#(ok done now clarification end)

[azaleaniath]

~ AO'NUNG X FEM!HUMAN!READER ~

human tsakarem

summary: after the battle, Parker Selfridge leaves his daughter with the humans that formed an alliance with the Na'vi. She grows up to become a scientist herself and moves to Awa'atlu to keep an eye on Kiri's health. There she meets Ao'nung who can't keep himself from being curious about her.

includes: guns, foul language, falling in love, insults, lil' dash of angst, arguments, mentions of death, rejection, courting, fluff, reader being a little brat, avatars

word count: 9.9k | SFW

A/N: OMG I've had this idea for a while now. I know some things don't make sense like being able to have a call from earth to pandora but just imagine it ok? Leave your thoughts below! Also if you see typos, blink. U didn't see anything, nuh-uh.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The airship stood ready. Only a few humans were allowed to stay on Pandora and Parker Selfridge wasn't one of them. Neytiri's and Jake's eyes followed him as he stood in line, walking up to the airship with slow steps, his head hung low in shame and guilt. As he passed the couple, Jake had to hold his mate back from scratching his eyes out. It didn't stop Parker from walking up to them, barely finding the confidence to look them in the eyes.

"You know this isn't over?" he mumbled, but Jake didn't say anything. He only gestured him to board the ship. Parker swallowed heavily, turned to leave but ended up facing the tall couple again.

"Sully, I know I cannot ask this of you but... earth is no place for a child to grow up..." his voice was not much more than a whimper. Jake could see his wet eyes through his oxygen mask as he began to shake.

"She's all I have left, she's not responsible for my mistakes. I can't take her back with me, she's still too young for the cryo capsules. She will die, Jake."

For a second, the ex-marine's mask fell. He pursed his lips, closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

"And you want me to take care of her?" Jake asked while Norm and Max approached as well.

Parker hesitantly nodded with his teeth clenched.

"I beg you..." he whimpered as shameful tears blurred his vision and his shaking intensified.

Neytiri didn't understand much of their conversation, yet she had figured out what he wanted. A man like him had only few to none weaknesses, but his daughter was one of them, probably the only one.

"I can't take her with me..." Parker whispered as more tears filled his eyes. Jake gave his two colleagues a questioning look and they shrugged.

"We're already looking after Miles, a playmate in his age can't hurt his evolution" Norm shrugged and Max copied his expression.

Jake only sighed and even Neytiri calmed down. Even if his daughter was a human, she was innocent. She couldn't hate a baby that had done no harm.

Parker's eyes switched to Norm, his shameful frown turned into a slight smile.

"You would take care of my little girl?" he asked for clarification, and the scientists agreed. What could one more human do after all?

~~~

It's been many years since that day where your father departed. He continued to live on earth, the planet that fell apart while you grew up on pandora. The scientists took good care of you even if they sometimes had the urge to simply throw you out into the wilds without your exopack. As you got older, Norm always shook it off as going through puberty while Max insisted on it being the genes of your father. An annoying teenager with a big mouth. A brat. An absolute pain in the ass, as the doctor liked to call it.

"Hey princess~" Miles, better known as Spider, sang from across the room, mocking you with one of the many nicknames your father gave you whenever he called from earth.

You looked up from the table you sat on, dropping the papers you held in one hand.

"Look, it's the monkey boy." you mumbled back unimpressed.

After all these years you had grown up like siblings, living together for all your life, but you wouldn't call him a friend. You two were way too different. Sometimes you even fought because of all the differences between the two of you.

He approached you with a grin, hiding something behind his back.

"I got you something!" Spider exclaimed as he took a seat on the table before you.

"How about you get yourself a detangling brush first?" you lifted one of his dreads with two fingers, dropping them to hit his face while your expression twisted in disgust.

Now it was Spider's turn to roll his eyes. "Good, then I'll keep it."

You crossed your legs and leant back against your chair, holding one hand out to him.

Spider crossed his legs too and dropped something into your hand. As you retrieved your hand you took a close look at the object he had placed in the palm of your hand.

"You gifted me... a piece of wood?"

"That's an arm ring! I've spent weeks carving it, you better be thankful."

With a confused look you tried it on but it slipped up to your elbow right away.

"Bit large, is it?" you scoffed, watching the wooden accessories dangle around your arm, checking how far it went up.

"You made me a collar, dude."

He only huffed and shook his head.

"I know what I made. Just wait, you'll see. Happy birthday you ungrateful brat." While Spider got up and left, probably to see the Sullys, you took a close look at the arm ring until Norm and Max walked in with a tablet.

They were currently on a call, so you didn't bother. Only when you heard your father's voice you sprung up and sprinted over to the two scientists, snatching the device from Norms grip, much to his dislike.

"Daddy?" an excited smile spread over your entire face, "can you hear me?"

You saw his visage on the monitor, he was dressed in one of his button shirts, as usual. Had you ever even seen him in other clothes anyways?

He had a little delay, but as soon as he saw your face in the camera his expression matched yours perfectly.

"Hey, my little princess, I'm sorry I couldn't call you earlier. Happy birthday sweetheart, how is my pretty girl doing?" he asked you as you sat down on your desk, leaning the tablet against a microscope.

You ignored the discussion about your audacious behavior between Max and Norm in the background and focused on the call with your father.

"Well, it would've been better if I would've gotten the cake that I specifically asked for!" The two scientists rolled their eyes as you raised your voice towards the end of your sentence, sending death glares to the two men who still argued how long it would take for Parker to come back to Pandora to kill them if they actually locked you out of the labs without your exopack.

"I'm sorry my dear darling, there must have been a misunderstanding. You'll get your cake, I- wait, what are you wearing, princess? What is that?"

Your father's look was struck with concern as he noticed your cropped tight shirt.

"Oh yeah, I cut it off. It's cool, right?"

You got up and spun around, but Parker only sunk his face into his hands.

"They let you run around like this? And your pants, what's this?"

"These are cargo shorts, dad. Calm down."

"Yeah shorts! They're too short! My princess, please put on some more clothing, will you?"

With a frown you looked down on yourself, not seeing an issue with your outfit.

"Good thing you're gonna have to change soon anyways."

You didn't understand why, until Norm and Max finally walked up to you after calming themselves.

"You know that you haven't been allowed to go to the med station, right? And now I can finally tell you why, my dear. Daddy organized for you to get your own avatar, isn't that cool? You get to connect with it and then you can go out and play!"

"Selfridge, we talked about that. It's dangerous out there, this is no playground." Max interfered, but Parker just shrugged while you squealed and cheered in excitement, clapping your hands while hopping on your chair.

"When do I get to try it out?! Can we go now? I can't wait to get outside without this annoying mask!" you asked Norm and he led the way.

"It's all ready and waiting for you."

~~~

You quickly got used to your avatar. The scientists weren't fine with the fact that you went outside in it alone, so you mostly snuck out without their knowledge getting scolded as soon as you returned, also by your father. He wanted you to live a happy and safe life on pandora. Sometimes you went out with Spider or the Sully kids, learning how to hunt and survive, but the Na'vi half breeds didn't take you in like they did with Spider. In the lab, you learned a lot about science. The older scientists taught you everything about all kinds of biological and medical knowledge. Even if you had a big mouth, they could at least work with you, and that made it a lot more bearable for them.

As the Sully's had to flee from their home and Spider was also missing, things changed for everyone. You still stayed in the lab until one day, your godfathers stormed in, telling you to pack up and get everything into the helicopter as soon as possible. He explained on the way to Awa'atlu what had happened and that Kiri needed medical help.

You were in your human body as you landed, jumped out of the helicopter and grabbed your med bag.

Many metkayina had gathered at the shore as the Samson landed. They were visibly terrified of the helicopter and, even more than that, afraid of Max and you since you both were humans.

Jake told his oldest son to keep everyone away while Lo'ak hurried over to you as well.

"Where is she?" you called out loudly, your voice fighting against the noises of the rotors. Lo'ak quickly lead the way, passing through the villagers which gave you all terrified or angry looks. They had been told that you were here to help but that didn't keep them from being frightened and yet curious.

You followed Lo'ak, making your way through the teal skinned giants as quickly as possible. Close to the marui that Kiri layed in someone blocked your path, gazing at you in curiosity. You looked up to the young metkayina man and clicked your tongue.

"Get your blue ass out of my way!" you snarled in perfect Na'vi, much to the boy's surprise. His blue eyes widened as he stared at you completely dumbfounded, jaw dropping as you pushed him away fiercly, leading him to stumble backwards.

His breath hitched at your touch. It was the first time in his life he had ever been in physical contact with a demon. There was something boiling up deep inside of him. No matter how much he wanted to murder those sky people, he was curious about your fierceness. He wanted to know more about you somehow. You were only a tiny little creature from another star and you still didn't seem to be scared of him the slightest. He blinked a few times, being completely perplexed by the fact that you just pushed him off and walked past him, the future olo'eyktan without the slightest bit of respect.

While Neytiri freaked out about her daughter you listened to Lo'ak who explained what had exactly happened to Kiri, so you got everything ready to run a few checks on the unconscious girl.

Soon, Norm in his avatar and Max rushed over too.

"Why did you bring this little missy anyways?! As if she's of any help!"

You heard Jake hiss, his fangs flashing.

"She has learned a lot, Jake. We taught y/n and believe it or not, she knows what she's doing." Norm answered, getting the equipment ready with you and the other scientist.

"Call me missy again and I'll sedate you, Sully." you growled while getting out more utensils from your back.

Jake watched you closely as you measured Kiri's blood pressure.

"Don't forget who I am. Without my father you'd still sit in that silly wheelchair. He payed your blue legs, remember that." you added, your eyes meeting his ones for a moment and he internally swore he'd kill you if you wouldn't be helping his daughter right now.

"Your father might be rich but that's not gonna help you here, so drop that attitude and do your thing!"

You simply rolled your eyes before refocusing on the unconscious Na'vi.

The three of you tried your best until Neytiri finally took matters into her own hands and Ronal, the metkayina tsahik worked her magic.

During that time, you decided to have a talk with Jake and your godfathers.

The problem was that they wanted someone to run test on Kiri regularly now, but they were both needed in the Hallelujah mountains. All eyes landed on you.

"Oh, and how exactly do you plan on doing this, smart heads?" you scoffed, crossing your arms in front of your chest. Max brought up the idea of bringing one of the link shacks over here, together with your avatar so you could take care of Kiri. The decision was made quickly and Jake went to ask Tonowari for green light, dragging you with him.

He led you through the village, the metkayina still stared at you in curiosity and angst. As you stood before the olo'eyktan you greeted him traditionally and in fluent Na'vi.

The tall man eyed you with curiosity as well, but spoke to you soon.

"You're a human tsakarem?" he asked, supporting himself on his staff.

"More or less. I'm a-" you thought about a way to translate it to him in Na'vi, "an explorer, a student. I learned about plants and animals, Na'vi too. I can heal people to a certain point too, yes."

He understood and nodded in silence while he mustered you closely. Next to him, two younger Na'vi appeared, also glancing at you, up and down.

One of them you had seen before, it was the guy that stood in your way earlier. His eyes especially drilled into your body.

The two of you tried to explain to the metkayina why they needed you here and how you had imagined it to work.

After careful consideration he allowed it and granted you to do as planned. It was the first time that their clan collaborated with a human, but if it was needed to ensure Kiri's safety he saw no other option.

During the entire negotiation, Ao'nung had circled you like a predator his prey but you weren't surprised. Bothered? Maybe.

~~~

Norm, Max and you went back home only to pack your things, prepare a link shack and bring it over within 24 hours. The three of you set everything up as quickly as you could.

Tonowari and Ronal watched the entire scene. Their daughter Tsireya had helped you carrying a few things into an empty marui where your avatar could rest properly.

Meanwhile their son Ao'nung was rather spooked by you which didn't keep him from annoying you. He stood next to his father but came closer to touch the link share for not much more than a second.

You watched him in confusion. 'As if my link shack is gonna kill him..' you thought and shook your head.

Lo'ak and Neteyam came to help you as well. As the younger brother passed you held him by his arm.

"Don't tell me that's the future olo'eyktan?"

Lo'ak huffed and nodded.

"Already beat him up with Neteyam some weeks ago. He's really a pain in the ass. Almost like you~" he teased.

"Like me?" you repeated in disbelief, raising your eyebrows at his words.

"You're both some offspring of men with influence, have a big mouth and you both have a problem with your attitude."

"One brat is already too much. Please don't befriend him, I can't even take one of you at a time." Neteyam chimed in before Tonowari called you, gesturing you to come closer and you did.

He had chosen his two children to help you get to know these lands better and shared that information with you, much to Ao'nungs disliking while Tsireya hoped to learn from you.

You turned on your heel, an unamused frown showing on your face before you called out to the brothers in english.

"You really had to jinx it, huh?!"

As your eyes wandered over to Tonowari's son, his gaze met yours. He was not happy about his father's decision but the knew that there was no point in arguing to he swallowed his protest and simply clicked his tongue.

Tsireya made her way over to you and kneeled so she was on eye level with you.

"How does this... thing work?" she asked, "what does it do?"

You mustered Tsireya from top to bottom. Even if she was still careful, Lo'ak seemed to be cool with you, and she trusted him.

"Come, come." With one hand you gestured her to follow you in, walking up the bright yellow metal stairs. The noise they made left Tsireyas ears twitching, but that didn't keep her from getting up, touching the iron stairs with her hand first before she followed with feather light steps. You held the door out for her and closed it as soon as she was in the airlock.

She didn't understand what you were doing as she crouched and observed how you pressed a few buttons.

"Don't get scared." you warned her with a monotonous voice. Before she could ask, a weird sound, too loud for her taste, filled the airlock and she could feel a windy breeze all around her body as she covered her ears.

You however took off your mask in relief and shook your hair a few times, taking in a very deep breath.

"Ahhh, this is so much better!" you cheered, running a hand through your hair.

The metkayina girl watched how you dropped yourself in your office chair, legs crossed.

"Look around, but don't touch anything."

The Na'vi did as you told and scanned the entire shack link. It was indeed rather small in here, but that explained why you were in your human body.

As you watched the ocean in the distance you took another deep breath. This was your new working place now. Far away from Max and Norm. From the forest, from everything you had known.

~~~

Tsireya was eager to learn from you to share her knowledge with her mother while Ao'nung circled you in silence. He often watched you through the window while you were working and he eventually grew more and more curious about all these devices. And about you too.

You got yourself a petri dish and marked it with a sharpie. Tsireya had brought you some local plants as samples so you could examine them closer. With one hand you adjusted your headphones that you wore during work. The cap of the sharpie was held by your teeth until you put it back onto the marker so it wouldn't dry out.

Once you placed the petri dish onto the table you turned to get yourself another petri dish as you looked up to a teal wall. Ao'nung towered you, blocking your way as he leaned over your shoulder to see what you where doing.

In panic you dropped the sharpie and raised your hands to rip off your headphones, shrieking loudly.

"How the fuck did you get in, idiot?! What are you doing here?!"

Ao'nungs eyes narrowed before he gestured towards the door. Sitting in your chair you were absolutely tiny next to his tall figure. You gulped as he came even closer but only to look past you and onto the table.

"I watched how you always get in. I'm supposed to be looking after you, remember?" he mumbled coldly before he straightened his back, hitting his head on the ceiling, causing the lamps to dangle around.

He hissed before he held his head and his empty gaze turned into a frown.

You clicked your tongue and facepalmed at his clumsiness, but it didn't stop there. As Ao'nung turned around he wiped half of your table with his thick tail, including the petri dish. The sound of glass shattering had you both flinching.

"Hey, careful!" you shouted at the man before he continued to check out the link shack. Your scent filled his airways and his pupils dilated. The sweet smell was everywhere, but apart from your desk it was strongest on your bunk bed and the link unit. With two fingers he poked into the silicone-like bedding of the link unit, slightly disgusted by the feeling. He got closer to the monitor next to it and accidentally turned the machine on with a few touches and presses as he tried to get a feeling for the material.

As soon as you were done cleaning the glass shards off of the floor and sorted the papers, books and other stuff from the desk back to where they belonged you charged after him.

"Stop fucking touching everything, god damn!" you hurried over to the link unit, squeezed yourself past Ao'nung and slammed the big red button to stop the machine from loading.

The boy only grunted and looked around some more, fumbling some objects in curiosity. You took a deep breath before exhaling with a loud frustrated yell, yet you silenced yourself as you heard your tablet ringing.

Too bad that Ao'nung stood closer to the device and grabbed it at the wierd noises it made. The screen showed something he couldn't read and two big circles.

"No, Ao'nung, you give me that right now! I swear if you press the green button-"

Before you could end the sentence he had done exactly what you told him not to do, just to see what would happen. There must have been a reason for your pale face as soon as the tablet made these alarming noises.

"Hey my pretty- y/n? Y/n?! Who is this, where is my daughter?!"

Ao'nung watched the tiny human that showed up on the display closely, baring his teeth at his foreign language and his aggressive tone.

"Dad, don't worry, I can hear you, I'm all good."

"Who is this savage!? What is he doing in your link shack, princess!?" Ao'nungs tail whipped angrily as your father got louder.

"He's a mess, daddy, that's what he is. Can you hang up and I call you back later?" you groaned as the metkayina boy growled, his fangs peeking out from between his lips more. Parker was completely confused what this indigenous boy did in your link shack and why he could only hear you but not see you.

"Are you alright? My sweetheart, please don't tell me you found yourself one of these indigenous monkeys!?"

Instantly you felt your face heating up at his words.

"Dad, no- what? No, he's supposed to be teaching me but right now he's just turning my shack upside down- I'll call you later, it's a long story. Can you please hang up? I can't reach my tablet cause this dumbass took it!"

The metkayina only growled louder and puffed his chest, tapping around on the screen wildly and ended the call accidentally. It probably was better anyway.

"Who is this demon?!He's not one of your people, is he?" he barked and dropped the device, you caught it in the last second before it could fall onto the ground.

As soon as you put the tablet away you grabbed the end of Ao'nungs queue and dragged him towards the airlock with all your force. He hissed in pain but gave in. Once you had gotten him into the airlock you sprinted back in and barricaded the metal door as quickly as you could. With one arm you supported yourself against your desk, panting quietly.

"Get out right now! You've messed up enough, idiot!" Ao'nung sent a deadly gaze through the window, still growling in fury. His ears tilted flat against his head and he turned on his heel and left in frustration. You held your forehead with one hand and sunk your face into your palm.

'Great... How do I explain this to my dad.."

~~~

Ao'nung wasn't allowed to get into your shack ever since. Tsireya on the other hand came around often, sometimes even for hours. You learned from each other, about the local plants and animals. Both of you were fascinated with the knowledge of each other and you took notes about everything, sometimes with Norm on the line to exchange some informations directly. You checked on Kiri every now and then, taking her blood tests and scans as Max had taught you.

Sometimes your father called too, to see how you were doing.

"You're telling me that Spellman and Dr. Patel took your link shack and avatar to an island far away to study there and take care of Augustine's daughter?!" Everytime you remembered his words, you pursed your lips and facepalmed yourself mentally. At least all of this left you with more freedom since you could come and go home whenever you wanted and work until the early morning without the scientists scolding you.

You walked through the village with a few leafs you had collected for research, passing your avatar's marui in the village. For a second you froze as you heard a familiar voice from inside.

"What is this?" you heard Ao'nung mumble, so you decided to take a peek in. He crouched next to your avatar and examined it closely. He held your arm up to check your hand closely. "Four fingers and a thumb, like the Sullys..."he mumbled to himself and compared your hand to his own. With crossed arms you watched him mustering your body curiously, fumbling with your tail.

"Baby tail..." he huffed, shaking his head with a grin that was hidden to you since you faced his back.

This was your chance.

Silently stepping backwards until you were out of range you turned around and sprinted to your link shack.

He lifted one of your avatar's lids. Yellow irises, like he had expected. As he let go, he noticed that your eye stayed open. "Oh, shit!" he whispered in panic, carefully trying to lower your lid. Both of his hands were held up and he prayed that he didn't break anything. A cold shower ran down his back, hoping that your eye stayed close.

He was about to run off quickly but you were quicker and ripped both eyes open, grabbing his wrists tight.

Ao'nung screamed, eyes wide open himself. As he tried to pull his arms away he lost his balance and fell onto his back. Once you let go of him he crawled as far away as possible until his back met the wall of your marui.

He felt a drop of sweat rolling down his forehead while his chest was heaving, jaw to the floor.

You sat up, unable to hold your laugh at his ridiculous look.

"You-" some more laughs escaped yoir lips, "you should see yourself!"

Ao'nung wasn't amused at all. He tried to calm and collect himself, returning to his usual cold gaze before he simply got up and left. Still laughing out loudly until your belly ached you followed him to the shore.

"Very funny, y/n." his eyes rolled at his own words.

"Why didn't you just tell me you wanted to see me in my avatar?" you giggled, holding one hand on your belly, but Ao'nung didn't even look at you.

"How could I? You locked me out of your demon box."

"Demon box?" you repeated in amusement, "more like 'your rage room'"

He had never heard that before but it was pretty self explanatory, even to him. With a loud call he had an ilu coming his way and he signalled you to get closer.

"My turn to have fun. Get on."

You huffed as the ilu rose it's head out of water, greeting you with a few fin slaps on the surface.

The look on his face told you that he wasn't joking around.

"I've never done this-"

"I know. But you are here to learn, so get on."

As the lesson ended, Ao'nung was indeed the one to laugh, much to your dislike. Yet it had fascinated you to learn about Awa'atlu. The animals, the ocean, the metkayina culture and also about Ao'nung. There was something about him that worked like a magnet on you.

~~~

As the weeks and months went by in no time, you found yourself spending a lot of time with him as well. He thought that, in your human form at least, he was always five steps ahead of you, but your big mouth and attitude easily kept up with his despite being half his size.

Like every day you sat on your desk, examining more plants. Ao'nung had gathered them at the bottom of the reef for you since he could hold his breath longer than you.

It was a pretty wholesome gesture. It felt like getting a bouquet of flowers. Many times you had woken up to some new samples in the airlock of your shack, but he was too proud to tell you that he had brought them. His sister on the other hand had shared this information with you.

A loud knock made you straighten your back and look to the door. Ao'nungs face was showing through the window next to the airlock, so you raised your hands and shoulders as to ask what he wanted. He pointed at a fish he held, so you decided to roll your chair back and grabbed your exopack to meet him outside.

Being the impatient brat he was, he opened the outer door and stepped into the airlock.

"You're not getting in here ever again!" you called out and gestured him to get back out, but he didn't listen. He pressed a button to his right which filled the small cabin with oxygen and opened the inner door.

"What did I tell you about my shack?!" you barked and blocked his way with the door and your petite body.

"Let me in."

You leaned against the door as he tried to push it open, but it didn't help much, you had no chance against him.

"I'm not touching anything."

"You better not, moron."

With that you closed the door behind him and walked over to your medical equipment, loading a tranquilizer gun, just in case. You quickly wrapped the belt with the gun holster around your waist, closing the buckle on the side.

Ao'nung placed the fish on a metal table on a corner as you turned back to him.

"My sister, uhm... she told me to bring you this." he muttered, scratching his neck with one hand, looking around to ensure he wasn't touching anything again.

"Your sister?" your brows furrowed with a sceptical look on your visage. "I didn't know she goes hunting too?"

"She doesn't but... i think she said she got it from one of the hunters."

Lying wasn't his stronghold.

You leaned against your desk and looked back to the bright colored fish before the corners of your lips curled up and your eyes softened.

"Then tell this random hunter that I am forever thankful for this rare, exquisite sample."

Ao'nungs eyes were gleaming in happiness, no matter how hard he tried to play it cool. His wagging tail betrayed him.

"Noted."

"This is the first time i get to see this species with my own eyes. Whoever caught it must me a mighty hunter. Well, too bad it wasn't you." you grinned, then crossed your arms.

Ao'nungs ears turned to you with his mouth agape before his eyes narrowed again.

"As if I care that much about you."

Awkward silence fell upon the two of you as you observed each other closely. In order to change the subject the young man cleared his throat, looking around your shack.

"What were you doing there?"

He pointed at the microscope and leaned in a bit, supporting himself on his knees. As you looked down to the desk you decided to take a seat, then waved him over to you. Ao'nung came closer and looked at the microscope as you leaned against the lenses, correcting the settings so the blurry image became clear.

You retreated and leant back into the chair, pulling the tranquilizer gun from it's holster.

"Look through here. But don't touch anything or I'll shoot a dart into your blue ass that will put you to sleep within seconds, you get that into your smooth brain?"

Ao'nungs eyes widened as you held the gun up to him, so he lifted his hands to his shoulders as if he would surrender.

He did as you told him to, examined the piece of tissue with an open mouth.

"What is that?" he mumbled, observing the structure of the cells he could see for the first time in his life.

"We call it microscope. Anything looks thousands of times bigger under there. I'm sure I could almost see your brain with that thing." you huffed, lowering the gun a bit as you noticed Ao'nung holding still and completely losing himself in the complex cell pattern.

He stared for quite a while before you got another sample from the fridge and switched the glass slides.

"These are the corals that someone got me two days ago."

He carefully supported his hands on the desk and you could see him smile at your words. Over the next thirty minutes you showed him some of the rarest and most unique samples you had collected over the last months. Neither of you would've thought that this actually interested him. Or was he just interested in what you were doing? Ao'nung himself couldn't tell.

"These look incredible..." he mumbled as you showed him the tissue he had gathered from an akula. How had he even done this? Nobody but him knew.

"The rich and wealthy demon brat actually has something interesting to show, huh?" he mocked and moved away from the microscope to which you only smirked and held the gun up to his neck for a second before lowering it again with a quiet laugh.

Your mind wandered off for a moment, forehead creasing at your thoughts.

"Why did you feel the need to disobey my orders and come in here?"

You asked, to which his expression softened for a second.

"I can't take you seriously with that weird mask. Looks stupid on you."

You couldn't help but frown, before he added something that actually caught you offguard.

"I prefer to see your full face like this."

A lump was stuck in your throat. It was the first time the na'vi actually made you an honest compliment.

"Ao'nung..." you mumbled in mental absence, your eyes fell on his lips for a second and he noticed, his ears tilted and his tail whipped around once. Luckily it only hit the underside of the table, which ripped you out of your trance for a moment.

"Wow, who could've guessed you can actually be nice, Ao'nung."

He didn't know what to say or do in this situation since his words surprised himself. Never had he thought he would grow fond of a human, not to talk about a human that aimed a tranquilizer gun at him.

You noticed how his chest was already starting to heave. All this time in here he had only breathed oxygen. Of course his lungs were well trained but he still started to struggle due to the adrenaline rushing through him. You too felt your heart pounding in your chest, up to your throat.

"Actually, no. You still look ridiculous, even without the mask." With that his usual expression returned. He'd rather tease you than to be in this weird situation and admit that you were on his mind constantly.

You stood up from the chair and tried to make yourself as tall as possible before him, gun in hand.

"pretty brave words for a fish face, now get out of my lab before I send you to earth."

~~~

Ao'nung held his promise and came by the next day, and the next, and it repeated itself every day for months. He had gotten you more fishes, grasses, shells, crustaceans and flowers. You didn't even know where to put them, but it had turned in some kind of ritual. Anything he found he brought to you, and now that he was even allowed in your shack again you often found a bunch of collected goods from all around, also his mother's ointments at your desk.

Sometimes you even woke up to him kneeling in front of the microscope, inspecting your samples or watching and listening to your video logs, even if he didn't understand your mother language. Who could've thought he'd get so obsessed with your work?

By now he had gotten familiar with your devices ans spent so much time around that he had to wear a mask as well for a few deep breaths here and there, that was all he needed.

As you got out of your bed and walked over to the young man he was already crouching in front of the desk, looking through the microscope.

"Don't you have to complete your iknimaya, smooth brain?" you asked mockingly while fixing your hair.

Aonung looked over to you with a cocky grin.

"Right, other than you I don't inherit my wealth, I work for it."

"Says the clan leader's son." you huffed with rolling eyes.

Ao'nung copied your expression before looking back to through the lenses.

"Ao'nung, can we talk?"

He didn't like the sound of your voice. His stomach turned at what you had just said, ears flat against his head.

As he looked up to you with narrowed eyes he could feel his heart rate quicken.

With one hand you flipped a switch on the microscope and turned it off before you took a deep breath.

"See, I'm happy you're helping me. Without you I would've never gotten all these informations, but it's getting... out of hand. It's too much. I have no storage space for all the samples you're bringing me. I appreciate it but please, tone that down."

Something about him visibly changed. His look turned all serious, a hint of disappointment reflected in his blue eyes.

"I understand..." he mumbled in a cracking voice once the big lump was gulped down, after which he got up and left your lab without another word. His head hung low as he dragged himself out and away, not looking back once.

You had expected it to be an unpleasant conversation, but Ao'nung acted as if you had just filed for divorce.

You quickly got into your avatar and went out to look for him, but he was nowhere to be found. As Tsireya and Lo'ak saw you searching for her brother they walked up to you, asking if you needed help and you quickly explained the situation.

Lo'ak earned a smack against his stomach as he huffed while you didn't understand what was happening.

She lead you into the marui she shared with her family as they where all gone. Lo'ak followed you and sat down with the two of you.

Tsireya didn't know how to say it or even where to start to Lo'ak took it into his own hands.

"You said you told him that you didn't want his gifts?"

You sighed and shook your head.

"I told him it's... too much. I don't know where to put all these things."

The girl took a deep breath and took your nervous hands into her own ones.

"You're not really that much acquainted with... courting rituals, are you?"

Her question had you blush slightly, cheeks tinted in a violet veil. A few blinks later you stammered a needlessly long version of a no, so she shifted her position a bit, trying to find the right words.

"So, if a male Na'vi is interested in a female, he goes hunting for her and brings her food. Now, since you're mostly in your human body and most things are inedible for your kind, i think he brought you some other rare things you value."

Speechless as you where you only continued to blink in silence, nervously biting onto your lower lip.

"He's trying to court you and rejecting his gifts, it's pretty bad. Ao'nung got himself into a lot of trouble for all the things he brought you, even father has argued with him already. But he took your words as a rejection, which in our culture translates to 'I don't value your life'. It's almost as bad as mating with someone else."

Now it all made sense.

You couldn't say anything for what felt like an eternity.

The inner corners of your eyes began to burn and soon, your vision blurred.

"Hey, you couldn't know, it's alright." Loak mumbled, placing a hand on your shoulder. Neither you nor him knew that you could be so weak and it was the first time that you felt this stinging pain in your chest. It hurt, but you were sure that Ao'nung was feeling much worse.

"We need to find him." Tsireya mumbled and got up, gathering a few friends to look for her brother before anything could happen to him.

~~~

It was already past eclipse and Ao'nung still wasn't back. Slowly but surely you got seriously worried about him. His friends had lead the party of you all to a few spots he liked to hang out at, but he was nowhere to be found.

Even his father helped searching eventually. As you paired up with him you apologized to the olo'eyktan for causing this trouble, but he wasn't mad at you the slightest. He knew that his son had never shown interest in anyone. He had rejected many pretty young women in the clan before, but you where the first one to -accidentally- reject him. In fact, he was happy to see him spending time with you after all. Ao'nung seemed to warm up a bit since he visited you on a daily basis and he eargerly talked about the things that he had learned from a human tsakarem. That was what they referred to you, as the clan leader had told you.

As you came back to the village empty handed you apologized to Tonowari once again for causing all this trouble. Your heart still ached in regret. Why hadn't you thought about these cultural differences before?

Your attention quickly got drawn to a few calls and cheers from the villagers and you quickly sprinted over to the gathered people. Making your way through them, your eyes landed on Ao'nung. His head was hanging low, his eyes were puffy and reddened.

You called out for him in relief, but he didn't look at you. He couldn't. His heart was still aching terribly. He was utterly disappointed and devastated.

Instead of looking at you he quickly turned away and walked home.

"I'll talk to him." Tonowari offered with a hopeful smile that settled the storm inside of you at least to a certain point.

~~~

The following day you did not wake up to any samples. No gifts and no Ao'nung.

It felt like something was missing.

You couldn't help but feel empty. All the money and the power you had always relied on had lost all it's worth. You remembered the day Spider had gifted you the carved arm ring he had made for your avatar.

"Happy birthday you ungrateful brat." you remembered his words exactly. He was right. You had been ungrateful, until you met Ao'nung. He had literally gifted you grass, rocks, leaves and it always made you smile from ear to ear.

Without him, work wasn't half as much fun.

He wasn't even watching you through the window anymore but instead tried to distract himself with hunting and preparing for his iknimaya.

You had told Max and Norm about it as well and they could tell that something about you, no, a lot about you had changed. You trained to become a real scientist and on top of that, you slowly became an adult. It was the right decision they had sent you here, even though these lonely days turned into weeks and by now, you couldn't even tell how long it was, but a long time passed in which you and Ao'nung did not speak one word.

Your head rose quickly as you heard heavy footsteps coming up the metal stairs. You couldn't believe your eyes as you saw Ao'nung coming through the airlock without a word. The look on his face concerned you, no matter how happy you were that he had returned to you.

"I knew you'd come back, all men do." you grinned in order to get him to tease you back like he always did, but he only grunted and sat down in a corner, in silence.

He just came back here after all this time and acted so weird all of a sudden. First he was spooked by you, then he liked you, tried to court you, ignored you and now he just came here without saying a word?

Confurion grew inside of you as he didn't respond to your teasing but only dropped himself into a corner, back hitting against the wall with his head back.

The your face relaxed a bit as you mustered him. He only closed his eyes and supported his hands on his shaking knees.

"Ao'nung? Are you okay?"

Still, he didn't respond.

His expression twisted at your voice as if his head was aching, and it did.

You swallowed before you walked over to him.

"Want me to sit with you?" This time your voice was a bit more quiet. The metkayina exhaled heavily and patted the floor next to him so you decided you sit next to him, legs crossed.

A good while passed like this. Just sitting next to each other in silence.

As you turned your head up to him he didn't react either.

"Ao'nung, what I did, I didn't mean-"

"Don't." he interrupted, raising a hand to signal you to stop talking.

"I don't want to hear a word about this stupid topic."

His voice was not much more than a breath and it seemed that these words weren't rolling off his tongue that easily.

"Your father..." he started after a long time, "he is... some kind of leader, right?"

As an answer you nodded slowly, so he asked another question.

"Does he have high expectations from you?"

A hard question.

"Well, in some kind. He doesn't like that I live amongst your race. He'd rather see me working for RDA. Wear fancy clothes and sit neatly at my desk, filling out confusing papers with overpriced pens, being the face of a huge company, ordering people around."

Ao'nung huffed, a slight smile crawled up on his face.

"Maybe we have more in common than you think..." he murmured under his breath, but in this silence his voice was still pretty audible.

"Did you have a fight with your father again?"

"Why do you think im here, the only place he never visits?"

You couldn't help but fake a mad expression.

"So my lab is only some hiding place for you, huh?"

As soon as your sentence had ended, he carefully poked his elbow into your arm and the smile on his face widened.

Again, silence fell upon you two.

After some deep breaths, the young man's voice disturbed this silence once more.

"I like being here. It's...calm."

"Yeah, if you don't run around like a wild thanator."

His ears turned at you remark and soon you felt his hand smacking your knee, causing a synched huff from both of you.

"You're not attempting to walk the path your father wants you to take, do you?" Ao'nung asked.

"Of course not. I think everybody should do whatever makes them happy. Fuck the 'rules', there are none. Only one self can decide what they want to do. That counts you in, smooth brain."

A warm smile appeared on his face, his eyes glistened with something you had never seen before. In your words he had found new hope. He was more motivated than ever to follow his heart, no matter what his parents said. He allowed himself to dream for a moment, to imagine what gteat things the future could hold for him and you.

~~~

Instead of spending most time in the shack you went to the village more often, adapting to the other na'vi and also the sea creatures. By now, Ao'nung had properly taught you how to ride an ilu and even introduced you to his spirit brother tulkun. You learned more about the sign language, about swimming and hunting, about their sacred rituals and everything these people had to offer.

During the day the young man rarely left your side. While hunting he always looked out for you. You enjoyed your life, and you wouldn't trade it against anything. Yet you had to return to your cabin every night. It was exhausting to switch between the two bodies, so you made a decision.

"I want you to transfer my soul into my avatar."

Ronal couldn't believe her ears. Ao'nung dropped his bowl of food instantly and stared at you with huge eyes. Tsireya was looking for words, and even Tonowari was completely speechless.

"Say that again." the tsahik whispered in disbelief, so you repeated "I want you to transfer my soul into my avatar. My conciousness, my spirit, however you might call it."

The tsahik looked towards her husband, shaking her head slowly.

"You can't be serious?!" Ao'nung blurted out while Tsireya still tried to process what you had just exclaimed while having dinner with them.

"Sully managed so I can do it too." Your voice was all calm since you had pondered this idea for some time already. Then you wouldn't have to run around with your exopack anymore and you could live amongst the metkayina. Become one of them. Finally have a place where you belonged to and the freedom to find a man.

The son stormed over to you and shook your shoulders as if he was trying to wake you up from a fever dream.

"This is dangerous! You might die!"

"Guess what smooth brain, i'm a scientist, I know."

Tonowari tapped the tips of his fingers together slowly, repeating your words in your head.

"Why would you want this?!" Ao'nungs face was on the thin line between angst and fury.

"What about your work, your lab, your father?!"

"It is what I want. I alone have the right to make this choice. It's stressful to switch and my human body is just not suited for this world. And since i don't intend to return to earth, I might as well become one of you."

Ao'nung pulled you up to your feet and dragged your avatar out of his family's marui in order to talk to you alone.

As soon as there was enough distance he faced you, grabbing your head with both hands. You whined at his unpleasant touch, but he couldn't help himself. His blue eyes darted straight into your golden ones, lips trembling, his entire body shaking in frustration.

"Why the hell do you want to do this?! What if you die?!" He spat with wild eyes.

"Then you better make sure to bring the prettiest flowers to my grave or I might haunt you. And visit me at the spirit tree-"

"You think this is funny?!"

You had never seen him in this state of fury but you had expected such reaction.

"Ao'nung, it's my life and my choice. You can't stop me."

He couldn't believe how by eywa you could stay so calm. His chest was heaving, blood ferociously rushing through his veins.

"This is madness, y/n!"

"I am a human in an incubated na'vi halfbreed body on a planet somewhere far away from earth where people and animals can literally connect their nerves to each other and you're telling me this is madness?"

He didn't know it was even possible but he got even more frustrated and enraged.

"For what reason y/n, what's it worth to put yourself through this?!"

Your face softened, lips forming a sweet smile as you stared into his bitter eyes.

"You."

Ao'nung swallowed hardly and his tilted ears stood up for a second. All his anger had dissolved, but only for a brief moment before he turned bitter again.

"Y/N... you can't be serious."

"Of course I am. Tsireya told be that you had some arguments with your parents about me. That you can't choose me as a woman. Don't you want to be with me? You must've thought about it as w-"

"Shut up." He growled.

His hands let go of you abruptly. He couldn't look you in the eyes for much longer, it pained him to see you as his thoughts formed into words.

"Of course I did. I dreamed about this for so long, but that's all it will ever be. A dream."

His words tore your heart into pieces, shattering all the pictures you had already painted out. Your breath hitched and you pulled both hands up to your chest.

"You know that this is not true. We can find a way-" you whispered into the air before he interrupted.

"Your 'way' is not an option. Which means there is no way."

Ao'nung took a deep breath and walked a few steps, only to come back to you.

"I'm not discussing my choice with you. I will talk about this with the tsahik." You mumbled quietly.

"If the great mother would've wanted you to be one of us she would have made you one of us!" his words were so loud that the distance between you and his family's marui didn't matter anymore. The entire village had probably hears him screaming into the night.

You slowly shook your head as he was done yelling.

"If the great mother doesn't want me to be one of you, she will let me feel that. You are not tsahik."

"Right, I'm the future oloeyktan! You should obey to what I say!"

He tried to calm himself but failed miserably. His fangs were bared, ears flicking angrily and his tail whipped around in fury.

"I thought you wanted to be more than a status..."

Here you ended the conversation and parted ways with him for today.

~~~

History repeated itself. Some days of not talking to each other at all followed, as well as him showing up to your shack.

He didn't apologize for his words, he simply walked in and sat down the same spot as always. Nothing in this village happened without his knowledge so he was already aware that you had talked to his mother and after a long consideration and deep talks with her husband she had agreed to your request. The ceremony was supposed to happen tonight so you had cleaned out your lab as you wouldn't be using it as much anymore.

You had called your father so he could see you one last time. He did everything but approve.

"Don't you dare! I will not allow this, are you mad?! What weird stuff did you smoke out there? These freaks clouded you brain! Don't tell me you're doing this for this boy?"

His words meant nothing to you. Either he accepted or not, but it didn't change your mind one bit.

"You really want to do this?" Ao'nung mumbled while you leaned against your desk, arms crossed.

"I will do this."

"You're pretty dumb for being such a smart girl, you know that?"

You only huffed and relaxed your arms before Ao'nung got up onto his feet again and made his way over to you. Both of his hands gripped around your waist and lifted you up to sit on the desk.

Your breath hitched at his actions and you couldn't help but blush madly. Not just your face but your entire body heated up as the metkayina came dangerously close to you, cupping your face with gentle hands unlike last time.

His blue eyes stared right into your soul before they fell onto your soft lips.

"Once the ritual starts, there is no return. Either your soul will transfer or..."

"Ao'nung, I will make it. Then I am one of your people." you flashed a wide smile at him.

"You are not just going to be one of us, y/n. You will also be mine."

He decided to waste no more time talking and let his actions speak, crashing his lips on top of yours. Instantly melting into the kiss you threw your arms around his neck, feeling your stomach toss and turn while he closed the gap between himself and your petite body completely, holding you close to his bare torso.

Both of you had longed for this for what felt like an eternity. In you he had found someone so different and yet so similar. No matter what you did, you fascinated him in every way. You actually managed to handle his ego and his rough personality, but he could also be vulnerable around you.

~~~

Ao'nung himself had carried your human body towards the cove of ancestors on his ilu where the ritual was taking place. He was praying to eywa that you would return from the eye of the great mother. Max and Norm had also shown up to the ritual, the Sully's too as well as the metkayina. Ronal and Tonowari stood next to each other, their daughter Tsireya right by their side as the ceremony was prepared.

The young man placed a last kiss onto your head before he had to let go of you and leave to the depths of the water as the spirit tree grasped out to you with it's strings, pulling you below the water surface until they were wrapped all around your body and your entire vision went black. All sounds were silenced.

No words were able to describe what you went through. What felt like an eternity probably went by in the shortest time before you were able to open your eyes again. A familiar face was right in front of you, holding your cheeks carefully. As soon as you detached from the spirit tree, you felt a pair of strong arms help you back up to the surface where you coughed out some swallowed water.

Before looking down on your own body your golden eyes searched for your human form which was completely covered from all these watchful eyes, deep below the surface. People cheered as your arms fell around the metkayina boy in front of you who pressed your dripping body against his shaking self. Some hysterical laughs escaped from both of you as you realized that the ritual had worked. Your chest was heaving in the tight embrace with the boy. His hands wrapped around your body as if he never wanted to let go of you again.

He pressed his relieved smile into your shoulder, still breathing out a few huffs in disbelief. As he felt your strong heartbeat, his own heart was pounding in excitement. Both your hands reached around his head only to pull him away from your shoulder gently to take a look at his visage. You got lost in each other's eyes, surrounded by luminous freckles all over your faces.

His thumbs traced over your blushed violet cheeks before you pressed your forehead to his.

"I see you, ma y/n." he whispered quietly and full of love.

"I see you, mao'nung."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

taglist: @luvlykrispy @zatarias-pandora @vviolaswrld @yeosxxx @lilgurlbeoncrack @philiasoul @itszzmoon @simp4ff @itsnotme02 @et-j-art @lovekeeho

[rainbowsky]

GG and DD and queer representation

As some of you might be aware, Greece has finally legalized same sex marriage. This was very exciting news!

I had an ask related to the Greek marriage equality debate and had begun drafting a response but ended up getting sidetracked, and by the time I got back to this post marriage equality had already won.

I figured I'd finish this response because it covers some ground that newer turtles might find useful (and because I hate leaving things like this unfinished).

@rozanthi asked: Πιστεύετε πως οι χελώνες βοηθούν η δυσκολεύουν τους ggdd στην σημερινή πραγματικότητα;

Hi rozanthi!

Here's the rest of the ask(s) rozanthi sent.

rozanthi asked: Sorry l put my question in English and not in Greek by mistake. Do you thing that turtles benefit or harm ggdd in today's sircumstansies, reality. I apologize if in someway l offended you with my question about turtles and ggdd. Maybe that is the reason why you didn't answer. But you see, in my country(Greece) these few last months, a debate is going on in our parliament about voting to make political marriage between people of the same gentre legal. There has been a lot of fight and tension from our church and people with no manners or Shane minds. I asked you that question because l support ggdd as a couple in a relationship as barriors of a message as pioneers of something important for China to accept. And l wanted to know how much public support in the form of turtles help them along or make it more difficult. Here as more we support homo. homosexuality we bring thanter and more hate. In February we will know if we made a baby's step in out parliament. Support your ggdd in any way you see tat you really help them and not making it worse on them. They need support Ln the most gentle delicate way. Thank you for baring me.

First of all, it's OK to send me an ask in another language. Don't apologize for feeling better able to express yourself in your first language. I can always machine translate and ask for clarification when I feel I'm missing something (and the asker can clarify if I get anything wrong). Although I think you've done an adequate job of communicating your question here in English.

Second, as I've said many times, people should never read anything into whether I answer their ask or not. It's almost always just a result of me picking easier/quicker questions to answer.

Now, to address the ask.

Your question reflects some misconceptions/misunderstandings about GGDD's situation and about what turtles represent. Some of the topics you're discussing here are not directly related, and I'm going to try to break them down into their component parts for you.

The first and most important thing I can say to you is (and this is really, really key to understanding GGDD and understanding what turtles are in China):

GG and DD are not representatives of the queer community, and turtles are not a political movement.

Quite the contrary. I think it's fair and accurate to say that GG and DD, and by extension turtles, actively take steps to avoid being seen as part of a political movement, queer movement, protest movement or human rights movement.

(In fact, unfortunately many turtles are actually not particularly LGBTQ-friendly, don't support queer rights or gay marriage, and don't even consider GG and DD to be gay/queer. Many believe GG and DD are only 'gay' for each other, which is homophobic and a reflection of poor sex education).

It's essential for their own safety that GG and DD are not seen as political movement in China, or as figureheads of the queer rights movement. The Chinese government and even a sizable percentage of the public at large tend to take a very dim view of anyone who tries to organize and rally around subversive political causes.

Especially the current government, which is very repressive and has been rolling back LGBTQ rights and freedoms and cracking down on queer orgs, shutting down LGBTQ outreach organizations, etc. Pride events and large public gatherings are treated as disruptive protest movements, and have been banned.

There are queer male turtles in China who actively avoid openly identifying as turtles in order to protect the fandom from being seen as a queer rights movement.

Turtles are a fandom and are categorized and treated that way both by turtles and by passersby. Just a fandom of 'cute young girls' clowning over some handsome boys they ship together.

It's important that it stays that way. GG and DD cannot be seen as leading a movement, they cannot take on the role of leading a movement, and many turtles would likely not even support such a movement.

That's not because GGDD are queer, by the way - although under the current government queerness is becoming in some ways more restricted and frowned upon at least from an official perspective - it's because political movements are frowned upon*.

*That's not to say that Chinese people don't organize or protest around certain causes, but those causes tend to be more municipal or limited in scope. Broader political movements - especially ones that appear to stand against the policies of the current regime - are generally very quickly quashed.

That's also not to say that GG and DD aren't hugely inspiring to queer people all over the world, because they are.

GG and DD do not even present themselves as queer.

This is important to keep in mind. GG and DD are closeted, and are assumed by the public at large to be straight single men. 'Eligible bachelors'. This is a double-edged sword, but ultimately it protects them and protects their careers. Top stars are a lot more marketable if there's a perception of romantic availability, and relationships - even relationship rumors - can have a massively negative impact on a star's career.

Even straight married stars hide their relationship status and present themselves as single for this same reason, and straight married celebrity couples - even ones who are out as being married - who attend industry events will often pretend not to know each other in public (sound familiar?).

Coming out as (or being outed as) married or in a relationship is viewed as career suicide, and a star's numbers, opportunities and popularity will plummet. Not always, but usually. Producers and backers know what sells, and married stars just don't sell as much as hot singles do. Fans will pursue stars that appear to be single, and drop them when they marry or come out with a relationship.

Heteronormativity means the vast majority of people in China will assume GG and DD are straight, and GG and DD will not 'correct' them on that. Quite the opposite, they go along with and even at times might say or do things that help feed the perception that they're straight.

There are almost no LGBTQ public figures in China, and those who are out are not top stars.

As international fans, what we do and think doesn't matter much.

Things that happen in the international fandom are largely irrelevant to people in China, and are almost never going to have any impact whatsoever on GG and DD. What we think about them and what they represent to us is of little consequence to their careers.

For example, the ongoing i-fan debate about colored light banners is a bit of a wank because nobody in the international fandom is ever likely to be at an event where we would have to make decisions about what color of light banner to bring. Our thoughts about colored light banners are utterly irrelevant to the fandom in China.

It's really easy to lose sight of that as an international fan, and get so caught up in and wrapped up in our own ideas and arguments and debates that we forget that nothing we say do or think really has any relevance to GGDD's lives.

Our support for their projects and merchandise and brands, our subscriptions to platforms to view their dramas, our movie tickets, our fan support when they travel internationally... these things do have an impact on them and do matter, but the opinions and political ideas that we might discuss and debate here on Tumblr or even on Twitter are highly unlikely to ever reach their circle or directly impact them, whether positive or negative.

There are some notable exceptions to this. Making candy out of nationalistic posts - particularly posts about events of national mourning or major political significance - is unwise and could potentially backlash on them. More about that in this series of posts from Pie.

I talked about some of the other harmful things we should be avoiding in this post.

But the idea that anything international fans might do or say as turtles might negatively impact GG and DD is - for the most part - not a reflection of reality.

There are valid reasons to believe GG and DD value turtles and take strength from our support.

This fandom has been around for 6 years, and in all that time GG and DD have never sought to shut it down. Other dating rumors, CP, etc. have been shut down over the years, but turtles continue to be the top CP in China and the fandom is constantly growing.

GG and DD have been caught on camera many times reacting positively to turtle light banners.

LRLG rumors - which many turtles believe hold a lot of credibility - have repeatedly depicted GG and DD as enjoying our support, and have at times directly expressed GG and DD's appreciation and gratitude to turtles for our support.

Despite the fact that this fandom is hugely controversial among GG and DD's solo fans and even among some passersby, GG and DD and some of their associates continue to regularly feed us candy. This is something that simply would not happen if we didn't have GG and DD's support.

If we believe BJYXSZD, then it only follows that turtles would mean a lot to GG and DD.

There is a fine balancing act between GGDD and turtles, where we show our support and they feed us, and we all try to keep things light and fly somewhat under the radar.

But turtles aren't 'under the radar at all'. Turtles are an incredibly active, vibrant, loud fandom in China, with big events and public charity work and fan activities and banners and billboards, etc. etc. However, they manage to fly under the radar because they're 'just fans'. They're not a political movement and they're not troublemakers. They're just a bunch of fans having fun together.

They also fly under the radar by being seen as a crazy fringe group, a bunch of deluded clowns. They are underestimated and dismissed because of this, which protects GG and DD.

A lot of turtles wear that proudly because they know that they're acting as a shield for GG and DD. Turtles make it possible for GG and DD to get public support for their relationship without having their relationship outed. Turtles take all the hate and ridicule that's piled on them, so that they can show GG and DD they're loved and supported.

This is one of the things about turtles that is most beautiful and powerful. Turtles stick their necks out every day to support and protect GG and DD.

I talked about that in more detail in this post.

I hope this helps give some context about queer issues as they relate to GG and DD, and to the turtle fandom as a whole. While many people inside and outside China support GGDD and are inspired by them and view them as queer icons, the way they are framed and discussed will differ wildly between the Chinese and international fandoms, and what is said outside of China won't have much of an impact on GGDD. That's for the best.

For my thoughts on the politics of all this, please see this post.

[vexy-hexy]

Finally watched/listened to the full 4 hour call the Senate had with Rosa, and oh my God, that was NASTY

Here's my thoughts while I was watching it, with time stamps

I'm making this comment as I go through the video, so this is my thought process throughout the video

Before I start, my assumptions going in are that Rosa was a mod in Star Giant's server, was told about Nekopawn (How do you spell that?) grooming kids, but didn't do anything about it, including not telling Star Giant, so I'm hoping some evidence of Rosa being told and ignoring it is talked

29:31 If Rosa should just block him and move on, couldn't Ziad do the same thing to her if it pissed him off? Because, like Ziad is allowed to complain about others on his Twitter, she and others are also allowed to complain about him on Twitter. Or, were she and others making sock puppets to harass him?

30:51 "I'm sensing a pattern here, a very gross pattern" funnily enough, so am I

31:10 they say here they're not talking about Nekopawn, and they're talking about how Andrew Clark defended Cuties (which, gross), and it sounded (to me) like Rosa was asking when he did that when she asks for the timeline, but then they immediately start on about the Nekopawn grooming. Like, I could be completely wrong, but it didn't seem like Rosa was asking when the grooming happened, just trying to figure out when the cuties thing happened

35:32 By the way, when DID this grooming happen? Because, if it was years ago, then what do her tweets as of then and how much she tweeted at the time have to do with anything? Did her and Ziad begin having beef recently or was it something that happened a while ago and she kept dragging it up, because, if it's the latter, then I guess I can see why it's relevant. It sounds like these things happened around the same time, but, given the fact that they also

34:18 when the hell did this person try to be nice? Rosa is correct, she tries to answer their questions and they don't ask for clarifications, they make an assumption on what she means, and then hound her for THEIR assumptions

36:02 ok, shit take Rosa

36:34 far as I'm aware, we, the public, don't have that evidence, and given how these guys can sometimes take evidence and misconstrue it, I'm struggling to have any faith in them (if someone can prove me wrong, please do, I'd like to be wrong about this part)

44:08 Isn't Lio JUST now addressing how awful this call was a year later? And I mean, on YouTube? (Again, if I'm wrong and he publicly denounced it earlier than a short segmant in his video a few months ago, please correct me)

(Side note, Lio says they sent Rosa apologies for this call the day after it happened, but, apparently, Rosa says they never apologized. Do Lio and co. ever show proof they apologized?)

45:10 isn't she being more specific? She's said she feels sorry for not handling the Nekopawn situation better, only to be cut off by Peaches being sarcastic and nasty

446:13 funny, I could say the EXACT same about these people

47:36 cool, so Blu acknowledges you can miss the good times with sh*tty people. I say this as an autistic person who is probably younger than most of the people talking in the Senate (I just turned 22 in January): I'm considered to be on the "higher end of the spectrum", but I am still INCREDIBLY gullible and easily manipulated. It was so easy to be convinced and then convince myself that anything my "friends" did was fine, and if I had a problem with anything, I was just being overdramatic because "how dare I think these people can do bad things, they put up with me, so how can they be bad? I'm such a bad friend for questioning them." Look, I don't know if Rosa is anything like me when I was a kid and didn't know how to handle serious things (and I very much do agree she should have done something, ANYTHING, when people brought the grooming to her attention), but if Peaches' grooming can be used to explain why they invalidated another person's grooming story a few years back (see the Crystal Flame situation), I fail to see how being an easily manipulated person cannot also be used as an explanation (not an excuse, an EXPLANATION)

50:20 BITCH, I WOULD BE CRYING, THE FACT ROSA ISN'T AMAZES ME

51:29 again, what does this have to do anything?

52:10 then how is he a piece of shit? Quite honestly, I don't think MOST of the people in this call have ever touched grass, but that’s not why I think they're pieces of shit

54:19 I presume this talking about the call Lio has on his channel, which I also listened to, and, TBH, she’s not wrong about how that call was abusive

56:10 I could say the EXACT same thing about your kid Lio

57:52 I wish Peaches would stop pretending to care

58:11 Why WOULD she thank you???

58:40 when? When were they calm? She didn't even say that, that's their assumption of what she meant

59:09 I hope Blu and everyone else feels guilty for this call

59:58 wait? What?

1:00:38 And I'd think Lio publicly (in a video) addressing how abusive, ableist, and nasty this call was should take priority over Miku, but, what do I know?

1:01:52 I agree with this. If Rosa CAN get into contact with Star Giant and tell them to address the Nekopawn situation, she should, and if Rebecca refuses, she absolutely needs to drop her

1:02:10 WHY DOES THE STAR WARS STUFF KEEP COMING UP??? I'M GENUINELY SO CONFUSED??? WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH THE GROOMING???

1:03:16 why is this Leah person being given the floor before any of the victims?

1:04:09 and I also hate liars... I also hate ableist bullies who don’t seem to know what nuance is, what's your point???

1:05:52 so, when Ziad is supposedly harassing people, it's fine???

1:06:05 ok, if that's true, that's screwed up and I would also be rude to those people

1:06:31 with that logic, so can Rosa??? I'm so confused, is she the one trying to dox him? If she's just complaining about him on Twitter, what's the problem? Shouldn't Ziad be more focused on the people trying to dox him instead of someone saying their opinion on him? Like, what did Rosa's tweets even say? Were they THAT bad?

1:06:33 again, if she can do that to Ziad, why can't Ziad block and ignore her and her opinions on him??? I'm being serious and genuine, I don't understand WHY he couldn't do that??? If someone knows, I'd appreciate it

1:06:40 ah yes, Coyote Lovely, the guy who a few months later was exposed to be in contact (and I think friends) with a known groomer and zoo

1:09:21 pot meet kettle

1:09:33 I could be completely mistaken, but wasn't it revealed that Ziad DID threaten someone using a sock puppet account? Like, I listened to both of Lio's videos on him yesterday and that's what I got from them. Was there ever any evidence of him doing this to other people like his haters? I'm actually curious (again, if someone knows that he didn't send any threats to his detractors, that info would be greatly appreciated)

1:09:48 ok, so Leah is older than I am

1:10:21 oh yeah, like that's believable 🙄

1:11:50 oh, cool, so, according to Dr Lio Convoy, you can only have PTSD if you've been to war. Does this mean grooming victims can't have PTSD? Or are you specifically talking about online bullying? Because, wouldn't that mean Peaches can't have PTSD or trauma from the Peaches drama a few years back?

1:12:43 and here's Dr Leah who apparently knows everything about seizures, despite the fact that they're incorrect and repeated seizures CAN cause brain damage and lead to memory loss

1:13:09 maybe it's just me, but I feel like they kinda SHOULD care how Rosa's seizures affect her???

1:13:39 I feel like that's a stupid comparison...

1:14:09 apparently they also know when something isn't a panic attack because they have panic attacks "sometime"

1:14:35 panic attacks are different for everyone (but, I'll admit, I don't think I've ever seen the call they're talking about). Also, their analogies suck, they could've just said light switch, why specifically a light switch in a bathroom???

1:15:22 cool, more bad faith assumptions based on someone they've NEVER met. I'm curious where this 23 year old is studying to be a doctor since they can apparently diagnose someone as faking panic attacks over a call

1:15:39 literally, Lio acts more like an anime protagonist than Rosa (from what I've heard). Have you heard him yelling? It sounds like he's a shitty voice actor. I've heard comic dubs by 12 year olds with more believable rage than Lio

1:16:08 how many times have they interrupted Rosa now? I lost count

1:16:32 well now I'm even more confused, because I don't hear Rosa acting "cutesy UwU", I've only heard her struggle to speak and not understanding what's going on

1:16:41 She does have special needs, and Lio KNOWS this, so WHY hasn't he stepped in and confirmed that Rosa IS special needs?

1:16:52 really, I couldn't tell 🙄. Again, to me, these people sound more like wannabe voice actors than Rosa does TF 🤨

1:18:19 so they're NOT a doctor??? So why are they acting like they know anything???

1:18:51 has Lio considered the memory loss is Rosa trying to explain and not excuse?

1:19:23 1: that wasn't even a clever insult and 2: cool, telling Rosa to commit self delete

1:20:26 ok, so the grooming started in 2019 but was revealed in 2020

1:20:40 she literally didn't say that!

1:21:45 wait? What? Weren't they just giving Rosa crap for not listening to this Mongrel person (despite saying they also wouldn't listen to them), and it's Rosa's fault for giving Mongrel another chance? What?

1:22:17 so Rosa may not have been contacted about Nekopawn? Because they're asking if Rosa KNEW about the email?

1:22:24 why are they confronting ROSA about STAR GIANT complaining that they needed to ban Nekopawn? They're getting mad at the wrong person

1:23:02 IDK, why didn't the Senate try harder to get her in a call?

1:23:25 so Rosa isn't Rebecca's friend by Rebecca's OWN admission???

1:23:38 I THOUGHT THEY SAID SOMEONE EMAILED STAR GIANT ABOUT NEKO??? I THOUGHT STAR GIANT WAS ALREADY AWARE OF THE GROOMING AND THAT'S WHY THEY WERE COMPLAINING ABOUT HAVING TO BAN NEKO? If Star Giant ALREADY KNEW about the grooming, what was Rosa SUPPOSED TO DO? This whole call, I thought that the victims only went to Rosa and, because she never said anything, Star Giant didn't know, but they're saying that they contacted both Star AND another person who WENT TO STAR GIANT?! Like, even if Rosa DID try to ban Nekopawn (even though she apparently couldn't ban people), Star COULD'VE just added them back KNOWING of the grooming? Like, I'm confused, am I misunderstanding them?

1:23:46 just a guess, but maybe it was the seizure induced memory loss?

1:23:52 oh, did you go to war?

1:25:02 your problem is with Star!

1:26:01 look, I feel horrible hearing this victim of Nekopawn speak, what they went through is HORRIBLE, but they keep bringing up their grievances with STAR as if ROSA is the one who did them

1:27:44 and yet, somehow Lio, you still come across as chronically online

1:29:00 why are they bringing up the email sent to STAR GIANT? Again, this is Rosa, bring up the stuff you can prove was sent to HER and can prove she didn’t act upon the situation properly

1:29:25 I feel like a broken record, but STAR GIANT SAID THAT!

1:29:56 how does being a fan of someone have anything to do with memory problems?

1:31:29 I'm sorry WHAT?

1:32:12 Lio, you DO harass people on the internet

1:33:31 do they know if Star ever got abused, or are they just assuming she's overdramatising an insult about her editing? I mean, even if Star WAS abused, that doesn’t excuse them doing nothing about a groomer

1:33:42 so does Lio and this entire fucking server

1:33:54 then where is it? Bring THAT up instead of repeatedly bringing up what Star Giant did and said

1:34:18 irony? How is Rosa not remembering and someone else remembering details about her ironic?

1:37:22 it wasn’t Rosa's server though? Seriously, am I missing something?

1:38:11 or maybe Rosa was looking for other LGBT people to be friends with? Why do they immediately assume she's using LGBT people as shields?

1:39:15 where did she say she fetishisizes LGBT people? The bad faith assumptions are insane

1:40:52 okay, yeah, why was that recording ignored? That's messed up

1:42:26 very much agree, Rosa needs to get rid of Star Giant

1:43:14 STAR SAID THAT, NOT ROSA! WHY ARE YOU GETTING ON ROSA ABOUT SOMETHING STAR SAID?

1:44:37 they haven't let her speak? And when she gets the chance, they doubt or mock or interrupt her

1:47:53 Rosa ISTG 🤦‍♀️

1:51:25 where the hell did that even come from?

1:52:51 I guess those without talent also spend their free time being ableist bullies

1:55:57 and Rosa is the one acting like an anime protagonist?

1:56:12 so, now Lio is insulting Rosa's appearance, that's great and absolutely called for 🙄

1:56:18 "I care very much so about people with disabilities" mmmm, why don't I believe that?

1:56:36 BITCH STOP ASKING! YOU DON'T FUCKING CARE!

1:57:36 GEE, I WONDER WHY SHE WOULD WANT TO LEAVE???

1:57:50 isn’t that why she’s here? Because, so far, a majority of this call is just calling her stupid, saying ableist shit, and blaming her for stuff someone else said

1:58:20 they also cut her off repeatedly and didn't listen to her when she DID specify what she was sorry for and continued to treat her like an idiot

1:58:29 at this point, I'm confused about what Rosa did too, because the most outrageous stuff they've brought up is stuff they said Star Giant said, not Rosa. Again, maybe I'm misunderstanding and I apologize if that's the case but it's not very clear

1:59:29 I wish I was in this call because I have words to say and questions to ask

1:59:51 I don't know what's going on

2:00:01 oh, hey, unnecessary insults again

2:00:51 the way they talk to Rosa makes me wonder if they think SHE'S the groomer

2:01:28 "you've gone off topic so many times" YEAH, SO HAVE YOU AND ALMOST EVERYONE ELSE WHO SPOKE PEACHES! The only Naruto role player is you and your friends

2:02:10 and more ableism

2:02:55 wait, I thought they said earlier someone else snitched on the victims, not Rosa??? Did I misunderstand?

2:04:00 okay, first off, you don't know if she was sick or not Lio, second off knock off the slut-shaming, literally what reason was there for you to say that?

2:04:56 ok, so Lio admits he's threatening her now, and he's also telling her to self delete

2:05:32 wait? Find her family? How? Is he going to stalk her or something? That's a really weird thing to threaten

2:05:41 so Lio acknowledges she's LGBT now, and we know that he knows her parents are her caregivers, but he has no problems outing her to the people she relies on to live

2:05:47 kinda curious what Lio's excuse is for this call happening and everything he said, especially since he's older than Rosa and, apparently, has stronger morals

2:06:04 so you did stalk her? And are now threatening to harass her on her Facebook? Also, reblog is Tumblr you fucking idiot

2:06:31 now Lio is threatening to spread this through her town

2:06:41 couldn't happen to a better person? At the time of this call, you were friends with people more deserving of this vitrol. I wonder how Lio's town and family would react to him verbally abusing and bullying a disabled woman with 60+ people watching and others joining in?

2:07:10 HOW IS THAT ANY OF YOUR BUSINESS???

2:09:15 if I hear that Peaches cried when people called them out for being a litle ableist bitch bully, I'm gonna lose my shit

2:09:38 WHEN DID SHE SAY ANY OF THAT???

2:10:05 sincerely, the slut comment was unnecessary

2:11:22 okay, so, Rosa can't interrupt Lio, but he's free to interrupt her and cut her off whenever he wants

2:11:39 WHAT THE FUCK LIO?!

2:13:13 she sounds so distressed

2:14:25 "say whatever you want about me being a horrible person" you mean in this server full of your friends that have repeatedly interrupted her, twisted her words, and thrown insults at her? Where at least one of them has already excused you spamming your haters, but Rosa apparently can't complain about you?

2:14:49 at this point, I also don't respect you Ziad

2:16:56 and now Ziad sounds like an anime character giving a tragic backstory monolog

2:18:36 clearly since you obviously haven't learned shit

2:19:18 didn’t Ziad say he hoped Rosa got hit by a car on Twitter? (I could be wrong) And several times IN THIS CALL people have told her that she should self delete?

2:19:26 well the ableism isn't false now I guess

2:20:18 wasn't that tweet addressed earlier in the call? Because, from my memory, the tweet wasn't accusing Ziad of being a homicidal maniac, it was an exaggerated way of saying Ziad silences people who are against him

2:20:49 "we're not abusing you!" Highly debatable

2:22:05 ISTG, everytime Peaches talks, I want to bash my head in with a brick

2:22:24 oh, cool, another doctor who can apparently diagnose strangers over Discord

2:24:24 you are a terrible person

2:24:56 I could say the EXACT SAME THING ABOUT ALMOST EVERYONE ON THIS CALL

2:27:39 IT WASN'T ROSA'S SERVER! STOP SPREADING MISINFORMATION!

2:28:50 maybe she just calmed down? Also, I thought she still sounded distressed while talking to Ziad

2:29:38 and yet, here Ziad is taking attention away from the grooming to yell at Rosa about shit on Twitter that, according to these people, shouldn't matter as much as the grooming

2:31:27 was ROSA the one calling Ziad a pedo??? Because that's disgusting and disappointing if so

2:32:12 oh, hey, Sappho's BFF is back

2:33:22 so Ziad DOES go after people with differing opinions??? I'm confused again

2:36:30 most of what you people have brought up isn't relevant to Rosa

2:37:40 LIO DID THREATEN TO TALK TO HER MOM! HOW WAS THAT A FAKE THREAT?

2:37:54 the next time I hear Peaches crying and having a panic attack, I'll just assume that they're lying because their mummy didn't raise them right

2:41:12 I counted, Coyote said the 'r' slur 9 times in a row

2:42:48 legit, those examples aren't even in the same ballpark Lio, and I think you know that

2:42:56 so, wait, Ziad can say his opinion all he wants, and people can't say anything bad about him, but if someone says something HE doesn't agree with (because even if a movie is factually bad, people can still have the opinion that it was good), he’s allowed to rip apart their opinions? That's what I'm getting in this section

2:43:09 and you're a piece of shit Lio, and I guess you always will be 🤷‍♀️

2:43:40 IT WASN'T ROSA'S SERVER AND YOU KNOW THAT LIO! CALLING IT "your server" WHEN SPEAKING TO ROSA MISLEADS THOSE WHO DON'T FUCKING KNOW AND PILES THE RESPONSIBILITIES THAT COME WITH OWNING A SERVER, WHICH ROSA DIDN'T HAVE BECAUSE IT WASN'T HER SERVER, ONTO HER

2:45:01 that's somehow the stupidest fucking suggestion I've ever heard so far. Who the hell would give people bullying them their login info? Quite frankly, I wouldn't be shocked if these people used that to say shit on her accounts and frame her for it

2:47:47 and now Lio is dehumanizing her, great

2:49:12 and fatphobia, because that's not disgusting and uncalled for

2:51:26 is it just me or is Peaches slurring their words?

2:51:58 these people keep bouncing between the Nekopawn situation and Twitter beef between Rosa and Ziad

2:52:45 funny, I'm curious if anyone in this call is sorry for the disgusting shit they said, or if they're just sorry they're now being called out

2:53:03 hasn't Rosa apologized several times in this call for her inaction about Nekopawn? I mean, all fairness, she has brought up how her personal life got in the way almost (if not every) time she said sorry, so I can see why it wouldn't feel genuine

2:53:19 so, Lio's wishing harm upon a disabled person from their caregiver

2:53:57 so, first she's an anime protagonist, and now she's an NPC

2:54:33 I WAS THINKING THE EXACT SAME THING ABOUT THE SENATE

2:54:47 LMAO, THE IRONY 🤣

2:55:59 and you people didn't help that victim and I HIGHLY doubt ANY of these people actually give a shit about kids being groomed after this call. This call has shown me that they just want to bully people in the open, but in a way that makes people think they're good people

2:56:25 SHE DIDN'T SAY THAT PEACHES ISTG!

2:58:08 *cough cough* pot meet kettle *cough cough*

2:59:58 I hope Lio sees my comment, maybe he'll answer all my questions

3:03:30 NO YOU'RE NOT BEING NICE AND YES, YOU ARE YELLING AT HER!

3:03:42 I'd argue most of these people can't come back from this "mistake" of a call

3:06:47 and yet, despite being used, this person clearly doesn't have an OUNCE of empathy or understanding for Rosa

3:09:37 if you gave STAR the evidence, how is it Rosa's fault that STAR told Neko? These people keep bringing up shit Star Giant did and said and demanding Rosa's answers for someone else's actions

3:11:16 Lio, you've lost your temper SEVERAL TIMES in JUST this call alone

3:11:40 so Lio ACKNOWLEDGES that Rosa needs a caretaker and incapable of taking care of herself

3:14:03 ...I feel like that sentence alone says a lot about what this call was actually about...

3:14:18 the fucking dramatic voice 😂 anime protagonist much

3:14:58 didn't Lio literally acknowledge that Rosa was LGBT earlier when he said he would out her to her parents, even if they were homophobic?

3:15:33 I couldn't given everyone was screaming insults at Rosa

3:16:01 well Peaches, I guess YOU would know something about bitch boy tears 🤷‍♀️

3:16:25 Dr Peaches in the house now, diagnosing someone over a fucking Discord call

3:16:36 wait, I didn't know Peaches fought in wars too? Or does Lio think you can only have PTSD if you're a war vet UNLESS he likes you?

3:16:51 I can't tell if Peaches is knowingly lying and twisting Rosa's words, or if they've somehow just convinced themselves that Rosa ACTUALLY said ANY of that, but I'm hoping it's the latter...

3:18:28 ROSA DIDN'T FUCKING SAY THAT!

3:18:38 were they? Because, if memory serves me correct, Blu is the one who initially assumed Rosa said grooming had an expiration date

3:19:35 maybe she gets quiet because everyone interrupts her and doesn't let her speak ... Just a thought...

3:20:06 WHEN DID SHE SAY THAT?????

3:20:50 oh cool, so Lio would murder his own disabled child for not doing enough to stop a predator

3:21:57 Lio quite literally told her she wasn't allowed to leave yet, and told (threatened) her that, if she did, he would contact her parents

3:22:03 if I find out that Peaches couldn't find the time to send an apology to Rosa for this call before deleting their shit, I'm gonna lose it

3:22:36 and abortion jokes. Also, Lio making fun of Rosa's appearance

Again... what is this, the 5th time?

3:23:34 PONDER, THANK EVERYTHING!

3:24:03 Lio back pedaling so fast LOL

3:24:28 she asked for a fucking reason Lio

3:24:55 none of you have even let her say more than 2 sentences at a time, how could she have gone on "tangents"? Also, not Lio fucking lying to Ponder

3:24:57 "never being able to answer direct questions" whenever she tried, someone would cut her off

3:25:03 YES PONDER, THANK YOU!

3:26:20 these fuckers got REAL quiet real fast

3:27:12 no she fucking didn't, stop twisting her words!

3:27:20 Ponder is finally asking the right questions

3:28:03 wow, Lio got real quiet...

3:29:27 thank you Harley and Ponder

3:29:39 fucking idiot

3:31:10 WHEN WERE ANY OF YOU TRYING TO BE NICE???

3:33:04 these bitches are STRUGGLING to explain themselves to Ponder

3:34:50 so many people seem to be leaving the call now that the bullying is done

3:35:40 THERE'S A DIFFERENCE? I'm so glad they called that shit out

3:36:25 Ponder was literally stunned by how stupid Lio sounded

3:37:13 I cannot believe I'm agreeing with Coyote...

3:37:56 I'M SO GLAD THEY CALLED WHOEVER THAT IS OUT ON THAT

3:38:26 how many excuses have you and your friends tried to make for their bullying in the past 15 or so minutes Ponder has been here?

3:39:29 you're letting her speak? You're giving her your patience? Legit when?

3:39:46 OH MY GOD, I WAS NOT EXPECTING SOMEONE TO ACTUALLY CALL THEM ON HOW THEY WERE MAKING EXCUSES

3:41:06 I'm so glad Harley brought up these threats and blackmail

3:41:32 LIO ADMITTED IT WAS A THREAT! AND HE WAS YELLING!

3:42:32 that's because it WAS intimidation

3:44:38 guys got a point, they're beating a dead horse

3:46:09 I'm so glad Ponder called Lio on this shit

3:47:23 THEY CHANGED HER NAME???

3:48:25 well, these people have shown it's unsafe for her

3:49:14 So, it's confirmed Lio knew and never said anything

3:49:58 Lio may not have brought them into this call, but he is (apparently) the owner of this server

3:50:11 Lio can interrupt anyone he wants, but God forbid anyone interrupt Lio

3:50:15 whether he used the slur or not, Lio was still ableist against someone he KNEW was disabled! How many times did he shame Rosa for not having a job or for living with her parents (caretakers!) at 30? He KNEW she couldn't take care of herself, and still repeatedly shamed and mocked her for it as if she was just lazy and stupid rather than incapable. He also continuously mocked her for not understanding "basic" questions and called her "mush mouth" MULTIPLE TIMES! Just because he didn't say the 'r' slur, doesn't mean he wasn't being ableist

Speaking of ableist little bitches, I haven't heard Peaches say anything for a bit and they wouldn't stfu earlier

3:50:49 THANK YOU! I HOPE YOU'RE LISTENING LIO

3:51:39 I'm going to say this rn, I don't believe for a SECOND that Coyote didn't know Rosa was disabled

3:51:49 I'm so glad some of these people are calling Lio out for withholding information about Rosa

3:52:14 that makes no sense and now I'm almost positive Coyote knew she was disabled and is just trying to cover his ass

3:53:09 I do. I think you were trying to make about yourself. You're also continuing to make it about yourself

3:54:45 you're right Lio, this IS your server, so why did it take so long for you to get off your ass and handle this?

3:55:02 "I'm not a qualified therapist" no shit and thankfully

3:55:31 DUDE, THEY WERE PROBABLY SCARED OF YOU AND YOUR POSSE! And, why does it feel like Lio is trying to shift the attention off of him and onto Harley and Grimace (?)

3:56:38 HA! THEY'RE NOT WRONG

I mean, seriously, a few people tried to say Ponder was making excuses for Rosa when she finally said something

3:57:54 people have VOCALLY said the same things

4:00:08 HOW DO YOU KNOW SHE FAKED A PANIC ATTACK AND PRETEND CRIED! YOU'RE JUST ASSUMING THAT

TL;DR I somehow came out of this call more confused about the Nekopawn situation than when I went in, and the stuff these people said was disgusting and nasty and I hope they're reflecting on their actions and apologize to Rosa. Lio may say he doesn't stand by this call because "it happened a year ago" but I don't believe him for a second. I JUST learned about this call 3 days ago, but I used to be subscribed and listened to Lio while drawing, and I haven't heard him address this in ANY of his videos EXCEPT for a small section in one of his latest video where all he really says is that he's working on a video (correct me if I'm wrong) and bitching about how people are JUST now getting mad about this call, when, IDK about anyone else, but, again I JUST learned about this call

I'm still planning on listening to what Lio says, but I think I'm going to struggle to believe anything he says

I hope Ponder eventually listened to the entire call and saw how they lied to her and twisted Rosa's words...

[literali1110]

6x06 Thoughts

(these are my live thoughts as i was watching, with some later thoughts/clarifications added)

Tamara's moving out? Great [Listen, I like Tamara, but I think it's weird Tim and Lucy are always hanging out over there when she has a roommate] Although the timing is not great. Bet Lucy feels like everyone is leaving her Tim caved to Angela pretty quick Boo 😂 Angela doesn't even want to know why or how he lied? Ok they're sticking to the same story as last week Oh wait there's more? I love these BFFs together again It's like the last 2 seasons never happened 😂 Tim is bad at this 😂

(Del Monte has gotten mean. And corrupt?)

The rest of Tim's story is even worse 😭 So why is he doing the same thing now that he did wrong back then? To protect himself? [i didn't love that the backstory was about how Tim ended up risking his squad to keep his job. perhaps that is just how he is telling it because he feels so guilty? idk. and it's one thing if he comes clean but...he doesn't. and he's doing the exact same thing this episode - not going through proper channels and putting people at risk to supposedly save his job?]

Ray cloned the gps and is going after Lucy?! Omg she deserves to be furious at him Done being the good girlfriend 🔥 [loved this scene - and I think it made sense, they know due to the job they won't always be able to tell each other everything but that doesn't mean they can't help each other] Woah they caught Ray super fast 😂 [I thought there would be more to this dock scene] Woah interesting editing skipping to him in the interrogation room Why is Tim lying?? I am veryyyyy confused I fear this has ruined Tim's character for me [ok i still love tim but it was not clear to me why he lied and why he didn't try to right his wrongs - both in the past and present]

(Undercover nyla ❤️) (Celina better not be moving in with Lucy [but i bet she is]) (Whyyy do we need a baby Nolan) (It's a little weird this is how they brought Jackson's dad back?? and he seems perfectly fine)

We got a hug But where is the apologyyyy Okay so he lied to protect her and Lopez - and his job - and she's ok with it?? Did she make him lie? And now he's the one mad at her? This makes no sense And now HE'S breaking up with HER?? Oh! He did say I'm sorry 🙃 Is this because he doesn't believe he's good enough for her or he blames her for why he had to lie? Ohh she's not taking this from him, good for her Of course this is happening in the parking lot 😂😭

(Yuck why are we ending with this scene)

Okay so without the rest of the context of the new Tim backstory and how we got to this breakup, I actually really like the last scene and am excited for what comes next. I guess I kind of wish they had done something like this before they even got together - Olicity S3 parallel, anyone? - because these issues existed for Tim even before now.

Also I think it would have been helpful if they didn't just skip to Tim lying, and they would have explained the plan/why he was doing this/what had been agreed upon between him, Angela and Lucy. Because until she said it I didn't think she would agree with that plan and I still don't really understand why Tim wouldn't come clean - except if it's to protect Lucy (and Angela).

And at first I was thinking what Lucy said - so you lie to me to protect me and then you break up with me because you had to lie? that's messed up - but I don't think that's why he actually broke up with her. He broke up with her because he's feeling really guilty and he doesn't feel like he's good enough for her.

And the 'I know, I know' (remember when we held on to each 'I know' we got?) - he knows he's wrong and he's hurting her so that gives me some hope. So basically I have some empathy for Tim here and understand why he felt he had to break up with her but I still think he should have come clean. And I feel for Lucy too of course, she's just had thing after thing be piled onto her.

The promo for next ep is crazy. I'm excited to see Tim do some self reflection and healing. But this is going to be the third Tim heavy episode in a row. So when are we getting our Lucy arc?? Unless they're trying to make her even more alone for hers? And either Melissa is really good not giving out spoilers, or else they're really not going to resolve a bunch of stuff this season that we thought they would... :( Look I'm still processing this all but bottom line, I'm not mad about the breakup. Those scenes were super emotional and good and it just means we get another "getting together"/makeup scene down the line. And I would say this has significantly raised our chances of getting another sex scene! 😏

[glitchingflame]

✨How the Genshin Men deals with Aftercare✨

Featuring: Diluc, Kaeya, Childe, Zhongli, Itto, Thoma

Warnings: Mentions of sex

Diluc

You two finished on his soft, cloud-like manor bed, and after some drowsy cuddling, he is the first to get up

It’s late into the night and most of the manor is asleep, so he goes and fetches towels and warm water himself

He’ll find you were he left you on his bed, and he’ll tell you to just relax, that you’ve been amazing and now it’s his turn to make sure you’re comfortable

The redhead will roll up his sleeves, gently wiping the towel between your curves, his eyes soft

Diluc will take special care towards your sensitive regions, making sure you’re clean as a baby, so he can cuddle you more later

If you desire a bath, then he will personally fetch wood and water and use his own flames to bring the water to a comfortable temperature

The next day he’ll baby you, staying by your side the entire day and make sure you’re happy

Kaeya

He was rough with you the entire night, teasing, edging, and just outright playing with your body. Not that you mind, there’s a reason you’re with this man after all

And that’s because he knows just exactly how to turn you on, exactly how to make your squirm for him

The two of you are breathless by the time he finishes, having gone a few rounds without any rest (this ice man has stamina)

He barely manages to roll out of bed, out of your arms to start up the shower

Or maybe you two just end up asleep like that. Honestly, sometimes he just finds it too comfortable on the bed with you, and ends up refusing to move

Once you do get cleaned up, however, he’s got the bed made, newly ironed sheets, some wine for the night, and snacks if you so wish

He’ll cuddle you immediately once you’ve taken your seat on the bed, nuzzling into the crook of your shoulder, wishing tomorrow would never come

Eventually both of you would fall asleep, and the next day he’d be out and about before you even wake up, his side of the bed still slightly warm with the faint hint of mint

You may find him at the Favonius hq or out and about getting some confidential errands done, and if he catches your gaze, however busy he might be, he’ll send you a playful wink, possibly even indulging in himself and giving you a quick peck on the lips

Childe

First of all, he’s messy

For clarification, Childe does not mind nor care where he finishes

The precious time he has with you is a time for him to completely unwind. It’s a place where he does not need to worry about his job, his family, and can just be himself

This man goes wild

If you’re ok with it, he’d love seeing you in fancy lingerie sponsored with his own money, spread out just for him

That also means he ends up doing laundry a lot

Oftentimes once you two finish for the night, he’ll plead you into the showers with him—sometimes to actually get cleaned, and sometimes for some steamy shower action

His excuse would be to wash some of uh, his filth off of you, only to end up massaging your tits, ass, whatever you’re willing to share with him at the moment

He’d roughly dress you up into his shirt and impatiently head to bed, ready for a night of spooning

Childe would run his hands all over you to memorize all your curves and dips, for those nights when he can’t make it home to you

If he could have it his way, Childe would love to do the deed anywhere and everywhere, so long as his siblings or colleagues aren’t around, and with your consent

Zhongli

This man did research

He was a bit apprehensive about the current culture, fearing his experiences may be outdated, so he went ahead to consult with Xingqiu on books about this

And so when you two actually finishes, he sweeps you off the bed and brings you to a prepared bathing room, a warm bath already drawn, with osmanthus and rose petals floating about

He has a variety of handcrafted soap by the side and insists on washing for you

He’ll join you in the tub, entirely focused on allowing you to relax, but you would just end up leaning against his chest, admiring how his hair swirls in the waters

He’d find whatever you do adorable at the moment, and will end up just relaxing with you, maybe humming a soft tune, musing of a poem on spot, or sharing a tale of his in the past, of faraway mountains and land

If you fall asleep, he’ll wipe you down and allow you to rest in his arms for the night, neither of you dressed, but that’s how he likes it

Itto

Your man Itto, if you’re lucky, you two did it in an actual room

Yes. Sometimes he ends up impatient right out there in the wild with the grass and trees, but not today

He would be surprisingly quiet when it comes to after care, at least compared to his normal attitude, checking time and time again if you need anything

He’ll jump to trying to clean you first, ignoring himself, which often creates the interesting scenario of his dong swinging about as he attempts to take care of you

Not that you mind, probably, because that’s why you’re with him—because you adore how innocent and kind Arataki Itto is, despite trying to be a hardened gang leader

He’ll roast lavender melon in case you’re hungry, bring his favorite beetle for emotional support, and yoink some of Kuki’s clean sheets for the night

Honestly at this rate, after all that, he’ll probably forget to take care of himself, so you end up brushing through his mane, as he leans back into you

Itto would look up at you with the widest grin, simply appreciating the view and commenting just how lucky he is to have found you

Thoma

This man will have everything already laid out and prepared

He knows your quirks, maybe it’s food and water, maybe it’s a steamy shower, or maybe it’s cuddling! Whatever you need, he has it ready to go. You have no idea how he manages to do this every time, it just always seems to work out so perfectly, because it’s Thoma

He’ll pepper you with kisses, the two of you an absolute giggling mess, and convince you to shower, so that you’re clean and comfortable

Should you be too tired, he’ll playfully pick you up and assure you that you don’t need to do anything, just stay with him, and he’ll proceed to get you through your routine

He’ll fall asleep with his arms around you, head tucked into his chin

You’ll wake up to the sweet smell of breakfast right there by your bed stand, and Thoma guiltily trying to sneak back into bed for more cuddling

His favorite place to put his arm is around your torso, that way he can snuggle his nose into your hair, and stay as physically close to you as possible

[great-and-small]

Hello, I love your blog and it's super informative.

I was wondering if I may ask a question (you may or may not have an answer and that's ok).

I have a male cat and he keeps getting bit? (I think) near his tail/butt on his side of it. It bleeds and leaks puss and stuff and I was wondering if you knew of any way to help him.

He's also an outdoor cat (I found him near the end of summer behind our garbage cans when he was smaller (had lots of missing hair patches (possibly from fighting)) (I'm not allowed to bring any of the cats inside, so they get exposed to the elements (we did do our best to make them houses for the time being, till we get better materials).

Thank you for reading this, I hope you're having an amazing day and I enjoy your blog very much. <3

I am sorry your cat is getting hurt, it sounds most like he is getting into fights with cats in your area. If your cat is not neutered, he should have this procedure done asap to prevent him fighting over females. Outdoor cats will often get abscesses (infected bite wounds) secondary to territory scuffles with other cats. The fact that your cat is getting bitten on the back end of his body suggests he is trying to get away when the attack happens.

Unfortunately the only way to 100% prevent this problem is to transition your cat to living indoors where he is safe. Although many outdoor cat owners worry that their cat will not be able to adjust to an indoor lifestyle, most actually do well when given time and the proper enrichment/environment. My cat is a former outdoor cat and it took dedicated effort to transition him but now he is a happy indoor kitty.

If keeping your cat inside is off the table, you can try putting up a high privacy fence around your property to keep feral cats out of your yard. You may also consider motion activated sprinklers. These options are unlikely to fix the problem but may be worth a shot if you have the resources to try them.

Beyond the above measures it is important to protect your cat from more than just injury. There are several nasty diseases that can be spread between fighting cats. I recommend talking to your vet about getting your cat tested for FeLV and FIV, which are two potentially life-threatening viruses that can be transmitted between cats. I also recommend the FeLV vaccine for your cat since outdoor cats are at higher risk of infection. Any wounds you note after an altercation should be seen by a vet immediately.

I’m sorry your cat keeps getting hurt in this way! If you have any questions or need clarification on any of the above topics please don’t hesitate to reach out. I wish you the best of luck with your kitty!

[disregardandfelicity]

(12) Roommate AU 👬🛌 & (27) Sick/Injured Fic 🤕🤒

Since I know Roommate AUs are your fave, here are some scenes for this prompt (disclaimer, in a bid to finally post something, i didn't reread it for edits! and this is a snippet, not a full, beginning middle and end story!):

A series of loud clatters and thumps from the bathroom brought Nicky up short. He held still and listened for some kind of follow up clarification but heard none.

It would be... exceedingly invasive to ask a near-stranger if they were ok in the bathroom, wouldn't it? Even if said stranger was currently new to being in a full leg cast, that would simply be wildly inappropriate... right?

With this moral quandary weighing on him, Nicky resumed folding his laundry, but slowly, as though that somehow made it better. He only got through matching two more pairs of socks when he heard another clatter in the bathroom, this time accompanied by a muffled shout, barely heard above the running shower.

Nicky rushed to the bathroom door.

"Joe?" He knocked twice. "Are you alright?"

"Fine," he thought he heard Joe say, but it was hard to make out.

"Did you say fine? Do you need anything?"

"N–ahugh" The response was garbled and gave way a yelp so strained it would be comical if Nicky wasn't so concerned.

He tried the handle and found it unlocked.

"I'm sorry, I'm just going to –" Nicky started, pushing the door open and moving slowly, in case Joe was really going to insist that he not come in.

Joe didn't and when Nicky peered in, he found every single bottle knocked out of the shower, one forearm crutch fallen to the ground and out of reach, and Joe himself white knuckling the shower curtain, half of which was torn off the rod.

Nicky picked up the fallen crutch and held it out to Joe who looked too afraid to let go of his current support and reach for it.

"Ok." Nicky leaned it back against the wall and instead reached forward and slid an arm around Joe's water slick torso.

"Can you step out if I keep hold of you?" he asked.

"Yes," Joe said, sounding out of breath.

With Nicky on one side and with the crutch he hadn't lost a grip of on the other, Joe managed to maneuver out of the shower. Nicky kept hold of him until Joe could sit on the closed toilet, then doubled back to hand him the lost crutch and turn the water off.

"Well," Joe said after an awkward pause. "I guess I wasn't quite ready to attempt that on my own, huh?"

"I'm sure this sort of thing gets easier with practice," Nicky offered. "Did the bag at least hold up?"

"Oh, yes, it seemed to stay up. Should be dry." Joe looked down at the bright orange plastic protector he had covering his cast, and then seemed to remember, at the same time that Nicky did, that he was fully naked, dick out, on display in front of the man he'd only met a couple days ago.

"Letmeknowifyouneedanything," Nicky said in a jumble, only sure about half of those words made it out of his mouth, as he retreated to safety of the hallway, pulling the door shut behind him.

-

It was just that his libido had massively rebounded now that he was off the painkillers. And Nicky was the only man he'd actually seen in person in days. Plus it didn't hurt that Nicky was objectively a nice looking man. That's all.

It was just that particular set of circumstances that made it so this was now day three of Joe waking up hard and immediately jerking off to explicit dreams of Nicky.

He slumped back into the pillows, panting hard, coming down from the high. It seemed like everything took more exertion from him these days, and despite having just woken up, he felt ready for a nap.

He swung an arm out until he found the closest thing to wipe himself off with – the t-shirt he'd worn yesterday. Joe with two fully mobile legs would never have done such a thing; he was always rather fastidious. He glanced guiltily over at the two suitcases, still half unpacked, on the floor, the piles of dirty clothes scattered about, and worse, at the desk he was essentially using as a dirty dish depot.

Yeah, Joe with one leg in a full cast was willing to let some things slide.

An hour later found him standing in the kitchen, brewing coffee, only just having harnessed the motivation to drag himself out of bed.

The door unlocked, and Joe turned to see Nicky enter the apartment in loose clothes, covered in a faint sheen of sweat.

Joe, in a massive show of self restraint, was able to look him in the eye, casual and friendly. Nothing at all like a person who just hand his hand on his dick, jerking off to the thought of the man standing before him looking just as sweaty but without all the clothes.

"Hey."

"Joe, good morning," Nicky said, kindly ignoring the fact that afternoon was fast approaching, and Joe was just getting up. In the before-times, Joe might have been a person who went for a morning run. Now, though, he settled for hobbling across the apartment from the bed to the living room.

A few minutes later, he had done just that, sitting with his leg well propped up on the couch, idly eating breakfast and scrolling through his phone.

Time passed as he scrolled through instagram, then twitter, then reddit, vaguely aware of Nicky heading off to shower, then coming back out of his bedroom dressed and carrying a bag of laundry. Then back to Joe's room with – Joe's room?!

"Uh, hey, Nicky?" Joe frantically pushed himself to stand, grabbing his crutches and hobbling down the hall as fast as feasible. "Did you need something?"

He made it to his doorway, half out of breath and a little dizzy from how quickly he'd stood up – man, the recovery timeline was going to be brutal if he was already feeling this out of shape – to see Nicky holding an empty laundry basket.

"No, no, no, please go sit down," Nicky reassured him, bending down to pick up the t-shirt Joe had used earlier. He tossed it into the basket without a second look.

Joe could only stand there, mute with horror.

"I'm doing my own laundry and thought I would handle yours as well."

Piles of clothes amassed into the basket, he now started stripping the sheets.

"I'm so sorry –," Joe started, trying to think of how he wanted this sentence to end. "I'm so sorry about the room. I was going to do some cleaning up later. Here, I'll take the basket, I can –"

"Joe."

Nicky set the basket down and turned to face him.

"I have an extra room, you need a place to stay that you can access. It's no hardship for me to do an extra load of laundry, or make an extra portion for dinner. Come."

Leaving no room for argument, he gently steered Joe back to the living room. Joe groaned as he lowered himself to sit; standing for a few minutes didn't look like much but it sure felt like it these days. Plus, he hadn't yet figured out the trick to the forearm crutches and his palms felt rubbed raw. He lifted them up to inspect and indeed the soft skin of his palms looked red.

Nicky immediately noticed and took one of Joe's hands in his own, cradling it between his palms. They felt rougher, calloused compared to Joe's, and he wondered what Nicky was used to doing with his hands that left them so.

"What happened?" Nicky asked, one blunt nail hovering over the worst of the damage, afraid to touch.

"Just not used to the rubber grip, I think." Joe nodded to where his forearm crutches were propped against the sofa.

Nicky tsked in sympathy and rubbed the undamaged side of his hand soothingly. He lowered Joe's palm then went to inspect the rubber grip. "I can come up with a better cover for it, I'm sure. Let me just think."

"You really don't have to –"

"No, no, no. I'm going to."

Nicky left no room for argument, then set about making him comfortable, not leaving til Joe was reclined on the couch, leg propped up, snacks in reach, throw blanket over his lap.

"Just relax, and let me know if you need anything," Nicky said, absently stroking Joe's shoulder before heading back to finish laundry.

Joe waited til he was out of sight to huff a little self satisfied sigh.

It was so nice living with Nicky. He'd been living alone for awhile now, but this was almost like having a boyfriend again.

And if that was, in fact, a little too close to an actual wish than just an idle thought, no one needed to know. He was going through a rough time, who could begrudge him a couple harmless fantasies! After all, he knew how to keep it in his pants.

-

Nicky hummed to himself as he folded laundry, mindful to keep it quiet since Joe was napping in the other room.

He was glad to have Joe staying with him. Saying yes to Andy had been the right move, not that he'd ever truly considered saying no. He had aid to offer, someone needed that aid, no further thought needed.

But it had been awhile since he'd lived with anyone. Pairing Joe's socks together, he was reminded of having his younger siblings underfoot.

Yes, having someone to care for, to talk to, to comfort. It was nice. Like having family around again.

and then eventually nicky stops looking at joe as like a little brother he is caring for, joe makes some progress with his recovery, they sort through their desires and realize they want to bone, and they all lived happily ever after. the end

[mjlovescm]

No more Farrah Fawcett, Steve Harrington

Summary: Steve practicing his cornrows on Erica.

If Steve wanted to have six babies, it meant he’d need to know to braid their hair. Although he was a self-proclaimed hair expert, he knew nothing about doing hair that wasn’t his. Aka not straight and couldn’t be doused in Farrah Fawcett hairspray. So you had to teach him well, you and Erica. But of course, her help came with a price.

“Free movies for a month.” Erica demand.

“A month!” Steve exclaimed. “I've only touched your hair two times.”

She rolled her eyes.

“Yea, that's means two times when I let your hands that have been god know where in my hair. Unpaid at that.”

“My hands are clean, and I did pay you.”

She scoffs and gets up from her spot on the floor, and quickly Steve agrees.

“Fine, fine, free movies for a month.”

Erica gives him a smug yet cute smile and returns to her spot between his legs. You sigh at their bickering and return to instructing Steve.

“Okay the hairs blow out and detangled now we have to part for our first cornrow.”

“Got it.” He told you with a nod before parting Erica’s hair with a rat tooth comb. He sectioned off a part of her hair and tied the rest and set it to the side. “What next?”

“Start with a triangle section and part that into three” He does what you say and waits for the next instruction. “Ok, take this section on right and take it under the middle and grip the section on left. The hair that gets picked up while you go under is what keeps the cornrow going.”

You were surprised at how quickly Steve was to pick up the braiding. Even with Erica's, very unhelpful commentary. He mumbled your words to himself over and over as his fingers moved. Fingers flat and straight. Right under the middle, let under the middle, run your fingers through the hair every few steps to not create a knot.

“Head down.” You told Erica as Steve fingers came behind to her ear.

“Head down so the skin doesn't stretch later, right?” He asks for clarification.

An ear to ear grin spreads across your face at Steve's knowledge.

“Yea.” You nod, smile still beaming. “And if the strands are uneven at the end, take a little hair from the other strands to make it even.”

Finishing the rest of Erica’s hair went by quick and without issue. But, of course, with snarky comments and remarks. Although she didn't admit, Erica was somewhat happy with the result, even though she said he could have done better.

“Told you hair expert.”

Masterlist ;)

[beardedmrbean]

I'm afraid to ask (yet here I am Lol) but what does this whole pro life and pro choice discourse think of female on male rape?

Because, believe it or not, it often leads to pregnancy. Surprising, I know.

Many (pro life) people blame abortion on men, ignoring women who made the choice themselves. Or men that pay child support for a kid they did not consent to. So, I don't expect much sympathy. Or any.

Some clarification would be appreciated, thank you.

Sorry about the delay on this had church and wanted to be sure I could give it the appropriate level of attention is needs,

Looking again and after giving it some thought while at church and associated car rides I probably could have done it before.

It's not something that's come up too much that I've seen but when it does it's not a thing that's likely to change a position, with the possible exception of the victim or their family changing their stance.

Pro life side is comprised of a bunch of people who believe life begins at conception and that doing anything unnatural to cause the end of the development of that life is murder. There's also likely other pro life positions that I'm not too informed about one I see near always is that it's murder.

(Wonder where peta stands on this or do they only care when the parties involved aren't humans.....(fuck peta anyhow)

On the flip side you have the 'clump of cells' contingent and other more extreme views like the it's a parasite and all that good stuff, you also have the bodily autonomy people and the other groups.

Like I said, I don't see any of them shifting their stance just because the victim is a male, if they even believe it's possible for a male to be raped, which is a whole other conversation.

"Because, believe it or not, it often leads to pregnancy. Surprising, I know."

Not surprising, rapists body that's dealing with the shock and violation in this case isn't the one that would be carrying the end result so probably easier.

That and we've got cases of statutory rape being one of the more commonly prosecuted female on male types of rape. Teachers, babysitters, ethel down the street that wants to help "make you a man", the lady in the community who parents send their kids to to "make them a man" or other sexist nonsense about prerequisites for manhood (none of which are true).

When Male Rape Victims Are Accountable for Child Support

Hermesmann v. Seyer < that's the case, got it's own wikipedia page because it set the stage for rape victims to be financially responsible for the result of the crime perpetuated against them.

Love that the justices said that he had initially consented because he didn't say anything about being raped, but unless something changed

He legally couldn't consent.

But circling around to the original question after taking a moment to soapbox, folks aren't likely to shift their thoughts on abortion in cases of rape just because the victim is a male.

Unless they're incredibly evil and shift to the pro life corner for the sole reason of forcing the victim to pay child support as some sort of evil thing.

Which the pro life crowd would be ok with, because that's gonna be one less innocent victim killed in their minds.

Be nice if they had a fun for guys that got raped by a teacher and now have to pay child support too,

Which might actually exist already, I dunno. I do have several staunchly anti abortion blogs following me so they may chime in if they know of something.

It would also be unfair of me to not include the fact that there are women who have also had to pay child support to their rapists who somehow got custody, not sure how common it is but if there's a conviction for rape or sexual assault the victim should not be required to be punished financially for a crime committed against them.

This ask was about guys tho, so i focused on them. __________

As for everyone else please do not mistake anything said here for a position I hold on abortion one way or the other, I am trying to step outside of myself and give a clinical response, to the best of my ability.

hopefully I did ok

[darkcoffeeonly]

FanFicFare

You have downloaded and set up Calibre and added the FanFicFare plugin. Now it’s time to customize it.

After installing FFF, at restart a new icon will appear on your main menu.

Click on the arrow next to FanFicFare and select “Configure FanFicFare”

A pop-up will appear with all possible settings.

As with Calibre, I’m not expert, so I will go through my own configuration. If you need info/clarification, please refer to the official plugin page @ mobileread

Basic Tab

As the name suggests, in the basic tab you can set the basic configuration.

You can choose the default output format (the type of file that FFF will download in Calibre). 

You can choose which is the default action to be called on when you use the plugin.

You can hover with your mouse on the various options to get a short help. Personally, I haven’t changed any basic configuration.

Personal Ini Tab

This is the most complex tab to use and configure where you can add more complex rules and metadata mapping. 

Check the “Pass Calibre Column Names” to be able to use your custom columns.

Personally I’ve added only very few rules in my personal.ini and I still struggle with adding more complex configuration.

I’ll go into more details in a bit.

Reading Lists 

As the name says, the Reading List tab is used to configure how FFF interact with another Calibre plugin, the Reading List one.

Personally, I use it so to send automatically any new fics to my e-reader. I’ll explain more about this in a further post.

For basic FFF-Calibre integration, this tab is not necessary.

Calibre Cover

In the Calibre Cover you can decide what FFF needs to do with covers. You can set it to download the cover from the website (if present), or to generate a Calibre cover if none is found, or to use the Generate Cover plugin to automatically create a cover.

Count Pages

As the description explains, this tab is used only if you use the Count Pages plugin. If you have it installed, after any update, FFF will call automatically the Count Pages plugin to update data regarding Page and/or Word Count.

Standard Column

Here you see which are the standard columns FFF automatically maps. You can flag if you want FFF to update the fields at every update or only when it adds a fanfiction the first time.

Custom Columns

The Custom Columns is where you can add the automatic update of your custom columns.

The plugin lists all your custom columns and for any of them you can open the drop-down menu and select the matching metadata.

You can also set the special columns with debug kind of information. Personally, I don’t use them.

If a column doesn’t have a matching data (for examples, you have a “Kudos” column but you can’t find a “Kudos” matching data), you need to set this match in your personal.ini configuration under the appropriate website.

Email Settings

This are used to update automatically your fanfiction based on your email subscription. Personally, I don’t use this feature, I update the WIPs I’m following by manually triggering the update.

Once you are done, save your configuration.

Test it: download a fanfiction

You are now ready to test your configuration. Just click on the arrow and select “Download from Url” and copy & paste the url of the FF you want to download.

Click on “Show Download Options” to see which kind of update FFF will try to do and then confirm it by clicking on “OK”

FFF will try and fetch your url:

If necessary it will ask you to confirm you are an adult and/or to insert your username & passwords (if the archive requires them). You can avoid these steps by filling the needed information in your personal.ini:

After collecting the information, FFF will start the download. You can see the Job running on the bottom right corner

And at the end, it will show which kind of update is ready to do:

You can click on “View log” to review the update before going forward:

If you confirm, FFF will import the file and the data. And all the matching columns you have configured will be automatically uploaded as well:

With no need to add anything manually. Of course you can now edit the data, but be aware that if you haven’t flagged the option to update the columns only on “New”, if you run an update for the FF your changes will be overruled.

If - for example - you want to change the tags, I’d suggest you to create a double column: the first one will be automatically updated everytime. The second column will be updated only on New OR never, and you will be able to maintain that without worrying for the plugin to change your data.

Massive download

The plugin can download more FF at the same time. You can either copy & paste all the urls in the “download from url” functionality or you can let the plugin search for urls in a given page.

Let’s say you want to download all the FF you have saved in your “Bookmarks” page: just go to your Bookmarks page and then select the “Get Story URLs from WebPage” and copy&paste the url there.

The plugin will try to parse the link you submitted and list the individual story links:

and it will update your library with all the stories found.

Checking for Updates

You can check for updates at any time by selecting your fic(s) and clicking on the FFF icon.

The plugin will show you the links list and you can confirm your operation.

At the end, the log will show you if there is anything to be updated:

Again, you can the log to see what FFF found:

Confirm it to update your data and not only you will now have an up-to-date file on your library, but the metadata will be also be up-to-date:

Personal.Ini - Again

Now that I’ve explored some of the most basic options with FFF, let’s go back to personal.ini tab.

You may be tired to click on “Yes, I’m an adult” everytime you download something. Can you select “Yes” by default? Sure! Just go back in the personal.ini tab, click on “Edit personal.ini” and change the rule “is_adult” under default from “false” to “true”:

Do you want to stop typing user username and psw everytime an archive ask for it?

Just go under the archive name and add your username and psw:

You want also to track # of Kudos, Bookmarks and Fandom in apposite custom columns which are not available for easy “Custom Columns matching”?

Use the “add_to_custom_columns_settings” function and add them under the appropriate website. For example, this is my AO3 configuration:

where I’m matching Kudos in my custom column #kudos and so on

Then, since FF.net doesn’t have Kudos, but faves, I added that its “favs” needs to be matched with my #kudos column:

But speaking of FF.net, let’s go to its big issue: CloudFlare.

FanFiction.net issues

I’ll report what FFF help guide says on the matter:

Why am I having errors downloading from fanfiction.net? / Why am I getting 'Cloudflare' errors downloading from fanfiction.net?

As of ~Dec 2020, the site fanfiction.net has started using the Cloudflare service for protection from automated attackers.

Unfortunately, the distinction between 'automated attacker' and 'automated download tool' (such as FanFicFare) is a fine one.

For most users, Cloudflare blocks more aggressively than can be easily automated around. That's not surprising--it is their intention, after all.

There are two features in FanFicFare to side-step the issue of Cloudflare.

The first is the Browser Cache Feature, which, once configured, will look in your browser's cache for story chapter pages. See the Browser Cache Feature wiki page for further details.

The second is the Proxy Feature, which, once you have setup and run a separate proxy process and configured FanFicFare to use it, will run your requests through a proxy that has some ability to by-pass Cloudflare. See the Proxy Features wiki page for further details.

I still strongly recommend using email notifications for updates rather than using FanFicFare update to check for new chapters on lots of books.

Personally, I’m using the Browse Cache Feature. To enable it, you just need to add “use_browser_cache:true” in your personal.ini under the configuration for fanfiction.net and to add in the default section your cache path:

At this point, you “just” need to go to FF.net, go through all chapters of the ff you want to download, and then run the plugin. Once the FF has been downloaded, when you need to update it, you need to go to the last/latest chapters before running the update.

Adding new custom columns

If you add new columns over time and you want the plugin to update the metadata for the FF you have already downloaded, just run the plugin changing the Update Mode to “Update Calibre Metadata from Website”. 

I don’t need to download the files, I just need the metadata

If you don’t want to archive a copy of the FF file on your pc, but you still want to take advantage from the automatic updates FFF can provide, you can remove the files from your library by selecting the rows and then go to Remove Books -> Remove all formats from selected books

This will move all the files to your bin folder, and you will still have all your metadata saved. You can also run again the update to match the metadata (remember to always select the “Update Calibre Metadata” option).

Prettify Calibre

Ok, now we have installed Calibre, got how FFF works, but the standard interface is not of my linking, how can I change it and make it prettier?

I’ll go over this in my next post.

[da3dm]

ok um oc vore thingy

vara: 8, 11, & 17

irza: 7, 10, 13/14, & 18

YOU, yes you (/nf): 1, 10, & 17

Lol I almost forgot about that one bc that ask game made me nervous when I reblogged it

I did not expect to be asked about me tho oof

Feels free to ask more about them on this one if you want, or some clarification for what I've explained! I know I don't exactly explain very well.

Now be warned, I'm nervous talking about this, so I slowly ended up all over the place and idk if I fixed all of it...

—

Varazae:

8. If they’re prey or observer, how would they react to meeting a willing pred?

—He would probably panic and try to avoid them. His avoidance is a lot of times pretending it doesn't exist and evading the topic or the pred, in which case would be Irza, and keeping out of reach. He probably wouldn't be very willing to be prey just bc of how Irza would definitely always go about it

11. Teasing?

—He is very, very easy to tease, but be careful bc he will bite you right back with the same level of teasing...unless it scared him/made him nervous/too flustered

17. Do they have a “favourite part” of vore? Or a least favourite part?

—If he was at all willing it would only be for mouth cuddles when Irza is just bored bc the cat loves hugging things and warmth. He doesn't like being swallowed because Irzayn is a jerk.

—

Irzayn:

7. If they’re pred or observer, how would they react to meeting a willing prey?

—He'd actually no longer be interested if that's how they first reacted to it. He is a pred and he definitely wouldn't even know how to begin to deal with that response to his behavior bc he's not used to anyone even being willing to be near him. Later on tho he'd probably just sigh at it and allow it...but only for Vara.

10. Foodplay?

—I can certainly see him messing with Vara using food but not by a lot. Maybe something like him staring at Vara while he's eating or when he's being an extra jerk, Vara being dropped on top of it and he uses his claws or fork to just kinda poke Vara to mess with him. It probably wouldn't go much further than that, he would just want the fear. Except tbh I can see him covering Vara in whipped cream on purpose and offering to 'help' him before proceeding to lick it off.

13. Protective vore?

—If it's to protect his hero (cat hero boyyyy) he will definitely do it and never say a single word to actually explain it.

14. Possessive vore?

—He would also do this. He is extremely possessive and has already killed villains/heroes that have done anything bad to Vara several times sooooooo...if that was an option he'd take it.

18. Do they consider vore to be negative, positive, or something in between?

—Something in between, I'd say. (If in a world of pred/prey bc idk how else to explain) He initially wouldn't really have an opinion, use it for threats, or just...kinda to scare people. It would only be later that he'd see it a little more positive because of Vara. They'll mainly have a shrinking dynamic I think, so it's not really a first thing to consider.

—

Me:

1. Safe vore? (As a pred, prey, observer)

—I am pred/observer altho I do like knowing the prey's perspective just bc there's sooo much more to it than the pred's most of the time. I really love vore...I think there's a chance I might be able to be prey too, I go round and round with all of the aboveeee

10. Foodplay?

—Hmmm...I don't mind it, I'm not any particular way about it and it can be very fun. I think a favorite might probably be what I said Irza would do...the teasing aspect of it more than eating them with it, I think.

17. Do they have a “favourite part” of vore? Or a least favourite part?

—I think my favorite is the mouthplay and being swallowed. Once they reach the stomach it begins to fade a little for me, but like with the throat and the rest is entertaining. This is from the prey perspective and the pred, but with pred I also like the stomach being added in just a little more I think.

—

TO BE COMPLETELY HONEST THIS TOPIC STILL DOESN'T FEEL SAFE

But I'mma do it anyway~~

Like a boss

Thanks for the ask and sorry it took me so long, I was busy wallowing in pain and sadness bc my teacher took part of my employability grade for being absent today and yet my head also hurts too much to care~~~

[dreamteamspace]

i'm also waiting with a pretty neutral stance hoping to hear more. the part that is scaring me is that dream admitted the instagram dms were real, and while they mostly were really short far-apart casual messages that i don't find anything wrong with, at the end he gives her his private snapchat. so if the messages are real like he said, then he rly did give her the snapchat. the idea of a cc giving a fan he's spoken to in like 10ish messages on instagram his private snapchat? i just don't see a world in which that is not a red flag. they didn't have like a conversation where they were rly getting to know each other or whatever, so the only reason he would have to want her on snapchat is her looks, and then him messaging her stuff like "you're gorgeous as fuck" is a pretty damn logical conclusion from there. i find just that really inappropriate to message your fans on snapchat, even if the gross sexual misconduct accusations aren't true. and dream only said nothing inappropriate happened, but what is not inappropriate to him may not be the same for us. he never said the snapchat wasn't real, even though that seems like the first thing to want to deny if it was fake right?

i guess what i'm hoping for is that somehow part of the dms are real and just the snapchat giving part is fake somehow. but from dream's statement i find that super hard to believe now, cus i don't see why he would not have clarified that then. i guess he just doesn't think it's inappropriate to add sexy younger female fans on private snapchat and message them about how hot they are? i really really need clarification on what exactly is true.

grooming is definitely the wrong word for it though and it's not illegal, so i understand if some people also don't find these actions inappropriate. but i can't help it, even though i really want to believe, i just can't find the actions dream himself admitted to to be appropriate. i hope it's a misunderstanding and he will clear it up somehow... but starting to lose hope at this point. it's been a good bit of time since the statement so he should've been able to add to the vague parts like the snapchat that everyone is wanting more clarity on, but he hasn't. i think i will wait a couple more days but it's looking bad.

what are your thoughts on what's inappropriate for him to have actually done and what's still ok? since we don't have real clarity right now on which parts are real even after his statement.

That's kindof tricky. I do agree that messaging 18 year old fans he thinks are attractive to get their snapshat is um. Off. It's definitely far from grooming and more of his personal life, I guess? It's definitely not *great*, especially considering he was messaging fans, but I could think of far worse and its definitely many magnitutes lower than what he is being accused of. I DO think he shouldn't really be messaging fans like that I suppose, but I can kinda see why he doesn't see anything wrong with it (although imo he should). I do think that can be criticized in moderate amounts and should be something he hears of.

Obviously grooming is, as said, wayyyyyy worse and MANY magnitudes further than that. I think there may be more info later still, especially as more people dig into it and as things go on, even if it doesn't necessarily come from Dream himself. So I do still kindof have hopes that with time we'll know a bit more.

Honestly, I'm not sure. While I do think it's a bit eh that he would text a fan that way, I guess it's also like, if he's a guy who's known in that magnitute trying to find connections to people would be tricky, and he would in a way be forced to limit himself to only people that are ccs themselves, which is also a whole different set of risks. While what he did wasn't great, I guess he could bear to be more patient, though as he's said (if we are to believe him on it) he stopped replying to a lot of them because he got paranoid, which I can genuinely see happening considering who he is. It's complicated. He should know to prefer to seek partnerships with people he meets irl or that don't know him as well, but it's not illegal for him to talk to adult fans in that way either, although I wish he would have gone about it a different way, and that is obviously assuming that his statement is 100% true.

I guess we will see where it goes, and I do hope we get more clarity on it all later, too.

[marieskey]

Ok last Jeff post of the weekend haha it’s not about him leaving me on read I don’t actually care about that. It’s about him actually wanting me bc he said he didn’t he’s said that twice. Once when we were in college and once in January. He’s literally said he wanted me since then but we’re having sex that doesn’t count. I’m going to have to get clarification about that through text at some point bc. I can’t keep being silly like this. Maybe this is the real end and I don’t want to say the words or think the words but my body knows and keeps crying for until my head will believe it. 😂😂 seriously thou. I do believe this is our last time doing whatever this is. It’s lame we couldn’t just hook up in college and be done with each other like normal people. But I’m glad we finally had sex. I’m actually glad we had sex in our 30s and not our 20s even tho my body was so much better in my 20s. I’d have a kid now bc I would’ve let him cum in me and boom college baby. Although MAYBE college me would’ve insisted on a condom. Who knows. I think I can write him back or restrict his account and not feel guiltily but might just write Happy Birthday on his fb wall and restrict his account for a while. That might be the move. Until I can get my feelings in check. Honestly I’m tired of this shit.

[parameddic]

@hvndredstories i didn't finish writing this but here's the little glimpse of it i did write anyway, hums in your direction

“Hey, Tyler!” 

That wasn’t his name. It didn’t matter ‘cause Dad was grabbing his arm and trying to physically turn him away from the voice, “Let’s get outta-”, but TK had already looked up and twisted his torso to look around. 

“Sergeant O’Brien.” O’Brien already knew that TK’s name was TK, what was he calling him ‘Tyler’ for? 

“You got a minute?” 

“Actually, he doesn’t,” Dad said, hand not leaving TK’s elbow. The two men, Dad and O’Brien, exchanged a look that TK found intensely difficult to read, especially with his arm at this awkward angle his Dad was holding it at, and he sort of… 

“O…. kay,” mildly bemused, “I don’t know what that is, but–”

“TK, you don’t wanna talk to this guy.” 

Didn’t he? (TK turned toward his father, eyebrows drawn, quizzical and a little skeptical. What did Dad know that TK didn’t?) 

“You talk to me here, or you can talk to me at the station.” It wasn’t like O’Brien needed to flash his badge but that’s just what he did, now, to underline, “This is official police business.” Official Police Business with capital letters. This was why he’d been called ‘Tyler’, obviously. 

“Damn, Strand. What did you do?” Marjan tried to keep it lighthearted, but Sergeant O’Brien did not look away from TK even for a second: he’d meant what he said. Do it here or at the station, TK could take his pick. 

… TK exchanged a glance with Marjan, who had petered out ‘cause O’Brien had looked at her like that, “I’ve really got no idea,” ‘cause he really didn’t. Running over what he’d done the past 72 hours like maybe he’d done something egregious and just not noticed. Nothing. Hadn’t even lost a patient this shift. No speeding tickets, no recent track marks to be covering up (would these guys think–? No. They wouldn’t, not without evidence, not without something more than a cop showing up at the end of a shift). 

O’Brien waited. Said nothing to enlighten any of them, any further. 

“OK,” well, “um, I’m packing up. Can I get my stuff?” A vague gesture, with his thumb, into the locker room.

Sergeant O’Brien checked his watch. “Yeah.” Yeah. “Make it quick. I’ll wait here.” 

“You’re not arresting him?” Clarification. 

“Nothing to arrest him for, Owen.” Supposedly. O’Brien clasped his hands together in front of him, a comfortable default that made his shoulders just that touch more square. “Right?” 

… TK had to leave them to it, to grab his things and stuff what he could into his gym bag ‘cause apparently he wasn’t gonna be working out after work today after all, but for what it was worth he was a little more comfortable about it, having heard that part of the exchange. With as much affection for his father as possible: this was just something Dad had gotten involved in, probably. Sounded like it. TK was a little bemused maybe, but he wasn’t too concerned. 

[eetm]

Wonderful!

This guy's a psychopath. A narcissistic manipulator. He's done some bad things, I guess I don't need to repeat them all here. Not on cute innocent little tumblr.

A dull thud goes bump in the night.

The play area is getting smaller. A stale insight from years ago.

Further down, and further down. Years pass by and they're gone. The places you found them in are gone. You're a stranger now.

what's happened to me...

The waking world weaves it's madness back into my mind. Basic desires. Idiot desires. Shit covered ape

Can you be helped?

No one knows what The Island is. There's no one left to help you pull... it's exile

Tell us why you resigned

I can't betray myself. Lancing my nervous system wtih the cold probe of Netflix and chill

Kill them

Clarification: kill who?

The machines

Ok. I'll submerge my head beneath the water. Blow bubbles to create a resonance. Hear this: Whales lead such lonely lives. But they don't really mind. Emotionally stout, the whale. Rise out of the water. Repeat.

2+2

5

Subject is adapting nicely

WEST

Town Hall

NORTH

Broken fence

ENTER FENCE

Pushing the loose boards aside, you climb through the fence.

LOOK

You are standing at the northern end of a ghost town. Weathered structures flank the only road south. You are being watched.

ACT CASUAL

You attempt to act casual. 3 of them appear, snarling. Hideous wraiths of ignorance. One of them is calling for backup, though its cries are muffled by all the dead mice in its mouth. Rodents gripped to bursting, tails dangle from misshappen grins. They seem to be having problems keeping their mouths stuffed with enough dead mice.

I

You are carrying: Mask

WEAR MASK

The mask imparts a sense of arrogance, and a bit of relaxation in your heart. The mice-eaters grin at you like cheshire cats. You seem quite certain you can eat them, mice and all.

EAT THEM ALIVE

You pick up the nearest one and put it into your mouth. You're so beautiful in this moment. The others volunteer themselves, sacrificing themselves to your grace. Fitting them all in, your mouth is enourmous. They taste terrible, bitter, filthy and unhealthy. They're stupidly thanking you for the opportunity to be consumed by such a God as you bite down into their sick flesh, destroying their weak bones beneath your gold demon grinders. You gag and wretch getting them all down.

EXAMINE MASK

The mask is smooth and cold to the touch. It repulses you with its horrible design. It smells strongly of a sour wet dog and leftover meat. You touch it thoughtfully, and it quivers in response. You can feel how sensitive it is, how it loves to be touched. It begs you to feed it again and you crawl on all fours, vomiting.

REMOVE MASK

You collapse into a pile of skin and bones. You've lost significant body mass and weigh less than 100 lbs. You have just enough energy to breathe. Your left foot is tingling strongly with pins and needles.

I

You are carrying: Nothing.

EXAMINE MASK

You don't see a mask here.

TAKE MASK

You don't see a mask here.

I

You are carrying: Nothing.

LOOK

Bedroom. There is a computer here.

QUIT

Quit Y/N?

Y

[imthesilentwriter]

Chapter 2: Great... What an Introduction.

Lizzie's POV

The blonde-haired man walked into the dining room – for me personally I hate enclosed spaces, or lots of people in one place, I hate it… So, everyone near me made my chest tight, I couldn’t really breath properly, so I started bouncing my leg up and down, and tapping my fingers on my non-vibrating leg, breathing in and out slowly. After doing that for a moment I knew that the situation I was in wasn’t as bad as I was perceiving it as. 

“Hi boys! How was school?” Phil asked, he too, had a very warm smile and calm voice. That could end up changing soon, who knows. 

“Never mind about school Dad! There’s some confusion about this girl here. Fix it!” Wilbur said quite loudly and rudely. I flinched at the aggression in his voice. I’m pretty sure Kristen noticed. Great, now should could think that I’m ‘crazy’. Uh! Great also Wilbur absolutely hates me, good. That’s what I want. Right?

“Wil, buddy, that’s rude don’t speak like that please,” Kristen said, scolding her son. Wow, so that could ‘fix everything’.

“Ok I’m sorry for raising my voice, but you need to talk about this girl that’s here. I think we are all getting mixed ideas of what she’s doing here.” Wilbur said, then he started walking over to the kitchen to get something. Tommy and Techno did the same, I stopped watching them, and looked at Sam. He could tell I was uncomfortable in the situation created.

“So, do we need to talk about her?” Phil asked, as he sat next to Kristen, and in front of me. 

“Hey, boys do you mind going up stairs please, I’ll text you when you can come back down ok?” Kristen said, and the boys didn’t argue at all, they just simply nodded their heads and headed off up the stairs. Now that the boys were gone, the attention was back on me. On my ‘situation’ there so claimed. Stupid foster care. Why is it so tricky and annoying? 

“So, what’s happening?” Phil asked, he clearly knew what was happening, I think he just wanted some clarification beforehand.

“Well I thought I talked to you guys about a permanent home for Lizzie?” Sam questioned. From what he was trying to express the situation before use was quite confusing on both ends.

“Well you said to Phil and I that Lizzie just needed a temporary home for now, until you find a permanent home for Lizzie.” Kristen said, with Phil nodding along. Great, I hate this place even more, and I’m quite upset at Sam for making this so much more complex than it had to be. Like seriously. It was quiet. Too quiet. I turned to look at Sam. He was… thinking? What?

“Oh. That’s right,” He started laughing, great, I’m stuck with a crazy social worker, just as though I thought he couldn’t get any weirder than he has. “I mixed up Lizzie and some other kid’s phone calls up.” Wow. Sam is just so organized.  The rest of them started full blown laughing, I just sat there confused. I didn’t understand why they were laughing so much. Like why? They started to settle down from the outburst of laughter, good, no more laughing. That’s a good sign.

“So, you know the drill, just have to sign some papers saying that your Lizzie’s foster parents, and then you get her file.” Sam says, this is going to take some time to get done. Wait? Did he say my file? I don’t remember him giving other people my files. So, what’s changed? Huh? Maybe I should ask Sam. But that would require me to talk. I don’t want to talk.

“Ok, all done. Everything is signed.” Phil said, and passed back the papers of guardianship.  That didn’t take long at all. I could have been stuck in my thoughts honestly.

“Well then, here’s Lizzie’s file. I’ll be heading off now.” Sam said. What he’s leaving. Ahhh! I’m freaking out now. Ok. Just breath. You’ll be ok Lizzie. Everything will be ok.

“Alright, Lizzie you’ll be ok right?” Sam whispered close to me, I just nodded, because I couldn’t find my words. “Ok then, I’ll see you in a week! Have fun!” and that was it, he left. I, of course was still sitting in the chair that they all left me at. Kristen and Phil came back into the dining room looking at me. I wasn’t making eye contact, I was just looking at the table.

They came over and sat back down where they were before. They looked at me for a little longer. I looked up and made eye contact with them. I personally hate eye contact, it’s like so gross. Like why? Anyways we sat in silence for a little longer. It was like a battle of silence. Waiting for someone to cut through it.

“Is it possible for you to tell us what you need more of, or can you show us?” Phil questioned, I just shrugged, I couldn’t really understand the question anyway, so I just stared back him, with a confused expression on my face. Well I believe it was a confused expression on my face…

“What he means, do you need more new clothes and shoes?” Kristen asked, Phil nodded. I again shrugged my shoulders, because I didn’t know. I started thinking about the question more deeply and pulled up my bag, which had my minimal things in, and just gave them my bag.

“Do you want us to open your bag?” Kristen asked, confused, I just nodded. I thought that all foster parents go through your bag when you first get there. Well this was definitely different. Kristen nodded her head as well, and opened my bag. Inside my bag, had one brown paper bag full of personal items, one black short sleeved coloured shirt, one pair of denim blue jeans, some underwear, one pair of socks, and one maroon jumper. That was literally it. All the items that I owned. Apart from the clothing items I was wearing, which were a short white dress with black dots, black leggings, cream ankle length socks, and many sizes too small sneakers. The two of them looked at me then looked between each other. Then they asked something unexpected…

“Do you want to go out and get some new clothes? Just so you have more than two pairs for school?” Phil asked. That is absolutely weird, the both of them were willing to spend money on me, for unnecessary items, cool. That really doesn’t make any sense but, ok!

“Ok, I’ll text the boys that we are going to go get a few things. I’ll also ask the boys if they need anything at all.” And with that Kristen was gone. Phil lead me to the car, I sat in the back behind the passenger seat waiting for Kristen.

Once Kristen got into the car, the car started, and we were off. I looked out the window, and decided that I’d just watch what was going on around the house. As we were driving past, I saw a high school. Well I guess that’s where the boys go to school. We kept driving, and we ended up at Target. Uh, yes, this is like one of the best places to get all of the things you could need.

We hopped out of the car and started heading towards the sliding doors of the shop. Phil walked over to get a cart and Kristen and I kept walking over to the clothing isle. We went past a few items until Phil caught up. I started walking around, I really didn’t want to get more clothes, because I liked the ones that I’ve already got. But if they want me to get more I’ll get more.

I walked over to get another pair of jeans, this one was a black pair. I turned around, and I couldn’t see either Kristen nor Phil. Huh. I must have walked to far, or not have heard them. Sounds about right for me. Anyway, I was on my way to find them when I stumbled across someone… familiar?

“Excuse me? Are you Jacob?” I approached with caution in case it wasn’t who I thought it was.

“Yes why?” He turned around. This was amazing! Now I could see his face. Oh wow. It really is…

“Lizzie? Is that you? Cause if it is, you’ve grown so much! You’re like, what, 14?” Jacob asked. I was excited that he recognised me, after all these years of not seeing me he actually remembers who I am!

“Well technically I am 15, but yeah I have grown, like a lot,” I said, trying to make conversation as well back. “Anyways, how are our other siblings going?” I asked with caution, careful not to over step.

“Well yeah they're all doing good. I know Emily really wants to see you again.” Jacob said. He smiled when he said that. That also made me smile as well, at least my all-time favourite siblings still remember me. I honestly want to know what was happening after what happened with our parents.

“Hey, how are you handling things?” I asked, wanting to know if he is doing better mentally.

“Yeah actually, I’m doing so much better mentally. I ended up getting married 3 years ago, and now I have a son who is turning 2 this year which is cool.” He said. I smiled. I watch as he pulled out a picture of his son. His son had bright blue eyes and dark blonde hair. He had the widest smile ever, so adorable.

“What’s his name?” I asked, curious to know what my nephew’s name is. 

“His name is Elliot.” He said. I’m pretty sure my smile grew even wider than it already had. We looked at each other for a moment, enjoying the little time we had together.

“Oh, I’m a cop, I’ll give you my card which has my number on it. Ok? I’ll also write Emily’s number on there as well ok?” He said, as he reached down in his pocket for his wallet so he could get his card out. He handed me the card, which also had Emily’s number on it. We said our goodbyes and I walked off, to try and find Phil and Kristen…

As I kept walking I finally found Kristen and Phil, they were near the book section of Target. I walked up to them, without saying a word and just stood there. When Kristen turned around she jumped when she saw me. She looked at me for a moment not really realising who I was. After a second, she realised who I was. She looked really concerned, because she didn’t know that I wasn’t following them. Oh no. I might be in really big trouble. I could get hit again today. Great, more bruises to cover up. I started to panic a bit more. I decided to tap my foot on the floor to calm myself down a bit. Deep breath in, and out, in, and out. I probably did that a few times until my nerves weren’t about to explode. I looked back up to Kristen and Phil looking at me with curious eyes. Then the silence was broken by Phil asking, “so… where did you go?” I just shrugged my shoulders, as I didn’t want to speak. Phil just nodded, not wanting to push.

“So, did you find any clothes you liked?” Kristen asked. Ahhh… yes, clothes. Well how do I tell them that no, I didn’t find clothes that I liked because I became distracted by the fact that I found my brother? I think the long silence of no actions made them both realise that I didn’t have any clothes picked out at all…

“Alright then, let's go get you some clothes for you then.” Phil said, and we started walking off. I picked out the nice black jeans from before and another jumper type thing. It wasn’t really a jumper it was kind of like a long open dress jacket jumper thing, I guess. I then picked out another shirt, it was a plain and simple dark orange shirt. I was told to go and get a set of pyjamas, so I did, I got a set that is a white shirt with long pants that is black and white.

After the items were purchased we headed out. Once we got back to the car I noticed Jacob was watching from a far distance. I smiled at him, hoping he saw my smile. I got into the car and we drove away.

Once back at the house, we took the things inside. They told me the concept of the house was pretty uncomplicatedly set out, with labels on each of the doors. So, I was set off to go put my clothes and bag in the unlabelled room. The unlabelled room was really nice looking, small but overall, pretty. There was a desk, a bed, a cupboard, everything you could ever need in a room. I placed my things down and headed downstairs where everyone was sitting. This obviously can’t be good at all. I paused for a moment contemplating whether to sit in the spot I sat in for god knows how long. Then I decided why not, it couldn’t harm anyone, right? Once I sat down, Phil began to speak, “all of us are here are wanting to make sure you understand the rules of the house, ok?” I nodded, I didn’t want to overstep on the rules, and it would be nice to know what the rules were.

“Well the rules are that, you have to knock on someone’s door before entering and you have to get a clear yes or no from the person to enter their room,” Kristen said, then Techno began, “be careful with what you say, we all have triggers and we don’t like getting offended by that, and don’t personally trigger someone, that’s rude.” Then Tommy kept going, “we are more than happy to help you with anything just ask,” then Wilbur spoke, “we have boundaries, please respect them, if not then you’ll get into trouble,” then Phil said, “if you have boundaries then you are welcomed to write them down as well,” then lastly Kristen spoke, “just be kind to us and patient, we will do the same for you.” And that was it. All the rules down and dusted. Still didn’t get rid of the severe nerves though. So, there we sat starting to eat dinner, and carrying on with the rest of our lives…