#'in the circle around the kitchen table i say my amen because i feel blessed'

[cas---2y5]

this song gives me sooooo sam vibes. like especially pre-series where he "hates hunting" and wants away from john and knows there's something wrong with him, can feel it in his bones, but doesn't know what

[fantasy-mixtapes]

Kristen Applebees Season 1 Character Playlist BREAKDOWN

OKAY, SO this one is gonna be an ordeal.

I set a 6-song limit for every other playlist I made, but this is the playlist that started it all. So, I didn't have a limit. So it's 12 songs long.

Which is honestly like a normal playlist length BUT it's gonna be a long breakdown which I will lovingly do because I LOVE Kristen with my whole heart. Either way, this is deffos gonna be a long post so read if you want (i would very much appreciate it obvi but I get this is pushing it).

Genres Included: Folk, Singer-songwriter, Alternative, 80's

1. Save the People, The Mountain Goats

When wilt thou save the people? Oh, God of mercy, when? Not kings and lords, but nations Not thrones and crowns, but men God save the people For thine they are Thy children as thy angels fair Save the people from despair

Starting off strong with my main man John Darnielle. John, as prolific as he might be, did not write this song it is originally from the musical Godspell by Steven Schwartz. I was raised as a theater kid and I remember one summer my mom took out our cable and the only things we could watch on the tv were dvds and vhs tapes of musicals, and the 1973 Godspell movie was definitely one of my favorites. Its like "what if Jesus was around in the 70s and was a hippie clown and also was crucified on a chain-linked fence and beaten by cops" ...ah, good times.

ANYWAYS, I don't feel like I need to get into why this is a perfect Kristen song - I feel like it really gets to the divide between the way that Christianity is taught to kids vs the way it is enacted by the adults that do the teaching.

2. Father Texas, Birdtalker

Father Texas on his toes Tells me where and when to go He's a savior, liturgy man He's a stickler and a soap monger Shove it down your throat Holy answer man He says obey and I'll love ya Now I'm doing just to prove And I'm walking out of fear But the devils done

Ok so I was raised Catholic, which I feel like is a whole different flavor of religious trauma compared to Evangelical or Baptist vibes - which I feel like the Helioic religion gives. Either way, this song slaps and really gets to that Evangelical vibe.

3. Big Houses, Squalloscope

I build bridges with these arms I will not build a fortress In the circle around the kitchen table I say my "amen" because I feel blessed Secretly hoping, while joining hands, that you can't feel my trembling fingertips

Here's young Kristen Applebees - Chosen One of Helio- who just wanted to help people. She meets her first non-religious friends, plans to convert and save them, and then straight up dies on the first day of school. She comes face to face with her literal god, is disappointed and grossed out by him, and then is magically (and violently) revived.

Can you imagine her returning home, trying to answer her parent's questions about the first day, making it through dinner, crawling into bed, and just lying there? AHHHHHHHHHHH

4. Under The Table, Fiona Apple

I'd like to buy you a pair of pillow-soled hiking boots To help you with your climb Or rather, to help the bodies that you step over along your route So they won't hurt like mine Kick me under the table all you want I won't shut up, I won't shut up Kick me under the table all you want I won't shut up, I won't shut up

Speaking of those family dinners, as the days go by and Kristen gets closer to her party, how do you think she's gonna react to whatever comments her parents make about them hmmmmmm? The result of coming out of your social shell and realizing how bad the people around you really are.

5. Cleric Girl, Sisyfuss

I need my cleric girl tonight So she can bless me in this plight Dress me in crucifixes so they die on sight I need my cleric girl tonight

This is just a fun song I see as Kristen finds her groove within the party, kinda around the DJ brains fight. Also it makes me think of the prayer chain thing that she had the whole party on at some point.

6. Cornflake Girl, Tori Amos

She knows what's going on Seems we got a cheaper feel now All the sweeteaze are gone Gone to the other side With my encyclopedia They musta paid her a nice price She's putting on her string bean love This is not really, this, this This is not really happening

There's something about a Tori Amos song that never fucking misses. This song, for me, kinda gets at the part of growing up when you really start to uncover the truth of things for yourself, instead of listening to the things you were always told. Kristen buys the book of world religions and reads about the atrocities people did in her god's name. She is also told that the "cool camps" she was going to were run by an actual fanatical cult. Yikes.

7. Eldest Daughter, Isabel Pless

Bring me your battered, your bruised, and your scarred Florence Nightingale, to your broken hearts Bring me your bleeding I'll stitch it up with a bow Tugging at the sword in the stone The dormant hero in me is yet to be known Dying to prove myself again, but I don't know how Wanna lay my weapons down Lay my weapons down Want everyone to adore me even though People's emotions are out of my control Smothering fires Letting flames claim my hands I would do anything to be needed Over and over again.

Okay, the thing about this song is that we get the root of it here in season one, and it shows up really lightly, but God almighty, do we get one hell of a payoff in the next two seasons. Damn. The first time I listened to this song I cried. It's on several of my dnd character playlists - because, for some reason, I can't stop making dnd characters with self-saccrificing tendencies. HM! I WONDER WHY?

But anyways, yeah... something something, Christian households raising their eldest daughters to be surrogate mothers and laborers, something something Kristen is a cleric while her brothers are paladins, something something Women being healers

8. Angel Eyes and Basketball, Foot Ox

There are flowers growing all around A massive animal inside of me And it's so ugly, and I'm so broken And I'm so ugly, and it's so broken I am calling all of my friends To pull me out of this hole But they're so caught up in their own shit And I'm so caught up in my own shit

Ok, this is full Christian guilt. I also really like the way this song is one of those upbeat but devastating ones because it makes me think about her inspiring speeches to her party members just being her ranting about how horrible everything is, and then they get +1 to attacks and extra hitpoints. Living La Vida Loca.

9. We Fell in Love in October, girl in red

Smoking cigarettes on the roof You look so pretty, and I love this view Don't bother looking down, we're not going that way At least I know I am here to stay We fell in love in October That's why I love fall Looking at the stars Admiring from afar

Ok, I know this is cheesy. BUT TO MY CREDIT: both the song and the season came out in 2018. Also, you know Kristen would stream the fuck out of this song.

10. Running Up That Hill ( A Deal With God), Kate Bush

And if I only could, I'd make a deal with God And I'd get him to swap our places I'd be running up that road, be running up that hill With no problems

AGAIN TO MY CREDIT: I made this playlist in 2020 - two years before Stranger Things brought the song back to the general psyche. No shade, of course, to the stranger things; it's a perfect song to choose, and the scene effectively made me cry.

But anyway its here because at her bones, Kristen would die for her friends and has and will (unfortunately) continue to. Speaking of

11. Arms Tonite, Mother Mother

I cry in the afterlife I cry hard because I have died And you're alive I try to escape afterlife I try hard to get back inside Your arms alive

Kristen's dying count is more than double most of her friends at this point - and golly gee just wait till season 2!

Can I roll a nat 20 and then be alive?

12. Glory (Bunker Sessions), Bastille

And all their words for glory Well, they always sounded empty When we're looking up for heaven Looking up for heaven Way down here upon the ground When we're lying in the dirt There's no looking up for heaven Looking up for heaven

I really love this bunker session version of this song; the strings and the piano just give it a lovely honesty. Gorgeous song. Perfect way to end this season

[pseudomonaslisa]

Big Houses - Squalloscope

Prayer is the bell jar you put over this goodbye I'd rather leave this embrace between you and I Let's lock out the bearded old man in the nightgown He can tap against the glass, but I'm not coming out I build bridges with these arms, I will not build a fortress In the circle around the kitchen table, I say my Amen because I feel blessed Secretly hoping while joining hands that you can't feel my trembling fingertips If I sign this piece of paper do I sell my soul along with my duties? And we won't put our money where your Catholic mouth is Even though the teeth are long gone, there's still bone beneath the gums And there's a lot of potential in a mighty, mighty organ And they told us not to clap and we clap as loud as we can Because the reverb in those holy halls is like a long lost friend It keeps hitting the walls and comes all the way back, back again Back, back again Back, back again I want trees instead of gravestones, nothing to confess I got a soft spot for your ancient books of horror stories I got a music in my ear from long, long ago and far, far away And I still hum its tune, but how could I believe every word it says to me?

We follow our own steps, while our shadows keep watching us We follow the wrong steps, while our shadows keep watching us We follow our own steps, while our shadows keep watching us We follow the wrong steps, while our shadows keep watching us We follow our own steps, while our shadows keep watching us We follow our own steps, while our shadows keep watching us We follow our own steps, while our shadows keep watching us The wrong step would be not to start this exodus The wrong step would be not to start this exodus

[eliaswasoncehere]

I build bridges with these arms

I will not build a fortress

In the circle around the kitchen table

I say my "Amen" because I feel blessed

Secretly hoping while joining hands

That you can't feel my trembling fingertips

If I sign this piece of paper

Do I sell my soul along with my duties?

We won't put our money

Where your catholic mouth is

—🎵

Hmmm.

[kingfisherbones]

I build bridges with these arms,

I will not build a fortress

In the circle around the kitchen table

I say my "amen" because i feel blessed

Secretly hoping while joining hands that you can't feel my trembling fingertips

[astraeal]

new updated playlist for fáelán because she’s a more dimensional character in my mind, and as such her playlist needed to reflect that! see below the cut for me gushing about the organization for this playlist, or just listen to listen 🥰🥰

Act I. Home

Her relationship with her home – the Pallid Grove, the place she was born and came from – is changing as she’s discovering more things about it. As it is, we the players and Fáelán the character, don’t know a whole lot about it. So it’s shrouded with mystery, even as she’s getting hints and memories unlocked with the help of the Luxon, and I wanted to secure that just...slightly “off” feeling of the Pallid Grove. It’s the sight of such horrible divine influence – both positive and negative – and the people inside haven’t left for hundreds of years in the aftermath that it has this almost...closed door, on the inside looking out feeling to it. Is that from fear? Safety? Community? Paranoia? I wanted to explore that. 

Big Houses – Squalloscope

“In the circle around the kitchen table/I say my "amen" because I feel blessed/Secretly hoping while joining hands that you can't feel my trembling fingertips” 

This too Shall Pass – Danny Schmidt

“But deep inside/When every cell divides/Well, it sets upon the rule that states/Self-interest is divine”

Liability – Lorde

“You're all gonna watch me/Disappear into the sun”

Shrike - Hozier 

“Remember me love, when I'm reborn/As the shrike to your sharp and glorious thorn”

Act II. Selection Side A (Luxon Love Letters) 

At some point in her life in the Pallid Grove, Fáelán starts getting this pull from the Luxon. It leads her to Rosohna, but before that there’s an indeterminate amount of time that passes between when she left the Pallid Grove and when she arrived in Rosohna. This movement is dedicated to that journey, the part of her life that she doesn’t have any memory of, because somehow all alone she crossed the entire Wildemount continent and had absolutely no idea how she did so. It’s important to note that neither do I, the player! It’s a complete mystery. But the only thing she remembers from that time is the incessant need to be near the Luxon, and that was her only driving force. So while some of these are “love” songs, they’re also songs to the Luxon. It’s those conversations with this entity that’s pulling her closer, from the weariness of a long travel (1000 Nights) to the doubt cast by not getting a ton of answers (Games), that remain with her even now. 

1000 Nights - FRENSHIP

“There's a bulletproof bond/Between meaning and you”

Heaven/Hell - CHVRCHES

“If none of this is real, then show me what you feel/'Cause I can't tell”

Games – Tessa Violet

“And I long to take you at your word, but then/All along you're hiding even when you're by my side”

It’s You – Ali Gatie 

“I'm hurting inside/I'm so scared to fall in love/But if it's you then I'll try”

Act III. Arrival

This encapsulates really the most recent ~50 years of her life, about how much she remembers after her journey. In these brief songs, we see how different she is from her old “home”, her old space of the Pallid Grove. Things are different, she has a higher energy now, she’s in a place where she has her new mom and her new brother and the Luxon. With that connection satisfied, she feels like she can take on the world! In a lot of ways, this is the highest energy of the movements, because she’s feeling. Feeling both good and bad things, but she’s alive and she’s feeling and her powers have begun to manifest the more she devotes herself to the Luxon and the Lucid Bastion and the Dynasty in general. 

Up To Something - Naaz

“Don't want to hurt them/But this is who I am/Chasing ambitions/Making my own mistakes”

Capsize - FRENSHIP

“Drop tears in the morning/Give in to the lonely”

When You Were Young - The Killers

“You sit there in your heartache/Waiting on some beautiful boy to/To save you from your old ways”

Wild Things - Alessia Cara

“I lose my balance on these eggshells/You tell me to tread, I'd rather be a wild one instead”

Act IV. Selection Side B (Conscription)

Obviously, she can’t remain in the temple forever. And as tensions rise with the Empire, she gets selected to join the Xhorsquad party, by the Taskhand himself. In obvious ways, this is another way that the Luxon has chosen her to represent something that it believes in, and also another way for her to serve her Dynasty. But it’s dark and scary and far from the comforts of home. She doubted herself a lot, doubted her abilities and her place in the team and her morals when surrounded by people who have definitely killed before in their lives while she’s lived in the Lucid Bastion. 

The Sound of Silence - Pentatonix

“And in the naked light I saw/Ten thousand people, maybe more...And no one dared/Disturb the sound of silence”

Only If For A Night - Florence + The Machine

“And the only solution was to stand and fight/And my body was bruised and I was set alight/But you came over me like some holy rite/And although I was burning, you're the only light”

Shake It Out - Florence + The Machine

“And I'm ready to suffer and I'm ready to hope/It's a shot in the dark and right at my throat”

Freaking Out - A R I Z O N A 

“It's stupid, but I'm better off and I'll stay quiet/'Cause I pushed away all the ones that hold me close”

Act V. (Dis)Connection

The most current act, the one she’s playing out right now. She’s beginning to emotionally connect and respond to the people around her, and beginning to understand that not everyone you spend a lot of time around is going to be exactly like you. But she’s still privileging the needs of others above the emotional needs of herself, with some small exceptions. Recently she’s let in Tanvir and Bird, two of the three that she feels closest to, and they know more about her than other party members. And after they began the process for consecution, she now feels even closer to Tanvir. They were the only two to leave the Heart in tears, after all. But, as she’s used to being the person who channels the Luxon to help others in need, she’s trying to keep her own emotions at bay. How that will work out, we’ve yet to see! But as indicated by those final two songs...she’s going to have to talk about it sooner rather than later. 

Saturdays (feat. HAIM) - Twin Shadow, HAIM

“When we dance in the dark in the room where it all gets real/I know you know how it feels/Saturdays/When the moonlight hit up your face and let love spark”

Too Much - Carly Rae Jepsen

“Trust the, trust the feeling/It's hard to get to know you/But I'm down”

Someone New - Hozier

“I wake, at the first cringe of morning/And my heart's already sinned/How pure, how sweet the love beneath it yeah/You would pray for him”

Crush - Tessa Violet

“I wanna touch you but don't wanna be weird/It's such a rush, I'm thinking wish you were here”

[dungeonsanddragonsfifthedition]

maybe do a 🎶 for the pink cow man?? i do not know him, but his vibes, i like them

he has the best vibes. weird king.

big houses / squalloscope / i build bridges with these arms, i will not build a fortress in the circle around the kitchen table. i say my “amen” because i feel blessed; secretly hoping while joining hands that you can’t feel my trembling fingertips. 

i mean. how can i not put this song on here. years and years i’ve searched for a character that this song suited. six years! and here we have one! fuck me! relationships with fate and death and fear that transcend structure! yes!

the universe is going to catch you / the antlers / well, it was fine until you fell off of the face of the earth, cuz we would call you at home and no one picked up the phone. we were worried that you’d fallen in the river, or worse, but then you sent us back a letter that said in capital letters, “THE UNIVERSE IS GOING TO CATCH YOU” 

one of the more interesting things about cad’s character is his passivity, imo–there was that incorrect quotes post the other day where it’s like. -do you consider yourself independent? / -[communes with the wildmother, who says yes] yes. and this song is very much about that sort of. not reckless faith, but faith to the point of endangerment. that conversation with yasha like two episodes after his death. that’s this song.

i’m going to go back there someday (cover) / rachael yamagata / sun rises, night falls, and sometimes the sky calls–is that a song there? and do i belong there? i’ve never been there, but i know the way. i’m going to go back there someday.

i mean. tal has said that cad’s got henson vibes, and. uh. as i’ve said before, all the cool bitches kin gonzo. but this is so good. this is so good for him, and this cover’s tone is a bit better for him, too–it’s about searching for your old family and finding a new one along the way! peak cad!

all my stars aligned / st. vincent / i check my palms, the cracks in the sidewalk, my visions and my dreams. i cross all my fingers, that you’ll be someone who won’t be forgotten–what was your question? i’ve got the answer 

this was my desmond hume song but like. it’s better for this weird long-haired baggy shirt religious guilt boy. playing the sage because you feel you must! not knowing a goddamn thing! fuck yeah!

community gardens / the scary jokes / [i’m] a creature of despair, not that that should be a cause for concern. if there’s one thing i’ve learned in all my years here, it’s that despair is less abundant in those who understand how to plant their hearts in community gardens.

this is an f/c song but it also works for cad/nein in general, like. you’re lonely and you’re dying and then there’s these sudden bursts of life and light around you!!! so you gotta take care of them!!!!

and it feels like cheating bc these are both on his ~official~ playlist but. extraordinary machine and at the bottom of everything are the two caduceus-iest (caduciest?) songs out there.

send me a character for a 5 song playlist!

[kian-bera]

The Trailed Laments

That night was long, cold, bitter. Arguments were had and words were thrown that shouldn’t have been said. Alexander grabbed the door handle glancing one last time back at his wife who was on the floor sobbing in front of the fireplace. He watched Philip walk downstairs and hug his mom.

Walking out, he would leave everything behind. He could come back, it wouldn’t be easy though. After everything that has happened, Eliza wouldn’t take him back so easy. He longed for the days when they first met. When things were simple, and laughs were had at the tiniest of things. Alexander stepped out into the freezing cold snow with only his shoes, clothes, and a thin jacket. He watched his breath in the air as he wondered what he could possibly do.

”Are you ok?” Eliza asked trying the hide the fact she was trying not to laugh. Alexander had fallen into ice cold water.

“I’m f...fine.” Alexander answered shaking his ginger hair and coughing up water. “Just soaking wet and freezing.”

Alexander gave a small laugh and watched as steamed fog up the windows of the other houses on the road. A party was being held at one home, but he couldn’t possibly intrude. He thought about visiting Eliza’s parents then realized, Philip Schuyler would kill him. Alexander had no friends. Not any that were living or in the newly made America.

He then thought of one person who might let him stay at their place of residence. It was Hugh Mulligan, surely his old friend would lend him a bed. Alexander began the trek to Oyster Bay in the freezing cold. Nearly a foot of snow was already covering the ground. More was falling making the visibility harsh. Of course Hugh couldn’t have stayed in New York City. Alex knew he had a long five hour trek ahead of him.

Before Alex knew it, everything was white. A blizzard had set in. He was in the middle of nowhere without a soul to call out to. He sank into the snow,letting the white blanket take his life away. He smiled at the thought of seeing John again.

Alexander woke up what seemed an eternity later in a warm bed wrapped in warm blankets. He tried to sit up, but soreness set in so he fell back and laid there. Glancing around, he didn’t recognize the room he was in nor the people in the paintings on the wall. All he could do was pray to God they would still be friends when they found who he was.

“Well I didn’t think Colonels got sick?” Eliza joked sitting next to him with some soup. He had fallen ill after falling into the river.

”And I didn’t think winter could be this cold, I guess we were both wrong Miss Schuyler.” He replied trying to laugh.

Alexander snapped out of his memory as soon as he heard the door creak. He saw a young boy about the age of ten standing in the doorway.

“E...Excuse me Sir…...are you awake?” He squeaked. Alexander had never seen a young boy look as frail as this one did. That’s saying a lot as he went through a hard war.

“Um yes I am. May I ask where I am?” Alexander asked the skinny child in the door.

“Nowhere special I’m afraid. It’s just myself and my mother. Oh this is the um the Thomas household. My father Colonel Samuel Thomas died during the war.” He glanced down at his feet sighing. Alexander could tell he was upset.

”What in the world are you doing buried underneath all the papers?” Eliza asked walking into his tent.

”Well since I’m an aide de camp, I am responsible for sending letters to wives, sisters, brothers, and so on that their loved one has died in battle. I’m currently writing a wife, well now widow that her husband died yesterday. He was a good man. One of the few men of whose these letters I can be personal about because I actually knew.I'll miss Colonel Samuel Thomas.” Alexander peered up at Eliza who was silently crying. “Dear don’t cry.” He stood up and hugged the delicate women in front of him.

”How could you possibly sit here day after day and write these letters?” Eliza asked crying into his shoulder. Alexander rubbed her back.

“Sadly it’s just the worst part of war.”

“Ahh yes I knew your father well. In fact I was actually the one who had the hard job of writing your mother that he had died.” Alexander sighed trying to sit up again. He asked himself how he didn’t recognize the man in the painting above the mantle.

“Oh well, would you some dinner? You’ve been unconscious for about three days now.” The Thomas boy told him. .

“Three days?” Alexander began to hyperventilate, but regretted it as soon as his chest began to burn.

“Sir, please calm down.” The young boy ran over and hopped in the bed with him, gently hugging Alexander. Alexander relaxed, feeling the arms of the small child around him. His presence formed a small circle of calmness to Alexander.

“SAMUEL!” A voiced called from the bottom of the stairs.

“YES MOTHER!” Samuel yelled back.

“IS OUR GUEST AWAKE?”

“YES MOTHER!”

“WOULD HE LIKE DINNER?”

“Would you like dinner sir?” Samuel asked Alexander again.

“I would like that very much Samuel.” Alexander replied to him ruffling his ragged hair. The child reminded him of his own boys at home. The ginger looked out the frosted window only to see feet of snow. He couldn’t possibly make it home in that.

“YES MOTHER, HE WOULD LIKE DINNER!” Samuel called. Alexander was helped from the bed and was given a cane to help with his sore muscles. Samuel popped up on his other side to help him down the stairs. As soon as he stood on his own, he felt like collapsing. Everything in his body felt weak like his bones were made of soft feathers. Clutching the cane and Samuel, Alexander slowly made his way to dinner where Ms.Thomas was setting three plates of chicken on the table.

“Thank you Ms.Thomas.” Alexander told her as he was helped into the chair by young Samuel. He admitted to himself that the help was much appreciated.

“You’re welcome Mr.Hamilton.” She replied sweeping a loose strand of blonde hair behind her ear. He slid his eyes in her direction and for a quick second thought she was the one of whose relations started this whole problem. She quickly shook his head realizing many people have blonde hair. Not just her.

“This looks delicious Mrs.Schuyler. I thank you for letting me dine with yourself and your lovely daughters this evening.”

“Well Colonel, it was the least I could do for not letting my daughter freeze to death last winter on the way to her Aunt’s.” Alex glanced across the table to see Eliza blushing. Angelica was silently teasing while Peggy elbowed her for teasing Eliza.

“It could’ve happened to anyone, I’m just lucky it happen to have been your daughter.”

“Mr.Hamilton, would you like to say Grace?” Ms.Thomas asked. Alexander shook his head nodding yes. “Dear Heavenly Father above. Please forgive us of our transgressions and bless this food to the nourishment of our bodies. Amen.” Two echoed Amens chorused from the table and they began to eat.

“So where am I Exactly?” Alexander asked gingerly poking the chicken.

“You’re in Manhattan dear.” Ms.Thomas told him before sticking a piece of chicken inside her mouth. Alex went silent and ate the food in front of him. Once it was finished, he stood up grabbing the cane and taking his plate to the sink. Not being able to make it back up the stairs, Alexander sat down on a couch in the parlor. Little Samuel came running in and plopped down next to him.

“So Mr.Hamilton, how did you end up in the storm? Were you fighting off a mean old ugly animal?” He asked laughing. He grunted pretending to be a bear.

“How about we go up to bed and leave Mr.Hamilton be. It’s already past your bedtime little man.” His mother suggested patting his back and guiding him towards the stairs. Alexander watched the young lad slip up the stairs smiling and skipping. Ms.Thomas then sat across on the other couch.

“If you don’t mind my asking, how did you get here Mr.Hamilton?”

“I guess you don’t keep up with gossip huh.” Alexander told her.

“No, I don’t. Gossip is crazy and absurd.” Ms.Thomas replied.

“Well, about three months ago, my wife was away at her parents house with our children and her sister. I stayed behind because I had work to finish. If I hadn’t finished it, I could’ve lost my job. In the result of this, a young woman came knocking on my door one night. She told me how her husband had been beating her and abusing her. She asked for help. So I gave her some money and agreed to walk her home. Well things just went downhill from there. An affair happened, and now a few years later my wife and everyone one else has found out.”

“Years?”

“Yes years. It’s crazy that I hid it from my wife but, I mean, I couldn’t let her know that I had an affair with another women. I mean look what happened now that it happened. I’m here, and I’m sick. I could I ever make this up to her. Eliza will never take me back.” Alexander sat on the couch sobbing into his hands. Never would he believe he could reach a point this low, where he was left weak and vulnerable. If his enemies ever found out about this evening, he would never hear the end of it.

“Mr.Hamilton, would you rather have your wife find out after you die, or now while your living? At least now while your living, you have time to make up for it. To amend your wrongdoings. Do you think I’m pretty Mr.Hamilton?”

“W..What?” Alexander asked choking on sobs.

“Answer my question, do you think I’m pretty?”

“I..I mean...I mean I guess.” Alexander was taken aback by the question.

“Good.” Ms.Thomas got up and walked over to him sitting next to him. She sat down and laid her head on his shoulder. “That’s exactly the answer I wanted to hear.”

“My bedroom is right through here.” Maria told him blushing.

”I really should be getting home. It’s late, and something tells me it’s going to rain soon.” Alex replied.

Alex smiled at her and blushed. Ms.Thomas slapped him.

“Snap out of it. You are bad.” She got up shaking her head before walking off to the kitchen.

“Ms.Thomas I’m sorry. I didn’t mean too.”

“If you want me to continue cooking and providing medicine for you, you better learn better. Good night Mr.Hamilton.” She nodded her head at him and walked up the stairs. Alexander nodded back and sat by the fire in the parlor.

“Alexander, you’re...you’re telling me you had an affair with a woman ten years younger than you, WHILE I WAS AWAY AT MY PARENTS HOUSE!”

”Im sorry Eliza! I don’t know what out to say.”

”I say, get out of this house. I don’t want to see you anywhere near this residence. I don’t care whether you built it or not. You are a bastard! I wish I had never met you. Maybe I should have married some rich man like my parents wanted.”

By the time the fire had died, Alexander had made his way slowly upstairs to his bed. When he awoke the next morning he felt a small body curled up inside of his. He opened his eyes and saw Samuel in his arms. Alexander smiled and longed for his own boys.

“Good morning Samuel.” Alexander giggled. The small boy looked up at him and smiled up at him. Alexander had never noticed how green his eyes were before.

“Good morning Mr.Hamilton. I had a bad dream last night. I hope you didn’t mind that I came in and curled up with you.” Samuel told him.

“Of course not Sam….Can I call you Sam?”

“Of course Mr.Hamilton.”

“Call me Mr.Alex, something tells me we are going to be getting acquainted very well over the next few days.” The small boy nodded and smiled up at him.

“BREAKFAST!” Ms.Thomas called from downstairs. Samuel hopped out of bed, while Alexander took a few minutes. Once he was up, he grabbed the cane and followed Samuel downstairs. Ms.Thomas had breakfast set out for the three of them. He thought he would never be so happy to see hot tea, yet here he is. Sitting down, he went straight to his tea and gulped it down. Ms.Thomas giggled and offered him another glass. Alexander just giggled and nodded a yes.

“How did you sleep Mr.Hamilton?” Ms.Thomas asked him.

“I was out as soon a so hit the pillow, in honesty, I actually don’t even remember walking upstairs.” Alexander ate the eggs in front of him and nodded a thank you. He went to retreat to his bedroom but Ms.Thomas called him back to the parlor. She shut the door.

“You want to get better yes? Your muscles are sore yes?” She asked him.

“Yes.” Alexander replied.

“Bend over.” Ms.Thomas told him. “Touch your toes.” Alex gave her a strange look, but did as she told him. He bent over and touched his toes. She smirked and ran her fingers down his back. Alex started giggling and Ms.Thomas smacked his back.

“If I was your wife, I would kick you out too.” She told him standing him up. “Now stretch up towards the sky.” Alexander nodded and she came up behind him and started rubbing his shoulders. Alex put his arms down and leaning back against her. Alexander was met with steaming hot water.

“WHAT THE-“

“You are doing terrible at this.”

“What are you doing?” Alexander questioned.

“Do you want something like the affair to happen again?” Ms.Thomas asked.

“No of course not. I love my wife and my family.” Alexander told her.

“Then I’m helping you.” Alexander stood there for a second before realizing what she was doing. The wide eyed expression of his face told Ms.Thomas that he had caught on to her little idea. Alex just stood there blushing and mumbled a thank you.

“But Why should you keep helping me in the first place? How did I ever help you?” Alex asked.

“You were a friend to my husband while he was still alive, that’s how. And that boy in there, he has never latched to another male so quickly.” Alex nodded and sat on the floor doing more calisthenics. Ms.Thomas circled around him while Alexander stretched.

By the time they finished their little exercises, noon had come about. Ms.Thomas has retreated to the kitchen to make dinner while Samuel came in and asked Alexander to read him a story. He shoved a small book in Alex’s hands and begged him to read for him. He smiled at the young boy and patted his lap.

Samuel gleefully hopped up and got in between the book and his arms. Alexander opened the book and began to read. They got about fifteen pages in when his mother called that lunch was ready.

Alexander truthfully wasn’t hungry, but he ate the food anyways not to be rude. After lunch, he carefully helped clean the dishes, while Samuel dried and put them away.

After lunch, Alexander was dragged outside to play catch with Samuel. It didn’t take long for pain to set into Alex’s body, before he collapsed on the ground. Ms.Thomas ran outside. She and Samuel helped Alexander back inside and up to the bed.

Alexander wound up falling asleep and never awoke for dinner. The next morning, he found there was a note card beside his bed.

Dear Mr.Hamilton,

Samuel and I have left for town. I needed more groceries and some fabric for a new coat for the little one. We should be back by lunch time. If not, there is some bread and jam in the cabinet. Feel free to make yourself a sandwich.

Sincerely yours

Sarah

Alexander glanced over to the clock beside his bed and saw that it was eleven thirty. He slowly rolled out of bed and hobbled downstairs.

Several more days passed. It would seem to a normal person, that Alex and been beaten himself. To the only two people that knew the truth, the bruises were statement that he would never be lured by another woman again.

The time came that he would return home, he found that he was actually at a neighbor's house who lived far off the road. As he walked up the lane to his own house, he straightens his back and ran over what he was going to say once more. He ran through scenarios as well, like Eliza slamming the door straight in his face.

The cold, bitter wind began to swirl as Alexander knocked on the door to his own home. The beautiful brown haired woman who he had married long ago open the door with a kid attached to her hip.

“Eliza look please give me five minutes…” Eliza set the child down and pulled him inside and kissed him on the lips.

“I’m so sorry I sent you away. You could’ve died in that blizzard.” Eliza sobbed into his shoulder. Alexander shushed her.

“Elizabeth it’s ok, I promise. I found someone who helped me a lot. Look I promise I’ll never set eyes on another woman again. You my precious Eliza are my one and only. I love you, and only you. Nothing could ever change that.” Alexander told her. Alexander glanced up to see the children standing at the base of the staircase. Alex opened his arms wide and all the kids came running, hugging their father who had been missing for a week.

[truelightheart-a]

I build bridges with these arms, I will not build a fortress. In the circle around the kitchen table, I say my "amen" because i feel blessed.

Squalloscope - Big Houses

[cha0tic-panic]

PRAYER IS THE BELL JAR YOU PUT OVER THIS GOODBYE. I’D RATHER LEAVE THIS EMBRACE BETWEEN YOU AND I. LET’S LOCKOUT THE BEARDED OLD MAN IN THE NIGHTGOWN. HE CAN TAP AGAINST THE GLASS BUT I’M NOT COMING OUT. I BUILD BRIDGES WITH THESE ARMS, I WILL NOT BUILD A FORTRESS. IN THE CIRCLE AROUND THE KITCHEN TABLE I SAY MY “AMEN” BECAUSE I FEEL BLESSED. SECRETLY HOPING WHILE JOINING HANDS THAT YOU CAN’T FEEL MY TREMBLING FINGERTIPS. IF I SIGN THIS PIECE OF PAPER DO I SELL MY SOUL ALONG WITH MY DUTIES? WE WON’T PUT OUR MONEY WHERE YOUR CATHOLIC MOUTH IS. EVEN THOUGH THE TEETH ARE LONG GONE THERE’S STILL BONE BENEATH THE GUMS AND THERE’S A LOT OF POTENTIAL IN A MIGHTY ORGAN. AND THEY TOLD US NOT TO CLAP SO WE CLAP AS LOUD AS WE CAN BECAUSE THE REVERB IN THOSE HOLY HALLS IS LIKE A LONG LOST FRIEND. HE KEEPS HITTING THE WALLS AND COMES ALL THE WAY BACK AGAIN. I WANT TREES INSTEAD OF GRAVESTONES AND NOTHING TO CONFESS. I GOT A SOFT SPOT FOR YOUR ANCIENT BOOKS OF HORROR STORIES. I GOT A MUSIC IN MY EARS FROM LONG LONG AGO AND FAR FAR AWAY AND I STILL HUM ITS TUNE BUT HOW COULD I EVER BELIEVE EVERY WORD IT SAYS TO ME? WE FOLLOW OUR OWN STEPS WHILE OUR SHADOWS KEEPS WATCHING US. THE WRONG STEPS WOULD BE NOT TO START THIS EXODUS.

[revivedlegend]

Sara’s Children 2 / ? - Emma Laurel Rory

“I build bridges with these arms, I will not build a fortress. In the circle around the kitchen table, I say my “amen” because I feel blessed. Secretly hoping while joining hands that you can’t feel my trembling fingertips.

[ducksbellorum]

ashira

a graduation mix - candler school of theology class of 2019 - arranged by ducksbellorum

big houses - squalloscope i build bridges with these arms, i will not build a fortress in the circle around the kitchen table i say my "amen" because i feel blessed

the captain and the hourglass - laura marling If I feel God judging me, Well, I fell into the water, now I'm free. My friends don't really get me, think I'm the only one Well I sold my soul to Jesus and since then I've had no fun

migraine - twenty one pilots Am I the only one I know Waging my wars behind my face and above my throat Shadows will scream that I'm alone But I know, we've made it this far, kid

wilson (expensive mistakes) - fall out boy I'll stop wearing black when they make a darker color Woke up on the wrong side of the paradise So when I say I'm sorry I'm late I wasn't showing up at all I really mean I didn't plan on showing up at all

my silver lining - first aid kit I don't want to wait anymore I'm tired of looking for answers Take me some place where There's music and there's laughter

champion - fall out boy I'm just young enough to still believe, still believe But young enough not to know what to believe in If I can live through this I can do anything

noah - amber run My name is Noah, and the sea is my home. Oh and this small wooden boat will be my throne. I'm proud of what I've built, and the things that I've done. Oh, and all of the people I've learned to love.

when you believe - the prince of egypt Ashira l'adonai; ki gaoj ga-ah Mi chamocha baelim adonai Mi kamocha nedar ba kodesh Nachita v'chas-d'cha am zu ga-alta

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