#so i fast travel everywhere

[actual-corpse]

Mad that the only way you can appreciate Fallout 4 is when you have the option to Fast Travel removed.

And I mean like, physically disabled. The game will not allow you to fast travel (except for using the Vertibird grenades).

I was so sad by the distress call from Fallon's (even though I allowed it to loop for 30 minutes as I tried to get a Perfectly Preserved Pie). Listening to the crying of the woman trapped in the Jewelry Department safe.

Her final words were about how thirsty she was.

I left her skeleton a can of purified water and closed the door.

[ash-and-starlight]

I see the fandom’s “Ambassador of the Southern Water Tribe” Sokka and raise y’all “Emerging Technologies Advisor, Sokka of the Water Tribe.” Working with all the nations as a emissary for scientists and engineers, introducing these new techs to world leaders and brainstorming ways to integrate them helpfully into society — really, he just gets to travel a lot and mess around with machines and I think these are two things that Sokka would excel so so very much at

thiiiisss this so much this his ass would Not settle in the fire nation permanently!!! he travels all over the world!! he sees and learns all the things he couldn’t experience while ending the war!! he fixes things everywhere he goes as easy as breathing. he’s the one behind the southern water tribe cultural center in republic city and behind this huge ass ‘fuck you zuko try to destroy this now’ watchtower/lighthouse in the swt capital.

he has a traveling food critic column and a published haiku collection and fifteen new inventions patents and is just as fundamental for bringing on an age of peace and prosperity as anyone else. so yeah emerging technologies advisor, poet, swordsman, inventor, councilor, storyteller, warrior, artist, white lotus member, food blogger, pai sho champion, trendsetter sokka of the southern water tribe ftw forever amen

[vvelegrin]

i'm really enjoying pathologic 2, actually. i mean, i didn't think i wouldn't enjoy it as much as i was worried it would just, i don't know, muddy the water. and maybe it will, but i'm not really bothered by that anymore. that said, i do think patho 2 took a fairly unsubtle game and increased its unsubtlety by about tenfold.

well. calling og pathologic 'unsubtle' doesn't feel quite right, but i'm not sure what word would feel right. maybe it's 'distinct in its sensibilities'. I think og patho felt more obtuse, whereas patho 2 is like. here. take it. do you get it. here is the information. do you see the themes. i am announcing them to you in such a way that you know that i am saying something thematic. i'm not far enough into the main story of 2 to be able to say that there's less reading between the lines, but it feels very much so far like there's less reading between the lines. whereas the original had a somewhat different... i don't know, affect? it felt like a hostile workplace where everyone recited shakespeare about even the mundane. in patho 2 nothing feels mundane in the first place, everything feels loaded in a way that og patho was but didn't feel, if that makes sense.

but i think that's okay. at the very least, it feels very much like leaning into the 'theater' aspect of it, which is enjoyable. pathologic 2 feels to me more like... bonus content? not to be Stuck Up For Pathologic HD but i enjoyed the feeling of grinding my face against a cinderblock, having to tease out information and conclusions. it felt like a game that you had to figure out, but you actually weren't really doing any ground-level figuring out of much; you're not a doctor, your character is, so the puzzle of Solving the Plague belongs to The Story, whereas the question of What the FUCK is This Town's Deal is your job. it's a very linear game in most respects, but all three playthroughs come through as a thematic package deal.

i so far get the impression that pathologic 2 can be played on its own and be enjoyed in its own right! however it exists to me as like. director's commentary. i'm really liking the playing with different character relationships and alternate things, the expanding of steppe language and the kin, love my worm guys, but i like it because of how it enriches my eternal mind rotation of og pathologic. sorry guys i played the original pathologic and it broke me and remade me in its image. sorry.

[babyblueetbaemonster]

Inigo, my friend. If you can see me in the past.

Bonus:

Randomly climb wall just for fun.

[kakusu-shipping]

I absolutely adore your ruby gloom s/i and her entire gender shes so cute oh my god tell me about them PLEASEEEEEEEEEEE I know you already said it was inspiration but she reminds me SO much of the mummy girl from The scooby doo ghoul school and i LOVED THAT MOVIE SO MUCH AS A KID i just gotta know all about this s/i off design alone

She is like a PEAK little girl gender to me, it's what younger me would have wanted.

Now I don't know if you've actually SEEN Ruby Gloom but it is THE Baby Goth/Emo/Scene show. As in it is a show about and for Baby Goth, Emo, and Scene kids. There are hijinks and shenanigans and mild dark humor and usually no moral at the end of the episode.

She's a mummy, probably. The show is about like Monster Kids but what they are and where they come from never comes up. There is no plot, just kids being friends.

I imagine she can't talk with all the bandaging, and this show isn't the type to bust out actual sign language, so she just mimes and charades her way through conversations, like Doom Kitty. And like Doom, it has varying results. Skull Boy and Ruby can usually figure her out and Misery has a knack for charades and basically always knows what she's saying, but Iris can basically never figure it out, and Frank and Len and Poe all just Assume they know until someone else corrects them.

Sense she can't talk, and her bandages cushion her steps, she tends to accidentally sneak up on people and startle them, mostly Scardy Bat. There's an episode in my head where she keeps startling him, so he puts a bell on her so he can hear when she's coming.. and then she drops the bell somewhere and doesn't notice until it's completely unraveled her, and no one recognizes her unwrapped, so her and Scardy Bat have to backtrack the entire mansion together, avoiding getting seen by anyone else, to find where her bandage trail starts to rewrap her.

She's a lot stronger than most anyone else in the mansion, and can pick up and carry pretty much everyone with ease. Sense Skull Boy's commonly precariously up high and Iris is always seeking wild thrills, this strength is mostly used in catching those two specifically when they fall, though sometimes Poe ropes her into doing hard work for him.

I self ship with Skull Boy with her but they're probably not actually dating in current canon. He, She, and Ruby are in this Love Triangle situation where they all three have a crush on one another, and they're also all like 8-10 so navigating romantic feelings is really hard. So they're all still friends, and will probably stay that way till they're all a bit older.

[greenskellyblob]

I'm playing Morrowind now! It was on sale so I got it and slammed some mods on so it's more stable. Gave it a bit of a facelift too (literally, better heads mod xD) and now I am very slowly exploring the land of bugs and fungi!

[gottagobuycheese]

there’s got to be a faster way to play this game but How

[scatmaan]

got to lvl 19 before the fast travel made me crash :))

[ixylle-d-from-the-stars]

Deathworlders everywhere but in Space

This is sitting in my brain because I haven't seen anyone else do this, but take a second to think about this: There are other deathworlders in space, terrifying ones, huge monster orc things. They are massive and nightmarish and impossibly strong. So thats why humans stand out. Thats how we survive. Human's are terrifying because we aren't built for one biome, one climate or even one planet. We aren't necessarily the strongest or fastest or scariest looking, but we're built to survive fucking everything. What if other deathworlder's are almost always only made to survive in one climate? (similar to some of the most deadly predators on earth currently) All the other deathworlders are terrifying, yes, but the second they step off their planet they're weak. Massive aliens of hulking muscle but their planet's gravity is a lot lower than the standard, so they barely meet the average strength bar whenever they go outside their gravity zone. Aliens that have venomous spikes all over their body and look gnarly as shit but their venom has practically no effect on 99% of discovered intergalactic species. Deathworlders whose planet is the nether from minecraft IRl, but they can't survive in any other temperature for any amount of time because their body just can't handle the cold and regulate their temperate (or, vice versa for tundra species). Aquatic species that are kraken-like nightmares, giant sirens and deadly squid-like beings. But they can't leave their home at all, because theres a very specific chemical makeup of their water that isn't currently found within their life-span distance travel. Deathworlders that genuinely can barely survive off planet and are frail compared to even the most docile prey species whenever they have to travel. Their called deathworlders because going to their planet is certain death, but if they leave they'll be meeting death just as quickly. And then along come humans, and everyones like, oh, another deathworlder, nothing to worry abou- wait. These guys dont seem to loose any of their natural strength off planet... and their fast and strong... and- AND THEY CAN SURVIVE IN PRACTICALLY ANY CLIMATE IN THE KNOWN UNIVERSE??? HELLO? Oh and of course their predators. Of course most of their planet is completely uninhabitable for most of us. Mhm, yep. thats fair. Totally Basically, deathworlders are a thing, the more common 'terrifying alien monster' type, but their harmless because they can't survive like everyone else. They can't thrive like humans can. It scares the shit out of everyone for a wholeeeeee while, after all, no one ever expected a deathworlder that doesn't die.

[pucksandpower]

Of Roomates and Revenge

Lewis Hamilton x fake girlfriend!Reader

Featuring Max Verstappen, Lando Norris, Charles Leclerc, Pierre Gasly, Esteban Ocon, and Nico Rosberg

Summary: in which your search for a free place to stay leads to helping one half of Brocedes live out his petty fantasy for revenge … and falling in love while doing so

Cat and Apartment Sitter Needed (Monaco)

Compensation: €1500/week plus all the Red Bull you can drink

I’m a world-traveling young professional who is rarely home. My two beautiful and rambunctious bengal cats need someone to stay with them in my Monaco apartment whenever I’m away for work.

The ideal candidate will be an experienced cat person who is prepared to deal with a lot of energy, chaos, and shenanigans from these two little terrors. They knock everything off every surface, wrestle at 3am, and will likely attempt to smother you while you sleep. If you can handle that, we’ll get along just fine.

In addition to caring for the cats, you will need to keep my place relatively tidy (i.e. no crushed Red Bull cans or fast food wrappers everywhere), collect any packages or mail that arrives, and randomly turn a few lights on and off every evening so the neighbors don’t get suspicious.

The position is ideal for a mature student, digital nomad, or someone between living situations who wants an amazing place to stay for free in one of the world’s hotspots.

Drop me a line if you think you can handle the cats from hell and wouldn't mind living in a 230 m² penthouse apartment with a private terrace, floor-to-ceiling windows, and a badass view of the Mediterranean. Preference goes to non-smokers who follow directions well and won’t throw ragers when I’m gone.

Send a brief intro, your experience with cats, and a couple photos attached. Urgently need someone for various stretches starting mid-February.

Do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers.

Live-in Cactus Caretaker Needed (Monaco)

Compensation: €1000/week, free snacks, and you can play my Xbox

I’m a young dude who’s rarely home because of my job that involves a lot of international travel. I have a single cactus plant that I promised my mum I would keep alive until she visits again. The thing is ... I have absolutely no idea how to care for plants. Like, I nearly killed it the first week by forgetting it existed.

What I need is someone responsible who can essentially live in my swanky Monaco apartment whenever I’m gone and keep my tiny cactus friend alive.

Duties would include:

Watering the cactus like ... once a month? Twice a month? I don’t know how often it needs water

Not letting the cactus die in any other way (pretty sure they need sunlight too … I think)

Keeping the place tidy (I’m a bit of a mess)

In return, you’d get:

A sick apartment all to yourself with a stunning view, giant TV, and full kitchen (please for the love of god be careful in there ... I almost burned the place down trying to make a grilled cheese once. Seriously, I'm not exaggerating. I almost went up in flames over a silly sandwich. If you can't even operate a microwave, we may have problems. There’s only room for one idiot like that in Monaco — and it’s me)

Unlimited snacks/drinks from my well-stocked pantry

Free rein over my gaming setup (just don’t break anything)

First dibs on any events/reservations I can’t make

The ideal person is responsible, shows they can follow basic instructions for cactus care, laidback since you’ll be alone a lot, and trustworthy enough not to wreck the place or throw illegal parties. Having a green thumb would be great, but frankly if you can manage not to kill the one plant, that’s good enough for me.

Send a brief bio about yourself and your qualifications as a cactus/housesitter if interested! I’m gone quite frequently starting in February so could use someone ASAP.

No scammy offers or soliciting, please!

Roommate Needed to Drink Wine and Listen to My Woes (Monaco)

Compensation: Free rent in a nice apartment, plus all the wine you can drink

Are you a good listener? Do you enjoy dry red wines and occasional bouts of tears and venting? If so, I’ve got the perfect living situation for you!

I’m a youngish guy with a high-stress job that involves a lot of traveling. When I’m home in Monaco, I tend to unwind by polishing off a couple bottles of nice Bordeaux or Burgundy while complaining about work, my colleagues, and my rival who is giving me really mixed signals.

What I need is a roommate who doesn’t mind a little drunken blubbering here and there.

You’ll get:

Your own bedroom in my spacious 2BR/2BA apartment in the La Condamine district

Rights to my kitchen, living room with large TV, piano, and music recording equipment

Access to the building’s pool, sauna, fitness center, and lounge areas

As much wine as you can drink (and more)

In exchange, you’ll be expected to:

Listen to my periodic rants and rave sessions without judgement

Preferably nod along or offer supportive-sounding feedback like “Yeah, that’s really tough man” or “Wow, they sound terrible”

Refill wine glasses as needed

Maybe rub my back or pat my head if I’m really going through it

The ideal candidate is a decent human being who can empathize with the high-pressure struggles of a young professional trying to make it in a cut-throat career.

You’ll need a decent amount of free time and lots of patience. Prior experience as a life coach, therapist, or sympathetic drinking buddy is a plus.

If you can handle crying guys after a few too many glasses of Châteauneuf-du-Pape, inquire within! Include a little about yourself and why you would make a good non-judgmental wine friend. Merci!

Expand Your Search? Similar Opportunities:

Impartial Referee Wanted for Parking Lot Brawls (France)

Compensation: €400 per event

Two athletic young men in their late-20s are looking for a level-headed third party to oversee and officiate their semi-regular parking lot boxing matches. Yes, you read that right — we’re talking straight-up fisticuffs in the back alley behind the Circuit Paul Ricard.

A little background: We’ve been frenemies/rivals since we were kids — constantly competing in friends, employment opportunities, you name it. There’s a healthy amount of hatred between us that simply can't be resolved through words alone. Every few months, we feel the need to just take out our pent-up aggression on each other's faces.

Up until now, it’s been an unregulated shitshow with no real rules or oversight. We’re looking for someone impartial who can:

Set some fair ground rules around where/how we can strike

Ensure no prop weapons get involved (last time he tried to scalp me with a wrench)

Officiate and declare a winner once one of us is knocked out or quits

Ideally have some basic first-aid skills in case of a nasty cut or broken nose

We will pay €400 cash at the start of each bout. You’ll get a free show of two extremely fit dudes wailing on each other until there’s a clear victor.

Loser exits with his tail between his legs, winner gets to gloat for the next couple months until we run it back.

If you can be a neutral third party and aren’t squeamish about a little blood, send us your info with some details about yourself and your experience resolving conflicts (legally or not). First come first served — our next fight is tentatively scheduled for mid-May!

No flakes or perverts, please. Serious connoisseurs of violence only.

P.S. Don’t be scared to give out penalties (one of us is used to that)

Actor or Actress Needed to Annoy Ungrateful Ex-Friend (Monaco)

Compensation: €2700 per week, free luxury accommodations

I’m a successful guy in my late 30s looking to hire someone to pretend to be my significant other for a few months. Before you get the wrong idea, let me explain ...

I had a major falling out with a former best friend who stabbed me in the back years ago. We live in the same apartment building, just one floor apart.

I’m trying to show him how amazing my life still is without him … and maybe make him jealous in the process.

That’s where you come in. I need you to move into my penthouse temporarily and act as my gorgeous new boyfriend/girlfriend.

Your main duties would include:

Loudly introducing yourself to said ex-friend by knocking on his door and being line “Hi, is [insert my name] here?” Then pretend to be embarrassed and apologize when he tells you that you’re at the wrong apartment

Hang out in the hallway near his place and have very loud fake conversations detailing our imaginary passionate nights together (rated R)

Post cringy coupley photos on your social media of us dressed up going out, cuddling on my yacht, etc

Ideally you’re an aspiring actor/actress or just a really convincing liar. Being somewhat loud and dramatic is a plus. You’ll need to be willing to play along if my petty ex-friend tries to confront us.

In return, you’ll be living in a lavish penthouse with all the amenities for free. You’ll have your own private suite and can hang out on the oversized balcony, by the pool, or in the media room when you’re off the clock. Might also be able to introduce you to some high-profile people if you’re trying to network.

Oh, and my bulldog will provide plenty of cuddles.

If you can pull off a remarkably realistic fake partner act and aren’t afraid of a little light deception, hit me up! Please include a couple photos plus a bit about yourself and your acting experience. Aiming to start mid-April.

I’m an equal opportunity employer — girlfriend, boyfriend, nonbinary partner, you name it. All genders welcome to apply for the role if you’ve got what it takes! Only preference is that you have especially luscious hair … for reasons.

No weirdos please.

Hi,

Okay, I have to admit — your ridiculous request to hire a fake girlfriend to make your ex-best friend jealous is quite possibly the pettiest thing I’ve ever heard. And I absolutely love it.

I’m literally the perfect person for this role. Petty vengeance is my middle name (well, not really, it's actually Y/M/N ... but you get the idea).

A little about my qualifications:

Took some theatre electives in university so I can really sell the dramatics

Lots of experience putting on an Oscar-worthy performance faking ... well, you know ... thanks to my douchebag ex-boyfriend who couldn’t be bothered to learn how to pleasure a woman 🙄

Not afraid to get LOUD and will happily reenact our “passionate nights” at earsplitting volumes in that hallway

Can pull off playing dumb if your friend tries to interrogate me about you (“Oh [whatever your name is]? Yeah he’s just the best at ... stuff”)

No shame in my pettiness game — I once spent my weekly paycheck on a Cameo just so an ex’s favorite celebrity would call him a dingleberry

In terms of looks, I’ve been told I have just the right amount of “hot” to make your poor pal jealous without it being too unbelievable. I’m attaching a few photos for reference.

Let me know if you want to meet up for a glass of wine and we can workshop some juicy storylines for our imaginary romance. Perhaps I was a former fling you rediscovered? A hot younger thing giving you a new lease on life? The possibilities are endless!

I’m a pro at faking it, so selling our relationship will be a piece of cake. Your ex-friend will be bright green with envy by the time I’m through!

Let’s make him regret the day he double-crossed you, babe.

Cheers,

Y/N

r/offmychest

u/NotBritneySpears · 16h

My ex-best friend’s new girlfriend is the WORST!

I really need to get this off my chest. My upstairs neighbor’s new girlfriend is, without a doubt, the most insufferable human being on the planet. She’s loud, obnoxious, and seems to take immense pleasure in tormenting me for some reason.

A little background: I used to be really close friends with my neighbor. We had a big falling out a while back over ... well, it’s a long story. We don’t talk anymore and there’s a lot of resentment between us. Clearly the universe is trying to get back at me now with this new girl.

This chick has made it her personal mission to give me a play-by-play account of every single intimate encounter she has with him. And I mean DETAILED accounts. The other day I was just trying to enjoy my morning coffee and I hear her incredibly shrill voice from right outside my door:

“Oh he was an ANIMAL last night! The things he did with his tongue, I thought I was going to pass out!”

Like, seriously? Keep it to yourself, weirdo! That’s just the tame stuff too. Sometimes she’ll go into pretty graphic detail describing body parts and positions that I really didn’t need a mental picture of.

Here’s the thing — she quite obviously positions herself to be as close as possible to my apartment without actually trespassing — I mean, she doesn’t even live on my floor for god’s sake! So every word comes through crystal clear. I’ve confronted her about it a few times and she just plays dumb, like:

“Oh gosh, I’m so sorry if I was being loud! We just get so carried away sometimes, you know how it is,” with this stupid ditzy valley girl voice and hair toss.

I don’t know if my former best friend put her up to this or if she’s just a massive troll in her own right. But it’s like psychological warfare at this point. Literally ANY time I’m home, I have to listen to her yap about their Sex Olympian-level escapades.

My wife even heard them once and thought I was playing porn at an insane volume! She doesn’t believe me that it’s just this deranged lady running her mouth constantly.

I’m half-tempted to start recording her rants and blast them back at full volume to give them a taste of their own medicine. Or maybe start describing lurid details of my own (admittedly not quite so colorful) sex life in retaliation.

I don’t know, maybe I’m being oversensitive. But living under these two insufferable assholes is a waking nightmare. I need to move or something because this is massively affecting my peace of mind. Who knows if they will ever get bored of tormenting me and move on.

Rant over. Thanks for letting me vent about the neighbors from hell.

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u/chronicgossiper · 12h

Damn, that sucks man. Your neighbor and his gf sound like immature assholes trying to get a rise out of you. I’d look into noise complaint options or even see if you can get them evicted for harassment.

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Reply to u/chronicgossiper · 11h

Seriously? You really think the landlord would evict someone over this? It’s not like they’re blasting music at 3am. Sounds more like passive aggressive pettiness than anything illegal.

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u/chronicgossiper · 10h

Idk, having to listen to people loudly describe their sex acts against your will seems like it could qualify as harassment or creating a hostile environment. Worth exploring at least if they won’t stop.

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u/NotBritneySpears · 9h

Eviction isn’t really an option here since we all own our apartments and there’s no landlord dictating that. It’s not that type of building.

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u/nosyandproud · 8h

Did your former friend move into that building first or did you move in knowing he lived there?

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u/NotBritneySpears · 7h

He was there first, I bought my place a few years after him when I could afford it. Never expected he'd pull something this childish.

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Reply to u/NotBritneySpears · 6h

So you willingly moved into the same building as your ex-best friend that you aren’t on speaking terms with? That’s just asking for drama, dude.

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u/NotBritneySpears · 5h

It’s a great building in an amazing location. I wasn’t going to not pursue the opportunity just because he lives there too. It’s a big place, I didn’t think we’d be running into each other much.

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Reply to u/NotBritneySpears · 4h

Still seems like a weird decision to willingly insert yourself into his orbit like that if the relationship was so fractured. Probably should’ve seen some fallout coming.

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u/nosyandproud · 3h

Yeah exactly, why would you move somwhere your ex-friend lives if you two clash that much? Kinda put yourself in this situation.

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u/NotBritneySpears · 2h

Okay, let me be clear — he and I were best friends for over a decade before we had a colossal falling out a few years ago. We’re not just some casual ex-buddies who don’t get along. We were legitimately very close for most of our lives until things went nuclear between us. When I decided to move into the building, our friendship had been over for a while already. I really didn’t anticipate he’d take things to this vindictive level years later. I’m not going to miss out on my dream home just because of what happened between us.

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Reply to u/NotBritneySpears · 1h

This is getting juicyyy, do tell about what caused the falling out!

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u/NotBritneySpears

Not really trying to dredge up old drama, that’s a whole other can of worms. The girlfriend situation is annoying enough as is.

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Reply to u/NotBritneySpears · 51m

Fair enough, you gave context. Still think you two need to have an adult conversation about boundaries. Purposely trying to loudly narrate their sex life at you is unhinged.

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r/relationships

u/yourusername · 19h

I’m catching real feelings for the guy who hired me to be his fake girlfriend to get revenge on his ex-friend ... help?

Buckle up folks, because I’ve got one hell of a tangled situation to unpack here. This is going to be a long one.

About a month ago, I responded to this Facebook Marketplace ad from a guy (let’s call him L) looking to hire someone to pretend to be his new girlfriend. The goal was to make his former best friend/downstairs neighbor jealous after a brutal falling out between them.

I know, I know, it sounds ridiculous. But the benefits were good and I’d be living in his insane luxury penthouse in Monaco rent-free. More importantly, I really vibed with L’s pettiness and desire to get deliciously pathetic revenge on his ex-friend. My last boyfriend was the actual worst, so I was absolutely here for any slightly insane Karen antics.

Anyway, we hit it off immediately at the “audition” over drinks. L is brilliant, successful, gorgeous, and fucking hilarious in a sarcastic, unfiltered way. We both have a wicked mean streak and frankly get off on emotionally messy situations. It was like looking into a mirror — two beautiful trainwrecks finding each other in the wreckage.

From night one, we had crazy chemistry. The back-and-forth banter was electric, we finished each other’s sentences, etc. I felt so comfortable around him despite the bizarre circumstances. I assumed it was all fun and games to toy with his former best friend.

But over the last few weeks of loudly chronicling our “sex marathons”!outside said ex-friend’s door and doing phony coupley things around the city, I’ve realized my feelings are ... complicated. L and I CONNECT on a deeper level, in addition to just being partners in crime. We’ll be tangled up watching movies and he’ll make some perfectly timed quippy comment that has me cackling until my abs hurt. Or we’ll get deliriously wasted and end up baring our souls about our upbringings, dreams, fears — everything.

I’ve never been so open or comfortable around someone before. Our walls are gone. And the most messed up part? Some small, perverse part of me loves the strange intimacy we’ve manufactured through this farce. How much closer can you get than meticulously co-creating a fictional relationship?

In the beginning, I think we were both just in it for the laughs and pettiness factor. But something shifted for me recently. One night we were drunkenly rehearsing how I was going to describe our latest imaginary tryst to his ex-friend and ... I don’t know, I couldn’t stop staring at his lips while he was talking. His face was so close to mine and I felt breathless. In that moment, I wanted nothing more than to ditch the script and really kiss him. I had to physically stop myself from lunging forward.

Later, when I went back to my room, I was hit with a crushing wave of realization — I have actual romantic FEELINGS for this basketcase who hired me to play-act as his girlfriend! What the actual fuck?

Guys, I’m in too deep. How did I let this happen? L is technically still my employer and this whole operation has an expiration date. His former friend is already growing visibly annoyed, so Phase 2 (feign a dramatic breakup, I move out, L moves on with his life) is likely coming up very soon.

Do I just bury my feelings and end this gig without saying anything? Do I risk the humiliation of confessing my heart to someone who was only pretending to want me around? Or should I just go for it and make out with him next time we’re tangled on the couch? I’m spiraling here!

The pettiness that brought us together may also tear us apart. Or maybe I’m just a sad clown who read too much into a fake relationship. Someone slap me with a reality check, please! I need perspective from the outside.

Tl;DR - Developed legit romantic feelings for the guy who hired me to be his fake girlfriend as part of his weird revenge plot. Not sure if I should come clean, keep it professional, or start actually making out with him for real. This was NOT part of the deal!

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u/judgingloudly · 18h

Oh honey, you are in a MESS. This is like a bad romcom plot but IRL. I think your only real option is to fess up and tell L how you’re feeling. Contrary to popular belief, the fake dating trope doesn’t always have to stay pretend!

If he doesn’t feel the same way, at least you put it all out there and can move on with some dignity intact. But who knows — from how you describe the crazy chemistry and connection, he might feel relieved you said something first! Don’t let this fire burn out without taking your shot. Oh and definitely keep us updated, I’m invested now!

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Reply to u/judgingloudly · 17h

I agree with this take. You already acknowledged you’re in too deep emotionally. Might as well put those cards on the table and let the chips fall where they may. Shooting your shot is always better than letting the “what if” eat away at you forever!

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u/livefordrama · 16h

I’m sorry but I simply must ask — how did you land a gig like this? And does he happen to have any more openings for a fake girlfriend? Asking for a friend …

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u/yourusername · 15h

Honestly it was a random Facebook ad looking for exactly this — a girl to move in and fake date this guy to drive his feuding neighbor up the wall. I applied semi-joking but he picked me!

As for openings, not that I know of ... yet. I may have to quit soon depending how this all plays out, so will keep you posted if my spot opens up!

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Reply to u/yourusername · 14h

Omg please do! I would 100% take on a role like this, it sounds like a total riot.

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u/unpaidtherapist · 13h

Girl, I think you already know what you have to do here. Is keeping things professional and never admitting your feelings really an option at this point? You’re clearly enamored with this guy and he seems to reciprocate the intensity at least platonically so far. I say GO FOR IT!

Just pull him aside one day, say “hey this isn’t just an act for me anymore, I really like you and need to know if there’s a possibility for us or not.” If he’s as caught off guard and freaked out as you’re implying, a direct conversation is needed to get those cards on the table. Don’t die wondering “what if?” That’s my advice.

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u/everydayopportunist · 12h

This is so wild, I’m living for this drama! Seriously might need to pursue some similar gigs myself, apparently that’s where all the romance happens these days 😂

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u/devilsadvocate · 11h

I’m sorry but I have to go against the grain here — please do NOT make a move or confess any feelings! This guy hired you for a very specific job under very specific pretenses. Catching real feels was not part of the deal at all. Selfishly throwing that at him out of the blue would be so unfair after he opened his home to you. I worry he could feel betrayed and violated even if he did secretly like you back.

My advice? Give it a few weeks, see if these feelings persist or if it was just a passing crush brought on by the intimacy you’ve found yourselves in. If it’s still intense after cooling off, then maybe consider looping him in. But don’t go nuclear until you're absolutely sure. You could risk imploding a good work situation and friendship over a temporary infatuation. Tread very lightly!

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Reply to u/devilsadvocate · 10h

I’m with this take, OP shouldn’t jeopardize her living situation if her feelings might be fleeting. Taking a step back and giving it more time could provide clarity. It’s easy to get caught up in the fantasy.

The more prudent move is to wait until the “job” wraps up before considering opening that can of worms. If feelings persist minus the contrived closeness, she’ll know it's real. But springing it on the guy now seems wildly unfair and could blow up in her face.

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r/AmITheAsshole

u/veganGOAT · 15h

AITA for turning down my fake girlfriend after she admitted feelings, only to want her back days later?

I think I may have tremendously fucked up in a spectacularly messy way. Let me walk you through the tangled web I’ve woven ...

A couple months ago, I (39M) hired this woman to essentially move into my apartment and pretend to be my new girlfriend. I know it sounds batshit crazy … but I was trying to make my ex-best friend/neighbor jealous after a bitter falling out between us.

She was the perfect partner for this ruse — sarcastic and spunky, with a hint of unhinged energy. We bonded instantly over bottles of wine and throwing deliciously overblown “loud sex” performances in the hallway to drive my ex-friend nuts. What was meant to be a transaction quickly bloomed into a legitimately fun, effortless friendship.

Soon after, we started having real sex. It sort of just … happened, albeit very awkwardly at first. Like “well this is weird, want to try it for real just to see?” And what do you know, we had insane chemistry between the sheets too! We were soon sleeping together nearly every night, always swearing afterwards that it was “just for fun” and didn’t mean anything more.

But I started catching feelings. She was hilarious, confident, beautiful — everything I could ever want in a partner. We had connected on a deeper level through the medium of batshit pettiness. And our physical intimacy only amplified that bond.

Cut to a couple weeks ago. We had just finished a particularly athletic round and were cuddled up, spent. Out of nowhere, she pipes up nervously: “Hey … I think I’m really falling for you. I don't want this to just be sex or games anymore. I want to really try being together.”

I froze. The words I had been longing to hear suddenly terrified me in that moment. My throat clenched up as a wave of panic crashed over me (yes, I’m well aware of how stupid this was in hindsight). After an agonizing pause, I managed to choke out: “I’m sorry, but I can’t do that. This thing between us was only ever supposed to be fake. I don’t think of you that way.”

I could actually see her face crumble. She quickly mumbled “okay” and slid out of my bed, wrapping a sheet around herself to cover her dejection. I swear I heard muffled sobs through the wall once she was back in her guest room. I felt like a piece of shit.

The next few days were some of the most awkward, brutal tension I’ve ever experienced. She was now acting like a scorned woman just doing her job, no intimacy whatsoever. We could barely make eye contact.

It took seeing her so closed off, so cold, for me to realize how much I desperately missed her warmth, humor, friendship. How much I longed for the easy intimacy we once had, both emotional and physical. I tried a few times to apologize or explain myself, but she brushed me off — utterly walled off to protect herself.

After days of wrestling with my suppressed feelings, I realized that I was in love with this wonderful woman. Hiring her as a fake girlfriend was one of the best things I had ever done because it brought her into my life … and now I didn’t want to let her go. She was becoming my person, even if she had started out as a farce.

But here’s where I really need some impartial perspective — AITA for freezing up and rejecting her confession?

I didn’t meant to tank her feelings so callously. I think I just ... panicked in that moment. The idea of committing to a real relationship terrified me in ways I didn’t expect. My career keeps me constantly on the go, always jet-setting to the next thing. Could I really give a romance the time and energy it deserves right now?

Part of me also felt massively conflicted about the circumstances. I’m literally paying her to pretend to be my girlfriend as a sort of ongoing petty revenge. If I admitted I wanted to actually date her, wouldn't that blur consent lines in some messed up way? Like, is she just going along with it because she’s on the payroll?

I know these both sound like flimsy excuses, but they were very real fears racing through my mind in that moment. Fears that made me impulsively reject her, despite how utterly gone I was.

Now, days later, those same hangups don’t seem so insurmountable. Maybe she and I could make something work, travel schedules and all. And if she reciprocated feelings, it would be a starting point — not her just placating me for a check. We could rip up the old arrangement and start fresh.

But I haven’t confessed any of this to her yet out of gut-wrenching cowardice. She’s still giving me this cold, professional shoulder. I don’t know how to begin recanting my idiotic reaction and opening up about the REAL reasons I panicked — the commitment fears, the moral dilemma, all of it.

Part of me wonders if I even have the right to try and pursue things with her at this point? I absolutely shattered her feelings for my own hangups just days ago. AITA for potentially stringing her along further by trying to retroactively take it all back? Maybe I’ve missed my window and should just let this phase of my life be over before it gets even more painful and messy?

Ugh, I’m rambling now. The crux is — AITA for how I recklessly rejected her in that moment? Do I even have a right to try and make amends after that thunderous fumble? Or should I just take the L, chalk it up to collateral damage of being in the world’s most messy pseudo-relationship, and move on?

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u/juryofone · 14h

YTA, but only because you handled the initial rejection in the worst way possible. Your reasons for hesitating are somewhat understandable. But you really dropped the ball in communicating that to her in the moment.

Instead of calmly explaining where your headspace was at, you just blurted out a kneejerk rejection that crushed her feelings. No wonder she went ice cold — that had to sting like hell! If you had taken a breath and talked it through with more nuance, maybe you could’ve reached an understanding.

The good news is, you’ve now realized how much you DO want this woman in your life as more than a pretend romance. I don’t think you’re an AH for having those feelings or wanting to pursue her again, provided you make a sincere, thoughtful effort to apologize for your tactless approach before.

My advice? Explain the real reasons you froze up, how torn you felt over everything, and make it clear you still have feelings. But lead with a heartfelt apology for how horribly you botched it at first. If she’s willing to give you one more chance after that, DO NOT blow it.

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Reply to u/juryofone · 13h

I agree with this take. He’s not an AH for the situation, but majorly the AH for the WAY he handled rejecting her. That had to sting badly after putting herself out there. The mature thing is to own up to that and properly communicate where his head was at.

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Reply to u/juryofone · 12h

Yeah, going straight for “I can’t do that, I don’t think of you that way” after she bared her soul was so harsh and unnecessary. He could have let her down wayyyy more gently if he was that conflicted about it all. She must’ve felt like a fool!

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u/neutralpartier · 11h

NAH — I get that you panicked in the heat of the moment and why this whole situation is heavy with ethical quandaries. The reality is, you two started off pretending but real feelings developed, and that’s okay! It happens. The moral issue only remains if you knowingly took advantage of or manipulated her feelings while she was on your payroll. Since you seem just as confused as she was, I don’t think any lines were really crossed.

The way forward is to rip off the bandaid once and for all. If you have mutual feelings now, figure out if you want to date as equals. If not, it’s time to part ways amicably while you both still can. But don’t keep paying her while catching feels — THAT would make you an AH.

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u/glasshalfempty · 10h

ESH ... look, you suck for how you handled rejecting her confession. That was really hurtful and avoidant no matter your internal struggles. She sucks for going into this thinking it was all pretend, catching real feelings, and expecting you to want to be serious too. You PAID her to be your fake GF and made that clear.

My suggestion is to have an honest discussion about whether you can BOTH separate the transactions from reality. If you’re both all-in on trying for real, great! But one of you is going to get burned if expectations don’t align. And please, for the love of god, stop paying her!

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Reply to u/glasshalfempty · 9h

This is exactly what I was thinking too! Way too messy ethically to keep paying her as the lines blur between fantasy job and real romance. Either take the plunge and date properly or go separate ways for good.

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Reply to u/glasshalfempty · 8h

Agree but like ... is this even real? How does someone end up hiring a fake girlfriend to make their former best friend jealous? That alone sounds like a bad romcom plot.

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u/criticaloverthinker · 7h

I’m calling cap on this whole wild story. Childhood besties turned feuding enemies living in the same building? A fake girlfriend who moves in as part of an elaborate revenge plan? It’s all too unbelievable.

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u/struggling-with-reddit · 6h

I’ll play along and rate, but no way is this post legit lol. Having a fake girlfriend you eventually catch feelings for while pranking your neighbor? What’s next, one of you is actually royalty or a secret millionaire? Too much happening here.

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Reply to u/struggling-with-reddit · 5h

Hahaha I know right, the excessive details and backstory gave it away as creative writing practice or something. No judgment from me, it was an entertaining read at least!

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u/struggling-with-reddit · 4h

Next thing you know, OP will be claiming he’s Michael Schumacher or something 😂

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r/AmITheAsshole

u/veganGOAT · 8h

UPDATE — I’m the idiot who rejected then realized I loved my fake girlfriend … and she took me back!

When I made my initial post a bit over a month ago about this whole fake girlfriend situation, most of you understandably called it outrageously far-fetched.

Which, fair. How does someone actually end up hiring a woman to fake date them just to make their neighbor jealous? It does sound ripped straight from a Nicholas Sparks fever dream.

Well put on your straight jackets, because this ridiculous saga is 100% real. And I’ve got an update that’s even crazier than the original tale ...

After reading the feedback on my initial post (and getting a whole lot of shit from some friends too), it became crystal clear that I had to make things right. I put her through the emotional wringer by callously rejecting her in the moment, when her feelings were just as tangled up as mine were. I owed her a sincere apology and a proper explanation of why I froze — with no more deflections or excuses.

So I wrote her a long letter. I laid it all out there. How torn I felt about the ethical and emotional complexities of our arrangement. How her vulnerability awoke my own fears about commitment, my transient lifestyle, and whether I could realistically be the partner she deserved. Mostly, I repeatedly owned up to being a thoughtless prick who shattered her trust out of pure pathetic self-preservation.

But above all, I made one thing clear — despite my bumbling, I had fallen for her too. Completely and utterly. She had cracked through my defenses and healing her hurt became the only thing that mattered.

I ended the letter by owning up to the fact that she now held all the power. While she had moved into this arrangement under certain pretenses, I had violated that implied contract. The ball was entirely in her court now. I would abide by whatever decision she landed on — friendship, an amicable parting of ways, or taking the terrifying gamble of trying to make this the real deal.

When she emerged from her room the next morning, I could barely look at her. I was a sweaty, nauseated wreck, steeling myself for the worst. She sat down next to me in silence and unleashed the longest, most blistering dressing down of my life. How I had made her feel so small, so foolish, so painfully vulnerable. Words like “coward” and “asshole” were thrown around. But you know what phrase stung most?

“I wish you had told me all of this up front instead of dealing with it like a child. I could’ve understood where you were coming from.”

It was a dagger — she was absolutely right. My dumb automatic rejection utterly betrayed the openness and intimacy we had built. Still, she didn’t dismiss me entirely. She would need some time to think, but asked that I stand by for an answer.

The limbo period was … not fun.

After four excruciating days, she came to me again. This time, she was almost shy, like her old self. She told me she had thought it over extensively, and ultimately my explanation and full-hearted apology won her over. I may be an idiot, an asshole, and a bit of a mess (her words), but I was an honest idiot with a good heart under all the bravado. And that’s what had drawn her to me in the first place.

So with the understanding that we would both need to work on our communication skills and respective hang-ups, she was in. We would press the reset button altogether, end our old arrangement, and try to make this relationship happen for real — messy origins be damned.

That was exactly a month ago today, and things have never been better. Sure, we still lean into some harmless (and vaguely unhinged) pettiness with my former friend from time to time. Some habits are too fun to quit cold turkey. But ultimately, I’ve never been so grateful for the insane set of circumstances that brought this amazing woman into my life. We may have started as an acting exercise, but we took a leap together into something beautifully real.

And yeah, I still have to hear shit from literally everyone about how our romance origin story is the most unbelievable meet-cute of all time. But I’ve learned to lean into the absurdity. After all, what’s life without a little chaos and a perfect partner to share in the pandemonium?

Thanks to everyone who offered candid advice on my original post. You may have received an update sooner if not for all the people accusing me of faking it! All I can say is … this is my blissfully ridiculous reality now.

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u/juryofone · 7h

Well hot damn, I have to hand it to you — this saga is even wilder than the original post let on! I went from being totally skeptical of the whole outrageous situation to being fully invested in this insane romance. Love that she put you through the wringer a bit before taking you back. You absolutely deserved that and more after treating her like you did.

But huge props to you for manning up with that apology and giving her the power to make the next move. That vulnerability and respect for her feelings despite your own doubts is what true partnership is all about. I have a feeling you two chaotic bastards are going to be just fine as a real couple now that all the crazy pretenses have been stripped away. Wishing you both nothing but more pandemonium and pettiness together!

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u/neutralpartier · 7h

I’m officially obsessed with this love story. You went from hiring a woman off to punk your neighbor, to breaking her heart over catching feelings, to doing the MOST to grovel your way back into her good graces, to ACTUALLY SUCCEEDING. It’s romcom gold! I need this to get optioned for a movie immediately.

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u/glasshalffull · 6h

As wild as this story has been from start to finish, this update has me straight up emotional! The groveling, the way you explained your fears, her roasting you for days before mercifully taking you back … my heart. Love that she cut straight through the bullshit by calling you an idiot AND acknowledging your good heart. That’s the ideal balance.

I’m so invested in this nonsense and need regular updates on how things progress from here. You better not blow it after all this chaos or I’ll be leading the charge to vandalize your apartment!

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u/romanticempath · 5h

What a journey! To go from manufacturing a fake relationship purely for petty vengeance, to developing REAL emotional stakes, to breaking each other's hearts quite viscerally, to finding your way back together through sheer vulnerability? Incredible stuff.

I laughed, cried (a little, don’t judge), and cringed throughout this entire saga. Thank you for bringing us all along for the insane roller coaster. I wish nothing but ridiculous happiness for you and her moving forward!

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u/fairytaledreamer · 4h

I’m sorry but I still can’t get over the fact that this is somehow a real series of events? You’re a madman and this is truly unhinged (but also incredible). How did ALL of this unfold before your 40s?

Romcoms have been put to bed. Welcome to 2024, where people actually hire fake GFs to get revenge on their scorned former friends, develop legit attachment issues, torpedo everything in a panic, grovel for redemption fit for cinematic history, and somehow STILL end up together in some sort of demented happily ever after!

All I can say is cherish the chaos you've manifested. I can’t wait to see what bonkers plotlines await the two you. Start recording everything for the biopic!

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Reply to u/fairytaledreamer · 3h

“Cherish the chaos” is absolutely the perfect sign off for this update. I’m deceased at this whole wild drama, but also soooo invested! Cannot wait for the inevitable Netflix mini series. Thanks for the laughs, drama, and emotional whiplash!

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r/offmychest

u/NotBritneySpears · 21h

My ex-bestie’s wedding to his obnoxious girlfriend was a nightmare … and so was their wedding night (unfortunately)

You’ll have to bear with me on this one, because I’m still reeling a bit from one of the most cringey, uncomfortable, and downright baffling weekends of my entire life. I need to get this off my chest before I have a full mental breakdown.

A couple years ago, I made a post venting about my former best friend’s new girlfriend at the time. For those who missed the saga, she was an insufferably loud woman who seemed to take immense pleasure in loudly narrating her sex life with my former friend right outside my apartment door. It was psychological warfare, plain and simple.

Well, I’m sure you can all see where this is going based on the title. Against all odds and reason, this woman and my ex-friend somehow stuck it out … until he put a ring on it last year. Which leads me to the first in a cascading series of mind-numbing events — receiving a wedding invitation from the happy couple!

Now, let’s be clear — I have not spoken to my former best friend in almost a decade at this point. Not since our cataclysmic falling out (a story for another day). We were thick as thieves until our bond was shattered beyond repair. For him to invite me to his wedding with the woman who crudely mocked their intimacy for my benefit was … certainly a choice.

On one hand, why on EARTH would you invite the person whose heart you deliberately stomped on so many years ago? It felt like a cruel joke, rubbing salt in an open wound that never fully healed. A reminder of their domestic bliss and my bitter ostracism.

Yet on the other hand, maybe there was a subconscious part of me that would have felt insulted if he didn’t invite me after so many shared years? As if he had utterly erased me from his life without a second thought? The thought gut punched me too in an admittedly unhealthy way.

Long story short, I RSVP’d yes … half out of morbid curiosity and half out of a deeply unwell desire to not get excluded from such a significant life event. In hindsight, a foolish decision that kicked off a horrifically uncomfortable series of events.

The wedding itself was … a lot. An over-the-top spectacle at an insanely expensive venue. My miserable self stuck out like a sore thumb surrounded by all the adoring couple’s friends and family. I sat through mushy vows reaffirming their “unlikely origin” in the “most unexpected yet fortuitous way” … while trying not to puke.

So yeah, sheer cringe start to finish. Little did I know the worst discomfort was yet to come!

In perhaps the most on-brand grand gesture of the entire weekend, the groom rented out an entire boutique hotel for all out-of-town guests to stay at after the reception. That way we could all keep the party going nearby before he whisked his new bride off to parts unknown on their honeymoon the next day.

Ever the gracious host with a penchant for the spectacle, he let wedding guests draw for their room assignments out of an actual top hat. I somehow managed to get seated right next to his parents who, while cordial enough, knew me as the ex-best friend responsible for so much fractured history.

But wait, there’s more! Wouldn’t you know, the universe is supremely messed up because I ended up with the room directly underneath the newlywed suite. Yes … I spent their wedding night listening to a live-streamed porn broadcast courtesy of the paper-thin walls and floors.

Dolphin sounds didn’t even BEGIN to cover the unholy noises raining down from above around 2am. I’m talking full-on screams of unbridled passion echoing off the walls at maximum volume. Mind you, this woman had become infamous for over-enunciating their coitus for my benefit previously. Now it was a frighteningly real-life rendition that no noise-cancelling headphones could drown out.

I finally had to flee my room to the lobby. I ended up crashing on one of the lobby couches until an employee politely asked me to leave around 6am. Disheveled, disoriented, and officially diagnosed with PTSD from the sounds I cannot unhear.

So yeah … not exactly a therapeutic reunion that could have allowed my ex-friend and I to bury the hatchet. If anything, this wedding was one massive “screw you” that opened up all the same unresolved wounds. I need about 20 years of intensive therapy to move on.

I also need to find a new place to live because I can’t bear returning to that cursed apartment building.

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u/chronicgossiper · 18h

Dude, I think you need to get some serious perspective here. Your ex-friend getting married and going on a honeymoon has absolutely zero to do with you. That level of self-centeredness is off the charts.

Why in the world would this guy plan an entire wedding — one of the biggest days of his life — around secretly tormenting you again over ancient history? That makes no sense. He invited you as a polite gesture after years apart, probably hoping to start burying the hatchet. The room assignments were random by your own admission.

As for the … “noises” … look, they were on their wedding night. Maybe overenthusiastic, but 100% to be expected between newlyweds. It’s not some psychological ploy, just poor planning on their part for thin walls. You’re projecting like crazy if you think that was directed at you specifically.

At a certain point, you have to realize the universe doesn’t actually revolve around your grudges or history with this person. They’ve clearly moved on to live their best life. It’s on you to stop obsessing over them and do the same.

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Reply to u/chronicgossiper · 16h

I agree, this is just pure paranoia from OP. No newly wedded couple is sitting around thinking “how can we sneakily stick it to your ex-best friend during our wedding festivities?” That’s deranged thinking.

They invited you to be polite, you drew an unlucky room assignment near their suite, and then biology happened on their wedding night. Hilarious and awkward coincidence? Yes. Intricately designed fuck you from the bride and groom? Come on now, that’s giving them way too much credit.

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u/NotBritneySpears · 13h

Maybe you all have a point, and I am still holding onto way too much resentment and baggage from our falling out. My intention wasn’t to imply they orchestrated an elaborate sting operation around their wedding. More just a general sense that the universe has a funny way of reminding me about them at highly inconvenient times over the years.

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Reply to u/NotBritneySpears · 12h

Even that line of thinking is incredibly self-centered though. Why would random coincidences or them just … living their lives be the “universe’s way of reminding you” about your failed friendship? That makes it sound like they should perpetually be walking on eggshells and avoiding certain life events just because you can’t get over the past.

Look, it sucks that things fell apart so badly between you two. But they have clearly moved on, as you should too. This obsessive framing of their marriage as some universal affront to you is … not healthy, my dude.

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u/nosyandproud · 10h

The wedding itself sounds like it was in poor taste for sure, so I can certainly understand feeling aggravated and triggered being there as the scorned former friend.

That said … you’re borrowing A LOT of trouble by assuming any of their private wedding night activities were purposely being broadcast to you specifically. Projection level 1000 there.

At the end of the day, these people have built a whole entire life and future together now that quite literally has nothing to do with you anymore. You looking for “signs” that they’re still fixated on you is just self-involvement. For your own mental health, you have to let go of whatever happened and see them as background characters in the story of your life now.

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u/realitychecker · 7h

OP, you need to take a step back and realize that the sheer logistics involved in purposely torturing you at their wedding are just not plausible. Do you really think they were like:

“Alright honey, for our wedding night I was thinking we should make sure your former friend gets the room directly below ours! That way when we really get after it, he’ll be able to hear every excruciating moan and body smacking sound in haunting detail! That’ll show him for being your friend a decade ago! Mwahaha!”

Come on, mate. That’s delusional cartoon villain level scheming you’re attributing to them. Occam's Razor — they just wanted to consummate their marriage in privacy and didn’t account for the thin hotel walls. The world doesn’t actually revolve around your history with this!

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Reply to u/realitychecker · 5h

Lmaooo the idea of them sitting around strategizing the most psychological warfare possible on their wedding night is killing me. “Yes honey, we simply MUST reenact scenes from our noisiest adult films for your ex-best friend’s terrible pleasure!”

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u/buildingbridges

OP, it seems like you really miss having your friend in your life if I’m reading between the lines here. Getting invested to this level over random coincidences at his wedding doesn’t come from a place of hatred, but hurt and longing for that bond again.

My advice? Use this weekend as a wake-up call to stop obsessing, reflect on whatever caused your rift, and decide if you want to properly reconnect. If not, you need to rip that band-aid off for good and stop torturing yourself over what will never be again. Or the walls between you two will just get thinner and thinner ...

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r/ask

u/amateurdetective · 15h

I think these juicy Reddit posts actually interconnect … but I need your help cracking the code

I think I’ve stumbled onto something wild here and I need the Reddit hive mind to help me piece this tangled web together. Are you ready for some batshit conspiracy-level connecting of barely-there dots? Too bad, I’m going in anyway.

So, over the past few years, I kept seeing these extremely juicy, dramatically-written posts pop up every few months that seemed … oddly interconnected despite being in different subreddits.

Hear me out:

First there was the unhinged post in r/offmychest from a guy ranting about his former best friend’s obnoxious new girlfriend. Dude was griping about how this woman would loudly recount the smutty details of her sex life with the ex-friend whenever she was in his general vicinity, seemingly just to mess with the OP. We’re talking legitimately disturbing stuff about feeling “psychologically tortured” by her oversharing.

Fast forward a few months and I stumble across a wild post in r/relationships from the perspective of this same “obnoxious” girlfriend! Except her story painted a whole different, unhinged picture — she was hired on FACEBOOK MARKETPLACE by the former friend to literally move in and fake date him as part of an ongoing revenge plot against the OP from the first post. She rapidly develops legitimate feelings for the guy and it becomes a messy will-they-won’t-they romcom situation.

But THEN there was a follow-up post from the fake boyfriend’s side in r/AmITheAsshole about him realizing he caught feelings too before nearly blowing it, followed by another saga-capping update about them deciding to pursue a real relationship against all odds and absurdity.

Are you seeing the parallels here? These three posters each gave one side of an absolute dumpster fire of a convoluted love triangle situation that seemingly intersected. And based on the intricate backstories, my crackpot theory is they all emanated from the same formerly tight friend group that experienced a bitter falling out.

The insane attention to detail, literary flair, and geometry of it all almost had me utterly convinced these were all fictionalized creative writing exercises posted separately across Reddit … but building on the same unhinged storylines each step of the way.

I’m utterly obsessed with mapping this all out into one cohesive narrative now. My working theory is something like this:

Some guy hired an actress to pose as his fake GF and torment his former friend as revenge for some past betrayal

The two fake partners rapidly caught real feelings amid the ruse, he panics and nearly torpedoes it

Meanwhile, the ex-best friend is losing his mind overhearing the fake girlfriend’s loud performances and comes to Reddit for advice, not realizing it’s all a ploy

After a saga of miscommunication, the fake boyfriend comes clean and the couple decide to actually date for real

Capping things off, the former friend is forced to attend their wedding where he’s subjected to one final night of unholy noises

Does it all track? Or have I completely unraveled the conspiracy and stumbled onto a drastically personal set of circumstances being workshopped on Reddit? If so, that’s some ludicrously elaborate storytelling!

I need to know if I’m onto something here or completely off my rocker. If the former, I’ll burn every last calorie mapping out a master record of events across all the posts. If the latter … someone needs to drop their juicy fanfic writing prompts because these were WILDLY entertaining reads.

Help me connect these dots or point me towards any other potentially linked tales! This has been a public service aneurysm brought to you by pure boredom.

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u/scepeticbynature · 14h

Wow, you’ve gone full Sherlock Holmes with this. I’m dying at how insanely detailed your working theory is in tying together these random Reddit posts into one cohesive narrative. This is either a brilliant piece of performance art … or you need your meds adjusted, my friend.

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Reply to u/scepticbynature · 12h

Hahaha exactly! The amount of time and brain power OP has devoted to mapping this out is beyond obsessive. I don’t know whether to applaud the commitment to the bit or get them professional help.

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u/amateurdetective · 10h

I’m sorry, did you actually read through the posts in question? The intersecting pieces of random, elaborate backstory between all three distinct voices is way too specific and layered for it to be an accidental alignment. There are unambiguous throughlines about:

A pair of feuding former childhood best friends

One hiring a woman off Facebook to pose as his fake GF and torment the other as revenge

Said fake relationship descending into a very real emotional entanglement for both parties

The eventual fallout of the ex-friend having to bear witnessing the real couple’s wedding and chaos that followed

Like that’s such a bizarrely specific plot keeping consistent across three different users’ lenses! So you’re either pointing out the artistry of someone doing an incredibly elaborate creative writing exercise across multiple subs … or these people are just leading unbelievably unhinged lives. And part of me hopes it’s the latter? It’s too batshit crazy not to be true!

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Reply to u/amateurdetective · 9h

Or, and hear me out … it’s all an internal dialogue you’re having with your numerous Reddit personalities to work out your own unresolved relationship issues. We’re all just incredibly intricate fragments of your aching psyche!

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u/opinionatedtruther · 7h

Lmao you are both nuts, but I have to side with OP on this one. The chances of these being all interconnected fabricated stories is way too perfect to be an accident. All the tiny threads and recurring backstories/character details woven between wildly different subreddit posts? That’s not a coincidence.

I could buy it maybe being some extended Reddit fanfic experiment between a couple of redditors seeing who can craft more engaging characters and drama while world-building off each other’s plot threads. Like a weird form of collabing through the confined lens of Reddit posts. It would be pretty genius if so.

But for it to be entirely real with all the coinciding details scattered across entirely unrelated posts like that? I’m sorry, but there’s just no way. That’s beyond the scope of believability for me. OP may be bungling the conspiracy, but they’re onto something for sure!

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u/amateurdetective · 6h

THANK YOU, someone gets it! And to answer your other theory … while I can’t 100% rule out some sort of viral Reddit fanfic experiment, I struggle to believe even the most creative writers would be capable of improvising THAT intricately interconnected of a storyline stream-of-consciousness style like that.

Like each voice and perspective they inhabit remains remarkably consistent across such wildly different contexts (relationship drama, life events, ethical debates, and updates). It would take incredible skill to stay in the headspaces of these distinct individuals and keep their personalities/plot orbits from tangling into an incomprehensible mess. While possible, it seems incredibly unlikely.

That’s what has me believing there’s a remarkable kernel of stranger-than-fiction truth at the heart of this whole saga being teased out piece-by-piece. Or again … I’ve finally been gaslit into being a tin foil hatter of beautiful Reddit fantasies. Either way I’m here for it!

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Reply to u/amateurdetective · 3h

All I have to say is please touch some grass and post to r/creativewriting instead 🙄

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[orteil42]

some undifferentiated thoughts about my Starfield playthrough as i have them. i am a game developer with a strong interest in procedural generation and i've enjoyed a bunch of other bethesda games so this might get pretty mean sorry

(this is a long one)

starfield dialogue is already exhausting me "oh you must've been living under a moon rock ;)" get it! because they're in space! this would've been too corny for the Jetsons

there's a kind of cheap dusting of space theme over everything. the food isn't salmon but alien salmon. it's not seaweed but alien seaweed. cooking alien stir-fry. come on

cannot get over how clumsily the theming is handled. books, board games, weapon names revolve heavily around space. these people have been living on alien planets for hundreds of years yet have this unending sense of novelty about it. the game takes itself completely seriously but feels like it's attempting to parody itself

people's EYEBALLS are CLIPPING THROUGH THEIR EYELIDS

a woman is speaking to me in french. her accent is about as believable as her haircut

these are some of the worst reflection maps i've ever seen

next to nothing is interactive. you can sit in chairs and sleep in beds and that is about it. can't even drink from people's toilets. disgraceful

game helpfully crashes 5 seconds after i decide i should get some sleep. very handy!

my character has not said a single thing since i started playing. not one peep. this is an unmitigated improvement over Fallout 4 i'm so glad honestly

the more i poke around the big city the more the NPC quips feel like something out of gen-1 pokemon. can't get enough of this coffee :) this city is where it's at :) spacesuits are comfy and easy to wear

very strange sense of altered reality from the quest dialogue too. has anyone at bethesda met a person before? i move on to some mission that has me scanning wildlife on a faraway planet hoping this will, somehow, feel less alien than human conversation

just as with No Man's Sky, every planet is uniformly dotted with equidistantly-placed points of interest that you slowly make your way to (no vehicles besides your jetpack) which always turn out to be some cave or building identical to those you've cleared before

unlike with No Man's Sky, the seamless exploration is faked and the biodiversity is nil. you do get an impressive amount of raw loading screens however

the prefab bases and power stations found everywhere on planets seem to have very sparse, very specific slots for spawning consumables, which results in encountering some giant industrial installation in the middle of nowhere with, i don't know, a loaf of whole-grain sandwich bread just casually sitting next to it all proper. there is no breathable atmosphere here. who is eating this

planetary traversal is a CHORE. i am saying this as someone who loved Death Stranding

heinous "hold to confirm" buttons sprinkled in various flow-breaking places throughout the interface

enemy AI is abominable. nobody is pathing their way to get my ass. "must've been the wind" taken to the next level. an infant playing peekaboo has more object permanence

hoisting yourself up on ledges when jumping is…nice

companions randomly nowhere to be found. persists through multiple fast-travels and loading screens until, just as randomly, they pop back up

storage space is now limited! unlike in Fallout 4 and virtually every other bethesda game, your containers now hold a finite item capacity. god forbid we let the player have fun

baffling inventory UI. i imagine there's a mod out there that completely overhauls it the way SkyUI did for Skyrim. this should not be needed! how are your UIs getting worse a decade later!

scanning the precious few species inhabiting some dusty planet; one of them is this arching red root i've already seen several times before. my job done in this biome, i travel (read: teleport with a loading screen) to the polar region to find some other species. the first one i catalogue is the exact same red root again but this time it's named "boreas root" todd howard is a genius

some alien horror comes at me full fangs out. i hop on a pebble. obscenely, i am safe

procedural terrain generation beyond dull, impossibly unimaginative. these people have not had one critical thought on what makes a procedural world interesting. beginning to feel validated in my belief that only i should be trusted with proc gen. along with perhaps tarn adams

jokes aside this is making me feel genuinely insane. there have been excellent procedural generation techniques that produce compelling explorable maps for decades now. bethesda absolutely has the budget and know-how to do miles better than this yet somehow they just…do not? the same way Pokemon has decided to just no longer bother with their mainline games despite being the highest-grossing media franchise in history? hello? what is for real going on

some of the most cynical breadcrumbing i've seen in years. approaching some random cave and this person in space gear, who in the vast immensity of the infinite cosmos just happens to be snapping pictures right here, tells me more-or-less verbatim "if you like this place, you should see this other place" [other random cave has been added to your map.]

i do not like how good this makes No Man's Sky's gameplay look. it depresses me how much i have to hand it to No Man's Sky for at least not fucking up this bad. please stop making me wish i was playing No Man's Sky instead this is grotesque

i think i've exhausted my interest and patience for this game at the moment. i'll get back to the main story at some point and try some other systems ie. crafting and base-building to see if there's any engagement to be found but so far, my god. my god

[leoascendente]

PAC / Details about the love of your life 💕

I'm back my lovesss! 💖 I'm late with this pac as always but I have to be a responsible adult too. As always with love spreads I try to write with no gender, I always talk about dominant energy of your FS. Take a cup of tea cause this is a long spread

Decks I used: Enchanted love tarot, dark wood tarot, astrodices, romance angels oracle, love oracle cards, goddess guidance oracle and the hidden truth oracle.

Take a deep breath and choose the pile you feel more drawn to, you can choose more than 1 if you feel it, maybe you have more messages in more piles. Take always what resonates and leave the rest

For private readings click here

I love you 🥰

Pile 1:

Your FS in the relationship:

(Cards: Express your love, true love/ honeymoon)

Omg pile 1 your fs is going to love you so so much you will never doubt their feelings! They will want to make sure you know how important you are for them in every moment, your FS is very loving and caring. The whole spread repeats travel and movement, so you may live in very distanced places from the other or you may travel to new places together to spend quality time by eachother's side, in another sense it could mean that your fs will make you feel like you live in an endless honeymoon. Their love language is majorly about quality time together and words of affirmation, they might have a talent with words and they write letters to you very often, their voice has something special too. I see an specific situation of someone leaving post it everywhere with cute quotes on them telling you how much they love you and things like that. From the very first moment you meet both of you will feel something special like you are the kind of person they've been yearning for and viceversa, if you are an intuitive person somehow you'll know it's them, the feeling when you meet and spend time with them won't be a spark shining within, it's a thunder like no other. They'll probably show their love and interest in you pretty fast, they will be straight forward with you letting you know they want to make you part of their life and include you in their plans. I see clearly that good humor and laugh will be present in all your meetings, your fs loves your smiles and hear you laugh so surely they will be joking all around just to rip an smile of your face.

Their personality and traits:

(Cards: 10 of roses; princess of shells; 6 of gems; king of roses // Astrodices: Sagittarius; north node; 2nd house)

Mmmmmm this person is really sexy, they are very physically attractive and has nice facial features, probably the kind that catches everybody's eye when they walk in a room, they also has a confident body language. I feel they are very sexually active people or has a high libido but prefers to be generous with their partner in bed over focusing on their own pleasure, so they will make sure you are having a good time with them everytime you have intimacy, there will be a lot of sexual chemistry and tension between you two, you FS will like to tease you because they will feel so so attracted to you like you had a magnet just for them, they will make you touch the stars, babe! (my scorpio lilith feels very happy for you right now 😏 ). I see your person has a generous and humble nature, they laugh a lot and loves to cuddle, they are very hardworking so they can provide their beloved ones and live a comfortable life, they really enjoy giving to others because generosity is always repeating in my head while I channel for you. Very masculine energy but a little imbalanced because they like to over work, they love their work and that's why they dedicate so much attention to it, it's probably because they are following their true passion or their job is a dream come true, their job might also involve traveling. They are very successful at their job or studies as well even though they want more, not just gor ambition but for the chamce to learn more and improve their skills because they know their true potential. They are well respected and looks like someone nice and kind with everybody, they have a very warm energy even though they can look intimidating (this might be because of their physical appearance because I keep hearing about the "big boy" tiktok trend), do you know this astrology pictures that says looks like they could kill you on the outside, is a cinnamon roll on the inside, well, this is probably the best way to describe your fs. They like to make a safe space for you to feel comfortable, your person enjoys so much more to give than to receive in every aspect of their life, they will value a lot the time you spend with them and will see you as their equal, someone they can open up and show their vulnerable side so they will expect the same trust from you. They are passionate and follow their heart in everything they do, even if that means making mistakes they are willing to learn and grow, they are also very wise like the counselor of their family or group of friends, they surely gives great advices.

You two were meant to find eachother and create a life together, this is a major connection, the love of a lifetime for sure! For some, there might be an age gap between you two but you will fit at emotional level, you probably will share the same view of the future and both perspectives fit perfectly, you two will be best friends, partners in crime and the love of eachother's life, very supportive of eachother. Your FS is really funny and have a very chill energy, the kind that ends up being the center of attention without trying, they will make you laugh until your tummy hurts, if you go out with more people your person will keep always close to you making everybody knows that you are with them, a little possesive but it's because they want to protect what they love and they will love you so much, their body language is very protective over you. I see the sun and the moon in my head so I feel that you two will be opposite but at the same time very similar, your person feels like the sun with their warm energy but from your side I feel the moon with the calmer and peaceful energy, you might also be in tune with your intuition or your psychic gifts, this will be a very balanced relationship.

Conflictive traits:

(Cards: 4 of swords; king of pentacles; wheel of fortune rev / queen of cups)

Well, your person might give too much importance to money and resources and that keeps them always wanting to earn more and never rest, they might value themselves because of the money they gain or their productivity at work, for some I see that your person is struggling with a goal they really desire but never come true and that keeps them in a state of self judgement. They are aware of their negative traits and knows that some things needs to chage to feel better within themselves but this takes a lot of effort to them and might avoid it by overworking, work might be also a way of escapism because this insatisfaction is about themselves not their work development, maybe it's something about feeling respected by the rest of the world. They realize that money isn't everything in life but this trait may come from their childhood and they are just trying to cope and deal with it the best they can, at least they are conscious about it and want to solve it even if they don't have the tools right now to do it. Looks like they are in a conflictive cycle where they have seen a repetitive pattern, something like a bad habit in their life that they want to chage somehow, but change seems difficult for them. I see your person is trying to get answers of some kind to their inner conflicts, I see them asking why some things had to happen to them and maybe realizing they created some of the storms they had to face in life. In my opinion, this is very healthy for them, I mean, taking responsabilities for our actions is pretty mature, they want to become a better person for when they know you and for their wellbeing, for some I see even some kind of spiritual awakening or them trying any kind of therapy.

How they will view you in the relationship:

(Cards: paradise; passion/ kisses)

Their other half they didn't know was missing

Ahem... Just read the cards and let your imagination fly a little. For your FS, you are going to be the one and only they've been looking for their whole life, they are going to see you as the answer to their prayers and loneliness, their perfect match, that'swhy they are not going to hesitate when they know you. You are going to help them somehow to deal with things that are hard for them and viceversa, there will be a lot of trust to open up but just with eachother (I heard something about internal jokes between both too). You two are a power couple, always lifting eachother and helping to become the better version of yourselves, cheering eachother's victories and giving comfort on the defeats. You will want to build a life together as partners respecting the other's free will, there's a lot of understanding, partnership and respect from this pile. Congrats pile 1, this is a very healthy love story and I feel you needed this kind of relationship to gain back the hope in love. Also, expect a lot of passion and intimacy.

Advice from the Goddesses:

(Cards: Sekhmet, be strong/ Green Tara, start delegating)

I feel you've been waiting and longing your person a really long time, you've also commited to work on yourself meanwhile but there's a little feeling of exasperation because you have done all that's needed to attract them without forcing any situation, but I know... patience also has its limit and you might be feeling like they are going to take too much time to come into your life. Sekhmet reminds you to not loose hope, divine things come in divine timing and the kind of love you crave for is very lighthearted and pure one so it's normal it's taking the a little more time. Green Tara tells you to be more in touch with your spirituality, your guides want you to speak to them so they can know how you want them to help you, don't feel bad about asking for your FS because your guides want you to reach all your goals, if a romantic relationship is one of your goals don't be scared to ask for it too.

Extra messages:

Twin flames journey; soul mission; earth rising; beach or places with water bodies; success; gold jewelry; white butterflies and dragonflies; someone famous or fame in general, fire signs; until I found you-stephen sanchez; begin again- taylor swift

Pile 2:

Your FS in the relationship:

(Cards: worth waiting for; you deserve love; wedding)

Your FS is a very straight forward but methodical person, when they want something they do everything at their hand to get it, calculating every step of the road to their goals. Despite of your FS personality, I see that you will make them work hard to prove they are worthy of your time and energy, and babe, they are going to be above your expectations. Your person will be very patient in the process of reaching your heart, they know you are worthy of the effort and the wait so they don't mind because for them it's only you and nobody else. Your person is super polite and have very good manners, if it's a male they are truly a gentleman. They might have a more traditional perspective of life but this will make them want to commit with you sooner and don't waste any moment, probably they will be ready for a formal relationship before you are. But anyway, this person will respect your times until you are ready for moving forward but for them, they will want everything with you after knowing you, not just by the physical but also your personality. This relationship will end up in marriage if you are up to it but if not this will be a very commited relationship, you will only have eyes for eachother, they have a vibe like worshipping you tbh.

For some there's the message that your FS might take a little time to arrive in your life, it might be a proof of patience for you but it will be worthy. You fs will enter in your life after a time of healing yourself, I hear that the most important lesson for you is to put yourself first and love you deeply because the love you give to yourself is the love you are going to attract, make sure it's quality love because that's the kind of love you deserve. Treat yourself like the god/goddess you are because that'sthe way your fs will treat you. Idk why but for some I feel that you already know who your person is, you are just focusing on what you have to do for yourself meanwhile.

Their personality and traits:

(Cards: High priestess; the lovers; the devil; queen of roses; the chariot/ Astrodices: Capricorn; mercury; 5th house)

OMGGGG I wish this pile was for me!😂 This energy feels masculine (but you know it's neutral gender) but darnnnnn this person is a gentleman in every sense of the word, so respectful and so polite, they will treat you like their muse and the source of their inspiration. When this person falls in love they do it hard and forever, they might be a little possesive or obsessive about you but it's because somehow you know how to lift them up in a way nobody else can and they have never experienced what they feel for you. There's a lot of attraction between you two but your person will be amazed by you, I see you a little more cold and your person trying to get closer to you everytime they can, maybe at first you reject them even though you'll feel very attracted to them but this might have to be with you because you prefer to take your time to really know them instead of jumping blindly into the unknown. They will love you deeply because that's their way of loving but they will also love to (i'm having a really hard time to avoid this been sexual but... your person is ahem... very horny for you) you have something that drives your person crazy for you, they might tell you that you have a spell on them very often. They are someone really mature even though they can be a young person, they like to take responsability of their life, I feel a traditional vibe from them so they might like to take the provider role in the relationship, they are very into creating a family with their dream partner and this is you. Their love language is mostly material and physical touch, after you let them get close they will never get tired of touching and hugging you, everything you ask for they will put it in your hands, they want to fulfill all your desires but also make your life so much easier and confortable, they also have a foresight eye to the things you might need and they'll put it in your hands even before you tell them. They are wealthy people and probably it shows easily by the way they dress, they might like brand clothes or wears any kind of expensive jewelry, I hear something about perfume so they surely will smell like heaven, they have an intimidating cold look on the outside wkth the rest of the world but they will be such a teddy bear with you showing you a part of themselves they keep hidden because they feel safe with you, they will want to cuddle and hug you always, very into pda too.

Conflictive traits:

(Cards: king of wands; 7of pentacles rev / 8 of cups)

They are not the sentimental type of person, they are more into the logic of things and processing situations through the lens of intellect. They are very intelligent but can also seem cold and dittached at first, but let me tell you, althought their coldness they are easily hurt and they've been very damaged in their past, they just deal with their pain in silence so they might demand some alone time to clear their mind when they have an stressful situation. Even if they don't show their emotions openly, they will tell you about what's going on in their mind for you to understand them better, they will feel comfortable enough with you to open up and tell you about what's going on their mind, they do this with you because they will really appreciate and value your opinion and advice, so they will want to know you point of view about things. They might deal with loneliness and feeling misunderstood by people, they don't seem the extrovert kind even though they have good social skills but mainly when it comes to their work not so much in social situations, or it could mean as well that their job position is something that makes them feel more confident to deal with other people, power and authority is something important for your person to feel safe. They are a little hopeless about their current life and they are just going with the flow waiting for things to get better, this is mostly with their personal life and close relationships. They are not violent at all but they have an strong temper, that's why they need space when angry to avoid saying things they regret later. For some, your fs might have some kind of neurodivergency.

How they will view you:

(Cards: talking; lightning / wedding rings)

Their hope back in life

They'll see you as their divine counterpart, like heaven has put you in their way for some reason, they will want to talk with you for days if they could, your mind and intellect is something that will have them in awe. If you are into spirituality they will also fall in love with you for this, like you give the hope in life they could be missing because of their terrenal and logical mind. You will shake their heart and mind and open to them a whole new world of opportunities. You give them the safe place they were needing and maybe that's the reason why they will have that possesive attitude (I wrote about possesiveness here instead on their difficult traits because I don't feel it as negative but more like a child scared of loosing something they really appreciate, probably has abandonment issues or as I said, some kind of neurodivergency). They will make you know clearly that you are the love of their life and wants to spend all their days with you, they will talk about commitment soon and for some they will tell you they want to marry you soon too.

Advice from the Goddesses:

(Cards: Oonahg, easy does it / Sehkmet, be strong)

You might be going through a rough time in your life, this may be a turbulent period but you know that's making you develop new skills and polish the ones you already have. Growth and evolution is important for you now, attending yourself and your deepest needs to build the life you want to live. Focus on creating the life you want besides romance, analyze the future you want for yourself exclusively and the goals you want to achieve, I feel this mostly related to your career so try to connect with your ambitions in this aspect and start building that dream life you deserve. Your person will come in the perfect moment, meanwhile make sure you release anything no longer serving your purpose.

Extra messages:

Unchained melody- elvis presley; rule the wold- take that; 1331; 333; something great will happen in May; repeated numbers are major signs so look for their meaning; moths or bats, nocturnal creatures; purple and crimson.

Pile 3:

Your FS in the relationship:

(Cards: getting to know eachother; religious factors / Calling in your soulmate)

If you are working with visualization, manifesting or attraction law be very specific with your desires about love because you definetely manifested your fs. This relationship will be progressively growing at the time you know better eachother, through that time you'll realize that they are your person but at first, I see that you'll start up as friends and then everything will flow and you'll se how this person has everything you've been asking for in a partner and has all the traits you wanted to attract. You two will fit like puzzle pieces, balance is the word that repeats in my mind when I channel, if you resonate with twin flame journey this person for sure will be your twin flame. They are just made for you and you for them, the connection you two will share will feel magical for both and anyone who knows you, like the heaven has just opened up for you two when you spend time together and everybody can see how you were meant for eachother. Your fs would do anything for you and your happiness and you would do it for them too, you are eachothers' best friend, there's complicity and trust above all in your relationship. For some you might already know your person but right now is not an interest of yours, maybe you have seen eachother but haven't talked yet, is someone that if you see them you know about their existence but is not someone close to you, maybe a friend of a friend or an school classmate you forgot a long time ago.

Their personality and traits:

(Cards: the star rev, the empress, the magician, princess of roses, 2 of wings / astrodices: libra, saturn, 10th house)

You FS has big boss vibes, they surely are very successful in their career or comes from a wealthy enviroment, it probably shows because they have a sofisticated and elegant look, they are very nice and well liked by the people who knows them. I hear something about family bussiness so they might work with their family or has a high position in their family circle, their job might be related to laws or arts, they could be interested in these themes too. They are very charming and seductive, their appearence is also very attractive and likes to take care of themselves and their looks, they probably have many admirers but your FS seems to reject every option by the fear of being used for what they have, your fs is looking for deep conections but is a little scared about not being reciprocated in their feelings or face dishonest people. They are very focused on their work and succeding on their field, they want to be valued and recognized because of their good skills, they are so goal oriented that they might spend a lot of time alone, for some is self imposed isolation. If this drive is not related to their career can mean that your fs is currently working on themselves, their growth and evolution in a more psychological way. They probably had a heavy dissapointment in their life that made them focus on what they could do for themselves, they have been improving themselves and evolving to become their best version, they are healing their inner self and solving emotional issues. They are very independent people, they prefer to invest their energies into something useful, I don't see they are too social people they look like they love their own company and doing things for themselves, they surely have more fun watching a sunset on the beach than going to parties.

You FS will have very romantic gestures when they know you, they like to do things in the big way for you, they want to leave a good impression on you from the first moment, they will want you to like them and they cam seem a little clumsy because they are nervous. For some, the first stages of your relationship there could be some distance, maybe your person lives far from you or they have to travel often, maybe their job requires big amounts of time. Anyway, everytime you spend time together it will feel so intimate and unique, it will be only you two like the world around you has just turned off. Theres a lot of romance but in a peaceful energy, like you could read eachother's mind so you could stay in silence for hours staring and would feel great because you are together and you understand eachother. Communication is the major love language of your person, for them is important to share an intellectual connection and feel safe enough to express their opinions.

In some cases I see that there will be some oppositors to your relationship, so be careful of the people you ask for advice because there's one that doesn't enjoy your happiness.

Difficult traits:

(Cards: queen of wands rev, the sun, 3 of swords rev/ the temperance)

Don't expect them to be a super spontaneous person, if you are into adventures and going out of the routine you might be the one in charge of those kind of plans because they are more into more relaxed plans. Your person seem to reject their oportunities of having fun, it feels like they don't think they are ready to deal with other humans or social interactions, they prefer their solitude for the peace and balance it gives them, but that can turn into hermit mode too. They deal with self steem issues and weak boundaries, that made them had heavy heart breaks in their past so they can be suspicious of other people's intentions, they have a hard time trusting. They jump from sorrow and despair to hope and tears of joy, probably has a hard time making important decitions for their personal life. Anyway your person is working on inner personal issues that were holding them back, mostly related to their indecisiveness or constant doubts. I saw the image of someone praying with tattoos on their back, it's a familiar image but I have no idea where I've seen it, so that's a confirmation that you have already met your fs in the 3d but don't know who they are right now. Also the thing about praying combined with temperance is interesting, they are surely working on theirselves and healing inner wounds, they are very close to spirituality somehow, this also could mean that they have a close connection with their guides or their guides are very protective of them. They avoid conflict and arguments to avoid hurting others but forget about the things that hurt them, in general they are very reliable people but they tend to daydream a lot and get lost in their delusions sometimes.

How they'll view you:

(Cards: separation, the dragonfly, healing heart)

Their peace of soul

The time you spend apart will be very heavy to deal with for your FS, they will miss you a lot and will have to deal with some emotional issues they didn't know they had related to romantic relationships and the way they face it. Distance will also make them realize that you are trustworthy and they can just relax and stop worrying, they'll see their own wounds instead of projecting them into you, and honestly, that's such a healthy behavior from them, I see they are very emotinally intelligent and mature. I feel you are a very honest and straight forward person when it comes to your opinions, you are open about your thoughts and feelings and even more when it comes to your fs and your relationship, this trait about you will make them feel a lot more comfortable because they see you don't wear any mask and they are used to people that wears them all the time, they will see they can trust you and that's very important for them. Distance will also be very healing for you, giving you the time and space needed to fully trust and know how your person is too, you two will be devoted to eachother so there won't be place for doubts or worries. This relationship might be a little slow to formalize but it feels so so healthy and emotionally mature from both of you .

Advice from the Goddesses:

(Cards: Sige, quiet time; Sedna, infinite supply)

Take more time to rest, my love, you have been dealing with a lot of draining situations and your mind, soul and body are needing a little break from responsabilities. Take also a few minutes to meditate and tune with your inner voice, slow down the rythm for a while because you will thank it later. If money has been an issue for you lately, you can stop worrying, you will have the enough resources, maybe not for all that you want but your needs will be all fullfilled. Thank also the little basic needs you have supplied like a roof over your head, warm blankets to keep away the cold, food to nurture your body... you'll start realizing how abundant and blessed you are, gratitude is the best key to feeling satisfied with our lives meanwhile what we want arrives.

Extra messages:

Here with me- d4vid; red roses; wear warm colors more often; solar plexus chakra; working out routine, 1221; 777; 444; healing limitating beliefs; when we were young- adele

Pile 4:

Your FS in the relationship:

(Cards: free yourself; attraction/ children)

Your fs will fall in love with your true self, you can be fully yourself with them without feeling judged or misunderstood, they will accept and honor even the things you don't like about you, they want to see you shine and they will be willing to ignite the spark within you. Your person is really nice and funny, they will always try to lift you up and your mood, they'll make you believe that no matter what happens they will always be by your side, somehow they make you feel like the world is a beautiful place and you came here to have fun and not fear. They'll take out your inner child to play with theirs and do together all the things you wanted to do as kids and never did, you'll heal eachother without even knowing. Your fs will make you feel like you are home and you'll make them feel the same way, they want to charm you and make you know they are into you above the physical, they want you to trust them and they will work to show you they are trustworthy. I see they see you as a mystery, they'll feel so attracted to you that they will want to dig more and know you better, they will always want to know more about you and never get tired of it, for them there's always something new and amazing about you they want to discover. Children is something important, maybe because any of you already have kids or maybe you know eachother since childhood.

Their personality and traits:

(Cards: 7 of shells rev; the magician; ace of wings; ace of roses; the world/ Astrodices: aquarius; the sun; 2nd house)

There are so many number 1 in your spread and I'm writing this at 11:01. Your fs has leader personality but they have their own way of doing things, they might look a little outcast when you look from the outside but they have all their pieces together and knows exactly what they want and what they are doing, even if it's not what people expect from them. They could be a public figure or being in the public eye often, they are also very creative so their job might involve some fame, idk what it is but they can have an artistic career like music or photography, it will be different for all of you. They look like they get along well with everybody and people like them at the moment they know your fs, maybe that's why they'll be chasing you so much, because you don't get easilly impressed by their charms but they seem focused into conquering you (with good intentions, ovbiously) . Your fs is very nice and has an amazing sense of humor, I see people tend to follow them easily because of their confident attitude but they look very individualistic and independent, anyway, they know their charms and how to make use of them. They are very charismatic people but a free spirit, they won't settle for less they know they deserve when it comes to other people's demands, they will respect an opinion but at the end they will do what the heart tells them in the moment.

They have very good social skills and are also very intelligent people, they have an smart and witty sense of humor, they are surely sharp with words and will try to rip a smile of your face everytime they can. Probably they are very physically attractive too, to be specific there's something special about their smile, so they are used to get always what they want, I feel your fs have been a player in their past or they have a flirty way to talk. They have a rebel and confident personality but they are also sttuborn as hell when it comes to what they want, they are also very optimistic about life even if their hopes seems delusional, they have very big goals for their life and are completely focused into achieving it. They want to have an epic life, to live plenty without regreting about what they didn't do, they prefer to aks for forgiveness than for permission even if sounds risky, life is their canvas and their are willing to make a work of art. They want to do something great and be remembered for that, they want to leave a nice print of their existence in the world, if they are going to dream they make sure it's a big dream. They really don't care about what people say or think about them, they are good with themselves and that's enough.

Difficult traits:

(Cards: strength, ace of wands, 8 of pentacles/ queen of swords)

They are the kind of people that wants to win at all cost, competitive and a little cold hearted when it comes to win the prize, they want what they want and hardly accept a no as answer, they are also sttuborn and maybe a little childish when things don't go their way. Maybe it's for some kind of compelx within them but they are really prideful in the good and the bad way, pride for sure is something your person should work on because it might lead them to take some bad decitions. They seem like the kind of actions first and thinking later, they tend to overthink their mistakes and use their work as a way of escape from their problems. They are ambitious to extremes, mostly when it comes with their career and future and not for money, it's for the power it gives them and maybe a little to slap people who understimate them, again related to pride. Honestly, they look like the villain everybody likes, a rebel with a cause.

How they'll view you:

(Cards: the phoenix, I like you, girl talk/ the sword and the rose)

Their reason to believe in magic

You know this meme of homer simpson slowly hiding into a bush?? Well, I had that image in my mind all time while I was writting this. I feel at first you won't be into your fs at all and that rejection is what's going to make your fs chase after you, they might not be used to being rejected, but for you they probably look a little cringy on your first interactions, or at least, you are going to percieve them this way. This is very like enemies to lovers energy tbh, I feel that you both will realize how much you care about eachother after a while, friends will have a lot to do with this realization. Your fs wil be very protective and defensive with you, also you with them, people better treat you respectfully or your fs will jump over them to protect your honor and wellbeing. Your group of friends will be important, for many of you I see you share the same group and they will realize before you two that maybe that rejection you were feeling is turning into attraction, even if you don't want to admit this connection you two will develop you know denial is a river in Egypt and at the end you will stop pushing them away and accepting your feelings because there's an indeniable, true and strong connection between both

Your fs will be the one to make the first step into something more, making you know they are really interested into create a formal relationship with you. They like you and will show it purposely by teasing you and create a more intimate bond outside your group of friends, to make you see they have deep and true feelings for you. I see you have really good friends that love you deeply and wants to see you happy, don't hesitate to ask them their opinion about the situation because they will give you a great guidance through the process.

Advice from the Goddesses:

(Cards: Guinevere, true love/ Abundantia, prosperity)

Oooh this message is so lovely 🤭. Your fs is the one you will build an empire of success with, I see two people putting bricks together to build a castle where they'll live happily. How can I turn into words what cards say so clearly? Don't worry about nothing, just enjoy your life because you are destined to have the greatest love story of all times, you are going to be very happy but also very wealthy, money won't be a problem anymore. Your fs and you could build up a bussiness together that will bring you both a lot of success and wealth in the future, so be thankful for what you have now because it will only become more and better.

Extra messages:

Chocolate or candy; 1010; 111; carry an amethyst with you; upcoming blessings; angelic guidance; wings tattoo?; lavender scent; 3rd eye chakra; lucky girl syndrome; I love you- billie eilish; life of the party- shawn mendes.

 © Leo ascendente

[barcaatthemoon]

atlas || ingrid engen x mapi leon x reader ||

mapi and ingrid help you relax after a rough week.

minors dni, 18+, smut ahead.

the physical and emotional weight of your workload was dragging you down. mapi was the first to realize it, and once she did, the first person she went to was ingrid. ingrid had a way of relaxing you that mapi knew she couldn't pull off. the woman had a tendency of being a little too energetic for that. however, it seemed that this time, ingrid couldn't really help you either.

they both hated it, but mapi and ingrid had no choice but to wait for all of you to be on a break to bring it up. a lot of things had been happening at barcelona, so you were very busy as social media director. your promotion had seemed like a blessing at first, especially since it meant that you could travel with your girlfriends everywhere that they went. however, all of that travel really cut into the time you had to organize everything else.

"i miss her," mapi sighed as she watched you fast asleep on the couch. it was obvious that you hadn't meant to fall asleep like that with your laptop and several notebooks open. you had been working, despite ingrid and mapi's insistence that you come with them out for the day. they had tried to have a good time, but mapi couldn't knowing that you were still in the apartment.

"it's been hard, especially on her. i mean, look at her," ingrid said as she nodded towards you. mapi let out a little whine as she looked at you. even in your sleep, the stress of your job was evident. they knew that this was temporary, mapi remembered when she first signed to barcelona years ago when you initially had been brought in as an intern. you always had a bit of a struggle starting out, but eventually, you'd find your footing.

"i could cry," mapi muttered quietly. ingrid had just barely heard her. if it was anybody other than you, ingrid would have been deleriously jealous of the way that mapi loved and cared for you. she knew that while mapi had been dating her for longer, you had been in her life longer. you were one of mapi's best friends first, and so, ingrid knew what to expect.

"we can let her sleep, and then do something special for her tonight," ingrid suggested. mapi nodded as she let ingrid pull her away from the living room. you slept the entire day away, waking up only when mapi physically picked you up and carried you into the dining room. you were still very tired as you ate, but the food did a lot to energize you a bit.

"what's the occasion?" you asked, not missing the way that both of your girlfriends were dressed up a bit more. mapi shrugged the question off as she tried to pretend that everything was normal. ingrid, however, was more than happy to give a reason for the little show.

"we are celebrating you, and all of the hard work you've been doing lately," ingrid said softly. she got up to carry your plate into the kitchen for you, kissing the top of your head as well as mapi's as she passed.

"i'm sorry if i haven't been very attentive," you apologized. mapi shook her head as she took your hands in hers. "i've been busy, and i know that you hate being left to your own devices. you need me too, not just the club."

"it's okay, i understand, i do. tonight, don't think about any of that. let ingrid and me take care of you, please bebita." if it wasn't for the way that mapi as looking at you, you might have gone back to your work for the night. "you've been working so hard."

"i'm so tired of it," you admitted. you sounded like you were on the verge of tears, so mapi did what she knew would help you calm down. she dropped your hands to grab your cheeks, pulling you in gently for a kiss. you kissed her back, moaning into it as you felt her deepen it. you sat forward in your seat, like you were prepared to crawl into her lap at any moment. the two of you could have kept going forever like that until ingrid interrupted you.

"come on, let's move this to the bedroom." ingrid guided the two of you away from the table. you broke the kiss with mapi once you were in ingrid's arms, turning your attention to her instead. ingrid picked you up and carried you into the bedroom, walking strong despite the kisses you were pressing to her neck. mapi followed behind ingrid, taking the opportunity to feel her up on the short walk to the bedroom.

ingrid laid you down on the bed gently, and mapi moved around her to get behind you. almost immediately, you could tell how the night would go. it was rare that they both focused solely on you, but you were grateful for the distraction. it wouldn't last forever, but they'd be taking a good amount of the weight of your work off from your shoulders from the night.

mapi's hands settled on your hips, squeezing gently as she peppered the side of your face in kisses. ingrid was laying between your legs, effectively pinning you against mapi's body as the two of them kissed you. it was a lot, but you were more than happy to just go along with whatever they wanted.

you trusted both women with your body completely. they knew the things that you liked, and sometimes, you swore they knew what you needed before you did. on your own, you would have tried to rush things, but they were taking things so slow with you. even mapi, who had a tendency to get a little ahead of herself in these situations.

they took their time undressing you and themselves. the feeling of their skin against yours made it hard for you to think. mapi could tell that you were having a hard time keeping up, so she backed away just enough for you to focus on ingrid. the taller woman kissed you slowly, but it wasn't without an almost overwhelming amount of emotion.

you didn't know how she did it, but ingrid always kissed you with her entire being. from every little peck as she left the apartment to the way she'd completely take your breath away. you swore that you could feel the love and concern ingrid had for you as she kissed you. it was enough for you to get a little lost in the feeling of her lips, but still gentle enough for you to easily slip away if you needed it. ingrid wouldn't judge you, knowing that occasionally you weren't up for this sort of thing when you were stressed.

"you look so pretty kissing ingrid," mapi whispered in your ear. she turned towards ingrid before she spoke up again, "you're taking such good care of our bebita, ingrid."

"i want more, please," you told them. mapi took that as her cue to come back a little more. her hands moved along your sides until you moved them onto your breasts. mapi's fingers teased your nipples as your hips ground against ingrid's thigh. ingrid bit her lip as she felt how wet you already were from just kissing them. it was going to be easy to get you to cum for the first time, and while ingrid wanted to spend all night between your legs, she wouldn't push you any further than what you could handle.

"do you want my fingers or my mouth, bebita?" ingrid asked you. she was usually adamant about not speaking spanish in the house, but that pet name had always stuck. technically, mapi had been calling you her bebita long before either of you had figured out your feelings for each other. ingrid remembered her hesitation about seeing mapi because of you, and in hindsight, she felt a little ridiculous about it now.

"mouth please," you answered. ingrid gave you one last kiss before she moved down to lay in between your legs. mapi turned your head towards her, pulling you into a gentle kiss as ingrid's hands came up to rest on the insides of your thighs.

unlike ingrid's kisses, mapi's rarely ever managed to stay as gentle as they started. the press of mapi's lips against yours quickly turned into something much firmer, not that you minded. you nipped at mapi's lip a little, which earned you a slightly rougher pinch to your nipple than before.

"mapi," ingrid warned. mapi's cheeks heated up at the warning. you bit your lip as she moved around your body to press a kiss to where she had just pinched you. ingrid watched as your hips bucked forward at the contact. she shot mapi a look, one urging for the tattooed woman to stay there until you pulled her back for more kisses.

"do you want this bebita?" mapi asked you. you could still feel enough of mapi's body behind you to feel safe and comfortable, but that need was quickly being replaced by the feel to feel both of their mouths on your body.

"please," you whined. mapi didn't need to be told twice, and she mvoed back in with her mouth at the same time as ingrid. mapi peppered your breasts with kisses as her fingers teased your nipples. ingrid's tongue was making lazy figure 8 motions in between your legs, just barely grazing along where you wanted her to. the two of them worked together well, almost perfectly in sync despite not having had to talk one another through anything.

"shh," mapi cooed softly as she lifted her head a little. the noises you were making quickly began to jumble together. you were whining and whimpering as you started to move more. ingrid didn't want to grab your hips and pin you down, so mapi took it upon herself to kiss you to calm you down. your nails scratched against the side of her face a little, but mapi didn't let it distract her from swallowing up every moan and whimper that threatened to escape from your lips. "you're doing so good, it's okay. let ingrid do her thing."

"fuck, fuck, fuck," you repeated again and again. mapi felt your body tense on top of hers, and that was when she knew you were gone. as loud as you could be while being fucked, you always went dead silent when you came. ingrid began to back away, stopping only when she heard you and mapi talking to each other. the little confessions of love after sex were secrectly mapi's favorite. if she was ever asked, you knew that she'd say something cocky about the way you looked cumming on her fingers or strap, but truthfully, she loved the way you curled into her as the two of you showered each other in love and adoration.

"rest now," ingrid said as she took the spot next to you on the bed. mapi slipped away to get something to clean you up with as you and ingrid lazily made out on the bed. you were so tired, enough so that you were ready to fall asleep right there in her arms. ingrid kept you awake and distracted enough for mapi to clean you up and pick out some clothes for all of you to wear to bed.

"thank you, i think i needed this," you mumbled against ingrid's chest. this time, ingrid laid in between you and mapi, both of you with your head resting against ingrid's chest. ingrid had one hand on mapi's back and the other in your hair, both of them scratching lightly. "i love you, both of you."

"we love you too," mapi told you. she reached over and twirled a strand of your hair around her finger.

"whenever you need us, don't hesitate to ask," ingrid said. you glanced up at her and smiled. you couldn't help it, there was rarely ever a time you could remember not smiling when you saw ingrid. "we'll always be here to take care of you, in whatever ways you need."

[astrobiscuits]

Chiron persona chart obs

WARNING: BRIEF MENTIONS OF ED, S*ICIDE, S*XUAL AB*SE. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND NOT TO READ THIS POST IF YOU'RE VERY SENSITIVE thank you

Stelliums show us where our main trauma or wound lies:

Stellium in Aries/1st house - body image issues/body dysmorphia, hating ones face and wanting to change it at all cost, being so focused on ones trauma that it results in excessive independence

Stellium in Taurus/2nd house - self worth issues, hating ones voice and/or being made fun of for how ones voice sounds, excessive shopping due to fear of having nothing, having stash of cash hidden everywhere in the house due to being scared of getting robbed

Stellium in Gemini/3rd house - being too scared to speak to others, hating the way you express yourself, being an overachiever at school due to fear of being seen as "stupid", fear of being run over by a bicycle or a car

Stellium in Cancer/4rd house - family problems (divorced parents, one of the parents is out of the picture for whatever reason, family members dealing with addictions, family abuse), issues when it comes to comforting yourself in times of crisis, HEAVY abandonment issues

Stellium in Leo/5th house - had to grow up too fast instead of enjoying childhood, fear of not being "the perfect parent", fear of not making it in the industry (for those pursing creative careers or following their passions), issues regarding getting pregnant and delivering a child, fear of being burned by the sun or by fire

Stellium in Virog/6th house - fear of contacting an incurable disease, issues regarding eating disorders, trauma regarding messy spaces, which results in OCD

Stellium in Libra/7th house - issues caused by getting cheated in a relationship, fear of trusting someone in a one-on-one connection, trauma resulted from business affairs which have gone wrong

Stellium in Scoprio/8th house - fear of death, issues caused by sexual trauma/sexual abuse, grooming, stalking, human trafficking, mysterious disappearances, divorce, taxes, loans

Stellium in Sagittarius/9th house - fear of not being able to experience everything one has always wanted, issues caused by not living to ones full potential, fear of travelling too far away, religious trauma

Stellium in Capricorn/10th house - fear of being forgotten and not standing out, issues regarding not looking & acting in a professional manner when needed, fear of not being promoted in ones career, the trauma is very visible to the public

Stellium in Aquarius/11th house - fear of not fitting in a crowd or a friend group, issues regarding being part of LGBTQ+ or a subculture often dismissed (POC, people with disabilities, orphanage kids, emos), trauma related to the country's government and (possible) implications in war, fear of dying in a natural disaster (earthquake, tsunami, volcano), fear of dying by electrocution or in an airplane crash

Stellium in Pisces/12th house - fear of being admitted to a prison, asylum or nursing home, having frequent thoughts of unaliving onself, fear of drowning, fear of what happens after death, fear of being misunderstood or made fun of for hearing voices and seeing things which aren't real

Moon shows us how we process our trauma and wounds:

Moon in Aries/1st house : screams, throws things around (maybe also breaks a few things), if anyone reminds them of their wounds/traumas, they'd literally break that person's neck; they might recklessly drive, play with fire or drink excessively out of anger

Moon in Taurus/2nd house : resorts to retail therapy, cooks their favourite meals, gets some comfy pillow and blankets and watches their favourite show; they're slow to heal their wounds, but they manage to do so

Moon in Gemini/3rd house : overanalyzes what happened to the point that they've thought of every scenario possible, (if they have more than one wound/trauma) switches between wounds, is usually open about their wounds and traumas with siblings and acquaintances

Moon in Cancer/4th house : cries 24/7, acts distant with people who are not close to them and defensive with those who want to talk about their feelings; they tend to have very, very unhealthy coping mechanisms (aka they resort to self-harm)

Moon in Leo/5th house : transforms their pain & wounds into a form of art - whether it's through dancing, painting, singing, acting, photography, videography; sometimes they might not recognize how much their past affects them, especially around others, they boast about how "it wasn't that bad" even though they're clearly affected by what happened

Moon in Virgo/6th house : focuses on the details, what they could have done better and what they didn't, easily becomes anxious, cleaning the house becomes a form of therapy for them; in case of physical wounds, they document themselves very well (sometimes they are even able to heal themselves, since this Moon sign in Chiron persona chart has a sort of 6th sense about medicinal procedures)

Moon in Libra/7th house : their s/o knows every pain, wound and traumas they've ever experienced, analyzes the past in a logical manner and tries to find a healthy coping mechanism, without hurting anyone else in the process; listens to sad, romantic songs

Moon in Scorpio/8th house : if someone else is guilty for their wounds/traumas, they're going to plot revenge and execute their plan in a discreet manner; often jealous, they might pursue fwb connections to stop thinking about their pain; the ones who manage to deal with their past in a healthy manner become a completely different person in the process

Moon in Sagittarius/9th house : dealing with their wounds/traumas opens a new world for them, they end up adopting a new set of beliefs as a coping mechanism, travelling to another country to get some space from their surroundings helps them heal

Moon in Capricorn/10th house : replays the past over and over again, they numb their emotions, if asked about their wounds/traumas, they answer very stoic; they also tend to be more realistic and don't like to tell themselves lies or hear lies about their trauma

Moon in Aquarius/11th house : resorts to technology to cope with the pain, is usually open about their wounds and traumas with their friends or on social media, but not with family; they might try some unusual coping mechanisms

Moon in Pisces/12th house : they isolate themselves from everyone in order to cope with the pain, meditation and breathing techniques are their to-go methods of calming their anxiety down; if they don't manage to cope in a healthy way, they dissociate and go through a depersonalization process or an addiction takes over them (drinking, smoking, they overuse medication etc.)

Jupiter shows us where we're blessed, but fail to see. The stronger the modality, the more obvious it is to other people.

♃ Jupiter in fixed signs (Taurus, Leo, Scorpio, Aquarius) and/or fixed houses (2nd house, 5th house, 8th house, 11th house) are extremely blessed and everyone is able to notice, but the native.

♃ Jupiter in cardinal signs (Aries, Cancer, Libra, Capricorn) and/or cardinal houses (1st house, 4th house, 7th house, 11th house) are blessed, but only a specific category of people notice it.

♃ Jupiter in mutable signs (Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius, Pisces) and/or mutable houses (3rd house, 6th house, 9th house, 12th house) are still blessed, but the effect is hardly noticeable to anyone.

Those with:

Grand Trine/Kite/Yod (Finger of God)

Sun, Jupiter, North Node and ruler of the chart conjuncting MC and/or placed in 10th/11th house (minimum 2 placements)

Stellium in 10th house/11th house

-> have got amazing healing abilites and often end up pursuing careers where they help & heal society (usually as doctors, therapists, spiritual advisors, social workers, advocates who actually make a difference, etc.) They usually become famous for their healing gifts.

Other small considerations:

Ascendant shows us how we are perceived at first glance when we are dealing with pain

IC shows us how we are perceived by our family (or in a safe, secluded place) when we are dealing with pain

DSC shows us how we are perceived by our partner or best friend when we are dealing with pain

MC shows us how we are perceived in public (or in our career) when we are dealing with pain

North Node shows us our salvation (where we need to focus on in order to heal)

🕊 Sun trine Moon & Sun sextile Moon individuals have an easier time healing their traumas and wounds

🕊 Sun opposite Saturn & Sun square Saturn individuals feel the need to rebel from their father/grandparents, norms that have been imposed on them, old customs & traditions, institutions/government, in order to heal themselves

[cherryredstars]

I have a slightly filthy request

Can .. can we just

Talk about Miguel with a chubby gf…

Like she is squishy everywhere has belly, squishy upper arms, thighs, Soft shoulders chest….

And this man just… bites everything, everywhere

no he doesn’t do it to help her insecurity he genuinely just does it cuz it feels good to him. (Reader doesn’t mind tho)

He just sees her in a top and shorts for the first time cuz bebe is feeling more confident and chomps cuz squishy … basically yuuh

Pairing: Miguel O’Hara x fem!reader

Warnings: 18+, Suggestive Content, Body Descriptions

Summary: Bites and bites and bites.

Word Count: 485 (Not Edited)

He can’t help it.

The urge is almost instinctual. Primal. It makes his fangs ache, maybe even itch to some degree. He’s tried to reframe for so long. He doesn’t want to scare you with it. He only ever wants you to enjoy it, just as much as he would. He’s been a good boy about it, too. He’s polite, gives you your space. Only ever goes as far as simple touches and nuzzling against your neck and body. Good boy things. Good, calm, domesticated things. None of that feral beast stuff. 

But there is just so much a beast can handle before it snaps. 

For him, it was seeing you in a pair of shorts and a tank top. 

It’s gotten hotter, lately. The AC is not doing an adequate enough job of cooling you down, and you dread the idea of wearing your usual attire of oversized, concealing clothing. So when you walked into the living room, pudge spilling out from your clothing, Miguel wasted no time pouncing. 

You let out a yelp as he grabs you, pinning you against him and the couch. Your head is slightly woozy from his fast movements, but you get barely any time to refocus as he begins nuzzling you. You huff out, a scolding on the tip of your tongue when he opens his mouth and bites. Hard. A startled and pained gasp leaves you, feeling his sharp fangs puncture through your skin. The bite is still wet from saliva when he pulls away, and you can feel the indents left on your skin. 

“Miguel!” You cry out, looking at him in astonishment. “What the fuck?!”

Miguel doesn’t reply. Instead, his fingers snake down to the bottom of your tank top, hastily pulling it up just below your breasts. You let out another yelp as he bites down on the fatty flesh of your stomach, the hotness of his tongue slightly grazing. He does it again, and again, and again. On your stomach, arms, thighs, calves. Anywhere he can reach. 

You can only watch his orange cat behavior, yelping with each sharp nick of his teeth. He tries his best to soothe them with licks, only making them more shiny as they begin to discolor your skin. You’re sure you look like a badly used chew toy when he finally pulls away.

But that isn’t the end of it. No, of course it’s not. Miguel leans down to your heat, he can smell the musky scent of arousal from his attention wafting from the skin. His hands rub up and down your thighs as he licks his lips, eyes traveling up to meet your face.

“Oh, cariño. I think you’re really going to like this.”

And the next thing you know, his fangs are puncturing through your shorts and underwear, the tips of them grazing your soft skin. 

He plans on devouring much more tonight.

[miyaagis]

you know you like little girls

choso never expected that an older man's experience and charisma could easily outshine him [ part one ]

+ pairing. geto s. / fem!reader

+ warnings. implied incest, age gap (geto is in his mid 30s, reader in her 20s), modern au, MDNI 18+

+ a/n. happy valentine's day babiessss, sending y'all love and smooches, mwahhh !

the winter breeze grazes your cheeks, and it's as if they're set in a permanent smile thanks to your best friends’ efforts to cheer you up. your heart is tender and slowly healing, and it’s all thanks to them and their dad, ever since they took you in the warmth of their home almost a week ago.

“dad wants us home now, nanako. are you buying that scarf or not?”

it’s not unusual for the twins to bicker over the smallest things, so with a barely amused chuckle you allow your gaze to wander around, the content smile returning as you take in the pink sky.

it's only a second-long, though, but your eyes must have been searching for him unconsciously. it's only a second-long, and yet it's enough to shatter your mood and heart.

choso’s lips meet her forehead in a tender kiss as they wait to cross the street, their hands intertwined like two lovers that refuse to let go of one another. it hurts so badly, but what hurts the most is the stern glare he fixes you when his dark eyes spot you. suddenly, the weather feels so, so warm compared to the coldness directed at you from his gaze alone.

your smile’s gone, and the flame of hope inside your heart flickers.

—

“scoot over!”

nanako fixes you a nasty, yet playful glare, clearly refusing to give up her seat in the middle of suguru’s bed. you can’t blame her. his bed is comfy, and she gets to drown in the soft pillows settled at the center of the cloud-like mattress. you glance at mimiko and she avoids eye-contact. with a sigh, you settle on the right side of the bed, watching the girls scroll down trying to pick a movie.

the entire room smells like suguru, and it seems your heart isn’t strong enough to handle it. it all gets worse when he comes in holding a tray of drinks and popcorn, his kind smile and gentle voice easily flustering you. it always has. it’s even worse when he mutters your name as if it were the most precious thing he’s ever uttered out loud.

“sorry, sweetheart. this is my side of the bed.”

the statement shouldn’t put ideas in your mind; there’s nothing remotely explicit about it per se. and yet there is. like a secret that should only be shared and known between lovers.

there’s mirth and obvious playfulness in his eyes, his head tilting slightly to the side as he waits for you to make room for his considerably bulkier frame. with nowhere else to go, you squish your side against nanako who only whines in protest while suguru sits on the other end, sandwiching you between him and his daughter.

“s-sorry,” your hands start to sweat, and you suddenly feel overwhelmed by his presence so close to you. even more when his lips lean closer to your ear.

“hm? i don’t mind,“ the drawl of his voice is a mere whisper, his lips tugging into a fond smile as he grips your bare thigh with a gentle hold. “popcorn?”

suguru spends the whole movie with his hand under the blanket, drawing lazy circles on your skin and pretending he doesn’t feel the heat emanating from between your legs.

—

it should be a crime how fast he found what you liked. where you enjoyed being kissed the most and which pet names had your heart clenching before beating faster. he discovered things about your body that not even you were aware of.

“my little girl,” his breath fans against your throat, large hands traveling all over your body before stopping at the back of your thighs to jerk you further under his frame, “so, so pretty.”

gentle touches and sweet kisses drown you. he’s everywhere: stroking your hair, caressing your skin, murmuring praises against your lips. it’s overwhelming and calming at the same time, even when his breaths grow labored and his touch harsher.

his name leaves your lips in a shaky exhale, and he’s immediately cradling your face between his hands, searching for whatever it is that ails you through his eyes.

“yes, sweet girl?

how fortunate is it that the twins aren't home. what would they think if they saw how you melt under their father’s touch? would they hate you? i mean, at first all you wanted to do was spend time with him as he watched his favorite show in the living room, it’s not your fault he threw your legs over his lap.

perhaps if they saw how soft his kisses were each time he wished you sweet dreams, or the comforting things he murmured in your ear as you told him how your brother broke your heart by playing favorites; they’d come around.

everyone knows suguru is sweet like that.

no words are needed for what you’re struggling to say, the need for him is obvious, and he chuckles while discarding each piece of clothing, covering the now exposed skin with kisses and gentle nibbles until he’s between your thighs.

“pretty little pussy,” his voice is smooth, tender; full of care and love as he nips at your puffy clit while you whimper, “i love how you moan for me.”

through heavy lids, you admire how handsome he looks with his hair down and lips wet with your juices. the drag of his tongue across your folds is enough to make your toes curl and hands grip his hair, sensing the faint outline of his smile on your wetness.

“and so, so wet…”

a gasp escapes your lips when his finger slides in, his lips around your clit as he massages your walls slowly. it takes him around an hour to let your pussy go, addicted to it and already planning when he’ll get to have a taste again.

—

“now,” suguru catches your attention over the loud chatter at the restaurant, the girls squint their eyes, already suspicious. “i know i’m just your old man, and you’re probably fed up with me and my constant protectiveness,” at the lack of denial from their part causes him to squint his eyes back at them, “but i expect you to find a decent man that’ll spoil you like you girls deserve. understood?”

his hand squeezes your thigh under the table, and it feels as if the words were being directed at you.

once the pink-colored boxes are handed out to the twins, their eyes brighten up. rushed squeals of ‘thank you’s’ take over the table, while you giggle at the enthusiasm. the excitement over the expensive gifts is enough to distract both girls from noticing the small box being placed in front of you.

“happy valentine’s day, princess.”

his pretty eyes are crinkled as he smiles at you, his hand resting on your lower back in a comforting way while you slowly unwrap his gift.

glimmering silver stares back at you, the heart-shaped pendant big enough to catch the eye of anyone who pays attention, but also discreet enough to not seem tasteless.

it’s perfect.

everything suguru does or says, even the way he walks and breathes it’s perfect. he’s perfect to the point that he knows exactly what to do when the happiness is taken from you with a single text from him.

cho <3: this has dragged out for too long. i want you home now.

the mood is ruined, you're on the verge of tears, and suguru wants nothing more than to take that burden away from your pretty little mind. 

“i don't wanna go back… it’s not fair!”

your hiccups break his heart and he’s quick to hold you close to his chest, rubbing soothing circles and whispering sweet nothings as he signals the girls to get in the car.

it all goes in a blur, you’re no longer at the restaurant, but instead, the twins are waving you goodbye and giving you a worried look as they get inside the house, the car speeding away as suguru drives the familiar path to your home. 

before you can dwell on it, cold and dark eyes stare back at you. suddenly, you’re back to square one, and you don’t like it one bit.

choso can’t say he’s happy to see suguru, of all men, next to you. his mind is suddenly filled with questions: why were you dressed up? that necklace, he had never seen it before, who gave it to you?

“go to your room.”

like magic, the hot tears are back and suguru decides it’s enough. his frame shields you from choso’s gaze and the simmering anger is quickly brought up to a boil.

“i said, go to your–”

“she’s moving in with me,” suguru sounds so different. gone is the sweet and gentle man, only to be replaced by a curt and scary version of him, “permanently.”

choso sees red, pushing suguru back while ordering you one more time to go to your room. suguru only smirks when you hide your face against his arm.

“sweetheart, why don't you go wait in the car for me? we’ll go home soon.” 

and to choso’s surprise, you comply.

suguru smirks even more, watching the grief in choso’s face as he sees you walk away from him and ignoring his cries for you.

about time.

“you know…” he starts, enjoying thoroughly the despair swirling in the younger man’s eyes, ”i always doubted your capability to take care of your siblings, especially her,” suguru’s head tilts back, pointing at you sitting in his car, “i’d have to stop myself from coming here and bringing her home, to make sure she had everything she wanted… every need taken care of…”

suguru is met with silence from choso’s part—defeat—and he can’t help but chuckle. he was always bound to win your sweet little heart, it was a fact.

after all, how can an inexperienced young man compare to a real man like him.