#'i do NOT need that comp-het in my life no thank you'

[viulus]

So I haven't been updating anyone on my BotW progress, not really, but I felt like doing that right now.

Last night I finally made my way up to my first Devine Beast (Vah Medoh), and with that I also got to see the first flashback with Revali, and... I think he deserved to die in the Calamity, actually

[impishtubist]

Okay, so HAPPY PRIDE, I have a genuine question about Teddy and Sirius that has been haunting me and I just can’t stand the suspense any longer and have to ask: where is Teddy getting this self-confidence from? Like, for real, though. 😂 Someone commented a while back that Teddy is the young, hot, emotionally available version of his dad which took me OUT. Because it’s true! But, like, sad comp het Remus is not the role model here. Tonks? Maaaaaaybe except she’s not any better with the sad comp het version of her either, I don’t think.

This does not seemed like learned behavior, is what I’m saying. Maybe Teddy had great friends at Hogwarts? And the benefit of being a different generation?

Or Teddy just comes by it naturally.

Oooooorrrr he’s watched his parents’ marriage and is all, oh, no thank you to this, and runs in the other direction. To his benefit, honestly.

I would say Harry but not in the world where Harry gets straight married and becomes a cop. Like bisexual disaster Harry? Yes. Poly Harry and Ginny? Yup. I mean, Harry wouldn’t be his godfather in this universe (and should not be one in any, but I digress), but maybe he’s around?

I’m thinking about this too hard but I also have to give props to a Teddy who is confident enough to take on an older, hot, unburdened Sirius. Good for him!

Ooooh, what an EXCELLENT question! I am tagging my co-conspirator @soloorganaas here for their thoughts. Here are mine:

You're ABSOLUTELY RIGHT that we need to figure out where Teddy gets this self-confidence from. I'm sorry, Remus, but in no universe would it come from you, even in a universe where you weren't in a sad comphet marriage.

I think if Tonks's personality from OOTP had been preserved through HBP and DH, it could possibly come from her. Give me spunky Tonks who pursues Remus with confidence, not the sad pathetic wet mousey version of Tonks we got in HBP who sulked and slipped into depression because the noodle man didn't want to date her. Not that I approve of Remadora in any universe, but if she had confidently pursued him, I think Teddy could get his confidence from her.

Harry? Maybe. I would like to think Harry doesn't become a cop after DH and has a BLAST discovering his newfound bisexuality. Maybe he and Ginny get married but have an open, fun, poly relationship. Or maybe he doesn't settle down that soon, and has fun dating different men and women, and Teddy picks up on that.

I also like the idea of Teddy looking at his parents' marriage and resolving to do the exact opposite with his love life, lol.

But hear me out: Teddy spends tons of time with Uncle Harry growing up. And Uncle Harry takes him to the Burrow all the time. You know who else is at the Burrow a lot? Hot, sexy, confident Bill and Charlie Weasley. Bill and Fleur have a beautiful open marriage going on, and Charlie will never settle down with a partner but loves dating different people. I think Teddy picks up a lot from those two, and that's where he becomes the hot emotionally available version of Remus, LMAO.

[sunmisbf]

I come with an update nobody asked for 💕🫡

We went on our maybe date maybe not date. She dressed up, she’s so cute. Major height difference, I am so much taller than her.

We talked about sexuality and romance. She said “I’ve dated men before but kind of convinced myself into those relationships…I am attracted to the men and women in a tv show but that’s it…never real life men…if I got married to a man it would be like transactional…I have never had sex and don’t crave sex with a man or anyone…I don’t need a relationship…I think women are so so so pretty like every single one…I’m an ally”.

Meanwhile I was sitting there as the grown gay I am internally like “sweetie you are so repressed I wanna hug you”. She’s either got to be asexual or maybe sapphic but shoving it all down????? It seemed like she could only contemplate the world as “I’m a woman therefore I must have man partner if any” but didn’t want real men at all and therefore was stuck. Wanted to tell her being ace is fine and cool or maybe read about comp het 😭 idk!

Anyway I really liked her but I fear my duty is to be her gorgeous queer friend who helps her see non normative living as a real option and is just a fun vibe. I’m okay with that 🫡

The funny thing was that it did actually feel like a date 😭 we were both really nervous and she checked to see if I was having fun and when I said she had beautiful eyes she looked slightly shook in a good way 😭 but at the same time her ass really said with her whole chest “I’m an ally” whilst saying she can’t feel anything for men and doesn’t want them as if she thinks cis het women have that thought process so I’m guessing she saw it purely as having a hang out???? Anyway it was fun and I enjoy having cute friends

hi bestie i was waiting on this update don’t worry 🫶 it sounds like she’s repressed n thinks she has to be w a man or no one at all but i’m not going to diagnose her based on one ask 😭 i’m sorry it didn’t work out the way u originally hoped but i’m glad u had fun n made a new friend 💗 thank u for taking the time to update n i hope u do find the wife ur looking for 🫡🩷

[dykefever]

ok where to begin. This is a long one but I hope it's worth it?

1. I'm an embarrassingly huge stan and I've read all your stuff and I can quote some of them off the top of my head and my * husband * is vv familiar with you/your writing because I talk about it so much

2. I read the new Dorlene fic and it hit really hard because

3. I'm in my 30s and very happily married to a straight cis man, AND I just came out as bisexual

4. So I started writing my own "fic" with characters based on me/my husband to explore sexuality and identity, and also because I was an English/Theater major and haven't connected with that part of myself in so long and

5. I wrote my first lil femslash fic to explore my own sapphic desire for really the first time, and it was a really big deal to write and also nerve-wracking, like "am I doing * the gay * wrong?"

6. and literally a day or two after I finished, you posted Seasons in Desire

7. and it was, all of the yes. Right off the bat. The collarbones/shoulders. The staring. The nerves. The intimate friendship at the same time as wanting. But ESPECIALLY the role patriarchy plays in finding your way through desire and love and attraction. I didn't plan to include boys in my fic, but they just wrote themselves in ((ugh classic)) and in fact my characters' get-together arc is all wrapped up in the male gaze and expectation and comp het. And I high-key hated that at first. But I situated the fic in a specific time and place based on my real life, and I wanted to be honest about what lil 16-year-old me was really going through at the time. So seeing that same dynamic reflected in your piece, which is also very personal about your real experiences, was so validating and lovely and kind of empowering-- like, look at how amazing we are that we can find our way to love and desire women * despite * all the obstacles patriarchal society puts up to stop us.

So, yeah. Just, thank you for writing the Sapphic desire fic the fandom needs SO MUCH MORE of. And for inspiring me, personally, to get into writing and embracing my own identity.

xoxo Miss American Bi

hi hi !!!!! miss american bi, sorry this took a min to reply to but i wanted to have enough time to fully respond and i've been going back n reading this also because it has honestly moved me !

first off um hi to your husband!!! that is so sweet you talk about my writing to him and also the fact that you can quote my stuff oh my god!!! genuinely like in awe that you feel that way about my writing

and hello welcome to the community, figuring out your sexuality and such is tricky at the best of times and doing so while in a relationship is even harder!! i have some friends that have had a similar journey and just fuck yes for you! proud n happy for you<3

i've found writing about wlw/sapphics/lesbians to be a hugely validating experience and like this really beautiful exploratory thing to do with my desire and relationships so totally get you with writing out. i hope you continue to do so for yourself and find it continues to help :-) if you ever post anything i would love to read it !!

totally get you with male gaze n patriarchy making it's way into writing. it's unfortunately often a large part of queer women's experience when discovering their attraction to women. it has been for me at least and i wanted this story to be about discovery (dorcas finding herself to be lesbian rather than bi) (that's just straight up from my own experience lmao) and also how, especially in their early twenties, you can often be working through the complicated feelings of having attraction women (and not liking men in their case, although the role of the male gaze in queer women's desire is familiar for all of us!) while actually knowing and accepting this fact and living your life as a queer woman. i think stories can include this element of our experience while still completely centering the women and their relationship, which is what i was trying to do with seasons in desire! like, they are still working through their relationship with queerness but far more importantly, they want each other and love each other and will pursue and explore that <3

highlighting this also: look at how amazing we are that we can find our way to love and desire women * despite * all the obstacles patriarchal society puts up to stop us.

you're so right, it's fucking incredible!!!

completely honoured and floored by this message, that i inspired you to write n that this fic made you feel seen! keep writing n exploring yourself, i am cheering and whooping for you in embracing your bisexuality <3

p.s. re: collarbones and shoulders. always felt so frustrated how attraction to women is depicted generally in media. like queer desire is not rlly about these gendered body parts! it's so much more! wanted to write about that n how i feel regarding desire. just glad that resonated :-)

[chooseyouovereveryone]

I just there is something so special and important about how many fans felt connected to Brittana despite their story not being as center as other couples.

Through small little moments we could see how much they loved each other, like, we didn’t have to hear them repeatedly say they love each other for us to believe it because we could already see it through the touches and longing looks, and it prevented their story from feeling forced upon by the writers.

It all felt so natural, just two teenage best friends slowly falling in love with each other

This. A thousand times this.

What I love so much about this ship is how organic it was. It was born from the fans, given life by Naya pushing for it and still lives onto this day through Heather carrying on that legacy and talking about what they'd be up to in this day and age.

You're so right when you say that we didn't need scripted moments for us to see their love. Our two-shot had it from the offset, and it was all so natural.

It replicated the experience of so many queer girls, mine included, and as much as it pained me at the time I actually like the fact it took us 3 seasons for us to get a kiss. That wait we endured to see them finally get together; isn't too dissimilar to the real life wait of what many experience in their first queer relationship. I like storylines that show the struggle because to me, it's realistic. We DO struggle as queer people. We might struggle with confusion like Brittany and having to wait for the person you love to catch up, or we might struggle with comp het like Santana or not being able to accept ourselves. Or being outed or rejected. Their story encapsulated so many themes, and I'm not saying everybody related to them, but many did.

Heather touched on this in the Q&A I went to last week but she said what she thinks was so great about the Brittana storyline is the age of the characters, because 17/18 is the age you're discovering yourself, so it's like if you were that age when you started watching Glee you could "find yourself" with them. And that's exactly how I always felt about Brittana because I was the same age as the characters when it aired, so in watching their story unfold, I was almost looking for answers to the end of my own story.

Ugh they're just so special and will always have a huge piece of my heart, and I'm so thankful for the resilience of this fandom, and to Naya and Heather for making this happen. I guess I should thank the writers too, they did us dirty so many times, but ultimately they got it so right in the end.

[vaesbian]

Hi, just dropping by to tell you that I FELT the post about comp het and bpd and I'm so glad I'm not the only one who feels that way? I always felt so invalidated in my own sexuality because I crave male validation but I could never, ever imagine myself with a man. So yeah, thank you so much for making this post and making me feel less alone!

GOD I FEEL THE EXACT SAME WAY like especially since i ended up in an environment w a lot of men and barely any women i just NEED attention and approval from men bc otherwise i feel worthless, and everything i do is a performance for them and it genuinely sucks the life out of me ngl, but whenever i get an ounce of attention from them i feel above everything idfk how to explain it. its just such a weird feeling and i hate this whole thing so much bc i worked so hard to have a healthy relationship w my own body and my gender nonconformity but somehow all of that like came undone and its like. im putting in all this effort only to appeal to men and i change my entire personality and style just to appeal to them, my entire identity revolves around what they think about me. im only ever a girl when men perceive me and i never hate myself as much as when i'm a girl. like the whole phenomenon fills me with so much self-hatred it's weird. it just genuinely really sucks and i'm so glad there are other ppl out there dealing w the same thing bc dealing with it alone is really isolating and lonely idk

[ohlookitstomorrowff]

Glinda for the hc ask game

(All my opinions are heavily biased because I just love Glinda too much…)

1. Sexuality headcanon?

Glinda is a lesbian. 100% lesbian. In every iteration of Oz. She’s gay. Fight me on that, but I’m right:)

2. Otp?

Glinda and Elphaba! (Although I think Elphaba really owes Glinda so many apologies… but hey, apologies can be cute)

3. Brotp?

3. Glinda and Crope! I want to know more about what they got up to in the EC after Shiz. Both of them were heartbroken - Crope had lost Tibbet, and Glinda had been abandoned by Elphaba - and I think that they must’ve had some wild nights in aristocratic ballrooms where they got drunk and caused an absolute scene just to forget their pain. Plus, they’re like the genderswapped version of each other; both of them are so sassy, flamboyantly camp, dramatic, and gay, that I just love them.

4. Notp?

Glinda/Fiyero/Elphaba Nope! Sorry, it’s not for me. I’m not a fan of any poly ships in general - not because I think there’s anything wrong with it, it’s just not my cup of tea - but I cannot see this at all. Glinda’s too possessive to want to share, and Fiyero’s not a girl so… he’s not doing anything for her (apart from highlighting her comp-het in the musical and stealing her girlfriend in both the book and the musical).

5. First headcanon that pops into your head?

That It was Glinda, not Chuffrey, that couldn’t have children, and it really messed with her head. That’s why she’s so distant with Rain at the start of ‘Out of Oz,’ but Glinda is an emotional little ball of feelings and can’t help loving the little girl that reminds her so much of Elphaba. Gregory Maguire already killed me with the fact that he had to go and make Glinda’s life such a tragedy, but making her have to give Rain away to the company of the Time Dragon Clock to keep her safe just when they were starting to get close - and to have it mirror the way Elphaba left her in the Emerald City - I’ll never forgive him. That was too much, bro!

6. One way which I relate to the character?

Her determination to do the right thing always overcomes her own need for self-preservation in the end - even though she tries to lie to herself about her reasoning. Glinda is very pragmatic and always tries to follow what her head is telling her, she weighs up the options and makes a decision that’s best for everyone, until she can’t ignore her heart. I’m a bit like that too.

7. Moment that gives me secondhand embarrassment?

I’m too biased for this question, I think this woman is perfect, and that her flaws only make her more so because she owns them - remember, she tells Elphaba at Nessarose’s funeral “I’m no pawn. I take all the credit in the world for my own foolishness.” In saying that, sometimes I dislike the way the musical goes out of its way to make her appear unintelligent and too spoiled or stuck-up, but I think that’s more disappointment than embarrassment.

8. Cinnamon roll or problematic fave?

Do you even need to ask? Glinda is THE cinnamon roll to beat all other cinnamon rolls, and I won’t be accepting criticism on that, thank you.

(This was fun. Send more characters to my ask box so that I can avoid the mountain of uni work I have to do… please? And it doesn’t need to just be wicked characters.)

[t4tlawlight]

Hello! Could you elaborate on why drama!L being only interested in men is thematically important please? I'm genuinely curious since idk much about the drama

OK like a lot of this is because i have drama brain damage so i would say i dont know if this is intentional BUT other people have made posts about it independently of me so i think im safe. ANYWAYS 

so i talk about it in this post a lot but the death note in the drama isn’t just A Death Note in the drama, which is to say it’s also a metaphor. if you don’t know much about the drama, basically all you need to know is that Light’s mother dies and as a result he’s forced to take the maternal role in his household and he’s denied the benefits of traditional masculinity--since he’s busy getting a job to support the household and when he’s at home taking care of sayu, he doesn’t get the same opportunities as animanga light. he’s still a genius, but he doesn’t get to strive for the same achievements because he’s struggling to survive. and this turns him into, at first, a very gentle, kind boy.

the death note is a tool to achieve (and a metaphor for) traditional masculinity. light gets the death note and it’s a way to get the societal power he’d always lacked--he begins to act more in line with “proper” gender roles. he tells sayu to cook and clean for herself. he begins to sit down and have a beer with his dad (who, in the drama, is the example of “perfect” male masculinity (which causes him to be emotionally separate from his family and is generally not a good thing)), who he previously resented. light begins treating the women around him as tools rather than valuing them as people.

drama!L is presented as the alternative to Traditional Societal Roles. he lives entirely outside of society and as a Blatantly Autistic Man he does as he pleases. he idolizes men (soichiro) and bonds almost entirely with men (himura, who owes him a life debt, and near, who is their sibling, are the exceptions). most importantly, drama L ultimately struggles with whether or not he wants to arrest Light and tries to offer him another way out. episode 8 of the drama, where L begs light  to confess to him, is L essentially begging Light to stop chasing after the social powers that harmed him in the first place and to be with L instead, outside of the confines of the social system altogether. 

“ducky what does this have to do with drama!L only being interested in men”

drama light has an intense case of comp het (ask me about light’s comp het i could give you another wall of text. i know comp het is traditionally for women but i am a lesbian and if i want to use the term for my anime boy i will) and L is an out gay man and seeing an out gay man gives light a crisis every day of his life. thanks for listening

[heymacy]

Is it bad to enjoy smut between two gay characters? I’m a bisexual woman and people on twitter always talk badly about people who aren’t mlm reading it. I’ve always read smut with any characters I’ve shipped so it doesn’t feel like fetishizing, but people seem to think it is

okay yes let’s talk about this because i have thoughts

*cracks knuckles*

i know there’s a fuck ton of discourse surrounding fandom, slash writers, and the fetishization of queer characters. people’s concerns about this are completely valid and i never want to invalidate anyone’s opinion.

i’m a queer woman. i identify as a lesbian, and my pronouns are she/her. i’m married to an AFAB non-binary person who uses she/they pronouns. i’ve been in relationships with men in the past, before accepting my sexuality and coming out, but i don’t personally find men sexually attractive/want to have sex with men, though i have in the past (comp het is a bitch okay?). however, i enjoy reading and writing smut, even if it does involve men, because it’s fiction. but, i can only speak to my own experience here.

do i want a penis near me in real life? absolutely not. keep that shit as far away from me as humanly possible. like, put-that-thing-back-where-it-came-from-or-so-help-me vibes, okay? but does the concept of penis-adjacent sex make me ill? no. because sex is sex, whether it’s between two men, two women, a man and a woman, or any combination therein. sex is beautiful and exciting, especially when it takes place within the confines of love and passion (i don’t personally enjoy reading about graphic, emotionless sex unless i know it’s a slow burn or like, a fwb to lovers situation). idk, i’m a slut for those late-night whispered confessions of “god, i love you” while the characters are fucking under the covers, like inject that shit into my veins please and thank you 😇💕

twitter is uhhhhhhhhhhhhh something. definitely something. i’ve only ever engaged with fandom on tumblr or instagram, never twitter, because of how fucking insane it can get. my mental health is too fragile for that, which is why i don’t have a twitter account anymore 😬 i understand criticisms of people that aren’t mlm writing and reading mlm smut, just like i understand criticisms of people that aren’t wlw writing and reading wlw smut. the fetishization and commodification of queer sex for consumption by the masses is a huge issue, one i’ve felt the impact of in my own life (i get invasive questions about my sex life from straight and gay people, regularly, when they find out i’m a lesbian - how do two women have sex anyway? do you use sex toys? are you a top or a bottom? on and on, like uhhhhh babe it’s none of your business?)

however. i must reiterate. we’re talking about fiction here. sexy shit is sexy shit, regardless of the pairing. i’ve written and read wlw smut, mlm smut, and straight smut in the past. for me, sex is this universally applied concept that’s entirely genderless. yes, the functions are different depending on the parts and the pairing, but sex is sex is sex is sex, and reading about someone fucking someone else into the mattress, preferably someone they love, is hot regardless of who/what/why.

i don’t think there’s anything wrong with reading and enjoying smut that doesn’t align with you as an individual - that is to say that i don’t think it’s wrong for women to read mlm smut or men to read wlw smut. as long as you’re not actively dehumanizing or infantilizing the characters for your own sexual needs, like reducing them to nothing but the sex acts they engage in and refusing to see them as a whole person, i don’t personally think there’s anything wrong with consuming smut of any kind, regardless of your personal gender expression and sexuality.

also, bad smut is pretty easy to sniff out. like, it’s pretty easy to tell if someone is writing from a fetish-based viewpoint rather than a character-driven one. like when men write lesbian sex scenes and it’s like 90% aggressive fingering. like, excuse me? my good sir, that’s...not how that works. idk what to tell you. you don’t just jam your fingers up there and hope for the best, okay? like, it’s easy to tell if someone’s knowledge about wlw or mlm sex acts comes solely from overproduced, performative p0rn or if it comes from a long history of reading and writing smut or talking about sex with wlw and mlm themselves (i enjoy talking about sex with my wlw and mlm friends and a lot of my knowledge of mlm sex obviously isn’t first-hand since i’m a queer woman, but is largely shaped by my mlm friends themselves and the stories we’ve shared with each other - i’d trust them to write wlw smut as gay men because of the open, honest, and respectful conversations we’ve had and what i’ve shared with them about how wlw sex works)

all in all, i don’t think it’s fetishization to read mlm smut as a queer, bisexual, or straight woman. i don’t think it’s inherently bad, or shameful, or dirty. like, are asexual people not allowed to read smut if they enjoy it? they may not want to jump on a dick themselves, but if they enjoy reading about their favorite character jumping on a dick, they should be allowed to do that. fiction is fiction, stories are stories, and the great part about existing as an autonomous being is the ability to pick and choose the content you consume and create based on your own personal preferences, and extend the same right to everyone else. 💛

[faerielleart]

Hi sorry you don’t have to answer this! But I’ve seen you speak about LGBTQ+ and from my understanding you are a part? So I want to ask I have been dealing with my self identity and struggles and I want to ask if you can share experiences and how you find out since I think I am not straight to be sure… Thank you I hope this ask doesn’t put you in uncomfortable place.

yo anon hello!! 👋 no worries, i’m not in any way uncomfortable and i’m always happy to help if i can

first of all, keep in mind that not everyone’s experiences are the same and what i went through in my journey to exploring my sexual identity might be completely different from what someone else went through, hence take what i say with a huge grain of salt and know that everyone’s experiences are perfectly valid

alright hhhhh well my story’s pretty funny actually LMAO i think i already answered this some other time iirc? but yeah i started “having doubts” in middle school. i wasn’t interested in boys, i was genuinely meh in front of any dude my female friends found cute, i never thought about dating and i never thought about marriage. some people (my family) called me a “late bloomer”, my classmates secretly made fun of me for being “gay”.

thing is, i was obviously gay but i didnt know at the time- however everyone else did 💀💀💀 i was out there saying shit like “i wish men didn’t exist” “i wish the planet was only populated by women” and stuff like that on the DAILY and each time my classmates looked at me like 👁👄👁 and it was like the class’ inside joke that i wasn’t a part of. i was bullying victim unfortunately and i was the class punching bag 🚶‍♀️

one day, i was at my (at the time) best friend’s birthday party and all the girls in class were invited with some boys to her house. i remember we were playing truth or dare, my turn came and i chose truth; there was this girl who hated me with all her heart for no reason whatsoever and loved humiliating me while pretending to be my friend and i was too much of a pushover to say anything to her, anyway bitch started laughing and yelled in front of everyone “IS IT TRUE THAT YOU’RE A LESBIAN?????” and i was ,,,,, pretty much shocked. firstly i thought that was a dirty word, i had never known lesbians irl and i only knew gay men and i kinda associated lesbians with something taboo? i think i was maybe 11 or 12 years old but it was all peer influence, i was lucky to have parents who were never homophobic and never taught me to hate? so this “hesitation” towards this word was something that was instilled into me by my schoolmates who treated it as if it was something shameful and to make fun of. anyway, i told that girl to mind her own business and i was silent and sulking for the rest of the party.

several days later i was at the mall with my parents who asked me what was wrong bc i had been behaving weirdly since the party and i remember telling them exactly “we were playing a game and [girl’s name] asked me if i were…” and i didn’t finish the sentence. “if you were?” and i still was hesitant to answer but then i said “gay” in a really small voice and i remember getting super flustered and feeling so embarrassed?? and my parents just looked at each other and i think that was the start of everything lol in the next years through middle and high school i was so confused about myself i was refusing to label myself bc i thought i was “figuring myself out” and for a long while i thought i was bisexual. i used to tell my ex best friend about these doubts that i had and she was always a bit weird about it 🧍‍♀️

she randomly asked me shit like “do you wanna have sex with a guy? if you had a boyfriend would you have sex with him? would you suck his dick?” and shit like that and i always was so embarrassed about answering those questions? because my answer was always a straight up no, but i thought something was wrong with me if i didnt wanna do stuff with men. despite that, i still didnt truly question my attraction to men, i just went “yeah i mean all girls secretly think that men are ugly right that’s normal” for SO MANY YEARS LOL i thought everyone had the same experience??? i reached the point where i was 100% sure of my attraction to girls and i was forcing myself to be attracted to men as well bc “that’s the right thing for me”. i forced myself to be enthusiastic when my friends talked about boyfriends, i forced myself to pretend to have a crush on celebrities and THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING BUT LIKE ONE TIME I WAS WATCHING THIS TV SHOW WITH MY MOM AND THERE WAS I THINK ORLANDO BLOOM AS A GUEST AND I GOT THE IDEA OF PRETENDING TO BE HAPPY TO SEE HIM BC I THOUGHT HE WAS “THE MOST BEAUTIFUL MAN EVER” AND I SPENT LIKE HALF AN HOUR INSISTENTLY TELLING MY MOM “LOOK AT HIM HE IS SO ATTRACTIVE OH I AM SO IN LOVE WITH HIM” TO SHOW MY MOM I LIKED MEN 💀💀💀💀💀💀 I DID THAT A LOT IT’S LIKE I WANTED VALIDATION FOR IT i want to bury myself in sand thinking of this

anyway after an extremely failed coming out to my grandma whom i saw for the first time ever expressing disgust at the thought of me potentially being attracted to women i was terrified to do it again and i refused to tell any other member of my family. i still haven’t truly come out and i don’t think i ever will tbh even if i know my parents would love me and accept me regardless i still think of my grandma’s reaction and i start legit crying whenever i think of that

march 2020 comes and i finally accept that i am a lesbian. how did that happen? i was watching harry potter and i went “holy shit i wanna fuck hermione” literally that’s it nothing else. nothing else. that was that. that’s how i knew 100% i was a lesbian and i was tired of pretending i wasn’t. don’t ask me why, don’t ask me how but that’s literally what happened.

and that’s when everything started making sense tbh? like i just felt as if i had a huge huge burden lifted off myself for the first time ever? i said it out loud and i felt happy? the more i said it, the happier i felt? through the years i had always known deep down i didn’t like men, i was just pretending i was, comp-het was hitting me SO HARD and then finally i stopped letting it influence me.

what helped me was asking myself extremely specific questions after that to be sure, in the same fashion my ex bestie used to be weird about it when i “came out” to her. i imagined myself in really specific situations with fantasy boyfriends, i asked myself what i liked about men and the answer was always “nothing”, i asked myself “could i be capable of falling in love with a man?” and the way i was setting standards so high and ridiculous for any human for my “dream man” was the obviously negative answer to that question, i asked myself more intimate questions like “if it came down to it would you ever actually sleep with a man?” and the answer was always a solid no. basically putting myself in theoretical situations is what helped me finally understand. i had done that through the years and my answers were the same since the beginning, but i still refused to admit the truth to myself, until one day i just stopped.

and that’s my journey LOL it’s kinda pathetic tbh,,,,,, i could’ve been much happier with myself if i had just admitted it to myself since the beginning, bc deep down i always knew. would’ve spared me years of not feeling okay with myself, would’ve spared me years of surrounding myself with the wrong people who caused me terrible pain every time i heard them say lesbians are disgusting. but anyway, what’s done is done and i’m just happy now i get to be free and accept myself for who i am, unapologetically. on the internet. bc in real life i’m still traumatized 🚶‍♀️

i think questions are the easiest place to start. imagine yourself in situations, ask yourself how would you act and why. figure yourself out bit by bit and take your time to understand what you like. don’t ever let yourself feel pressured by anyone, don’t even let yourself feel pressured by the need of labels. don’t let anyone tell you your experiences are wrong or not valid, don’t let anyone tell you there’s a set way to explore your identity, don’t force yourself to do anything you’re not comfortable doing. if you need to vent, my dms are always open. be happy exploring your identity, there is no right way to do it. and remember that you’re always valid. 💜

[bookofmormonmemes]

I don't think comp het would be strong enough to lead Corianton to seek out a female harlot when he could have easily Not Done That and spared himself and his family and his church the embarrassment. What else could he possibly have hoped to gain from that decision besides satisfying the lusts of his eyes? I mean, Alma clearly thought that Corianton's horniness was the main problem and there's no evidence to the contrary. Why out of Alma's sons would you think Corianton is gay?

honestly? projection. like not to get personal but comp het was strong enough scare the hell out of my parents with how quickly and intensely physical my relationship with my boyfriend got in my freshman year of college. I’m an afab person and I am not attracted to boys, but for a while I thought maybe it was just because I wasn’t trying hard enough--wasn’t opening up enough, wasn’t letting myself enjoy his affection. At this time, I was still operating under the viewpoint that marrying a man was the only way for me to ever be happy, in this life or the next. If I could endure my discomfort long enough to eventually accept and actually enjoy our physical relationship, that meant that i Could have a happy heterosexual marriage in the future 

and i tried to speedrun it! i went way outside my comfort zone, definitely way outside the For the Strength of Youth guidelines--because the alternative was, if I couldn’t force myself to feel something for him, then i would Never have that happiness. If I Could eventually become attracted to him, then I had a future. I could repent of this unchastity and try again. if i Couldn’t, that was it--I was fully a lesbian and my only choices were either celibacy or apostasy.

(i don’t feel that way anymore. this boy and I broke up after like 4 months. im v happy with the girlfriend I have now and I think our relationship and the affection between us has progressed much more naturally and comfortably and im very grateful for that.)

I think it’s entirely possible Corianton could have had those same (or similar) feelings. Alma specifies that Corianton is in his youth, so I think he might have been just starting to realize he’s different, and didn’t know what to do when confronted with the possibility that he might not like women. So he goes after a harlot, someone who’s already stolen away the hearts of many, someone with enough celebrity for Alma to call her out by name. It’s like when you ask a closeted lesbian her celebrity crush and she just says Chris (Chris Evans? Chris Pine? Just whoever’s most popular, whoever everybody else has a crush on!). Because if he can really feel that lust for Isabel, then afterwards he can repent and find a Good Mormon Nephite Girl to actually fall in love with. If he can’t manage any attraction to Siron’s Top Sexiest Bachelorette, he’s done for. It’s a last-ditch effort to fit the mold.

And it doesn’t work. He comes home, having embarrassed his family and his church, and he sits down for a lecture and he is Not Having A Good Time. Which...I think may be the reason Alma perceives that Corianton’s so worried about mortality and the afterlife. After falling so far and failing so bad, Corianton may have very well been suicidal at this point. If he doesn’t have any hope of Hetero Happiness in this life, maybe his only shot is in the next.

So in the end of chapter 41, Alma talks about resurrection and restoration in a way that I think is pretty key to this interpretation. Every queer member of the Church has heard that they’ll be “fixed” (i.e. made straight/cis) in the Resurrection, but Alma refutes that in this section so hard and so explicitly. In verse 12-13: “Is the meaning of the word restoration to take a thing of a natural state and put it in an unnatural state, or to place it in a state opposite to its nature? O, my son, this is not the case; but the meaning of the word restoration is to bring back again evil for evil...good for that which is good.” Whether good or bad, Corianton isn’t gonna be changed in the Resurrection; he’s not gonna be a different person, he’s not gonna be rid of what he perceives as being wrong with him. That might be a comfort. It might not. But it’s the truth.

In the next chapter Alma goes on to specify that this life is the time to fix what we’ve done wrong. And specifically, that we can fix what we’ve done wrong. And also that that’s not necessarily a get-out-of-jail-free card! Corianton should NOT have abandoned his mission to go after Isabel, regardless of his reasons. And he’s not gonna change his nature in the next life. So right now, he needs to repent. He needs to accept his nature. He does have hope, and he has that hope of happiness in goodness, in treating others with truth and mercy and service. 

 Alma closes chapter 41 not with a call to be more virtuous or pure, but to be merciful and just with his brethren and to do good--focusing not on how righteous we are in our own selves, but how we treat one another. Finally, he closes chapter 42 (and his talk to corianton in general) similarly: “Go thy way, declare the word with truth and soberness, that thou mayest bring souls unto repentance, that the great plan of mercy my have claim upon them.” Basically: you screwed up, kiddo, but I love you and I believe in you and you’ve got good work to do. Don’t worry. Be kind. Keep determined. Find joy in community. You have hope.

also when all is said and done corianton goes on the cool sailing pilgrimage with hagoth & co. which is Very Gay if i may say 

So. Do I think Corianton was gay, and do I think I have good reason for that? Yes. Do I think he was out to his dad, or that Alma would have been supportive, or that Nephite society would have the same homophobia and heteronormativity as the Church today? I don’t know. I’m more of an artist than a scholar--I interpret based on how I feel. I liken the scriptures to myself. This is the evidence I see, this is the story I feel is behind it, this is the eisegesis I’m choosing to take from it. Because it speaks to me, and I relate to it!

I hope this has been a thoughtful adequate answer, but to really tl;dr it basically he’s gay cus im gay and i said so, and that’s really all there needs to be to it! Thank you for sending me this ask and thereby allowing me the space to really study and wax long-winded about this jsdfghjdjfg. gay sailor rights and i hope u have a lovely sunday

[andhumanslovedstories]

Recent country songs that have made me literally gay gasp as a gay woman, in order of how much they make me want to write an essay on gender and queerness

HONORARY MENTION BUT JUST BECAUSE I THINK THIS IS TECHNICALLY AMERICANA NOT COUNTRY (but genre is fake) AND THIS SONG ISN’T RECENT (2014 and I’ve been listening to it faithfully since then) BUT I ONLY RECENTLY LEARNED IT’S A COVER AND THAT’S MADE ME RECONTEXTUALIZE IT: “Murder in the City” by Brandi Carlile, a cover of The Avett Brothers where she changed the words “make sure my sister knows I loved her/make sure my mother knows the same” to “make sure my wife knows that I love her/make sure my daughter knows the same” which fucking. fucking gets me. Especially since the first time that I heard this song, I assumed it was from a man’s point of view because of that line, and then I learned that Brandi Carlile is a lesbian and I was caught up in my foolish heteronormitivity, and then I learned it was a cover and thought oh okay I guess the song is originally from a man’s pov and it’s cool she covered, and then I learned she changed those lines to make a song that already feels deeply personal to her to explicitly include her love for a woman and the family they’ve made together. And that’s just. It’s all just a lot. 

3) “Fooled Around and Fell in Love” by Miranda Lambert featuring Maren Morris, Elle King, Ashley McBryde, Tenille Townes and Caylee Hammack, because the first time it came up on my spotify, I saw the title and was like “hey dope I like this song” and then I heard the first line was still “I must have been through about a million girls” and I realized none of the words or pronouns were getting changed and I was getting the song I’ve always wanted and deserved: a high production value, high energy, big girl group tribute to being a lesbian fuckboy who Fooled Around And, oops can you believe it, Fell in Love. 

2) “If She Ever Leaves Me” by The Highwomen, sung by Brandi Carlile who is, as mentioned, lesbian, but since I’m apparently still chugging my comp het juice, I was still trying to figure out if this song--a classic “hey buddy keep walking, she’s my girl and she’s not interested” song with an interesting element of the singer being aware the relationship might not last anyway--was gonna be explicitly queer. And then there’s the line, “That's too much cologne, she likes perfume,” and I was like OH HOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!! 

This is immediately followed by the lines “I’ve loved her in secret/I’ve loved her out loud” which is also deliciously queer in this context, with this singer and that juxtaposition, but the line that really fucking got me is my favorite of the song: “If she ever leaves, it's gonna be for a woman with more time.” This is two women in a complicated relationship. This isn’t just a “keep walking, cowboy” song, it’s a song that uses that framework to suggest a whole ass “Finishing the Hat”** relationship, and that’s so interesting to me. Like a song that isn’t just explicitly about two women in love but one that conveys very quickly a rich history between the two of them. And in a genre where the line “Kiss lots of boys, kiss lots of girls if that’s something you’re into” was revolutionary representation.

(Fun fact, “Follow Your Arrow” was partially written by Brandy Clarke, another country lesbian! Another fun fact, so is basically every other good country song. Brandy Clark, please write a big lesbian country anthem, I know it will immediately kill me on impact.) 

To quote one youtube comment, “”lesbians how we feeling??” and to answer by quoting some others, “As a closeted baby gay in the 90s, who was into country, this song would have changed my life”, “I just teared up.  So many happy tears, as a gay woman raised on country music,  this is something that's definitely been needed.  Thank you Brandi. Thank you highwomen”, “This song means more than I can say in a youtube comment”, and “Lesbians needed this song :)”

It’s me. I’m lesbians. 

**ANOTHER HONORARY MENTION EXCEPT IT ISN’T RECENT AND IT ISN’T COUNTRY SO I GUESS THIS IS JUST A MENTION, BUT I AM INTERESTED IN THIS SONG--“Finishing the Hat” by Kelli O’Hara. A very good Sondheim joint, that’s about making art, the costs of its obsessive and exclusive nature and the incomparable pleasure of putting something into the world that wasn’t there before. It’s such a traditionally male narrative that I’m thrilled to find a wonderful female cover of it. I’m not even fussed about her changing the gender from the lover who won’t wait for the artist (except that the shift from “woman” to “one man” sounds so clunky) because there’s value turning this song into a lament of the men who won’t love artistic women. But I do also wish she’d also recorded a version that kept the original gender so it would be gay. OKAY BROADWAY TANGENT OVER, BACK TO COUNTRY. 

1) “Highwomen” by The Highwomen, ft. Yola and Sheryl Crow. I can’t even express the full body chills the first time I heard this. Like repeated, multiple chills renewed at every verse of the song. This really closely parallels my experience with “Fooled Around and Fell in Love” up there, because when I started it I was like “oh dope I know what this cover will be” and then the lyrics started and I was like “OH MY GOD I DIDN’T.” In the case of “Fooled Around” it’s because I was amazed that they kept the original words. In the case of “Highwomen” I fucking transcended because they changed them. 

So I grew up on Johnny Cash, obsessed with a couple of his albums but largely with a CD I had of his greatest hits. (Ask me how many times I listened to the shoeshine boy song. Hundreds. Johnny Cash told me to get rhythm and I got it.) And my FAVORITE was “Highwayman” from the country supergroup he was in, The Highwaymen. The concept of the song is that each of the four men sing a verse about a man from the past and how he died. It’s very good. The line “They buried me in that grey tomb that knows no sound” used to scare the shit out of me. I didn’t expect to have a song that targets so specifically my fear of being buried alive in wet concrete. 

(If you haven’t heard the song, by the way, listen to this version to properly appreciate it as a piece of music. If you have, watch the fucking music video holy shit this is a work of art oh my GOD.) 

So I was predisposed to love this cover before I even heard it. But then I heard it. And they rewrote the song to be about historical women. And it’s like. There’s layers here okay. 

Neither the Highwaymen nor the Highwomen are signing about famous people. This isn’t a Great Man tour of history, it’s about dam builders and sailors and preachers and mothers and Freedom Riders and also Johnny Cash who flies a starship across the universe, as you do. 

In the 1986 version, it’s a song about the continuity of life--the repeated idea is “I am still alive, I’m still here, I come back again and again in different forms.” The highwayman is all the men in the song. He reincarnates. The song is past, present, future. The title is singular, masculine. The same soul, expressed through multiple voices, multiple lives. 

In the 2019 version, the title is plural, feminine. Highwomen. This song is about women. Each verse asserts the same motif as the 1986 version--“I may not have survived but I am still alive”--but there is no implication of reincarnation. Each woman is her own woman. This version has a final verse that the previous versions lacks. The singers harmonize. It’s not a song where one voice replaces  another, the story of this One Man progressing through time. It ends in a chorus of women saying “We are still alive.” 

We are The Highwomen Singing stories still untold We carry the sons you can only hold We are the daughters of the silent generations You sent our hearts to die alone in foreign nations They may return to us as tiny drops of rain But we will still remain

And we'll come back again and again and again And again and again We'll come back again and again and again And again and again 

Another fun fact! The first time I heard them sing “We are the daughters of the silent generations” I died! But luckily I came back again and again and again.  

This is a song about the continuity of history. It asserts that women’s historical lives matter and that they continue to matter, long after they died. This is a song about legacy as well, the legacy of nameless women who worked to protect the ones they loved and make the world better. They don’t die by chance. They are all hunted down by political violence, by racism, by misogyny, for stepping outside their prescribed roles. But, as Yola (who btw fucking CRUSHES THE VOCALS ARE YOU KIDDING ME?????? HOLY SHIT MA’AM) sings as a murdered Freedom Rider, she’d take that ride again. And at the end of the song, she joins the chorus but does not disappear into it. Her voice rises up out of crowd. And the crowd calls itself “we”. These women are united but not subsumed into being One Woman. This is about Women. 

And then, outside the song itself, there’s the history of this song about history. It’s originally by Jimmy Webb and was covered by Glenn Campbell. This cover inspired the name of the supergroup that covered it, the group with Willie Nelson, Kris Kristofferson, Waylon Jennings, and my man Johnny Cash. And it’s like holy shit! What an amazing group to collaborate! Hot damn! 

Then, it’s 2019 and here’s The Highwomen with Brandi Carlile, Natalie Hemby, Maren Morris, and Amanda Shires. The name is obviously riffing on The Highwaymen. Shires set out to form the group in direct response to the lack of female country artists on the radio and at festivals. And they name themselves after a country supergroup, and they put out this song, a song connected to massive names in country music, and they center all of this on women and womanhood and the right of women to be counted in history and to make history and to talk about the ways we have mistreated and marginalized women, in a group that started because one woman was like hey! we’re mistreating and marginalizing women! 

I just think this is neat! I think there’s a lot here we could unpack! But this post is 100 times longer than I was planning and work starts in a bit so uh I’m gonna go get dressed and listen to The Highwomen on repeat for the next hour, “Heaven is a Honky Tonk” is another fucking bop that improves on the original, it would be dope if they’d collab with Rhiannon Giddens, okay byyyyyyyye 

[sapphicambitions]

So, a while ago, you identified as bi but you've now realized you are a lesbian. What made you realize that?

ahhh this is an excellent question! thank you!

short answer is i had to work through my internalized homophobia and compulsory heteronormativity before i could accept myself.

so around my sophomore year of college i realized i was attracted to women and it lowkey freaked me out. i was like “yeah i like women but im DEF going to end up with a man because i have to because that’s how i was raised so i’ll call myself bi and forget about the whole thing” and like kind of swept the issue under the rug because it didn’t matter if I liked women or not I was gonna end up with a man. fast forward a year or so and through some really terrible dating experiences and to the end of my junior year of college. 

long story short there was a girl i was best friends with and we stopped being best friends and it made furious and I was angry all the time that we were no longer friends yada yada (if you’ve seen She-Ra, I was Catra.) and one night I was super drunk and i uhhhhhhh hooked up with her ex boyfriend (oops). and there was LITERALLY a moment while I was kissing him that I was like “he’s terrible at this. i wish he was a girl.” and then i kind of like froze and I was like “oh my god im a lesbian” (while making out with him) and I was like “oh my god i wish i was kissing HER instead” and then like a week later I saw Love, Simon in theatres and I sobbed my eyes out in the theatres because I knew I was gay and didn’t know how to handle it

and so im like freaking out and unsure about everything because I was like “I think i might be a lesbian but what if I dont WANT to be a lesbian because im supposed to end up with a guy!!!” and that summer I did summer stock in Oberlin, Ohio, where Alison Bechdel went to college. And for the first time in my life i was deeply surrounded by queer people. One of my best friends from college is bi and was instrumental in my realizing of my sexuality (Sup, Kara) but my college was mostly filled with straight people. In Oberlin I was SURROUNDED by queer people who were confident in themselves and I made a lot of really great friends who helped me find myself. I also dove into queer culture: movies, tv shows, books, yada yada the works. That was the summer I learned about comp het. and I was like iM A LESBIAN! 

for like. three weeks.

and then i panicked again and said I was bisexual and shoved the issue under the rug. (I had a bit of a rocky road to accepting myself lmao)

so for a few more months I allowed myself to truly get comfortable with the idea of being a lesbian and being gay and on October 14th, 2018, I was out at a bar with the cast of the show I was working on and honestly, i dont remember a lot of the details because I was SUPER drunk that night but I was talking with another girl about sexuality and I remember being like “I really WANT to be a lesbian but I just dont know that i am” and she was like “if you want to be a lesbian, you’re a lesbian. you dont need anyone’s permission to be who you are” or some shit like that. idk. the details are fuzzy. and i was like “oh my god I’m a LESBIAN” and i even went home that night and posted to tumblr “so i might be a lesbian” lmao

the next day i went to the library and checked out two books on sappho and three books on lesbianism and read them all.

Three days later I called my parents and told them.

and I started living my life openly to my friends and people in my immediate area. My extended family didn’t know until i came out to my grandmother on thanksgiving of 2019. My brothers didn’t find out until March 2020. I came out on facebook in April 2020. It was a gradual process. but now I’m fully out!

So really, when you look back at my whole life, there were MANY signals that I was a big ole lesbian (like getting it on with a guy and thinking “I don’t know what I’m doing with his body. maybe if it was a girl I would know what I was doing” and that was BEFORE the ex best friend ex boyfriend incident) but I was too scared to admit them. I had to take my own journey and work through a lot of internal stuff before I could admit what I already knew in my heart. 

[got2ghost-archive]

ten ships and why!! I was tagged by @alienfuckeronmain AHH THANK U I LOVE TALKING ABT THIS SHIT

Half of my list is childhood best friends to lovers let's GOOOO

1. drarry

*deep shuddering inhale* I have thought abt draco and harry being foils before I even reached double digits. they could have saved each other and had so much potential to even just be FRIENDS!! if j*r wasn't like that, then she could have actually made a meaningful impact on draco early on. abt how you don't have to be your parents! and how to heal!! anyway I love them any way shape or form. I love reading dark gritty fucked up stories about them just as much as I love reading domestic silly fluffy stuff for them. draco would NOT put up with harry's bullshit and harry would NOT go easy on draco either but they're ultimately just two lonely boys who grew up in fucked up households who have much more in common than they realize!!! LIKE!!

2. wangxian

yes they're a new one but God their love extends so deeply. yes they r basically Chinese fantasy Kirk/spock!!

lan zhan is so in love w wei ying and is so devoted and everything he does is action or acts of service which js very much my love language!! but he also feels a deep sense of obligation to the rules and codes he's learned?? and wei ying loves lan zhan but it takes him a long time to accept it bc he DOESNT BELIEVE HE IS DESERVIG OF LOVE despite being so GOOD. AND THEY NEVER TALK TO EACH OTHER OR COMMUNICATE THEY WAY THEY SHOULD!!!! AND HE DIES and LAN ZHAN IS JUST. REPENTENT FOR 16 YEARS AND RAISES HIS SON AND IS SO INCREDIBLY SAD AND MISERABLE BUT THEN WWX comes BACK TO LIFE and they get to try again AND THEY GET TO BE HAPPY???? ANYWAY ACTS OF DEVOTION I!!!!

3. soriku

I've genuinely thought abt them since I was TEN when the first kingdom hearts game came out but it didn't solidify until KH2 came out when sora has to search for riku the entire game and when he finally does RIKU DOESNT EVEN LOOK LIKE HIMSELF BUT SORA STILL RECOGNIZES HIM ANYWAY AND HOLDS HIS HAND AND CRIES. THAT SHIT MADE ME GAY! I had never witnessed such tenderness and they are so inherently queer and subtle that it's one of the first stories I ever saw myself in. on top of that I also read that doujinshi that I consider Canon and it's so!! childhood best friends! with big complicated feelings of jealousy and betrayal and possessiveness when you start to grow apart from the person you care about the most!! and in game they're slowly... circling to become end game? the entire story revolves around them saving each other and RIKU LITERALLY CALLING SORA HIS MOST PRECIOUS PERSON? AHHHHHH

4. sterek

I will never forgive what the show did but the Fandom and the writing from that fandom is incredibly important to me. they're like my comfort pairing and I just love that Derek is sad and grumpy but it's because he's fucked up and needs to go to therapy and stiles is also kind of fucked up but happier and he's smart and beautiful and!!! they were obviously attracted to each other!! almost all of their stories involve CONSENT or Derek hale getting better slowly. they mean a lot to me bc my mom was dying while I clung to this fandom and wrote my grief fic and I always associate them with that time in my life. I could and did read like 30 stories abt Derek doing laundry and buying wooden spoons and trying to move on and be a healthier happier person.

5. taagnus

rarely have rare pairs but this is one of them and!!! look. I didn't ship them until the last two arcs of the show revealed that instead of only knowing each other for a few years and being idiots they in fact knew each other for 100 years+ and DIED A LOT together and saved each other. BUT COULDN'T REMEMBER IT YET THEY STILL KIND OF... FALL IN LOVE AGAIN? they balance each other so much. magnus is magnus - brave and GOOD. taako is so closed off, careful abt trusting people so when he acted on gut instinct to LITERALLY THROW HIS SOUL OUT OF HIS BODY TO SAVE MAGNUS I was hooked. I know that taako ends up w kravitz but bc we didn't get to see Krav much I couldn't grow attached to him? I love the thought of first love and exploring that - how it never goes away, really but you can still love other people!! plus! I love writing them as lesbians! they're butch/femme to me!

6. ruth/debbie

UGH. UGH!!!!! they're so obsessed with each other and it's so filled with repression and anger and betrayal thst has nothing to do with Ruth fucking her husband and everything to do with the trust of their friendship. it's such a complicated weird fucked up intense 'friendship' that I love to see and like!! sometimes my friendships w women FELT like that. the times I have felt the most hurt is when I lose a friend bc a part of me is in love w them in some way!! Ruth and Debbie are just. in love. though. and Ruth is never gonna admit it and she's gonna... be in a comp het relationship even tho she thinks Debbie is smart and sexy and she idolizes her GOD.

7. gene/finny

YES MOST OF MY PAIRINGS ARE SAD WHAT OF IT? I read this book as a sophomore in hs and I simply could not stop thinking abt how gay and in love they were. FIRST OF ALL THE metaphors!!!!!! gene as winter and finny as summer!! and how codependent and weird they were even tho finny KNEW gene broke his leg. he didn't want to believe it bc he WAS IN LOVE WITH HIM. THEY WENT ON A DATE TO THE BEACH? THE PINK SHIRT? finny being the embodiment of childhood innocence and Gene literally breaking that? and killing it? once again I just love reading abt how complex jealousy is and where it comes from and also REPRESSION!!!

8. forrden

yes I'm including my own OC with @dosalesbian

I wrote abt them for FOUR YEARS. they're childhood best friends who fall in love and marry and are in love no matter what universe and are so soft and tender and healing. forrest goes thru a lot of gender exploration and aiden is just the partner I want to be!! he's goofy and LOVES HER SO MUCH AND SUPPORTS HER SO MUCH GOD!!!!

9. kuroken

they r a new one and yes once again childhood best friends but in a FUN NEW WAY that I want to explore. kenma is like disinterested in most things except gaming and whatever kuroo wants to do and has a hard time socializing bc he's SHY and is too observant! and kuroo is big and dumb and passionate but was also a stupid anxious child. I think they're those friends who are dating but don't even know they're dating or their relationship is so indescribable to themselves and others that it's hard to take any step forward or backward bc theyre SO codependent and yes. I want to explore that and read abt them more.

10. don't look at me yes im putting ryden on here

THEY WERE IN LOVE BUT COULDNT ADMIT IT AND THEN BRENDON WROTE 3 BREAKUP ALBUMS ABT RYAN? AND RYAN RELEASED A SONG THE SAME WEEK BRENDON GOT MARRIED? they're never gonna be friends again bc they can't just be friends

okay!! I tag @scottspack @dosalesbian @pattern-pals hehe

[zemathememequeen]

so, I believe that I might have some comp het but with romance (and all genders). I know I'm aro, but sometimes I can't help myself but feel I need romance in my life to be valid even tho I don't want it. Does that makes sense? And do u recommend some user who knows better about it? Thanks! ^^

That sounds like you have internalised amatonormativity. I don’t know of any specific ways to deal with it other than just surrounding yourself with other aros (at least online). Maybe someone from @aromantic-official could help? Or at the very least lead you to someone who could.

[lullabyvixie]

I have a question if it's okay? Okay so im an ace lesbian but i had (have?) a crush on a certain male celebrity and i jsut don't know if it's platonic or romantic? Anyway, i've been like,,,imagining him as my platonic caregiver cause it's comforting to me but is that weird?? Like if i find myself in a bad/scary situation i imagine him there and idk it feels weird and it makes me feel invalid as a lesbian.

Hi friend!! Advice regarding sexuality is my favourite and is always welcome!! So it’s never a bother and thank you for coming to me. although some of this may be slightly biased as part of the way I answer advice asks is a little through personal experience, so if you feel like you need a second (or 3rd or 4th) opinion gopher it!

There’s several things to consider but I wanna start off by saying that regardless of what you feel, how you want to identify is completely up to you and if you want to call yourself a lesbian, you go right ahead and do it. If the term feels wrong though, there are other terms you could use like homoflexible/lesbiflexible, bisexual, pansexual, etc. If you do or don’t decide to change your label, calling yourself a lesbian isn’t any less valid. Sexuality can be very fluid and change over time with your feelings and thoughts. Sexuality is something that grows with you. My best advice is really don’t read too much into it, but I know that’s also easier said than done and if you’re anything like me you like an exact reason for why things are the way the are. Which of course I myself cannot give you, but maybe these few ideas will help you to understand and figure yourself out a little better.

Compulsory heterosexuality:Comp Het is the idea that becomes imbedded into your brain from a young age through heteronormativity. The idea that little girls will grow up to find strong husbands and raise lots of babies. Or the idea that little boys will grow up to be lady killers. All the little, seemingly harmless, things that are said in your life all add up and sit in the back of your brain. You may very well lean completely to one side of the spectrum and be 100% gay, yet still feel the need to have heterosexual crushes because you’ve been brought up under the impression that that’s what’s right. It’s especially common with celebrities or “unreachable” figures, because it’s easy to be less uncomfortable because you can feel like you have a crush on them, but be comforted by the idea that you would never have to act on it. One of the ways I personally can decipher between comp het attraction and genuine romantic attraction is by running through a list of romantic actions and whether or not I’d be comfortable with doing them with said person. This is different for every person but for me it’s along the lines of “could I kiss this person? Could I be around this person (alone) for extended periods of time without becoming uncomfortable? Could I be physically romantic with them, cuddling, holding hands, etc?

Platonic/aesthetic attraction:Feelings are confusing and for a lot of people it’s hard to decipher between actually being romantically attracted to people or just finding their personalities or appearance appealing, but not necessarily wanting to build a relationship with them. For me, I can find guys attractive, to an extent I can hold a friendship with guys, and I can even have certain “platonic” crushes on guys where I find their sense of humour or their interests appealing and I’ll desperately want to be friends with them and invite them to be an important part of my life. Even if that part isn’t necessarily romantic. Deciphering between romantic attraction or platonic attraction is fairly similar to deciphering between comp het and romantic attraction, so see above.

There are other things that could be considered such as intrusive thoughts, or you being attracted to the idea of them being a carer and naturally associating that with a relationship bc of the intimate nature of carer/regressor dynamics, but I don’t really know you well enough to say whether or not those are plausible factors.

Lastly, it could just be romantic attraction. Which is okay. Like I said, sexuality is fluid and it will change with you. If you think you really really like this person, that is okay. It doesn’t make you a bad person or invalid how you’ve felt or invalid other lesbians. There’s no right or wrong way to experience attraction (if anyone says brings up p3do’s here I will be mad you know that’s not what I mean) and if you like someone, it’s okay to like them.