#“Found my husband's bf on our tree”

[ghostwnby]

I think my favorite thing about kriedbanejad is that Mika's wife 100% knows about it and supports it

[girltomboy]

I'm on here reblogging ass and dick but I forgot to make a post about my holiday 😭 once again I have mixed feelings about it! The beach town we went to was almost unwalkable and full of cars everywhere - why the fuck are you as a tourist moving around a beach town in your fucking car?? GET OFF YOUR ASS AND TAKE SOME STEPS JFC. But it had a Lidl which made our lives, budget, and vacation sooo much easier. The beach was about 20 mins from our hotel, but the walk there was not the most pleasant because of the lack of trees and the abundance of cars. So we had to spend time preparing to go to the beach by putting on sunscreen everywhere and carrying bottles of water each time (I hated carrying my floatie too 😭 #cantswim). Nightlife was nonexistent, one night we got snacky and went in search of a 24/7 corner store to buy some chips and a carton of juice, but the vibes were hellish. Idk if it was just me, but I felt unsafe and paranoid, it was dark almost everywhere, there was nobody around except for a few people our age, and the store we found was empty, tiny, white fluorescent lights and no music playing, clerk staring at us, 2 name brand products to choose from. I felt like in Marina's Obsessions, I whispered to my bf "we need to get the hell out of here stat" and he grabbed a bag of pizza puffs and we went back home. I felt stupid afterwards and overall was totally disappointed that we didn't go to the beach at night at all the whole week. Especially since we had a full moon that would have been 100% visible and bright above the sea... :( And aside from a bracelet I bought from a man selling old trinkets on the sidewalk I didn't buy anything 🤣 like souvenirs or trinkets or gifts, nada. Idk why I had extra anxiety about being in a shop and getting watched by the seller. I hate that so much and idk how to get over it. Anyway I'm only complaining but I swear we had fun even though we spent a lot of time in the hotel room lmfao - we're vacationers not travelers. We got stoned, watched TV, napped a lot. We had really beautiful weather all week, it was just perfect for being in the sea. On the one rainy day we had the sea was so calm and clear, it was the most beautiful experience to float in the waves while it was raining. I missed walking on the beach and feeling the hot sand underneath my feet so much. And sunbathing, and feeling the warm sun on my belly. That's so healing. Salt in my hair and the breeze on my body after being in the sea for hours. Walking again after floating in the water and then lying in bed resting after a beach day. Watching my bf stare at the sea and the waves as they crash at his feet is so endearing I love it every time. Oh and the beach after sunset. The pink sky reflecting in the water and mixing with its blue, the seagulls, the sound of sea shells cracking beneath our feet. We found some really good food places but all of them were self-serving and that's not a problem but I did wish we could have gone to a real restaurant at least once. I really enjoyed people-watching on the beach though. So many old people having fun and swimming together. It was very sweet. And on the way home I befriended this lady and her family in the train station - we were all gonna take the same trains. And she was really lovely, so funny and friendly and gorgeous. And of course so was her husband who adored her. I wish I had asked her more things. But still so grateful for all of it.

[kendrixtermina]

where are you originally from? if answering this put you in an unsafe position please don't

Ah, that's a very long story.

I have lived in Germany as long as I can remember so I consider it to be my home country & the culture I grew up/identify with.

So If you ask me, I'd say I'm "from" the city of Kiel in Schleswig-Hollstein, though I've lived all over the Republic.

I was, however, born in Havanna, though I only lived there for 10 months. (there was a famine in the mid 90s which motivated my parents to flee, so technically we came to europe as refugees, though my mom had lived in europe before as a kid.)

I do speak some Spanish but I can't write it and my vocabulary is not enough for sophisticated discussion.

My father's family is from northern Spain, though they came to Cuba in the 1900s. My mom usually says she's 'half czech, half cuban'.

With the Czech & Spanish(on father's side) part of the family we know the particular tiny farm village the family is from where they have presumably lived since the migration period/dark ages.

He's from Galicia (that bit that sticks out a little next to portugal) which are actually the closest relatives of British islanders outside of britain. They play bagpipe and everything. So my father inda looks like your typical south european guy like spanish/italian/greek/south french etc but with those characteristic cheek bones & nose shapes you see in the british. Chubbier jenna coleman with curly hair.

That lead to an interesting situation where I commented under some American discussing their DNA test results "aww, my results would be boring, we're all from little cow villages europe" but the American person was actually jealous that I knew the exact places. So I guess it depends on your perspective.

It certainly is a privilege when you hear these stories of ppl being prevented from visiting where their granparents lived, whereas I could just pop over any time without even having border controls. Once time we drove past the area when going to prague for something & mom pointed out the mountains near that village (apparently my czech grandpa used to joke that they look like boobs and... he wasn't wrong XD)

My parents and I are banned from Cuba for life, though, if I recall correctly. Not my siblings who were born in Germany, however, one of my sisters visited once (result: the tree on the campus of the university my mom went to is alot bigger, and the beach our parents kept talking up really IS that pretty, but aside from that, everything got way worse since they left)

As for the Cuban grandma, she was adopted by a an afro-cuban lady who she considers her real mom, but he backstory there was, insofar as we're aware, that Dad fled Germany as a young man when the Nazis took over, got a girlfriend, and then left to go back & check on his family, giving the instruction that the kid be named 'victoria' if its a girl. (in honor of the defeat of the Nazis)

Alas, my grandma's bio mom got a proposal from a wealthy mexican guy while her bf was away, and ended up hiding the pregnancy and then abandoning the baby in the Caribbean. Mexican guy never found out she had a previous boyfriend or child.

The dad came to look for her a few times, but grandma was always away (once in Moscow for university, and then living in Prague with her husband), so we never found him.

The adopted mom was the one who taught my mom to cook as a kid, so this resulted in a situation where we had African Week at the university and I went there thinking I'd get to try something totally new ... and it's just mom's yellow rice with green beans and plantains fritters, but with more Chili.

So there's a lot of twists & turns, but in the end I'm basically just european, nothing too exciting really.

[cherchersketch]

Iris: The Lady and Her Smartphone / Iris - Lady with a Smartphone

Yes, I read out of curiosity because that title is all sorts of ridiculous. Actually really enjoyed it and sort of kick-started a brief revenge time travel binge. Sadly not a lot of completed ones other than this. Somehow both an isekai and a travel backwards in time thing because isekai-ing actually fits into ~the lore~ of the world. Amazing.  I will never get over the ridiculousness of the title. Also the cover image is like when you see behind-the-scenes shots of fantasy/medieval actors using their regular electronics/drinking a Starbucks. Beautiful. 

Summary Our main girl died because toxic fam is toxic. Apparently the afterlife looks like the World Tree but with TV screens instead of branches. Lol.  But instead of the standard *whooshed back to the past for revenge*, our girl took a little detour to also be an isekai-ed person. Wow 2 for the price of 1. “Returners” are rare but have existed in history so when Iris found a smartphone at an auction of course she gotta grab it. But mostly it’s a time travel revenge fantasy. 

Tropes   - isekai-ed into a death flag   - past life explained in one frame   - died and came back to life X years before FOR REVENGE   - just throw this whole family away   - the shitty BF/husband cheated and killed her *shocked pikachu face*   - modern technology = magic

FL - Iris Forrest

- to-do list: break up with the trash man - fueled by *REVENGE* - smarter than everyone in this room - betrayed child returns to be superior to her trash family WE LOVE TO SEE IT - 100% oblivious to ML’s love

ML - Ian Valenciaga Lohenheim

- *Grand Duke* is just Crown Prince with extra steps - yes it’s a blonde hair blue eyed DUKE - when will FL notice my ~feelings~ - yes my dear I’ve loved you since before you even remember

Rating:   I enjoyed my time reading this Since there were only a few chapters left to the end, I threw some coins at TappyToon for that sweet sweet ~catharsis~ Status (as of 30 Jan 2023) 100% completed with side stories. 

Same Same but Different   - The Soulless Duchess / The Duchess with an Empty Soul   - Just Leave Me Be / Just Throw Me Away   - Who made me a Princess   - Actually, I was the Real One / I am the Real One

full rec list

[kakashihasibs]

travel

So i have driven all over the US. hours upon hours of driving. My favorite road trip was from Chicago to Nashville, Tennessee (for 2 days) and then onto the Florida Keys for like 4 days. (Then we drove straight back to Chicago).

The drive to Tennessee was fine but the drive to the Keys was just a lot. Did you know Florida is really fucking long? I had my bf (now husband) and best friend with me and neither of them could handle the drive. I drove for 24 hours. I had like a one hour break while my friend drove us through the everglades but he freaked out and i took back over. We get to our camping spot and the gate is locked and our code won't work so i say I'll drive us to north Miami to go to a motel 6.

I had like a transcendental experience fueled by exhaustion and caffeine as we drove out of the everglades on our way to Miami. On the edge of the everglades the trees were all stripped bare and looked ghostly. The sun was just under the horizon and the fog hadn't burned off yet and was settled low between the dead trees. It felt like the twisty dark branches of the dead mangrove trees were clawing into the sides of my eyes. I'm losing my whole shit listening to the mountain goats so i punch my husband until he wakes up and i demand that he tell me RIGHT NOW why all these trees are dead. He doesn't know bc why would he but I'm insistent and apparently willing to punch so he googles it and it's some invasive beetles species

Anyway that calms me down and i get us to a gas station in Miami and my best friend and husband are both like we're almost to the motel and me with my new found spiritual energy(?) Am like no. I'm driving us to the keys FUCK motel 6. And they fucking let me.

I drove through morning rush hour traffic in fucking Miami fueled by basically a hallucination and several rock stars. This was my 24 hour mark of driving. And i fucking did it. I got us to key largo in one peice and then i tapped out. I was done. We found an empty beach and i napped there until the tide came in. Then we found one empty room at an expensive ass motel and i spent the next 2 days napping on a hammock and reading my book.

I was like 22 and incredibly stupid and incredibly lucky holy shit.

[tiny-feisty-gay]

so i watched happiest season...

and I have... Thoughts. 

this is going to be spoiler heavy so if you really want to see it un-spoilered, now is when you should scroll on. 

a major thing here is that the movie is spun as a “rom com” and i straight up have maybe one thing i thought was genuinely funny.

point one: my god i’m so tired. SO TIRED. of coming out being the central plot of every movie. within the first like 15 minutes (i just watched it and don’t have time stamps, but it was early on) harper (mackenzie davis) invites abby (kristen stewart) back to her family home for xmas. when they’re practically at the house harper drops the bomb that she lied about telling her parents they were together or that she was gay. i’m not here to tell people they can’t have relationships while they’re still in the closet, but you absolutely need to disclose that shit and have good communication about it. so this is naturally a theme through the ENTIRE movie. they end up having to pretend they’re not dating and abby is miserable like 90% of the movie.

two: there’s a subplot with harpers high school ex-gf, riley. they dated in hs and used to write love letters, harper’s friend found one of them, and when a friend confronted her about it harper outed riley and said that she “wouldn’t leave harper alone.” nice. and this is like barely revisited between abby and harper? like they don’t... talk about it? riley and abby make friends and riley’s like “hey this was fucked” and basically they watch as harper does almost the exact same thing to abby throughout the movie. 

three: there’s an ex-bf plotline. this one isn’t awful but it’s very “haha old heterosexual relationship that our parents are trying to set up again.” there’s a scene where harper and her friends and this guy (conner) are out and abby tags along, and ends up leaving early bc she just feels out of place. harper doesn’t go home til like 2am and when abby checks on her the next morning she gets pissed and talks about how abby’s suffocating her which is... weird because they’ve barely interacted at this point. harper keeps getting whisked off to do Rich People Shit with her parents. abby legit is just like “hey you didn’t text me til like 2am, you good?” and harper just explodes.

four: harper’s sister sloane has a Black husband (eric) and two kids (biological kids and visibly mixed (this is clunky wording i’m so sorry my brain isn’t working). at one point sloane, abby, and the kids go holiday shopping for a white elephant gift. sloane leaves the kids with abby briefly and during that time... these kids... who are like idk, 8ish and younger? ... take a necklace and put it in abby’s purse. abby then gets stopped on the way out and very intensely interrogated by mall security, which then starts a cascade later of “oh she’s a thief” from the rest of the family. 

this is probably the one i’m most pissed over. they set up a fucking plotline. where young, poc kids. basically frame a white girl. 

does anyone else see how totally fucked that is? they end up just confessing/apologizing at the end of the movie and don’t get in “real” trouble but what the actual fuck was that.

piggybacking off the above, sloane and eric had been separated and agreed til after the holidays/sloane’s dad’s campaign was over to tell the family they were divorcing, but eric ends up hooking up with a woman in the closet on xmas. sloane finds him and a huge fight breaks out (which leads to the only legitimately funny exchange imo, which is sloane screaming “STAY OUT OF THIS, SAPPHO” at abby and honestly that was comedy gold). but like. what the fuck. 

(i’m open to correction on the above thing because i’m white and thus it’s not totally my lane to discuss, but it struck me as Uncomfy particularly since the director is white)

five: abby lost her parents at 19 and it’s played for laughs, with such things as “she’s an orphan!!” and “you probably never even had a christmas tree :(” even after abby has literally stated her parents died when she was older. it’s a running thing that is supposed to... i guess be funny? but it just falls squarely into insensitive. 

six: all three sisters have been raised on love having to be earned via perfection and for there’s an attempt at the underlying message of “be yourself and be happy, care less about what others think” but it just... falls flat?

i’m seeing so much praise for this on my dash but ngl all i can see are all the red flags

[inevitably-johnlocked]

hi steph! know of any fics where sherlock dates someone else and john gets jealous and confesses his feelings?

Hi Nonny!

AHHHHHHH Okay, so I have this weird thing where I have a hard time reading fics where Sherlock is dating someone else, LOL, because I’m garbage. I dunno why… the closest I can get is fics with Victor Trevor in them as a “replacement” or “past bf” D: I’m so sorry I’m useless in this regard… Methinks these lists may help you out a bit? :)

MY FIC LISTS:

Jealous John

Jealous John Pt. 2 and Jealous Sherlock Pt 2

Jealous John Pt 3 and Jealous Sherlock Pt 3

Jealous John and Sherlock Pt. 4

ALEXX’S LISTS

John is Jealous of Victor Trevor

Victor Trevor Appears

MORE Victor Trevor/Sherlock (Part 2)

Jealous John

Sherlock with Other Men

John thinks of Sherlock with Other Men

EDIT: ACTUALLY NONNY, I just found an offline list in my folders that I think you will like; I’ve been waiting to post it anyway :P I hope this is good :D

VICTOR TREVOR / VICTOR IS SHERLOCK’S PAST FRIEND (S4)

Unforgiven by 221b_hound (M, 4,721 w., 1 Ch. || Marriage Proposal, Victor Trevor, Jealous / Protective John, Jealous Sherlock, Sherlock’s Past) – Sherlock’s latest case is for his ex boyfriend, the brilliant and handsome Professor Victor Trevor. John is not too happy about that. But things aren’t what they seem, an old friend of John’s is involved in the case, and John has a few surprises up his sleeve. Also - a proposal! Part 16 of Unkissed

Laid Bare by esplanade (T, 6,529 w., 1 Ch. || Romance, Fluff, Pining, Angst) – “I suppose it comes as no surprise that I always rather detested grand romantic gestures. They struck me as unnecessary and contrived, feeble attempts at desperately holding together relationships, most of which should have been allowed to fall apart.”

I can’t pretend by Salambo06 (E, 7,692 w., 1 Ch. || Fake Relationship, Victor Trevor, Jealous John, Miscommunications, Bed Sharing, Love Confessions, First Kiss/Time, Anal, BJs) – They had arrived more than a hour ago, and the moment they had walked inside the hotel reception, John had understood why Sherlock hadn’t wanted to come. Two men, posh suits and expensive watches on their wrists, had come to greet them with sharp remarks and badly hidden mockery, and John had seen red. Sherlock hadn’t said anything, mostly ignoring the two men entirely, and without thinking twice about it, John had slid an arm around Sherlock’s waist and introduced himself as his husband.

My Life for His by QuinnAnderson (E, 8,816 w., 1 Ch. || Guardian/Protector, Greek Mythology || Growing Up, Sex, Religious Themes, Suicide, Minor Character Death) – It began when Sherlock was eight, and he attempted to climb all the way up to the highest branch in the old willow tree in his back garden. He’d thought he was still small enough that it could support him, but the second he’d grabbed hold of it to pull himself up, the branch snapped, and down he went, plummeting a solid twenty metres. The odd thing was, he never actually hit the ground.

Illogical, even. by magikspell (E, 9,119 w., 1 Ch. || Grey-Ace Sherlock, Character Study, Growing Up, Victor Trevor, Romance, First Time/Kiss, Sherlock-centric) – Five reasons Sherlock never believed in love and one reason he does now.

I’m content as we are (but) by inqui (The_Circus) (E, 13,086 w., 1 Ch. || Jealous John, UST/RST, Pining, Victor Trevor, Minor Whump, First Kiss / Time, Misunderstandings) – In which John Watson sees something unusual, becomes jealous, and makes too much of a small thing as an old friend of Sherlock’s shows up in the middle of a case.

Say For Me, Love by MirabileLectu (T, 13,147 w., 1 Ch. || UST, First Kiss, Drama, Pining John, Victor Trevor) – If you had asked John this morning what the result of his quiet afternoon at home would be, discovering a truth about Sherlock’s past startling enough to shift the foundations of their friendship would not have been his first guess. So naturally, that was what was bound to happen.

Let’s Make a Bed Out in the Rain by theimprobable1 (M, 17,664 w., 11 Ch. || Pining Sherlock, Angst & Fluff, First Kiss, Unrequited, Jealous Sherlock, Protective Sherlock) – John is devastated after his long-term girlfriend leaves him. Sherlock helps him through it.

That Partitioning of the Things of Youth by wearitcounts (E, 35,353 w., 7 Ch. || Humour and Angst, Post-TRF, Fake Relationship, UST / RST, Friends to Lovers, Jealous John) – Victor Trevor is in town, and nobody’s happy.

(Never) Turn Your Back to the Sea by DiscordantWords (M, 39,968 w., 7 Ch. || Post S4 Fix It || Grief / Mourning, Victor Trevor, Friendship, Sherlock is Not Okay, Nightmares/Flashbacks/Panic Attacks, Parentlock, Pining Sherlock, Angst with Happy Ending, John Comes Home) – Baker Street is very much the same. Only different. And Sherlock is just trying not to drown.

Resistivity and Relative Charge by liriodendron (E, 41,750 w., 8 Ch. || Synesthesia, Angst, Case Fic, Romance, Est. Rel., Homophobia, Religious Content, Victor Trevor, Mild Jealous John, Mild John Whump) – In which Sherlock Holmes meets an old acquaintance, John Watson doesn’t enjoy a trip to the country quite as much as he thought he would, and the past absolutely refuses to stay where it belongs. Part 3 of Conductivity

Sacré Coeur by Mamaorion (M, 95,236 w., 27 Ch. || S4 Fix It Rewrite, First Kiss, UST / RST, Eventual Happy Ending, Coming Out, Holmes Family, Marriage Proposal, Husbands, Healing, Evil Mary, Beekeeping, Caretaker Sherlock, Mind Palace, Alzheimer’s Disease, Protective / Big Brother Mycroft, TD-12) – In this s4 fixit, John must piece together the gaps in his altered memory if he and Sherlock are to face the terror that has plagued Sherlock since childhood. As they untangle the web, seven years of hidden love ignite. (TO READ)

A Further Sea by i_ship_an_armada & ShinySherlock (E, 125,492 w., 23 Ch. || Historical Pirates AU || Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Doctor John / Pirate Captain Sherlock, Sailing, UST / RST, Masturbation, Action / Adventure, Mild Angst & Peril, Romance, Shaving, Molly/Janine, Bottomlock, Hand / Blow Jobs, Past Drug Use, Slow Burn, Mild Violence, Happy Ending) – Here be a tale of adventure for both body and soul, but beware if ye be not of stout heart, for this be piratelock, ya savvy? Luckless ship’s surgeon John Watson takes a chance, and finds himself eye to eye with The Ghost, the scourge of the seven seas and a definite thorn in the side of the blaggard, James Moriarty. But when John finds there’s more to this most cunning pirate than be meetin’ the eye, he has to choose… is it a pirate’s life for him?

Colors by Quesarasara (E, 140,537 w., 17 Ch. || Pleasantville-Inspired AU || Soulmates, Colour Bonds, Alternating POV, Angst, Fluff, Pining, Case Fic, Medical Procedures) – Everyone on earth is born with eyes that see in black, white, and an endless series of greys. When you meet your soulmate, you finally see the world in color. We’re all searching for the person who brings color to our lives. John and Sherlock are no exception. Part 1 of The Colors ‘Verse

SHERLOCK AND OTHER MEN

Nothing to Make a Song About by emmagrant01 (E, 36,833 w., 10 Ch. || Post-TRF, First Time, Reunion, Jealous John, Pining Sherlock, Romance, Angst with Happy Ending) – When Sherlock returned from his faked death, John could not forgive him for the deception and broke off their friendship. Ten years later, John returns to London in search of yet another new beginning. Sherlock, not surprisingly, is waiting.

Drawn to Stars by Silvergirl (E, 66,392 + w., 42/56 Ch. || WiP || S4 Compliant to TLD / TFP Doesn’t Exist, Sherlock’s Italian Adventure, Jealous John, Mutual Pining, Misunderstandings, First Kiss/Time, Idiots in Love, Angst with Happy Ending) – After the Culverton Smith case Sherlock is clean, working, and looking for a romantic partner—since John has told him that’s what he needs. Shame John didn’t mention he was interested in that role himself, before Sherlock went off to Rome with a gorgeous Italian copper to try to fall in love and become a complete human being. (MARKED FOR LATER / TO READ)

[wilted3sunflowers]

How is your kitten doing I need to know

are you the one whos been goin through my selfies

also we ended up naming her Moxie, we actually have a newer lil one named Jolly

my mother and her husband found her on their way back from a cruise all scrawny and eating a rotten fish head in front of a gas station, poor lil thing wasnt doing too good for the first couple of weeks but shes doing very well, i think itll be about a year this october we’ll have had her 

jolly is also a calico, we have matching sets of cats all unrelated and all rescues, [except moxie who we got from a friend]

Callie, Moxie and Jolly, the calicos, and then Ellis and Misa the grey cats

We got Callie from the 07 flood in the town, poor thing still has PTSD with rain/thunderstorms freezing up and howling

misas name came from misa misa like from deathnote because that was basically the main anime me and my sister were watching when i brought her home, cause it was after a softball game of mine, just out of town in this like weird tiny town next to ours, lil kitten stuck up in a tree, cant get down, so i brought her down couldnt find any momma or anything and basically took her home with me when papa drove us back home

Ellis isnt even his real name but its his ‘legal’ name, L.S. little shit.......hes a big chonky lil shit though now that he grown. he was a tiny kitten that basically hopped into my sisters van when her and her bf at tthe time were stopped and there was a lil pack of kittens but he was the smallest nd guess he stayed, idk they just brought him home and that was their story

then moxie and then Jolly 

[sanglantromantique]

Full Breakdown of What Occurred WITH MORGAN in the CthuluTek Chronicle Tonight (bc I'm gonna start sharing my WoD gaming antics here)

Morgan got bloodbound to another member of the party (A Gangrel named Luca) after being sent into torpor and he needed to revive her.

Morgan used her premonitions to gain knowledge of the True Name of an enemy (and then panicked and ran off bc of the vision)

Which caused her to get kidnapped when she ran into a member of her ex boyfriend's pack -- well, the gargoyle of a member of her ex boyfriend's pack who was named Buddy.

She told Buddy to eat a bag of dicks.

She told the Tremere he belongs to to eat a bag of dicks. She also found out more about her ex-gf (she was dating 4 of the members of the pack at the same time when she was a mortal) and her penchant for...rearranging faces... (the Tremere apparently is only doing Camille's dirty work because "I only just got my face back to how it originally looked, otherwise I would just let you go).

Morgan regained most of the missing memories (although some were altered) from the two years she was their favorite toy.

Morgan fulfilled the contract she had with her...great great great <insert a lot more greats> grandmother, returning to the Merriweather the True Fae a missing Treasure.

Morgan discovered that she was actually a pre-Chysilis Changeling before she met Adam (her Sabbat ex-bf) as a "Mortal" and the things they did to her stopped her from entering Chrysilis. And now, she's disconnected from her fae nature and closed her off from it permanently (unless she finds a way to become fully mortal again -- since she's half-alive currently due to some magical fuckery -- or dies and reincarnates.)

Morgan was granted a free boon from another True Fae who they saved/freed from a curse. She used this boon to regain all of the memories of her past lives (she's had the throwbacks flaw for awhile now). Which she shortly discovered was a fucking mistake.

Morgan discovered she *does* have a soul mate (which Adam had pretended to be in order to woo her) but it's *not* her current husband.

Got into a fight on the phone with her ex-gf (Camille) and soundly burned her, declared she doesn't keep people as toys...then Camille threatened Morgan's ghoul (who she adores and would die for) and hung up.

Thanks to regaining all of her memories, Morgan also remembered the TRUTH about some of her memories of Camille and Adam and that she was...very involved in several murders. Like...did the murdering herself, involved. Which she's very, very very upset about.

When she realized that Adam had lied about being her soulmate and etc., she literally stepped off a building (mostly to get away from her friends so she could go tear apart some inanimate objects in a rage)

She declared that she doesn't *want* a soul mate (which was painful bc I love the dynamic between them but rn the character is really, really not into the idea of soul mates bc trauma).

Morgan had an existential Crisis. Is having an existential crisis.

She finally used one of the more fun effects of Temporis (since the Anarch Baron of her city (her Sire) is old as all Fuck, Morgan is actually True Brujah but of a p low Gen bc of the whole dual clan thing.) And forced a troll to repeat grabbing her bf and slamming him into a tree so the rest of her party could take him out..m and then got chokeslammed into the tree by said troll (who she then reflexively bit. Not a good idea, I know... SHE knows but she panicked)

She has no idea what effect this has had on her yet. Apparently, even though it's not how it *should* work, our ST said "she'll find out when she spends that blood point"

Which is where we left off because it was 4 am and people were getting tired :p sometime, I'll have to actually sit down and do proper FULL profiles for all the Morgan variants... well, I'll at least do them for the major variants (CthuluTek Chronicle, Seattle Chronicle, FATE:Dresden Files, Morgan Kendrick Classic) and then write down her static background details

(Like in every universe she has premonitions, has past life memories, has a Fae ancestor called Merriweather, was in a car accident as a kid (all modern/automobile era versions), had a first love named Matthew who betrayed her, had an emotionally/physically/sexually abusive father, most versions have an ex-boyfriend who is a Toreador antitribu etc.,) I don't think anyone will be super interested in that stuff but... y'know, in case anyone is. I know of at least one person who would eagerly eat all of that up so (shrugs).

[tambelon]

@ask-terracotta-jade @askpenwright @miss-sheepy

OOOO OKAY.  EXCITED YOU GUYS WANNA HEAR :D

Anyways!! Meet Flea! She is my werewolf druid :D (Flea’s not her real name btw, her friend gave her that name)

Since my bf is our DM, he let me use her as a werewolf with some modifications, mainly she’s not so resistant to....well, everything.  Shit still hurts.  She’s what is known as a Moon-touched werewolf, so she’s born into lycanthropy.  They can have humanoid forms and stuff but mainly they stay like big woofs :D Moon-cursed are the usual werewolves people know about and the freakin indestructible ones lol

Session 0 was mainly a roleplay chat in Discord, Flea tried to pass herself as a longtooth shifter but clearly failed due to some bad rolls.  She was travelling with my friend’s dragonborn, Vasira, before they met up with my bf’s PC, Viktor the Kobold, and @askscribbly​‘s goblin, Popper.  Viktor’s kind of like... a party member NPC that does more lol.  We just wanted my bf to join the fun ok and Viktor is a delight.  

Viktor mentions a problem in the nearby town of Blackwood with him looking into another incident dealing with a wife’s husband missing, who turns up dead on the road with a note in his pocket from the brother in Blackwood.  The four decide to group up and see the problem through since why not, they’re all going there anyways.

Session 1 starts off with them entering Blackwood, the four directly heading to the tavern.  Flea’s allowed to have a normal wolf form that doesn’t count as Wildshape, so she’s in that because... well, a normal wolf is less terrifying than a fricken werewolf and everyone else in the party minus Vasira are kind of races that get kicked around.  They enter the tavern: Popper instantly looks around and sees a hooded figure at a table doing card tricks, so he’s gonna go look over there, Vasira went to the bar to speak to the tavern owner, Fritz.  

And Flea? For technically the first rolled action she does in the live campaign?

She goes and begs for table scraps.  Had to roll for performance, which she has no bonus modifier in.

AND SHE GOT A 19.  SHE GOT THAT TABLE SCRAPS AND IS THE BEST DAMN WOLF EVER.  GODDAMN HILARIOUS.  These people are fucking enamoured with Flea in her wolf form.  

Viktor comes over and apologizes for ‘his dog’ and gets some info on how there’s no animals nearby.  Vasira learns about dead bodies missing and Popper... well, Popper made a friend. Vasira rents two rooms for the night and it was decided it would be Viktor and Vasira in one room and Flea and Popper in the other.  Flea has the cantrip to speak to animals, so she begins to perform that ritual so she can speak to Popper’s mount, a mastiff named Cecilia.

Was kind of a weird...philosophical session with the dog.  Flea doesn’t really know if she gained anything out of it, but she opened up to the dog because no one else can speak to the dog but Cecilia mentioned to keep what she said a secret haha.  Whew.  Definitely helped Flea feel less strict around Popper, but she was still on edge. Vasira and Viktor are having a helluva powerful talk downstairs and Popper was invited to the cloaked figure’s room.  TBH, ask @askscribbly​ about Popper and his adventures, I’m sure they’d love to expand LOL.  

BUT SUDDENLY.  SOMETHING CRASHES IN AND GRABS A HALF-LING.  EVERYONE (minus Flea) HEARS THIS, INCLUDING THE DOG, SO FLEA’S ALERTED AND THEY GIVE CHASE.

Turns out to be a fucking scarecrow.  A SCARECROW.  AND THUS OUR FIRST BATTLE BEGINSSSS.

Vasira rages, Viktor attacks and has pack tactics, Flea tries primal savagery but nothin’ happening.  Physical attacks doing shit.  Flea almost gets knocked unconscious but survives with 1 HP, she’s pissed at this thing now. AND POPPER, DEAR LOVELY POPPER, HEALS HER.  AND SHE.  RIPS THAT FUCKING THING.  TO SHREDS.  LIKE A CHEW TOY.  And thus Flea got the first kill of the night.

There ends up being a letter tucked away and while Flea can read the script of the name signed at the end, Vasira can actually read Elvish, so they figure out it’s Popper’s friend, who’s name is Saelithia.  They approach her with questions and got confirmation it was written by her, so we went to her friend’s house who was named in the letter.  Popper found a journal nearly ellibile minus four entries and how a strange discus object was connected to Tom (the friend).

Next they headed to the tree where Tom was hung, Flea was able to use detect magic to see a conjuration chain and undead chain across the hole of the tree.  She stuck her paw in and it fucking hurt.  Viktor and Popper hit them too and it hurt as well.  Nobody learns a lesson and Vasira severely disappointed derg-mom.

They go back to Saelithia with the journal and she returns with them to the tree, but kind of stuck so they went to go check out the two other problems: missing bodies and missing wildlife.

They head to the cemetery, fucking undead attack and Vasira destroys them with firebreath.  Vasira finds a monastery in the graveyard and we find this gross and awful mass of flesh and shit causing the undead shit.  Popper gets knocked out but Flea returns the favor and heals the dude. Viktor kills it because he’s bad ass and I love him.

Afterwards they go to look what’s causing the wildlife to go missing, which turns out to be a Maw Demon.  OOF. Viktor and Vasira are doing close-range, while Popper and Flea stay back and do long range. Popper gets the final blow with sacred flame.  Our heroes are worn out and go back to the tree, finding the chains broken and the hole open.

...But before anyone could say they should rest, Flea charges in (probably high on the excitement) with Viktor chasing after her.  Vasira and Popper just kind of... stare off in disbelief  Vasira’s owner even drew it lol.

And that’s where session 1 ended :D We got our next session next week and I’M PUMPED AHHH.

[mytinderfails]

date: Victoria

49, from Kansas and left her husband 4 years ago for a guy online here, still lives with/shares a bed with the guy, 25 year old daughter back in KS and 9 year old adopted daughter with ADHD here, nurse, driver’s license revoked for distracted driving and failed to pay the ticket on time but got a new one two days after our date, drug of choice is Zoloft, does not own a trashcan.

It’s one of those whirlwind romances. I was awake at 6am Saturday and swiping so went right on her, two hours later she swiped right on me and in the first message gave me her text number (suspicious but her profile was not suspect), told me her work schedule -- busy Mon-Wed with life stuff but free Sunday so let’s meet for tea at the library and daughter will be along.

A cup of tea where we talked for hours evolved into dinner at a Greek restaurant once the library closed, and we parted ways around 7pm. The goodbye hug evolved into actual making out (with the kid looking bored as she swung off of this young tree’s branches), and she said the she hadn’t been able to get a read on me prior to this. They walked a block or two home, I came back to my neighborhood for a stroll, and we kept talking through text. About 10pm we’re talking again once she had her kid down for the night, and she invites me over... former boyfriend and bedmate is spending the night with his new girlfriend so why should she be alone? “Can we consider this a second date?” she asks, since she doesn’t fuck on the first date. I got there at 11:30pm, and left at 6:15am wherein there was absolutely no sleep... way too much talking and fun for that. Since I didn’t have anything I needed to do today until the afternoon, once home I got 5 hours of sleep interrupted three times by a full bladder... stayed hydrated, folks!

So I know her life’s story, about her 25 year marriage and how her husband would make all kinds of promises then change the deal, how they were building a house but once it was halfway done he decides they should move to California, how because of that her family dumped her stuff acquired for the house while they lived in CA and he came back once she’d left him to live in that house, about how at 45 she found a 22 year old online and moved over here to be with him only to (predictably) discover after two years he wasn’t ready for what he’d gotten himself into -- a big factor, her ADHD daughter who is indeed a ball of nervous energy -- and is now bedding a 47 year old to continue hunting cougars as a way of handing the lack of a mother.

Having had two ill-advised relationships where she gave more than she received, she’s doing it all for herself now: she’s clear that she wants adventure and to go enjoy life with someone who wants to be an active part, whereas neither of the guys she’s been with before were even willing to walk beside her down the driveway (one because going for a walk was was not his thing, the other because he’s got bad joints and steams on ahead without her). My thought is that I’m going to see how we work out since all the talk has been great, all the planning of beach trips is attractive, and she’s a pretty good looking and passionate woman with the patience of a saint for her kid.

I’m not put off by her plus-size because she is a very active person and wants to be even more active, she even said “you can help me lose this belly.” I am not alarmed by the two medications she takes to help with depression and stabilizing her moods because she does not have any obvious nuttiness and from where she has been in her life these things are not uncommon, though I do take note that her mother was schizophrenic which is not hereditary (though genetic factors alongside environmental factors can bring it out). I am a bit wary of her daughter being a handful being a weighty thing as time with her goes on, but since I’ve never really dealt with kids outside of two girlfriends where I only had to deal with them for hours or a couple days I have to figure that out for myself. The thing that does put me on notice though is that her house is a straight-up mess, which is one of those things on my watch list. I don’t mean it’s disarray, I mean there are old dishes in the sink and while there’s not much furniture in the livingroom you have to ford a path through the garbage to reach the bathroom. I’m sitting on her bed and there are three fast-food soda cups on the nightstand, for instance. There’s stuff on her front porch including a sideways diningroom table. She’s a clean person and I don’t think she’s a hoarder, but I refuse to live in squalor and trash, and will only volunteer to clean up someone else’s unnecessary messes so often before it’s apparent they cannot or will not refuse to live in a pigsty.

This is longer than my usual entries about dates because, well, there were “two dates” in one day (heh!) and a lot of conversational ground was covered. We will get together again in a week, again once her ex-BF is off at his girlfriend’s house and her daughter has hit the hay, but the girl is going to go visit family for the summer in two weeks and then actual adventures begin. If you wondered about the last date, Shawna, she’s still out there but isn’t really that conversational so I might just leave her be; the only talk has been about going hiking next week and there’s never been even one flirt (and no attempt to ‘make magic’) so I don’t expect much future out of her.

[dragons-butterfly]

As I sit in the closet of what is now my art room I see the scribbles Hayden did on the wall with a permanent marker. She was so small, tiny for 3. The hate wells up in me thinking how could her grandpa touch her, put his penis on her how could he do that to a tiny little girl, I still remember when she confided in me telling me in great detail showing me what he did, that man that was my husband for almost 30 yrs hurt my precious grandbaby did things to her and opened up a world that no 3yr old needs to know about, I can still feel her hugs around my neck after she said uppy grandma uppy, how excited she was when I came home, was i a good grandma, did I try hard enough, did she get the love she so needed and deserved, those 2yrs she lived with me where the hardest of my life to watch her mom fail in taking care of her, to have cps tell me they needed to see the evidence to not step in and let her mom sink or swim, but but my grandbaby she would have to suffer through all of this, I couldn't watch I couldn't stand there and just let it happen I spent a lot of time in my room or at my bf place when I was there I found Hayden doing things like eating out of the trash, getting into stuff always her mom's stuff just to piss her off, she got hit she was slapped and starved for attention, starved for everything that makes a child's life good. Because of my daughter I was not aloud to be alone with her and I was afraid she would accuse me of hurting her, which she did in the end. But those few minutes we got to talk was amazing she is amazing so smart puts things together really fast, her and I had an understanding grandma had her back, grandma tried really hard to help her even though her mom would undo it she couldn't break the trust we had no one could. The last thing Hayden said to me was" I'll come home to you grandma" that was the last time I ever saw her last March, her mother who I didn't raise and was adopted by my Aunt, Heather lied to cps that I Confessed to her that I molested my oldest son she told him this also trying to hurt me, cps wouldn't let me hold her to say goodby, her mother who was never my daughter had already moved out when her dad confided in me that from the day she came back into our lives 8 yrs ago they where fucking and he was giving her 200. for it everytime for 8yrs she acted like she had something over me, when she came back it was like Eric stopped being mine and gave all his attention to her, he and I would talk a lot during the day and take off work to go to lunch, it all stopped and I would find out he went to lunch with her or see on the bill he called her about a thousand times a day. Because of him I never had a chance with her and now because of them I will never see Hayden Morley Robeson again, she is in cps custody living with my cousin the ones that adopted Heather and they hate me they would do anything to keep me out of her life the last thing Heather said to me was "well you'll be able to see her on Facebook" and now all of them have blocked me. She's four now and I missed her b-day, Easter, Thanksgiving, and now xmas I have a gift for her but I'm worried if i send it through cps she won't get it. I just can't get into xmas no tree, gifts it all just makes me cry the only thing I want is to hug her and hear her say grandma I came home to you.

[bigfootmoviereviews-blog]

Savage 2011

Grade C+

Ahhh, how refreshing, something with some effort and thought put into it. It’s not great, but it is ok. Owen sucks at his job, the guy in the costume is a bit small to be scary, but the guns are actually firearms (not just BB guns), most of the actors are decent, you get to see the beast and the gore effects are not all CGI. This is was actually entertaining, something that hasn’t been seen on the blog before, and best of all, it’s available for free on YouTube. All of these have been actually, but this is the first one worth watching, especially in comparison to most of the Bigfoot movies out there.

The Plot:

Well, this is neither found footage nor a total bargain basement affair, so the plot will actually take a little effort to describe. Ok, so there is a forest fire that is disrupting things at a national forest, one of the rangers there is our “hero” Owen. Owen isn’t important yet though, and he’s also pretty bad at his job. We also have a guy trying to do research on bigfoot and his guide, a couple fleeing the law, a corrupt… mayor? I’m honestly not quite sure what his exact title or roll is in this. Anyways, this is actually worth a watch, so turn back now if you don’t want it spoiled.

Ok, Bigfoot is displaced by the fire, kills a bunch of firemen and a ranger. Owen is called in to look around. Meanwhile a Bigfoot reacher in a Prius and a lola hunter begin looking for the animal. And finally a couple name Gabrielle and Richard are there to hide from the law while poaching. The forest fire is making a lot of camper leave, and Owen continues to be bad at his job. Prius and Jack wander around and chat about Bigfoot. Gabrielle and Richard are there to poach, not for anything in particular mind you. Owen checks in on them, and though he clearly knows they’re not on the up and up, he just wanders off. Owen is bad at his job.

Richard is killed by Bigfoot, it then chases Gabrielle until she runs into Prius and Jack. Owen then meets the four of them when they wake up, somehow handcuffing Gabrielle while she was asleep without waking anyone up. He then makes Jack confess that all the evidence that he has shown Prius so far is fake. Owen tells them to leave, and takes Gabrielle off with him. He manages to crash his truck, but they are rescued by Jack and Prius. Those two are then killed. Owen then takes Gabrielle and runs to his house where is his pregnant wife is waiting for him with the beast in pursuit. Owen is bad at his job. Gabrielle manages to handcuff herself to Bigfoot to keep it trapped so Owen can blow up his house and kill it. Then it turns out that the mayor or whatever he is, started the forest fire as part of some poorly explained and silly subplot about remaking the town as a tourist haven. Owen punches him.

My Thoughts:

That's a very mild forest fire, so either these guys are great at their jobs, or terrible at it.

Why are you smoking? That's just an awful idea.

running would be a good idea. two firemen hear growling and see bushes thrashing. after a pause one is pulled up a tree

screaming, cut to credits

Oh Man, Tony Becker is playing Owen, so you know this shit is gonna be good

Who’s Tony Becker again?

Mr Cop, why are you singing to no music? Could you not afford the music rights

Why would tires squeal on a dirt road?

Apparently this is the last fireman, all the others got squatched

And the cop got squateched. And instead of driving away, calling it in or grabbing a weapon he’s just gonna sit there

Judging by the angle of attack, this sasquatch is really a honey badger

Annnnnd the fireman got squatched too.

No actual bigfoot seen yet, just stock roars

And now we have a guy bird watching at dawn from his front porch using magic binoculars to watch previously recorded footage of a hawk at a different time of day. Odds are this is out main character, possibly the mighty Owen foretold by the credits

They just got up and she’s already nagging him (wife comes out and asks if he’s gonna sit out here all day.) It’s early, you’re still in your nightgown. Why you gotta be so confrontational so early? And why would you put on makeup before your shower?

IT IS! IT is Owen. Things are gonna get poppin now!

Owen is being called in to deal with the situation, that bigfoot is screwed.

(cut to a cabin with a record player going with old music, we see boots with blood dripping down)

Dude, don’t pee in the middle of the room, and that ain’t normal. Go see a doctor

Oh I see, you’re making a mess while trying to skin a rabbit, and then rubbing the bloody pelt on your face.

Wait, is this German Guy? You know the one, from Das Boot? And Wing Commander? And Primeval? Oooh. Owen, you’re out, German Guy is the new Owen. At least until we learn his name, then you can go back to Owen status

Who calls a bathroom a “pisser”? Savages

Hmm, city slicker girl doesn’t seem to fit in. I bet she dies. (girl and guy stop at a souviner shop selling bigfoot stuff, he goes to the pisser while she wanders the store, and the owner gives her shades cause her BF is a dick)

CS girl’s boyfirend is a dick, which means we will hae to wait for far too long for his death sadly.

And that scene was necessary for… reasons.

And now we have a Prius stopped byt the side of the road so we can have yet another person who will die. I can tell by his face he’s going to be annoying

YAY its german guy again! ANd his name is Jack. Ok Owen, you’re Owen again,

And now I fell like an idiot. That’s not German guy, it’s some other guy. I’m much less happy now

CS girl drives past and Prius guy stares at her longingly

Prius wants to study bigfoot, Jack wants to kill it

THey… they used CGI to make the “Ranger Station” Sign.   Why? Just, Why?

People want their money back cause they can’t camp. The audacity of some people

The ranger in  the station wouldn’t last 10 minutes at walmart

So.... Owen assures the people they are safe to camp and they have his word, then tells Martin to give them their money back… so he just undermined the value of his own word

Yes, this is a Ranger station interior, not the directors living room. Sure. we can believe that

Hmm, Owen is worried about his house to the east in case the fire changes course. I’m sure that isn’t foreshadowing

Uh oh, looks like Ray was the one who got squatched

Whys is Jack hanging with Prius guy if he doesn’t like him?

Oh, it’s so he can title drop

Jack is tring a little too hard with a batman voice

BF is RIchard, and he’s still a dick. Gabrielle is CS girl

Why do the rangers uniforms not match?

Wow that is a stereotypical redneck. Bill runs Bigfoot towing

Why is the blood not mixed evenly?

Ok Jack, you packed your bag, why are you now pulling tools out of your truck, giving them a look, then putting them in the bag. Why didn’t you just put em in the bag to begin with?

Gabby, shallow stagnant water isn’t where those kind of fish live

And Owen closes in on abusive dick husband

Hahahaha! Poop. Always funny (Prius and Jack are hiking)

Pretty good performance as Owen questions Richard and Gabby

You’d have better luck with your parabolic microphone if your were not in a pit

Well look at that, disemboweled firemen have comedic timing. And Prius needs a shower

Jurassic Homage at the bigfoot store. Makes no real sense though, you’d have heard the truck and equipment long before it knocked over your pickled eggs

So the establishing shot shows it is dusk, but its still clearly daylight on Richard, and a different film quality on the bird, got it

Richard clearly knows nothing about firearms, birdshot wouldn't be good against anything that can make those noises

And now he just ignores the big growling animal that was just a few feet away because it was quiet for 5 seconds. Clearly he is a master poacher

His death was not nearly painful enough, one punch

And now we see gabby at a different time of day. These woods are magical

I don't think her splashing water on her face warrants the scary music we hear

Oh no, someone spilled tomato juice about two feet upstream from her. Cause that's the only way you could get it that cloudy.

And that is more CGI blood than is in human body

And his corpse isn't even in the water….

Well at least she was smart enough to grab the gun

So, it’s a little undersized, but an ok costume. But he apparently went to the Sabertooth From X-Men Origins: Wolverine School of Running. And it didn’t look good in that movie either

(Gabby is being chased, prius and jack her her shoot and close in. Jack says he’s gonna shoot it, prius knocks him down

I know the script direction probably called for Prius to be patting Jack down for weapons, but it just looks like awkward groping or trying to start a tickle fight. Wither way, not appropriate

Prius needs to realize you don't get to whine when someone hits you back, and that you were working together until you tackled Jack. So it really doesn't make sense for you to ask jack to work with you now

That was a totally needless diversion

Wow, owen is bad at his job, he apparently did know the bus hasn't been running here in years

Cryptic radio message is cryptic

So, you couldn’t clearly see each other thru like, 5 leaves? And neither of you is a bigfoot, you both know there's a bigfoot, why are you pointing guns at each other?

Like seriously, this is not dense woodland, I’m pretty sure I can see a road

Head ranger is clearly meant to be giving off Mayor in Jaws vibe

Uh oh, she shot the clerk, and I bet she doesn’t have a cousin named Vinny to help her out

Huh, Owen is the one saying the can't shut down the park.

“I know where a murderer is, they may flee. But I'm gonna go get milk and bring it home first. Then go arrest them myself” Owen is really bad at his job

With only half an hour left it doesn’t make much sense to start pushing this real estate subplot, that honestly appears to be non-sinister in nature and wouldn't actually add to anything

Uh oh, Owen is calling his wife just to say he loves her, he may be dying soon

It’s amazing how well Prius cleaned the blood and shit off himself

It's more amazing that Gabby is off sitting in the shadows by herself after her trauma So, she saw Bigfoot, up close, and she thinks they’re crazy for looking for it

Prius, using the Rings trilogy to justify looking for Bigfoot doesn’t make sense, BECAUSE NO ONE WAS SAYING HOBBITS WERE REAL!!! Homo Floenciensus is called a Hobbit because the books were popular, not because people think the books happened!

Prius, Jack has made all sorts of references to seeing a Bigfoot again, and now when he out and out says he saw it before, you somehow act surprised.

So apparently bigfoot can haul a man straight up a tree and vanish from sight, then just reappear. Or its just bad camera work

Jack, seriously, please go see a dentist

Jack, why are you pulling a gun on Owen? That's just stupid? Also, how did Owen find them? And how did he put cuffs on her without waking her

Soooooooo, Prius wants to look for Bigfoot, that’s been his whole life up till now, but now he wants to pause that so he doesn’t let the girl he just met out of his sight, even tho he knows she's a murderer

And now Prius refuses to leave. Prius, learn consistency.

So now we find out Jack is a con man, all the sightings they had were fake, but they’re gonna keep hunting it

Cause Owen sucks at his job, and didn’t make sure they left

Oh no, the foreshadowing is coming true, how could anyone have ever seen that? The fire is going east

And owen crashes his truck. Cause he sucks at his job

No seatbelts or airbags, Owen, you deserve the brain damage

Oh no, someone spilled velveeta shells on a dead racoon

So, hack just let Prius get wacked for no reason, and Prius got some great bigfoot crotch footage before he died

Owen, you still suck, it takes 45 seconds to say, “the fire is coming, we need to leave”

It motivates people more than screaming, we need to leave over and over

And going into the attic is not a long term plan, the fire is coming

Just keep hitting it with the axe

Why do you have a gas line in the attic?

Sooooooo, it can lift a truck, toss bodies around, but once gabby is handcuffed to his arm, he can't move………..

And they lose the house, that the fire is coming towards anyway…..

Oh, and now they try to tie the fire into the development plot by making the head ranger the one who started it.

And the head ranger, hudson, who just drove up to owens destroyed home, is surprised to see him there…

Owen, why are you apologizing for the wildfire and bigfoot attack? You didn't cause either of them. Of course if you had a gun you might still have your house, gabby would be alive, and you could sell the corpse

Well, those logos aren't clear rip offs

Why would you frame a shot of the traffic built up to get into the renamed park but fram it so we could see the first car in line, and make it clear there is no reason for them to be stopped?

Also, why the roar at the end? Are you trying to set up a sequel? Cause bigfoot running rampant through a packed campground sounds fun

Overall grade, C+ the deaths were too short and not shown enough. Jack needed more of a showdown than one shot and swinging an empty rifle, Richard should have had a little more effort thrown in, maybe a short chase and the bigfoot killing him more slowly. It would have also been more poetic if Prius was killed by Bigfoot using a tool of some sort and being so caught up in the moment that he doesn’t realize the danger (like the professor in Beast from 20K fathoms)

And as always when a monster has poorly written super strength, it annoys me when a beast that can toss people about and dismember them can be overpowered with a character using one hand

Worth a watch though. The Jaws subplot should have either been further expanded upon or dropped entirely since it really does seem tacked onto the end to drive home the message that… development is bad and makes bigfoot kill people?

And Owen still sucks at his job

[meanwhileinoz]

911 Operators Share Ridiculously Stupid Calls Ever Received That Are Too Funny To Read

911 is a guarantee of safety

You have an emergency, you call 911 and a police officer will be there soon. It means that the moment you hit those three digits on your phone and call, you will be safe. To avoid people thinking that they can handle it themselves, we often tell ourselves that 911 can handle any emergency.

It would seem that we did it too well. A lot of people call the emergency help line for very peculiar and almost dumb reasons. Some are even heartwarming. But either way, just kick back, relax, and read these amazing conversations.

#1

Not an operator, but my boyfriend who called in. He usually worked a late shift, walking home about 2 am. This shift he got off work a few hours late… BF: I’d like to call and report a fire. [We live in a fire prone area and it was the season.] 911: Where is it located sir? BF: On the hillside just East of [City]. 911: Can you be more specific? [Typing away in the background.] BF: Yes, [gives a more detailed location]. Oh god, it’s getting bigger! The whole top of the hill is on fire now! 911: Stay calm sir, we’re sending somebody out. BF: It’s getting bigger! Doesn’t anybody else see this?! It’s lighting up the sky around it…it’s huge! Oh god! Oh…oh, wait… 911: Sir? BF: I am SO sorry…I’m not usually out this time of night, I just got off work late…that’s, that’s the sun… 911: … BF: I am so, so sorry for wasting your time, there is no fire, that’s just the sun rising. Never mind. I’m really embarrassed… 911: That’s fine, Sir. I will cancel the call, thank you for calling.

LunarBerries

#2

Had another woman call saying her cat was stuck in a tree. I just knew she wanted the fire department to come save the cat, so I got my “that’s only in movies/TV” speech ready. Then she said “…so my husband climbed up to get the cat and now he’s stuck too.”

arjayim

#3

A quite pregnant (don’t remember exactly how far along, but definitely past 30 weeks) woman calls to say that her doctor told her to refrain from having sex for the rest of the pregnancy and she didn’t understand why. I looked at her file, and saw she was having pre-term contractions, so I explained that sexual activity can cause contractions, so it was safer to abstain so the baby could stay inside as long as possible. She tearfully exclaims, “But how will I feed the baby?!?” Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, could you repeat that?” Patient: “How will I feed the baby if I can’t have sex?!?” The patient was convinced that her baby was living off of her boyfriend’s semen, and that it would starve if they stopped having sex. I explained about the umbilical cord, etc. but she refused to believe me until I asked her about single moms, lesbian moms, etc. and asked how she though their babies fed and grew. After a moment of silence, she thanked me, and started to hang up the phone, but not before I heard her screaming her boyfriends name. That man had a good thing going for a while there. I honestly wasn’t sure if I felt more sorry for him, or a baby growing up in that household.

nursejacqueline

Just after I got cut loose from training, I received a priority one (meaning immediate response) animal ordinance call. Usually, this call is reserved for animals in traffic or vicious animals, where there is the potential for immediate threat to life. The reporting party was a parent attending a school function. Caller advised there was a raccoon loose in the school. I dispatched two officers to the call and they made it on scene. The officer then broadcasts the “suspect” description via radio. “Suspect is small, fast, and wearing a bandit mask. May have robbed a couple of trash cans. We lost him in a foot pursuit.”

infinibelle

One woman called because she thought her house was being shot at. Turns out she forgot about her eggs boiling on the stove and they exploded. I wanted to give her a hug though, she was just a little old lady.

mayaseye

A woman dialled 999 to say there were men in her house trying to take her away. The men in question were police officers who had come to arrest her

MrBarwell

One guy called FRANTICALLY saying that he saw the dead body of a young woman, early 20s, wearing nothing but shorts. He gave a detailed description, hair color, skin color, body position, the whole bit and said she was by the side of the interstate (in the middle of an affluent suburban area at rush hour) so we figured this had to be a really fresh crime scene. We started scrambling together officers to get there ASAP, a big hassle considering it’s rush hour and they’re all dealing with accidents and stuff like that. On top of that, we can’t say what the issue is on the radio is because we have too many busibodies who monitor police radio, then call us to try to get juicy details, or othewise meddle. So we have to get these officers to their cars to read the computer, leaving other issues, etc. And these are suburban cops in the Midwest, a murder is a damn big deal. The guy calls back a few minutes later. “Uh, I checked again, it’s a dead deer.” Peeved, I announce on the radio that the trip is cancelled, “it was a deer”. An officer sarcastically calls back: “With shorts on?”

fludru

The best story I have is a guy who called about a bobcat in front of the library. He called up out of breath and said there was a wild cat intimidating people so they could not enter or exit the building. I was fairly close so I started to run over. I asked if anyone was injured and he said no. I was expecting a group of people held up at the entrance by a huge cat hissing at everyone. I told him to keep away from it and stay on the line. When I got there I found a tabby cat perched on a bench. I verified the caller and the cat he called about. I went over to the cat with him and started pet him, he rolled over and let me scratch his belly. The guy was shocked and said “oh, someone has domesticated it.”

miraclerandy

“911, what is the address of the emergency?” “I need an ambulance” “What’s going on?” “I just, I need an ambulance” “Can you tell me why?” “My dick is stuck in the wall OKAY?!” “Please stay on the line for Fire/Rescue”

AweBeyCon

Me: 911, where do you need assistance? Drunk guy: At the convenient store. This guy won’t sell me beer. Me: Ok, why not? Drunk guy: I can’t show him my ID because I am not 21. Me: Without an ID the clerk can not sell to you, especially if you are under age. Drunk Guy: But other clerks let me bribe them before. I told him that and he still won’t take my bribe and sell to me. Make him take the bribe! Me: We won’t force the clerk to accept your bribe. And definitely won’t let him sell to a minor. Do you want to wait there and I can have an officer come talk to you in person? Drunk Guy: Yea, I will sit outside and wait for you.

Venethos

Not a 911 operator, but I do work for a kids helpline. I recently got a call from a panicked 11-year-old boy who thought he had locked himself in a wardrobe while home alone. I was on the phone with him for a while before I suggested sliding the door instead of pushing it out like you would when entering or exiting a room. I heard a few sniffles on the other end of the line and then a quiet “Oh yeah, I forgot the door went like that.”

labyrinthiner

Paramedic here, Once we had a young woman call 911 around 2am saying that her legs were turning blue. Turns out she had worn a new pair of jeans to the club that night.

Buzkill

One of my personal favorites was someone who called and it went like this: “I know this is not an emergency, but there is a person in a giant monkey suit running down the road humping all the fire hydrants” I had to hold back my laughing as best I could – turns out he was right, when I sent the police there there was a kid in a monkey costume humping every hydrant he came across.

Beer_

I’m not a dispatcher, but back in my EMS days I was dispatched on a call of a child being poisoned. Upon our arrival we find a 14 year old male and his mother. The mother was insisting we take them to the hospital so he could have his stomach pumped because he had swallowed chewing gum. The child was looking at us as if to say, “I’m sorry my mother is crazy.” One year later, same address, same family, called for poisoning. Upon arrival we find the same kid and mother. The mother wanted to be taken to the hospital because the kid had admitted to his mother that he had taken a hit of marijuana when he was visiting friends the week before. The kid had the same look on his face.

EdwardStarsmith

Guy who called to swear out a complaint against his roommate because the guy stole his heroin. Yes, they both got a ride.

legotech

Long story short. Helped a little girl do her math homework.

Foreversingleandsad

My uncle was a dispatcher in a suburb of Minneapolis/St.Paul, and would tell me stories whenever I saw him. My favorite goes like this: Uncle: 911, what’s your emergency? Caller: Yes, I’d like to report two suspicious vehicles passing something back and forth in Potawatomi park. Uncle: Ok, we’ll send an officer out to assess. Uncle: Dispatch to car 45, two suspicious vehicles in Potawatomi park, passing items back and forth. Car 45: Uhhh…car 45 to dispatch, that’s me and Officer Somethingerother, passing Cheetos… Uncle: 10-4

Igoe_yougo

One woman called saying that every time she went outside the frogs said mmm pussy.

mayaseye

One time, some guy called 911 because he had multiple women in his bed that he didn’t know and who refused to leave.

HeyDep

“911, what’s your emergency?” “THERE IS A GODDAMN ROCK ON MY LAWN. A ROCK.” “Um… A rock?” “DID YOU NOT F*CKING HEAR ME? THERE IS A ROCK ON MY LAWN. SOMEONE DID THIS ON PURPOSE. A GODDAMN ROCK IN MY LAWN. I HAD TO DRIVE AROUND IT ON MY LAWNMOWER. A GODDAMN ROCK.” “What’s your address?” “You’re f*cking 911 and you don’t know my goddamn address? What the f*ck are my taxes paying you for? F*cking useless. Goddamn rock.” “Sir, what is your address?” “LOOK AT ME ON GOOGLE EARTH YOU CAN SEE ME BECAUSE THERES A GODDAMN ROCK IN MY LAWN!” At this point, the map finally correlated with his location and he was in the next county. I let them deal with it. I don’t know how it turned out.

reineluxe

I’ve had someone call 911 to wish me a merry xmas when I was working at 3am on on Christmas Morning.

Stepside79

A friend who used to be a police operator once told me she had a hysterical call from a Chinese lady, who was unintelligible but clearly distressed. They sent an officer round, apparently she’d found a hedgehog in her garden and had no f*cking clue what it was – assumed it was an alien or something and freaked out.

blinky84

Me: “911. What is the address of your emergency?” Caller: “Turtles…in Georgia” M: “Yes, ma’am. Turtles are an indigenous species to the state of Georgia.” C: “Really?” M: “Yes, ma’am.” C: “Huh. Well what do you do when there is one in your yard?” M: “Leave it alone.” C: “It’s driving my dogs crazy!” M: “Is the turtle endangering your dogs?” C: “No.” M: “Are the dogs endangering the turtle?” C: “No. They’re on the other side of the fence.” M: “Well then just leave the turtle alone and he’ll go along on his merry turtle way.” C: “Ok. I guess so.”

IcebergSlimD

Caller: A deer just swam across the river behind my house. Me: Okay? Caller: Well I am worried it might be cold. Me:…….Well there is nothing we can do about a deer being cold. Didn’t it run off after swinning the river? Caller: Yes. Me: Well ma’am it’s a wild animal and I’d guess it’s going to be fine. Caller: ok

NodePoker

“I want to report an attempt murder. I asked them not to put mushrooms on my pizza, as I’m allergic and they forgot, so it’s attempted murder”

EccentricCock

Someone called 911 about a “machine gun mounted on a car”. It was the Google maps car…

CoonCreek

6:30 Christmas morning. 9-1-1 goes off. “9-1-1. what’s your emergency?” Breathless, panicky voice “How do I get the cranberry sauce out of the can without it coming out in chunks?” “Open the other end and slide it out on a plate.” “OH! THANK YOU! You are brilliant!” I wasn’t considered so brilliant once I had to dispatch an officer over there to educate her on proper 9-1-1 usage. Merry Christmas, here’s your citation. source: 4 years as 9-1-1 dispatcher/supervisor in rural Alaska

malloryparker

Got a call from a man that someone vandalized his snowman.

jwagg82

My mom is a 911 operator, she gets some insanely stupid calls. I remember a few years ago, there was a huge pileup involving several cars and fatalities. Clearly it caused miles of traffic. A woman called 911, insisting that she get escorted out of the traffic by a trooper, because she “had to get home”, and it was “ridiculous that she should be stuck like that”. Like, people are dead, lady, sorry you’re not gonna make it home for Jeopardy.

ddeevv

Also had one a couple of years ago where a dad called to ask for an ambulance because his 17 yr old daughter had a candle stuck up her anus. He tried to explain that she said she had gotten out of the shower and slipped and fell “butthole first” onto the candle… Medics said they found KY jelly with the candle so I think we all know what was going on there.

flipit2mute

Entitled rich brat demanding an officer drive her back home because she spent her travel money partying; she felt since her father was a well-known surgeon, and a “higher taxpayer” she should get a break and get a ride. I told her no and hung up on her.

milkcustard

Guy calling to argue that his crystal meth is legal because he made it with store-brought products with his own hard-earned money.

milkcustard

Caller: My boyfriend took my dog! Me: And why’d he do that? Caller: Because he’s an asshole! Me: No, I mean what possessed him to take the animal? Caller: Cause he’s a f*cker! Me: …… Why does he have the dog… Caller: Cause he’s a piece of shit! Me: ……… Alright, I’ll send an officer out to talk to you.

Rodge_Von_Dicksonbut

Had a guy call asking if it was legal to shoot his neighbor because his hedges were hanging over his property and he considered it tresspassing.

Reddit

I had someone a few months ago call 911 to ask if a tablespoon was the big spoon or the little one.

Dues1987

Got a call from a guy wanting the police to come to his address because the guy he sold a bag of weed to wouldn’t pay him Gave me his name, address and date of birth and the name, address and phone number of the other guy as well. Both got a visit from unit soon afterwards.

Cameron McManus

I have been in the 911 biz for over 22 years. If a caller starts the call with “I swear I’m not crazy” then you need to buckle up for some insanity. A guy started a call with those words after escaping from his apartment and running to the closest 7-11. He swore that his roommates were turning into giant crabs. The was going to show the officers that they were currently in giant cocoons transforming. As you might expect he was tripping balls.

erczilla

Had a drunk person call to report he was being harassed. Truth was….. He was being arrested by our officers for throwing pizza at people. All I heard in the background was one of my officers saying to him “that better not be our dispatcher on the phone” followed by some muffled talking and my officer taking the phone and saying “he will be taking a ride with us now” and hung up.

tkokilroy

Me: 911, Whats your emergency? Lady: My smoke detector is going off, and I think there is a HAZMAT GOING ON! Me: Is there fire or smoke in your home? Lady: No Me: Is it chirping? Maybe it’s a low battery sound? Lady: No! Me: Did you damage the detector at all? Lady: NO!!! I took it off the ceiling, unplugged the hard wires and took out the battery….It’s still alarming! Me: Ma’am how is that possible? You are telling me that it it’s alarming with no power source…? And what were you mentioning about a Hazmat? Lady: UGH!!!! THE NUCLEAR POWER SOURCE, DO TO MERCURY INJECTION FROM THE POWER PLANT IN THIS DETECTOR, IS MAKING THIS THING GO OFF! IT WONT STOP! HEAR! HAVE A LISTEN! Me: ….(hears no sound but her heavy breathing)…. Lady: I WANT TO TALK TO THE KING NUCLEAR EMPORER HOMER SIMPSON OF SPRINGFIELD. Me: …(Holds mic away from face laughs uncontrollably)… Lady: HELLO!? SIR!? ARE YOU LISTENING?!?! Me: Yes ma’am, total emergency, the Fire Department is on the way to help assist you… Night shift at 911 always got the best calls.

WDer

Caller: I’ve been poisoned. Me: Ok, we’re sending an ambulance. Tell me what happened. Caller: I’ve overdosed Me: What did you take? Caller: Pot Me: Marijuana? Caller: Yes. I’m dying. Please hurry. Turns out. She was just super high.

throwitallawayyy2016

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