#🫀 folder

[samvents]

wasting my potential

[solesommerso]

14x10 ‘Personal Jesus’ [April Kepner’s monologue]

“Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani? That’s what Jesus said on the cross before he died, My God, My God, why have you forsaken me? Job asked the question too, but he kept the faith, and what did he get for it? Replacement children. Ptsd. Was it worth it to have been a faithful servant? Or would it have been better to have just curse Gods name from the beginning? Where was God throughout all of Jobs suffering and pain? He was winning a bet with Satan. Makes you wonder where he is through all of the unfairness and inequality and cruelty and immoral. Where is he now?”

[rottencaniness]

regarding John Winchester—

I firmly believe he had love for Sam and Dean, I just don’t think he knew what to do without Mary or any other person to give him direction. Something constant in his life is his ability to know what to do, in the marines he was given tasks and jobs that he could follow, when Mary was alive she was there to lean on if he needed when it came to the boys, he knew how to be a normal parent with a wife and house and steady job, but when Mary died he lost all of that. I think he did care, I think when he drank a little too much and came home late to see the boys already tucked away per Deans doing his heart ached, he knew he was messing up and a part of him only wanted to scoop the little boys into his arms and hush their sorrows away, show them that they were loved and cared about the way he and Mary wanted them to be. But he wasn’t that family man anymore, he couldn’t hold them or show his love, losing Mary ruined every aspect of his life and changed the way his brain worked, he couldn’t think straight about the boys needs or care because Mary was gone, she was supposed to be there to raise them with him, she was their mother and his wife, he had lost everything when he lost her. The devastation took him over and I think if John had the chance he would go back and do it all over, change his treatment of his sons and make their lives better, or at least try to

And when he died and was left with all the guilt of everything— Mary would wrap him in her arms and whisper that she knew, she knew he tried his best and she knew how bad his grief was, that she understood everything he did and how it all played out, and she listened to his sobs for her and felt his ache when he’d look down at pictures of her that were just barely salvaged out of the fire, because she had the same ache in her chest, they were each others fateful lovers, cupid and god worked together to make them a couple, there was nothing that could come between them — and their boys, their precious sons, they were supposed to be cherished and loved the same way John and Mary loved one another, in their heads they had a life planned for their sons that was safe and joyful, neither of them wanted the misery and despair their sons would be forced to face long after each of their deaths

john didn’t want his sons to be destined to a life of misery and unfairness, he cared for them and loved them deeply

[headlinerskidlawzine]

E-MAILS SENT

Hey hey! What’s that? Seems like contributor results have gone out, don’t forget to check your spam folder! 🦾🫀 If you still cannot find your results, please contact us!

Thanks for the boost! 🦾🫀 @opfandombase @opfandomnews @zine-scene @zineapps

[rosapexa]

WiP Whenever

Thank you for tagging me @chevvy-yates , @wanderingaldecaldo , @gloryride 🖤

I'm working... Ok, working is not the right word for that. I'm experimenting and losing my mind over this for weeks now. And honestly i've been depressed so many times over this, it really hasn't been fun in a while, unlike making the tattoos for V-Lexa. But also i can't let things go, when i start something, so taking a step back and just leave this for a while, was not really an option (and i tried). And i really wanted to make something for her.

And since yesterday, i think i'm finally on the right track. Maybe. Hopefully. We'll see. Sorry, i'm rambling.

Anyway...

I always wanted to give Lexa some tattoos. But there hasn't been anything so far, which i thought would fit her. And also tbh i didn't even really knew myself what i wanted for her. And tbh it was kinda difficult to find something, cause everything i tried, wasn't "good enough" for her and i was (and still am) constantly unsure, if i'm not ruining her.

It was a lot easier to find something for V-Lexa. Not because i care less about her, but because she's in comparison relatively new and i'm still figuring everything about her out.

But Maelstrom Lexa has been around for quite while now and allthough i want changes, i'm so scared (yeah, it doesn't make sense). Also it doesn't help, that her personal lore is about wanting (Maelstrom) perfection and making her body the perfect weapon -.-

Aaaand i'm rambling again. Ok... Changes:

New tattoos of course. Lexa LOVES skulls. On her clothes, as decorations... So that is also mostly the theme for her tattoos. A lot of skulls. But she also got two "let's get some ink while blackout drunk" tattoos (she's not always perfect xD). On her right hip you can get a glimpse of a "yelling" cat, which she got after Salem adopted her and she just wanted to show off, that she now has a fur baby. The other is a Maelstrom logo on her leg which she got shortly before her initiation, when she got extemely drunk with Royce and Dum Dum and decided it's time for a gang tattoo. And of course they thought it was an awesome idea 😂

There's a tattoo for Johnny as well. It's the heart on her right arm. Not a cute heart, since we're still talking about Lexa, so it's the... literal organ 🫀 I still have to add Johnny's name and their wedding date to it. Also i would like to give him the same tattoo, but i'm not sure about that yet. Mostly because i'm hesitant to change his tattoos and don't want to get yelled at for that 🥴.

I got rid of her vanilla body scars and trying right now to give her some custom ones. Because i always thought she doesn't have enough scars, since she's fighting a lot and she sees them as trophies. But that's just an idea for now and i have to see how this goes, cause i'm not really understanding what i'm doing (normal maps wtf!?). I would also like to work on her face scars, but that is even more confusing.

I also thought about making my own skin color for her, cause sometimes her skin looks too red for my taste. I would like to have her paler and with even less color. But i didn't have any succes now, cause nothing looked good enough.

Other stuff:

I'm tidiying up Johnny's NPC+, cause every time i gave him a new outfit i just threw the things into his mod folder without organizing anything. And now i have a ton of stuff and no idea, what is for what. Also there are a lot of appearances, which i will never use (again).

I'm very slowly working on a mod for the Aurore Outfit: Pants, bra, top and jacket. I like this outfit so much but as usual, i need COLORS 😂 Currently only the pants are more or less ready, so this will take a long while until i can share it, since priority are definitely things for the blorbos.

Also in between i make some poses, but these are mostly just for myself for now, cause i'm actually too lazy to make them good enough for the public (at least i know how to position the camera to hide the chaos) or to retarget them for other couples besides M/F.

I think, that was it for now. Which was already too much again 🥴

I'm tagging @togepies , @miss--river , @thelonestrider , @wraithsoutlaws and @dreamskug for a WiP sharing. As usual without any pressure of course 🖤

[lichfucker]

wip title meme tagged by @jaynovz my beloved 🫀

RULES: post the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them, and then post a little snippet or tell them something about it! and then tag as many people as you have WIPs.

okay my document titles are USUALLY just the title of the whole piece so they don't tend to be particularly silly or eye-catching in terms of "oh hey I like that trope" or w/e. anyway.

currently active wips:

parrotfic blank verse

through his stomach

back-burner wips:

to cross running water

brain damage in d minor

diplomatic relations

say it out loud

ugh six people is a lot of people to tag hhhh I'll just go w @grasslandgirl and @boasamishipper

[gender-mailman]

📁

📂

— [💉🫀Nurse Amanda]

:0!! A doggy inside my folder! A lil doggy :3

[diorstarr]

thank youuuuu @yeyinde for tagging me!! 💌🫀

wip game: post the name of all the files in your wip folder, regardless of how ridiculous or non-descriptive. let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them, then post a little snippet or tell them something about it

these are kinda all over the place amndnsd BUT here are some wip's :3 (and tbd if i ever finish them lol but)

next one up -- shiv centric fic

future's on the bound -- skyler white centric fic

these hands are too shaky to hold -- kenjess (p2)

in the shadows hiding from yourself -- daemon x f!reader (p2)

tagging: anyone who would like to join!! 💌🫀

[system3rror85]

It would be nice and comfy, if people could stop making up pretty little images of how I should be. I never promised you a rose garden. I have told people in my life that I have multiple disorders and that I am far from neurotypical. Yet they still get angry at me, when I take off my mask. (not the 😷 medical mask. The one I have to use I order to be around other people irl without lashing out or acting like the person that I am behind this mask.

[samvents]

[ID text — You sliced me loose and said it was Creation. I could feel the knife.]

[solesommerso]

Sam’s monologue in 2x16 ‘roadkill’

—————

“ I don’t understand how a guy like this can turn into that monster. ”

“ Um…..spirits like Greeley are, uh…. like wounded animals. Lost. In so much pain that they lash out. ”

“ Why? Why are they here? ”

“ Well, there’s some part of them that’s keeping them here. Like their remains, or, um… unfinished business. ”

“ Unfinished business? ”

“ Yeah, uh….. it could be revenge. It could be love or hate. Whatever it is, they just hold on too tight. Can’t let go. So they’re trapped. Caught in the same loops. Replaying the same tragedies over and over. ”

“ You sound almost sorry for them. ”

“ Well, they weren’t evil people. You know, the—-. ”

“ A lot of them were good. Just…. Something happened to them. Something they couldn’t control. ”

[rottencaniness]

͏𓆩 angel jess au moodboard 𓆪

she still remembers everything and she’s stuck watching Sam live out his life, choking back her tears each time he dies and Dean brings him back. She wants him to join her in heaven, though she knows the devil has his teeth sunk into Sam, has for a long time now. It doesn’t stop her from daydreaming, laying in their old apartments bed and closing her eyes imagining that Sam is beside her.

feel free to send in any asks about this au

[fictionalcharacterlovetimes]

look at him. my special blorbo

[silkfaun]

https://drive.google.com/drive/mobile/folders/1KQc0LlvNoATpIc7Y1VViXqCEpPpOsZqG?usp=drive_open -poetry collection on grief 🫀

- “to love life, to love it even

when you have no stomach for it

and everything you’ve held dear

crumbles like burnt paper in your hands,

your throat filled with the silt of it.

When grief sits with you, its tropical heat

thickening the air, heavy as water

more fit for gills than lungs;

when grief weights you like your own flesh

only more of it, an obesity of grief,

you think, How can a body withstand this?

Then you hold life like a face

between your palms, a plain face,

no charming smile, no violet eyes,

and you say, yes, I will take you

I will love you, again.” (Ellen Bass)

In time, her heart will soften with tenderness and warmth. Though the grief will last longer. Sending much love 🤍

Much like the post before, I am not sure why I am only responding to these particular ‘asks’ now. They touched me deeper than I had expected (as initially I set out only to find words to soothe my mothers grief), and so I think I kept them tucked away for myself for some time

But I thought it only right to give my thanks for sharing these words (as sharing words we hold deeply is like sharing little pieces of ourselves, isn’t it?)

They made a difference, to both my mother and me 🖤🖤

[samvents]

I AM THE ANGEL OF RANCID & ROTTING DREAMS

[samvents]

[ID text — I Am Very Angry At You. But I Don’t Want To Make You Upset ]