Light Yagami for Blorbo Bingo (I know exactly what I am getting into)
do you really, owl? do you really know?
surprising absolutely no one, i got a bingo!
i have so many thoughts on light. i am in love with him. i despise him. i want to shove him in a blender. i kin him. I AM HIM (sometimes)
more thoughts under the cut because i have a chance to ramble about light and i am TAKING IT. this will probably be my pinned post for a bit because i don’t want this to drown in my blog lmao
as someone who listened to “where is the justice?” months before watching the anime or reading the manga, i started out as a light sympathizer who didn’t see what he was doing wrong. i literally based my entire personality off of musical!light before i even saw his face. then i watched the anime in september 2021 and recognized him for the absolute BITCH (affectionate) that he is.
a month after watching the anime, i started up kira-ask-force as an exercise to learn how to write him and fell in love with the character. more than i already was. in less than two years i went from rageposting about L blasting nightcore at 3am to doing extensive psychoanalysis about kira. it’s been a wild ride; one that i’m so glad i had the courage to start.
something about light just fascinates me. i don’t know if it’s his ideology, his personality, or what, but it’s something. i can spend hours just listening to light shout, ramble, and monologue about his ideals and it’s captivating. everything down to his vocal inflections is permanently ingrained in my subconscious to the point where if someone asks me about the justice system, i manically laugh and throw myself into an extensive internal monologue while i try to sound remotely normal. i literally bought a (SFW, don’t worry) L body pillow to practice my light yagami (sub, dub, movie, drama, musical…) impression on 😭 i need help
ANYWAYS. light’s journey from a too-perfect high school student bored of his life to a wannabe god trying to make a difference is so incredibly interesting. for seventeen years, light was held above the rest of his peers, praised for every little thing he did. his father was proud that he was following in his footsteps. his mother was proud to have such a studious son. his sister was proud to have such a kind brother she could count on (see: “we all need a hero”) but light was bored of all of it. it was all mundane to him. he didn’t really have any close attachments whatsoever. he was just the perfect golden boy no matter what he did. hell, his cram school teacher catches him zoning out and only calls him out because light is there to “make the school look good”
needless to say, light was fed up with the world. that much is clear. i’d say he was probably severely depressed as well (and with an eating disorder but that’s getting into triggering territory that i will save for another day). i think anyone would get sick of being held up on a pedestal for so long, no matter how enlarged their ego is. it must have been exhausting for him to spend half of his day in perfection hell only to come home to his parents asking for his grades and proclaiming that it’s exactly what was expected of their perfect son. it’s a lot to handle, especially for a teenager.
but then, he found the death note. a weapon that could change the way his life went. he could do more than study in his room and be perfect. he could change the whole system. he had been dubbed the perfect student unwillingly at a young age, but now he could escape that and forge his own path. but how could one ascend past perfection? well, that’s easy. godhood.
of course, this decision didn’t come to him immediately. he entered a state of shock and denial after killing otoharada, and when he killed shibuimaru to verify that the notebook was real, he threw up in a nearby alleyway. until ryuk came along, he was constantly plagued with nightmares and lost ten pounds in five days. despite the mental strain, he still pushed forward. he knew that whoever the notebook belonged to would come for it, and that he might not survive the encounter. so he killed more people. hundreds of people. he targeted as many criminals as he could in those five days out of an attempt to cleanse his sins. but when ryuk tells him that he won’t be killed for his actions, this illusion breaks. at this point, he’s killed so many people that there’s no point to stopping now. he will cleanse the world no matter how long it takes. he will become god.
when L challenges him, light goes in head first. he takes the bait, taunting him. after all, what does light have to lose? he’s perfect. he’s righteous. surely this wannabe detective won’t come close to his power. right?
wrong. many people say that light’s biggest mistake was revealing that he was a student, that he was connected to the police, killing lind l. tailor and so on. in my opinion, light’s biggest weakness throughout the whole series is how easily he underestimates his opponents. he acts like he knows exactly what goes on in everyone’s heads. he’s spent his most of his time prior to receiving the notebook with people who will do whatever he says. he has them wrapped around his finger. but L, near, mello, maybe even matsuda, don’t act like that. they’re unpredictable. and that’s why light lost.
anyways, L awakens something different in light. something that nobody else has before. he’s challenging. he’s intelligent. he’s everything that light is and more. and light hates it. after all, he’s been placed above the rest for his entire life. who is L to kick him down and claim light’s throne for himself? so obviously, light lashes out. he aims to kill. anyone who defies god must die, after all. but that’s not why he wants L gone, necessarily. no, he wants L gone because he could be better than him. he has the power to take him down and light can’t take it. kira is justice, not L. and he’s going to prove it.
when L dies, a part of light does too. after all, he made light feel alive. more than a god, more than a perfect honors student. he made him feel like a person. L gave him a challenge, something to fight against. a reason to keep going. so naturally, when that motivation left, light cracked. everything became too easy. no matter how many slip-ups light made, he still won. it infuriated him. it felt wrong. this was the victory he wanted, but was it earned? in the years before the successors enter the scene, light is once again trapped within his own walls of perfection. no challenges. just another routine to follow. more expectations that he can reach with ease.
light never finds this same passion again. when near enters the scene, light despises him. in his mind, he’s nothing but a copy of L. he doesn’t bring that same challenge. to light, near doesn’t have that infuriatingly sharp tongue or any of L’s interesting traits. he doesn’t see a successor in near, he sees a cheap copy. mello infuriates him as well, though not nearly as much as near. he simply sees mello as an obstacle, an annoying roadblock in his mission. a side quest to beat before he can defeat near. obviously mello (and matt) are far more than this, but light can’t see this. too distracted by L’s figurative ghost looming over him, he underestimates the successors. and this is why he loses.
light dies in the warehouse as a bloodied mess. not with dignity nor with grace. he made one final mistake that cost him his life. he once again underestimated his opponents. he assumed near wouldn’t think ahead, being nothing more than a bootlegged version of L. obviously, he thought wrong.
this fact is further proven by matsuda, the one whose skills he underestimated the most. by framing matsuda as nothing more than the office idiot, he dismisses all of matsuda’s values. he assumes that matsuda will join his side and shoot his friends because he’s too weak to say no. when matsuda fires five shots into light, it’s a complete shock to his system. to have matsuda take him down… that’s a horrible fate that light couldn’t have imagined if he tried.
when ryuk kills him, light looks pitiful. he spent his final moments clinging to ryuk, begging for life from the literal god of death. he knew from day one that this would be how it ended. ryuk told him himself, but he brushed it off. as his final act, light underestimated yet another opponent: death itself.
WELL. that was a lot of writing. i wanted to explore a lot more, but i do not have the time nor energy. anyways, thank you for the ask, owl! enjoy your essay ❤️
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