#((hey yall guess whaaat??))

[parkersvibes]

finding out peter is spiderman

read part one here

a/n: omg guys. i got so much feedback from you all on part one so i decided to make a part 2. and yeahh i really hope you guys enjoy. if you do lmk and i’ll do a part 3 (:

(i also apologize if the read more doesnt work )))): )

warnings: fluff, a smidge on angst

pt 2. peter parker x stark!reader

• figuring out he was spiderman

• alright you’re a stark

• but no one knows that

• but you’re really intuitive

• so there were little things you started to notice

• after uncle ben died there was some weird shit (if you want a part ab comforting peter ab uncle ben lemme know. he deserves his own part)

• like how he stopped wearing his adorable glasses

•and i guess started almost bulking up????

• he got WAY taller

• and usually you’re used to seeing him shirtless but this one time you walked in on him

• holy mother of god

• IT WAS LIKE HE GREW ABS OVER NIGHT

• BECAUSE FRESHMAN PETE DID NOT HAVE A 6 PACK

• freshman peter also got winded walking up the stairs

• AND NOW HE’S RUNNING LAPS IN GYM LIKE ITS NOTHING ??

• must be nice

• but then things got more sus

• all of a sudden he was skipping class more

• leaving early

• cancelling study sessions and skipping movie nights with ned

• and you and ned were clueless

• you and ned started hanging out more

• MR. LEEDS IS HILARIOUS LEMME TELL YOU

• he was like this little ball of happiness

• you found out his real name is Edward

• HOW CUTE

• and WOW HIS MOM BEING FILIPINA MEANT THAT YOU WERE BEING FED ALL THE TIME OH MY GOD

• ngl pete got a bit jealous

• one night,,, when pete cancelled YET AGAIN

• ned asked you, “hey y/n?”

• “hm”

• “why don’t we ever hang out at your place”

• “i told you ned, my family is just a lot yanno. plus your family and may are really cool”

• “okay but how come you don’t have any social media under your name?”

• “wdym?”

• “like you go by ‘y/n Smith’ but everything that pops up on the internet isn’t YOU”

• “pfff i told you,,, i dont believe in that stuff”

• “y/n, you know you can tell me anything”

• you wanted to be honest. this was one of your best friends. and you’ve been lying to them about your family for over a year now

• “ned i just. it’s complicated”

• “like peter’s family?”

• “nonono, i’m lucky to have both of my parents- well i have a step mom. my real mom wanted nothing to do with me. so she left me on the steps of my dads house. never came back”

• “oh shit bro, i’m sorry”

• “nah don’t worry. my dad is really cool and my step mom... she’s awesome.”

• “what’re their names”

• NATASHA WAS GONNA KILL YOU IF SHE COULD SEE HOW BAD YOU WERE STRUGGLING

• “well- uh- my step moms name is,,, um. well her real name is Virginia”

• THE WORLD KNEW PEPPER AS PEPPER NOT VIRGINIA

• “and my- my dads name is ehm... st, steve???”

• natasha was gonna have your ass

• “y/n,,,”

• “yeah”

• “you’re a horrible liar”

• “PFFF WHAAAT? NO IDEA WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT”

• “dude you left your spiderman fan tumblr open on my laptop that one night,,, and i MAY have done some snooping”

• okay you mightve had a slight obsession with the webslinger. HE WAS COOL. and what better way to keep track of him without alerting your family,,, good ol tumblr

• oh god ned, HOW MUCH SNOOPING”

• “enough to know that you have a weird obsession with that spider guy and that your last name isnt smith”

• so you told him the truth. you were a stark

• and well,,, he reacted with

• “okay cmon,,, don’t lie”

• so you showed him your late night dance parties with Nat when she was feeling goofy

• and your random snaps of steve when he was trying to figure out how to work technology

• videos of you reacting to vines with bucky

(if yall wanna see domestic life with the avengers just lmk)

• which usually results with THE WINTER SOLDIER ALMOST PEEING HIS PANTS. and trying to reenact it with sam or the other avengers

• “heyheyehy y/n guess what?”

• “what bucky?” *is in the middle of doing hw*

• “FRESHOVACADO” *bolts out of the room before you throw something at him*

• only the two of you getting vine and meme references

• (meaning getting in trouble during meetings bc you’ll make eye contact and start laughing)

• OH HIS FAVORITE IS THE “country boiiii, i love you,,, 😛”

• anywaayyy

• ned was SHOOK

• “nowayohmygodyoureanavenger”

• “no ned,,, only when they need me to be”

• *led to him asking 100000 questions*

• “does Mr. America smell like old man”

• “what language does Ms. Widow think in”

• “how many shirts does Mr. Hulk own”

• “so do they wear normal clothes or are they always PREPARED”

• “does your dad have to walk a weird way when hes in his suit”

• “do they ever chafe in their suits”

• “yes ned. we’re stocked up on baby powder”

• which you didnt mind bc it felt nice telling the truth

• ned WANTED TO TELL PETER SO BAD

• “ned no, i don’t want him to think of me differently”

• he understood. but still defended peter and said that hed still treat you the same

• anyway,,, peter started showing up with bruises and stuff which had you v concerned

• “pete what’s up? you’ve been avoiding ned and i and you have skipped out on every movie night since sophomore year started”

• “t’s nothing. dont worry ab it”

• “peter cmon, it’s just me”

• you figured maybe it had to do with ben??? but you gave him his space. you just wanted to be there for him yanno. you didnt want him to shut you out

• “Y/N I SAID ITS NOTHING. FOR FUCKS SAKE CAN YOU LEAVE ME ALONE???” he snapped (and not in the good way)

• and this was on your way to class so the whole hallway heard

• ouch

• so you left him alone. probably more than he meant. but it hurt

• i mean he was your first friend here, and now he yelled at you to leave you alone

• ned felt awful at first. trying to comfort you and tell you it wasnt your fault

• but then he started acting weird. whenever you brought up peter hed be super antsy about it

• you- “i think he got into another fight or something”

• ned- “pFFT PETER? FIGHTING? no way,,, i got-i gotta go”

• so you figured that whatever peter was hiding, ned knew about,, which also hurt your feelings

• so you closed off

• and wow could the super family tell something was wrong

• wanda- “little stark, i can feel your sadness all the way to my room”

• sam/bucky/rhodes- “okay what’s the deal, we’ve played 5 rounds of fortnite and you havent once rage quit even though you’re doing terrible”

• tony- “kid, what’s wrong? everyone here can tell you’re not feeling great”

• nat- “cmon. ive given you 3 opportunities to kick my ass and you havent once complained about me going easy?”

• thor- “lady y/n what is causing you distress? not once have you smiled, i even wore my hair in pigtails,,, and that seems to always do the trick”

• and you gave the same response every time “‘m just tired” “lots of homework”

• they noticed you werent going out on weekends anymore

• so tony figured that your friend group and you were having some Stuff

• pep gave him an idea of meeting his new prodigy

• now tony knew it’d be kinda sus because peter went to midtown but he figured that if the kid kept his mask on it’d be fine

• “dad i don’t wanna see another one of your weird maid robots”

• “wha- no i want you to meet someone”

• “dad college isn’t for another 2 years. if it’s your friend from MIT-“

• then right before your eyes was the insect boy that youve been admiring through the internet

• needless to say

• your jaw dripped

• “y/n meet spiderling, spiderling meet my daughter y/n stark”

• *seconds pass*

• “i uh- oH- um- sp-spidERman, h-hi. biG fan of you- your work”

• *silence*

• you- “oH dad diD you hear th-that? moM is calling mE”

• tony- “what?? pep wouldve called on the interco-“

• spiderman- “y/n”

• you- SHOOK TO THE CORE BECAUSE YOU KNEW THAT VOICE. THAT WAS THE VOICE THAT SOUNDED LIKE HONEY BUT COULD CUT YOU DEEPER THAN ANY WEAPON IN YOUR HOUSE

• you- “p-peter???”

• tony- *shocked pikachu face* “you know each other???”

• you- “so-something like that yeah”

• peter takes off his mask

• “ohmygodpeterisspiderman”

• “ohmygodyourlastnameisntsmith”

• tony- “im gonna let you guys figure this out” *walks backward slowly*

*insert silence*

• you- “so this is what you were hiding, huh?” with a cold tone

• “IM HIDING? YOU LIED ABOUT YOUR WHOLE HOME LIFE TO NED AND I”

• *yelling at each other for another minute. even though you couldnt hear what the other is saying*

• you- *yelling loudest “I DIDNT WANT YOU TO SEE ME DIFFERENTLY OKAY”

• peter- “you really thought id do that?” (heartbreaking voice)

• you- “i- once i got to know you, i knew you wouldnt but i was scared. i didn’t know how to tell you. for once in my life i had found someone my age who liked ME for ME. not for my name or money or my dad. and i didn’t want to change that. i’m sorry i didn’t tell you sooner”

• peter- “... i get what you mean. after ben died everyone gave me that look. except you and ned.”

• you- “why didn’t you tell me”

• peter- ���everyone i love or ever cared about dies. my parents and then my uncle ben. so once i got my abilities i knew that the risk was even higher and i didn’t want to put you in that position. i wanted to keep you safe. but it seems like you know how to handle yourself” (referring to the fact that you grew up with THE EARTHS MIGHTIEST HEROS)

• y/n- “so how come ned found out?”

• peter *scratches back of neck* “well- he- i- May let him in my room and i happen to be crawling on the ceiling in my suit and he dropped the death star” *head hangs in shame*

• you had to giggle at that i mean CMON

• you stepped closer to him

• “pete you’re my best friend. you can tell me anything okay?”

• “no more secrets?”

• “no more secrets”

• and you both pinky promise and your thumbs “kiss” bc IF THEY ITS THE ULTIMATE UNBREAKABLE VOW DONT @ ME

• peter parker gives you the biggest hug that maKES YOUR HEART JUMP BC PHYSICAL CONTACT WITH A PERSON AS PRETTY AS HIM MAKES YOUR HEART FEEL A CERTAIN WAY

• but you wrapped your arms around his neck and enjoyed the moment

• wow he is really cozy

• * the avengers are watching from the cameras in awe*

• led to MANY questions at dinner

• and so everything went back to “normal”

• it wasn’t until you went to bed that night that you realized peter said the L word

• WHAT

• so much for no secrets

taglist: @silver-winter-wolf @emmmmszy @everythingaboutnothingsstuff @rexorangecouny @wishiwasanavenger @marjoherbo @nologinisoksothatsit @mindset-jupiter @hpnjrph @soup238

some favs/mutrals: @h-osterfield @starksparker @stuckonspidey @sunshinehollandd @keepingupwiththeparkers @hey-marlie @spyder-bites

[clexacon]

Here’s a full transcript of the UnConventional episodes featuring  Natasha Negovanlis and Elise Bauman. 

Huge thank you to Rebecca Soileau for doing this transcription for ClexaCon!

Opening Song

“Give me someone who loves like me, up there on the tv or movie, anything would do. Cause I’ve learned surviving isn’t living, we deserve way more than a brief romance on an episode or two, we deserve something unconventional”

Hey there Clexacon-ers! Welcome to another episode of “Un-CON-ventional”, the ClexaCon podcast! I am your host as always, Dana Piccoli and we are less than 2 months out from ClexaCon 2018! Can you even handle it? Before we head into this really really fabulous episode which I’m really excited to share with you, I do have a couple things I just want to tell you. On March 1st, which is coming up very very soon, tickets go on sale for “Breakfasts with Clexacon Guest”. And that is something you do not want to miss if you can score a ticket to. You’re going to be able to possibly be able to meet Katherine Barrell, Dominique Provost-Chalkley, Tamara Duarte, Emily Andras, Anna Silk, Natasha Negovanlis and Elise Bauman. What an incredible opportunity to dine and dish with some of your favorite, favorite stars! So keep that on your calendar, March 1st, tickets go on sale and they are going to go fast. Also on sale, speaking of good stuff, ClexaCon has added some really really cool new merch to there store! They’ve got slick, black on black and blue on blue “ClexaCon 18” shirts, they also have new hats and all sorts of cool stuff so check out there store, just click on the little store button all the way on right of their ClexaCon website and there you go and you’ll be looking ah-mazing!

I don’t want to keep these guests from you any longer because I know that your super amped about it so, we are going straight into my interviews with Natasha and Elise! Here we go!

I am very very happy to introduce my guest for this episode of “Un-CON-ventional” because they are 2 of my favorite people in the world, you know them, you love them, Natasha Negovanlis and Elise Bauman...LADIES! Thank you for being here!

Elise: I’m giving us a round of applause

Natasha: Thanks for having us

Dana: I mean come on, it was a given right? I’m gonna throw a monkey wrench into this whole thing, so dear listeners, I am not going to ask these actresses, these multi talented creative types, anything about their flagship Carmilla. No i am not.

Elise: Whaaat?!

Natasha: Whatt?!

Dana: Because I don’t know if you know this but these guys are going to be doing a “Hollstein” panel at ClexaCon so there’ll be lots and lots of Carmilla questions there. So this, this is my version of the actors studio and i'm just going to ask them all sorts of weird ass questions, and hopefully some thought provoking questions, so you can get to know them a little better as people. How do you feel about that lades?

Natasha: I feel fantastic about it

Elise: Very excited

*laughter*

Dana: Alright! So my first question: this is for both of you...

Natasha: Ok

Dana: What would you tell your 15 year old self now, if you could go back in time?

Natasha: You know what, I was thinking about this recently, actually, haha, I was thinking about it bc I was taking a painting class with my mom and I was thinking about how i'm more a  creative person than someone who can follow instructions and I think if I could go back in time I would maybe tell my 15 year old self that she doesn't have to go to university. Um, here in Canada, university and college are different things, so what we call university, I guess yall call college but college and university are different here so usually when your very academic and a straight A student, it’s expected that you go to university to get a degree. But I think that um yea, I think I would tell my 15 year old that it would be ok to like go to an acting school or go do a diploma program instead. That being said, I don't have any regrets. But I think I would tell myself and also tell young people now that it's ok if you learn differently from others. Yea, I don’t know something that just popped into my head recently.

Elise: I am into it. And I would probably tell young Elise that she could just skip over the vegan stage that she was in for a brief while.

*laughter*

Elise: There was like a year and ½ that I just went without dairy and you know like why? Why..

Dana: You would tell young Elise to eat that ice cream girl, eat it!

Elise: Cheese is a great invention. I understand that humans are like probably incapable of digesting it very well and like it probably really bad for environment and like cheese pizza is a great thing so that’s probably the sage wisdom I would gift young Bauman.

Dana: *laughing* I would expect nothing less from you Elise. So eat cheese.

Elise: Eat the dairy, don’t forgo the yogurt. The whole course of my life could’ve been very different. I’m kidding. It was great, it was a great time. Nothing against vegans, vegans are great people! Gonna get a lot of backlash for this.

Dana: Now’s she’s backtracking. *laughing* So speaking of food, if you and Natasha were attending a dinner party, what do you think the other one would bring?

Natasha: oohh

Elise: I would say Natasha would maybe, I mean this is a little on the nose, but maybe like a greek salad.

*laughing*

Elise: But like a REAL greek salad! Like real, authentic feta cheese and all that good stuff. Either that or she would go straight to like a meat platter. Be like alot of cured...

Dana: Just like lamb on a stick or something?

Elise: No it would be, like it would be really nice. She would have hand selected a bunch of really nice meats and pickles and cheeses and she’d thrown like, a good platter.

Dana: So she’d be like the queen of charcuterie?

Elise: Charcuterie! Thats what its called. Yea yea yea, she would do that. It would be on a really nice wooden board or something.

Natasha: Ooohhh that’s very accurate. I think I would do something like that or at least some ingredients for someone else’s charcuterie board, for sure. Some like, preserves or something. Um yea i don't think I’d bring a salad because no one likes the girl who brings the salad

*laughing*

Natasha: Also it would be a little be cheap of me too, you know? I think, to let it impress. Also I have a secret, culturally i'm not greek, but I do make a mean greek salad, my family's macedonia.

Dana: Macedonia!

Natasha: So the food is actually terrible, it's like boiled potatoes and overcooked flavorless meat.

Elise: Nobody wants to be the girl with salad, but especially nobody wants to be the girl with the boiled potatoes.

“laughing”

Natasha: Yea I brought you some boiled potatoes, hahaha. I think that Elise would bring like some hummus, some appetizers for before dinner. Like some really good hummus, maybe some kale chips, or she would just bring her own separate meal that she would eat out of her own tupperware while everyone else is eating. Which like I secretly do admire because I wish that I had Elise’s discipline. No or she’d surprised everyone and bring a really nice dessert actually, like a good pie.

Elise: Ooohhh yea! I baked a pumpkin pie recently, it was a good time.

Natasha: Yea

Elise: Yea, alright I like that, I like that. I think we should throw a dinner party. I think that's really where this is going.

All: yea!

Elise: Make a mental note, make sure Elise doesn't bring kale chips

Dana:  Alright Natasha, what's the biggest misconception about you?

Natasha: I think the biggest misconception is that i'm extremely vain and/or high maintenance. And I was thinking about this, I don’t know if its my bone structure or what but I was thinking about this recently and its interesting that a lot of people who take care of their appearance, or are really good at self care are perceived as high maintenance because my being good at taking care of myself means that i dont need alot from other people! Know what im sayin?

Elise: Ha. “know what im sayin.”

Natasha: I think that would be one. I’m not so fancy. I think that's the biggest misconception that i’m fancier-

Elise: She's into fancy cured meats but nothing else.

Natasha: ...that im fancier than i am, but i mean,

Dana: But she’s not like using them as facial hydration or like...

Elise: Yea.

Natasha: That's what i use greek salad for.

*laughter*

Dana: It’s astringent, it works.

Dana: What about you Elise, what is the biggest misconception about you?

Elise: Mmmm, I think probably somewhere around, I think people think im only ever a positive person, which may be a bit of a far stretch sometimes (she says laughing). I think I have a lot more aggression than people realize,

Dana: “Although she is little, she is fierce” is what you’re saying?

Elise: Yea something like that.

Dana: Do you have a punching bag, something you can work with?

Elise: I don't have a punching bag, I just signed up for soccer again! I signed up for a soccer team.

Natasha: That's awesome

Elise: Yeah I used to play soccer from maybe like 10 until high school and I loved it and it was definitely my sport and then I, well i just stopped playing after high school because there weren't many opportunities to play. And I have terrible knees, but that's not stopping me so i'm going to go do another stint at soccer. Just for fun. I think I need that outlet. I think I really need to get back to my tomboy roots. I've been feeling that way a lot lately. I’m like “why am I trying so hard to be this other thing? I don't know.” So I’m going to go back on the field.

Dana: I love how this shit got really deep right there.

*laughter*

Dana: See there was a method to my madness guys! Ok so, what is the question that you’ve always wanted an answer to, but have yet to get one?

Elise: What happens after we die? Like thats been a huge one since I was a kid.

Dana: I think that's pretty fair.

Elise: I thinks that's really what is the meaning, why am I here, what the point, what’s the purpose?

*laughing*

Elise: You know, things like that, generally what I think about on a Wednesday afternoon.

*laughing*

Elise: Natasha?

Natasha: I was just going to say, how one changes their fitted sheet when they are by themselves?

Elise: Or.. How one folds a fitted sheet!? That is something  would love an answer to.

Natasha: Yes. Im sure there are YouTube tutorials for this, but putting a fitted sheet on a bed when you're one person is so tricky. Because as soon as you tuck one side in, the other side lifts up..or like putting your duvet cover on.

Elise: Oh yea

Dana: Oh the worst! And then you get trapped in the duvet cover when your by yourself

Natasha: Yea!

Dana: Then you just hope someone comes to the door, like UPS.

Elise: That one i figured out, you have to like lie the whole thing down on your floor and then take the two corners and then like pull it over and it's a logs and anyway...

Natasha: The germaphobe in me does not like that. I’d think of the dog and it would be like, ugh on my floor. Although he does sleep in my bed technically, so what's the difference?

Elise: Oh yea a dog.

Dana: I’d introduce you to my dog right now but she's currently snoring and farting, simultaneously

*laughing*

Natasha: Amazing!

Dana: Ok ,what are you guys nostalgic about?

Elise: Pogs

Dana: Pogs? Like the little paper things?

Elise: You can get medal ones too or plastic ones

Dana: Oh haha pardon me!

Elise: You were really fancy if you got a metal pog, that’s when you know you made it.

Natasha: Oh yea

Dana: But what’s the purpose of pogs? Like what did pogs do?

Natasha: It was a game!

Elise: Um, elevated, like your self worth as a human. *Laughter* Like you know, feeling really blue today, but let me just look at my pog collection and know I feel alot better about my outlook

Dana: Did you throw them? I don’t, I remember pogs but i didn’t play with them. But what did you do with them? Did you just throw the little pieces of cardboard, excuse me, metal?

Elise: I think you just hoarded them and like compared your pogs to other kids.

Natasha: Nooo it was a game, it was like a serious game guys, there were tournaments!

Dana: Is this, were pogs more popular in Canada? I’m starting to think they were.

Elise: That and Tamagotchis, Tamagotchis were the it thing for a while.

Natasha: Yea

Elise: But I killed all my pets so I wasn’t very good at that one. I would set my alarm and wake up at 3 am and be like “I gotta water this thing again?” and it’d be dead by 7 am the next day. Yeaa

*laughter*

Dana:  What about you Natasha? Are you nostalgic about pogs are is there something else that really gets your nostalgia button?

Natasha: Oohh I don’t know, I mean, gosh, I get really nostalgic over children's choral music.

*laughter*

Natasha: I was a choir nerd so I can’t hear children’s choirs without getting very emotional. And then I can’t listen to it. Or like really obscure like choir folk music. Because I used to go, I used to compete in competitions with my choir and like travel across North America and yea. There’s this one cd we have of, it was like, my choir sang with like ten other choirs from all across North America and it was this massive church and we were all, it wasn’t, it just happened to be in a church, they weren't religious choirs, but we were like all along the outside of the aisles and in the balconies and I just remember it was a really cool experience having hundred and hundreds of voices under 12 coming together. So yea, whenever I hear kids choral music, especially around the holiday times if there's something playing. I don't love the holiday season but if there's something with a  kids choir I get really nostalgic cause my best childhood memories were surrounded by choir and singing so yea.

Dana: That's really sweet. Alright super serious question here guys, have you ever seen a ghost?

Elise: Yes I have.

Natasha: Whoa what!

Dana: What? Tell us who was it, what ghost was it, where was it? I want details, I want everything.

Elise: I’ve seen a couple ghosts. I was a kid and a lady ghost just flew over my bed one day, well not flew, it was just kind of like there, I don’t know. And then another time I was in a church and I saw a man in like a uniform or something walk by and then I was like what the, so I went into room but there were no doors leading out of that room so I was like “probably a ghost, probably a ghost”.

Dana: Did your sightings of ghosts stop as you got older?

Elise: Yes, yea. I only saw the 2 when I was a kid. Maybe they weren't real, maybe they were figments of my imagination.

Dana: Or you were really intuitive as a kid and you were open to it. I think a lot of kids see things that adults turn their minds off to.

Elise: Totally. I totally think that are other parallel realms going on and we can kind of pop in and out of them occasionally.

Dana: What about you Natasha? Have you ever seen a ghost? A spirit? Poltergeist?

Natasha: No i’ve never seen one, I think i’ve shut myself off to that stuff so. But a medium did once tell me that i had a posse of ghosts around me, she did not use the word posse (laughter) but there were many spirits around me that were not related to me and that I didn’t know and I was like “oh that’s disturbing”

*laughter*

Natasha: Particularly there's this little girl ghost that follows me around and I was like ok, not the most terrifying of the ghosts.

Dana: The good thing is you’re never alone.

*laughter*

Dana: Why aren't they helping you with your f***ing fitted sheet though is my question?

*laughter*

Natasha: Yea, like who’s refilling the ice cube tray, come on ghost posse!

Natasha: But weirdly enough both my mom and my brother saw the same thing in the house I used to live im. They used to see this dark shadow that was darker than a shadow move across my basement wall in the same spot and they hadn't told each other until years later because my brother was a really little kid when he saw it and my mom saw it but she didn't really believe in that stuff. Then like years later my brother had mentioned it and it was really strange that they both saw the same thing without and had described the exact same thing without talking to each other about it. So that was kind of bizarre.

“Scary Music”

Dana: Next question.

Natasha: I like these questions.

Elise: I know. I’m into this I like this. This is fun.

Dana: : Let's talk about failure.

*laugher*

Natasha: Oh great! How much time do we have?

Dana: Says one of the most successful actresses working today. So what is a time that you failed spectacularly but learned a lot?

Elise:  Oh god like every day.

Natasha:  Yea, I was gonna say, every day

Elise:  Im really, this is very interesting. I have like an allergic aversion to failure. I really don't like for people to see me failing in any capacity. Which leads me to put up a front of “I've got it all together, everything's fine, dont worry about a thing”. Which is not always the case because I’m a human being and I don’t think I know any human beings who have it all together. But I was thinking about this the other day. Because the emotion I remember the strongest of being a kid is embarrassment. When I think about times I got embarrassed as a kid, I will still get a flush in my cheeks. For whatever reason, that is still such a pungent thing I can connect to being a kid and I think a driving force has been me trying to avoid that feeling. Which has led me to make safe choices a lot and do things, which really goes against my nature. By nature I’m a person who is a risk taker, who is a person who puts themselves on the line so i'm trying, it's really interesting that your bringing that up, because that’s something i’ve been thinking about a lot the past couple weeks is fearlessness and failure and wanting to really re-evaluate my relationships to those words.

Natasha: Yea, so well said. I think that I also fail on a daily basis but learn from it every time. You know it's interesting because I was also a very studious young person who always wanted to succeed and do really well at things, and I remember when you were talking about nostalgia and we were talking about choirs, I have this memory of me in this voice competition between, I took a year off between highschool and university and I was in this really serious voice competition and I had to sing like 8 different pieces all by memory and four different languages from particular years. It was the most intense thing I had ever done, this huge national competition. And in the middle of one my songs I forgot the words and I forgot the words for the first time ever in my life in the middle of this really intense competition and I stopped. And I remember I wanted to just fall and run out of the room but I just looked over the  shoulder and I looked up and I started again and then I did the rest of my piece after that and then of course immediately threw up when I left the room. I was so humiliated than I had ever been, I think that’s my most embarrassing moment that I blocked out for a long time and i’ve never been so so humiliated. But I had to stick around for hours because all these professores were adjudicating it, and I ended up coming in 1st place and I remember being so shocked and the reason why is because of how I was able to recover and it was really amazing. It was a really great lesson just when your talking about failure and what you learn from it. It was a really great lesson in that its ok to make mistakes and its ok to not be perfect and it’s really about how you dealt with it. And I remember how the professors were like “Yes, you forgot the words, but you were able to keep going, even though you wanted to cry, you were able to get through the rest of your pieces flawlessly and you composed yourself so well”. So I think that was a really good lesson in that you don't always have to thrive for perfection all the time.

Elise: Totally

Natasha: Yeah, have little universal reminders of that everyday.

Elise: Even like setting your alarm and sleeping in. I failed, i’ve already failed at the getting up at the time i said i was going to get up. Like there are moments of little failures throughout the day yea risk. That's another thing, i have to risk the failure too.

Dana: Can i share my failure with you?

Both: Yes please!

Dana: So you may know that I used to work at this website and I loved it and I was very devoted and after I did this event for this little show called Carmilla, I came home and I got a phone call from my big boss that my position was going to be eliminated. After I had worked, you know, really really hard to establish myself in this position, and I was so humiliated by it that I didn’t leave my room for 2 days.  All I could think was “i’m nothing without this job” like I cease to exist, who Dana Piccoli is ceases to exist now that this job is over. I was so worried what people would think of me, would they think that I sucked, would they think that I wasn’t good at what I was doing and I was so nervous about facing up to it. But what I think I learned through all that is that who I am is more than any job and what I do and what I’m trying to do, what I’m trying to give is bigger than all of that. And I think it really made me a stronger person, it made me a stronger writer, it made me a much more intuitive, empathic person to because I failed spectacularly in front of the internet, and the lesbian and queer internet who I had become very intimately connected with. So, that humiliation, that failure, led to me being who I am today and it's something im proud of and I’m happy with. So thats my big failure that I learned from.

Elise: Your sense of worth and external things, those things can be blown down like a house of cards in an instant and so if I haven’t developed the things that are in me then when those things do inevitably fall down, such as aging, like if I place so much value in my looks then im you know all of a sudden those by nature start to lessen. Um, then yea like I think that's just so on point what you said about how I though i didn’t have any value outside of this external thing. That's something i'm really trying to work on right now too. Like whoa  whoa, what have I placed my own value in? And then what is it actually outside of those things, you know? Yea that’s so good.

Dana: Alright, let's go into something slightly lighter than that. What's the best thing you've ever bought yourself with your own hard earned cash? Or loonies, loonies I should say!

And it doesn't have to be a big thing. But it's a thing that your like I bought this with my own damn money and hard work.

Elise: I think for me, maybe not a thing necessarily, but coming to LA for this winter, that's where I am right now, that's been a big thing for me, is taking these few months off of working to be here and really focus on what I want to be focusing on. Also I went through a brief stint of buying some really awesome New Balance sneakers and i’ve got a few pairs now and i’m just really loving my collection of sneakers.

Natasha: Oh man. I think one of the biggests misconceptions about our type of internet fame or how we got “famous” is our followers equal dollar signs

*laughter*

Dana: We know that Natasha.

Natasha: Well I was going to say, im in so much student debt because I put myself through 3 years of school that I still live paycheck to paycheck. That I would say that my ability to pay my rent every month and not worry about paying rent anymore is a really wonderful accomplishment and I also recently closed off one of my student lines of credit sooo...

Elise: Nice!

Dana: Congratulations!

Natasha: Simple, I’m like oh my credit score has gone up and improved greatly and I was able to buy myself eye glasses so that I could see again, and I might go to the dentist this week.

Dana: It’s the little things!

Natasha: Yes! So I think it’s humble adulting. And being able to adopt my doggie and take care of him responsibly. I think that's like the best thing.

Elise: Yea they can be expensive.

Natasha: Yea, they can. I mean he’s not so fancy but he’s better dressed than I am.

Dana: Mine’s costing me a fortune!

Dana: Ok so final question before I get to always final question. Where is your happy place?

Natasha: One of my happy places, because I really can’t choose just one, it depends on where i’m at in my life and what I need in that moment, you know, my happy place is most of the time on set, when i’m doing my job and doing a job that I love and i’m on set, thats like the best feeling in the world. But outside of work, I’d say, I still work at a farmers market for no real reason and I do that every 2 weeks or so or once a month with one of my best friends that I used to work in his restaurant when I was a starving artist and yea. I think just seeing the same faces i've been seeing for the last 5 years getting my hands dirty, and selling like wholesome and organic food, it's just really nice. It really is one of my happy places and I call it my therapy because for a moment I can go and like just be girl selling pie and eating delicious food and catching up on life with my friends and it’s so nice to have something that forces me to wake up in the morning and be accountable and show up. I don’t know. It really is just one of my happiest places. There's always street performers and musicians that play every week and there's always that great music like someone playing accordion and it such a Toronto thing too but it’s just so cute. There’s all these families around that are all mixed race and speaking different languages and there’s just a really nice peaceful vibe to that particular market that i enjoy. So yea, that's one of them.

Elise: I’m just a girl, standing in front of a pie, asking it to lover her.

*laughter*

Natasha: I do that every time I’m there

Elise: Ah man thats too funny. Where is my happy place? Um I went to Joshua Tree this Christmas and fell in love with it there, its so beautiful. I went rock climbing with my brother. Like any time im outdoors in nature that's when I really feel like most connected to my higher self and the planet and the universe and all that good stuff. So yea but I mean, I generally live in giant garbage ridden disgusting cities, like NY and Toronto and LA. I don’t really get that alot. So those moments when I am outdoors, like I went snowshoeing up on these mountains with my friends in BC over Christmas and yea those are def my happy places.

Dana: You guys are such beautiful souls.

Elise: Someone just recently, not told me, because I knew they existed but baths man! Baths are so underrated. I haven't had a bath since I was kid probably….Natasha’s face right now is like ugh ugh. But baths are just so relaxing! I had one the other night and I was like this is really great. You guys are so not on board, just trust me! Put some epsom salt, light a couple of candles, you might surprise yourself.

Natasha: No. I’ve tried to take baths all the time and i've just accepted that i don't enjoy them. Everytime i do it im like why am I forcing myself to do this? Because i'm going to be like 30 in a few years and society tells us that women loves baths. Like, no.

Dana: Not only do we love baths, we love eating yogurt in baths.

Natasha: Yea

Dana: All I  can think about is getting epsom salts up my who-ha, that’s not relaxing to me.

Natasha: No, sitting in my own filth and having to stare at my naked body and like accept my body issues is absolutely not! And also being confined to a small space and being wet, im not about like water, im like no, no.

*laughter*

Dana: So to hell with your bath Elise, your happy place.

Elise: Well thanks for ruining my happy place.

Dana: We just made it a sad place.

Natasha: Hey to each their own, no judgment. I get the concept of the bath

Dana: You guys are heading to Vegas, soon, as am I. As are the many people who are listening to this. Was last year your first time in Vegas?

Natasha: It was.

Elise: It was indeed.

Dana: So I always ask everyone at the end of the podcast, what their favorite things about Vegas are and what would they recommend? I know your guys were really busy and you didn’t have a lot of downtime, but did you get to do anything where you were like, this is kind of crazy fun!?

Natasha: We had a really nice time in the artist alley. We went to some cool vintage shops and went to a really nice cafe, that I think was really more our speed. Elise and I are really similar in that we take our jobs pretty seriously and want to be in high spirits, so I feel like all the bartenders and like restaurant folks hated us because we were like “We’ll just have water and a salad.”

*laughter*

Natasha: And went in at like 10 every night but I did see a Cirque du Soleil show that was incredible! I saw “Love” and i’m so glad that i did it. I was like when in rome, im going to go see a show even though it was past my bedtime and...

Elise: I was so mad I didn’t go to that.

Natasha: Yea, like the word spectacle, that's what it was, it was spectacular. Cirque du Soleil is always amazing but the fact that it’s in a theater that's built specifically for the show, everything was seamless and flawless, from the lighting design to like even the technical cues, like someone in a booth cue-ing them up and they’re seamless. The dancing was amazing. I saw “Love” so it’s all Beatles music, which I love so much, so yea it was really fantastic. I hope I get to see another show this year.

Elise: I’ll be down, lets go, lets do it.

Natasha: The performances were just like really really amazing. I also just love the desert. I love dry climate and I love desert life but I’m not as into debauchery as my. I don't know what it is man, I don't know what people think im like.

Dana: I’ve spent numerous evening and experiences with you and I would never describe you as debaucherous.

*laugher*

Natasha: No, i know i know! I think I had a brief moment in time like 7-6 years ago and then I was like cool, im good

*laughter*

Dana: So what about you Elise, besides the slot machines?

Elise: Artist alley was pretty rad, there's all these crazy old vintage stores just chalk full of weird Vegas antiques.

Natasha: Yeah.

Elise: So that was pretty cool. The strip itself is not really my jam, but I don’t know, I mean I’m not really there to see, im more there to meet people and hang out and yea. Im really looking forward to it, Vegas was such a good time last year.

Natasha: Yea, I mean I enjoyed the convention itself so much, I think its my most favorite one I’ve done so.

Dana: Oh yay!

Natasha: I’m really looking forward to it again this year, more than the city. It could be anywhere and I would enjoy it.

Dana: Do you hear that ClexaCon? Next year we could be in Iowa!

Elise: Let’s not push things Dana

*laughter*

Dana: No offense Iowa! I’ve been to you, you’re lovely. Well thank you to the two of you, you are always so thoughtful and interesting and funny and i’ve probably interviewed you guys a gazillion times but it's always a new and interesting experience!

Elise: Thank you for having us, this was fun!

Natasha: Yeah you always have the best questions!

Elise: You really do, we sometimes have the same questions all the time.

Dana: I know you do so you going to see the 3 of us, well the 2 of them and i'll be there too at the Hollstein panel at ClexaCon. Not sure what day it is yet but they're going to be there. And where can our listeners find you on social media if they aren't already following you, which im sure they are

Elise: @baumanelise and that is now both the same on Instagram and Twitter because I was a baby when I made my twitter and it involved numbers and it really didn't need too so it's all matching now.

Natasha: You can find me on Instagram and Twitter @natvanlis, my first name and then my last name mushed together! That’s it!

*laughter*

Dana: Oh well, you guys have a wonderful next couple of what... we have less than 60 days until ClexaCon?

Natasha: Really? Time flies.

Elise: I gotta start packing.

Dana: It does. I know right? I have all my outfits planned out. I have a spreadsheet with my outfits on it.

Natasha: That’s impressive! Can you come over and do that for me please?

Elise: Organizational queen-ness right there!  That is awesome.

Natasha: That's amazing. Elise and I usually have a crisis the night before amd

call each other or meet up in our hotel rooms and up wearing like running shoes and a t-shirt

Dana: Please! You guys looked amazing last year.

Elise: Looking back on what I've worn, it really does look like there's not been a lot of planning in there.

Dana: You goobers. Every time I've seen you you look amazing.

I’m going pink, so the next time you see me i'll have dark pink, ombre hair so crossing my finger that that works out

Natasha: oooohhh! I hope it works out better than my bangs.

*laughter*

That is going to do it for this episode of “unCONventional”. Thank you so much for listening!

Are really liking “unCONventional”? Then do a us favor and leave a review, tell some friends, tweet about it, we’d really really appreciate it. You can find ClexaCon on Twitter, Facebook and tumblr @clexacon. You can find me, Dana Piccoli on Twitter @dandpiccoli. And our theme music, our wonderful theme music is by Stephanie Berlanga and you can find her at stephanieberlangamusic.com. We are so close you guys, we are so so close, we are going to have one more episode  before the show and planning to do a live taping like I mentioned last week so looking forward very much to that. Until the next time we meet, here's Dana Piccoli swearing fealty to you.

[hashtagloveloses]

Hey so guess what I was that anon who sent you the question about going on that date a week ago and omg I'm so glad i did we have been on a bunch of dates now and i really like him and he's a sweetheart and i am excited to see what happens!! (our first day we went to the movies and then he LITERALLY COOKED ME DINNER WHAAAT) it was crazy and really really nice

this is so pure this is my impact im so happy for yall