zoe Kravitz carries this beautiful mood piece, sharing chemistry with just about everyone. While it seems relaxed and fun on arrival, High Fidelity eventually reveals itself to have plenty to say about being accountable for our actions and allowing oneself to be happy, before wrapping Rob in a warm summer night and sending her on her way. – Delia Harrington 

5- Pen15 (Hulu)

The debut season of Maya Erskine and Anna Konkle’s brilliant series in which they, two adult women, play middle-schoolers surrounded by actual kid actors playing their classmates, was, in my opinion, the funniest show last year, but, as I didn’t actually get around to watching it until this year, I didn’t know that at the time. Rectifying my past mistake, this year—despite the fact it’s only aired half a season so far due to production being halted by COVID—it’s not just my favorite comedy, it’s my favorite show, period.

Though it still has its fair share of laugh-out-loud moments, the comedy in the second season has, admittedly, been scaled back a bit, but it makes perfect sense for where Pen15 is right now. From the start, what the series has done painfully well is zero in on the utter nightmare of living through our stressful and confusing pubescent years. As the series deepens its exploration of these characters’ experiences with friendship, romance, sexuality, the internet, and the impact of divorce, the stress and confusion should and absolutely do ratchet up. This season is also doing a great job of further developing the show’s side characters, with a standout arc for Dylan Gage as Gabe, who is grappling with the discovery that he may be gay. Though it’s still a hilarious series in places, Pen15 most wins me over most for how uncomfortable and tragic it can be with its stunningly well-observed depiction of surviving junior high. The secondhand shame and embarrassment you’ll feel makes it one of the toughest, but most worthwhile, watches of the year. – Joe Matar

4 – Ted Lasso (Apple TV+)

Jason Sudeikis’s Ted Lasso first originated as a character back in 2013, when NBC Sports commissioned a commercial for its upcoming coverage of the English Premier League. “An American Coach in London” introduced the concept of an American football coach deciding to try his hand coaching “the other football” with top flight club Tottenham Hotspur. It was a hilarious five minute clip that seemingly exploited the “fish out of water” concept to its natural conclusion.

The character seemed destined to be a one-off goof. But then Sudeikis and producer Bill Lawrence decided to try their hand at the overmatched coach one more time with a series for Apple TV+. The end result was one of the most essential new comedies of the 2020 TV season. Ted Lasso works because its’ funny, first and foremost. The show proves that this fish still had plenty of more time to spend out of water after all. More important, however, is how aggressively wholesome and optimistic it is. In a year that saw ugly Americans all over over TV screens, Ted Lasso represented the stars and bars the only way he knew how: by believing in the best of people from aging football star Roy Kent, to selfish young buck Jamie Tart, to even the woman who got him this job in the first place as an elaborate revenge plot.  – Alec Bojalad

3 – Schitt’s Creek (Pop)

If Schitt’s Creek were a fairy tale (and in all the best ways, it is), it’d be about a group of puppets brought to life by a magic spell. When the Roses lose their fortune, they’re forced to swap wealth and glamour for unfashionable small-town living. They start out wooden, obnoxious and alone. Then, over six seasons, we watch them transform into a flesh and blood family who figure out how to love each other in a community that’s as weird as they are, and that ends up loving them back. 

If that sounds schmaltzy, then I’m saying it wrong. Schitt’s Creek doesn’t do schmaltz. It does smart and absurd and naughty. It does jokes and brightness and kindness. Or it did, because now it’s gone. 2020 waved Johnny, Moira, David and Alexis off with a final season packed with treats: Patrick’s spray tan, David’s bed-wetting, the world premiere of “The Crows Have Eyes III: The Crowening”, Moira officiating a wedding dressed in a Rapunzel wig and pearlised bishop’s mitre…

However painful it was to say goodbye, the alternative – another six seasons with diminishing returns – would have been much worse. Dan and Eugene Levy’s sitcom went out on a high, with a finale that left fans in joyful tears. Not least for moments like the one in which a usually armoured-by-sarcasm David tells his sister, “For what it’s worth, I am continuously impressed by you.” The feeling’s mutual, Roses. – Louisa Mellor

2- BoJack Horseman (Netflix)

Though BoJack Horseman premiered only the back half of its final season in 2020, those eight episodes were some of the best dramatic and comedic storytelling on television this year. This final season operated as almost a microcosm of the series’ entire run. Just like the show’s beginning, season 6B begins with BoJack in a place of relative stability. He has just finished rehab and is prepared to embark on a career as an acting professor at Wesleyan. Of course, something from his past has to pop up to shatter his fragile equilibrium, just like it always does. In this case, it’s a pair of journalists working on a story of what really happened the night Sarah Lynn died back in season 3. What follows is as sadly predictable as it is tragic… also there are jokes!

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BoJack Horseman has been a frequently occurring item on many of our year-end best-of lists since the show first premiered in 2014. And each time, it’s hard not to continually expound upon what a bizarre, touching, and incisive drama Rapahel Bob-Waksberg’s animated creation is. That temptation remains for this final season, which is as devastating as they come. But this year, for the show’s final appearance on any of our best-of lists, let’s not lose sight of how funny this all is. 

Yes, this is an exploration of the human condition and how the only way to repair our damage is to acknowledge it and then put in the work to get better. It’s also the show where Mr. Peanutbutter, his fiancée Pickles Aplenty, and international pop superstar Joey Pogo open up a Lazy Susan/small plate restaurant called “Elifino.” The animation remains just as bright in this final season, the dialogue just as witty and convoluted, and the background jokes just as rewarding. BoJack Horseman season 6 shoulders a grand narrative burden of closing out the story of the world’s most miserable Horseman. That it is able to do so is remarkable. That it’s able to do so while maintaining its sharp sense of humor is even better. – Alec Bojalad 

1- What We Do in the Shadows (FX)

Adapting a beloved indie comedy film to the small screen seems a near impossible task. But when Taika Waititi convinced Jemaine Clement they should do exactly that, it was a stroke of genius. With Waititi busy on his Marvel movies, Clement was left to write and produce the FX series alongside Stefani Robinson and Paul Simms. What We Do in the Shadows began with a solidly silly first season but came into its own during a stellar second season which leaned into the absurdity innate to the idea of ancient vampire roommates. The series has also given us a new action hero for the ages in Harvey Guillén’s Guillermo de la Cruz. 

What makes season two so excellent is the writing and performances that play on the fish out of water setup the show has so much fun with. In “The Curse,” Nandor checks his email and discovers a chain email from Bloody Mary. Most of the hilarious runtime focuses on the crew trying to uncurse themselves. It sounds simple but it is honestly one of the funniest episodes of TV you’ll watch all year. “The Curse” is only topped by “On the Run,” which allows Matt Berry to go full Matt Berry as Laszlo leaves the nest and becomes a bartender, Jackie Daytona, who loves girls volleyball in smalltown America. It’s a pitch perfect riff on feel good sports movies while also being hysterically funny. It’s still a complete crime that Robinson didn’t win the Emmy for this one. 

But the real power of What We Do in the Shadows is its heart. Even within the broad comedy, genre parodies, and often gross out humor, this is a show about love, family, and friendship. Guillermo’s arc feels radical and boundary-pushing. It’s so well built in from the very first season that it’s also incredibly satisfying. This is the kind of comedy we need more of: inclusive, intelligent, and most importantly just really, really, f**king funny.  – Rosie Knight

The post The Best TV Comedies of 2020 appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/3nKoYDr

[call-me-rei]

Chapter 23

“You say we should talk; it’s falling apart. I hate when you say this.”

---

I felt like I was walking on a cloud for days after my date with Vic. I never knew that a couple hours with someone could evoke these feelings. It was almost surreal.

I skipped down the stairs on Monday morning. I was excited to get to school and get this week over with. Thanksgiving break officially started on Friday so I just had to hold out for a few more days. Plus, my friends had planned a friendsgiving on Thanksgiving eve. I was looking forward to spending time with them in a place that wasn’t Mission Bay.

“You’re in a good mood,” Mom said when she walked into the kitchen. I was singing while making myself some breakfast.

I smiled. “I guess I am. Things have been good lately.”

“Well good.” She smiled back at me. “I’ve been a little worried about you.”

“Yeah, I know. I promise I’m doing okay.” My mom knew I couldn’t keep things from her, so she accepted my answer and went to make herself some coffee. “How are you doing though?”

Mom paused and looked at me. “What do you mean?”

“Well, with…everything that’s going on with Rick…,” I trailed off. I had no idea how to approach the subject since my mom didn’t know that I had seen that message weeks ago.

Mom sighed. “You know, don’t you?” I nodded. “I should’ve expected you to stick your nose in my business.”

I chuckled at that statement. “Well, I learned it from you.”

“Ouch.”

I shrugged. “Sometimes the truth hurts.” I made the choice to ignore my mom’s dramatic eye roll and finished making my breakfast. “Is it such a bad thing that I know?” I asked once I sat at the island in the middle of the kitchen.

Mom sighed before speaking. “No, but you’re seventeen. This shouldn’t be on your mind.”

“I get that, but you’re my mom and this is my family. This affects me as much as it does you.”

Mom bit her lip, most likely out of anxiety. It was a reflex she passed down to me.

I continued. “You always said it was you and me in the beginning, so you shouldn’t keep things like this from me. If it has to end with just the two of us, then it’ll end that way in the best way possible.”

We looked at each other for what seemed like an eternity. Mom wiped a tear from her eye before she stepped over and hugged me tight.

“When did you get to be so wonderful?”

“I learned it from you.” She hugged me tighter as she sniffed into my shoulder.

We stood like that for however long. It was like if we took the smallest step away one of us would disappear, and neither of us could bear to lose the other.

“I’ve gotta get to school,” I whispered after my shoulder was soaked with my mom’s tears.

She squeezed me before pulling away. “Okay, I’ll see you when you get home.” I nodded before I grabbed my things.

“Kellin?” I stopped and turned to face my mom. “Whatever happens, know that I love you.” I cocked my head to the side in confusion. What did that mean? I was going to ask but she smiled softly at me turned back to the coffee machine, obviously not ready to explain herself. Rather than pry, I let out the breath I was holding and left the house.

***

I was emotionally wired during the drive to school and I didn’t calm down once I parked my car. I wasn’t expecting to have a heart-to-heart with Mom so early in the day, but I suppose we needed to talk about everything. We had never kept things from each other before and that wasn’t going to start now. She needed me as much as I needed her, more so now with my asshole of a stepfather suing her.

I took a deep breath to calm the thoughts in my head. I was by no means a violent person but thinking about Rick made my blood boil. Picturing his face in my mind made me want to punch it in. If I heard his voice again, I’d have to stop myself from ripping his vocal cords out.

I took another breath as I leaned back into my seat. With my eyes closed I tried to get to a calmer place. I didn’t want to go on a rampage at school, and since I was early, I sat in the car to prepare myself for the day. Even though I needed the peace and quiet, the universe said, “Fuck that,” in the form of my best friend.

“Hey you!” Lynn yelled at my window. I jumped in my seat since I didn’t see her approach the car.

“God, Gunn, what the hell?” I asked after I rolled down the window.

“I saw you out here and thought I’d see what’s up. You gonna let me in?”

I sighed annoyed but unlocked the doors anyway. Lynn happily skipped to the passenger’s side and opened the door.

“I don’t know why I’m so nice to you,” I spoke as she got in the car. “You’re constantly giving me heart attacks.”

“Gotta keep you on your toes,” she said with a laugh. I rolled my eyes.

“Whatever. What’s up?”

“I should be asking you that.” I gave her a confused look. “Your date! You never told us how it went.”

I couldn’t help the blush that crept onto my cheeks, or the smile that spread across my lips. Just thinking about last Friday night with Vic gave me a warm, fuzzy feeling.

“Shit man, you’ve gotta tell me now. You kept this from me all weekend and now you’re just grinning like a lovesick puppy.”

“It was amazing, okay?” I started. She gave me a look urging me to go on. “He picked me up and we had a picnic by some water. During sunset. It was so sweet and romantic. We talked and laughed, and then he drove me home when it got really dark.”

“Did you kiss?”

I sighed. “No, but I know he wanted to.”

“Did you want to?”

“Of course I did!” I exclaimed unexpectedly. Lynn jumped a little in her seat then flared at me. “Sorry,” I said sheepishly. “I wanted to kiss him, but I didn’t wanna make the first move. I’m not that confident in myself.”

“Well if he didn’t make a move then maybe he’s not confident in himself either. Maybe talk to him and see what he was thinking.”

I nodded and glanced at phone. We had about two minutes before the first bell. I made a move to open my door which caused Lynn to do the same. After grabbing our things and locking my car, she and I made our way into the building.

“Hey, Kells?” Lynn called for my attention. I hummed in response. “I know you said you didn’t want to be known as ‘the gay kid,’ but I’m glad you came out to me before anyone else.”

I smiled down at her. I knew I’d have to come out to my new friends eventually, so I did it on Friday after lunch. I told Lynn first since she and I had class together, then told the rest of my friends in the group chat. After saying that Vic asked me out and I said yes, it was easy for them to put two and two together.

“Thanks for being accepting. You never know about these things, you know?” She nodded. We walked the rest of the way to our lockers in a comfortable silence. Mine was the first in our path so we stopped there first.

After I got my things and we traveled to Lynn’s locker for her to get her things, we walked down to our first classes. Lynn nudged me with an elbow to my side. Before I could scold her, she tilted her head to the left. I looked in that direction.

Vic was walking in our direction with his brother and a guy I wasn’t too familiar with. Said guy had his arm around Vic’s shoulders. He had a huge smile that I could already tell was contagious, and a few tattoos along his arms.

“Hey Gunn, who is that?” I asked.

“That’s Alex, one of Vic’s close friends. He moved here from Clairemont High his sophomore year and those two have been inseparable since. There was a rumor going around shortly after Alex and Vic started hanging out that they were dating, but Vic put an end to that real quick. People still say they’re messing around though.”

I felt a wave of jealously wash over me; my thoughts became obsessive.

Why would Vic ask me out if he was messing around with someone? Did he lie about being a virgin, or are they really just rumors? The two of them do look really close.

“Kellin,” Lynn called. I snapped out of it and looked at her. “Don’t worry, I know for a fact that Vic and Alex aren’t doing anything.”

“How?”

“Because Alex has a girlfriend. He’s straight.”

I frowned. “We all thought Vic was straight and then he asked me out so...,” I trailed off. Lynn blushed.

“Okay, maybe you have a point. But I doubt Alex would cheat on his girlfriend. He loves her a lot.”

I nodded then looked back at them. Even if this Alex loved his girlfriend, he was awfully friendly with Vic. I couldn’t shake the feeling of wanting to rip his arm off of my man.

“C’mon Kellin, let’s go to class.” Lynn tugged on my arm and led me down the hall, past the three of them. As we walked past, I gave Vic a small smile. He nodded his head at me in return before going back to his conversation.

Even though it was nothing, I felt rejected.

***

“You’re acting weird, what’s up?”

I was in music appreciation class, meaning Vic was in class with me. I had noticed that this was a class he never missed. Maybe it was because it was the last class of the day.

“I’m fine,” I answered. Anyone could tell from my tone that I wasn’t fine, but I was hoping Vic would drop it and leave me be.

Of course, I should’ve known he was always out to annoy me.

“You don’t seem fine.”

“I am,” I answered dryly.

“Are you sure?”

“Yup.”

“Really? Because it seems like-“

“Will you leave me alone!” I exclaimed. My outburst caused Ms. Pope and the rest of the class to look at me with different emotions on their faces. Annoyance, shock, disappointment, and some fear showed in everyone’s eyes.

“Kellin,” Ms. Pope started. I didn’t respond; I just sighed and put my head down.

“It’s my fault,” I heard the voice next to me say. “I was bothering him.”

“I appreciate your honesty, Vic. Please refrain from bothering Kellin or you’ll have detention.”

“Got it.”

And apparently he did. He didn’t talk to me for the rest of the lesson. He didn’t slip me a note, didn’t text me, nothing. It was almost as if he was pretending I didn’t exist. I wasn’t sure if I was grateful for that or not.

All I knew was that I was uneasy. The things Lynn told me about Vic and Alex on top of the talk with my mom made me feel insecure. It was obvious they were close and had known each other longer than Vic had known me. I guess one would say that I was jealous, but I wasn’t sure what I was jealous of. Was it Vic and Alex’s relationship and that they were so close? Was it the fact that they had something going on when the furthest Vic and I had gone was hand holding for a few seconds?

Maybe it was the fact that Vic was cheating on me. Or was I the one on the side? Was I the one he was hiding from Alex? The thought of being a side piece made me want to repeatedly pound my head into my desk until I broke it or went unconscious, whichever came first.

“Okay guys, I’ll let you have the rest of class to work on your projects with your partners. Be productive, please.” Ms. Pope dismissed us and within seconds the class was up and talking. I groaned. I really didn’t want to have to work with Vic.

“You could hide your dissatisfaction a little bit,” I heard. I lifted my head a tiny bit to where my eyes were peeking over my arm. I made contact with Vic’s brown eyes.

“What are you talking about?”

“That groan. What’s up? I thought we were getting along.”

I sighed and sat up. “We were.”

“Then why are you acting like I betrayed you?”

“It’s nothing,” I mumbled. I could tell he didn’t believe me.

“You’re lying. It’s obviously something.” He got up from his seat and kneeled by my desk with his elbows resting on top of it. His warm chocolate eyes looked into mine, searching for answers to unasked questions.

I stared back at him before speaking, “It’s really nothing.”

“You’re such a bad liar, Quinn,” he whispered. “I thought we had fun on our date. Was I wrong?” Although that was a question, his tone and gaze were anything but unsure. The intense eye contact sent a chill down my spine. The tone of his voice gave me goosebumps. If we were the only two in the room, I’d crash my lips into his and show him how much fun I wish we could’ve had on that date.

“No,” I managed to get out.

“Then what is it?”

I bit my lip in thought. I couldn’t keep these insecurities to myself, but I knew I couldn’t tell him I was insecure because of one of his friends. That wouldn’t go over well.

I focused my attention back on Vic to see him lick his lips as he stared at mine. His eyes flicked back to mine when he noticed where my gaze was.

“Let’s talk about this later,” I suggested. He shook his head. “Why not?”

“We have twenty-something minutes before school is out. No one else is paying attention to us. Might as well get it all out now, don’t you think?”

“I guess?”

He smiled his cocky smile. “Great. So, tell me what’s up?”

I sighed. There was no use trying to get out of this one. “Do you actually like me?”

He scrunched his eyebrow in confusion. “We went out on a date, didn’t we?”

“Yeah, but...”

“But what?”

I let out a breath. “I’m not gonna be some dirty little secret. I deserve better than that.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“Don’t play dumb with me,” I shot.

“I’m not,” he countered, “I’m just fucking confused. What the hell are you talking about?”

“I’m not gonna be some side piece you ask out when your boyfriend is out of town.”

“Wait, what?” He looked at me in shock and confusion. “I don’t understand.”

“And another thing,” I continued, “if all I am to you is a fling or a moment of fun or whatever then I suggest you leave me alone right now. I don’t wanna be known as the guy who gave it up to Vic Fuentes just to get dumped.”

“Dude, what the-”

“Ten more minutes!” Ms. Pope announced.

Vic and I looked in her direction then looked back at each other. He still had confusion over his face, but instead of shock accompanying it, there was sadness. I didn’t care. I had said my peace, even if some of it was unwarranted.

I put my head back on my desk with my face turned away from Vic. I didn’t want to look at him. I heard him sigh and then heard some shuffling. I knew he had gone back to his seat.

We didn’t talk for the rest of class. He didn’t bother me at all, just let me sit there like he had before. I didn’t do much to change the situation so we ignored each other for ten minutes before the bell rang.

I lifted my head at the ring that signaled the end of the school day. Finally, I could put today behind me and move on. I wanted nothing more but to get home and crawl into bed and forget about all the shit the day brought me.

Glancing down, I saw that the day brought me one more thing.

I looked on my desk to see a folded piece of paper. Even though I didn’t see who put it there, I knew who it came from. I sighed and picked it up. Maybe this was him telling me off. Maybe this was him saying he didn’t want to date me anymore.

We should talk. Text me when you’re done being crazy

Well then.

[gusticeleague]

Morty’s Mind Blowers review

Oh thank god, it’s an easy one.

I was surprised that this turned out to the the answer to Interdimensional Cable this season. I thought Tales from the Citadel was going to be it, since it basically had the same anthology structure but more focused and less based on vignettes.  

Actually if anything, the episode Morty’s Mind Blowers most reminds me of is the parasite episode, given that it focuses on the unpleasant memories you have about your mistakes or your family that you wish you could erase but have to live with because that’s a part of your shared history, for better or worse.

I can totally buy from a character perspective that Morty would want to erase the terrible things he does and Rick would allow him because when Morty gets emotional, it interferes with Rick’s work. I especially love the idea that Rick erases any evidence that he isn’t a hyper-capable genius in Morty’s mind (and that beating him at checkers is one such slight deserving of memory erasure to him). My one gripe though is when they hit the amnesia angle halfway through. It works for what the episode is trying to do because it means we get to see more Mind Blowers, but I’ve never been a fan of amnesia plots because they don’t really tend to use that opportunity to teach us anything new about the characters and just expect the audience to laugh at the characters rediscovering who they are, which is never as funny to me as putting characters in new environments or familiar but slightly off versions of them, which is where Tales from the Citadel really succeeded.

As good as all those Mind-Blowers were (I don’t think there’s a bad one in the lot), I kind of felt the framing story could have leaned into similar thematic territory. If you’ve read my rankings of Rick and Morty episodes from the first two seasons, you’ll see a pretty big disparity between the two Interdimensional Cable episodes. To my mind, Rixty Minutes works better over Interdimensional Cable II: Tempting Fate because while they both lean into the escapist power of television to distract you from getting involved with complicated family drama, Rixty Minutes uses that conceit for one of the most life-affirming character moments ever put to television and a thesis statement for the entire show, while Interdimensional Cable II takes what could have been an interesting reason to have all the characters watching television (to distract from worrying about a mortally diseased Jerry) and proceeded to do nothing interesting with it. I can’t really blame them though. From what I’ve gleaned about that episode’s production, Interdimensional Cable ran out of steam as a concept pretty quickly, as they initially thought was going to be their answer to Treehouse of Horror but then decided against it when they realised that they couldn’t make that lightning strike twice. And so instead we have Morty’s Mind Blowers, which gives the writing team time to really hash out a solid joke rather than rely on any random thing that Justin and company want to riff on in the booth.

There’s not really a whole lot to comment on here, so I’m probably just going to bullet point the rest of this one out. A freeform anthology review, if you will.

I’ve been trying to think of what regular episodes could count as mind-blowers, but then I realised that all of them take place after Jerry left, because he isn’t in any of them other than one brief one at Morty’s 13th birthday. Which is also an interesting continuity note, because Morty is 14 by the time the show starts and Rick had already been with the family for about a year prior to that point, since the anniversary of his coming back was in the first Council of Ricks episode. I’m guessing the 13th birthday one is either due to Rick’s shitty filing system and/or Rick deciding to remove that memory from Morty’s mind sometime after Jerry left, maybe because Morty reminded him about it and then removed it out of spite.

Hey look, it’s Neil Gaiman’s Sandman. This show is full of Endless possibilities. Also, the Truth Tortoise said “I’m a Beatle, Paul is dead” backwards, because of course it did.

I love how Jerry has a crappier version of the Mind Blower helmet with VHS tapes instead of vials of memory goo. One of them’s labelled “Sleepy Gary”.

They were pretty spot on with those Men in Black II jokes. “Save it for Youtube” made me chuckle, and also a little ashamed at the fact that I do spend a good chunk of my time online watching video essays.  

Anyway, it seems like that The Ricklantis Mixup took up the majority of the time and budget and was an emotional gut-punch to boot, so Morty’s Mind Blowers is meant to serve as a breather for the fans and the writers before we get to what I assume is going to be a gut-punch Beth and Rick episode and a climax to either Rick-Shank Redemption or The Ricklantis Mixup. And structural nit-picking aside, while The Ricklantis Mixup was a better anthology this season, this one had enough good clips in it that it passes the bar. Not Rixty Minutes good, but not Interdimensional Cable II bad. Probably somewhere in the ballpark of Lawnmower Dog.

Episode MVP: Summer, for not getting paid enough for this shit.

Favourite bit character: Poor Beebo. If only it were Venzenulon Nine, then he wouldn’t have died in vain.

And instead of best joke, here’s my:

Top 5 Mind Blowers

5) Beth’s Choice

Only including this one because it got such a reaction out of me. I’ve mentioned before how I find Beth one of the more interesting characters on the show because of how the writers base her psychological profile out of Rick leaving her as a child and how that affected her ability to relate to people, including Jerry and her own children. Choosing Summer over Morty feels in line with that. It kind of the inverse of that bit in Malcolm in the Middle where Lois says if she was to choose between saving Reese or Malcolm, she’d choose Reese, because he needs all the help he can get while Malcolm is smart enough to look after himself since he’s smart and Reese is an idiot. Whereas Beth would choose Summer since she’s more capable and less of a hassle to look after than Morty, who I think she sees as a smaller Jerry and she probably made that Sophie’s Choice a long time ago in her mind.

4) Talking to Animals

RIP Erica Henderson and Ryan North’s mentions. I’m really only including this on the list for the hummingbird’s thoughts, since it reminded me of The Far Side. I find the idea of animals secretly plotting against us kind of rote because it is almost always something cute and innocuous like a squirrel or a rabbit or a dolphin, and never something more genuinely benign and out-of-left-field like...I dunno, anteaters. Also turns out Rick and Morty have hopped realities again, which at this point they could only really do as a throwaway joke, cause there’s no way in hell they’re going to be able to top the end of Rick Potion #9.

3) The Whole Enchilada

Speaking of hell, the bait-and-switch of the alien having has an actual objective afterlife was excellent, and something I’ve always wondered why that hasn’t been explored more. Especially if a species were to have a soul and what their notion of “life” would be if they know it continues to exist for them after their tangible existence. That’s been done, right? Trek’s probably done it, surely.

2) Wrong Light Switch

Great set-up, excellent punch-line. The less you explain it, the funnier it is.

1 ) “True Level”

My favourite kind of joke is to take an ordinary activity or thing and ramp it up to a ridiculous science fiction version of that thing. My favourite kind of Rick and Morty joke is to have Rick be the one to introduce the sci-fi version of a thing to Morty, only for Rick to get frustrated at Morty’s inability to wrap his head around it. My second favourite kind of Rick and Morty joke is to have a character gain a sudden cosmic revelation and having it crush their spirit so completely as to be permanently emotionally crippled, usually while woefully lamenting their own insignificance. So this is basically the perfect joke to me. My true level of jokes.

It does feel a little familiar though, mostly because I think I can tell that Dan Harmon wrote this segment. Rick’s rant about judging level with “your naked caveman eye and a bubble of fucking air” could have been taken from any first five minutes of a Harmontown episode, and the whole premise seems incredibly similar to that Community joke about the room where they get room temperature from. Be that as it may, there’s no sin in being familiar, and “REALITY IS POISON!” made me laugh my ass off, so it’s a very easy hit to my funny bone regardless.

Final Rating: 3 out of 5 grapples

[intheheartofthematter]

So you know and to myself

I hate to bring this up, and there are many more incidents throughout my life, but I think at least this much should be told. Before I worked at the roofing company as Operations Manager, I worked at another commercial roofing company for almost 6 years as AP/AR Manager and a few other jobs when needed... My boss, another owner, would introduce me at times as his Jack of all trades, master of some. (ha. unnecessary interjection, but I’m reflecting too.) My aunt worked there as well before she retired. One day T wanted me to sign her up for a karate tournament (pronoun at the time, will be used). I had a deadline of a little more than an hour left, so I had to ask permission (very strict business) if I could have the form faxed to me, take a few minutes to fill it out, and fax it back. My request was approved. By the time the tournament sign-up form came through on the fax I had very little time left to fax it back. My aunt saw it come through at the same time I did and grabbed it. I gave her a brief moment to look at it, but she started to walk away and take it to her desk. I asked if I could have it, needing to quickly fax it back, and she said, “No. I’m her aunt. I want to read it first.” I said something stupid back, like, “Well, I’m her mom and I need to read it first and get it filled out.” Anyway, after another long minute, with a hmph and a wrinkled up nose at me, she finally handed it to me. Her day ended at 4pm and it was already after that hour. We both often worked late. My day ended at 5. And, at the time my mom was staying with my aunt temporarily while her move to Florida was in process. She goes home, and tells my mom who knows what! and my mom comes to my place of employment, stomps up to the front door with clenched fists, a few coworkers are gasping, saying, “Who is that?” before she opened the door. I reluctantly reply, “My mom.” To sum it up, she stormed in, in front of everyone, and said, “Get your shit! We’re leaving.” I ask her why, is it an emergency, etc. No answer, but her anger escalated, “I said get your shit! You’re leaving with me NOW!” I said, “NO. I get off work in a little while. I can talk to you then.” She then picked up a section of the switchboard, screaming a whole lot at me, and came after me with it, hitting me with part of it. I mostly got out of the way in time. Two people quickly grabbed her arms, forced them behind her back, and dragged her out the door, backward. But as that was happening, she got partially loose and grabbed the door frame, facing me, and said, “Caryl, you’re crazy. You need to go back into the hospital.” (In front of everyone I work with!)... I looked her dead in the eyes, and said, “I’ve never been in a hospital (truth), but I think that’s where you need to be.” Brave of me at the time, because I was still afraid to stand up to my mom. I didn’t meet up with her after that. Anyway, the owner of the company, who always had everyone walking on eggshells, got wind of it from the office manger who saw it all... OMG! He called me into his office the next day. I thought I was going to be fired. He hugged me!!! He told me that he was going to talk to my aunt next, who would be informed that if her sister (not my mom)... her sister... EVER set foot on his property again, he would call the police and SHE would be fired! (Working with her after that was a nightmare, her treatment of me. Noticeable to everyone. She was warned a few times to act professionally towards me or be fired. Rick hired me not long after.)

So...

After he confronted my aunt, she went home and told my mom, which led to my mom leaving me a message on my answering machine saying that I was disowned from the family due to irreconcilable differences, that I never should have been rude to my aunt like that, blaming me for almost getting my aunt fired, and that she’d be informing the rest of the family that I want nothing to do with them! Me! Not her not wanting anything to do with me! Laurie, already a practicing psychologist in the midst of earning a PhD, came over (we lived 3 doors down from each other at the time) and listened to the message in disbelief. She then reminded me of how my mom had always been like that towards me while growing up (not physically, though), why she always felt protective of me, and that it was time to let her go... don’t respond, don’t play into her games, just focus on recovering emotionally. (And, at the time, I was already dealing with T’s dad threatening me all the time, death threats, coming around, stalking me... having him arrested, his family calling and demanding I drop charges. A lot to deal with, basically.) 

Within a week, my mom started showing up to T’s elementary school, leaving packages, demanding to see her granddaughter during class, and shitty stuff like that. The school called me in for a meeting, wanting to know what was going on, saying that they can’t allow her to come on school grounds anymore, or accept packages, not knowing if a bomb would be in one, lol... seriously! And that they would have no choice but to call the police if she stepped foot on school grounds again. I told them I would let her know, so I had to call her. That didn’t go over well. She blamed me, of course. Her next move was to write letters to my main friends, T’s family on her dad’s side (who I was already distancing myself from), my grandparents, my dad, and a few family members on my mom’s side. Basically, each letter was different... everyone contacted me, one by one, reading them to me. She was trying to turn everyone against me after disowning me. Laurie was livid over the letters she and her parents received, and called my mom to confront her and defend me, also telling her she’d better back off and stop tormenting me or she’d hire a lawyer. All contact with me, and anyone she had written letters to, ceased after that for 3 years! until I received a card from my mom with a card-printed message that read, “I forgive you.” Call me, mom. I laughed. I told Laurie I was going to call her, against her advice. I did. She said she missed being in T’s life and that was the main reason she contacted me again. I told her that we could see how things go, but if she caused any problems or tried to control my life in any way again, she would be the one to be shut out. T was about 5 years old when she disowned me. And after a little time passed, when T was 9, I let her fly out to visit my mom in Florida - when and where the letter with T’s story was written. Since then, when my mom has tried anything with me I’ve immediately distanced myself again - not cut her off. She did some terrible things to T over time, and T won’t have it, only sees my mom on a rare occasion if she’s in town, but no regular contact, ever. My mom doesn’t have an interest anymore since T’s changes, too. My mom basically acts like T doesn’t exist. No love loss on T’s part. For me, it’s harder. It hurts that my child isn’t loved, and disconnected from the family, other than my aunt and brother, mostly due to my mom and her gossip within our family. When the extended family ever sees me, they often forget I have a child until I bring it up. My mom usually looks mortified and I stop talking. We do not have a good relationship at all. And after my mom told the rest of the family that I wanted nothing to do with them, when she and I started talking again, and I was invited around them again, they were confused by it all. Not wanting to badmouth my mom to them, I just said that we had differences, but let them know that SHE disowned me for 3 years, and that I never wanted to be separated from anyone.

And she never has any compassion towards me over anything I had to do or went through with T’s cancer, my dad becoming paralyzed and my role through all the years before his death, and with Alex or anyone since... She wanted to buy the urn for my dad, her first husband, which I accepted. But she didn’t even contact me when my grandpa died and all I had to deal with out of state. They never let me grieve and expect me to bounce back to normal overnight. She only concerns herself with how well I’m helping out my aunt and looking out for my brother, and on occasion starts in on me in nasty and negative ways, saturated in criticism, on how I need to do this or that with things concerning my own life... and then the distancing starts all over again. Keep in mind, this is just a few things in my ADULT life. The things I went through as a child and had to deal with on my own, no emotional support from my mother, yet always defending and protecting her were bad enough. I’m not implying I’m a saint or expect pats on my back, it’s more a description of the behavior of someone mentally abused. 

The most recent, before the trouble brewing now, was when my dad was near the end, the nursing home calling me often because he was refusing to listen to them and accept care, and other things, so I had a lot going on with him at the same time my aunt was in the hospital, then released, in my care again... cooking and serving meals, bathing and dressing her, cleaning up after her, portable potty, the whole shebang, like always. And at the same time shortly after my brother’s incident of being stranded for 3 days, no food and water, on the military base, then had to outrun a fire. His rental car burned completely. I had begged him not to take the trip up to my mom’s in Northern CA, where she lived at the time, because I could tell his medications were affecting him in bad ways, when the tardive dyskinesia was beginning too, but there was no talking him out of it. I later found out that he had planned the trip for Mother’s Day to be the last time to see her, because he planned to kill himself. When he was rescued, he was mentally gone... in part due to the trauma and dehydration of his brain too, off his meds, etc. It took hours before he could remember a phone number, and couldn’t remember our names, for them to contact us. I got the call. His ID and everything burned up in the car. So, after we brought him home, he was bad, like manic and not sleeping, and doing bizarre things like sneaking out of the house in the middle of the night, stripping off his clothes, running from me when I’d try to get him back into the house, arguing, pushing me down and more. He didn’t know what he was doing and I was trying to care for my aunt by myself, take care of the house and animals too, and I couldn’t get any sleep watching them both. So, I called my mom and asked for her help. I told her that I could handle everything but dealing with him too and to please come get him and take him to her house to help him, temporary if not longer. She drives down, sees what I’m talking about, takes him into the ER of our local hospital. They keep him overnight for observation and a psych evaluation. She spent the night there with him. Calls and asks me to pack a suitcase for him because they determined he needs to go into a mental rehabilitation facility, but she comes back with him! And she almost got into lawful trouble over it. When she decided she didn’t want him getting that type of help, after thinking about it, she asked them to release him and they refused saying that it’s been determined he is required to be admitted for the safety of himself and others, and she argued she was just going to take him home anyway... staff stopped her, discussions with doctors ensued, and they let him leave with her because she said he would be in HER CARE and she would get him the treatment through a private facility instead of the one his disability insurance would place him in. Well, she went home the next day without him. When I got upset over it, reminding her that I was overwhelmed as is, and I had called her to come get him, she yelled at me, “GROW UP! You need to take responsibility. He’s your brother!” I yelled back, “He’s YOUR son! I’m your daughter, and I’m begging for your help.” Of course, I got labeled as the loose cannon with a temper, unreasonable, selfish, along those line... getting an earful from her husband later, too, then my aunt and their brother... all because they listen to each other and never to me, always siding with each other, always expecting me to do for them, respect them no matter how I’m treated, and never argue back. It’s maddening. And for the most part, when I stand up for myself, they tend to back off now... but it never lasts... and now while I’m dealing with my own health issues, instead of being emotionally supportive, they’re kicking me when I’m down. I would explain more, and might in small details at some point, but I have a lot to figure out again. Oh! And, when my mom went home, leaving me to care for my brother too, she’d order me around on how to handle it all. Not make nice suggestions, caring at all about me too, but actually get nasty. When I had to take my brother to the psychiatrist and neurologist until he began to regain normalcy, through a lot of changes we incorporated, early on my mom called up his psychiatrist and demanded this and that, and kept calling. He told me that my mom is not allowed to have any part of his care, and that if she continued to harass him or his office he would call the police, which he told her! I didn’t have to that time. She threatened to sue him. More to the entire story, but this whole mess of words, quickly typed, is long enough. It actually opened up a lot of old wounds too, as I kinda told T, in the text, so I’m feeling quiet. I’m stuck in a bad situation that’s about to get worse and I can’t take more. I held off on posting this, but I think I’m okay with sharing here, for myself at least, now.

Yesterday:

Today (had to open read more to show it all)

Oh, I tried pineapple today. Stitch on the table, so I turned  him for a selfie.

[smokeybrandreviews]

All Falls Down: A Retrospective

I really like Kanye West’s music. He has a very, unique, production style and can “see” melody in a way most cats don’t. His entry into hip-hop caused a fundamental shift in the sound, like Rick Rubin or Dr. Dre or early Diddy. Admittedly, I fell off the Ye bandwagon after MBDTR but, since I have dope ass Spotify, I figured I’d take a day and run through his catalog. I was very surprised to hear what I heard; what held up and what didn’t, how is sound has evolved, and the new fragility in his musical voice. I was curious as to why certain things sounded the way they did and decided to kind of prognosticate on why certain records are the way they are. I mused about it on a notepad while at work and these are the determinations I was able to make.

The College Dropout

Dropout is probably the best album Kanye has ever made. From production to rhyme to arrangement; all of it is a banger, front to back. I can listen to that thing without skipping one song. That’s rare. I can only think of a handful of albums I have ever done that with. Like, Hot Fuss and that’s probably my all-time favorite, right there. Lofty company, indeed. I think Dropout is so good because this is everything Ye had in him at the time. It’s the culmination of his life to that point and you hear every single bit of that on this record. From the frustration of working survival on Spaceships, to the brand slaving on All Falls Down, Ye is open, honest, and real, about who he is. Two Words is one of the dopest hip-hop tracks ever pressed and Through the Wire? Through the Wire is a top-10, all-time for me. It single-handedly got me back into hip hop. Hell, even the bullsh*t club records are bangers. You telling me Overnight Celebrity and New Workout Plan didn’t get you going when those strings hit? Are you f*cking kidding me? The College Dropout is a masterwork that most artists aspire to create at least once in their life, after years in their craft. Ye did it in his rookie outing. Nowhere to go but down, right? Nah. His follow-up is arguably better. Arguably.

Standout tracks: Through the Wire, Spaceships, School Spirit, Two Words

Late Registration

Registration is always the album the people point to as the best Ye ever made. I disagree. I think Dropout is the superior album, albeit, not by much. With Dropout, I listen front to back. With Registration, I found myself skipping tracks. I can’t say they were better or worse than Dropout’s admissions, but I still passed on more songs than expected. Registration is kind of a paradox to me. Like, I know Kanye was kind of a conceited dude before he dropped his album. He gassed himself to fuel his ambition. But once you get here, once you get that shine, other people fuel that desire, you know? Like, you don’t need to get high on your own supply because you’re already there. Registration feels like Ye bought into his own hype and you can start to see the cracks of Fame Crazy setting in. Its kind of shows in his music a little bit. Gone are the poignant, personal tales, that carried Dropout, replaced with sophisticated ignorance. There are more club-friendly tacks on this album than there are personal records and that’s fine. Registration is the bop but if I wanted to listen to a story about f*cking hot b*tches and Jacob watches, could pick up a litany of other albums out at the time. Why was Kanye different now that he chose not to be? Still, the few tracks that stay true to that initial Ye outing, are some of the best in his catalog. Roses and My Way Home (which was a rejected track by Common) scathe the soul but it’s Crack Music that really f*cks you up. There is a deep cutting truth on that record that stands in stark contrast to literally every other message on that entire album. On a personal note. I find it funny that Gold Differ is a thing and then Ye marries Kim Kardashian. The irony, man.

Standout tracks: Crack Music, Roses, Gold Digger, My Way Home, Touch the Sky

Graduation

Graduation is the capper to the Higher Education Trilogy of records. I dunno if that’s the official title, but the running theme of college ends with this one. Seems like a fitting moniker for these three records because, after this one, dude’s sound changes considerably. Graduation is a serviceable Kanye West album. It’s easily he weakest of the three. I don’t think anyone with a semblance of musical intelligence would argue that. This is Ye resting on his laurels. Ye at the height of his powers, giving us a formulaic submission. That’s not to say this thing isn’t devoid of his genius, because it isn’t. Graduation is better than any hip-hop record which came out that year. It that’s more a testament to Kanye’s ability than it is to the album itself. Except for maybe three or four tracks, Graduation feels lazy. It feels listless. This is a Kanye growing tired of the process. It’s Jordan before his first retirement. Due’s already got three titles and an MVP. He’s dominated the league for years. What more is there for him to prove? F*ck, dude, Stronger, by itself, is better than anything that had dropped in the decade before. That record feels right at home on Registration or Dropout. Homecoming is f*cking gut-punch of introspection and self-reflection. But, at e same time, you got bullsh*t like Drunken Hot Girls and Barry Bonds. The thing about Graduation is, this record FEELS more like those latter two tracks, rather than the former. It FEELS like a product of it’s time, not an innovation of the culture. Coming of two, classic albums that revolutionized hip-hop, Graduation staying the course is a disappointment. Don’t misunderstand me, Graduation is a dope f*cking album. It’s also a classic. It’s just the weakest of Ye’s best.

Standout Tracks: Good Morning, Champion, Stronger, Homecoming

808 and Heartbreaks

808s is the rawest, most honest, album Kanye has ever made. This sh*t was the most p[personal we have ever seen him, and it echoes on every track. See, around this time, right before production, Ye’s mom died. She was his biggest fan, the one person who supported him from the get. Her passing devastated dude and he’s never been right since. I can hear that in his music, to this day. I can see that in the way he carries himself. He was always kind of all over the place and insecure, but his ma was there to kind of rudder that wayward Kanye cruise. With her gone, he was lost. And that’s what this record feels like; Kanye lost. In all honesty, I think this album is superior to Graduation in the fact that it’s Ye, trying to find that passion again. Ye’s experimenting with his sound and production style, sussing out how to best articulate his anguish. 808s feels like Dropout but at the opposite end of the emotional spectrum. The illest thing? Everyone hates this record. They think it’s the worst of his catalog. I wholeheartedly disagree. On the creative merit alone, its one of his best but lyrically? Holy sh*t. Did you people even LISTEN to this album? This is Kanye in morning. He’s giving you everything he is, at his most vulnerable, and you all just rejected it as track. The audacity. A cat like Ye, who has given you hit after hit, banger after banger, creates something for himself to move past one of the darkest chapters in his life, and it’s me with wholesale condemnation? Really? Nah. Go back and listen to it again. Actually pay attention this time. 808s is one of his best and ya’ll are clowns to think otherwise.

Standout Tracks: RoboCop, Coldest Winter, Amazing, Welcome to Heartbreak, Bad News, Say You Will, Street Lights

My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy

Coming off 808s and his break-up with Amber Rose, Ye put out his most eclectic album to date. This record feels distinctly Kanye. There is am undertone of experimentation here, that you haven’t felt since probably , ever. I’d say Dropout is close but even that has kind of a uniform structure. MBDTF is all over the place. There is a distinct gospel influence but, other than that, every record feels different. Like, Monster is a braggadocious romp full of hyperbole and feeling one’s self, while POWER is a ballad written by a person who knows how dope he is. Sh*t’s a contradiction and I love it. All of the Lights is an emotionally annihilating, what-if tale about a man who lost his family over something stupid, while Blame Game is an accusation narrative baring its fangs on a woman who was not faithful or truthful in a relationship. There is a duality in this record that is never clearer than on Runaway. This is a cautionary tale about Ye, himself, but, at the same time, a plea for affection that he needs to be whole. It’s insane. MBDTF is one of Ye’s best. Of his catalog, I think it’s my second favorite, after Dropout. It might not be better than Registration, but it feels more genuine than that one. It feels more Kanye than that one. And the more Ye you get on a record, the better.

Standout Tracks: All of the Lights, Who Will Survive in America, POWER, Gorgeous, Monster, Lost in the World

Yeezus

Yeezus has got to be the most frustrating album in Kanye’s catalog. The production of this thing is legit and, occasionally, Ye hits you with one of those classic lines, but most of the content is vapid bullsh*t. I’ve been listening to this thing on repeat trying to figure out why all the little kiddies think it’s so great and all I hear is mediocrity. Almost greatness. Disappointment. There is a dope ass album in here somewhere and I can kind of hear it between the lines, so to speak, and that sh*t is regular ass infuriating. There aren’t any tracks outside of Black Skinhead that don’t devolve into utter nonsense. Maybe New Slaves, but even then, it’s overall forgettable. Like this entire goddamn album. I don’t like Yeezus. It’s ye at his worst but, at least, it’s still Ye. And, even with all of its problems and frustrations, it’s still better than Pablo.

Standout tracks: Black Skinhead, On Sight, Blood on the Leaves, I Am a God

The Life of Pablo

Pablo is trash. The only thing worth mentioning of this record is Ultralight Beam. Everything else is uninspired drivel. This is as much a Kanye album, as The Dynasty: Roc la Familia was A Jay-Z album and if it was billed as such, I probably wouldn’t have an issue with it. It wasn’t. This was marketed as a Kanye West album, when half the tracks aren’t even his. The other half, he didn’t even write. The majority of everything on this record, Kanye didn’t do, and it shows. I talked about Graduation being phoned in, but this piece of sh*t is the real affront. It’s insulting to my intelligence that this thing would even be considered a proper Kanye West attempt but, that’s what everyone wants you to think. I know literal hyperbeats that swear this record is good, that the content holds up to even his best but, bro, you can’t be serious. There’s a f*cking Desiigner track on here as album filler. Oh, but Ryan, I hear you say, so was My Way Home, right? No. Common rejected that. It wasn’t on HIS album. This sh*tty record was Desiigner’s lead f*cking single. Why the hell is it on Pablo? Why the hell is even Pablo, period??

Standout tracks: Ultralight Beam, I love Kanye

Ye

What the f*ck even is Ye? Yo, this sh*t is unsettling. This is a cry for help. These are the ramblings of a madman and I am concerned. I don’t think he meant to create a cautionary tale about fame and sycophancy but that’s exactly what Ye is. This is a very troubled and damaged person, off his meds, being enabled and emboldened by a circle that legit doesn’t care about the person behind the music. Ye is proof that he never recovered from the loss of his mom and having literally everything in the world, can’t fill that void. I mean, dude is a mogul in several industries. He’s married to who many consider one of the most beautiful women in the world. Cat has three kids and one on the way. Millions upon millions of dollars and the clout to do whatever he wants to do, whenever he wants to do it. If graduation is fame crazy Kanye and 808s is Kanye in morning, then Ye is Kanye spiraling deeper into depression. That sh*t is wild to hear. Genius is a fine line between inspiration and insanity but Ye is an audible diary of a man crossing that line. It makes for profound music, Ye is one of my favorites in his catalog, but at what f*cking cost, man? How f*cked up was he when he made this sh*t? All these little mini-albums? Pusha’s was trash, but that production was on point. Kids See Ghost is a masterpiece. Ye is close to be being a classic. All of them were produced by Kanye. All his rhymes were written by his own hand, something I don’t think he’s done since probably Dropout. Ye is incredible but, f*ck, do I feel terrible enjoying it so much.

Standout Tracks: All of them. The entire run time. It’s only seven songs and they all hit hard.

[rockinarounduniverse]

An Analysis of Episode 10

There’s several moments I want to talk about in the emotionally charged episode of The Walking Dead, season 7, episode 10. Some fans were wondering why Daryl appeared to be pushing Carol away after their first hug in the episode. It’s not that he doesn’t want to hug her, but he doesn’t understand why she left. He wants answers, and he wants answers as soon as possible. He’s incredibly hurt by her decision to leave. It reads on his face.

Daryl asks Carol, “Why’d you go?” He poses this question to her, because it hurts him very deeply that she would leave him. It’s almost as if he’s asking her, “Why did you leave me?” It’s almost implied by him by the way he poses the question to her. It’s hard for him to fathom as to why she’d leave him after everything they’ve been through together. Daryl literally has to do everything in his power to keep himself from crying (source), because that’s how hurt is at the thought of Carol leaving him. At the thought of losing the one person he cares about most (source and source). It’s worse for him to have to wrap his mind around the idea, because no one forced her to leave. She chose to leave.

Daryl doesn’t want to push Carol away. He wants answers, because he’s hurt by Carol’s decision. He wants to understand her decision. He’s always helped Carol and he needs to be able to understand her decision in order to help her. The first reaction he shows her is how torn up inside he is over her. It’s him showing his ability to love and that his love runs deep.

When we watch Carol and Daryl in the cabin, it’s almost setup like a romance novel with a fire, candles, dinner, and alone time in a cabin with your favorite person. Just earlier Carol was reading the romance novel “Denim Dreams,” (source) right before Daryl showed up on her doorstep.

Carol’s fantasizing about great men (because she’s been let down in the past by one in particular, her husband, Ed) when she opens the door and sees a great man right in front of her. Carol is someone who has always wanted “a man of honor.” She’s someone who experienced the darkest side of a relationship as a once abused wife. Daryl shines like a light at the end of the tunnel for her. He has saved Carol’s life numerous times, such as when he rode in like a white knight in shining armor on his motorcycle (noble steed) when she was almost attacked by a herd of walkers on Hershel’s farm. Then there’s the time he rescued her in the prison and carried her out to safety. There’s also the time he put himself in harm’s way to search for her daughter, Sophia, because the sound of Carol’s crying at night bothered him that much.

The thing about Daryl is that he’s always had a low self-esteem. It’s noticeable in his past conversations with Dale and Abraham. When he’s asked by Abraham if he’s ever thought about settling down with someone, Daryl simply replies, “You think she’d settle?” It’s almost as if he’s asking, “Do you think she’d (Carol) settle for me?” That’s not someone with a very high self-esteem. It’s taken a long time for Daryl to build up his self-worth and he’s always seen, defined his self-worth through other people, the group, Merle, Carol, Rick, Sophia, etc. Remember when Carol once said to Daryl, “You’re every bit as good as them. Every bit.”

When Carol says to Daryl, “I couldn’t lose anyone. I couldn’t lose any of them... I couldn’t lose you.” You can see him lift his head up to look at Carol more directly as she looks back at him when she says, “I couldn’t lose you.” She’s reminding Daryl that her feelings for him have never changed as this relates back to her once telling him, “I can’t lose you too.”

The whole time Daryl’s hung his head low in the cabin scene, until Carol tells him that she couldn’t lose him. You see him stare at her as if he is thinking about what Abraham once asked him. You see Daryl thinking for a brief moment that maybe Carol would consider settling down with a guy like him. After that look she gives him by the fire, that look of love. Maybe for a moment he realizes that they could settle down together. The only problem is, is that as Daryl seems to be pulled in more and more by the romantic atmosphere. Carol quickly changes the subject to the Saviors and whether or not their group is okay. This is where a beat occurs (emotional beat) in the scene. This is when we see a complete change (emotional change) in Daryl’s mood when Carol asks about the Saviors.

The dinner scene between Carol and Daryl takes place as they spend their time doing their favorite thing. Carol getting to feed Daryl and Daryl getting to be fed by Carol.

“I always describe him as kind of like if you saw a coyote in an alley and it was raining and if you fed him, he would just follow you... forever” -Norman Reedus (source).

Both Daryl and Carol seem to have a hard time saying goodbye to each other. Daryl looks back at Carol and returns to hug her and when Daryl leaves later, Carol finds herself watching him go and then looking back again as if she doesn’t want him to leave either. Neither of them seems to want to be apart. Both are reluctant to separate from each other. Daryl saying to Carol before he leaves, “Watch out for yourself, alright?” It’s reminiscent of him once saying to her, “Stay safe.” This is almost as if Daryl is reassuring Carol of his feelings and that they haven’t changed. That he still cares deeply for her. It’s almost a response to her, “I couldn’t lose you.” Both make it clear how concerned they are for the other’s safety with their words, but the fact that they bring up words that relate to past words they’ve said to each other makes it almost as if Carol says, “I love you still.” Daryl replies with a goodbye, “I love you too.” It almost plays like that without them actually saying it. We know the elephant in the room that has always been Caryl is that they love each other. They’ve just never addressed it, but the feelings have always been there and very apparent.

As Daryl leaves, he firmly places his hand on Carol’s shoulder and looks her straight in the eye before he goes. It’s as if they’re about to kiss, but as we all know Norman Reedus has made it clear in the past that Daryl would need a woman to make the first move.

“If it happens, it happens. I want it to be awkward when it happens. I want it to be really awkward. I want her to make the first move... I don’t think he’s figured out women. What does a relationship look like and how does that work? He never really grew up with a woman in the house, so it’s sort of like foreign creatures to him...” -Norman Reedus (source)

Since Daryl didn’t grow up around a lot of women, he doesn’t understand them enough to make the first move. Carol and Daryl’s goodbye sure comes close to a kiss goodbye. Since season 1 Daryl has had a hard time with physical affection as he was abused in his childhood, he’s struggled with physical affection, intimacy. The fact that he hugs Carol twice when he sees her shows that he’s grown a lot as a character and jumped leaps and bounds from how he once was. As some might put it, it’s Daryl’s transformation from a beast to a man. When Daryl looks at Shiva, the tiger in a cage, it’s almost like he’s looking at himself. 

“It’s like you were a kid. Now you’re a man.” -Carol Peletier

Carol is incredibly reluctant to see Daryl go. She looks back at him several times. She even smiles at one point. It’s almost as if she wants to run after Daryl and tell him not to leave, so far this season she’s wanted her privacy in order to recover from the trauma she’s experienced. She appears irritated with the constant visitors, but when Daryl shows up, she’s incredibly happy to see him.

The Caryl relationship is a lot like a flower. It’s been through rough weather, but as it grows, it grows more and more beautiful, until it blooms. And Caryl will bloom. Just like a Cherokee Rose. For Carol, Daryl has always been the light at the end of a dark tunnel. People have previously said in the past that two broken characters like Daryl and Carol shouldn’t be together, but I disagree. I think that two broken characters like Daryl and Carol are the only way to make those characters feel whole again (to heal). They look right into each other and know the truth. They can’t bullshit each other, because they completely understand the other. They know each other better than they know themselves. If that’s not a soul mate, then I don’t know what is.

“There have been whispers of a romance between Morgan and Carol...” -Interviewer

“Has it, really?“ [laughing out loud] -Lennie James

“Yeah, is that something we will see...?” -Interviewer

“I have no idea. But if there was any possibility of that, I think Daryl might have something to say about it.” -Lennie James (source)