#( ill get to this when im home tho ! )
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act i scene i: older, childless, bachelor Barbarian!Bakugo finds you six months pregnant hiding in an empty stable during one of his clan raids--and instead of slaughtering you as a much younger him might've done...he throws you onto his cart of treasures and decides to take you home so he can start the family he never had with you and your child as his bride and baby.
#bakugo#i actually wrote a bunch out for this but i dont like it and it's too long so here you go#if i work on it some more tonight ill reblob this with it#but for now heres the premise (it's dark srry):#sh*t gets weird ofc#im imagining you got preggo at the last raid you went through but managed to survive#so it's not like you want the child anyway#and when he raids your village like lowk you dont care bc it isnt your home . plus youre not even expecting to survive#since you have no husband and are incapacitated with baby#so youre just waiting to die essentially but then this sexy barbarian saves you thinking hes being ... nice#bakugo is like. well now is a good time as any since idf like anyone in my village#and youre just like dam this sucks#anyway LMFAOOOOOO then youre in his house having this baby and the whole town is invested in this tea#and not only does bakugo have to win you over ... he has to convince u life is worth living#and that he's really gonna be the dad to your baby#you try running away after giving birth and ofc u cant do it and he has to rescue you#and youre so upset#but he washes you up and scolds you in his tongue for being stupid#and hes not gonna keep u forever if its not what u want but#he really does want the baby and you if youll have him#and everyone is rooting for him and likes u so much#even tho ur like a feral mama cat#jfalsdjkfladksjf#gen#shii posts#pregnancy tw
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im so vain but im so sure i will never ever get plastic surgery just bc im already so obsessed w my own face. why would i want to change anything... like yeah if my jaw was a bit daintier id fit a little more into the beauty standards but why would i try to fit even more into a boring eurocentric mold.. i just think every single face on every single person is so iconic and interesting i could stare at people all day and fall in love with humanity again and again
#this excludes ppl w crazy blue eyes bc that scares me get away from me#the way im narcissus and his pond at home but i had to fight myself so bad for the last years just to be able to look into a mirror#when im out in public.. mental illness#kind of i agree w whoever it was who said that we should never have invented mirrors tho#like that was the start of the downfall im sure...
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everyday i constantly think of masato's wheelchair and if that's his only one/main one no wonder he's so pissed at everyone
#snap chats#someone pointed this out to me like last year so im stealing it sorry cause I Think Of It Constantly#the handling of masato's disability will forever annoy me esp with how vague it is but esp his chair#one day ill draw masato with an appropriate wheelchair. maybe then he'll be happy for once#in a way i guess it could tie into how restricted or trapped he felt since the type of chair he's shown is more like. a hospital one#and not one youd really use as a regular user- like in that vein it is a bit of storytelling in that he can ONLY go out with help#since hospital chairs are SO much different from home chairs ESPECIALLY in regards to mobility and independence the user has#AND NOT TO MENTION HOW UNCOMFORTABLE THOSE CHAIRS ARE get his ass a proper cushion P L E A S E#like it portrays the idea that its unfathomable for him to go anywhere on his own and so in that vein . Interesting Storytelling#theres a lot of implications going on here if im so honest and again it makes for Really Interesting Story Telling#however i refuse to give rgg credit like that when it comes to disabilities. ... they havent earned that from me yet#see this is why the vagueness of his condition annoys me because he's shown to be independent enough to roll himself to his elevator#and presumably get himself dressed but he cant have a proper chair ?#because ik there are people who have expressed they have conditions where even writing is tiring#so if his condition was in-line with that and it was hard for him to push himself in his chair then i could buy it#obviously the issue lies with his lungs but i just want to know the full extent yk...#to wrap this up tho ive been thinking of character design in rgg and how we dont give credit to it enough#sooooo if i make a second post ten minutes from now thats why cause i keep forgetting to spam my thoughts on here LMAO#ok bye
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one time i had the most godawful haircut ever like im talking my crush said i looked like mr ohare from the lorax movie bad and i cried when i got it but not bc of the haircut it was because i was still young and couldnt properly fake liking it to the barber and felt so bad bc i knew SHE knew i didnt like the cut and it made me so guilty cuz i was like omg i know you tried your best im so sorry i made you feel like it wasnt enough *cries*
#I STILL FEEL GUILTY AND SHIVERS DOWN MY SPINE THINKING ABT IT TO THIS DAY#BECAUSE THATS ALSO WHY EVEN IF I HATE FOOD AT A RESTURAUNT ILL PACK IT HOME#BECAUSE I CANT STAND LEAVING SHIT AND MAKING THE CHEF THINK THEIR FOOD ISNT GOOD ENOUGH#LIKE IDK IM LIKE GHHHH YOU TRIED YOUR BEST AND I FEEL LIKE SUCH A DICK FOR ACTING AS IF THAT ISNT GOOD ENOUGH#whenever i tell people ive cried from a haircut before tho they always think its because of the cut#and its interesting to me because i always used to assume theyd know it was from guilt because like hair grows back lol#its not like im going to die from a bad haircut at age 12. even when i was 12 i knew that#but i get upset thinking about making someone feel like their best isnt enough especially when its subjective like cooking or haircuts#and yknow its like their career instead of a casual hobby
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#its sort of funny. i think my medication is working pretty well. i feel stable in a way i never really have before#is it the dopamine stablizer or is it my ion channels? whos to say. it doesn't matter. but it also doesnt change some things#the ways i think and react negativly to change. but it makes it easier to deal with. i still experience this strange dispaire on the#weekends or anytime im not working. i think the oddest thing is thst i dont think ive ever been this consistenly sad#not in a depressed sort of way. just a passing thoughts make me tear up sort of way. it doesnt feel out of control. it just feels like a#prelude to grief i guess. bc my mum is still in the hospital and its so hard to kno what that means from halfway across the country#my sisters are both home right now. they both live within 3hrs of where we grew up. one sister lives in the city my mom goes to for#treatment. so they have the opportunity to see her more than me. i dunno if they do tho. we dont really talk. i dont kno if they're as sad#as i am. if im overreacting bc i cant physically see what's happening. what the feeling is in the room. not that she would probably complain#shes the suffer in silence type. my dad keeps texting us pics of our shitty lil sunroom that hes redoing#to make my mum a lil sanctuary. he must be sad too. its his wife. hes staying with her in the hospital rn. i dunno its so weird#when i talk to my counselor she assumes i find out info thru calls or talk to my sisters abt it and i gotta b like nah we dont really talk#i get my info thru text. i havent talked to my parents on the phone in like a month. i dunno we just dont talk. so i dont kno how to reach#out and be like yo so whats up? shoulf i plan on coming home this summer for a bit?? like???#this is the disadvantage of leaving thr place where you grew up. probably when i finish my phd i should move closer to home#somewhere in the Appalachian mountains maybe. somewere in the eastern deciduous forrest. somewhere with thunderstorms.#but thats years from now. who knows what ill b doing. for now im just sad and tired and i dont quite kno what to do in the short or long#term bc im feeling the weight of my mental limitations rather intensely. but maybe im just being self limiting#whatever. i dont have a dead mum yet. shes not even on hospice care. things are just uncertain and dont look so hot#i just dont see how it can get better from here when chemo gave her secondary blood cancer and shes still full of tumors#i dont think im being that dramatic. it just objectively seems not great for survival#unrelated
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So I went to the doctor last week and got told I have diabetes, then spent a week in hospital to try get my blood sugar levels back to normal, only to get out of hospital and have my bloodsugar immediately go crazy again... like what do you mean I'm doing the maths just like they told me, taking the insulin in the doses I talked about with my doctor, only to end up super low or super high after eating??? It was all working fine before they let me out but as soon as I do more than laying in bed all day it isn't fine anymore??? Also having to prick my finger all the time to measure and also being super anxious when not measuring cause what if the levels go wheee again in those 3 hours im not measuring??? I know it will all be fine and that I will learn to live with it but I just can't wait until I get my sensor and being able to check my levels all the time to see when and why they go crazy so I can fix my insulin doses accordingly... thankfully my sensor is already approved and I got the message it will arrive on Friday before Easter because this situation of being fine before eating and then being too low or too high a few hours later without warning is making me so nervous and scared. Going to the doctor because I lost a bunch of kilos and was always thirsty just to get told I have developed an autoimmune disease and was close to fainting into a coma is wild. I wasn't expecting that at all and it feels like my life got turned upside down and while I am glad that it is "just" diabetes (cause I am aware it could have been something much worse) and I am accepting it and working on that, the fact it doesn't go like I'm calculating the second I left the hospital makes me so nervous about it all, feeling like I'm doing everything wrong the second im on my own
#personal rant#sorry just had to get this off of me#no one else in my family has diabetes type 1 so im just kinda lost right now#im also paranoid and anxious about doing something wrong so im measuring all the time#the sensor will have alarms for the dangerous zones so hopefully I'll be able to chill#when i know that ill be warned before entering a too low level#cause last time i only noticed cause i started shivering and coudnt keep my hands still anymore#even tho i calculated my insulin just like they told me in hospital#and that method of calculating was giving great results there but as soon as im home its not anymore#at least i dont feel like crying anymore#im just a nervous wreck all the time
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Mad that the only way you can appreciate Fallout 4 is when you have the option to Fast Travel removed.
And I mean like, physically disabled. The game will not allow you to fast travel (except for using the Vertibird grenades).
I was so sad by the distress call from Fallon's (even though I allowed it to loop for 30 minutes as I tried to get a Perfectly Preserved Pie). Listening to the crying of the woman trapped in the Jewelry Department safe.
Her final words were about how thirsty she was.
I left her skeleton a can of purified water and closed the door.
#after my game crashed 5 more times#i think i found the issue#it was a PTSD mod. and I enjoyed it#but my game would crash every 45 minutes or so#after I removed it I played for an hour and a half before I chose to shut down the game#i also spent forever in Shaw High School trying to find the woman that helped the Super Mutants#i have a Jangles the Moon Monkey in a display case at Home Plate in memory of that one family that built that bunker in that one housing#project... I dont remember the location name... it was full of Muties tho#blew Eddie Winters head clean off after he tried to flirt (crusty old man) AND found a holotape For Clara (never seen it before)#its just a pain that you can really only get that stuff in Survival mode bc of getting locked out of fast travel#idk about everyone else. but when im presented with an 'easier' route. ill take it#so i fast travel everywhere#fallout#fallout 4
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yeah I'm not gonna talk abt it am I...
#well thats okay. eventually itll come up naturally. and if not well. it doesnt make me feel very okay. but its not a big deal#and i guess ill meet ppl in the future who will curate a different idea of me and maybe therell be fewer misunderstandings#<- coward who CAN communicate to save their life but not in any lower stakes situation for their happiness n quality of life#we <3 repression n insecurity. maybe if i keep digging at the corner of this bit of the labyrinth with my spoon ill get out someday 😌#anyway.. theres my daily vague vent post got it out of my system#wanted to do it earlier but ended up not having much time after work n then called friends which was nice :^)#also i never have signal at work these days.. my boss has said shell get me on the staff wifi tho cuz i do need it for work reasons#its rare to need it for work purposes bc we all use work pcs n stuff anyway and not rly supposed to use mobiles in the lab#but yeahh.. god i have so much admin shit to sort out also gotta text family back before i sleep i forgot to earlier#its all good.. also my memory foam pillows turned up so i no longer have to steal my roomies extra one for my neck pain <3#ik she was missing it... not to sound like a creep but it was nice that it smelled like her a little. just familiar innit#we're always around each other so its just what being home smells like to me.. listen i have a sensitive nose 😔✋️#if we were a lot closer i would ask if i could sleep in her bed while shes away but we're not so it would come across sooo weird..#and i would feel rly weird abt someone sleeping in my own room without me there. well maybe not actually. as long as they werent snooping#<- guy whose mother used to go thru their shit all the time n struggles to not feel paranoid and distrustful when it comes to privacy#was thinking recently my ideal living situation w a partner would be separate rooms but we still share the bed sometimes#but not every night bc im a sensitive sleeper... but we can switch bedding so i can still smell them if i wake up in the night alone#like how new mothers trying to get babies used to cot sleeping each have a cloth or blanket and swap every night#so the baby is comforted by the blankets smell and sleeps more peacefully.. and momma finds it easier being apart from the baby too#sorry this is getting gooey and weird my meds have been wearing off the last couple hours im so sleeppyyyy 😭#well.... maybe everything can wait until tomorrow..... bed is calling..#goodnight everyone muah#.diaries
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very busy babysitting a duo of kittens (only two months old) the last few days but i shall be drawing when i return home (this includes requests)
and also if anyone wants to see the babies send an ask and i can post them in response hehe i have taken SO many photos
#yew branch#also i just missed a step on the stairs going down and ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow#i am now trapped on the couch until my back stops exploding at least a bit#upside tho is that the kittens are playing together on the couch#sometimes right on my lap!! theyre so so so so cute#i adore them#BUT YEAH i shall be drawing when i return home provided my back allows me to sit upright by that time#bc it sure isnt rn GDJSGJS#im sad ill have to go home tho.. these kittens are some of the cutest beasts alive#life is worth living because every day kittens are playing and having fun#i miiiiiiight be able to indirectly take one#one of my best friends might possibly be able/willing to take one and keep her with her own cat for me#until i move out of my parents house mid next year#so i might get to have... kitten that ive watched grow up from newborns...#the story behind these kittens is that one of my other best friends took in a stray and she turned out to be pregnant#and had these two!!#im also watching the three adult cats in this house but theyre not nearly as much of a handful#as can be imagined this friend is very tired of having 5 cats in the house regardless of how small two of them are GDJSVSN#which is very very understandable#i dont think i would want five cats unless i had a fairly large house. if i had a large house and plenty of free time most of each day#to give them play time and tons of affection#as well as the physical ability to keep up with them all#then id gladly have five cats#who knows maybe someday ill have a nice big house and plenty of spare time and my ddd will be under control#but that doesnt seem likely#aside from ddd being managed! because i have a pain relieving steroid injection tomorrow and then ill be starting physical therapy!!#im excited and i have a lot of hope for at least the physical therapy to help#PLUS THEY HAVE A POOL FOR PHYSICAL THERAPY!!!!!!! AND I LOVE SWIMMING ESPECIALLY AS A GENTLE WORKOUT#and low impact things are very important for my body specifically i cant do high impact exercise or itll hurt me#plus i just love being in water i swear i was meant to be an aquatic elf from dnd
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You can trick or treat here, I'm handing out teenie beanies
#turning my tumblr porch light on sp the kids know im home#ill answer when i get up tho#sorry for being a usamerican
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on one hand. it's deeply funny how whenever I'm in a new situation/I'm busy my bodies just like yeah we don't need food right it's fineee and then I barely eat because I forget to/don't feel like it. on the other hand I would really like to. yk. try more Japanese food while I'm here? like cmon man work with me here
#its like#im not not eating yk#ive been living off seven eleven sandwiches and onigiri#and a shit ton of drinks while I'm out#i think its a combo of like#a. me kinda shifting into the same mindset i get at cons where its just go go go make the most of it do everything you can eat and feel like#shit when you get home#b. food expensive. not that expensive but it feels like a cost yk#c. shit ton of unfamiliar food and again. dont want to waste money on something i wont like. my ass is bad with certain textures and tastes#i feel bad getting boring western food bc migjt as well try something new while im here right but also all the new stuff scares me#d. going anywhere that isnt a self serve conbini/fast food place is uh. terrifying? idk.how to do that#e. i just forget food is a thing i need#idk im bad with food in general#hashtag autism thingss#but i think theres just a lot of compounding factors that lead to more stress around this#(new country so new things so i dont know if ill like them but i need to try them while im here bc i migjt never get to again and then ill#regret it forever but idk how but i cant just keep going to the same two or three places but going anywhere else takes forever ajd feels#like a waste of time but-)#so my brain just kinda goes. lmaao yeah no and then avoids thinking abt it?#or maybe im just overthinking it who fuckin knows#probably overthinking. and oversharing#lol. lmao even#idk im not really a huge food person anyway? still seems like a waste ig#drinks are fucking incredible tho#and hey im getting hydrated while im walkong aroind thats more than i usually get#imngonna. shut up jow#me.txt
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...
#love that when ur stressed and having a bad time it makes ur menstrual pain worse so you feel even more awful#like. yes. id love to get things done but unfortunately i need to go home immediately at 2pm bc i feel physically ill. vibes wretched.#im considering sleep here at 6pm but 2 b fair i think i only slept 4hrs last night. woof. tomorrow is gonna b interesting#i think the allergic reacting is abt over now tho. like im not really itchy anymore. the rash is still visible but i think its just dry now#bc of the cold. so was i ever reacting to the tatto0? or was it all the medication? im so interesting in what happened#would i not have had a reaction if i hadn't got a bunch of holes poked in my skin? or was it just a coincidence#that the rash started on that arm? ugh. so frustrating. and i think the psychiatrist forgot to actually book my appointment from when we#last talked so idk. maybe if i watch t4skmaster over and over it will heal my soul#ay. its all very frustrating. and i still dont have fucking autoclave access. fuck off. just give me the fucking key code#i just wanna pour plates 🫗 lol that actually looks a lot like pouring solid media. i dont wanna have to steal someone else's card to open#the door. who even locks up an autoclave??? they didnt at my old school and u could wheel a body into that thing. im pretty sure it was#bigger than this one. also there's another unlocked on on campus. why?! i ask ppl and fucking no one knows. that's just how it is#ugh. i should go to sleep. my tummy hurt#unrelated
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tbh, i dont personally ship jack with .. anyone. not that im opposed to it, bc yall know im a shipping FIEND
but when it comes to jack, hes still growing up. he doesnt entirely understand romantic attraction, or what it means. and i dont mean this in an infantalizing way, but i kinda lean on this quote for him:
that doesn't mean something cant happen, it'll just be difficult and take a LONG TIME for him to even get a hint. and even more so for him to realize if he feels it the same way or not.
#` ooc || move bitch im 𝙂𝘼𝙔 `#jack tag.#( typing on mobile is so hard so sorry if it reads weird djdnsj )#( its been smth on my mind tho )#( bc i love ships but jack isnt one of the easist muses to romance yakno )#( and also the factor of uh. idk how old he is )#( everything is very conflicting DNSJSKSL )#( anyways ill fix the formatting when i get home )
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I'm starting to see ppl talk abt updating their artfight pages and at first I was like what why it's still months away and then it hit me that by months it was two months and now I'm just silently sweating as my anual side project to remake the eternal gales refs and give them all icons comes back to haunt me
#rat rambles#oc posting#well I mean the good news is that all the staliens are already done and Ive already started on the human kids#the bad news is that theres still 5 more refs for me to remake and 9 icons if I decide to commit to that#the only one Ill probably force myself to do is sprinkles since shes the only stalien that doesnt have one and I dont want to leave her out#the human kids might just not get them tho especially since theres other characters Id like to make refs and icons for too#not as many newbies to the field this year which is a good thing since I do not have a lot of space left for new characters lol#Im probably going to take it easy this year in terms of my goals for artfight since last year I crashed and burned Hard#hopefully Ill have the time and motivation to draw a decent amount but if I dont Ill try not to be too broken up about it#especially since Ill probably burn myself out a bit doing the last minute ref rush lol#its not necessary especially since all the guys who needed the new refs most got theirs but Id like for them to be on the same page#I also went ahead and cleaned up my page a lil bit to make my life easier in the future#I should probably update bios and stuff but I dont feel like it Im too tired#tomorrow Im definitely going to need to clean some more as I have been for nearly every day#I mean guess thats why Im here in part#last week of pet sitting tho so soon Ill be back home again#Im not sure if Im excited or dreading it cause while I miss my family I also have been rly enjoying a house to myself#like its not necessary easy to do all the chores and stuff but it's a lot easier to do said chores when Im alone#and Ive actually been waking up at reasonable times too like not having my mom floating around is doing wonders#its almost making me rethink my insistence that I couldnt live alone but I definitely think itd get to me in the long term I need people#I just wish there was a better middleground since having people constantly in the house stresses me out so bad#it leads to me hiding out all day in my room and that's just not good for me#but its not like I could live by myself even if I wanted to#at this rate I dont think Ill ever move out but lets not think abt how much worse that could be for me thats future me's problem
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Star Wars Starter Call
In honor of Star Wars Day, give this a like for a starter from one of my Star Wars AUs/muses!
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what if you wanted to play y3 all night but youre bein invited to watch spiderverse again
#snap chats#im the BIGGEST LIAR ive just been sitting here waiting for the movie time LMAO#i did wanna play tho... but i keep thinkin i wanna draw soemthin...#i dont have the energy or really drive to finish that comic- like id LIKE TO if not solely cause there are some cute arakawas in it#and like. a rare smiling jo but its also like two pages and i havent made a multi-paged comic in weeks so im out of it#anyway lol.... oh ew i have to leave in like twenty minutes time to stare at the wall until then#when i get home THEN im playin y3... unless im plagued with ideas..#hm......... maybe ill sketch something and see if i wanna do anythin with it later.. <- needs to stop
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