#but its not like I could live by myself even if I wanted to

[nereidprinc3ss]

i have thoughts on reid x dilaudid that i feel like i’ve never seen anyone talk about before so im gonna share

spoilers for s2 ofc and cw for discussions of substance abuse

something im thinking abt right now is that presumably reid was not psychologically or physically dependent on dilaudid yet by the time he was rescued from tobias hankel. of course he was incredibly traumatized and im not saying i wouldn’t anticipate wanting relief from that if i were him, but he could have gone without the drugs. he CHOSE to take the vials from tobias when he left. so if you think about it we didn’t even see the turning point into his addiction—he had to make the choice AGAIN to shoot up at some later point. he obviously knows the statistics abt addiction and the opioid crisis. but we know he really was addicted eventually. so after tobias, he got home and looked at those vials and made that choice to shoot up again, fully aware of what he was doing and all the implications and potential consequences but he was just in that much pain.

like it makes me so so sad to think about how smart he is and how his vast intellect was not enough to stop him at any point in the pursuit of getting high and he was contending with that the whole time, aware that he should be “too smart” for what he’s doing. like he had to procure syringes, he had to consider what he was potentially sacrificing, all while he was completely lucid, and he still made a fully conscious decision that it was more valuable to get high.

or maybe he convinced himself he was just going to use them to wean himself off because it would take a major toll on your body to receive all those drugs in such a short time frame. maybe he thought he could slowly detox. which might be even sadder. or maybe he was lying to himself the whole time and knew he just wanted to give himself permission to get high again. idk.

regardless it’s really really sad to think about how much effort he had to put into doing something he knew was terrible for him and how he chose it again and again because that’s how much he was hurting. like that scene of him holding the bottles and looking in the mirror at work hits a lot harder when you realize his addiction was not something just happened to him. he can’t entirely shirk the blame. i can’t even imagine how much self loathing he would have had going on at that time

(also i am fully aware that addiction is an illness and in many regards not a choice at all, but im saying its not likely he was actually clinically diagnostically addicted to dilaudid by the time he was freed. in that sense, he did make choices which contributed to his addiction, and he had to live with that, which i think is really highlighted by him looking in the mirror like what the fuck have i done to myself)

anyways im so sad now😂😂😂😂!!!!!! this is one of my favorite plot lines it was done so dirty!!

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

hi, im an 18 year old pre-transition trans guy and ive grown up in an incredibly repressive fundie household which has caused me to really struggle both socially and with my sexual development. ive been homeschooled nearly my whole life and am currently getting everything set up to enroll for college this fall, this will be my first time living away from my abusive household and im very nervous about it..

anyhow, im in a really really weird situation right now. because of my shelteredness ive always been extremely isolated irl, ive never had a consensual romantic or sexual experience irl and all of my friends are online friends. well, one of my online friends (a cis guy who i knew from an online forum) and i started fooling around a bit, flirting and then eventually very explicit conversations, trading nudes and sexual video calls. we were extremely emotionally close and the relationship was pseudo-romantic but we both agreed we didn't want to do online dating after both of us having a bad experience with it previously.

this whole situation allowed me to experiment sexually more than i ever have, and i really felt more sexually confident than i ever have.

when we met, he told me he was freshly 19. and for the whole relationship i was under that impression, he didn't give me any reason to doubt it. but two days ago he couldn't handle lying anymore and revealed that he was 15. needless to say that was an incredible shock and i dealt with it as responsibly as i think i can.

the reason i'm coming to you about this is because i feel really weird about the whole thing, i dont blame myself for believing him and im not mad at him because i understand what lead him to those choices, but now i feel really awkward about all of the good things i got out of the situation before the reveal.. this was my first time ever really doing "real" sexual stuff with someone (beyond just texting i mean, i had never exchanged nudes or done vidoe calls like that before) everything sexual i encounter now makes me feel awkward because of all of this, its really weird and uncomfortable and i don't know what to do :(

im not sure what im hoping to get out of telling you this but i can't really talk about this to anyone else i feel like, so i guess i just wanted to get it off my chest

(if anyone responds to this accusing me of taking advantage of him or not handling the situation correctly, firstly you have basically no context and secondly you don't know what i did to take care of the situation. let me and my close friends be the ones to judge how i handled it, this is an extremely complicated situation for me to be in and you being judgmental does nothing positive for it.)

hi anon,

oofah doofah, what a sucky situation.

I totally understand feeling grossed out by the reveal; those feelings are real and deserve recognition. it's not nice to be lied to, especially when the truth casts all of your previous experiences in a totally different light - and a much scarier one, since you could very well have been breaking the law by exchanging nudes with a 15 year old, depending on where you live! this person could have gotten you in huge trouble by lying, which makes this whole situation that much worse.

having said that, you don't need to feel good about having had a good time and having gotten some positive experiences out of this dynamic. you were enjoying a relationship that you had every reason to believe was above board and it did great things for your sexual confidence! that's not retroactively untrue just because you were being misled; all of the good things you felt are still real.

think of it this way: when a couple breaks up there's often a urge to feel that they've been wasting their time together, that all of the energy and devotion they brought to their relationship was ultimately a waste because they didn't die together in bed holding hands at the tender age of 107. but that isn't true! no relationship is a waste of time, and even when things don't work out, that doesn't mean the good things didn't count. every time those people made each other laugh, everything they encouraged each other to try, every new thing they experienced together, every time they had sex, every meal they shared - all of these are real and matter and helped shape them for the better, even if they ended up parting ways as romantic partners.

the same is true for you. take your time to sit with your hurt at this loss and betrayal of your trust, but don't throw the good out with the bad. this wasn't ultimately a good relationship for you, but that doesn't mean it brought nothing of value into your life, and you can carry what you learned about yourself forward with you as you seek more appropriate partners :)

[jangofettjamz]

Stay with me

Jenna Ortega x Autistic!Male!Reader

TW: Depression, Self Harm, General Unhappiness

Summary: Jenna discovers your ongoing depression.

2nd Person POV

Three weeks.... three long weeks of loneliness. You had all but isolated yourself from the world, not to be seen by anyone. Your family and friends constantly worrying about you and your whereabouts. But you didn't care. You just didn't care anymore.

Your sleeping pattern was completely destroyed, eating habits fluctuating between eating too much or too little or just not eating at all. Hygiene was at an all time low, snack packets littered the house like a landfill.

You felt defeated, conquered. You couldn't even get out of bed to check the time. The only thing you could hope for is the mattress to swallow you whole removing you from the world; not that it'd make a difference. So you kept telling yourself.

You lay in your bed staring at the ceiling for what feels like hours, only to be disrupted by the ringing of your cell phone on your nightstand. You almost didn't lean over to see who it was but curiosity had its way with you and forced you to look. It was Jenna.

Embarrassment radiated through your body having not even thought about how your absence might effect her. Your reached out your arm to pick it up and hovered your thumb over the answer icon.

Mustering up the courage, you finally answer the phone and gave the best performance you could to ensure her that you were fine. "Hello"

"Y/N? Baby are you alright? No one's heard from you for weeks! I've been trying to call you and went to your door multiple times, babe." Regret. Thats what you felt the moment she expressed her worry for your well being. How could you be so selfish?

Still you persisted in trying to convince her "I'm fine, Jen. Really I am. I've just been really really busy at work; barely any time to myself" you fake laugh.

Jenna saw right through your facade "Really..? Because I called your boss and they said you haven't turned up for work in about a week and a half and I haven't seen you for three. Honey you know I'm the first one to call if you ever need help, so why won't you let me in?"

She was pleading, something you had a very emotional reaction to. The last thing you ever wanted to hear from her was pleading. "Jen... its... *sniffles* "

Jenna doesn't back down "Y/N... please... Tell me what's wrong"

"I... I can't get out of bed... my bed is a mess and so is my room. I feel sick to my stomach and I..." you held back tears.

"Go on, sweet boy it's okay. Tell me what's going on" She says with pure softness in her voice. No hint of contempt.

"I hurt myself. I've been hurting myself, Jenna" There it was, an admission. With your pride broken and tears down your face you confessed to your girlfriend about your dangerous little habit.

"I'm coming over. I'll be there in 5 minutes tops." You can already here her bustling around her house looking for her car keys. You were sobbing from the guilt. "Hey Hey l sweet boy it's okay. I'm not mad I promise. We're gonna get you cleaned up and figure this out together, okay?"

"O-okay.... I love you, Jennie..." you sniffle as you call her your little affectionate nickname.

"I love you too, sweet bunny. I'll be there very soon." She blew a kiss through the phone before hanging up.

*Five minutes later*

Jenna opened the front door via the spare key, her eyes taking in the mess of the living room. She couldn't focus on that right now, instead she made her way up to your bedroom and knocked the door.

"Y/N? Bunny are you in there?" She called out to you but you refused ti answer, hoping that she would leave and not see you in your pathetic state. "Babydoll I'm gonna come in now, okay?"

The sound of the door opening made you hide under the covers from the fear of judgment; her judgement. However, that never came. The footsteps drew closer and closer and you felt a hand remove the sheet you were hiding under.

The state she saw you in broke her sweet heart, wanting nothing more than to just pick you up in her arms and shield you from everything despite the height difference. "Oh sweet boy... hey... it's only me"

That did it. The dam of tears collapsed on itself and you bawled like a child leaving Jenna to pick up the pieces. "Shhh, sh, sh, sh it's okay baby. You're safe I promise. It's only me in here, no one else." Her hands went through your greasy hair, evidence of your lack of hygiene the last few days."

"I-I'm sorry for n-not calling you J-Jenna..." you wanted to give her a thousand apologies and you didn't even know why.

Jenna shut down your apologies immediately "its okay bunny you did absolutely nothing wrong. You're just going through a very hard time right now." Even in the dimly lit room she could see the marks on your forearm, but didn't draw any attention to it; nit yet anyway.

"My love why don't you have a shower, hmm? Or bath up to you. While you do that I'll clean up your room and check up on you afterwards. You have any clean bedsheets for me, angel?" She asked sweetly.

"In the basket downstairs with all the other clean washing" you answered lowly.

She gave you a loving kiss to your forehead "Thank you. But before you take a bath, can I clean your cuts? I'll be gentle I promise" you were hoping she'd just ignore the cuts, but they do need to be cleaned. You nodded your head with lingering shame.

She helped you to the bathroom, which was thankfully clean and sat you on the toilet seat. Jenna grabbed the first aid kit and got to work "Honey I need to clean the cut of dirt first before I disinfect it. Can you put your arms under the sink for me?" You did as you were told "That's my good boy there you go. Just hold your arms under for a few minutes"

It stung but you weren't expecting it to be painless. After the wound was clean of any dirt she started to disinfect "You're doing such a good job for me, bunny. So brave for me" she praised. You truly did not deserve this woman

"These dressings are waterproof so you can bathe with them, but try not to get it too wet, okay?" You nodded at her instructions and she proceeded to run the bath. While the water ran she rubbed your back and rocked you to keep you calm and not overstimulated.

"Alright baby it's bath time" She helped you into the bath with a gentle guidance. The temperature felt just right, something you were very grateful for. The last thing you wanted was to be overstimulated from how the water felt on your sensitive skin.

While you cleaned yourself, Jenna cleaned the bedroom from all the junk and replaced the bedsheets. She wanted to ask so many questions but she knew not to overwhelm you in your extremely vulnerable state.

Around 35 minutes after you got in the bath you finally decided you were clean enough. Your hair was clean and fresh and the body odre was gone. You grabbed a towel and went back to your room to find Jenna sitting on the now clean bed inside your now clean room.

She tapped the bed signalling you to sit down next to her. Once you did she instantly wrapped her arms around your fragile body in a protective hold refusing to let go. "Sweetheart what happened?" The inevitable question was finally asked, you couldn't really narrow it down to one event since it's been building up for a while.

"I... its been building up for a while. I started feeling unhappy for about a year and it just escalated from there. You know I've been going to therapy and stuff but it just kept getting worse and worse... I didn't think I'd start hurting myself... *sniffle* I feel so stupid" you started crying heavily again

"Shhhhh you're not stupid baby boy, not stupid at all. You're just going through so so much and you felt like you needed some form of release from all the stress regardless of what it was. But please don't feel like you can't let me in, I wanna help my precious baby whether be physically or mentally." She wiped your tears with the pad of her thumbs and held your very close.

"I know you had your reasons for doing this bubs and they're completely valid, but please let me help you. There's better ways than this I promise. I don't wanna lose you, bunny. You're too precious to me to lose, I love you so so much and I need you here with me. I need you to stay with me baby."

You weakly nodded at her words, you knew this wasn't going to be an easy road ahead but she was going to help you navigate it together. "I won't leave, Jenna. I promise."

"That's my perfect angel..." the two of you share a loving deep kiss, only sealing the love you two felt for one another. She pulled back and looked into your eyes. "So gorgeous. My perfect boy" the praise made you tear up again which made her hold you against her chest and lay down on the bed.

"You're gonna be okay, Y/N. I'm here now, everything's gonna be okay. Such a good boy for me, it's all gonna be okay." And you really believed her, despite everything you've went through you fully believed her words. Jenna cradled you in her arms in whispered sweet words, pulling you into a safe space where you felt nothing was wrong.

"How about we get some pizza and chill for the next few days. Its the weekend and I've missed you a bunch. Maybe we can even go somewhere tomorrow, whaddya say?"

"Okay. Dominoes?"

"Whatever you want, sweet boy. I'd do anything to make you happy" Those words brought a smile, a small smile but a smile nonetheless.

And that made Jenna very very happy

A/N: This hasn't been proofread so the spelling/grammar/punctuation might be shit. Sorry I've been M.I.A but I've been really down lately and that's putting it lightly. I haven't forgotten about you guys and I hope this fic can make it to you.

[blacclotusss]

Do You Know What It Means to be Loved by Death?

My meta and analysis of my favorite scenes from IWTV s02e02

Louis and Claudia at the Cafe

Been a favorite of mine since the scene dropped way back in February. I've always loved Louis and Claudia moments where the two of them are just acting like the siblings they are. Claudia's question of who Louis is, I believe, implants something within him. Louis does dodge the question, of course, but I think we'll see what happens once he's without her. Now, the question is whether he will be without the hallucination of Lestat (I don't think so).

Claudia and Madeleine Meeting

Claudia and Madeleine's first meeting! Eep! There was more tension than I was expecting, but I liked the interaction. Claudia bursting in and demanding her wants is music to my ears.

Louis Cruising

Baby...I'm so glad Mr. du Lac is in Paris living it up and doing so freely. I do wish we could have seen him cruising more...explicitly; especially with the way Armand and Louis described their love lives. But, it's nice to know he was free and without judgement to do as he wanted.

Louis and Armand's First Meeting

Can we talk about legit love and first sight?! They're both so cute in this moment, it's the sweetest thing. The awkwardness of Louis against the smoothness of Armand meshed together beautifully. And the way the two looked at each other as they recounted the story was so magical. "I will not harm you" "And I never have." Such a tender moment and I hope and pray Armand has not hurt that man in any way, even indirectly. I can see it in the both of their faces that they wish to go back to that time, if only for a little while.

Introduction to the Theatre/Coven

I am such a sucker for all things camp and theater and this was both of those on steroids. The theatrics, the acting, the usage of both the projector and the blurred lines between real and fake was amazing. It felt like a show all on it's own. Louis and his facial expressions were hilarious and you can clearly tell it's not his thing, but Claudia wants to fully immerse herself in that. It was so sweet looking at how in awe and happy she was to see the production. Cannot wait to see her on the stage. I'm glad the show have each member of the coven a bit of backstory instead of just sticking them in the scene. We can already see on stage Santiago's personality and I'm intrigued with how he'll develop. I also noticed Armand seemed to be a bit distant when watching them interact. I believe he's already began to pivot his focus to Louis, which is confirmed in the murder mansion scene.

Lestat Reading His Letter to Louis

The only time we see Lestat in the episode and of course it's a tense moment. The first time we hear from de Lioncourt himself (will we have more of these moments?) and you can feel the tension and despair in the air. It probably made things worse for Louis for a couple of reasons. One, even in "death" Lestat, his first vampire love, loves and trusts him. "Know only this, mon cher, you are the only being I trust, and whom I love, above and beyond myself. All my love belongs to you. You are its keeper." That probably made Louis' heart swell. But, as much as it swelled, it hurt him beyond measure. The mention of treachery and seeking revenge probably made him feel as if he was choking. He knows he's the one that's going to have to let treachery eat away at him and let Lestat's face press up against his longing. I'm not sure if his hallucinations of him are longing, but the idea of killing him is still eating away at him.

Louis and Armand Toying with Daniel's Thoughts

Whew boy. This was a doozy, wasn't it? I was not expecting the flashback moment in that scene but I have a few theories. One: Armand is Alice. Yes, it's controversial but after this episode I don't think it's as far fetched as it was in season one. Armand popped up at that moment for a reason. And it's quite funny how no one has checked on the man, not even his daughters. I get strained relationships, but was it that bad? Now, I still don't fully believe this theory, but it's a thought. Another theory is that Armand's relationship with Daniel parallels his and Alice's. We don't know the full extent of what happened, but the two got divorced and no longer speak so it wasn't good. Third, Armand could have simply planted that in Daniel's head, which I think is the strongest one here. We all know Armand possesses the capabilities to do this and that flashback could have been him planting that in his mind. I saw someone say something about the editor messing with Daniel as well since they were the ones who pointed out flaws in his book (read by Louis in season one), which would be crazy, to say the least, because why?  And say what you want, that old bastard deserved it.

Murder Mansion Scene

Another scene I've been obsessed with since we saw it last year. These two are just lost in each other as there's a whole murder party happening behind them. I did like how protective Louis was of Claudia when Armand mentioned her (Armand please don't piss me off), but I hope he takes lessons from Maitre about shutting off his thoughts because that could definitely be his downfall.

[deathbystero]

'cause we're just kids who grew up way too fast

in which Ponyboy struggles to come to terms with everything. a/n - here's the full chapter y'all. lemme know if it's worth carrying on with and if you have any ideas on what I can do to extend the plot, feel free to request or give me some ideas

It’s only been a few weeks since that night—coming on three, to be exact. I don’t think things will ever go back to how they were; how could they? With Johnny and Dallas gone, everything feels off-kilter in some way. Like a loose thread just waiting to be pulled, ready to fall away and leave nothing but a gaping hole in its place. 

Home doesn’t feel like home anymore. Not really—not in the same way it was before. Things are a lot quieter. A lot emptier. I don’t think Darry minds all that much; an empty house is a peaceful house, even under all the unsettling tension. 

The gang feels a lot closer now, too. I suppose that’s one good thing about all of this, but nobody is quite themselves anymore. There isn’t as much energy in the air; there aren’t many laughs around anymore, and nobody smiles as often as they used to. It's like everyone is carrying around a weighty cloud on their shoulders, or maybe they’re just trying to keep their minds busy with something else. But we never talk about those days anymore; no one does. The topic makes us uncomfortable, like a wound that can never be healed. 

Maybe it’s just me who can’t get used to living without them. 

The nightmares still come every once in a while, more now than they used to. Sometimes they’re pretty bad—Johnny and Dallas making frequent appearances, their faces blurred, their voices distorted. Sometimes, I realise that I’m starting to forget the little things about them: the way Johnny would tilt his head a little to the left (or maybe it was to the right) when he was talking; the way Dallas would bite his lip when concentrating hard on something, even if he didn't seem to notice himself doing it. Everything seems to be slipping through my fingers faster than I can grasp, trying desperately to hold onto the memories, begging them not to fade away into the background. 

Maybe that’s why they haunt me so often: because I'm afraid—afraid that someday I won't remember them at all. 

Darry slept on the floor in my bedroom for a little while after that night, too scared to leave me alone after everything. He’s been doing that a lot lately, constantly checking up on me, even when I'm only in the next room over. Sodapop says it's because he's scared I’ll disappear again, which is ridiculous; I’ve got nowhere to run to, and even if I did, I doubt I’d want to anyway. Without Johnny to keep me company, I might as well be right here in Tulsa forever. 

There was never anything in the papers about Johnny and Dallas—at least not anything good. They don’t write editorials for “murderers” and hoodlums. Nobody would read them anyway. It would be a waste of ink, a waste of print, and a waste of paper. It’d just be another story about another couple of kids from the east side who wound up dead. No one would care. No one would even know what happened to them, not until somebody started asking questions, and even then, the truth would be twisted. Nobody knows what happened. Nobody but me. They can try to understand, just like Sodapop, Two-Bit,  Steve, and Darry have tried, but they won’t ever see it the same. Not like I do. 

For a long time after the incident, I tried convincing myself that Johnny wasn’t dead. He couldn’t be; you don’t just lose your closest buddy in one night. That doesn’t just happen. And yet, it had happened to me. 

To be truthful, I still don’t really believe that Johnny is dead. It’s stupid, irrational, and childish, but I can’t help but cling to that notion like my life depends on it. Maybe I'm losing it a bit, growing a little delusional. Darry seems to think so. Not a day goes by where he isn't telling me to “get my damn head out of the clouds” or to “get my act together."

I’m trying, really, I am, but sometimes it gets hard. The truth hurts too much. So I decided it was better to just pretend that it hadn’t happened. Pretend the entire mess never went down. That’s easier than confronting reality, even though I know there are some aspects of Johnny and Dallas’ deaths that are very, very real. Too real to be ignored. And it’s not like I can ignore it, can I? It’s part of me—a piece of me—a piece of my memory that I can never fully forget. I’ll just have to live with it.

That’s easier said than done, though.

[d1stract-and-daydream]

0 Days Since [Part 1] (Simon 'Ghost' Riley x Reader)

WC: 872

Warning: Self-harm, angst, slight miscommunication

Reader overheard something that sets them spiralling.

A drag of metal, the brief sting silencing the screams in your brain to a mocking hush; this day wasn't supposed to end this way.

You watch the bead of blood enlarging on the inflicted line. The ghost of its ancestors pale in the background. 

No, you were doing so well. 

To your left, a smashed cupcake, icing smeared on the linen of your bed. 

One year.

You had been clean of your bad coping mechanisms for almost one year today, and it was supposed to be a day for you and Ghost to celebrate.

He'd been so patient with you, because he'd been through the same self-loathing you were in back when you'd just met. Helped you as you pulled yourself out of it. Provided the rope and taught you the best way to climb up and out.

Maybe these past few weeks, you weren't at your best. A mission not going to plan tends to lead to that.

Lives lost, haunting screams; the face of a woman clawing at your arms, begging you to save her from the fatal gunshots all over her frail body.

It was too much too fast, and you might have spiraled a bit too hard.

Just drinking. Not the cutting.

Today, you were determined to shed all of the harmful coping mechanisms you'd learned to lean on since you were a teenager.

No more drinking. No more smoking. No more cutting.

For him. 

Simon.

Because you wanted to have a long enough life—barring mission fatalities—to spend with him.

The cupcake in hand, you took light steps towards the mess hall so you could tell him of the news—that you were one year clean.

He was talking to Soap. So you paused, not wanting to bother them.

Eavesdropping. Or not. They were talking in a communal space. 

"How's she?" Soap asked him as he shoveled food into his mouth. 

The area was busy, but not noisy enough that you couldn't make out what they were talking about. 

You.

"She's okay. Surviving."

You smile. It's all thanks to him. This cupcake, it's for him, a little symbol of victory; both in your lives and relationship.

"Good lad," you heard Soap gave Simon a good hard pat on his back. Decided to give them time to talk as you sat at the bench just outside the mess hall.

Then, a sigh.

"It's too hard sometimes, Johnny. Feels like I'm pulling them out with an oil-slicked rope. Tried and tried only to-"

The cupcake cradled in your hands tilted. Almost falling off your thighs. What Simon said next, you couldn't hear, the ringing in your ears overtaking your senses.

Were you that hard to deal with? Too needy? Too much?

You loved Simon, and of course, you would always need him in your life. It just never crossed your mind that you might be needing him more than he does you, that you're a parasitic vine choking him off the nutrients he needed to flourish.

"It's how it always is, L.T., you love them, you gotta try."

"Wish it weren't so damn fucking hard," Simon answered, "sometimes I think to myself if it's all worth it."

A painful sob threatened to tear its way out of you.

You ran, swift, away from foot traffic, away from the mess hall, from the realisation that you were a burden to the last person you want to be one to. 

"Lean on me, darling," he'd told you. Said that he'll take care of all your problems while you just focus on living, on finding yourself again. Your reluctance was swayed off bit by bit because of his words and actions—their unwavering persistence a testament to his care. 

He said he loved you. Three months ago. 

Is he going to take it back?

Was that even true, or just a pacifier, your carrot on a stick to help you crawl out of your hole?

0 days since your last incident. 

One line, two. Was trying to get better even worth it when the ruby liquid sang lullabies with every drop you granted freedom to? You could focus on the way they beaded, the gentle flow, the fall in slow motion before the floor below you was dirtied by red.

It was either of the two that your body had always resorted to, tears or blood. When you cry, your insides feel like they're shredded to millions of different pieces, but that was normally the healthier of the two. But you're not going to cry while your fellow soldiers were still awake and could hear you at any moment.

This, this silenced not only your thoughts, but the way you released it too. Hurting yourself never fails to make you numb, hazy. It's a feeling you seek a lot, thus your habit. Simon told you it's better to cry. To do it on his shoulder.

A burden.

Three, four. New ones welcomed by the old , a ritual of pain dancing around the fire of emptiness. If you truly wanted to get better, you'd already have your razors thrown away, and perhaps this was what Simon meant by too much.

And then there were tears, anyway.

You will never get better, will you?

"Love?"

[arolesbianism]

I'm starting to see ppl talk abt updating their artfight pages and at first I was like what why it's still months away and then it hit me that by months it was two months and now I'm just silently sweating as my anual side project to remake the eternal gales refs and give them all icons comes back to haunt me

[puppyeared]

its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously

[writer-room]

Honestly Rayla is equally 100% ride or die for Callum too.

That's so true I almost mentioned it in that post. They're so ridiculously feral for each other it's hilarious to watch. Callum's the legitimate "we ride AND die together" whereas Rayla is the "I will ride and die FOR you" sort of deal yknow?

Could be literally any situation, no matter how dangerous, and she's already decided she will die here. Does it ensure Callum lives? Then batter-up buckeroo we're going in swords blazing! Everyone cheer and clap for her human or she'll blow this whole place up. Kinda person who says "even if you hate me I'd still lose everything if it meant you were okay". She thinks they're in a tragic love story where she's always at risk of losing him but that's okay as long as it keeps him safe and happy like y'know Viren parallels, she'd risk losing her very self for him over and over. Except Callum would wait until the end of the world itself, and even beyond, and she wouldn't even have to ask.

The difference between them, really, is that Rayla will die for Callum on any given day. Callum will kill for Rayla on any given day. Something something matching sets

[moonlit-imagines]

…

[angellurgy]

squeak

[yanderespamton78]

the current state of the arg

sorry guys the art isnt arting D:

(btw if youre confused on why i drew turnip like that i was referencing the picrew he did ages ago bc idk it looked fun to draw anddd i dont like taking reference off real life images)

[red-dyed-sarumane]

i need people to start paying me for every time they tell me "oh but ur arts so good ur wasting ur talent u need to do it professionally" wrong i need to do art to draw beautiful characters that not a single other person cares about while feeding every ounce of love i have into my work or to convey thoughts & feelings beyond words and to even think of doing otherwise is to deny my own nature "oh but u can do what u want and then sell it" why is everything about money to you why cant u just enjoy things at what point in ur life did u forget how to have fun

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

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[shirkers2018dirsanditan]

my luck is so bad it is legitimately just cruel. every day literally feels like i am being punished for every little decision i make. it’s almost hard to believe and yet somehow i’m too dumb to anticipate this…?

[istherewifiinhell]

okayyyy also. tagged by @joelletwo for 5 topics i could talk about for an hour with no prep.

now. two things. 1. i have infernal podcast dude energy and could say a lot about nothing. weird trait to have if u dont like talking to people? hard to say. 2. GESTURES AT BLOG. im ALREADY. talking at length abt my beloved shit. so im just ruling out turtles, alien robots, trek, etcetcetc all the shit thats been a main blog topic for the last past. 4 years?

I'm gonna say.... western voice actors? not that i could really. Give a lecture so much as. I'm way more familiar with them that than I am live action actors. And I'm kinda just CONSTANTLY like. Oh you know so and so from every cartoon youve ever fucking seen? And FEEL a real. gap. with people when they dont have a same reference point. probably like how ppl feel with me when i dont know their acting guys jhadbgjfga. Like u can name 5 VAs from ur childhood cartoons/animated movies right? And personal interest like, hey btw u know like the entire cast of tng was in disneys gargoyles? U know keith david can SING? And diego luna? Hey you know about Canadian actors who are in all the dubs and video games and yeah cheap shit? You know Scott McNeil right? You know Ian James Corlett? You know. THE IAN. of being Ian. Hello. is this thing still on?

I really like and care about the topics of education, children's rights and pedagogy? Not academically so much as, personal interest. What seeing very clearly that there was a lot of arbitrary rules that involved things like. The Government. and Systems. as a child does to a motherfucker I guess? I'm always INTERESTED in a discussion about it, is how i mean I guess. Like focuses of multiple intelligence and "applied knowledge" (and short comings there of). I mean long and short of it. Kids are full human beings and until u can grapple with that their feelings and opinions um. Actually matter. I hate you? jdhbgjhdb. And Naturally the world being good for kids has the prerequisite of it not sucking ass for adults too....

UHhhh guh. User design/civil engineering? You'll hear it from me until the day I die, crushed under the tires of a ford f1 giga truck with the LED 20million watt bulbs. PROTECTED BIKE LANES. for the love of god. I just know a lot of designers I guess and like engineering, conceptually. But like, u know that famous bridge everyone crashes into. If theres 80million warning signs and people are still crashing... maybe theres. other factors. Or you know ofc like, traffic planning, vehicle accidents, structural disasters. A lot of them are not just. Things happening. Tragedies. There's politics there. Usually a lot of Money stuff. and structural racism. The real reason your fridge is full is that there's a bunch of half empty condiment jars hiding all your forgotten left overs. And widening the roads isnt gonna do shit for traffic.

Jackass entry: Themes and motifs of anyyytthing ive watched with another person or saw, and like they also know it. I realllly like, visual theming and narrative shorthands. Anything that breaks like, maybe people in this setting dont have the same customs, but their gonna do something so you the audience can recognize it. Non literal/accurate use of colour and lighting, for mood and clarity. Breaking the physical shape and scale of things so they can appear and be readable on screen. COSTUMING COSTUMING COSTUMING. A well styled character can do soooo much for your understanding of a work, especially with large casts, and a poorly styled one can take me right out. Well. anyway. yes i love animation u all knew that.

uhhhhh Thatgamecompany/giantsquids studio. im giving myself a free space. lol technically I DO. blog about this. the music. at least. BUT beloved. games. Me and everyone else I guess. Hey speaking of u know its laura bailey and troy baker as the voices in the pathless? And you know how a lot of the games have themes of coming into being/growing/rebirth. And LOTS of environmentalism. And implied cultural world building, and wordless stories. and beautiful metaphor rich otherworldly visuals. and gameplay styles that really connect with the emotional story their going for. and ofc, the music. oh the leit motifs. well. there u go. sword of the sea when?

tagginggg. uh did anyone get @deadgrantaires or @army-of-bee-assassins yet? anyone elseeee who wants to regale me with things they knowww about. id love to know.