#( sad that he just can't process anything without anger or violence. )

[gazelessmenagerie]

🗝 I would like to Compel the space gorilla

Send 🗝 to force my muse to talk about a topic they never want to speak of

Large hands idly traced their thumbs around the shiny skin of a perfect Demonic Apple, ceaselessly rubbing the surface solemnly. Emptiness fill the gap within absent-minded pupils staring upon the waxy surface, hollow, and yet there lay something beside it slowly eating away at him with invisible fangs and a slow, relentless hunger.

For months its resided there in that little crevice, nibbling away at its surroundings in the dead of night and with each passing day. Nameless and unknown, it was as unfamiliar as this planet’s range of flora and fauna. Something compelled him to speak of what ailed him so, coaxed him to finally loosen the choking chain around his throat and let forlorn words hinge over vexations riddled upon the burden of his shoulders. How to begin, though, was the first step of many and it wasn’t one so easily taken by a mouth that knew nothing than how to spit venom upon the desecration of his fallen enemies and vow threats carved from his tongue.

“ .. They disgust me. ”

“ These wretched things within. ”

                                            “ I hear them in the silence of the world. ”

“ I feel their poisonous tongues glide along my flesh. ”

Searing red pierced deep into the abyss of onyx pupils, matching the same vibrant hue of those rolled papers held by golden string against the canopy of dark hair. Eyelids fell over slowly, echoes of the old wails of memory seeping to focus within the darkness of smaller feet skipping along behind him. The sun rose and fell, the annoyance of that stupid girl tailing him worse than his own.

‘ Something on your mind again? How about we work it through with two heads than one? ’

Idiot. What use is there to have two heads if one of them was weak and stupid? What could a second head offer that one couldn’t do on its own? 

‘ You can sleep if you want. I made sure a good dream is waiting for you. ‘

How does one assure of a good dream? It seemed nothing but a false promise made. He hadn’t dreamed for a long time, slumbering as needed but.. lately he’s been having dreams that touched upon realities he hadn’t thought were--

                                                     Stop it.

Stop making him remember..

Nails dug into the once pristine flesh of the apple, sweetened words brimming with the warmth of the sun. Hardly a day went by that he didn’t escape that little runt. Verdant fields blossomed with the most fragrant flowers he’s encountered in a long stretch of time. Walking amongst those peasants and lowly insects, coaxed along by the skipping beat of that miserable girl wanting to show him where things were should he ever decide to leave the seclusion of the wild. Savory scents of succulent foods and desserts, paving the way for where the hot springs were and how..

“ I hate it. ”

Tension roiled within his body, hardly anything to hinder him but that wretch wouldn’t leave him be until he took time to sit in the searing warmth of the hot spring.

‘ You always look so tense, its not good to be tense all the time but I have a remedy for it. There’s hot springs nearby and people from the village go there to relax. It’ll help you too. ’

When did he need help? He was perfectly fine the way he is. Punting the cur got her to leave him alone but she’d be back the next day. Sometimes, if she was particularly stupid or stubborn, she’d return in the same day. Offerings of food, what they were called and the ingredients used if she caught him observing it. Showing him how to cook an egg while he was soaking away his pains and aches in the bubbling waters, dropping eggs into the water and peels of oranges for that wonderful fruity scent.

The scent of those damn apples were the most favored by that runt..

                               Or was it her favorite fruit to eat..?

Was it both..?

‘ The world’s beautiful, like the trees and birds. The flowers and fruit. The sky and sun. Moon and the stars, you have to see it for yourself to know the beauty of it. ’

He’s seen the endless abyss of a careless void, seen the burning hot fury of stars and ended entire planets by his hand. Once he’s seen it once, they’re all the same. What makes this mudball so damn special that he’d care for one measly second of it? He’s witnessed how the tempest tears away at anything caught in its path and the destruction caused by its howling winds, pelting needles and fires ignited by the strike of heavenly fangs.

‘ Do you like flowers? I noticed you like to look at them when we’re out here in this field. ’

His jaw tightened. Juices ran down the curves and contours of his hands, ignored entirely as a low growl rumbled. Every stupid word he’s had to hear. Things he never asked for but that girl kept telling him stories about her village, her life, her mother, anything she thought would be something worthy to talk about regardless if she was the only one speaking.

‘ You sound like thunder. We have a saying that the sound of thunder means new life is sure to follow. The storm, no matter how vicious, brings rain and rain makes our crops grow. ’ 

“ I. Hate. Her..! ”

The hole wouldn’t fill itself no matter how much resentment and hate he attempted to drown it in. The sharp crunch of sweetly aromatic flesh squelched like a skull in his crushing grip, eyes snapping open with the onset of Rage twisting at his face. Gusts burst away from his frame, flinging away loosened gravel, stones and debris. Fluid ran down the extent of his forearm, sticky as the blood that had coated on that day he pulverized that runt into the dirt! He heard her bones crack, heard her screams for him to stop but jealousy blinded him into a wrath. It was her fault.. HER FAULT for getting in HIS way! She was the one to blame for angering him!

“ I burned down her miserable village and broke that sniveling whelp like the insect she is with the Audacity to try and Take what is MINE! ”

Why was he getting worked up over that inane worm?! Months passed and the hole only deepened. It ate at him when he was alone with his thoughts in the dead of night, festered like an unclean wound for what reason?! He’s killed before, thousands, billions. Several sea’s worth of blood were upon his hands and not once did he ever feel regret for any of it. He’s destroyed entire civilizations and the planets they called home. Stars were of no match to him and even the entire being of a galaxy was slain by his own insurmountable power!

And yet, that insignificant speck wouldn’t let him be!

The hole in his chest grew wider by the centimeter, ate away at him like a disease that had no cure. To what end did he wind up with such a vile, tormenting pestilence?!

“ I can’t get that insufferable worm out of my head every damn time I look at these wretched apples..! ”

“ I don’t bring life, I Destroy it! Every ounce of it, every little iota of it, I’ll kill all as I please and there isn’t a damn thing that can be done about it! Not her, not them, Not ANYONE! I don’t need her help, I never needed anything from that little speck of Weakness! ”

Weak. Weak! WEAK! 

That’s all she ever is. That’s all anyone is on this floating mudball! Why should he bother himself to see beauty when it was nothing but the same formations of rock and pockets of civilization? These lives mean nothing to him. These people are nothing but bugs to be squashed whenever he pleased, AS he pleased!  Stringent torso expanded and contracted with the forceful snarls of air filtering to and from lungs, tearing at the air before his head yanked backwards for a harrowing howl to echo outwards into the far reaches of the land. Destruction followed suit with a cacophony of explosions ransacking the territory around, mindless roars shattering the atmosphere with a hiccup of short, choking breaths biting past a throat before another prolonged shout filled the air.

[intimidating-fettuccine]

I feel compelled to get on the trend of asking for anguish, what's up.... Homicidal liu/Sully dealing with the 5 stages of grief after losing his Y/N ???

Denial:

Liu, in his denial stage, is mostly in extreme shock. For a few weeks after your unexpected death, Liu is almost in a trance. He doesn't know how to process anything, and he spends most of his days spacing out, unfocused, not taking care of himself because he can't believe that you aren't there beside him anymore. He barely knows how to go about life anymore, and people around him have to generally step in and help him even handle the most basic of things because he's not functioning properly. Sully doesn't come out at all during the denial stage, not that Liu even realizes with how out of it he is. 

Anger:

His anger stage isn't any easier. His anxiety shoots through thr roof, he devlops an extremely high temper that could rival that of even Sully's, exploding over the smallest of things before panicking and apologizing, isolating himself quite a lot. He spends a lot of time being angry at himself, blaming himself for your death, beating himself up (sometimes literally), and soaking in self-hatred. Whenever Sully starts coming back out at this stage, things end BADLY. He's even angrier over the two of them failing to protect you, and he'll get extremely physical with just about anyone he comes across, unable to cope and sinking back into violence as a way to get out his emotions. 

Bargaining:

Bargaining comes in the form of opening up. It's quite shocking and alarming, of course, when Liu knocks on Jeff's door one night, crying, bloodied and bruised from his own hands, asking if Jeff would like to talk about anything and spend some time together. It's an obvious cry for help, and it's one that Jeff answers, quickly taking in Liu and bandaging him up, and the two of them stay up all night that night talking about everything, about you, about their past, about their feelings. Liu doesn't stop crying throughout the whole thing, and honestly, neither does Jeff. Jeff will end up becoming Liu's support system, before helping Liu to branch out to the other creeps eventually. It feels good, Liu thinks, to have gotten that weight off his chest. 

Depression:

He feels helpless. Incredibly helpless. Even Sully, whenever he's out, has now reverted into someone incredibly quiet and softspoken, as if neither of them have any energy. All of their emotions that had been running high for so long in the anger stage have died out, and now they're both just incredibly deflated. They're both incredibly sad, unable to find joy in anything or anyone, and they take to spending a lot of time in solitude, simply watching from afar. Although, Liu won't mind accepting a conversation every now and then, as the creeps do make a huge effort to communicate with him as they've never seen him like this before and it's quite obvious to all of them that he, the normally cool and controlled glue that would hold them together, is finding himself lost and wandering around amongst his sadness. 

Acceptance:

It's this support that helps him lead his way into acceptance. It doesn't happen all at once, it's not sudden, but it happens over time, over a few months. All of the support, all of the love that they've been giving him, it all reminds him that he isn't alone, that he'll be okay, that even if he misses you more than anything, that he can continue on and survive without you. He still thinks of you often, you occupy his thoughts extremely regularly, but he now thinks of you fondly and yearns for you, rather than feeling bitter and dispairing about what happened. He feels more complete and full now, leaning on the support of others and wishing that you're at peace now, wishing he had a way to tell you that he'll be okay, and that you don't have to be too worried about him anymore. He'll never be completely whole without you, but he can go on and live for the both of you.

[liz-allyn]

uh, ma'am? I just caught up with 15 & 16 and I'm making incoherent noises? is that normal? Web MD doesn't know what to say.

I am so so sad for Honey. She has snapped and the final scene from chapter 16 felt entirely like she was punishing both herself and Peter. I don't even know what to say!! My skin was crawling with those descriptions of what she went through with john (I refuse to capitalize his name. that is an executive decision I made after these two chapters) and the overlap of him and Peter. The images of them switched. Like she didn't know anymore. Everyone is a danger. Everyone will hurt her. No safety, no mercy.

Oof, the absolute heartbreaking parallel of the description of her wedding night and the dom scene with Peter. She was confused. Violated. Hurt and humiliated. And then she snaps from that daze and inflicts a semblance of the same on Peter. He is hurt and ashamed and confused. It's super heavy and I'm not sure I'm in the best mental state to really grasp everything, but just know that I'm speechless and so saaad for them both. I don't think that Peter doesn't deserve some or even all of this, and on some level, he would be incapable of accepting anything good in the state he's in. Honey helps him despite herself and what he's done to her, and he can't find it in himself to be anything but suspicious. I got the feeling that in this last chapter, Honey has grasped some power back and is immediately using it to inflict similar hurt on Peter, like what she went through. It's like she's feeling relief by proving to herself that she can do the same as the people that hurt her. She can dominate and subjugate and humiliate also. And it leaves her heartbroken. But I can hardly blame or judge her? I'm also scared that Honey made a connection between john violating her during sex and Peter fucking "that silver whore until she was covered in blood". I'm actually really scared of what she even thinks of him now.

I think I need a support group to talk about this story with, it's so addictive and maddening and I cannot stop readinggg

And as a little final thing: I wonder if Honey has any scars from all of the stitches it's implied she's given herself. And what a dumb fuck Peter is for realizing she's done that before and not questioning whether it might've been for herself ohmygod see? Maddening, I tell you!

^me seeing that you've caught up!

Oof, yes yes yes - first of all, I deeply apologize for the heavy angst. I promise it's going to be worth it in the end.

I totally understand anyone's hesitation to shy away from this story from time-to-time. Simultaneously, I want to keep reassuring people that as far down as I bring you, I'm gonna build you back up.

Hey, also - thank you for analyzing the content without being overly critical. It's okay to be worried for these characters! It's okay to be appalled! I don't think I've ever worked as hard at character building than I have on this story. Sometimes I step back and I'm like - is it too much? But I appreciate the feedback loop because it helps me steer the ship when I'm going off course.

Spoilers ahead (as well as heavy triggering topics) - I love what you pointed out about Honey mirroring the abuse that she's suffered. I've done a lot of research on how victims process trauma, and I wanted to really portray that. There's a victim-offender overlap, where victims of violence without proper support are statistically likely to gain traits of their offenders.

One of the things I wanted to establish early on is that Honey doesn't lash out. She shuts down. She doesn't typically respond with violence and isn't used to it. And each time she does with Peter, she tastes a little bit of how good it feels to be able to expend that anger somehow. Only afterwards she eventually feels guilt, like the lines between herself and John are blurry.

Also I think to an extent, the lines being blurred between John and Peter in her mind are both beneficial and harmful. On the one hand, she doesn't fully trust Peter (or anyone or anything, for that matter), so much so that she needs to feel a separation between them. She is willing to lie to him (and lie to herself about him). On the other hand, more controversially, imagining that Peter is assaulting her is the thing that pushes her over the edge and makes her orgasm. The way I see it, Peter is the monster she can control. Peter is her monster. Fantasizing about him as the perpetrator is a coping mechanism and is gratifying in the sense that she can have power over the situation.

anyway lots to think about! hope you enjoy the next chapter sometime soon!

[agentgumsh0e]

you're a mirror agent and he lost earth-1 you (cypher, yoru, phoenix, kay/o)

word count: 1070+

warnings: mentions of death and gun violence

notes: sova's has already been done in 'bitter cold' and 'the snow melts for spring', go check them out if you want. also sorry for the weird tensing, it's hard

cypher

he’s loved and lost with nora and his past family, then moved on with earth-1 (y/n) just to love and lose again. the second he began to come to terms with their death, accepting that a life of love and peace wouldn't be possible for a guilty man like him, he met you on the battlefield. despite being an experienced killer and knowing that there was another (y/n) on the other side beforehand, seeing the face of his late lover point a gun at him is scarring. what's worse is that, after the world stopped around the two of you for a moment, he still pulls the trigger and incapacitates you with barely a flinch. maybe he shot just so he didn't have to see that face staring back at him for another second. it's too painful to see who he failed to protect right in front of him.

though he needs some time to think in his workshop, he's a little interested. if it's too late for sage to resurrect earth-1 (y/n), maybe this is his second chance. he doesn't believe that he deserves one at all, but he still has to try. the next time he sees you, he's going to make sure that he's not losing you again. (will definitely ‘enemies to lovers arc’ you, aka tease you until you're basically ready to kill him while he says something flirty)

yoru

being alone in general wasn't a new feeling to him. being in teams with others had never come naturally either. being without earth-1 (y/n) by his side, however, is a whole different feeling. the bitterness, sadness, and need for vengeance he felt at their death was all-consuming. whoever did this had hell to pay, and even if they were personally finished with, he still wouldn't have them back. when he saw you on the battlefield, he did not hesitate to heartlessly knock you unconscious. half of it was instinct, the other half was pure anger. you were part of the reason his (y/n) was gone, so he couldn't just spare you and let you get away with it. despite that, he cusses after seeing your body on the ground again. he had locked the memories away into the darkest recesses of his mind, and yet they started to creep back at the sight.

he has to process this by brooding about his issues, as he has always done. that person out there isn't (y/n), yet he felt comforted by their face, wanting to cling to them like a shadow would. this isn't right, one part of him says, (y/n) is gone thanks to that mirror group. the other part argues, what about them? aren't i the reason they’re alone there, too? he's conflicted to say the least, not to mention frustrated as he lets the curses fall from his lips. the next time you see him, he gives you a scrutinizing look and mutters something under his breath before he teleports away. “not you again.” he has to make this right, but he doesn't know how or where to start. he'll find out eventually, though.

phoenix

ever since earth-1 (y/n) was taken from him, his days were much dimmer than they had been. he wanted to wallow in his room and stare up into the ceiling, wondering what he could've done better and if that would've even saved them. he always kept them in his heart and struggled parting with them. unfortunately, he was both forced out of his bed and to move on, as protocol was always up to something new. since he feels that (y/n) would've wanted him to be happy, he puts on superficial and transparent smiles in front of the other agents. when he sees you on a mission, he is too shocked to do anything. it's a startling slap in the face after days of aimlessly drifting through his daily routine, a wake-up call that (y/n) is technically still alive on another earth. “(y/n)?” he dumbly calls out, but eventually instincts kick in and you're on the ground, out like a light. even though he is surrounded by gunfire, he can't help but break into tears. he's lost (y/n) once, has it really happened again?

he eventually recollects himself and carries out the rest of his mission by telling himself that you weren't (y/n), or at least his (y/n). however, when he gets back to protocol, he wonders if you could be his (y/n) again. after all, aren't you basically the same? the only thing keeping us apart is our allegiances, he concludes. at this thought, he gains newfound energy bit by bit everyday. this is his last hope, and he's not going to give up. he suddenly wants to go on missions again and brave the dangers just to see you. he's either crushing on you again or simply continuing to love the same person, so he can’t help but gaze at you, stupidly lovestruck, as you shoot at him. after that, you can't help but love him back, no matter the divide between your worlds.

kay/o

most of the feelings (y/n) provoked in him were indescribable, but he understood pain pretty well. however, emotional pain was quite new to him. forgetting what it was like to love made him feel like all the times he spent being ‘human’ with (y/n) were erased from his memory logs. some things he did remember were from his time in the human-radiant war, like how to miss someone and how to regret. when he sees you in the battlefield, he shoots without hesitance. though he was programmed to kill and move on, he's stunned for a moment. he stares at (y/n)’s face again after it felt like he never could, and he doesn't know what to do with himself.

since the day he met you, he's on a mission. he devotes all his time searching his and protocol's databases for information on mirror earth, especially information on you. he also asks around for advice on how to find you because you're the part of him that's missing from his servers. throughout the process, he teaches himself how to love someone again as every ‘glitch’ at the sight of you brings all the ‘human’ memories back. now he just needs you to teach him how to be loved by someone else once more.

[bookofmirth]

Hi!!

I'm back after been away a bit. I'm currently rereading acotar. (rather skimming through some parts because i don't really have the time, but i just wanted to read it again :p)

And i read some of your posts just now. And now i have a quick question, probably will have more soon :p

But do you think that if sjm had thought Mor's character and story through before releasing the books, azriels story and character would be perceived differently?

Because imo Mor's storyline wasn't supposed to go the way it went. I think Sarah changed it in between books... And because of the alterations in everyone's storyline it feels like sjm fucked everyone over. It also would explain why a lot of people see Azriel as toxic. I don't think it was supposed to be like that, but sjm couldn't really change the books that were already published so idk i'm probably babbling and not putting my thoughts in the right words but anyways!!!

Do you think that it could maybe be an explanation of why Azriel is suddenly toxic? Because sjm changed maybe some storylines along the way? i'm in the beginning of acowar and up until this point i don't see the toxic traits yet...

Anyways i could be totally wrong :))))

Have a lovely day/evening

Hello! I think this is an interesting question. Sorry ahead of time that this got REALLY long haha

It was in acowar that I started to side-eye Az - I LOVED him in acomaf. Seriously, I was always doing headcanons and fics and stuff. acomaf was all the parts of Az that I love, with none of the parts that make me go "yikes".

But in acowar I started seeing him differently mainly because he supposedly loved Mor so much, but 1) he didn't show any awareness that she is queer and in retrospect he should have, 2) he didn't warn her about Keir showing up despite knowing how it would affect her, and 3) his violence towards Eris during that High Lord's meeting did Mor more harm than good. Defending someone is all well and good, until you're hurting the person you're defending in the process!

After acowar, I personally stopped talking about him so much because I knew that all of my opinions were unpopular, I didn't have a ton of evidence for it yet, and why rain on people's parade.

Even though I am one of the people who points out Az's shortcomings, I don't think that Az has changed in his core from acomaf to now, because if we look at his characterization, it has stayed pretty consistent through the series! He's always been loyal, super hard on himself, hard-working, but with an anger underneath it all because of his childhood and his resentment towards Illyrians. I think that if anything, his "icy rage" is showing itself more and more frequently because he is lonely and he is jealous of Rhys, Cassian, and Lucien's mating bonds. So really it's that his behavior is starting to change, not that he's more or less toxic.

And tbh, I don't think that Az is currently "toxic". I still hate that word 😭It's so vague and feels like a fandom dogwhistle. People just throw that word around without it really meaning anything except "bad". How would we define it, even? I have no idea. Angry? Then literally everyone is toxic at some point. Sometimes mean and/or rude? Moody? Sad? Lonely? Occasionally losing our tempers? Again, then we would all be toxic. It's just such a useless word.

Personally, I think that Azriel has problems that are valid and understandable, but I don't like his behavior around certain women. The feelings are valid, the behavior is not because he's affecting the people around him in negative ways. He has a tendency to latch on to people he can't have because it's easier than being rejected by someone he really wants. It's why he's never been blunt with Mor, imho. I think his anger is getting to be a problem, that anger is based on events that happened in the first 20-ish years of his life, and he has never dealt with them.

All of these are solvable problems, and I am 100% sure he will work through them. I don't think he will actually be in a toxic relationship, but I can see him on a path right now that has a fork in the road - does he work through his shit and stop letting his anger hurt people, or does he let it take over and excuse it as self-sacrifice?

It's a very similar situation to what Nesta was in before her book. Does she literally drown her sorrows into oblivion with alcohol and sex, or does she get some better coping mechanisms and repair her relationships?

Now on to Mor...

Personally, I think that sjm was invested in making Az have feelings for Mor, that she wanted that to ultimately not happen, but that she didn't initially know how or why it wouldn't happen. This is pure speculation. But it seems like making Mor queer was an easy way for make that not happen and get some rep in the story. Two birds, one stone.

Something that reinforces this, for me, and this is one of my big issues with sjm right now, is that Mor's queerness has not mattered to the story whatsoever except for how it affects Azriel. That's... honestly just gross.

Queer people are always queer, not just when straight people notice us being queer. Mor was not written as queer in acomaf. If this were intended, then it would have been so, so easy for sjm to slip in hints that just made Feyre go "huh", just a little bit! She liked to go out to Rita's, but in acowar Rita's somehow becomes a gay bar that all these supposedly straight people never noticed was a gay bar? How many times have they been??? Cassian didn't even make mention of her being queer in acosf, even as he sat there wondering if Mor knows how wonderful she is? WHAT??? Az sidesteps that question every time someone brings Mor up to him?

WHAT???

I have a lot of very complicated feelings about Mor being queer.

I think that if Mor were written as queer from the very beginning, then people would have noticed these problems with Az from the beginning. As it is, just reading acomaf makes him just look like a pining sad boy. It's easy for us to romanticize "oh he just loves her so much and wants her to choose him", which was 100% me! I did that! I was such a slut for moriel! That's partly why I understand shipping e*riel - I was on that ship wherein sad boy Az was pining for a woman at one point in my life and I wanted him to get the lady. I really wanted that for him. I wish that we had known about Mor from the start, but again, I really think she just hadn't decided yet how to make moriel not happen.

I was chatting with @gimme-mor a while back and she suggested the thing with Elain came about so that sjm could emphasize that Az's inappropriate attachment to Mor is not about Mor, because that could make him... icky. Instead, if he shows a pattern of attaching himself to unavailable women, then the problem becomes deeper, and rooted to his past. It's not just that he has his blinders on when it comes to Mor being queer. It's an interesting take, and I'm curious to see if it goes anywhere! I don't think we will ever truly know her intentions regarding Mor and Az, at least not any time soon.

tl;dr I don't think that Az has actually changed, it's just that he is losing patience with being lonely and so his behavior is changing! And definitely Az would have been perceived differently, because I know that's where my (and many others') opinions about him changed.

[aficwhore]

Truth Is

Chapter 1: A Night Many Months Ago

Frankie "Catfish" Morales x F!reader

Summary: When reuniting for the mission in Colombia, Frankie and the reader (nicknamed "Chipmunk"), bicker due to their rocky past. After some angry exchanges, a few truths come out, changing both of their perspectives. Will the relationship be mended? Or once this is over, will they go back to the way things were before?

Word Count: 3K

Warnings: explicit language, blood, violence, guns/weapons, lots of angst and emotions, infidelity, talk of sex and sexual encounters, drinking, mentions of drugs, talk of death, and talk of mental health(PTSD, depression).

A/N: This was inspired by the song "Truth Is" by Sabrina Claudio. I want to make this a series (my first series ever), but it's still being decided, so please let me know if you want this to be continued! And I am still taking requests and prompts! Thanks Lovelies <3

"Cmon, please Chip, we can't do this without you." Santiago begged, his hands clasped together in front of him to show his desperation as he stood before me in my small apartment kitchen. I sighed, glancing around our surroundings. He had come to ask about joining one last escapade, one last job and we'd all be set for the rest of our lives.

Finally breaking the silence and meeting his weary gaze, "Who all have you rounded up? If Will or Benny said no, there's no way I'm doing it without them." I took another deep breath, turning to continue the dishes I had been doing when Pope showed up.

Santi's face began to light up, his stance growing slightly as he grinned, "Great! They both wanted in, so did Tom." Seeming relieved he leaned against the counter next to the sink and crossed his arms.

"And F-Fish?" I hesitated, pausing the scrubbing on the porcelain dish in my hand. It felt like the air in my lungs no longer existed. My heart began to pound it's way up my throat and into my ears.

His head dipped down, feeling the concern laced in my voice. Clearing his voice, he quietly explained "Haven't asked him yet, he was last on my list."

I silently placed the last dish onto the rack near the sink and wiped my wet hands on my jeans, looking down and watching the wet marks gradually making themselves known. No longer forcing myself to make eye contact, I nodded at the ground.

"Look, querida, if you two just talked I'm sure it would work out." He pushed himself off the counter and stepped towards me, reaching a hand out and gently rubbing my shoulder to console me. "But don't let this change your mind, we really do need you."

"When are you going to mention it to him?" I breathed out, wanting to keep any and all emotions at bay. His hand on my arm squeezed, as if he was trying to give me some courage.

"Tonight, at Benny's fight, I thought his spirits would be up enough to persuade him." He chuckled lightly, knowing his plan was to take a little bit of advantage of Frankie's mood.

I laughed softly, "Definitely sounds like a Santi move if you ask me."

He smirked and shook his head "I know, shame on me." As he dropped his hand back to his side he quirked, "You should come tonight, we can go out for drinks after the fight, relax a little before we leave tomorrow."

It took me a second to register what he said, but when I did I burst out "wait what?! Tomorrow? Santi, why didn't you tell me that? You forgot the biggest detail!"

He cowered down slightly, rubbing the back of his neck "Because I knew you'd yell at me, it was worth a shot putting off the anger a little longer." He smiled coyly.

Rolling my eyes I couldn't help but forgive his dumb smile. "Well it starts soon, why don't I get my things real quick and we can head to the arena together?"

His smile widened, "Of course!" I grabbed my purse and keys, making sure to turn off the lights and lock the door behind me. As we made our way down the elevator and out to his car, Santi told me a few details about the missions and the plan. But once we got into his rinky dink ford truck, I turned to him.

"About Frankie, I'm sure one of the boys told you, but just in case; his license was revoked." Santi's face contorted with confusion.

"What? How? Did he crash or hurt somebody?" He questioned quickly.

After taking a breath of courage I spoke, "No Pope. He-He was caught with coke."

Santi stayed quiet, turning the engine on. "I don't get it" A sad expression plastered on his face.

With a furrow in my brow I spoke again, "What don't you get? He was doing drugs, hardcore ones at that". I began to ramble more, "For what reason, I'm not sure, maybe the PTSD and depression. Maybe he felt he had no one to go to-"

"Stop. I know." He cut me off while finally shifting the gear into drive and moving up forward. "You can't blame anyone for this. All we can do is move on and help him. He's our friend, okay? But I know he's still the same Fish, just a little turned around."

"I know, okay. I can't help it. From what the boys told me, he seems to be a lot better." I added, stirring in my seat. "Anyways, it's been awhile since all of us have been back together. It's exciting."

Santi snickered, "But didn't you all hang out while I've been out of the U.S.?"

Seeing that we're close to the arena's parking garage I explained, "I mean, yea, but only me, Ironhead, Benny and Fish. I haven't talked to Redfly in months, we all had a fallout with him. Especially me."

"Tom didn't say anything when I talked to him, Do you wanna fill me in?" He asked with a quirked eyebrow.

Huffing, I turn to face him, telling him the events of that night.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~flashback~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The four of us, the Millers, Frankie and I sat on my couch, watching TV and talking, when we hear a bang at the door. I got up to open it and find Tom slumped on the doorway. He looked rough and smelled like he had been drinking the past several days. "Woah, Tom, you're really drunk, and you drove here?"

He snapped, beginning to yell, "Who are you to judge me? Huh? My wife left me, this is how I cope." He angrily pushed his way past me and tumbled into the living room. He was greeted with the boys standing around him with concerned faces.

"What the hell were you thinking? You know how dangerous that is? You know you could've called and we would've been there for you!" I raised my voice back, causing Tom to swing around to face me.

He laughed darkly, "Oh shut up 'Miss Perfect,' just like you did for Fish? When he was nose deep in coke? Or are you too self obsessed? Or do you just have favorites!"

"Hey man, that's not cool." Will interrupted and tried to get a handle on Tom. Frankie lowered his head in embarrassment. Will reached forward and placed a hand on his back, but things escalated more.

"Oh okay, yea protect the whore, we all know she's there for you guys more than just talking. I wouldn't doubt it if you all fucked her too. But me? Nah, you leave me out of everything." Tom howled, yanking away from Will and slurring his words and no longer making sense.

Anger becoming more prominent, I spoke, "Seriously?! Whore?! How is it my fault that you push us away and don't let us help? We include you in everything, but you have your head so far stuck up your ass you never show up!" I've come face to face with him, my hot breath and voice blowing into his face above me. "And another thing, I'm not a whore, you asshole, I'm with Frankie!"

He leaned closer to me, his breath reeking of alcohol, "Just him? Does he know where you're at everyday Monday and Wednesday at 1?! I doubt it!"

Frankie speaks up, "What? What is he talking about?" A devilish smirk makes its way to Tom's face.

"Nothing, I swear it's nothing." I try to explain, making eye contact with my partially hurt lover.

"Tell him, tell him you've been seeing a 'Dr. Philips.' Go on, do it." He rubs it in.

Looking behind Tom, I saw Frankie looking like his world had just shattered. "You've been seeing someone?!"

Panicking, I speak, "Yes, but it's not what you think, I promise!"

"Then what is it?" Tom adds, stumbling back a foot and crossing his arms contently at the damage he just caused.

Benny spoke up, knowing the truth about who I was "seeing." "You need to leave man, you have no right to say shit like that. You don't know the real situation"

Tom burst, yelling "I want her to admit it! I want her to admit that she isn't the perfect bitch she makes herself out to be!"

"Fuck you! Get the hell out of my house!" I scream, tears slightly welling in my eyes. "Frankie-" I turn to him, but to find him grabbing his things. "Baby please, let me explain."

"Explain what? You've been cheating on me?" his voice is loud, and cracks slightly.

A tear breaks its way down my cheek, "I haven't, Frankie, please believe me." I grab his hand, trying to stall his movements, but he pulls away.

"You just admitted it!" He frowns and yanks his hand away and heads for the door.

"That's right Fishie boy! Leave her, she's no good anyway!" Tom squawks as Benny grabs a hold of him and shoves him to the door, Will right behind to help.

"You bastard!" I lunged forward and swung my hand, landing right on the side of his face with a loud crack. Frankie spun around, startled at my actions.

The action only fueled Tom's anger because he ripped away from Benny's grip and grabbed me. I didn't back down and started to shove him and swing my arms, hitting him in the face and chest as he fought back.

But just as quickly as the fight started, it ended. Frankie tore me off of Tom, pinning me to his chest and stopping my brutal hits. Will and Benny wrested Tom into submission and dragged him out of the front door as he yelled slurs at me, and dumped him outside with a battered face.

While the brothers were dealing with a drunk Redfly, Frankie scolded and verbally fought with me.

"Just tell me! Who is Dr. Philips!" He questioned, slightly shaking me by the shoulders.

With many emotions running through my head, I couldn't process what was going on. "I-I can't, Frankie, I can't even admit it to myself." Tears streaming down my face I brought my hands up to the sides of his face. "But you have to believe me, por favor (please)."

Francisco looked like he was fighting an emotional battle in his mind. He finally spoke, "Either you tell me, or I leave, I can't do this, not if you keep things from me."

Feeling my heart break, I whispered "Please, mi amor (my love), don't make me. I'm not strong enough." My eyes now running like an open faucet and my hands tightly pressed to his cheeks.

He blinks away tears, reaching his hands up to grab mine and pull them away from his face, "Then I have to go." He drops my hands and turns to leave.

"Por favor no me dejes! (Please don't leave me)" I call after him, watching as he heads out of the door and into the night, leaving me alone. I drop to the floor, tears blurring my vision and all that can be heard are my sobs.

After what feels like hours, Will and Benny return, picking me up off the floor and taking me to my bed. They lay me down, attempting to help my emotional breakdown. They pick up whatever mess that was left after the event of that night.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~end flashback~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"And after that night, Tom was no longer invited anywhere with us. Frankie distanced himself and refused to talk to me. But Will and Benny did their best to be there for me in any way they could. They did the same for Frankie. But as for Tom, they casted him out, because he changed, badly." I finished covering the story of that night, fighting the tears that threatened to spill. "And the Dr. Philips I was seeing, was my therapist. I didn't want anyone to know I wasn't okay mentally. I was embarrassed and part of me didn't want to admit I needed help. The lives we chose aren't easy."

Santi parked, and seemed shocked, "I'm sorry love, I knew you split with Fish, but didn't know any details or about Tom." He reached over and patted my thigh sympathetically. "I really am sorry that you went through all of that because Tom was an asshole. You really don't have to do this-"

"No I want to, I'm in a better place, so is everyone else." I smiled shyly, wanting to lift the spirits. "So what do you say? Let's go wrangle up our boys and get rich?"

Pope smiled brightly, "Hell yes!" We both got out of the car, and headed to the back of the arena and knocked, hoping Will was there to open it like he told Santi he would. Much to our luck, the door swung open to reveal a tall, smiling, blonde Miller brother.

"Brother!" Santi chuckled as he pulled the eldest Miller into a hug, clapping each other on the back. They pulled away as Pope headed inside to find the others.

"Hey pretty girl, long time no see." Will joked, hugging me tightly.

I scoffed, "Will, you were just at my house last night." We both laughed and he led me into a rank smelling locker room, which I assumed was for Benny to get ready. As we rounded the corner, I saw Benny and Tom chatting on one of the benches between the lockers.

"Chipmunk!" Benny roared as he ran over, picked me up and spun me around. "I missed you! I'm so glad you could make it!" He sat me back down and stepped back to sit on the bench again.

"Of course, I wouldn't miss you getting your ass beat for the world!" I giggled as I winked at him, showing the younger of us a bit of love.

He shook his head with a grin. As my eyes left him, they met with the eyes of Tom. He seemed to have a look of regret, trying to give me a sad smile.

I walked over to him, reaching my hand in a fist forward, lightly tapping his shoulder, "Hey fly, how you been?"

A small wave of relief washed over him as he responded "I'm good Chip, how are you? And look I'm really sorry, I wasn't in a good place and I regret-"

"Its okay Tom, really, it is. I'm just glad you're better. It's water under the bridge." I sit next to him and pat his back, showing that all, or at least most, is forgiven.

He nods slowly, "Thank you, it means a lot that you're here."

"Oh cmon you have to admit it, you couldn't do it without me, the best there is." I pretend to act over confident and burst into laughter. And Tom joins in.

As Tom and I begin to catch up, talking about what we've missed these past several months, I overhear a conversation.

"Hermano (brother)! How are you?" Santi greets Frankie, I assume, he was the last of us, who wasn't already here. When I realize that it is him, my heart begins to race. My skin starts to burn and get hot, my palms becoming sweaty.

"Pope! Benny! Ironhead! What is this, a reunion?" Frankie's voice echoes as they come closer. As the three round the corner, "All we need is Redfly and Chip-" Frankie stops as we become revealed to him. Tom gets up immediately and struts over to give Fish a hug. Frankie's face lights up with glee and hugs him back. When they step away from each other, I wearily stand up and all he does is give an awkward smile and nods in my direction.

Benny attempts to whisper to Santi, "Ouch, that's cold." And Santi jabs him in the stomach with his elbow, causing him to double over and make a "hmf" sound.

Being slightly hurt, I break the uneasy tension by opening an invitation, "Alright well I'm gonna go get a beer and find us some good seats, it's close to showtime!" Faking a smile I continue, "Who's coming?"

"Me, I can't be in here with this doofus anymore." Will chuckle as he ruffles Ben's hair and follows right behind me.

When we make it to the concession stand and order beers, Will taps my arm, "How are you feeling?"

With a sigh, "Honestly I expected that, but it hurt more when it actually happened. But what can I say." I grab out drinks from the concession worker and thank her and turn on my heels to find a seat. "I love him, and if that means waiting to mend things, it worth it, even if it means waiting forever."

Will offers a sympathetic grin. "It'll work, just watch. Oh! Over there! Perfect seats!" He points as his attention was caught by an opening near the rink. He pursues it as I follow behind.

While we sit, we joke around, waiting for the rest of the gang to come sit and watch Benny get thrown around. Finally the last three show up and sit with us, Tom sat on Will's right side, me on his other side, Santi on my left, but when Frankie walks up, he bends down and whispers to Santi, causing him to scoot further away from me and leaving room for Frankie to slot himself between us. Which took me by surprise. Once he was seated, he glanced over to me and gave me a genuine smile.

We don't say a word as the lights begin to dim and the announcer's voice breaks through the speaks, introducing our dear Benny and his opponent.

Our small group starts to cheer and scream Benny's name, to show him support. As he enters the rink, he searches for us, and when he finds us, he smiles big.

In the midst of all the commotion, Frankie leans over and whispers to me, "I missed you, cariño (sweetheart)."

My face whips around to meet a very close Fish, who is smiling. "I missed you too." I give a small smile and lean to my side to shoulder bump him, as he places a hand on my knee.

[cosmic-lavender]

*Dollhouse* A House Of Wax Story.

Chapter 1

Bo Sinclar X Reader ( She/Her)

(I do not own this gif)

⚠️ Warning under 18 not permitted, sexual situations and violence. See warning on my masterlist. ⚠️

*Summary* The reader thinks she's temporarily staying in Ambrose until she realizes leaving isn't an option. She wonders, even if she could go, would she what too?. Is life in Ambrose the Utopia she's been looking for? An escape from the rat race of life and expectations? She’s about to find out.

Present Day

You squeezed out the damp washcloth from the bin of ice-cold water. The Louisiana heat was overbearing, and the washcloth was already becoming warm in the humid, sticky heat. You squeezed it and tried to lightly tap the tied-up woman's forehead that you learned earlier in the day named was Carly. "Oh man, he did a number on you," you said lightly, taking her face in your hand slightly turning it to the side.

Bo had super glued the woman's lips together in an attempt to hush her up. You had walked in as he was slowly blowing on her lips to dry them, his large grease-stained hands clenching her face so tight. "Keep an eye on this bitch" he said as he passed you in the doorway. 

She whimpered and tried to turn away from you while large warm tears began spilling from her eyes. "I'm sorry, please let me do this. I know it's not much, but you'll feel better having some cold water on your face". She looked over at you with confusion, fear, and sadness in her eyes all at the same time, as if questioning why you were seemingly sympathetic to her cause yet doing nothing to help release her from these bonds. Bo had restrained her on what appeared to be an operating table, one you knew too well from your bondage moments when you "misbehaved" in the past. It angered you to see her here.

You wish that he wouldn't drag out the process and make them suffer, especially when they seem to like friendly people. You wanted to be mad at Carly for capturing Bo's attention, but you knew it wasn't her fault. He had sickness to him that had to be fed most horribly, a way that made you disposable. Thankfully for you, you were surprisingly not so disposable to him. Maybe that's why you put up with it because you felt special, you felt important, and that somewhere in his deep twisted darkness, he loved you, a misunderstood, scared child reaching out for someone to hold. 

Suddenly and without warning, Vincent Sinclair Bo's twin brother stomped down the hallway with Carly's brother Nick over his shoulder. He threw him off and tied him to a waiting chair on the opposite side of the room. He waved a sign to you that you understood as "I'll be right back" and headed back up the stairs. Carly looked over to her brother and whimpered; even with her lips shut tight, you could make out the subtle sounds of her saying "Nick" over and over again.

You walked over and slowly lifted Nick's head while tapping his forehead with the wet towel. He slowly opened his eyes, looked at you, and tried to jerk away. "No, please, I'm not going to hurt you. I know it's hard to believe that, but I'm not," You pleaded. He stopped squirming and looked at you; he turns his head to the side and spits blood, "please just untie us and let us go. We won't mention you; we won't say that you did anything," He pleads, looking at you now with less anger in his face; it was replaced with desperation and sadness.

You sigh and put the rag down into the bucket, looking away from Nick. You slowly stand and take a deep breath. "I'm sorry I can't. I think we all know that I can't, as terrible as they are, they are my family, and I can't jeopardize them.. plus Bo would find you, and he would hurt you worse…" you replied, looking back at Nick and Carly. "Family, huh" Nick scoffs. "I know how hard that can be" Carly's eyes darted to him and narrowed.

"The most I can do is try and help you be comfortable," you said, walking back over to Nick and kneeling.. you held up the rag as a question if you can continue to wipe his face. He reluctantly nods, and you continue. "So," he asks, glancing at you slightly, "What the hell, why are they doing this to us? Why are you here helping them? I know you said they were your family. I guess the Lester guy explained it when he called you his adopted sister, but... What the hell is going on? I mean, how'd you even end up here? You seemed like the only normal one in this whole fucking town".

You gave Nick a small, sad smile and rubbed the back of your neck. "It's a bit of a long story, but if you want to hear it, I guess all we have is the time right now.” You said, biting the inside of your cheek and looking over to Carly, who had stopped squirming and just stared blankly at the wall beside her. 

You adjusted yourself in the chair and got more comfortable squeezing out the rag and putting it back to Nick's forehead. His light eyes were studying your face intensely "well, what else am I going to do to pass the time until one-eyed Peter Steele gets back..." he huffed, looking back over toward his sister. You swallowed and licked your lips before clearing your throat slightly "well...my fall into this rabbit hole called Ambrose started a while ago when I locked eyes with Bo Sinclair"...

[blackheart-skz]

Yandere! Stray Kids reaction to accidently killing their S/O. (Hyung Line)

Trigger Warning ⚠: Contains depictions of abuse, violence and self harm.

Note: Omfg im soo sorry this took soo long and it still isn't complete ahhh. I barely put out content yet I'm outta idea. I'll try to complete the maknae line as soon as possible. This is my first reaction ever soo it's pretty bad pwease don't judge me if some things don't make sense i is still an amateur.

Bang Chan

"I fucking told you to not talk to that asshole again! You never listen do you? Do I seem like a joke to you?" Chan yelled, his chest heaving and hands balled into a fist. His glare frightened you to no end but you didn't dare move.

"Do you even love me?" Chan walked closer to you and said, his expression softening a bit but not enough to calm you down. You stayed silent hoping he would let you off but way but little did you know that you had aggravated him even more.

"I fucking asked you somehting!" Chan growled but before you could say anything his hand harshly collided with your cheek making you stumble and fall, your head hitting the pointy corner of the table, killing you. Chan, however, did not notice and stood in silence for a moment, trying to calm his anger down. You not making any movement anr sound was when he realized that something was wrong.

"Y/N? Are you okay?" He bent down and poked your shoulders, earning no response. He shakily put his ear to your chest only to hear nothing but emptiness. It was that very moment he realized what he had done.

"No! No! This can't be! Y/N wake up!" He screamed. He started panicking and due to his lack of medical knowledge and sanity at this point, the only thing he could think of at that moment to save you was to pump your chest. He continued on was minutes hoping he could get you to come back to like but to no avail.

"Y/N I-I am sorry" He held your lifeless corpse in his arms and cried and cried. When chan said that he wanted you to lie peacefully in his arms without you protesting or trying to get away, he never wanted it to be this way.

They weren't lying when they said that you need to be careful what you wish for.

Kim Woojin

"Woojin I'm sorry" You said with a shaky voice, squeezing your eyes shut and clasping your hands together.

"Sorry won't do babe." Woojin replied, his voice dark as ever. "First I'll have to take care of him and then I'll come back you. It's sad that so many people have to die because of you" Woojin pouted mockingly. He was right. People were dying because of you. So you should be the one stopping him.

"No!" you wiped your tears stood up against him. "You won't hurt anyone! I won't let you!"

Woojin clenched his jaw and tightened his fists at your words. How dare you talk back to him? He tried controlled his anger despite your disobedience.

"You're in for a long and torturous day honey. I'll deal with you when I come back." Woojin completely ignored your words and turned around to leave again but he was halted by a pair of arms wrapping around his torso. Being stronger than you he easily got out of a grip but once he did so you tried to snatch his gun.

"Y/N stop before you get hurt" Woojin tried to push you away. What he didn't realize was that his hand was on the trigger and during the process of pushing and pulling he accidently pulled the trigger, causing a loud bang to erupt in the air. Blood splattered on his face and before he could process a thing, you fell to the ground with a thud. Too shocked to even utter a word, he just stared at your now lifeless body.

"Y-Y/N" He managed to choke out. He bent down and held you in his arms letting the blood soak his own clothes too. "What have I done?" He meekly muttered as tears flowed down his expressionless face. He didnt know how to react or what this feeling was that he felt in his heart. Was it regret? Was it anger? sorrow? Whatever it was it ate him from the inside and drove him to the brink of insanity and he could do nothing about it.

Lee Minho

"M-Minho calm down." You said meekly, not wanting to fuel to his anger, while watching him break and throw things around in horror. After a while of throwing things around, minho's eyes landed on your intimidated figure. He swiftly approched you and slammed you against the wall earning a pained groan from you.

"You love riling me up don't you?" Minho growled causing you to flinch. Leaving the house without his permission let alone meeting up with your ex was never a good idea but the foolish you decided to take the risk anyway.

You drop your head down so that you could avoid his piercing gaze only for it to be roughly pulled up by the hair, taking you by suprise. His orbs reflected his thirst for blood.

"M-minho I w-"

"Shut the fuck up you slut! You don't get to say a word. I've told you over a million times not to do anything without my permission but you literally go out and meet your ex boyfriend. You're one stubborn bitch" He snapped. That's it. You couldn't take it anymore. A sudden wave of confidence hit you and you looked him in the eye.

"You're a fucking asshole minho! I hate you so much! You think you own me or something? Yes i met my ex. I wouldn't have met him if you weren't a nut job. You need help" You spat out. Minho mouth dropped in shock. Never did he expect you to dare talk to him like this.

"What did you say?"

"I said i fucking hate you and I'm leaving" You screamed and ran towards the door but you were stopped by minho grabbing your arms. He tried to drag you to the room but you bit down on his arm causing him to let go of you. You yet again tried to run towards the door but a blow to the head knocked you out.

Minho sighed in relief. He dragged your limp body to the room and locked the door. After calming down from the adrenaline rush he unlocked the room and went inside. You lay on the ground unconscious with no signs of movement. He bent down and tried to wake you up only to earn no response from you. Panicking, he checked your pulse but he felt nothing. The blow to the head must've been pretty hard. Hard enough to suck the life out of you. Minho screamed and cried out your name but to no avail. You were gone

Giving up at last, he dropped to the ground. He sat next to your body for hours until an idea popped up in his head. He couldn't bring your back but he could go to you. He then got up and went to the dresser and took out a gun from the drawer.

"Wait for me Y/N. I'll meet you soon".

Those were the last words he uttered before putting the gun to his head and pulling the trigger, disappearing into the same darkness he had sent you to.

Seo Changbin

You ran as fast you could without stopping to even take a breath. You could hear heavy footsteps following behind you. You knew it was stupid to run up the stairs of an abandoned building you were lured to becuase eventually you'll meet an end but at that time the only thing that was on your mind was to get away from your beast of a boyfriend.

"Stop right there y/n!" You heard Changbin say through his heavy breaths. You ignored him and kept running. Just as you feared, the stairs eventually came to an end and brought you to the roof. You ran to the edge and looked down realizing you didn't have anywhere to go.

"You can't run from me anymore Y/N. You should've already known that." Changbin, who was only a few feet away from you, said in a low voice.

"Stay away from me" You warned as changbin lifted his foot to walk towards you. A chuckle escaped his throat upon hearing those words. Ignoring your words his started approaching you. Seeing running as the only option you tried to make your way in the other direction but before you could even take a few steps, changbin harshly grabbed you by your waist and started dragging to towards the door leading to the stairs. You struggled in his grasp but to no avail.

Soon enough as you reach the stairs but realizing you would be going back to a hell of a life you jerked violently causing changbin to lose his grip on you. What you didn't realize was that you both were standing right on the edge of the stairs so as soon as he let go, you lost balance and went tumbling down the long flight of stairs, eventually landing in a pile of gravel.

Changbins breath hitched realized what had happened and ran down to check on you. Blood pooled around your head and your eyes were open yet lifeless. He hesitantly checked your pulse and just as he feared, he felt nothing.

"No no no Y/N it's okay nothing's going to happen to you you're gonna be okay" Changbin muttered, still in denial. He couldn't feel anything. Maybe that's how his mind reacted to the situation in front of him. He lifted you up in his arms and gently kissed your forehead. He wouldn't let you go. Not now not ever.

"Its gonna be okay" He whispered as he carried your lifeless body down the stairs and took you back to where you belonged.

[fasterthanmydemons]

I feel so intrigued by your Nothing Left's Pietro! I've been reading your post about how he would act in a Dead!Wanda AU and I LOVE Wanda but I would like to see this very angry, darker version of this ray of sunshine who likes to run fast and make jokes. That open starter really caught my attention but 1- I really CAN'T write, 2- I wouldn't know which character I should rp as xD I love angst, it helps me cope with angst irl. When you can, please write some headcanons about NothingLeft!Pietro

(This anon is referring to an open starter I posted entitled “Nothing Left,” in which Wanda died in Sokovia instead of Pietro, and Pietro is reacting to her death with volatile anger. You can read it here if you like.)

Thank you for reading my starter and I’m so glad you liked it! And before I jump into headcanons, I just want to say that if you ever feel you want to start an rp blog, go for it! You don’t have to be perfect at everything or write like an award-winning novelist to still write good stories and have a great time. And as far as picking a muse, generally I don’t choose a character as a muse unless they won’t leave me alone for weeks. Haha, what I mean by that is I find myself thinking about them a lot, wondering “what if,” feeling maybe they deserved better, and having ideas on what interesting plots and AUs I would love to explore with them. If you have enough ideas on your own to get started, that’s a great place to start. With canon characters anyway. Obviously if you want to make an OC, you have to build everything yourself from the ground up or mesh them into a fandom/world. But for canons, you can turn your ideas in to open starters, your interests in “what ifs” and AUs into an rp wishlist, your random plot ideas into little drabs or one-shot stories... and just post things like that with tags for your character and fandom, and that’ll get you started. Someone will wander onto your blog and be like hey, I had that same idea. Or hey, I found this really interesting, let’s do it. You never know until you give it a try. =)

I will also say that, fittingly, the gif I used for Pietro’s reaction in the starter, namely this one:

...is from the movie Savages (I really enjoyed it, but it’s really heavy on sex and graphic violence, so take care if you watch it and are bothered by those things), as ATJ’s character is freaking out and getting very angry about the fact that the woman he loves has been kidnapped. His friend is trying to reassure him that everything will be okay, but he’s freaking out nonetheless. Ironically, I didn’t know what was going on in the scene before I used the gif, so I didn’t know how appropriate it was, haha. 

Okay now on to Pietro. XD In this starter, Wanda has died in the Battle of Sokovia instead of him. I haven’t specified how, just to kind of leave it open because I don’t know which muses might respond to it, so it’s left to the imagination whether or not he saw her die or how she might have met her end. Nevertheless, the starter assumes that Pietro goes to America with the Avengers as Wanda did in canon, but he’s not coping so well with Wanda’s death, as one might imagine would be a very realistic thing to happen. Unlike the other starter I did with this theme, “Carrying On," that depicts a heartbroken and suicidal Pietro, this starter deals with an enraged, volatile, erratic Pietro who meets concern and reassurance with harsh, colorful language and explosive moods. Both starters deal with parallel paths I could see Pietro taking in this situation as far as how his grief manifests from a psychological and personality point of view as well as how he is choosing to manage it.

So for “Nothing Left”!Pietro, there are two reasons why he’s boiling over with anger instead of breaking down with sadness like in the other starter. 1) Anger and defensiveness are easier for him to express than vulnerable emotions like sadness and fear. He was only ever comfortable showing his vulnerable side to Wanda. And 2) he has a lot of guilt over Wanda’s death because he feels like if he had protected her well enough, she’d still be here, and he’s turning that guilt into anger. He feel like her death was his fault. Just like the first reason, anger directed at others is a lot easier for him to express than anger toward himself. So, in short, this version of Pietro is choosing to funnel all his pain, guilt, and grief into being angry and pushing others away rather than processing what he feels, reaching out for help, or being vulnerable in front of anyone which is frightening for him.

This version of Pietro will self-destruct if left to his own devices. He will probably eat and drink himself to death with sodas and junk food and fat and caffeine and all that, and he will likely pick a fight with anyone who looks at him cross-ways. Well, any men who do. He’s not given to fighting women who aren’t actually trying to kill him. With women, he’ll probably curse them out, tell them to leave him alone, tell them they don’t understand, etc. With men, he would do the same and if they don’t, they’re getting punched in the face. He would be looking to fight not only to sate the rage inside him, but also to burn off energy, because feeling that angry for a very long time is not sustainable mentally. So he’d rage until he was tired enough to sleep, then wake up and do it all over again.

It is going to either take a female muse he’s not willing to come to blows with getting him to somehow talk about his feelings and show some vulnerability to start getting to the root of his anger... or... a male muses willing to fight with him to the point of exhaustion (probably more than once) until he gets to the point of actually listening to what they have to say. Until one of those things happens, he’s going to persist with his destructive behavior until he ends up with health issues from eating total crap, heh, or he suffers serious injuries for picking a fight with the wrong person.

I think for this version of Pietro to begin to work through his grief in any kind of a constructive way, he would have to be turned into “Carrying On” Pietro, heh. I mean the brokenhearted part, not the suicidal part, although... that might be unavoidable and will have to be dealt with as well. But what I mean is, no one is gong to get through to him and he is never going to start facing his pain and guilt over Wanda dying until someone can help him shed the defensive anger and get him to stop avoiding his feelings. Once he trusts someone to the point of letting them in enough to show any vulnerability, then the sadness and regret and longing and all that will hit him like a ton of bricks. He won’t want to stay here in this world without Wanda, so he’ll need someone who is willing to put in the time and effort to ensure that he gets over the extreme hump of negative emotions and seemingly bottomless grief that he will experience to bring him to a point of no longer wanting to do anything drastic.

So I guess this version of him is practicing a lot of avoidance and releasing all the tension and restrained grief as rage. He’s running from his problems instead of letting them overwhelm him or dealing with them in a healthy way. He needs an intervention to help him process his grief in a healthier manner, big time. He’s also, sadly, joyless now. Without Wanda, he has no more desire to smile, laugh, joke around, flirt, or do anything he was somewhat known for previously. Her death has affected him so much that it has actually changed his personality. I’m not sure if he could get it back again, or how long that would take, but for now that side of him would be essentially broken.

I don’t know if this explanation was what you were looking for, but if you have any more specific questions about this version of Pietro, feel free to send them my way! =)

[warriorqueen1991]

Chapter Four: Pray For Me

Characters: Negan

Warnings: violence, gore and language

Notes: final chapter everyone, thank you so much for reading and hanging in there with me :)

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“I'm liking our numbers here” Negan smiled whispering in Lucy’s ear as she chewed on her fingers.

The entire group was sitting around the fire, the newbies and the veterans all talking and having a great time.

“we could do anything, huh babygirl?” he cooed as he kissed her cheek, Arat was sitting next to him. Her eyes watching the leader of the group they met with a deep frown. Bouncing Lucy on his knee he glanced at her letting his smile fall “what's wrong?”

Jutting her chin toward a tiny blonde haired woman huddled by the fire, she dropped her gaze to her bent knees “something's not right”.

Negan looked at the woman, Arat was right. She looked terrified, like she was afraid of breathing or something.

Letting out a deep sigh he picked Lucy up “can ya…?”

Arat cut him off with a rare smile as she took the sleepy toddler “absolutely”. He smiled “thanks darlin”, getting to his feet he brushed the dirt from his backside before walking over to the shivering blonde.

Taking off his jacket he draped the leather over her shoulders making her flinch “easy darlin I'm not gonna bite”. The girl was trembling as Negan let her take the jacket, snuggling into its warmth.

“You like what you see?...you wanna piece of the merchandise you just let me know. Trust me, man...it's a whole new world now”.

Negan tried to ignore the man as he watched the girl, his jaw clenching as the asshole kept going.

“trust me...anything goes”.

Negan lifted his eyes to glare at him “what are you sayin’ exactly?” The man grinned with a shrug “c’mon man you know” he chuckled poking Negan's chest with his elbow playfully.

Negan looked down at the contact with a growl before looking back at him “yeah. I think I do”. The man's smile faded as Negan suddenly took an aggressive step forward, jabbing his finger into the other man's chest.

“I have to say, I have a real fuckin’ problem with it, too. I know what it's like to have LOVED a woman, emphasis on LOVED. You lost someone close to you?!” he asked, his face reddening in anger.

The man's mouth opened but Negan quickly cut him off “even if you HAVEN'T, you should still be aware of the fuckin’ world around you...it's US AGAINST THEM, right?!!...so shouldn't we try to treat us a little better?!!... if you'll do that with a woman...well, maybe you're a little closer to them than I'd like.”

Negan scoffed with a humorless laugh “I mean, you either value a human life or you fuckin’ DON'T right?!!”

He could tell the other man was fuming but as soon as he went to speak Negan cut him off again “whatever you guys were doin’...it stops NOW. Or this is where we part ways.”

The man's face twisted in anger before he exploded in rage, his hands grabbing Negan's shirt with a snarl “oh, you're runnin’ things now?!! You're gonna tell us what we can and can't do with our women?!!...FUCK YOU MAN!!!”

Negan growled blocking the man's first punch but caught the next on the chin, stumbling backwards as the man quickly kicked him in the chest sending him falling back into a discarded pile of barbed wire. The sharp barbs tangling around his waist and arm, his teeth clenching in pain as the wire tore through his skin as he tried to move.

Spotting his bat leaning against the wall, Negan grunted shoving his hand through the wire to grab her handle swinging it as hard as he could. Her business end hit the asshole square on the jaw sending him crumbling to the ground in a heap.

The large group of people watching close by all gasped, some even screamed at the violence. Lucy started crying as Arat tried to calm her down, the sound of his daughter bawling sent a fresh wave of adrenaline through his veins.

This fucker was dead.

Blinded by rage, Negan yanked himself free from the wire the barbs ripping his stomach as he began slamming the bat into the man's head. Over and over and over again, blood and gore splashing across his face.

Catching movement in corner of his eye he jerked around, pointing the bloody bat at the group of scared people “stay the fuck back...or you're next!!”

Turning back around he continued to drive what was left of the man's brain into the dirt, the sound of Lucy crying in the distance muffled as he released all his pent up rage.

When he finally stopped the man's head was gone, just a puddle of gore and blood. Pieces of scalp and hair hanging off the end of the bat as he leaned back breathing heavily. Sniffling he ran the back of his hand across his bloody cheek, the whole situation crashing down on him. He felt sick, he'd never killed someone before.

Swallowing the bile down, his jaw clenched as he slung the gore off the end of his bat. Still refusing to meet the groups gaze.

“I know that was probably a little startling, truth is...I maybe got a little carried away. But it couldn't be helped”.

Hearing the low murmuring and quiet sobs from several of the people, Negan finally turned around with a hard stare. “You scared?” his voice was dark and strangely calm as blood ran down his side. “You scared of me? Scared of fuckin’ dyin’?”

Growling he shook his head swinging his bat to the the side “you fuckin’ should be”.

Sighing he began pacing in front of them, his arm swinging the bloody bat at his side as he spoke. “You guys look like you're on a nonstop bullet train to pee pee pants city. Like you can't even fuckin’ process...you cant…” he rubbed his eyes noticing his hand was shaking.

Swallowing thickly he cleared his throat “give me a minute…” yanking some of the barbed wire loose, he glared at the group “sit tight now...Dwight, don't let em fuckin’ wander off”.

Moving behind one of the trucks, Negan collapsed to his knees dropping the bat as he stared at his bloody hands. Wiping them.off on the grass the best he could he covered his mouth as he closed his eyes “oh god….heat the fuck?...w-why did i?...”

He ran his hands up through his hair gripping it tightly as he grimaced “....stop”

Gulping he looked down before grabbing the bat slowly wrapping it around during its barrel, his eyes turning cold as he came to terms with what needed to come next. The only way he could ensure his daughters safety. Her future.

Letting out a deep sigh, he got to his feet moving back around the truck “I think it's about time I told you all about Lucille”. He scratched his beard with a frown as he moved to stand in front of them “Lucille meant everything to me. I didn't even know it at the time, not all the time at least. There were moments, but for the most part...I was a piece of dhit. It wasn't until she was gone that I really knew what she meant to me”.

Looking down the line he shook his head “I lost her when all this shit started. I was surrey the dead...and survivors”. He scoffed “survivors….that wasn't something they stayed...not for very fuckin ’ long at least...didn't really earn that title. Truth is. I met nothing but a long line of people who couldn't push things just a little bit harder for those they loved. They cracked. People died. They died!”

Swinging the barbed wired bat onto his shoulder he started pacing once more “weak. Scared people….hell, maybe people like you. I don't know yet….we're gonna find out”.

He grimaced “I learned somethin’...bein’ around those people. Watchin’ them die, one after the other...because they were too weak...too scared...too mother..fuckin’ sad. And me?” he placed his hand on his chest rolling his lips. “well...I felt Nothing. Not for them. Not for me...only for my daughter”.

He bit his lip with a slow smile “I wasn't scared. I wasn't sad. I wasn't angry…” he chuckled leaning back “well sometimes I was angry. Fuck, sometimes I was fuckin’ furious. But for the most part...nothing... the only time I remotely feel anything is when I'm around my daughter. It took me a long time to realize why”.

He lifted the bar off his shoulder with a loving smile “it was Lucille...she protected me. She placed me in a bubble where nothin’ got to me...made me stronger...helped me keep our daughter safe”.

Lifting the bat high in the air he smiled brightly an almost manic glint in his eyes “this!!...is Lucille. Instead of watching you sorry fucks die like I have so many other weak motherfuckers along the way...I have a new fuckin’ idea. I'll let Lucille protect you you too”.

Looking down at the bloody remains of the groups previous leader, he smirked “she and with me...and anyone who tries to hurt us...and none who gets in our way...will end up like humpty dumpty here”.

One of the men growled stepping forward “are you crazy?! You expect us to just fall in line behind you after you just brutally killed one of our own?!!”

Negan sucked on his teeth swinging Lucille onto his shoulder, tilting his head before chuckling “well look at this big-balled motherfucker here. I like that, that's useful…” he got towered over the man before laying Lucille's still bloody barrel on the man's shoulder.

“Listen up big balls, fall the fuck in line or I'll crawl up that guckin’ pee hole of yours, get nice and deep so I can get a message those big balls you're swingin’ without anything gettin’ lost in the mix”.

He gave him a slow grin “and I'll say...Look, big balls, I know you think you're the king shit of fuck mountain and you're not accustomed to takin’ shit from anyone, but things are different now….because…”

He tapped the bat on the man's shoulder clicking his tongue to simulate knocking “heeears Negan”.

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