#'i made a promise to a friend' I'm ripping my heart out and chewing on it

[dracaelus]

He's so husband coded, you have no idea

[oh-holy-slut]

Bloodlust

Pairing: Damon Salvatore x fem!reader

Warnings: smut, explicit language, blood sharing, mentions of death, oral sex

Word Count: 2,6k

Summary: Stefan forced Damon to try his animal diet. Damon hated it, but didn't had a choice... until Reader makes a suggestion. Suddenly things get steamy.

Being with Damon was complicated. Him and Y/N have seen each other a lot in the past weeks. The two of them had a lot of fun; saw a lot of movies. Actually, Y/N was sure Damon secretly hated many of those. However, anytime Y/N suggested another dramatic, romantic cliché movie like "Last Song" - the vampire groaned, put his arm around her shoulder, let her head rest on his chest and endured every single second of the movie of her choice.

Damon even flirted and teased Y/N here and there, but didn't lead to anything more intimate so far.

Today was another of those days. Y/N stuck around at the Salvatore boarding house, brought a few of Damon's favorite groceries and a bunch of movies, of which she thought that they will suit his taste. Even if they were a little to bloody and brutal in her opinion.

"Pick one!", she demanded, holding all three Blu-ray sleeves in front of him. Damon just shrugged, not bothering to even look.

"Don't be a killjoy, Damon Salvatore!" Y/N sighed.

"Tell me what's wrong or pick a movie. You've got no choice. And besides that... Which number of drink is this?" Y/N frowned, pointing at the liquor in her friends hand. Damon usually consumed his beloved bourbon with pleasure.

But the man on the couch didn't seem pleasured at all. His facial features totally hardened and a look in his eyes like he was ready to rip someone's heart out.

You put the disc's back in your handbag, closing the zipper and put the bag on the floor.

"Fine. No movie night today. Who are we going to kill?"

A small smirk appeared on Damon's lips, finally looking towards Y/N.

"Stefan and his hero hair. He made me go vegetarian... well, for a vampire... and I can't get myself to eat one of those chipmunks, bunnies or bambis." He shook himself with disgust.

"And why did he count you in? You clearly aren't excited about the changing... So, why did you agree?"

"He said, he would kill me, which is kinda funny. But-" Damon made a wide gesture "he stole my daylight ring. And he wouldn't give it back until I stop feeding on innocent people - and kill them."

"So, you truly let your younger brother blackmail you like that?! Wow... I don't know how to feel about your dieting or your new path. Or whatever this is supposed to be."

"You don't like me killing people either", Damon maintained, while taking another sip of bourbon.

"Well, I don't", Y/N agreed, took a step forward, stole the glass from the vampires hand and put it on a small table nearby. "But I don't believe in forcing as a method to get people to change their minds. I believe that change for the better must be an intrinsic motivation," she added quickly, giving the vampire an innocent smile.

Damon's lineaments suddenly turned from annoyed to curious. "Any suggestions, little one?" The vampire raised an eyebrow and a little smirk showed up on his lips. On the one hand, Y/N blushed over the nickname, Damon called her.  On the other hand she felt skittish looking forward to making a deal with him. Not only a deal. It's far more than a simple agreement.

It's Y/N, actually giving Damon a part of her. The red elixir of life. She was about to give him total control of her body and she not even for a heartbeat doubt that Damon will use it against her.

"Actually... Yeah. There's something on my mind." Y/N said chewing on your lip. "I could open up a vein for you. I mean, you could feed on me. And since you have my permission, there's nothing for anybody to have objection about."

Damon frowned and gave her an incredulous look. "You would do that for me?" The vampire couldn't believe, he understood correctly. Why would Y/N want to get involved with him feeding on her? What's in it for her? Damon tried hard to connect the dots, but he wasn't able to. It all seemed to make no sense. Y/N wouldn't have an advantage of that. The vampire hesitated, pinning his dangerously blue eyes on the girl in front of him.

"Is it so suspicious of me, that I'm trying to help my closest friend?" It pierced Y/N's heart, realizing, Damon's trust in her was rather fragile. "Never mind", she waved the pain away and forced herself to keep her composure. "I only had a hasty idea; you really don't need to fee-"

Suddenly Damon appeared behind Y/N, using his vampirism. "Shhhh", he whispered softly. "I never said, that I don't want your blood. I'm thinking about if we are going to cross a line? Blood sharing can be very personal..."

"It can be? It is personal already. Believe it or not - I'm not gonna offer my veins to all the vampires of Mystic Falls." Y/N rolled her eyes, her arms folded on her chest to point out the indignation she felt right now.

"Kinda sensitive today, huh?" Damon gently stroke a strand of hair behind her ear, Y/N could hear this smug smirk through his words. It was a true 'Damon thing' to do. "I didn't mean it like that, princess." He sighed; unsure if he should agree or not. Damon didn't want to act selfish towards Y/N. He compelled a lot of girls for the purpose of drinking blood in the past. He literally used them as long as they weren't too annoying - and then he acted like they have never met. Damon Salvatore couldn't imagine this scenario with Y/N. They've been so close, the vampire couldn't stand loosing her. The offer was risky, but it also could bring each other even closer.

Damon tried hard to avoid any serious attraction between Y/N and him, afraid of messing up. Indeed, he found himself thinking, and even dreaming, about Y/N more than he wanted to admit. She was smart and had this special sense of humor, the vampire adored so much. She was the only one, who could make him feel good no matter what. Needless to say she had that glimmer in her eyes, when she did something she truly loved. In these moments she was even more pretty. Y/N was hard to resist.

And maybe now he could have her like nobody else. At least the vampire gave in. He wanted her blood. He wanted her.

Y/N flinched by the feeling of Damon brushing her neck with his lips.  "Oh, Damon", she gasped. "Bite me." Y/N almost begged for the vampire's teeth breaking through her skin. Damon loved the sound of her husky voice. In less than a heartbeat he turned into his vampire shape. "If you insist", he grinned devilishly, ready to place his teeth on to her skin.

Suddenly Y/N made a slight move forward with the intention to interrupt her friend. "Did you change your mind?" Damon was close to switching back to human, overwhelmed by a mix of emotions. Mostly a lack of understanding, but also a little of disappointment and even anger. Was Y/N playing games on him? While Damon Salvatore was sorting feelings, Y/N turned around, standing now in front of him.

She was so close, not even a piece of paper would fit between them.

Y/N slightly exhaled breath, her eyes darting between the vampires eyes and lips. It was the first time Y/N saw him like this. The icy blue of his eyes, she loved so much, has turned darker. Purple veins appeared under his eyes; Y/N couldn't help herself. Damon's appearance fully intoxicated every fibre of her being. Her fingertips found their way gently brushing over his dark purple veins. She felt heat and softness, while tracing one of them.  It took her a few seconds to get out of trance, realizing what she had done. "Sorry", she murmured with a voice barely audible. "Don't apologize, little one." Damon tilted his head, his lips curled up in a self-assured grin, exposing a perfectly white vampire fang. "I never saw you like this before, you loo-"

"... look like a monster?"

Y/N shook her head. It was nothing like that. Yes, he did look unfamiliar. And she should be scared under normal conditions. Instead, his look hit her in an unexpected way. He looked hotter as a vampire, if it was even possible. 

Y/N cleared her throat, looking up at Damon. "I feel... attracted to you."

"So nothing's changed", Damon teased, raising his eyebrows. The girl in front of him softly slapped him on his shoulder; which was only possible because the vampire permitted. "You are always so full of yourself." She smirked, feeling more confident being to something, they have had been so many times before. Granted, he was terrifying accurate, but she wouldn't serve her feelings on a silver platter.

"I'm still into it. You can bite me; feed on me. I only needed to see you before..." 

A shockwave of electricity flowed through her body the second Damon took her hand and pulled her close.

"I'll be careful", he promised, nuzzling his head into the nap of her neck. Damon once again placed his lips on her soft skin. 

Suddenly a harsh pain made Y/N feel like in a kind of haze. She flinched and let out a groan at the same time, unintentionally biting her lower lip. 

During Damon embedded his fang deeper and deeper, she started feeling dizzy. Her hands searched for the vampires upper body, finally wrapped around his neck. She needed him to lean on. A narrow trickle of blood flowed down her neck. Let Damon feed on her felt like flames licking up every fiber of her body. 

With every passing second Y/N could feel her control slip away. Her body was now firmly pressed against Damon's, like she would want to merge them into one.

Damon noticed her staggering, wrapped his arms around her waist, supporting her.

Bloodlust already messed up the vampires mind, so he continued feeding on Y/N.

A tempting moan escaped her lips, but she didn't care to cover up. Y/N's heart was racing, her eyes flattering. It was almost as if he was about to push her over the edge, but in a different way. "Mmm, this...this… feels soo weird... and so good...", she whispered under a shallow breath.

As soon as Damon heard her fading voice, he abruptly

quitted drinking from her.

"Fuck!" He rapidly laid her on his lap and checked Y/N's vital signs, to make sure she was okay. Instinctively he bit his wrist, pressed it against Y/N's mouth. He knew his blood would heal her, but it wasn't going fast enough. A few seconds passed through, to him they felt like centuries. Y/N finally blinked and Damon was relieved. He cupped her cheeks, his gaze never leaving hers. "I thought, I'd gone-" Damon cleaned his throat. "I'm so glad, you are doing well", he whispered, while trailing her lips with his fingertips. "So, fuckin' glad..." The vampire exhaled a deep breath. 

"It... You made me feel good. Strange, but good", Y/N appeased and flushed over the memory. "Maybe you got a little carried away, but I don't mind. I wouldn't trade the feeling for anything."

Y/N quickly interrupted herself, before she could reveal too much.

However, Damon used his vampire skills, noticing that Y/N was hiding something from him. "Isn't there anything else you want me to know?", Damon asked without taking his eyes off her. Y/N shifted and flushed even more. "It's unfair. You use your vampirism to get everything out of me."

"Well, if that were the case, I could easily compel you." Damon shrugged and found back to his smugly self. "Tell me, what you are hiding". He said in a seductive voice.

"I wanted to get lost in you."

Her confession sent shivers all over the vampires body. At first he could not decide, how to handle this. "Are you sure that's what you want? I could really hurt you..." Y/N hummed.

In the next split second, Damon pinned Y/N against a wall, smashing his lips on hers, kissing her with all the passion he had to give. The vampire devoured Y/N with a new kind of hunger. He didn't know he could crave someone so much.

"Fuck me, Damon..."

The vampire felt him getting hard, only by hearing those little three words out of her mouth.

"Say it louder. Tell me, what you want me to do."

Y/N pulled him closer, gently biting his earlobe.

"Fuck... me, Damon." It took her a second to focus and forming the words again. After she was near to climax earlier, it wasn't a long way getting to the edge once more. "Make me cum... You almost had me there..."

A deep moan got over the vampires lips, once he understood, what Y/N was trying to tell him.

With the next blink Y/N found herself in Damon's bedroom, lying on his bed.

From now on there weren't many words needed. Damon's hand's found their way under her shirt, cupping her breasts and make her moan over and over again.

He closely listened to the rhythm of her heart, making sure he would be able to delay her climax to the point he needed her to.

"Don't cum yet... I want to taste your little pussy first."

Y/N grabbed the vampires head, running her fingers through his dark hair - pushing him down, since she was unable to form a single word.

As Damon got down, he didn't take his eyes off Y/N.

He used a hand pushing up her skirt and lightly stroking over her panties with his fingertips.

"My girl is so wet", he praised in a low husky voice."-and I barely touched you."

His dirty words in combination with his touch lead to another moan, almost turned into a scream.

Damon pushed the fabric aside, leaving sloppy kisses on the inside of her thighs.

Y/N's eyes fluttered, when his soft lips reached her middle.

Damon's tongue licking around her entrance was driving her nuts.

"...so delicious..." were the only words she was able to catch up. Damon knew, he couldn't thrill her forever, so he got back to her. He spit on his palms, stroking his hand over his crotch. In under a second Y/N finally felt this releasing pressure of his cock. It was like a switch went off in her brain and she braced herself for the hard thrusts that would follow.

Damon dimmed the whining noises Y/N made with a passionate, hungry kiss.

He cheated with his vampirism to give it to her deeper and faster, knocking out all the air of her lungs while Y/N screamed out Damon's name. Her walls clenched around him and made him twitch. It was like her pussy massaged his dick the best way possible.

Every time he hit her harder and rougher he was making sure he hit her spot with every thrust.

Damon gathered speed one last time and pushed her over the edge until she was a moaning whimpering mess.

With her last contraction around his shaft, Damon was cumming inside her.

"You are so tight, little one", he whispered under his breath. "We should make arrangements more often."

Please like or/and reblog if you enjoyed reading or/and want me to write more stories about Damon.

Thanks guys ❤️

[metalbuckaroo]

💋Unspoken Rule #4💋

🍒 SUMMARY// At 3am, every Sunday, Bucky locks his bedroom door to watch his favorite camgirl. What's to happen when he finds out he's much closer to her than leaving generous tips on her videos?

💋 WARNINGS// smut, light fingering, unprotected sex, some sub!bucky, cursing, a smidgen of angst

🍒 AU// roommate!bucky x camgirl!reader

💋 NOTE// As always, requests and asks are open, feedback is appreciated 18+ ONLY, MINORS DNI

🍒Ronly Friends Masterlist🍒

💋Main Masterlist💋

Moodboard by// @commonintrest

Over the next two weeks, two more videos were filmed. Both without kissing and not going any further than getting each other off without having sex, but also still as mind blowing as the first.

Bucky wanted to experience that high he couldn't reach himself. That no one else had gotten him to.

He didn't tell Steve or Sam about anything that had been happening, he knew there would be teasing and it would also blow the 'Soldat and Cherry' cover, so it became another unspoken rule.

He stopped trying to muffle the sounds he made as he watched the videos and ditched the headphones; making it obvious to you that he was still subscribed to watch videos that he could easily ask you to send him.

But, the sounds you could hear through his bedroom door were nothing compare to the ones muffled by the plastic mask when it came time to film another video.

A long talk about boundaries and keeping things casual, is what lead to the filming of the fourth video. Making sure both of you promised it would stay purely in videos. Nothing more.

Even as you laid against the throw blanket that covered your bed, completely bare besides the mask and wig as he tugged the glove on his right hand off. Bucky kept mentally repeating the promise.

Goosebumps prickled your skin when the cold leather and warm skin of his hands glided up the insides of your thighs, his cock twitching and eyes staying locked in on the glisten of your slit. His thumb ghosting over your clit to elicit a soft moan. "Don't tease." You exhaled, shifting around slightly under his piercing gaze.

Humming in response, Bucky ran two fingers through your folds. Coating the pads of his fingers with your slick before circling your sensitive bud.

The skillful work of his long, thick fingers had you convinced that your own would never be the same. The way they curled and stroked against your walls in the best way as your hands clutched the opening of his leather jacket. Quick to have your back arching from the mattress.

"Is my face in the shot?" Bucky said lowly when he leaned down so his face was inches from yours. Your eyes looking to the small screen on the side of the camera to see his hair shielded his face. "No."

"Good, wanna kiss you." His gloved hand reached to pull the mask down, the steady thrust of his fingers on his right not faltering. "Ok, just don't stop." You nodded, catching his plump lips in yours.

The taste of his tongue just as you had imagined it to be when it slipped between your lips to press into yours. Both minty and sweet.

Bucky swallowed every sweet sound he pulled from you, making sure not to break away from the breathless kiss until you had rode your orgasm. Your teeth nipping at his bottom lip as your hands pressed against his chest. "Mask on and lay back." You mumbled against his lips as he removed his fingers.

Bucky's mind was racing just like it was the first time as you moved over him, his hands holding your waist and heart thumping away against his ribcage.

He always thought that all sex would feel the same, but this was different. He had a certain proud feeling when you whimpered softly once he was fully sheathed into the tight warmth of your cunt, the instant flutter of your walls making him groan softly.

You had never had such a full feeling, his tip brushing your cervix as you swiveled your hips. Laying your hands flat against his taut chest to keep steady and letting your head lull forward.

Starting slow and working up to a faster pace when you had adjusted as his hands slipped down to hold your hips.

It was hard to keep focus, the feeling of every ridged inch sliding against your walls sending sparks of pleasure through you starting to engulf you. Trying to pinpoint the pitch of Bucky's moans and pants to know when to slow down.

His fingers curled into the flesh of your ass, hips rolling gently under you as the swirling in the pit of his stomach started. Only to fade away when your hips slowed into a grind, his eyes snapping open to meet your hooded ones as you gave him a wicked smile.

Bucky lifted a hand to hold the back of your neck, pulling you down to whisper in your ear. "You're edging me?" He mumbled, biting back a groan when you wiggled against him. "Be a good boy, Soldat."

He couldn't deny the warmth that washed over him from the two words he told himself wouldn't have an effect on him, muttering a few curses in Russian as he moved his hand back to your hip.

The tensing of the muscles in his thighs quickly started again, his release being held off until he was desperate.

His head lifted from the pillow, brows scrunching up as he tried to guide you faster, your movement nearly stopping when he did. "Please, dear God, cherry." Bucky whined as his head fell back against the pillows, chest and neck flushed and sweat slicked. His mask not helping the hot huffs of breath that fanned right back into his face.

You knew he could easily overpower you if he wanted to, and that's what made it even better. Watching as he tensed and wiggled under you in attempts to get the release he wanted- but he knew it would be worth it in the end. Being able to push as deep as he could go and fill you with his spend until you leaked around his base, would definitely be worth it.

Your throbbing clit ached for some kind of attention, but you weren't done with your fun of watching Bucky crack under you. The sturdy man muttering to himself to let him cum as his warm hand groped at your chest, gloved left caressing your waist and backside.

Needy whines promising he'd be good, telling you how amazing you felt stretching around him. Until his pleas and praises were enough to snap the coil.

Your fingers digging crescent moon shapes into the smooth skin of his chest as your orgasm took over completely. Mind fogging over for a brief moment.

"Oh, god- B-" your bit down harshly on your bottom lip to stop his name from rolling off of your tongue, falling forward against his hot chest as the aftershocks took over and you buried your face in the crook of his neck. Giving him the opportunity to chase his own high.

Bending his knees to plant his feet flat against the mattress, Bucky's hands went under your ass, letting out a shaky breath as he chased his own high with rigorous thrusts that made you keen against his flush skin.

"Shit- oh, fuck- so good, cherry." He grunted, gripping your backside as his hips pistoned up into yours, quickly reaching his high. A guttural moan vibrating through his chest when he filled you with hot spurts of his release.

His hands stayed on you until you were out of his reach to turn off the camera, looking over his blissed out form one last time as he felt for the edge of the plastic face covering.

"Holy fuck..." He panted, almost ripping the mask from his face. "Good?" You giggled, slipping on one of his shirts that was on your dresser as he sat up. "Great, best ever." Bucky chuckled, eyes wandering down to where the tops of your inner thighs glistened from his spend leaking onto them before the hem of the shirt blocked the view.

"Beat you to the shower." You grinned, squinting your eyes at him as you backed towards the door. "That's not f- wait!" He called when you slipped out of the room, standing to follow after you.

"I wasn't paying attention, that wasn't fair." Bucky pointed a finger at you with a frown that made you laugh lightly. "Better luck next time."

🍒 🍒 🍒 🍒 🍒 🍒

The next morning went as normal, Bucky left for work after breakfast, you took a trip to the grocery store. Only this time, you came back with something to talk to Bucky about.

He gave you a bright smile when he walked in the door, long legs carrying him over to where you were on the couch before he swiped the remote from your lap.

"Buck, I need to talk to you." You sighed, turning in your seat to face him. "'Bout what, cherry?" He said, shifting to be more comfortable as his knees parted more. "I, uh, I have a date next week so... I'm gonna do the next video solo." You nodded.

Bucky felt a pang in his heart, he promised everything was purely for videos, but he couldn't help the sliver of jealously that tainted his veins. "Does that mean- we're not gonna film together anymore?" He asked quietly, muting the TV so you had his full attention.

You sucked in a sharp breath and shrugged your shoulders. A part of you wanted to say no to the man at the store who asked you on a date, but he was nice and handsome.

"I don't know. This guy seems nice and all but, it was more of a- I don't want to decline your invitation because you're sweet, so one date won't hurt." You said, looking at where you hands were tugging a string on the couch cushion. "And you don't want to feel guilty about having sex with someone else days before the date. I understand." Bucky nodded his head, giving you a sweet smile.

"Thanks, Bucky." You mumbled, patting his leg before scooting closer. "Who is it?" He said, narrowing his eyes at you and hoping it didn't seem like a 'who's replacing me' type of question. "Cashier at the supermarket."

"He is pretty nice. Gives me extra coupons when I go." Bucky said, scrunching his nose up. "You're not mad, are you?"

He quickly shook his head and gave another smile as he wrapped his arm around your shoulders. "Of course not, all for the videos, remember?"

Chewing the inside of your cheek, you leaned further into his side. "Yeah... for the videos."

🍒 🍒 🍒 🍒 🍒 🍒

Taglist: @likeahorribledream @cxddlyash @iwannabekilledtwice @bookstan0618 @glxwingrxse @yliumy @pineprincess @makbarnes @cupcakehinch @doasyoudesireandlive @magicwithinnightmares @preferredrealty @andy-is-gay @stucky-my-ship @marvel-3407 @maladaptivexxdaydreaming @i-l-y-3000 @avoxzy @impala1967666 @mollygetssherlockcoffee @supernaturalbaesduh @bucky-hues @suchababie @an-adult-fairy @ju5tyna20 @hallecarey1 @jxlystan @elizabeth228 @secret21121 @strwbrrybucky @busybeingtrash @harrysthiccthighss @everything-burns-down @ynsdiarys @sunnynapp @bucky-harrymybfs @sylleblossomstar @winter-soldier-101 @smokeinherperfume @amalfoyandariddle @mal-edictions @missusbarnes-rogers-laufeyson @sky0401 @saturnaliatemple @doll1917 @eireduchess

[koushisatori]

if you can't believe in others, at least believe in us

kyoutani x gn!reader

genre: as ordered: a bit of angst w a touch of comfort

warnings: one (1) big jealous idiot, miscommunication

word count: 5.4k

note: this is smth an anon asked me to do (but like...nearly a year ago, I'm not sure if anon is still there or if they remember and my dumbass deleted the ask so I just beta-ed through whatever I had but I know they called me out on enjoying jealous characters so here we go) I'm sorry, mysterious anon, I'm stupid </3 Anyway, that's that. I don't remember if reader was supposed to be female or not so I made it gn!reader (but if I forgot to change something, pls tell me so I can fix any errors c: It's also my first attempt I apologize in advance)

In the beginning, you weren't sure why your boyfriend is ignoring you

You can't remember doing something that would annoy him, nor do you remember an instant of anger in his eyes that would give you a hint about his reasoning to stay away from you

He explained early on that sometimes he just needs a day of distance because Kentarou could feel the anger simmering right under the surface, enough that something small could tick him off already, and he would hate if you were on the receiving end of this unexplained fury

Both of you also made sure to promise each other to clearly communicate, the relationship between the two of you would not last long if you're not properly telling each other what might be bothering or hurting...just in general cross a boundary

Communication probably was one of the most important aspects of your relationship

cue to the actual situation: your boyfriend avoiding you

So, Monday evening you think maybe it's this overwhelming sensation of unexplained anger and that something at morning practice ticked him off completely

But then Tuesday comes and goes, and your boyfriend had avoided you all day long, did not even bother to read your messages,

on Wednesday, you try to talk to him, but all he does is glaring at you with a look that leaves you speechless and kind of heartbroken,

Thursday is the day you're replaying everything you did on Monday, trying to find something that he could have misunderstood, yet no matter how hard you think about it…your brain won't come up with a reason that explained why Kentarou was so upset with you!

So you decide to make him talk to you on Friday

Enough is enough, right? For gods' sake, he is your boyfriend! You miss him and his strong arms that give hugs so warm that you melt right into them

You don't get a second alone with him until school ends

you practically sprint out of the school building over to the gym, knowing that he had a free hour, which means that he is probably the first person there - your only chance

There he is, sitting with his back to you, aggressively chewing on a bun filled with chicken - his usual that reminded him of his favorite dish - glaring holes into the ground

After taking a deep breath to calm yourself, you carefully aks: ''Kentaro…Ken…?'', slowly stretching out your hand, wanting to rest it on his shoulder to maybe help to soothe him a bit

he flinches instead and his heated, agitated gaze meets your eyes, making you recoil in return

''…will you talk to me, I miss you…'' you say softly, realizing how it hurt being ignored by him

''Ah, suddenly you miss me…'' he spits, narrowing his eyes ''…didn't fucking seem like it the last time I saw you…''

''Kentaro, baby, I have no idea what you mean,'' you plead, keeping your voice low to hide the desperation lacing it, confusion written all over your features

all Kyoutani does is growl, hopping down from where he's sitting while shouldering his gym bag

''...shouldn't have been so flirty with Shittykawa like that then-'' he grumbles - ''Ken, I didn't-'' you insist, but he continues ''twirling your hair, batting your pretty eyelashes at him, fuck you Y/N, if you want him, then feel free to take a fucking leave" Kyoutani cusses, not even listening to you

You shake your head, ''Kentaro, no, you totally misunderstood the situation,'' you follow up, panic seeping into your voice now that you knew what he referred to, ''I love yo-''

''Tsk'', he moves to leave

you try to take his hand but, instead of turning around, Kyoutani just rips it away from you, tucking it into the pocket of his jacket

from behind you, you hear Yahaba and Oikawa approaching (talking about Volleyball and Captains duties)

once they guessed what must have happened, they offered you their help (they both swear that Kyoutani will never ever find a ''cute s/o as you are, y/n-chan, I'm worried for my little angry pomeranian kohai'' )

Usually, you would try to talk to him, but after enduring a week of radio silence and now this treatment, you were tired of upholding something that seemed like a lost cause

you just wave both setters off and leave the school grounds, a frown plastered onto your lips and tears swimming in your eyes

Kentarou had not listened to you, did not even really look at you, and the few seconds he did, his eyes were filled with rage instead of the warmth he had usually reserved for you (and only for you)

If your boyfriend thinks avoiding you for a week and blaming you for something ridiculous without hearing you out is how you handle a relationship…maybe you would have to consider not pursuing it any longer

Which is easier said than done

The whole night you wait for a message, anything, and then all Saturday morning

you still had hope left

You get one from Yahaba, who tells you that Oikawa tried to clear up the situation as well after the reason for your fight dawned on him (Kyoutanis piss poor mood and behavior towards him a strong indicator) but Kentaro, again, just ran off

The future team captain even called you after your lackluster answer, listening to you getting the frustration and sadness out of your system

It didn't matter, right? Your boyfriend decided to unofficially call it quits by implying that your feelings for him were not genuine instead of using his mouth to talk to you and disregarding everyone involved

as if he wanted to ignore the truth as a convenient excuse to get out of your relationship

that's the conclusion your brain came up with

You softly sniffle in the privacy of your room, clutching a pillow to your chest (which has seen more tears in the last two days than in the past three years), deciding that it would be a good idea to go into the city to treat yourself

knowing that your mother has a hair-dresser appointment somewhen today, you go and announce that you would join her to finally buy the latest season of your favorite series

once there, you additionally get microwave popcorn, chocolate, and ice cream, as well as a pretty shirt you saw on a mannequin while window shopping

you feel a lot better after spending some money and ignoring the lingering sadness of your presumable break up with Kyoutani (who you love ok, it is not that easy)

In between your stops, you meet Iwaizumi and Oikawa munching on fatty burgers (celebrating your cheat days like a holiday and indulging in whatever your heart desires, is what makes it easier to stick with healthier habits the rest of the time was the questionable explanation coming from the brown-haired setter, pointing at you with a soggy potato fry)

after a moment, the setters eyes turn sad, a frown replacing the smile on his lips

he wraps his fingers around your wrist to stop you from going just yet, apologizing for being the cause of your fight and for being unable to talk some sense into him

(you assure him that it is not his fault, knowing that your friend will probably brood over it otherwise, which wouldn't be fair)

Iwaizumi adds that Kyoutani will come around and that his cooldown time is just longer than those of other people (and if not, he will give him one of his famous volleyballs to the head and use his status as only truly respected senpai to talk some sense into him) but you again decline their suggestions

after saying goodbye (and seeing Iwaizumi give his best friend an assuring gentle pat on his shoulder, the secret softy in the usual harsh ace shining through)

If Kentaro was willing...able to throw away your relationship this easily, he can't possibly really love you, and you'd accept this even if it's hard and painful

Now remembered of what you had attempted to forget about, you feel your eyes sting with unshed tears (you thought there was no possibility of you having more tears to spill, yet the impossible seemed to be the case) you look down at your phone to text your mom and frown

Kentaro 🥰: we need to talk. Kentaro 🥰: meet me there [location]

For a second, you hesitate, biting your lower lip harshly…you really want to go and talk to him but…

The tears still sting in your eyes and blurring your view reminded you of what you had gone through the whole time, and that it was his turn to finally come to you

break up or makeup, the ball was in his court now

so while walking to where your mother would be waiting for you, you begin to type

You: No.

You: I waited for you all week, even though you ignored me, and now you expect me to run the moment you choose to stop being a childish idiot?

You: if you decide to speak to me then comqjdkn

Kentarou wouldn't say he feels particularly bad. Not at all! If someone was to ask him, he would probably answer fucking peachy, what the fuck are you asking for or growl angrily. No one would bat an eye and further question him, nor guess that maybe he wasn't as great as he pretended because he missed his gorgeous better half, but…it was his fault, wasn't it?

Of course, he originally thought he had a valid reason to be upset. And if he had just spoken to you about it, everything would be solved now. Instead of being a decent boyfriend, though, his pride overtook his thinking processes once he realized that his behavior wasn't even the slightest bit justified. Not that he knew this when he saw you speaking with Shittykawa right before school. All he could see was his gorgeous s/o shyly fiddling with her fingers, conversing with a leaned forward, very involved Oikawa Tooru. He would have fetched you away from the brown-haired setter. He had no qualms about showing his possessiveness. God, Kentarou wouldn't have hesitated to growl at the tall, brown-haired boy if not for the question he heard coming from the Captain.

''Y/N-chan, how is it that you, an adorable, charming individuum, is with a brute like Mad Dog-chan? I really-'' Well, that's where he decided to leave you with the setter. He didn't need to hear your answer. Didn't want to witness an excuse or maybe the truth. If both of you were so fucking smitten with each other to flirt this blatantly, why don't you just go and cheer for him, hold his hand, and kiss his cheek goodbye? It was his choice to distance himself.

Kyoutani couldn't help the feeling of betrayal and hurt washing over him. Maybe you just used him as a stepping stone to get closer with Oikawa, and Kyoutani has been too blind to see it. He never doubted you or your relationship before, but it's not a secret how eruptive Kyoutani could be. It has always been beyond his imagination how someone so cute and sweet like you could love a person like him. Your friends thought so. The teachers. The whole school! Everyone questioned your poor judgment. And when you came running up to him, you're cheery voice calling out for him, everyone present looked at you like you grew a second head. It's the reason why seeing you with Trashykawa ticked him off so bad. It catered to his biggest insecurities and fears. He knew that all those skeptics would be delighted to see you, everyone's darling, with the schools' star setter. They all would agree that the pretty, handsome young man is a better fit than the always hostile-looking troublemaker.

While Kyoutani didn't take Oikawa seriously in most cases, he undoubtedly was one of the most devoted people Kentarou had ever met. If Oikawa wanted to get a new serve right, he wouldn't stop trying and repeating it until his legs gave in, and Iwaizumi dragged him out of the gym. When he wanted to find more advanced players to practice with, so he could, in return, give this new knowledge to his team, there was no way he would not manage to make it happen. Even if his ideas, wishes, and plans cost him blood, sweat, and tears (like getting Kyoutani to actually train), Oikawa never backed down. Kentarou had heard that Oikawa's last girlfriend dumped him because of his passion for Volleyball. Yet Kyoutani couldn't help but think that, in you, the ambitious setter would have found someone that would be able to handle it. You usually came over to watch the team when you knew that Kyoutani was there to play. You sat on the stands with your homework in your lap and a Seijoh-coloured pencil wiggling between your fingers, not bothered by the noises coming from the court. You play with your earlobe while you frown at whatever problem you came across. You patiently wait for practice to finish. Kentarou was sure that you'd be someone Oikawa would actually try for. You weren't one of his squealing fangirls, hanging from his arm on every opportunity, but his friend. You didn't pester him to take selfies with you while pushing cute bentos into his hands. When you bring food to practice, then it's for the whole team to share. If he wanted you, Oikawa would probably have to win you over and make sure that you'd stay. Courting and all that jazz. In all seriousness, Shittykawa would be a fucking idiot if not.

The dyed-blond wing spiker had been so sure that he was rightfully mad that he didn't stop to think twice before he reacted this coldly towards you. But, and this made it even worse, Kentarou knew that he was wrong the moment you asked what happened after an entire week of enduring his silent treatment. The second he heard your shaky voice and saw the tears welling up in your eyes, his brain rebooted, and suddenly he wasn't so sure of his own reasoning. You two were together for about half a year. Kyoutani - by now - was confident in his ability to identify most of your expressions. All he could decipher in your eyes was pain, paired with a need to understand, but…if he was in the wrong…it would mean that he had hurt you the whole week, which in conclusion implied that Kentarou had been the world's shittiest boyfriend. Fuck, he thought, I don't deserve y/n.

His situation didn't get any better the moment Oikawa entered the gym. The person Kyoutani thought he had a real reason to despise now tried to mend the rift between the two of you.

''Mad Dog-chan, I think you misunderstood something there. Well, no, you decided to not listen-'' The taller male says, hands gesturing wildly. While his voice still had that annoyingly cheery tone, it had something commanding hidden underneath. And oh, how Kentarou hated when someone demanded something of him, even if it was for his own good. ''Don't want to hear it.'' the blond mutters, already aggravated. The brown-haired setter resolutely puts himself in the way again. ''Oh, but you have to! That morning, Y/N-chan literally declared her love for yo-'' - ''I don't fucking care.'' Kentarou barks, not looking Oikawa in the eyes.

After another fruitless attempt to get properly into the gym, he growls and turns to leave. Already on his way to grab his stuff and take a leave, he hears Oikawa yelling. ''You answered and justified why I asked Y/N-chan to begin with!" And then louder, even though he could make out Iwaizumi trying to wrestle his childhood friend back into the gym, "APOLOGIZE, YOU IDIOT! YOU BETTER GROVEL FOR Y/N'S FORGIVENESS! THEY DESERVE BETTER THAN THIS SHOW YOU'RE PUTTING ON, AND YOU KNOW IT!"

This happened on Friday evening, and the guilt was gnawing away on him ever since. On his way home, Kyoutani had automatically taken the detour to your house. Kentarou enjoyed bringing you home (and more often than not, you pulled him inside with you, making him cuddle you!). It makes him feel like a good boyfriend, and he knew that you arrived there safely. He would never tell anybody and deny it if you ever decided to share this, but Kentarou relished in the feeling of your hand holding his all the way while going on about your day. He admired that you'd pet every cat and every dog you meet on the trip home together with him. You were perfect for him…why again did he act like this?

What caused Kyoutani's attempt to apologize - in his usual overly blunt and partly aggressive kind of way - was Yahaba, though. Both boys denied being remotely something beyond 'not really enemies'. But his future team captain was definitely one of the very few people that could and would tell him to his face that he fucked up without real repercussions. He would presumably even help Kyoutani to get it together.

After Yahaba had called you and listened to your heartbreaking rant, the setter realized that you, his friend, and his 'not really enemy' needed to talk ut out. Totally immersed in your tirade, you accidentally let slip that you couldn't endure Kyoutani's treatment any longer. That being pushed over by your boyfriend with brash and hurtful words after handling the cold shoulder was too much. That you expected Kyoutani to break up with you on Monday either way. In-person, if he had mercy on you or continue his treatment as a silent method of doing so. While you told Yahaba about your planned ''get over it-self-care'' weekend (involving tons of ice cream, movies with crying guarantee, lots of blankets, and no smartphone), the setter had already put on his jacket, shooting a message to Kyoutani.

From Yahaba: get your stupid fucking ass outside to meet me, or I'll bench you the complete season next year

Even though the wing spiker was sure that Yahaba's words were nothing but empty words, Kentarou allowed himself to accept this threat as an excuse to put his pride aside. Because, even though Yahaba annoyed him to no end - not as bad as Oikawa but still - Kentarou was also aware that you and he were friends. If someone could help him gaining your forgiveness, Kyoutani had to accept and admit that it was Yahaba. Meeting his light brown-haired teammate was kind of awkward. Kyoutani was unsure what he had to expect, though he should have seen the rough treatment coming. Yet, getting told that you, the person Kentarou was undeniably in love with, felt so neglected and hurt that you deemed this relationship to be as good as over allowed the guilt monster in his chest to grow. Shitty Oikawa was probably right ordering him to grovel and beg on his knees for you to even hear him out.

Your answer to his message was partly unlike you. Well, the last sentence. You usually were pretty forward with him to avoid miscommunication and uncalled-for moping around. And while you sometimes send keyboard smashes to express the chaos you felt, they were always in a separate message and not so…random. The text definitely meant something like ''then come to me'' but somehow, Kyoutani had an uneasy feeling about the whole thing.

Besides, he couldn't just wait till Monday and hope that you'd accept his apology! You may send him away today already, but he still had a teeny-tiny bit of hope. If he let the thoughts of him leaving you or the other way around fester in your mind for two whole days, though,…you'd probably realize that leaving him wasn't that bad of a decision. You'd come to the conclusion that all your admirers could treat you better than Kyoutani did. And he was too selfish to let you leave. Even though all he did the whole week was being self-centered and stuck up, he would be damned to begin being a saint now and let you go. That you at least were willing to talk to him was…a relief, to say the least. Kentarou hoped that this translated to you being willing to put up with him a little longer if he apologized correctly. That you're not opposed to giving him another chance to make things right.

At your house, he was greeted with darkness. Not even a single light illuminating any of the rooms he could see from his spot on your front lawn. And the ones he saw were your and your mom's most-used rooms. Your room window, your mothers' workroom, and the living room area with an adjacent kitchen. All of those rather significant rooms and the lack of light in them seemed to be a dead giveaway for Kyoutani that no one was home. Kyoutani guessed that you were probably out with your mom, glancing over to the empty spot in front of the garage.

Oh god, your mother had been the only supportive person of your relationship. Maybe it's in your family to see the best in everyone, even in shitty people like him. But if you told her about his behavior, she'd most likely not welcome him with a smile ever again, no matter if you forgave him.

There weren't many things Kyoutani could do in this situation, but it wasn't as late as nature let it on, and after a few seconds, he had decided to sit down at the front door and wait for you, hoping that it wouldn't take too long for you to come home. As if fate wanted to tell him something, the wing spiker had put on the jacket with the half-full power bank. He had worn it to the shelter when he visited it this week while distracting himself from your absence in his daily life. You had gifted him the piece of clothing, which is probably why he unconsciously had decided to wear it to everything he did after school in the first place.

Kentarou passed the time by snarling at people eyeing him for a moment too long to not be judgmental, petting the neighbors' cat wandering over to him, and watching videos. Every time he thought ''Y/N would like this'', his heart stuttered guilty.

To Kentarou, it felt like an eternity until your mother's car finally drove up the entry. To avoid your mother's potentially deadly stare, he nervously checked his mobile, realizing that he had waited for a little more than 3 hours. Yet, the wait had done nothing to soothe his nerves. They instantly spiked up again while his heart threatened to jump out of his throat.

She will hate me. Your mother would hate me, she'll hate me, she'll ha-

''Ah, Ken-chan! Good evening.'' Your mother greets him with a tired, yet still gentle smile. Oh. The blond blanches. He'd never admit it, but he enjoyed the treatment he received from your mother more than he should. Being spoken to without suspicion and receiving a warm smile every time without fail was a welcome change to his daily life. Your mother didn't listen to people trying to bad-mouth him. To her, he simply was the boy that - normally - treats her child the way a mother wished for. Even if he pulled a face as long as a fiddle.

''I didn't know you were coming, Ken-chan, or I would have messaged you…but now that you're here, maybe you can assist us out and help Y/N inside? It would help a lot.'' His gaze immediately flitted over to you on the passenger seat. With your arms crossed in front of your chest and that stubborn but endearingly cute pout on your lips, he nearly missed the tiredness your body emitted. Kentarou wanted to rush over to your side immediately but was stopped by your mother again. ''I don't know what you two are fighting about…but please talk to each other. I don't want my baby to be this sad. Especially now, and…'' she rests a hand on his shoulder, her eyes kind and comforting ''…I also don't want to miss you here, alright?'' He stiffly nodded and watched your mother carrying in plastic bags filled with various medicine packages and food.

After coming back to his senses, Kyoutani finally stumbled over to your side, practically ripping open the car door. This new perspective revealed a plaster cast wrapping your whole left leg and a removable wrist brace on your right hand. ''Bab- Y/N…what the fuck…happened?'' His honey-brown eyes continued to wander over your injuries, and with every second, he found more. Scratches and scrapes, bandaids and bandages peeking out from underneath your clothes. ''I'm so sorry,'' he whispered, hanging his head low.

All your intentions to fight his helping hand and limp over to the door by yourself disintegrated into nothing. You never witnessed such a devastated, beaten expression on his face before. Instead, you settle for ''Will you help me?''. A question asked quietly to your fingers picking at a loose band-aid edge on your arm and pressing it back onto the irritated skin.

After you loosened your seatbelt, he waits for you to carefully place your arms around his neck. It is followed by Kyoutani lifting you out of the car so gently as if he was afraid you might break. This whole situation in itself already contradicting his brash appearance and usual behavior. It would give whiplash to all the people pretending to know him. But he was always caring in his own way when it came to you. It's why you loved him after all. Because you usually knew that he loved you, too.

For a few moments, the atmosphere between the two of you felt awkwardly tense, both of you unsure how to interact with each other. The mostly blonde wing spiker breathed out a sigh of relief when you fully leaned into his chest once he stood upright, resting your head against his shoulder. A bit of maneuvering through the front door eventually lead to Kyoutani passing through the hallway and taking you to your room, where he was gently lowering you down on the bed.

It was a now or never kind of situation. For the both of you. While Kentarou was trying to find out where to begin his apology, he took a few steps back in case you wanted space until everything was cleared up.

You unconsciously helped him making a decision by impulsively grasping onto his shirt the moment he started to withdraw, stopping him in his retreating movement. Kentarou saw your lower lips wobbling, teary eyes looking up at him pleadingly.

''Please stay,'' you say weakly, which is enough for him to throw the whole thinking process away and simply sit down next to you, intertwining both your hands. ''I'm staying. I'm not leaving. Not now nor this relationship if you still want...an ''us''. The wing spiker took a deep, shuttering breath. '' I'm sorry, Y/N…'' he finally manages to say, honey eyes locked onto your linked your hands. ''I have been fucking stupid all week. 've been a fucking terrible boyfriend, the worst to ever exist.''

As if to encourage him...to show your boyfriend that his apology was not for nothing, you shuffled around until the last bit of distance between the two of you was closed. You hum, acknowledging his words while leaning your head on his shoulder.

''I didn't think you're cheating or something, …'' Kyoutani immediately assures you. There was no way he would allow you to think that he would accuse you of something like this. ''I had no reason to be jealous, but I was insecure. Let it get the best of me. Despite our promise to communicate, I was sulking. 't was easier. I'll do whatever the fuck you want for you to not give up yet…'' he says, taking his time with every sentence.

With a sigh, you squeeze his hand. ''It will probably take a lot of cuddling and attention from you...'' you say thoughtfully ''...but I forgive you…if you promise to not do this again…'' you murmur, tilting your head upward to press a chaste kiss to his jaw. ''Otherwise, I'll accept Iwaizumi-san's offer to get your thinking process restarted.'' For a moment, your voice had its usual joking edge. But you knew talking out everything was necessary. ''But, in all honesty, 'Tarou....please, never do this again. I am honest. I will not endure this a second time. When you tell me that you need a day or two for yourself then that is totally fine. If you feel yourself giving into whatever insecurity, talk to me about it. I am sure there will be an explanation or a solution but don't leave me in the dark. Don't treat me like that. I love you. Only you and no one else. But the time love can withstand straight-up ignorance by your partner is limited.''

Slowly, your boyfriend nodded, squeezing your hand to tell you that he understood. You would probably cling to him for a while but were sure that he would survive the extra closeness. Not even half a second later, his head leans onto yours cautiously.

''…and try being nicer to Oikawa-san, Tarou, he hasn't done anything to you.'' You add humorously before small giggles started to erupt from your lips. ''Also...Baby…'' you start, being interrupted by choked-up hiccups and giggles. By using your nickname for him, you take away another persistent fear of his. What he does not miss, however, is how you wince in pain before you continue, ''…who helped you put this into words? I mean…I loved it, but…,'' You leave unsaid that words usually are not his strong fort.

Biting back a smile, he frowns, huffs, and puffs…, but the way you are looking up at him, eyes shining with relief and adoration, allows him to admit defeat. He sighs ''…it's how Yahaba said I should say it…'' It usually would be an odd enough statement to make you throw yourself all over him with laugher. As a slight replacement, you squeeze his hand a bit, still shaking with suppressed laughter. ''I promise…that I will talk to you. Can't promise the Shittykawa part.'' Another soft chuckle leaves your lips before you look up at him again. ''I hope you try nonetheless. You should not let Iwaizumi-san hear you calling Oikawa-san that, though, I don't think this would turn out well for you…so...maybe stop this at least.'' Kentarou rolls his eyes at you, but in the end, he nods.

You wait for another second to clearly distinguish the two topics before you continue. ''…Thank you…for coming and finally speaking with me instead of break-'' A hand on your lips muffles your words.

''Don't say these words. I'd never break up with you,'' Kentarou grumbles, a light, uncharacteristic light pink settling on his cheeks. You stick your tongue out, which leads to him taking his hand off of your face with a surprised noise, rather dumbfounded that you had licked his hand. It gives you the chance to lean up and finally press your lips against his. ''I'm not leaving you either,'' you murmur, feeling his lips twitch upwards slightly. You decide to leave the teasing for another day.

Moving back into your previous position was enough of a hassle to hiss in pain. It brought back Kyoutani's awareness of the second problem at hand. ''What did happen to you?'' Kyoutani asks in an attempt to tamper down the excited, happy beating of his heart.

''Oh, this...uh, when I answered your text, I got driven over by a dude on a bicycle,'' you casually drop. It was kind of entertaining to watch his expressions change at an unequaled pace while processing your words. In the end, it settled into something akin to passive-aggressive worry. The way he was immediately fretting over you while cursing and cussing out the bicycle dude was his own way of caring. As you watch him retrieving the food your mother bought, while mumbling about how you're a dumbass for not paying attention to your surroundings, how he'd come over every day until you could go to school again to bring and teach you the stuff you would miss and how he would fucking murder the bicycle idiot if he ever finds out who dared to drive you over, you can't help the smile forming on your lips.

Once again, you are proven that loving him - while occasionally troublesome and demanding - was everything but wrong.

[ilove-cedricdiggory]

Moony

Remus x Reader

Part 2

Summary - After you left Remus after telling him about your pregnancy, you're now trying to juggle being pregnant by yourself in a foreign country, along with your three best friends searching for you.

Trigger Warning - Cursing, mentions of abortion, angst, it's longish? I think that's all. Let me know if there's more though.

Italics are letters, Bold is unknown to the readers.

America.

That's the only way you can really describe it. It is, well, America. Some places are incredibly beautiful, some terribly ugly. Some incredibly cold, some unbearably hot. Some busier than Diagon Alley on the day all the kids come to buy their things, some slower than a virgin's bedroom.

You hadn't seen much, especially seeing as how you had only been there for a week, but it was already more than you expected. You expected a stern talking to, you expected a bed rest, you expected a midwife in every thirty minutes, and you definitely expected to have someone at your side every second of the day. But, that wasn't what you got.

Especially seeing as how, your Great Grandpa kicked the rest of your family out of the house before you arrived, not wanting his favorite grandkid to be in an uncomfortable home, especially while she was growing his two great, great grandkids.

He was incredibly wealthy, a pure blood from England gone American. You had been the only one that actively spoke to him and visited him as often as you could while he lived in England. Now, your family was watching the sand fall in his hourglass to see who got the most money from his will. Honestly, though, you could see the man living another 200 years - just to spite them all.

He had taken you out, shown you incredible things, although you were stuck in a stupid state of unbearable heat - Texas. Although, the heat had taken you out of the sweaters that had you crying every time you got a whiff of his scent, and into some beautiful maternity sun dresses. You had already sent 20 pictures to Molly.

You had yet to write to Lily though, but her owls came twice a day, at least. You were starting to worry that she would get on James' broom and follow the owl herself to find you. Her letters really all stayed the same.

Y/n, just tell me where you are. I won't tell Remus, or Sirius. Heck, I won't even tell James. Harry and I will come visit and I'll tell you all about how I beat Remus' arse. Or how James did....Or how Sirius did. But, please, just write me back. I love you. I miss you incredibly.

Then you had

Y/n, come on, you really have me worried. The entire order has heard about what happened and I think they're all freaking out each second like we are. We miss you. You're the ray of Hufflepuff joy we all need, the always Ravenclaw intelligence the boys really need, the absolute Gryffindor bravery in the craziest of situations that the order needs, and the Slytherin strength I need. Please, just write back.

Then, she got help from the boys - or, the ones you would be open to hear from.

Y/n, while I have to be honest, Lily is standing over my shoulder watching me write this, I was going to do it either way. Remus was an absolute arse, I understand that, but we miss you. Lily, Harry and I want nothing more than for you to be home, with us even. You don't have to see him, you really don't. We just want to be here for you through this time, the good and the bad. Please write back.

When that didn't work, you had a howler from Sirius.

Y/n Y/l/n, I swear, if you don't write me back, I'm gonna jump into the paper and send myself! I'm going absolutely crazy watching Lily freak out every day! You're the only one that can calm her, not even James is doing it! You're taking away my precious James time! I fucking miss you - okay? Moony is an absolute dick. He deserved you walking out on him, he really did, but please don't walk out on all of us too. Y/n, we miss you, we really do. Moony isn't even here anymore, he left after we all went to Molly's - Sirius, don't tell her that! - Shit, fuck, how do I scratch that? Uhhh, I didn't say that. Erase! Erase! Lily, how do I erase on a howler? Fuck. Whatever. I'm sure it erased. But, come home. I'll make James make you that surprisingly good chicken he makes and I'm sure Lily would love to give you some old baby momma clothes or whatever the fuck they're called. I just - we just - no, I miss you, okay? Come home.

Your heart broke, not just because Remus was missing, but because your friends were hurt.

You sat down at the table in your guest house, sighing softly. A quill and some parchment sat before you, your hand shaking as you dipped it into the ink.

Lily, James, and Sirius.

While I know I could write a letter to each of you separately, I'm almost positive you're all together, or you're gonna call each other as soon as you get my letter.

I'm okay, I think. Not as okay as I wish I was, I cry a lot. While I wish I could blame it on the hormones, I know it's not. Everything reminds me of him, even here. No, I'm not in England, I'm in the states. I'm staying with some family and I think it's doing me well. At least, I've started to own my pregnancy.

After what Remus said to me, my body broke. I just about hated the fact that I was pregnant. Not my kids, just that I was pregnant. But, with each day, I realize that this pregnancy is the thing I needed most. While I wish I didn't have to say this - it showed me the man Remus is. Does that mean I cry any less? Of course not - you guys know me.

But, I really don't think I can come home, at least not yet. I'm still trying to figure out what I'm to do. I love Remus with every fiber of my being, but how do you love a man that told you to get rid of your own children, the minute he gets home from a mission he could have died from? How do you let him hold you as he feels the two children you both created grow in your belly knowing he hates them?

I'm going to come home eventually, of course I am. And I already promised Molly I'll be back for a visit soon, and you guys are more than welcome to come visit once I teach my family how to properly floo in America - did you know they don't do that here? It's super weird. But, I love you three incredibly. I'm so sorry this has happened. Be safe.

Your heart broke as you debated on writing more, about what your heart was still set on. Remus. Where was he? Where did he go? Had they heard from him? Was he looking for you? But you couldn't bring yourself to ask them.

The owl was sent with their letter, leaving you in the silence once more.

How could you feel so absolutely alone when you had people wanting nothing more than to be with you? Is it what you thought you deserved? They were his friends before they were yours. You felt horrible that they were taking your side. You felt your heart ripping slowly with each beat it made in it's spot in your being. It was like one half of your heart was tied to Remus' and with each beat away from him, it tore you apart - slowly, filling you with excruciating pain.

Five minutes after the letter was sent, you were standing, trying to find a way to busy your mind.

Ten minutes after the letter was sent, you were crouching in the corner, the weight of your predicament pressing down on you so hard, it's like it formed hands and was set on pushing you six feet under without any hole dug for your body.

Twenty minutes after the letter was sent, your body was shaking with it's sobs once more, the loss of not only your spouse, but also the friends you loved almost as much as him.

An hour later, you had fallen asleep on the floor, your mind groggy and your heart tearing with each beat, your conscious hoping to pull you away from the pain your felt in the body that was supposed to be yours - but belonged to the man who seemed to not want you anymore.

It was dark, so incredibly dark. The only thing that was seen was the moon, halfway full in it's wake. The only thing heard was the pads of feet stomping on the ground as they ran. Ran where? Ran why? You could feel the pain in your chest, but it was like it wasn't your own. As you came to a stop, you looked at a building that seemed a familiar kind of unfamiliar - although that didn't really make much sense to you.

Before you realized it, you were slumped over the toilet, letting out the contents of your stomach. One of your hands pulled your hair to one side of your shoulder, keeping it there. But all you could think was how badly you wish it was Remus holding your hair, rubbing your back as he whispered sweet nothings in your ear.

But all that mattered today was to get through it, like any other day.

One day following the motions.

Two days following the motions.

Three, four, five days.

Until your hands were pulled from your face, the skin around your fingers almost chewed to nothing, the warm face of Lily standing before you.

"If I see you bite your fingers one more time, I'm going to hex them to taste like Harry's dirty diapers." She spoke, pulling you up from your spot on the couch.

"Lily - I." You stopped, looking around her to see James, Sirius, and Harry. "How?" You asked, looking back into the eyes of your best friend.

"Your great grandpa is super cool. I think he was getting tired of all the letters we were sending him too and gave us the floo network here to knock you out of whatever it is you're in." Sirius spoke, Harry on his shoulders, pulling at his hair.

"You guys-" You were cut off with Lily pulling you into her hold, her larger belly pressed against yours as you both attempted to properly hug one another.

"I have missed you, so much" Her voice was soft, uncommon for Lily. Her hands held you tightly, almost like she was holding onto you to make sure you didn't disappear once more.

"Come on Lils, other people missed her too." Sirius spoke to cause her to pull away and glare at the man. "If you weren't holding onto my kid, I'd have hexed you so hard for that." She said, moving to grab Harry from his shoulders as James wrapped you up in a hug himself.

"If we hadn't seen you for another day, I think Lily was going to fly off on my broom." He said, causing you to laugh at your own prediction.

You finally got to Sirius, his arms holding you tighter than the two. "I'm sorry." He mumbled, his hold growing tighter. "What are you sorry for, Siri?" You asked him, pulling away to look into his face.

"What he said, what he did. That's not what you deserved." He mumbled, pushing your hair back a bit. "I swear, I about pounded his face in at Molly's. I think Arthur had to separate me magically." He trailed off, looking at the floor.

His words brought tears to your eyes once more, your heart feeling empty, yet full. "That's not your fault, Sirius. We all knew he didn't want kids, but we weren't careful. I don't know why his reaction surprised me." You were honest with them, having thought this entire thing was truly your fault.

The three of them surrounded you, their eyes narrow with intent. "Y/n, the last thing this is, is your fault. You're his fiancée, not a random person. Either way, those are his kids. He shouldn't have treated you like he did." James spoke with meaning, wanting you to understand each word he spoke.

Somehow, the four of you relaxed enough to find yourself growing to bed. You showed Sirius his room, a place where James and Lily can lay Harry, and then their own room, before finding your way to your own.

You laid in bed, wide awake. You knew what tonight was, the night before the full moon, and knew that Remus was probably out wherever he was, already in pain. Every turn was different, it truly was, but each night before the full moon, his body ached, his bones almost softened, knowing they would be breaking and turning in 24 hours, and his head psyched him out, especially when you weren't there. This was now the third full moon your financé was to handle without you.

You refused to cry, knowing Lily always had a third sense to that stuff, and willed yourself to sleep. But, you laid there.

And laid there.

And laid there some more, until you couldn't handle the quiet, and found yourself moving out of the room and towards Sirius'.

You had slept with Sirius before, each time when Remus was gone and your heart could hardly handle it. Now, the three hearts inside of you couldn't stand the guilt of not being with him.

The door didn't creak when you opened it, none of the floor boards made a sound, but that somehow made it worse. Your feet carried you to the dark haired man, seeing his sleeping frame move, sensing another person there.

His eyes jerked open, coming to look at you as he smiled sadly. "How did I know you'd come in here. Just can't resist the charm, can you?" His voice was deeper, rougher from sleep. It calmed you, but never like Remus' did. You waddled closer to the man, his arms opening for you as you crawled into him.

You both laid in silence, but awake now, as you took in the moment.

"I miss him, Siri. I know I shouldn't, I know I should hate him, but my entire being misses him." Your voice was softer than his was, much softer, but it wasn't because you were afraid of him, but because you were afraid of your own truth.

"I know you do. I know he misses you too. You guys are kinda like Lily and James, meant to be. He's just, an absolute git for this." His fingers worked in your hair, rubbing your scalp and causing your eyes to close in comfort.

"I thought we were meant to be too. But, he doesn't want me anymore. He doesn't want us." At that, Sirius rested a hand at your bump, this being the first touch they really had beside your own. "He does, he's just stupid and scared. Either way, you have us. Aunt Lily, Uncle James, and, the absolute best uncle in the world, Uncle Siri. We've got you." His sensere words lulled you to sleep, a sleep where you felt safe and happy falling into.

You were running again, but it didn't feel like you were in danger. It felt like you were running to run, really. Which, was something you did not do. You weren't in the woods, but you didn't know where you were. All you did know is that you were still scared. Absolutely, bone crushingly scared.

With each step you took, the fear grew. How could you possibly be this scared? You were looking for something, but you didn't know what. You were shaking, but from both the cold and the fear. You were shaking. Shaking. Shaking

Shaking. "Y/n, wake up!" Sirius was looking down at you, his eyes full of excitement. "Your great grandpa is showing us the American version of Diagon Alley today!" You smiled up at him, nodding.

"Okay, okay, let me get changed."

The four of you had left your Grandpa once he settled himself down to play some wizards chess, waving you off.

"You know where the house is when you're done, I've got a title to keep."

You wandered through stores, showing them the few things you had learned so far about the wizarding world here. The four of you had just walked into their version of Flourish and Blotts when you were stopped by an older couple. "Oh, you both look absolutely wonderful! I remember when I was that pregnant. How far are you both?" she was smiling at you and Lily, growing closer to you.

"I'm due in about a week and a half. We already have one, Harry, who's staying with her family." She had pointed to you, smiling at the older woman. "Oh, I'd expect you to be due any day now. Seconds always come early and you look family dropped. What about you dear?" She had looked to you, glancing at your own belly.

"Oh, I'm only a few months along. Twins." You laughed, your hand resting protectively on your belly. "Awe, that's lovely. You both look radiant. Two amazing father's, I hope?" She now looked at James and Sirius, smiling at them. "Oh, no, I'm not the father. Our best mate is." Sirius spoke, gesturing to you. "Well, I dunno, is he?" He asked, looking at the three of you. "It's complicated." Lily said, smiling.

The older woman nodded, smiling. "I completely understand. I wish you both the best of luck." She bid you all adu, leaving with her husband.

"I can't tell if that was awkward or sweet." James laughed, leading you all to the door to leave.

You all laughed as you walked through the Wizarding space until you and Lily began complaining about the swollen ankles and bloated stomach enough to convince James and Sirius to guide you both home.

As the day turned into night, you now showing your friends the muggle artifacts your grandpa has collected from his move to the states. That was, until Lily groaned in pain.

"Fuck, she was right." The young woman grumbled, clenching her bump. "What do you mean?" James asked, his hand on her back softly. "He's coming early, James. I'm in labor, fuck." She groaned again, tilting her head back at the pain she was feeling for the second time in her life.

"Shit, Sirius, go find some towels. I'll go tell grandpa to write the healer for labor." You spoke, pointing Sirius in the direction of the towels before moving to Lily. "It'll be okay, okay? Everything will be fine." She nodded, gripping your hand tightly as she looked in your eyes. She smiled before groaning once more, a contraction hitting her. "Okay, okay, healer. You guys lay her down." Sirius returned with multiple towels, James and him laying a few out before helping Lily lay down on them.

You turned to waddle out of your home, attempting to get to your grandpa's house as quickly as possible.

Three steps towards his house, you heard a twig snap.

Five steps towards his house, you heard a thud.

Nine steps towards his house, a figure stopped before you, it's frame furry and bent, a growl releasing from his lips.

A werewolf.

How the fuck is a werewolf standing in front of you, in the middle of fucking Texas, in a populated muggle area?

You took a few steps backwards, until it clicked.

The only Werewolf that would spend his full moon looking for you was the same werewolf that has plagued your mind for the past month.

Moony.

~

Tag list - You can always comment/send and ask/pm me about being added to tag list! If your name is white, it wouldn't let me tag you!

@gog0juice @isabellamur @tae-v-val @missmulti @brod16 @justmesadgirl @little-bit-of-randomness @emptyporsche @pan-pride-12 @zabrynaskylar @introverted-gal @girl22334 @lilacskiesandpolaroids @crowleysqueenofhell @tb-ctn @y0urlocallos3r @rachaelluvil @thelastwildangel @dan-knee-03 @dive-the-frogger @delaneychamberlain @mahleigham

[shimmershae]

Waltzing might have stalled (for the moment), but all the words and worlds crowding my brain haven't.  Wanna have a look-see at some of the other little Caryl drabble-verses I'm considering turning into their own full-fledged stories (eventually)?  Here you go.  Tell me which one(s) you'd most like to revisit.

First up, the AU Caryl married fic where they raise Sophia.  And a puppy. 

 1. 

 “Please, Mom.” 

 “Sophia,” Carol warned. 

 “But it was an accident, Mom.  He didn’t mean to.” 

 “Tell that to my begonias.” 

 She heard a snort behind her, and she whirled around to glare at her husband.  He was just as complicit in the laundry list of crimes as her twelve-year-old.  He didn’t know it yet, but he would pay.  “Daryl, don’t even.” 

 “Didn’t say nothing.”  He grinned, edged a little closer, penned her in against the counter.  “You know you want it, Sweetheart.”   

 “Mommy,” Sophia pleaded. 

 Three pairs of puppy dog eyes stared at her until she folded, completely melted. 

 “Okay.” 

***

“Daryl, have you seen my favorite…” 

 Daryl tried to hide the chewed-up shoe behind his back, but it was too late.  She’d already spotted it. 

 “Where is he?”

 “Sweetheart, just remember.  Harvey’s still a puppy.  He don’t know no better.”

 “Harvey Dent Dixon!” 

 Sophia appeared behind her mother, their happily slobbering new addition cradled in her arms. 

 Daryl tried to warn her away with his eyebrows, but he didn’t marry no fool.  His wife whirled around and angrily wagged her finger beneath the puppy’s nose.  

 “How do I even put up with you?”

 “Mom!”

 “We should have named you Wreck-It-Ralph.” 

 ***

 “Harvey, you know you’re not supposed to be in the bed.”

 The puppy responded to her half-hearted scolding with a sweetly pathetic whine and a broad swipe of his pink tongue across her chin, burrowing beneath the blankets with her and flopping down in an exhausted heap. 

 Caught between a giggle and a sigh, Carol merely smiled and opened her eyes, thankful her husband and daughter were at soccer practice and not bearing witness to her utter failure disciplining the little obedience school dropout.  “Oh, you.”

 Harvey’s tail thumped lazily. 

 “I have a secret.  Two, actually.  Promise not to tell?”    

 ***

“You can’t just hug me and think everything’s okay.” 

 Daryl peeled back, let his arms fall to his sides.  His blue eyes darted over to Sophia, but the preteen was looking elsewhere, anywhere but at them. 

 Harvey was flopped down between her daughter’s bare feet, his tongue lolling, mouth panting as he tilted his head this way and that, happily, tiredly unrepentant for the latest episode of chaos.

 “Help me out here, Soph.” 

 “It looked dead.” 

 “Weren’t, though.  How’s I s’posed to know Mama and Pa would go all Commando on us?  Fucking squirrels.” 

 Carol snorted out a laugh.  “Daryl!” 

 ***

“No more dogs.  How hard is it to understand?” 

 “Really?” Carol sighed as her husband mimicked her oft-repeated words.  Twisting in her seat to face him, at least as much as the seatbelt cinched snug across her hips would allow, she challenged, “C’mon.  You can do better than that, Pookie.” 

 Behind them, Sophia giggled. 

 Catching his stepdaughter’s eyes in the reflection of the rear-view mirror, Daryl narrowed his eyes.  “Traitor.” 

 Sophia grinned, stretching out her legs and wiggling her socked feet between them, her smelly socked feet. 

 “Sophia!  Shoes back on!” 

 “What your mom said.” 

 “Technically, it’s a kitten.” 

 “Pfft.” 

 ***

 “You fell asleep in the tub?”

 “Third time this week,” Sophia piped up oh-so-helpfully, fingers tightening in Harvey’s collar when he made another playful lunge at their newest family member.    

 Coined Poison Ivy by her feline-averse husband, the kitten squeaked.  Blue eyes huge, just as wet and bedraggled as Carol thanks to this latest disastrous romp, it shivered and snuggled itself into the open vee of her robe. 

 “Third time, huh?”

 “Not now,” Carol frowned.  “Sophia.  Take Harvey outside.  Let him chase some real squirrels.” 

 “But Mom…” 

 “Please?”

 Once alone, Daryl reached for her.   “Something you wanna tell me, Sweetheart?” 

 ***

 Eyeing her husband’s pale face warily, her bottom lip tucked between her teeth, Carol murmured, “Did you hear…” 

 Daryl staggered a little on his feet, hands fumbling to find the edge of their mattress, just flopped there like a fish out of water.  Still looking a little stunned, he nodded at her when she made her careful approach. 

 Smiling hopefully when his hands found her waist, Carol tenderly brushed his hair back from his forehead.  “Use your words.” 

 “A baby?  You’re…” 

 “I’m...” 

 “Holy shit, Sweetheart.  We’re living in a sitcom.”    

 “Daryl!” 

 Frightened from her doze, Ivy mewed plaintively. 

 “Cat agrees.” 

 **************************************************

 Second, the AU where Carol and Daryl are partners.  Purely platonic.  Or are they?

2. 

 “Bed, Soph.  Now.” 

 “Fine.” 

 “Love you.” 

 “Sure.” 

 “Teenagers,” Carol muttered, falling back against her bedroom door.  Kicking her heels off, she bent to peel the stockings from her legs, made short work of her blouse and skirt.  She was down to her underwear and thigh holster before she realized she wasn’t alone. 

 “Keep going, Partner.” 

 “Fuck!  Dixon!  Is there a reason you’re naked in my bed?” 

 “Exterminators, remember?”    

 She took off her gun, turned on the bedside lamp, rolled her eyes at the erection tenting the sheet pooled around his waist.  “Seriously?” 

 He shrugged, grinned.  “Happens.”    

 “Stay on your side." 

  ***

Thing about Mason was, she was fun to fuck with.  And Daryl?  He loved fucking around.  Both in the bedroom, and…well.  Barring the field, everywhere really. 

 She’d left her bra on.  Sexy little number.  Just a lacy shadow against her pale, freckled skin. 

 His hands, body burned with the need to touch that skin, touch her.  He didn’t.  Didn’t trust himself not to take them both down a long, dark road that would consume them both.  Didn’t want to put their partnership on the line that way, but fuck.  She was right there.  He groaned. 

 “My name isn’t Leslie…who’s Leslie?” 

 ***

Carol rolled over, glared at her uninvited bedmate.  “Answer me, Dixon.  Who the fuck is Leslie?” 

 His smirk was slow.  Sly.  “Why?  You jealous?”  He deftly avoided her attempt to knee him in the nuts, pulled her leg over his hip instead. 

 “Dixon.” 

 Heeding her warning, he let her go.  “Relax.  Been watching tv with your ball-busting daughter.” 

 Carol softened.  “She loves that show.” 

 “Yeah, well.  Didn’t do much for me.” 

 “Your taste is questionable at best.” 

 “Mine?  What about yours?” 

 “Excuse me?” 

 “Your UPS man wear his little shorts on your date?” 

 “Dixon.” 

 “…” 

 “Scoot over a little bit, please.” 

  ***

“Quit moving.  I’m trying to sleep.  Wait.  Are you…what?!” 

 Daryl’s hand stilled under the sheet just long enough for him to hiss, groan.  “Jesus, Mason.  Think you can stop screaming in my ear?”  That was absofuckinglutely the wrong thing to say because those blue eyes flashed and caught fire, and shit.  Shit.  His hand quickly went from tugging his dick to shielding it as his partner’s small hands balled into fists, and she growled.  She fucking growled.  He was equal parts terrified and turned on.  Alright.  More like 60% terrified, 40%...

 “My kid’s…” 

 “14 going on 40 and not here.” 

  **************************

Third, teen besties Caryl AU where they both grew up with absent parents and found each other early on. 

 3. 

 “We really doing this silent treatment shit?  S’not my fault they only had one room.” 

 Carol heaved her duffel on top of the bed with a roll of her eyes, started digging through it like it held the secrets of the fuckin’ universe. 

 He wished.  Some last hurrah this was turning out to be.  Stuck in Bumfuck, Nowheresville in this Bates Motel wannabe.  With a best friend who’d sooner rip his nuts off than utter a civil word.  “Got a beer in there?” 

 “…” 

  “Shit.  Sorry.  Jesus.”

 “…”

 “Is that…That’s my shirt.  So is that…wait.”   

 “…” 

 “S’Walsh, right?  You crushin’ on me, Sweetheart?" 

 ***

 He was almost asleep, first decent forty winks he’d managed since they’d started this trash-fire trip when he heard it:  a blood-curdling scream worthy of this place’s whole Psycho ambience. 

 “Daryl!”

 The bathroom door bounced against the wall when he burst through it, practically broke his nose on the rebound, but that was all beside the point.  Two steps inside, and Carol was in his arms.  Shaking, still squealing, naked as the day she was fuckin’ born.  “Shh.  Got ya.  S’alright.  Somebody…shit.” 

 “Kill it.” 

 “A roach?  Seriously?  Thought you were bein’ murdered.” 

 “It’s prehistoric…what?” 

 “You’re so clingy.  I love it.” 

 ***

 They checked out, ended up at some Waffle House knock-off a half mile down the road that smelled like grease and maple syrup. 

 Daryl had already demolished his burger, was on the second refill of his shake before he addressed the huge fuckin’ pink elephant in the room.  “So, I saw you naked.  No big deal.” 

 Carol tugged at one of her wet curls.   “Great.  What every girl wants to hear.” 

 “Yeah, well.  Waxing poetic or some shit ‘bout your world class tits would only make things weird.” 

 “World class, huh?” 

 “Fuck.” 

 “Sharing is caring.  Now, give me your fries.” 

 ***

 “Oh.  Did I scare you, big boy?” 

 His fingers still fumbling with his half-zipped fly, Daryl scowled.  “Fuck off.” 

 Carol sighed, gathered her loose curls in one hand, lifted them from her sweaty neck.  “Would you relax?  I didn’t even see anything.” 

 Daryl remained skeptical.  “Sure?”

 This time, Carol rolled her eyes.  “Yes, I’m sure.   Want me to tear the hinges off a bathroom door next time?” 

 Daryl’s ears burned with the pointed reminder, and he joined her on the truck’s old tailgate, cast his eyes to the evening sky, their surroundings.  It was too…

 “Children of the Corn.” 

 “Stop.” 

 ***

 Fourth, Sophia finds herself in a spot of trouble. 

 4. 

“Quit stalling.  Where’s your father?” 

 Beside her, Sophia moaned into the cover of her hands.  “Mom, please.  It’s not Cade’s fault.” 

 Feeling her blood pressure tick up another notch, Carol wryly reminded her teen daughter, “Of course not.  I paid attention in health class.  It takes two.” 

 “Which makes it both their faults.” 

 The screen door slammed shut behind the man as he belatedly joined the fray, and Carol did a double take.  “Daryl?” 

 The boy’s shoulders lifted defiantly, but his blue eyes still looked just as worried. 

 “You’re Cade’s father?” 

 “Uncle,” Daryl clarified. 

 “This keeps getting better and better.” 

  ***

 Finally, because this post is too long and I'm going to have to do another one, AU.  Carol and Daryl are two neighbors not-so-secretly pining over each other, and the waiting game for one of them to make a move is killing Carol’s visiting friend Aaron.  He decides to help things along. 

  5.   

  “Hold my hand so he gets jealous.” 

 “What?  But you’re, well.”  Her cheeks almost as red in that moment as her hair, Carol couldn’t even sputter out the word. 

 Aaron, as always, was quick to bail her out of the awkward moment.  Hiding his smirk in her mad cap of curls, he took her hand in his own and pulled her against his side, ushering her quickly down the hallway to her apartment door while her neighbor—her hot, adorably awkward, single, and undeniably interested neighbor—watched.  “What Dixon doesn’t know…” 

 “But…” 

 “No buts.  Just play along.” 

 “He watching?” 

 “Definitely.” 

[dammit-sun-get-off-tumbler]

Hey Lolly! I just got a line number for Staff Sergeant! I'm excited but super nervous. I know you're already an NCO and I think you're pretty cool, so I wondered if you might have any advice for me? My biggest worry is that I want to do right for my troops and be understanding and set them up for success without being a pushover. :'D

I’m sorry I didn’t answer this earlier, i was away at warfighter training, wheee. So FIRST OFF, I’m sorry if most of this stuff is what you’ve already heard of. I am not trying to insult your intelligence I promise. Just putting emphasis on important things I’ve learned along the way!!

THE TRANSITION TO NCO CAN BE ROUGH There is a huuuge jump between junior enlisted and NCO. You are now accountable for your actions as well as your officers, and subordinates. Also your junior enlisted pals are..not just pals anymore. They are now your subordinates and need to see each other a little differently now. If not? You’re going to have to put your foot down and it’s gonna suck. But none the less, be the leader you needed when you were junior enlisted and you’ll do just fine. =)

YOU’RE GOING TO FUCK UP SOMETIMES We ALL fuck up as brand new NCOs. It’s GOING. TO. HAPPEN.  Learn from your mistakes and keep moving forward, my friend.

THEY ARE LIVING, BREATHING HUMAN BEINGS, NOT NUMBERSNever ever put them through hell if you’re not capable of handling it yourself.

KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN NECESSARY DISCIPLINE AND SELF-REWARDING ABUSEDo not punish a subordinate just to make yourself feel better or vent off steam you’ve had on them. Only punish an equivalent of the ill meaning action they made. Use your best judgement, not your heart on these decisions. Make time in your schedule for them if need be for the corrective action. (ex: PT failure, you make them go to the gym with you to ensure they are getting the right exercise and can pass) 

FAKE MOTIVATION IS BETTER THAN NO MOTIVATION Fake it till you make it! Being a NCO will rip you out of your comfort zone very, VERY often. Remember, they’re looking up to you for guidance! 

DON’T SHOW THAT THEY’RE GETTING TO YOU Expectations on you multiply tenthfold by everyone. There are times where even your best wasn’t enough and you get chewed out for something you had no actual control over. Hold it in until you can cry on the shower floor alone in the middle of the night if you have to, but don’t let them have that power over you.

A LITTLE GOES A LONG WAY… Say hello to everyone, check up on them, ask little questions every once in a while. Learn little things about them so that when they’re really sad or mad, you’ll know how to perk them right up and defuse situations. You’d be amazed at how receptive people will be if you just take the time to notice them.

ENCOURAGE OTHERS TO GET PROMOTED: Constantly ask people of the progression for their next rank and promotion packets. Make sure they’re getting slots for their schools, and that they’re talking to the right people. Make sure they have “I Love Me” books too. 

LEARN TO PROJECT YOUR VOICE, NEVER LOOK DOWN AND KEEP SPINE STRAIGHT WHEN WALKING...Looking the part is halfway there, and actions will drive you home. Speak from your diaphragm, not your throat. Inject confidence into your words like they're indisputable. (which they naturally should be)

RAPPORT RAPPORT RAPPORT RAPPORT: There will be times when its not what YOU know, but what THEY know too. Crosstalk with other sections and learn what they do too! You’d be surprised how beneficial others can be to you (and likewise)

YOU WON’T MAKE EVERYONE HAPPY Sometimes you’re going to have to make some really cringey decisions you really don’t want to do. Use your best judgement and stick to your guns. 

YOUTUBE IS YOUR FRIEND!!!! Freshen up with a manual as well as watching youtube for visual. Literally almost anything you can think of is on that site. It’ll save a life trust me 

CTRL+FThis will save you so much time when looking up something on google or when you’re researching an online manual or any other resource for that matter. 

LEARN TO “FORECAST”/PLAN AHEADDon’t just tell your peoples to be at the motor pool for clean up duty and not think to bring/tell to bring any cleaning supplies. Predict what you’ll need and act accordingly. ACT, DON’T REACT. 

CONSTANTLY WRITE DOWN NOTES, ALSO GET A WATCH, ALSO EXCELWrite down all the things, especially times, dates, and locations as well as which subordinate you sent on which task. Get a watch since there will be times you cant use your cell phone. Also, if you know how to use excel minimally, it’ll make your life so much easier with keeping track of things and compiling information. With the power of all these combined, you’ll be top tier highspeed. 

LEARN TO DELEGATE!! DONT LEAVE THEM OUT IN THE COLD!! Remember that your subordinates are there for you just as much as you are there for them!! Use any moment you can as a teaching moment. Doing some complicated paperwork or task? Dont ignore them, teach them as you go along! Teach them what YOU know! Be on the same page so that when you’re super busy and could use a hand, you can give them tasks with confidence of their abilities. Give clear instruction, and a time limit if need be. Not only does this keep them busy and out of trouble, but also good for future bullet points on awards for promotion points…. *WINK WINK NUDGE NUDGE*

DON’T FORGET HOW IMPORTANT INITIAL COUNSELINGS AREMake your boundaries known to your peoples, especially your pet peeves. Set the standard as well as your own personal ones on day one. Make sure you both have a solid copy of the counseling so that if they try to come back at you for something, you can simply show them your copy as proof. ;)

FIRST IMPRESSIONS ARE NOT END ALL, BE ALL/RUMORS ARE DUMBSee for YOURSELF that a person is genuinely a shitbag. Remember that there is a such thing as toxic leadership and some people were just doomed to fail under circumstances not in their control. Give them a chance to blossom under your leadership, and have faith. You never know.. 

REMEMBER TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF TOO!!! Listen, I know you want to save the world from itself constantly…. But every once in a while.. you just gotta take a step back and take care of yourself. 

There are so many more things I want to say but…I’ll leave it here. I really hope at least one of these things help you out. Congrats on your stripes and welcome to the NCO Corps. YOU ARE NOW THE BACKBONE OF THE MILITARY, YOU BADASS