#(apologies to Heinz Doofenshmirtz on that last one)

[thatsbelievable]

[be-the-glenn-to-my-maggie]

Quick! Name your fav unfinished/abandoned fanfics. Maybe shouting their names into the void will bring them back like some kind of Beetlejuice situation.

(A gal can dream lol)

Cool ask!! You didn't ask me to specify a fandom, so I didn't. As I've been going through my bookmarks, tagging them and sorting them into the correct collections, I've noticed several unfinished that I miss. Please do not judge how incredibly insanely varied my tastes are. If an author had a tumblr, I tagged it. Please note this list is heavily influenced by nostalgia:

At the Office by wolfqueen1015 , 62/70 chapters, The 100, multiship (but I read it for linctavia (Lincoln/Octavia Blake)), last updated 2/22/2021.

As a linctavia shipper, I actually did not care if Clarke was with Bellamy or Lexa, and read many a fic I enjoyed that went either way for side linctavia. (I will sincerely apologize for that @catthestral497). This is a bellarke fic, beware. It's just a silly stupid social media fic that I found really funny in 10th grade, and I actually think is still funny. I want my last eight chapters.

operation braven by orphan_account , 19/? chapters, The 100, multiship (but I read it for linctavia (Lincoln/Octavia Blake)), last updated 7/3/2018.

It's my honest prerogative to say The 100 is a bad show, it's really not good, but I have read this fanfiction all the way through at least five times and some of it lives in my brain in place of childhood memories. Again, it's a silly social media fic but it's so funny, I miss it.

Infinite Variations by Someone_else_before , 17/? chapters, Stranger Things, mileven (Mike Wheeler/Eleven), last updated 1/1/2018.

My guilty pleasure for so so long has been 2016 post season one Stranger Things fics. I think they have infinitely cooler plotlines than the actual show. This is slightly different, it's a full season one rewrite where the Demogorgan never comes and never takes Will, and Eleven and Mike meet through dreams. I could die to find out how this fic ends, it's been like six years.

Perry the Evil-Adjacent Boyfriend series by Kereea , 15/? works, Phineas and Ferb, perryshmirtz (Heinz Doofenshmirtz/Perry the Platypus), last updated 8/29/2020.

STAY WITH ME ON THIS. Me and my roommate decided to explore this tag as a joke (highly recommend), and I stumbled upon this?? Incredibly sweet and wholesome gem?? Anyways its about a human Perry who quits OWCA and adopts the kids after his brother Lawrence and Lawrence's wife Linda die in a car accident (insane premise) and then him and Doof raise the kids with Vanessa? It's literally so wholesome and cute and family friendly, god I love this fic I have to go read it again I wish there was more.

New Elysium by Cloud_Nine , 16/? chapters, The Walking Dead, multiship (but I read it for gleggie (Glenn Rhee/Maggie Greene) and richonne (Rick Grimes/Michonne)) last updated 3/21/2021.

This fanfiction. Lives with me almost every day, I am FURIOUS that there isn't more of it. This is a fic about the members of Rick's group waking up before the apocalypse began but some have their memories of the events to come, so they start gathering, finding each other, and setting up the best location to hunker down. I just for some reason could spend hours reading about their little house mission and the seeds and working on getting generators to the farm, god, the tension of the time ticking down gets me.

New Chat Created: North Island Daggers by Comin2U , 24/24 (now marked complete), Top Gun movies, multiship (but I read it for icemav (Tom "Iceman" Kazansky/Pete "Maverick" Mitchell) and a lil for the hangster (Jake "Hangman" Seresin/Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw), last updated 7/29/2022.

This fic, ohohoho. By now you all know I love a social media au, a text fic, anything of the sort. But this fic is creme of the crop of any social media au. It's just so magnificent. It's my fav thing ever, which is found family, and involves my two favorite things to see in a Top Gun fic; icemav adopting the dagger squad post mission, and also the Daggers being shocked and then pissed at Rooster when they discover Mav is married to Ice. Also Ice using sign is always a fucking bonus to me.

Spider Sully series by @alexihollis , 11/? works, James Cameron Avatar movies, Spider Socorro & Sully Family, last updated 4/11/2023.

I've raved about this fic enough for you all, but once again! This is the og and if I had my way it would go on forever and ever and never end. Especially now that it's ended up on the front lines fighting for aocorro, which you all also know I've recently decided I enjoy.

I Believe We're The Enemy by reginalds , 7/10 chapters, Spartacus (2010), nagron (Nasir/Agron), last updated 8/13/2015.

This fanfiction was last updated in 2015, but I only watched 2010 Spartacus in 2021 and that's what hurts most of all, huh? What a fantastic show. There would probably be a ton more nagron fics on here but I stopped reading unfinished fics from 2012 😔. Like genuinely though I've bled that fandom dry, I've read every single Barca/Pietros fic that exists.

The Pride of Burrough House by RonsGirlFriday @constitutionalweasleymonarchy , 23/65 chapters, Harry Potter series, multiship, last updated 12/8/2023.

This fic is still being updated, I believe it's just slow because each chapter is an epic. It's just really cool and you all should read it. It's a regency era Harry Potter fic which like, all the ships getting their own plot. Also love love Harry just, growing up rich and cool with his parents lol. I think the dialogue is super fun and I'm very invested in every characters plot so far.

a study in poor judgement by cze , 7/8 chapters, The Goldfinch, boreo (Theodore Decker/Boris Pavlikovsky), last update 8/29/2022.

It's so close though!!! I've read every boreo fanfiction that exists too, and for a bummer of a book, it's a bummer of a fandom as well lol. This fic (although it also manages to be a bummer), puts Theo in such a funny predicament that it combats enough of the bummer-ness that I just loved it. And just like almost every other boreo fic, it's stupidly well written.

Best Laid Plans by voiceoftime @music-is-love-90 , 30/40 chapters, Bridgerton, kanthony (Kate Sharma/Anthony Bridgerton), last updated 3/24/2023.

This is my favorite of my favorite type Bridgerton fics to read, which is Kate and Anthony courting from the beginning instead of the nonsense with Edwina. And this one is just *chefs kiss* I think it's still being updated as well though. Hopefully.

Holding On and Letting Go by Nizhoni93 , 9/? chapters, The Black Phone, rinney (Finney Blake/Robin Arellano), last updated 9/8/2023.

I have pushed this fic before, but once again it is absolutely heartbreaking. I cried seven separate times reading just one of the chapters. I need it finished so I know if it works the fuck out, because I literally cannot handle ghost Robin being stuck watching the boy he loves but can't see him for the rest of Finney's life.

When Eywa Sleeps, So Do Her Children by Aye_Dei , 9/9 (now marked as complete), James Cameron Avatar movies, Ao'nung/Neteyam/Spider, last updated 10/23/2023.

This one is a massive bummer, as it was ended due to newfound bigotry, but I was really enjoying it before it was discontinued.

And finally, I just wanted to express my deep disappointment that my icemav Star Wars au was deleted halfway through. I'm mad about it.

[woulddieforperrytheplatypus]

Perry being relocated is sad, but it could lead to some bonding moments between Phineas and Heinz should they interact again. Phineas tells Heinz that it really started to sink in that he shouldn't have thrown away the pamphlet; if he had actually heard Perry out, maybe they could've kept the whole thing a secret from OWCA. Heinz comforts him and tells him it's not his fault; in hindsight, he shouldn't have roped some random kids into his scheme, but Phineas tells him it's not his fault either.

in reference to this post

WAIT THAT’S ACTUALLY SO CUTE??? oh man do I have Some Ideas™ for this

First of all, I have a feeling they’d all kinda stay away from each other for a while. I think Phineas would just be too sad to see anyone, and he’d rather spend his time moping with Ferb. Heinz wouldn’t even know where to find them anyway, but he’d probably want to stay away from them because he’d just feel really fucking guilty. I mean, it was Heinz that built the other-dimensionator. It was Heinz that let them come with him. There is no way he wouldn’t feel solely responsible not just for himself losing his nemesis, but these kids losing their pet, and that’s not even getting into the guilt I’m sure he’d feel over letting his doppelganger attempt to have them yeeted across the room or fed to the goozim (until, of course, he was also sentenced to a game of Poke the Goozim With A Stick). 

But after a few days of moping around the penthouse and attempting to build things that he gives up on halfway through, there’s a knock on the door. His first thought is that it must be his weekend with Vanessa (already? how did that happen?) and he’s like :/ because he has to explain to her that he accidentally had Perry relocated literally just hours after finding out that the guy had a whole family that he never even knew about. But then he opens the door and it’s Phineas standing there, and heinz.exe stops working for a few seconds because why is this child standing outside his penthouse? 

And Phineas has obviously been crying but he’s not right now, and he just looks up at Heinz with the saddest puppy dog eyes and asks, “Can I come in?” and there’s absolutely no way Heinz can say no to him,

Now, Heinz is obviously very confused because there’s really no reason for this kid not to hate his guts, so he has to ask what tf Phineas is doing here. Phineas just kinda shrugs and sniffles real quick, and Heinz has read Perry’s body language enough that he can kind of tell what people are thinking even if they won’t say it, so he sighs and just says something like, “You miss him, too, huh?” and Phineas nods and then starts fucking sobbing, and poor Heinz hasn’t had t comfort a crying child in years, so he has no idea what to do.

So Heinz gestures to the couch, and he’s like, “... you wanna sit?” and Phineas just looks at it for a second and Heinz quickly adds, “it’s not the same one he peed on,” and Phineas doesn’t stop crying but he does crack a smile before he sits down. Heinz sits down, too, and he asks why Phineas is there again, because while his new couch is very comfortable -- perks of not buying new inator parts and new doors every day; he could afford a very luxurious couch -- he is decently sure Phineas did not come here to try out his couch.

And Phineas takes a minute to compose himself, and then he says something like, “I was just starting to get to know this other side of him, and now he’s gone” except like phrased so it’s sadder idk it’s hard to write dialogue if I’m not actually writing something in fanfic form lmao. 

Heinz just kinda nods because he doesn’t necessarily relate -- sure, finding out Perry had a family was surprising, but the difference between Agent P with his family and the Perry the Platypus that Heinz knows isn’t anywhere near as stark as the difference between Agent P and the Perry that Heinz can sort of picture at home -- he does relate to wishing he had had the time to learn more about him before he had to leave. 

Then Phineas asks, “What was he like?” and it all kinda falls into place. He came here to get to know the side of Perry that he didn’t really get to see; the side that Heinz knows better than anyone, because he’s seen both the friend and foe aspects (often on the same day, when they’d go hang out after work). So Heinz starts talking and talking and talking, and it’s oddly comforting because this is what he used to do with Perry the Platypus and he hasn’t really gotten to monologue since Perry left and he’d forgotten how therapeutic it was. It’s not the same, obviously, but seeing Phineas’s reactions to his stories is heartwarming in a different way.

And then maybe Phineas apologizes, and Heinz is like ??? because if anyone should be apologizing, it should be him -- and he was getting there; he was just a little wrapped up in happier times -- and Phineas explains the whole thing with the pamphlet and the fact that he basically ignored everything Perry tried to tell him (and he doesn’t say it, but hearing Heinz talk about Perry and what he thought and what he felt just makes it worse because it means Heinz (his nemesis!!!) was willing to listen to him and he wasn’t). And Heinz is like “Dude, literally shut the fuck up because this was all my bad” (but, you know, not like that) and they talk about that for a lil bit and Heinz finally says, “You know what? We both messed this up equally. We can share the blame, how ‘bout that?” and again, Phineas doesn’t say it, but that makes him feel better, too, because everyone else has been telling him to stop blaming himself. Even Ferb said it, as if Ferb wasn’t completely level-headed the entire time. If Perry had handed Ferb the pamphlet, he would have read it and he would have figured out what Perry was getting at, and then Phineas wouldn’t have wasted so much of their last few hours together just being angry at him. This is the first time someone has been real with him about it, and it means a lot.

And that, my friends, is the story of the newly-formed unbreakable bond between Phineas Flynn and Heinz Doofenshmirtz :,)

I have a sneaking suspicion that part of the reason you sent this was that you know that I’m a complete sucker for a good Phineas/Heinz (non-romantic) relationship, but I have to admit, the more I think about this, the more I feel like this would work out better with Heinz and Ferb. I know that’s probably really weird from someone who’s literally written a whole tumblr essay about how Phineas and Heinz are basically the same person (casual promo is casual), but I was actually just talking to revenblue on ao3 the other day (I would tag his tumblr instead but a) I don’t want him to feel compelled to read all my bullshit and b) I want to bless any Perryshmirtz fans out there who may not have read his fics yet because he is The Perryshmirtz Writer™) about how Heinz would get along with the boys, and I realized that Ferb and Heinz would actually get along really well in a different sense? 

The charm of Phineas and Heinz’s potential friendship has always been that it would be someone to excitedly talk to about building and inventing and that they’d connect through excited conversations that they can’t have with anyone else. Sure, Phineas can talk to Ferb about it and Heinz can talk to Perry about it, but neither of them talk back very much, so putting two excitable blabbermouths together would be fantastic. 

But Heinz and Ferb would get along really well because Heinz would actually listen to him. He’s so used to hanging out with Perry that he can pick up on silent cues with no problem -- something that would be really useful when hanging out with a mostly nonverbal kid. As much as it looks like Ferb might get that from Phineas already, it looks more to me like Phineas just assumes they’re on the same page and Ferb just roles with it. I’d go more in depth but a) it’s almost one in the morning and I have an 8:30 class tomorrow and b) this post is already so much longer than it needed to be, but tl;dr: This would be a great way for Heinz and Ferb to bond because it would give Heinz the chance to monologue and infodump about his best friend at the same time it gives Ferb the chance to both learn more about Perry and to talk to someone who’s going to pay attention to his own thoughts and feelings with no prompting.

[themurphyzone]

Everything is post ATSD

Don’t imagine Perry trying not to panic when Heinz traps him, even though it’s a completely normal trap in their routine. 

Don’t imagine Perry comparing Heinz to the 2nd Dimension Doofenshmirtz and wondering if Heinz could ever be that ruthless one day. 

Don’t imagine Heinz noticing that Perry doesn’t seem to be giving his A-game when it comes to thwarting. 

Don’t imagine Heinz asking if something’s up, only for him to be rebuffed by Perry. 

Don’t imagine Heinz getting angry at Perry because he just wants to help and that Perry’s always helping him, so why can’t he do the same for Perry? 

Don’t imagine Perry keeping a tight lid on his feelings because he’s supposed to be cool and collected, not an emotional wreck from nearly getting killed/relocated from the people he loves on the 5th anniversary of his adoption. 

Don’t imagine Perry blowing up the inator without any fanfare and leaving abruptly.

Don’t imagine a confused and furious Heinz yelling at him to come back, because clearly something’s up. 

Don’t imagine Perry feeling guilty and spending the entire evening making sure the Flynn-Fletcher kids are alright. 

Don’t imagine Perry having a nightmare that’s much worse than the occasional bout of sleep-thwarting. Everyone falls into the lava, someone gets converted into a cyborg, everyone gets eaten by the monster, Phineas and Ferb get crushed under Doof 2′s mecha. And Perry can’t do anything to stop it. 

Don’t imagine Perry’s thrashing waking up his boys, and Perry has to keep it together when they hold him for the rest of the night. 

Don’t imagine Perry being reminded that the 2nd Dimension events need to remain a secret, and that he needs to act like nothing extraordinary happened that day. 

Don’t imagine Perry going to DEI and finding Heinz tangled up in a mess of wires hanging from a ceiling beam. 

Don’t imagine Perry realizing that Heinz had been the closest one to the lava. 

Don’t imagine Perry seeing lava instead of a lab floor, chains instead of wires, a monster instead of Norm trying to help Heinz untangle himself. 

Don’t imagine Perry breaking down while Heinz frees himself. 

Imagine Heinz pushing the self-destruct button and pretending to be unhappy about his scheme being foiled, then does his best to comfort Perry with cheesy jokes and silly rom-coms on Netflix while stumbling through a speech on how Perry deserves all the comfort in the world. 

Imagine Perry apologizing about yesterday and Heinz admitting that yeah, he was annoyed and stuff but something was bothering him, and next time, just let him know instead of running off. 

Imagine Perry finally smiling and wiping the last of his tears away, reaching out for a handful of popcorn as the opening credits to a romcom play. 

[loserholland]

𝐄𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐞

 𝟎𝟏𝟔 ➺  𝐑𝐮𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮

Pairing ➺  Ceo playboy!Ben Hardy x Reader

Warning ➺ nsfw towards the end of the chap, choking!kink, breeding!kink

Word Count ➺ 3,187

Summary ➺ An arranged marriage between two polar opposites.

A/N ➺ One more chapters and the series will be complete! I will be doing a thank you/q&a video once I’m done writing the series, so if you have questions please send them in! They don’t have to be Elite related questions! We’ve come to the end wow one more chapter well the epilogue and this series will be complete! Also sprinkled some game of thrones into the chapter because I’ve been obsessed and I’m on season 3 ep 2! I also apologize for the LONG delay.

Send me your thoughts, feelings, everything! It makes me day/night!

✿ 𝓟𝓮𝓻𝓶𝓪𝓷𝓮𝓷𝓽 𝓣𝓪𝓰𝓵𝓲𝓼𝓽 ✿ -  @hollandfieldblurbs , @beerbottlesandchainsaws , @killerqueen-gunpowdergelatine​, @spideyyypeter

❁ 𝐄𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐓𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 ❁ - @financialinstability, @magicwithaknife , @xrumkugelx , @rogertaylorsblondhair, @virtualsheepeat, @hollyissuchahoe , @yourkindabrainy-ilikeit, @fsociety00da1, @lee-519 , @2ptonpt, @sherlokiantheatrenerd , @local-radical-bandit , @calumfornicationx , @softcillian, @kittysblog14 , @peach-barnes , @prettyoddbarnes  , @spideyyypeter, @adepressedstudentslife , @wowza-bowza , @stilesneedsprotection , @anamcg317 , @indescribxbl , @heinz-doofenshmirtz-official , @loveofmylifeben , @captainxmoony , @whateverbakesyourcake , @waving-thru-a-window , @benhrdy , @beerbottlesandchainsaws , @frietjemeloen , @kirket03 , @emmieliabedelia , @sabbrriiinnaa , @justinemayi , @bummmblebeee , @wolverinesbeer , @allieburakovsky , @chocolatekisses8 @i-the-fangirl, @ksqueenie, @secretsweetscollectionblog, @luvborhap

☞  Masterlist  ☜

-

Can't say how the days will unfold, Can't change what the future may hold

Three years had gone by, during those wonderful 36 months a child was brought into the world. Before any of you question who’s child, Presely had gave birth to a beautiful baby boy names Boston. Now here stands (Y/N) holding her two year old nephew in her arms as she beside her sister who was currently going to marry Joe. (Y/N) scanned the crowd smiling as she caught Ben’s eye, the two have been taking things slow enjoying each other’s company, they weren’t in a rush to get married just yet.

But, I want you in it Every hour, every minute

It took a while for Ben to come to the realization that he wanted (Y/N) to be in his life forever. He thought that he could never fall in love again. He thought that if he fell in love again it would and slowly bring down the walls he had built up history would repeat itself. He was scared to show how vulnerable he could be. The moment she walked out of his life, it was as if time stopped an everything in his life came to a stop. 

“You may now kiss the bride.”

Everyone cheered standing to their feet as the happy newly weds walked down the aisle together. (Y/N) followed closely with her nephew in her arms, flashing a smile at Ben before continuing down the isle.

The two had just came home from dinner and a stroll in central park. They had no intentions on rushing things but to take things slow to make up for the past two years.

“I’ve missed this.. I’ve missed you.” Ben murmured causing (Y/N) to lift her head slightly looking up into those beautiful emerald eyes. The two were tangled in each other’s embrace as the moonlight brought a glow into (Y/N) room.

(Y/N) hummed leaning up to place a chaste kiss on Ben’s plump pink lips, “It was quite lonely to watch game of thrones without you asking questions every five minutes.” Ben rolled his eyes playfully and let out a dry chuckle “Well, I’d like to catch up on what has happened thank you very much.”

Ben had proposed a year after they were dating again but they had agreed to not rush the wedding.

This world can race by far too fast Hard to see while it's all flying past

Boston whined leaning forward towards Ben causing (Y/N) to pout “Boston! You want uncle Benny over me?!” Ben brought him into his arms as Boston played with his tie. Everyone patiently waited outside waiting for their turn to take a picture with the newly weds, Joe’s family stood on the steps as the rest of Presley’s family waited. 

Ben swayed Boston from side to side as (Y/N) stood beside Ben resting her head on his shoulder “Boston bud, I think you made your aunty (Y/N) very sad.” (Y/N) lifted her head from her fiance shoulder pouting at the two year old that just giggled. 

“Boston bub!” Presley called out needing Boston in the photo. Ben slowly set Boston down on his feet as he walked over towards his parents as the rest of the family watched in awe. 

Kids.

Both (Y/N) and Ben couldn’t wait to have kids that was they never touched on the subject but Ben could see the gleam in her eyes when she would play with Boston. Or when she’d spoil him with many clothes that he’d outgrow and buy any toy he touched. He knew that when they had kids, he hops they have their mother’s golden heart.

All I want to do Is come running home to you

(Y/N) walked up to the stage tapping on the mic slowly bringing the chatter down, it was time to give her maid of honor speech. She had spent many months worrying about what she had to say. Every time she sat down to write something her mind went blank, so now here she stands unsure of where to start. 

“Friends, family I’d like to thank you for helping us celebrate the newly weds Presley and Joe Mazzello. I’d also like to thank Presley for choosing me to be her maid of honor. I’d also like to thank her for many memories, I know there was a time when we lost contact and were never close but I’d like to thank you for staying up with me during those stormy night’s. Thank you for giving me a beautiful nephew whom I love and cherish so much. I wish you and Joe nothing but happiness. Also give me more nieces and nephews. Now raise your glass for Mr and Mrs. Mazzello.”

Come running home to you And all my life I promise to

"So when’s the wedding?” 

Oh the questioned she dreaded, anytime someone asked her that question she never really had a response to it. Only because her and Ben never got around to talking about the date and where it would be. 

“Maybe next year.” (Y/N) answered smiling between her aunts that stood in front of her, she knew the next question a typical question they always asked.

“Have you two thought about having kids? I know that you two will make some beautiful children.” she smiled sweetly looking over at Ben to come and rescue her. 

Though that didn’t help the situation at all, they continued to ask even more question even though Ben had asked if they could excuse us to dance. The reception slowly came to an end as everyone began to say their goodbyes, and that was (Y/N) queue to leave. 

(Y/N) walked over to Presley who held a sleeping two year old in her arms, they would be babysitting Boston for the next two and a half weeks due to Presley and Joe going on their honeymoon to Europe.

“I will see this little guy tomorrow morning, goodnight Mr and Mrs.Mazzello.”

Keep running home to you Keep running home

There was a small knock at the door causing (Y/N) to quickly walk over opening the door to see her Presley with Boston in her arms.

“Hi bubba! We’re gonna have so much fun!” (Y/N) gladly took Boston into her arms pressing many kisses to his chubby cheeks. She loved her nephew with all her heart, the more time she spent with Boston made her want kids of her own. 

(Y/N) gave Presley one last hug before slowly pulling away as she pointed her index finger at her older sister, “I expect to hear that you’re pregnant when you get back.” 

Presley laughed at her sister’s remark, “Alright alright, bye my little love I’ll see you soon be good to your aunty (Y/N)” Boston nodded twisting and turning to be let down wanting nothing more but to play with his toys.

Ben had just came home from meeting with a New York based company all he wanted to do was lay in bed with (Y/N) just to be in her embrace. He unlocked the door to her condo kicking off his shoes and tugging at his tie, his blazer was long gone leaving him with his white dress shirt. 

“(Y/N)? Love?” Ben called out as he walked into the living room to see Boston cuddled up to (Y/N). His eyes softened, it was in that moment he was ready to marry (Y/N). He was ready to start a family with her, in that moment he knew that she would be the person he’d want to come home to.

To you

Ben hadn’t told her yet, he hadn’t told her that they should start setting a date, have her look at dresses, he wanted to find the right moment. The three were having a picnic at Central Park, Boston giggled as (Y/N) blew some bubbles.

“More!” he shouted as he reached up in the air attempting to pop the bubbles before they floated away. Ben loved the way (Y/N) interacted with Boston, soon his mind began to wander about if she’d be the same way with their kids. His train of thought came to a halt as an elderly couple began to talk to (Y/N).

“Your son is beautiful.” the woman spoke causing (Y/N) to smile widely, “Thank you but he’s my nephew.” the woman quickly apologized which caused (Y//N) to reassure her that it happen’s often. When that would happen there was something inside her that made her want to have children of her own so she could say yes instead of no, or he’s my nephew.

And I could see it Right from the start

Ben sat on their shared bed waiting for (Y/N) as she went to put Boston to rest. He began to mumble what he wanted to say staring at his lap as his fingers were interlocked, he didn’t even notice (Y/N) walk in. He was so deep in thought.

“Ben?”

No answer.

“Bub?”

Still no answer.

“Benjamin Jones.”

Immediately Ben looked up to see (Y/N) standing in front of him with concern in her eyes, she slowly walked over to him wrapping her arms around his neck as he snacked his arms around her waist resting his head against her chest.

“What’s wrong bub?” her voice was soft and soothing causing Ben to relax, he pulled away to look up at her.

It was now or never.

“I-I think we should start setting a date.. for the wedding. I’ve just been thinking about it a lot and when you interact with Boston. It makes me wonder what you’d be like with our kids- that’s if you want kids! If you don’t, I understand, I do really since you’ll be the one carrying the baby and I don’t want to force you into anything you don’t want to do! I also understand if you’re not ready to get married yet, I’ll wait take all the-”

(Y/N) leaned down kissing him sweetly to stop him from blabbering even more. Slowly she pulled away with a smile, running her fingers through his blonde locks.

“You talk too much,” she started causing Ben to roll his eyes jokingly.

“-I’m ready. To start looking at venues, churches, dresses. I’m ready to marry you Benjamin Jones. Also I’d love to have kids with you, I mean my aunt’s did say we’d make beautiful kids.” Ben smiled, pulling her into another hug.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

-

Ben watched as his soon to be wife walked down the aisle, his heart fluttered as tear began to blur his vision. He allowed the tears to fall, as he remembered the first time they met. Who would’ve thought the most sweetest girl in the world could love him and give him another chance after everything he did?

Right from the start That you would be Be my light in the dark Light in the dark

(Y/N) was the one to help him love again, to show him no matter how bad things got she was there to guide him and was at his side when he felt lost. When they had called of their engagement, he felt lost without her, it was as if he was stuck in a dark pit no light to guide him to the opening.

Oh, you gave me no other choice But to love you

He was afraid to love again, he had thought this would be just an arranged marriage with no love. But overtime he began to love her, his heart and mind at war with one another scared to allow himself to love her again. 

All I want to do Is come running home to you

“(Y/N), you are the light in my life. No matter how hard and bad things get you’re there to guide me. When we had called off our first engagement I didn’t have you to guide be, to be there at my side to reassure me that everything was going to be okay. I was lucky enough that you found it somewhere in your heart to give me another chance which I will be eternally grateful for. Someone once said, home is the person or place you want to return to over and over. Your my home. All I want to do at the end of the day is come home to you. Even after a fight, it will always be you. No matter the circumstances, I want to come home to you and only you.”

Come running home to you And all my life I promise to

“Benjamin Jones, the day we met I knew I wasn’t going to like you. Though I tried because if we were going to be married though it was originally arranged I wanted it to be meaningful even if it meant our marriage would be one-sided love. Slowly after every date, every moment we spent together. I grew to love you. I was afraid to admit it, I was afraid that you wouldn’t love me the way I loved you. The first time you had told me you loved me was during our first fight. When we broke off our first engagement I didn’t know what to do without you. I held onto hope that one day, we’d find our way back to each other. Even if it took months, or years we’d find our way back to one another.I love you with all my heart Benjamin Jones.”

Keep running home to you Keep running home

“Do you Benjamin Jones, take (Y/N) (Y/L/N) to be your lawfully wedded wife?”

“I do.”

Home to you

“Do you (Y/N) (Y/L/N), take Benjamin Jones to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

“I do.”

Can't say how the days will unfold Can't change what the future may hold

“I now pronounce you husband and wife, you may now kiss the bride.”

But, I want you in it Every hour, every minute

Alexa had surprised them with a jet ready to take off to Bora Bora for their honeymoon. She had also packed many, many different colored lingeries with a note that read ‘Make me some grandbabies!’.

The newly weds spent most of the first few days exploring Bora Bora it a good thing (Y/N) knew some French though many of the signs included english, she thought it would be more efficient to communicate in french.

-

(Y/N) looked at herself once more before wrapping a satin robe around her body, she walked out to see Ben sat upright against the headboard looking over his laptop with his reading glasses sitting on the tip of his nose. 

“Ben?”

She spoke softly but loud enough to pull Ben’s attention away from the screen in front of him, she slowly walked over to him causing Ben to place his laptop and glasses on the nightstand beside him. (Y/N) let the robe fall to the ground, revealing a beautiful white lace piece Ben truly felt like he had gone to heaven at the beautiful sight of his wife.

“I’ve gone to heaven haven’t I?”

(Y/N) couldn’t help but giggle after her husband’s remark, she straddled Ben’s lap wrapping her arms around his neck as he wrapped his arms around her waist leaning up to attach his lips to her neck.

“Not quite yet my love.”

She pulled away from to place her lips on his, slow yet passionate as their hands roamed over one another’s body. (Y/N) tugged slightly at Ben’s hair causing him to moan softly allowing their tongues to dance against one another. She began to roll her hips into his feeling his shaft harder against her inner thigh.

Ben pulled away to pepper kisses down her neck to the valley of her breast as (Y/N) worked to get it undone. Tonight she wanted to be the one in charge, there will be many other nights when Ben could be in control. But just for tonight.

“Let me be in control tonight. Just for tonight.” (Y/N) said breathlessly watching as Ben’s eyes filled with lust, “Anything for you my love.” 

(Y/N) stood up for a moment removing the lace material from her body then moved to remove Ben’s boxer’s. She took his hard shaft into her hand pumping it lightly as Ben threw his head back, she moved back to straddle him lining herself up before slowly sinking down onto his shaft.

Ben hand rest on her hips as he watched her adjust for a moment before moving her hips in a circular motion bringing a new feeling she hadn’t felt before. (Y/N) rest her hands atop Ben’s broad chest letting out a airy moan as she began to bounce up and down Ben’s eyes glued to her chest, one of his hands moved to touch them only to receive a slap.

“No, keep your hands on my waist baby. Who’s in control tonight?” (Y/N) cooed as she moved one of her hands to the side of Ben’s face.

All Ben could do was nod, causing her to stop and Ben to let out a groan.

“Words baby, use your words and maybe I’ll continue to fuck you.”

Oh those sweet words should be falling from his mouth, but the way she was speaking to him didn’t have him complaining.

“You’re in charge love.”

(Y/N) hummed in approval continuing her actions leaning forward to place a kiss on his sweet lips, she was enjoying this. Being in charge, giving Ben a taste of his own medicine. She could see it in his eyes, he enjoyed it too. Maybe this won’t turn into a one time thing.

Her hands moved to wrap around his neck squeezing it lightly as she clenched around him causing her to moan loudly as his eyes rolled back to the beautiful pleasure his wife was giving him. She could feel the knot in her stomach tighten, the pleasure and sight of Ben beneath her edged her to her climax.

“Do you enjoy me choking you baby?” (Y/N) cooed as Ben let out a throaty moan, ah I take that as a yes. 

She released the pressure from his neck and placed her hands grabbed his hands from her waist intwining their hands together, “Are you close baby?” Ben nodded trying his best to use his voice “Yes love.” (Y/N) moaned as she clenched around him.

“C’mon baby.”

Ben groaned lightly, “Let me cum love please, let me fill you up have your carry my child. Have you carrying all of my children, c’mon lovely.” (Y/N) let out a throaty scream her entire body felt like it was on fire, Ben followed closely behind her. He helped her ride out her orgasm, before she slowly rolled off of him.

They laid their for a moment, regaining their breathe before Ben spoke.

“We definitely need to do that again.” (Y/N) smiled turning to face Ben before kissing him sweetly.

“We have all the time in the world.”

Ben smiled pressing a kiss to her nose before pulling her closer to his chest, “I love you Mrs.Jones.” (Y/N) smiled pressing a small kiss to his chest.

“I love you Mr.Jones.”

[luescris]

La Villian Cafe

Okay so here’s a one-shot that I whipped up yesterday. I got the idea from someone, but I can’t remember who it was so, if it’s you, please tell me! Credit belongs to them!! Enjoy!

_____________________________________________

One would think it weird that there was a whole cafè dedicated to just Villains somewhere out there in the world. It was a place where villains could settle down every now and then, either with each other or by themselves. They knew it’d be counted as a crossover, but as long as they weren’t on screen, they were fine. It was built as a get away, as a place where they could settle down, so it was built and looked as such. It was cute and cozy, like every other coffee shop, and most of its occupants wouldn’t ever want it otherwise. Even if those occupants were very few, it was managing very well (Especially since most of them came from the Disney franchise).

It was a warm afternoon when the bell of the shop ringed with the opening of the door, and in entered the Greek God of the Underworld, Hades, from the movie Hercules. With a face that looked like he was ready to drop at any moment, he stretched his arms with a grimace, giving a long groan and dropping his arms. He made his way towards the front, where a friendly looking woman with a towel around her head awaited with a smile.

“Hello Mr. Hades,” She said sweetly. “Your usual?”

“That sounds good. Except maybe add in a doughnut and…” He thought for a moment, squinting at nothing. “Two shots of espresso.”

“Alright. Hard day in the Underworld, huh?” The woman asked as she turned to the counter behind her.

“Psh, you know it Medusa.” Hades leaned against the counter with a sigh. “These restless souls are just.. So uncooperative, you know? I tell them, ‘Hey, maybe you’re getting tortured and burned in fire, but it’s not all too bad. You’ll get used to it after some decades.’ But all they want to do is moan and complain. Drives you insane.”

Medusa nodded. “Oh I know. It’s hard to be a villain.” She turned back to him and placed a bag and cup of coffee onto the counter. “Here you go. $22.37, please.”

After paying what he owed, he turned to the shop before him and took a sip of his coffee, and gave sigh of relief. “That’s the stuff…”

“Hey, Hades! Over here over here!” A voice called suddenly, and Hades noticed that, in the corner next to a window, sat Doctor Doofenshmirtz, waving a hand wildly with a large grin on his face.

Hades sighed with annoyance, but walked over to him anyway and sat. “Hello, Doof.”

“Long time no see!” Doofenshmirtz replied. “How’s life in the Underworld? Goin’ good?”

“Just the opposite.” Hades muttered, then took out his doughnut and bit into it.

“Oh. Well, anyway, have you heard what Disney had done? Have you heard their latest news yet?”

Hades shook his head. “I don’t get told much. I live at the bottom of the Earth. It’s hard to get any news from anywhere down there.”

“Well it’s a good thing you came here! I’m telling you, you are really going to love this!” Doof added that with a wink. “It’s gonna blow your socks off!”

“Oh I’m sure it will.” Hades muttered to himself, and took another sip of his coffee as Heinz continued. But what he was about to say was definitely unexpected.

“They say that Disney has made another new villain! They say he’s real powerful, and dangerous! Maybe not as powerful as all of us combined, heh, but.. He sounds real menacing!”

Hades almost spat out what was in his mouth, interest perked as he stared at Doofenshmirtz. “.. A new villain? Did you hear a name? A-a description, perhaps?”

“Unfortunately no.” Doof looked down sadly. “But man, that description got me excited. Wonder who it’ll be…” It was quiet for a few seconds as the two mulled over the thought, the Doofenshmirtz gasped and looked up with a newly found energy. “Hey, do you think he’ll find this coffee shop? Do you think they’ll let him have access?”

“.. I dunno,” Hades shrugged. “The guy sounds a bit too dangerous for this place, though, don’t you think-?”

Suddenly, the door to the cafe opened and interrupted what Hades was saying. Both of their heads turned to see who it was, but their faces immediately became confused. There stood a boy who looked about the age of fourteen, with black hair, one blue streak in it. He looked as if he was lost, looking around the room rather awkwardly. A racoon was hanging on to his shoulders, also looking as lost as the boy.

His blue eyes seemed to have almost no light in them as he awkwardly stepped in, took a breath of air, and announced quietly, “Um… They told me to come here, so uh.. Yeah..”

From around the counter, Medusa walked up to him with a suspicious smirk. “Do you have a card, young man?”

The boy blinked at her for a second, then muttered, “Oh” and reached into his front pocket in his apron.

He handed it to Medusa, who stared at it for a few seconds, then looked back at the boy. “Hm. Fine. Welcome to La Villain Cafe. Enjoy your stay!” She handed him back the card with a half smile, then walked back behind the counter, looking at him with curiousity.

Hades and Doofenshmirtz watched as he walked himself over to the far back of the cafe, and sat with his back facing the other two. The racoon climbed into his lap with a soft coo, and the boy pet his head slowly.

“... You gotta be serious.” Doof whispered, bringing Hades’s attention back to him. “ That can’t be him, can it? I mean, he doesn’t look evil. He doesn’t even have a lab coat!”

“He has an apron and gloves,” Hades pointed out. “It’s close right? Plus, you don’t look evil either, and yet her you are.”

Doof nodded, then realized what he said and glared at him. “Hey, wait a minute

-!”

“We should go over and talk to ‘im.” Hades interrupted him, hiding a smirk that pulled on his lips as he stood and walked over.

Doofenshmirtz sat for a second, then followed behind him while muttering underneath his breath.

The boy looked up when Hades arrived with a somewhat polite smile on his face. “Hey kid, you must be that new guy we’ve heard alot about.”

The boy stared at him for a second, before saying, “... And your hair is on fire.”

Hades blinked as his smile suddenly vanished at the sudden comment, while Doofenshmirtz snickered behind him.

Hades shook his head, then grinned again and laughed. “... Heh, you’re smart kid, real smart. Nice one. Name’s Hades, Lord of the Underworld, brother of Zeus and so forth. What’s your name?”

“... Varian.” The boy muttered, then looked away and into the window. “Now go away.”

“Wow, this kid seems real depressed.” Hades whispered to himself after another stunned silence.

“Lemme try.” Doofenshmirtz stepped in front of him. “Hey, Varitos was it-?”

“Varian.” Varian replied stiffly, but didn’t look at them.

“Varian. Right. Where ya from? You seem like an interesting character. What do you do?” He waited for a response, and when there wasn’t one, Doof continued, slipping into the chair across from him. “You know, I’m an inventor. I make stuff to destroy my arch nemesis with so that I can someday rule the Tri State Area. And, maybe the world afterwards.”

This seemed to have spiked his interest, because Varian looked over at him with slight confusion at his words. “... Tri State Area?”

Doofenshmirtz grinned. “Yeah. It’s where I live in my world, though. Don’t worry about it.” He shifted his position. “Did you try to take over the world?”

Varian blinked. “Uh.. No, not rea-”

“Doof not every villain wants to do that,” Hades said with an eye roll. “How about your backstory huh? Do you have one?”

“Uh, I suppose-”

“Hey, I was supposed to ask that!” Doofenshmirtz shouted at Hades.

Hades rose an eyebrow. “And why should it matter?”

“Because I actually have one! You are only something that came from a fairy tale that’s not even scientifically possible!”

“Hey, if ya wanna see the Underworld, be my guest. Nothing’s stoppin’ ya.”

Doof glared at him, then looked back at Varian with a fake grin. “So Varian. Got any parents? Relationships? Who’s that furry little friend of yours?”

“It’s a racoon.” Hades muttered.

“I know it’s a racoon! I asked ‘who’, not ‘what’.”

The argument lasted for a while, and it lasted until Varian seemed to have gotten enough of it. He stood upright from his seat, fists clenched as he shouted, “Enough!!”

Hades and Doof looked at him, blinking with surprise in mid-argument.

“Since you won’t leave me alone about it, I guess I have no other option than to tell you my own personal business!!” Varian snapped. “I started out as a humble alchemist who wanted to simply help everyone in Corona and make my father proud of me, but nobody ever wanted my help and I somehow made things worse! Then these black rocks came in and began completely destroying my life--quite literally might I add--without stopping! The princess of my world, Rapunzel, gave me her word that she’d help me figure them out, but she practically lied to me when I went to her and begged for her help! You know why?! My father was being encased by those same black rocks!! But precious Corona apparently came first! And then, she expects me to be perfectly okay with everything?! No!! Of course I’m gonna backstab her and steal the SunDrop Flower! She did that to me!! Oh sure, she apologized before that, but if she really cared, why in the world didn’t she come and see me after that storm?! They left me there, so that I took care of myself without an adults or parents or anything!! But they’re only gonna care about what I need when I attack the castle with a robot army, capture the queen, and almost kill the queen!! Noone’s gonna care that everything I’ve done was to save my father, who I am seriously hoping is still alive!! They’re just gonna simply throw me in jail and forget about me, let me rot until there’s nothing left of me while the princess and her little group of friends goes out and explores, when everything happened because of her!! She’s the reason why I’m here, she’s the reason why my dad’s not here, she’s the reason why those black rocks exist!! She’s the reason why I’m a villain!!”

The cafe was quiet.

Doofenshmirtz and Hades stared up at Varian, who suddenly found himself standing on the table, with mouths wide open and eyes as small as dots. There were a bit more villains that had entered who stared at Varian with the same looks the other two gave, standing stock still. From behind the counter Medusa also stared at him, frozen in mid pour.

Varian was huffing slightly, and he turned his attention back to the other two and whispered past the lump in his throat, “Well… Now you know.. Happy?”

He scooped up Ruddiger from underneath the table after jumping off of it, and stormed passed the others, who quickly moved out of his way as he did so. They stared, even after the door had been slammed shut, and he disappeared around the corner, where two guards had apparently been waiting for him. One of them placed a hand on his shoulder before they had completely rounded it.

“.... No words…” Hades barely whispered finally. “Absolutely no words….”

Doofenshmirtz closed his mouth. “He looks so young… Why would they..? The kid isn’t even…”

Slowly, the rest of the people continued with what they were doing, and when Hades glanced over at Medusa, he noticed that she was facing him. He knew under those sunglasses of hers, was a glare as hard as stone.

[loserholland]

𝐄𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐞

𝟎𝟏𝟒 ➺ 𝐇𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐢𝐞𝐫

Pairing ➺  Ceo playboy!Ben Hardy x Reader

Warning ➺ flashbacks and sad benny boy ):

Word Count ➺ 2,428

Summary ➺ An arranged marriage between two polar opposites.

A/N ➺ Two more chapters and the series will be complete! I will be doing a thank you/q&a video once I’m done writing the series, so if you have questions please send them in! They don’t have to be Elite related questions!

Send me your thoughts, feelings, everything! It makes me day/night!

Also send me your theories! Love reading them! TEEHEHHEH

✿ 𝓟𝓮𝓻𝓶𝓪𝓷𝓮𝓷𝓽 𝓣𝓪𝓰𝓵𝓲𝓼𝓽 ✿ -  @hollandfieldblurbs , @beerbottlesandchainsaws @killerqueen-gunpowdergelatine​, @spideyyypeter

❁ 𝐄𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐓𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 ❁ - @financialinstability, @magicwithaknife , @xrumkugelx , @rogertaylorsblondhair, @virtualsheepeat, @hollyissuchahoe , @yourkindabrainy-ilikeit, @fsociety00da1, @lee-519 , @2ptonpt, @sherlokiantheatrenerd , @local-radical-bandit , @calumfornicationx , @softcillian, @kittysblog14 , @peach-barnes , @prettyoddbarnes  , @spideyyypeter, @adepressedstudentslife , @wowza-bowza , @stilesneedsprotection , @anamcg317 , @indescribxbl , @heinz-doofenshmirtz-official , @loveofmylifeben , @captainxmoony , @whateverbakesyourcake , @waving-thru-a-window , @benhrdy , @beerbottlesandchainsaws , @frietjemeloen , @kirket03 , @emmieliabedelia , @sabbrriiinnaa , @justinemayi , @bummmblebeee , @wolverinesbeer , @allieburakovsky , @chocolatekisses8 @i-the-fangirl, @secretsweetscollectionblog, @ksqueenie

☞  Masterlist  ☜

"𝚃𝚘𝚍𝚊𝚢, 𝙸 𝚌𝚕𝚘𝚜𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚍𝚘𝚘𝚛 𝚝𝚘 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚙𝚊𝚜𝚝. 𝙾𝚙𝚎𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚍𝚘𝚘𝚛 𝚝𝚘 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚏𝚞𝚝𝚞𝚛𝚎, 𝚝𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚊 𝚍𝚎𝚎𝚙 𝚋𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚝𝚑 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚙 𝚘𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑 𝚝𝚘 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚗𝚎𝚡𝚝 𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚒𝚗 𝚖𝚢 𝚕𝚒𝚏𝚎."

Two Years.

Two wonderful, eventful years.

Filled with heartbreak and sorrow, forgiveness and life lessons. Two years since she last saw Ben, two years since Presley apologized and well since her father apologized. She was able to forgive one out of the three people, that’s a given. She was happy, the business was better than ever and well she was doing so much better letting go of the past.

Ben however, the past two years passed by ever so slowly. He dreaded everyday, he missed flying to New York in July spending half the rest of his year in sunny humid New York with his lover. Alexa had taken the responsibility to keep the company afloat, all the meetings Ben would dismiss she’d sit through and the papers that were suppose to be signed by Ben, she’d have to sign it.

It was safe to say Alexa was beyond annoyed with her son’s behavior, yes she pitted him, but she also knew it was his fault, it was his choice that made him lose (Y/N). The one girl she truly thought could bring her son happiness, instead he brought her pain and sadness. He has all the rights to mop and hide out in the lonely house that would once be his and (Y/N) house, but it’s been two years and he still hasn’t fully recovered.

“Benjamin, you need to get back to work.” Alexa moved around the master bedroom collecting the empty beer bottles into a garbage bag along with empty cigarette cartons that were scattered around the dark room.

Ben stared blankly at his mother sighing lightly as the sound of glass clinked together echoed through the room, “I’ll come back when I want to.” his mother dropped the bag filled with bottles and cartons turning around to glare at her son who sat against the headboard of his bed.

“Alright young man, listen to me. You broke her heart. It was the choice you made that made things end up this way, think about it. You and (Y/N) could be celebrating your two year anniversary! Yet here we are.”

She didn’t want to hurt her son’s feelings, she didn’t want to add on to the sadness he felt but it had to be said and done. He needed to collect himself and move onto the next chapter in his life.

“Listen to me Benjamin, if two people are meant to be together eventually they’ll find their way back. If (Y/N) finds her way back to you, don’t take it for granted.”

It would be a lie to say he never went back to New York in the past two years, he wanted to go to her office, he wanted to see her and apologize yet he never found the courage to do it. He’d just sit in his car as his chauffeur would question if this is the right place and all Ben would say is “Bring me back to the hotel.”

He thought if he didn’t show up, she’d be happier. Her life would be simpler. All he wanted was for her to be happy, even if that meant finding someone else.

(Y/N) slipped her coat on and grabbed her phone and wallet, wanting nothing more than a walk around central park after such a hectic day at the office, a busy morning with back to back meetings, stacks of papers to go over and sign.

It’s been a while since she could find time to go for a small walk to relief the stress she felt, the park was a bit empty and quiet no one wanted to walk around the in the cold weather. She took a deep breath in and out continuing along the path admiring the trees that were kissed with freshly fallen snow, the satisfying crunch the snow made once the sole of her boot came in contact with the sheet of white.

“It’s so beautiful, calming isn’t it?” (Y/N) looked up at Ben taking the beanie that hid his blond hair and placed it on her head, he pouted slightly wanting it back to keep his head warm “Hey! You have a hood on your jacket!” she stepped back standing a few feet away from her fiancée. 

It was a few days away from New year’s eve, central park was empty the streets of New York filled with yelling and honking. She reached down taking some snow and shaped it into a sphere before throwing it at Ben who stood there stunned for a moment before taking some snow into his hands. 

“So that’s how you’re gonna play, alright.”

She smiled at the warm memory, it’s been so long since she’s heard from him. There were times when she laid in bed at night her thumb hovered over his contact unsure if she should call him or just go to bed. There were nights when all she wanted was to be in his arms, she wanted him to be there when she got home after such a long day. She missed him. She missed everything about him, there was no denying the fact that after two years her life still felt so what incomplete. 

Before she headed back to the office, she stopped by a small cafe for a cup of hot chocolate perfect way to end her little break. The cafe she was headed too held many memories she shared with Ben, le petit cafe. Ben would talk about how they’d start their honeymoon off in Paris then go to Tahiti or Bora Bora, if only there was a time machine to go back to that day and to just live through it again. 

“You know a little french right?” Ben questioned as he held his mug of hot chocolate waiting for it to cool down as he admired the woman who sat across him, the woman who held many talents and intelligence. He hoped that their kids would have her smarts and looks.

“Oui, pourqoui?” (Y/N) answered, she knew more than a little french. She had been learning the language since she was in elementary wanting nothing more than to go to Paris and live like the Parisians, one day she hoped when she retires and her kids have left the nest she’d buy a house in Paris. 

Ben sipped on his hot chocolate the whip cream made a small mustache causing (Y/N) stifle back her laugh, “You are such a child Benjamin Hardy.” she shook her head lightly as he leaned forward with his lips puckered “Hm, maybe our kids will have my attitude and they’ll have your smarts and beauty.” ah kids, they never really had a conversation about kids. She’d love to have them.

“Well, we should get going. I wanna get some chinese food before we head back.” Odd now that she thought back to this day, how she danced around the topic of children instead of changing the subject. In times when she felt nervous or awkward she’d change the subject, dance around it and avoid it as much as possible till she was confronted about it. 

“Welcome in, what could I get you?” the worker asked behind the counter with a warm smile watching (Y/N) eye scan the menu briefly. 

“May I get a medium hot chocolate and a chocolate muffin.” after she had her order taken she sat along side one of the chairs near the pick up counter, her eyes fixed onto her phone screen as she checked the emails she had gotten in the past hour or so opening some to respond back and other’s were ignored. 

The door opened sending in a small cool breeze not cold enough to bring her attention to the door as she kept it fixed on responding back to the email she had opened. The noise in the cafe slowly began to drain out till the sound of her name was called, signaling her order was ready. 

“(Y/N)?” a voice questioned causing her brows to pinch in confusion turning her attention to the stranger, “Yes?” the person held a familiar face yet she couldn’t pin point who it was. Usually if she encountered an old classmate who she never knew the name of she’d smile and nod and just go along with what he or she said. 

Once the stranger received his change he walked closer to her standing a few inches away with a small smile on his face, “It’s Ryan.” the moment those words left her lips, her entire body felt numb she didn’t notice she had dropped her packaged muffin. It’s been twelve years since she last saw him, that night he came home with Presley. Ever since that night she avoided him as much as possible, not daring to look in his direction or cross paths. 

Now here they sat across one another in awkward silence. She had noticed the wedding band on his finger, that was the first thing that caught her eye well beside the fact that he grew up to be even more handsome. He had also found someone to spend the rest of his life with. 

“How long have you been married?” 

“A year.” 

If she had married Ben, they would’ve been married for two years. Funny how time works.

“I thought you were engaged?” 

A questioned that was asked ever too frequently. 

“Yes, but I-I called it off.”

Simple answer that would earn a nod from anyone who questioned what had happened to the beautiful ring on her finger, a question that made her heart clench. Ben on the other hand, he’d be completely honest. A little too honest.

“What happened to the wedding?” “Where’s (Y/N)?” “What went wrong?”

He’d sit there in silence for a moment, thinking of a way to address the question but instead he’d say “Well I cheated on her with my ex, who turned out to be lying about her identity and turned out to be her sister. I lost the one person who was the light in my life, the one love I never thought I could have. So yeah I cheated on her with her bloody sister.” 

Ryan smiled lightly placing his hand atop of her’s “You’ll find your special someone soon.” just then his phone began to rang he brought it out of his pocket as the name Brooklyn flashed across the screen, it must be his wife. 

“I should get going, we should catch up sometime!” 

(Y/N) nodded collecting her belongings as she exited with Ryan, she gave him a small hug before departing back to her office. What if her special someone was already found? What if her special someone was living 3,459 miles away? What if that special someone cheated on her but she still loved him?

Ben sat behind his desk a piece of paper in front of him with a pen in his hand. 

𝘋𝘦𝘢𝘳 (𝘠/𝘕),

𝘗𝘳𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘺 𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘐'𝘮 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘢𝘴𝘵 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘭𝘦𝘵 𝘢𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥 𝘢 𝘭𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮. 𝘚𝘰 𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘷𝘦 𝘨𝘰𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘧𝘢𝘳 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘪𝘵, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘮𝘢𝘺 𝘥𝘰 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘪𝘵. 𝘉𝘶𝘳𝘯 𝘪𝘵, 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘴𝘩 𝘪𝘵, 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘳𝘢𝘸𝘴. 𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘧𝘢𝘳 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘮𝘦 𝘰𝘶𝘵. 𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘰𝘳 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘴, 𝘦𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘢𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶. 𝘉𝘶𝘵, 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘬 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘦 𝘢 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘰 𝘭𝘪𝘷𝘦, 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘬 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦𝘴 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘥𝘢𝘳𝘬. 𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘬 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘦, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘦 𝘴𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘴, 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘯'𝘵 𝘧𝘦𝘭𝘵 𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘭𝘦𝘧𝘵.  𝘐 𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘰𝘸 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘢𝘥𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘴, 𝘐 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘯 𝘵𝘰 𝘐 𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘭𝘺 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯'𝘵. 𝘐'𝘮 𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘭𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦, 𝘐 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘢𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘸𝘰 𝘺𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘥𝘦𝘣𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘰𝘳 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘐 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘺𝘰𝘶. 𝘐'𝘷𝘦 𝘧𝘭𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘵𝘰 𝘕𝘦𝘸 𝘠𝘰𝘳𝘬 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘳 𝘶𝘯𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘧 𝘐 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘥 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘶𝘪𝘭𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘱𝘳𝘪𝘴𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬. 𝘐 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘭𝘭 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘮𝘦 𝘢 𝘴𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘥 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦, 𝘴𝘰 𝘐 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘸𝘪𝘴𝘩 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘴𝘵. 𝘐 𝘩𝘰𝘱𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘭𝘭 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘺. 𝘐 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘰 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩.

-𝘉𝘦𝘯𝘫𝘢𝘮𝘪𝘯 𝘑𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘴

(Y/N) entered the office bidding her workers a good afternoon, as she approached her office Vivian stopped her and handed her an envelope. 

“It came in when you were out.” 

She nodded, shutting the door to her office removing her coat and placed it on the jacket rack placing her drink and muffin onto her desk as she opened the envelope. Her eyes scanned the folded paper slowly she began to read it, “Dear (Y/N), pretty sure I’m the last person..” 

(Y/N) unfolded the letter entirely continuing to read the letter that was written by the person she’s been thinking a lot about lately. She took a sit behind her desk as she read the letter, fresh salty tears blurred her vision as she let out a shaky breath her free hand clutched against her chest. After two years, he was the first person to make some kind of move. He had sent a letter.

She brushed the tears away and leaned back into her chair slowly collecting herself. This would be a perfect time to call him, to talk to him after all he had sent her a letter. She wanted nothing more than to hear his voice.

Hesitantly her thumb hovered over his contact, this memory felt ever so familiar. Something she’d do late nights when it’s been a long day and all she wanted to do was rant to Ben and talk about anything and everything. He had made the first move, now it was her turn to return the favor. He still loved her and believes he doesn’t deserve her love or forgiveness. Before she knew it, the line began to ring she didn’t remember pressing on the call icon or bringing her phone to her ear. It was as if it happened in slow motion, her breath caught in her throat as her blood ran cold. 

Ben groaned looking over at the night stand to see who was disrupting his slumber, he lifted his head from the soft cold pillow slowly rubbing the sleep out of his eyes to read the bright screen. His heart stopped, maybe he was dreaming.

“H-hello?”

The sound of her voice, the angelic voice he hadn’t heard for two years. Maybe he was in heaven.

“(Y/N)?” 

[themurphyzone]

Roger Doofenshmirtz Thoughts

YESSS!!! 😠 This was so well-written. What do you think of Roger and his interactions with Doofenshmirtz? 

@-sherlocksviolin-

Thanks for the prompt! Unpopular opinion, but I don’t despise Roger. He’s actually one of the more interesting side characters to me. Before we go into his relationship with Heinz, let’s begin with the question ‘Who is Roger?’.

He’s charismatic, a social butterfly, and a success. He knows exactly what to say to his voters, and he’s an excellent diplomat and ambassador, as evidenced by his constant hosting of foreign political figures in City Hall. 

The entirety of Danville is charmed by his eloquence and handsome face, and no opponent has ever stood a chance for the mayorship in a normal election. 

(And yes, I know it’s weird for someone to openly praise Roger just bear with me.)

Unfortunately, Roger doesn’t react well to major crises that could potentially endanger lives and would sooner save his own hide. This is best exemplified in The Beak, where he doesn’t even try to hide using his brother as a scapegoat for the city to blame when Khaka Peu Peu is on a rampage. He was also completely useless in Save Summer, when instead of taking charge and handing out blankets, food, and raising morale, he was trapped on the roof of City Hall with an angry mob trying to steal his jackets. 

Okay, now let’s get to the goods! 

“My goody-two shoes brother, the favorite of my mother, he’s the one I want to smother in pigeon goo!”

Roger is oblivious to Heinz’s jealousy. He still cares about him, but it’s motivated by pity with the occasional flash of guilt instead of any understanding of what Heinz had been through that shaped his adult life. 

Roger is exceptionally good at kickball, which made his mother extremely proud of him. And he knows it. One of Roger’s main character traits is pride. He knows his strengths, he knows the playing field, and he’s shameless in bragging about his many accomplishments. Even if it’s not so apparent, this can be a detriment in the long run. 

Too much pride leads to arrogance, in which Roger has been molded to believe that’s he’s better than Heinz. He obeys his mother, Heinz can’t quite manage. That makes him the good son. He compliments his hideous Aunt Effie, Heinz thoughtlessly reacts to her mole. That makes him the polite, sweet child. 

Surely Roger has seen his mother berate or ignore Heinz for his poor kickball skills. The real question remains: From the bottom of his heart, does he genuinely enjoy the sport? Or does he only strive to excel at it because he’s afraid that his mother won’t love him anymore if he fails? 

Alongside ‘The Beak’, I consider this moment in ‘The Quietest Day Ever’ to be Roger at his jerkiest. Roger, alongside the hiveminded crowd, values attractiveness over personality. Sure, he’s having a bro moment with Heinz right before he does the honors and crowns him supreme ruler....

...then Heinz turns back to normal and can no longer weaponize his physical traits to win over the crowd. To rub in the salt, Roger even adds this to his earlier groan of ew. 

“So sorry. It looks like your small window of fleeting beauty is now gone.” 

That’s not an apology, that’s just him telling Heinz ‘you’ll never be as handsome as yours truly’. 

Granted, this episode does provide a possible explanation as to why the people of Danville elected Roger to be mayor. Rather than voting based on party lines or a certain policy, they vote based on charisma and beauty standards. 

The episode ‘Magic Carpet Ride’ is one of the few times we see Roger actually display guilt and humility on behalf of his brother (off topic but it’s kinda funny that a college-aged Roger dressed like a hipster frat boy). 

Maybe this isn’t so much of a positive, but while I’m sure that Roger genuinely felt terrible that he ruined the painting, part of me wonders if he was purposely announcing his humility to the crowd at the grand unveiling in order to garner support for his career. 

“The greatest painting I ever saw was made by my brother, Heinz.” 

Okay, that’s really nice that he acknowledged his brother’s accomplishment. 

“And I, in an extraordinary act of clumsiness, destroyed it, denying him the accolades he so greatly deserved.”

A politician said he made a mistake. The world must be ending. 

But it is interesting that he believed Heinz could’ve earned praise and even a prestigious award had his painting not been destroyed. Or he could be embellishing it for the sake of presentation. It’s hard to tell what’s genuine and what’s public persona with Roger. 

“And that's why I've spent the last two decades restoring it to its former glory.” 

Honestly, I would consider this moment the nicest one Roger has ever had (even if I’m suspecting ulterior motives here) on the show. Ultimately, Roger cares about Heinz, but they won’t ever be close. Their mother’s treatment prevented them from having a relationship as close as Phineas and Ferb. 

Think about it. Roger is the anti-Heinz. He’s successful, he’s got admirers, and he’s got his mother’s love. Now flip it. 

Heinz has found a true family. That’s his source of fulfillment. 

But Roger doesn’t appear to have one. Surely it can’t be healthy to focus on a career and absolutely nothing else. Roger has admirers, but that’s it. If you want admirers, you have to put on an act. They only see the qualities you choose to display to them. And if one undesirable trait slips through the cracks, then they won’t ever come back. 

And this applies to Mrs. Doofenshmirtz too. As long as Roger is good at kickball, as long as Roger is handsome, as long as Roger receives compliments from others so that she can boast about raising him, she’ll love Roger. 

He has to be perfect in everything he does, because imperfection will lead to his mother taking her love away. 

[themurphyzone]

Oneshot: A Mammalian Match

So in Platypus Onesies For All, I made a terrible error. I did not actually write about the glory that is Heinz Doofenshmirtz in a platypus onesie. This oneshot is a kind of a sequel. 

It was Dress Up Like An Animal Day. This year, the day happened to coincide with the dinner party the American division was hosting for the international branches of the OWCA. The most recent memo encouraged dressing like an animal instead of the formal attire of years past. 

While Perry would’ve gotten away with just his fedora, he felt terrible leaving Heinz hanging. Matching was much more fun anyway. And he was touched that Heinz bought a little ocelot hoodie that even came with a fake tail just for him. It was much cozier than the stiff material of a suit. 

Perry also allowed Heinz to apply kitty whiskers with a thin paintbrush. There were three black streaks on each cheek, easily washable of course. 

“I can see why this is so popular,” Heinz said, flipping the bill of the onesie over his fedora. “You wanna feel? It’s really fuzzy. Hopefully not too fuzzy though. You know how when you’re wearing winter socks and the fuzz gets caught between your toes? That’s what it feels like.” 

Perry ran his fingers up and down Heinz’s arm, chattering as he felt the material squish in his hand. 

Heinz grinned. “I know you like it too. We don’t have to leave just yet. We can totally get away with being fashionably late. Why do they call it that anyway? What does fashion have to do with an inability to show up on time?”

Perry tugged him to his feet. They were going to arrive on time, and that was final. 

OWCA sure knew how to pick the venue. They’d rented out the local convention center, which had been renovated to include a brand new ballroom. It was such a big deal that the local news had done a special segment over the building, complete with interview from Roger himself. 

Perry had a great time playing ‘keep the remote away from Heinz in case he threw it at the television’ that night. 

“Remember when you thwarted me when I tried destroying this place with the Rocking Chair-inator?” Heinz asked, wiping a tear from his eye. “Man, good times. I wish I’d gotten a picture of your face when you got thrown on top of one of the statues. That was priceless!” 

Perry scowled, then pointed at the greeter, who was staring at Heinz in disbelief. Not exactly the most tactful thing to say to someone who made their living here. The greeter made a big show of checking their tickets to stall them, and Heinz protested the entire time. 

Finally, they were allowed in. The dining hall was straight ahead, several large banquet tables set up in the middle with assorted fruits and cheese neatly lining fancy silver platters. The animals mingled with each other, while the humans were more content to stick to the group they flew in with. 

Candace was right about accidentally starting a fashion trend. Platypus onesies were definitely the most popular costume of the night. The Australian branch was completely decked in teal and orange. Even the echidna and kangaroo with them had platypus memorabilia. 

Upon seeing Perry and Heinz, they gasped and surrounded them completely. Perry shifted nervously, and Heinz laughed. “Shy in front of your own fan club, Perry the Platypus? Come on, if any guy deserves a fan club, it’s you! Though I’d totally be the president of it.”

“I follow your blog! Did Perry the Platypus really blow up all your inventions?” 

“Why is his fur teal?”

“Have you ever been stabbed by his venomous spurs?” 

Heinz lifted his hands in a futile attempt to quiet them enough so he could talk. “Not all of my inventions. Just the ones used for evil. I still have Norm though. I hope he isn’t making too many muffins again. He destroyed the kitchen last time he made them, you know. And I have no idea why his fur is teal. A mutation maybe, and I read up on the venomous spur thing. He doesn’t need those to inflict a world of hurt.”

Satisfied, the agents took several selfies for keepsakes. Perry sighed in relief when they took interest in a few avian agents. 

“Come on, so people are giving you a little attention,” Heinz said. “You should be happy about that!” 

Perry shook his head. Fan clubs just weren’t his thing. 

“Yeah, I guess if you’re supposed to be a secret agent, you aren’t supposed to be drawing attention. That’s why secret’s in the name. Whoever heard of an attention agent?”

Perry grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the buffet table. They would both need the energy if they were going to socialize. Since it was still early, the servers had only put out the appetizers. It would be an hour before the main courses were brought out and they were called to be seated. 

The table was so high that Perry had to sit on Heinz’s shoulders to get a good look at the food available. There were several odd looks from some of the stuffier visitors, but Perry paid them no mind. He was more concerned about directing Heinz so that he got enough marinara with his calamari. 

Heinz settled for the crackers and loaded his plate with every slice of cheese available. Perry hopped off and grabbed the plate of calamari from him, completely coating a ring with sauce before eating it. 

“You could’ve said please,” Heinz complained. “Or sign-languaged please. Do platypi have a word for it? Or is this one of the things that doesn’t translate?” 

Perry shrugged, popping another piece into his bill. There was no need for him to give his ‘I’m hungry’ chatter here. Besides, that was the closest thing platypi had to the magic words. 

Heinz played with his food, the tip of his tongue sticking out as he concentrated heavily on arranging the cheese in a strange pattern. After a few minutes, he finished and proudly displayed a cheese and cracker version of Perry on his plate. 

The body was made of Colby Jack, while the bill was sharp cheddar. A cracker was broken into two halves, one for the hat and the other for the tail.

Perry took one of the creation’s pepperjack arms and chewed on it. Heinz grinned. “I’m just gonna pretend you liked it and didn’t eat your own arm.” 

“There you two are!” someone exclaimed. 

They whirled around to see Major Monogram approaching them. Perry wasn’t sure if his scowl was directed at Heinz or at Carl. They’d made a bet a week before, and Carl won. As a result, he got first pick of the animal costumes. 

And now Major Monogram was dressed like a chipmunk. 

Perry quickly saluted his superior, although he knew he it wouldn’t be that professional anyway. He flicked off a small speck of cheese stuck to the side of his bill. 

“Nice ocelot outfit, Agent P,” Major Monogram said. “Your onesie is tacky, Doofenshmirtz. And unoriginal. Everyone and their mother is wearing one of those now.” 

Heinz raised an eyebrow. “Sure, Monobrow. At least mine is trendy. Chipmunks are so 80s of you. Just out of curiosity, what would you and Carl have dressed up as if you’d won that bet?” 

“It was only a lucky fluke,” Monogram grumbled. “I would’ve won if it hadn’t been for that meddling kid in the sweatervest and his dog.” 

“Wow, never heard a good guy say that one before,” Heinz remarked. Perry was surprised too. 

It was pretty cliche though. 

“I would’ve liked to go as a bear. Probably would’ve stuck Carl in a fox costume,” Monogram said. “Enjoy the party, I’ll see you at the table when we’re called down. I’d better drag Carl away from the other squirrels. Catch you later.”

An almost civil conversation between Heinz and Monogram. Weird. 

They spent the next thirty minutes learning of their apparent celebrity status in the international branches. The cat in the Japanese division had started purring and rubbing herself against Perry. Her superior and Heinz had to work together to pull them apart when she’d latched onto him, her front paws digging into his hoodie. 

Thankfully, they broke apart before her claws could damage the material. Her superior apologized profusely to both of them. The cat pouted as she was reprimanded sternly for her behavior. 

“Probably the jacket,” Heinz said. He gently knocked Perry’s side with an elbow. “Do me a favor and avoid female cats that want to flirt with you.”

Perry shrugged. She-cats just weren’t his type. 

Then Heinz somehow managed to attract the attention of two female agents in the COWCA. Unfortunately, Lyla wasn’t with them since Bannister broke out of prison and she had to go deal with him.

Heinz being Heinz, he didn’t even realize they were flirting with him. 

And Perry wasn’t the sharing type. 

Before he could figure out a good excuse to lead Heinz away, an announcement sounded over the P.A. “Attention, everyone take your seats at your tables. Dinner will begin shortly.” 

Thank goodness. 

The table even had name cards. Heinz quickly snatched Monogram’s card and crossed out the last half of his name with a red pen, replacing it with ‘brow’. He also scribbled a smiley face with the tongue sticking out. Then he put the card back, giggling. 

Heinz wasn’t a bad guy anymore (loosely defined), but his pettiness would never go away. Perry could live with it. 

Carl flopped down in his chair, crossing his arms at Monogram. “You could’ve just asked.”

“I asked four different times, Carl,” Monogram retorted. He frowned at his name card. “Monobrow? Seriously?”

Carl high-fived Heinz. “Yes!” he cheered. “I love karma!”

Now was one of those times Perry was glad he couldn’t speak. Otherwise Monogram would find out that listening to Heinz say ‘Monobrow’ all the time occasionally made Perry call him that in his head too. 

“Hey, I consider Monobrow one of the best play on words I’ve ever made,” Heinz laughed. “I mean mono and uni are prefixes for the same thing, so the name still fits. Besides, I gotta be original here because making fun of that mustache is way too easy.”

“Making fun of that beak you call a nose is way too easy,” Monogram muttered. 

Heinz frowned. “Wow. You should really learn something more original.” 

The entrees arrived, several large platters of food being set in the middle of every table. The calamari had been delicious, sure, but one small plate wasn’t going to fill him up. 

Heinz grabbed Perry’s plate and scooped the mashed potatoes and chicken for him. Perry flashed a thumbs up and dug in. Monogram snatched the serving fork as Carl was reaching for it. 

“Rude, much?” Heinz whispered. 

Perry shrugged. He would take this brand of rude instead of the whole ‘humans are the superior species’ stuff any day. The sensitivity training Monogram had been forced to take was clearly not working. 

As they ate, someone came on stage on started talking about ‘unity’ and ‘integrity’ and a whole bunch of other ‘-ties’. Perry wasn’t paying attention. The food was too delicious for him to care about some stuffy guy giving a speech. 

And Heinz. It was hard to pay attention when his best friend was decked out in turquoise. 

And rocked it too. Not that he’d ever tell him that. 

Perry needed to figure out a way to thank Candace for accidentally starting the fashion trend. Ah, well. For now, he was going to enjoy the rest of the night.