#….and ill be normal afterwards
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mdni
just as a heads up!!! i might start posting more nsfw… it will be tagged… hope that is alright :3
#.txt#damn you hypersexuality#shakes fist at the sky#but usually lasts a couple months#….and ill be normal afterwards#ik thats a while :c but….#just wanted to make it clear#just in case my posts start unraveling more and more lol
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strider-man... haha. im hilarious
(johndave week day 5 - first kiss)
alt under cut
#I LOVE JOHNDAVE#AND I LOVE SPIDERMAN#RAHHHH#im normal about them#johndave#davejohn#pepsicola#hammertime#johndaveweek2024#i fucking love them#john egbert#dave strider#homestuck#homestuck fanart#ill admit strider-man was not my idea i was looking up designs to get some inspo and thought that was funny as hell#anywho#loyal tag readers i dont have that much content for you today. BUT#the thought behind this is that like#dave kind of dropped down in front of john like “hey”#in the middle of his rounds#and they chatted#and then he goes leave to leave like “what no kiss goodbye” as a joke#guys it wasnt a joke#neither of them are about to back down from a dare#he definitely fucking absconded afterward though#i fucking love them.#oh my god.#this is probably my favorite post ive ever made actually#im so proud of this
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hey y'all normal people* interpretation question. Is there a like normal person one-day kind of illness?
I am having my first severe allergic reaction since I've started my new meds** and I ended up asking my boss for the afternoon off once I made it past the cutoff time for same day contractor pay (so none of my contractors' would have their pay delayed because of me). He was fine with it but my coworkers are very friendly and I'd rather the main office not know I have severe allergies, so like if they ask...food poisoning? Stomach flu? Instead of "my new long term meds meant I did not puke, which is a huge improvement for me, but I am so exhausted I was falling askeep sitting up aat my desk"
*by which I mean people without my weird combo of health issues, especially the weird allergies, I am just out on words today
**severe is...kind of relative? not anaphylaxis, no hospital needed, but thoroughly unpleasant
#the person behind the yarn#medical mention#illness mention#vomit tw#I did not puke but I did mention that I did not puke so like#warning#usually with this severe of a reaction I would have#but with new meds I did not!!! :D#which is a HUGE improvement for me because normally it takes me several days to get fully hydrated again afterwards#because I am electrolyte Georg and I do not stay hydrated easily on a good day
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the concept of being at someone else's wedding is more exciting to me than me getting married
#crunchyposts#last wedding i went to i was at a table w all of my cousins on one side we talked and it was chill nice catching up w them#the concept of even planning a wedding makes me want to explode and die#let me be a bridesmaid for my best friend ill help them through the stress and afterwards i sit at a table with our friend group#and we just have fun. i dont evenlike big parties just give me an excuse to celebrate my friends and hang out w people#also like i wanna celebrate my friends but everyone i know celebrating me sounds like HELL i like my bio family and friend#family separate#yes i have thought ab this a few times if i ever got married it would just be like legal thats all i need#and then i meet up w family and friends separate like normal
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feeling like im being driven to my execution (its a drs appointment)
#p#also thats a little dramatic but i do hate them so much#i was feelin like well ill be uncomfortable n miserable but its not the end of the world#buuuut then i remembered (TMI AHEAD U HAVE BEEN WARNED)#that last month ish when i was here for an actual concern (n agreed to this physical bleh)#i was told im overdue for another pap smear n like they cant force me into it ofc but i know its smart to do it#cuz i already have lots of anxieties abt what if i secretly have some disease or condition n im gonna die blah blah blahh#but last time it was so awful n i was like crying thru it cuz of the pain which. isnt normal#googling it afterwards i found ppl saying stuff like 'it might be weird n uncomfortable but not too bad'#so i was like well ok thats just me then i guess :/#n anyway i def think i have that condition called w/e cuz ive never been able to do any kind of like. anything in there#not like day to day its a huge deal but for this its not too fortunate :/#so long story short i remembered ill have to decide if ill let them do it again at this appt#n i was reading abt the process again n then uh oh crying -_-#omw now n idk what ill do tbh. def wanna say no but also idk i shld be responsible or smth#dies instead.#n anyway even if its just the super basic physical theyre gonna do ill still wanna become an incorporeal entity thing#hate it hereeeee (body)#its a PA im seeing who i remember being nice some other time i saw her so theres that at least#theyre gonna wanna weigh me tho i forgot that too jeez#i said no last time but idk. kms
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theres something soooo important to me about ichi and aokis fight and ichi punching his glasses off and then him going a lil cray cray and then ichi calling him masato at those behated lockers. like hmm theres something so important about it to my 'any semblance of family makes me emotional' brain it makes me violent i think
yeah (tearful) (depressed) (agonized)
#snap chats#the ending of y7 still really gets me cause im a little baby who took it far too personally#ill spare everyone my villain origin story for once cause i know im just gonna get bullied to hell and back for it ☠️☠️#but yeah. i hate the absolute very end of y7's ending but everything before it... oof..... REALLLYY hits me hard....#i cant ever watch it normally i cant ever get through it and be normal afterwards#it just hurts i guess is how i can describe it LMAO I KNOW IM A BABY BUT SHUT UP#MY BABY FEELINGS ARE MY BABY FEELINGS GET OUT OF MY TAGS#on that note. hope to see Literally Anyone at the livestream later <3 ill make a post when its bout that time
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ok tbh. as i continue to have more Positive Pride Thoughts, as was my resolution for pride this year, i think i want to emphasize my birom status more, because personally...thats what really matters most to me? i come out as bi to normies so i dont have to explain things, but being a birom ace is really just. vital to my being, idk. i usually say ‘im ace’ when talking about myself but thats just really not accurate. i am BIROM ACE. that is what MATTERS to me.
#shitpost#again. i never talk about this stuff so posting is weird#but i PROMISED myself id start writing and trying to articulate some of this#and my tumblr diary really is the best place to do so lol#i love being in love and the first time i fell in love i was four years old and i remember it clearly lol#and of course ive fallen so many times since then too. its easy! its beautiful! i love being in love!#and thats important to me! its so important and i feel like i let it get washed away in the assumptions people usually make about aces#(and those are exhausting but i Promised i wouldnt talk about that stuff. i will NOT get negative this year!)#just. i am biromantic!!!!! being biromantic is important to me!! the MOST important even!#i knew i was birom when i was in elementary school! i have always spoken of my future partner in bi terms.#(tho as anyone around normies its easy to accidentally speak in a comphet kinda way so often it would be like. 'future husband...OR WIFE')#like i just would add it hastily in afterwards#because i really did! always know!!! even from a very young age i talked like that!#(i was fortunate to know a gay couple before i even knew what gay or queerness really meant. so it always felt normal to me.)#(i know that is not a lot of people's experiences)#but yeah. ok. im done. just trying to make a post about this stuff that has been swimming in my head#before pride month is up#im not against posting more in general but. i sortof really wanted tot ry to talk during pride#and afterwards ill go back to my usual self haha
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I feel really sick and ill about the guy at work who won’t take the hint actually like I’m home now sitting in my room and I feel Terrible. physically nauseous.
#like. I’m a recent manager I’m a very New manager#but even so. i was a manager when we hired him.#i was fresh like literally 3 weeks under my belt but even so#i interviewed and hired and trained him As His Manager#and he was super normal at first he would only ever text to ask questions about the job or the campus#but then he fucking. saw me on bumble.#so now he knows I’m single and available.#and actively looking for people. and he thinks he is people.#and he keeps asking me to hang out outside of work#he keeps talking to me about how at his last job he literally dated his boss#and like I’ve been joking about it up until now but it does not feel funny anymore it’s making me feel ill#bc today we worked a class together and afterwards I’m gathering my stuff and he was like#hey if you wanna hang out I’m down. I’m not doing anything. i get really bored and kinda lonely. wanna hang out?#and I was stunned into silence I didn’t know what to say I could tell he wanted me to commit to something Right That Second#and finally I just kept being like oh maybe. um maybe. idk maybe.#i felt soooo backed into a corner about it. and I was talking to juno and they pointed out. that he probably thinks I like him back#but I’m just shy. and/or deterred by being his manager.#and now that they’ve said that I 100% think that’s what’s happening and I’m so. I’m so. I’m so fucking upset about it.#i do not know what to do I think I might try to talk to our big boss about it but he’s just always so busy#i feel like an idiot#op
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you know what would cure me?
seeing jang uk smile in part 2.
#hint hint nudge nudge#come on alchemy of souls i know you can do it#gimme that gummy smile it'll fix me i promise#ill be so Normal afterwards i swear#alchemy of souls#my ramblings
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gonna watch the ballad of songbirds and snakes and wishing so hard that it doesnt suck bad bc i really enjoyed the book . but frankly..... i think im gonna dislike the costume design at least a moderate amount
#peach patter#ill do my bcfp base research afterwards but ahhhh ahhhhh#i normally dont care tooooo much abt book to movie adaptations#but i read tbosas right around the time the movie trailers released . and also directly after reading thru the hunger games trilogy#so its like. in my brain pretty hard still . and the trailers tbh didnt give me much hope for the costume design
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We saw the beginning, now I be thinking about all the possible...uhh the word is like aftermath...epilogues? Seeing as the narrative will be left open ended, we can hypothesize and fantasize just about anything!
This one is Harvey carrying on with what he idealized as a normal life, getting married, having kids, going out with the boys, stuff you see on TV. But Cammy is still there, still a part of his life. And that's pretty neat. And also I cry.
#i went on a spree yesterday with a bunch of aftermathematics that made me cry myself to sleep#because no matter what. every single end. cammy will outlive harvey. every thing in between can be different#cammy leaving. cammy staying. reluctance. romance. etc etc. cammy will live on without harvey. and it will hurt them. a lot.#it hurts me a lot. im still crying over 'thank you for keeping me in your life'#cammy could be living in the garden until the very end. either of harveys life. or the tree they took care ofs life.#maybe cammy leaves but visits from time to time. or maybe they visit right before harvey kicks the bucket#who knows! thinking about anything past the narrative makes me cry#because we dont see that in media. we always get the good ending but that is never the end. what happens afterwards?#cause grow as we go's narrative ends after harvey finally reunites with his family in the philippines and decides#i want to stay at my house and take care of my garden. ill be sure to visit every year from now on.#and the credits would roll as him and cammy travel back. on the plane. the taxi ride. harvey getting the key in the door.#harvey putting cammy in the little makeshift bed he made. and him looking out the window of his room down at the garden. him smiling#and then it says end. thank you for watching. this took fourty two years to make oopsie whoops#god i go on long rants when its late. anywho compare to last time i made a possible ending#cammy reluctantly leaving as they both start to fall in love with each other#cammy willingly running away knowing harvey will heal from this and move on and be normal#this one here theres no leaving. there is no normal. its just living dude#grow as we go#sketches#harvey#camellia
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...
#focus who? i dont kno her#its so bad. i csnt focus at all. and ive got way too much to do. take me back to last week where i spent hours reading papers#annoying. also possibly lack of sleep cstching up with me#do u ever get very little sleep and not miss it at all? yea bitch all the time. then i get depressed and its sleepy time#and by sleepy time i mean i get like 8hrs of sleep lol#maybe ill just do nothing and completely fuck over my sunday lol#maybe i should go run up thr mountain rn before im stuck in a car for 2 hrs#bc im getting spikes of being insane. unfortunately i have no emotional object permanence so when i feel crazy its like#ive always felt like this ans its terrible forever. and then immediately afterward im like lol wot? nah im fine. ive always been fine#shout out to mood swings ✌️ like bro im trying to get materials together so i can teach a class. can u shut the fuck up? and focus?#well see how i do today with a ton of socializing. itll b fine. im normal i can b normal#or i can b endearing quirky. or whatever i usually i am. i dont think i have conversations like a normal person but i cant tell bc im not#there for conversations im not in. whatever everyone else has conversations in a way thats boring. i just wanna grill ppl til i understand#how they work. and then feel like im gonna die if im in a group conversation 🙃 let me study thr ppl around me#bc im very normal. god. i promise irl im not that weird. ppl think im nice and cool and successful#ok maybe not cool. but i think i can get away with being interesting. i got at least a lil charisma. im only a bit horribly awkward ;-]#but i try to own it. wtf was i saying. jesus. i cant with my brain rn. i shoulf have gone for a run this morning#being social just makes me anxious so im babbling i guess. but itll b fun. and itll b pretty im sure#maybe ill try to draw my ocs while im not paying attention. ive neglected them for so long 😭#unrelated
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//
#im going to give it 2 weeks. and if im still obsessing over it well. then i think it might be for realsies#im wondering whats going on bc i feel so off rn 😭 i feel so . hyper? idk how to explain#but hg . in like 30 minutes i have to do a telemeeting to register for classes and i need to like . Calm Down and get normal#but i just idk . !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#last night i read like a huge wiki page and im just like . hwat#you havent done that since.............. since like 2015 ? reading the entire like fnaf wiki#and this is like pulling up things in my brain that i didnt even . know was there . pulling up things i hadnt remembered for years#and like idk im being like haha lol . lmao even Jokey about it but its like . okay its hilarious but also simultaneously . uhm#girl arw you okay............. like are you going to be fine#im listening to songs on repeat im scouring tumblr tags reading giant wikipages looking at yt finding playlists on spotify its so !!!!!!!!!#whataever . uhm im going to try to be normal and have the meeting with my advisor. i can go back to mental illness afterwards 👍
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.
#tw warning for vomiting here in the tags bUT#the last couple weeks I've been getting progressively more and more nauseated whenever i eat literally anything#first it was I could only eat cold foods if i didn't want to nauseated/lethargic or physically ill afterwards#then it was anything with sugar/salt#and now it's literally all food#is making me super nauseate and lethargic after eating and I tend to throw up#I'm throwing up like almost daily#Getting nauseated definitely daily#It's not quite that i can't keep anything down but i'm worried it's going in that direction#i had my blood sugar checked but my AC1 and Glucose are all perfectly normal so it's not (it seems) blood sugar isseus#it's starting to affect my ability to eat without anxiety and attitude towards food tho#I'm going to try going a few days of Only eating super bland foods and see if i still get nauseated... but#I"m a little worried lol about what is going on#hopefully this doesn't last#I'm between PCP's so I can't really get in with my new doctor until December#but I might call her office and just ask if I can get an earlier appointment if this continues#anyway pls don't reblog this lol altho i 'm not sure why someone would want to#I'm just ranting bc ranting is less stressful than googling my symptoms and seeing all the conditions google says i apparently have LMAO#anyway. Deleting this later bc it's not relevant to the blog
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I'm having a moment
Im going into treatment in four days?? It's gonna be the full time day program bc the exercising and shit got worse so I'm gonna be there eight hours a day five days a week and they're gonna fucking feed me and stop me from exercising to make up for all the food and fuck meeee I am terrified I don't wanna do it anymore why did I agree to this
#i dont wanna gain weight again im not even ill enough to deserve this kind of treatment in the first place like im FINE#i eat food#i just gotta exercise it away afterwards thats super normal#im fine
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calm* again sorry for being mentally ill
#(* asterisk is to say im not entirely sure how much of this is calmness & how much of it is like. my extremely mentally ill way of thinking#but we're gonna say calmness)#continuing this very normal train of thought methinks its music time#despite it being quarter to eight i am just now getting to actually sit down and relax#aaand afterwards i guess i'll. take a bath & go to bed early#but like for real this time because yesterday i cried for a full hour before actually falling asleep#anyway. i know im just rambling about shit in the tags where noone will give a shit but at least this time im being .. calm? i guess?#was gonna say positive but thats not really true. more upbeat? does that work ?#either way i imagine its an improvement
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