#( she's a people pleaser and was manipulated to look for things to compliment people on to flatter them )

[sharp-teeth-and-archived]

Likeable person & dislikeable person test

* Cassie Roosevelt

[devotioncrater]

no okay i will fucking say it. i don't like dottie lasso. she's manipulative & toxic & passive aggressive & borderline narcissistic.

in every scene, in every line she says? it's all to undermine ted. she doesn't respect ted, doesn't care for him unless it's to boost her ego or to boost her image of Mother. she drags him down to make herself feel Tall, or at the very least she drags him down to justify the way she feels Small. "you think you're better than me? remember your roots" type beat.

ted's on edge the moment she gets there. is it any wonder why? he has to walk on eggshells with her because she leaves him guessing and whatever he guesses will always be wrong. for instance, ted picking up her suitcase yet she waits until the last minute to say "not on the bed!" right before ted lets go of the handle.

she says one thing but means another ("wish i went to the game"). she guilt trips him ("ooh is it all my fault?"). she makes shit up about him to humiliate him to his team (the story about him with the car/bruce springsteen/etc). she purposefully does the opposite of what he asks (mae in the pub). she has these passive aggressive slights disguised as care (the newspaper clippings on top which she 100% planned, the way she asks if he has any of his episodes still but hates the fact he's in therapy).

it's insidious too, the way she charms the team. the way she charms rebecca and trent. everyone loves her, how could they understand why ted's upset with her? not lottie dottie! she'd never hurt a soul. she seems like such a good mom. ted, you're just like her!

she's actively taking advantage of ted's good standing in a covert way to paint ted in a light he doesn't want to be associated with. he could shout about practice all he wants, but while his mother is the center of attention, does anyone actually listen?

then when ted confronts her? he tries to meet her at a neutral level. "thank you but fuck you". but what does she immediately do? she drags him down to her insecure lows by more or less calling him a hypocrite. the entire time she's there not once does she bring up henry unless it's convenient for her to. henry is the only leverage she has towards ted, and she knows it. she catches ted in a vulnerable state and takes advantage of it. "your son misses you".

she does not give a fuck about her son! she doesn't! she went to the club to poison the water, she has no interest in actually supporting ted or the team. and then! and then! in a show of narcissistic manipulation, she blames that on ted! "you always get so nervous" and "i need to catch up on sleep". ma'am you haven't seen your son in 3 years at least and you don't want to spend time with him??? and then to compensate for it by cooking a meal? fuck off, it's so superficial.

but that's what these types of mothers do. for every stab wound there's a bandaid to cover it. you can't be mad at the knife-wielder if they're also the medic. "they must've not meant it since they're doing xyz for me".

they'll say "sorry" and the argument fizzles out exactly how it happened at the end there because technically you can't say anything else! they apologized, didn't they? let's not hold grudges now. look! see! she complimented your therapy even though she hates it. that's progress right? yeah there's no deep heart-to-heart, no actual repair there, but maybe one day, right? right?

for her to leave a note without saying goodbye? how could ted be mad at her for doing that if she made his favorite bread? she has him on an emotionally manipulative yo-yo.

and the role reversal? the way she plays helpless at the beginning? again, zero respect for ted by dropping in out of the blue with no prior warning. he's forced into this carer role with her. he's a fixer & a people pleaser because that's how she conditioned him to be on the off chance she'd reward him with (superficial) connection

[ethereal-blossom]

Hi! Hope youre doing fine💕 can you write dazai and s/o who was abused emotionally and psychically by her parents, before she left them and came to ada? And she is such people pleaser and afraid to make anyone mad?? Scenario or headcanon are both fine!! I'm really trying to be more selfish but bc of trauma I'm always putting others first :( if you don't want to don't!!! Have a nice day :)

a/n: hi, anon! i firstly want to say that i’m really proud of you 💕self care is so important- that includes prioritizing yourself over the needs of others. you deserve to give yourself the care you need <33 and small steps are still steps! i hope i did justice to your request🙈

🚨warning(s): mentioning of abuse

masterlist

dazai is an observer. he concluded quickly that you were very persistent to please other people; you never hesitated to help anyone even if it made your life a bit more difficult. your needs always seemed to come in second place.

dazai could hear the difference between your real laugh and the laugh you made to please people over their plain jokes. he wondered how you always seemed to be look so kind, friendly and caring.

even though dazai is known to be a manipulator who teases a lot at the ada, you seem to be the exception. the first time dazai tried to use you, it was to wriggle out of a report. the second and third time, dazai started to test your boundaries to see how far you would go. after those three times, dazai didn't have the heart to use you like that.

since dazai doesn't manipulate you into anything, he keeps an eye out for you. he doesn't want for anybody else to take advantage of your kindness or to unconsciously ask too much from.

your need to please people wasn't the only thing dazai observed. it was the slight change in your body language whenever you did the smallest thing wrong; the flinching when somebody raised their voice at you or made a sudden movement told dazai there was a shadow hidden behind those kind smiles.

since dazai is whipped for good people he couldn't help but to fall in love with you deeply.

dazai would comfort you whenever somebody hurt you (vocally, mentally, ect). he would step in front of you when a rude client started to upset you while a playful smile that would never reach dazai's eyes appeared on his face.

if it was another detective agency member who upset you, dazai playfully puts an arm around your shoulder to lead you towards his desk. dazai would claim that he needs his daily doses of hugs after he placed you on his lap. what wasn't visible for the other agency members was that dazai would always caress your back or leg while whispering comforting and complimenting words in your ear

dazai admits that he admires your dedication to help people. he especially loves the way you take care of him even though he wishes that you would put yourself on the first place more often. dazai has his own demons and the path will not always be easy for the both of you. however, with each other's love and support you'll get through the cruelest winters.

when you decide to open up about your past, dazai would listen to your story without showing any signs of anger. his expression is soft and comforting but from the inside he's raging. dazai would hold you tighter that day, kiss every inch of your skin, show how much he loved you and promise you that anyone who would hurt you will be his enemy. we all know what the port mafia said about dazai's enemies...

the worst thing for dazai’s enemies is the fact they were his enemies.

[georgiasfm]

╰  ･ﾟ. * 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐃𝐔𝐂𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐆𝐄𝐎𝐑𝐆𝐈𝐀 𝐂𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐎𝐖𝐀𝐘 ;

[ scarlett leithold, cis female, she/her ] have you seen GEORGIA CALLOWAY lately ? yeah, i heard they're TWENTY TWO years old and a REALITY TV STAR/PODCAST HOST now in charleston city. i mean, i don’t know if it’s their LEO vibes or that they’re -OBSTINATE and -CAPRICIOUS but also +GREGARIOUS and +EMPYREAN but they remind me of MIND GAMES by BANKS. here’s to hoping they don’t cause too much trouble around here. 

hey besties ! i’m ley , i’m 20 ( well .... i will be at midnight ) , i go by she / her pronouns , and i’m livin’ in the est timezone ! i unfortunately have a super busy weekend bc it’s my birthday , so i won’t be able to be around as much as i want to be. but i’m gonna do my best to as active as possible ! thankfully i wrote this intro ahead of time so for once it isn’t a complete disaster ( it’s still not good tho so don’t have high expectations ) anyways , here’s miss georgia calloway !! 

𝐈  . 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐬  :

FULL NAME  :  georgia belle calloway .       AGE  :  twenty - two  .   DATE OF BIRTH  :  july 23rd . ASTROLOGY SIGNS  :  leo sun , aquarius moon , pisces ascendant .   GENDER  : cis woman  .   PRONOUNS  :  she / her / hers  .   SEXUALITY  :  bisexual .       MOTHER  :  diane calloway  :  former pageant  &  debutante queen turned stay at home mom / trophy wife .   FATHER  :  jack calloway  :  career politician  &  mayor of charleston .  SIBLINGS  :  georgia is the middle child of five kids . two older brothers , two younger sisters .  POSITIVE TRAITS  :  gregarious  ,  vehement  ,  alluring  , venturesome  ,  empyrean , altruistic  . NEGATIVE TRAITS  :  obstinate  ,  reticent  ,  flighty  ,  temerarious  ,  capricious  .   AESTHETICS  :  the patter of raindrops against glass windows , the lingering scent cigarettes mixed with sweet perfume , drinking honey whiskey out of red solo cups ,  watching constellations with exhausted eyes , sneaking out by means of the vine trellis , leaving texts unanswered for days , a box of pageant awards hidden away in the closet , secrets that weigh more than gold on cherry stained lips , bending every rule just enough to get away with it , wrinkled white satin dresses and knee high ruffled socks , one too many bottomless mimosas at brunch , hearts drawn on fogged glass mirrors , lollipop stained lips . CHARACTER INSPO  :  brooke davis ( one tree hill ) , sarah cameron ( obx ) , lux lisbon ( the virgin suicides ) , jackie burkhart ( that 70s show ) . 

click here for a quick trip to her pinterest bc it describes her better than i ever could !!

( tw ; infidelity , death , drunk driving )

𝐈𝐈 .  𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐠𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝  :

       from the second she was born , georgia was treated as her mother’s little doll. diane had been ecstatic the day she found out she was with child for the second time , and even more ecstatic to find out she would be having their first little girl. she was dressed up in pink dresses and frilly socks , shown off to all of the women country or her mother’s weekly book club nights. she was the apple of her parent’s eyes , until she wasn’t. with brunette tresses  &  honey brown eyes , georgia was adored by everyone .... her beauty noted with claims that she would grow up to be a heartbreaker. her mother thrived on the compliments ; the subtle reminders to what her own childhood had been like. she had always planned on having a little girl that she could do pageants with just like she had with her own mother , and darling little georgia was perfect for that. at such a young age , georgia fell in love with the pageants. she thrived in the spotlight , with all eyes on her. and just like her mother , she won every competion she was entered in , until she didn’t. by the age of nine , georgia was starting to grow bored of the constant pageants and recitals , wanting to explore other interests. by that point , diane’s interest in her had worn off and moved onto the next child , a five year old with beautiful blonde curls and dimpled cheeks. georgia grew to know the subtle ache of rejection , and from that day forward , did everything she could to win back her mother’s affection. 

      from the outside , the calloway’s came off as the picture perfect family. but from the inside ? things were quite the opposite. georgia’s parents had unmeetable expectations for their children. get perfect grades , nothing below a b acceptable. sit down , look pretty , and shut up. don’t cause a scandal. their love was entirely conditional , only being shown when their was something they believed deserved rewarding. if you were to ask georgia , she wouldn’t be able to tell you the last time her mother actually hugged her for genuine reasons , and not to manipulate her into doing what she wanted. their father was rarely home , always away working or traveling for work. it became obvious that he was having an affair –– multiple affairs , but diane just looked the other way. the calloway family was very prominent in charleston , especially with her father being elected mayor , and their was nothing that diane would allow to ruin their image. even if it cost her own happiness.

       things got considerably more difficult around the calloway home when georgia was sixteen. her eldest brother had gone out for a night of fun with a group of friends , and made the fatal mistake of getting into a car with someone who was far too drunk to drive. georgia will never forget the conversation she overheard from the living room that night ; “ they were drunk. lost control of the vehicle. died on impact. ” it tore the family apart , dividing them even more than they already were. georgia couldn’t stand the silence of her home after her brother’s death. so she started partying constantly , going on 48 hour benders and staying out long past her curfew. she couldn’t even recognize herself in the mirror. gone was their innocent little girl , the apple of their eyes. even this couldn’t get the attention of her parents , they barely even noticed she was gone most of the time ; all they did was yell at her to not make them look like fools. 

        for her whole life , georgia followed her parent’s rules. after graduating high school , she was expected required to go college and get a degree , but georgia just couldn’t be bothered. this is the one time she went against her parent’s wishes. her fear of being stuck here forever , with the same life as her parents ; a husband that doesn’t love her and miserable children , won out over the need for approval from her parents. so she ran off to la , and landed herself on love island usa after being approached by a producer. georgia is reality tv gold , and quickly became a fan favorite. her most memorable moment being after she got her heart broken on live tv , when she purposely held up a lighter to set off fire alarms ; and then laid on the ground getting drenched by the sprinklers. so now she’s single again after being made a fool of in front of the world , back home with parents that hate her for bringing them unwanted attention , and stuck in the city she tried to get away from. but , she’s got a podcast. it’s called the bimbo summit and it’s pretty much the only thing bringing her joy right now. it started as a way for her to expose some behind the scenes shit from love island , but now it’s just for fun. 

𝐈𝐈𝐈 .  𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲  :

georgia is the girl that’s not easy to forget. she’s outgoing and amiable , but stubborn and not easy to push over. she was the one that moms would warn their kids to stay away from in high school ; she leaves a trail of destruction wherever she goes , no matter how hard she tries not to. she has the purest of intentions , genuinely just wanting love  &  happiness for herself and everyone around her , but it seems like the universe has different plans. 

she almost has this air of melancholy surrounding her ? like even when she’s happy and smiling , you can still sense it or see in her eyes that she’s not truly happy 

very charismatic , she’s a major people pleaser so she’ll put everyone else’s feelings before her own . she just wants everyone to be happy even if it means she ends up being miserable . 

georgia’s a selective oversharer . she’ll tell you all these useless little facts so you think she’s opening up when in reality you don’t truly know her because she refuses to talk about the things that matter . 

she’s trusting once she gets to know someone , but if you break that trust even once she’s not very quick to forgive. she’ll hear you out , but it’s unlikely that she’ll ever let you back in. 

she is completely unhinged. somehow picks the worst possible decision every time a problem arises. she’s not much of a logical thinker , and tends to let her heart make decisions for her. it’s gotten her into a world of trouble one too many times , and yet she’s never learnt her lesson. 

she’s also a serial dater. in her pea brain attention = love so she’ll flock to wherever she gets that. she likes the validation of relationships but hates the commitment , so pretty much all of her relationships end before they ever really start. 

don’t ever tell georgia she can’t do something. she’s a stubborn bitch and she’ll either do it immediately just to spite you or dedicate her entire life to proving you wrong and that’s not something anyone needs to deal with.

very opinionated and not afraid to make sure you know !! she will stand up for what she’s believes in without even a second of hesitation.

she would not be caught dead looking unpresentable .... she’ll do her hair and a full face of make up even if she’s waking up at 4am. and don’t even bother to ask her to go out after she’s done her skin care routine .... there’s no chance 

doesn’t really know how to handle her emotions ? so when she’s hurt she tends to just .... shut down & push everyone away 

she is a hardcore adrenaline junkie , she does so much stupid shit just for the thrill. making spontaneous and impulsive decisions is her favorite pass time.  she just holds a lot of emotion in , so anything that will release all of that or make her feel anything other than the things she’s avoiding are very much welcomed.

[uncloseted]

How Can I Care Less About My Image Like Effy? Less About Impressing Others And More About Just Doing What I Like Without Letting Them Influence Me?

Anonymous said:

So I have some problems with my confidence. I can be confident at times but it lasts for a very short time and I begin analysing every part of myself and find new insecurities. Sometimes it makes me feel really disgusting so any advice?? Thank you for this blog btw

Anonymous said:

Even though there are people who like me I feel like I'm not a likeable person because I'm insecure and this gets in the way of me socialising, having fun and having good relationships with people. How do I stop feeling this way?

Anonymous said:

last night i had the worst breakdown i’ve had in foreve about how ugly i was, every single detail about myself was so prominent and i’ve fallen so deep down this hole where i couldn’t hate myself more. i’m so unattractive andthat’s the only thing that people give a fuck about , relatives, friends, family, employers, it’s consumed my life. sometimes i’ll look in the mirror and like what i see &for that fleeting moment i’m so fucking happy you can’t imagine but then i go back to seeing the truth

Anonymous said:

I hate myself. How do I mask my insecurities and make people think I'm confident and make it look like don't care about what they think?

Anonymous said:

how can i appear more confident?

Anonymous said:

how do i deal with fear of being judged? I'm always so scared that people I've known for a long time will remember embarrassing things I've done and still laugh at me for it

Anonymous said:

I'm so insecure because I care so much what people think, its so bad that I don't even want to leave my house. When I go out with all my friends, almost all of them get complimented somehow and I never do, it might sound selfish or something but it really brings down my self esteem, I start feeling like I'm invisible or that people only hang out with me because they feel bad for me, and it makes me want to stop being social/getting out of the house, etc.

Anonymous said:

I sometimes hate my face so much and I feel so insecure and it's the worst feeling :( I hope I like the way I look one day but it seems so hard.

Anonymous said:

I can’t be confident with myself, I’m a huge ppl pleaser bc it feels like is the only way to keep them around, and I guess that’s ok but what frustrastes me the most is the fact that ppl don’t see me or my personality, it’s like I’m just there to help them out, to be their side kick... whenever I try to be confident I cringe at myself... How can I feel more secure with myself?

More than any other question, the thing I get asked most is how to build self-confidence, overcome insecurities, and deal with the fear of being judged.  In this post, I’m going to put every tip and trick I know about becoming confident, no matter who you are and the situation you’re in.

The first thing to remember about confidence is that people aren’t drawn to people because they’re beautiful, or smart, or kind, or fun, or interesting.  People are drawn to people who are confident.  If you’re confident and weird, you’re not weird, you’re a visionary.  If you’re confident and ugly, you’re not ugly, you’re “unconventionally beautiful” or a trendsetter.  If you’re confident and overly serious, you’re not boring, you’re a leader.  A lot of people think it’s the other way around- that only beautiful, smart, charming people who are well-liked can be confident- but it’s not true.  To use a Skins example, Tony’s not a good person.  He’s manipulative and cruel.  But people like him (at least in the beginning) and go along with what he says because he’s confident.  The same goes for Katie.  You can argue about whether she’s objectively the most attractive girl in the group, but she acts confident in herself and in her appearance, and it works. Lots of guys are attracted to her.  So that’s the first thing- don’t focus on changing yourself (physically or emotionally) in the hopes that you’ll be more confident.  Instead, focus on changing your mindset to that of a confident person.  It will make a huge difference. 

Of course, that’s all easier said than done, and the process of building self confidence can take a while.  In the meantime, while you’re on the journey of actually becoming confident, one thing that can help is “faking it until you make it”.  When you’re going about your day, ask yourself, “how would a confident person who’s never experienced insecurity or anxiety handle this situation”?  Then do what a confident person would do.  If you have a really confident friend, it can help to imagine what they would do in a given situation and then do that.  Pretend everyone you meet already loves you and thinks you’re great.  Pretend like you think you’re great.  It will feel uncomfortable at first, but you’ll start getting used to it and the “confident” responses to things will start feeling normal.  One thing that can make this a little bit easier is to talk to yourself in the second person.  By saying things like “you’ve got this”, your brain will (sort of) feel like you’re receiving advice from somebody else, which is more motivating than getting advice from ourselves.

There are also some exercises you can use to build your self confidence on your own. Some of you have heard this one before, so bare with me, but the first thing I suggest is:  every morning, look at yourself in the mirror and say some things you like about yourself.  I know you probably feel like you can’t find any, but try.  Focus on those things that you like and try to only focus on those things.  Write them down, either physically (on a sticky note on your mirror, maybe) or in your phone.  Each day, try to add a new thing to the list.  When you’re out and about, remember those things that you like about yourself, focus on them, and try to draw attention to them.  When other people compliment you, add those to your list as well.  I think eventually by recognizing all of the things that you like about yourself, you’ll be able to feel like there are things about you that you can be confident in, and you won’t focus so much on the things that you feel are negative.  These don’t have to just be things that are physical.  You should include things you like about your personality as well.

I mentioned this trick the other day, but I want to put it here as well.  A lot of people who are insecure use deprecating humor to cope and as a bid to get other people to like them.  But I think that can be really emotionally damaging.  Like Hannah Gadsby said in Nanette, “I have built a career out of self-deprecating humor, and I don’t want to do that anymore..do you understand what self-deprecation means when it comes from somebody who already exists in the margins? It’s not humility. It’s humiliation. I put myself down in order to speak, in order to seek permission to speak, and I simply will not do that anymore, not to myself or anybody who identifies with me.”  Self-deprecation impacts our self-esteem, and it impacts the way people around us view us.  The more times we say something, even as a joke, the more we start to believe it, and the more the people around us start to believe it.  So instead, make fun of yourself by pretending you’re really, really cocky.  If you trip and fall, instead of saying, “I’m such a disaster”, replace it with “I’m the epitome of grace and beauty”.  If you make a piece of art and you think it sucks, say, “Obviously I’m the next Di Vinci/Michelangelo/whatever.”  If you say something dumb, instead of saying, “I’m so stupid,” say, “I’m clearly the next Einstein.”  You still get to make a joke and diffuse any awkwardness the situation has, but you also get practice saying nice things about yourself.  And eventually, you’ll get so used to saying nice things about yourself as a joke that it won’t feel so weird to say those things about yourself in a serious way, too.

For those people who feel insecure about things they did in their past, try and think of something embarrassing one of your friends has done.  Can you think of anything?  The vast majority of people remember their own embarrassing moments really vividly, but don’t remember things other people have done at all.  Reminding yourself that you’re probably the only one who remembers or cares about the mistake you made can help you let go.  The mistakes you’ve made in the past are learning experiences that you’ve grown from and changed from, and the fact that you’re embarrassed by them is a good thing.  It means that you’re not that person anymore- that you’ve become someone better.  I think that’s something to celebrate instead of something to cringe at.  It can also help to talk to yourself as if you were a friend who’s remembering an embarrassing moment. Would you tell them how embarrassing that moment was and how much they suck?  Probably not.  You’d be nice to them and tell them things will be okay.  Talk to yourself like you would a friend.

The fact that people aren’t paying attention to what you’re doing doesn’t just apply to cringey things you did in your past.  People are unlikely to remember that one time you tried a new hairstyle or wore an unusual piece of clothing.  They’re unlikely to remember that one time you asked someone out and they rejected you.  So many of the social pressures we feel can be remedied by remembering that most people are way too worried about what they’re doing and how they appear to the world to care about what you’re doing. 

One more piece of advice- stop comparing yourself to other people.  The old adage, “comparison is the thief of joy” is totally, scientifically proven to be true.  Comparing ourselves to other people (or to TV shows, movies, characters in books, etc) makes us much less happy because we’re comparing everything we know about ourselves, good and bad, with a curated version of this person.  We don’t see them when they wake up in the morning with crusty eyes and frizzy hair, or when they have the flu, or when they’re overwhelmed and anxious and lashing out at the people around them.  But the truth is that everyone, even the people you think have perfect lives that you see on social media, are just people.  They have bad habits and negative traits and days where they’re not at their best, just like the rest of us.  If you really want to start being confident, one of the best things you can do for yourself is to mute or unfollow the people who make you feel insecure online, and replace them with people who inspire you- artists or activists or cute videos of animals, whatever works.  You’ll never be able to feel good about yourself if you’re constantly tracking all the ways in which you feel you don’t measure up.  But you will if you’re constantly seeing all the ways in which you do.

Last thing. Basic life care stuff, like good posture, exercising, eating well, sleeping well, meditating, and just generally practicing self-care and taking care of yourself can improve your confidence as well.  If you’re not starting on a strong foundation, it’s hard to build anything that will last.  But if your foundation is solid, all of the things you do to build your self-confidence on top of that will be, too.

[rosaliekali]

Hello! Um I would like to ask for a match up from ikemen vampire for my friend please!She's a 147cm straight female and an Enfj,Aries, Ravenclaw. She has long straight/wavyish black hair and huge puppy brown eyes she loves to sing but she's too modest and shy,her singings great but she's insecure,she can be a little too nice which makes people dislike her as they think she has ulterior motives,she's also kinda like a doormat, she's always kind to people even if they dislike her.. (1/4)💮

She's honestly the sweetest angel but she can be pretty cunning and smart too, she's top of our year, can cook, bake and sing well, she literally does everything well but she's too modest and shy always putting herself down, she always puts others first and is worried about making people mad or guilty, she's quite a crowd pleaser but that's what's charming about her! She's really pretty too like too pretty, she always gets the most chocolates during Valentines! (2/4)💮

She's actually not just short but really Petit too! She has really small feet, ears, and hands but she doesn't mind it and actually likes it! She says she feels warm and safe when she holds hands with us friends or other people with bigger hands! She is really affectionate and loves to give and receive hugs and head pats, and even though she's small she's really strong!!(like super strong!!) Even though she's shy she can be very daring and straight forward too! when it counts at least!(3/4)💮

She loves wearing other people's clothes too and since she's really Petit she looks absolutely tiny in other's clothes She is super duper cute and ( a little manipulative haha ) can really put her huge puppy dog eyes to use! overall she is a really sweet and kind girl!! Oh and please take your time doing this match up! Don't stress yourself and Please put yourself first and remember to take care of yourself!! Stay safe and healthy!!(4/4)💮

I match her with Arthur!

She sounds like the kind of girl Arthur would fall for pretty quickly. She’s pretty and sweet yet modest. Someone like her who can brighten other people’s lives and is very kind to those around her is someone that Arthur needs. He needs someone who is earnest and will put a smile on his face after a lifetime of the things he has lived through. An angel who is nice to everyone will definitely help him heal.

Arthur loves her modesty although he does wish he saw herself the same way he sees her. Fear not, he will definitely be there to remind her that she is incredible whenever she begins to doubt. He also won’t let her put herself down and will teach her to take compliments and see herself in a more positive light.

Arthur loves her affectionate nature and can definitely give back in kind. He is a more physical person and finds her hugs and head pats cute. He will definitely enjoy the affection he receives and will give it back twice fold.

Her hidden strength is something that he likes. Arthur has a habit of doubting and worrying for the safety of the women who are too sweet, but your friend can hold her own and will make him realize kindness doesn’t mean weakness. He likes that about her and thinks he is lucky to have someone like her.

Her puppy eyes are his weakness and he can never deny her whenever she uses them. He also gets a little jealous when he sees how the people around her are charmed by her and will definitely throw an arm around her just to remind them all that she chose him.

All in all, her beauty and charm draws him in. He is just the kind of lover he needs and finds himself blessed to be the one she chose.

[paper-teeth]

7.29.2020

Another day, another life update.

I think things are going okay, but not great. What a surprise. It seems like I only ever come to update here when I think things are going downhill. Sorry for being such a downer lol.

On the boy front, things have definitely settled down since my last posts and I’ve come to accept and move on from his past. It was difficult for a while, but I think things are better in some ways. I’ve opened up more about my discomfort with sex and sexual topics and he’s almost completely dropped the topic since. I’m not totally okay with him leaving the responsibility of sex just to me because I do think it’s something I need to work on. I can’t be afraid of sex or make him feel bad forever. I need to start slowly, but I appreciate that he cares.

I’m not sure how boys are, but they seem always needy and I just can’t keep up. I feel dirty when I try to keep up. 

I’m such a people pleaser and I’m trying to change my mentality.

I feel like our communication was going really well for a few months into quarentine, but lately it’s been a little strained. It seems like we don’t say much to each other besides just “I miss you” and “what are you working on”. Things just seem shallow. WE don’t even have “ I had X thought about you” anymore since we don’t talk about sexy things. I don’t know what’s happening, are we just that boring? 

I feel like one day I’m just going to crack and break things off because I’m just manipulative and paranoid he’ll lose interest in me. Maybe he’ll find some other girl who actually wants to fuck while I’m not there. I hate this thought, because he’s said to me he’d give up anything for me. There’s a part of me that just wants to get away but I don’t want to lose something so good. I feel too young to just stay here, and let this be the end.

On a second note, I’ve been going through a need to self-improve. This has taken the form of me picking up new hobbies like gardening (my sweet potato is growing nicely), alterations, zero-waste changes, decluttering, and baking. I’ve gained a lot of new skills and happiness during this quarantine. However, I can’t fail to mention my desire to finally get fit.

Physically, I know I look decent. I’m not super skinny at 5′7″ and 145 lbs, but it’s never changed much. I’ve been this weight since high school (with  a small jump to 160 at one point) and I’ve never known any different. My stomach has never been flat, not even as a child, and my thighs have never been skinny. I guess my insecurities about my body have always been there, but they definitely started bugging me in middle school. I was surrounded by all these pretty white athletic skinny girls with long hair that I didn’t look like. Sure, they were my friends and I was never bullied, but no matter how nice or smart I was I would never be pretty and athletic on top of that.

In high school, I mostly forgot about my weight because I was surrounded by people of all sizes and I felt pretty good about myself. I’d had a few potential boy encounters which served as a confidence boost and I was generally too busy to care about what I ate. Dieting was not a thing to me. However, one comment really stuck to me: I was thick. My sort of boyfriend said that to me as a positive, trying to be a compliment, but it caught me off guard because I had never seen myself like that. I wanted to be skinny and pretty like every other girl and I tried so hard to convince him that I was NOT thick or thicc or any sort of curvy. 

Later on in my freshman year of college I’d come to accept my body shape a little more, but I still didn’t consider myself very curvy. Then I started to get close to the toxic boy (not my current boyfriend, to clarify) I’ve mentioned previously. He’s super tall and built like a bean, so obviously I looked even curvier next to him. Among other things, one comment he made when he wrapped his arms around my waist was that I was “surprisingly thick”.

What. The. Fuck. 

It was another person validating the same perception of me as big. I hated it and my body and especially coming from him. It made me want to crawl out of my skin and tear myself to pieces. I felt disgusting.

It took me another year to forget about the pain he caused and to start loving my body again, but that was mostly through parties, another boy, drama, and alcohol. I just wanted to be a drunk sexy girl at a party with a boy in the palm of her hand. If that meant showing off some curves than so be it. I think this is when my high-waisted bottoms phase really started to kick in and I embraced my curves. I’d also gained a few pounds after freshman year and was at my heaviest at 160 lbs. I felt and looked disgusting. 

It wasn’t until later in the semester when I got busy working on projects in the wood shop that I started to lose weight from skipping meals. I wasn’t intentionally restricting, but I was busy and stressed and sweating 8 hours a day. I would eat just coffee, overnight oats, a banana, and some tuna and kale sandwiches if I was lucky. I was also running to grab a break menu Mcdonald’s meal if I hadn’t eaten anything all day to stop myself from starving. I really didn't notice how much weight I’d lost until people started commenting that I looked skinnier and my clothes looked better. I was about 150 lbs.

I lost another few pounds in the spring of 2019 from the same habits and actually squeezed into a pair of pants I hadn’t worn since middle school. I felt on top of the world at my skinniest around 145 lbs. I was unhealthy, tired, sleep-deprived,and stressed and food had honestly been an afterthought.

For a while, my boyfriend made me feel better about my curves and he said he loved them. Then he revealed that the first time he really noticed, he was surprised that I was thick.

He was surprised I had an ass when I bent down to grab papers. He loved being with a bigger girl, unlike his skinny girlfriends in the past.

Thaaaaaanks. 

I’ve been feeling like such a fat girl since then ( with good and bad days) and when I say that I want to be skinny or lose weight, he just says that he likes me bigger which doesn’t help at all. There’s been enough people now commenting about it that I can’t brush it off or ignore it anymore. I’m big and I jiggle and clothes don’t always look good on me. I don’t fit into the category of “slim” I’m just thick.

I’ve been feeling so disgusting lately. My friend brought up that her doctor thinks she might have binge eating disorder and I’ve fallen right back into my obsession for ed social media. I hadn’t realized, but I’ve always found so much comfort in these hurtful posts since middle school when I first started looking into it. I’ve never done any of the restricting, but I always admired the pretty girls that were posted. Haha, maybe I’m just bisexual and not jealous. 

I want to be skinny and fit and I saw a lot of progress after working out april through june. I don’t want to admit it, but I’m finding myself sucked further and further into the ed community and counting calories and needing to burn every carb I eat. I don’t want to be the thick girl anymore and the only thing I’ve never tackled have been my eating habits. 

Am I on the right path? No. Does it hurt? yes. Am I going to do it? ...I’ll probably just fail at this too.

xoxo your local thicc girl

[27emailsicantsend]

Muffy Finale Fic

Night was quickly approaching. Music could be heard from the house with lights blaring on and off from the windows. Buffy had been looking for Marty all night.

“He’s not coming” Buffy sighed.

“You don’t know that” Cyrus Goodman said, assuring. He knew how badly he wanted TJ Kippen, the tall basketball star, to be there. Since Buffy was his crush-buddy, he knew that she wanted Marty, the charming brunette, there as much as he longed for TJ.

“Yes. I do. Cyrus, he hasn’t come to anything I’ve invited him to since he broke up with Rachel. I know we’re still friends, but he’s not acting like we are”.

“Well, at least he isn’t dating Kira”.

“Cyrus, Kira and TJ are not dating. I promise.”

Just then, tall and blonde TJ Kippen walks in the room. He greets a few friends with some high fives and bro-hugs and turns to see Cyrus. TJ’s face beams and he waves excitedly at him. Cyrus gives a small, awkward wave back, secretly hoping TJ will talk to him. As he’s waving, he feels a whoosh of air and someone runs past him full speed, waving back at TJ, into TJ’S arms. Kira. TJ was waving at Kira. How could Cyrus have been so oblivious?

“I’m sorry” Buffy says empathetically.

“I was probably deluding myself anyway”.

Buffy gives Cyrus a half smile and the hugs him around the shoulders with one arm. Just as she’s hugging him, she hears a familiar voice.

“How is everybody tonight?”

The crowd cheers.

“Good! Good! So I’ve got a bit of stand-up comedy for you. So you best buckle your seatbelts, because these are some real crowd pleasers. Did you know the first French fries weren’t cooked in France?... no? They were cooked in Greece!”

Complete silence from the crowd. Buffy watched as Marty struggled to help them understand the joke.

“Get it? Greece? Like the country, but they are also greasy?”

Absolute silence.

“Ok... well if a child refuses to nap at nap time... are the resisting a rest?”

Cough.

Buffy couldn’t watch. She felt so bad. Marty was trying so hard and no one was reacting. She could see beads of sweat start to form and his eyes frantically darted around the room. She could see the wheels in his head turning for a new joke.

“Uhh... uhhh did you guys hear about the book about anti-gravity? Apparently it’s impossible to put down”

More silence. This was torture to watch him struggle. Buffy knew he was trying his hardest and really just wanted to make everyone smile. Buffy was about to say something when she watched Marty’s head dart around some more and then run off stage.

A little while later, Buffy was searching everywhere for Marty. She wanted him to know she appreciated his humor. She liked the way he exuded confidence. She liked the way he laughed. The way he smiled. The way his dimple got really deep when he was flirting... oh no! Snap out of it, Buffy she thought to herself. She and Marty were just friends. She needed to let him know he did a good job though. Telling him that is friendly, right? That’s something good friends do.

Finally, she spotted him over by the snack table.

“Hey!” Buffy said awkwardly. Marty smiled. Buffy breathed a sigh of relief. She was grateful he wasn’t too upset. However, he could just be covering up. He was really good doing that the last time he was hurt. By her.

“I thought you were funny” Buffy said politely

“That sounded like an actual compliment”

Buffy realized that she was being nice to Marty. If she was too nice, he would catch on that she had feelings for him. But, she already said what she said, so she decided to see it through. Maybe the compliment would come off as friendly, rather than charming or flirty.

“It was” Buffy said, politely.

“What’s going on?”

Shoot. Marty’s suspicious. Buffy pulled back instinctively.

“Nothing. Absolutely nothing. YouwerejustfunnyandIwantedyoutofeelbetter. Oh hey! Look! Snacks!” Buffy said in a quick attempt to change the conversation.

“Buffy, it’s ok. I am really ok.”

No, you’re not. Buffy thought instinctively.

“Are you sure? I just don’t like seeing you hurt”.

Marty flashed a giant grin at Buffy as he slightly giggled at her. It made her heart leap. She started sweating.

“Driscoll, I’m a warrior through pain. I promise. I’ll be fine”.

Buffy’s heart rate slowed. She started to feel sad, but gave Marty a half-hearted smile as she put her hand on his arm. She nodded gently to acknowledge what Marty said and left her hand there another second as if to promise him she understood. He wanted to be tough through his pain. She gets that. She really gets that.

Little did she know, Cyrus had been watching and listening intently from afar. Cyrus called Buffy over.

“I was lipreading your conversation,” Cyrus said to Buffy a few minutes later as they sat on the stairs inside the Mack house.

“Cyrus, you’ve never been good at lip reading”.

“Actually, Buff-ay, you would be pleased to know my skills have improved immensely” Cyrus said confidently as he fake-brushed some dust off of his shoulder.

“Fine, what were we talking about?”

“Marty’s stand up routine.”

Buffy was impressed, he actually did see what they were talking about.

“And?”

“And you complimenting Marty”

“And?”

Buffy couldn’t believe how accurate Cyrus had become. He’s must have grown so keen on watching people’s interactions or even studied lips with Libby to understand precisely what people were sayi-

“Marty is into watermelon gong songs”

There it is.

Buffy giggled and laid her head on Cyrus.

“He was so sad. I hated seeing him like that. He was like a sad little puppy dog that just got taken from it’s owner”

“But he was smiling?”

“Yeah, but I smile when I’m sad too. It’s better to be strong. My mom taught me that. I think he was really hurt that his show didn’t go well, Cyrus. I don’t know what to do.”

“You need to tell him how you feel”

Buffy scoffed. “What?? I meant about the show. I want to make him feel better”

Cyrus gave her a look.

Buffy sighed. There was no hiding that the reason she wanted him to feel better so badly was because of her feelings for him. She just hoped that’s why he wanted her to feel better so badly when she got heat exhaustion and fractured her ankle.

“Fine. I’ll do it.”

“Tonight?” Cyrus said with a wide grin and a prodding facial expression.

Buffy sat up straight and looked at Cyrus with a specific look in her eye. A look Cyrus knew all too well.

“Oh no. That’s your competitive look. What’s going on?”

Buffy dramatically put a hand on her heart. “I’ll tell Marty I like him if you tell a certain someone the same thing,” Buffy said as she made a small point at TJ with her finger.

Cyrus knew once she got in this mode, it was the only way she was going to actually talk to Marty. Cyrus started panicking, but then calmed himself down because he knew she would probably back out and he wouldn’t have to say anything to TJ.

“What do I get if I win? You know. I tell TJ before you tell Marty. Or I only tell TJ and you tell Marty nothing.” Cyrus said, calculating.

“... I’ll let you eat my baby tater’s for a week. But if I win... you have to let me pick the next five movies we go to. In exchange for the five days of baby taters”.

“What?!” Cyrus whined. “That’s not fair! You always pick the movies with the sports. I am not a sporty man. You know my frail body can’t handle that message being sent to my brain through television”.

Buffy looked at him, unconvinced. “Do we have a deal?” She stuck her arm out to Cyrus.

“Ok fine.” Cyrus said as he reached one arm out to Buffy. “You have a deal”.

Buffy felt a little taken aback that Cyrus caved so quickly. But she was going to win the bet. She was going to beat Cyrus.

Buffy grabbed Cyrus’ hand and shook it aggressively.

Both Cyrus and Buffy had parted ways and Buffy had attempted to talk to Marty three times already, all of which had failed.

The first was when she saw him dancing with some friends. She tried to dance her way over to him, but he quickly got distracted with other people and half-acknowledged her.

The second was when she and Marty were both waiting outside the restroom. She was about to speak up, when an overweight boy left the restroom and said, “I’ll probably be back,” with a queasy look on his face.

The third was an incredibly close call. She saw Marty talking to TJ. She was standing with Cyrus and Marty gave a huge grin to her. Now’s my chance, Buffy thought. She was going to send Cyrus with TJ and Marty could go with her. She gave Cyrus a look and he got the memo. He pulled TJ aside, and as he and TJ walked with their arms around each other to another room, Buffy walked up to Marty.

“Hey, can I talk to you for a second?”

Marty smiled. “Sure!”

Just as Buffy was about to walk away with Marty, she heard a yell, “Hey Driscoll!”

She turned around. Kira.

“What do you want, Kira?” Buffy said, annoyed.

“I need to talk to you”.

“Not now, Kira. I’m in the middle of something important,” the frustration in Buffy’s voice rising.

“Please, Buffy. I really need to talk to you. It will just take two seconds. But I promise, it’s really important. And if I don’t say it now, I never will.”

Buffy gave Marty an apology look and he shrugged at her. She walked away from him with Kira, instead. Great, Buffy thought. Just how I wanted my night to go.

“Look, I’m sorry”.

“For what?” Buffy knew exactly for what, but wanted to make her work for it.

“I’m sorry for how I treated you with the Spikes. I was a jerk. I never should have treated you like that.”

Buffy nodded as if to say, “go on”.

“I watched your last game. You guys were really good. Turns out you didn’t need me after all”.

Buffy’s face softened. Kira’s apology felt real. There was something different and less manipulative about it.

“Anyway, I guess that’s all. So... I’ll leave you alone now... oh and I’m sorry for ruining your conversation with Marty. I hope you say what you need to say.” Kira hesitated the words as she awkwardly started to back up from Buffy.

Kira began to turn around and walk away when she heard Buffy. “Kira! Wait”.

Word vomit. Buffy couldn’t believe what she was about to say next.

Buffy took a deep breath and closed her eyes. “I hope we make the same team next year”.

Buffy reopened her eyes. Kira looked taken aback.

“I mean it” Buffy said reassuringly. “I do think you’re a really good player. I think you would really benefit the team”.

Kira smiled.

“Now don’t get too cocky. This is a team sport, meaning we work together as a team. The only competition is the other team, not each other”.

Kira began to giggle. “Guess we’ll both have to work on that, won’t we?”

Buffy rolled her eyes and began to laugh with Kira, “undoubtedly”.

Later, Buffy found Cyrus again.

“Any luck?” Buffy said, hoping Cyrus would say what she wanted.

“Nada.” Cyrus shrugged as Buffy sighed a small breath of relief. “Every time I talk to TJ, he’s either with his friends, or trying to DJ. One time, I even tried to talk to him by the bathroom. Big mistake”.

Yeah, I know, Buffy thought.

“I’m sorry”.

“How about you?” Cyrus asked, chipper.

“Nada”.

Both kids sighed and stood there aimlessly.

“Should we call off the bet?” Cyrus said, defeated.

“Maybe” Buffy said. Just as she said it, she quickly changed her mind. Something caught her eye. “Or maybe not!” She said with a new found confidence.

Buffy watched as Marty walked back upstage. He was trying again with his jokes. This time, he started off tense. But as some kids laughed at a little joke he cracked, he began to lighten up again. Buffy just watched and smiled from afar. Marty’s confidence in trying again helped Buffy believe she could keep going with this bet too. It was ok to fall down, as long as she kept trying.

“We’re not always winners on the first try. We have to practice over and over and eventually, we’ll take on the victory”

Cyrus looked at Buffy, dumbfounded. “Who are you and what have you done with competitive Buffy?!”

“Oh. She’s still here. And she won’t go down without a fight. I just need a few more tries”

Buffy grabbed Cyrus’ wrist and ran off with him the other way from Marty, “come on! I know what to do!”

Buffy composed an elaborate plan. It involved getting TJ outside alone by telling him that there were free s’mores outside, but not to tell anyone because there weren’t many left. Then, when TJ goes to sit down, Cyrus will find him and talk to him. So that while Cyrus was sitting on the bench and confessing to TJ, Buffy would rush back inside and ask Marty to help her find her lost jacket.

Buffy finished talking to TJ and ran to stuff her jacket in a random corner in the Mack house. She began to look for Marty. Heart pounding. “Marty?” She looked a little more. She was running into groups of kids and she almost tripped over one. “Marty?!” The music was blaring. She continued to call Marty’s name even though there was probably no way he could hear her over all of the chatter and loud music. She ran around the entire downstairs level of the house with nothing. She ran upstairs and checked every room, including under CeCe’s bed and in her closet, even though Buffy knew there was no way Marty was playing hide-and-seek. However, this was Marty, so she wouldn’t be totally shocked, either.

“Ok. Focus.” Buffy said as she ran down the stairs. Her heart rate was speeding up incredibly as she continued to look for him. She bolted down the stairs and looked around the main entrance. She was going to win that bet.

Buffy called his name one more time.

“Mar-“

Her expression dropped. She saw Marty standing outside the window, with his coat on. Was he leaving? Without a second thought, Buffy ran to get her coat where she hid it and ran outside.

It was winter out and the night was beautiful. There were decorations everywhere from the party and the snow lightly covered the ground. The air was crisp with a small breeze and the stars blinked in the sky. Time felt like it had slowed, but her racing mind hadn’t.

Buffy stood on the front step, hands in her coat pockets, looking around for Marty. She looked a couple of times but saw nothing. That’s when she heard him.

“Ok, yeah! See you later!”

Marty was waving good bye to a friend, in a gazebo placed outside the Mack’s house. The gazebo was covered in twinkling lights and bright balloons. It looked like it could be out of a movie, but the balloons ruined the allure.

“Marty!” Buffy yelled without hesitation. She ran over and started to run up the stairs to the gazebo, but they were beginning to form a thin sheet of ice and she started to slip.

“Whoa whoa whoa”, Marty said as he quickly ran over, grabbing her arms to catch her fall. “Be careful there, Driscoll. Don’t want you hurting yourself again”

“Oh, shush” Buffy said, with an annoyed tone, but her face said otherwise.

Marty brought Buffy up to her feet. As Buffy continued to steady herself, she tried to talk, but this was extremely difficult to do considering she was trying to catch her breath.

“I— need- to talk— to you— now”

Marty looked at her, kindly. “Ok, breathe, and then we can talk”.

“Marty-I”.

“Breath”.

“I need to-“.

“Relax, Buffy”.

“MARTY! I CAN’T RELAX. I CAN’T RELAX AROUND YOU OR BREATH AROUND YOU OR ANYTHING. DON’T YOU GET IT MARTY? I LIKE YOU! I LIKE YOU! I LIKE YOU! I LIKE YOU!”

Buffy’s eyes widened as she clasped her hands to her mouth. That was not the way she anticipated doing that.

Marty stood in shock and total silence.

“Oh my gosh. I don’t know what just came over me! I said it!” Buffy grinned, but her grin soon faded into horror, “oh my gosh I said it. And you don’t like me back. How could you like me back? We’re just friends. Oh nooooo. What have I done?!”

“BUFFY!”

Buffy remembered she wasn’t giving her monologue alone as Marty snapped her back into reality. She sheepishly looked back at him and then looked away.

“Yeah?” She said quietly, wondering how much damage she just caused. Not even caring about the bet anymore. Just her’s and Marty’s conversation.

“I like you too” Marty said grinning.

“You what?? I mean, I was hoping you would say that but I didn’t think you would, because I felt like you didn’t like me because you said you didn’t but you actually do and now I’m scared and what-”.

Marty put his hand on Buffy’s arm. The same way she did earlier when she was trying to cheer him up. Marty flashed a huge grin on his face.

“I said, I like you too. I was just too scared to get rejected again. Especially after just being dumped by Rachel. Even though it was an awful relationship, it still hurt”.

Buffy couldn’t help but feel a little hurt he was talking about Rachel. This was supposed to be their moment. She gave Marty a solemn look and he quickly back tracked.

“Buffy. I never stopped liking you. But I had no choice. You weren’t ready to be with me, so I forced myself to move on. But I never stopped liking you. Please believe me”. Marty’s calm voice felt very reassuring to Buffy. Familiar. He had a way of bringing her back to Earth like no one else. That’s why he was the only person she could talk to like this.

“I believe you” Buffy said gently.

Then she did something she never thought she would do. But after Kira, being out of character was just fine for Buffy Driscoll.

She reached her hand up to Marty and kissed him. The kiss wasn’t long, but it felt right. It felt like all of the missed times and opportunities and second chances all aligned to this exact moment. It was just right.

Buffy backed up leaving her hand near Marty’s cheek with his hand still on her shoulder. Both began to giggle and Marty said, “so you’re soft huh?”

Buffy gave Marty a warm smile while she lightly caressed his cheek, “you finally figured that out”. Buffy then giggled again.

There was no competition in Buffy’s mind. All that mattered was that she finally had Marty. They made each other happy. And that, to her, was better than beating Cyrus at a competiton. That, to her, was winning.

[divinefcminines]

{ ROSAMUND PIKE. FORTY. CISFEMALE. SHE/HER } i was out wrestlin’ gators when i saw INGRID O’HARA. you know they have been in town for FORTY YEARS now? they current work as a HEIRESS & HOUSEWIFE. i love having them around, they're CAPTIVATING & GREGARIOUS, but sometimes they can be IMPRUDENT & DECEITFUL. well, hope to see them ‘round more!

hello howdy what’s up uwu i’m neely and this is my extra bitch. pls love her ... she likes the attention.

Ingrid Lake grew up with a silver spoon in her mouth. Her family lived in New Orleans for generations and her grandfather, Vincent Lake, founded a media company that took Louisiana by storm in the 1960’s… from then on it expanded and to this day, is one of the most renowned companies in the country. They own newspapers and broadcasting networks all over the United States, which amassed a ridiculous fortune for the surviving members of the Lake family. Around Louisiana, mention the Lake’s and you’ll hear tales from people who had got their first job from the Lake’s, or had been helped out by them financially in their time of need. Louisiana residents have mostly good things to say about the family. The only son of Vincent Lake and the heir of the company moved with his pregnant wife to Marais, Louisiana to escape the bustle of New Orleans and raise their child away from the city.

She’s an only child, which makes her the heiress to Lake Corp., meaning she’s set for life. She’s never had the need to work or do anything off her own merit. From the time she was a young girl to now, Ingrid has enjoyed a life of privilege, but she never took that for granted. She’s always wanted to give back and runs a few charities in Marais and regularly donates to local causes, as well as hosting many highbrow galas and events with the other wealthy residents in the area.

At the age of 20, Ingrid married a man she’d known through family friends. They were very much in love and were ready to make a life together. He also came from money and had a high-powered job, which her parents were pleased with. They had initially been very picky with who their darling daughter would end up with. Ingrid’s been married to her husband for 20 years now and they have 3 children. The eldest being 18 years old and the youngest being 7. She adores her family, though, in the past 5 years, she’s had a wandering eye, engaging in affairs with people both from Marais and neighbouring towns and cities.

When it comes to her personality, Ingrid is a very charming person. She knows how to win people over, and is very much a people pleaser. She thrives on the attention and praise from others. She’s very social and is pretty much the ‘queen’ of hosting events and fundraisers. She knows almost everyone in Marais… she makes it her mission to welcome newcomers to town and maintain the good reputation for Marais. Though, there’s a not quite so nice side to her. She lies a lot. About a broad range of things. Mostly to her husband and friends, but she created a perfect facade for herself, in a desperate need to one up the people around her. There’s also a very controlling and manipulative side to her. (I kind of took some tidbits of inspiration from the character Adora Crellin in ’Sharp Objects’, except Ingrid isn’t as psychotic as Adora, lmao.)

Ingrid’s father is in his mid 80’s now and his health is deteriorating by the day and considering Ingrid’s mother passed away a few years ago, her inheritance is coming closer, and honestly, she has no clue of what to do when that happens. Knowing her, she’ll probably hire someone to run the company for her, but she is worried that her husband may take her for all she’s got if their marriage begins to crumble, that’s why she’s determined to keep their relationship strong, but she has a pathological need to cheat, so who knows how that may end up.

wanted connections.

CLOSE FRIENDS — people from a similar circle to ingrid, they are the wealthier crowd in the area, and attend her extravagant galas/events.

FRIEND(S) WITH BENEFITS — yes, ingrid is very much married and has been for 20 years but that doesn’t stop her from hoeing it up... but we love that for her. any gender works.

LONG-TERM AFFAIR — i’m only looking for one of these. preferably a male/nb. they have had an arrangement going for a while (probably over a year), maybe there’s some real feelings there, but an issue that could get in the way is the fact that ingrid isn’t ready to end her marriage, now or maybe never. this could bring some angst ... teehee.

FRENEMIES — i would live for the bitchiness and back-handed compliments, which ingrid is an expert at.

PEOPLE SHE CAN’T STAND ( & VICE VERSA. ) — gimme. this could be fun.

NANNY — someone who looks after her youngest children ( 7 & 12 years old ). maybe they’ve known her and her family for years?

these are just a few ideas from the top of my head ... but i’m super down for pretty much anything. gimme all the plots.

[kali-tmblr]

The Narcissistic Parents: Parallels in the Lives of Jacques and Raven

(Sorry to take so long. I forgot how unpleasant it is to write about narcissists.)

Jacques and Raven are both narcissists who are also the parents of grown children. There's a lot we don't know about their pasts, but what we do know fits the narcissism pattern perfectly.

Narcissism is a combination of great egotism, inflexibility, and a complete lack of empathy and compassion. It seems to be caused by a lack of consistent attention growing up, leaving the person to believe that attention is a resource that can be fought for and won, and that other people are just obstacles in the way of that goal. We don't know anything about Jacques' past, but it's easy to believe that Raven encountered such conditions growing up in a bandit camp.

This next fact is something that people who haven't met a narcissist find hard to believe, and people who have one in their life that they want to have a relationship with find very, very hard to accept: narcissists see people as things, and they always will. It's not just that they "don't get it", they lack the ability to ever "get it". The connection can't be made because the connector isn't there. It just doesn't make sense to them. As far as the narcissist is concerned, being asked to not treat people as exploitable resources is like sitting a starving child in front of a plate of food and asking them not to eat. It's obvious the food is there to be eaten, and the resources (the people) are there to be exploited. To assume otherwise is stupid and actually offensive as far as the narcissist is concerned.

This condition is permanent. There is no "growing out of it". There is no deathbed conversion, unless it's a final performance for status points from a sympathetic audience. From personal experience I can say that while they're very likely to be bitter and angry at how ineffective their coping strategy has been on their deathbed, they still won't change it.

In recent years our culture has slowly come to comprehend that there are certain concepts that people with severe autism will never understand. We need to comprehend that narcissists have the same inability to understand empathy and compassion.

Narcissists can be very flamboyant in early adulthood, cutting quite a social swath with their combination of charismatic egomania and a willingness to buck convention out of a genuine lack of concern for the consequences of their actions on other people. This matches both what we know of Raven at Beacon and Jacques at the time of his marriage to Willow Schnee. Over time the people they knew in their youth usually come to see through them and distance themselves, which will leave the narcissist isolated and alone. The only solution for this is if they have reached a high enough social status that there will always be a fresh supply of willing syncophants to replace those they lose. Both Raven and Jacques have reached such a position, but the difference is that the later syncophants rarely form as strong a bond as the earlier ones did, before the narcissist developed a reputation as a user. This could prove especially damaging for Raven, as her ability to use people as teleportation anchors depends on her ability to form a close bond with them, which in a narcissist tends to diminish over time.

Narcissists can be socially useful. I once knew a narcissist who worked for the UN, using her overly aggressive personality to bully third-world leaders into complying with UNICEF, saving children's lives in the process. The high social status points she got from the work were enough to keep her at the task, although her husband had a full-time job managing other people's expectations that she be anything other than a bully. Their kids didn't come around anymore.

I think Ozpin had something similar in mind for Raven, hoping the high social status of being a Huntress would be enough to keep her at the job. It worked for a while, and might have worked longer if she hadn't found out that he had lied to her. Then again, there probably came a time when the allure of being a bandit queen simply won out over the drudgery of being a new mother. A bandit queen is always the center of attention, whereas a new mother must cede the spotlight to her baby.

But Jacques and Raven aren't simply narcissists, they are narcissistic parents, and that's a special kind of awful. There are distinct differences in healthy families and families of narcissists,and distinctive ways they damage those around them, especially children.

To the narcissistic parent, children, like all people, are things, either tools or obstacles/enemies. Tools fall into two categories, syncophants or scapegoats. In contrast, healthy families with children are designed to guide them on their path to becoming independent adults, with deference given to their personal wishes when doing so is realistic and appropriate. These different approaches cause some very distinctive differences in how healthy families and families of narcissists organize themselves.

A healthy family with children consists of a series of stepped barriers designed to protect the children from harm. The highest barrier is around the youngest children, keeping out much of the outside world and even protecting them from harm from older siblings. As the children age and become more competent, the barriers gradually lower.

There is also a barrier between the children and the parents/caregivers. For the safety of the children certain topics are not discussed in their presence and certain pieces of information are withheld from them.

We see an example of a family with healthy boundaries in the Xiao Long household. Ruby mentions in the third episode that the girls were sheltered from boys at a younger age. We find out in the third season that Tai and honorary caregiver Qrow have conspired to hide information about her mother from Yang, fearing another incident like the one that nearly killed the girls early on. Even when Yang is considered old enough to be told the truth, Qrow still holds back telling her so as not to distract her from her normal life, only revealing it when she needs a distraction after being disqualified from the Vytal Festival Tournament. Qrow also mentions having "a number of inappropriate stories" he could tell about their parents now that the girls are grown or nearly grown, but lets the subject drop when they express disinterest.

Narcissistic families are organized for the benefit of the narcissist. Other family members orbit the narcissist like planets orbit a star. They occupy roles assigned to them by the narcissist, in different variations of syncophant and scapegoat, with the syncophants usually, but not always, kept closer. They are controlled through manipulation, which may take the form of either flattery or threats, but always contains an element of coercion. The children are used as tools to accomplish the goals of the narcissist, and information is withheld from them or provided to them in the service of these goals, without any consideration for whether or not it is age-appropriate,or whether they express actual interest. Internal barriers are minimal or non-existent. External barriers exist to protect the narcissist, not the children.

Growing up with narcissist parents/caregivers leaves marks on a child's psyche. The biggest one is a lack of self worth and self-confidence. In extreme forms this deficit can lead to an individual who lacks an internal compass and who must rely on others to tell them right from wrong. It also leads to an individual who has difficulty connecting to other people. These tendencies can take various forms, including but not limited to the Perfectionist, the People-Pleaser, the Rebel, the Observer, and the Manipulator.

Jacques has three biological children, Winter, Weiss, and Whitley. Raven has one biological child, Yang; and two defacto foster children, Vernal and the previous Spring Maiden.

When speaking of and to their children, both Raven and Jacques are bored and disinterested in them as people. They show no interest in them unless their children can be used to their benefit. The emotion they express the most in regard to them is annoyance. No matter how much their children accomplish, they never once express pride in them. Nor do they ever show love or tenderness towards them. This is in marked contrast to the concern, pride, and love that the Belladonnas show Blake, and that Tai and Qrow show Yang and Ruby.

Yang is more affected by Raven's abandonment than by her direct narcissism, so the damage done to her was indirect, but still substantial. The writers have said they will address that issue in V7.

We don't know much about Raven's relationship with the last Spring Maiden. Raven took her in, trained her, and murdered her for reasons which Raven is vague about, but probably had to do with Raven nearing the upper age limit for inheriting the power. I used to say that Raven was a better parent than Jacques because she removed her toxic presence from Yang's vicinity, but Jacques hasn't committed filicide -- yet.

Vernal is a perfect syncophant to Raven, loyal until death and only concerned with "family", i.e. what Raven wants. Cinder even compliments Raven in front of Vernal on how well Raven has "conditioned" Vernal.

All of the Schnee children appear to have self-esteem issues. All of them seem to have been syncophants at one point in time, although the girls may now be scapegoats. Certainly Ironwood is the scapegoat blamed for "stealing" Winter away from Jacques (because of course she would not have left him of her own free will!)

From what we have seen of her Winter has Perfectionist tendencies. When she arrived at Beacon Weiss had both Perfectionist and some Manipulator tendencies, although those have lessoned since Volume 1. Whitley seems to be manifesting Manipulator tendencies. He appears to be the most damaged of the siblings and also the most terrified, judging by the look on his face immediately after Jacques struck Weiss. Unlike the girls, he would have been subjected to Jacques' undivided attention after they left, and as I blogged earlier, I suspect Jacques may be planning to use the Aura transfer technology to take over Whitley's body at some point in the future.

A lot of people want Jacques to acknowledge what he's done, break down, and beg for forgiveness. This is unrealistic. A narcissist never does that unless they are backed into a corner and performing for an audience, and even then it's just a performance.

What I would like to see is the Schnees get out from under Jacques' thumb -- physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially. This won't happen without a fight. He already set the Armor Gigas on Weiss to stop her from leaving the first time. He'll no doubt employ more and dirtier tricks next time.

(I'm leaving Salem and Cinder out of this discussion because I'm not entirely convinced they are narcissists as opposed to some other malignancy. Salem isn't an egomaniac. Cinder is certainly an egomaniac and probably a narcissist, but the jury's still out.)

Next up in the Parallels series will be Sisters or Heirs, followed by Drunkards and Scapegoats. They should all be much shorter.

(Art not mine.)

[anilkumar141]

Daily Online Free Horoscope of November 27th 2019

https://www.subhayogam.com/blogsDaily Online Free Horoscope November 26th 2019

1. Prediction For Aries:

Health:

Challenge yourself, and convince a friend to come along for the ride. Have you ever considered a marathon?

Personal Life:

With Venus conjunct with Jupiter in Sagittarius your warm attractive qualities will be heightened. A deep connection will be fostered with a lover.

Profession:

Use this planetary alignment to get things ticked off the list. Your charm will help you to secure deals and work through your to-do list with ease.

Luck:

Embrace all that life throws at you.

2. Prediction For Taurus:

Health:

Don't strain your body too much. You might end up injuring yourself.

Personal Life:

The New Moon is in your ninth house today. This can bring new beginnings in life and love. Whether you are single or in a relationship big changes are coming.

Profession:

Think before you speak, or a boss might try and catch you out. Don’t let them.

Luck:

Generosity will always be rewarded.

3. Prediction For Gemini:

Health:

The new moon in Sagittarius may have you feeling a need to connect with your spirituality or practice a more holistic health approach. Research carefully before committing to anything.

Personal Life:

Mars remains in Scorpio today, this could be the reason things seem a little unclear and mysterious in your love life. Try not to critically think about everything and just let things happen naturally.

Profession:

be getting jealous of a close friendship you’ve developed. If it’s purely platonic, then you have nothing to worry about, right? Career and Finance -Let someone help you today. Learn from the people around you and watch your confidence grow.

Luck:

Looking back and never looking forward won’t help you.

4. Prediction For Cancer:

Health:

Feel like a day off? Then take one! You need time for yourself.

Personal Life:

You are a people pleaser. But, are you getting what you want in love?

Profession:

Use your artistic skills to get a job done well today. This could lead to a role you enjoy in the not so distant future.

Luck:

A positive attitude can lead to a positive outcome.

5. Prediction For Leo:

Health:

Put your energy to good use and take advantage of the day. Go for a long walk, or run.

Personal Life:

Use can make anybody laugh. Your humour will draw a certain somebody to you.

Profession:

Don’t let people knock you down. Keep your guard up and keep your mind on your tasks, nobody else’s.

Luck:

Feeling a sense of mystery in the air? All will be revealed soon.

6. Prediction For Virgo:

Health:

Do something you have always wanted to. Taking time for hobbies and activities can help calm the mind.

Personal Life:

You might notice that casually flirting has intensified with someone special. Is it time to finally address your feelings, Virgo?

Profession:

Don’t let a negative boss ruin your day. Stand your ground and know your worth.

Luck:

Your luck might not be obvious to you, but there are plenty of people that envy you.

7. Prediction For Libra:

Health:

Don’t knock something before you’ve tried it. You never know, you might find a health routine you love.

Personal Life:

Try making an extra effort with a partner today. Relationships work both ways, after all.

Profession:

You might be thrown into a tricky situation at work today. Keep your cool.

Luck:

A bad day has the power to let you appreciate the good ones even more.

8. Prediction For Scorpio:

Health:

Health is good today, especially if you warm up to tasks and use energy consistently rather than getting off to a flying start and then flagging at the end. Work smart rather than fast.

Personal Life:

While Scorpio are craving sexual satisfaction and a very earthy roll in the hay tonight you are also very sensitive to your partner's mood and will not push if the other person does not seem up to it.

Profession:

Scorpio are beavering away and your working style may look low key to those who cast a casual glance, but with your Mars in your 7th activated you are a keen and highly determined team player.

Luck:

Venus favoring your 5th house brings recognition for your talents.

9. Prediction For Sagittarius:

Health:

"Let them eat cake she said!" Sagittarians are salivating about something tasty for tea time and why not, you have to have a treat sometimes.

Personal Life:

You do not even have to try that hard to be attractive today as you are giving off a sexy, positive and alluring vibe which not only aids in starting romance, it also helps marriages run smoothly will little effort.

Profession:

You are a little lazy and inclined to seek the easy way out, but in the most acceptable way of course. You may get lucky and have a client cancel leaving you and your afternoon free.

Luck:

Planet activated in your 4th house brings luck in major home renovations.

10. Prediction For Capricorn:

Health:

A good day for competitive sports activities - Capricorn is more inspired about exercise or even slimming when they have a target or are competing against others i.e. slimming world.

Personal Life:

Capricorns enjoy sex especially as a stress release mechanism and if a relationship does not have enough sex, that is a problem for you and you do not have to feel guilty about wanting to address it.

Profession:

You feel good about your work and will not need others to compliment you or egg you on, as you are pretty robust in terms of your self-belief and inner confidence today.

Luck:

With your 3rd and 5th houses activated there is lucky with teaching and activities with children.

Contact Us: Free Online Horoscope Prediction

11. Prediction For Aquarius:

Health:

Chronic fatigue could be assisted and improved by something as simple as having your back and neck manipulated back into place and realigned by a chiropractor.

Personal Life:

Friendship is one of the most important aspects of relationships for Aquarians; when the friendship is no longer cultivated and worked on, love dies and so use today to work on your friendship.

Profession:

Your dreams should not be left to drift, you must work harder and be more consistent about the lofty dreams which have so far eluded you.

Luck:

Aquarians are lucky in the area of investment in gold and silver.

12. Prediction For Pisces:

Health:

Pisces are working very hard and while some of this work is connected with overall goals, part of it is routine work which could end up eating time out of your more aspirational work - so do not take on more than you absolutely must from other people's inboxes.

Personal Life:

If someone you love is making excuses then ask yourself how committed they are to you and to the future of the relationship - maybe they need a shakeup, Pisces are skilled at giving off an icy wind chill factor.

Profession:

Sometimes you are so focused on the future that you can miss an opportunity under your nose - be more observant of what is obvious even if it looks less exciting.

Luck:

A very lucky time for psychological therapy aimed at addressing stress.

For More Information Visit Our Website -->https://www.subhayogam.com/blogs

[mikeyd1986]

MIKEY’S PERSONAL BLOG 124, October 2018

On Monday afternoon, Mum and I drove down the Princes Highway and visited the Lady Lavender's Tea Room in Bunyip. It was a beautiful 22 degree Spring day and we thought we should take the opportunity to make the most of it. We’ve driven past this place a few times on our way to other destinations such as Yarragon, Warrigul and Bairnesdale but today was the first time actually going in there. The venue is located on a large acre lot featuring many rows of lavender plants, a water fountain, scrubs, flowers, a gift shop and the tea rooms.

The tea room borrows heavily the interior decoration styles of the 1930’s with gilded floral print furniture, an old fashioned record player and varnished antique bookcases. Mum and I treated ourselves to a serving of Devonshire scones with jam and cream, a club sandwich and a pot of tea. Next we visited the gift shop next door and picked up a few items including an ABBA vinyl record from 1977, lavender spray, bag and pillow case, a plastic lotus flower.

On Monday night, I attended my Men of Doveton - 2018 session at Doveton College. After my absence last week, I was really in two minds about continuing and finishing off this program. I had so many conflicting thoughts going on inside my head (Do I really belong in this group? Do the other guys really care about me? Am I getting anything out of this program? Should I bother finishing it or just drop out now?). I guess you could say that I’ve always tried to finish what I’ve started and I’ve also started some positive lifestyle habits so it hasn’t been a waste of time for me.

I think I’ve also put a lot of internal pressure on myself to quickly form friendships and contribute more during the talks when perhaps I’m just not ready for that. Maybe letting it all sink in is a better idea. The other dilemma is my attendance record. I’ve missed two sessions and now I’m on the borderline of collecting enough stamps in my passport. If I miss one more session, I might as well kiss the graduation ceremony goodbye. So it’s now or never. Two more weeks to go.

In the first half of the session, we had a basketball training session with Brent from Casey Basketball. This is one of the few sports I actually enjoyed back in primary school, even playing it at lunchtimes and after school with some friends. But that certainly doesn’t mean that I found it easy to play. We began by doing some warm-up drills which tested our hand-eye coordination and ball handling skills. Doing dribbles and figure 8’s around your legs was challenging but fun at the same time. http://www.caseybasketball.com.au/

We then participated in a few games which involved learning how to shoot a basketball into the ring, controlling the ball and defending/attacking the ball from others. Whilst my first few attempts were crap, I was amazed to see myself scoring a few points when I focused and really tried hard. And that’s the one compliment I’ll always give myself: I do try fucking hard even if I suck at it. It was admittedly a great moment when people gave me a round of applauds for getting the ball in the ring from the three-point line. https://www.breakthroughbasketball.com/basics/basics.html

In the second half of the session, we had a lady named Sylvia return to present information on the LIFE program which helps with the prevention of type II diabetes. She got us to fill out a questionnaire to determine our level of risk as well as have measurements like blood pressure, weight and waist circumference taken by the nurse. We also had Mo talking about the benefits of physical exercise and doing a stretch demonstration as a group as well as getting us to fill out a weekly exercise planner. https://www.lifeprogram.org.au/

I was doing the best that I could to keep a straight face on throughout all of this. I feel like they tried to pack way too many activities in tonight, which I’m sure was not intentional, but I was struggling a lot. My brain was fried by the end of tonight’ session. I think there was a number of factors at play: lack of sleep and poor quality of sleep, heightened anxiety levels, not eating enough before coming, chronic fatigue, feeling pressured to get the sheets filled out and being too much of a people-pleaser. Plus the talk of type II diabetes was a major trigger and very confronting territory for me considering my grandma had a late diagnosis of it. I pretty much refuse to have the same diagnosis.

I’m still getting to know these guys and the level of trust is just not there for me. I still have a very hard time saying no to people and I feel like within this particular group of men, having a different opinion or disagreeing with someone else will ultimately go against you. It’s probably why I was beginning to feel physically ill and uncomfortable because being a “yes” person and being pressured or manipulated by others isn’t in my true nature. It’s very much an issue of self confidence and not being able to stand up for myself.

I’m all for being encouraging, supportive, positive and helping others but not at the expense of being fake. And that’s not me being negative, that’s me being real. There is also an extreme hesitation to speak up and contribute in this group. Mo does his best to encourage it but I feel like this group is just far too large to feel comfortable enough to open up. The select few that do instant get congratulated. The majority who don’t are left on the sidelines. Like many groups I’ve been a part of in the past, I feel like I’m on the outside looking in, struggling to be noticed and included.

By the time I left tonight, I actually felt relieved to be out of the building and back in my car. I think I just had a lot of pent up energy and releasing it around those guys wouldn’t have gone down well at all. I’m still determined to finish off this program but after that, I think the gate will be shut for me. https://www.caseystadium.ymca.org.au/whats-on/upcoming-events/event/men-of-doveton-free-health-program-2/2018/07/30

On Tuesday morning, Mum and I visited IKEA Springvale. I was still feeling pretty worked up about everything that went down at my Men of Doveton session last night. Not only that, but I felt completely overloaded by so many commitments I had going on including work-related changes, getting my approved NDIS plan, preparing myself for my first appointment with Dr. Ricardo (consulting psychiatrist), wanting to participate in a sleep study for autistic adults, going to the gym and small group training classes, counselling sessions with Ruth, applying for jobs and waiting to hear back from them.

Thankfully going to IKEA was the positive distraction that I needed from everything that’s causing my stress and anxiety in my life. I only go there a couple of times a year but I always appreciate all the changes they make to the showrooms and items that they sell in the store. Of course the layout is still bewildering and sensory-overload with so many things to absorb at once. My favourite part will always be the Market Hall downstairs, particularly the kitchen, bathroom, lighting, wall art, flowers, plants and candle sections.

We spent about 2-3 hours just slowly navigating our way through each section, picking up mostly inexpensive homeware items like cushions, glasses, artificial plants and flowers, a lint roller, plastic bag sealers, Christmas ornaments, a bath mat, an apple-shaped candle holder. My energy levels and fatigue were very much being tested today so we decided to skip parts of it and we had to rest at the restaurant.

I’ve always found most of the food here to be pretty bland and average in quality, though I was really pleased to see that they’ve improved their coffee blend. By the time we got there, the cafeteria was packed with the lunchtime crowd and it got a bit much for me. Luckily we found a quiet area to sit down and have our lunch. Of course being IKEA tradition, we also bought a $1 hotdog each after going through the checkouts.

On Tuesday night, I attended a Yin yoga class with Aaron Petty at Level Up Yoga in Berwick. It’s been a month since I last attended a class here with a lot of other commitments taking up my time. There was also many excuses and lies brought on by my relentless, interfering anxiety (Do I really fit in here? I’m too tired to do yoga. I can’t be bothered driving there). It’s true that I’ve also been rather harsh with myself in some of my previous classes when I couldn’t perform a movement correctly or just wasn’t getting it.

Tonight I managed to let all of my unrealistic expectations and inner critic go. Accepting help from others is often a challenge for me as I used to see it as being incapable or not good enough or weak. Same with making mistakes. I had some trouble getting into the Reclining Butterfly pose with my strap getting all tangled up and not quite in the right position. But instead of beating myself up over it or getting embarrassed like I usually do, I actually laughed at myself and accepted that “Yeah, shit happens!”.

It’s good to see that the sense of community spirit is still alive within this yoga studio. I did have some reservations about coming back to Level Up Yoga but not enough to put me off entirely. A lot of it has to do with my perception of how others view me which of course leads to overthinking. This is still something I’m continuing to work on but it’s nice that other students, even ones that I’ve only just met, make the effort to include me at the studio.

That’s one of the reasons I keep coming back. Another is the fact that Aaron is passionate, committed and genuinely invested in his yoga teachings. He challenges everyone in a beneficial way and never puts anyone down. And that’s the kind of environment that I thrive in, one that is encouraging, supportive and nurturing. Where we all help one another no matter what shit we’re going through. https://www.aaronpetty.com/teaching-schedule/

On Thursday afternoon, Mum and I went out to Cranbourne Park Shopping Centre. You wouldn’t have to be a clinical psychologist to figure out that I haven’t been myself lately. After discovering that my counsellor Ruth had to cancel my appointment this afternoon, my mental health seemed to take a downward turn. Paired with my poor sleeping patterns, I was experiencing severe levels of irritability, poor concentration, lack of focus, low motivation, daytime sleepiness, low energy levels and low mood.

Mum was doing her best to manage my manic mood swings, treating me to coffees, a bacon and egg toastie and carrot cake but these didn’t seem to help me much. I was just spewing up a lot of negative crap like a volcanic eruption. I’ve literally been counting down the days until my first appointment with Dr. Ricardo Peralta and get myself a prescription for medication that will help me. I’m not the easiest person to deal with when I’m feeling depressed and worthless like a lifeless zombie. But Mum has always been on my side, even during the darkest of moments and I’m extremely thankful for that.

On Friday morning, Jen Angee, Mum and I went on a car trip to visit the suburbs of Ashwood and Ashburton. It was a beautiful Spring day with a light breeze and plenty of sunshine. Considering how rough this week has been for me, this was exactly what I needed to feel better about myself: Vitamin D and pleasant childhood memories. Jen gave us a history lesson of her old childhood memories growing up in the Ashburton area off High Street Road and Ashwood off Cleveland Street.

Whilst some building have been torn down, demolished, rebuilt or been renovated on, it was pleasing to see that some of the older commission houses and shops still remain in tact. A mixture of brick veneer, cement render and weatherboard with newly built front fences and modern features, they all have a historic charm to them, surviving for many decades and standing the test of time. http://www.victorianplaces.com.au/ashburton

We decided to have a browse at the nearby Op Shop and have lunch and coffee at the Milk Cloud Cafe. Of course the one thing that has changed is the degree of traffic driving down the main street with a few residents walking their dogs, riding their bikes and rushing across the pedestrian crossings. Meanwhile, the three of us were just taking our time, appreciating the many shops and elements in the streetscape. It really made for a great day out. https://www.weekendnotes.com/melbourne/ashburton/

“When I'm on my feet, I can take the heat. But when I get low I prefer the cold. I can be a hard light to ignite. All my nightmares feel like real life. Wait for the explosion. Only to anticipate. Running in slow motion. I can never get away. Sweet paralysation. No one here to keep me safe. Hyperventilation. I'm about to go insane. Wake me up and keep me conscious.” Broods - Conscious (2016)

“No one can make you change who you are. No one can take one beat from your heart. When you're standing tall. You're unbreakable. No one can make you bend, you won't fold. No one can take your shine, you're all gold. When you're standing tall. You're unbreakable.” Birds of Tokyo - Unbreakable (2018)

[circularwastemememe-blog]

Butterfly Effect

I'm watching Clara's old videos because I wanna figure out my problems. I wanna find out what would be upsetting me. Somehow I have a secret wish that she had had never posted any video online for someone like me to listen or watch. She was so fresh and genuine years ago even she appeared sweet and obviously a people-pleaser. I want her to stay that way even I would not have had talked a bit in the first place. The way she was before life and the internet had changed her immensely. That clean-faced girl who just enjoyed the simple things in her life. The simple girl who made a cover on sea of love for her boyfriend. In her latest work, she does appear seductive but it also feels like she is very aware of the fact she is good-looking as she is making full use of her sex appeal, to get the attention she wants, manipulate people, hurt people and get even, as though something is damaged and pathetically frail on the inside so she has to abuse her sex appeal as disguise to hide that scar, that vulnerability and that lack of self-worth. I don't know why but it is how I sense with my intuition. She does not wear any clothes in it as though she was masturbating and she knew you would enjoy watching her pleasure herself. And she is making fun of you for watching her masturbate. Yes, she is attractive in it but I wouldn't wanna know her. I don't know why but the picture of that pair of hands she purposely places as the cover of her sound file, to indicate she was making it with her present boyfriend, feels phony and pathetic as though she is showing off her relationship, her popularity, to hide something that is fundamentally sad and wrong. She just doesn't feel genuinely happy and she unconsciously makes it more obvious with all these obviously "romantic" public gestures she's made online, as though she knew the relationship would be dissolved as she is full of preparations for that final stroke. 

I wish she had chosen to go through the process of attending audition after audition to gain a real position as a professional singer after many attempts or some potential failures. (It happens to all who try hard to make it out there with their talents) Or just give up and be a simple dental student who believes in healthcare. Dentistry is no less than art. People's teeth need to be fixed and you offer them some timely help. That is quite awesome, and meaningful as well. Or learn to create something and write some songs to be a substantial artist. Despite that how enviable/desirable it is to be admired by millions of others, there is also great pressure out there, too. But professional entertainers, who cash in for their appearance, have someone to manage their problems. I wish all these videos did not exist so I wouldn't have known her as she would have lived a comparatively healthy life like the way people used to live before the internet. I wish she were not online so she could have had faced her problems with human relationship earlier before she buried herself within the compliments from thousands of other lonely hearts as well as bitter trolls online. I wish all these stuff she had done online did not exist and she had chosen some other more down-to-earth method to indulge her artistic passion, purely as self-interests. I wish her true happiness without all that drama, all that pretense, hostility and obsession online in a world without me, even virtually. That is how it should have been. So, there wouldn't have been any exhibition called Love Among Women, in a world without her, even virtually. 

I wish all that did not exist so I don't have to watch her soul in decay, even virtually. I wish her to be just a simple clean-faced girl glowing with happiness on the streets of Strasbourg with that special someone, a random stranger I see on the streets when I travel in France rather than on Facebook, YouTube or Instagram. I would smile at her as I enjoy the sight of her being young, beautiful and pretty much in love even I don't know her. 

I wish everything to be like the 2004 film - The Butterfly Effect, where the protagonist changes his past history with his brain power, the magnitude of his visceral intensity, which is summoned by his adolescent diaries. In the end, he chooses to save his girlfriend by creating a new passage of their life, in which they are total strangers, who are not supposed to meet. All he has, in the end, is passing her by on the streets. He observes her in a distance with great relief.

[russellthornton]

How to Spot Girls Who are Gold Diggers So You Can Avoid Them

Unfortunately, there are girls who are gold diggers out there. They only want your money and don’t give a shit about you. Here’s how to spot them.

There are a lot of crappy people in the world. It’s just the life we live in. That being said, some of the worst are people you use you. People might use you for a number of reasons but girls who are gold diggers only want one very specific thing. And they’re too lazy to earn it themselves.

What is a gold digger?

For those of you who are unfamiliar with this term, no worries. A gold digger is simply someone who uses another for their money. Usually, these are girls who only want to be with a guy so he’ll buy her nice things. However, it can also be a guy. That’s just not nearly as common. [Read: 10 sneaky signs you’re definitely dating a gold digger]

You should never let someone use you for any reason

No matter what it is, you should never tolerate someone using you. Even if you actually care for them but know they have no real feelings for you, dump them. It’s not fair to subject yourself to their disrespect.

Because that’s what it is. They’re actively disrespecting you in order to get what they want. That’s not fair to you. Your time is worth so much more than that and they need to be stopped. No matter the reason for them using you, don’t allow it.

How to spot the signs of girls who are gold diggers

Thankfully, being able to tell if a girl is just using you for your money is a lot easier than you may think. They give off some pretty obvious signs that they only want you for your money and nothing more. Here’s how to spot the girls who are gold diggers so you can cut them off and move on to someone who actually respects you.

#1 Overly agreeable attitude. There are plenty of girls who are go-with-the-flow and very laid back. The difference with girls who are gold diggers is that they agree with everything you say and do with a lot of enthusiasm. This is to make you like them and want to spend money on them. It’s a manipulation tactic. [Read: 20 common signs of people pleasers to watch out for]

#2 She has everything in common with you. This is another way some girls will try to manipulate you. When you first get to know her, she’ll basically tell you she likes all the same things you do. You’ll know this is true if you’re the one always talking about what you like and she simply jumps in to tell you, “me too!”

#3 She compliments you too much. There comes a point when compliments are just way too much. Sure, she may really like how you look but after a while, it’s just not genuine. If she’s complimenting you over and over again, then you know it’s a lie and she just wants to butter you up so you’ll spend money on her. [Read: How to decode the true meaning of compliments]

#4 She uses sex as a weapon. And she’ll also hold it over your head. Basically, if you do anything wrong and she refuses to have sex with you because of it, she’s probably a gold digger. This is another way she gets you to buy her stuff. If you get her a new purse and she has sex with you again, it’s a reward system. She’s conditioning you to basically pay for her lady bits.

#5 She gushes over your job or expensive possessions. It’s less about what a good person you are and more about what you can provide her with. If you’re a doctor, it’s normal for women to think that’s really incredible because of the fact that you’re helping someone. But if your job isn’t morally all that great and she still gushes about it, it’s probably because it’s known that people in your position make a lot of money.

#6 She has expensive taste. Does she buy top-of-the-line everything? Are all of her clothes name-brand? If so, she’s definitely a gold digger. People who have really expensive taste and also don’t have a super high-paying job often need someone else to buy those things for them. Which means they’ll seek out wealthy people and latch onto them like a leech to flesh. [Read: How to date a high-maintenance girl without going broke]

#7 Gifts will always make her forgive you. Basically, any time you two get into a fight and it’s resolved when you buy her something, she’s a gold digger. Problems should be sorted out through communication, not lavish gifts.

#8 She doesn’t pay attention when you talk. This is really easy to notice because she won’t be able to remember anything you say or anything important about you. It’s because she doesn’t care about you. She only cares about what’s in your wallet.

#9 She forgets your big events but never hers. Basically, she doesn’t make room in her schedule for the stuff you need her to be at but she’ll always write down things she wants to go to. Concerts, dinners, and even shopping dates with friends are never missed. [Read: 15 signs someone is emotionally detached and really doesn’t care about you]

#10 She requires you to join her to expensive clubs and dinner parties. Does she have expensive taste when it comes to clubs and food, too? If so, she could only be with you for your money. Girls who are gold diggers like to dine at really nice establishments, even if they can’t afford it themselves.

#11 You don’t actually know that much about her. How much do you actually know about her? Does she talk about her family, her values, or anything of relevance to a relationship? If she doesn’t, it could be a sign she’s just a gold digger who’s after you for your money.

#12 She’s out of your league, significantly. This might be a hard one for you to admit but it’ll help you determine if she’s a gold digger or not. A girl who is very, very attractive dating a guy who isn’t exactly the best looking is cause for serious alarm. And if you make a ton of money, that might be the reason she’s attracted to you. [Read: How to date a girl who’s significantly out of your league]

#13 You’re not liked by most people. On the flip side, if you’re good looking but a really big asshole, she could be a gold digger because of the amount of money you make. Nobody wants to spend their life with a mean person unless that person can compensate for it fairly.

#14 She’s actually asked for money from you. If you’ve been in a relationship for a long time and she’s asking you for money because she’s running low, that’s not a cause for alarm. It’s only when the relationship is very new and she’s already asking you for money that it becomes an issue.

#15 Her job doesn’t pay much – if she even has a job. If she even has a job, it probably doesn’t pay very well. That’s how you know she’s a gold digger and is only with you for the money. So long as she also shows other signs on this list, you’re definitely with someone who only likes you for the money.

[Read: 10 types of women you should never ever date]

The sad thing about girls who are gold diggers is that they have no shame. They don’t care if they’re manipulating and hurting you. It’s up to you to spot them and put an end to their spending from your bank account.

The post How to Spot Girls Who are Gold Diggers So You Can Avoid Them is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

[russellthornton]

Attention Seeking Behavior: Why Some People Go Looking for Drama

It’s all around us, and we’re not talking love. From the chronic liar to the online troll, here’s the 101 on attention seeking behavior.

Is no amount of attention enough to satisfy you? As a teenager, I used under-the-radar methods to get noticed, such as: lying, playing the victim, being moody. But if you’re into the more in-yo-face variety of attention seeking behavior you might: dress provocatively, say things like, ‘maybe I should just kill myself,’ argue all the time.

Either way, attention seeking behavior sort of makes you the center of things. Which sort of feels rewarding, in a crooked sort of way.

Despite this…

Wanting attention is kinda, actually, pretty, VERY normal

We all have needs, and we want confirmation that we’re loved and cared about. That we matter. Cos’ we’re human. For example, think of a baby wailing for food… in that situation getting attention, or not getting it, could literally be the difference between life and death.

And as teenagers/young adults we want to impress our friends by doing crazy stuff, like drinking ourselves into A&E once a month. And we believe our relationships are renditions of Romeo & Juliet. *‘Arrghhhh, my heart!’*

Also, having an attention seeking personality is LESS of a character weakness and MORE to do with how our brain is wired by our life experiences. For example, neglected children are more likely to be attention-seekers as adults. They naturally associate getting attention with survival, to an extreme degree.

On top of all that, humans are social creatures. We’re all programmed to operate on traded attention because if we’re unable to get ANY attention, this is dangerous.

So perhaps we can agree… although it is quite complicated *like people*, attention seeking behavior isn’t all that strange or unhealthy.

It’s just a matter of how we go about it

And I like to think of this as the choice between two options:

#1 You either mostly earn attention.

#2 Or mostly feed on it.

Feeding is a quick-win strategy…

It’s getting that 2,000 likes on a selfie of your body only-5%-covered-with-clothes *and feeling important and productive as a result, despite not working on your exciting idea for a food-based-makeup biz that could actually do some great things*.

Your Instagram page provides you lots of positive feedback for working way underneath your potential. And, like feeding on an addictive drug, you can never quite get enough… until you forget that you’re actually considerably intelligent and creative. *And if that Instagram account dries up you feel like garbage*.

Feeding on attention robs you of doing great things that require hard work. It also makes you vulnerable to manipulation by people who know you are insecure *despite all of the attention you get*. For example, you might end up with a partner who lies to you. You may even search out people who don’t like you, in an attempt to get the ‘ultimate validation.’ [Read: We accept the love we think we deserve: A real life example]

All this drama is fun for a while, but who goes to the amusement park every day? Anything, even something fun, quickly becomes a living hell, rather than a thrill, when it controls your life. By contrast, earning attention happens when you work consistently to develop your skills/yourself as a person.

Strategies for understanding attention seeking behavior

Okay, with that said, let’s dive into some strategies. Consider these things and you can turn your attention cravings from a dirty high into jet fuel…

#1 Getting your needs met. Achieving happiness and fulfillment is an art. There is no equation for achieving these—that’s completely up to you. Explore and find out what makes you feel like you’re getting most of your needs met. Look deep inside and be truly honest with yourself. [Read: How to be happy again: 20 ways to draw happiness from within]

#2 Not lying. The hardest thing is to tell the truth when it’s inconvenient. But this is when it’s especially important. Doing this one thing massively improves your life long-term, even if it creates problems short-term.

On the opposite end, lying creates webs of misunderstanding and chaos that become almost impossible to make sense of. [Read: How to stop lying to yourself and everyone around you]

#3 Not being a hater. We live in an age of trolling. When somebody has lots of light on them, attention-seekers may want to bring them down, to make that person feel small or to show them up. Rather than building themselves up, the hater focuses on what others are doing.

#4 Checking arrogance/narcissism at the door. Arrogant or narcissistic people feel like the world revolves around them. Or that they’re just better than everyone else *others seem weak or pathetic*.

Arrogant/narcissistic people may feed on compliments and on being talked about. But without this they feel worthless. Checking this way of thinking, when it pops up, brings you a bit closer to earth. [Read: 23 signs of narcissism people overlook until its too late]

#5 Not caring what others think about you *self-worth*. If you feel you need fame in order to feel like you’re worth a damn, fame actually won’t fix that insecurity.

Entrepreneur Gary V said it best—he simply cares more about what he thinks of himself than what others think of him. Seriously, not BS, he really cares more about his self-opinion than the opinion of others about him and doesn’t give a f*** about how they judge him. Developing this way of thinking does crazy things for you. *As long as you’re not an A-hole about it, needless to say i.e. respect the lives of others*.

#6 Being the private hero of your own story. When you get attention you become the center of everything. Until, like Bella from the Twilight series, you dive from cliffs just to get your ex to come save you. But truth is there are more important personal challenges, such as past traumas or phobias or fears, which you avoid.

The key with facing fears is to start low and with yourself, not with changing others. Gaining these ‘private victories’ over yourself *inner resistance* adds up over time invisibly until they reach a tipping point. And that’s when people say things like ‘she was an overnight success.’ [Read: Be your own hero: What it means and how to take control of life]

#7 Developing intense focus. The opposite of distraction is deep focus. This involves focusing on one thing and cutting off all other distractions for around 90 minutes at a time. This practice builds up the ability to focus on one thing without needing constant novelty. There’s a book about this called Deep Work and another called The Shallows.

#8 Knowing ‘negative’ emotions are addictive. Whether that be a scandal, betrayal, gossip, or something that makes you feel like the victim… drama causes your body to secrete endorphins, which reduces feelings of pain and gives you pleasure. Drama also triggers your body to release dopamine, which makes you feel euphoric.

Rewards, baby. All kinds.

Until you no longer know why you always provoke your partner and get them fired up into a rage with your attention seeking behavior. As much as you moan and complain about drama, it feels addictive, and like winning, to the attention-seeker. [Read: People pleasers and 20 common signs most people don’t see]

#9 Using your neediness to win. This is about playing on your strengths and shoring up your weaknesses. For example, there are tons of successful business people who love attention. But, rather than using that personality trait doing things beneath their full potential, they direct it towards some challenging goal.

While you can’t change your brain-wiring, you can create new habits that deactivate older ones. You can get out of your own way by: taking responsibility, completing difficult projects without giving up, and looking deep into yourself.

#10 Letting your scars complete you. No one’s without insecurities. But we all make a choice to:

#1 Accept our scars and rise with them.

#2 Or let them control and destroy us.

It’s important to dive into your insecurities and to see where feelings of inferiority stem. However you go about dealing with your insecurities, making sense of it gives you unexpected empowerment that makes you more solid and secure. [Read: How to be an adult: 15 mature ways to grow up and behave like one]

#11 Forgiving/moving on. Everyone will have some kind of developmental trauma. It’s a part of becoming socialized. However, one ideal I stick by is that holding onto bitterness and blame poisons me and limits my own growth.

Sometimes forgiveness is really hard to do but going through the process teaches me about who I really am/can be. It also involves becoming more thick-skinned and less of a pushover or separating myself from a person/group of people.

#12 Distancing yourself from drama. Yeah, attention seeking behavior and drama is fun, but it’s the intense-kind-of-fun that self-destructive addicts experience. Sure, you get a high perhaps unlike any other high out there. However, inevitably your life splits apart bit by bit. Until all you’re left with are regrets and a whole lot of undesirable consequences **cough* crazy baby mama/daddy *cough* jail time *cough* friends who get you into trouble*.

With attention-seeking behavior, simply participating in it draws you into its gravity. I actively cut out drama-seeking people from my life. [Read: Superficial person alert: 36 shallow traits they just can’t hide]

#13 Knowing who you truly are *listening to that inner compass*. This one sounds like a cliché. But we all know what it means. In fact, you’ve always known it, but maybe you drown out this wisdom with social media apps, Netflix, YouTube, and online gurus *I know I’ve done this*.

Gaining self-awareness about who you REALLY are, not what sounds cool, what you think might be accepted, what might make you successful, or what you think should be fun. None of that. It’s about that voice that’s truly yours, even when you think it sounds sort of dumb and inferior.

Listen to that voice, especially when it tells you you need to do something difficult or unusual or alien or important or *insert adjective.

[Read: How to be comfortable with yourself: A guide to not giving a f*ck]

Attention seeking behavior is normal and healthy when you understand who you are. The important thing in using this basic human need to make your life more dope. Which takes working hard to know who you are/what you’re capable of.

The post Attention Seeking Behavior: Why Some People Go Looking for Drama is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.