#'where's Fearne' the second they woke up

[arabella-strange]

Also the Essek (and Astrid) of it all should not detract from the other absolutely enormous development we got hours and hours ago,

Callowmoore "do you want some company" to "I just want to wake up with you" 0-to-60 in 4.5 seconds

[likeshipsonthesea]

coda fic for CR campaign 3 ep34 blood and dust. i have. feelings

It’s late, late enough that the world glows at the edges of the desert and it’s nothing like the Feywild, but Fearne thinks it’s rather pretty anyway. She stands at the edge of the ship, enjoying the cold night wind rustling through her fur, one hand tucked into her pocket, held tight around the Changebringer coin. It’s gone warm and soft with her body heat, like Orym’s skin as he took his first breath back in the world. Fearne’s been holding it on and off since that moment to keep the coin from going cold and hard like Laudna’s skin still is.

“Fearne?”

One of Fearne’s ears twitches back towards Orym’s voice but she doesn’t turn. “Morning,” she says, and only realizes as she speaks that she’s been crying.

“Not like you to be up early,” Orym says. Even without looking at him, she can imagine his tight smile. There were a handful of seconds earlier where she didn’t think she’d ever see that smile again, and she’s still new to this whole time thing but that was way too fucking long, so she turns and smiles back at him.

“New life, new me,” she says, and Orym’s smile loses a bit of tension.

“New life, same me. Mind if I join you?”

Fearne shakes her head. “Not at all.”

Orym nods back at her and sets to work with his precise movements like always. Fearne watches him tie a rope to the deck, the other end to his ankle, and hop up on the railing with his sword unsheathed. She’s seen him do this routine a dozen times before, but never balancing on the edge of an airship like this. It’s almost like a dance, a beautiful, daring, practiced dance, all the more breathtaking for how fleeting it could be.

Life is long, Fearne thinks. Longer still because of Grandma Morri. But it’s also terrifyingly short, especially when you have things you love. Fearne hasn’t asked, but she doesn’t think Orym went to the same place she did, with all those eyes and claws and darkness. She wasn’t lying when she said she wasn’t ready for all that yet, but maybe she also meant that she wasn’t ready to be somewhere Orym wasn’t. Not yet.

The more Fearne watches him, the more she notices the barest bit of tension in Orym’s movements. The heaviness behind his eyes that’s been there since he woke up and realized he was alive while Laudna wasn’t. The guilt.

Fearne recognizes it, because she feels it too. Not because it was her hand that flipped the coin, or her magic that brought Orym back while Laudna lay still beside him. But because it was her who didn’t look at the coin in her hand before choosing.

The sounds of the ship rousing emanate from the lower cabins. Fearne watches Orym, and breathes in the cool air, and knows she can never tell anyone what she did, least of all Orym. Selfishness never bothered her before she came here, and though she’s been developing something like the morals Exandrians seem to cling to, she’s glad, at least, that she was selfish enough still to choose.

“Sounds like breakfast is coming along,” Orym says as he finishes his last sequence.

Fearne’s nose twitches. “Smells like it, too.”

Orym smiles, flipping down from the ledge with one fluid movement, falling into place beside Fearne. He looks up at her, sweat dotting his forehead. “Would you like to go with me?”

Fearne smiles. “Always.”

[alloutofgoddesses]

C3 E50 - It’s the middle of the semester so I have no free time ever and I’m reconsidering all of my life choices leading to this moment

Gale!

Fun fact I tried watching this last night and only got about an hour and half in when I realised I was way too tired and distracted so I turned it off

Jester I miss you

NOPE vibes

Why is Liam so little

Off topic but anybody else have a grey cat? I have a nearly 11 month old grey feline and I would love to know if they’re all Like This or if mines a special (basket) case

Aahhhhhhhh oh my god I’m so happy for Imogen

Planning is an essential part of DND but guess what. I am not paying attention to a whole lot of it unless I myself am planning

RIP Silver Sun? I don’t understand why this is necessary oops

Travis bud when was the last time you got your eyes checked

Fly in studio AGAIN (why are there so many flies in the Critical Role studio)

Miss your merk

…and I guess I’m done with my tea now thanks Hermes

Gnome sinkholes

Also there’s no way they’re coming back with a better ship lol

Laura please don’t do math problems

Keyleth I love you

Nothing bad is going to happen, this plan will go as expected

Awww Fearne gave Ashton a forehead kiss

Shout out to Travis for continuing to wear the sweat bands

Oh boy oh boy

I love seeing Travis “Aabria was only scared of me” Willingham in his element

My tummy feels weird lol… idk why this isn’t very high stakes at all

Hello who are you

Scary Laura scary Laura

Okay but how “high up” is Lilliana for that to work

Oof buddies

Oh hey I own those sweatpants

Just filibuster, that’ll stop the apocalypse from happening

Don’t look at your wife like that Matt

Oh no - I feel like it’s a bad idea to run

Does Travis need the sweatbands because I think I do

WEREWOLF TIMEEEW

OH THAT’S VERY BIG

Get em Laudna

How much attention do we think this combat is drawing. Also who’s hiding in the tent

Casual Lizzo ref

Bye Ashton

The warder is gonna die via electrocution!

Is it Otohan or her mom

AH SHIT I WAS RIGHT ABOUT SOMEONE BEING IN THE TENT

Wait a minute wait a minute wait a minute

Fingers crossed fingers crossed this is a blorbo from our shows

This has to be someone very dexterous

That’s monk shit right that has to be monk shit

THATS EXPOSITOR BEAUREGARD LIONETT

Me too Liam

Ashley I love you - try your absolute damndest please

That’s my second favourite Critical Role lesbian!!!!!!

ASHLEY SHE IS SO HOT

That’s Beau!!

THAT’S MY BABYGIRL

ME TOO LIAM!!!!!!

Multi-campaign crossover!!!!!!!!!

ME TOO DANI

In the words of Liam AND Aabria, what’s sexier than wizards? NOTHING

Oh Caleb is so respectful I love hims

Yeah you have baby

Probably Beau 😬

I would love to see Beau and Caleb in Vasselheim

Hey it’s her!

Very excited for the people who woke up Devexian to meet FCG honestly

Awww where’s the rest of the Mighty Nein

- Who didn’t make it out? I would like to know Caleb

When is Chet gonna become small again. I feel like it’s gonna make Beau laugh

Ashton has been silent the entire time 🧐

Ashton bby speak up ask questionssss

Which of his romantic partners is he referring to

Oh shit third wizard?

Yeah Travis the meta levels are out of this world

There’s Ashton hi buddy

Ajshshsjaj BEAU

I want Ashton and Beau to be passive aggressive together PLEASE

Be careful with that fourth wall it doesn’t look super stable right now

Okay but I would prefer if we move forward with the full team here

Desperately want Beau and Caleb to meet FCG

[THEY] XANDIS IS THEY REMEMBER PRONOUNS MARISHA

Ah goddammit. See y’all next week

[sociallyawkwardfoxwriter]

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Archive Warning: Major Character Death Category: M/M Fandoms: Critical Role (Web Series),Biohazard | Resident Evil (Gameverse) Relationships: Orym/Dorian Storm, Leon S. Kennedy/Chris Redfield Characters: Orym (Critical Role), Dorian Storm, Leon S. Kennedy, Chris Redfield, Rebecca Chambers, Imogen Temult, Ashton Greymoore, Cyrus Wyvernwind, Piers Nivans, Laudna (Critical Role), Fearne Calloway Additional Tags: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Blood and Injury, Canon-Typical Violence, Established Relationship, Nightmares, Burns, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Orym’s Dead Spouse (Critical Role), Sobbing, Human Experimentation, Stitches, drugged, Hospitals, Injury Recovery, Chronic Pain, Scars, Strangulation, Panic, Mind Control, Dissociation, Depression

Day Nineteen. Delirium

“How is he doing?” Despite normally being too alert for people to enter a room without him noticing, the combination of exhaustion and worry meant he completely missed Cyrus entering the room to join him by Dorian's bedside. “Is he asleep?”

“Off and on. He'll probably wake up again soon.”

“Is he...”

“He's been out of it. Half the time I haven't been able to understand what he's talking about.”

“Your friend said he should be fine by the morning.”

“I'm going to make sure he is.”

Before Cyrus could say anything, a mumbling from the bed drew both their attentions to the slowly blinking Dorian. Just like all the other times he'd woken up, his pupils were severely dilated to the point barely a ring of blue showed around it. For a moment, he stared at the ceiling like it held all the answers to the universe, then his head slowly turned. When his eyes landed on Orym, a hand reached out to grab at him, which he quickly caught with his own. He didn't feel like getting hit in the face again.

“Dorian, can you hear me?”

It took Dorian a few seconds to answer in the same language he'd been defaulting to the other times he woke. “Where am I?”

“We're at the Spire by Fire.” This time Dorian followed along easily with his words, unlike when he spoke Common. “You got hit by something that FCG wasn't able to fully clear from your system. Some sort of hallucinogen.”

“Are you really here? There are three of you.”

“Only one, but yes. I'm really here. I promise I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere.”

“You'll protect me from the spiders?”

“Yes, I'll protect you from them. You're safe, Dorian. You can go back to sleep.”

“I'm scared. They can get me there.”

“What can get you there?”

The hand Dorian had clutched around his tightened to the point he could practically feel the bones groaning under the pressure. “Monsters. Monsters get you in your sleep. They eat your dreams and give you nightmares.”

“When you're alone they can, but I'm going to be here watching over you. They won't be able to do that when I'm here. I won't let them.”

“Promise? You have to promise.”

“I promise you, Dorian Storm. I will watch over you and protect you from any harm.”

“Don't take me home. I don't want to go back there.”

“We're not going anywhere. You're going to stay right here, until you're feeling better.”

“Don't tell them. They'll be so angry with me. I don't want them to be angry. Please don't be angry.”

“No one is angry with you, Dorian.”

“They will be. I disappointed them. I always disappoint them. I don't want to be a disappointment anymore.”

“You are not a disappointment.” Before more could fall, Orym shifted to the bed to wipe the tears starting to slip free from Dorian's eyes. “You could never be a disappointment, not to me or any of the others.”

“Orym, what are you talking about? Why are we in Zephrah? What happened?”

“We're not in Zephrah. We're in Jrusar at the Spire by Fire. You got hit with a hallucinogen. FCG couldn't clear it all, but you'll be better by the morning. Do you need anything? Water or-”

“Is that why flowers are everywhere? I thought it was weird there were so many flowers floating.”

Even though he tried, a laugh slipped free at how genuine Dorian sounded about piecing together the puzzle only he could see. “I can understand why you would be confused. That is very strange.”

“It's not strange! There are flowers everywhere in Zephrah. They just float around. They're so pretty.”

“You mean like these?” A bright blue flower grew in his free hand that he dangled above Dorian's head with a smile.

“Don't be mean, Orym.”

“How am I being mean? It's yours to keep. I'll put it right here, so you can have it when you're feeling better.”

“You're too kind to me, Orym. I don't deserve it.”

“That's not true. You more than deserve it. You deserve kindness.”

“It doesn't feel like it. All I do is lie and get into trouble. I'll drag all of you down with me.”

“You are so much more than that. You are fierce and kind and thoughtful. You can be reckless, but you do it with a good heart. You are a friend and a confidant and a musician. You are a great man, Dorian Storm.”

Normally perfectly put together hair tangled as Dorian shook his head against the pillow and let up a little hiccupping sob. “I'm so tired. I just want to sleep.”

“You can. You can go to sleep. I'll still be here when you wake up again. I'll be watching over you the entire time. You're safe to sleep here.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

After staring at him for a few minutes, Dorian gave into the exhaustion and let his eyes slip close. His hand stayed wrapped tightly around Orym a while longer before the depths of sleep relaxed it. Despite that, Orym waited a little longer to make sure he wouldn't wake at the slightest movement to return to his chair. He leaned back in the chair with one hand still holding Dorian's and the other ran through his hair as a tired sigh fell from his lips.

“Thank you.” Turning his head, he found Cyrus looking at him with a sad smile. “If you want to sleep, you can. I'll keep watch.”

“I promised him I would, and I won't break my word, but I wouldn't say no to the company.”

“I can do that. Can I ask you something?”

“Yeah.”

“How long have you two known each other?”

“Nearly a year. We met in Emon, and things got a little... out of hand.”

Cyrus leaned back in his seat with his arms crossed over his chest and the smile on his face shifting to something lighter. “Well, now I have to know.”

“I'm not sure what Dorian would be comfortable with me telling you.”

“It's no fun if you only tell me what he wants me to know. Like, why did he sound so afraid of spiders? He's never been afraid of spiders before. Did you fight a giant one?”

“Something like that.”

[ethereousdelirious]

The bitch is back!!!! Finally!!!!

Fandom: C.ritical R.ole: E.xandria Unlimited

Characters: All except [spoiler for most recent episode]

Pairing: N/A

Tropes: College AU except with D&D races still

Summary: D.orian insists he's too sick to perform in the university's battle of the bands, then changes his mind and goes anyway. He was right the first time.

Notes: I was gonna take this in a different direction and make it longer, but I ran out of time and I really wanted to have it out today, so. Ta-da.

"I told you," Dorian rasped, pulling the covers over his head as if to shield himself from his friends' expectations, "I can't."

Dariax and Opal whined in tandem, nearly harmonizing through sheer, random chance. "C'mon, bud," Dariax pushed, "you're not that sick."

"Are you serious?" Dorian threw the covers off, the better to glare at his friend. "I have a 102-degree fever. I'm not doing it."

"A fever is good!" Opal said brightly, though her voice was a little muffled, as she was hiding the lower half of her face in her shirt to fend off Dorian's germs. "It means your body is healing."

"No, it means I feel like shit and I'm not going anywhere." Dorian huffed out a sigh that left his chapped lips stinging and scooted down the bed so he could lie down properly. His stuffed-up sinuses protested at the change, but he stubbornly ignored the throbbing and the post-nasal drip.

"Ohhh, I get it," said Dariax in a tone that suggested he very much did not get it. "So you'll come if you feel better?"

"Sure, Dariax." Dorian crossed his arms over his chest, wishing that his friends would take the hint and go away. Exhaustion made all his limbs feel heavy, made the idea of keeping his eyes open for even another second feel like the keenest of agonies. He shivered beneath his blankets despite the fever painting his cheeks an angry purple.

"You heard the man," Dariax said, turning to Opal. "Time to nurse Dorian back to health."

"You can't cure the flu in a day," Dorian said. The cough finally caught up with him and he rolled over, shaking with the force of it, covering his mouth with his hands. "Oh, god." He really felt awful and still, Dariax and Opal just weren't getting the message. Dorian flopped back over, gesturing weakly for one of them to hand him the glass of water on his nightstand. 

"Sure, we can buddy!" Dariax, seeing Dorian reaching out, took his hand in both of his own. "Let's see, how about I go make you some awesome healing tea, and Opal can…"

"I'll get all that hair out of your face," Opal said. Dorian's gradient locks were stuck all over his face, black and white strands plastered to his cheeks and stuck to his lips. 

"Great," said Dariax, making for the door. "Dorian, you're in good hands."

Dorian had never been more sure in his life that he was going to die. Leaving Opal to poke around his room for hair ties and a comb, he forced himself to roll over and grab the water glass. He was shaking so badly he could barely hold himself up to drink and even that slight movement took enormous amounts of effort. "Opal," he said, letting the glass fall as he flopped back onto his pillows. "If you're gonna stay, can you please--" He muffled a few explosive coughs behind his lips, sniffled. "Can you please get me some more water?"

"Sure!" said Opal, letting her shirt fall away from her face. "Maybe I should get you a plastic cup, though. 'Cause you don't wanna be cleaning up broken glass later if you drop this one. Do you have any plastic cups?"

"I dunno." Dorian hid his face in his hands, trying to rub away his headache. He had never considered Opal's voice annoying before, but now her words rattled in his head, drawing throbbing pain in their wake. "Orym might." That gave him an idea, albeit one he was almost too tired to pursue.

"I'll go look," Opal said. "Sit tight."

Dorian waited until he could hear the quiet sound of Dariax and Opal talking in the kitchen before forcing himself to sit up to search for his phone. He found it down by knees, thanking all the gods in the pantheon it wasn't dead, and sent a text to his roommate.

Dorian: IK you're at work but dear God pls come save me

Dorian: Dariax and Opal are here to "nurse me back to health."

Dorian: I May Die 

Then Opal came back with a plastic cup of water and Dorian shoved his phone back under the covers like a guilty teenager. The subsequent adrenaline rush robbed him of his breath until he felt faint.

"Oh, good," said Opal, setting the cup down on the crowded nightstand. "You're already sitting up."

Dorian's head swam. He opened his mouth to tell Opal that he'd prefer to not be sitting up any longer, but the words came out as hissing rasp. He cleared his throat. "Oh, fuck."

"Don't worry, Dariax's tea will help your throat," Opal said. She knelt by Dorian's bedside and started combing his hair out of his face. Dorian relaxed despite himself, happy to be rid of the unpleasant sensation. Opal noticed and smiled. "Feels good, doesn't it?"

"Yeah," Dorian said begrudgingly.

"It's okay, I won't tell anyone if you moan."

"Jeeze, Opal." Dorian went to bury his face in his hands, but Opal stopped him with a quick tap to the chin. "Head up. How about a nice braid?"

"Whatever."

Opal was gentle with her touches, working out knots with a practiced hand instead of yanking through them like Dorian had feared she might. If it wasn't for the uncomfortable position and the chill in his limbs, he might have even fallen asleep. "This is nice," Opal said, stroking the nape of Dorian's neck. "I never get to play with other people's hair."

"Mm," said Dorian, his head cloudy.

That was when Dariax burst in cradling a mug of tea in his hands like it was something precious, and not over-steeped Throat Coat. "I made tea!" he announced redundantly.

"Can I drink it later?" Dorian mumbled, blinking slowly. Despite having been asleep for most of the morning, he still felt exhausted and sore. "Wanna sleep." He coughed a few times, too tired to even turn his head, let alone cover his mouth.

"But then it'll be cold," Dariax said. "And I saw you shivering, so I know you don't wanna drink cold tea."

Dorian thought he might have a rebuttal to that, hidden deep beneath the layers of fever-fog. Whatever it wasn't he couldn't reach it now. "Good point." He held out his hands for the mug, dimly annoyed that they were both still shaking. "I really don't feel good," he announced in case it might help.

It didn't.

"We know, silly," Opal said. "Drink your tea."

"Meds?" Dorian asked hopefully, gesturing vaguely in the direction of his nightstand.

"Gotcha." Dariax shuffled past Opal and dropped two pills into Dorian's open mouth.

Dorian nodded his thanks and washed them down with a mouthful of tea. "What time is it?" he asked, grabbing a tissue from the box tucked into the corner where his mattress met the wall.

"11:30," said Opal, who always had her phone within arm's reach.

Dorian blew his nose and dropped the tissue over the side of the bed. He had no idea where his trash can had ended up and wasn't about to lean over and look for it with his head spinning the way it was. "Ugh. Fuck."

"Orym's not off until 3:00, right?" Opal asked, cottoning on.

Dorian nodded, but didn't say anything.

"Don't worry, buddy." Dariax reached out to ruffle Dorian's hair, but stopped after a nudge from Opal, who glared pointedly at Dorian's braid. "You'll be aaaall better by then."

Dorian was most assuredly not "all better" by 3:00. After finally getting Opal and Dariax out of his room, he had slept fitfully until they had gotten bored and come to wake him to see if he was feeling better. Around that time, his fever had gone up and he had clawed his way out of his hoodie and tossed it aside, a move he would come to regret when he woke up to the sound of his friends joyfully greeting Orym at the door and found himself shivering again.

Unwilling to speak, he let out a long groan, hoping that the sound of his misery would draw Orym to his room. But this only made him cough, aggravating his stinging throat and sore chest.

"Jeeze," said Orym from the door. Dorian looked terrible and sounded worse, and there was nothing anyone could do about it but wait.

"Oh, good," said Dariax, "You're awake!"

"Are you all better?" Opal asked.

Dorian ignored their questioning and looked Orym dead in the eye. "Please explain to them that I'm too sick to go to the stupid battle of the bands tonight."

"But we need you, Dorian!" Opal exclaimed. "No other band has an electric lute player."

"Oh, and Fearne's so excited," Dariax added. "She's been practicing extra hard all week on those pan pipes you lent her."

"Guys, guys." Even Orym's gentle tones made Dorian's head pound. "If Dorian says he's too sick to go, then he's too sick to go. We should believe him."

"What do you mean 'believe me'?" Dorian demanded. "Oh my god, you think I'm being a pussy, don't you?"

Orym hesitated for a fraction of a second too long before responding. "No, no, of course not."

"You do!" Dorian crossed his arms over his chest, mortally offended. "I don't believe this!"

"Hey, hey." Orym put up his hands. "It's okay. You don't have to go."

"Nooo," said Dorian, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. "I'm going." He stood up and staggered over to his closet. He had thought he was being responsible and proactive, taking care of his illness instead of pushing himself too hard. But the idea of his friends thinking he was sheltered, soft, weak was unbearable. His hand trembled as he searched through his clothes for something suitably impressive to wear, and a dim thought occurred to him that he might be acting irrationally because of his fever. He wasn't usually quite so concerned with appearances. 

From the doorway, Opal, Dariax, and Orym watched. "Well," said Dariax, "that was easier than I thought."

"Yeah, Orym." Opal turned to him, impressed. "Where were you five hours ago? I could have gone home and watched The Bachelor."

"You still have" --Orym checked his watch-- "a good five hours."

"No, 'cause we're meeting Fearne for rehearsals at 5:00, remember? Once she gets back from visiting her grandma."

Dorian smothered a flurry of coughs into the crook of his arm, scowling when the colors of his shirts on their hangers began to blur in front of his eyes. "I need coffee," he announced once the fit was done, and marched off to the kitchen.

"Dorian, wait--" Orym said, but he didn't even pause. Orym looked between Dariax and Opal. "Is nobody else going to try and stop him?"

"Why the hell would we do that?" Dariax asked. "We've been here all morning trying to convince him to go."

"'Sides," said Opal. "You're the one who called him a pussy."

"I did not." Orym sighed and ran a hand through his hair. A sense of impending trouble prickled like static on the back of his neck. He really hadn't meant to make Dorian feel bad, even if he did think the genasi was being a touch melodramatic.

By the time they had finished with their pre-show dinner at Denny's, Orym sincerely regretted his harsh judgement of Dorian's condition. He had been quiet at practice, barely even saying hello to Fearne. She had given Orym a questioning look, and he had only been able to shrug helplessly at her. Dorian's cough got worse and worse all evening, culminating in a moment at dinner where he left for the bathroom and just didn't come back, leaving behind his mostly untouched plate.

Orym had found him leaning against the counter, breathing heavily and staring at nothing. The eyeliner Opal had so carefully applied was now smudged where Dorian had rubbed his eyes, and sweat stood on his brow. Orym had led him back to the table in silence after a few failed attempts at conversation.

By the time they got to the university's theater, Dorian could barely stand up straight. He was shaking so badly that his lute rattled in its case, and several passers-by did double takes when they saw him.

"Shit," said Orym, once they finally were backstage. "Fuck. I knew this was a bad idea."

"S'fine," Dorian rasped.

"I don't know," Fearne said. She studied Dorian's braid. "You're about the same color as your hair," she said, indicating the pale blue tips.

"Yeah, I think Orym might be right," Dsriax said, shifting uncomfortably. 

Dorian had to pause and catch his breath before responding, struggling to keep his balance on legs that suddenly felt too weak to support his weight for much longer. "You said…"

"Yeah!" said Dariax, turning to Orym. "You're the one who called him a pussy."

"Nobody called him a pussy," Orym said. He would have liked to have reached out to steady Dorian, who was still swaying dangerously, but could only reach about hip height. "Opal, Fearne, can one of you please get him before he--"

Dorian's knees buckled. He hit the ground hard, holding his stomach. "Oh, shit."

Noticing a few eyes on them, Dariax stepped away and began to pace back and forth in front of the group, daring someone to say something. "Fuck off," he muttered, replacing his concern with aggression at no one in particular.

"What hurts?" Opal asked, her fear of contagion forgotten. She knelt beside Dorian and put a hand on his back, and even through his thick leather jacket, the heat that met her hand made her gasp.

"Dizzy," Dorian said through clenched teeth. In a whisper, he said, "Please don't let me throw up in front of all these people."

"That one's kind of on you, buddy," Dariax said over his shoulder. "Try to hold still and look at something that's not moving."

Dorian swallowed hard and tried to focus on a distant guitar case. It was difficult to do with his head still whirling, and his stomach gave a dangerous lurch. He took a few deep breaths to try to steady himself and only succeeded in triggering a coughing fit that drove him sideways into Orym's chest.

"We need to get him out of here," Orym said, staggering back under Dorian's weight.

"Give…" Dorian's voice faded out. He cleared his throat. "Give me a second. I can walk."

"Here," Fearne held out her hand. "When you're ready."

After a few cautious breaths, Dorian grabbed Fearne's hand and stood slowly, blinking away silver spots. "Sorry," he mumbled into her shoulder as they started to walk out.

"Ah, don't apologize," Dariax said, swinging Dorian's lute case along with his steps. "Maybe we shouldn't have pressured you to come."

"More like definitely," Opal said. "We're sorry. I really thought we could have you feeling better."

"It's fine." Dorian gave a weak laugh and forced himself to pick his head up off Fearne's shoulder. "You're not the one who called me a pussy."

"Oh, for fuck's sake," Orym muttered, privately grateful that Dorian was still mentally present enough to make jokes.

They all piled into Opal's beater, Fearne in the passenger seat and the other three crowded in the back. Dorian leaned his head against the window and closed his eyes.

[thislifeandnext]

4th February 2018

The last couple days have completely blurred together with emotions, lack of sleep, alcohol, and people. Wednesday and Thursday were just standard ‘mehh' days for me and my mental health. I had the standard low feeling and didn’t have the energy to do anything or see anyone. I did, however, manage to do some cleaning and tidying around the house and also get a load of clothes washing done so at least I managed to achieve something ! I also came down with a cold sore on Wednesday from were I’ve gotten so run down recently so have been doing everything in my power to try and get rid of the bastard.

Friday was the beginning of my birthday celebrations and I went to Bath for the night with my ‘boyfriend'. The thought of going to bath for the 2 weeks running up till had set off my anxiety and made me question and over think everything. But I loved 90% of the time we had away. The hotel was lovely and I was wonderful to be away from home and the dramas the go along with it. I was just relaxed and it was bliss. We got to bath and parked at the hotel and had a drink in the pub across the road called the bath brewhouse, which was super quirky and lovely. We then walked into town and had a mooch about the shops and I bought some more makeup from mac and some new jeans. After mooching we walked back to the hotel. The hotel itself was lovely! I had booked a balcony room for us purely to be able to smoke and it was well worth every penny. We then chilled at the hotel for a bit before I then got ready to go out for dinner and drinks. We then went out and went to a place called the pig & fiddle which was such an awesome place with such a mix of people but an amazing atmosphere as well. We also had food here as well, just a burger but was still enough for me. There was also a live DJ that was playing that night as well which was great and playing a lot of 90’s hip-hop and R'n'B which is always my sort of thing. We talked to a few people when we were out and loads of people said about going somewhere called nest as someone called mike skinner was playing, who’s apparently from the band - the streets. I really wasn’t interested in this, to be honest, I need a couple hours to mentally prepare myself for a nightclub otherwise my anxiety really flares up. But I didn’t want to be selfish and Nathan - my ‘boyfriend' - really wanted to go so after a lot of persuasions we went to this nightclub. The club actually ended up being really good but I was still anxious and not my normal clubbing self that just let's go and is a complete idiot, I also didn’t want to seem like an idiot in front of Nathan though. The whole evening was amazing till we went to leave and all the booze seemed to hit Nath in one go. He lost his ticket for the cloakroom meaning that he couldn't get his coat meaning he then got shitty with the cloakroom attendant and I was very ready to go at this point and did not want to stay another nearly 2 hours so he could get his coat. It was then one thing after the other and in then took 45 minutes to walk what should’ve been 10 minutes when I eventually managed to drag him back to the hotel meaning we eventually got back at 3.45 am. On top of this, I also had to virtually carry him back he was so pissed. He then started to tell me how much he loved me when we got back which in my grumpy state of mind I couldn't talk to him and didn't even want him to touch me.

Saturday morning - my actual birthday-  I woke up at around 9:30 am surprisingly actually feeling quite fresh considering the couple hours of sleep after 13 hours of drinking - I also might have still been drunk I’m not quite sure. I jumped in the shower and ended up being in there for half an hour, the shower at this hotel was amaaazinggggg! I mean it was better than any shower I’ve ever had before so spent 5 minutes washing and then spent 25 minutes lying on the floor with the water just running over me which was incredibly therapeutic. I was still annoyed at Nathan for the state he was the night before at this point and just carried on getting myself ready for the day once he woke up his hangover was in full swing which I was feeling quite happy he felt so shit. But the thing that shocked me was as soon as he woke up properly and smiled at me how he does I couldn't even pretend to be angry any more. I told him about a week ago that I thought I kinda loved him but when I realised I couldn't be mad at him anymore, that was the moment that I looked at him and realized I really did love him which was probably one of the best birthday presents I could've received. The rest of the day just got better and better for me and eventually got better for Nathan once the hangover subsided a little more. We left bath at 12 ish and went round to mums where I had the most fantastic cake waiting for me. My mother bless her heart had made my favorite cake - Chocolate coca cola cake and had shaped it and decorated it like a lipstick. Yes, it wasn't like a professional cake maker could do but it was fab. I had some amazing present’s as well. From my mum, i got a new journal which I'm going to use as a scrapbook or a photo album. I got the book by Fearne cotton called calm which will be really interesting to read and a river island voucher and a little bit of cash. From my brother, i got a hip flask with little pink flamingos on and a lovely silver bracelet. I also got a river island gift voucher from my aunt, uncle, and cousins and from my wonderful stepfather a new set of zoeva brushes in rose gold which are stunning! After seeing my mum, Nathan and I went to my dad’s pub so he could collect his post and also I was hoping in my mind he might have something for me but no. Another year without a present, card or even just a text and I was heartbroken that my own father cant even gets me a card or at least spends 5 seconds to send a text but I wasn't going to let that ruin my day. We then went back to mine and just flopped for a little before I had to go and get my friends from uni who was coming down for the night. Heidi got the train in at 4:30 pm and Maddie was running slightly late as per so we went to the pub while we waited for her when Maddie arrived me, Maddie, Heidi, and Nathan all went back to mine to get ourselves sorted for the evening to begin. Nath had a nap as he was still suffering from the night before and I and the girls had a fab catch up and talked about random shit for ages before doing anything. They also both bought me presents! Which I really wasn't expecting in the slightest! They both bought me bottles of pink fizz which I love! Heidi also got me some bath salts a bath bomb and some treats for the dogs - which is adorable! Maddie got me a box of Maltesers and a photo frame with a picture of the three of us in which just melted my heart. I have two amazing friends and I'm so lucky to have them! Hana also came down to get ready with us which worried me massively just the fact of two completely different friendship groups meeting makes me so anxious! But they all got on so well and it made my life! Once we were eventually ready we all headed to the pub. It was such a chilled lovely night with a good energy all night long we all got incredibly drunk and a bit silly. I introduced the girls to cheeky vimtos and a load of Pewsey people and we just had such a fab night. We then went home and drank more and just behaved like idiots. Both Heidi and Maddie were staying at mine and also Nathan stayed as well. I was absolutely hammered but a good level of hammered so I wasn't feeling like I wanted to throw up which is always a good thing! We all disappeared off to bed and I think the girls probably were asleep straight away whereas I and Nathan stayed up till about 5:30 chatting and fucking and oh boy I got some great birthday sex! Sunday - The hangover begins… All of us were up and awake about 9:30 for some bizarre reason ! and me Maddie and Heidi all went into my brother's room for cuddles with him, again for some bizarre reason. The rest of the morning we just didn't do anything I had a horrific hangover and so did Maddie whereas Nath and Heidi seemed fine. Heidi left at 11 but Maddie stayed so we spent the morning eating bacon sandwiches, drinking coke, having cuddles and reminiscing about stuff which was lovely. When Maddie left me and Nath went back to the pub as he wanted a roast dinner and I wanted a hair of the dog in an attempt to help my hangover slightly. It didn't. If anything it made it worse so I had to go back home as I just needed cuddles and my bed. I think Nathan left around 6 ish but I'm not sure as I fell asleep so I spent the evening on my own and spent it eating Chinese takeaway, I had a bath and also binge-watched the entire first season of the end of the fucking world on Netflix, which is fantastic! Other than my dad being, well, my dad I've had the most fantastic birthday weekend and couldn't think of a better way to have spent it. I am not, however, looking forward to the next stage of my hangover which is the depressed stage as I think ill be recovering for about a week!

xoxo

[uxwantedheirs]

drabble for @feathers-and-frustration

5 Times Luca Hits Edgar and the One Time He doesn’t

1) It was so early. Much earlier than his usual timeline and he couldn’t help himself. Edgar was wound so tightly over magazines and headlines and the show Fearne was being dragged through that it all came to a head when Luca slapped him. He couldn’t handle the hysterics and anxiety of all of it and he just lost it. Within seconds he was doing damage control but was internally relieved it wasn’t hard enough to leave a mark.

2) He was so astronomically high it was a miracle he even recognized Edgar. It took so much prodding to get him not to leave his room and even more to actually get him to lay down. After a short nap he woke with a blinding clarity. It felt like clarity to him but really it was him at his most transparent as a cutting smirk etched along his lips. He played with him like it was the most natural thing in the world, drawing him in slowly and sweetly with kisses and honeyed words. The facade broke and he drew back just enough to make sure he’d knock the wind out of his boyfriend when his fist met his stomach.

3) Royal parties were far different than they kind the Twins went to on their own. Floor length dresses and suit vests instead of mesh tops and ripped jeans. The Greys, more specifically their parents had clearly gone out of their way to keep him and Leah away from them. While it was hard to do at such a party and they wouldn’t exactly drag them out of the room should him or Leah enter one that Fearne or Edgar were in they made it near impossible to get them alone. Which is exactly how Edgar seemed to be constantly surrounded by women who were practically hanging off his boyfriend. That night Luca was almost viscous barely letting him in the room before he was roughly grabbing him by his hair and demanding an explanation. They both knew there wasn’t one good enough for him. The next morning Edgar was off to see Leah for three broken fingers on the hand that he felt got a little too comfortable with those women.

4) Sometimes it was hard to know who he should be laying claim to first. They were all so different and he claimed ownership over them in different ways that he almost couldn’t decide where to start. His decision was made for him when he saw the marks sticking out from beneath Leah’s clothes as the girls left for a shopping trip leaving him alone with Edgar. If he couldn’t get to them he would make damn sure one of them remembered exactly who they belonged to. There was no preamble or explanation as he stormed into the room, hand around his throat in an instant to hold him still while his other hand came up to back hand him. The force of it so strong it turned the others head and Luca laughed at the redness left in his wake. 

5) He could feel a relapse on the horizon. The ache of need in his chest made him miss the drugs and he didn’t know how to deal with that. Between Edgar’s coronation coming up and making sure everything was in place for the girls he felt like he was losing it. It’d been so long since he really felt like control was slipping through his fingers but this was the start of a spiral and he didn’t know what else to do. So he stalked the halls until he found him. He found him with Leah and for a brief moment he thought about leaving it. As quickly as it arrived it was gone and he was shoving clothes at Leah before tossing her out the door. For good measure he locked it and ignored her frantic pounding as he rounded on Edgar. With nowhere to go Edgar ended up huddle in the center of the bed pleading for anything else. He was already undressed surely that could be an alternative. And it was. After he’d beaten his sides and there was blood soaking his knuckles and palms. 

+1) His own coronation was the most stressful time in his life. By a miracle he got it through without a hitch. More accurately he got through that particular day without any complaints. A month later it all snuck up on him again. Too many rumors of him and Edgar. Karen and that bastard husband of hers trying to meddle in his affairs. When Edgar came to visit he almost split his lip the second he got him alone. Reverting back he  doted on him. Sugar coated words and double edged touches as he considered his next move. A few deep breaths and then he was surging forward to capture him in a bruising kiss. When they broke apart he sighed taking a step back from him. “It would be best for you to continue your work in your office.”