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allamericanb-tch · 5 months

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HELP ok do i text him or not

#and by him i mean #this guy who i was really good friends with all of middle school and freshman year who i had a very bad friend break up with #who texted me a month ish ago and we talked for a little bit #and then he was asking me if i was into girls but in like a really weird rude way #so naturally i was weird and rude back #and we have not talked since that (which was like 2 weeks ago)#he thought i had a crush on the girl i sit next to in english (i did / do?) I DID NOT TELL HIM THAT #bc she’s sort of dating (“talking” and having sex) with my friends ex boyfriend #but he was just being weird #anyway i went to prom with said girl and i saw the guy i am contemplating texting #i feel bad for being mean to him and also i deleted his number and our conversation but i have his number memorized for some odd reason #my last english class is tomorrow and said girl will not be there bc she has a tennis match #so if i do text him what if he tries to talk to me bc my safety net isn’t there #OR should i talk to him in person tomorrow #no that’s a horrible idea #ok #help

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faaun · 5 months

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procrastination is starting to have its consequences finally

#on my friends living room floor they love together but one of them has been london for weeks or maybe months #to be with her love. im on a foam mattress from one of their beds next to a glass bottle of water opened by one of them #in a mug given to me by another. the weather felt like my childhood today and it also felt like 2 years ago.#(put space in the heavens Einstein's idea and hes your friend too so nothing to fear) around the table they drank and laughed and i thought #i hope you keep growing so full with the love you receive . i hope your appetite becomes insatiable from how used to it you are #and i know youre all leaving soon but i hope one day you miss this and that youll be happy you miss it #its worth missing i think #i thought he didnt care but he said after exams hes going walk around this area over and over #(this is near where he lived and where we visited almost daily for a year)#(hed come across the bridge on a lake)#we went where she used to live and at the entrance a fox sat calmly. it just yawned and stared.#it felt important somehow. i think maybe their impressions of me will never be close to how i feel inside but i think #i love them enough for that not to matter. i dont think theyll ever know this. i dont think if they did it would change much.#and seeing them smile makes my heart glow anyway. today i tried their malaysian tea the ginger burned my throat #they warmed my heart. hes going to canada soon and hes going to the US soon and shes going everywhere soon ill never understand #how were supposed to live with memories and with seperation and with the past but we do it anyway so i think it doesnt matter much #i wanted to write a poem for the lab rats with the fibre optic wires lit with blue forcing them to turn around and around #something about how im sorry that the two photon arrays burned the inside of your brain. im sorry about the sharp points of multielectrode #arrayes. im sorry about everything we do to you. she asked to see me tomorrow. im trying to have self control but i miss her so awfully #last night my friend talked to me and i updated on everything that happened with love and the lack of it and she just started laughing #and she told me about the same thing from her side. and she told me about how she loved london because she would walk the streets #and she felt like the people were her. and her eyes would go over the people and the bag of bagels and the construction men they probably #have a kid at home maybe shes a daughter. this kid is crying for her mother and the building you just walked past caused #blisters and pain and people died in it and very likely people were born in it. we talked for hours and i felt like #i was holding her hand just like that time she held mine watching a horror film. i love her so much #my friend is a genius and i remember her picking up the charms of my phone and staring at the leaf hanging from them. shes side stepping to #music drinking dangerous cider and cocktails from a movie and chit chatting with billionaires and undergrads #i love her dearly. his head covered in electrodes. she tells me about a syrian guy shes in love with and she says #what you feel and what i feel is like cocaine. ive tried a lot of fucking cocaine.#she says ive reminded her of what living actually feels like and to never put energy into someone who doesnt see me this way.

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longagoitwastuesday · 1 month

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I have learnt things about Geto that I wish I could unlearn

#I think I'm getting about the same amount of spoilers as a few weeks ago except now I understand them #But like. I expected so much of him #Seeing gifs of that one scene in which Gojo gets distracted because of Geto almost made me watch this a year ago #Geto was actually my favourite character in that one JJK fanfic I read that I mention so often even if he had literally one scene #I know so much of the emotional turmoil and conflict in JJK and Gojo in particular depends on him #And you're telling me he's Thanos?#I learnt a few days ago that everything pretty much happens in one year. That there's one year between Geto's death and Gojo's #I thought it would be like ten years. Ten years of the act haunting him #But no? So it's not a broken teenager who has these ideas and is killed by another teenager to stop him?#It's a what? ~30yo man saying Light levels of stupidity? Even worse perhaps?#Goodness I hope this is not so. I hope this is better written than what I am seeing #Because goddammit I can't do it. It would kinda ruin every emotional scene from then on?#That one scene I was so looking forwards about patting Gojo's back or whatever. The one in which Gojo gets distracted. It just. I don't know #I won't be able to be moved if Geto doesn't work xD #I was fearing I wasn't going to like him a lot because my expectations were big but oh my god please not like this #This is way worse than I expected. Someone tell me he actually makes sense. What's the point of this whole political play #in which no one is fully wrong and no one is totally right otherwise? What is the point of the haunting. This feels just idiotic xD #And I don't care about the traumas and all that. That works for the teen not the ~30yo man #It would have worked if Gojo would have killed him like 1-2 years after everything not like a few months ago. Last winter #After like ten years a 30yo man should have realised this plan sucks.#Even if it's utilitarian. Who is going to make clothes? Buildings? Streets and railways? Bread??? Go have a talk with Nanami please #We have been told there are not a lot of jujutsu sorcerers. How are you going to fulfill all those needs out of nothing?#And even if it were little by little so the needs could be getting fulfilled little by little too #If you decimate humans won't that cause more curses? I guess he's thinking on the long run but still this plan seems like a mess #I hope it makes more sense than it's looking it will make because of my god this would truly be the last nail on the coffin xD #I am being more and more tempted to get to Utahime and then just drop this. This is breaking my heart xD #It could be soooo good and it always almost is #And then. AND THEN. Abfksbfndbfkan #Jen pick me up. Come solve this. I am scared xD #I talk too much

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smile-files · 11 months

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lollipop's sweetness just drives her batty!!

(objectober day 18: vampire)

#dandy's doodles #objectober #bfdi #battle for dream island #bfdi bubble #bfdi lollipop #this is based on what i drew for the last day of objectober (checks watch) 2 years ago? 3 years ago?#the only other year i did objectober thus far #anyway in that i drew bubble dressed up as a vampire so here she is redrawn!!#i was gonna do lollipop for this because i'm gay but i thought hm. buple #either way lollipop is still here so the gayness is certainly not in question

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imogenkol · 2 months

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In a weird “longing for romance” mood…..hope I get well soon

#last week I considered reinstalling a dating app 🤢#bitch you are NOT in the mind space to be lookin for that rn #but idk……….i would like to experience what it’s like to have a girlfriend AT SOME POINT #last time I kissed anyone was like 2 years ago and it was spin the bottle with people I wasn’t really that attracted to #it was the first time I had kissed a girl and I remember thinking #‘wow if this already feels really nice how must it feel when I’m actually in love with a woman..?’#and now that thought has been bouncing around my head again a lot lately :/#can’t put myself out there yet though. not any time soon.#sigh……

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jimmystrudel · 5 months

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Wishing all high prey drive dog owners a happy spring and that all bunny dens that are found be empty

#we have 2 that have grown up and moved out and one that is still in use so combined with mice frogs voles all the very evil birds and bugs #she's So ready #a few weeks ago she found a den that we thought had been deserted and poped up just holding one #no pressure very soft and thankfully she dropped it right into my dads hand and we saw momma visit them but oh my god #last year at least she was really well behaved about the turtle hatchings just gave them a few sniffs and then watched #dogblr #dogs #brittany spaniel

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skitty-kirby · 9 months

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I don't usually talk about these sortsa things so weeewooo Think my wisdom teeth are coming in, or at least two of them- I turn 23 next month so I'm kinda late to the game it seems. ._." My whole right side jaw/ear is in violent pain, spanning my upper and lower back teeth. No new ones spotted yet, just pain. Very sudden. :') Probably won't be very active until the pain subsides cuz like. OW.

Heee hooooooooooooooooooooooooooo send help and lots of ibuprofen Skitty out

#my ortho said all those years ago that my mouth is too small so they WILL have to be removed. excited/sar #ok but like whhhyyy I couldn't even wear my retainers last night #I got like. 3 hours total sleep the past night/morning fr #I thought I had high pain tolerance but I've been humbled by the almighty tooth+jaw+ear combo #the ol 1-2 punch #the razzle dazzle fucking frazzle man #queue Patrick “so much PAIN... so much pain” .gif #anyhow back to it #tooth mention #dental mention #vent #<- kinda?? idk just in case #I have now experienced Rolf's Almighty 3 Shoe Beating #Merciless

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imperial-agent · 3 months

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the goodies i got yesterday!!! shoutout to paulina pecio!!! your berserk pieces are incredible!!!

#my bedroom in my new apartment has a red wall so the berserk pictures will look perfect there!!!!#charles will go above the doorframe like where people put up jesus sometimes #the laios sticker was the very last one.. the person selling it literally had it hidden away but sold it to me #since i was dressed up as laios...#wish i could have bought more key chains but they were $10 or more :'((#there was also a comic stall with old issues not printed anymore #and i got my hands on 7 issues that were $2 each!! thought i'd never find any ever #besides issue 1 i got like 15 years ago!! im really happy #and the red dragon origami is a gift from a falin i met at the con!!!!!! ❤❤❤❤❤

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dreamlogic · 5 months

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musing in the tags about the view two years out from my hysterectomy and the shifting nature of neuropathy. i asked my PT for recommendations/resources pertaining to pain science and that's been a very helpful lenses to have. i'm still not back to normal, will never be unmarked by this experience or return to my pre-op self, but my baseline has been gradually increasing over the last few months, and it feels good to look back on the last two years and say "i have no idea how i managed to function while living with that, but i did!"

#meatsuit renno #chronic blogging #ctxt #at first post-hysto pain was a deep burning ache #and eventually that lessened on my left side and settled in for the long haul on the right #after a couple weeks it had started to feel like a small carnivorous creature scrabbling and gnawing at the inside of my abdomen #nestled into the hollow of my pelvis and reaching up with its raking claws #about 6 months in and the creature still chewed occasionally but had shrunk to the size of a tennis ball under my right incision site #it clamped its jaws down and went to sleep and i perpetually felt like someone had pinched a fold of my insides with a large binder clip #this constant awful twisting tug every time i moved that kept me from straightening up or breathing fully #this is about a year into recovery and my original surgeon has blown off my requests for follow-up treatment three times now #i carried on as best i could. fatigue and brainfog getting worse & worse as the pain wore on unrelentingly #about a year and a half into recovery it worsened again. searing lancing pain like i'd been impaled on a piece of white hot rebar #couldn't hardly move. couldn't think straight. couldn't sleep #finally checked myself into urgent care & then the ER just to try to get someone anyone to take me seriously and help me #finally got a referral to a new surgeon who immediately pinned it as extreme neuropathy #started gabapentin end of december last year and the relief was immediately #i never thought i would welcome the gritted teeth vice grip of my little feral pain creature #but when i felt the molten spike slide out to be replaced once more by its worrying jaws #the intermittent spark and fizzle of that pinching squirming pain was a dramatic improvement #then i started PT in march and slowly so slowly the creature's hungry grip is loosening #it still clamps down occasionally. maybe once every week or two i'll have a day when i just accept #that there will be a horrible little creature chewing on my right side from the inside #but nowadays with the gabapentin doing as much as it can and an exercise routine i must stick to religiously to supplement PT #the pain is more of a little pearl of dark matter shifting around under my skin #it's incredibly dense. the heart of a black hole of disabling agony. all that white hot fury condensed into a slick heavy marble #as i recover some of my strength and energy i can feel my body coating it in nacreous layers to minimize its influence #my hysterectomy was 2 years and 4 days ago today and i feel like i can finally finally say i'm beginning to truly heal #i suspect i'll always carry this pearl in my side like shrapnel. product of damaged nerve tissue that went untreated for far too long #i wish my original surgeon had been more competent more attentive less lazy & indifferent to my pain. but i still don't have any regrets.

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tardis--dreams · 8 months

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You know what? I give up on this paper once and for all. I'm not even ashamed anymore

#okay I'm a little ashamed #it's another 5 points i have to catch up with next semester #but it's making me want to kill myself and i don't even know if the professor would still accept it #(the original deadline was in October. i got an official extension until November. i guess it'd be just rude #to ask if it was still okay to send it #especially since i haven't done any substantial work on it #it's just bad. i hate the topic. i hate the way the professor views the subject 'language and emotion'#so that i cannot write what i want but would have to tailor it towards her views because otherwise I'd fail #and also i cannot write in german. i simply can not do it. )#it's better to move on and focus on my last paper for last semester (official deadline is end of March #so I'm not behind for once)#and i should do the assignments for a module i should have finished 1 year ago #so i don't have to do that next semester #and i should start studying korean again so i don't make a complete fool of myself next semester #I have my first day of work in 2 weeks so I'll also have to focus on working (for money) from there on #I've been paralyzed by the thought of having to write this paper for way too long #the professor is not my boss anymore (i still have to work off some hours though) and even if she was #I'm so done being ashamed of myself for not being able to do certain things #i wanna give it my best from now on but not for this paper. it's done.#void screams

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yharnamesque · 2 months

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Well I am finally ready and able to enter the DLC

Now I just need to decide whether or not to actually go through with my initial idea of streaming the whole thing.............

#herne talks #i haven't streamed in such a long time #like literally last time was when i got sekiro for my birthday about 2 or so years ago #it was to 3 people and only lasted two hours #haven't hit the live button once since #i feel like it would be fun!!! much more fun than just going through it alone and spouting thoughts every now and then #but as you can probably imagine #the anxieties

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plutonex · 1 year

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Two Ambroys walk into a parlor...

Last minute Artfight attack for @kwillow of their boy Ambroys (left) and my boy Ambroise (right)! What's better than one Ambroys? Two Ambroise!

I haven't drawn scenes in years but this was very fun practice (and also I didn't mean to make it this big. Originally they were just gonna be in chairs together and then it just kinda. went) and Ambroys is so much different from my usual designs.

Bonus doodle:

(I promise Amber has good intentions.)

#my art #artists on tumblr #oc #amber #artfight #also dont tell ambroys that i like him better as a horse. that design is so beautiful fr #also i really thought that you had doodled my guy like maybe last year. nope! 2 years ago! and then i never interacted again!#but i've been here you're really cool and i love your art a lot!#enough tag rambling #if you saw the version of this where the doodle was way too light no you didnt

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10thitsugaya · 10 months

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Blue Lock — Chapter 139

Isagi Yoichi | Itoshi Rin

#blue lock #isagi yoichi #itoshi rin #mine #.png #m: blue lock #this took me longer than I thought #I AM NOT AT ALL SATISFIED WITH IT #when was the last time I opened PS to TS something? 2 years ago?#the masochist in me miss ts/clrd stuff...

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imwritesometimes · 1 month

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me: this is too much exposition. you should not directly tell all the time. let dialogue and tone/body language descriptions do some of the work

also me: this isn't exposition it's literally the second paragraph of chapter one you're setting up the plot you gotta drop a little exposition

also also me:

#I go back and forth back and forth back and forth and then I do zero actual writing and it's bed time 🙃#I need to STOP fucking myself up but I can't. I used to trust myself. at least a little. when I'd write.#like I never approached it with a big ego. I was always sick to my stomach when I'd hit 'post' on ao3.#I was always like IS this good though?#but now I can't even get a rough draft out without sabotaging myself which is 🙃🙃🙃🙃#I don't know where this extreme self doubt came from. It's been plaguing me for over a year.#I abandoned 2 massive major wips in the last year that I had poured WEEKS into. FILLED notebooks.#and my self doubt consumed me and I was like I cannot do this. scratched out the notebooks.#deleted the word docs entirely #now I KNOW I have one that's good. I KNOW it is. I KNOW this cause I've thought up the WHOLE fic. all the way to the end #and I wanna read it so bad #and that's how I know like. I got a live one on the line baby #I just. freak out. and quit. and that's not me. I don't know why this is happening.#but it's really discouraging and tough #and I just wish I could drag myself outta this weird self doubt spiral #and write this damn fic cause I KNOW I CAN. or at least I COULD. a year ago? this would already be written #all like 9-10 chapter of it. it'd be done and up and I'd be like ha I did it!#now I'm fucked.#I'm now done venting for the night I give up sleep meds time 🤷‍♀️

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hybbat · 2 days

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The actual hell, asparagus is SO easy to cook right, how has every single person who had ever made it for me including restaurants all managed to cook it so badly I thought I hated it.

#there was one (1) time last year where they cooked the asparagus well i think it might have been my sister #And so i thought well maybe I only like it in a particular way no one else does or maybe its hard to get right #But no! I bought a bushel myself 2 weeks ago and without even looking anything up #just sauteeing it in some butter and salt and pepper #it comes out perfect my very first try and ive been making it for most meals since #in that time ive undercooked it ive overcooked it ive added other things and it always comes out enjoyable anyways #what the hell is everyone else doing to the asparagus

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meatlesbeating · 21 days

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Finished Reading Nowhere Man about John's diaries and am starting to understand why people like the One Sweet Dream / Another Kind of Mind podcasters get so defensive over Paul tbh

#like if this is what ALL the books are like from older days then yeah it just feels inaccurate emotionally #also unnecessarily dismissive of and derogatory towards paul #like the writer straight up says he was taken aback by how obsessively john thought about paul and wrote about him nearly every day #that paul was the one who pulled him out of his funk in 1980 by releasing a song calling out to him and got him back recording music #and yet overall the book is also just going on about how john is clearly the superior talent and how much paul and the beatles #bored and annoyed john #sort of characterizing paul as this empty headed unartistic clinger on to john #and SORRY but that def does not seem accurate to me like just as a person with eyes and ears and a brain #i literally only really got into the beatles 2 months ago so i imagine the fandom has changed over time #coming into it the last few months i felt almost like paul was getting overpraised and john kicked aside a bit #but now im seeing thats probably somewhat a reaction to the way things used to be written and portrayed about them all for so long #i imagine things like the get back documentary have swayed the conversation more in Paul's favour the last few years #which is a good thing to me if he was always getting shit on like that #however i do sort of just want to be like THEY WERE BOTH TALENTED FLAWED AND WEIRD AND AT THEIR BEST CREATIVELY AS PARTNERS #instead of making them fight for superiority #and like maybe they could have been extremely competitive and jealous AND in love w each other #the two things dont have to be mutually exclusive?#like the dudes writing these books often seem to believe #and the way they do not at all seem to see how directly connected john getting with yoko was #to him trying to make paul jealous or replace pauls absence in his life #is a bit maddening to me as well #p

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