#(ily!! ❣️)

[hyruling]

Happy Buddie Eve! I love your writing so much!! Especially that last one with the covering the other’s mouth prompt - it was so warm and funny and adorable!

How about 17 for buddie? ❤️🫶

Thank you!!

17. holding the other’s chin up

—

The silence in the car ride home is heavy.

They showered at the station. Eddie borrowed some of Buck’s spare clothes from his locker — his turnouts and henley were too filthy to drive home in, and the rest of his clothes are all packed in bags at the house, waiting. His hair is still damp and dripping down his neck, and it feels suffocating in a way that doesn’t make sense; feels like ants on his skin, a buzzing in his veins, an itch he can’t scratch.

Or maybe that’s just Eddie.

Eddie, who keeps looking at him. Who’s in his passenger seat again, dressed in Buck’s too big sweats and LAFD tee, Buckley splashed across his back in a way that makes him want to throw up the sickly warmth that pools in his gut every time his eyes find it.

He’s watching Buck now, a burning gaze that digs in like a bruise, and he can’t keep delaying the inevitable.

“What are you gonna do?” Buck asks over the soft sounds of the radio.

Eddie huffs, self deprecating and gentle, turns his attention briefly to the road ahead. “Think my orders from Captain Han were pretty clear.”

Buck smiles despite himself. “Yeah, but—I mean, is that—enough?”

He feels Eddie look at him again. “Enough?”

“To come back,” Buck says, keeping his eyes carefully on the road, anywhere but where they desperately want to look. Stalled car half a mile ahead. The Fiat next to them that keeps inching over like they want to merge. Yellow traffic light, red brake lights of the white sedan they’re trailing. Eddie’s eyes, still burning a hole in his temple.

“You mean, is Chim bossing me around enough to get me to come back?” Eddie asks, an edge to his voice Buck can’t place. Like he wants to laugh, but it’s getting caught in his throat.

And he’s tired, suddenly. So tired. Tired of grief weighing on his bones with every breath, the heaviness he can’t shake, can’t outrun. Tired of missing Eddie when they’re in the same room, of tiptoeing around and not saying what they mean. Even when they’re at each other’s throats, when Eddie bares his teeth and Buck nips back, they’re still not saying it. And he can’t do it anymore.

“You know what I mean,” Buck says.

“Yeah. I do,” Eddie admits. Goes quiet.

Buck still doesn’t look. Keeps his hands carefully at ten and two, turns down the side street that will take them home.

“You’re bleeding,” Eddie says in lieu of an answer.

Buck barely resists the urge to shrug. Makes a left onto South Bedford.

“Your neck,” Eddie continues.

The sting cuts through the fog, a sharp pain he didn’t notice until Eddie pointed it out. Buck pulls into the driveway and opens the door, snatching his bag from the back. Eddie is on his heels, and Buck fumbles with getting the key in the lock, and then they’re inside the empty house, the fading light outside dying in the windowpanes and shadows on the wall.

“Chris?” Buck asks.

He tosses his bag on the couch and winces when he remembers the dusty handprints. Motes of it swirl in the air from the impact and land somewhere on the couch he hates, that’s responsible for the crick in Eddie’s neck.

“Pepa has him,” Eddie replies, toeing off his dusty boots in the entry, his back turned to him, Buckley across the shoulders.

“We could have picked him up.”

“She’s taking him to dinner and then shopping. Making up for the months she couldn’t spoil him,”Eddie explains.

Buckley disappears, and then Buck is looking at him for the for the first time since the roof. The first time in months that Eddie was moving towards him rather than away. He’s moving towards him now, and the hand on his elbow jolts through him like a shock.

“C’mon. Bathroom.”

Eddie tugs, and Buck follows. Eddie parks him on the closed toilet seat and fishes around for the first aid kit in the cabinet. He unzips it and grabs a pack of gauze, tearing it open as he comes back, ever efficient and competent in a way Buck’s never learned not to envy. His finger gently hooks under Buck’s chin and he tilts his head back, finding the cut close to Buck’s jugular and pressing firmly with the gauze.

“Think your chinstrap got you,” Eddie says, tilting Buck’s head where he needs to stop the bleeding. He feels like a dog offering up his belly, brought to heel by Eddie’s gentle hands on him. “You missed some dirt in the shower too.”

Eddie releases his chin, instructing him to keep pressure on the cut, fingers brushing as he moves Buck’s hand where he wants him. He digs through the bag for antiseptic and Buck watches him, takes him in after hours of denying himself. The drying hair curling over his forehead, the fan of his lashes over his cheek, the slope of his nose. He’s gorgeous, of course he is, Buck’s always known that. But he’s been caught in a feedback loop of thought that began when he crossed the threshold of the roof, to where Eddie was waiting for him, and the only thing louder than the adrenaline surging through his skull was that Eddie was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.

It’s dangerous ground, made even more so by Eddie’s hands back on him, tilting his chin this way and that, fingers skating across his jaw in a way that makes him have to clench it around a shiver. Eddie cleans Buck’s face first, wiping the dirt away with a wet washcloth. He goes in with the alcohol swab next, and Buck hisses at the sting. Eddie mutters an apology and finishes quickly, dabbing with a fresh gauze pad once he’s satisfied.

“Don’t think it needs a bandage,” Eddie says. “If it starts bleeding again I’ll put one on.”

“Okay,” Buck grates out, voice hoarse.

Buck keeps still while Eddie cleans up. Eddie didn’t tell him to go, and so he stays, watching Eddie’s hands work. He closes his eyes after a minute, slips in that middling headspace between sleep and wakefulness. He’s not sure how long he drifts there before Eddie brings him back with a hand on his shoulder, thumb brushing his collarbone.

Eddie’s squatting in front of him when he opens his eyes. His hand is warm on Buck’s shoulder. “Get up, bud, let’s go to bed.”

“I’m fine, I don’t need—I can help, if you need to get Chris, get to the airport—”

“Wow,” Eddie interrupts with a soft smile. “From sabotaging sub-letters to pushing me out the door. That’s some real growth right there.”

Buck flushes. “I was never—I’m not pushing you out. Just, I know you were—your shift is at seven—”

“Buck,” Eddie interrupts again with a long suffering sigh. “I called Captain Morales while you were in the showers.”

“You—you did?” Buck asks, and a tentative sort of hope starts scratching at the door.

Eddie shakes his head, looks down at his knees. “Okay, guess we’re doing this here.”

He stands and pulls out Chris’ old step stool from under the sink. When he sits across from Buck on it, he’s a good inch or so shorter, and Buck bites back a smile at the picture he makes perched so low to the floor.

Eddie’s arms cross over his knees. He almost looks like a little kid when he says, “Yes, I did. Told him I was sorry but I couldn’t take the job after all.”

“Wh-why? Because of what Chim said?” Buck asks.

Eddie shrugs one shoulder. “Partly. He was right about a lot of things. But I—Buck, I never wanted to leave. Not now, not then. I was just—doing what I thought I needed to. And I did need to, I had to go for Chris, I had to fix things, and—and be his dad again. But I should have come back for Chris too. And for me.”

Buck swallows, and it echoes like a shot in the small bathroom. “What does Chris say?”

Eddie smiles. “I talked to him before I called Morales. He wanted to come home weeks ago, but he knew how much I put down on the house and didn’t want to shake things up again. It wasn’t until I said I wanted to stay that he finally spilled.”

Eddie shakes his head, looks at a spot over Buck’s shoulder. He knows without turning that he’s looking at the marks on the doorframe, the ones that measure Chris’ height over the years. “That kid. Too damn good for his own good sometimes.”

“Yeah, he is,” Buck says, finally matching Eddie’s smile. He feels like he can breathe for the first time since he laid eyes on Eddie at the airport. “So, you’re—staying?”

“Yeah, Buck,” Eddie says, eyes shining. “We’re staying.”

It’s a miracle he doesn’t slide off the toilet from the weight that disappears from his shoulders. He releases a shaky exhale, and he wants to touch Eddie so badly he could cry.

He balls his hands into fists instead, pressing them into his knees. “That’s—that’s really great, Eddie. I’m glad Chim—y-yeah. Thank god for post adrenaline speeches.”

The smile slips from Eddie’s face, and Buck is right back on the precipice again. Eddie shifts closer, legs crossed under his clenched hands, and holds Buck’s gaze. In a low voice, he asks, “It—you still don’t get it, do you?”

“Get what?” Buck asks just as quietly.

“You never asked,” Eddie says, and Buck’s heart rushes to his throat. “You never asked me to stay, or to come back.”

“I didn’t think I needed to,” Buck says, a little sharper than he means it to be.

“No, you’re right. You didn’t need to,” Eddie says. “But I still wanted you to.”

“Eddie,” Buck breathes, air punched from his lungs. “You—I couldn’t. I never asked you to choose between me and Chris, you know.”

“I know you didn’t,” Eddie says, surprisingly placating.

Buck frowns, continues, “That’s—that’s not my place, and I-I know that. I would never put myself between you. But the thought of you being gone was s-so—and I know I acted out, and I know I let you down when Bobby died, I left you alone when I s-should have—god, fuck, I’m sorry Eddie. I’m so fucking sorry.”

He presses the heels of his hands against his eyes, hard. Tries to stem the flow of tears that are always right on the brink these days.

“Hey,” Eddie says softly, tugging at Buck’s wrists. Buck gives in, lets Eddie pull his hands away from his face. The fading light from the window and the pressure on his eyes turns Eddie into a strangely haloed figure, the only real thing in the room.

"I'm sorry too," Eddie says, and squeezes Buck's wrists. His palms are up like a supplication, and he curls his fingers until his nails dig into his skin. "I'm not telling you this as some kind of guilt trip, I'm trying to say that—I'm coming home for me. And that means I'm coming home for you too, do you get it?"

"I—not really," Buck answers honestly.

Eddie chuckles softly, looks down at his hands encircling Buck’s wrists. He thumbs over the delicate skin, traces the blue veins with his nail, and a shiver shakes down Buck’s spine.

"This is my home," Eddie explains, speaking to their hands. "El Paso was a lot of things for me, but it was never really home. This place, this is where I found it.”

Eddie’s eyes find his again, golden in the dusky light. “And Buck you're—god, you're the reason for almost all of it. Don't you know that?"

Blood rushes in his ears, and any hope he had of suppressing the tears is gone. They spill warm over his cheeks while Eddie rubs circles on his wrists, beautiful even here, even like this — cramped on the tiled floor that could use a good scrub, three toothbrushes in the cup by the sink because of course Eddie forgot to pack them, the way he always forgets. And the feeling he'd been trying to ignore, the one he's spent nearly Eddie's entire absence explaining away and denying, hooks itself behind his ribcage and glows.

—

prompts xo

[astraystayyh]

for a little positivity on the tl!!! share your favorite stayblr accounts or fics that you think deserve more recognition (it can even be your own!!)

I'll start!! this hyunjin fic (the world does not exist at night by @hyu7eii ) might be the best hyune fic I've ever read and it's so underrated, just pure poetry

nothing, everything by @inniejeonginnie, very human and realistic, love cannot make you feel better instantly but it is the light at the end of the tunnel and this portrayed it perfectly

X marks the spot where we fall apart by @nicolagreta soo angsty it made me so sad :( like i physically felt it in my bones

on the same angsty note there is marry me by @liknws AND IT WRECKED ME. so beautifully written but in an achy way. very delicious pain

burden by @ellestray and it's one of the most accurate representation of han I've ever read, the dialogue is so mature yet so beautiful. i loved it so muchhh

everything by @sugrlamb THE REASSURANCE IS EVERYTHING IN THIS ONE, i need this specific seungmin.

special by @amelee23 this is different than usual skz pieces on here but it's so heartfelt and raw and the love is very pure in it, i loved it, a very fitting title

the mini love letter series by @agi-ppangx , FIRST such a cute concept, second the emotional rollercoaster from fluffy to angsty has me in a chokehold. (op i promise I'll reblog with my full thoughts soon!!!)

and i need more ppl to read butterfly bandage by @subskz , labyrinth by @soobnny and forgive me for what I haven't done by @rachalixie . I'll never stop shouting my love for these fics they're so perfectly written, like pure art, like i can't believe I'm reading this for free type of writing

[belle--ofthebrawl]

Started following you after I read Let No One Lust for Martyrdom. Stayed for your incredible writing, creativity, very correct takes and overall insanity. Now look at us, we have a whole kid!

(It's just an AU, no one freak out)

No everyone it's real and I'm a seahorse dad. It's f!preg except the f stands for fic. I ask for respect and privacy at this time as we have nearly divorced recently* and are striving for a healthy environment to raise the little one.

*WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN YOU PRONOUNCE IT EE-THER

[wernerherzogs]

kasia i know you don't watch my silly karate soap opera but i just wanted to update you that in the latest episodes ralph macchio gets locked in a dog cage by the comically evil villain alskdlakjsd

saraaaaa!!!!! I SAW! and that he broke out thanks to a keychain with jesus christ on it....... when you think about it. something very similar happened to my good friend eddie diaz

[lifemod17]

TONEEEEEEEEE SUNSET CLOUD DRAGON FOR YOU 🐉 (tried to outline my vision 😭)

also wispy heart cloud, obscured sunset clouds, + the last light from the day

YOOOOOOO THIS IS SO EPIC WHAT THE HELL??!! I TOTALLY SEE THE DRAGON SHAPE OMFG (this would be a really cool moment if I were to reveal "and I'm year of the dragon too!" Except I'm not, I am a year of the tiger 😅)

Wait hold please. I haven't moved on, I'm still staring at the dragon shape btw.

LOOKIT THE LITOL PINK HEART that's literally me coming to check in on you bb 😘🩷❣️ AND THE OBSCURED SUNSET!!!! OBSCURED SUNSET SAVE MEEEEEEE

My dearest Dani you spoil me but I really do cherish each one of these sunsets you share with me, they are all kept safely and close to my heart

[chericheribaby]

obviously i MUST know..... 🍒 please!!

anything for you Mil <333

the last one is me to you obviously <3

[moonchild-in-blue]

hello i obtained more flowers, (almost fully bloomed) tulips this time 🌷

the pink ones aren't blooming yet, but here are the purple 🌷 i hope you are well and staying as beautiful as a freshly bloomed tulip 🌷

Tulips 🥹🌷🥹🌷🥹🌷🥹🌷🥹🌷

Oh I love them, look how dainty and soft their petals are.... Just. Wow. WOW. I hope your day is as lovely and sweet as these flowers 🥹

I did this (and the others i just posted) a few days ago, but didn't get to post it. Got the other ones tucked close until I draw them as well 🥺🌷

[mischievousmoony]

HAPPY VALENTINE'S TO THE DARLING WHO ENTERED MY LIFE WITH LOVE

Jolie, sweetheart, our friendship is still fresh and new and I'm still shy around you but thank you for being the brave one and reaching out! I love that we were both fangirling over each other (๑˃́ꇴ˂̀๑) but I don't think that'll ever change! I hope you had the loveliest day, filled with love and warmth and all of your favourite things! I can't wait to become even better friends

All my love, kquil x

oh my goodness i think my heart just melted! you are the absolute sweetest!!! 🥺🥹🥹💖 i am so happy to know you kquil 🫶 i hope your day was equally lovely, you deserve it! looking forward to many many more chats with you as we get to know each other more <3🥰

[ave-immaculata]

Merry Christmas!!! 💕💕💕

Merry Christmas!!! 🤩

[schadentekkers]

hi jackie... hope you're doing okay after today... i haven't been keeping with this g1 much but i did watch zack win live and i was thinking of you ♡(｡- ω -)

WEHHHH ryan !!!! it's actually so embarrassing how much i've cried and sobbed (and continue to)..... like who could have predicted that i would shed buckets of tears over a zack accomplishment. very unlike me

[eddiegettingshot]

💝

💝 — i actually have a compliment for YOU which is that you are a supreme eddie understander so i think the fact that you believe i am an eddie understander makes it true. i AM an eddie understander

send me a 💖 and i’ll compliment you / 💞 and i’ll compliment someone of your choosing / 💝 and i’ll compliment myself!

[edith-is-a-cat]

what if i sit by you and eat your hair like a goat but affectionately

i would accept my fate even offer it to you

[hopecomesbacktolife]

I’m not going to reblog the post itself because I don’t want that behavior on my blog, but oh my god I just saw a post about “looking for fics about your favorite character on ao3” and good lord the amount of bad takes both in that post and in the notes?? I have to just ramble about this for a moment because oh my god. it was ludicrous.

people were complaining that, and get this, unfinished fics exist. and that if you read an unfinished fic you’ll have to, get this, wait to read more until it’s published next. they were allll up in arms that there’s fics for a character that don’t cater to their specific interests. that they involve other characters and either do/don’t put them in a romantic relationship when they want the opposite for the character.

like at this point, most of you people in the notes on that post are 1) just being mean and condescending about FREE WORKS you can, may I remind you, READ FOR FREE and EXIT at ANY time! if you don’t like it!, don’t read it!, it’s so simple!, and 2) straight up do not know how ao3 works lmao

like I saw soooo many people in the notes complaining about a certain ship, dynamic, tag, etc, and like… y’all know you can filter by romantic vs platonic pairings, by ratings, by excluding certain tags or other qualifiers, etc etc etc… you know about ao3’s actually incredibly usable filtering and searching system… right… right??

at this point I’m just convinced a lot of these people are spoiled by large fandoms with 100k+ works for their characters and have decided to just be mean and condescending for no reason on main, about literally free fan works you can read for free any time that people spend hours and hours pouring their free time into out of sheer love for their craft. cuckoo bananas behavior if you ask me 🫠

I was legit so close to commenting that maybe they should try shipping two characters with <10 fics, with 0 fics, try liking a rare pair, try hyperfocusing on a character or niche type of fandom with a tiny but lovely circle of fans, and stop treating fan works and fic as Content TM that they deserve to have handed to them that caters to exactly what they want for free and maybe they’ll calm down lmao

like y’all aren’t cool you’re just being mean. we fundamentally approach fic in wildly different ways and honestly the way you do sounds exhausting. literally could not be me, I’m to busy finding joy in shared love for characters and not flipping the table in a rage because there’s one (1) element of the fic that isn’t specifically catered to me, maybe try that and you’ll feel better, hmm?

and yeah I’m aware that last sentence is me being condescending towards them, but frankly it’s warranted when so many people are being that mean and haughty for no reason lmao but truly those takes were horrific. fellow fic writers and even fellow fic readers I interact with, am mutuals with, authors whose works I read, readers who comment and interact with my works, fans of niche fandom subsets that run in the same circles as me— I hope you know this is so wildly not how I approach fics, I love just finding fics for my characters and forming these lil communities where we share our interests and love for them and hype each other up. I love what we have in these fandom niches and I hope you know I would never dream of being so mean and condescending towards y’all. fic writers and readers and fan communities are so special and I cherish it even if clearly there’s people in the notes on that other post who don’t know how to do that lmao. I love your unfinished WIPs, I love your fics that may only partially be what I’m looking for, I love when you write characters in a way I wouldn’t expect but shows your love for your particular headcanon, I love the variety and diversity and variance in fic. I love us. genuinely. fic writer moots I am hugging all of you and I frequently reread your works, even the unfinished ones. ♡

[familyvideostevie]

came for day after tomorrow and it still remains one of my favorite fluffy joel fics to DATE

Mya! You gem. What’s so funny is when I wrote it I was like — nah, no one will vibe with a random modern!au fic with no plot and no smut and yet!! she is beloved. it’s always fun to be surprised by your own work. thank you for being here 🫶🏻

tell me what fic brought you to my blog

[lifemod17]

🤲🌇

Dani's parking lot sunset save meeeee!!!

😭😭😭😭

Look at how COZY that looks!!! The warm hues of deep orange from the remnants of the setting sun which casts a beautiful golden light upon the clouds- fluffy clouds that are so gentle 🥺- and that rest of the horizon looking like a mix of blue and purple?? (I'm sure there's a name for that shade that is not coming to mind rn but)

Warm and cozy, that's really what this sunset feels like to me. I would love to pick you up from work or even steal you for a quick break and we'd just sunset watch for a little bit so you can catch a breather and be free from the horrors of your job even if it's just for a few minutes, and well, I can have the treat of being in your company 🫂💛❣️

[thelov3lybookworm]

I'M A HUGE FAN OF UR WRITING SHBFESJHRF

STOOOOPPPPPP 😭😭😭