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peoniesnro · 1 month

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Closure | One shot

Synopsis - You first crossed paths with him at a club, where he fucked you on the hood of a stranger’s car. The second time, Taehyung found you at the house of the girl he was seeing, and you let him take you in your shared bathroom, the lock barely holding. He became your anchor, and you became his sun and moon. Now, all you want is one more chance—to tell each other ‘I love you’.

Paring- Kim Taehyung × Reader

Genre - Well, I have no idea which genre this falls into.

Warnings - Public sex/ semi public sex/ grinding/ breast play/ nipple play/ unprotected sex(this is a fic)/penetrative sex/word 'slut' and 'whore'/ oral(male recieving)/ fingering/ handjob/ shower sex/ orgasm denials/edging/implied bondage/alcohol consumption/ smoking/ angst/ I don't know what else but huge SMUT warning and MDNI.

Word count - 11k

a/n - Well well, while I was peacefully raising my first born (In Another Universe), I got distracted by this song (Sweet music) and Kim Taehyung. So, I gave birth to this. Hope you'll enjoy!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It’s really bad when the whole world revolves around one person. When that one person is gone. The whole world crumbles. That’s what happened to Taehyung. His whole world fell down. Crumbled. Crushed. And he became a shell. Empty.

A soulless creature who wanders the earth. Nothing made him happy. Nothing made him laugh. Nothing gave his vacant eyes life. There was a time he wanted nothing but to be gone. It was his friends who kept him alive. They hold on to him. With an invisible string tied onto their hands. A single tug on that string, they came crashing like a storm. Even though that tug was barely there. Never allowed those unshed tears to consume Taehyung up. Made sure he is breathing. Sleeping. And everything in between. Taehyung became nothing but a burden on his friends’ shoulders.

He wanted to be something else, to be honest. Something else that wasn’t a soul-withered husk. Wanted the hollow feeling inside him to vanish. Wanted to feel something. Something other than the pain. Wanted to laugh. At least smile. Manage his life like a normal person would. Do something other than emptying bottle after bottle of alcohol. Feel his heart beats. But everything seemed impossible in his eyes. He would never be happy again. Never laugh again. He would always be the hollow shadow. Hiding from the world. Hiding from that ray of sunshine.

That’s what he thought. At least until this moment. The moment when he is lying in a stranger’s bed. In the darkness. Listening to water running. Imagining her under the shower. In this moment, he can feel his heart beats. Madly. Violently. He can feel him breathing peacefully. Brain quiet. Blissful. Basking in the aftermath of a good orgasm. He feels alive. For the first time in a year and a half. He feels alive.

.....................................

Sometimes, just sometimes, despite everything, Taehyung hates his friends. Like he hated Jungkook when he asked him to go out earlier tonight. He hated him for making him do something he didn’t want. For not letting him drown in his anguish. He simply wasn’t feeling it. To be in a crowded club. To buy drinks for a nameless woman he would meet. Get drunk with them. Dance while groping their slender curves. Only to feel nothing. Get high. To a point he would not remember his own name and end up sleeping with that woman. Regret everything in the following morning. Drown in guilt. He wasn’t feeling it. But Jungkook and Jimin always find their way.

“She’s fucking gone, Taehyung. Fucking gone. You need to move the fuck on.”

Taehyung hated Jungkook for saying that. Because in his mind, that wasn’t true.

“It’s been more than a year, Kim Taehyung. How are you still in denial. You’re going out tonight. It’s better to get wasted together than alone.”

Taehyung hated Jimin for saying that out loud. It can’t be that long.

In the end, somehow, they won. Taehyung found himself on one of the bar stools. Lost in a fog. No jokes, no laughter, reached his ears. He intended to keep it that way. Just listen to his friends laugh. Ignore their desperate attempts to make him laugh. Until the barman will ask them to move away. Stop crowding the bar. He didn’t intend to, however, turn around before barman asked them to do so. Didn’t expect to bump into someone. On top of everything, he certainly didn’t expect that someone on his way to change something in him. Change things for a third time. In a club. As before, in bygone echoes.

The moment her drink splashed on his shirt; Taehyung felt his heart beats. As if it was the first beat of a heart. The moment her panicked, doe eyes locked in his eyes, Taehyung felt his lung deflate. The pressure on them was gone. The moment she started apologising over and over again, Taehyung felt his entire body calm down. The pain subsided. The moment when she tried to wipe his wet shirt. The moment she touched him, Taehyung felt everything he had been wanting to feel. The electrifying, burning sensation. The sensation that made his head spin and breath hitch. But what sealed the deal was her words.

“I’m really sorry, sailor. Wasn’t looking where I was going.”

That’s exactly how you said it.

“Whatever you wish to buy me, sailor.”

.....................................

You stood in a crowded club. In a dark secluded corner. Watching two people on the dance floor. Drunk. High. Dancing. Grinding. You knew how this one would end. Had seen how each and every club session ended. In a bed with different woman each time. You wanted to stop him all those times. You couldn’t. No matter how hard you tried. So, you learned to move on with that. This day, however, when you watched Taehyung’s hand sneak under her crop top. Watched his lips pepper kisses on her neck, jaw and every inch of skin he could find. Watched his eyes getting darker and more hooded. You knew something was changed. Something was different.

You know it has changed.

.....................................

Now

All those time Taehyung ended up on some random woman’s bed, he regretted it immediately. In the very moment his high faded, he regretted everything. Made sure he disappear into his miserable life the as soon as he could. This day though, he isn’t regretting anything. He didn’t run away, and he doesn’t plan to. He is waiting patiently for her to join him again. Maybe it’s bad. Maybe he is wrong. He is doing something wrong, isn’t he?

He feels guilty to a certain extent. But this time it’s not entirely towards you. It’s partially toward her. Because despite everything, it’s the memory of you that made him follow her. She is not like you. Not completely at least. But it’s the same kind of aura. The kind of aura that made him follow. You and she both are like magnets. Magnets that pulled him. Like he was spell bounded. Made his heart skip beats. She made him lose himself in a reverie. Made him travel through time. To a day he felt same kind of spell bound sensation.

To the day he met you on a crowded club.

.....................................

Six years ago

Taehyung had never felt such kind of feeling. A feeling of content simply by looking at someone. He felt satisfied. It was as though his heart found a place to rest. Every moment stretched. The world blurred around him. You hadn’t even noticed him. Were just enjoying your company on a booth. You weren’t drunk. Taehyung could tell that you weren’t. Just tipsy. Tipsy enough to laugh loudly for whatever your friends said, which was probably not that funny.

Subjects involving women were never a problem for him. But that day, he almost didn’t make his move. If it wasn’t for Jimin and Jungkook, he would have never talked to you. It was a gentle push on his back that made him approach you. With clammy hands and a pounding heart. He was nervous. So nervous that his stomach hurt. Yet, the moment you caught him approaching. In the moment you smiled. A stellar collision occurred. Oh, how sweet your smile was. How he thought you were the type to be timid and innocent. He read you completely wrong. And he loved the surprise. Loved when you turned out be a vixen. His vixen.

Of course, he ended up buying you a ‘Sex on the Beach’, when you asked him to buy whatever he wanted. And you didn’t like it.

“Let me guess, you’ve never had to try now, have you?”

“Oh, no. I’ve had to try pretty hard sometimes. Can I buy you something else?”

“Nah, this is fine.”

When you said yes to dance. On the crowded dance floor, your body pressed against his, Taehyung was in a bliss. Every single movement of your body. Every time you brushed against him. He felt his blood boil. Rushing southward. Making his mouth dry. Heart hammering inside his ribcage. And you knew what you were doing. You knew you had him wrapped around your pinkie finger. You knew his brain is short-circuiting when you pressed your tits on to him. Hands curling around his neck. Mouth hovering over his. Breath mingling. He smelled the alcohol on you. It was intoxicating. The way your breasts peeked through your low neckline. The way they were pressing onto his chest was captivating. Made his dick twitch. Painful. And you allowed him to do whatever he wanted. Just stared into his eyes when he grabbed you by your hips. Pressed you onto his throbbing dick. You sighed blissfully. Almost like a moan. And Taehyung nearly came in his pants. You moved your body against him. Pressed your tummy onto his hardened member. Almost pressed your lips into his. And then pulled away. Smirked.

“Life isn’t this easy. You should try harder sailor.”

.....................................

Six years ago

When that awfully good-looking man approached you, you never in a million years thought you would seal the your fate with him. He looked the type to be able to make you cum more than once for the night. And disappear right afterward. And you were fine with it. Just wanted to get laid, and he was the catch of the night.

You had your ways with men. Rules you made for yourself. To maintain a sense of power on your mind. To not let men have you used, and left unsatisfied, not being able to cum at least for once. Rules for one-night stands.

Rule one: you always made them desperate. Men are easy. You don’t have to try hard. Just having pair of tits are enough. Taehyung seemed to be the same kind of man to go on his knees for a peek of your tits. Oh, how wrong you were. The moment you turned around, you expected him to follow you. That’s how the horny men you met in clubs acted. Desperate.

He didn’t. Neither followed you nor approached you again. You regretted it. Regretted not going with the flow and let him have his way with you. Kept sneaking glances toward him. And he took his sweet time. Enough time for you to down three more drinks. Enough time for you to reluctantly agree to joined someone else on the dance floor.

That’s when he nearly made the chairs fly in the air. Stormed to you. Grabbed you by the wrist. Pressed his lips to yours. Nothing was said. No questions were asked. Just came and kissed you. Hard. Bit into your lower lip. Made you moan. Took his chance by sneaking his tongue into your mouth. And you moaned again. Your own rules started to crumble. You kissed him back. Lapped your tongue against his. Ignored your friends’ incredulous looks. Ignored the betrayed look on your supposed one-night stand’s. Just allowed Taehyung to guide you back to the dance floor while still kissing you. You decided you won’t pull away until he did. Not even if you fell dead without being able to breathe. Fortunately, he did pull away. You didn’t die.

Pressed his forehead to yours. Breathing rapid. Snaked his hands around your waist. Pulled you onto him.

“Don’t play.”

“I wasn’t playing.”

“You can’t make me rock hard and walk away. And find another man.”

“I didn’t do anything to make you hard, Taehyung.”

“You exist.”

You lied. You did everything to make him hard. Played well to make him desperate. Even though it was subtle. Was so happy he came back. Your rules had been thrown out the window long ago. He made your heartbeat stop just with his words. Made your cunt drip by just kissing. But where’s the fun when you just give in? Were just curious to know his limits. It was fun teasing.

“Sorry I did that. Look like I must apologise.”

Pressed your palm onto his toned chest. Pushed him slightly away. Let your hand wander down. Through his toned chest and abs. Felt how he tightened his muscles under your touch. Stopped right at his belt. Watched his breath hitch. Anticipation firing in his eyes. You smiled wickedly at that. Let your hand go even further down, caressing -or rather grazing- his clothed cock with the back of your hand. Taehyung groaned. Grunted. Bucked his hips into your hand. Oh, he was desperate. Just had good restraint. You had good restraint too. You hoped to keep playing the game. Taehyung didn’t. Maybe he didn’t have good restraint. Before you knew it, he had turned you around. Your back against his chest. Groaned again. This time in your ear. And your walls crumbled, completely. You willingly handed the power over to him.

“Don’t play. I’m so fucking hard it hurts.”

“Yeah? What should I do about it?.”

“You little vixen. I asked you not to play.”

“I am most definitely not playing Kim Taehyung. What should I do about it?”

He never answered that question. Just dragged you away from the dance floor all of a sudden. You let him. It was you who were waiting in anticipation then. Couldn’t help the sly smile on your face. He was hard to read. He appeared to be nervous. Timid. Subby. But he was manhandling you. And you were allowing it. Allowing him to drag you to a booth. Not private. Just empty. As luck would have it, it was empty. Sat back while pulling you to straddle him. You had no idea what he was playing at. You’d done some exciting shits, from fucking in a bathroom stall to car sex. Public sex? You hadn’t. And you didn’t know if you liked it or not. Made you nervous.

“We are in public, Taehyung.”

“I know.”

“You know? What are you trying to...”

“You asked me what you should do about it? This.”

He placed his hands under your knees. Pulled. Made you properly sit on his lap. Your already soaked cunt, pressed right against his rock-hard dick. Grabbed from your hips and pressed you further down. Down onto his dick. You both moaned. But you moaned a little harder. Your skirt ridden up. Flimsy material of your lacy panties bushing against your soaked folds and his pants. You wanted them to be gone. Both your panties and his pants.

“Grind.”

“What?”

“You heard me. Grind on me.”

“But we are in public.”

“Don’t care vixen. You asked me what you should do- well, it’s your fault I’m painfully hard. So do something about it. Grind. Like a bitch in heat hm? Be good?”

Oh, how the man who practically stuttered when he first reached you has changed. You loved it. Who needs power after all? You had read him wrong. He wasn’t the type to be subby. He wasn’t going to play your game. You had two options. Either to back away or let him have his way. You simply chose the latter. You didn’t need power. Nodded. Started slowly moving your hips. Careful experimental rubs at first. He encouraged you. Bucked his hips upwards. Into your soaked cunt. Moaned. And the world around you disappeared. It was him who left on your world. Him only.

“Fuck like that. Keep going.”

“Wha.... What if someone sees us.”

“Let them. Let’s give them a show. Hm?”

Your blood was boiling. Cunt dripping. For the first time in your life, you allowed a man to play you. Like the way he wanted. And it was exhilarating. To let him handle you. Do things to you. Stopped trying to be smug and cocky. Became pliant. Found out that you like the idea of being seen. Moaned shamelessly to his words. He smirked. Bucked his hips more into you. Controlled your movements with his hands on your hips. And you did as he asked. Grind on him like a bitch in heat. Taehyung glanced towards where your cunt was dripping onto him. Moaned.

“Fuck baby... Like that... keep going. Look how you’re dripping. Make a mess baby. “

“I... I nee... need more.”

“Yeah? You need more? I’ll give you more. Just keep going huh? Be a good slut for me.”

You listened to a man for the first time in your life. Quickened your movements. Followed his gaze. Watched how you were staining on his pants. Made your head spin. Grabbed onto his shoulders for leverage. Pushed your cunt harder on him. Felt the knot on your tummy tightened. Couldn’t care anymore about being on public. Of someone catching you. It was so good. Not enough but so good. Taehyung looked into your eyes. His eyes were blown out with lust. Pressed a kiss on to your lips before removing his hands from your hips. Only to snaked it between your bodies and pressed two fingers on your clit. Over your panties. Started rubbing your clit softly.

“Shit you are so fucking hot. So fucking hot dripping on to me. On a club full of people. So hot rubbing your cute cunt on a stranger. Keep going princess...”

You nearly cried. The knot tightened and tightened. Kept grinding. Felt dizzy. Your cunt on fire. And right at the moment that knot was about to explode Taehyung’s hand left your sopping cunt. Grabbed onto your hips back and stilled you. Pressed you hard down. You whined so loud. Loud enough that you were sure so many people looked at you. It was intense how he robbed you of that orgasm. Intense enough that your thighs trembled.

“No.... I was... So.. so close.”

“I know”

“Why did you do that then?”

“Don’t want this to end. Want to keep you dripping for me as long as I can.”

A shiver ran through your spine. You stared into his eyes. They were beautiful, blown out with lust. Had no idea what came over you when you started kissing him madly. Pressing your lips into his harder. Sucking on his bottom lip and then on his tongue. Taehyung just let you had it. Encouraged you with moans and groans. Started bucking his hips again onto your sensitive pussy. In a minute you were back to grinding. Kissing. Staring into his deep dark eyes. His hands were everywhere. On your hips. Thighs. Back. Ass. And on your boobs. He squeezed them, hard enough you cried out. Circled your nipples through the dress.

“Can I pull this down. Wanna see your pretty tits.”

“Fuck Taehyung. What if....”

“No one’s looking. Please. Please fuck.”

He didn’t wait for your yes. Not that you planned to say no. He was irresistible. So, all you did was moan when he swiftly pulled your dress down with your lacy bra. Making your tits bounce in the air.

“Holy fuck. Fuck, you’re beautiful.”

Closed his eyes and groaned. Opened them again. A fire burning in them. It was the most hottest sight, the way he licked his lips before wrapping those wet lips around one of your nipples. Slapped the other tit. Made it bounce. Did it again, and then again and again. All while sucking on your other nipple hard. Teeth grazing. You were a crying mess. There were no restraints left in you. People could see you. Your naked chest, bouncing under his little slaps. You couldn’t care, however. Not when his hot tongue was swirling around your hardened buds. Not when his lips were sucking on your nipples like his life depended on it. Like you were his source of life. Not when he kept his eyes on your face all the time. He popped your nipple out of his mouth and put the other one in his mouth. Did the same thing to the free one. Made it bounce. Pulled away. Kissed your nipples like he was gone mad. Squeezed them together. Buried his face between them. Groaned into your skin. That made your hips rolled faster, bringing you to the edge again.

“I’m gonna cum. Taehyung I... I... please I need to cum.’

For the first time in your life, you asked permission before cumming. Begged from a man for your release. Good thing was that you loved every moment of it. And he stilled you again. You were devastated. Didn’t even realize you let the tears gathered on your eyes to rolled down. Wetting your cheeks. Taehyung watched you shatter. Hitched your bodice up again, covering your assaulted tits. Pressed his lips on to your collar bones. Peppered you with kisses. Patted your ass.

“C’mon move baby.”

“Where? Where are we going?”

“To make you cum. Want you to cum on my cock. As much as I love having you rub on me like a needy slut. I want to feel your cunt around me. And as much as I love giving people a show, you’re too pretty to be shown.”

Both of your intended destination was a bathroom stall. It was occupied with a long queue of patrons. No fucks were allowed there. And it felt like the end of the world for you. Never have been that turned on in your life. Taehyung was something else.

Fortunately, Taehyung looked like his world ended that moment too. Pressed few kisses to your lips needily before suggesting, leaving the club. That was the fastest yes you gave someone. Didn’t know where you were about to go when you exited the club. Not being able to take two steps without kissing. Didn’t know how your back ended up pressing against a car door. Kissing like it was the last time you would get to kiss someone. Just a mess of tongue and teeth. You were the first to pulled away first with a pop. Him chasing your mouth. Trail of saliva connecting your still wet lips.

“Shit I can’t wait anymore Taehyung. I fucking can’t.”

“Fuck don’t say that. I’ll fuck you here.”

“Then you should.”

You may have given the controller to him willingly. Still, you had some tricks to play the game, hidden up your sleeves. You pulled one of them. Hiked your dress up and pushed your panties aside. Kept staring into his lust-filled eyes. Circled your clit for a second before plunged two fingers inside your quivering, needy hole. Moaned intentionally loudly, making him curse. Pulled your fingers back and held them in front of his eyes, glistening with your arousal.

“See… so fucking wet. I’m dripping.”

“Shit! You needy slut.”

Taehyung grabbed your wrist. Pressed his entire body into yours and caged you between his radiant form and the car. Brought your fingers to his mouth. Wrapped his lips around your fingers. You didn’t know who moaned louder. You were uncontrollably rubbing your thighs together. Taehyung sucked your fingers clean. Let your hand go and cupped your cheeks with one of his hands. Kissed you again, generously allowing you to taste how sweet you were. Pulled away.

“You want to get fuck here? Out in the open? Are you sure?”

“Yes. Never been so sure Taehyung.”

“What my slut wants, she gets.”

It was only a surprised yelp that escaped your mouth when he yanked your figure on to the hood of that car. Hoisted you up on the hood. Buried his face on your neck. Peppering wet kissed across your honeyed skin. Tongue poking out. Teeth grazing. Sucking and indefinitely giving you some purple marks. Made your toes curl and cunt clenched.

“This isn’t your car, is it Taehyung?”

“No… No, fuck. I don’t know whose car this is. Do you care? Do we have to wait.”

“No no no. I don’t care. Keep going please.”

You wrapped your legs around his waist, bringing him impossibly close. Taehyung chuckled. Darkly. Peck your lips.

“You really are a slut. Aren’t you baby. A needy slut?”

Mumbled. You didn’t answer that question. Only got to nod your head when he slipped his hand inside your already ridden up dress. Hooked his finger on your panties to push it aside. Grazed his fingers over your slicked slit. Made electric sensations run through your body. Kept looking at your fucked-up face when two of his slender fingers teased your hole. For a moment. And then he was pushing past your entrance, in a one swift go. A strangled cry left your throat, your own hand grabbing from his wrist. Your needy hole sucking up his fingers greedily. Started pumping those slender fingers into you without warning. Curled them a bit. You were beyond surprised that he hit the spot right there. He smirked when you reeled at his fingers. Added another. Stretched you wide.

“Fuck baby. You’re wet. So fucking wet. And tight. You gonna fucking kill me. You know. Fuck my fucking dick hurts.”

His voice was shaky when he mumbled against your lips. Hips bucking into your thigh for some kind of friction. That was your sign to do something about his pain. Felt bad that you were selfish. Flew toward his belt and unbuckled it in record time. Did the same with his fly. Slipped your hand inside his boxers, feeling his raging hard for the first time. His dick twitched when your fingers lightly grazed it. Curled your delicate fingers around his hot shaft. Made him moan, and wasn’t it the sweetest melody you’ve ever heard. His dick felt damn good on your hand. Twitched agian. So, you squeezed it.

“Harder. Squeeze it harder, princess. Holy fuck!! Like that.”

You obeyed his commands so unlike you. Squeezed his dick and pumped. Grazed your thumb over his tip. And he kept pumping his fingers inside you. You were no longer a part of the earth that day. The breeze didn’t make you realize you were out in the open. The sound of the music didn’t remind you that you were in the parking lot of a club. And you didn’t care about dripping onto someone else’s car hood. You were high. High on Taehyung. Never wanted to pleasure someone else that badly. Never wanted to have someone inside you that badly.

“Please Taehyung. Fuck me now hm?”

From there it didn’t take much more convincing or begging. Taehyung pulled his fingers out of your cunt, making you feel empty and wincing. You did the same. Let his hard cock go. Watched him fumble with his pants for second before he freed his hard dick out. Watched it spring out in the cold air, tip red and angry. Swollen and pre cum leaking. You gulped harshly. That was the most fucking beautiful dick you’ve ever seen. Made your mouth water.

“Fuck I want you in my mouth.”

“Yeah? You want my dick on your slutty mouth? I fucking love the idea baby. Love to see your lips wrapped around me. But my cock will fall down if I don’t fuck you right now.”

That was very dramatic, but you agreed. You felt like you were about to die. Nodded desperately. Spread your legs wide apart. For him and him only. Taehyung chuckled. Pumped himself. And that was a sight for sore eyes. Came closer to you. Only to halt his movement all of a sudden. His smile faltered while you watched.

“What? What is it?”

“A condom. I don’t have one.”

For a second time you felt like your world ended. It was incredulous how he came to a club searching for lay but didn’t have protection with him. Incredulous how that it was your intention, but you didn’t have one either. You gaped at each other. He shivered. Not from cold. Let his cock go so he could grab from your thighs. Looked like he was about to cry.

“Baby, I’m clean I promise. I’ll stop if you want but I’m clean. I really want you. It hurts princess.”

That was a damn risk to take. How did you ever trust a stranger? That could have been the end of your sex escapades. But his words lit a insatiable fire inside you, driving you crazy. So, you nodded, desperately. Making Taehyung sigh in relief.

“I’m clean too.”

That’s all it took him to spring into action. Pushed your thigh further back, hiking your dress up. Stared at your sopping cunt and your wet panties sticking into your core. Cursed. Asked you to push your panties aside and aligned his tip with you. Silently asked you if you were ready and with one nod from you, he entered you in one go. No slow penetrations but a hard thrust in that made you nearly scream. Seized your hips, pushed you even more into him. Stilled you, while his cock was buried deep inside you. Breathed into your mouth. Took a moment. Allowed you to feel how perfectly he slotted inside you. Your walls stretched apart. He had girth and length to made you fill to the brim. Made you feel how pleasurable to have him stretched you and how good it was to feel his dick twitch.

“Move please.”

Every second that passed, only added fuel to the fire inside you. Even when he was deep inside you, you wanted more. You bucked your hips onto his. Grind. Gave him the best puppy eyes you could muster, and he listened. To your desperate plea. Held on to your hips from one hand for leverage and made your thigh pushed onto you with the other. Gave an experimental roll of his hips. Got you reeling. Gave another and then another, until he was thrusting into you fast. Hard. Your toes curling and thighs shaking. His eyebrows pulled together in concentration. Mouth agape. Short quick breath nibbled your lips. He was intoxicating. And you were drunk on him. Each and every pleasurable thrust, each drag on your fluttering walls brought you to ecstasy. And the moment when he pushed his hand under your ass to pull you slightly up, the moment his tip hit you at that one spot, you allowed yourself to cry.

“Fuck, like that baby. Cry dumb on my cock. You fucking feel like heaven. You wanna cum? Touch your cute little clit for me baby. Make yourself cum. Cream my cock.”

Your hand reached to your clit between your bodies so fast. Started rubbing figure eights furiously. Drove yourself into insanity and dragged Taehyung with you to that. He picked up his phase. Fingers digging on to your thighs harsh that they left marks for weeks. You were sure it didn’t take you more than two fucking minutes to fall apart. His name was the only thing left on your tongue as you cried for him. Cried from the immense pleasure. Dragged your high for as long as you can. Stopped rubbing your clit when it became too much but Taehyung didn’t even slow down. Overwhelming you. Making your legs tremble. Making you whine and plead.

“Can’t stop. Fuck I can’t baby. Sorry, but you feel so damn fucking good. Fucking wet. I can’t stop. C’mon cum again. Cum for me like a good whore. One more time. Please..”

A new wave of arousals shot through you at his words. Made you drip more on his cock with your tummy fluttering. Held onto his shoulders for dear life and let him pound onto your abused cunt. Happily, allowed him to pull the neckline of your dress back, freeing your tits. Moaned when he started sucking and squeezing on them. Came apart for a second time while he started at your bouncing tits like he was enthralled. You were absolutely right to think he would be able to make you cum more than once. He made you cum twice and then thrice. You were a crying mess sprawled on some stranger’s car after falling apart for a third time. Taehyung was hanging on a thread himself. Covered in sweat. The hottest thing you’ve ever seen.

“I’m close baby. So close. Keep squeezing me like that. Like good girl huh? God, you’re fucking perfect.”

And he had a dirty mouth. You loved it. You loved every moment of it.

“Shit I’m gonna cum. Where? Where do you…. want…”

That was a question to which you should give a straight ‘pull out’. He was a stranger. You were already risking the STDs. That was the day you learned that people make stupid decisions when they are drunk and high. It doesn’t matter on what.

“Inside please. Want you to cum inside me.”

“Fucking hell!... You want a fucking stranger to cum inside you? Fuck. How much of a whore you could be?”

“Don’t care. Please Taehyung inside. Fill me up.”

“Fuck yes. Yes. Yes. Gonna fill you up. Fill you up with cum. And you gonna go home like that. My cum dripping down your thighs. Like the good slut you are.”

“Yes, fuck yes. I promise.”

Pathetic how you cried for a shot of cum. But was worth every minute of it when he finally broke apart. Shattered. Cursed out aloud. It was the pure ecstasy when you felt his hot cum spilled inside you. And it was heartbreaking how you wanted to hold onto him forever when he hid his face on your neck. Whining. His dick still throbbing inside you.

It was heartbreaking, that everything ended.

.....................................

Five years and seven months ago

Taehyung had never thought the best sex of his life would be on top of a stranger’s car. He never thought that fuck would mess him up so much that he couldn’t sleep for days. Never thought that a one-night stand would ruin him for anyone else. That he would have to fuck his fist to the memory of you for any kind of relief. On top of everything, he never thought he would ever see you again. But then he did. Unexpectedly. After five months. On his colleague slash the girl he was in a situation ship’s house. He was there with her to pick some documents up. Something she forgot.

He stood in the living room while she rummaged through her house. That’s when someone descended the stairs in such a hurry that they skipped a stair. Held on to the banister to save their neck. Eyes landed on him at the same time his landed on them, clutching the banister for dear life. You. You who was his best fuck for the life. You, in front of him again in a baggy white T-shirt and blue shorts. You who stared at him with an open mouth, just like he did. You both blinked at each other. Until his colleague slash situationship realized you were there. She looked at you and then at Taehyung and told the last thing he wanted to hear.

“Oh, meet my sister Taehyung. Say hi sis, this is Taehyung. The man I’ve told you. I think I left that in my room. Gimme a min Tae”

And she disappeared through a door to her right. Left you and him alone. He watched you regain your composure and got onto your feet again. Waited till you descended the stairs and approached him. You smiled at him. Your sweet smile. The sweetest. His heart stopped. The world blurred, like the first day he saw you.

“Well, hello Mr. Kim Taehyung.”

“Hello Vixen.”

Ever since then he found a reason to be at your place. He was a selfish little shit for doing that. To use your sister just to find a way to you. He knew he was giving your sister hope by visiting her almost every day. For so many dumb reasons. Yet, he couldn’t help it. Just one sneak at you made him want to dance. Made him feel alive. He felt like a stupid teenager. So, he kept being selfish. At first, you were surprised to see him for a second time at your place. Then day by day you realized why he was there. You were a smart girl after all. Proved to him that you were indeed a vixen. Stopped wearing those baggy T- shirts and replaced them with flimsy tank tops. Wore booty shorts instead of sweats. Wore see through blouses with no bras. Made his brain short circuit and dick throb at how your nipples peaked through. Treated him like your sister’s boyfriend. That annoyed him to no end. They weren’t in a relationship at all. But you knew how to torture his mind and body. With your occasional slutty smiles. With your body innocently and accidentally brushing against him here and there.

Still, he never made a move. Never grew the balls to stop playing his cowardly games. Simply was the biggest coward on the damn earth. Until that day you brought a man home. While he was lounging on your couch. With your sister. In a sour mood because you weren’t home. And then there you came, with someone else’s hand on your waist. Introduced him as a friend of yours. Invited him to your room. And Taehyung was burning. Burning with a fire that set by you. A fire that ate him inside out. He was seeing red because how jealous he was. He wanted to strangle that man. Wanted to fuck you in front of him. Couldn’t think of anything else other than what you might be up to in your room. A room he had never been to.

That’s when you came downstairs again. Your shower basket in your hand. Taehyung has been in your house long enough to know you share a one bathroom and it’s on the down floor. Knew you were about to take a shower. It made his sour mood worse. Didn’t want another man to see you in your damp hair. With your skin glistening after water freshened you.

He was only seeing blind red when he waited until your sister went to grab something. He was enthralled by the jealousy when he found himself striding to your bathroom. Knew the lock of the door was broken. Funny how your family has been screaming ‘I’m taking the bathroom’ before anyone of you used it. He stood there for a minute. Listening to the sound of water. Imagined you naked under that shower. That thought alone made his dick hard. Wasn’t thinking clearly when he pushed the door open. You didn’t notice nor did you hear anything until he was inside, closed the door behind him and walked up to the little shower box. Yanked the glass door open. That’s only you jumped at the sound, turned around startled. Eyes wide, and taking him in. Hands went to cover your chest.

“Fuck, Taehyung, what are you doing?”

You were innocently and genuinely surprised. Taehyung on the other hand was spell bounded. Enchanted by your naked little figure in front of him. Water cascading across your honey skin. Through your slender curves. He ogled at your breasts and the way they pushed higher with your hands. Fuck weren’t you gorgeous. The most beautiful thing he has ever seen. How he always regretted and blamed him for rushing things with you that night. For not being patient enough to take you to a private place and get you stark naked. For not being able to see you in all your glory. Sue him for ogling at you like that. But you were just perfect.

“Aren’t you a fucking pervert Kim Taehyung?”

When he looked at your face, he knew there was no malice in your words. There was a sly smile. Your sweet slutty smile.

“I am. I am a fucking pervert.”

He knew you enjoyed the snap of his limit. Knew you were happy that you made him follow you into the shower. Knew you expected him to act on his impulses under your tortures one day. You didn’t, however, expect him to be stormed into the shower box. Your eyes bulged out when he pushed you back on to the slippery wall tiles. The sound you let out when he pressed his lips onto yours made his tummy flutter. He didn’t care about his clothes getting wet. Didn’t care how he would explain this to anybody later. About your sister being there in the same house. It was only you in his eyes. Only you when he tasted you after so long. Your intoxicating taste. Your tongue lapped against him.

It happened all fast. The way he discarded his clothes. Started savoring every inch of your body with his hand and lips. You mumbled something about how you shouldn’t do that there. He simply didn’t listen. He was thinking with his raging boner. Made you go on your knees and choked on his dick. Eyes tearing up and gagging around him. Thrusted into your mouth and praised you for being a good slut. His slut. Pulled out from your mouth when his balls started to tighten.

“No don’t do that. Wanted you to cum in my mouth.”

“Next time, baby.”

“Next time?”

“Yes, next time. I promise.”

It was adorable how you whined for his cum. Even adorable how you, a little vixen, turned pliant under him. A whiny mess. Made his dick throb. He ignored your cautions of getting caught and being in your house, inside a closed door which wasn’t locked. Was so happy to think, that man you bought home was currently waiting for you while he hoisted you up. Pressed you against the wall and lined his throbbing dick at your sopping pussy. His brain was malfunctioning when he started to push inside you. This time he did it slowly. Painfully slow for both of you. It was euphoric how your walls fluttered around his girth. Was head spinning the feeling of your cute cunt struggle to take him.

He knew he was a goner when you started squeezing on him. When you started to beg for him to move. So, he did. You were irresistible. Thrusted into your quivering cunt with everything he got. Made you cum so hard on his dick. Picked up his phase when you cried out for him. Didn’t stop until you were trembling badly. Didn’t stop when your sister knocked on your door and you had to answer. Made sure you screamed his name when that friend of yours did the same and asked you what’s taking so long. Best part was you came at that moment, bringing him over the edge with you.

“Fuck like that slut. Cum on my cock while he listens”

“Taehyung god. Want you to cum inside me.”

“I will baby. I’ll make sure you’re always full of my cum now on.”

.....................................

Five years ago

Ever since that day, he kept his promise toward you.

Next time, I promise

There were so many next times. How you didn’t get caught by your sister was a miracle. Only that your friend was gone by the time you left the bathroom. You snuck clothes for Taehyung that day. Even managed to keep him for the night. And he stopped coming to your place with your sister. Instead, popped up on your porch after few days with orchid. You snorted so hard at that. He pouted so hard at that. You felt your heart swell. Had no other options but kiss that pout away. You sneaked him inside. Every night from that day. To your attic room.

That’s how he slowly became an inseparable part of your life. From your endless sex to cuddles on the bed. From your sneaky outings to just sitting on your windowsill. In the middle of the night. Smoking cigarettes with your window open. Just to let the smoke go out so your mom won’t find out. Sharing the same cigarette and laughing about his silly jokes. Getting your lives startled out of your bodies whenever a knock came on your door. Throwing the cigarette out of the window and waving the smoke out. Pushing a grinning Taehyung under your bed and sit on you bed very non-suspiciously when your mom or sister poked their head inside your room. You lived a teenage life with him when you both were adults.

Made endless excuses every time you spend a day at his place. Invited him over to yours whenever you were home alone. Made him read books with you. He never liked it. Preferred to gape at your face more.

“You don’t have to read if you don’t want to.”

“Yeah?”

“Of course, Tae. You can do anything you want.”

“Let’s fuck, then.”

“Nope.”

“Why not?”

“You always take control over me. I kind of like it. But, still Tae, I prefer to have some control in my life sometimes. Like this. So, no. No fucking.”

“Oh c’mon, take the control then.”

“You should be more careful when you speak Tae Tae.”

“I know what I’m saying. Take the control vixen. Tie me up to your bed.”

And you did. Got revenge for all the time he edged you. Edged him until tears rolled down his cheeks. Kept his cock warm inside you for hours. Knew he would take revenge one day, but you lived in those moments. With him. Lived an exhilarating life until you met the first boulders together. Getting caught by your sister being the first. Walked up to him after a huge fight at your house. Knocked on his door to say you should stop your fuck buddy relationship. Almost left him there when he yelled.

“I love you. I fucking love you stupid vixen. You can’t just walk away.”

Those were the most beautiful words you’ve ever heard in your life. You had frozen when he shouted at your back. Had gaped into his face when he ran to you and turned you to face him.

“I know you love me too”

“Don’t be so sure sailor.”

You weren’t feeling cocky that day. Your throat was dry like you ate sand. And he didn’t grin at your words like other days. Watched you with a stern face. Made you realize there will be no sun rising in your world without him.

“Yes. Yes, fuck. I love you too. I fucking love you too…”

And he grinned. Kissed the life out of you. Told you he will walk with you to end of the world. Cheeky. You said so. He didn’t care. And he did walk with you. He walked with you when you cried over unanswered emails from hundreds of book publishers. He walked with you until you finally resolved things with your sister. He walked with you when you eventually received an answer from a little publishing group. He walked with you when you finally published a book. He was there with you each and every step.

You went from strangers at a club to buying a house together. His friends became your friends. Yours became his. You slotted together like puzzle pieces. Fought and cried over silly matters. And then one of you pouted so hard until the other forgave. Slow danced in the living room and threw your own little musical shows. Him just wearing a towel and you in your bathrobe. Hair dryer was your mic, and he was your only admirer. So was you for him. You lived in those moments. With him. Through every up and down. You loved him. You still do. Dearly.

.....................................

One and a half year ago

He and you fought. Not always but sometimes, like all the other couples do. But ever since you started your new job at a new publishing agency, you have fought a little more. The reason was your agent. Kim Namjoon. Taehyung always despised him. Maybe he wasn’t fair. But the guy always had heart eyes when he looked at you. Taehyung was still obsessed with you after all those times. He was freaking jealous to see Namjoon all over you. And you knew that too. Knew Namjoon wasn’t just being a friend. Still, you wanted your job. Taehyung understood. Understood that it was your dream, knew you loved him more than your own world. And even with that his jealousy side sometime won.

That’s what happened that day. When you were about to leave for a meeting with Kim Namjoon. Taehyung was frustrated. Devastated. And he regretted it immediately after you left. Regretted that he called you an attention seeking slut and asked you to do whatever the fuck you wanted.

Why the fuck you can’t understand what I’m… No. Guess what (….), go fucking ahead and do whatever fuck you want. You’re nothing but an attention seeking slut…

You weren’t. You was nothing but his entire world. His sun and moon. His little princess. The most lovable, kindest, and gentle person on the world. You were that high spirited bubble that made his world colorful in the darkest of night. He never said that to you, however. Instead, he called you an attention seeking slut. And when he wanted to say sorry and take everything back. It was too late. He never got to tell you that.

The moment he received that call from an unknown number, his only chance to tell you that you were his world was robbed from him. A single phone call was all it took to let him know that he will never be able to tell you those things that were left unsaid. The phone call that changed his life, and informed him that they were regretting it to tell him, the car his girlfriend was travelling is crashed. Crushed by a truck. And they were so sorry that you didn’t make it. Taehyung yelled at that person from the top of his lungs. Cursed them for playing funny games with him. Denied it over and over again. Until he couldn’t. In the end he couldn’t. He never got to tell you that you were his sun and moon. You weren’t there anymore.

.....................................

One and a half year ago

It was all a vague memory. The way your heart shattered at his words. The way you shouted back at him. The way you left your home. It all felt like a dream. So did your conversation with Namjoon. All of his questions regarding why you were crying. Hell, you didn’t know you were crying. You shrugged those questions away. But Namjoon was stubborn. Kept asking you questions until you broke into a loud cry that caught his complete attention. His attention, which should have been on the road, instead of on you. You didn’t remember when and where that damn truck appeared but when you noticed and screamed, it was all too late.

You woke up, however. Yes, you did. While it felt like your head spinning. Even with everything, you woke up, only to find your own body lying in the crashed debris of a car. It took you a little while to understand that you were dead. To understand that it was all too late. To remember that you left Taehyung behind. That you stormed out of your home that evening after fighting with him. It was all too late when you turned around and started running toward your house. Too late when you reached your home that Taehyung was already a sobbing wreck on the floor. With Jimin and Jungkook. His head hidden in Jungkook’s chest. He was fucking wailing. Wailing uncontrollably into his friend’s chest. Both of his friends were crying too but Taehyung was struggling to breathe.

“Fuck it was my fault Jungkook-ah. I drove her away... I…I...”

The rest was muffled in Jungkook’s chest.

“Holy fuck, no man. It wasn’t you. No. You didn’t do anything. It was no one’s fault.”

You watched Jungkook sob into Taehyung’s hair. Watched Jimin trap Taehyung between him and Jungkook.

“She would hate herself if she heard you say that. Don’t fucking say that. It wasn’t you. She knows it wasn’t you Tae. She knows.”

Yes. You knew. Yes, Jimin was right that you hated yourself that moment. It wasn’t him. Only if you had listened to him and stayed home. You wanted to console him. Touch him. Kiss him. Say that it’s all okay and there’s no reason to cry. Made him hide his face in your chest like you always did when he was sad. You tried. You tried with all your will. But nothing worked. Nobody bat an eye toward you. Nobody felt you. Heard you. No matter how hard you tried to touch Taehyung. It was all too late. And the last thing you said to him was, that he was a jealous, possessive prick.

You are fucking jealous Taehyung. Fucking jealous I’m making it, don’t you. You fucking jealousy, possessive prick. Guess what? Yes, I’m an attention seeking slut, and I’ll gain all the attention of the world.

Those weren’t true. He wasn’t someone like that. He was your sunshine. The boy who brought flowers for you. For a girl who never received flowers in her life. He never was jealous. Not with you. He was your pillar to hang on to. The only person who believed in you like a moth would follow flame. You wanted to tell that to him. But it was all too late. He didn’t hear you.

.....................................

Now

Ever since that cursed day, you followed Taehyung around. To every place you could. Watched him break apart. Shattering into a million pieces. Watched him die day by day. From crying onto his pillow to stop showing his emotions at all. Watched him become an empty husk. Hollow. And you died all over again with him. You thought all pains would end with death. And there you were burning on a fire that never went off. Shared that hell with Taehyung. Felt helpless when you couldn’t make him eat. Help him sleep. You were a nothing more than a reader of an anguished book. Helpless. Your heart broke each moment passed. Still, all you could do was watch and cry.

Watched him bring women home. Watched him go to their homes. Hell, you followed him even there. Cried your eyes out. It was a tortures mix between seeing him suffer and seeing him with someone else. You were selfish after all. Selfish enough that you couldn’t leave him. Couldn’t leave him in his misery.

Until now, the day everything changed.

You watch him stare at the bathroom door, waiting for her to come. You are in pain. So much pain.

.....................................

Now

Taehyung had waited countless times on your bed until you joined him after your shower. On the days he was too lazy to join you. Even after spending more than three years with you, he always felt giddy when you entered the room just in a towel. Just like how he feels now. To see her enter the room. Just in a towel. It feels wrong because he came here because she reminded him of you. The same kind of aura that pulled him up. It feels wrong because he is comparing her to you. He expects her to be you. She isn’t you. Even though she smiles at him fondly like you always did.

“Stay the night here, sailor?” She mumbles as she throws a T-shirt over her head. Taehyung’s heart stops for a beat again.

Stay here tonight sailor. I’ll find a way to sneak you in.

That’s exactly what you said after he fucked you that day in your family house bathroom.

“What’s wrong? Are you okay?” She asks again when he doesn’t reply. Climbs onto the bed next to him. Peers at his eyes. Smiles with her eyes. “You should smile more. Like this.” She smiles at him. Pokes at his ribs. Nuzzles his cheek with her nose. “C’mon sailor. It doesn’t cost you to smile.” Wines in complaint and Taehyung can’t help but softly chuckle.

“There you go. You’re fucking beautiful when you laugh.” She says as she keeps poking at his ribs.

“I want to be handsome. Not beautiful.”

“You’re most definitely handsome. Smile some more. Laugh.” She bites onto his cheek. The smile ghosted on his lips breaks into a grin. And then into a laugh. He can’t help it when it naturally comes within his chest. And she laughs too. Aloud.

For the first time after one-and-a-half years Taehyung laughs. Like how he used to do. Like himself. Like he did with you. And she laughs like you. Not in the same way but in the kind of way that makes him relax. In a way that makes his darkest night colorful. She is a rainbow, and you were a sun. She is not you but that’s okay. She can give him hope again. Hope and purpose to live. He can hang onto her. He can laugh.

……

He watches her chest rise and fall while she is sleeping. Looks at her peaceful face.

She’s fucking gone Taehyung. Fucking gone. You need to move the fuck on.

It’s been more than a year Kim Taehyung.

Yes, his friends were right. You were gone. You aren’t coming back. No matter how long he waits. He can’t die. Not anymore. He wants to live. For you. For him. To remember you till the day he dies. To cherish your memory with him. To see what the life will hold for him. He will tell her about you one day. He will heal. Move on. Not forgetting you. No, he can’t do that. You will always be his sun and moon. But he will learn to love again. Learn to live. And he will let go of you.

It hurts. Hurts to think that he will need to finally let go of you. To finally accept that you were gone. Without giving him a chance to let you know how much he loves you. All he wanted was one chance. Just one to tell you that he loves you. To hear you say it back. To apologise. Hold you and kiss you dearly. Tell you that you were his sun and moon. He can’t. He will never have that one opportunity. It’s time he should let you go.

“You are free, my vixen. You can go. I love you but it’s time for you to go.” He mumbles into nothing before closing his eyes. Peaceful for the first time.

.....................................

Now

It hurts. It hurts like hell to hear him say that. To hear him ask you to leave. You don’t want to. The sun will not rise in a world without him. Even though this is neither living nor dying you want to hang onto him. Even though this is an endless pain you want to be with him. Even though you can’t make him happy or laugh, can’t make him live, you want to be there for him.

“That’s your closure (….) You need to move on now.” The sudden voice doesn’t startle you. Not when you are so accustomed to that presence next you. For a year and a half. You turn to look at him.

“What do you mean?” Your voice trembling.

“You couldn’t move on because he held on to you. You were stuck here because you didn’t have your closure to move on. You were stuck to him because he was hanging on to you. You couldn’t leave him when he was suffering. But he is going to be okay.” Namjoon’s voice is soothing. Like always.

“That’s not true. I was here because I wanted to. Because I love him. Because he loves me.” You shake your head in dissent.

“Yes, you both love each other. But sometimes it isn’t enough. You can’t make a difference in his life (….), like you couldn’t all this time. You need to let him live his life. I’m sorry I killed you. I’m sorry I dragged you into this place-”

“It wasn’t your fault, Namjoon. It was nobody’s fault.” At first, you resented him so much. Blamed him for everything. For the pain Taehyung was feeling. But it wasn’t him. You know it wasn’t him.

“Yeah, but I don’t know…. You died (…). He is still alive. Let him live that life. This is your time to move on.” Namjoon looks at you. You can’t make his features in the dark.

It was at your own funeral, sitting on a dark corner, watching Taehyung breaking apart, when you first saw Namjoon. Neither of you made it. And you forgot him until that day. You yelled at him. Accused him for being at fault. Yet, he never left. All those times you watched Taehyung, he was watching you. You knew he loved you more than a friend when you were alive. You knew Taehyung was right. But it wasn’t as if you would choose someone over Kim Taehyung. Not even that person is Kim Namjoon. You are bounded to Taehyung even after your death. Still, you feel gratification towards Namjoon.

“Why didn’t you go Namjoon? Why then, you are here? If I was simply stuck here until Tae gives me my closure. What are you doing here?”

He smiles at you. His dimple smile.

“Maybe you are my closure. You just gave me my closure.”

It wasn’t your fault, Namjoon. It was nobody’s fault.

You gave him his closure. You watch him. He smiles again. It makes sense now. You turn your head to Taehyung, walk over to the bed where he is sleeping with another woman. There’s nothing you can do. You are dead. He is not. You want him to live. A life he will remember. A life where he would always laugh. You need to let him live. There’s pang in your chest. Nothing unfamiliar, that pang was always there.

You watch Taehyung breathe peacefully as he sleeps. After a long time, he is not thrashing. Not crying in his sleep. Doesn’t mumble your name. He is peaceful. You can move on now. He let you go. Tears start rolling on your cheeks. There are so many things that left unsaid. You never got to tell him that how he made you feel alive. That he is the most selfless person you met. That you felt how much he loved you by just the way he looked at you. You didn’t get that chance.

“I never got to tell him sorry Namjoon. Sorry for saying those things to him. Never got to apologize for anything. I don’t want him to think that I hated him. Because I didn’t. I loved him, I love him. I…”

“Trust me he knows (…). He knows you loved him. He knows you love him.”

You don’t believe Namjoon. But what other options do you have. You can’t say sorry to him.

He never blamed you. Not even for leaving him. He is fucking selfless. There are things still unresolved but then why you must go now. You still have to apologize.

You feel Namjoon’s hands wrapped around your trembling figure. From behind.

“You need to go because he knows. He knows you never meant them. He freed you (…)” That was an answer for an unasked question.

Taehyung freed you. You need to free him too. Live him his life. You watch him for another moment. Nod. He knows. You know he knows.

You step forward. A little bit closer to the edge of the bed. Namjoon follows you. Hands never leaving you. You desperately want to feel Taehyung one more time. Just feel his warmth. Desperately want one more day. You wish you had one more day to tell him he was your life line. One more day to tell him you love him. Just for one more time. To hear him say those words back.

I love you. I fucking love you stupid vixen.

“I love you, Kim Taehyung. I always did and always will. I’m sorry I called you those things, but you know that I didn’t mean them don’t you sailor? I didn’t. I should have let you know that you were my anchor. I’m sorry that I left…. Sorry for every fight, every harsh word....” You want to say so much more but words get tangle in your throat. You want to apologise for every time you couldn’t be what he needed. But the words keep sticking to your tongue. Only the ache of what’s unsaid left in you. So, you simply repeat that you love him for a one last time.

You lean down, freeing yourself from Namjoons hands. Stare at the breath-taking face of your lover. Past lover. His flawless skin. The little moles. Sharp jaw. Perfect cupid bow. The man you love. You want them engraved in your memory. What if you forget them? What if you forget how beautiful he is? So, you stare, stare and stare. Until you feel Namjoon’s hand softly graze your shoulder.

You nod, just to let Namjoon know that you’re ready. You’ll let your baby go. Just need one more minute. You use that minute to say you love him once again. Even though he can’t hear. You use that minute to place an invisible kiss to his forehead, like you always did. Even though he can’t feel.

Straighten up. Turn around and take Namjoon’s hand. Let him walk you out. Walking away feels like chains are breaking. The chains that kept you tied up to Taehyung. Weight is lifting but it isn’t relieving. Your story with Kim Taehyung is ending. For real this time.

You don’t know what’s wait for you in other side. You will face that anyway. You will let the sweet boy with starts in his eyes live. You will let the boy who brought you flowers everyday even after you died, bring those flowers for some one else. You will let the boy with his adorable boxy grin laughs, like he did with you. You will leave him behind. To live his life. Even if it means leaving the love that still blinds you.

THE END.

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