#(that i HAVE seen multiple times as a child. just to make that clear. applicable demographic etc etc). | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

baepsaesbae · 4 years ago

Text

Babysitters Club

Pairing— Kim Taehyung x reader

Genre— SMUT, fluff, babysitting au, strangers to lovers au

Warnings— Dom!Taehyung, roleplaying, face fucking, oral sex (m and f), bondage, explicit rough unprotected sex please stay safe irl, squirting, choking, hickies, a surprise cameo from Spring Will Come Again!Jungkook because I have no self control

Word Count— ~7.6k

Summary— A generic summer job hunt leads you to babysit rowdy (but still cute) kids alongside the most handsome man you’ve ever seen. What shenanigans will you get into with Taehyung by your side?

A/N— HUGE shoutout to the lovely @kimtaehyunq for making this beautiful banner for me! This was literally the Taehyung I had in mind while writing this uwu. This fic is the epitome of self indulgence but I truly hope you guys like it too! Please let me know what you think! My askbox/inbox is always open, don’t be afraid to come chat with me. Love you all, hope you guys are safe <3

Crumpled up newspapers littered the floor as another ball was apathetically tossed aside. A sigh of defeat escaped your lips as you looked up at the ceiling in desperation.

“Still at it with the job hunt, huh?” your roommate, Hyuna, said when she saw your mess, “I told you to search online. Or try to get a job at a cafe or a boba shop or something.”

“Easy jobs online seem sketchy, and I told you I don’t want to work in the food industry ever again,” you groaned.

“But you’d rather...be a babysitter?” she questioned as she held up an ad, “Wait you could get paid up to $15 an hour? That’s pretty good.”

“I didn’t see that one. Is it an agency or something?”

“Not sure, take a look,” she handed you the paper.

“Oh, it seems like it’s a daycare run out of someone’s house. They’re looking for multiple applicants. You wanna do it with me?! I think it could be fun!” you ask excitedly.

“And spend most of my summer vacation with a bunch of snot nosed brats? I don’t think so. You have fun though!” she blew you a kiss as she walked away.

You whipped your phone out and immediately called the number in the ad. This job was the only one that seemed bearable, and you thought kids were cute for the most part. You’ve had a few babysitting gigs in the past so this shouldn’t be too bad.

“Hello?” a deep voice answered the call.

“Hi, I saw your ad in the paper! I was wondering if there was still a babysitting position open?” you inquired.

“Oh yes! Yeah there’s still a spot open. Um, can you give me a sec?” the man said quickly as you heard wailing kids in the background. After two minutes or so he returned to the phone.

“I’m terribly sorry about that. You don’t have a criminal background or anything right? Gosh, I’m sure this sounds unprofessional but--”

“Nope, I don’t have any charges or anything like that. Should I call back later?” you offered since it seemed like the man was a little preoccupied.

“It’s like this all the time. Why don’t we do a practice run tomorrow? Oh! I mean, whenever you’re available to start. Or technically have an interview? I guess? Hey, don’t put that in your mouth!” the man chastised at someone in the distance.

“I can come in tomorrow!” you said.

“Great! Just use the address in the same ad you got this number from! Oh, and please get here by 9am! See you soon!” the man hung up abruptly.

“That was chaotic…” you said to yourself.

A moment later your phone began to ring. It was from the babysitting guy.

“Hello?” you answered.

“I realized I never got your name! I promise I’m not always this frazzled,” he laughed as rambunctious laughter erupted behind him.

“Oh, I’m ______,” you gave him your first and last name.

“Cool. See you tomorrow Miss ____!” he said before hanging up again.

You were actually excited to babysit. It had been a while since you had done it, and playing with kids was usually fun. Then again, you’ve never had a bad experience with babysitting before. You prayed that this gig would continue the positive trend.

Donning shorts and a simple Mickey Mouse t-shirt, (you figured some kid was bound to like the mousey character) it was time to head off to your potential workplace. The babysitting place was actually fairly close to you, only about a 10 minute drive. It was 8:55am by the time you arrived. A couple of parents walked past your car to drop off their kids. All of the kids seemed to be pretty excited to enter the house, which was definitely a good sign.

You gently knocked on the door at exactly 9am. There was no response as you awkwardly waited for about a minute or so. All you could hear was shrill laughter and thumps that you presumed was the kids running about. You realized there was a doorbell, and sighed at your foolishness.

The door opened seconds after you rang the doorbell. A tall man with dark hair greeted you with a warm smile. You were taken aback by the handsome guy, suddenly questioning whether you were at the right place or not until a child popped up from behind his shoulder and yelled out a loud “Boo!” that caused you to jump.

“Ah, sorry about that! This one is always trying to play pranks,” the man laughed as he playfully jostled the child that was latched onto his back, “You must be ______?”

“That’s me!” you say with a little too much enthusiasm.

“Cool. C’mon in, I’ll introduce you to the kids,” the man led you inside.

The living room was littered with toys, from cars to building blocks to barbies. This place was definitely a kid’s happy place. Four little kids were playing with various things when you walked in. All of the kids there seemed to be between the ages of 4 to 6. At a glance, it seemed like they were all playing house. It took you a few seconds to realize that one of the kids was actually playing by herself; she was just physically close to the other kids.

“Everyone! This is our newest helper! Her name is Miss ____. Let’s all play nicely with her okay?” the man announced.

The kids playing house immediately stopped what they were doing and rushed to you. Two boys began asking you questions in a rapid fire succession, while the little girl merely clung to your leg.

“Those two are Kota and Bel,” the man pointed to the two boys, “The little girl stuck to you like glue is Ava, and the one playing over there is Lucy,” he continued to name each child.

“AND I’M SAM!!” the last boy exclaimed over the man’s shoulder.

“Yes, this troublemaker here is Sam. That’s basically the whole gang! We could get a few more additions as the summer goes on, but these guys are the OG crew. They’re all really sweet kids, once you get to know them. Any questions so far?” your employer asked.

“I don’t think I ever caught your name, sir,” you say politely.

“Oh! No need to call me sir. I think we’re probably around the same age? Not that I’m assuming your age or anything but--”

“He’s my horsey!” Sam interrupted.

“No, he’s the chef!” Kota yelled.

“No, he’s our dad who’s not our dad,” Lucy chimed in.

“My mom told me he was a babysitter?” Bel added, now visibly confused.

“I am all of those things,” the man reassured the children, “But my name is Taehyung. The kids call me Tae or Mr. insert whatever title I have in the game we are playing on that day. Pleasure to meet ya,” Tae extends a hand out to you, “Let’s see how your first day goes.”

The first few hours consisted of a rather intricate game of pretend set up in a fantasy world. You played a princess who was captured by an evil dragon, who was played by Taehyung (you couldn’t help but think about how you wouldn’t mind being his hostage).

The boys were valiant knights on their quest to rescue you. The girls played different creatures that aided the knights as fairies or unicorns or any other things they wanted to be. Most of the game consisted of you and Taehyung sitting together in a corner of the living room. Even though you didn’t have to do anything, it was fun watching the kids play. Their imagination amused you.

“Enjoying yourself, princess?” Taehyung asked as he also watched the children run around.

His deep voice sent chills down your spine. Something about the way the word “princess” rolled off his tongue was so enchanting. You cleared your throat before answering.

“This job has been pretty fun so far, Mr. Evil Dragon,” you smile.

“Hey! I’m not evil, just misunderstood,” he protested.

“Oh no! The dragon is about to eat the princess!” one of the boys cried out.

“What? No, I’m not going to eat her,” Taehyung said defensively.

“You need to pretend to eat the princess so that the knights save her,” Lucy, the quiet one, scuttled over to whisper to the both of you before hurrying back to her spot.

Taehyung turned towards you to appease the kids as they held their breath in anticipation.

“Rawr! I’m going to eat you!” he said in a deep voice.

“Oh no! Somebody save me!” you cried out, playing along.

A few moments passed but none of the kids moved. You both turned your heads towards them in confusion. They stared back at you blankly.

“You need to bite her!” Sam demanded.

“What?” you and Tae said in unison.

“Bite her! Bite her! Bite her!” the boys started to chant.

“But not too hard!” Ava expressed her worry for you, making you smile.

“I…uh…” Taehyung was at a loss for words.

“They’re not gonna stop, are they?” you whispered to him.

He nodded with a sigh as their chanting got louder. You offered him your arm. Kids can be crazy stubborn over silly things. Besides, you’ve done worse for less (college is crazy).

Taehyung shot you an “are you sure about this?” look, to which you just nodded. Once he got the okay, Taehyung grabbed your arm and pulled you harshly, causing your face to be a mere inches away from his.

“Fools! You think you can save the princess? I will devour her before your very eyes!” Taehyung declared with an even deeper voice. He opened his mouth menacingly, as if to show off his fangs. Then, he proceeded to bite your bicep. To be honest, he was being so forceful that you thought he was going to bite you for real, causing you to involuntarily close your eyes.

Instead, he gingerly placed his teeth on your skin so lightly that you could barely feel anything. You opened your eyes to see Taehyung grinning at you with your arm in his mouth.

“Aaaaggghhh GET HIM!!” Sam yelled, leading the other boys straight into Taehyung.

Taehyung quickly let go of you before he rolled out onto the floor. The boys began to pummel Taehyung with their foam swords and pretend bows and arrows. The girls came to your aid to help you escape during the battle.

The little boys triumphantly stood over their defeated babysitter who pretended to be passed out on the floor. You applauded their victory as the girls sat by your side.

“Okay! Good game, it’s almost lunchtime,” Taehyung announced as he quickly popped back up.

“Chef Tae makes the best mac and cheese!” Ava informed you excitedly.

“I wanted dino nuggies!” Sam puffed out his cheeks in disappointment.

“Sam, you know it’s Ava’s day to pick out lunch. It’ll be your turn tomorrow okay? I promise! You guys can stay here and play with Miss ____ till food is ready,” Tae called out as he walked to the kitchen. Lucy silently followed Tae.

“Lucy likes to help out in the kitchen a lot. She sets the table,” Ava explained when she saw you watching Lucy.

“You’re good at being a princess!” Kota butted in as he ran to hug your leg.

“I like your shirt! I like Mickey Mouse too. I saw him in DisneyWorld last year,” Bel said as he clung to your other leg.

The kids took turns holding onto your legs as you tried to walk around. Apparently the thought of making you tumble over was an exciting one, and that kept the kids busy until Taehyung called for everyone.

Five little bowls of mac and cheese were set up on the dining table. The kids took their seats as Taehyung handed out juice boxes. He positioned himself by your side as the little ones began to chow down.

“I normally just eat the rest out of the pot, but since you’re here I can get you a bowl. Sorry about biting you earlier, the kids really like it when I get serious about my roles,” Taehyung chuckled as he scooped out your portion.

“It’s no problem, you’re a great actor. Thank you,” you say politely as he handed you a bowl.

Lunch was spent making small talk with Taehyung. He was a newly graduated college student trying to make extra money before starting a real job hunt.Taehyung had been running this makeshift daycare since he was a senior in highschool.

“Summers are always fun with them,” Taehyung said while smiling fondly at the kids, “How has it been so far?” he asked.

“I’ve been having a good time. The kids are all really sweet! They have so much energy,” you answer.

“They do indeed, which is why playtime is so important in the morning! It makes what comes next easier,” he winked at you before collecting the empty bowls, “Okay kiddos! Who’s ready for nap time?”

Lucy quietly raised her hand while the boys groaned. You figured it would be hard to get those active boys to settle down, let alone to take a nap. You helped Taehyung set up blankets and pillows in the game room. The kids made a beeline to their designated blankets without a fuss.

“Do you sing, Miss _____?” Taehyung asked out of the blue.

“Um, not really?” you say hesitantly.

“Ah, I see. No worries. Everybody ready?” he said.

“Yes!” all the kids replied.

“Alrighty. Do you have any song requests, Miss ____?”

You thought about which songs would make for a decent lullaby, “Do you know Adore You by Harry Styles?”

“I’ll have to look up the lyrics but yeah I like that song! I like his whole album actually,” Taehyung nodded as he pulled out his phone and took a deep breath, “Walk in your rainbow paradise~”

You were shocked by his vocal talent. His voice control was superb and the quality of his voice was downright euphoric. Even though Taehyung’s voice is deeper than Harry Styles’, his range was incredible. He was still able to go as high as Harry without any trouble. All the kids had fallen sound asleep by the time he finished the song.

“This is when I typically have about an hour of free time,” he said after quietly leading you back into the kitchen.

“You have such a beautiful voice! Do you sing to them every day?” you praised him.

“Thanks! Yeah, I sing to them every day. They used to get duets actually,” Taehyung sighed.

“Did you have another coworker before?” you asked.

“Yep. My best friend actually. He’s my roommate too, but he landed an internship this summer so he couldn’t be here. I’m very proud of him! But usually this is a job for two people so I decided to put that ad out. I’m happy you came out! The kids seem to like you,” Taehyung gave you a thumbs up.

“I hope so! Lucy might be scared of me though,” you recalled the way she mostly avoided you all morning.

“Nah, she’s just really shy. She told me that she thought you were really pretty though, so that’s a good sign!” he tried to reassure you.

“I guess it must be true then. Kids are brutally honest,” you smiled.

“She definitely wasn’t lying,” Taehyung smiled back at you.

You had to look away awkwardly to hide your blushed cheeks. There’s no way you could handle a direct smile from this guy. How was it possible for someone to be that handsome without even trying?!

“So what happens after naptime?” you quickly asked to change the subject.

“Basically more playing until their parents come. It honestly just depends on what the kids wanna do. We can play inside, in the backyard, and sometimes we go to the park,” Taehyung answered with an amused smile, “Let’s use this free time to conduct a more formal interview, shall we?”

Taehyung then asked you a series of questions about your summer schedule, if you’re willing to work every day of the week, how you feel about the kids, along with other things. You answered truthfully and kept up a professional demeanor. Taehyung seemed to be satisfied with your answers and leaned back in his chair.

“That all works for me! The people who really need to approve of you are the parents. I’ll introduce you to them later this afternoon. I’m sure they’ll all be fine once I vouch for you,” he nodded.

Soft giggles caught your attention. Taehyung signaled that break time was now over and led the way back to the living room. Kota and Bel were wrestling each other while the others threw pillows at them.

“Did everyone have a good nap?” Taehyung sing songed.

“Yes!” they replied.

“Can we play house now?” Ava asked.

“Yeah! Miss ____ can be the mommy now!” Sam bounced up in excitement, “Our last mommy used to be a boy.”

“Jimin was a great mommy and I’m sure he misses you all dearly. Jimin is my roommate/best friend/ex-cobabysitter,” Taehyung explained.

The game of house was more hands on from your end. The kids demanded you to carry them and read them stories like a real mommy would. It was mainly the girls who wanted to play with you, while the boys took turns wrestling with Tae or riding on his back. You were braiding Lucy’s hair when the doorbell rang.

“Kota! Your mom is here!” Taehyung called from the front.

All the kids trickled out one by one as their parents arrived. Taehyung introduced you to each parent; their reactions were all positive, especially when their kids raved about you being the new Jimin.

“If she’s anything like Jimin, then I have nothing to worry about. I trust your judgement, Taehyung,” one of the sterner looking parents said (Sam’s father to be exact).

“Congrats! You got the job,” Taehyung congratulated you once all of the children were picked up, “We get paid on Fridays. I’ll basically just split what we earn 50/50, cool?”

“That’s fine by me! I’m looking forward to working with you,” you bow graciously.

“Ah! No need to be so formal. We’re partners now! I’m not your boss or anything,” Taehyung gave you a friendly pat on the shoulder, “See you tomorrow!”

Summer was about to get rather eventful. All of the children warmed up to you surprisngly quickly, even timid Lucy (who had arguably grown the most fond of you). As the days went on, you couldn’t help but admire Taehyung’s kindness and patience when it came to the kids. From firm to understanding, he was everything a caregiver should be. He handled spats between kids with ease, often by making them forgive each other then laugh at some silly joke of his.

One afternoon, the kids voted to watch a Disney movie. All seven of you curled up on the couch together with you and Taehyung in the middle. Lucy sat in your lap while Bel sat in Taehyung’s. Halfway through the movie, Taehyung fell asleep. The kids didn’t notice since they were so engrossed in the movie. You however, DID notice. Mostly because he rolled his sleepy head onto your shoulder.

Your heartbeat quickened as you slowly turned to take a peek at the handsome man sleeping beside you. He looked angelic, and you realized that he smelled pleasant too. He had a sweet scent that was uncharacteristic for a young man. You took a deep breath and pretended not to notice him. He didn’t wake up until the doorbell rang near the end of the movie.

He seemed to be confused and perhaps even slightly flustered when he lifted his head from your shoulder, but quickly shrugged it off to go answer the door. The incident (and the drool on your shoulder) was never mentioned.

It had been a month since you started babysitting with Taehyung, and it honestly had been a lot more fun than you expected. The kids are wonderful silly little beings and Taehyung is...well...Taehyung.

You were cleaning up the living room on a late Friday afternoon after all the kids had been picked up. Taehyung was somewhere splitting up the week’s paycheck. Once all the toys were back in their respective bins, it was time to gather your stuff and go.

“Great work this week,” Taehyung commended as he handed you your cut.

“Thanks! Same to you as always. I’ll see you on Monday,” you wave as you open the front door.

“Actually um--” Taehyung cleared his throat.

“Yes?” you whipped around with almost too much eagerness.

“My friend is part of an art gallery showing tomorrow night and I was wondering if you’d like to go with me? I heard there will be drinks and finger foods…” Taehyung trailed off, presumably due to imagining what kind of snacks will be served.

“I’d love to! I’m not an expert on art or anything, but it sounds cool,” you smile.

“No worries, I’m no expert either. I’m just a guy who appreciates neat expressions of creativity,” he nodded humbly, “I can pick you up at your place, if you’d like.”

“Sure, I’ll text you my address. Oh uh, what’s the dress code like? I don’t really attend these things,” you ask shyly.

“I’d say a step down from formal? Like no t-shirts or jeans. Pretend like you’re going on a date to some restaurant that isn’t a michelin star but is still classier than Olive Garden,” Taehyung tried to explain.

“I’ll do my best,” you smile at his peculiar way of describing the appropriate attire.

A smile never left your face as you drove home. A chance to hangout with Taehyung one on one without any kids around? All of his attention will be on you? Yes please. You love the kids and all, but you finally have a real chance to get closer to Taehyung. To be honest, you might have the teensiest little crush on him, but who could blame you?

The next day was spent preparing for your night out with Taehyung. It probably wasn’t a date (90% sure it’s not), but you wanted to look irresistible anyway. You put on a purple dress with flowy sleeves that made you feel like a princess. It was on the dressier side, but being slightly overdressed never hurt anyone.

You usually only had time to slap on mascara and a lip tint in the mornings before babysitting, but now you had abundant time to play around with your makeup. You settled for a soft yet glamorous look with shimmery eyeshadow and eyeliner. Sparkly lip gloss tied the whole look together and made your lips look tempting (or so you hoped). You decided to leave your hair alone since you were having a miraculously good hair day.

“Wow are you sure this isn’t a date?” Hyuna whistled when she walked into your room.

“It’s not! This is just the first time Taehyung will see me actually trying to look good,” you say defensively.

“You’re cute even in ratty t-shirts, but I get what you mean. Have fun tonight!” your roommate gave you a tight hug.

A strong knock on your front door indicated Taehyung’s arrival. Hyuna tagged along as you went to answer the door; she wanted to see the guy you’ve been gushing over for the past month for herself.

Your mouth hung open in shock for a split second when you opened the door. Taehyung also dressed up. He was wearing a bright sunflower shirt paired with a black blazer that perfectly combined fun with sophistication. He wore a red silky bandana looking belt for an added pop of color with his black pants.

“Hey Taehyung!” you greet him happily.

“Good evening, Miss ____. You look spectacular!” he complimented you immediately.

“So do you! It’s funny seeing you not in a t-shirt, though I’m sure you’re thinking the same thing,” you say.

“You’re charming even in your graphic tees, but this is a nice change of pace too,” Taehyung agreed.

“Hi! I’m Hyuna, ____’s roommate,” Hyuna butted in to shake his hand.

“Hi, I’m Taehyung, ____’s babysitting partner,” he introduced himself.

“We should get going,” you say politely before Hyuna could start to get chatty.

Hyuna mouthed an exaggerated “oh my god” coupled with a double thumbs up as you waved goodbye after Taehyung was already out the door. You playfully rolled your eyes but blew her a kiss anyway.

“I didn’t realize you lived so close to me,” Taehyung said as he pulled away from the curb.

“Yeah, it made the job even more appealing,” you nodded.

“I really am glad that you applied,” Taehyung said softly, as if to himself.

“Sorry, what was that?” you couldn’t hear him properly.

“Nothing! I said I’m glad you agreed to accompany me tonight!” Taehyung quickly stated.

“Thanks for inviting me out! I’m actually pretty excited,” you admitted.

The gallery was somewhere in the swanky part of downtown. You gazed out of the window at all of the high end stores Taehyung drove by. Everyone walking around the stores looked like supermodels, which was actually pretty intimidating. What if the people at the gallery looked like that too?

“We’re here!” Taehyung announced, interrupting your thoughts.

There was a decent amount of people wandering around the venue when you both entered. It was basically one big dimly lit room with spotlights on pieces scattered around on the walls plus some sculptures in the middle. Thankfully, the patrons already inside looked like normal people, most of them probably students like you.

“Taehyung!” someone called from the side of the room.

You both made your way towards the voice, only to find a man who was just as handsome as Taehyung greeting you with a bunny like smile. He had long hair that almost covered up his assorted dangly earrings. He definitely had art student vibes mixed with a dash of bad boy. The boys greeted each other with a ferocious hug, indicating that they’re probably good friends.

“Oh! What’s up, I’m Jungkook,” the boy shook your hand once he noticed you.

“She’s my babysitting partner this summer,” Taehyung said proudly.

“She’s replacing Jimin huh?” Jungkook laughed, “Taehyung and Jimin are like my brothers. We were all pretty close in college and are batchmates, even though I’m younger than them,” he stuck his tongue out at Taehyung.

“Yeah yeah okay whatever. Skipping grades in elementary school and bringing in a ton of transfer credits will help you do that I guess,” Taehyung shook his head even though he was still smiling.

“Are these your pictures?” you asked Jungkook, motioning to the mounted pictures behind him.

“Yeah! I took most of these in Madrid, I’ve been working abroad for my dream company,” Jungkook answered you proudly.

“Who’s this?” Taehyung pointed to a picture of a girl laughing by a giant tree.

“Yeah, she’s gorgeous!” you added.

“She’s um...a good friend. She was the perfect model,” Jungook said with a faraway look in his eyes that told you there was more to the story.

“Tell me more about her on our next phone call. Tonight is for celebrating you!” Taehyung picked up on Jungkook’s sudden change of tone.

You enjoyed listening to their old college stories as the boys reminisced about their past together. Jungkook relished telling you all of Taehyung’s embarrassing moments at various parties. Taehyung returned the favor by recalling Jungkook’s past run-ins with women. Despite his natural charm and god like looks, apparently Jungkook gets really nervous around girls.

You and Taehyung were on your own once Jungkook was flagged down by an older patron interested in purchasing some of his work. Taehyung stayed close to your side as you explored the rest of the gallery. Each artist was so incredibly talented as their pictures told stories with just a single frame.

“____ look! They have those fancy charcuterie boards!” Taehyung grabbed your hand and excitedly dragged you over to the snack table. You couldn’t help but smile at his childlike elation.

“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’ve been getting tired of being force fed fruit snacks every day,” you laughed as you ate the assorted appetizers.

“I completely understand. Unfortunately, the kids are too sweet when they want to share. I don’t have it in me to turn them down,” Taehyung agreed.

Once the food was eaten, you resumed walking through the gallery. It was fun making up stories to go with each picture. Taehyung seemed to gravitate towards adding a romantic twist to each story, while you opted for a bit of mystery. At the end of the event, Taehyung met up with Jungkook once more to say his goodbyes.

“Thanks again for coming with me, I had fun! I hope you enjoyed yourself,” Taehyung said as he drove you back.

“It was really neat! I liked hanging out with you outside of work,” you nodded.

“Would you say it was a successful date then?” Taehyung raised an eyebrow with curiosity. Your heart skipped a beat as your eyes widened with surprise.

“Was...was this a date?” you asked quietly.

“Did you want it to be?” Taehyung teased.

“I wouldn’t have gotten so dressed up otherwise,” you said defensively, taken aback by his sudden cheekiness.

“I realized I should’ve clarified that after you had already left. My bad,” Taehyung shot you a boxy grin, “But then I figured maybe you would be more relaxed if I didn’t mention it.”

“That’s odd logic, but I guess it worked,” you admitted begrudgingly.

Taehyung walked you back up to your house. He sweetly kissed your cheek and bid you goodnight, leaving you frozen in place.

“S-see you on Monday!” was all you were able to stammer out, to which Taehyung just smiled and waved back.

Hyuna happily freaked out with you once you were back inside. She was watching you from the moment Taehyung pulled back up. She shrieked with excitement once you told her that Taehyung confirmed that it was a date. Hyuna didn’t let up with grilling questions about how your night went. She even asked if the Jungkook guy you met was single, to which you truthfully answered that you didn’t know.

“Besides, he told me himself that he’s scared of girls. You’re scary enough as is,” you teased her.

“Oh shut up. So is Taehyung like, your boyfriend now?” Hyuna asked the million dollar question.

“I don’t think so. I think it was just a date, but that’s a good start!” you declared optimistically.

Babysitting on Monday went on like normal. Taehyung didn’t act any differently, which was both concerning and relieving. You were in the backyard pretending to eat whatever dirt concoction the little kids were serving you.

“This one is for you,” Lucy quietly offered Taehyung a clump of dirt sprinkled with blades of grass, topped with a dandelion.

“Oh, how pretty! What is it?” Taehyung played along.

“It’s a love potion. The next person you hug will fall in love with you,” Lucy smiled.

A smirk crept on Taehyung’s face as he pretended to eat Lucy’s love potion. He made a satisfied “Ahh” sound that made Lucy giggle.

“Tae has to hug me now! He loves me the most!” Sam yelled as he ran over to latch onto Taehyung.

“No, Tae loves me!” Bel argued as he pulled on Taehyung’s shirt.

“That’s not how it works!” Lucy huffed as she yelled at the boys.

You watched with delight as the little kids chased Taehyung around the backyard, demanding that he has to hug them. It was easy for him to juke them out as they constantly ran back and forth. You were content with just watching them until Taehyung began to make a beeline for you.

“Oh no no no,” you cried as you got up to run.

Taehyung (and the kids) chased you around for a little bit. The backyard was on the smaller side, so there wasn’t much space to evade all of them coming for you at once. To make matters worse, Taehyung actually started to try and catch you. His speed was no joke; he was much more agile than you gave him credit for.

With one pounce, Taehyung tackled you to the ground. Somehow he managed to whip himself around while you were falling, so you ended up falling on him. Now wrapped up in his arms, Taehyung smiled up at you with a shit eating grin.

“I guess you have to fall in love with me now,” he smirked.

“You wish,” you laughed as you pulled yourself up.

“Aw now he loves Miss _____,” Sam pouted.

“No, now Miss ____ has to fall in love with Tae,” Ava corrected him.

“That’s dumb,” Kota shook his head.

“Tae! Kota said a bad word!” Bel immediately tattled.

“Kota, remember what I said about bad words. No one wants to play with someone who says mean things,” Taehyung chided him.

“Sorry,” Kota mumbled.

“Let’s play go play inside. Who wants juice?” Taehyung patted Kota’s head.

The kids followed Taehyung inside like little ducklings. You loved that sight, you always thought it was the cutest thing. The rest of the day went by without a hitch.

The topic of favorite movies came up during lunchtime the next day.

“I like Frozen 2,” Ava stated, and Lucy nodded furiously in agreement.

“Detective Pikachu was better. Pikachu is funny,” Sam interjected. The other little boys then began to argue about which pokemon was better/stronger.

“I’m not really a big movie watcher,” Taehyung confessed as he took a bite of a dino chicken nugget.

“Have you at least seen the classics? Harry Potter? Lord of the Rings? Star Wars?” you listed with concern.

“I’ve seen Harry Potter and Star Wars. I think I saw the Lord of the Rings? I can’t really remember. I know I wanted to watch the newer Lord of the Rings movies,” he chuckled at your growing disbelief.

“Newer Lord of the Rings? You mean the Hobbit series?” you were disgruntled.

“Yeah those. I didn’t realize you were a nerd,” he nudged you.

“What of it? All of those are great movies. I have copies of the Hobbit series if you ever wanted to watch them,” you offered.

“Do you wanna watch them with me?” he perked up.

“Sure, I love them! You wanna do a marathon? It’ll take up a full day though,” you warned.

“I’m down. Are you free this Sunday?”

“I believe so.”

“Great! I’m excited to see you geek out over hobbits. Okay kids, naptime!”

You drove up to Taehyung’s place Sunday morning, you weren’t kidding when you said it would take all day. Taehyung said to dress comfortably so you showed up in your sweatpants and oversized college tee. He answered the door wearing gray sweatpants and his favorite CELINE shirt. His dark fluffy hair fell over his forehead and was almost long enough to cover his eyes.

“Good morning! I hope you’re hungry. I made some waffles to eat while we watch the first movie,” he greeted you.

His humble abode smelled heavenly as the scent of dough tinged with a hint of cinnamon wafted through the air. The soft belgian waffles were delicious as they practically melted in your mouth. Taehyung asked a ton of questions with nearly every scene, but you didn’t mind. You were happy to flex your knowledge of Tolkien lore.

Hours later, you found yourself cuddled up with Taehyung as the final credits of the Battle of Five Armies began to roll. Taehyung was still trying to process everything that happened as he asked you clarifying questions about each character.

“Well crap, now I’m sad,” he pouted.

“Yeah, the ending is kind of a downer, but that’s what makes it so good! The Lord of the Rings has a happy ending if that makes you feel better,” you look up at him from his chest.

“You look cute like that,” he observed.

“Like what? Tiny from your angle?” you tilted your head.

“I guess so? Tiny, maybe submissive,” Taehyung’s voice lowered with his suggestion.

“Submissive? Is that how you see me?” you sit back up completely with defiance.

“Not at all. You’re pretty feisty, which is why making you be submissive is even more alluring,” he raised his eyebrow in a suggestive manner.

“Do you want me to be a damsel in distress for you? Not happening,” you smirked.

“Pretty princesses are good for one thing,” Taehyung hopped off the couch.

Before you could say anything, he promptly grabbed you and swung you over his shoulder. You were too shocked by his boldness and physical abilities to retaliate.

“They’re perfect for kidnapping!” he let out a dramatic evil laugh as he carried you off to his bedroom.

Once there, he roughly threw you on the bed. You couldn’t help but look around curiously since this was the first time you’ve ever seen his room. It was surprisingly neat; his bed was made and there were no messy clothing piles in sight.

“Are you an evil dragon then? Capturing princesses and such?” you teased.

“Evil dragon, dashing captor, I can be anything you want me to be. Just please not an orc,” he let out a chuckle before getting back into character, “Just know that you’re trapped here with me. No one is going to rescue you.”

“Oh no! What a terrible situation to be in! What on Earth is this extremely handsome dragon going to do with a poor defenseless princess like me?” you taunted.

“Ok this is all very hot but before we go any further, are you okay with this?” Taehyung asked sincerely.

“I can’t think of anything that I’ve wanted more,” you nodded.

“Perfect. Safe word is red,” he winked at you, “Now strip for me, princess.”

“And if I don’t?” you challenged.

Taehyung grabbed a fistful of hair on the back of your head and forcefully brought you up to his face, “I suggest not making me angry,” he sneered.

You didn’t think you were one for being manhandled, but god damn that was hot. There was already a tingle between your legs and he hadn’t even really touched you yet. You complied with his request, and quickly tore off your shirt and pants. Though you weren’t wearing any fancy lingerie, you were wearing a gray bra and gray panties that could pass off as matching.

“Mmm what a pretty treasure. It would be a shame to let it gounappreciated,” Taehyung stretched out that last word as he gently ran his fingers from your torso up to your neck before firmly grasping it.

Taehyung straddled you as his long fingers were wrapped around your neck. Slowly, he leaned down to kiss you. Though apprehensive at first, he gradually got more bold with it. His tongue dipped into your mouth the instant your lips parted. His other hand crept under your bra to fondle your breast.

“You take your clothes off too,” you said as soon as the kiss broke.

“You don’t get to make any demands, silly princess,” Taehyung shook his head.

You pouted and reached out to tug at his pants anyway. Big mistake. Taehyung slapped your hand away and slammed you back onto the bed.

“You don’t listen, huh? I’ll have to do something about that. Stay still or else you’ll make things worse for yourself,” he ordered.

You reluctantly obeyed, partly because you were curious about what he was going to do, and partly because you were actually intimidated by him. He returned back to the bed a few seconds later, but with a familiar silky red belt in hand.

“Give me your hands. Good girl,” he smiled deviously as he bound them together, “Remember the safe word is red, okay?” he gently reminded you.

He looked down at you with a satisfied grin as he began to take off his sweatpants. He had an obvious bulge in his underwear that outlined his massive dick. You were further entranced by his physique when he took off his shirt. He wasn’t ripped, but he was still fit, as you could plainly see when his chest was finally revealed.

“Open wide, princess,” he demanded.

You opened your mouth, and even flattened your tongue out a little bit for him. He pulled his cock out of his underwear, finally exposing his full length. You doubted you could fit even half of him in your mouth, but at this point it wasn’t up to you.

Taehyung lowered himself down to you, and teasingly tapped the tip of his cock on your tongue. He slowly eased himself into your mouth, forcing you to open your mouth even wider to account for his girth. He made his way back out once you gagged. He grabbed your head to hold you steady as he fucked your mouth once more. He got closer and closer to the back of your throat until he finally hit it. All you could focus on was breathing as tears welled up in your eyes. Taehyung thrusted a couple more times before he pulled out completely.

“Good girl indeed. Well done, princess,” he softly stroked your chin before wiping your tears away. All you could do was smile meekly back at him.

“Don’t worry, it’s time for your reward,” Taehyung smiled down at you as his hand slipped under your panties, “Oh you’re so wet. I can’t wait to taste you.”

He positioned himself between your thighs after he tore off your panties. His thumb fiddled with your clit, causing you to squirm. He placed a strong grip on your thigh to hold you down as he circled your clit faster. Your helpless whimpers were music to Taehyung’s ears.

Without warning, he easily stuck two fingers into you. He didn’t even let you adjust as he rapidly fingered you, his fingers curving to graze your g-spot with every stroke. His tongue swirled around your clit, adding even more toe curling sensations.

Him adding a third finger was the catalyst for the strongest orgasm you’ve ever had in your life. There wasn’t even a build up, everything just hit you at once. Suddenly you were crying out even louder as you violently came. Did it occur to you that you were squirting all over Taehyung and his bed? No. Were you doing exactly that? Absolutely.

“Delicious,” Taehyung said as he licked his lips, “Look at the fucking mess you made.”

“I-i’m sorry,” you managed to stutter, you were still recovering from your orgasm.

“It’s only fair that it’s my turn to make a mess now. Do I need to get a condom, princess?” he cooed.

You weakly shook your head. You needed to feel all of him, right now. Taehyung chuckled at your neediness as he aligned himself with your pussy. He slowly inserted his entire length into you until the base of his cock touched your soaked pussy. You moaned together as he stayed still for a second. You looked up to see Taehyung’s face lit up with pure bliss.

“You’re still so fucking wet,” he growled as he began to mercilessly buck his hips into you.

You moaned with every thrust as Taehyung shook the entire bed. Taehyung placed both of your legs on his shoulders, allowing him to hit you even deeper from this new angle. He leaned over to plant his lips on your neck as he fucked you. What started as a gentle peck took a violent turn as he harshly sucked on your neck. He left dark spots wherever his lips touched, and soon you were covered in dark blooms.

“Do you want me to soil your back or your chest?” he asked in a guttural tone.

“Back?” you answer dubiously.

You were immediately flipped over. You were laying flat on your chest waiting for him to prop up your ass, but he never did. Instead, he simply spread your legs wider and fucked you flat against the bed. Taehyung grabbed your ass and spread your cheeks to get a better view of your sopping pussy. You could feel another orgasm brewing as he fucked even deeper into you, and his cock was continuously dragging against your g-spot.

“Taehyung, I--”

“I know, princess. Let it all out. I want to feel you come on my dick,” he demanded.

A few more strong strokes was all it took for you to go limp under him as your orgasm took over. Seconds after you hit your high, Taehyung pulled out and came all over your back.

Once you were all cleaned up, Taehyung untied you and kissed your forehead.

“How was it, princess?” he asked as he stroked your hair.

“I’ve never been fucked by a beast before, but now I don’t want anything else,” you admitted before kissing his neck.

“Good. I was worried about going overboard. As I told you before, I really like getting into character,” he laughed.

“I’ve never been into roleplay but I’m willing to change for you. Oh shit, it’s late already,” you noticed the time on his alarm clock.

“Just stay the night. I don’t think the kids will care if you’re wearing sweatpants or not. I can lend you a turtleneck to cover up those hickies though,” Taehyung yawned.

“Are you sure?” you questioned.

“Yeah, I don’t mind. Be warned, I’m a cuddler,” he pulled you closer to him.

“I guess I can sleep in a little later then,” you reasoned.

“Perfect. Goodnight, princess,” he quickly kissed your lips.

“You’re sleeping like that?”

“Like what?”

“Butt naked?”

“I can put clothes on if it makes you uncomfortable. I just figured it would make things easier for tomorrow morning,” he said sleepily.

“Tomorrow morning?” that got your attention.

“You’ll see! Be patient, princess. Night night.”

Never in a million years would you have guessed that applying for a babysitting job would result in this, but you weren’t complaining.

#bts smut #kim taehyung smut #bangtanarmynet #btswritingcafe #ksmutclub #btscreatorscorner #bts fanfic #kim taehyung fanfic #v smut #v fanfic #bts fluff #kim taehyung fluff #kim taeyhung #v #taehyung x reader #kim taehyung x reader #purplearmynet

937 notes · View notes

goldentournesol · 4 years ago

Text

Not in That Way

*gif not mine, found on Giphy*

(Spencer Reid x fem!Reader)

The one where Spencer’s TA falls in love with him.

Length: 3.3k

A/N: VAGUE SPOILERS FOR S15 AHEAD! AGE GAP (10 years). Read at your own risk everybody, very angsty. NO PART TWO’S WILL BE WRITTEN. enjoy :)

masterlist

It wasn’t hard, really. It wasn’t hard at all to fall in love with Spencer Reid. In fact, it was the easiest thing she’d ever done. It came so easily that it shook her to the core.

Really, what’s not to love? He is a badass FBI agent with a heart of gold, he can literally recite almost any book to her on demand, and it certainly doesn’t hurt that he looks like he’s been sculpted by a coveted artist.

She didn’t know though, she didn’t know how easy it would be to be completely enamored by someone. She didn’t know what kind of life she’d be stepping into when she’d applied to become his Teaching Assistant. She’d heard from her peers that there was a part-time professor who had been looking for a TA. She signed up without a second thought, desperate for any kind of connections that could possibly help her with her PhD in forensic psychology. When she’d learned that he was a certified genius whose other job was to be a real life superhero, she hoped and prayed he’d pick her application.

She was over the moon when she found out that he did indeed pick her out of all the students who had applied. This was an opportunity of a lifetime. She’d seen his university ID photo on the website and thought he was attractive, but seeing him in person was almost magical. The camera definitely could not quite pick up on the subtle gold flecks in his irises or the silky sheen of his hair. And that smile. She was sure she could drown in it forever.

After being chosen and going through a number of interviews, Y/N learned just how meticulous Dr. Reid was in everything he did. She helped him create the syllabus as well as build his lesson plans. Over the semester, she would go over his grading since he had the tendency to give students the answers instead of making helpful comments on the papers to make them think and reflect. She’d also learned about his particular aversion to technology, which meant they had multiple meet-ups when he was in town just so she can walk him through certain systems, like the university’s portal system as well as the email. She also showed him how to pose his answers as questions instead, explaining that sometimes, he shouldn’t answer their incomplete thoughts because it's an undergrad class. Also, with his unpredictable schedule concerning the FBI, she would often step in and teach his class whenever he was away on a case.

They’d become good friends outside of his office and classroom, probably closer than they should have been. He was just too likeable and she was always eager enough to hear what he had to say, thus a bond between them was born and reinforced each time they saw each other. He was so thoughtful, it shocked her. Once he’d heard her mention that she used to love collecting keychains when she was a child, and made sure to get her a new one from each state he’d visit thanks to his trips around the country. Her previous boyfriends were beyond disappointing in comparison to say the least, and they weren’t even dating. He knew her favorite coffee order by heart and often had it ready with a fresh croissant whenever they met at the university’s coffee shop and if they were meeting at his office, he’d take them to go.

It was little things like that that made her fall in love with him. And she knew, it’s not like she didn’t, she just chose to hide it with every cell of her being. Crushing on your professor is pretty common amongst university students, but being a TA and being desperately in love with your professor was a whole different kind of story.

She already admired his intelligence in class immensely, however hearing his stories from his time out in the field made her heart grow three times the size of normal. His stories ranged from being about geographical profiling, to action-packed anecdotes, and even funny moments with the team.

Was she constantly impressed by him? Yes.

Was she constantly worried about him? Also yes.

Which is why she’d practically made him adopt the habit of texting or calling her every time he landed in DC. They’d been chasing this unsub, Lynch, for months on end and he’d informed her that they were finally close to getting him. The last time they talked two days ago, he was feeling confident. But then it was just silence. He hadn’t texted her, he hadn’t called her. She didn’t even know if he was back in DC. Her mind took her places she didn’t want to go. He’d gotten so good with keeping her updated that this silence was turning her blood into ice water.

She’d left 11 missed calls so far. But she didn’t give up, she was determined to hear from him. The next morning she tried again, holding her breath and squeezing her eyes shut in a silent prayer.

“Hello?” Someone finally picked up, a woman.

“Hello? Who is this? I’m trying to reach Spencer Reid.” Y/N said into the phone, voice clearly on the edge of tears.

“Oh you must be Y/N Y/L/N. You’re Spencer’s TA. I’m Penelope Garcia, I work with Spencer.” She said into the phone evenly, calmly.

“Yes, I am. Did something happen to Spencer? He hasn’t contacted me in two days. Why do you have his phone?” Y/N worried into the phone. She could hear every heartbeat, loud and clear.

“Spencer is in the hospital. There was an explosion yesterday and he hit his head really hard. We found him passed out in his apartment this morning.” Penelope answered. Y/N’s eyes widened and she felt the tears slip from her eyes quickly. The panic began to set in.

“C-could you please text me the address?” Y/N managed to whisper into the phone through her tears.

“Of course, sweetie. He’s going to be okay. His mother is here, I’m assuming you know about Diana?” She asked tenderly.

“Yes, yes, I know. I’ll be there as soon as I can.” Y/N said, already rushing to put on shoes and looking for her keys.

The drive to the hospital wasn’t long, but Y/N felt like it took ages to get there anyway. Her breathing was uneven and her eyes were already swollen as if she’d been crying for days. There was a bad, bad feeling reverberating around in her chest. She’d somehow floated through the hospital like she was running on autopilot.

She’d found the room and met eyes with a blonde woman adorning two identical blue puffs in her hair. She would have thought they were adorable if she wasn’t panicking her heart out. She spotted Spencer laying on the hospital bed with oxygen tubes hanging around his ears and inserted into his nose. The sight made her stomach lurch. Something about the way his usually pink lips were drained of their color made her want to sob until tomorrow came. Beside the bed on the other side sat Diana Reid, a tall woman with short blonde hair. She’d seen her in photos before. Diana merely stared at her with a hint of a smile.

She stepped in the hospital room, swallowing down the bile in her throat, “H-Hi, I’m Y/N.” She waved tentatively into the room, almost unable to keep with the tensity of the two women’s gazes. She wiped at her eyes and stood at the foot of Spencer’s bed, “Is he going to be okay?” She asked, staring at the steady rise and fall of Spencer’s chest. That way it was reassuring to watch him. She could hear her heartbeat in her ears as she stood.

“The doctors are hopeful.” Penelope replied, assessing the young woman who just entered. She was much younger than she previously thought she was. Although she had no idea what to expect when it came to Spencer’s academic life, he was always surprising her.

Diana sat still and silent in the hospital chair, a pensive expression draped across her features. Penelope sensed a tension in the room and looked towards Diana, “Hey, Diana, would you like to come with me down to the cafeteria to fetch some jello for Spencer to eat when he wakes up?”

Y/N sent Penelope a sidelong glance filled with gratitude. She tuned out the sounds of Diana telling Penelope the story of the first time Spencer had jello as they exited the small room. She immediately pulled up the chair closest to his bed and grasped his hand tightly. She let out a shaky breath at the contact. Cold, his hand was so, so cold.

“Oh, Spencer, you scared the shit out of me.” She whispered, pressing her lips to the back of his hand quickly, “I could have lost you today...and-and I wouldn’t have known what to do with myself if that would have happened. I know you probably can’t hear me, but I still have to say what I’m going to say. I have to. For myself. So here goes,” she pauses, taking a deep breath, “there’s nothing that scares me more than losing you, and that thought alone terrifies me.” She sniffled, wiping away her tears, “What I feel for you terrifies me, Spencer. I didn’t know I was capable of loving someone so deeply until I met you. And...I don’t know what to do with all this love, I want to hand it all to you, let you see yourself the way I see you, but I can’t do that. I can’t.” She held back an incoming sob, whispering, “I can’t ask that of you.”

She bowed her head and rested it along his forearm, her silent tears soaking through the hospital sheets. The fear of grieving for him outweighed the fear of rejection. She’d never forgive herself if he died without knowing how big of a space he occupied in her heart. She didn’t know if she was brave enough to tell him to his face while he was awake, but this was a start. Solidifying her feelings was a start. And man, were they solid.

A few minutes later, her phone began to ring because of an endless stream of emails. There was a class today, and she’d have to teach it. She went back and forth from her phone to Spencer’s face and released a deep, heavy sigh from the pit of her chest. She stood from her seat and hovered her hand over his cheek before allowing it to rest timidly on his skin.

“I have to go, but I’ll see you soon.” She paused, chewing on her lip, “I love you.” She said softly, fresh tears making their way back to the brim of her eyes. She pulled away from him and exited the room swiftly.

Spencer’s bleary eyes opened slightly to just barely catch the sight of her disappearing into the hallway from which she came. Seconds later, Penelope and his mother came marching in, seeing his open eyes.

Penelope set down the cups of jello nearby and Diana made her way to her son quickly. He could barely keep his eyes open for long enough. It was a small achievement but they both held onto it dearly.

Hours later, he blinked his eyes open again as he heard his mother and Penelope conversing about his favorite type of cloud. Diana leaned over her son’s bed and set a comforting hand on his shoulder. He stared at her fondly.

“Am I alive or is this heaven?” He asked, smiling slightly.

“You are very much alive.” Diana smiled broadly at him.

Garcia had since gone back to the office to assist the team in finally closing the Lynch case. Spencer was just waking up from yet another snooze.

Diana looked at him closely, sometimes he felt she was the profiler in the room, “She told you didn’t she?”

Spencer rubbed at his eyes slightly, “Who are you talking about?” He yawned.

“The pretty girl who was in here earlier.” Y/N’s name had slipped her mind the second she said it. Spencer stared at his mother incredulously, shocked at just how clear her mind was at the moment. Diana took his silence as an affirmative and nodded at him.

“You should tell her.” She said definitively. For a moment, he doubted if he understood just what she meant, but he understood.

“How did you know?” Spencer asked curiously.

“I told you, a mother always knows. And I saw the way she looked at you. She deserves to know, Spencer.” Diana said.

She deserves to know.

The thought tumbled around in his head for days after he was discharged from the hospital. He was on medical leave for the moment but as soon as he could see straight, he took the train to her apartment. He’d been there a few times, they’d had a few casual dinners there while grading papers together or coming up with future lesson plans. His hands were on the verge of trembling as he knocked on her apartment door. The numbers nailed on the door mocked him as he stood waiting for her to open.

She frowned at the sound, she wasn’t expecting anybody. She pushed her laptop to the side and stood to straighten her pajamas, making her way to the door. She ripped it open as soon as she saw who it was.

“Spencer! Oh thank goodness you’re okay! I’ve been worried sick about you.” She threw her arms around his middle tightly, making him stagger a bit from the impact, but he enveloped her in his arms anyway. The contact was very welcome.

“Hey.” He smiled into the hug, his heart spilling with gratitude over being worthy enough of her attention. They separated from the embrace and she stared at him with a look resembling wonder.

“What are you doing here? I thought you still had a few more days off until you had to get back to work. Come in, come in.” She moved aside to let him in. She also moved a plethora of blankets and textbooks off the couch to make space for him to sit.

“I know, I’m sorry for kind of coming over unannounced. I didn’t mean to intrude or anything.” He eyed her matching set of cartoon character pajamas as he took a seat, making a mental note that it was the most adorable thing he’s ever seen. She blushed under his gaze but shook her head nonetheless.

“Oh come on, you know you’re always welcome here. Can I get you something to drink? Some water or coffee, maybe?” She asked.

“Water’s fine.” He smiled, leaning back into the couch. She nodded and made her way into the kitchen. Spencer’s shoulders untensed for a moment and he hadn’t realized that he’d been carrying so much of his worries in them around her. She came back with the water and took a seat next to him, angling her body to face him. He muttered a thank you as he sipped from it, unsure how to approach the situation.

“I wanted to thank you. For coming to the hospital to see me. That meant a lot.” He met her eyes and saw a flash of panic dance across her irises. How did he know she was there? Penelope probably told him, right? He couldn’t have heard her.

“Of course, Spencer. It’s the least I could do.” She smiled sweetly. His heart cleaved in his chest as he stared at the sweet girl in front of him.

What did he ever do to deserve her friendship?

He fidgeted with the glass in his hands, a silence beginning to drape over them.

“Is everything okay?” She asked, noticing his fidgeting.

He took a deep breath and set the glass down on the coffee table in front of them. He turned his body to face her and reached for her soft hands. Her breath hitched at the intimate contact, butterflies erupting in the pit of her abdomen.

“You are a remarkable person, Y/N. I’m so lucky to have you in my life. I see the absolute worst that humanity has to offer on a daily basis, but you have made it your mission to make my life easier. And you do, honestly, I wouldn’t know what to do without you.” He said with soft eyes and a half-laugh. She smiled back, she could practically feel the rush from his words directly in her brain.

“And it is an honor to be loved by you,” his voice hesitated to say the word, his eyes darkening with regret as he continued. Realization snapped into place for her as he said, “but I can’t give you what you need.”

He had heard her. He knew.

Her blood ran cold as she tore her hands away from his, as if the skin on his hands had the ability to burn her. He frowned as he watched her frantic eyes search his for any semblance of dishonesty. Her throat closed up over all the words that fought to surface. She opened her mouth to say something but nothing came up. Instead, tears sprung to the corners of her eyes.

“What?” She whispered, brokenhearted and momentarily in disbelief.

“I’m sorry, Y/N.” He tried to console her but she was past the point of consolation.

“I-I understand.” She nodded painfully, tears cascading down her face before she even got the chance to wipe them away, “It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have said anything, it’s completely unprofessional.” She swallowed an incoming sob as best as she could.

“No, I’m glad you told me, but if I’m being honest, I knew long before it. This isn’t about professionality, I don’t care about that. But I care about you, a lot.” Spencer said softly, staring at the young woman in front of him. She shook her head, utterly devastated and doing her best to shield herself from his gaze. Thoughts escaped her as her heart took a deep-dive to settle in her abdomen.

“And I thought I should let you know how I feel. I love you, Y/N,” he paused, “just not in that way.” The soft voice he used was completely useless against the harshness of the words.

She tried, she tried her absolute hardest to suppress the incoming sob, but those words just about broke the dam. She rubbed at her eyes, nodding. He tried to set a comforting hand on her shoulder but decided against it. She took a deep breath and stood up from the couch.

That was enough humiliation for the day.

“No, no, I completely understand.” She said, voice wobbly and eyes ringed with red. He frowned up at her at the sight of her being so upset.

“Will you be okay?” He asked as he stood up from his seat. She laughed slightly, this man had devastated her, broken her heart with a few simple words and still wondered if she’d be okay. That’s Spencer Reid for you. The question made her heart ache and long for him more. His simplicity and good intentions made her question why the world wasn’t kind enough to let her have him.

“No, I won’t. And I probably won’t be okay for a long time. Because I will keep meeting men and keep comparing them to you so, until I stop doing that, no, I won’t be okay, Spencer.” She answered with a surprisingly stable voice. He frowned and nodded.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered, stepping forward to cup her cheek and gently use his thumb to wipe the remainder of her tears. Her glassy eyes bored right into his, her lips wobbling at the contact. She then closed her eyes and leaned her cheek into his palm, soaking in his warmth one last time before he tore himself away from her completely and showed himself out of the apartment without looking back.

That was when she allowed herself to fall apart. He heard her heart wrenching cries from behind the door and hesitated, but decided to walk away anyway with a chest heavy with regret.

She will never be enough for him, she thought.

He will never be enough for her, he thought.

#im sorry #spencer reid #dr spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid fanfiction #Spencer Reid fic #Criminal Minds #criminal minds fanfic #criminal minds fic #criminal minds fanfiction #spencer reid angst #spencer reid masterlist #spencer reid oneshot #spencer reid imagine #professor reid #spencer reid fluff #mgg

540 notes · View notes

scrawnytreedemon · 4 years ago

Text

Neurodivergency, and Sephiroth

Right, I’m going to see if I can try and explain why this reading appeals to me.

For some background, I’ve watched a full silent LP of the OG, watched Advent Children, and am largely familiar with his characterisation in Crisis Core(though it gets a bit patchy in some areas). I am not familiar with his characterisation in KH, Dissida, or any other spinoff appearances.

I’m going to be looking at this with an autistic lens, as, hey, I’m autistic, however much of these patterns aren’t exclusive to autistic people by any means and thus are fairly applicable to other labels.

This is an explanaition on why I find this element worth considering, and while I hope that others can relate or take away something from this, in many ways it is highly personal and not intended to be a decleration on Sephiroth’s ‘true nature,’ as it were. I’m not claiming that this was intended by the writers-- Infact, I’d be very surprised if they considered it, at all --As many of the traits he exhibits could be brushed aside as due to his upbringing.

That being said, let’s get into it!

1. Alienation

A common thread in neurodivergency, autism in particular, is some form of alienation. This doesn’t necessarily mean being outcast-- I, for one, have been largely accepted by those around me, and yet there is still that sense of being ‘other‘ that’s always been there, long before I even had a word for it.

Now, of course, in Sephiroth this is more related to his lineage, and how it’s expressed in... well, everything. Even still, I find value in expanding that, and considering just how getting the sense you’re implicitly divided from your peers.

There is, of course, the matter of Sephiroth’s literal isolation-- However, as fun as those scenarios are to play around with, I don’t think Sephiroth was raised wholly, or even mostly in the labs. The reason being that it would be nigh impossible to have hid just what made Sephiroth different, especially knowing how observant he is. It’s clear that Sephiroth had had extensive contact with other children, as epitomised by the line:

“I knew ever since I was a child, I was not like the others. I knew mine was a special existence. But this is not what I meant!”

Sephiroth was painfully aware that he is different, even if he didn’t know exactly how. It is at once an oddly thrilling, and lonely sensation. Thrilling, because-- Hey! --You can do and see things others can’t and/or wouldn’t; and lonely, because it makes it hard to relate to others or have them relate to you.

2. Socialisation

I would like to start off by saying that, while I find it a tad more faithful and endlessly less grating than Sex God Sephiroth, Sephiroth is not a complete and utter social failure. While it’s clear he has difficulty articulating emotions and understanding others, it’s very clear even still that he knows how the game works, and knows how to play it.

This is going to dip far more into speculation territory, so buckle up.

A thing that, perhaps, I don’t see talked about often enough online when it comes to neurodivergent experiences, is that many things that are considered ‘normal‘ get experienced as systems that we need to actively learn and maneuver-- Socialisation especially!

Now, of course there is always some degree of social interaction being a give and take, a step forth and step back, regardless of neurotype, but it’s dialed up far more when you deviate from ‘the norm.‘

If I can give my own example, a thing I struggled with when I was little was humour! Not because I didn’t find things funny, or didn’t know what it was, but because I had issues grasping at the machinations of what made something funny. This lead to alot of nonsensical jokes that left my siblings confounded, until I picked up a joke-book, and started analysing from there. It was mostly alot of puns, which! Due to their simple structure, are a great way to learn the basics! I didn’t even know this was unusual, until my mother pointed it out to me years later.

And that method goes for alot of things.

Sephiroth, above all else, is observant. He makes efforts multiple times throughout the OG and Crisis Core to check up on others and ask how they’re doing. He asks Cloud how he feels returning to his hometown, and about seeing his mother, and urges Zack to check up on Aerith in Crisis Core, to name some notable examples. Even if you get the sense that his attempts are, perhaps, a little ungainly, it makes it clear more than anything that Sephiroth tries.

I think the reason that people have leaned alot more into the overly-awkward perception of Sephiroth in recent times, is because it humanises him. I feel there’s been far more of a shift within fandom to focus on the mundane, on relatability, on humanity. A veneer of endless, effortless confidence really isn’t that sexy anymore-- When sexual-appeal even comes into the matter, at all.

That being said, this section more than anything, I think, is very easy to brush aside due to his... interesting upbringing. Depending on how you construe the timeline, Sephiroth got sent to war as early as twelve, and wouldn’t have had much of an oppurtnity to develop these skills in a healthy and timely manner.

Even without that, a degree of social awkwardness is far from exclusive to any particular neurotype-- It’s the way it arises in him, though, that piques my interest.

3. Analysis and Obsession

This... I think, is the one where I’ll be grasping at straws the most.

While, yes, the obsessive research demonstrated in the OG during the Nibelheim incident and even before that to a lesser extent in Crisis Core could be some indication of a degree to absolutely immerse yourself in a subject in that Very Autistic WayTM, more than anything these are brought on by dire circumstance(the former especially by the question of his very humanity), and as we don’t see Sephiroth as a child, it’s uncertain as to whether he displayed these behaviours as such and to this degree under ‘normal‘ circumstances.

Even so, I get the feeling that Sephiroth is very analytically-minded, in a very Stranger In A Strange World sort of way(not in any way referring to the 1961 novel by a similar name, lmao). I get the feeling he’s the type of person to pick up some highly-esoteric text just for fun and come away with a menagerie of strange and unusual and obscenely specific factoids that he’ll remember for the rest of his life.

Like, someone might mention a topic offhandedly, and though he’d keep his mouth shut because He’s Like ThatTM, a slew of all the little bits and pieces he’s seen or read on the matter over the years would just jump to mind.

What I’m trying to say is, I think Sephiroth would take joy in painstakingly pouring and mulling over topics that not many people would have the consideration nor the mind to hold any long-term, inimate interest in.

If the last point was easily brushed aside, then this one you’d merely have to breathe and it’d fall apart. Nonetheless, I feel that within fandom’s current common framework with how we perceive Sephiroth, this wouldn’t be too much of a stretch.

I, however, want to make it clear that I can see the issue with labelling Sephiroth as neurodivergent. He could all too easily fall into the cliché of cold, emotionally and socially-inept, often rather callous depictions we see all too often in the heavily-neurotypical media that sees us as Missing Something; less than. Things have gotten better, but even still, there’s such a tendency to flatten us down to the things we can’t do, or lawd as us Potential Einsteins in spite of it-- Which, just, while it happens, on the whole it isn’t very helpful or realistic to expect this from us.

We are by no means a monolith, and while I take comfort in the idea of a neurodivergent Sephiroth, I understand that for some, it can feel like taking on a label to a character that vaguely fits the stereotype, and thus, perhaps, insinuating that to be autistic you have to look Like That-- And when it comes to villains in particular, it’s all too easy to dip into demonisation.

This isn’t even getting onto some of the issues that’d have this fall apart, were we to look at other symptoms. The first that comes to mind, and one that even I, as innocuous as I am, experience: sensory overload.

While it is entirely possible that Sephiroth learned to deal with it accordingly in life, or was forced to surpress it, because Shinra’s Science Department(cough cough Hojo) has been shown time and time again to force its subjects into little boxes and blame them for any failures expressed, the fact is that such a symptom could make fighting on the battlefield downright impossible.

Again, this is something that could’ve been given a ‘solution‘(as much as you can or even should think about long-term surpressing your basic thresholds), it nonetheless remains an issue.

I just hope that, on the whole, this served as some food for thought.

TL;DR: Sephiroth is autistic because I Vibe With It.

Also, happy Disability Pride!

#ffvii #sephiroth #character analysis #theory #scrawny speaks #ff7 #autism #neurodivergency #scrawny draws

62 notes · View notes

fandom-blackhole · 4 years ago

Note

19. Summer Camp AU

73. Stranded Due to Inclement Weather

I haven't seen a summer camp AU and now I'm OBSESSED WITH THE CONCEPT

Just gonna preface this with the fact that I am currently working as an on campus RA and I kind of got the idea from that....

19. Summer Camp AU

73. Stranded Due to Inclement Weather

Okay, so I wanna start this off in kind of a cute way. So when you were in highschool, there was the summer camp that you would go to every year. At the summer camp you had fun, but you had trouble with making friends, always tending to stick to the back of the group, not really wanting to deal with the drama floating around and the over all rowdy-ness of the kids your age. There at the back of the group was always another boy, who kept to himself, and never really interacted with people. It took you your second summer there, to finally introduce yourself to him, and after that you and Din Djarin became close friends. The two of you were practically glued together, never going anywhere without the other, unless it was time to go to your cabins at night. Din was sweet and kind to you, and over the years you found yourself crushing on the boy, but not doing anything because you didn't want to loose him as a friend. Then, your last day, or your last summer at the camp, Din grabbed your hand and placed his necklace he was always wearing in your hand, the one with the 'mudhorn signet' as he had called it, saying, "I...I....I want you to have this, to, um, well so you don't forget about me...." You flipped out and looked at him sad and panicking saying that you didn't have anything for him in return. He had only replied saying he didn't need anything to remember you, but last minute, still panicking and thinking that this might be the last time you see him, you reached up and pulled him down into a kiss. It was short and sweet and you didn't want to pull away but you had too. After that day, you wore his necklaces religiously, everyday, and swore you would see him again. But the days, months, years passed and before you knew it you were fully an adult. Stressed, you take a vacation from your pointless job to go and visit your home town, and your parents. One morning while you were there your dad made an off hand comment about your old summer camp needing chaperones and helpers, and you immediately jumped at the chance, sending in your application. A week letter you received a letter saying that you got the job and that you needed to come to the camp sight next week to help set up for the summer. Time passed quickly, and before you knew it, you were walking along the old summer camp feeling nostalgic and happy. The place looked the exact same, the main building/cafeteria was still in the middle of the property, surrounded by several cabins, in the back there was a volleyball pit and some rope swings, and behind those was the glittering deep blue lake. Smiling while reminiscing on old times, you walked into the main building. Inside, you found a man with his back to you talking to another woman. As you got closer you couldn't take your eyes off the man, he had an air of familiarity about him, his wide shoulders, narrow waist (and nice ass, not that you were looking at it....), and dark and unruly curl hair. When you got up next to him, he had finished speaking with the woman and you softly cleared your throat saying, "Excuse, this is my first year working here, could you point me to what I need to be doing?" Then the man was turning around, and the first thing you noticed was his cute and patchy facial hair as well as his arms you previously had thought were crossed were holding a young toddler. When you finally looked up to meet the man's eyes you were immediately thrown into the past, seeing the rich deep brown that held nothing but kindness, and at the same time the two of you said eachother's names. You said it more surprised, while Din whispered your name shocked and with a touch of disbelief. Unconsciously you reached up for the necklace that he had given to you years before, while saying, "Maker Din, i swear you have grown a whole other foot since I seen you last." Sheepishly, with a light dusting of pink falling across his cheeks, Din said, "Well..you..you have grown so much prettier..." Then immediately after his eyes widened and he rushed out, "Wait no, I, uh, didn't mean it like that, I just meant..." You just

giggled at him and said, "I see you are still great with words Din." The rest of the day passed quickly, the two of you setting up and talking about whats happened since you last saw the other. You found out that Din had been working at the camp since he was old enough to apply, and to the point that he was the head of the camp, practically running the place by himself, besides the owner. And when he explained that the young toddler, whose name is Grogu, he had adopted, he wasn't his biologically, never having been in a long committed relationship, well you were more relieved than you should have been. After the kids showed up and things picked up for the summer, the two of you worked as pretty much the perfect team. Din was good with the kids, always coming up with and doing activities that had all the kids joining in and having fun. While you were great with talking with the kids, and sorting through any problems or teenage drama. You often found Grogu following you around with smiles, as he came to you for attention when he felt his father wasn't giving him enough, by his little standards. Whenever your were playing with or spoiling the little child, you tended to feel like someone was watching you but you often brushed it off. All together the summer passed with little problem, but lots of tension that slowly built over over time between you and Din. The last day was spent in pretty much chaos as throughout the day parents came and picked up their kids, and by the time it was getting dark the last kid was leaving and you were exhausted and just ready to sleep. The next day was spent cleaning up the buildings and most of the staff leaving, until it was only you, Din, and Grogu. Grogu had been getting fussy as Din was finishing putting away some heavier boxes, so you had taken the child and put him down for a nap. Shortly after the child fell asleep, Din sneaked into the staff cabin you both had been staying at, whispering, "We should be heading out, that large thunderstorm is rolling in faster than what was predicted. Do you need help carr-" Mid sentence Din stopped talking, and when you looked up to meet his eyes, you saw him reach forward brushing his thumb of the necklace that was no longer tucked into your shirt. You had been hiding it the entire summer, not brave enough to bring up that final day together years ago. But now Din softly brushed his thumb back and forth over the necklace, before whispering, "You actually kept it?" "Of course I did, I have worn it everyday since." Then he met your eyes, and looked down at your lips for a second, before leaning in slowly so you could pull away if you wanted, then his lips crashed with your own and you were tangling your fingers in his hair, pulling you closer. After that one thing led to another, and you both had ended up sleeping together, going at it multiple times before completely falling asleep tangled together for the night. After an hour of peaceful sleeping you both were jolted awake by the a loud crack of thunder. Looking at eachother you both said, "Shit" before jumping apart and scrambling to get dressed. In your little tryst, the two of you had completely forgotten about the storm. And now, Din was running to get his crying son, as you peaked out the window. The storm outside was raging so hard that you couldn't even see the next cabin over, the wind was howling and you could hear branches snapping and trees growing from the amount of wind. Turning around you looked at Din when he entered the room and said, "We aren't leaving anytime soon. If I remember correctly this story is supposed to last for a day or so. So we better hunker down?" Din sighed and nodded, passing Grogu to you and saying that he was going to go whip something up for dinner. The weather just progressively continued to get worse and worse, at one point the small cabin lost power and Din went around lighting any candles he could find, and dragging every blanket and pillow into the living area so you all could sleep together. By the time the frightened child finally fell asleep again, you

and Din were all but exhausted and worried. But you had to admit that falling asleep in his arms right there in the middle of that living room was something you wanted to happen more often, if not forever.

Send me an AU or two??

#just wanna say that i did write this once and tumblr decided to delete it instead of saving it to my drafts #love that #this is probably all over the place #and a little too hallmark-y #but oh well enjoy #summer camp au #stranded due to inclement weather au #din djarin x reader #din x reader

47 notes · View notes

tl-notes · 4 years ago

Text

Kobayashi’s Maid Dragon S2 Episode 10 Notes

I’m extremely not an expert in birds, but I tried to look these up to see if they were a species native to New York (since they’re similar to the sparrows we usually see around Kobayashi’s place). Apparently there are few similar-looking species in New York? My totally uninformed guess is that they may be house sparrows.

The sun sets in Japan relatively early (probably around 6:30pm when this episode takes place), which would make it entirely plausible that if she just flew east (with a slight northward angle) she’d find herself over New York in the early morning while most of the rest of the country is still dark.

These bumpy grey pads at the pedestrian part of the intersection here are known as (among other things) tactile paving; they’re to assist people who can’t fully rely on eyesight to get around.

Interestingly (imo), they were actually invented in Japan in the 60s (by a Miyake Seiichi), where today they’re extremely ubiquitous. They even show up later this episode!

They’re often referred to in Japan as 点字ブロック, tenji (Braille) blocks, and they tend to come in two types: the “dot” design, which indicates a place to stop (or an angle change, or more generally “caution”), and the “line” design which indicates you can safely keep going. They’re generally colored yellow in Japan, ideally making them stand out more to help people with impaired vision find them, and are mandated by law in most places public transport can be found (among others).

Not really a translation note, but “deer cola” felt especially funny in the context of all the horse medicine stuff.

I guess “[animal] [drink]” is a common branding device in-universe, given the crab beer Kobayashi’s always drinking.

Also not really a translation note, but the difference between how “hard” Kanna and Chloe are running to be at the same speed was a nice animation touch.

遊んだ遊んだ！ asonda asonda!

One feature of the Japanese language is a very heavy use of repetition. This includes “reduplication,” a linguistic term for creating words by repeating a root (e.g. a “boo-boo” in English or the dara-dara example below in Japanese), but also just like… saying the same word multiple times, as Chloe does here.

Typically this is done for emphasis or to help increase clarity: if you’ve worked in a Japanese office, you’ve likely heard someone in a phone conversation say desu desu in response to someone asking for confirmation.

This acceptance of repetition sort of extends beyond the obvious uses like this as well: for example, personal pronouns are much less common; instead (if the subject isn’t dropped) you’ll often just use the person’s name again. You’ll notice similar trends with other types of words as well.

Not to mention the ubiquity of things like otsukare.

This often ends up being a challenge for translators, because reusing words in English (when it’s not for an obvious reason) tends to stick out rather unflatteringly, even if they aren’t that close together.

(Like when I overuse “hence” in these notes.)

This “Christ” in the Japanese was “ったく” (short for 全く mattaku, but just used as a semi-generic exclamation). I mostly bring this up because it’s a good example of a word that doesn’t work out of its cultural context; e.g. it wouldn’t make any sense for a fantasy character to say “Christ,” but since this is an American speaker it works just fine (and helps distinguish that fact, even).

I think I’ve mentioned this before, but English uses a lot of “explicit reference” words like this, that can break immersion if put in the mouths of characters who wouldn’t have exposure to said reference—which can be annoyingly limiting when trying to write dialogue sometimes.

As a bit of a culture shock for a lot of Americans I’ve met, most Japanese homes tend to have wall mounted air conditioning units, like this one, that are only for heating/cooling the one room they’re in. (Many also have a “Dry” setting that makes them act kind of like a dehumidifier as well.) It’s common to not have them in every room, like bedrooms, however.

This is in contrast to the central air conditioning system used by a majority of homes in the US (though type/use of AC in the US varies a lot by region; less common in the north for example)—and places like the UK where apparently residential AC units of any kind are quite rare.

You may have noticed that the doors between rooms always seem closed in Kobayashi’s apartment. That’s not just to make the backgrounds simpler, it’s also a good habit to keep if you’re going to be running the AC!

“Kobayashi, are you お休み today?”

“Yeah, お休み.”

お休み o-yasumi, is a noun form of the 休む yasumu, to rest. The word has a variety of applications, as we see here. A day off work/school, i.e. a rest day? お休み. Want to say “good night” to someone before bed? Also お休み.

In this case, it’s not even necessarily clear it’s being said as a pun; as mentioned earlier, repetition is a common feature of the language, so despite the yawn there wouldn’t really be any reason for Kanna to think Kobayashi was about to go to nap or anything.

“Laze about” here is だらだら dara-dara, another phenomime (擬態語 gitaigo in Japanese)—one of those words that mimics the “sound” of an idea/concept/state, which don’t actually make a sound per se.

These phrases aren’t necessarily childish or anything (overuse of them can be, but you can find them even in news articles and political speeches for example). They are, however, used frequently by children, and by adults talking to children, as they’re very “easy” words: they’re expressive, they capture useful daily-life concepts, and they usually roll off the tongue. You’ll notice, for example, that Kanna uses them a lot.

Kanna has a very interesting way of talking actually, which I’ll touch on a bit more later.

Kobayashi’s “bean jam” here is あんみつ anmitsu, a traditional Japanese dessert (technically a spinoff of mitsumame). It typically is a mix of red beans (and/or red peas), agar (an algae-based gelatin equivalent), some fruit, some variety of rice flour product (shiratama in this case, similar to mochi), and a syrup (often black sugar based).

You can find it year-round, but it has a strong summer association and is even used as a summer season word. (It’s typically chilled and you can often get it with ice cream as an ingredient.)

It’s also sometimes paired with a green-tea flavored something as well (e.g. ice cream, agar, or syrup). The trinity of green tea, red beans (aka azuki), and shiratama makes what I like to think of as the “Japanese S’mores Flavor (for Adults)”. No I will not elaborate on this.

I will though point out the shaved ice flavor Kobayashi ordered later in the episode:

え？今スイカ様子あった？

A word of note here for language learners is 様子 yousu, which has a lot of definitions, but in cases like this where it’s attached to a noun or phrase means roughly “the appearance of __” or “an indication of ___” etc. In actual use, it typically means something that makes you think of whatever ___ is—or the lack of something that would make you think ___.

For example here, it’s like “Watermelon? Where’d that come from?” (since the TV was talking about a different dessert-y food entirely).

Or an unrelated example: “I think that guy is hiding something” �� “Really? I haven’t seen any yousu of that.” In other words, it can be a lot like “sign,” as in “I’ve seen no sign of ___.”

These color-bordered envelopes (originally colored based on the flag of the country of origin) used to be the standard for air mail, domestic or international, though they haven’t been required for several decades.

That said, they’re still popular for that “ooh, international mail!” feel (at least in Japan) and you can buy them at most places that sell stuff like envelopes. As here, they’re often used in media to immediately convey that a letter came from outside Japan.

Kanna (and Kobayashi) says エアメール, lit. “air mail” in English, which is used colloquially for international mail specifically, rather than “mail sent by plane.”

They’re having what’s called 冷やしそうめん hiyashi soumen, chilled/cold soumen for lunch here. (Soumen being a thin wheat noodle; udon but thinner.) As Kanna says, it’s very easy to make!

Basically you just boil it, wash it in cold water, add ice, get some sort of sauce to dip it in, and you’re done! It’s a popular quick meal in summer, and much easier than the more involved nagashi soumen setups you may have seen elsewhere, where they slide the noodles down a chute for you to try to grab and eat. (It’s basically the same meal aside from that though.)

(You can of course add more to it, but as we see here, you don’t really have to.)

The type of tea here, for the curious, is 麦茶 mugicha, barley tea. Mugi is the general name for cereals/grains including wheat (komugi), barley (oomugi), rye (kuromugi or rye mugi), and oats (enbaku or oat mugi). It’s incredibly common in Japan (and much of East Asia), where it's the household summer drink.

It has no caffeine like many other teas, and has a bunch of various nutritional benefits, so it’s considered a good way to stay hydrated as you’re sweating buckets in the muggy Japanese summer weather.

帽子した？ boushi shita? した！ shita!

I thought this was a cute way of phrasing this question/answer, and a good example of the “parent and their young child” way these two talk.

The suru (past tense shita) verb used here is the ultimate in “generic verb,” and it basically doesn’t get any simpler grammar-wise to phrase something as “noun+suru” like Kobayashi does here (even the particles are dropped).

Kanna, for her part, doesn’t respond with a “yes” or etc, but instead just repeats back the verb itself in confirmation.

Just to note another one of those words like dara-dara: bura-bura, used for things like wandering around, doing something (or nothing) casually/aimlessly, or (with one bura) for something dangling/swinging in a more literal sense, like a spider, slack yo-yo, or wind chime.

These booklets are a common homework assignment for practicing kanji; you can see along the left side there it shows the stroke order, with the first block giving an example to trace over & showing where to start each stroke.

Each character is made up of radicals (e.g. “hot” above: 日 and 耂), which each have a standard way to write them. There’s 214 such radicals (though many are pretty niche; only about ~50 of them are needed to make most characters), and once you get a hang of them it makes learning new characters much easier (not too different from learning word spellings in English imo).

Kanna is repeating out loud the reading for the “hot” character as she writes it.

In addition to the above workbooks (which usually involve both kanji and math problems at Kanna’s grade), elementary school summer homework in Japan typically involves doing an illustrated diary (not a daily one necessarily) and some sort of research project about a subject of your choice. (Think kind of like a small science fair project).

The “research” project part is pretty expansive, and you can typically even do something more arts & craftsy for it.

Manhole covers in a lot of Japanese municipalities feature art representative of the area. For example, the city of Chofu, where the author of GeGeGe no Kitaro lived most of his life, has several with art of that series.

(Photo from https://www.gotokyo.org/jp/spot/1734/index.html)

I mentioned earlier that Kanna has an interesting way of speaking. Probably a better way to put it is that she has a pretty convincingly childish way of speaking (despite the monotone). That is, she uses simple grammar and “easy” words most of the time, but then throws out random big words and fancy idioms from time to time that make you go “...where did you learn that?”

In this case, the phrase she uses is 巷で人気 chimata de ninki. Chimata originally means like a fork (in the road), and since those are often places with lots of people passing through, it expanded to mean “the undefined place where people talk about ~stuff~.” So it’s used for “many people are saying~” or “word on the street is~” types of situations (or “talk of the town,” as here).

It’s kind of an “adult” word though; for example the character for it isn’t included in the jouyou kanji (the 2000+ that are taught in elementary through high school). Hence Kobayashi’s reaction here.

The word she uses for “protected” here is 死守 shishu. The word is the combination of the characters for “death” and “protect,” ~meaning to protect something even at risk to one’s life (to the death, as it were).

It's a word that you learn in third grade in the Japanese education system—the same grade Kanna is in!

Both of these types of signs are common sights in residential areas like this: depending on where you live, it can feel like there’s always some sort of construction project going on, and Japan’s many family/individually-owned businesses like this tend to be closed on various extra days during the summer (and certain other times) to allow for time off.

In this case, them being closed August 12th~16th implies they’re taking off for Obon (and probably leaving town to visit family).

The word Kobayashi uses here is 風物詩 fuubutsu-shi. Fuubutsu refers to something that makes up part of the “scenery” of a place or season, in a pretty broad sense. This shi typically means “poem.”

So fuubutsu-shi is originally a type of poem celebrating a season or a scene of natural beauty, that sort of thing. From that, it’s also now (more popularly) used to describe things that are representative of a season; the kind of stuff you say “it’s not winter until…” about, or “you know it’s summer when…” (It can also be used for places + seasons, like the ice sculptures of Hokkaido winters, or even summer Comiket in Tokyo.)

They’re very similar to the season words I’ve mentioned previously, though they’re far less strict about what counts as one. Here, Kobayashi’s could be referring to the whole package experience of “having to take cover and wait out a sudden heavy rain, despite it being mostly clear skies a few minutes ago,” which you could call fuubutsu-shi (summed up probably as like 夏の雨宿り etc.)

In contrast the relevant season word here would probably be yuudachi (or niwaka-ame), a word referring to the short, sudden bouts of rain that tend to fall (from cumulonimbus clouds, the makings of which are noticeable in the backgrounds before this) on summer evenings.

Feels like in season one she woulda eaten it. Three cheers for character growth!

The parentheticals there are just the “English” in hiragana/katakana.

Kobayashi’s comment (nihongo de ok, roughly “you can just use Japanese”) is an internet-born term people originally would use to reply to someone who said something that didn’t make any sense, had terrible grammar, or was so full of katakana loanwords it was hard to read etc.

Kanna says this line in English, and while I have no proof at all, my guess is that the specific choice of “wicked” was taken from the translation of “maji yabakune?” used in season one.

#maidragon #Miss Kobayashi's Dragon Maid #kobayashi-san chi no maid dragon #translation notes #anime

14 notes · View notes

fromthedeskofelizabeththird · 4 years ago

Text

Habanero

You're a good girl, well behaved.

Absolutely not the type to rail random guys in nightclubs.

Until you are.

Fandom: BNHA

Pairing: Aizawa x Reader, eventual polyamorous Erasermic x Reader

Rating: Gen

Trigger Warnings: Referenced child abuse, blood

AO3: Here | Want to support me? I have a Kofi

Chapter: 4/16 (all chapters)

You were scared of a lot of things: bugs, dark places, ghosts, drowning and more. Your friends often joked that you were a wimp and you’d bever been inclined to disagree.

There was one thing, however, that scared you above all others. It sent shivers down your spine and left your legs wobbling from under you.

It was the door to your father’s home office.

Your father was a prosecutor and a pretty notorious one at that, famous for the number of guilty verdicts he had achieved over the years. He had an incredible advantage, of course- the same lie detection quirk that he had passed onto you. He spent most of his evenings alternating between his work and home offices, going over the details of cases and preparing for a never ending stream of plaintiffs.

His home office was a near perfect replica of the one in the city, complete with a golden name plaque on the door. You passed it every day, multiple times a day, and each time broke out in goosebumps as if the door watched you in turn.

It wasn’t only the plaintiffs your father needed to find guilty.

Your father was not in the least bit conservative with his quirk. You spent many an afternoon there, jaw clenched and skin crawling at his line of questioning.

Tell me… why were you late?

Tell me… how long did you study?

Tell me… who were you with?

You hated being left so exposed and, in retrospect, you weren’t in the least bit surprised that you ended up vanilla instead of habanero, desperately seeking a simple married life.

The anxiety of standing outside of your father’s home office stayed with you into adulthood, even now that you had your own home. You had started to believe it no longer had an effect on you; that you no longer remembered how it felt.

As you stood outside of the hospital door, though, you remembered clearly.

Hand trembling, you reached up to knock.

━

SEVERAL HOURS EARLIER

“Maybe if I move it that way…”

You scrolled through your calendar and let out a sigh at the appointments already there.

“No good, no good.”

You sat back in your chair and stretched, popping your shoulders and wiggling your toes.

“Maybe…”

You had a moment of inspiration, only to groan and click out of the window.

With the sports festival around the corner, your schedule was on the verge of taking a beating. Between modifying your office hours to make appointments with students to discuss their offers, to making room for counselling for those suffering disappointment, to keeping your usual appointments and open office hours, you were starting to consider bringing a futon and moving into your office for the foreseeable future. You’d known it was going to be a tight squeeze, but hadn’t counted on it being this bad.

You logged out of your computer and climbed out of your chair, giving your back a quick rub before leaving your office. You needed an IV of coffee, but a cup would have to do.

You were still thinking about your itinerary as you passed the 1-A classroom. Normally, between Kirishima, Bakugo and Iida, you heard the classroom long before you passed it. Today, though, it was silent and you peered through the window.

You’d heard that they were going on a trip with Thirteen to the USJ for specialist training and, if their empty desks were anything to go by, had already left. You had taken a tour of the facility during your initial induction and it had taken everything you had to keep your jaw from hitting the ground. You knew that UA was well funded, but it didn’t really sink in until then.

You wondered how they were getting on. Had Bakugou destroyed anything yet? Had Midoriya broken any of his bones?

You were still considering it as you passed the faculty lounge, dragged out of your thoughts by the sound of voices within. It sounded like the principal, though you weren’t sure who he was speaking to. You wondered if it was a private conversation and you should come back another time.

You knocked a couple of times before peeping around the door.

“Sorry,” you said, “am I interrupting?”

You really had heard the principal and he appeared to be sharing tea with All Might.

You weren’t sure you would ever be prepared for the sight of All Might in his skinnier form. Like most youngsters of your generation, you had watched his heroic acts in awe. You hadn’t known he was going to join the faculty at the time of your own job application and still found your heart racing whenever you passed him in the corridors.

You had signed eighteen different nondisclosure agreements after successfully taking on the job at UA, of which well over half related to the Symbol of Peace. You knew that he had been injured very badly and was losing his strength at an alarming rate. Even so, it was difficult to adjust to the reality.

“Ah, (Name), come in, come in,” said Principal Nezu, “we were just sharing a cup of tea, would you like some?”

You wanted coffee, but Nezu had already started to pour.

“Of course,” you said, closing the door behind you and taking a seat.

“You got here just in time,” said Nezu, pushing your cup across the coffee table. “We were discussing the fundamentals of teaching.”

“That sounds interesting,” you said, taking a sip of tea. “You must have a lot of insight.”

All Might twitched beside you, visibly restless. You wondered how long Nezu had been talking.

“Apologies,” he said, setting down his cup, “I should get going. I’ve already rested for far too long.”

He got up and walked towards the door, taking a deep breath before transforming into the muscular form the world knew and loved.

You would never get used to that either.

“So, (Name),” said Principal Nezu, “how are you finding the school? I trust you’ve had support from our staff?”

“Everyone’s been really kind,” you said. “I know they’re busy with their own workloads this term, but they’ve had so much time for me.”

You wrapped your hands around your cup, warmth flooding your fingers. You wanted to explain how grateful you were for the opportunity -that not so long ago your life had been falling apart- but you never got the chance, for the door to the lounge flew open and a student stormed inside.

“Principal Nezu! Something terrible has happened!”

It was Iida from 1-A, dressed in his hero costume and visibly out of breath. Your blood ran cold and you glanced across at Nezu, who had gotten to his feet.

“USJ...there’s been an invasion at USJ! Please help!”

Nezu’s response to the matter was swift and efficient. He turned to you, visibly transformed from the mild mannered principal who had offered you a cup of tea.

“(Name),” he said. “I’m going to gather everyone available. I need you to liaise with the authorities.”

“Of course,” you said, setting aside your tea and whipping out your phone.

“Meet us there,” he said as you began to dial.

“S-sir?”

You weren’t a pro hero; what possible use could you be?

━

His intentions soon became clear.

While your colleagues rushed into the danger zone, you stayed behind with the police, hitching a ride with Tsukauchi to the station once the area was secure.

Time was of the essence. You had read enough crime statistics to know that villain attacks very often came in waves, making the next few hours crucial to the safety of UA. Having a human lie detector on hand during the interrogations was more than a little bit useful.

You only wished you could concentrate.

Everything you knew about the incident came straight from Tsukauchi, so even though you had never actually seen the full extent of the carnage, you knew enough for your imagination to run wild.

You knew that the students had escaped with minor injuries and, while Shouta was badly hurt, he wasn’t dead. You couldn’t stop thinking about it, especially since the only image of the incident you had seen was that of his goggles broken on the floor.

You sat beside Tsukauchi in the interrogation room, silent as they brought in prisoner after prisoner. You only spoke to activate your quirk; only dragged yourself out of your contemplations to ask the same set of questions.

Three hours later, you knew only fractionally more than you did to begin with. The villains you’d caught were blatant throwaways, with no knowledge at all of the man they’d followed into battle or a greater scheme. They’d all wanted to take a shot at the symbol of peace and had no idea how close they had come to succeeding.

“Are you going to be alright?” Tsukauchi asked as interrogations came to a close.

You knew you must have looked a mess, popping aspirin and pinching the bridge of your nose.

“I’ll be fine,” you said, “honestly.”

“I’ll organise a car to take you to UA,” he said, but you shook your head.

“No, no that’s okay. I need to go somewhere first.”

━

Technically, you had two places to go first.

You stopped by the police station washroom to freshen up, leaning over the sink as the migraine set in. You pinched the bridge of your nose and watched as it began to bleed.

You weren’t used to using your quirk for such a long period of time and had almost certainly overdone it. The bleeding began to slow and you switched on the tap, washing away the blood on your face before plugging your nostrils with tissue paper. Unfortunately, you had still managed to bleed on your collar.

Just your luck that you would use your quirk too much on the day you decided to wear your new white blouse. You cursed at your reflection, trying and failing to adjust your shirt in such a way that it wasn’t noticeable.

Even now, you couldn’t concentrate.

You had never crossed paths with so many villains in one day. You had watched your father cross examine witnesses and plaintiffs many, many times, but had never been in his shoes. You hated it.

You knew exactly how they felt when you activated your quirk, recognised the squirming as it crawled through their skin. Part of you had enjoyed it, knowing that their discomfort in that moment did not compare to the violence they had inflicted on others.

Shouta.

The violence they had inflicted on Shouta.

He was a hero, you told yourself. He had signed up to fight those very same villains.

Even so, you hated them for it in ways you’d never hated a villain before.

You thought back to your training and took a deep breath.

“This is normal,” you whispered. “This is normal. This is a negative emotional response to a distressing situation. This is normal, we’ll move on.”

You took another deep breath, but your heart still rattled.

What is it that’s bothering me?

You reached into your purse for your makeup, painting away the shock for now at least.

We can work through that later.

━

PRESENT

And so, there you were, standing outside of Shouta’s room in the hospital.

They’d put him under the care of one of the best doctors in Musutafu, who assured you that surgery had been a success and his life was not in danger. There was a high chance his quirk would be affected by the damage to his orbital floor but even that was lucky, all things considered.

You tapped at the door and let yourself inside, taking in the calm and quiet of the room. Shouta was tucked up in bed and connected to numerous monitors, their steady beeps breaking the silence. You closed the door behind you and crept over to the bed, taking in the bandages that covered almost every inch of his body.

You had always known that heroes risked death and worse on a daily basis but had never seen it in person. You didn’t know how to feel about seeing him bloodied and broken. You had seen this man naked; you’d held onto the arms that a villain had broken. Did it always feel this personal?

You took a seat next to his bed, taking note of exactly how much of him was covered in bandages. You wouldn’t have known it was him if you hadn’t been told otherwise.

You didn't know what you had expected to find at the hospital, only that it would give you closure.

Why, then, did you still feel so uneasy?

You recalled his words from only recently, after you had given him a faceful of pepper spray.

Why would you try and confront a villain without help? You could have gotten yourself killed.

You need to be more rational in these things. Running head on into danger gets people killed.

Why hadn’t he followed his own advice?

Truthfully, you knew exactly why.

He had been well aware of the danger, but made the call anyway. He had analysed the situation and prioritised the lives and safety of his students over his own. It was the right thing to do and the rational part of you knew that, but you didn’t feel very rational right then.

You had to report back to Nezu; had to adjust your schedule ready for trauma counselling. You weren’t the only one who had been exposed to an unprecedented amount of villains that day. 1-A had almost certainly seen too much too soon.

You knew you had to leave, yet felt guilty as you got to your feet.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered, hoping that your words would reach him through the anesthesia. “I have to go...but I’ll be back tomorrow, okay?”

You promised yourself that you’d skip lunch if you had to.

“See you,” you said, leaning over to kiss his forehead as if on autopilot.

Your heart skipped a beat once you realised what you’d done.

Oh God, what were you thinking?

You reached into your purse for your chapstick as you left the room, so focused on painting away the kiss that you didn’t notice his fingers twitch.

#aizawa x reader #eraserhead x reader #shouta aizawa #aizawa shouta #boku no hero academia #habanero

78 notes · View notes

francesbeau · 4 years ago

Text

The Moon Signs of Bojack Horseman Characters

Just my opinion, I am not aware of the canon moon signs if there are any. :)

Mr Peanutbutter - Leo Moon in the 7th House: Although it may seem stereotypical to give the character who loves attention a Leo placement, I do actually think this makes sense. A key component of the Leo moon is that they love to entertain others and have an easy flow of charisma. Both things are applicable to Mr peanutbutter and we can see this most prominently through the various types of events he puts on within his house ie. a reality TV show, election campaign etc, etc. Another, more negative aspect of the Leo moon is their childish nature that can be transmuted into arrogance. We constantly see Mr. PB engage in very childish acts, such as buying Diane a belle themed library, and his childish nature can be argued to be one of the main facets of his personality that he tries to eradicate towards the series denouement. As the Moon represents relationships with the parents, specifically the mother, this childishness can be reflected in the parents outlook on life. Whilst there is no indication Mr Peanutbutter sees his parents as childish as the audience we can deduct that they most definitely are, partly from being dogs and also their inability to teach him about ‘important’ matters, such as death, preferring to say that a dead relative has gone to a ranch and is having a relaxing time. Because Leo is represented by the lion another key factor of Leo moons is there obsession with pride, we see this multiple times throughout his trajectory but more importantly we see him take pride in his friends accomplishments, Todd’s various creations, Bojack’s role, Diane’s intellect - this love of other people transpires to his Leo moon being in the 7th house. So, the 7th house is ruled by Libra and because of this people with the moon in this house can place a lot of emphasis on romantic relationships, finding love to be the sole benefactor to their emotional upkeep. He definitely does have his emotional security come from his romances, shown very clearly through his inability to remain single - the childlike nature of the Leo moon comes into shine when in these relationships too as he often only pursues women who are a lot younger than him. Many argue that this is due to a darker desire for unfair power dynamics but I see it as hum just trying to find a woman who shares his youthful ideals, someone like pickles.

Bojack - Scorpio Moon in the 10th house: Again, it may seem redundant to give the cynical character with a bad childhood a Scorpio moon but I do actually think it matches up well. The Scorpio moons relationship with the mother is known to be turbulent, with the mother often not providing the child wit the correct emotional nurturing. But another aspect of the mother is that she can be seen to be highly secretive, this is definitely true for Beatrice, she is secretive about her affection for Bojack, secretive about Henrietta and secretive about her own family life, never actually recounting any of these tales to Bojack until she gets dementia. Scorpio moons are often praised for their keen sense of ambition, and as we follow Bojack through his later years we often forget that he was a highly ambitious man, writing to secretariat, doing comedy clubs, constantly trying to find jobs. As for the negative aspects, these moon signs can be moody, vengeful and judgmental. Throughout Bojack’s character arc we see him desperately try to expel these traits in himself, failing miserably thus causing a drug/alcohol relapse. This is because these traits are innate to him, through his fixed moon sign. Another thing to mention is that the Scorpio moon is ruled by Mars, the planet of aggression, this helps us to understand why Bojack is so overly agitated of his own emotions and even sometimes the emotional needs of other people, such as Gina. Something else which is quintessentially Scorpio moon is that they are secretive about their feelings, and whilst this is partly true for Bojack we watch within the first two seasons how he uses his negative emotions to create a best selling book, this is because of the moon in the 10th house. The 10th house’s main focal point is career and it is because of this that Bojack has a harsh aspect within his chart - the innate desire to keep his emotions unspoken and the desire to be successful and use his emotions to advance his career. And from this we see that Bojacks desire for recognition (probably stemming from the lack of nurturing as a child) out-weighs his Scorpio influence, this leads me to believe that the moon in his chart has some positive aspect relating to his midheaven, Chiron or north node.

Princess Carolyn - Capricorn Moon in the 2nd house: I honestly believe Princess Carolyn fulfils every trait of the Capricorn moon, she is essentially the archetype of an ‘emotionless, hardworking’ woman who secretly has a lot of emotions she keeps secret. Practical, sensible, rational and ambitious are all traits of the Capricorn moon that align perfectly to her approach to life. The most Capricorn moon emotion she exhibited was when she looked into the mirror and said ‘serves you right for having feelings’, when I watched this, as a Capricorn moon, I instantly thought that she must have a Saturn ruled moon as she way she represses emotions and sees them as weakness is so quintessentially Saturn. A positive trait of this moon sign is that they can have a strong sense of worth and because of this can set clear boundaries with others - this is something she masters as the show progresses and it was truly great to watch. However, a boundary she always fuses is her emotional attachment to work. The Capricorn moon gets a lot of self satisfaction out of their achievements so it is no surprised Princess Carolyn struggles to create a healthy distinction between these two important life aspects. The episode, ‘Ruthie’ was a perfect example of the Capricorn moon in its fall - with her looking at the prospect of a child as more of a project than a really fun, exiting moment, this highlighting her inability to separate the work from the home life. Much like the Scorpio moon, this moon placements often has a tough time with the mother figure in their life. This is true within Carolyn's life. The Capricorn moon often has a mother who is either too strict, too domineering, too harsh. Or a mother who is too neglectful - particularly emotionally. The interesting thing about Carolyn’s mother is that she is both, she was constantly emotionally unavailable towards her daughter and often neglected all of her children's needs, forcing Carolyn to have to look after her siblings. On the other hand, when Carolyn falls pregnant at 18 her mother switches to the overly harsh parenting approach, conducting Carolyn's life to stay at home and be a mother. This relationship with the mother links closely to the moon being in the second house. The second house is ruled by Taurus and therefore equates to wealth, however when the moon is in the second it can represent a negative attachment to money and material possessions. We see through the fact she grew up in a ‘poor’ household and through her attachment to her necklace which she believes was really expensive, which, of course turned out to be really insignificant and cheap. However, the energy between the Capricorn moon in the second house gives one a fantastic work ethic towards making money - something which is obvious through Carolyn's personality. Having a Capricorn moon makes sense in her relation to Bojack’s Scorpio moon, she sympathizes with his rough childhood whilst also being able to maintain a strong outward show of being the ‘good agent’.

Todd Chavez - Moon in cancer, 11th House: Because the moon is in its ruling planet in Cancer we see that those with this placement are highly sentimental and open to empathy. This is reflected in his character as he repeatedly empathizes wit the plights of the character around him, always trying to maneuver himself into helping others. This deeply sensitive placement has the negative trait associated with all cancer placements and that is that it is passive aggressive. So whilst Todd is not a massive aggressive character we see the moments of confrontation surrounding him to be subdued and therefore passive aggressive. This placement craves emotional; support and intimacy from the Moher, intimacy that they may not be allowed - we can see this reflected in his kidney dilemma towards the end of the series. As for the moon being in the 11th House, this house can often represent a lack of understanding and a feeling of otherness. Despite Todd's positive moon sign, no one really understands how he feels, ever. His dad doesn't understand his lack of ambitious, Bojack not understanding his need for comfort and all characters not really understanding his asexuality. This placement bodes well between him and Bojack as they both have water moons allowing them to have an unspoken bond, emotionally with one another. Todd never pushing Bojack's Scorpio moon to indulge in emotional conversations. This moon also acts nicely with Carolyn’s earth moon, explaining why Todd took on the role of Ruthies babysitter.

Ralph Stilton - Moon in Virgo, 5th house: A common trait of any Virgo placement but especially the moon is nervousness. This is definitely apparent in Ralph’s character. The Virgo moon is also known to be critical, both to themselves and to the outside world. Ralphs middle class lifestyle granted him the ability to judge and we can also infer that, through his timid nature, he is self-critical. The Virgo moon’s relationship with the mother can be characterized as fairly unpleasant. With many of these mothers being critical of their children and desiring their children to be perfect. This is definitely shown in Ralphs family who dislike Princess Carolyn from the beginning, his mother is overly critical of his partners here. The moon is comfortable in the 5th house and because of this, this placement gives a person who cares about others feelings and has others interests at heart - this helps to evaluate why he is such a ‘pushover’ to Carolyn's needs. In terms of compatibility, the reason in which he and Carolyn worked well together is down to the fact they are both earth moons and therefore have a lot of the same goals, expressions of emotions and similar experiences.

Sarah Lynn - Moon in Taurus, 1st House: The moon in Taurus can be described as the most indulgent Taurus placement die to the vulnerability of the moon, this is actually a really good placement for emotions, making the subject process emotions quite well and be, generally quite empathetic. This is shown in Sarah Lynn’s dying speech to Bojack, where she is openly emotionally and has a magnificent ability in articulating the raw emotions and experiences of her life. She also caters to the emotional needs of others, an example being where she offered to get really high with Bojack when he came to her upset. However, this coping mechanism is de not great and we can relate this to the indulgence of the Taurus moon. This moon loves the finer things - seen through her extravagant house but this moon also loves to over indulge - seen in her addictions. This moon craves emotional security and security in general, maybe explaining her attachment to toxic figures in life. The Taurus moon’s mother may be seen as materialistic by the child. This is seen in Sarah's mum who forced her child into acting too young just so she could be rich. This moon can be argued to be placed in the fist house for multiple reasons. People with significant first house placements can be seen to be idealistic and youthful, this corresponds to the fact that even as she approaches middle age she remains very childlike. The first house also responds to appearances and approaches to life, something which is integral to Sarah Lynn's character and also to her emotional satisfaction, with, in the end, her realizing that it all means very little. In terms of compatibility, her Taurus moon compliments Bojack's Scorpio as both fixed signs are on an axis to one another, explaining their draw to each other, whether that be platonically or romantic.

Diane - Moon in Gemini, 12th House - Being ruled by mercury, Gemini moons are often very mercurial in nature, this definitely applies to Diane who ultimately makes this nature the basis of her entire career, from working at Buzzfeed to writing a book. Gemini Moons have a proclivity to other think every action they do, often thinking that they are making the wrong option. This is such a fatal flaw of Diane's character, from romantic relationships to Jobs she is always shrouded by worry and thinking that how she acts will be perceived in ways she does not want. This is especially poignant in her speech in one of the last episodes of the final scenes surrounding trauma and how it influences her writing. Gemini moons, as a byproduct of the planet mercury, have a natural proclivity to judge others, this cynical nature is definitely a key aspect of Diane's personality, being heightened when she argues with other characters, such as Bojack who, after his Oscar, she judges vehemently. The Gemini moon tends to have a lighthearted relationship with the mother, someone they perceive to be smart and caring, this of course does not transmute with Diane's family and for t his reason I believe that Diane’s moon is square the sun - giving a general variety of tension to any relationship - also signifying a bad familial bond. The 12th house, amongst other things can be seen as the self-enemy. The aspect of yourself that you seem to ruin. And it does seem that Diane's emotional outbursts repeatedly ruin or altercate different situations and relationships she is in. Specifically in the character arc of her trying to write a book. She acts as her own worst enemy, repeatedly self-sabotaging by other thinking about her own ability to even write a book. In terms of Moon signs we see Diane having a massive lack of compatibility with all the aforementioned characters, this just pertain to how it seemed she felt throughout the show, constantly misunderstood by the people around her.

#bojack horseman #astrology

2 notes · View notes

aspoonofsugar · 6 years ago

Text

Tales of Arcadia: Three Rules

The first two installments of Tales of Arcadia explore similar themes, but they do so in almost opposite ways to the point that they become complementary.

It is, in fact, easy to see that the premises of the two shows are basically opposite.

On one hand, Trollhunters has a group of normal kids discover the magical and the strange. On the other hand 3 Below has three aliens trying to blend in human society. Both shows explore what it means to be humans, but the trollhunters do so by comparing their humanity with something different only to be enriched by it, whereas the akiridians do so by by underlining the weirdness of humans, but also by finding value in it.

The complementarity of the two shows appears evident thanks to multiple aspects and details which I will try to highlight in the meta. However, before starting I would like to underline that both shows have their protagonists follow three rules.

In Trollhunters the three rules are as it follows:

1) Always be afraid.

2) Always finish the fight.

3) When in doubt, always kick them in the gronk-nuks.

In 3 Below there are different rules:

1) You must prepare for change.

2) You must embrace your mistakes.

3) When in doubt, play with your phones.

It is obvious that these two sets of rules share a common function in the two stories which is to shed light on some of the main themes. In Trollhunters the themes explored are about living with and accepting what are considered by society negative or repressed emotions like fear and violence, whereas in 3 Below the themes are about understanding the strength of society like communication, the possibility of making mistakes and being forgiven and the ability to change.

Since we are at it, I really like that both lists have the third rule be apparently played for laughs and then have it be extremely important in key situations. As a matter of fact kicking people in the nuks in Trollhunters and using cellphones in 3 Below have been useful more than once. In short, the third rule of both lists is a practical application of the more abstract themes presented by the other two rules.

I will try to better elaborate both this point and others in this analysis.

THE TROLLHUNTER: WHY A TROLL WHO HUNTS TROLLS?

In Trollhunters our protagonists who are a group of normal teenagers discover that under their feet, in the underground of their apparent normal town, there is a world full of strange creatures who can be both extraordinary and dangerous.

The world of the trolls could be a representation of the jungian shadow.

Here is a definition taken from wikipedia:

In Jungian psychology, the "shadow", "Id", or "shadow aspect/archetype" may refer to (1) an unconscious aspect of the personality which the conscious ego does not identify in itself, or (2) the entirety of the unconscious, i.e., everything of which a person is not fully conscious. In short, the shadow is the unknown side.

Trollmarket is what lies beneath Arcadia, so it is a part of the city its inhabitants are unaware of and initially don’t want to face. What is more, trolls themselves are creatures which can’t stay in the sun and so they are beings who can only survive in shadows. They are also characterized by attributes like strength superior to the one possessed by humans and, generally speaking, their world is a very violent one and this is proven by some of their traditions:

In order to become a good trollhunter Jim must learn to live with fear and to finish his fights.

What is good about these rules is that they are not accepted as always true and there is no black and white view:

Fear is necessary and Jim must not block it out completely like he did in Young Atlas, but at the same time he should also control it since if he doesn’t he risks to be overcome by it. The idea of not being frozen by fear is explored also in 3 Below:

In this series as well, the idea is not that one can stop being scared, but that they must live with fear and insecurities. However, 3 Below’s approach is far more traditional than Trollhunters when it comes to fear, since the former simply underlines the necessity to overcome it, while the latter spends time showing its usefulness other than it being unavoidable.

The same could be said about the rule of finishing the fight. We see Jim discussing this rule and refusing to apply it blindly. For example, he doesn’t kill Chompsky and Draal and this leads them to become precious allies. However, as the series progresses it is made clear that Jim can’t hope to solve all his conflicts this way:

Jim’s first kill is not something which is glossed over, but it is given enough focus to make it clear that this is something Jim is not used to and something he will have to struggle with in his journey to become the trollhunter. Once again, killing enemies is something which happens in 3 Below as well, but it is not given the same focus and Aja doesn’t think about how she should finish a fight.

This is because Trollhunters is a story which deals with the shadow much more than 3 Below is.

This is proven by many details, like the amount of episodes which explore this specific theme (Young Atlas, Where is my mind?, Hero with a Thousand Faces, Mistrial and Error, The Exorcism of Claire Nuñez, A House Divided and Jimhunters are just some examples) and also by its hero and heroine’s paralleled journeys.

Jim and Claire have very similarly structured arcs.

First of all they have a similar flaw:

They think that it is all on them and this leads them to try to shoulder too much responsibility in an attempt to help others. For example, Jim thinks that, as the trollhunter, he should enter the Darklands alone to save Enrique, whereas Claire thinks it is her fault Enrique was kidnapped in the first place. Of course both ideas are wrong and this sense of wanting to shoulder it all alone actually creates bigger problems.

Jim entered the Darklands alone to avoid putting his friends in danger, but in the end they had still to enter that dimension in order to save him.

Similarly, Claire’s willingness to sacrifice herself for the trolls let Morgana possess her.

The two situations are clearly paralleled and Claire herself mentions Jim’s previous sacrifice when she is about to make hers:

The parallelism between their two arcs becomes even more obvious if one thinks about it in the following way.

At the end of a season (season 1 for Jim and season 2 for Claire) they sacrifice themselves ignoring their comrades’ prayers not to do it:

As a result, they both end up trapped in a reign representative of the shadow:

And they need to be saved by their comrades in episode 5 of the following season.

What is more they both integrate symbolically with their shadow:

And once they do they defeat the character representative of their darkest side (Gunmar for Jim and Morgana for Claire).

I would like to explore some of the above mentioned situations more.

First of all, it is interesting to highlight that Claire and Jim’s weapons are associated respectively with shadow and with daylight. After all, we are talking of a weapon called Shadow Staff and of an amulet which works with the words daylight is mine to command.

Because of this, Claire’s arc being connected to an integration with the shadow appears obvious.

First of all, her power is not simply called after the shadow, but it works by channelling negative emotions to open up portals. The first negative emotion Claire uses is rage, but later on she changes and starts using fear:

Once again, the first rule is at work here and Claire’s powers are an example of negative emotions being used in a positive way by the person who has them.

However, it becomes clear that indulging too much in negative feelings can let the person be engulfed by them which is what metaphorically happens to Claire when she is possessed by Morgana.

It is interesting to say that while she is possessed Claire refuses to aknowledge the problem:

The above frame of her finding the missing signs under the bed is especially telling imo. The idea of having monsters under the bed is something strictly associated with childhood fears:

Like the movie Monsters Inc shows perfectly, once a child faces it, their nightmare disappears. In Claire’s case however, she refuses to face what is happening to her and chooses to metaphorically hide it under the bed. She does so because she prefers to maintain the strong and independent persona she has rather than showing vulnerability and ask for help. This makes so that the situation gets worse and she ends up trapped in the Shadow Realm:

Here, Claire doesn’t have a shadow because her own shadow (which is symbolized by Morgana) has taken over.

So, Claire needs to be rescued by Toby and Jim. It is interesting that Jim and Toby find Claire in an illusory house while she is busy attending her daily chores as if nothing happened. All in all, this is the same behaviour she assumed about her problems after having opened the portal in Trollmarket. However, Toby and Jim are able to communicate with her and to make her snap out from this way of coping with her current situation. Once she does, she is able to fight Morgana herself:

It is interesting that she does so with Suzy Snooze which is an object strictly intertwined with her (it is what Toby and Jim use to find her) and her childish side (which is a vulnerable side of the self by definition and so one she tries to ignore).

After all, Morgana refers to Claire as her child many times, so, in the above scene, Claire freeing herself can be seen as her growing up and conquering her shadow at once.

After defeating Morgana, Claire is able to acquire some traits of the sorceress and to make them her own:

Not only she becomes the true master of the staff, but she is able to remember some simple enchantments and has some visions about how to reach Merlin. This shows that she has successfully integrated with the dark parts of herself acquiring new abilities, but she has managed to avoid being controlled by them.

Jim’s journey is very similar, but it takes longer and it might appear less obvious since, as stated above, his amulet is not associated with shadows, but rather with daylight, so the opposite.

However, I would like to underline some things.

Firstly, Jim is able to kill Bular who is his first major enemy thanks to him being a human:

He succeeds where his predecessor failed because of his humanity. Similarly, there are other situations where Jim uses unusual approaches because of his human nature. He avoids killing enemies, insists on working with others and so on. This leads to great results to the point that trolls start appreciating Jim and humanity more. However, at the same time, Jim slowly realizes that he has to embrace the trolls’ traditional ways of thinking more.

This is why he goes to the Darklands alone, for example. The Darklands are a place without sun, so they are perfect to symbolize an immersion in one’s shadow.

What is more, when Jim goes there he wears the Eclipse Armor which is made thanks to the three triumbric stones. These stones are linked to Gunmar himself, so it is as if Jim is assimilating a part of Gunmar in order to become strong enough to kill him.

However, Jim’s journey in the Darklands ends with him needing to be saved and Gunmar is freed as a result. This is probably because when Jim faces Gunmar (a symbol of his shadow) the first time he is still not ready. He forces himself to fight him before the time is right. This is basically the opposite of what Claire does when she ignores Morgana’s presence in her.

However, he will still have to integrate with the shadow when the time comes:

This scene is a direct parallel to when Jim repairs the bridge and goes into the Darklands. Both times his friends are calling him from behind a closed door and both times Jim ignores them and acts on his own. However, Jim’s final choice is framed as necessary to win against Gunmar, whereas him going to the Darklands alone is presented as a mistake. Why is that so?

It has probably something to do with Jim needing to mature and to find a better equilibrium between who he is as a human and his role as trollhunter. As a matter of fact it is made clear in many situations that deep down Jim has always known that his mission as trollhunter would have required him to sacrifice his normal life as a high school student:

After all, the episode Hero with a Thousand Faces is precisely about this. In the episode Jim faces different sides of himself and the most antagonistic one is the one embodying his trollhunter duty. His trollhunter personality represents his fear of having to sacrifice who he is to fulfill his role and Jim’s challenge is to reconcile this side of himself with the others.

Another instance which seems to support the idea that, at least unconsciously, Jim had always known the kind of choice he will be asked to make in the finale is what happens in the Deep:

It is explained that the Deep shows you your worst fear against which you have to fight. It becomes clear after rewatching the episode that the one Jim is fighting against is nothing more than himself as the Eternal Knight. In short, Jim is fighting his troll-part which is nothing more than his shadow. This interpretation can be used to explain some things.

3 Below offers us an explanation of what the Deep actually is:

If Krel’s hypothesis is correct and if Jim had actually conquered his fear there, then he should have found Gaylen’s core and broken the curse of the Deep. However, when Krel enters it, the Deep is still working properly. This may mean that Jim did not really conquer his fear, but simply fought it and managed to remain level-headed enough to escape.

This would also clarify why we never see how the battle with the mysterious individual ends. As a matter of fact, in the next episodesJim meet his friends after he has already escaped from the Deep and no more explanation is given. This is odd, but it makes sense if the battle had actually no real end.

This reading would also fit thematically since one of the points of Jim’s arc is to learn how to deal with fear. Sometimes it is not possible to completely conquer one’s fear and the person must learn to consantly struggle with it.

What is more, it would have made no sense to show us a resolution between Jim and his shadow in the Deep since the aim of the narrative was to have him reach that resolution at the very end:

In the series finale Jim becomes half-troll and wears the Eclipse armor for the first time since the Darklands. This is Jim’s second attempt to integrate with his shadow and this time he succeeds because he manages to find an equilibrium between the different parts of himself:

He has to face some responsibilities alone, but this doesn’t mean that the people who love him are gonna leave him behind. In the end, the battle is won because of everyone’s help even if Jim had to make some personal sacrifices and individual choices.

In conclusion, we can say one of Trollhunters main themes is the necessity to face unknown and dark parts of one-self the individual who lives in society usually avoids. In order to do so, the protagonists have to enter a world which is magical and less bound by society rules.

All of this, as anticipated in the introduction, can be summarized with rule number 3. This rule is a rule which must be applied during physical confrontations in order to survive. It is a very instinctive thing to do and implies that the one who does it is fighting for their life without any kind of regulations like the ones in sports.

So the characters must learn to survive in such a world and to adapt to it and at the same time they must show this world the value of humanity.

Here comes another joke which has been repeated a couple times in the series. The trollhunter is someone who hunts trolls, but at the same time it is usually a troll. Why does he have this name then?

The answer is here. It is because he has to protect two worlds. As a matter of fact, it is obvious that if humanity’s shadow is represented by trolls, then trolls who are creatures who can only live in shadow needs to integrate with the “light” aka with their more human parts. This is why the trollhunter is given the amulet of daylight even if all the trollhunters before Jim could not be in the sun. The trollhunter duty invites the one who must accomplish it to understand both humans and trolls and to be an in-between.

As Merlin puts it:

The trollhunter is both a hunter and a troll. So, he is one who hunts trolls, but also a troll himself because each individual must both embrace and control their instinctive parts to become a full fledged adult.

So, in a sense, the trollhunter must hunt himself:

3 BELOW: THE IMPORTANCE OF FAMILY AND SOCIETY

Akiridions are representative of the “other” and of the “stranger” even more than trolls are.

This is made obvious in 3 Below.

First of all, there is the fact that many Akiridions talk with different accents which strengthens the idea that they are not from Arcadia.

Moreover, the series is full of jokes meant to compare the protagonists to members of different minorities:

That said, the main characters exhibit prejudices too:

In short, their story is nothing more than a story of integration between different cultures.

What is more, this theme of different cultures integrating or choosing not to is something which goes beyond just the royals’ experience on Earth.

Let’s consider, for example, an important part of Aja’s arc i.e. her struggling to become a queen in waiting who would use her power to help others:

This specific part of her arc is explored by her foiling with Kubritz.

Kubritz is immediately set up to be Aja’s foil since their first fight when she comments that Aja is not the only woman trained in combat. However, their foiling is not about their physical prowess, but about them being two women in a position of authority who want to protect their planets.

Kubritz wants Earth to be safe from invaders who have a much more developed technology than humans. It is because of this inferiority that Kubritz is so scared of other life-forms and chooses to dominate others through strength and fear as her treatment of Tronos Madu especially shows.

Her approach is completely different from Aja’s who tries to communicate with people:

What is interesting is that Kubritz’s behaviour can be compared to the King and Queen’s. Aja and Krel’s parents are surely different from Kubritz and they are positive characters and beloved royals. However, in order to preserve Akiridion’s peace, they chose not to help other planets and not to stop dangerous criminals despite having the means to do so. This is also what it is implied to have led to their downfall:

Aja is trying to be better than her parents:

She has repeatedly chosen to help others even when it was not beneficial to her. For example, she refuses to listen to Zadra’s advise not to engage in the fight against the Gumm-Gumms, frees Buster even if that puts both her and her family in danger and so on. It is probable Aja will have to struggle between taking care of the interests of her planet and her generous nature which leads her to be willing to help others. However, I think it is made clear that her rule will be different from the one of her parents and something might have already changed:

Because of Morando’s coup, the Akiridions have become more active and have taken part in the final battle against him. In her speech, Zadra underlines that the King and Queen protected Akiridion’s peace and that now it is the people’s turn to protect them. In short, it seems to me that we might assist to some change in Akiridion-5 policies now that Aja is the queen.

At the same time, the theme of the “other” is something which is explored also on an existential level:

Krel’s mind reading glasses are here used to represent empathy aka the ability to understand others and to relate to them.

This is also why Krel is not able to pick up as many voices as Aja does. It is because, according to Aja, he has got the signal range too low since he is scared of breaking the device. This can be seen as a small detail which sheds ligth on what Krel’s main problem is.

Krel’s initial discriminating behaviour towards humans or his acting superior are nothing more than a defensive mechanism born by the fear of not being accepted. This is made clear by Krel being overjoyed whenever someone shows him even the smallest appreciation like Seamus in season one and later on when Toby and Eli tells him they are already friends:

In short, the story makes clear that it is not that Krel isn’t generous or caring or lacks empathy, but that he is probably scared of being hurt by interacting with others. This has probably something to do with him not having had many chances of interacting with peers on Akiridion-5 because of his status as a royal.

In short, Krel, just like Aja, desperatly needs to be normal, but, differently from his sister, doesn’t aknowledge such a need and assumes a somehow arrogant behaviour which ends up putting distance between him and others.

His arc is essentially about overcoming such a defense mechanism and being more honest with himself when it comes to his feelings towards others.

This ties up nicely with Krel’s passion for technology. As a matter of fact technology plays a huge role in 3 Below as the third rule makes clear. In this series, the possibility to use new technologies to bring people together is explored. For example, they use social networks to promote Dog Fight to save the planet, the siblings are saved from Kubritz thanks to the threath of having a video of the woman making racists remarks going viral and so on. Even in the finale the cannon is built thanks to a picture Toby took with his new phone.

So technology is something which is depicted as useful and fundamental to promote a more open society and it is not by chance that in the end Krel is able to create a wormhole to connect Earth and Akiridion 5 despite the two worlds being extremely far away.

When it comes to Krel, it is also shown in season 2 that his passion for technology is not seen as something completely positive by his father:

And tha Krel felt belittled for it since his father gave more importance to traditions and considered technology a hobby.

Throughout the series, we also see advanced robots becoming more human. I am talking of the Blanks and of the Mothership especially:

Mother starts becoming more human the moment she is damaged. From that point on she becomes less perfect in terms of performance (she can’t fly anymore and also makes mistakes), but in exchange she learns the importance of human emotions and human connections and becomes a real mother.

In short, we are shown society and community developing thanks to technology, but also technology becoming more human. This is because technology should never be separated from humanity in order to remain something positive.

We can say, in synthesis, that the series is about “otherness” both in how we react to someone different by being at the same time intrigued and scared and in how we are able to develop as individuals only thanks to interactions with others.

When it comes to this, let’s consider Aja and Krel’s two biggest moments of realization:

Both siblings have them while they are in a dimension symbolic of the subconscious.

Aja has it while she is in her parents’ subconscious, whereas Krel has it while he is in the Deep which models itself after a person’s interiority. In other words Aja realizes something about herself thanks to observing another person and Krel realizes something about his feelings for others thanks to a journey in his own mind.

As a matter of fact Aja has come to realize what she herself wants. She wants to be a warrior and her main problem with her title of queen is that she thinks a queen can’t be one:

However, by seeing her mother being an excellent fighter she realizes she doesn’t have to give up this part of herself to rule and that she can actually be a wonderful queen and a fighter.

Krel is instead stuck because he refuses to be honest with himself when it comes to his feelings for his friends on Earth. Throughout the series it is made clear that he is slowly growing fond of the planet and of its people, but he doesn’t want to admit it. This is why facing the Deep is so important for him. He grows not just because he overcomes his fear of Morando, but also because he finally accepts Earth as his new home.

These two situations are complementary (like the siblings are on many levels) and they show how the self and the other are strictly intertwined on different levels. Others can be mirrors on which we project sides of ourselves and at the same time understanding one-self better is useful for our relationships with others.

Moreover, when it comes to the royal siblings, their arcs embody the first rule (you must be prepared for change) perfectly. As a matter of fact they have inverted arcs in which each character discovers that what they wanted in the beginning is not really what they needed.

In the beginning Aja wants to be normal and her development makes so that not only she comes to accept that she has responsibilities to fulfill, but she realizes that doing so is really in her own nature and not something which conflicts with it as she thought in the beginning.

Krel is presented as more responsible than her sister and more obedient when it comes to his role as king in waiting. Moreover all he wants in the beginning is to go back home. However, as time passes he starts to exhibit a more childish side and he comes to the realization that he prefers staying on Earth rather than going back to Akiridion as King. Similarly, in the beginning he keeps highlighting his own superiority compared to humans, but by the end he chooses to live on Earth as a normal teenager.

Aja and Krel are also a play on the red oni and blue oni dynamic.

Quoting from the page I linked:

This trope is about two individuals (or occasionally, factions or civilizations) that are significantly linked together somehow (such as through a rivalry, friendship, being siblings, co-workers, competitors, etc.) that have differing personalities and, with it, often different approaches to the world in general, especially whatever they might be competing in/for/over.

The Red Oni is associated with passion, wildness, and defiance. A Red Oni character is often more brawny than brainy, extroverted, enthusiastic, determined, and filled with a zest for life. They are also much more likely to break conventions and rules than their counterpart.

The Blue Oni is associated with serenity, control and observing authority. A Blue Oni is more intellectual, proud, traditional, introverted, and cultured (sometimes more spiritual, although that's not guaranteed). Blue Oni personalities are often respected by others, but also likely to puzzle or confound their peers because they are difficult to read and have a mysterious quality to them.

Aja and Krel fit these descriptions and can be easily associated respectively to the red oni and to the blue oni as their respective colours in human form make clear.

However, as the series goes on it becomes obvious that the attributes listed above are nothing more than the surface of Aja and Krel. As a matter of fact Aja, despite how she appears in the beginning, is actually more mature than Krel under certain aspects and Krel has a very sensitive side which can manifest itself very strongly.

Let’s consider these two scenes in season 1:

They are parallels and inverses. At the beginning of the season Aja is the one who appears the most lost and is encouraged by Krel, whereas by the season’s end Krel shows insecurities and how the responsibility of repairing the ship is getting to him and Aja is the one comforting him.

By the end of the series Aja and Krel have acquired attributes which in the beginning were more strongly associated to the other.

For example, at the ending os season 1 Krel is the one improvising a speech and is said to be better than Aja in formal situations. However, in the last episode, he encourages Aja to speak for the both of them:

In this way, he shows to have overcome his little jealousy for her by letting her take the spotlight and at the same time he encourages her to speak in public and so to become better in a thing she feels nervous about.

Similarly, Aja accepts his brother’s feelings for his new found home and respects his choice to be on Earth and in this way she gives him the chance to pursue the normal life she once wanted.

In conclusion, it seems obvious that the two royals have changed and have reached endings which are the opposite of the ones they would have wanted in the beginning.

While Aja and Krel’s arcs are perfect to represent the first rule, Varvatos’s is perfect to embody the second one which deals with the necessity of accepting one’s mistakes:

Varvatos’s arc is an arc of redemption and at the same time it is a redemption arc which is a deconstrution of the trope according to which a character has to die to redeem himself:

As the scene above shows, Varvatos’s way of having his honour restored is not to die a glorious death which would be very painful for his young lieges, but it is to care for them as their new family.

This is not only something which he must do to help them, but also something which can help him to overcome the sadness for the loss of his family.

The series makes clear that Varvatos’s love for the siblings grows as time passes and he becomes a proper guardian for them to the point that he has no hesitation to suggest using the King and Queen’s cores to spare the two kids. Basically Varvatos repeats what he did in the beginning (he is ready to sacrifice the royals for his family), but this time his choice is framed as the right one and it is confirmed to be the will of the King and Queen themselves once they wake up.

As a matter of fact it is as Mother says:

3 Below is the story of two children losing their parents and finding a new family all in once:

What Morando says here turns out to be the truth since the two siblings will never be able to go back at being a family with their parents. So, we can say that the entirety of the series is a way to let Aja and Krel deal with the loss of their parents and build a support system.

Because of this, their family ends up incorporating many dynamics representative of many different family situations.

First of all, Aja and Krel have to deal with the deaths of their parents, but also with the discovery that they were not perfect. Realizing one’s parents’ limits is a necessary step to grow up.

This is something they must deal with also when it comes to Mother:

Realizing that a parent is not perfect means the child is starting to see that the world is more complex than what previously thought. At the same time, the parent stops being seen as someone perfect and is accepted as a person.

It is interesting to note that Mother parallels the royal parents in the general way her arc is outlined.

At the end of season one, Aja and Krel must fight an omen which has eaten their parents’ cores and a brainwashed Mother. This is symbolic of the two children’s struggle to overcome their parents and to grow up. This can only happen through some kind of conflict which in this case is symbolic and not a direct one. At the same time, the kids are taking their parents’ roles as protectors of the family.

However, even if it is right for the kids to become stronger and able to live by themselves, this doesn’t mean they should be the ones to protect their parents and to shoulder all the responsibility. This is why in the end Mother and their parents are the ones who sacrifice themselves for their well-being in a direct inversion of the season 1 finale.

Other than having to grieve for their parents, Aja and Krel finds themselves in a new family dynamic with Vex who becomes their guardian and later on with Zadra.

Vex and Zadra’s relationship is similar to the one two divorced parents have. Even if there was never romance between them, they still find themselves in disagreement on how to take care of the kids and keep fighting. However, in the end they are able to overcome their problems for the sake of the children and reconcile.

Finally, I would like to talk briefly of the two Blanks. They are basically a parody of a stereotyped American family and it is not by chance that they first appear when Aja and Krel needs to be accepted in school. It is a failed attempt to conform. At the same time, them feeling completely off to others can be seen as a joke about what a “normal” family should be like. In the end there is not a normal family and all family dynamics can be equally beautiful.

In the end the Blanks stay on Earth with Krel and become his guardians. This is a good way to end their story since this means that they have finally settled in Arcadia with a kid who, after some initial struggle, managed to fully integrate. Them being robots also tie with the role of technology both in the series in general and in Krel’s character which has been discussed above.

In conclusion, 3 Below is a series which shows both positive and negative aspects of human society. It explores how society treats the different, but it also shows that integration is possible. Finally it offers a view on multiple family dynamics present in modern society.

CONCULSION: TWO DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE ON HUMANITY

Both Trollhunters and 3 Below are about exploring humanity, but they do so from two different point of views.

In Trollhunters humans find their humanity challenged by something different and an equilibrium must be found between the trollish and the human.

In 3 Below the weirdness of humanity is shown thanks to the eyes of people who come from a different world. At the same time, these aliens also discover what is good about humanity and what they have in common with it. This shared part is obviously the core of human beings.

At the same time, the two stories are coming of age narratives and it is interesting that their protagonists growing up happen in different ways.

Jim grows when he leaves home together with Claire who is his companion. By doing so, he separates from his mother who build a new life together with Strickler.

Aja and Krel grow when they manage to go home:

This is fitting for a series where the main characters keep running away. After all, Aja is introduced while she is running to avoid a ceremony and after that they run from Morando and hide. Krel too, in a sense, is running away from his growing feelings towards Earth and his friends which he comes to accept in the end.

At the same time, the behaviours of Claire and Steve who are the MC’s love interests are also opposite. Claire chooses to invest on her relationship with Jim and to follow him in his adventure, while Steve chooses to stay on Earth with his family.

There is not a right or wrong choice, but simply different people who want different things and are taking care of their respective romantic relationships in different ways.

This is something which happens with Barbara/Strickler and Varvatos/Nancy as well.

Barbara chooses to let her son go even if it pains her and embraces a new life with her new partner, whereas Varvatos chooses to postpone his relationship with Nancy to when both Toby and Aja will become self-sufficient and won’t need their help anymore.

These are two different situations a parent might find themselves in and they are both shown as equally valid choices by the series.

#tales of arcadia #tales of arcadia meta #trollhunters #trollhunters meta #3 below #3 below meta #jim lake junior #claire nuñez #aja tarron #krel tarron #varvatos vex #mothership #colonel kubritz

450 notes · View notes

alexsmitposts · 5 years ago

Photo

The Secret Agenda of the World Bank and IMF The World Bank and the International Monetary Fund (IMF) work hand in glove – smoothly. Not only are they regularly lending huge sums of money to horror regimes around the world, but they blackmail poor nations into accepting draconian conditions imposed by the west. In other words, the WB and the IMF are guilty of the most atrocious human rights abuses. You couldn’t tell, when you read above the entrance of the World Bank the noble phrase, “Our Dream is World Free of Poverty”. To this hypocrisy I can only add, ”…And we make sure it will just remain a dream.” This says both, the lie and the criminal nature of the two International Financial Institutions, created under the Charter of the United Nations, but instigated by the United States. The front of these institutions is brilliant. What meets the eye, are investments in social infrastructure, in schools, health systems, basic needs like drinking water, sanitation – even environmental protection – over all “Poverty Alleviation”, i.e. A World Free of Poverty. But how fake this is today and was already in the 1970’s and 1980’s is astounding. Gradually people are opening their eyes to an abject reality, of exploitation and coercion and outright blackmail. And that, under the auspices of the United Nations. What does it tell you about the UN system? In what hands are the UN? – The world organization was created in San Francisco, California, on 24 October 1945, just after WWII, by 51 nations, committed to maintaining international peace and security, developing friendly relations among nations and promoting social progress, better living standards and human rights. The UN replaced the League of Nations which was part of the Peace Agreement after WWI, the Treaty of Versailles. It became effective on 10 January 1920, was headquartered in Geneva Switzerland, with the purpose of disarmament, preventing war through collective security, settling disputes between countries, through negotiation diplomacy and improving global welfare. In hindsight it is easy to see that the entire UN system was set up as a hypocritical farce, making people believe that their mighty leaders only wanted peace. These might leaders were all westerners; the same that less than 20 years after the creation of the noble League of Nations, started World War II. *** This little introduction provides the context for what was eventually to become the UN-backed outgrowth for global theft, for impoverishing nations, around the world, for exploitation of people, for human rights abuses and for shoveling huge amounts of assets from the bottom, from the people, to the oligarchy, the ever-smaller corporate elite – the so-called Bretton Woods Institutions. In July 1944 more than 700 delegates of 44 Allied Nations (allied with the winners of WWII) met at the Mount Washington Hotel, situated in Bretton Woods, New Hampshire, United States, to regulate the international monetary and financial order after WWII. Let’s be sure, this conference was carried out under the auspices of the United States, the self-declared winner of WWII, and from now on forward the master over the financial order of the world – which was not immediately visible, an agenda hidden in plain sight. The IMF was officially created to ‘regulate’ the wester, so-called convertible currencies, those that subscribed to apply the rules of the new gold standard, i.e. US$ 35 / Troy Ounce (about 31.1 grams). Note that the gold standard, although applicable equally to 44 allied nations was linked to the price of gold nominated in US dollars, not based on a basket of the value of the 44 national currencies. This already was enough reason to question the future system. And how it will play out. But nobody questioned the arrangement. Hard to believe though that of all these national economists, none dared question the treacherous nature of the gold-standard set-up. The World Bank, or the Bank for Reconstruction and Development (IBRD), was officially set up to administer the Marshall Plan for the Reconstruction of war-destroyed Europe. The Marshall Plan was a donation by the United Stated and was named for U.S. Secretary of State George Marshall, who proposed it in 1947. The plan gave $13.2 billion in foreign aid to European countries that had been devastated physically and economically by World War II. It was to be implemented from 1948 to 1952 which of course was much too short a time, and stretched into the early 1960s. In today’s terms the Marshall plan would be worth about 10 time more, or some US$ 135 billion. The Marshall Plan was and still is a Revolving Fund, paid back by the countries in question, so that it could be relent. The Marshall Plan money was lent out multiple times and was therefore very effective. The European counterpart to the World Bank-administered Marshall Fund was a newly to be created bank set up under the German Ministry of Finance, The German Bank for Reconstruction and Development (KfW – German acronym for Kreditanstalt für Wiederaufbau”). KfW, as the World Bank’s European counterpart still exists and dedicates itself mostly to development projects in the Global South, often in cooperation with the World Bank. Today there is still a special Department within KfW that deals exclusively with Marshall Plan Fund money. These funds are used for lending to poor southern regions in Europe, and also to prop up Eastern European economies, and they were used especially to integrate former East-Germany into today’s “Grand Germany”. Two elements of the Marshall Plan are particularly striking and noteworthy. First, the reconstruction plan created a bind, a dependence between the US and Europe, the very Europe that was largely destroyed by the western allied forces, while basically WWII was largely won by the Soviet Union, the huge sacrifices of the USSR – with an estimated 25 to 30 million deaths. So, the Marshall Plan was also designed as a shield against communist Russia, i.e. the USSR. While officially the Soviet Union was an ally of the western powers, US, UK, and France, in reality the communist USSR was an arch-enemy of the west, especially the United States. With the Marshall Plan money, the US bought Europe’s alliance, a dependence that has not ended to this day. The ensuing Cold War against the Soviet Union – also all based on flagrant lies, was direct testimony for another western propaganda farce – which to this day, most Europeans haven’t grasped yet. Second, The US imposition of a US-dollar based reconstruction fund, was not only creating a European dollar dependence, but was also laying the ground work for a singular currency, eventually to invade Europe – what we know today, has become the Euro. The Euro is nothing but the foster child of the dollar, as it was created under the same image as the US-dollar – it is a fiat currency, backed by nothing. The United Europe, or now called the European Union – was never really a union. It was never a European idea, but put forward by US Secret Services in disguise of a few treacherous European honchos. And every attempt to create a United Europe, a European Federation, with a European Constitution, similar to the United States, was bitterly sabotaged by the US, mostly through the US mole in the EU, namely the UK. The US didn’t want a strong Europe, both economically and possibly over time also militarily (pop. EU 450 million, vs US pop. 330 million; 2019 EU GDP US$ 20.3 trillion equivalent, vs US GDP US$ 21.4 trillion. Most economists would agree that a common currency for a loose group of countries has no future, is not sustainable. In comes the European Central Bank (ECB), also a creation inspired by the FED. The ECB has really no Central Bank function. It is rater a watch dog. Because each EU member country has still her own Central Bank, though with a drastically reduced sovereignty. Out of the currently 27 EU members only 19 are part of the Euro-zone. Those countries not part of the Eurozone, i.e. Czech Republic, Denmark, Hungary, Sweden – and more, have preserved their sovereign financial policy and do not depend on the ECB. This means, had Greece opted out of the Eurozone when they were hit with the 2008 / 2009 manufactured “crisis”, Greece would now be well on her way to full recovery. They would not have been subject to the whims and dictate of the IMF, the infamous troika, European Commission (EC), ECB and IMF, but could have chosen to arrange their debt internally, as most debt was internal debt, no need to borrow from abroad. In a 2015 bailout referendum, the Greek population voted overwhelmingly against the bailout, meaning against the new gigantic debt. However, the then Greek President Tsipras, went ahead as if the referendum had never taken place and approved the huge bailout despite almost 70% of the popular vote against it. This is a clear indication of fraud, that no fair play was going on. Tsipras and / or his families may have been coerced to accept the bailout – or else. We may never know, the true reason why Tsipras sold his people, the wellbeing of the Greek people to the oligarchs behind the IMF and World Bank – and put them into abject misery, with the highest unemployment in Europe, rampant poverty and skyrocketing suicide rates. Greece may serve as an example on how other EU countries may fare if they don’t “behave” – meaning adhere to the unwritten golden rules of obedience to the international money masters. This is scary. *** And now, in these times of covid, it is relatively easy. Poor countries, particularly in the Global South, already indebted by the plandemic, are increasing their foreign debt in order to provide their populations with basic needs. Or so they make you believe. Much of the debt accumulated by developing countries is domestic or internal debt, like the debt of the Global North. It doesn��t really need foreign lending institutions to wipe out local debt. Or have you seen one of the rich Global North countries borrowing from the IMF or the World Bank to master their debt? – Hardly. So why would the Global South fall for it? Part corruption, part coercion, and partly direct blackmail. – Yes, blackmail, one of the international biggest crimes imaginable, being committed by the foremost international UN-chartered financial institutions, the WB and the IMF. For example, the whole world is wondering how come that an invisible enemy, a corona virus hit all 193 UN member countries at once, so that Dr. Tedros, Director General of WHO, declares on 11 March a pandemic – no reason whatsoever since there were only 4,617 cases globally – but the planned result was a total worldwide lockdown on 16 March 2020. No exceptions. There were some countries who didn’t take it so seriously, like Brazil, Sweden, Belarus, some African countries, like Madagascar and Tanzania – developed their own rules and realized that wearing masks did more harm than good, and social distancing would destroy the social fabric of their cultures and future generations. But the satanic deep dark state didn’t want anything to do with “independent” countries. They all had to follow the dictate from way above, from the Gates, Rockefellers, Soroses, et al elite, soon to be reinforced by Klaus Schwab, serving as the chief henchman of the World Economic Forum (WEF). Suddenly, you see in Brazil, a drastic surge in new “cases”, no questions asked, massive testing, no matter that the infamous PCR tests are worthless according to most serious scientists (only sold and corrupted scientists, those paid by the national authorities, would still insist on the RT-PCR tests). Bolsonaro gets sick with the virus and the death count increases exponentially – as the Brazilian economy falls apart. Coincidence? In comes the World Bank and / or the IMF, offering massive help mostly debt relief, either as grant or as low interest loans. But with massive strings attached: you must follow the rules laid out by WHO, you must follow the rules on testing on vaccination, mandatary vaccination – if you conform to these and other country-specific rules, like letting western corporations tap your natural resources – you may receive, WB and IMF assistance. Already in May 2020 the World Bank Group announced its emergency operations to fight COVID-19 had already reached 100 developing countries – home to 70% of the world’s population with lending of US$ 160 billion-plus. This means, by today, 6 months later and in the midst of the “Second Wave” the number of countries and the number of loans or “relief’ grants must have increased exponentially, having reached close to the 193 UN member countries. Which explains how all, literally all countries, even the most objecting African countries, like Madagascar and Tanzania, among the poorest of the poor, have succumbed to the coercion or blackmail of the infamous Bretton Woods Institutions. These institutions have no quarrels in generating dollars, as the dollar is fiat money, not backed by any economy – but can be produced literally from hot air and lent to poor countries, either as debt or as grant. These countries, henceforth and for pressure of the international financial institutions will forever become dependent on the western masters of salvation. Covid-19 is the perfect tool for the financial markets to shovel assets from the bottom to the top. In order to maximize the concentration of the riches on top, maybe one or two or even three new covid waves may be necessary. That’s all planned, The WEF has already foreseen the coming scenarios, by its tyrannical book “Covid-19 – The Great Reset”. It’s all laid out. And our western intellectuals read it, analyze it, criticize it, but we do not shred it apart – we let it stand, and watch how the word moves in the Reset direction. And the plan is dutifully executed by the World Bank and the IMF – all under the guise of doing good for the world. What’s different from the World Bank and IMF’s role before the covid plandemic? – Nothing. Just the cause for exploitation, indebtment, enslavement. When covid came along it became easy. Before then and up to the end of 2019, developing countries, mostly rich in natural resources of the kind the west covets, oil, gold, copper and other minerals, such as rare earths, would be approached by the WB, the IMF or both. They could receive debt relief, so-called structural adjustment loans, no matter whether or not they really needed such debt. Today these loans come in all forms, shapes and colors, literally like color-revolutions, for instance, often as budget support operations – I simply call then blank checks – nobody controls what’s happening with the money. However, the countries have to restructure their economies, rationalizing their public services, privatizing water, education, health services, electricity, highways, railroads – and granting foreign concessions for the exploitation of natural resources. Most of this fraud – fraud on “robbing” national resources, passes unseen by the public at large, but countries become increasingly dependent on the western paymasters – peoples’ and institutional sovereignty is gone. There is always a corrupter and a corruptee. Unfortunately, they are still omni-present in the Global South. Often, for a chunk of money, the countries are forced to vote with the US for or against certain UN resolutions which are of interest to the US. Here we go – the corrupt system of the UN. And of course, when the two Bretton Woods organizations were created in 1944, the voting system decided is not one country, one vote as in theory it is in the UN, but the US has an absolute veto right in both organizations. Their voting rights are calculated in function of their capital contribution which derives from a complex formula, based on GDP and other economic indicators. In both institutions the US voting right and also veto right is about 17%. Both institutions have 189 member countries. *** Covid has laid bare, if it wasn’t already before, how these “official” international, UN-chartered Bretton Woods financial institutions are fully integrated in the UN system – in which most of the countries still trust, maybe for lack of anything better. Question, however: What is better, a hypocritical corrupt system that provides the “appearance”, or the abolition of a dystopian system and the courage to create a new one, under new democratic circumstances and with sovereign rights by each participating country?

2 notes · View notes

starstruckteacup · 5 years ago

Text

Cottagecore Films (pt. 11)

A Little Princess (1995)

starring Liesel Matthews, Liam Cunningham, Vanessa Chester, Eleanor Bron

synopsis

I was extremely disappointed in this film, to put it lightly. The story itself was beautiful, but that is thanks exclusively to the novel on which it was based. The movie itself utterly failed to convey the magic and timelessness of the book. The acting was flat, emotionless, and forced at every point, from every actor (except for maybe Cunningham, but he was absent for half of it). One would think a gaggle of girls would have some form of natural chemistry, whether pulling them together or apart, but not a single child actor portrayed even the remotest semblance of a relationship to another. (Note: I describe in my review of Pan’s Labyrinth what quality acting from a child looks like, for reference.) Even Matthews and Cunningham could not pass a believable father-daughter relationship, despite the story being about that. As far as emotional acting, the adults were just as bad as the children. They couldn’t even feign a single moment of joy, sadness, or anger, regardless of the context. I actually laughed for the entire scene during which Sara nearly died because of how bad the acting from the adults was. At least Chester seemed somewhat worried; Bron and the nameless police officers stood around so vacantly it looked like they forgot what was happening. I really was appalled by the abysmal acting, especially when so much was handed to them in the story. I want to preface my next point by saying that yes, I know computer animation was still a work in progress in the 90s. But this was horrifyingly awful. I have never once, not in my entire life, seen CGI as terrible as the monster in Sara’s stories. I nearly gave up on the entire movie within the first five minutes because of that monster. And it kept showing up, which absolutely ruined whatever favor I tried to hold for this movie. If you don’t have the budget, which this film clearly didn’t, don’t try to animate a monster. It’s that simple. I wish I had more words for it but it was truly so atrocious that I’m at a loss. Any good will I hold for this movie is due to my fondness for the story (no credit to the film), the settings (while not exceptional, they were fairly pretty), and Liam Cunningham’s acting. 2/10

Elizabeth: The Golden Age (2007)

TW: blood, mild gore, torture, racism against indigenous people

starring Cate Blanchett, Geoffrey Rush, Clive Owen, Abbie Cornish, Jordi Mollà, Samantha Morton

This film is the sequel to Elizabeth (1998) (see part 10 of my film reviews), which continues the story of Queen Elizabeth I as her rule progresses. Tensions between Catholic Spain and Protestant England grow ever greater, escalating to treasonous plots and assassination attempts. Mary Stuart, Queen of Scots, and King Philip II of Spain conspire to depose Elizabeth and place Mary on the throne, restoring Catholicism as the national religion. Even as these events lead to war between the two superpowers, the court provides no sense of stability as new faces and new stresses surround the Virgin Queen. She forms a strong friendship with the pirate Walter Raleigh upon his return trip from the New World, where he seeks to establish colonies under the English flag. However, his stay is extended greatly when Elizabeth’s selfishness and pride take over, and are only broken down in the face of battle when she puts him at the forefront of the British navy. Outnumbered, Elizabeth will need Raleigh’s loyalty and cunning, along with the unwavering loyalty of her people, if they wish to survive the Spanish onslaught.

While still a drama, this film proved to be much more war-oriented than its predecessor, but I’m not sure it did either as well. I liked the deeper look this film gave us into the Elizabeth’s mind, especially with her social and emotional conflicts. They remind us that she is still human, despite the somewhat cold appearance the first film gave her at the end. She is more mature, and even more prideful, but there’s still a limit to what she can take as a person. I think the first film gave a better portrayal of her complicated mind, but this was a solid continuation of what years of ruling can do. I also liked how much detail they put into Raleigh’s character, which the first film didn’t do as well with its secondary characters. We got to know more about him, even if he did still feel somewhat surface-level. I think the dramatic aspects could have felt more high-stakes than they did, especially for the characters who were actually in danger. Even though so many characters were actively committing treason, I only felt that level of tension with one: Mary Stuart. Her death was particularly elegant and laden with symbolism, and even though I knew the outcome historically the scene still delivered the anxiety it was meant to. The others simply didn’t have the same delivery. Even the assassination attempt didn’t project any kind of concern, regardless of one’s historical knowledge. The war focus was a fairly different take than the first had, which I appreciated. The film established a strong balance between the tensions in England, Scotland, and Spain, and did a good job making the stakes very clear for each group. Given the uncritically positive stance on England that this film takes, I would have expected the film to villainize Spain a little more to form a stronger dichotomy between the two rulers, but Spain was presented rather neutrally to the audience. The Spanish ruler and nobles didn’t have much character, despite being the antagonist. As for that uncritical positivity regarding England, I do have a bit more to say. Although to an extent it makes sense that the film would lean in favor of England, given its content and the point of view from which the story is told, it became overbearing at times. England could do no wrong in this film, despite children dying in battle, indigenous people being humiliated and dehumanized for show, talk about slavery, and a complete disregard for the suffering of non-white and non-Protestant groups. In contrast, the first film heavily criticized England, from Mary of Guise shaming Elizabeth for sending young children to war, to Elizabeth frowning upon Walsingham’s torture methods (granted she never stopped them, but she didn’t approve as readily as she did in this film), and so on. Although England in truth did all of these things without rebuke, the film could have handled it more gracefully and came across less like propaganda, at the very least. 5/10

Loving Vincent (2017)

TW: suicide (action offscreen, death onscreen)

Sensory Warning: movement of the impressionistic paintings can be very disorienting for those with sensory processing difficulties. I had to break from watching multiple times so as not to become ill.

starring Douglas Booth, Eleanor Tomlinson, Jerome Flynn, Robert Gulaczyk

This fully hand-painted animated film follows Armand Roulin, a young man with a severe temper, on his way to deliver Vincent Van Gogh’s last letter to a living recipient. When he reaches the town where Vincent died, he begins speaking to a variety of villagers with their own stories about the artist, and their own theories about how he died. Armand tries to piece the puzzle together, wondering if the death was not a suicide as claimed, but rather something more sinister.

This film was spectacularly breathtaking. The amount of work that went into painting every scene was awe-inspiring, and definitely sets the bar high for any other films of its kind. The team of artists that created this film represented Van Gogh’s unique art style exquisitely through their loving application of oil-based paints, and truly brought to life the emotion he put into his works. I wish I hadn’t struggled so much with the constant movement, as I feel I would have been able to appreciate the film in its entirety better, but as it was I struggled to pay attention to the story because the art style consumed too much of my sensory processing capabilities. As for the story, I thought it was interesting, but I found it lacking despite the incredible artwork. Foremost, after some cursory research, I discovered that the homicide theory on which this film was based was only acknowledge by one individual, and spurned by hundreds of others. Although the film leaves the verdict open-ended, both to Roulin and to the audience, the story itself seemed to lean into the homicide theory, then completely give up on it with no resolution, so it came across as fairly noncommittal. I won’t argue for or against the theory, as I don’t know nearly enough about Van Gogh to assert an opinion, but I’m somewhat unsettled by the amount of weight it gave to it without any kind of evidentiary support, only to dump it as if the writers changed their mind themselves. The pacing was also slow for a murder mystery, which is basically what the story turned out to be. I would much have preferred the film to cover Vincent’s life, or even the days/weeks leading up to his death, instead of only featuring him in other people’s flashbacks. This kind of existential impressionism should capture the life of its creator, not the mundane views of people who didn’t understand him or even hated him. There wasn’t anything wrong with the film, per se, but I wish the writing was given as much love as the art was. 7/10

Part 1 // 2 // 3 // 4 // 5 // 6 // 7 // 8 // 9 // 10

#cottagecore #gardencore #naturecore #flowercore #cozycore #historical drama #period drama #art film #film #film review #movie #movie review #activities #mine

16 notes · View notes

jamiesmcstuff · 5 years ago

Text

Web Authoring Blog

10/01/21

The past week I have been working on my assignment through Wordpress. The assignment is to install and build our own wordpress site on the college server. This was a basic enough assignment but I did encounter some problems along the way. Firstly, I had a problem connecting to the college server, which meant I was required to get a new password from IT, and that took up some time.Once I could connect to the server I successfully connected to the server, and uploaded wordpress to filezilla.

I also encountered a problem trying to activate a child theme on my wordpress site. I didn’t realise that my .css file in my wordpress folder had an extra full stop where it shouldn’t have been, and it was breaking my up the code when I tried to activate my child theme on the wordpress site. Once I figured this out (which took some time) I found that I had a lot of fun with this assignment.

It was great to play around with all the various features of wordpress. Somethings I did find a little strange and a bit unintuitive (such as accessing certain editing functions from the front end site) but I I got used to the workflow the more time I spent on it. I do feel like I ran out of time and had to eventually settle with what I had for the assignment but I am keen to continue working on the site I had created in order to improve my skills using Wordpress, and having something good to add to my portfolio.

22/12/20

Last week we covered CMS systems and. It seems like it should be straight forward, however if I have learned anything so far its that sometimes coding can seem straightforward, but due to lack of experience simple problems can be difficult to figure. Wordpress, however, looks great a a system to use.

As soon as we started learning it I could think of difficult examples of blogs and websites that have used Wordpress as a platform to great effect, and I am excited to start using the platform properly. It seems that once you start using Wordpress, and get used to the workflow, you can create really great looking websites with minimal effort.

There are so many different customizations meaning you can be very creative with Wordpress. I am excited to start using some other CMS systems in order to see how they compare against Wordpress anf figure out whether Wordpress is the best option for me as a system to use going forward.

16/12/20

This was our first week covering Wordpress and CMS systems. I had heard from multiple sources regarding the unintuitiveness of WordPress but that definitely was not my initial thought. It potentially could have been outdated by other CMS that came after it, but as a platform it seems very powerful if you know how to use it correctly.

My mind automatically started thinking ahead in terms of how platforms like wordpress could be used by web designers, and myself hopefully when the time comes, to build comprehensive and sophisticated web pages for clients.

We had a reading week so had no class on the 12th of December, but on the 11th we also had to submit assignment 2, which was our personal profile web page. It was a tough task, but I believe I got a good result for my first attempt at creating a web page. One problem I encountered, that I was very satisfied to find a solution for, was aligning an image of the Griffith college logo to the right of the footer. After numerous attempts at finding a solution ( and tearing out a lot of hair) I eventually entered a <p> into the footer and cleared the floats within the style sheet which aligned the image up correctly.

2/12/20

Last week’s lecture covered Flex boxes. I think it may have been the first time we were exposed to any kind of framework that can simplify the building of web pages to some degree. From what I understand, tasks pertaining to the layout of elements on a page can be strenuous in terms of writing the html and css code; but flex boxes are effective in streamlining this process through their own unique set of rules.

I found Flex boxes easy to understand because, to the best of my knowledge, flexbox follows similar cascading and hierarchical principles as are the fundamentals in other parts of coding we have learned. For example, the container is a parent and everything contained within (items) are children; akin to how a <section> element is a parent to a child <p> element contained within that section. I am starting to see how coding language is very complicated, but is designed to try and be as user friendly as is possible; there is a consistent way to think structurally about code that will benefit me and help me to troubleshoot problems I may have down the line.

25/11/20

Last week's lecture we covered color, links, layouts and floats. There was pats that seemed to be as straightforward as our previous lecture, and I found myself easily able to keep up in terms of what we were learning. For example with color, it was easy for me to understand how color can be applied to different elements. Also, I like how there are different ways that things can be applied through CSS, for example there being a choice to apply colour by percentage, or by hex values.

However, there I had two main takeaways from this class. The first, which I was already aware of but hadn’t yet been covered in class, is that CSS isn't just about visuals, parts of the page can be laid out in various ways by applying different rules. Floats do seem complicated, but once I get some experience using them I know it’ll be a massive part of building web pages, so it's something I am eager to get practice in.

The second take away, which I hadn’t pre-empted as a possibility with CSS, is the 5 styles that are applied to links on a web page. This was very interesting, and I was surprised, because I had thought that Javascript was the coding language for integrating interactivity on a web page. However, pertaining to our upcoming assignments, it is somewhat of a relief to know that more basic functions such as the 5 styles for links can be applied through CSS, without having to yet know javascript.

18/11/20

Last Saturday we had our first lecture that introduced CSS. A few things we covered were rules, IDs, classes and the cascading specificity of CSS. From the first introduction it seems to be straight forward enough, however once applied into a practical context I am sure there will be a lot of barriers to overcome in order to get competent with CSS. Seeing the difference between how a basic html page looks, without CSS, and then the possibilities once CSS has been applied was exciting.

I have found html relatively easy thus far, and it is very satisfying once the code does what you intended. However, it doesn't make things look beautiful, so seeing the difference between a page with and without CSS, and what the possibilities can be, was very exciting. Gemma used the example of the Griffith website, with and without the CSS, and the reality of what's possible once I get to using CSS became a reality.

SImilar to writing html, and the application of good practice and bad practice in terms of writing code ; we learned in last week's lecture the difference between inline CSS and stylesheets, and how the latter is the preferred method of applying CSS. Even though it would seem easier to write CSS within the same file as html, I am very conscious now of ensuring that I do not fall into bad habits in terms of I write any coding language as I hope to day be hired based on the quality of the work that I provide, so will avoid developing bad habits at any cost.

10/11/20

Last Saturday 7th November lecture covered semantic html and the structure of web pages. The previous lecture on links, images and tables had demonstrated and actualized for me the building blocks that web developers use across the board for different features of websites. Our most recent lecture built upon that knowledge and made me understand how semantic html is used to break up the different parts/sections of a website so that browsers can digest it and for SEO.

When practicing at home writing the code for articles and sections, which as I understand act as mini web pages within a web page,the muscle memory of writing code is improving physically writing code while also ingraining in me the concept of nesting code, and how hierarchy within that nested code is structured. The analogy of the Russian dolls has been mentioned numerous times and this week it became more applicable than before as a way to look at how you wrap up your code into structured pieces.

The easiest way for me to visualise semantic html in action was looking at online newspapers. Through looking at a few examples I could see how the home pages in particular are structured because they have so much content and articles etc that are irrelevant to each other. It's necessary to use semantic html to give meaning to each bit of content in order to direct internet users to relevant parts of the web page. One thing I never preempted, again in my own naivety/ignorance, was how integrated SEO is with the information contained within html. As a side project I think I will go and read up some more about digital marketing.

We were also required to do some practical exercise on forms this week. One thing of note, I had seen in previous lectures how values can indicate what happens when a user clicks on a link (opening in a new tab etc). Relative to values such as input/emails it’s interesting to see how these values can indicate how a specific entry of information into a data field, such as an email address, is handled. Also, the content we covered briefly touched on empty elements which I was not expecting as they don't follow the same rule set we had previously learned. I had expected there to be some as there are exceptions to rules in any language and html is no different evidently.

03/11/20

Our most recent lecture covered the topics of tables, links, images. As I mentioned in my previous post I was initially happy to be able to keep up with the material and didn't feel too far out of my depth. This week I am happy to say that I am still feeling positive about the decision to move into this new world and potential change of career.

With just two weeks under my belt I could already feel a change in how I will view websites going forward. As a user I had always thought, naively, of websites as eclectic; their features and functions presented as specific to the brand or organisation that they represent. However, during this lab, and particularly regarding the topic of tables, I began to visualize how they are all the same components put together by developers in different ways that serve the same functions.

Telecommunication companies websites and how they present their pricing online was one such feature that came to mind. Previously I would have thought that their pricing was just an image integrated within the web page but now I obviously understand that it is built through a specific <table> element that is adjustable by a front end developer.

I had a thought on the topic of images and their applicability in different parts of a web page also. Having worked as an outbound salesman for the last couple of years I looked at a lot of websites to find clients. Obviously, a company's budget has to be considered when considering the quality of a website but from what I observed there are some elements of websites that are perhaps ignored or rushed by developers, are not budget dependent, and can give a website a cheaper or less professional look.

I think the two screenshots below corroborate my point above; B2Bs logo on the home page of their site is slightly pix-elated while Hunt Office’s (one of the biggest office supplies companies in Ireland) logo looks smooth and gives it a cleaner look, which as the first thing a user sees when clicking onto a home page immediately portrays a better level of professionalism than that of B2B.

I am trying not to think too far ahead in terms of the end goal of being in this course, and this module, because I have a long way to go and an extremely vast discipline to cover before any of that will happen. Thinking too far ahead would be daunting for me so its better to sit back and enjoy the process of learning each part as it comes.

27/10/20

This web authoring module is the reason I decided to do this interactive digital media course. I have come from working in sales the last couple of years and wanted to make a complete career change. For that reason it was very important I acquired proper tangible skills that allowed me to make that change and I felt coding was up there with the best of options.

Our first lecture last Saturday was about HTML. From what I understand, we are learning HTML at the best time up to date as its been consolidated into one format that everyone in the western world abides by and is uniform so a lot of complications can be avoided across the board for developers and users alike.

The lecture primarily focused on elements and I was happy, and relieved, that I could keep up with the material and didn’t get too lost as this is all totally new territory for me. I enjoyed the lecture thoroughly as HTML seems logical and if you follow the right steps it does what you want it to do. I am looking forward to starting practice, getting the muscle memory working and moving toward that career change I need.

1 note · View note

thedistantstorm · 6 years ago

Text

Keep On Rising (Until the Sky Knows Your Name) 05

A story about how an orphaned Amanda Holliday comes to belong in the Last Safe City and the family she finds along the way.

(Or, the story of how Commander Zavala finds himself responsible for one Amanda Holliday.)

Chapters: 01 | 02 | 03 | 04

This Time: The bond between them becomes too much for the matron to ignore.

"Sit," Karena says, softly.

Amanda does. The head matron usually only sits them down like this if they’ve done something real bad. But Amanda can’t recall anything she might have done.

"Can I ask you something?"

"I don' really get a choice, do I?"

The matron sips her tea and sighs. "You do. You always have a choice, my dear." She pours the child a bit from the pot now that it's had time to cool and pushes both a small cup and the sugar bowl toward her. Amanda looks at the sugar before choosing to raise the mug to her mouth without it. "You could sit here, listen, and choose not to reply. Or, you could walk away. This is about you and what you want."

"Oh… okay." She sets the mug down on the saucer, and does not blanch at how strong it is. "Well, go on then," She drawls, in her tiny accent.

"The Commander. Is he important to you?"

"I mean," Amanda's nose crinkles with her confusion. It wasn't the question she'd been expecting. "A'course. He keeps us safe."

Karena sucks her lower lip between her teeth. "He does, doesn't he?" Her smile is sad. "But-"

"Why?" Little fingers weave together around the mug. She sits up straighter. "Why're you asking?"

"Would you answer me first? Honestly, please."

"Zavala is… kind," She looks down into her mug. "He's stern, and he don't take no BS," Karena holds back a hum of amusement at that. "But he cares lots. 'Bout everybody, the City, e'rything."

"I have three different families, all who want to adopt you," Karena whispers. Amanda lurches back, ready to push her chair away. "No no, baby, don't run away. I don't-" She clears her throat.

"Why tell me then?"

"I need to hear it from you."

"Hear what?" Her eyes darken, a stormy sea of green. "That I don't want nobody to adopt me? I don't!"

"If it were him-"

Amanda rolls her eyes. "Don't pull my leg."

"I'm talking hypothetical." Karena looks at her coolly. "Hypothetically, if anyone in the world could adopt you, who would it be?"

She closes her eyes. Almost too quietly to be heard, she grumbles, "No one. I don't want anyone to adopt me." Her dark lashes flutter against her freckled cheeks.

It's a lie and the Matron can tell. "I asked you to be honest, Amanda."

"You want me to tell you I want him to adopt me?"

Karena's eyes widen a touch, her head dipping in an inscrutable nod.

The child babbles, "It can't happen. Guardians don't have kids. The others tol' me-"

"Nevermind them," The matron says patiently. "This is about you."

"An' I'm tellin' you," She drawls, heavier. "He told me he can't. Probably doesn't even wanna."

"... If he did?"

She looks down into her mug for a long time. When she looks up, fixing the matron with a stare, her eyes are open, torn between futility and hope. It's a devastating, heartrending look. She doesn't cry, but her chin quivers.

"I s'pose I would."

She waits. The matron is a patient woman, she has always been. The children insist she has eyes in the back of her head. It's another two visits after the time she overhears the conversation between the Commander and their little survivor before she asks Amanda if she wants the man to adopt her, and another two after that before she confronts the man himself. The conversation is almost a year in the making.

It happens to fall on a rare occasion. A day in which she comes to him, her charges in tow. Outings like this are almost biannual at best, between funding and census in the orphanage itself.

Earlier, she'd watched as Amanda tore through the crowd, the calls of her group-leader falling on deaf ears. Karena herself stood back, almost to the railings, nearly able to see the City sprawled out before them. Amanda had slipped through the last of the bystanders, dipped around and under the Commander's arm, his mark flapping in her wake.

She expected him to hold his position, looking out almost regally at the masterpiece that was the completed walls, newly repaired and built up to protect the metropolis below. But instead, he looked down at Amanda with a much freer man's smile, the corners of his lips upturned for once.

A thruster kicked in with a loud thrum and he followed her gaze. Amanda wasn't looking down, or across at the Traveler, looming in the cradle of the walls that surrounded The Last City. She was looking up. Karena had never seen her so happy watching the ships soar up into the sky at his side.

No one paid her any mind, caught up in the commotion of being up so high, taking in the sights themselves. The same almost went for the little girl front and center, staring up into the clouds with something akin to awe.

No one noticed when she leaned against his leg, a single hand fisted in his mark, nor when he dropped to one knee, put a palm on her back, and listened to whatever childish secret she had to tell.

No one except the matron, who sighs wistfully as the moment replays in her mind. There is no denying it, not any longer. Thus, here they were.

“The other children are starting to notice,” She begins in a tone far softer than most of their conversations start with.

Part of it is subject matter, but they are both carrying dozing orphans. He has one in each arm, while she carries another on her back. He was always willing to go the extra mile, though she suspected it kept the craven lunatics that led the factions off his back to be on orphan escort duty. It was very clear his attention was very valuable, to everyone.

And yet, it isn’t that at all. She’s been fielding these questions intermittently. Most of the time it was simply overworking minds and infantile anxiety. But this wasn’t.

He lays the child in their bed carefully, easing the blankets over them before rising once more and settling the other youth in the upper bunk. Karena deposits the last of the sleeping children in the room next door and meets him at the top of the stairs afterward.

“What do you mean?” His eyes glow bright in the dark, twin halos of electric blue eclipsed by his eyelids as he narrows them in time with his question.

Karena moves past him, a loaded glance in his direction stopping him in his tracks. No matter how many centuries more he’s lived - honestly she couldn’t give a damn - she’s no match for a motherly gaze. He follows her into the kitchenette utilized only by staff, taking his usual seat.

Instead of fixing tea like she always did, she reaches up into the highest cupboard, procuring a bottle and glasses. She pours him two fingers before giving herself about the same. Another wide-eyed look from him has her shaking her head in disbelief.

“Amanda,” She answers him, finally. “They’ve begun to accuse you of having favorites.”

“I... do not.”

Karena takes a hearty sip. “You do,” She asserts. “Perfectly natural, considering. She latched onto you. A lot of them do.” Karena hums, “This time was just… different.”

“We have been doing this for-” He takes a drink, “A long time.”

“I’m aware,” The matron dips her head. “Usually I indulge them a bit, as they adjust. Amanda is a sweet child. Polite, when she wants to be. Too intelligent for her own good. I get applicants for her, all the time. It’s been almost a year now. I’ve had a total of seven applicants interested in her. Good families, clean backgrounds. She’s refused every one. Mostly politely. The last one offered to let her keep her family name, since they’d found out it meant so much to her.”

“I’ve told her countless times that she should-” He steeples his fingers, propping his elbows on the table and leaning over his drink, sighing heavily. “Even if I wanted to, I cannot,” He finally says, as close to an admission that the matron is right as he’ll come.

“She knows that.”

“You’re sure? Perhaps I’m not getting through to her. I can bring it up again if need be-”

“She’s verbalized it,” Karena swallows. “ Multiple times. She knows.”

Zavala’s shoulders sag for a moment, the nearly lost look in his eyes reminding her of a man far younger than he is. “What would you have me do?” He asks, voice rough. Like it’s hurting him to know.

She reaches across the table, takes one of his far larger palms in both of her own. “Honestly, I wish you could take her. You’d be an excellent father.” He shakes his head, uncomfortable with her praise. “You would. You work wonders with these children. And your soldiers. I hear all about how they talk about you.”

And then, she sighs.

“But if you cannot, I need you to step back. She’ll never realize her full potential here. She’s well above her year in school, she’s a good girl. I want her to have a family who can give her what she deserves. That’s what I want for all of these kids.”

“I do, too.” He scrubs a hand over his face after a few moments of sipping their liquor in silence. “It would never work,” He says, finally. “Even if-” He trails off.

“If I can find the right family, I need you to convince her to give it a shot,” Karena presses, business-like. “I’ll push for a foster-to-adopt situation. Make her feel like it isn’t permanent until she wants it to be. But she needs to get out of here.”

The Commander’s nod is resolute. “Whatever I can do,” He answers, sad but sure.

It burns as the liquor courses down her throat, but it washes away the retort lingering on her tongue. It isn’t that he doesn’t want her. That’s not it at all. She has no doubt in her mind that if he weren’t the Vanguard Commander that he’d take her. But his job - his duty is not conducive to raising a child.

When he rises, she sees the metaphorical weight of it cast upon him. This hurts him, as much as she had expected it to. No amount of armor can hide it, no stoicism can completely outshine it in his gaze.

“For what it’s worth,” She says, when he takes his leave, “I’m sorry.”

His Ghost flickers into the space over his shoulder when he exits. She can hear their muffled voices as they exit the front gates. It seems the matron wasn’t the only one hoping he might at least consider an alternative arrangement.

#destiny fanfiction #shipwright september #amanda holliday #commander zavala #destiny stories

11 notes · View notes

williamsockner · 7 years ago

Text

LGBT+ Identity in the Time of Mindless Self Indulgence

Mindless Self Indulgence isn’t an act that could have flourished at any other time. The emo/pop punk wave was gathering steam; hip hop was still a novelty one could distinguish themselves from the flock by cribbing. “Random” Invader Zim-style humor was in the decline, while “edgy” no-limits humor was skyrocketing. Nerds hadn’t become the dominant force they are today, but due to the internet and the rise in manga and anime sales in the United States, they were able to access nerdy content much more easily. Youtube was taking off, music piracy was booming, and reliance on both radio and local record-store gatekeepers was at a low for young music fans.

Perhaps most critically, our national understanding of politics and identity at the time, particularly LGBT+ identities, was in a different stage of development than it is today. “Punching up” vs. “punching down” was not a concept that most people considered in their comedy. “It’s just a joke” was more widely accepted as an excuse for transgressive entertainment than it is today. “I’m an equal opportunity hater” was a common refrain.

Early in their career, the band released multiple tracks where Jimmy Urine, a man who was certainly not black, used the n-word. The “Pantyshot” cassingle was a treasured possession among MSI fans, featuring an early song that supposedly lost them a record deal due to being about lusting over a 5 year-old. Little Jimmy Urine sold kisses for a dollar to fans after shows, including to the teenagers. As a whole, the band made punchlines of racial and sexual slurs, rape and child abuse, school shootings, prostitution, drug use, incest, and just about every other taboo under the sun.

The understanding was that none of it was real and that none of it had any real consequences. Calling someone a faggot didn’t matter if we were all in on the joke, that homophobia was stupid. Words were just words. The identity of the speaker didn’t matter so long as their ideology was clear. It was something of an inversion of the way we publicly navigate comedy now, in that their identity determines where on the ladder they are to punch up or down, and the contents of their ideology is of minimal consequence compared to the text of their words. The context of a joke is not a matter of what the audience believes, but of the many complexities of hierarchy that society as a whole believes.

“Who cares?” asks 2008. “It’s just words.”

“How could it not matter?” answers 2018. “Words create culture.”

So LGBT+ identity in the era of Mindless Self Indulgence.

Describing the difference between 2005 and 2018 to young queer people is a source of anxiety for me, because I feel like the old woman talking about how she walked uphill both ways to the library if she wanted to read a book. It’s difficult, however, to put in perspective how quickly the culture around LGBT+ identities has changed. As dangerous as it is for queer kids today, they have much freer access to information about their resources and history than we did, and far greater representation in all forms of media.

When I was a teenager, I was the first person openly LGBT at my school, and my only point of reference for LGBT identities were Rosie O’Donnell and Elton John. There was no “Born This Way” yet, no Halsey and Hayley Kiyoko and Ellen Page, no Troye Sivan and Adam Lambert and Frank Ocean, no Miley Cyrus, no Laverne Cox. There were no empowerment ballads.

Which was fine, because I didn’t want empowerment ballads anyway. I felt disgusting. In reckoning with my LGBT+ identity, I felt small, broken, repulsive, confused, discarded and doomed. I was sickened in my own skin and filled with self-loathing because of my sexual orientation. Sometimes I still am. When I was 15, I drew a map of my heart, and in between the “fields of sexual insecurity” and “possibly irreparable damage” I had written “guilt!” several times and underlined it.

“You’re beautiful” didn’t only feel false, it felt invalidating. I was fiercely defensive of my self-hatred. I was working so hard at it, spending so much time and energy convincing myself I deserved the beating I was giving myself. To this day the barriers I’ve put up against generic bromides persist, and songs like “Scars to Your Beautiful” or “Roar” make me cringe. Maybe someone gets something out of them, but I can only think of the teenagers like me who used that sort of sentiment as fuel for their own self-abuse. I remember once bursting into tears at a “Jesus Loves You” sticker because it served as proof that the whole world was playing a joke on me, telling me that someone so unlovable should have some hope.

It was impossible to internalize that queerness was not dirty, unnatural and loathsome. Any attempt to break that association was drown out by the rest of the messaging we were receiving and our own tried-and-true mental gymnastics. Reassurance could not reach us at the bottom of the well.

At the time, I was obsessed with Mindless Self Indulgence with the kind of all-consuming adoration that only teenagers can possess. I aped frontman Little Jimmy Urine’s fashion, writing slogans across my coats with white tape. “What Do They Know” and “Cocaine and Toupees” were my ringtones, much to my mother’s chagrin. I had catalogues of bootlegs, lovingly sorted and pressed to CD. Mindless Self Indulgence populated my artwork, both in classroom doodles and in art pieces for my portfolio that I labored on for weeks. They were the subject of my college application essay. I met my first love on an MSI forum (which I moderated) and lost a few romantic relationships over my inability to talk about anything else. I owned every shirt. When I was hired on at Barnes & Noble’s music section, I would nominate Frankenstein Girls Will Seem Strangely Sexy for the staff recommendation shelf every single week, and whenever it inevitably got recalled to the warehouse for lack of sales, I’d order it right back.

Sometimes my friends and I would go to the mall parking lot at night and blast Mindless Self Indulgence from my car, dancing around the empty lot with our striped stockings, fingerless gloves and Hot Topic trip pants.

This band kept me from killing myself.

“I’m filthy, disgusting, horrible, irredeemable,” we’d say. “People tell us we’re beautiful and we know they’re lying. I’m a freak.”

“Yeah, you’re fucking ugly,” the music said. “So what? So’s everything else. Have some fun with it.”

Despite the fact that Jimmy Urine has never publicly labeled himself with an LGBT identity, we young LGBT MSI fans claimed him as our own. We enshrined the article where he described being sexually attracted to anyone regardless of gender. We imitated and revered his gender fuckery onstage, the skirts, the pink suits and tutus, the eyeliner, his yelping falsetto leaping up from the masculine shouting, the way he danced. We pored over lyrics - that we transcribed ourselves in many cases, through multiple listens and endless debate - for those nuggets of same-sex attraction and gender ambiguity.

“I make a good girl but I make a terrible boy,” went one song. “These things in my pants that we’re all waiting for, I never really knew what that thing down there was used for,” went another. And the most sacred text of all was “Faggot”, off Frankenstein Girls Will Seem Strangely Sexy, the most beloved record of the vast majority of hardcore MSI fans.

“I played that shit straight / blowing suckas to the side hopin' I get laid / now everybody knows / no way in hell I can ever live it down”.

Shit was a revelation.

Kitty, the drummer of Mindless Self Indulgence, once said of the band’s LGBT fans that listening to MSI’s music was like vomiting: it hurts at the time, but then you feel better. You got it out. And the band always cultivated their relationship with their LGBT fans. Gay marriage was one of the few political issues they openly took a stance on, in a time when states like my own were amending constitutions to protect themselves from Massachusetts’ same-sex marriages.

Thus, we had a place where we felt simultaneously seen and valued by the band, and unseen amongst the chaos surrounding us. The irreverent humor of the band created a safe space where homosexuality could be disgusting, but so was everything else. There was no shame at an MSI concert. You were listening to a man famed for drinking his own urine sing about whipping his meat out, who cared if you liked to kiss girls? That’s old news. We’re all freaks down here at the bottom of the well.

I’m 28 now, and I don’t know if the kids these days have an equivalent band. I don’t know if there’s a market for it anymore; I’m sure there will always be queer kids who have internalized the awful message that they are inherently unlovable, but I’m not sure if they can’t find more accessible and more inherently positive panaceas. I see mutations of the same style of humor in Willam from RuPaul’s Drag Race and in some of the undercurrents of Tumblr’s teen humor. “We’re goblins, trash, garbage babies.”

“Yeah,” my inner child says. “I fucking feel that.”

The paradigm of humor has changed since 2008, at least in my circles, and the reasons for that are manifold, political, social, capitalistic. In many ways, it’s been a good thing: bigotry can be exposed rather than cloaked in excuses. A basic understanding of social inequality is presumed of most audiences. People are responsible for the impact of their words, not the intent. “Equal opportunity hater” is seem for what it is: intellectually lazy and blinkered, the refuge of white guys who don’t want to own up to the fact that some jokes aren’t funny.

But I’ll always have a place in my heart for comedy that meets people where they’re at. Where we’re at isn’t always beautiful or acceptable or healthy, but sometimes it’s the place where we need the laugh most.

#music #personal #lgbt stuff #humor #mindless self indulgence #jimmy urine #sorry guys i can't figure out how to text break

1K notes · View notes

09yards · 6 years ago

Text

8 - When You’re Gone (days gone by - nct)

All the mystery and the magic You light up what once was tragic And I know that I will miss you when you're gone I could never have imagined All the heavens pour with passion But I know that I will miss you when you're gone

Johnny had been right about one thing tonight; it was indeed a family affair. What felt like just about everyone Mark was close to, was dispersed throughout Yuta's house. The parents had all congregated in the kitchen, about five too many bottles of wine left empty on the side for the number of people - the chatter and laughter rang in Mark's ears.

God, he hated being drunk. The smallest of sounds seemed to echo in his ears but at the same time it felt like he was hearing things underwater, his head was spinning and he was about six too many drinks in and he'd barely been there two hours. The air around him feels thick, muggy from too many people being crowded into the various rooms.

Jisung had somehow managed to get out of the whole ordeal, arguing with their mum about how it would be inappropriate for someone who is (even more so than the others) underage to be surrounded by drunk people and the possibility of him therefore partaking in said underage drinking would be increased and that's not good for his health. Johnny had called him a pussy under his breath and had promptly earned a slap to his stomach from their mum and a stern "watch your language John" who then turned to Jisung (whose face was now adorning the slight pout and puppy dog eyed look - aka how to get their mum to do whatever they wanted look), her face relaxing into a gentle smile before kissing the top of his head (on her tiptoes which made her pout) and telling him to rest well and not stay up too late studying or engrossed in whatever novel he was currently working his way through. Mark stuck his tongue out on the way out the door - the kid could get away with everything, he and Johnny had dubbed it the youngest child effect. Johnny was pretty upset that he'd wasted good chocolate milk and now Yuta was going to get to drink it.

Mark had been dancing around since he'd first arrived, back and forth between rooms in hopes of avoiding Donghyuck. Honestly, he wasn't entirely sure why he felt the need to avoid him, the younger was probably doing the exact same thing though since the lack of communication between the two since way back to Mark's birthday. Mark had spent some time pining and was okay about the whole situation now (as okay as he could be on the surface anyhow). Mark had been so busy with school - even with only being a month and a half in - he'd been spending lunches in the library, study periods with his tutor to talk about his personal statement and what felt like every second of his free time was spent pouring over his textbooks, homework and whatever else he could get his hands on. The only breath of fresh air was when he finally submitted his uni applications, nudging the whole ordeal to the back of his mind rather than playing the waiting game to see if he'd get accepted or not. He'd drifted apart from everyone in a sense but with Donghyuck it was weird. When he passed the others in the hallways, they'd spare a second to flash a smile or give a quick wave, things were normal, but with Donghyuck it felt like he purposefully averted his eyes every time, maybe Mark's mind was playing tricks on him, maybe it wasn't.

Renjun had ranted to him over facetime at three am one night about how Donghyuck seemed to squash any and all rumours quite quickly about whether or not he was gay, Heejin and him had made up somehow apparently and Renjun had seen the two of them spending time together - what for, Mark didn't know, nor did he want to. Renjun had said it was probably some sort of ploy due to Hyuck's parents. They all knew the story and they weren't the worst, but when Hyuck's older brother, Taeyong, had come out they just seemed to ignore it - they pretended like it hadn't happened and they never brought up dating around Taeyong ever again until Taeyong had gotten quite sick of it and had decided to bring his boyfriend (although he hadn't introduced him as his boyfriend, it was quite clear by the two's body language that Taeil very much was) to their annual family Christmas party. Not his proudest moment he has admitted on multiple occasions but, to Mark and the others it was quite the scandal, particularly as lovely as Donghyuck's parents were, they just seemed to not realise the number of people around them that were gay, much to the amusement of the majority of their friends. Just about everyone was gay, bisexual or pan between Mark and Johnny's friends, as well as a copious amount of people attending their school alone were part of the LGBTQ+ community and openly expressed their support of it and how the Lee's were yet to realise it no one would ever know, as well as how they've managed to live in their surprisingly accepting small town where political and social 'issues' weren't taboo. Taeyong had moved out the moment he was accepted into uni and promised that he wouldn't end their relationship for the sake of Hyuck, even if it meant the only time he spoke to his parents these days was when 'required' to at family events and the occasional birthday phone call. Mark and Donghyuck had grown distant over the last two months and Mark couldn't help but feel like it was to do with the rumours. Mark knew Donghyuck's parents wouldn't be happy about him being gay, if he was (Mark was still confused as to whether or not he'd come out to him that day) they would just pretend like it wasn't happening, make up a girl that he was supposedly dating to rely it to the family - it had happened before and it would more than likely happen again. But alas, Mark was far too drunk for him to be able to work up the emotional capacity to act like the best friend, if he could even call himself that anymore, he should be too Donghyuck.

- - - -

"Jaehyun, please stop, I'm too drunk for this-"

"Being drunk is the perfect time young padawan! As the expert on all thing’s soulmates, please remember I have known mine since I was a mere five years of age, I am the most qualified to educate you here."

"You're probably more drunk than I am right now-"

"I probably am, okay, I definitely am but, doesn't stop me from being happy and in love and married to the best person in the world."

"You aren't married?"

"That's what you think."

"Jaehyun, what on earth is that supposed to mean?"

"It means that just because I may not be legally married, yet, that doesn't mean I won't be anytime soon. I just need to pick a ring and then ask him but it's not like he's going to say no right? Having a soulmate, you are bound to that person for the rest of your life, that's the whole idea of marriage, is it not? Oh look, there's Doyoung, see you later Mark!" Mark was flabbergasted, apparently Jaehyun had turned into some kind of Tumblr drabble reciting robot when drunk off the dubious substance in his cup, although if you asked him he'd probably just say it's what happens when you're in love and then flash you the famous Jung smile - dimpled and gummy.

"Wait!" Even when he raised his voice himself it made his head pound, "You didn't give me your advice?"

"Oh yeah," Jaehyun could barely stand straight, gently swaying as he paused in his steps half turned to Mark, “Just confess already. The pining isn't doing you any good and there's no other way to find out if he's your soulmate or not unless he tells you he's the one who caused your tattoo. Right now, you're only hurting yourself, stop feeling guilty all the time and be a little selfish for once, not that telling someone how you feel is selfish. You'll only make yourself sick, literally, either way and yes it could end up worst case scenario but you could also end up happy. You deserve to be happy Mark, you've spent so long doing things for everyone else because you felt like you had to, do something for yourself." Mark let his weight sink to the floor, his back pressed against the cold wall of the hallway.

Maybe it's what he needed to be able to let go?

"Mark, hey," Jungwoo turned the corner, finding Mark still cuddled up against the wall where Jaehyun had left him earlier, "I was looking for you, you disappeared on everyone."

"Jungwoo... I want to apologise again about what happened at my birthday. I was drunk, wasn't thinking straight. What I did was wrong, so wrong and I'm so sorry for it and for upsetting you and-"

"How many times do I have to tell you I'm okay? Taeyong introduced me to this older friend of his anyway, very cute, very mature so no risk of him doing any classic teenage pining. Besides, neither of us were exactly thinking straight Mark. You and Haechannie will figure things out soon enough."

"Jaehyun told me to confess, that's why I'm here, debating whether that would be easier than yeeting myself off a cliff." Mark couldn't look at Jungwoo, he still felt guilty, sure they'd both been drunk and neither were exactly hoping to start anything in the future but it felt sucky, Mark never wanted to hurt someone else and in that moment he did, whether Jungwoo was okay now or not.

"Maybe you should, get everything out in the open rather than keeping all those emotions bottled up. You never know, maybe good things will come from it."

"Thank you, Woo, I know what I did was super shitty and I really hope you know how sorry I am."

"Shut up Mark, it never happened."

"Right, it never happened."

For the first time in a while, an actual smile threatened to appear on Mark's face. "Come on, lets re-join the party! Winwin got everyone dancing, even Johnny," Jungwoo grabbed his hand to pull him up from the floor, "let’s have some fun."

As Jungwoo and Mark joined the makeshift dance floor of Yuta's living room, more drinks were pushed into their hands as their friends whooped and cheered that they were back, all far too drunk to remember any of their actions come morning. Jaehyun and Doyoung were cooped up in a corner, speaking in hushed voices to one another, both of their eyes filled with complete adoration for one another. Lucas was twirling Yuqi, the two of them bursting into fits of giggles whenever they made eye contact, it was endearing, Mark thought. Yuta and Winwin seemed to no longer be hiding their relationship status when Sicheng was not-so-subtle, sitting on Yuta's lap, the two leaning in for an R-rated kiss that Mark swiftly looked away from. Jaemin's head was resting on Renjun's thigh as they sat down on the sofa, evidently Jaemin had drunk more than he could handle and Renjun's hands gently cascaded through the younger's hair. Mark liked seeing his friends together, it made him realise just what having one’s soulmate can do, how it can make you feel. But he couldn't help the pang in his chest at the thought, he was alone, his eyes somehow having found Donghyuck among the copious amounts of people dancing. Mark couldn't take his eyes off of him, he gravitated towards him, dancing with some girls from his class who dragged Mark to join them - pushing him towards Donghyuck.

The younger's head snapped up at the mention of Mark's name, no longer focused on perfecting the choreography to whatever song was playing with Yeri and Irene. Before Donghyuck could escape, Mark clasped his wrist, looking at him with pleading eyes. Now or never, now or never.

Donghyuck freed himself, flashing Mark a disgusted look before walking out of the room as fast as he could without drawing attention to them, Mark close behind.

"Hyuck, wait up please!"

"Leave me alone Mark."

"Come on Hyuck, at least let me speak," Mark's shoulders slumped as he let out a deep sigh, attempting to build up his courage, now or never. "J-just let me say this and then you can scream, yell, runaway or whatever it is you want to do," Donghyuck's resistance against Mark pulling his arm again relaxed, "just, please let me speak."

"Fine. What do you so desperately have to say?" His voice was wobbly, Donghyuck was telling himself that it was because of the cold October air and not his emotions getting the better of him. Donghyuck doesn’t even remember at what point they’d made it outside – nor does he see the audience of one they’ve gathered.

"Okay, right, here we go."

"I don't have all night Mark."

"Right, sorry. Of course, I just need a second." Was the air getting thicker or was Mark just having trouble breathing?

"Here goes nothing," Mark took one last deep breath and closed his eyes, he had this speech engraved in his mind ready to use it at any moment, "I like you Hyuck. I'm pretty sure I'm in love with you and I'm also fairly certain that you're my soulmate.

I know that we're young and I'm definitely dumb and you aren't even eighteen yet but, I know that I'm in love with you and I trust that the universe made us meet that day in the library because you are my soulmate. I can't imagine my life without you, I can't imagine waking up next to anyone else. I can't imagine kissing someone else, holding someone else in my arms, running my hands through their hair, listening to them hum along to the radio. It's always you, in my daydreams and my nightmares, whether I'm asleep or awake you're always by my side.

Believe me when I say I tried to stop, I tried to convince myself that you're not the one. I spent so long crying myself to sleep, begging the universe to let me stop loving you, I tried, I really, really tried... but, I'm always going to love you. I think I've known that since the day we first met and I need you to know that, I'm always going to love you. No matter what. I've imagined me saying this to you hundreds of thousands of times and I was never going to say anything but I can't keep doing this. I can't fake another smile, I can't fake like everything’s alright all of the time, I can't fake that I'm alright. I love you Donghyuck."

"Mark," Donghyuck inhaled sharply, "I don't know what you want me to say..."

"Say you feel the same, say you can feel your soulmate mark showing up, whatever," the pleading in Mark's words was clear by his breathlessness, "Hyuckie, please, I know you can feel it too."

"I'm sorry Mark, I really am," his shoulders slumped and he couldn't meet Mark's eyes, Mark's pleading gaze, "I'm so sorry. I can't do this. I don't feel the same, I'm not in love with you Mark. You're hurting someone else by doing this, please get over me and stop - I know you won't be able to handle the guilt. I can't let you hurt someone else, I can't hurt you by lying like that. I'm sorry... I'm so sorry."

And with that he turned away, leaving Mark behind, hiccupping in attempts to breathe while he sobbed uncontrollably. A pair of arms wrapped around him, pulling Mark into a warm chest, a gentle hand patting his head and muttering "it's okay" over and over again.

Mark had never felt more sober than he did in that moment. Dizziness overtook him, the walls if the hallway felt like they were closing in around him, getting closer and closer, suffocating him. He sobbed and sobbed until he didn't have a single tear left to cry, his body spasming as he tried to catch his breath, hiccupping into the comfort of Johnny's arms.

Mark had never wanted to get drunk more in his life.

- - - - -

Donghyuck is peacefully absorbed in his history textbook when his attention is snapped away from medieval medical treatments and to Jaemin quite literally plonking himself in the chair over the other side of the table to Donghyuck, letting out an exasperated sigh as he does so, backpack discarded on the floor by his feet as his eyes meet Donghyuck's - they're inquisitive and Donghyuck feels himself shrink in on himself a little, out of apprehension, fear or embarrassment, Donghyuck isn't sure.

"What happened with you and Mark?"

There was a slight bite to Jaemin's voice, no traces of any gentleness or subtly. Jaemin wasn't for softness when it came to life generally, particularly when someone’s upset, he approaches situations with the grace of a herd of elephants.

"Nothing."

Jaemin tuts, rolls his eyes and lets out a deep sigh, clearly not satisfied with Donghyuck's answer - or rather lack thereof.

"Oh, that’s not what I heard?"

Donghyuck can't tell if Jaemin drew the short straw and is the one tasked with interrogating him over the events of the weekend or if he's genuinely doing it for himself. Maybe Mark is keeping quiet about the events of that night, however even with how good the two are at avoiding one another it is clear Mark hasn't been in school the last few days, they aren't that good at not having crossed paths remotely once. Donghyuck couldn't help the pang of guilt. Donghyuck also knows that Jaemin isn't giving up, he's tapping his fingers against the desk as if he's hoping that'll prompt Donghyuck to talk. Jaemin is nonchalant about most things in life (aside from anything Renjun related), yet he doesn't back down and is evidently undaunted when it comes to getting what he wants.

"Well, nothing happened."

"Bullshit." Jaemin counters, without missing a beat.

Donghyuck is taken back by the harshness of his voice. Honestly, Donghyuck thought they would drag this out for longer, more like he was hoping he could keep up his charade of 'nothing happened' for longer, staying in his little bubble where he could pretend like everything was okay - like that night hadn't happened and he hadn't broken his best friends heart. Jaemin was the type to bug you to just the right level of being ridiculously annoying to get what he wanted out of you - driving you to insanity bit by bit was more his style unlike the current look of utter despair lacing his usually kind features.

"That's utter bullshit and you know it. Whatever fantasy charade you're keeping up by pretending everything’s okay is ending right now. You keep sighing in lessons, I can practically feel the anguish radiating off of you from the other side of town and here you are straight up lying to my face and just about everyone else, including yourself."

"Why do you care so much?" Hyuck didn't mean to sound so cold, it was just a second-nature defence mechanism at this point as well as being caught off-guard by Jaemin's sudden outburst.

Jaemin looks at him again, staring dead into Hyuck's eyes like he's searching for Donghyuck's last remaining brain cell, jokes on him though because it's not there. "Because Haechannie, I actually care about you and want to make sure you're okay as well as Mark. The tension between you two is downright depressing and I thought all the melodrama ended when Renjun and I got together but clearly, I was wrong, the two of you are so much worse. Both with permanent pouts on their faces, avoiding talking about whatever happened so no one can do anything to help which again, is just," Jaemin let out some disgruntled sound in lieu of an adjective but laced with the same disgust he was attempting to convey, "you see? Everyone has been here before, we're not all Jaehyun and Doyoung, you're more like Johnny and Ten and the utter mess that was the start of their best-friends-to-boyfriends transition. We all care about you; we all want to make sure that you're coping and not making yourself sick." Jaemin's now looking at him with one eyebrow raised as if Donghyuck's now supposed to magically understand whatever Jaemin's word vomit was actually implying.

Donghyuck lets his eyes wander over Jaemin's appearance, his hand griping his hair in anticipation of Hyuck's reply, pupils blown, wide and gazing at Donghyuck's face for any hint of emotion, looking slightly manic. Donghyuck evaluates his current position and with a deep breath he feels calmer, his muscles have relaxed, a smirk graces his face and-

"Oh, I've been meaning to ask, how are Johnny and Ten?"

6 NEW MESSAGES FROM RENJUN

I don't know what you did but you broke Jaemin

I've been trying to get him to shut up for years and you did it in less than half an hour

teach me your ways

he hasn't said anything since he got back, he's just sat there staring out the window with his mouth hanging open

Jisung and Chenle are seeing how many blueberries they can get in his mouth until he snaps out of it

they're up to nine

let me know how many they get up too

and tell Jaemin I'm sorry and that I'll

talk when I'm ready.

Donghyuck smiles, its only small but it’s his first genuine smile in a while.

- - - - -

The rain is bouncing off the ground as he walks home, splashing his ankles and soaking the ends of his jeans. The temperature seems to have dropped by a million degrees since this morning and he's wishing he checked the weather app and put a warmer coat on. He's at the point where the harsh October air feels like it’s getting in his bones, just about every inch of him is freezing and just when he thinks things can't get any worse, as he turns the corner to his house he's met by a tall figure sat on the steps leading up to his door.

The rain is the last thing on his mind as he lets his umbrella drop to his side, tilting his head as if that would help him get a better look at the boy that's slouched over, flicking his phone between his hands.

Upon hearing Donghyuck let out a pathetic attempt at a cough in hopes of gaining the others attention, the mop of blonde hair moves until Hyuck is met with a heart-warming, lopsided smile he could recognise anywhere.

"Hey, Haechannie."

"Hello, what can I help you with?"

"I think you know why I'm here."

#cznnent #nct #markhyuck #nct fic #markhyuck fic #nct 127 #nct fanfic #nct fluff #nct mark #dojae #nct donghyuck #johnten #luqi #renmin #yuwin

11 notes · View notes