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#(probably because this is the most ive written in years. but hey im proud of myself so im allowed to be happy ;) i do hope my fellow mis
drawnfamiliarfaces · 4 months
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Dress to Impress Chapter 1: Open Invitations is out right now on AO3!!!
Illustrations for the fic under the [read more], but I do suggest to try and enjoy them in a fic for more fun experience. ;D
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Thanks for checking it out. ;3
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Phullo there, I’d like to ask you a question! I hope I won’t be such a bothersome.
So, I’m planning to write a story about Laughingstock and since I find your storytelling very pleasing I figured it’d be a great idea to ask for your advice about the writing!
My Idea in general for this story is just Howdy taking a day off from working in his bodega. And basically, he’ll be just wearing normal clothes.. shocking truly.
And thennn, Barnaby and Howdy accidentally stumbled into each other’s path. They later then of course had a very long conversation that lasted until evening maybe.
Of course there’ll be some fishy moments like them looking at each other with goggly eyes and other cheesy romantic nonsense- but it’s just mainly them having their usual conversation with a ‘couple’ of jokes here and there. It’s supposed to be a sweet memory for them to remember basically.
So, what I’m really trying to ask you for is- how the heck do you start a story exactly and not make it into just the dialogues? Like, I want my story to be kind of long but I’m afraid it’ll be just them, y’know, talking and I really don’t want it to be boring.. therefore, I really need your help.
I am so sorry if it’s such a bad timing considering the fact that you just had an interview which I am very proud for you for that! Even if it didn’t go as expected at least you did good half of it.
Soo, yeah! I’d very much appreciate your advice and I am sooo sorry that this was soo long!!! And again, a bad timing too.. but hey if you got any time, please consider answering. Thank you..
Also any response yet? On the interview of course.
hmmm... in my experience and Knowledge Accumulated Over The Years via reading And writing... the best place to start is to just drop in. no story introduction, no "it was a dark and stormy night", just Start. it sounds like your story begins with Howdy taking the day off, so maybe kick off with him getting ready / choosing an outfit, or w/ him reflexively almost opening the store before he stops and chides himself for almost forgetting that he's taking the day off
to combat the dialogue, maybe detail him leaving the bodega to go into the neighborhood. what does he see? hear? feel both physically and mentally? is there anyone else out and about? set the scene! ive been struggling with this too lately since i haven't seriously written in a while and i haven't been reading actual books
WHICH! IMPORTANT TANGENTS!! read well-written books, Not fanfic! im not saying dont read fanfic ever or i'd be the world's biggest hypocrite, but also read actual books. it's important to study how published authors write, how stories are structured, dialogue and action. because these books have more often then not gone through a Rigorous screening process. multiple drafts, beta readers, publishers reading it with great scrutiny before agreeing to publish - of course there are exceptions, but a lot of books are the highest quality they can be, and will outshine most fics. because, and i say all of this as good things, fics are unregulated. most dont have beta readers. a lot are from amateur authors new to the scene. there will be spelling mistakes, weird grammar & sentence structure, etc - most fics have Entirely different writing styles from each other. so if you only read fanfic, That is what your brain will learn, and it's gonna be harder for you to write. published books have less variation in styles, and the styles are subtler. there's less spelling mistakes if any, so your spelling will improve. your internal vocabulary will expand. even if you don't consciously study what you read, your brain will pick up on & internalize patterns, how action works, how dialogue works, how to structure a story, all that good stuff. if you want, i can recommend well-written books! i've been an avid reader since... like, ever. i've got recs galore! you can tell me your preferred genre & literary interest and i'll probably have something for you! and if you're not big on books, well... get out of your comfort zone lmao, books are fucking awesome and i guarantee there are plenty out there that you would love.
and when you're writing dialogue, intersperse it with little actions or the main povs' internal dialogue. if there's a natural lull in the conversation, explore that lull! what do the characters do in this moment? what's going on around them? sprinkle bits of setting in so that your reader knows where they are and what's going on.
plus, exploring the non-dialogue sections of your story can, and often will, spark inspiration in your brain for scenes and actions to fill out the story if you want it to be long (but also! if you just want to write the scene of their conversation, that's the beauty of fanfic - there's no requirements. do whatever you want lmao). when Howdy is going into town, maybe Wally calls him over for a quick pose - does Howdy say yes or no, and how does that decision change the story? maybe Julie invites him to join her in a game, or Eddie stops to talk to Howdy about him being out and about. maybe there are some complaints over the bodega not being open. what's the lead-up to Howdy and Barnaby running into each other? do they literally run into each other? what happens when they do? those are just a few possibilities of many!
remember, when you're writing, you're that story's god. you can do literally fucking anything. you decide what the characters do, where they go, what happens in their world. that mindset should help you bolster the plot instead of just "these two characters have a conversation", yk?
i hope this helps!
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ellovett · 4 years
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list of people that made this year pretty neat :)
Hi all
Ok so 2020's almost ending (it just ended i started writing this post like....5 days ago??) and i just wanted to do this thing where i have a message towards everyone who supported me/who i think are just very cool and very epic, i only really got into the twst fandom just at the beginning of the year and im just gonna get straight to the point now messages are under the cut :)
@permanentlyexhaustedowl - AYAAAA ;;;;; bro you're literally one of my first long time friends here in the twst community and i just want to thank you for everything, our convos in either public servers or in pms, your love and support for my content,,or whenever i vent to you,,,,,just- your love and support man i appreciate it so much and i cannot thank you enough, you're just so sweet and caring and supportive and friendly just aghhhhhh ;;;;; even your reblogs make me smile uncontrollably and i explode, also all the brainrots i have about my interests ;;; thanks for listening to all of them,,even tho you really didnt have to ;;;;;; I love how we make our twst ocs interact and the little brainrots we have with them ;;; You've helped me so so so much and in so many ways, I am beyond glad that we're bestfriends, you're one of the nicest most caring people ive ever met and i love you so so so much, beyond belief ;; 💕 pls never stop being you?????? You quacking amazing person??????? 😎🤙💖💕💖💕💖💕💖💕💖💕💖💕💖💕💖💕
@shoujoqueensstuff - AYYYY SHOUJOOOO!!! 😎🤙🤙 hhhh you're also one of the first people ive ever had a long time friendship with here in the twst community, and seriously bitch i love you so much ;;; so so much..i cant go a day without talking to you about literally anything and just vibing, the support and love you've given me over these months is insane i cannot thank you enough for that, all of our rps, convos or just pure brainrot have been so much fun, and i fucking love it that we built our own little world outside of canon,,all the aus we built with our ocs???? I love them. I love them all to death, including your amazing ocs, and even tho we live on literally opposite sides of the world you're always there for me whenever i vent or when im feeling extremely down or insecure ;; ,,im just so so so happy and glad that i met you and that we're bestfriends, i care about you so so so so so much- hhhh i cant put it into words my brain is dying i just- i LOVE YOU BIITCH, I AINT NEVER GONNA STOP LOVING YOU, BITCH.😎💖💕💖🤙🤙💕💕💖💕 TAKE MY LOVE BITCH 💕💕💕💕💕 thank you so much for sticking around ;; i love you and support you in everything you do so much I could never ever thank you enough for the friendship you've given me..
I can literally go forever on how much i love and appreciate the both of you, i can just scream into the void for all eternity,,but i cant put it into words anymore. You both made my year so great and so epic ;;; i love you guys so much
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Now the chaddams 😌
@thetwstwildcard - hi ma :D you're just so cool and so epic lizz ;;; i cant- all of our conversations and brainrots have been super fun and i enjoy your company very much;;; you are just so nice and friendly,, and your ocs (especially staff ocs) are god tier amazing, i will love the nrc mom squad to death. I am honored to be ur child and i love you and father claude (and my four (?) other dads you married) very much 💕💕💕
@alpyssketch - bringer of father claude,,,,i owe you my life alpy,,,,,,but no seriously you're also a very epic person and you're honestly so nice and sweet!!! You never fail to make me feel welcome in any conversation and you're just so damn friendly!!! We may not talk that often but I very much enjoy your company ;;; ily!!! 💖💖💖
@multi-ankin - another very cool and epic person!!!! you're very fun to talk to and you're also pretty funny in the vc fjfjfj, your ocs are all so amazing too! (djdjjd although my staff oc bias makes me go for kas) we should totally talk and make our ocs interact more in the future tho!!!!!! 💖💖
@just-patchy - pATCHYYY!!!! :D hi!!!! you're also a very cool person!! our interactions have been so much fun and i hope we can have more in the future ;;; the ideas you have for your ocs and how you put them into writing is so good!!! like really good!!! And your art has been greatly improving too!!! Never ever think that i dont see you as a friend because i do!! 😤😤💖💖 i care about you bro!! Never forget that!!
@bakujho - :D hi jho!! you're a lot of fun! And I THINK YOU ARE SO DAMN COOL AND BADASS it's unbelievable,,i look up to you jho i wish i could be almost as cool as you when i grow up ;;; the things you've done for this fandom are also very admirable! like the whole gravedigging (jellyfish) situation! But we're not gonna talk about it now- hhhhh you're just so epic jho ;;; seriously 💗💗
@Kurui - hhhhh you're probably not gonna see this ;;; and i cant find your tumblr (if any of the other chaddams could possibly show this to her thatd be so great ;;;) but nonetheless i still think you're just so fun and cursed ;;; and you give so many amazing ideas!!! Your ocs are all also so cool too! Your art is just so detailed you clearly put a lot of thought into them i just admire that sm ;; (also your edits are extremely cursed and epic i love them dearly-)
@twst-the-royals - JULIE :))) HELLO,,,you were actually the first ever person i spoke/interacted with in the fandom! And you were just so nice and friendly and patient with me ;;; im glad that i got to talk to you,,and we dont really talk that much now but pls pls PLEASE know that i care about you so much and that i support you in everything you do ;;; 💖💖💗💖 ill do my best to make you proud!!
@girl-in-the-tower - hey Az!!! ;;;; you're so epic and cool,,honestly i admire you so much, the lore/writing you have for your ocs/fanschools are just so well thought out and so well written ;;; i hope to become a better writer like you in the future, but for now ill just take notes and learn from you ;; you're super encouraging and supportive too!!! I know we dont talk much but i could never thank you enough for all those little yet meaningful moments ;;; 💖💖
@rikanoctrix and @mirrored-pomefiore - hi!!! i know we arent that close but just know that you two are huge inspirations for me when it comes to art, the both of you draw your styles so incredibly well and i admire that so so so much ;;; 💖
@ocean-water-tea - FATHER TEAAAAA QAQ okay so first of all,,,,how can you draw so well using ibispaint, i ask for tips, specifically on how to draw hair and tits 🤲 but seriously though you are so fun to talk to!!! So cursed!!! So ☊⊑⏃⍜⏁⟟☊!!! You encourage me to my true cryptid self (despite aya's protests 👀) and i thank you kindly,,,you are also very funny 😌 a funny little clown simp, and you're super friendly and cheerful too! I almost never feel nervous when reaching out to you ;;; I hope we can have more wacky adventures in the future 💖💖
@zonamemoryverse - HEYYY ZONAAA!!! you're a fairly new person and you've already come so far ;;; you're a very chaotic person to talk to and i enjoy all of our conversations!!! Also our interactions with our ocs were super fun too, and i love hearing any shred of content i can get from ur epic ocs,,,dont stop being epic!!! 💖💖
@namelessfish - Hi fish!!! :DD you've been a very supportive friend to me over these past few months,,and im happy i have someone i can relate my not-so-great experiences with ;;; please know that i care about you dearly and that ily ;; 💖💖💖💖
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@wondersbeyondcompare - JFFJJF BRO DONT THINK I DONT SEE YOU WHENEVER YOU REBLOG MY CRINGY ASS POSTS 👁👁 I SEE THEM AND I CHERISH THEM ALL I REREAD THEM ON SAD DAYS. All the little tags and comments you put on them always make me smile so hard ;;; im just very happy to know that you like whatever the hell im doing and it pushes me to do more!! You're incredibly sweet, dont worry!!! Ill be sure to make you proud!!!! 😭💖💖💖
@circuscarnage - Anna!!!! We dont talk that often but whenever we do it's always so much fun ;;; you're so sweet and i appreciate you so much ;; all the stuff you drew for my ocs are all so incredibly cute and i really have to give back- jUST YOU WAIT ANNA. IM GONNA MAKE FANART OF YOUR LOVELY OCS AND YOU CANT STOP ME- 💖💖💖💖
@twistedapple - hi crow!! :DD again we dont really talk that much but i support you greatly in everything you do!!! You're another epic and cool writer ;;; your writings for your ocs are just sooooo well written and are just so good!! You're also super good at art too!! And i hope to see more from you in the future!!! ;;; 💖💖💖💖
@not-twst-enough - Ellie!!!! ;;; bro you've been supporting me from the very start, from lillet's old ass bio to now, and i very much appreciate it!!!! You're also super friendly in the twst server too ;;; and all the content you have for your ocs is just so exciting! Good luck with the fandorm and all future stuff ;;; ily!!!! 💖💖💖
@fumikomiyasaki - FUMI. DONT THINK I DIDNT FORGET YOU DKDKDK,,,Another cool and amazing person!!! All our brainrots and conversations have been really fun ;;;; thank u for that,, You are very fun person to interact ocs with tho!!! Especially with ships!! MadScientist² will forever hold a place in my heart.,,,💖💖💖
@oiseaunoir11 - hey Al!! :) you were one of the many people i admired and looked up to when i first joined the fandom, your art is something im deeply inspired by and your shitposts at like...4 am in the morning always give me the big funny,,one thing i really admire about ur art tho is how you'd draw backgrounds :0 you've gotten so good at them!! And your poses look super natural and effortless, i hope to be almost of a better artist like you 🙇‍♀️🙇‍♂️ also i cant wait to see ur animatics 👀 they look dope- hope we can talk or maybe even interact ocs more! 💖💖
@leonasbitties - luuuu :))) hiiii,,,we dont usually talk on servers that often but that doesnt mean that i dont consider you as a friend! You have a lot of super cool ideas for ocs and your art is just getting better and better and better with each piece!!!! i look forward to seeing more from you ;;; 💖💖💖
@peteza-mozzarella - PETEEE :DDD another very cool and friendly person, you're literally the sweetest person ive ever talked to and i love our little chats!!! Hhhh you're just super nice and your ocs are super cute,,please never stop being you you epic bean ;;;; 💖💖💖💖
@the27th - Hi Andhra!!!!! You've been quite the long time mutual,,and your reblogs always make my day ;;; you're just so sweet and kind and i always feel at ease when talking to you, the hunger games sessions you host are always super fun even though im often asleep to even participate 😂 thank you sm for the love and support ;;; ill be sure to give them all back to you 💖💖 starting now 💗💗💗💗💗
@mamushroomoracorn - MAMUSH :DD we've only really started talking recently but you're just so nice and friendly ;;;; all of our talks have been so wholesome and great and im so happy about that, and your art is really really really good!! Ur art style is just so unique and so cool!!! ;;;; and dw mamush,, ill show the froggies like i promised soon 😔💖💖💖
@rookvonhunt - HEYYYY 👉😎👉 hi hello i would die for your ocs. If theyd ask me to perish then i will 200%,,ur so epic and cool and all of your ocs are just god-tier, i cant wait for what else you have to offer!!!! 💖💖
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@lawlessofdusk - lawless ;;;; aaaaa honestly you're just so kind and sweet, i couldnt thank you enough for all the love and support you've given me!!! And i desperately need more content of ur ocs bc they're all so cool and interesting 😤😤😤💖💖💖 i hope to talk to you more soon!!!!
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Fkfjfjfj i think that's all!! Id like to thank you all for sticking around with me with my first year in the fandom ;;; you guys make all the bullshit and drama here worth it 💖💖💖
If i forgot to include you in here then PLEASE DM ME I AM SO SORRY-!!!! I dont want to leave anyone behind!!! So please feel free to confront me about it ;;; happy new year everyone!!!!
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peachcitt · 4 years
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fanfic year in review - 2020
hey laddies i was tagged by both @miabrown007 and @strangerahne to do this, so without further ado here we go!
1) List of fics completed this year in the order they were finished: 
Bone Tea (march) // All These Selfish Feelings (march) // Doomed from the Start (may) // Wouldn’t it be Nice (may) // my favorite set of stairs is the one up to your room (may) // screw the classics, and screw you for believing in them (june) // Friendship Bracelets (june) // Those Benevolent Stars (june) // the dark and the stained glass watchers (july) // Bloodsucker (july) // Messy Advances (july) // Happy Endings, the Sun, and Other Steps to Madness (july) // Guessing Game (august) // Passion Fruit Sunset [zine piece, currently unavailable] (september) // Home Coming [zine piece, currently unavailable] (november) // here (november) // bread and oranges (november) // clarity (november) // burgundy, near black (december) // About Emma Martin (december) // cherries (december) // falling, flying (december) // aloe-infused fuzzy socks (december)
23 fics??? okay well looking at it like this just makes me feel ridiculous
2) Number of words written:
219,184 words (which includes my unfinished fics on ao3 and the wips i haven’t posted)
again looking at it like this just makes me feel ridiculous
3) Your most popular fic:
friendship bracelets - the first in the series of my homoerotic college au zukka fics. honestly? i can’t even say im surprised
4) Your personal fav:
MAN this is hard. okay it’s gotta be a four-way tie between bone tea, those benevolent stars, home coming, and screw the classics and screw you for believing in them but really i could be lying because i wrote so much this year (i guess now last year?) that i was really really proud of 
5) Your fav scene:
okay i have a lot of favorites but for right now i’ll say: the scene in chapter 3 of those benevolent stars when adrien and marinette are sitting on the banks of the seine and they talk about their favorite colors and adrien’s soulmate - it’s such a quiet and gentle moment, and because you know that their favorite colors are based off each other’s eyes but only marinette knows that and because you know adrien is talking about his soulmate to his soulmate and she knows it but he doesn’t. it’s full of such beautiful, tragic dramatic irony that i just love so so much
6) A fic or scene that challenged you:
hm okay the last few chapters of bone tea were definitely challenging not only because of, like, the big fight scenes (which, im not really comfortable writing fight scenes) but also because i had take all of the mess of emotions in bt and wrap it all up into a conclusion that needed to be satisfying. the same could be said about happy endings, the sun, and other steps to madness (minus the fight scene part)
writing impure - my changeling jim au fic - has also been a fun challenge because i basically watch trollhunters episodes as i write, examining each line of dialogue and each character interaction and seeing how that scene or relationship would be changed by the fact that jim is a changeling. it was also a little challenging to keep everything fresh and new - especially at the times when the dialogue from the show stayed the same in the fic, but so far, im really really happy with the way the fic is going
7) A line of writing you’re proud of:
off the top of my head are these two lines, both from screw the classics:
It was the ‘Daisy, Daisy, Daisy’s, over and over. Like her name conveyed some sort of deeper meaning that she expected Daisy to be able to understand. Like if she repeated it enough, it would become a sort of prayer that God would listen to, that He would enact to make Daisy put her fists away for once in her pitiful life. It was just “Daisy, Daisy, Daisy” over and over until her name stopped sounding like a name, like a word, and it was just a sound to fill the silence so that neither of them would have to talk about the way Basira’s touch lingered each time she wiped blood away or the way Daisy would always sit so that her knees touched Basira’s even though they were on the floor and there was more than enough room for them to breathe different air.
and
But sometimes Jon was easier than Basira. He didn’t have any of Basira’s softness - he was all edges and sharp lines. His elbows were basically knives, and his hips were edged with broken glass.
the first paragraph i really love because there’s almost a rhythm to it - like poetry - and i love the sound of it and all that it means in the context of the fic. 
the second little bit i just love because every so often i think about it and i love the imagery and metaphor and the way it fits jon - in canon and in this fic. in this fic, they’re all in high school so jon is gangly and skinny and bony and in general, he’s just abrasive and a little rude. this description of him i just love (and the way i described him from martin’s pov in doomed from the start; “Jonathan Sims looked, even from a distance, as if he was perpetually smelling something awful. His features, just left of handsome, were marred by furrowed eyebrows and a distasteful frown.”)
8) A comment that touched you:
LITERALLY SO MANY????? the comments on the final chapter of bone tea, telling me that the story was something that they loved and found comfort in, the long comments on any of my fics detailing their exact favorite parts, the comments that were just short jokes that made me laugh out loud - literally i can’t pinpoint one. im just so thankful to have written things that people respond to with such kindness and love
9) Something that inspired your writing:
music!!!!!! i found myself making playlists for a few of my fics this year or listening to specific old playlists of mine for the right mood for a fic, and it’s really inspired me to write
also, as always, my own personal experiences. i thought and felt a lot this year, and i think in every single one of the fics i posted this year, you can probably find a central thought or feeling driving it that no doubt comes from my personal life
10) Your proudest accomplishment (that one scene; finally finishing that one fic; posting your first fic; etc):
finishing bone tea and tying the title to the fic!!!!!!!! finishing happy endings and also tying that title to the fic!!!!!! getting accepted into two different zines and working with two different amazing artists and completing those fics!!!!!!!! literally writing anything at all!!!!!!!!!
11) Do you have any writing goals for the next year?
i think mainly i just want to write, you know? i want to stop putting so much pressure on myself, because this past year i put so much pressure on myself that i was constantly feeling like i was underperforming (which was, like, super untrue, but you know how it goes) so when i wasn’t writing i felt like i was wasting time. i mean, don’t get me wrong, i had so much fun writing and creating all of these things that im so so proud of, it’s just the space in between writing sessions that i want to let myself breathe in. i don’t want to dread thinking about writing for fun anymore because that’s not fun
besides that, i think my other goals are to just continue forward with my unfinished projects - impure, the new wave, the bone tea extras - and to officially start the other two long fic ideas i have for mlb that ive been really excited about for a long while. this past year i wrote a lot of one shots (like. so many. oh my god) so maybe this year i might focus on long projects. who knows though definitely not me it’ll be a surprise for all of us
=
anyway that’s all!! thanks mia and strangerahne for tagging me!! ive been needing a lot of reminders lately that i have, in fact, written this year, and having to, like, do math and scroll through my ao3 page and all my google docs has been really enlightening so thanks so much for this
i tag: @lnc2, @chatnoirinette, @deinde-prandium, and @rosekasa! y’all don’t have to do this, but i’d love to see how y’all felt about your works this year and also to see y’all love yourselves very much because you deserve it. also literally anyone can do this you can just say i tagged you i don’t mind it’ll be our secret - i highly encourage it because it’s very sweet and very fun to look back on all you’ve accomplished this year
<3<3<3<3
#tag game#GOOD LORD.THIS TOOK ME LIKE TWO HOURS KJFBGLKDFJHLSDIHG:SD#i will admit. most of those two hours was spent trying to figure out my word count akjfghlk#also scrolling through my ao3 and linking all my fics that also took a while#BUT REALLY while i was adding up my word count i just kept on staring at the growing number like ????jfc???????#i know ive been posting about it a lot lately but the fact that i have had the audacity to keep on getting antsy over not writing???#literally im ridiculous. OVER 200k WORDS. LITERALLY SHUT UP THAT'S RIDICULOUS.#and the fact that i wrote so much of those words during a pandemic and going through perhaps one of the worst years of my life???#struggling with personal issues and mental issues and school issues and like. SO MANY ISSUES????? HOW#idk this was just so so validating. also terrifying. god#im scared of myself tbh. i have no idea how i did any of this. i feel like i just. blacked out and now im here and FUCK I JUST FUCKJFHLGJSR#IT JUST SUNK IN THAT IT'S 2021 NOW???????? H O W#like logically i knew 2020 would have to end at some point but like most days felt like fucking decades so ??#god. it's a whole new year now. that's fuckng wild bro#im feeling emotional. it doesn't help that im listening to my favorite band (armors) now and it's the song that always brings me to myknees#EMPTY AND WORN YOU CARRY ME HOME NOW YOU'RE LETTING GO OF ME BROKEN AND TORN YOU CARRY ME HOME NOW YOU'RE LETTING GO OF ME#tell me that doesn't send you into a State. you can't. fuck.#(the song is comatose by armors btw)#SPEAKING of armors when i was typing out the fics i had written this year i realized that two fics in a row were named after armors songs#all these selfish feelings (chlonette; lyric from portland by armors) and doomed from the start (jonmartin; lyric from name by armors)#im literally so lame. and that's fine#also i scrolled up just now to check and i realized that i have FOUR FICS IN A ROW NAMED AFTER SONGS???#man i really wasn't kidding when i said i was inspired by music huh sldjfhgsjfh#also in case you're wondering they're all these selfish feelings and doomed from the start and ALSO#wouldn't it be nice (jonmartin; lyrics from wouldn't it be nice by the beach boys)#and my favorite set of stairs is the one up to your room (adrinette; 11:11 by waterparks)#ANYWAY i should be done with this post now sorry for anyone who is still reading for having to deal with my rambling#and goodnight sweet dreams happy new year ily
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minjoonalist · 4 years
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Content Creator Year in Review!
Hey Hey!!! hmm actually a lot has happened this year, some i’m proud of and some not so much,,, but really its all good things so I am happy to be tagged by the cute little bear that is miss sora aka @honeymoonjin.
lets get it!
first creation and most recent creation of 2020: ummmmm I think the first creation of 2020 actually would have been Player Two. most recent? besides the one thats going to be published soon- Buzzkill.
one of your favorite creations from 2020: Definitely Player two, this has to be one of the hottest fics I’ve written and honestly who wouldn’t be a sucker for taekook.
a creation you’re really proud of: Haha again...Player Two, but in all seriousness, this fic sits close to me. After going through so much behind the scenes when it comes to an old fic I wrote... I was actually going to leave Tumblr in whole. while not everyone knows, a very close friend of mine broke my trust and interest to write. I originally planned to have Player Two out MONTHS ahead before everything happened, but thanks to some friendly advice and some of you who sent asks and messages- checking on me... it gave me some inspo to continue writing and I will be forever grateful for that. In the end, while all of you waited patiently, I rewrote everything I originally had planned for that fic and to this day, it’s definitely been my number one. It also marked my first 10k fic so yeah lol
a creation that took you forever: Player Two...but also Sway with me. Player Two took me months to rewrite after posting the Teaser- sway with me  took me a while as well but not as much. 
a creation from 2020 that received the most notes: Im so sorry lol...Player Two, I guess all those blood sweat and tears didn’t go to waste, because it’s also the most (probably the most ill ever have) notes that Ive gotten on a work. most of the time I dont pay too close attention to notes- but more so feedback when it comes to fics, however I wont lie to say it feels nice to have that many on it. 
a creation you think deserved more notes: Ummm, honestly Idk...again I don’t look too close at the notes but, I’d say Sway with me. This in itself is the longest fic I’ve ever written at almost 20k words. The only reason I feel like this fic should have had more- is really by exposure. I think at the time Tumblr never exposed this fic, because even clubs that I was in didn’t see the fic to reblog it in their Tags. I didn’t dwell on it much, so I kept the fic up for anyone who wants to read. I had plenty of feedback on Ao3!
a new fandom you joined and a creation you made for it: I dont know about a fandom on tumblr, but an anime fandom on tiktok. I do plan to write for other groups in the future since I am now stan for some new ones. 
a creation you made that breaks your heart: PREDILECTION. this fic-...this fic was one of the first I’d ever written and it sucks that I lost the passion to finish it so early. At some point I was ready to discontinue it and not edit because of how I used to write. not to mention the angst that comes within these chapters in planning.
a ‘simple’ creation that you really love: ummm Discoloration. I cant say what it is about this fic, but maybe its just be being a sucker for blonde Taetae and honestly any drabble requests you guys send me- they are literally SO FUN to do and sometimes I think about doing a drabble game if anyone is interested. 
a creation that was inspired by another one: Normally my fics are inspired by short scenes in my head, but I do have future fics that are a inspired by movies I like or songs.
a favorite creation created by someone else: Im gonna be very honest l, I’ve ready very few fics in this year but I will say some of my Talented Wives ‘The Gentlemen’ by @honeymoonjin, ‘Nothing on you’ and ‘The right of a king’ by @sope-and-shine, @missgarnet for ‘Stay’ and @sakuraguks for ‘Angel of Temptation’ , If I didnt not tag you I am so sorry, I sucked when it comes to reading this year.
some of your favorite content creators from the year: everyone that I just listed, there are others but I honestly cant think of them at the moment lol
and for good measure, another couple more creations of yours that you love: Buzzkill, If you let me and again anything I wrote that was a drabble for you guys.
tagging: I tagged most of them up above ofc if fhey want to do it except the one who already tagged me lol
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parkaiur · 6 years
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[Real]istic Fiction - Mashiho
❀ Fluff + comedy ft. brother!Junkyu
❀ Word Count: 8.8 K
❀ After getting your first F on a creative writing assignment, and your first F EVER, you start to lose confidence in your writing abilities. Thankfully, your professor gives you one more shot, but this time, you can’t write something you’re comfortable with, leaving you with more and more insecurities about your writing. Soon your brother and best friend launch Operation: [Real]istic Fiction, or also called Operation: Making the boy in your creative writing class fall in love with you... but that’s too long. As the week goes on and you start to become less and less like yourself; you start to wonder if the boy you’re seducing is really the one you like... and why does your heart beat a bit faster when you see your best friend? 
❀ dedicated to all the fanfiction writers out there ♡
❀ A/N: this was written with all the fanfiction writers in mind :) and also this particular character resonates with me a lot since im (obviously) a fanfiction writer myself and there’s lots of prejudice surrounding it & sometimes it can affect me,, not only with the prejudice but with the pressure from the expectations :( and sometimes it’s hard for me to write about something ive never experienced or never felt comfortable with... hmmm /sigh/ i wish i had a mashiho and junkyu and all of the other characters in here hehe,, no spoils :0 
i hope you guys enjoy this one because i really enjoyed writing it! 
-------
“F?!?! I got an F?!” 
I shouted in my seat, feeling anger run through my veins. My professor looked at me with a pitiful, yet stern face. 
“Y/N, I’m open to discussing grades after class. Come meet me if you have the time.” She whipped her head around and ignored me once again, leaving me to feel hopeless and lost at the terrible grade. 
No, it’s not like I was the best student. I got some A’s, but got mostly B’s and C’s, especially in my first quarter at college, but I wasn’t an F student. This was one of the biggest essays of this quarter and I could NOT let this tank my whole grade. 
Creative writing was one of the only classes I felt confident in, and at this grade, I felt like a total loser and jipped of something people always told me I was good at. I was one of the most popular fanfiction writers online and to receive a grade as bad as this was embarrassing!
“Class is over, talk to me if you have questions about the essay or grade.” 
“It’s okay, y/n, Irene is a tough cookie. She is probably just doing this to push you.” My classmate, Byounggon told me. I nodded and tightened the straps on my backpack to release my anger. I tightened them, and loosened them, something I did when I was nervous. 
Byounggon was three years older than me, so I decided to put my trust in him. “I hope you’re right or else I’m going to tear out all my hair.” I said dramatically as he let out a bark of laughter. 
“See you later, kid.” I waved him off as I stormed over to Irene’s desk.
“An F...” I trailed off, wiggling my fingers at her. She scoffed and took a look at my paper. “You told me I was an amazing writer when we did timed writing in class, how could this be? Is this a mistake?” I shot questions at her as she adjusted her glasses calmly.
Even looking at her made me angry.
She sighed and cleaned her desk with a serene face. “Y/n, you’re an amazing writer yes, and to be honest, I was very disappointed with your writing for this short story.” I furrowed my brows and looked at my writing. It wasn’t a big difference from what I wrote in class, how could it be so bad?
“Can I ask how? It has no comments on here.” The professor sighed and didn’t look at me as she talked to me, twiddling a pencil in her hands. 
I grew impatient at her actions as I still had lots of homework to do. “Y/n, this is plagiarism. It was ungradable.” 
My eyes widened at her profound accusation. “Excuse me?” I spat.
She then locked eyes with me and looked at me tiredly. “Y/n, you used characters from a book that was already written. That’s plagiarism-”
“No! That’s not, yes, these characters have names already, but I gave them a new life, a new personality, a new story!” Irene patted me on the shoulder.
“Honey, fanfiction is not professional. I’m sorry, but my word is final.” 
I felt tears threatening to fall from my eyes, but I couldn’t cry in front of her. She noticed my sad mood and sighed. “Ok, here’s the deal. I wouldn’t offer this to lots of people, but I know your potential.”
I nodded quickly, my hair whipping in my face.
“I’ll give you til’ next Monday. A week and a couple of days to write a new story for me. A real one, with your ideas- not fanfiction. Got it?” I nodded furiously. “Ok, I trust you, don’t let me down!” 
I scurried out of her classroom, my tears finally falling in anger. I wiped them away. 
“Woah, woah, woah, why are you crying? Are you okay?” 
At the familiar voice, I sobbed harder and fell onto the boy’s broad chest. “Woah there,” he exclaimed. He rubbed my back and patted my head slowly even though he didn’t know the situation. 
“Mashiho.” I whined softly. He sighed and hugged me tighter. I loved hugging Mashiho, he felt so firm and buff. Even though he was on the shorter side, he felt manly whenever I held him. 
He pulled away and looked at me in the eyes. “Y/n...” He tried not to laugh at my crying face. I slapped him lightly on the cheeks. He gasped and started to laugh. 
“Stop laughing!!” I cried harder at his teasing face. His face turned serious and he wiped my tears. “Ok, ok, tell Mashi what’s wrong.” I sniffled and wiped my tears on his sleeve.
“Professor Bae gave me an F on my short story!” At my announcement, I cried harder onto his shoulder. People in the courtyard stared at us, but I didn’t care at the moment. I had worse things going on in my life. 
“Look, tell me more about it at the dorm, c’mon.” He picked me up and I just held onto him like a baby.
My dorm was a 10 minute walk from campus, but Mashiho got me there in 8. I guess it helped to work out. 
“Y/n, we need to climb the stairs now.” I nodded and ran up the stairs with him, not wanting my dorm mates to see me.
Mashiho and I had been best friends since he moved here from Japan in our sophomore of high school. I was quite the introvert and hated to talk to people on top of that. I was constantly annoyed and hated to converse with my peers. 
Mashiho and I clicked immediately as he was persistent on becoming my friend, the moody girl in his biology class. 
I used to like Mashiho when we first met. He was that nice guy. And a pretty one at that. All the girls talked about him, fawning over his good looks and nice body, and a kind personality on top of all that. I almost felt proud that I was the one he talked to everyday. That I was the one he talked to about his problems, his concerns, and his good days. 
I thought he didn’t take interest in those other girls until he told me he liked a girl in our biology class a few months later. They were dating the next day. 
And I never liked him again. It was one of those fleeting crushes that wasn’t really a real love. 
I’d never been in love. 
“Hello? Y/n?” Mashiho’s hand fluttered over my face. “Open the door?” I sniffled and unlocked it. I immediately ran in and plopped on my bed. 
I let out small cries and sobs into my pillow, feeling the anger and sadness leave my body. The bed shifted and Mashi laid next to me, pulling me close to him. 
“Woah, not too close!” My eyes shot open and I looked to my right. 
“Junkyu!? What are you doing here?!” My older brother laughed and dangled keys in front of me.
“I’m chilling in your dorm, duh. I was getting bored.” He lifted the keys again. “Oh yeah, I stole your keys and made a copy of them.” I groaned and laid back on my bed. Mashiho rubbed my back in soothing patterns.
Junkyu was one year older than me and unfortunately, the only college that accepted me was the one he went to. Don’t get me wrong, I love my brother, but comparing me and him, he was the one everybody loved. I was the one everyone tolerated.
“Hey dude, how was class?” Junkyu asked Mashiho. The younger boy shrugged.
“Alright, much more interesting after y/n came running into my arms sobbing.” I flicked him on the forehead and he scooted down to hug me. “I’m joking.” He said softly, making my heart race. 
“What?? Why are you crying y/n??” Junkyu cried, jumping onto my bed. Oh great, the dorm beds barely fit one person, now there were three. 
“Irene gave me an F on my short story because she said it was plagiarism! How dare she! I’ve been writing fanfiction my entire life, and never once has anyone told me that what I was writing was wrong!” I shouted into my pillow. I felt the both of them pat me on the head, soothing my anger. But it just made me more angry. I shooed their hands away and shot up. 
“y/n, I mean, how did you think writing fanfiction was going to go in your class?” Junkyu said carefully. I could see Mashi shaking his head at him. I pushed Junkyu off my bed and hugged Mashiho tighter.
“Ow, you dick-” Mashiho pushed Junkyu and shooed him away.
“What he means y/n, is that did your professor tell you if you can make up the grade?” Mashiho said while patting my head. I always felt calmer in his hands. 
I sighed and nodded. “Yeah, she told me I could rewrite a whole new short story by next Monday, then she would give me the credit on however I wrote that.” The two boy’s shot up.
“Oh my God, y/n, that’s amazing! You can do that, one hundred percent!” Junkyu slapped my back which made me yelp. Mashiho laughed and immediately soothed it. “What he said, without the slap.” I glared at Junkyu and laid back down.
These boys wouldn’t understand, they’ve been in love twice. They didn’t have the same problem as me.
I sighed loudly which didn’t go unnoticed to Mashiho’s ears. “What’s bothering you?” He stared at me with his big doe eyes, and I know I couldn’t lie to him. I leaned against my wall and stared at the two of them.
“I just... I just can’t write ‘real’ stories. It feels weird to me... Like I get writing for characters that already exist because I can see their love.” I sighed loudly. “I’ve never been in love, so I don’t know how to write it. It’s hard for me to show my emotions and be so vulnerable.” I whined. 
The two boys were silent at my confession, which made me nervous. The silence was cut by my annoying older brother.
He laughed and stared at me like it was obvious. “What?” I snapped.
He laughed again. “It’s obvious.” Mashiho looked at Junkyu in confusion. 
“What?” Mashiho asked. Junkyu sighed and stood up. He grabbed a whiteboard. 
“It’s easy. You need to fall in love.”
❀ ❀ ❀
Mashiho and I stared at the older boy with bug eyes.
“What the fuck?” 
Junkyu sighed and started to write something down. “Seriously! You just need to fall in love and then you can write your story. You said that you have never been in love so you never have felt vulnerable or weak in that sense, so you need to get yourself to experience it. It’s simple.” 
I exchanged glances with Mashiho who was staring dumbly at the wall. 
I wiggled my nose and stared into my brother’s eyes. “Ok... you know, when you say it that way, it kinda makes sense. I just need more experiences.” Junkyu clapped his hands.
“YES! Experiences, you just need to put yourself out there a little bit. Everyone knows you as that weird writer chick who likes to read and plot everyone’s murder, so you need to try and break out of that! Like go to parties, flirt with boys, I don’t know, wear revealing clothes...” 
Junkyu trailed off and wrote something on the board. “We’ll call it Operation: Realistic Fiction. Brackets over the Real because this will be your fiction novel, and it’ll very much be real. You get to be the protagonist this time!” He said cheerfully. I glanced over to Mashiho who was boredly tossing a ball against my bed. 
“What do you think, Mashi?” I asked with a soft voice, twiddling my fingers round and round. 
His approval meant a lot to me, and I don’t think I could go through with this whacky plan without it. 
The boy locked in my eyes with cold eyes that I almost fell back. But then he smiled, a familiar Mashiho smile. “It sounds crazy, but I think it has good aspects.” Junkyu squealed and hugged the boy. 
“Great! It’s a go, now, let’s think of boys that I think are a good fit for you.” 
He jotted down a name. “Yoonbin?” I cringed and scooted away. “Hell no, too emo and angsty for me.” Mashiho nodded in agreement. Junkyu crossed off the name.
“Ok, um, how about Jihoon?” I shook my head. 
“No, no, he’s a little... too much for me.” Junkyu nodded and crossed his name off. He then thought long and hard and wrote a name down quickly.
“How about Byounggon hyung? He’s charming, nice, sweet, funny, handsome, smart, and easy to talk to.” Junkyu went on and on about him. “He’s a perfect fit for you, he’s like one of those boys in those cheesy books you read!” 
I blushed and twiddled my thumbs. Byounggon was a really nice guy and he was easy to talk to. And him being in my creative writing class would help a lot.
I bit my lip and twirled my hair in my finger. “You’re right, Junkyu. Byounggon would be a perfect guy to fall in love with.” The two boys high-fived, and suddenly I had no choice. 
I saw Mashiho’s happy smile when Byounggon’s name was announced, making me lose hope that maybe Mashiho wouldn’t want me to go through with this plan. 
“Ok, fine, operation, fall in love with Byounggon. And have him fall in love with me?” I questioned.
The two boys nodded. 
“Good, now, the planning. We only have one week to do this, we have to start planning now!
❀ ❀ ❀
Junkyu left my dorm after two hours of planning, which made my head throb in pain. 
“My brother is dumb and smart at the same time.” Mashiho nodded and pulled some apple juice out of my fridge. 
“That he is. But are you sure about this? You’re kind of... shy and uhhh aggressive.” He noted. I rolled my eyes and sipped out of his cup, the apple juice giving me some sugar. 
“I’m sure. I need to put myself out there, plus, Byounggon is nice, even if this doesn’t work out, he’ll still be my friend. But, with Junkyu’s help, I think it could possibly... work.” I said with a hopeful tone. Mashiho snorted at my voice. “What’s so funny?” I glared. 
The boy said nothing and just shrugged. “Nothing. You hungry?” I nodded as he threw me a ham and cheese sandwich that was in my fridge. I caught with ease as he took the tuna. 
“How was your day? You didn’t say much.” I asked him. He shrugged and munched on his sandwich.
“Nothing that exciting. Nothing too bad. I mean, some girls asked me for my numbers, but that’s it.” I rolled my eyes and bit my sandwich angrily.
“Wow, you say that say calmly. If a boy asked me for my number, I would faint.” Mashiho laughed and took a sip of juice.
“No you wouldn’t, it’s not that crazy.” For you, I wanted to say. Mashiho was always being followed by girls and I’ll admit, I liked it when he ignored them for me. Mashiho was still my best friend despite having so many admirers. 
I tossed my napkin away and sat back down. Before I could say anything, I heard my door open, signaling the arrival of my roomie.
She was with her boyfriend who was walking her in. “Hey, y/n, hey, hot boy.” She winked at Mashiho as soon as her boyfriend left. Mashiho gave her an awkward smile.
“Hey.”
“Hey Jessica.” 
Jessica was always trying to get with Mashiho. I somewhat think she’s joking, but sometimes I don’t. 
“Um, I’d better go now, that calculus homework won’t do itself.” Jessica laughed and waved to him.
“Bye, Mashi~” She cooed. I resisted the urge to barf. 
He waved to the girl and then to me. “Later, Mashiho.” 
“Later.” 
Then he left. 
“Ugh, he’s so hot, how haven’t you guys hooked up already?” I choked wildly on my apple juice. “Like forreals, have you seen that boy? Yum.” I rolled my eyes and hid my blush.
“We are just friends, Jessica. Nothing more, nothing less.” I narrowed my eyes at her and she backed away, holding her arms up. 
“Fine, fine, I’ll back down.” 
I bit my lip, wondering to tell her about Byounggon. Jessica wasn’t the smartest person, but she was good at getting boys. This was her third boyfriend since getting into college. And we started school in August. It was January. 
And that was not counting her multiple flings inbetween.
“Um, I actually like this boy named Byounggon.” Her eyes widened and she tossed her lolipop she was fiddling in her mouth.
I cringed at her intense gaze. “Really? I mean, Byounggon is hot, but I always thought you had the hots for Mashiho. Anyways, good for you!” She cheered, patting me on the shoulder.
I shook as she patted me harshly. I cleared my throat, “Um, would it be bad if I started to borrow your clothes too? Like with your permission of course.” 
She paused what she was doing and stared at me with her intense cat eyes. “Dude... of course. What the fuck, take anything you want as long as you give it back. Show him what he needs, rawr!” 
I hoped I wouldn’t regret this.
❀ ❀ ❀ 
1. You must talk to him, initiating conversation shows that you’re interested. 
I looked at the notes Junkyu typed in my phone and took a deep breath. You can do this, y/n. I walked into my creative writing class and saw Byounggon already sitting there, playing on his phone with his hood up. 
I carefully took the seat next to him, and smiled at him. He glanced up at his phone and smiled back.
I wiped my palms on my jeans as I prepared myself for the conversation.
“Hey, Byounggon, how was your day today?” I asked kindly. The boy set down his phone and thought about it for a while. “Hmmm, good question. I would probably say pretty good so far. How ‘bout you?”
 I noticed his soft smile and kind eyes as he said those words. Is it working? How will I know if it’s working? 
I bit my lip, searching for a cute answer. “Um, not too shabby. Better now that I’m in this class.” I said honestly. I liked this class a lot, despite my grade falling drastically at the F. I mean, I could improve it by writing my short story, so I tried to stay positive.
Byounggon smiled and twiddled his pencil. “Oh really, what makes you like it so much?” He gave me a taunting smile as I didn’t know what to say. Shit, flirting wasn’t this early.. what do I do? 
Suddenly, I heard a bunch of papers slam on the desk. “Ok class, get ready to write!” 
Phew, saved by Irene. 
❀ ❀ ❀ 
“How’d it go?” Mashiho asked. I grumbled as I took a harsh bite of my apple.
“I don’t know! Um, so basically I told him that I liked our creative writing class and then he was like ‘what makes you like it so much’ and I think he wanted me to say he was the reason?? Am I wrong?” I practically yelled at Mashiho.
The boy chuckled and set me down gently. “Yes, that’s what he wanted. That means you’re doing great, y/n. See? Boys like you.” He ruffled my hair, then his phone started to ring.
“Hello?” He answered quickly. “Um, yeah, I’m free, what’s up?” I felt kind of hurt that he said he was free since we were hanging out. But I guess we see each other every single day. “Uh, yeah, sure. I’ll be there.” 
He hung up the phone and gave me an apologetic look. “Sorry, um, I have to go now.” He said, slipping on his shoes. 
I bite my apple once more.“What for?” 
He sighed and slipped on his jacket in a frenzy. “Um, this girl I’ve been seeing, she just asked me to have lunch so... yeah.” 
I nodded and gave him a thumbs up.“Cool, cool, have fun! Wear protection.” He rolled his eyes and flicked me on the arm.
“Whatever, weirdo. See you later, prepare for tomorrow!” I nodded forcefully and closed the door, trying not to let my sudden aching heart get in the way of Operation: [Real]istic Fiction. 
❀ ❀ ❀ 
2. You must compliment him. Guys LOVE to be complimented and it also shows that you’re interested. Make sure you seem really interested in what you’re complimenting so that he knows it’s not just you being nice. Be deliberate.
I sat down, earlier than Byounggon today and prepared a compliment. He walked in with a black hoodie and black jeans. His earrings were in today, and I had to admit, he looked good. 
Really good. 
“Hey, I really like your earrings, they look cool.” I complimented as sincerely as I could. The boy fiddled with his earrings and smiled. “Thanks, dude. I just got these.” 
They dangled down and wiggled as he kept moving his face. I’ll admit it, I like guys with piercings. “Nice pick.” 
He nodded and gave me another dimpled smile.
The professor walked in, cutting our conversation short. “I like your earrings too, they’re cute.” He whispered in my ear. 
I blushed at the proximity but smiled back. 
Score. 
❀ ❀ ❀ 
“Uh, I complimented his earrings today. I mean, he did look really good today. Like, really good. Like, I was about to drool in my seat dude.” I babbled to Mashiho. 
We were in the courtyard today, away from all the people. It was a slow Tuesday thing. He picked at his fries, not really paying attention to me. 
“Um, hello? Mashiho? Mashi?” I waved my hands in front of his face. He peered up at me with bored eyes. I sighed and took a bite of my salad. “What? Did I not compliment him, right?” I said in a small voice. I was terrified of messing this up, terrified! 
Mashiho then pushed his fries away and stood up. “You’re doing just fine, y/n. He’ll be in love before you know it.” I furrowed my brows as he started to put on his shoes and jacket.
“W-where are you going?” I asked quickly. 
Mashiho sighed. “Another date, sorry. See you tomorrow?” I nodded furiously, trying not to feeling emotional at his departure. 
As he turned away, I let them fall freely. I rubbed them, wondering why he was leaving me for other girls all the time.
 Did he not care for me anymore? 
I sighed and picked up my lunch to throw it away. 
Whatever, it’s not like I like him anyways.
❀ ❀ ❀ 
3. Openly state how single you are: dropping your single state will definitely be a BIG hint that you’re interested. It’ll show that you’re available and I already know Byounggon is available, so you don’t have to worry about that part. 
I walked into class and saw Byounggon playing on his phone like usual. 
As I walked towards him, he looked up at me and smiled. “Hey, y/n, what’s up?” He said first. He initiated conversation, that’s a good sign. 
I sat down and pulled out my journals, casually of course. “Nothing much, umm...” I thought of what to say that would make me seem single. “Oh, well kind of in a bad mood.” He furrowed his brows together in concern.
“Aw, why?”I gulped and bit my lip. “Um, because last night my room mate Jessica and her boyfriend were being super lovey dovey in my living room and it was just disgusting. I cannot handle couples, especially when I’m single.” I lied. 
Byounggon then gave me a confused look, making me nervous. “Huh.” He finally said. 
That doesn’t sound too good.
“Huh what?” I asked to further understand his concerns.
Byounggon shrugged and tilted his head like he was unsure of himself. “Oh, it’s just I thought you were dating Mashiho.” 
I stopped moving for a couple of seconds until I burst out into nervous laughter.
“What? Mashiho and I? No!! Never, we’re just friends, pfft.” I said quickly, rambling off random words. 
Byounggon raised a brow and leaned back in his chair. “Mashiho is also dating someone right now so... yeah that would be awkward if we were dating as well.” I joked, hoping he got the point.
Byounggon gave me a sad look. “Well, I’m sorry.” 
“S-sorry for what?”
 Byounggon looked at me with a serious stare. “Uh, because you like Mashiho, right?” 
I froze at his words, stopping every movement I was making. 
My mind went numb at his accusation and I didn’t know what to say. 
“What? No! I don’t like Mashiho, that would be so weird. He’s my best friend, only my best friend. Just friends, you know? Buddies, bros, best buds...” I trailed off, realizing how stupid I was sounding. 
I looked over to Byounggon who was giving me a tight smile.
“One more synonym and I’ll believe you.”
 ❀ ❀ ❀ 
“So, what did you guys talk today?” Mashiho stuffed his faced with a bunch of chips as we were chilling in my dorm room again. 
This time, Junkyu was with us. “Yeah, how was the whole announcing of the single thing? Tell us everything!” I bit my lip as they waited in anticipation. 
“U-um…” I trailed off. “Basically I told him that I was annoyed of Jessica and her boyfriend canoolding on the couch and how it was even grosser since I was single.” I noted quickly, not mentioning the whole Mashiho thing.
Junkyu clapped his hands together. “Good! He got the message then, now, tomorrow and the day after, it’s your turn to make him notice you!” 
Junkyu brought out the clipboard again and pointed to trick number 4. 
“Number four: wear revealing clothes. Guys are dogs, they obviously like seeing some skin, especially when a girl rarely shows it.” 
Junkyu looked at me who was wearing a flannel over one of my t-shirts and blue jeans. I frowned. 
“How much skin are we talking about? Y/n can’t just stroll in half naked to school.” Mashiho argued, finally saying something this entire day. 
Junkyu smiled which made me worry. “But she can.” Junkyu pulled out random outfits that came out of nowhere. 
“Where did you get those?” I snapped.
“Jessica. She gave these to me before she went to class, telling me you were asking for some new clothes.” Junkyu wiggled his eyebrows as I blushed beet red. 
I looked over to Mashiho who was staring at the pile of clothes.
“Fine. I’ll do it.”I brought the pile of clothes into the bathroom, staring at the crop top and high-waisted skirt that would barely cover my butt. I was a bit taller than Jessica, meaning it would probably skim my upper thighs. 
I gulped when I slipped on the shirt first, which showed lots of my stomach and cleavage. The skirt wasn’t as short as I imagined, but if I walked too far, I might be in trouble.
“Are you done yet?! Hurry up, we don’t have all day!” Junkyu shouted.
 I took a deep breath and opened the bathroom door.
The boys both stared at me in silence, wondering if I had put something on wrong. 
“Bro… you’re going to steal Byounggon’s heart, he’s going to have a heart attack.” Junkyu said hugging me. I looked over to Mashiho who was watching me with a strong gaze. It was a way he had never looked at me before, which made me nervous.
“What? You think it’s too much, Mashi?” I asked, twirling for him to see. He stared at me, lowering his eyes to examine my full body. I blushed at his intense stare.
“Woah, there, that’s a lil’ much.” Junkyu said, patting Mashiho on the back. The younger boy grunted and lightly shoved the older boy away, only locking eyes with me. “Well, I gotta go right now, Yoonbin just told me that he lost his suit pants for the wedding he’s going to this weekend. Bye, have fun kids.” 
Junkyu got up and left right away, leaving me alone with Mashiho. 
It was awkward... and we didn’t ever get awkward.
“What? You don’t like the outfits?” I mumbled, staring down at chest that was widely shown in the shirt. Mashiho licked his lips, which sent chills down my spine.
He didn’t respond, showing he was irritated by something else. I bit my lip, thinking of what to say. “How’s it going with that girl? Anything new?”
Mashihho ran this fingers through his curly hair and shrugged. “Not really, it wasn’t really going anywhere. Turns out she only liked me for who she thought I was and not who I really am.” 
I frowned and patted him on the back, trying to ignore how happy I felt at that situation.
Why do I feel happy? I should be feeling bad for him right now. You idiot, y/n.
“Aw, that’s sucks, hopefully, the next girl will see you for who you really are.” 
Mashiho shrugged and looked to me with an intense stare, like he was trying to tell me something. He then stood up and paced around the room.
“Look, I’m going to be honest with you right now. This whole Byounggon thing is sort of freaking me out. He’s only starting to like you because all of these things you’re doing. This whole caked on makeup thing and flirting thing and bubbly, giggly thing and now this revealing outfit? This isn’t you, y/n.” 
He wasn’t yelling yet, Mashiho didn’t yell when he was angry, but this was the most passionate I’ve seen him. 
But it got me angry. 
The plan has been going smoothly ‘til now. Just when Byoungon is starting to flirt with me, Mashiho backs out.
“Why are you telling me this now? It’s already too late, I’m committed. And so what? I mean, this plan is helping me get the guy since no other guys seemed to like me before this!” I yelled angrily, fiddling with the top that seemed so out of place right now.
“Bullshit, you don’t need to change yourself because of a guy, this isn’t some cheesy teen girl book where the guy starts to fall in love with your real personality, Byounggon is only falling for the girl he thinks you are! You're going get to get hurt!” 
Mashiho cried out, clenching his fists to control his anger. 
“So what if I get hurt? Isn’t that what happens when you’re in love? Pain? Jealousy? All those ugly emotions? I need those emotions for my story, Mashiho! I need to experience these things like a normal college student!” 
His broad chest was moving up and down as he tried to pull himself together. Usually I would start to calm him down, but I had no time for it. I wanted my answers. 
“I just don’t want you to get hurt.” He whispered. 
I plucked a stray hair off my shirt, trying to hide my tears. “Well, too late.” 
Mashiho didn’t respond, leaving my dorm room, and leaving me with my distorted thoughts.
❀ ❀ ❀
4.  Wear revealing clothes, show some skin sister ;) Guys are dogs, they obviously like seeing some skin, especially when a girl rarely shows it. Make him go crazy.
I felt uncomfortable in every way possible.
I’d gotten whistled at about 10 times and I’ve only been on campus for 2 hours. Disgusting. 
I poked my head into my creative writing class and saw Byounggon already sitting there. I stuck my head back out and took deep breaths. 
You can do this, you can do this, prove to Mashiho that you can do this.
I walked in the class, trying not to fiddle with my crop top or pull down my skirt. Byounggon glanced up at me, and then did a double take. He looked up at my face and I felt awkward as he examined the makeup Jessica put on my face.
“Woah.” Byounggon said with an unsure voice. That gave me some confidence. 
“Woah what?” I teased, making my voice higher than it already was. I felt gross.
The boy raised a brow and scanned me up and down. “Woah this. New wardrobe? Did you win the lottery or something?” I chuckled and brushed my curled hair over my shoulder, hoping he could smell my perfume.
This isn’t you, y/n.
I pushed Mashiho’s voice out of my mind. 
“Hah, no, I just wanted to switch it up I guess. Why? You like it?” I leaned in closer to him as he stared at me with dark eyes. 
“Yeah, yeah I do.”
He was about to say something else until Irene walked in. 
Damn, I really wanted to hear more compliments.
❀ ❀ ❀
After class, I stood to leave first, but Byounggon grabbed ahold of my hand. I tried not to look surprised. 
“Hey, uh, my friend is hosting a party this Friday night, wanna come?” I hid my surprise with a gasp and chuckled, girly like how Junkyu told me. 
“Oh sure, that’ll be so fun! Who’s hosting?” 
“Kim Seunghun, his parties are always wild. It’s off campus, I’ll come pick you up at ten.” As he finished those words, he walked out of class, leaving my mind in jumbles.
I followed shortly after him, but was stopped.
I paused and saw Mashiho staring at me with sad eyes.
“Got what you wanted?” He spat. I felt my earlier happiness turn into anger at his words. 
“Yes.”
“Ok, good.”
“Good.” 
I walked past him, deliberately not looking back to see his expression. 
❀ ❀ ❀ 
5. Ignore him. Let him want you. Guys like the push and the pull. 
note: since you’re going to a party with him later, that’s when you get to be all over him. 
It was the last day of the project.
I was wearing tight jeans and a low-cut blouse. I felt awkward as my shirt kept slipping down, but I had to power through. It was the last day of Operation: [Real]istic Fiction.
I took a seat next Byounggon, not even sparing a glance as I sat down.
Be cold, be pretty, make him want you. 
I heard Junkyu’s voice echoing in my mind, egging me on. 
“Hey, y/n.” I heard the boy say. It took every ounce of self-control I had to not reply with a cheery answer.
“Hi.” I responded coldly. I could tell Byoungon was confused. I guess that should be a good sign?
The boy shifted in his chair, already uncomfortable at my behavior. “Um, how’s that story going? It’s due on Monday, right?” 
I thought about how to respond to his question. I simply shrugged and dragged my hair over to one side. “It’s ok.” 
I hated myself right now. 
I tried not to let Mashiho’s voice of doubt run through my mind.
Byounggon sighed and leaned back in his chair. I could hear him tapping his pen on the table rapidly. “Ok, you still on for tonight?” 
I finally looked back at him and nodded with a light smile. “Definitely.”
He gave me a dimpled one back.
“Cool.”
❀ ❀ ❀
“What do you wear to a party?! Should I wear a dress?! Pants and a t-shirt?! WHAT?!” I screamed, looking at my bland closet. 
Junkyu groaned and got up from his chair. As I got done with classes, I immediately called Junkyu to help with my fashion dilemma. 
“Ugh, Mashiho is better with fashion, why didn’t you call him?” Junkyu sassed. 
No, I did not tell Junkyu I was fighting with Mashiho. Was I going to tell him? Probably not. 
He always took Mashiho’s side when we were arguing anyways. And he wouldn’t understand this argument.
“Because you’re my brother, anyways--”
Before I could finish, Junkyu pulled out an outfit and threw it at me. “Try this on.” 
About 10 outfits later, I told Junkyu to sit down and I would do this myself. 
“I told you, call Mashi, he’s better.” Junkyu whined while laying on my bed. I bit my lip and ignored him, not wanting to let down my pride and call him. Mashiho would probably just tell me to go in a t-shirt and put on a leather jacket with some skinnies or something. No matter how hot that would be, I had to dress a bit girly tonight to impress Byounggon.
Mashiho wouldn’t understand, he looks good in everything he wore. 
“I’ll just wear this, and be done with this.” I grumbled, slipping on some leather type pants Jessica owned with a crop top. It was cool and funky as well as sexy.
“OOF, I should not let my baby sister walk out like that... but I’m going to... because I’m a good brother who wants her to have love.” 
Junkyu pretended to wipe a tear away and pretend-sobbed on my bed, leaving me to roll my eyes at him and do my makeup. I wasn’t an expert, but I had the basics down. I decided to leave my hair straight as it fit with the outfit. 
“Y/n, it’s almost ten, Byounggon is gonna be here soon~” My older brother wiggled his brows at me as I pushed him aside. “And yes, you’ll be gone when he comes.”
After I said those words, I ushered Junkyu out of the door while he protested. 
“Text me when you leave, when you get to the party, when you leave the party, and when you get home! I’m still your big bro you know.” He gave me a serious stare, one he reserved to try and intimidate me. It never worked.
I sighed and patted him on the back. “Ok, ok, just go, he’ll be here any minute now.” I said nervously. My palms were sweaty and I applied extra perfume to make sure I wouldn’t smell bad.
Just as Junkyu left, I heard a knock on my door. I shot out of my seat and gave myself a glance over before I opened the door. 
Byounggon was standing there, looking spiffy in a tight, black, long-sleeve and black skinnies, but adorned with a couple necklaces and rings. 
He gave me a quick smile when he saw me.
“Hey, you look good.” He said immediately. I blushed and tried my best to act girly. 
“Thanks, you’re not too bad yourself.” I teased while stepping out of the door.
We walked downstairs together and that’s when I realized:
I had never gone to a party before. 
❀ ❀ ❀
The party was rowdier than I expected.
I had always listened to music about parties and having fun, but it was nowhere as crazy as I imagined. The loud music was attacking my senses and the weed and alcohol upset my stomach. I tried not to make a face when Byounggon looked over at me.
“You good?” I nodded vigorously, trying not to let my disgust and anxiety show. I took tiny steps with him as we made our way through the huge crowd of people. There was strobe lights everywhere and alcohol on the floor. 
It was a mess.
I felt my heart beat pick up as I felt myself being shoved through the crowd. I wasn’t used to being around so many people and now that I was experiencing it, I just wanted to be alone. 
Soon, we got out of the big crowd and to the makeshift bar area, aka, Seunghun’s kitchen.
“Hey, Seunghun!” Byounggon yelled over to the tall brunette who was taking a body shot off a girl. Disgusting. 
Seunghun popped his head up and immediately did that bro shake with Byounggon. “Hey, dude! Didn’t know you were bringing a date!” Seunghun turned his attention over to me and pulled me in for a hug. I felt uncomfortable with the smell of alcohol on his breath.
“Yah, it was sorta last minute.” Seunghun wiggled his eyebrows and pointed over to the alcohol. 
“Cool, well she’s hot so it’s all good. A little nerdy but that’s your type right?” I felt my cheeks burn at his words. I had been trying to shed the image of my nerdy self this whole week and yet it still was like I had “bookworm” tattooed across my forehead. 
Byounggon wrapped an arm around me. “Hey, dude, don’t be an ass.” He lightly reprimanded. I tried not to let Seunghun’s words affect me, I mean he was super drunk.
Seunghun’s eyes widened. “Oh no no, that wasn’t an insult. It’s a compliment, refreshing I would say. Like a refreshment LOL.” I tried not to cringe as he said the acronym out loud. Then, he tilted his head, “It’s just weird that you brought a date though. I thought you had a thing with-” 
Byounggon’s body stiffened but I didn’t get to hear the rest of the statement when Seunghun was dragged away by someone else, probably going to take another body shot. 
“Sorry about that, Seunghun is an absolute dumbass when he’s drunk. He’s only a little bit of a dumbass when he’s sober.” I let out soft laughter, but I could barely hear Byounggon over the loud music and intense yelling. I hated every second I was here. 
My tenseness didn’t go unnoticed by Byounggon. “Hey, are you sure you’re ok?” He asked, concern laced in his voice.
I nodded rushedly, before I could lose my confidence. “I’m fine!” I replied lamely. I couldn’t flirt with him, I couldn’t do anything with this obnoxious atmosphere.
Byounggon gave me a tight smile and held out his hand. “Let’s dance!”
❀ ❀ ❀
I hated dancing. And being on the dancefloor. And feeling other people’s bodies on mine.
It was awful. I felt so cramped and I couldn’t even relax to have a good time. 
Byounggon on the other hand was an amazing dancer, I couldn’t even compare to him. The only time I liked dancing was when I was having impromptu dance parties with Mashiho. Mashiho was the only person besides my brother that I could let down my guard with. 
Byounggon grabbed my hands, trying to get me to dance and to have fun. But I couldn’t focus on anything besides the people around me and how cramped and dirty I felt. 
I could see Byounggon stop losing interest in me.
“He’s only starting to like you because all of these things you’re doing. This whole caked on makeup thing and flirting thing and bubbly, giggly thing and now this revealing outfit? This isn’t you, y/n”
I was wrong. Mashiho was right. 
I can’t do this, this isn’t me. 
I looked up from the dancefloor and saw something I never wanted to see. Mashiho was there, dancing with another girl, totally into her. His eyes were bright and happy, I knew he was having a good time. I could always tell what his emotions were. He spun the girl around as she laughed, her skirt twirling in the sea of people. 
I was jealous. 
Really jealous.
Jealous of the time they were having.
Jealous I couldn’t be as carefree as that girl. 
Jealous that I wasn’t that girl. 
“Y/n, y/n?” Byounggon’s shout snapped me out of a trance. I looked up at him with blurry eyes. “Are you ok?” 
I stood still for a moment, confusing those around me.
I took one more glance at Mashiho who was still dancing with that girl and as he leaned in closer to her, I looked away.
“I’m sorry, I’m really sorry.”
Then, I ran.
I ran out of the house as soon as possible, running at a pace I didn’t know I was capable of. I ignored Byounggon’s shout for me to stay, but I had to leave--I had to get out of there. 
Only barfers were outside as I dashed past them, careful not to step on anything gross. I made my way down the block and crouched down, feeling the worst I’ve ever felt in my life.
This was the pain everyone talked about. 
The pain you get when you try so hard to fit in and you just don’t. The pain you get when you’re not somebody you want to be. 
The pain you get when you love someone so much and they don’t love you back.
And that pain wasn’t from Byounggon, but from someone I didn’t know I’ve loved for most of my life. 
I picked up my phone and dialed a number.
“Jessica? I need a ride.”
❀ ❀ ❀
I knew Jessica wouldn’t ask questions. If another girl calls you to run away from her date, there’s only bad news involved. 
Seunghun’s house wasn’t that far from campus, so we got home pretty quickly.
“I brought home fried chicken, I know that’s your favorite.” Jessica noted in a high voice, her tone more delicate than usual. I shook my head. “No, I’m fine. I just need sleep.”
I looked at my phone once and saw floods of messages. Mostly from Byounggon, asking where I went and that he was sorry. 
And then five from Junkyu, messaging me about how bored he was.
None from Mashiho.
I laid in my bed, looking at the time. It was only 11:10. I hadn’t even been in that place for an hour. 
“Are you going to sleep?” Jessica asked, about to turn off the lights. 
I looked up at my ceiling. 
Then, I said the most y/n sentence I’ve said this week.
“No... I’m going to write.”
❀ ❀ ❀
“Here, I finished over the weekend.” 
I handed the paper to Professor Bae, all 20 pages of my short story. She raised a brow and skimmed through it.
“Good, all normal names. Now, run along, class starts in 10 minutes.” 
I nodded and turned to walk out the door before I turned back around. The professor caught my eye and gave me a tight smile.
“Why did you become a creative writing teacher? Not a research paper teacher or a lit teacher or something, why creative writing?” I asked abruptly. I don’t know why I asked the question, but I anticipated her answer.
Irene set down a pen and gave me a soft smile, contrary to her intense ones.
“Y/n, I think we’re more alike than you think.” She started. “I love to write-not just like-but I love it. I love losing myself in a story, I love the reading my stories when they’re done and imaging me as the main character.”
I nodded, knowing how she felt.
“I write because I feel alive when I write, I feel happy.” She said, pointing to her heart. “It comes naturally to me, like breathing or walking; it’s a part of me.” 
“How do you write about things you’ve never experienced before? Like if I’ve never broken an arm, but wanted to write about a broken arm, how would I write about that?” 
Irene gave me a sad smile and took one step closer to me. She patted my head gently and spoke to me with soft eyes. 
“Imagination my friend. Imagination and reality are vital to any writer; only the best ones can combine both.” 
She then picked up a stack of papers and started to head down the hall.
“Take a day off, y/n, you need one.”
❀ ❀ ❀
I sat in the courtyard, reading a book as I munched on pretzels. 
Yes, I had been avoiding Byounggon, Junkyu, and especially Mashiho the entire weekend. I texted Byounggon, telling him I was alright and got home safely and that I was sorry, he responded that he was glad and that I didn’t have to explain if I didn’t want to.
He was so easy to fall for.
Why couldn’t I have fallen for him?
“Hey.” 
I looked up from my book and saw the familiar face. 
“Hi.” I said awkwardly, setting down my book.
Byounggon sat next to me, looking at me like he wanted to say something. 
“What?” I barked harshly. 
I thought he was going to be seriously offended, but he simply just started to laugh. “Damn, I missed the old you. I’m glad she’s back.” 
I scoffed and took a harsh bite of my pretzel.
“Yeah, yeah, everyone else did too.” I mumbled. 
“Look, I just wanted to come and apologize about Friday night, I didn’t know it would overwhelm you so bad and you were obviously uncomfortable. I should have brought you home.” The boy then took a deep breath like he was hiding something.
I was annoyed by that. “Well, just spit it out.” I spat.
The boy held in his laughter and leaned back to let the sun shine on his face. “Um well, I was sorta, I mean I didn’t realize it, but I was sorta using you to get over this other girl. Um, it’s complicated and I don’t really know my true feelings for her yet, but yeah I’m sorry, that was mean of me to do.”
I paused, soaking in his words.
Then I laughed. 
“Oh gosh, that’s so funny.” Byounggon proceeded to look at me like I was crazy.
I shook my head and held my hands up, “Oh not that part, I mean that I was sorta using you too. To deflect my feelings for this other guy that I thought I had lost feelings for, but in reality, it was just hiding all this time. Or more of I was burying them.” 
Byounggon smiled and took a pretzel from me. 
“Well, maybe you should go talk to this guy. And I’ll talk to that girl. Sound cool?” 
I nodded, shaking on it. 
“The coolest.”
“Also, welcome back to being a nerd, I knew you would come through with that paper.” 
I slapped him on the shoulder, but I couldn’t help but be proud of my title.
❀ ❀ ❀ 
“Well, maybe you should go talk to this guy. And I’ll talk to that girl. Sound cool?” I read aloud. 
The lamp was shining bright on my face as Mashiho laid on my lap. His big eyes were closed as I held the stapled pieces of paper over him. 
I sighed, slapping him with the pages. He gasped and cringed, but made no movement to sit up. 
“Ouch! What was that for?!” The boy rubbed his nose in furious motions as I rolled my eyes. 
“I’m tired, let me go to bed! It’s already 3am you meanie.” I pouted while taking a sip of water. At least it was a Friday night, I did not want to attend my 9:30 class with raccoon eyes. 
Mashiho pouted, huffing like the baby he is.
“You have to finish it! Does y/n get with the boy? Does Byounggon talk to that girl he was interested in? Tell me!!” 
I flicked the boy on the neck as he flinched in pain.
“You imbecile, this story is about us! You know how it ends!” I poked him on the neck as he giggled like a kid.
“I know, I know! I just like to hear listen to it again. It is nice reflecting on all our actions and you make our story feel so... dramatic.” 
“It was dramatic.”
“Yeah but you make it dramatic dramatic.” He countered.
I held in my groan as I stared down at the paper that was already blurring together. 
“Ok, fine, I’ll continue.” 
That seemed to please him as he relaxed his body once more. 
“Blah blah, blah blah, kiss, blah, mashiho and y/n, blah, junkyu-”
At my incoherent rambling, Mashiho shot up from my lap and pulled me down to lay next to him.
“Mashi! Oh my god, let go of me!” I whisper-shouted as it was too late for this. I dropped the paper on the ground as he held down my hands. 
“I was joking.” He said abruptly. I leaned back so I could examine his face, which was drooping and sad.
“Joking about what?” 
“I don’t like listening to your story just because it’s amazingly written and dramatic, I like listening to it reminds me of how bad I hurt you and reminds me of how I should treat you from here on,” he said confidently. I noticed how his face pinched together in pain and regret and instinctively, I reached out my hand to soften his face. 
“I like reading this story because it reminds me of how powerful I can become and it’s sort of fun being the heroine for once.” I admit with a smile. 
The boy looked at me with a tilted head. “Y/n, this is your life, you’re always the the main character of your life.”
I sighed and softly kissed him on the lips.
“You’re right, Mashi. And you’re my hunky male lead.” 
284 notes · View notes
fairyscribbles · 6 years
Text
No More Running. (D.O, Romantic Confession)
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By the way my loves, no need to worry about me! I decided to clean my folder and I found a lot of stories that I haven’t posted on tumblr yet, and I am pretty proud of them! So these are things that were written a while ago, but you get to see now! <3
-
You pushed your feet to go faster, feeling the strain in your muscles as you sped down the dark alleyway. You muted out the gruff yells that were behind you and your mind was only set on one thing- escaping the situation you’ve gotten yourself into.
You haven’t done anything wrong. You were innocent, and yet it was you who ended up being chased again.
You knew very well who was following you. And you knew they were toying with you. If they would’ve wanted, the vampires would have already ripped your jugular out.
They weren’t doing this for hunger. Oh no, the reason was far more personal than an innocent feeding.
This was an act of revenge, an eye for an eye. But they had the wrong person. You weren’t supposed to be executed for this reason.
You sharply turned left, almost losing your footing as you slammed into the side of the building. You could faintly register the burning on your arm as it scratched against the building, willing yourself to go faster.
This was all just a big mistake. They weren’t supposed to go after you. You weren’t the one closest to Do Kyungsoo, the werewolf they wanted to hurt the most.
Kyungsoo made sure you knew that well.
-
“Look…” he started, pausing after muttering your name. His eyes were set on the ground.
“This isn’t because of you…”
“Oh, of course not. It’s never me, it’s always you.” You cut him off, your hands balled into fists at your sides. He tried to open his mouth to protest, but you didn’t let him.
“At first, it was about you being different. When I showed you I had absolutely no problem with you being a werewolf, you changed the story to the “enormous” age gap problem.” You stated, crooking your fingers in the air in imaginative quote marks. Kyungsoo’s full lips pursed in a thin line, his brows furrowed.
“Even when I said that three years aren’t that bad, you’ve apparently come up with another one.” Crossing your arms on your chest, you glared at him.
“Let’s hear it, then.” He started out with your name again, and no matter how much you loved hearing it rolling off his lips, you willed yourself not to be affected by it.
“I cannot…I’m too dangerous for you.”
“Oh, that is rich.” You scoffed and Kyungsoo showed his distaste of interrupting him by growling deep in his chest. Sometimes, you forget that Kyungsoo is really a dangerous being, but no one could blame you- he is always so gentle and nice, it isn’t hard to let your mind slip with that little fact that he is able to transform into a great beast.
You pursed your lips, holding in all the other snarky comments until he is finished.
“I’m too dangerous. After all these years, I’ve made too many enemies. They could hurt you to get to me. And the biggest enemy is right in this room.” You lifted your eyebrow in question and Kyungsoo pointed at his chest.
“It’s me. I could hurt you so easily…” he muttered almost to himself, as he lifted his hand and his thumb brushed gently over your cheek. It took all you had not to lean into his touch, as you stared into his eyes, which seemed to be torn by uncertainty.
“Just with a flick of my wrist, I could break you bones…”
“You don’t have to flick anything but your tongue, to let those words out and break my heart.” You added, your voice lowering to his whisper. Pain flashed through his eyes and to your dismay, his hand retreated from your skin. He was already taking steps back, away from you.
“I’m sorry, I can’t…I can’t risk it. I’m so sorry.”
You would’ve cried, but you didn’t have the energy anymore. Sadly, you were so used to Kyungsoo walking out on you; it didn’t hurt as much as the last time.
You loved him, and you were sure he loved you back. The fact that after every single time he left, he returned to you made you realize that he was unable to be without you.
Do Kyungsoo’s machinations of his mind were an enigma, you decided, as you stared at the closed door, a thought crept in your head that it might’ve been a metaphor about Kyungsoo.
The closed door might be a metaphor on your relationship with Kyungsoo.
You were left all alone.
-
And alone, you had to face the two bloodthirsty vampires at your heels. You felt that your muscles started to scream in pain, but you couldn’t allow yourself to slow down. Slowing down mean certain death.
“Think fast, wolf bait!” a crystal clear voice called out behind you and not a second later, a sharp rock came in contact with your scalp. With a yelp, you stumbled but kept your balance. Your head throbbed, and that pain seemed to break down the numbness your brain created when they started chasing you.
You were being chased by vampires. And your only hope, the only one that could save you, turned his back on you.
That didn’t stop you from calling for help.
“Help…” the only word whimpered through your lips and the vile creatures behind you cackled.
“No one will come, sweetie. Stop running and we’ll make it quick.”
I don’t want to make it quick. I want to live, you wanted to tell the vampires, but you knew it would be useless.
“Please, help!” your voice grew louder as you took another turn. You noticed your grave mistake too late, that you ran into a dark alley, that was most probably cut off by some obstacle. Your fears came true, as a metal fence started rising above you and soon enough, you collided into it, hoping it would topple over.
Not happening. The fence stood there long before you and it probably will continue standing proud long after you’re gone.
You searched for a weapon of any kind- you were positive that you wouldn’t find any silver in the abandoned alleyway, so you settled for a broken vodka bottle. You clenched it by the throat, facing the predators with shaky legs.
“Leave me alone.” You tried to make your voice firm, but it cracked to a plea in the middle of the sentence, making the vampires laugh.
“We can’t do that, honey. There’s no escape. I’m sorry.” The monster replied and as if his speech triggered your reflex, your legs set off running again.
You didn’t get far though, as an arm shot up to meet you, sending you flying back to the fence. With a cry, you tried to catch your breath, your eyes glazing over with tears.
“Kyungsoo…” his name escaped your lips and your attacker grinned.
“Yes, thank him for killing you.”
“Kyungsoo, help me…” you were far too gone with fear, trying to back up even further into the fence when the vampire started approaching you.
“No! Stay back! Please!”
“So loud…” the other one growled, slapping you across the cheek. The sole impact had you losing your balance as you fell on the ground, knocking your head on some rubbish. Sobbing, you tried to crawl away from your death, into the corner of the building and the fence.
“Please, no!” you cried again, when you felt an iron grip on your ankle yank you away from your haven.
“Shut up already!”
“Say your prayers, flower.”  The first one finally said, lifting his arm to strike you again, but this time, you were sure it would be the last.
“Kyungsoo!” you shrieked, your eyes closing and awaiting the impact.
A growl cut through the air and soon enough, ripping and yells reached your ears, before you covered them, cutting them off.
You wanted out. This was just  a horrible nightmare, you wanted out, to wake up. Or if it had to be real life, you just wanted to die, to finally have it over with and to die in peace. Oh god, that was the only thing you wanted, just to get out…
Your ranting was interrupted by a familiar voice calling your name. At first, you thought it was just your mind playing tricks, but when big hands covered yours, gently prying them off your ears, you heard that concerned voice again.
You opened your eyes and as you stared into Kyungsoo’s worried ones, you couldn’t fight the tears anymore and you broke down, crying.
“Did they hurt you? Hey, ___, talk to me, please.” His hand cupped your chin, tilting you up to meet his gaze again, while his other one gently swiped at the swollen cheek and busted lip that the vampires rewarded you with. His eyes laced with fury, and a growl rumbled off his chest.
“They didn’t bite you, right?” he asked carefully and relief washed over him when you shook your head.
“Did they hurt you anywhere else?”
“You came.” You interrupted his interrogation by throwing your arms around his neck and hugging him tight. You refused to let go of him, your grip around his neck was almost bordering with pain, but either way, one of arms wrapped around your back, bringing you impossibly close, while the other one cradled your head.
“I’m so sorry I came so late. I’m so sorry.” He whispered into your ear, while you proceeded to cry into his neck.
“I was so scared…” you were only able to hiccup through your sobs.
“I know, and I’m so sorry, but it’s all okay now, I’m here…” Kyungsoo started rocking you gently, trying to calm you down.
“But for how long? How long until you’ll leave again?” you’ve managed to form a longer sentence now, your grip automatically tightening when you spoke of him leaving.
“Forever. I’ll never leave you again.” His hand ran through your hair, and when he brought out bloody fingers because of your injury, he gently pushed you away so he could look into your eyes.
“I never wanted you to experience something like this. I thought that if I left you, they would lose interest in you, and yet the only thing I did was make you completely vulnerable.” As he spoke, your eyes cast downwards to look at his shirt. He brought your attention back to his face when he kissed your brow gently and you looked up in surprise.
“I promise to take care of you from now until you’ll want me. I’ll never let anything happen to you again. If someone as much as touches you, I’ll make sure they’ll regret it.” The determination in his eyes told you he was speaking the truth. A moment later, uncertainty crept through the irises.
“That is, if you still want me.” Normally, you would’ve scoffed, but now, you wound your arms around his neck again and nodded into his shoulder.
You could feel as Kyungsoo wrapped one arm under your knees and lifted you into his embrace, as if you weighed nothing.
“Never leave me again, please.”
“I won’t. I promise.”
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magioftheseas · 6 years
Text
Day 1 - Reserve
Written for @the-hinata-project 
Prompt: Reserve Course Student Hinata
Rating: G
Warnings: Lowkey manipulation and insecurity, but other than that, not much.
Notes: Alright, so I’m still in the middle of these, but like... Here’s the first one! They’re all going to be pretty short, around 2K but I’m gonna do my best to finish all of them so wish me luck...! And this first fic is gen. No ships. Next ones won’t be so gen. It’s also pre-HPA. Kind of.
***Alternate Ao3 Link***
Commission? Donate?
The last wish he made on New Year’s was a simple one.
I want to get into Hope’s Peak.
But of course that  would never happen.
“Can’t you dream more realistically, Hajime? Do you have any idea how expensive Hope’s Peak actually is? We can’t afford that.”
“I... I know that, but...”
“If you know then why are you burdening us with this? Please. Just think about other people besides yourself for once.”
“...sorry.”
His mother sighs, but ruffles his hair in a show of affection.
“You current high school isn’t so bad, right? You can make good friends here, and it’s a fine school.”
“I guess it’s...decent,” he mumbles.
“Just don’t even worry about Hope’s Peak anymore,” she tells him. “It’s impossible, and it can’t be helped. Keep your chin up. Okay?”
“...fine...”
Because he knew, after all, that she had a point. They couldn’t afford it. And he wasn’t talented. It was a pipe dream to attend. Nothing more. Nothing less.
Still...
--
For his birthday, he was given a new laptop to replace the old. It was a fairly recent model. Pretty expensive. Likely compensation. He can’t say he didn’t like it.
He wasn’t ungrateful. He doesn’t think so.
It’s just that I admire Hope’s Peak more than anything.
So much so that he finds himself on the forums first thing.
>Does anyone have any idea who’s going to be in the upcoming batch?
>They haven’t finished scouting, right? Oh, but I just saw on the news that an actual princess was accepted! Hope’s Peak really can get in anyone!
>Wow, actual royalty?!
>There’s this photographer I follow. She’s getting in, too, I’m pretty sure.
>I just saw Saionji Hiyoko-san’s performance last week. I’m positive she’s getting in.
>I’m more interested in the princess. Can you imagine how lucky it would be to meet an actual princess?
>>They’ll be running the lottery in a month or so. What I would give to have more of a chance...
>Wow, they’re doing that again?
>With how much getting into the reserve course costs, you probably have a better chance with the lottery...
>But if you win the lottery, you’re actually considered talented. Reserves are just...y’know, reserves.
>But you’ll get to meet the princess, potentially. I think the money’s worth it, even if all I can do is steal a glance!
>Still... Seems so lame that you can just pay your way in...
>But brand name recognition is pretty powerful...
>>I heard you can actually get into the main course from the reserve course if you do well enough.
>No way! That’s a pipe dream! Maybe if you paid like, twice as much!
>Must be nice to be rich, huh...
Hinata stares, wondering what to type, but also letting the thoughts swirl around in his head.
>>I would do anything to get into Hope’s Peak. But my family just can’t afford that.
>Yeah, mine neither. Who actually can?
>You’d be surprised... They’re getting a lot of enrollments.
>You can’t like...get a scholarship or anything? It’s not like you need to go to college after attending Hope’s Peak.
>Well the golden gates can’t open that wide, I suppose...
>It’s for the best. If just about anyone could get in, it wouldn’t be that special.
Hinata bites his lip, picking at the peeling skin with his teeth.
>>Still. I want to get in more than anything.
>If you aren’t talented, it can’t be helped.
>>I would give anything.
>Pffft. No kidding. I’d give an arm and a leg, probably.
>>I would give anything.
>A lot of people would.
>You’re like a super fan, huh. Well, I am, too, but still...
>>Getting into Hope’s Peak has always been my dream.
>Everyone wants to be special, man.
>But if everyone was special then no one would be special.
>It can’t be helped. You’re either born talented or you aren’t.
>Right?! I must have spent hours drawing but there was always that one person I could just never compare to. It’s hopeless!
>You shouldn’t say hopeless on the Hope’s Peak forums!
>Haha, sorry!
>>I’ve never been talented. There’s not one thing I’m particularly good at.
>Normie...
>>But I want to get into Hope’s Peak Academy... More than anything.
>Give it up. For your own good. Wishing for the impossible isn’t healthy.
>Hey, don’t tell him that! What if he ends up winning the lottery?
>Yeah, right!
>>I’m not particularly lucky, either.
>Luck’s not a talent anyway.
>Are you sure? I’ve known people who get ridiculously lucky while gambling...
>If they gamble too much, that luck’s bound to run out. And I bet they’re not that lucky, they just brag a lot.
>That might be true... Still it would be nice just to get into Hope’s Peak by chance...
>Whoever wins that lottery probably is ridiculously lucky considering how many people are participating. We’re talking like, every high school student in their first year in the country.
>Sucks to be other countries, huh.
>Maybe someday but for now, I like not having that much competition.
>Still a ridiculous amount competing...
>I bet it’ll be someone who can afford the reserve course if they haven’t already enrolled.
>No fair! That kind of thing should disqualify you immediately!
>>I just...want to get in...
>Yeah we all do. But it’s impossible.
>Impossible.
>Totally impossible.
>Pigs will fly first.
>I heard some Ultimates actually can make some crazy shit. We might see flying pigs pretty soon.
>That’s terrifying.
>>I just want to get in.
>You should get offline.
He should. He really, really should.
Is it really impossible?
“Of course it is,” he can practically hear them murmur. “Not only are you untalented, you can’t afford it! And you’re going to win the lottery, either!”
Hinata buries his face into his hands, shuddering.
I just... I just...
--
To his surprise, he later receives a DM. Shivering, he clicks it open.
>Would you really do anything for Hope’s Peak?
He doesn’t recognize the name of the sender but...it looks official.
>>Yes. Of course. Why?
>There actually is a program you can sign up for that will get you in without having to pay a coin.
Hinata blinked once. Twice.
It’s way too good to be true.
But he’s desperate. Beyond desperate.
>>What is this program? How can I sign up?
>Here’s the information.
--
What he’s about to do is how people get themselves abducted, he’s pretty sure. But right now, he’s desperate and... If it really was someone associated with Hope’s Peak, how bad can it be? What’s the worse than can happen?
I already have no chance getting in. I know that... But...
His heart was pounding as he took the train. He stared out the window, at HPA’s towering buildings in the distance, getting closer and closer, and he sucks in his breath.
It’s so shining that it hurts to look at.
Shining like a dream...
--
“Ah, Hinata-kun, you made it after all. So you have the necessary information?”
“Uh... Yes...” Truth be told, he didn’t understand most of it. There were a lot of words that were hard to read and pretty...advanced. “I just...well you said you couldn’t explain everything in just files, so...”
The other looked pretty professional. Sharply dressed and smiling in a way that at least seemed pretty welcoming. But...still pretty intimidating, considering the circumstances. Hinata ducked his head, feeling rather flustered.
“Yes, it’s meant to be kept very tightly under wraps, you see,” they laugh. “I need to assure confidentiality before explaining, Hinata-kun. Surely you understand.”
That’s...weird.
But it made his blood thrum with excitement to be a part of.
“I... Y-Yes, of course. Absolutely... Of course...”
“Sign this form, then, promising that.”
“O-Of course...!”
He scribbles down his signature without a second thought. The other smiled more, pleased. Hinata squirmed in his seat, and tried to keep his posture straight.
With that, the other sat across from him, polite and yet...expectant.
Ah... Hah...
“So you’re willing to do anything for this school,” they say, voice almost light but also dense with significance. “Might I ask why?”
“It’s...as I said on the forums,” Hinata mumbles, fiddling with his tie. Even dressed professionally for this would-be interview, he feels underdressed. “I’ve always admired this school. Always. It’s always been my dream to...to go there...”
The other nods, expression unchanged.
“And why do you wish so badly to go there, despite not having a talent that can be cultivated?”
Hinata flinched.
“T-That’s...! I...” He hesitates, but he soon finds the words just spilling out. “I just want to be someone I can be proud of. Someone who can stand tall. Be confident. Be significant. Isn’t that what I deserve?”
“Isn’t that what everyone deserves?”
Hinata’s nails dig into his palms.
“I admire Hope’s Peak...more than anyone. I will give whatever I can...and then more than that...if I have to.” His teeth grit. “Whatever it takes... W-Whatever it takes...!”
Even though I know it’s selfish and impossible, I just...!
He just wanted to be someone. Someone other than...this.
Unimportant. Unremarkable. A faceless, meaningless part of the mass. The idea of being consumed by mediocrity and insignificance for the rest of his life, never to matter, never to even be remembered, just to disappear, just like he never even existed—
“I’ll do...w-whatever...it takes...” He’s shaking, eyes wide and crazed. “Whatever it takes... Whatever I can...and then more than that...if I have to.”
“Ah. I see.” An easy smile. And yet, the atmosphere felt so heavy that it was near suffocating. “Very well then, Hinata-kun. That’s exactly the kind of attitude we’re looking for.”
Hinata lit up.
“R-Really?” He dares to let hope slip into his tone. “D-Do you really mean it?”
A nod.
“Hinata-kun... If you could be reborn from the faceless body of a miserable nobody into the world’s hope... Would you?”
“That...sounds too good to be true...” His heart really was racing, but he was flushed with excitement. “But... Y-Yeah... I... Of course...”
“Then, allow me to tell you about how that can be possible. If you agree, you’ll be accepted into the school, free of charge, no talent necessary. In fact, it’s even essential that you be talentless.”
I...don’t understand.
He doesn’t understand but it just sounds so incredible that he can’t help but be swayed.
“...tell me.”
“Very well.”
A folder of files is placed before him. They look too important to grasp. And the stamped out letters of CONFIDENTIAL stare back into his wide-eyed, shimmering gaze.
Fingers trembling, Hinata actually slices his finger open as he flips it open.
He doesn’t even feel the sting, as engrossed as he is in the text.
“I...”
The words swirl around in his head, over and over until he drowns in them.
“Do you need time to think about it?” the other asks him kindly. So kindly that Hinata is struck cold. “Tell you what... You can still get into the reserve course. You don’t have to say yes right away, and the deadline will be in a few months from now. You can attend classes here until then...and then make your decision on whether or not you’re willing to stay. Okay?”
“I... O-Okay.” Hinata swallows. “That’s... I’m okay with that.”
I said I’d do anything. And I do...want to do anything. But...
His hands are shaking while still gripping the files.
I can’t...let this chance slip by...even if it’s something like this. This is everything I ever wanted. Why am I even hesitating?
“It’s alright,” the other says reassuringly, taking the files away with ease. “Hinata-kun, I know you’ll make the best decision for yourself.”
For...myself. Myself...
“I...yes.”
“I’ll have them send in your acceptance letter and uniform.” His hand is shook, the grip warm and calloused. “It was a pleasure meeting you, Hinata-kun.”
“A-A pleasure... Yeah.”
Just like that, Hinata was stumbling out of Hope’s Peak, trembling and falling to pieces with every shaky step.
I have to do it, he can’t help but think. I have to do it, for...for myself...
This was going to be the year his life changed irreparably. He was sure of it.
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artcanary · 6 years
Note
1-50
oh my god dude 
im gonna put this under a cut bc this is a lot. this is a ride, have fun i guess
1. Your first OC ever?god. its got to be Super Kitty. when i was like … an incredibly small child I used to draw comic strips about this feline caped crusader, who was friends with everyone in the city, and the comics always involved him stopping an evil banana man from stealing money from the local bank. He was paid with donuts for his service to the city. i still remember how to draw him. 
2. Do you have a personal favourite among your OCs?i’d get arrested if I didn’t answer this with Bronze, probably… but really, they’re very important to me
3. Have you ever adopted a character or gotten a character from someone else?man, i cant remember! i really dont think i have… P:
4. A character you rarely talk about?there’s loads of characters ive never even posted a single picture of on tumblr, i wouldnt even know where to start asdf
5. If you could make only one of your OCs popular/known, who would it be? bronze is the easy answer, but… i guess that could also go to Servant or Westrin. Servant has a comic project in the works that basically stars him, sort of a series of one-shots about the things he’s experienced, i feel like that would be a good thing to take off and run with. Westrin’s just fun as hell, i love the guy.
6. Two OCs of yours that look alike despite not being related?real talk now… there’s at least five different characters that i refer to as a whole as “bronze-tangential”, who started out as, “what would bronze be like if they were in this world?” and then becoming their own thing within said world because i just get stupid attached 
its an epidemic
7. Are your OCs part of any story or stories?nearly all of them, actually. that’s the main reason i make characters, after all! too many to really go into specifics here, again P: 
8. Do you RP as any of your OCs? If you do, introduce one of your RP OCs here!not often, but i think Bronze and Westrin are the most common ones. unless playing a character in dnd, or running an npc in dnd counts… then a whole lot more hahaha
9. Would you ever be willing to give any of your OCs to someone else?it depends on the circumstances. i don’t really like the idea, though. 
10. Introduce an OC with a complicated design? Westrin’s old getup is a pain to draw, and there was one other design i did that I cant find anywhere… whichever way, i dont often tend to draw super complicated things often 
a couple fakemon ive designed though… heheh those can get pretty finicky
11. Is there any OC of yours you could describe as a “sunshine”? hmmmmmmmm my immediate thought was Eric Silverdale from a comic i was working on a few years ago. hes a darling, i want him to be my friend irl
12. Name an OC that isn’t yours but who you like a lothow could you do this to me i love each and every one of all my friends ocs GOD the first one who comes to mind is @d20-official‘s Smith, whos Bronze’s friend… everyone in that DND party actually
13. Do you have any troublemaker OCs? Rated on a scale from “harmless” to “honestly somewhat frightening”: -Baromet (charming and quite friendly but definitely a kleptomaniac),-Westrin (demigod of bards and travelers), -XEN09 (a nonsense hacker), -Conny (needlessly contrarian and dumb as HELL), -Enza Colie (long fucking story but hes a good-for-nothing), -Hemlocke (mad scientist, chaotic evil), -Iris (AI and hacker, VERY bad), -The Terminus (glitch-in-the-matrix demon, chaotic evil), -and Sydd (the Queen of the Faeries, hopefully the danger there needs no explaining :’D)
14. Introduce an OC with a tragic backstory Mmm… there’s a few of them, most obviously Lent (whose background I did a short comic about). Basically his entire town got eaten by ghosts and turned into zombies, he only barely survived with a sliver of his soul left. 
15. Do you like to talk about your OCs with other people?yes, i often discuss storylines and such with friends
16. Which one of your OCs would be the best at biology (school subject)? Probably Bronze’s dad! I don’t talk about him much, but his name’s Devon Reed, and he was a biotech developer specialising in android design. 
I often describe him as being something of a reverse Arthur Weasley - a very fatherly scientist fascinated to the moon and back with the concept of magic. 
17. Any OC OTPs? having trouble thinking of a lot of them right now, but there’s Eric + Lent & Naiadine + Tailias from Emerald Sigil, Avken + Baromet from my space campaign world, Sydd + Wyvv from my unnamed campaign world, and I’ve been considering Westrin + Servant as an interesting dynamic in Servant’s story
18. Any OC crackships? My character Bismuth and @autistictimeknight​‘s oc Eros. Theyre so fucking in love, I love it. Its been awhile but I do still think about them sometimes.
As I recall, Eros is an empath, she can read other people’s emotions. But Bismuth is a robot, and Eros can’t read her. Because of this Eros can let go of her fear of unintentionally manipulating the emotions of her date, which would hold her back from most other relationships. 
19. Introduce an OC that means a lot to you (and explain why)Hey, meet Bronze! I definitely do not talk about them every five minutes, why would you say that. 
Bronze was with me through two of the hardest years of my life so far, and being a DND character they grew with me, both as a fighter and as a person. They were non-binary before I started using those pronouns, they were the first character or person or anything who I fought someone about using the right pronouns for, they make a great icebreaker for if I want to see how someone reacts to non-binary pronouns … 
One funny anecdote about Bronze is that when I first made them, their “gimmick” was that they would sometimes glitch out and mess up their speech, mostly because I wanted an excuse not to engage in the roleplaying (which I was very bad at). The interesting thing is that as I got better at interacting with the group, we both grew out of needing it very quickly. 
I’m very proud of Bronze. 
20. Do any of your OCs sing? If they sing, care to share more details (headcanon voice, what kind of songs they like etc)?Westrin is a bard! His singing voice sounds like Bill Wurtz and these are his theme songs.
21. Your most artistic OCProbably Westrin again, he writes a lot of songs… and Hallux is a game designer?
22. Is there any OC of yours people tend to mischaracterize? If yes, how? I honestly dont know… no-one talks to me about them, haha! 
people use all manner of pronouns for bronze, though. 
23. Introduce OC that has changed from your first idea concerning what the character would be like?I’m gonna go with Enza for this one. Enza Colie was originally written entirely because I wanted an antagonist for a short starring his sister, Jane Colie. But the more I fleshed out his reasonings for acting how he did and explored his character, the more I realised he’d make an even more interesting character if allowed to have a redemption arc, too. 
I just want to state for the record that I was very reluctant to the idea, and he basically dragged his way out of the villain pit entirely of his own accord. I am dubiously proud of him, and also a bit scared. 
24. If you could meet one OC of yours, who would it be and why?Probably either Eric (Big Man, Best Friend), Crocus (Mother figure), Reed (Father Figure), Westrin (hed just make a good friend u kno??), or Bismuth (she makes good conversation!)
25. The OC that resembles you the most (same hobby, height, shared like/dislike for something etc?)probably the homestuck fan-troll Hallux, but that’s mostly because they were based on a troll-sona I made awhile ago. They’re a hope/prospit game designer who is small and full of rage and love
oh, and there’s dave! dave’s a superhero speedster, existing in a modern-day superhero version of seattle. theyre idiot, just like me,
26. Have you ever had to change your OC’s design or something else about them against your will? this is an interesting one… i don’t think ive ever had something Bad in a design ive done called to my attention by someone, but I did create my character Servant at around the same time I was first really expanding the diversity of my casts. (since i don’t talk about him often, a little context: he’s a magic spirit creature bound to human form to serve the royal family of the land and follow their orders.) 
somehow, younger-and-more-stupid me managed to have the revelation that making this “eternal slave” character literally anything other than a white man, especially as a white author, would be Pretty Not Good. im … thats really, really not something i should pat myself on the back for, but i do consider it one of the biggest bullets dodged in my artistic career so far that i realised that not all representation is good representation so quickly, before i could make that incredibly, incurably stupid mistake. 
after that, trying to make sure my characters and their presentations don’t harm anyone pretty much has become a paranoia. i don’t seem to have stepped on any toes yet, but when it inevitably happens, please let me know - i didnt know, and i want to fix it! 
27. Any OCs that were inspired by a certain song? None that I can think of, actually! I don’t really do that often. 
28. Your most dangerous OC? god damn it i have no idea!!! is it the terminus? glitch in the matrix god of chaos motherfucker?is it sarle? terrifying calculating scientist with the power of the soul at her fingertips ??? is it ares??? is it athena????? is it petra?????? the gatekeeper???? 
… actually, the gatekeeper might be it, if “dangerous” just refers to “the amount of raw power it can wield”. the Gatekeeper is a titanic entity that exists in interdimensional multiverse space, and its implied to have the ability to create and destroy entire universe bubbles at will. for what cosmic purpose, no-one knows. 
at a more personal scale, though, literally all of the aforementioned characters are pretty bad to run into too. 
29. Which one of your OCs would go investigate an abandoned house at night without telling anyone they’re going?god. Mina or Tawn. Tawn is the Indiana Jonesy type and probably dumb enough, but also competent enough not to get into too much trouble there. Mina would probably drag her friends along. 
30. Which one of your OCs would most likely have a secret stuffed animal collection? XEN09. No-one knows, because no-one knows xir personal identity. Xe absolutely does, though. It’s less of a secret if you know xir in person, but good luck finding out about it otherwise. 
31. Pick one OC of yours and explain what their tumblr blog would be like (what they reblog, layout, anything really)dave just reblogs memes all the time tbh. they like to keep tabs on the ridiculous superhero news going on, and they show human jokes and cat videos to their alien gf. they dont really post or add to posts, but they talk in tags a lot. 
32. Which one of your OCs would be the most suitable horror game protagonist and why? i want to say tawn because i literally just realised ive been imagining their voice as sounding like luigi this entire fucking time and i never realised until this exact instant
33. Your shyest OC?probably baromet. they prefer to keep to themself in their hideout, with their collection of shiny things. they don’t really enjoy trying to communicate much, mostly because they expect to get yelled at. 
34. Do you have any twin characters?Yes! At least two sets; 
- Crocus and Sarle. (x) (x) They don’t exactly have a very well-developed relationship, but they are both quite important to the plot of my campaign world, and they are both very interesting. Crocus is a motherly figure who just exudes friendliness, while Sarle is .. very much not that, a researcher studying very gruesome things and pushing the boundaries of reality. 
- Jane and Enza Colie. I haven’t talked a whole lot about either of them here, but I’d rather leave their story to do the talking whenever I get around to it. Essentially, the both of them were intended to do the dirty work for their crime boss family, but Jane ditched to study medicine. Most of the conflict between the two of them comes out of Enza not understanding why she made the choice she did, and coming to understand how he’s been manipulated. 
35. Any sibling characters? I can’t really think of any off the top of my head, I should … I should really work on that. 
I can talk about Westrin, though. Westrin (a demigod of many things, but namely bards, travel, travelers, and people who are lost) often becomes close friends with mortals, sometimes practically adopting them. These people who consider him family, and people who have received his blessing, are able to use his surname, Brilanta, as their own if they choose. So I guess all of the Brilantas are siblings, at least in spirit. 
Oh, and XEN09 has like, seven siblings. Xe is the second-oldest, and least remarkable. 
36. Do you have OC pairs where the other part belongs to someone else (siblings, lovers, friends etc)? I already talked about Eros and Bismuth up there a ways in question 18, but I’ll talk about another relationship here. @autistictimeknight​‘s character, Nova the Alchemist, is mentor and adopted parental figure to my character Munna. Munna … Munna isn’t a very good apprentice. She tries very hard. 
37. Introduce an OC who is not quite human That’s most of them, I’m not quite sure what to say here. Bronze is an android? Bronze again? Westrin? All the aliens ?? 
38. Which one of your OCs would be the best dancer? man. uh. westrin or jean. or perhaps valencia. 
39. Introduce any character you want ??? uhhhHHHhhHHH Lord Brillium is the reigning deity of the Cloud Kingdoms in the other campaign setting I’m working on. They represent light and the quest for knowledge, and spend most of their days in the Cathedral Observatory watching the stars. 
40. Any fond memories linked to your characters? Feel free to share!one time bronze flew a hover-bike through the stained glass window in a cathedral blaring all star by smash mouth on their iguana
also one time bronze rickrolled a rakshasa demon and then pulled updog on it like, two minutes later
another time bronze scared off an entire army by pretending to be an automated security system 
41. Has anyone drawn fanart of your OCs? If yes, maybe show a picture or two here (remember sources & permissions!)ive got a whole little folder on here from all you blessed people !!!! right now ive got a drawing quinn did of one o fmy characters as my lockscreen
but i think the one i’ll really never ever get over is this piece of Jane, by @rabendraws​ / @owoltron​: 
Tumblr media
(i bet you thought i forgot about this, dude. dude. think again.) 
42. Which one of your OCs would be the most interested in Greek gods? this is kind of a weird question, m, I feel like Bismuth would find learning about the mythos utterly fascinating, as would Tawn. 
43. Do you have any certain type when you create your OCs? Do you tend to favour some certain traits or looks? It’s time to confesshaha. uh. i might. 
aside from the entire “bronze-tangential characters” thing i mentioned awhile back, I tend to really like designing characters with hair color lighter than their skin color. it just looks so cool man. i love drawing freckles but dont put them on enough characters. i like really curly hair, but also really long and flowy hair. i like drawing triangular body types, and pointy/prominent noses. 
44. Something you like about your OCs in generaluhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh this is a really vague question. m. m. 
45. A character you no longer use?there’s old versions of characters, but a lot of my older ones have been somehow repurposed. I guess there’s Turien, my first-ever DND character, who’s just kind of sitting dead now. Haven’t really done anything with him other than a pretty recent tangential character. 
46. Has anyone ever told you that you treat your OCs badly?Not that I can think of.
47. Has anyone ever (friendly) claimed any of your OCs as their child? Im certain it’s happened, but I can’t remember any specific instances. 
48. OC who is a perfect cinnamon roll, too good for this world, too pureSpring. spring knows nothing of th dangers of the world who is letting them into fights someon eneeds to stop this
(spring roll, hehe.) 
49. Which one of your OCs would most likely enjoy memesim not sure what this question is asking since many of my ocs actively enjoy memes including but not limited to westrin, dave, bronze, xen09, iris, and doctor archersen
50. Give me the good ol’ OC talk here. Talk about anything you wanti think. i think im going to pass on this one. i gave you the good old oc talk. your damn turn, yall: 
if you have any questions about any of these guys feel free to shoot one at me!
thats all from me im tired and its one am. techskylander you absolute madman 
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synnematic · 7 years
Text
DAY 3: Letters to A Loved One
for @saboace-week
TWO PARTS:
Letters to No One ( written by me ) multiple chapters
a03: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13955610/chapters/32125773
A Couple Years Too Late ( written by @reiji--san ) single chapter
a03: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13955889
Summary: 
A collection of letters written over time with no set destination, but always a person in mind.
Letters to No One
Dear Sabo,
This is stupid.
Makinos got this idea in her head that I’m sad. Which I’m not. Im not sad anymore at all. I’m not. Its just hard. Youre not  When you died FUCK. Whatever. fuck spelling and whatnot too. not like you can read this anymore anyway. look. this is suposed to help i guess. a coping mechi mechen method. i write this letter and she stops naging at me. whatever it takes to make them all stop loking at me like im going to snap any second or try to run off again. not like i would anyway.
i know youre not coming back.
you’re dead
you left and you died and theres nothin i can do to turn back time or bring you back or get revenge becus the people that killed you are already GONE and i didnt even know until it was already to late
but im fine
im fine
im not fine
luffy is well hes been better but hes always been a crybaby so he’ll get better. im supposed to be strong now, stronger but i dont really  i don’t know how to handle the emotions and whatnot. not like you did. you always seemed to just GET it always sayin the right things, calmin me us him down. i can’t do that but im trying. im getting better i think.
we’ll get thrugh it
fuck this is stupid
what’s the point in writing a letter youl never read? or writing at all damn it
you taght me how to do this bulshit but i never thought id have to use it like this
fuck im not supposed to cry. messed up the ink now. not that it matters but still i wanted to fuck i dont know what i wanted anymore
sorry
im sorry sabo. i should have been i dunno. something. its different without you. too quiet and theres this pain in my chest all the time. like i’m the one that got shot. don’t get it but i hate it and it hurts and i just i wish you were here. i really wish you were here
i miss you
    ace
sabo,
hey i uhh found the other letter. never ended up giving it to makino but i think she knew i wrote it at least. luffy did but i don’t know what he did with his. i kept mine in the tree house, under one of the loose boards. its a little water damaged but i don’t think you really care huh?
this is still weird, talking to you like this. even though its not really a talk if its only one way. just like talking to an empty room but not even talking out loud
sorry
its been two years now to the day. maybe thats why i ended up finding the old letter in the first place. havent really been to the tree house much since then anyway because
well you know
went to the cliff tho. the one we used to sit at? i went there first yknow when i got youre letter. took me a while since im still not great at reading. getting better tho. it was quiet. always kinda is but really quiet this time with just a little wind. I think it would be a good day to go sailing. was it like this when you left too? dogma said it was a nice day but i dont really remember it that way.
i dont know why i do this to myself. same as last time i always get   i dunno. my chest still hurts. theres a doctor in foosha i went to once a while ago. thought maybe something was wrong with me. he said it was heart break. youd think this is something id get over but i guess not
youre still dead and im still breaking
i dont know when its gonna stop
if it does at all
    ace
sabo,
Is it nice where you are?
Overheard some people talking about it today. Talking about death and what comes after. It sounds nice. Heaven. If thats where you went. I think it should be. Where you went, that is, but nice too I guess.
It sounds warm.
I wonder sometimes if my mom went there too. Still dont really know much about her but she sounded nice. Maybe youve met? Is my d   Nah it doesn’t matter. I hope its nice there. I dont really beleive in that kinda stuff normaly, still kinda dont but i hope its true and youre happy there. Happier than you were here
I know its probably a stupid thing to ask but do you think ill ever be able to join you there?
The waves were choppy at the cliff today. Almost angry. Theres a storm comin but i think ill still go there later. Maybe
Ive been thinking about death a lot lately
    ace
Hey
I didn’t jump, obviously, since i’m writing to you now. Again. Sorry for the silence. Sometimes I just— I dont know. Everything rushes to my head all at once. It helps, occasionally, but then there are the times where my head fills with one singular drive or emotion and thats it, that’s all I can focus on. It used to be anger. So much anger. That was easier than the sadness though. Or the guilt.
There’s things I haven’t really told you. A lot of things actually. I was trying to be strong I guess. Still am. But Makino was right about one thing. It does help, these letters. I like to think sometimes that you just know. That you can read them or that my words somehow magically transfer to you. Wherever you are. But I know that kinda stuff doesnt happen. Not really. So this is more me talking to myself then. That I can do.
So for starters I guess, I had a dream about you last night. I used to have dreams about you a lot. Nightmares too. It’s been a while though, at least a few months since the last one. Normally the dreams are the same, extended memories or something small but usually just the two of us, sometimes luffy. Last night you turned to me in my dream but your face wasn’t right. And I think that’s more terrifying than any of the nightmares i’ve had.
I’m starting to forget what you look like, what you sound like.
It’s been six years now. Longer than the time I knew you. All I have left is the flag Luffy and I found in the wreckage of your ship. I tried to look for more but most of it’s been buried now and i’m afraid. I don’t know what Id do if I found your bones there.
We never took any pictures, never saved enough for something as meaningless as a camera and i regret that now.
I think i’m going to get a tattoo soon. Before I leave the island. Even if I forget what you look like and the sound of your laugh I still want to take you with me somehow. So you can sail the seas instead of — well.
I just don’t want to forget you sabo
    Ace
Me again,
I got that tattoo that I said I would in my last letter. It’s been a while now but it still itches every once in a while. Hah, you should have seen the guys face when I explained what I wanted done. People still keep mistaking it for a mispelling. As if I didn’t know how to spell my own name.
Anyway, got that done a little before I left Dawn and a lot has happened since then. I have my own crew! And a devil fruit too, though man was that a surprise. Still don’t really have the best of control over it and I set random things on fire sometimes but I think I’m starting to get the hang of it. I’m a CAPTAIN now! Got my own flag and everything. We’re the Spade pirates. Isn’t that cool? The Ace of Spades is supposed to be a card that symbolizes death but I don’t think we’re so bad. Hell, we’ve actually helped a lot of people so I hope you’re proud of me. Still wish you could have been my navigator but we probably would have ended up fighting all the time huh? Can’t have two people that want to be captain in the same crew obviously. You would have loved this life though.
I know you’re probably in a pretty nice place yourself right now but the open sea on a clear day is the most beautiful thing. And the STARS Sabo — when the sun sets down low you don’t even need the moon to see, the stars are so bright. Brighter than they ever were on the island.
You’re up there somewhere huh?
Is the view better than the one I’ve got right now?
Seven years is a long time my friend. I’ve grown a lot since I last saw you. Do you grow at all where you are? I bet I’d still be taller than you.
Wish you were here
    Ace
Hey Sabo
I think I need some advice right about now.
It’s been 103 days since Whitebeard defeated me and took me onto his flagship. Yeah, uhh, probably should have updated you on that sooner, huh? My bad. My crew was defeated not that long after I was too. We’re all here now but we’re fine I promise. Actually, that’s kinda my problem.
I want No, I wanted to kill him at first. Whitebeard. All this time hearing about my dad and all he accomplished in life, all he did. So many people that respected or hated him and I just — I don’t know. I heard that Whitebeard was around and I figured if I could just be the one to take him down, the one to kill him even when Roger couldn’t then maybe — Maybe I could prove myself. Prove that I’m stronger than him, than Roger. That I’m better somehow. Or at least different.
Not that that really worked out.
Could have killed me but instead he took me here and made this stupid speech about family and trust and wanting me to be his son or something and I told him no. Obviously. I don’t need a family after all, or at least more family. I’ve got Luffy. And you. Plus I wasn’t  I’m not about to just throw away my own ambitions yknow? I promised you, I PROMISED you that we’d go out to sea and live free lives, the life of pirates. I don’t want that to end, not when I wanted to take you with me on that journey, the life you never got to live.
So I kept fighting and fighting and fighting over and over again, new tactics, new plans. But Sabo I’m so tired now.
So tired.
And they’re really starting to grow on me. As much as I’ve tried to avoid the crew or even piss them off. There’s this one guy, Thatch, in particular that is just too god damn nice ALL THE TIME. And Marco too though he’s kinda stuck up. And they keep talking about family. About belonging and — I don’t know.
Is it bad that a part of me wants that? To have an actual home? To belong?
They don’t know though, not yet at least. They don’t know who I am and maybe — FUCK I don’t know. I don’t know how they’d react to knowing who I am, what I am. I’m scared to find out. But is it worth trying?
Would you hate me if I gave up a part of my freedom for something more?
I feel like I’m betraying you somehow. But at the same time I think you would want me to be happy too.
I don’t know yet for sure but maybe, maybe this is my one chance.
    Ace
He KILLED him.
One of the few genuine friends I have and he’s dead. All because of GREED. Why does this keep happening. Every time I grow attached and start to feel safe something like this happens again just to prove how messed up the world really is. Over a stupid FRUIT and now thatch is dead and— fuck. A member of my own division too. My responsibility and I failed again. Just like I failed you.
I can’t protect ANYONE. Even after all the training and the fighting, the missions and responsibilities. But when it actually matters I’m not even there and my friend gets stabbed in the back and left to DIE.
The blood’s on my hands. I should have known. Should have picked up on the signs and done something — anything . But I was too late. Again. And now he’s gone and that TRAITOR is who knows where.
Well not this time.
This isn’t going to be like what happened with you, with an enemy I never knew and had no chance of finding.
This time I’m going to find him and I’m going to make him pay.
I don’t care if I’m cursed. Maybe I brought this on them in the first place, just by being here. But I’m not going to just sit by and let this happen again. I couldn’t take revenge for you but I can for Thatch.
I can at least do that.
Sabo,
I’m getting close.
I know you probably don’t care, but writing to you like this is the only thing that seems to be keeping me sane recently. It’s like I’m chasing a damn shadow. Every time I get close or feel like I’ve finally caught up the bastard does something to out maneuver me or fuck me up somehow. It’s been months now but this time I think I’ve finally cornered him. Teach is apparently on his way to Water 7 now and there’s a little island, Banaro, that he’s sure to stop at. If I can get there before he leaves then I can finally avenge Thatch. I can make up for my own failures and make sure that he never hurts anyone from my family again.
I dunno how it’s going to go yet but he hasn’t had much time to master his new fruit yet so I should have the upper hand regardless of whatever that rat has planned.
Short letter this time, I know, but I don’t really have a lotta time to waste right now. I’ll be reaching port soon and from there — well, who knows. Guess I’ll probably update you again afterwards though, or whenever I get back to the rest of my crew.
It’s nice to know that I’ll finally be able to avenge someone important to me. Risky, but I know you’d do the same.
    Ace
Sabo,
I’m being executed today.
Guess that’s a solid way to start off my last  this letter, huh? Yeah, nice going Ace, well done. I really know how to keep things upbeat in these damn things don’t I?
Damn it.
Teach, well he, FUCK— sorry.
I don’t want to do this.
He beat me. I don’t have any excuses, nothin I can say to make up for what happened or explain it in anyway. He just did. Just another reason to hate him I guess, but if the alternative was joining him then this is better. Much better, Still, uhh, it hasn’t exactly been fun. Impel Down was just about as bad as I expected, maybe worse even. There’s— you know what, it doesn’t matter what it was like. You don’t need to know that.
Maybe I’m just stalling now.
They don’t really give a lot of time for these things apparently, even when they’re last requests. Bullshit, but I think they just don’t want me to be late for my closeup. Gol D. Roger’s only son means I’m about to broadcasted all around the world. Thanks dad. Great perks. Though, I expected as much. Just proving what I always feared.
ANYWAY, at least I’ve had a lot of time to think lately. Don’t actually know how long I was locked up in there but the silence does things to people, to me. I didn’t dream much while I was there, kinda hard to sleep, but I thought about you a lot. Actually, been thinkin about you a lot for a while but this was different I suppose.
The guys down there like to talk a lot. It helps pass the time but most of them are kinda shit people so I didn’t reply much. Still listened though.
Y’know, in twenty years, I’ve done a lot, seen a lot, experienced a lot— more than most my age, but there’s a lot I didn’t get to do too, didn’t learn about.
I never really thought about love until recently. It’s not really a pirate thing, huh? High seas and all that nonsense but life moves fast and a lot happens all at once. Not a lotta time to sit around and, I dunno, dream?
Whatever. Well, the guys down there talked a surprising amount about it, like it’s something magical, better than any other treasure, and it got me thinkin. I’ve never really cared about that stuff, haven’t since I was a kid. But I guess that’s because I figured no one would be able to stand me for long, no one would actually accept me for who I am. But, that’s not really right, huh? Since you did that right from the start. I’ve known that for ages but guess it didn’t really sink in until now.
Call it childish innocence or whatever, but you accepted me even back then when I was broody and angry and maybe a little murderous. You knew who I was, my history, my dreams, and you didn’t laugh or run away or anything like that. You smiled that stupid smile of yours and just accepted me, all of me.
Here I am about to— about to leave , and it’s because there’s a whole fucking WORLD out there that can’t seem to do the same thing a five year old noble brat could — no offense.
And y’know, if that’s the closest I get to love then I’ll take it. Hell, maybe I even love you too. Actually, no. I don’t think maybe is even a factor anymore. Seems stupid now that I think about it, but I probably loved you even back then. From the very start. Little late to be figuring that out now, huh?
They’re rushing me. Marine bastards.
I know I’ve talked a lot about, well, death. So many years spent just thinkin that I deserve it, just because of who my father was, but now that there’s this whole messed up world agreeing with me, is it wrong that I’m— fuck — I’m scared Sabo. Absolutely terrified and there’s nothing I can do about it. All these years I’ve practically asked for it and now—
I know it’s late to start saying this, way too late now, but Sabo, I want to live.
I want to do so much with my life than this. I want to explore more, see more. I want— I want what I can’t have anymore. And it sucks. It really fucking sucks, but this is how it ends for me. Goin out the same way my shitty pops did. Apparently. What a sick joke this all is.
But I'm running out of time now. Guess I’ve spent what time I had. Garp knows what to do with this after... after everything. I know it won't matter in the end, but I think all of these should be together, y'know? Just in case. It's nice to know that he still considered me family, even now. He's the only one here that seems to actually care. You would think these assholes would cut me a little slack now that we’re here but I just… I don’t think it matters to them that I'm about to die. Not even a little bit. Shouldn’t hurt, but it does. I’m still human after all. Just like them. But maybe they don’t see it like that.
I’d pray for miracles but I don’t think there are any gods out there to help me. I still don’t think there are any gods at all. Doesn't really bode well for what comes after, huh?
Luffy’s going to be mad at me. I promised him that I wouldn’t die.
Maybe we can both watch over him though? You’ll probably be mad at me for saying this but a part of me is a little relieved. At the end. At least I’ll get to see you again, right? I don’t even know if we’ll both end up in the same place, but I can hope. I really, really hope. It’s selfish but I’m glad that I won’t be alone. I don’t want to be alone anymore.
    Ace
A Couple Years Too Late
Dear Ace,
         It’s been a while, has it not? I’m sorry, but man do I have some things to tell you.
If only I could tell you.
I got your letters. Well, more like I found your letters. Stored away in a box at our old tree house. Can you believe it’s still intact after all these years? Pretty good for a couple of kids huh?
.
.
.
Dear Ace,
         I’m sorry. I can’t believe I stopped so soon. Not even a couple sentences in and I had to leave the room. What an idiot. Let me start again.
Hey Ace. How are you? Are you eating well? Getting enough rest? You have to make sure to take care of yourself, I’m not there to nag at you anymore now. You’re all grown up. I sound like such a parent I’m sorry. I just care and want the best for you. I got your letters. I’m sorry the delivery took so long. Way too long. It’s a shame this is how we reunite. I hoped I could have seen you at least once before
.
.
.
Dear Ace,
          I did it again. At this rate I’ll clean out Headquarter’s paper supply. I’m sorry. It’s just, every time I write, my vision gets blurry and I can’t see anymore. How can I properly reply to you if I don’t know what I’m writing? Would be embarrassing if I had a bunch of spelling mistakes especially since I’m the one that taught you how to write.
Speaking of which, you’ve gotten a lot better! I can see from the different letters you wrote. It makes me happy to see that, shows you practiced a lot. Did you help Luffy too? I only taught him so much before I left, I’m sorry. It must’ve been hard on you.
It must have been really hard on you…
I’m sorry. I keep speaking nonsense. I just don’t know where to begin, what to say. This is the third time I’m trying to write to you and you are right—it’s pretty stupid. Maybe a part of me is just hoping that the same thing will happen with you. That you’ll get this letter in 10 years or so and then maybe we could meet again, somewhere in this wide ocean.
Or maybe somewhere in skies up above.
I can dream, right?
.
.
.
Hey Ace, Is this how you felt? When you wrote every one of those letters, did it hurt this badly each time? I’m sorry, I should’ve come to get them sooner. Maybe I wouldn’t even be writing this right now if I had. Maybe you wouldn’t have had to write them if I had come sooner. I’m sorry. I really made it hard for you huh? I’m happy you wrote though. It feels as if you are here, talking to me. Telling me of your struggles, your adventures. All the good and the bad—even though I already knew some of this. I’m happy for you Ace. Truly I am. I wish I could’ve been there when you sailed out to sea, we could’ve sailed out together. Met your first crew, that I wouldn’t be a part of because I would have had a better crew.
When you found a family .
I’ll have to visit them one day, and properly thank them. It’s the least I can do.
Hey, remember the declarations we made back at the cliff? I still haven’t done mine, been busy, it’ll probably take a while. Still, you did yours did you not? You let the whole world know who you were. Fire Fist Ace, that’s a pretty cool name they gave you. You were always the better big brother so I’m not surprised you beat me to it. Mine’s a little bit harder so cut me some slack okay?
Weird how the past couple days I struggled to write and now it’s all just pouring out, I’m sorry it’s such a mess of words. I still don’t know what to really say. My vision is still blurry but I’m fighting through it. I’m sorry the paper may be a little wet.
…I’m sorry.
Twelve times. Twelve times I’ve said those two words but nothing changes, nothing will change. I’ve come to that conclusion. Took me a while.
A long while.
It’s been two years or so since you left. Every night I have the same dream. And every time you’re always out of reach. Every single night I wonder “Would things have been different if I was there?” People kept telling me there’s no right answer to that.
Would you be alive right now if I had remembered just a little sooner?
Ah that’s right. I haven’t told you. I didn’t think it would matter if you knew since it wouldn't change anything, I’m sorry. Thirteen. I lost my memories. Pretty shitty thing for me to do right? I know. While you were suffering I didn’t even know you were a part of my life. While you died, I paid no mind because I didn’t know. You must be really mad at me. For forgetting so easily.
And then life rewards me my memories when I see your death mention in the papers. That’s pretty fucked up huh? Maybe I should’ve looked at the papers sooner.
Hey Ace, do you know now? Is it pretty up there where you are? Have you met your mom? She’s up there too right? I’m sure she is. If there is a Heaven I know you’re there. Regardless of what people say, what they may have called you, Heaven is where you belong. The image of an angel truly suits you, you know. Maybe you always were an angel, and god sent you down to me. Can I let you in on a little secret? Thanks to you, I was able to become who I am today. If I hadn’t met you that day you pulled me out of the Grey Terminal I probably would’ve been back in that castle, suffering. You changed my life for the better and I’m eternally grateful. And seeing as you brought it up first; I love you too. Always did. Even during my amnesiac years, I’m sure that part of me was still there. Loving you even if it didn’t remember you. Sad that we’re sharing such things now huh? It’s almost laughable. Yet not even a smile comes to my face right now… What am I saying? I’m sorry, I ramble a lot.
Fourteen.
It’s been almost two years since then Ace and the pain just gets worse. Does it ever go away? Did it ever go away for you? It’s like a nail is constantly being hammered into my chest. Some days they slam the hammer harder than others. Some days they slam it so hard I can barely breathe… I can cover it up better than before at least, can function in my daily life. Oh yeah—I’m a Revolutionary, have I told you that yet?
Do you think if this world was different, you would still be alive? I wonder.
Are these letters really supposed to help? The only thing it’s helping with is making the pain worse. Will you even read this? Maybe if I send it flying high enough, will it reach you? Or maybe you're watching me right now as I write it? If you are then well…
I miss you.
God I miss you so much.
It’s not fair. Why did you have to be the one to leave? My first friend, best friend, my partner, my brother, my… There are so many things I want to share with you. I want to see you again. See you smiling, laughing, angry—I just want to see you. Even if it’s just one more time.
Would it have been better if I had died that day? Would I be with you right now? I’ve had that thought so many times. And maybe I tried to join you…so many times.
But I’ve thought a lot. Luffy is still out there is he not? I can’t just leave our little brother like that. I’ve already fucked up enough as it is. Even if he hates me, pushes me away and never wants to see me again—I’ll protect him. I asked you to take care of him before, now it’s my turn.
By the way, I’ll be visiting you soon—no, not like that. Sadly. I’ve avoided doing it for a while because I didn’t want to believe it but I think it’s time now.
I’m sorry…that I can’t be with you, not yet. But you aren’t alone. I may not be next to you, but I’m always thinking of you. Every waking moment and every time I close my eyes. You’re there.
Fifteen.
We’ll meet again soon. There are just some things I have to take care of here first. It may sound a little selfish but please wait for me okay? Just a little longer.
         Sabo
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secret pain
guys this is my first real fic ive ever written. im really proud of it. making new chapters all the time.
Chapter 1
: chapter 1Chapter Text
Lainey had been hunting on her own for 6 years. Bobby had begged her not to go. It wasn't safe alone. Well now Bobby was dead. The news had reached her when she had gone to a hunter's roadhouse. She regretted how she had stormed out on Bobby, the man who had helped her when no one could. She had traveled to Sioux Falls as soon as possible. By the time she had gotten there the funeral had already ended but there was a familiar '67 chevy impala still in the driveway. She walked inside Bobby's rickety old house remembering younger days when she would walk the halls and laugh along with the old man. Her attention was diverted in another direction as she heard someone's heavy footsteps coming from the living room. Lain turned to meet the footsteps, reaching for her gun in the process. But who she was met with was..."Dean Winchester?" "ya, and who the hell are you?" Lain had just realized he had his gun trained right on her heart. How long had it been since she'd seen him? Maybe 8 years? God he had become so beautiful. Uh what? No she was not thinking these thoughts right now. she shook her head and pulled her gun out to rest it at her side. "My name is Lainey McKane. I- I was close to Bobby" "How do you know him?" Dean asked almost testing her. "um...we've hunted together for years. I haven't seen him in 6 years but we were really close." Lain decided not to tell him her backstory just then. Dean seemed to be contemplating letting me pass or shooting me, when Sam came in. "uh hey. Dean who is? And you don't need to point your gun at her!" Sam took the gun right out of Dean's hands. "that's better. Now how are you?" "I'm Lainey. Lain. I was close to Bobby but i haven't seen him in 6 years" "well then welcome. You missed the funeral but you can still pay respects to his memory. And you might even be willing to help us clean up. Hunters make a big mess." Sam had started walking back into the kitchen. "um thanks. Sure I'll help." she tucked her gun back into the waistband of her jeans. Then she walked behind Sam into the kitchen. As she was walking past Dean she felt his eyes following her. As she entered the kitchen she saw that there was indeed a big mess. Why did hunters always so messy? "Can I just wander around a bit? Its been been so long since I've been here." "Sure. And why were you here before? I didn't quite get that part of the story." "Me and Bobby did some hunts together. He saved me on one of them a while back. He let me crash here sometimes." She hadn't been lying about most of that. She just didn't give him any context. Nothing more than necessary. "oh. Well then you know what an amazing man he was." "Ya. Also how drunk he can get on bad days." "That too. But anyways I'll let you get back to your roaming." "thanks." Lain started by going up the old molding stairs. She walked down the hallway to where Bobby's room was. When she looked in there she saw nothing but memories of when she was younger. She walked next to the bed and lifted the mattress to find something she knew had been there for a long time.
Chapter 2
: chapter 2 Summary:
lainey will be going through memories with bobby. so heartwarming.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
What Lain had gotten from under Bobby's bed, was a simple frame holding a photograph. The photo was aged and beautiful. It was of her and Bobby outside the sign to the junkyard. She had been 15 at the time. She had finally started to think of this place as home. It had been a year since he had taken her in, and that was closest to the roughest year of her life. She was still grieving and couldn't accept reality. She had stayed in the room three doors down the hall on the left. She didn't leave her room much. But one day, that day, Bobby came in and told her to get her sorry ass out of bed because we all lose people and we all go through pain. And he promised to get her through it. And he promised to help her have control over who she was and what she could do. So she had gotten up, gotten dressed, and helped Bobby with the cars. That's when he decided to take a picture. They had agreed it was too dangerous for her to be unnecessarily public, so Bobby had hidden this picture under his bed. In the years that passed after that they only grew closer, and one day she had finally been ready to start hunting again. But that all went downhill when she nearly didn't make it home. Bobby had gotten furious and had tried to make her quit hunting, but she couldn't. Hunting was a big part of her life and she wouldn't give it up. And so one day she had packed her black duffel bag with all of her stuff, and left. Might have been one of the worst decisions of her life. She hadn't even looked back at the man who had taken her in, the man who had helped her and saved her. She walked out on a normal life forever. And she drove off and never came back. Until now that is. Being in this house, remembering all those good times was making her emotional. Ugh she hated being emotional. Emotion was a weakness. She learned that a long time ago. She put the picture back under the bed mattress. She took one last look around Bobby's room and went down the hall to her old room. When she opened the door she saw that nothing had changed. Everything was how she remembered it. Plain walls, plain floors, plain bed. The red curtains were still there if not a bit more dusty. He had wiped all remnants of her from this place except for the picture under his bed. Lain decided that she had had enough time to reminisce, and so she went back downstairs. As she was nearing the bottom she could hear Sam and Dean whispering angrily at each other about something. She was willing to bet her life it was her they were whispering about. She stepped off the stairs, folded her arms, and leaned against the wall. "whatcha boys talking 'bout?" They both jumped at her voice, not knowing she was there. "um, we were just talking about uh. Sam, what were we talking about?" Dean said then asked Sam. "Well Lain we were talking about you." Dean looked at Sam like he was out of his mind for saying that. "And what exactly have you been saying about me?" "We were just saying how its strange that you come back now, saying that you knew Bobby for years, but he never mentioned you." Well this was going to be difficult. "Well he wouldn't have. I was younger. A teenager. I stopped being in contact with him around six years ago. I asked him not to talk about me. He probably didn't even remember me anyways though. Its been so long." "Ah, well, if you knew him from so long ago, why did you still come to his funeral? Or tried to anyways." Dean asked her. He was having trouble speaking today for some reason. He kept saying 'uh'. "because I've never forgotten how he helped me. After I left I regretted it, but I chose to keep hunting and he wanted to take that away. So I had to go. Would you forget some of the best years of your life?" "I- I guess not. Sorry. Didn't mean to pry." Lainey took a deep breath and told Dean, "It's fine, you just struck a soft spot." she chuckled a little. Then she pushed off from the wall and stood in front of Dean with her hand outstretched. "What do you say we start over. You know without the gun pointed at my face." "Sounds good." he grabbed her hand and shook it. "Do you boys want help cleaning up the mess now?" "Yes," both boys said energetically A few hours later when they had cleaned everything up and had a few beers, Lainey was headed back outside to her car to find a motel for the night. She didn't feel like driving or leaving any time soon, but she needed to. She was getting her keys out to unlock the door when a piercing pain struck her. She doubled over on the ground. She started coughing and when she pulled her hand away there was blood, lots of blood. And with that the world went dark.
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sakuurae · 7 years
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8 questions tag
tagged by the lovely @jaetennys ^~^ thank you, darling 💖
1) What are your favourite mvs?
Oooo, my favorite music videos. Hmmm... I really like ‘don’t fight’ by ants, ‘사랑해줘요’ by mind u, and ‘take you home’ by baekhyun. Im not really a fan of busy (if that is the right word to use) mvs, ahaha. I like them simple with nice lighting, and telling a short story.
2) do you have like a to-do-list before you die?? (like a bucket list) if so, can you list them down? (im really curious)
Ohhh, yes i do!! Haha, i actually have one written down in one of my notebooks, and its quite long so ill just name a few things. Some things id like to do would be going to tokyo with my friends, go on an endless shopping spree with my friends, have our fashion blog be eminent, and to finish writing an entire novel one day (this would be a dream, ehehe).
A lot of the things in my bucket list include activities my friends, haha, because, for me, the best things in my life are never done alone *~*
3) which one do you prefer; romantic love or platonic love? why?
Hmmm...  honestly, romantic love. In my opinion, of course, its more fun in my opinion and i enjoy the whirlwind of emotions that come from it. From being physically close and cuddling, hand-holding, the narrow focus to them solely in a specific admirable perception—just being intimate and having the deep feeling that is created form romantic love—piques my interest more.
 Though, there isnt anything wrong with platonic love either! I enjoy that as well, but i prefer romantic love.
4) who is the person you look up the most? why?
Prepare for absolute cheese, lmao. I look up to taeyong a lot—no surprise here. But its because of what he went through and how he dealt with it. He went through a lot of fire when he finally debuted, and witnessing the crumble of the pillars that held him up confidently made my heart break. I really admire how he handled the drama. It exhibits a growth he has gone through amid that arduous time period. And, honestly, i related to some fractions of it—of him as a person.
But it is not only that factor alone that makes me look up to him; it is also his drive to become a better dancer, rapper—person. I also enjoy how he takes care of all of his members ;~; he makes it so prominent that he cares for his friends and its very respectful. Hes just always thankful for his members and for everything, its aksdjgfh aghhhh.
What always sticks with me about him is the episode (i dont remember which) in ‘nct life: pep rally’ to which he talks about the controversy that surrounded him. What he says really sparked something in me—dunno, i think im just rambling at this point so ill cut this off here lmaoo.
5) favourite songs of all time?
Aaaah, this really is a difficult one. My favorite songs probably are ‘icarus’ by jj project, ‘what i want to say’ by acourve, ‘i smile’ by day6, and ‘the lovely song when we parted’ by mind u.
I wonder if i make it obvious enough, but i really love listening to k-indie/k-acoustic :) my true list of all-time favorites are on my spotify playlist thats filled with them, ahaha.
6) who is/are your bias? why?
Oh boy... My biases are taeyong and sicheng—as if this information is not written on the walls already, haha.
I literally dedicated a huge passage to a fraction of my love for taeyong earlier, and that heavily contributes to why. But pushing that to the side, i admire him for his talent in dancing, rapping, and everything. He is so resilient and that is a favorable quality in my eyes, aaah. His personality is really laudable as well :)
Sicheng... because he is equally meritorious. He traveled over to korea and had to learn an entirely new language, try his hardest to debut, and so much more. He is doing is best and, just like taeyong, he is putting his best effort out there and is growing :’) i also love how he treats his members too; he is just so lovable to everyone, its almost unbelievable.
7) list of things/people that makes you happy?
- Writing is an obvious answer for me to include, haha. Its a great way to start off my day and a good way to calm myself down from a taxing day. I also enjoy sharing the content i create with others, ahaha;
- Reading is also another element. Every morning i read for a good hour or two before i begin writing. I just sit there with my coffee and leaf through my book. It would be an even more perfect day if the weather is nice and warm;
- Going out with my friends. To be honest, i used to never leave the ensconcement of my bedroom; i would say inside and read, write, or just organize my books and closet. It isnt until around a month and a half ago (i think) where my friends have finally egged me to go out with them (i also believe i posted pictures on this blog of it ahaha) and i enjoyed it wholeheartedly. Now, i go out almost every single day with them, and sometimes on my own. I feel like the complete opposite!!! But it makes me really happy, huhu;
- The friends i made on this website makes me really happy. I mean i dont have much but i appreciate the couple that i do have with my entire heart. Knowing them for a short amount of time is unbelievable because it feels like ive known them for years, and everything has been compacted within the month or two we all started to talk. The closeness is really astonishing, but extremely refreshing! I can go on for a while about how appreciative i am and how happy they make me, especially on days where i feel a little down and talking to them normally uplifts my spirits, but i think this will suffice;
- Coffee. The root of my energy tbh. Keeps me going throughout the day and keeps me on my feet during dance, even though i might be too off-the-walls.
8) what are your fondest memories? (it can be anything! about your pet or your friends etc)
Oh boy, this can go on forever too so ill just write the first one that came to my mind.
It was thanksgiving night with my cousins and we snuck out. Skipping over the minor, stupid particulars, we were being chased by one of the neighbors and we started running away for a good five minutes, which resulted in us becoming lost (because we were at our uncle’s city [and we never visit that town]) at a park.
Afterwards, we sat around on the grass for a long while and started to talk for a long while. It was strange at first since we were never really close to one another, but that night was such a table turner. It was one in the morning and we were all sitting or laying on the grass, talking as we stared at the stars—surprisingly, because i havent seen a clear night sky in the city since i lived over at the country side—and we learned a lot about each other and why we differed, which made us argue a lot. Talking it over for hours, our relationship with each other substantially changed and it was like there was never thick air between us to begin with.
Im not sure if this is adequate enough to be an extremely fond memory; but in my book, it is :D i frequently recall this moment despite it occurring many years ago—because it is that life-changing for me. It sort of made me think that despite the negativity i face with others, the other party always has their own reason to why.
I hope this tag is okay! ^~^ i feel like i revealed a larger fraction of myself than what i usually do, ahahaha //profoundly sweats//.
Im tagging @urbanjohnny @writenct @heartachetosing @hey-uta @thenctcults!  I hope its okay to tag you guys, please dont feel obligated to do this if you feel zero desire to ^~^  
My questions for you:
1. Whats your favorite book, and why?
2. What is a good, life changing moment that always sticks with you?
3. Do you believe in astrology? Why?
4. What’s something you have been forced into (like an activity or class) in the belief you would hate it, but actually love it to this day?
5. Name three things you’re proud of in your life and why :D
6. What is the root of your happiness? How did you discover it?
7. Do you prefer clear, serene starry nights within a forest, or an ocean view during golden hours?
8. What’s one thing that not many people know about you?
Again, you dont have to do this if you have zero desire to!! Ehehe
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hyunjins-bebe-blog · 6 years
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Primadonna Girl - K.W.J. AU
You were a model reaching the peak of your career, when your darling daddy just announced that you’re getting married to Kim Woojin, the heir of his best friend’s company.
Genre: Businessman!AU/Fluff/Some light Angst
Pairing: Woojin x Female Reader
A/N: this is the last chapter guys!!! I’ so incredibly proud of myself,,, i finally finished a freaking story!!! I have so many drafts on my laptop, and i just never seemed to finish any of them, they’re all just one page long, but i never continued. Thank u for ur support in this little thingy that i’ve written, i hope you’ll like the epilogue!!! And the next series i’ll release ((((((; i’ll tell y’all who it’ll be after the next upload. Love y’all! Enjoy this hehehe mwa
Word Count:  1441
Chapter 10/10
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You and Woojin were now at the hotel, tired after a long time in the airport, waiting for your flight. The only exciting thing was that both of you were in first class, because of your guys’ status.
You were currently lounging on the hotel bed, reading a brochure from the company you were about to work with. Woojin was at the terrace the room came with, looking over the view of the temple in the distance. It was four in the afternoon, and the sun was close to setting. Your shoot was scheduled at five thirty, and you were weighing the probability of you being late. Mark was scheduled to arrive at the hotel thirty minutes later, failing to catch the same flight with you.
You get up and head to the bathroom, deciding on taking a bath for your skin to get refreshed. It was only twenty minutes and you were falling asleep, when someone knocked on the door. You wake up, attempting to sit up. The bath was full enough to cover your chest, but apparently, it wasn’t enough for Woojin to not freak out.
He poked his head in, eyes widening when he realized you were kind of naked. “What the hell, why are you naked!” he shouted, closing his eyes and leaning on the door. Your muffled voice from the inside shouted about what kind of person you were to bathe with clothes on.
He shook his head, “Anyways, Mark is here, and a manager told me to tell you to be on standby, you’re leaving in twenty minutes.”
With that remark, you rush to get ready, realizing you left your dress (really, all you owned were dresses since putting on two articles of clothing took way too much energy) on the bed. So you just suck it up and put on your underwear, leaving the bathroom with a towel on.
Unsurprisingly, Woojin shrieked again, complaining that you’re breaking the first rule. You roll your eyes and slip on the orange romper, slipping on your sandals before going to Mark’s room.
“Knock knock,” you say, peeking inside the room to see your trusty make up assistant eating an overpriced hamburger he ordered off of room service. His eyes widen as he sees you, making a noise as a greeting as you let yourself in, looking at what the television was playing.
“So, I heard you’re getting married,” he says, putting the meat sandwich down and wiping off the grease surrounding his lips.
You roll your eyes, “Oh Tuan, if you actually put your good looks to use and woo someone, I’m sure you’d win someone over.” You settled on your make-up chair, which he insisted on carrying over to every shoot, just for you guys to be aesthetic. He actually gifted it to you on your sixteenth birthday, and the first time you get paid for something, you bought these pouches that hold makeup to hang at the side of the chair, as well as this fancy black suitcase for all the makeup samples he gets.
Mark rolls his eyes, although four years older than you, you guys acted like best friends since he was there for you from the very beginning. As he gets started on your face, you remember the time when he was still a beginner, experimenting on your face and laughing when you get a pimple from an irritating foundation he put on you.
“Hey,” you begin to say as he puts on eye shadow on you.
He mumbles a ‘what’, concentrating on blending the pigments on your lid.
“Can you be like, walk me down the aisle.” He stops and reels back, looking at you weirdly. You blink open and see him judging you, and you begin to whine.
“Come on! You’re like, my best friend, and yeah i know what you’re gonna say, but you’ve been there for me longer than my dad has been, and you know...” you trail off, failing to make up more excuses. Sure it would be controversial for your dad not to walk you down the aisle, but he didn’t deserve it.
He thinks about it for a moment, before smiling at you fondly. “Fine, I’ll walk you.” He ruffles your hair, making you whine some more.
After finishing your look, the two of you head down to the hotel lobby, meeting up with the manager for her to take you to the venue.
...
The shoot was successful, the photographer taking advantage of the golden hour. The diamonds you wore on your ears shined, along with the highlight on your cheekbones. The bridge you shot in overlooked the ocean, making the scene look so magical, and you were thankful that you were allowed to shoot there. Honestly? You looked bomb af.
You looked like you were dipped in honey, and you were being praised by the different personnel, claiming that after this was published, you would rise to even more success. You were feeling so happy, and you just got even happier when you spotted Woojin.
It was already night time, and the staff allowed you two to take a stroll while they packed up equipment. You were both walking around, swinging your hands back and forth. You ended up back at the bridge, and most of the equipment was cleared. They were now trying to shove them back into the van, playing a dangerous game of tetris.
You enjoyed the night breeze, laying your head on Woojin’s shoulder, his arm snaking around your waist.
“Hey,” he whispered, looking out into the blue.
“Hey.” You whispered back, the wind and the sound of the waves crashing over rocks almost drowning out your voice.
Suddenly, Woojin turns to you. “You did great earlier.”
You smirked, loving the compliment. “I know, you really should be thankful that you’re marrying me. I mean, when will you ever get the chance to spend you whole entire life with someone as gorgeous as me?” Sure you were over confident, but Woojin would have to deal with that, he was stuck with you, after all.
His eyes never leaved yours. “Yeah, you’re probably the most gorgeous person I’ve ever met. Sure you’re a bit bitchy, but we can always work on that,” he chuckled at your expression. “I’m so lucky to have you in my life. These past days have been so much fun, and believe me when I say my life is boring. It’s always work, work, work, and you’ve showed me so much emotion that my black and white world got corrupted with color. I know that with all these going on, I haven’t had the time to properly propose to you, but while you were out here flaunting, I’ve stumbled upon this little antique shop and got you a little something.”
You were speechless. It didn’t cross your mind that you didn’t have an engagement ring, or the fact that Woojin hasn’t proposed to you yet.
He took out a little pouch from his pocket, fumbling over the strings. “I hope you like it. I know it isn’t as fancy and as shiny as all the other rings you’ve worn in your lifetime, but it’s pretty cool, if I do say so myself.”
You laughed as he opened the brown bag, revealing a white gold band with an oval cut diamond right at the center of it. Your eyes widened, realizing how expensive this is, and the fact that it was old...
You let out a tiny little gasp as Woojin got down on one knee. You could hear other gasps too, most likely the crew you worked with.
“So, let’s make this simple, will you make me the happiest man alive, fill my world with color, let me tame you,” at this point you were laughing, full on knowing that those are your father’s words, “Will you marry me? Please?”
His eyes were shining, solely focused on you. You can’t help but let a tear fall as you nod, letting him slip on the ring. It fit perfectly, like it was made to be yours.
“I got a little help from the staff, they let me get your ring size.” Woojin chuckled as he stood up, trapping you in his embrace.
Claps and hollers were heard from far away, and the two of you turn to see Mark jumping up and down wildly, shouting “That’s the girl y’all called arrogant! Look at her now with the man of your dreams!”
You both laughed, looking back at each other, sharing your first kiss. He leaned his forehead onto yours, smiling brightly.
“I could get used to this.”
Epilogue
Masterlist
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joshhutchsource · 8 years
Text
Josh Hutcherson AMA Transcript
This is the transcript from Josh’s AMA on Reddit on February 16th, 2017.  All spelling and grammar errors are as written by the original people  This is very long, so the majority is under a read more.
Q:  Do you miss working with the Hunger Games cast?
Josh:  yes... they were the best! family forever. i miss them all dearly... however we still hang now and then and keep in touch.
Q:  Hi! What's your favorite television show to watch?
Josh:  the Bob Ross painting show... i can benge for hours
Q:  Hey Mr. Hutcherson, is there any actor (that you have not yet worked with) that you wish to work with someday?
Josh:  so many.... joaquin phoenix is up there for sure.
Q:  Hi Josh, You got second class treatment from Rosemary Telesco and continued with Katniss Everdeen. Does it hurt your feelings?
Josh:  hahaha.... life imitates art…
Q:  What do you define as your first "big break" into acting and that business?
Josh:  For me my first ever job was personally my big break.. I was 9 and I held a goat in the backgroud for a bible study video in ohio.... everyone starts somewhere…
Q:  How do you go about choosing a script that you want to work on, both for this project and other professional work?
Josh:  I want originality. Characters that are bold and have clear voices. i also want to push the boundaries of what reality is.
Q:  Hey Josh! What is the craziest encounter you've had with a fan?
Josh:  i had two girls and their mom show up at my door a few years ago during christmas with my family..... that was..... awkward. Im not answering the door next time. Haha
Q:  do you think 2017 is going to be a good year?
Josh:  hard to believe it can be... however I feel like so many people are getting involved that werent before... this is a moment when people feel energized.
Q:  If you had not been an actor, what profession would you have done?
Josh:  i like building stuff... and i like photography... maybe building stuff and taking pictures of it... if thats a job
Q:  Because Im sure you get the same questions over and over - what's your favorite day of the week, and why?
Josh:  Thursday... not becuase im here... but because i like how the word looks. and wednesday is finally over.
Q:  JOSH is there anything you couldn't live without?
Josh:  my freedom of speech and gluten
Q:  your favorite song at this moment?
Josh:  Lazarus by David Bowie
Q:  Why were you such a little bitch in the hunger games ?
Josh:  i prefer other words... however this little bitch survived. so... yeah.
Q:  Which country do you think is the safest in a zombie apocalypse?
Josh:  Iceland... no doubt. Zombies hate Byjork
Q:  What's your idea of a successful person. What would make someone successful in your eyes?
Josh:  A person who is comfortable in their skin... I'm defintely not. I have gotten better as time goes on but someone who is and who is genuine is successful for me.
Q:  Do you have any advice for someone dealing with depression?
Josh:  I'm not certified to answer this sort of thing. However I go back to perception. As well as really find what you care about and express it. film, music, walking... whatever it is that you can connect with is what i try to lose myself in.
Q:  i feel like, in my mind, i always associate you with the jungle. Why is that?
Josh:  that really makes me smile. I love the jungle and i feel a part of it often. thank you.
Q:  hi josh, I'm not very good at english so I can't write a good question but do you like mango?
Josh:  yes... im human. never trust someone who doesnt
Q:  What do you think about Darren Aeronosfsky as a director?
Josh:  I think hes great... requiem is on point!!
Q:  Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
Josh:  here in this ama.
probably isolated somehwere thinking of ideas of things to make movies about. I dont know!!!! cant think that far ahead honestly.
Q:  in ten words can you describe your experience directing "Ape"?
Josh:  BEst experience of my life creatively hello cars cat apples
Q:  What's your favorite food?
Josh:  Skyline Chili... Only available in the greater Cincy area…
Q:  You still here? And if so, what do you think of the Oscar contenders this year?
Josh:  Moonlight!!! That movie was incredible. I also really loved LA LA Land. those two really stood out for me. so many great performances though. Denzel was on point!
Q:  Donald Trump or President Snow ?
Josh:  I mean... one in the same right?
Q:  How are Driver and Manchi?
Josh:  they are the loves of my life.... I worship them. I believe they are quite happy. they get plenty of love and attention!
Q:  ‼️‼️‼️ BERNIE SANDERS !!!! ❗️❗️❗️❗️
now that i got your attention,
Do you watch TV SHOWS ? If yes which one
You are such an inspiration to me. After almost 10 years as a fan, im really proud of you and everything you've achieved! I cant wait to watch ALL your upcomings projects and you are such an AMAZING human being Joshua. Thank you for everything. Seeing you in Paris in 2015 was the best moment of my life, i hope i will see you again and talk with you. Please don't forget your fans, we love you so much. (We missed you so much) Will you ever come back in France? :)
Josh:  THANK YOU!! that made my day=] I love france and would love to come back!
I do watch some tv... not so so much. I really love GIRLS. that show is so perfect in so many ways. Ive never seen a show that feels more flawed and honest like that one. Best characters ever.
Q:  Really wanna know if you'll keep supporting Bernie although the election is over?
Josh:  ABSOLUTELY. we must. things are crazy now but we need to vote in local elections and keep our voices loud. I miss the days when Bernie was a real option…
Q:  Hey Josh! Congrats on your director debut of "Ape." Were there things you did differently as an actor because you were also the director? How did it change your perspective?
Josh:  it was hard... I liked it a lot but it was tough because i couldnt watch the monitors obviously so i had to make notes in my mind while acting in the scene... i realy liked this experience though and i have somehow even more respect for directors than before.
Q:  Do you believe in a real life happy ending? If yes, what would you tell someone who kind of lost hope?
Josh:  I think a happy ending is possible. I really believe its all about perception. If you can learn to manage that then you can find ways to be happy all the time
Q:  HEY JOSH! I'm so glad you have finally done an AMA!
What advice would you give you're teenage self when entering the theatre/acting community?
Josh:  thick skin. actors are the most insecure and insane types of people... with that you need to have thick skin to deflect the dissapointment and let downs and judgements.
Q:  Do you want to repeat the experience as a director??
Josh:  No doubt. I loved it. its extremely addictive and Im feining fo some mo.
Q:  Hi Josh ! How are you ? Will there be a French subtitled version for Ape ? I'm a French fan :) Thank you !
Josh:  oui... i think.
Q:  Yooo RV was a dumpster fire of a movie...that being said, how awesome was it to work with Robin Williams??
Josh:  hahahahah! Robin is a saint... biggest heart in the world and never a dull moment. he was the best.
Q:  What kind of movies would you like to direct in the future?
Josh:  I like stuff that bends reality and questions the human condition... bending the rules. I love films like being john malkovich and eternal sunshine of a spotless mind
Q:  Hey Josh! What's your all time favorite movie or a movie you think everyone needs to see?
Josh:  Two for the Road. 60's film that was way ahead of its time and has inspried so many modern love stories. its great!
Q:  Hello, Josh! As an aspiring filmmaker, I know how tedious making any sort of film can be. What gets you motivated to create? Also, what’s your favorite snack? Cause, duh, snacks are some of the best motivators.
Josh:  Honestly I think i get inspired when i see a dope movie... like when i saw moonlight i just wanted to go out and create something personal and important.
Also sitting in a restaurant looking around and making up stories about the people...
Snack..... kale. Fuk off kale!! frosted flakes
Q:  JOSH. Huge fan, you're awesome, yadda yadda ;)
You're such a strong ally to the LGBT community. How did you get involved with your organization, Straight But Not Narrow? What is your advice to the community in the wake of certain political events?
Josh:  We started SBNN becuase it felt like there was a lack of outreach to bridge communities together... especially in schools where bullying is brutal. I think now more than ever showing your support to your neighbors is paramount in surviving whats going on.
We are all here and human
Q:  What was it like working with Mark Ruffalo?
Josh:  Hes the best guy in the world. I love that human!
Q:  Josh! Favorite 80's movie?
Josh:  Lost Boys
Q:  Do you have any directorial advice?
Josh:  prepare!! Its so important to know what you want to make so when youre there on set you have it all set up.
The script is the absolute base for everything. understad it inside and out.
Q:  Hi Josh!
You and I went to the same school, and you even lived in the same neighborhood as some of my close friends. We’ve never met because you always looked like you wanted privacy and I wanted to respect that, plus I’m a shy person who wouldn’t have known what to say. I’ve always wondered if you felt like you sort of missed out on your high-school experience, and if that impacted you on a social and mental level.
I’m trying to pursue my dream of becoming a published author, but sometimes I just feel like it’s never going to happen and that I’ll never be successful in the only thing that I’m passionate about. What advice would you give to someone who’s been told over and over again to give up their dream and focus on a more practical plan for their life?
Thanks for doing this AMA! It’s really awesome seeing someone from Union doing what they love!
Josh:  I think that going for something different in life is for sure the most important thing to do... FUCK THE HATERS!
Only you can stop yourself from going for it.
that should be on an inspirational cat poster...
Q:  How would you beat up Donald trump?
Josh:  With knowledge.... it seems to be his biggest weakness…
Q:  Would you rather be attacked by 50 duck sized horses or 1 horse sized duck?
Josh:  One horse sized duck.... no question... Ive seen some big ass ducks…
Q:  What are the kind of things you learned while working your blockbuster role in "The Hunger Games Trilogy"?
Josh:  TEAMWORK. we had massive crews and it is not possible without all that.
Q:  Josh Do you have any Tips for a Happy life?
Josh:  Inner happiness... you wont find it in anything else in the world. thats the only way to get by and be happy
Q:  what is the number one thing on your bucket list?
Josh:  go to patagonia…
Q:  Was this role challenging for you to play and how do you think you did?
Josh:  It definitely was challenging... its a deep and dark place to go to and I like tapping into that side of myself... I think I did alright... Im my hardest critic
Q:  It's so easy to hack me because all of my passwords are your name, what do you think about that?
Josh:  Its kinda dope,... maybe try changing it for a bit?
Q:  What is your favorite horror movie?
Josh:  I really like It Follows... and classics like the shining of course... some chronenburg stuff too... butchered that spelling
Q:  Is it harder to be an actor or a director?
Have you thought about being in another large franchise such as the hunger games?
Josh:  Hmmm. I would say that directing definitely requires a shit ton more focus and work!!! Id say thats more challenging for sure
Q:  Are you looking forward to doing the full length APE?
Josh:  YES!!! The plan is to fastrack this into production after the short comes out. the feature is even deeper and darker... gonna be weird…
Q:  If Peeta tried to fight you, could real life you take him down?
Josh:  fuck yeah!!! well... maybe not. I have a ferocious side that I can tap into.
Q:  Hi Josh (my brothers name too) What is the most Hollywood thing you have done/seen so far?
Josh:  dont ever come to hollywood for a vacation... its tacky and nothing like they make it seem. Hah.
Q:  There's definitely a theme of dealing with mental health issues in your film. Is this something you've dealt with personally?
Josh:  There have been moments where I've questioned my mental state... haven't gone too far down that road but I think it's beyond interesting to try to empathize and deal with people who are dealing with those.
Q:  hey josh! the other night i was really high and felt like i was you. did you feel it too?
Josh:  Wait... was that monday?? I felt something then…
Q:  Hi,
What is your dream role, if you could have any in the world, and what is your dream directorial role (genre, plot, cast to direct)? If you had to pick one of these, dream role or dream directing opportunity, which would you prefer to do?
Now this is the obligatory thank-you part that I could not pass up the opportunity to post, considering how much your LGBT+ work has meant to me:
I figured this would be a good opportunity to send some well-deserved thanks your way and hope you see it…! This idea of wanting to thank you started in a letter I started writing a good few years ago now… which I still happen to have in my bedside table, because it never got sent. (I don’t think I ever figured out where to send fan-mail to you, which didn’t help my cause.)
I don’t remember, when I was younger, knowing of any out actors. I’m 20 now, but up until my mid-teens, there was a big blank space around the ideas of ‘LGBT+’ and ‘the world’ being connected for me. I’ve known I was gay since I was 11, but the experience was very isolating, not knowing any gay people in real life. I had no foundation to go on, no experience in this, and obviously felt as though I couldn’t talk with anyone about it, even though I remember very few support-type services.
I remember seeing you in Zathura (my Dad loves Jumanji, so it was bound to happen) and ever since then, I think I’ve just sort of stuck with you. I must have seen that movie when I was about 12/13, and I think that’s when I started to hear what it was you were saying, because I noticed it was relevant to me. I followed what you were saying, and as I got older and more aware of myself and the world, it really started to have an impact on me. I felt as though that was my connection, as though that was my way of learning partly about who I was.
Even though you weren’t gay, the fact that you were only a few years older than me and were into the things and the field I also enjoyed really helped me relate to you. Because I related to you and because you actually meant something to me, the message you seemed so passionate about really resonated with me and it gave me a sort of courage and hope I don’t think someone older (or just generally someone whom I didn’t look up to) would have been able to instil. For the first time, someone I liked and someone I respected was talking about this thing I wasn’t able to share with anyone else. And they were a proper force in the ‘wider world.’
I never really struggle with ‘being gay,’ but I struggled with what other people might have thought, and again your dialogue helped with that. It was just so amazing to see someone whom I respected acting in a way that showed me he would treat me and people like me just as he would any other person. Even though it wasn’t a two way conversation between us, I felt that because you were a person with such a big stature who was brave enough to say this in public, that surely you knew people like me were out there and you were at least partially talking to us.
In the big scheme of things, I didn’t have it as hard as some others do, and I never want to take that for granted. My parents are relatively liberal and Australia is an OK climate to LGBT+ in. But I still found that it was hard to relate who I was with something bigger, and it was scary thinking about whether I would have to start a journey of discovery (not just self-discovery, but a discovery of ‘everything LGBT+’ I suppose you could say) on my own. Simply said, you helped me bridge the gap that I think sometimes people forget exists, even for young LGBT+ people in “supportive” environments. Just because they’re supportive doesn’t mean they’re informative or comfortable.
Nowadays, I’m so happy when I see younger celebrities come out, because I know how much that visibility and that platform means to young LGBT+ kids who simply want to see someone like them on television or in the media. Ellen Page, Charlie Carver, Tom Daley, Troye Sivan, Gus Kenworthy, etc, are all fantastic people that I just know will help make all the difference in someone’s life, as you did in mine.
So, all in all, I just wanted to thank you for everything you’ve done and continue to do for me and everyone else like me! I think it’s fair to say you’re not just an ally, but a friend too. I hope one day I get to shake your hand and thank you in-person for what you’ve done.
(...well this is the most personal thing I've ever written on this website.)
Josh:  Of course! I think its beyond important to give people their voice and fair shot at what they want from life. GET OUT OF THE WAY HATERS!
Only light can drive out dark.
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seafang · 7 years
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im still at 3k and i think that’s probably where im going to end at and i know logically that it’s like, hey, this is probably the most writing ive done all year and i should be proud of myself for even accomplishing that much but also, like, uuuuuughhhhhhhh im disappointed not even with the number but with what ive written? like if it was 3000 GOOD words i wouldnt feel like this but. it’s not even that the writing is bad because duh it’s bad but like. idek how to explain this it’s like i have ONE scene that i know FOR SURE is IN THIS NOVEL, like that i know definitely 100% fits into the plot and is completely necessary, and then the rest of it is just. disconnected bits and pieces that i dont know are relevant whatsoever and i feel like i was probably just writing to get my word count up which is not good. idk anyway after this month im going to concentrate my efforts into writing a PLOT OUTLINE!!!! because i obviously need one otherwise im just going to hurl myself into the gaping maw of “writing whatever i want at the time instead of what i actually need to write”
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jpy693en-blog · 5 years
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