#( even if she fucked EVERY PROFESSOR - she would still have to do clinicals ! good luck fucking your way through that ! )

[crimeloyalty-arch]

even if harley slept with every single faculty member while she was in med school / undergrad she still wouldn’t deserve what joker did to her 🤷‍♀️ and frankly in that case she would also be a victim of an environment that allowed such a disgusting imbalance of power to be perpetuated on such a massive level 🤷‍♀️ so idk 🤷‍♀️ she’s not the bad guy for this 🤷‍♀️ 

[hansolmates]

jjk; angel’s trumpet [08]

summary; one second, your life is flashing before your eyes and the next, you’re transported into a world exactly like your own. but the jungkook you meet in this world isn’t a renowned singer or your former almost-lover, in fact he has no clue who you are and why you know him so well. as you work to find your way home lost and confused, you conclude that you’re either dead or in the middle of the most wicked drug trip of your life. pairing; idol!jk x reader (f), alternatively film producer!jk x reader genre/warnings; fluff, angst, supernatural, idol!au, non-idol!au, alternate universes, themes of fate, language, alcohol consumption, in this chapter–mentions of sex, a panic attack w.c; 4.5k a/n; can’t believe there’s one more chapter after this! (+the bonus chapter!) its such a bittersweet feeling to close this all up so i hope u all join me in my w2!jk sobbing party im making matcha cookies rn so i can wallow

[07] [08] [final] -> masterpost

Jungkook’s worried. 

After he left your apartment, he dove himself into his work and tried to get you out of his head. Somehow he ended up from his living room table to his bed, bleary and with a pen jabbing him in the cheek. He doesn’t know how he feels right now, and has micro analyzed every bit of your relationship in between breaks.

He fell fast, and loving you (as much as it scares himself to admit) was so easy it hurt. It’s why it’s so hard for him to accept that you would betray him like that. What could he have possibly done to deserve this? If you had just admitted your issues from day one, this crisis could have easily been averted and you would be with him right now. 

But that’s not why he’s worried. Jungkook wakes up the following day around 10AM, noting the dozens of messages and unanswered phone calls from Jimin and Taehyung. 

According to Taehyung, you’ve been missing for three days. Off-the-grid type of missing, to the point that Taehyung is debating on whether or not he should call the police. 

The first day you didn’t come home, Taehyung chalked it up as you spending the night at Jungkook’s. The second day however, he visits the library where your office hours are held only to find your usual table empty and your students upset over your lack of contact. 

“Here,” Doyeon had said, pointing to the vague email you sent. Taehyung skimmed through the barebones message, mentioning that you had to take an indefinite leave and that the students can email Professor Kim Namjoon if they still had lingering questions. 

Taehyung notes the sincere apology at the bottom, and how you tack on that “you are a wonderful group of students and I wish you the best of luck in your future endeavors.” 

Almost as if you aren’t planning to come back. 

He could hear Taehyung deflate on the line, knowing that Jungkook has no idea where you are either. 

“Did you…” Jungkook scratches his head, sitting at his kitchen table, “did you check her room for a yellow notebook?” 

“What?” Taehyung asks, “I checked her room yesterday. Y’know the weird thing is? Her room is clean, like clinically clean. There’s nothing on her desk, the sheets are washed, and her clothes are all folded and put away. Usually it’s like a whirlwind in here.” 

“Yeah,” Jungkook replies, remembering how your room is usually quite lived in, with warm sheets and a candle glowing. 

“Why aren’t you more stressed out, dude?” Taehyung says, and Jungkook instantly feels guilty. “Your girlfriend’s fucking missing, are you gonna get up and help or not?” 

“Y-yeah, I’m just a little shaken,” he manages to reply, thinking about how you tried to explain to him the other night. He pinches the bridge between his brows, regretting not letting you have your word when refusing to listen to you. Maybe if he heard it, things would have turned out differently.

Taehyung sighs, “Yeah, it’s a bit of a shock. She really isn’t like this normally, but I trust her. If you can, maybe contact Jung Hoseok? I already visited Kim Namjoon and he doesn’t know anything, but he’s the only friend I know that could have any idea.” 

Jung Hoseok. He remembers that name frequently in your notebook. Not as frequently as his, but enough to have a good idea he could be involved in your sudden departure. 

“Okay, I’ll visit him today.” 

•━━━━━━»•»💮💮💮«•«━━•••

The tables that you usually occupy for study groups are painfully absent of your presence, noted by your stressed out students that are hoping you’ll show up unexpectedly. 

Thankfully, Hoseok is working today. Jungkook eyes him from the doorway of the playroom, seeing Hoseok carefully distribute plates of snacks as a movie plays on the flatscreen. He looks like a preschooler himself, decked out in a sunflower yellow bucket hat and denim suspenders. Jungkook tries to see if there’s anything strange emanating from Hoseok, like if he also has secrets to hide, but feels nothing of the sort.  

“You’re really creepy, Mister,” the door swings open to reveal a little girl, tugging impatiently at his cargos. 

Hoseok makes a face at Jungkook, rolling his eyes. “God, just come in. You’re scaring my children.” 

The little girl practically shoves him inside, forcing him to sit at the playtable on the very end. She then hands him a plate of cheddar Goldfish and strawberry fruit snacks, a toddler’s delicacy. Hoseok makes a show of telling the children to be quiet, focusing on the movie’s “historical elements” and “symbolic imagery” but they don’t understand any of that and just want Hoseok to move so they can watch Mulan. 

Jungkook feels like he’s being crushed in the too-small chair and Fisher-Price table, munching absentmindedly on his Goldfish. Hoseok is playing on his phone, not sparing him a glance as he texts someone. 

Jungkook swallows, wishing he had some milk to down the snack. “Uh, are you texting y/n?” 

“No,” Hoseok replies coolly. 

“Well, do you know where she is?” 

“I can tell you where she went,” Hoseok replies eerily, plucking a fruit snack from Jungkook’s place, “as to whether she’s still there or not, I’m not sure.” 

“I’m sorry, but are you mad at me?” he whisper-hisses, not wanting to disturb the children enamoured at the front of the room. He’s tired of the secrecy and blurry answers. 

“Yes, I am,” Hoseok snaps just as quietly, leaning in to get into his face, “I’m mad because I believed in you.” 

“Believed in me?” he gapes, “you don’t even know me!” 

“I may not, but I believed you’d trust y/n at least. She’s a victim too, y’know.” 

A victim? 

“Look,” Jungkook puts some space between them, afraid he would get too heated, “just tell me what’s going on so I can understand. I know I messed up, but I feel like I’ve been in the dark for God knows how long.”

Hoseok bites his lip, “It’s really not my story to tell. Y/n didn’t want to tell you right away because she wasn’t sure of the circumstances. She wasn’t sure even if she was supposed to tell you.” 

Jungkook watches the expressions morph on Hoseok’s face. He sees the faith in his gaze, as he holds his phone expectantly, as if he’s also waiting for a sign that you’re okay. Jungkook suppresses a sigh, looking at his own blank screen. Shaking his head, he manages to smile knowing that so many people believe in you.

So why can’t he? 

•━━━━━━»•»💮💮💮«•«━━•••

You hate this. Three days ago you felt peachy keen, ready to transcend into your own universe and live your life to the fullest. 

Now three days later you’re sitting at the wine lady’s cottage, waiting for the past two days for her to show up. 

“How long does she need to go on this ‘spiritual retreat’?” you admonish, looking on angrily at the same waitress that has served you for the past two days. 

“I don’t know,” the waitress has grown tired of your presence, waiting all day in the little restaurant for the owner’s presence, “until she feels more spiritual, I guess?” 

It annoys you further that this waitress has the spitting image of Sehlyung. It’s weird to see her with natural pin straight black hair, always loving the pretty blond-white color and sacrificing her hair health for the bright hue. Every time she sees you still in the same spot, she makes it a point to roll her eyes and walk a little louder. This version of her is just as temperamental, unwilling to budge. 

You groan, shamelessly annoyed as you drop your head on your arm. “And are you sure there’s no angel’s wine in the bar? I’m willing to take the risk of switching lives with my third dimension-self at this rate.” 

The waitress eyes the one empty bottle of soju that decorate your side of the bar, chalking it up as a drunk episode. “No,” she says flatly, jerking her hand out. “Now, please pay and leave. We’re closing up, but I’ll give you a call if she decides to show up late. Since y’know, you’ve left your number here despite our protests.” 

“Can I stay until you’re at least done cleaning—” 

“No.” 

You narrow your eyes, snatching up your half-finished bottle of soju before tucking it in your purse and offering up your credit card in exchange. You know you’re not in the right mind, but you’re pulling at strings at this point and you don’t know what to do. 

After a couple paces of shaky walking and trying very hard not to appear tipsy in public, you plop yourself onto the beach, overlooking the shore. You place your backpack next to you, taking off your shoes and dipping your toes in the sand. 

You glare hard at the moon, despite the distance the big ball of extraterrestrial rock is bright and full. It reflects in the ocean and bathes you in it’s grace. 

Sighing at its beauty, you take a swig of your soju as your feet wade in the water. The touch of the ocean is glaringly cold, but your body feels warm and the contrast is appropriately jarring. You feel stuck between two worlds, your body in one while your heart is in the other, desperate to find the bridge to bring you home. 

What exactly was the goal in bringing you here? Did you need a break from your real life? Did fate want you to remedy your relationship with Jungkook? Were you supposed to rewrite the wrongs you committed in your other life? 

You snort, taking a long swig. It's easy to see how well that went. 

You miss your life back home. As much as you love the one your alternate self has made here, nothing compares to Sehlyung’s humor and dirty jokes. Nothing compares to the look on Beomgyu’s face after getting a sentence translation correct. Nothing compares to the way Jungkook looks for only you after a concert, desperate to give you a hug and an affirmation that he did well. 

Just as you are about to sing to the moon and beg for a reprieve, a body plops themselves next to you, snatching the bottle from your hands. 

“Y’know, normally when people run away, they leave a mysterious note.” 

You frown at Jungkook, who looks absolutely ethereal as he stares at the moon. He’s glittering in his denim jacket and black jeans, as if he’s part of an intimate moment in a slice-of-life film. You have half a mind to grab your phone and yell at Hoseok, but it’s far too late since your location has already been revealed. 

“What are you doing here?” you ask, trying not to snap when Jungkook pours the contents of your drink into the ocean. “Hey, I paid for that.” 

Ignoring you he says, “I’m here to take you home.” 

“I don’t have a home here,” you snap, and you mean it. 

Jungkook digs a hole for your bottle, letting the sea green grass sit in the sandhole. He turns to you, looking weary and worried. You try not to feel worried over the slump in his chest, or the way he looks like he ran a marathon to find you. 

“Then where is your home?” he asks gently, resting an arm over his knee and turning to face you. 

You curl up further into your body, hoping you’ll shrink if you press your legs close enough to your chest. “It’s not here,” you mumble into your knees. 

“Tell me where,” and you don’t shove him away when he puts his palm on your thigh, coaxing you out of your shell. “I’ll listen this time.” Deathly slow, you lift your head up, letting him catch your stray tears and spread your body with warmth. He scoots over to you, the rough sand making it difficult as he tries to wrap his arm around you. The both of you let out a breath, missing each other’s touch. “I’m sorry,” he says, the apologies melting into your temple, “I should’ve listened from the beginning, and been more patient. It’s my fault you’re all the way out here.” 

The oceans crash against both of your feet, the water eager to swallow you whole. 

“Two months ago I got into a fight with you, the other you,” you start, and Jungkook doesn’t budge, and you’re thankful he doesn’t attempt to bombard you with questions, “it wasn’t a stupid fight. It was something building for a long, long time. And I came home drunk. One second, I was two seconds away from being sideswept by an incoming truck, and the next second it’s daytime and it’s you that nearly runs me over.” 

He rubs small circles into your shoulder, and you almost hum at his touch. You miss Jungkook so much. 

“The Jungkook I’ve told you about isn’t dead,” you explain, “he’s—and I’m, we’re from another universe.” 

And between you, Jungkook, and the moon you profess your journey. Starting from the anxiety you felt from the first week, how you holed yourself in your apartment until Namjoon had to whisk you out, to your relief when Hoseok believed your crazy ideas. Halfway through you decide to piece your theories within the story, your last conversation with Jungkook, coupled with the angel’s wine and explaining how scary it was to see your matching tattoos and the meaning behind them. 

“But, I wasn’t trying to fall in love with you so I could go home,” you admit tearfully, feeling the weight of the night on your shoulders, “it, it just happened naturally. It made me believe that in another world, we would’ve worked out. Just like he said.”  

“I believe you,” he says firmly, exhaling. The whole explanation, understatedly, is a lot to take in. But he isn’t going to reject it, in fact as absurd as it is it makes far more sense than you planning out a Jungkook-inspired sci-fi novel or questioning your sanity. “I—I didn’t want to at first. It was easier to say you were crazy but, it doesn’t seem like the case. The way you saw me that morning we met, I could see how much you cared for me—him—us?” he scratches his head, unsure of how he should refer to himself in the situation.  

“I don’t blame you,” you shake your head, “Namjoon wanted me to see a doctor.” 

“It must’ve been hard,” he states, “seeing so much of him in me.” 

“You are him,” you retort, looking up so that your noses are touching. There’s pain in both your gazes, equally upset at the circumstances. “I’m sorry you got the short end of the stick. I wish you could’ve met me, the other me, under normal circumstances.” 

“Remember what I said before?” he asks, lifting a hand to brush your hair behind your ear. “I said that our meeting was fate. And now I believe it more than ever.” 

You laugh, leaning your head against his shoulder. “Y’know, Jungkook believes in fate too. He used to joke about hearing the bell when he found ‘the one’ like in Kimi No Na Wa.” 

Jungkook grins, “That guy of yours seems pretty cool,” he jokes, “let him know that in our case, the bell was my horn because I didn’t wanna run you over.” 

The whole situation is confusing, but you’re thankful that Jungkook seems to be at ease now that all your cards are laid out. 

“So does your Jungkook do film too?” 

“Uh,” you choke out a cough, “he’s actually a singer, dancer, producer, and films when he has the time. Mostly singer, the main one in a K-pop group. With Hoseok, Jimin, Taehyung, Yoongi, Namjoon, and Seokjin.” 

He gapes, “Kim Seokjin? The actor Seokjin? Damn he’s like, super fine—” 

“God this is so weird.” 

“So how many figures are they making a year? In the hundred-thousands, like six-figures?” 

“Er, more like eight,” you squeak, “and then some. But you put a lot of your money into donations.” 

“Damn babe, you downgraded,” Jungkook jokes, and you smack him playfully on the arm. “So that’s how you got the song, huh?” 

“Still With You? Yeah,” you say, running your hands through the soft sand, “it’s weird to live in a world without your music, byproduct of my job. It happens to be a big part of my life,” your eyes glaze over the ocean, “I missed hearing your voice.” 

“Y/n,” Jungkook threads his fingers through the sand to find your hands, “I’m really, really sorry I doubted you.” 

You disagree, “It’s a crazy situation. I don’t even know if I’m really sane at this moment,” you chuckle, “I mean, the time went by so fast. I would be paranoid because for you, it’s like being in a new relationship. I didn’t think it would be so easy to love you all over again like that.” 

“Neither did I.” Jungkook replies warmly, and he smiles when he sees you gaping. He leans over to press a kiss to your lips, a feeling long-missed. “And a little part of me knows he feels the same way, too.” 

•━━━━━━»•»💮💮💮«•«━━•••

It’s almost 12AM before you return to your apartment, dripping wet because neither of you anticipated the sudden spring shower. You tumble in like wet noodles, giggling like children in hushed whispers as you struggle to find the lightswitch. 

The lights blare on for you, Taehyung’s fingers hanging by the toggle. His hair is wet from the shower, and he looks like he sees a Christmas miracle when he wraps you up in his arms, despite the protest of you being dirty with sand and salt. 

“You dummy, don’t ever scare me like that ever again!�� he sobs into your shoulder, and you return the embrace as you pat his head comfortingly. 

“Sorry Tae,” you say, “had to do a little soul-searching.” 

Jungkook rolls his eyes, more like world-searching if anyone were to ask his honest opinion. But Taehyung is looking past your body to mumble a teary ‘thank you’ to Jungkook, and he nods his head politely. 

“Well next time you soul search, you better call.” 

“Done and done.” 

Satisfied that you are going to stay the night and not budge, Taehyung returns to his room. He gives you a good scolding however, and he makes you promise that you’ll give him the full story over breakfast. 

After that bump, Jungkook and you can’t keep your hands off each other. You two shower the grime off your bodies, taking turns shampooing and scrubbing. Even after you’re clean and towel-dried, Jungkook’s fingers fail to untack from your skin, pushing you eagerly to your mattress as he presses kisses along your clothed body. He’s singing against your skin, waxing poetics about how beautiful you are and how much he loves you. 

“Jung—koo, Jungkook,” you say breathlessly, running your fingers through his damp locks, “Taehyung’s in the other room, we can’t be loud.” 

“Don’t,” kiss, “give,” kiss, “a fuck,” Jungkook pants, large hands trailing over your soft skin, memorizing every inch of you, He presses his length against your thigh, insistent, “if this is the last time, we’re going off with fireworks, baby.” 

And with that, you relent. It’s nothing short of electric, the way he takes great care but great power into your pleasure. He takes his time, as if it isn’t the first and last night, tracing every inch of your body because he doesn’t know what the future entails for the both of you. 

You’re equally stung like live-wire, wracking with pleasure as he seals his affirmation to you with sweet nothings, bodies pressed against each other feverently like they’ve always meant to be. Every bit of contact is purposeful, unbridled and overflowing with affection. 

When you’re done you’re both sweaty and almost painfully content, acceptant of the ambiguity of your futures. 

“Jungkook?” you ask, holding his hand tightly.

“Yes, pretty girl?” 

“Will you… fall in love with me again?” 

“Is that even a question?” he balks, leaning forward to peck your nose. He smiles at the way you scrunch your face. “Your office hours are 1-3PM, Mondays and Thursdays in the general library. If you’re not there, you’re teaching the History of Neuroscience in the ARC building on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 10:20 to 12:10. I also know where you live, so.”  

You don’t care how sweaty you are, and tuck your head underneath his chin, needing to be closer. 

“I will find you,” he promises, “hopefully not under my bike the second time around, but I’ll take what I can get.” 

“You’ll have a lot of explaining to do, y’know,” you sigh into his chest, feeling it rumble as your hair dampens. Your hair has dried long ago from the shower, but you know Jungkook’s trying hard to be strong as he cries into your crown, “you should leave before I wake up, just in case.” 

“Hoseok and I will handle it,” Jungkook assures you, “we’re like the Power Rangers, defenders of space and time.” 

“Alright Red Ranger, make sure you’re at least clothed before I wake up, then.” 

He pulls away lightly, seeing your equally red-rimmed eyes and ruddy cheeks. Both of you bump arms as you try to wipe away each other’s tears. The moon continues its power over your bodies, the only source of light in the room. Despite its movement since your time at the beach, it continues to illuminate the room and make the moment glisten with the rhythm of time. 

“You really think this is the end for us, huh?” his voice cracks, his hands cradling your face. 

Stretching to reach him, you press a kiss on every available centimeter of skin on his face. His forehead, his cheeks, his chin, his lips. You take care to kiss the tears away, silently wishing nothing but the best for him. He immediately melts into your touch, and he gives you a teary smile. 

“It’s not the end,” you assure, “it’s our beginning. Thank you, for loving me.” 

Jungkook nods, pressing a long, sweet kiss to your lips. “I can’t wait to fall in love with you again.” 

The two of you sleep like that, not with a goodbye, but with a promise. 

•━━━━━━»•»💮💮💮«•«━━•••

W1. 

When you wake up, it’s loud. 

The transition is jarring, painfully so. Gone are your soft flannel comforter, replaced with dry, scratchy sheets that are a poor excuse for bedwear. Your hands are heavy, bounded by the fluids snaking into your bloodstream. Your eyes are crusty and bleary, taking in the plain white and wood room. The sharp sound of the monitor reverberates in your ears, a high-pitched reminder of your slow vitals. 

Everything is painful, confirming that in fact you did get hit by that truck. You give props to your alternate self for dealing with this for the past two months. 

Your eyes dart around the room, taking in the night sky and the full moon looming above you. The only other person in the room is your baby niece, who is just short of five years old. She has since ceased coloring at her little table, her little mouth gaping open like a pufferfish. You make eye contact with her, and she nearly spills over her 64-count Crayola pack as she throws herself off the chair, running over to reach for your hand. 

“Auntie!” she cheers, the biggest smile on her face, “you’re awake! Mama said you were hibernating like bears do, and that you would probably wake up by spring time. She was right!” 

Although it pains you to smile, you manage to squeeze her hand in return. You open your mouth, the inside feeling tacky and gross. “Ah-ah,” you grimace when no sound comes out, just rasps and ghosts of what once was your voice. 

Your niece’s face crumples, and she lets go of you. “Imma go get mama, she’ll bring help!” 

She leaves you alone to succumb to the beeps of your monitors and the pain in your bones. Your fingers grapple the paper-thin sheets, and your gaze drifts to the moon. You think of Jungkook, sleeping blissfully in bed, holding you with so much tenderness and care. In a matter of what felt like minutes since you fell asleep in his arms, disappears just like that. 

The doctors and your family find you hysterically crying, the monitors going crazy as you hyperventilate yourself into a stupor. You feel like you’re choking on air, whatever little tubes in your body restricting access to fully express how torn and conflicted you’re feeling all over again. The medical expertise does work to evacuate your family, chalking your reactions up as your trauma catching up to you and the shock of the past two months hitting you full force. 

•━━━━━━»•»💮💮💮«•«━━•••

It’s nearly 3AM when the music cuts out with no explanation, and Jungkook is annoyed. He just got that set down and he finally felt confident in adding facial expressions, but the manager killed the music and now his head is spinning. 

He’s heaving, hands on his head as he tries to get his body back to equilibrium. He watches intently as Namjoon immediately takes the call, not even bothering to leave the studio to answer it. The rest of the members watch as Namjoon’s expressions morph into happiness, combined with short “yes”es and “I understands.” 

Namjoon makes eye contact with Jungkook first and beams, “She’s awake!” 

What originally felt like a hot and stifling room, immediately dissipates into an air of relief. While not all the members may not know you personally, the thought of a fellow co-worker on the road to recovery is enough to ease their exhaustion. 

“What?” Jungkook doesn’t hide it, and collapses on the floor, thoroughly spent for today. “Is she okay?” 

“Well, she actually just passed out. But she’s conscious.” 

“What, why?” Jimin asks, rolling a water bottle over to Jungkook. 

“Doctors say she woke up in a panic, started freaking out when it sunk in that she’s been in a coma since winter.” Jungkook’s heart squeezes painfully of the thought of you scared and feeling trapped in that small hospital bed. 

“Well, can we go see her in the morning?” Jungkook says hopefully, biting his lip. 

“We can’t,” Namjoon confesses, looking down at his shoes in disappointment, “at least not right now. y/n was apparently terrified. The doctors think she’s suffering from some form of PTSD, because she can’t recall anything that happened after she got hit. Her guardians are sending her to a facility for her to process her trauma. It’s in the countryside, and she’s not allowed visitors until she’s fully recovered.” 

Just when Jungkook thinks he has you back, you’re already far from his reach. He should be happy, knowing that you are well on your way to get better. He’s thankful enough that you’re finally awake. But the small, selfish part of him wants to visit you, and comfort you. 

Whether you’ll let him or not is your choice, but this time, he decides he’s going to fight for you. 

[purplesurveys]

1124

survey by nadine07

Three Names You Are Called:

1. Robyn, by virtually everybody. 

2. Byn, by close family members.

3. For some reason I have some friends who call me Bynbyn? even though I never established it as a nickname?? but they use it as an affectionate nickname so ultimately I don’t mind it. It just takes me aback sometimes, lmao.

Three Colors You Are Wearing At the Moment:

1. Red

2. White

3. Pink. Or light purple, depending on how you see it.

The Last Three People To Call You:

1. My mom, though I missed the call because I was at work earlier.

2. I just saw that Ysa, my director, also tried to call me. This story is so fucking stupid...I physically went to the office last Wednesday to pack some groceries, and all day long I had been leaving the door slightly ajar every time I had to go out because I haven’t had my biometrics enrolled yet and I don’t hold the keys to the office (and I was the only one who requested to go there for that day).

Of course, knowing my luck, the door slipped while I was out (I had to very briefly hand a package to a courier), locking me out of the goddamn office with all my shit inside. Even worse, I had a meeting going on with a client – I had speaking parts assigned to me, and I got locked out like 30 seconds before my part would start. I’m guessing Ysa called me during the time I disappeared but I obviously couldn’t have answered the phone. It was infuriating, especially since my manager had to cover for my slides which she didn’t practice for.

I’ll no longer get into how I managed to get back inside since it’s another embarrassing and complicated story altogether, but suffice it to say I was really upset about the whole thing and I still feel uneasy imagining how that meeting could’ve gone down with my disappearance.

3. A courier. They usually call when they’re already arrived where you are, so that they know where exactly to meet up with you.

Three Days You Look Forward To Each Year:

1. My birthday, because it’s kinda cool turning into a different age.

2. Whenever Wrestlemania is scheduled, which is usually late March or early April.

3. ...I don’t have any either favorite days/dates.

Three Jobs You've Had:

1. PR associate.

2. That’s my first job. I’ve had two internships before that, and they were both at PR agencies.

3. -

Three Bands/Singers You Love:

1. Paramore

2. Beyoncé

3. The Japanese House

Three People You've Talked To Today:

1. It’s exactly 7 AM. I could’ve talked to my parents when they headed downstairs earlier but I pretended I was still asleep on the couch so that they couldn’t, hahaha. They’ve since gone out to jog. I don’t think I’ve said a word at all yet this morning, actually.

2. -

3. -

Three Things You Could Grab From Where You're Sitting:

1. My phone.

2. The other end of this table.

3. My vape pen.

The Last Three Things You've Had to Drink:

1. I most recently had a glass of water after I finished my bag of salted egg chips.

2. I finished off the last of my coffee.

3. I also drank soju last night as an impromptu thing because I saw that I still had a peach-flavored one (my favorite) in the fridge.

Three People You Can Always Count On:

1. Angela.

2. Andi.

3. I’m also gonna name Pia even though we aren’t the closest. Girl has been crazy supportive over the last few months.

Three Places You Want to Go:

1. That I haven’t been to yet? Seoul in South Korea.

2. Thailand.

3. Morocco.

The Last Three Places You've Gone:

1. Other than places in the house – the local coffee shop inside my village.

2. The office.

3. The Starbucks beside the office. I had arrived a bit early so I had some time to walk over there and order something.

The Last Three Non-Relatives You've Hung Out With:

1. Angela.

2. Hans.

3. We were 8 in the group the last time we went out lol. But aside from the above, Pia (a different one) was the one who made the most effort to talk to me as well.

Three People To Be Stranded On A Desert Island With:

1. Angela.

2. Kate.

3. Not sure. Maybe Al for some comic relief while we try to survive there?

Three Smells You Love:

1. Cookies being baked.

2. A hotel room.

3. Seafood.

Three People You Look Up To:

1. Angela’s mom.

2. Andi.

3. My manager, Bea. Well she just got promoted, so I guess I’ll call her my director now, hahaha.

Three Places You've Lived:

1. The duplex where I mostly grew up, just a village away from my current one. I got to experience living in either house, as well.

2. Tondo, Manila. With my dad’s family.

3. Sampaloc, Manila. My parents briefly had an apartment and I was there for like a few months as a newborn.

Three Good Teachers You've Had:

1. My music teacher for the entirety of high school.

2. My professor in international relations.

3. My professor in my social history and history of Filipino women electives.

Three Things You're Good At:

1. I gotta say I’m great at parking, hahaha. Backward parking, parallel parking, you name it.

2. Going through my to-do list and finishing off every task by the end of the day.

3. Reflexes, or reacting/responding immediately, especially in games.

The Last Three People You've Kissed:

1. Gabie.

2. -

3. -

The Last Three People You've Dated:

1. Gabie.

2. -

3. -

Three People With Whom You've Shared a Secret:

1. Andi.

2. JM.

3. Jo was the first person I informed about my breakup, and I didn’t even reveal it publicly until like three months after. I didn’t expect to confide in her especially since we aren’t the closest, but I think I was just desperate to tell someone then to finally acknowledge reality.

Three Irresponsible Things You've Done:

1. Vape.

2. Road rage.

3. Leave my laptop in a classroom as I left to go to another class, in another building.

Three Movies You Love:

1. Two for the Road.

2. Revolutionary Road.

3. Room.

The Last Three People You've Gone to the Movies With:

1. Angela.

2. Leigh.

3. Gabie.

The Last Three People You've Ridden in a Car With:

1. Laurice.

2. Kuya Toby.

3. Lui.

Three Facts About Your #1:

1. Can I name my best friends instead? Angela is in her final year of college taking up architecture.

2. She has two shih tzus, Hailey and Kennedy.

3. Her mom is a pediatrician and has her own clinic in their home.

Three Places You've Gone With Your #2:

1. I haven’t been too adventurous with Andi...most recently we’ve gone to a Korean barbecue joint for a one-on-one catch up date.

2. TK.

3. Rita’s house.

Three Things You've Done With Your #3:

1. Kate works for the government.

2. Last time I talked to her, she’s still set on retake a law school exam after not getting admitted to her campus of choice last year.

3. She had a bad habit of dating orgmates.

Three Things You Have in Common With Your #4:

1. Laurice is great at debate.

2. She lives in the south, so I don’t get to see her a lot.

3. She has a cute habit of calling many of our friends by their respective honorifics, even though they’re the same age or even when she’s literally older than some of them.

Three Things That Annoy You:

1. Making the effort to go to a store and seeing they’re closed for the day, even though they didn’t indicate it in their social media accounts.

2. Offices of government agencies and their ever-grumpy staff.

3. Filipinos’ tendency to turn 3 lanes into 6 during a traffic jam.

Three Things That Attract You To The Opposite Sex:

1. Asexual. Pass.

2. - 

3. - 

Three Material Items You'd Save If You're House Was On Fire:

1. My laptop, since all my work files and a whole ton of memories are in here.

2. My phone, so I can update family and friends.

3. My glasses. Realistically, I wouldn’t care about any of these and would jump up to grab my dogs instead.

Three Careers You've Considered:

1. Journalist.

2. Lawyer.

3. Historian.

Three Things You Wish You Knew About Your Future:

1. Whether marriage or kids will be part of mine.

2. When I’m dying, and what from.

3. Where I’ll end up living, and what kind of housing.

The Last Three Songs You Listened To:

1. Wait On - Hayley Williams

2. Good Grief - Hayley Williams

3. Over Those Hills - Hayley Williams. Stream Flowers for Vases, friends.

Three Things You Consider Lucky:

1. I don’t believe in lucky charms.

2. - 

3. - 

Three T.V. Show Characters You Wish Were Real:

1. Mr. Peanutbutter from BoJack Horseman.

2. Chandler Bing from Friends.

3. Glenn Rhee from The Walking Dead.

Three Issues You Have Strong Opinions On:

1. Racial equality. 

2. Gender equality.

3. Abortion rights.

Three Things You Wish You Could Change About Yourself:

1. That I wasn’t so clumsy at work.

2. That I wasn’t too selfless all the time to just about anyone.

3. That I had a better hold of my finances and keep spending just because I’m still within budget, heheh.

Three People From Your Past You Wish You Could Spend a Day With:

1. My grandpa, who passed away before I could properly grow up and shoot the shit with him over some beer.

2. Nacho.

3. Sofie, so we can properly catch up, just the two of us.

Three Famous People You'd Like to Meet:

1. Beyoncé.

2. Hayley Williams.

3. Leni Robredo.

Three Things You Are Wearing:

1. A t-shirt.

2. A pair of shorts.

3. Underwear.

The Last Three Places You Went That Were More Than 2 Hours Away:

1. Tagaytay.

2. My dad’s family’s home in Laguna.

3. Those are the only places we’ve been to where we had to travel for a while.

The Last Three Reasons You Went to the Hospital:

1. Blood and urine test for my ~mystery illness~ last year.

2. I had to be confined for a couple of days because of low platelet count.

3. ...I was born. I haven’t made many trips to the hospital. 

Three Things You Are Addicted To:

1. I’ve never felt comfortable using the term addicted because it’s an actual condition...but if you mean to ask for what I’m hooked to at the moment, I’d go with coffee.

2. And salted egg chips. I literally bought five bags of chips yesterday and I’m already finished with my third.

3. Anything Korean, tbh. Korean food, shows, music, etc...the Korean Wave is very strong over here and I’ve finally been reeled all the way in.

Three Favorite Colors:

1. Baby pink or pastel pink.

2. Mustard yellow.

3. Maroon.

Three Things You Will Do Now That This Is Over:

1. Find another one to take for later.

2. Finish my breakfast, and maybe heat up some leftover pasta because I’m still hungry.

3. Maybe get my embroidering template so I can make some progress today.

[thistherapylife]

Do you have any advice for starting field placement? I start this August and am terrified I'll screw up or get too attached to my clients.

Hi anon! 

Yay! I looooove asks from therapists or from those trainings to do so. I wrote about this here so this is a more expanded answer but will be similar.  @othersideofthecouch answered this here. My answer isn’t going to be perfect and it’s coming from my experience so it’s just as flawed as everyone else. Also I know a lot of folks in therapy who aren’t therapists read this so a heads up - this may be okay for you but it may not. If it feels like too much, bounce out! Take care of you! {This is also like the world’s longest post so just fyi}

Take some breaths - all the shit you are going to be passing along regarding anxiety management, you are passing it on cause it works. So use it. Use the mindfulness and DBT techniques you know. Laugh with your peers, use your supervision and if you have it, use your field placement class if you are still in graduate school. Remember that you are the therapist and they are the client - when you the person is showing up with the room, it needs to be for a reason. I’ve seen therapists who have used sessions to spend the whole thing talking about themselves and it sucks. Remember that your clients don’t owe you trust - you have to earn that. OH and please for love of everything read this post by @cps-oteric if you are going to do any work with social worker “in the system.” You also may want to take a look at your social media accounts prior to starting.

The best advice I got in grad school was a professor (who continues to be one of my mentors and leads my consult group). They laid it out: “You guys are going to fuck up. Every. Single. One. Of. You. Will. Mess. Up. It’s going to happen. Because you are human and your clients are human and there is room for mistakes. Now, I’m not talking about the mistakes you have a choice over - the stuff you guys covered in Law and Ethics. That you should always be aware of and strive to prevent. But the accidental mistakes? The mistakes of inexperience? Those can be incredibly valuable for your client too. Part of our job is give people a different experience - to own up when we fuck up and do the repair work with the client.” 

Why was this the most helpful for me? Because it gave me the space to feel like it’s okay to make mistakes. It wasn’t okay to ignore those things or be intentionally fucked up but that I didn’t have to be perfect. I “fucked up” early in my first field placement - I had to call out unexpectedly. I did the right thing and called my supervisor, let them know and called the location I was supposed to be at that day. The site was supposed to let my client know and they didn’t. For the client, this is was major thing and we ended up doing a lot of repair work around but in owning up to the experiencing be shit for the client, even though that wasn’t my intention, was a huge deposit in the proverbial trust bank and was new experience for the client. I didn’t apologize for taking the time - I needed it full stop - but I did apologize that it wasn’t communicated effectively to this client and validated/normalized the feelings that came up. It’s also important not to let your anxiety/discomfort/fear etc. around messing up, compound the mistake - which is why I am pretty into therapist’s knowing their own shit. tldr; You are going to mess up but explore it with your supervisor, your mentors, your cohort. You won’t be a perfect therapy robot. 

As to the second fear - look at what you mean by attached. What’s the fear there for you? Often, it’s around not being able to keep your clinical hat on because you will be too close and/or that it will hurt when you leave. There will be probably clients it hurts to leave. Leaving my last job, I had a couple of clients - man. I still think about them and hope they are doing well. There are a couple of clients right now, who if I left my agency, it would hurt to leave. And I’m not talking about being devastated or anything would indicate an over attachment where you don’t keep that clinical hat on but when relationships end - it can be sad. Relationships have two sides, that connection develops no matter your modality - I can’t speak of all therapists here for sure. But all of the therapists I know personally and many of the therapists I’ve take courses from have experienced attachment in some way. Often, your clients will leave their fingerprints on you. Some in dust and some tattooed. Process your countertransference around this. Sometimes, in grad school, you get the idea that countertransference is all about the start of an ethical breach (or my Law and Ethics professor was just a royal asshole which is a distinct possibility). You will have feelings about your clients - positive, negative and in between - and sometimes - right at the beginning especially for me - I thought grownup therapists had all their shit together and they didn’t have feelings about this shit which like WHAT?! No. You get better at riding those waves that’s all. It’s more like “oh yup, this client’s mom is making me feel X” or “this client is bringing up frustration because of x and I know that and that’s just me. Gotta bring that to supervision/consult group/therapy”

It will depend on your placement and other factors. If you are working on a MRT or in a hospital, then you are will be affected by your clients, for sure, but your attachment may be different than it is for others with more long term placements. One of my really good friends from graduate school loves working on mobile response because she likes engaging with folks for a short period of time and has never had a desire to do the more long term work. I ended up being hired by my first placement so I had the opportunity to work with some clients for multiple years. And sometimes the length of time doesn’t matter. I saw a client for I think 2-3 times? Somewhere in there but no more than 4. But there was something about that client and those sessions that will stay with me forever. (I talked about this case in therapy when it was happening and I have a decent idea why). So your mileage will vary. 

Do your best to take care of yourself. Put your cases and clients, lovingly away at the end of the day. Set good boundaries with your agency and placement. Yes, you signed up to do a job but they don’t own you 24/7. Hang out with your friends, your family, your partner, your cat - whatever you love. Grab a coffee or a dinner with a friend or a cohort member. Have good boundaries with your friends. If you aren’t sober/working on sobriety, go to team happy hour and if you are, advocate to have a team activity that’s not a bar. Use your supervision. Reach out to mentors if you don’t think the placement is a good fit. Don’t forget to eat. Move your body. Watch TV or read a good book or garden or run or goof off on the internet but do something for you. SLEEP. If you are on meds, take them. If you can make it work (I couldn’t most of my traineeship and regret it), find a therapist. Tell ‘em you are starting your placement and some will dip low on the sliding scale cause we’ve been there. 

You made it to the end of the this post! Gold Star! This isn’t a master post for starting therapists but it’s a start. Check out the “keep yourself warm therapy posts,” “for therapists,” “new therapists,” “baby therapists” posts if you want more :) Best of luck anon. I’m rooting for you. Update me if you remember!

[21cannibals]

Do all for the ask tag u just reblogged

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?I hold a lot of hands in passing, hard to say

2. Are you outgoing or shy?I’m outgoing when I need to be, but on the inside, I’m really shy

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?My puppy, Lexi!

4. Are you easy to get along with?Yeah I’m very agreeable and understanding with people

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?They would probably be drunker, but if I were in a crunch, I like to think he or she would

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?Positive people with imaginations, a sense of humor, and who radiate positive vibes

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?I hope not

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?A person I just consider a friend right now, but I am concerned for

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?In general, no, but when people ask me specifically what I’m into I tend to clam up just because I don’t talk about it a lot so it feels unrehearsed

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?My therapist

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?”Thank you thank you thank youuuuuu”

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?1) When I Was (AVPSY)2) ART IS DEAD (Bo Burnham)3) Dust and Ashes (Great Comet of 1812)4) Hallelujah (Rufus Wainwright)5) Home (Phillip Phillips) 

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?I’m a fan!14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?In a way15. What good thing happened this summer?I was in a movie!16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?Nope17. Do you think there is life on other planets?Far far away from here and probably not the kind of life we expect18. Do you still talk to your first crush?No19. Do you like bubble baths?Love them20. Do you like your neighbors?I have not issue with them21. What are you bad habits?NAIL BITING22. Where would you like to travel?Everywhere23. Do you have trust issues?Ohhhhhh brother yes24. Favorite part of your daily routine?Shower in the AM25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?Most of it26. What do you do when you wake up?shower27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?A bit tanner would be nice28. Who are you most comfortable around?Anyone who I vibe with29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?Yes, but I’m not sure if they meant it30. Do you ever want to get married?Maybe? A long time from now31. If your hair long enough for a ponytail?No32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?Any of the Chris’s tbh33. Spell your name with your chin.dsaBV34. Do you play sports? What sports?No nope not even a bit35. Would you rather live without TV or music?TV36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?All the time37. What do you say during awkward silences?Idk I don’t find silence awkward, but if it is awkward I guess I’ll ask them a question38. Describe your dream girl/guy?Caring, attentive, passionate, deep, spiritual, free, empathetic39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?Amazon40. What do you want to do after high school?I’m not in High school anymore, but after college, I want to be a clinical therapist41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?Depends on what the original offense was42. If you're being extremely quiet what does it mean?I’m depressed, tired, or offended43. Do you smile at strangers?Sometimes44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?OUTERSPACE45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?The fear of falling behind46. What are you paranoid about?Being annoying47. Have you ever been high?Yeah48. Have you ever been drunk?Yup49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?Sort of50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?Red51. Ever wished you were someone else?All the time52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?My need to be liked53. Favourite makeup brand?I don’t wear makeup anymore, but I used to love Sephora’s brand54. Favourite store?Amazon55. Favourite blog?@nitrogen 56. Favourite colour?pastel blue/pink57. Favourite food?Honey Butter Chicken Biscuit58. Last thing you ate?Chocolate59. First thing you ate this morning?I didn’t eat anything until I had some green beans, spinich, rice, and chicken for lunch60. Ever won a competition? For what?Not unless getting into college counts as a competition61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?Never62. Been arrested? For what?Nope63. Ever been in love? Once64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?So he asked me if he could kiss me and I said okay thinking it would be a peck like first kisses are in the movies I had seen but he slid is tongue in my mouth and I almost threw up65. Are you hungry right now?Not even a little66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?No I like my real friends a lot67. Facebook or Twitter?Twitter68. Twitter or Tumblr?Tumblr69. Are you watching tv right now?Not right now70. Names of your bestfriends? Nick, Lizzy, Liam, Ally, Ella, Lilla, Megan, Julia, Gina, Kay, and Alex71. Craving something? What?Attention, probably72. What colour are your towels?Blue72. How many pillows do you sleep with?Three73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?No74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?I used to have over 300 but now I only have 3 back home75. Favourite animal?Dogs76. What colour is your underwear?Grey77. Chocolate or Vanilla?Vanilla78. Favourite ice cream flavour?Cookie Dough79. What colour shirt are you wearing?Grey/blue80. What colour pants?Dark Blue81. Favourite tv show?Hannibal82. Favourite movie?Frank83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?Mean Girls (Who the fuck would say MG2???)84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?Mean Girls85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?Regina George86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?Dory :)87. First person you talked to today?Liam?88. Last person you talked to today?Liam!89. Name a person you hate?I try not to emit hate; but I do have this one professor....90. Name a person you love?All my friends91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?Republicans92. In a fight with someone?I don’t think so?93. How many sweatpants do you have?3 (2 of them are joggers if that counts)94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?395. Last movie you watched?Rushmore96. Favourite actress?Lauren Lopez/Gillian Anderson97. Favourite actor?Darren Criss/Mads Mikkelson/Hugh Dancey/Heath Ledger/JGL98. Do you tan a lot?hardly99. Have any pets?MY PUPPPPPY LEXIIIII

100. How are you feeling?Depressed, but what’s new!101. Do you type fast?yes102. Do you regret anything from your past?I try not to dwell103. Can you spell well?Nope104. Do you miss anyone from your past?A coupe people105. Ever been to a bonfire party?NO but I WANT to106. Ever broken someone’s heart?I think so107. Have you ever been on a horse?Many times108. What should you be doing?Homework109. Is something irritating you right now?Yeah110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?A lot111. Do you have trust issues?Yep112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?Myself113. What was your childhood nickname?Candy114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?Yes115. Do you play the Wii?Sometimes, I like the mario games116. Are you listening to music right now?Nope117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?I hate soup118. Do you like Chinese food?Love it!119. Favourite book?The Pendragon Series120. Are you afraid of the dark?Sometimes121. Are you mean?I try not to be, but I recognize that I can be unintentionally mean122. Is cheating ever okay?No123. Can you keep white shoes clean?Hardly124. Do you believe in love at first sight?No125. Do you believe in true love?Maybe126. Are you currently bored?Yes127. What makes you happy?Knowing everything is temporary128. Would you change your name?I WISH I could129. What your zodiac sign?Aries130. Do you like subway?Yeah, they’ve never done me wrong131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?Depends on which one it is132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?My therapist133. Favourite lyrics right now?”I wish it was just like it was before””You can’t hold on to what’s past; nothing is made to last””I am an artist, please, God, forgive me””If I die here tonight, I die in my sleep””She tied you to a kitchen chair, she broke your throne, she cut your hair, and from your lips, she drew the hallelujah””Settle down, it'll all be clear, Don't pay no mind to the demons, They fill you with fear”134. Can you count to one million?CAN I? probably... Will I? No!135. Dumbest lie you ever told?That every year at midnight everyone’s tastebuds fly out of their mouth and switch with other people’s so that you like new foods.136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?CLOSED137. How tall are you?5′10″138. Curly or Straight hair?I have straight hair but I want curly139. Brunette or Blonde?My hair is somewhere in between but I have no preference140. Summer or Winter?Summer plz141. Night or Day?Night

142. Favourite month?April143. Are you a vegetarian?No144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?Milk145. Tea or Coffee?Coffee (but I love some sweet tea!!)146. Was today a good day?It was good then it got really bad and then it got better147. Mars or Snickers?Snickers148. What’s your favourite quote?”To live would be an awfully big adventure.” —Peter Pan: Hook149. Do you believe in ghosts?No150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?“Cities like Philidelphia and Rochester were described as being victims of their own generosity” --The New Jim Crow by Michelle Alexander