#*generic example but uh. hm. come on. missing the point

[fairymint]

Ice + catch!

"I have a spheal named Something, already, but I'll humor you one since some people like to bitch about how they 'already caught' something of that type. They don't love their pokemon enough to talk about em?" Mind his possible migraine making him snippy.

"So I think raising a cubchoo properly might be fun. Or, a Cetitan; I wanna see what that thing can do. Whale with defensive capabilities might be fun for a long game. Stuff like Charm, Chilling Water, or Curse. I'll have to get back to y'all on that.

In the meantime, Something gives me a lotta joy. Being a little clown and approving anytime some very deep shit or really sweet is said. That's all I need."

[starsmuserainbow]

>SHIPPING INFO //ANSWER THE FOLLOWING FOR YOUR MUSES SO PEOPLE KNOW HOW SHIPPING WORKS ON YOUR BLOG.

WHAT IS YOUR OTP FOR YOUR CHARACTER(S)?

Hm. Well. I don't really feel like it's 'right' to choose a OTP from the things I write with other people, because those moments where we do get to a ship, I usually loooooove it a lot and there's no way I can choose a favourite of those.

I think I can name Wildfire with @aerokinesiiss Hay Lin, though, because I do find myself kinda defaulting to it being a thing - they are very adorable together and it was so amazing to write their first meeting and then all the other things we did; I love them a lot! -- I do have one or two other (potential) ships going on on Wildfire too and those are great too! I don't wanna say I don't value those, please don't think that!

Bc I'm always feeling him a lot and I miss our things let me make one more exception and mention that I absolutely very much love the connection Moonshot has - or more like will have if/when/once we do continue our thread/s some time - with the wonderful @wafflesandbuttkicking Steph! Read up here on what (little) we did so far, but also rest assured we talked a bunch about our characters already and I'm just enjoying this dynamic - ship to be, possibly - sooooo much!

I can name Robstar and Arkos as canon-character ones, too (also Mimi and Sheshe but they feel way too self-evident/obvious to even remember naming oops)?

HOW LARGE DOES THE AGE GAP HAVE TO BE TO MAKE IT UNCOMFORTABLE?

I'm not sure. Like, taken in account other, like, species or whatever, that would age in a different way of time or something? Plus how, for example, the ages I list on my muse-pages are a rough estimate of some point during the main happenings or something, I feel it's difficult to really put a number to this. (Another thing, I usually just kinda 'assume' our muses are of a close-ish age when interacting with other 'young heroes' for example, as long as we haven't actually discussed like that someone is of a later generation than the other or something)

I honestly rarely pay age that much mind, I think I'm different from most people in how much I care (or, not, in this case) about the number. I kinda more go with a rough feeling of, idk, area of age or something? Like, very rough examples would be 'child', 'teen', 'young adult', 'adult' and 'older' - probably not actually the lines I'd define but, just to try to explain how I think about ages.

It... needs to feel like they are similar-ish in age is all, I think? I don't know.

HOW FAR DO STEAMY MOMENTS HAVE TO GO BEFORE THEY ARE CONSIDERED NSFW?

Uh... I have no idea - again. I would say probably when things are about to get undressed, but then again, I think I've had things there before that were still okay. Depends I guess - let's just say if we do something into that direction, I'll let you know when I can't keep going any further (aka that we then fade or like, if you want, you can write out the scene for both characters or something).

ARE YOU SELECTIVE WHEN SHIPPING? For what concerns romantic shipping?

It's probably obvious that the muses need to mesh well together? It needs to feel right, which, again, is a very vague thing to say, I know. If you come to ask me about shipping with muses that haven't interacted so far, the answer is probably at max a 'yeah we can try', because I can absolutely not predict before interactions. When we did have some interactions with the muses, I think I usually am able to answer.

So... somewhat selective, I guess? Idk.

WHO ARE OTHER CHARACTERS YOU SHIP YOUR CHARACTER WITH?

Where is the difference between this question and the first one? Uh...

Again, I don't really wanna choose, I don't wanna pick favourites over the things I do have. For the sake of answering something here, I'll try to name at least something - don't think I don't like our ship if I don't mention you here though!

I really like Blackfire's thing with Vergil @darksonofsparda, I've never expected to be able to write a ship with Nega!Star but did just that (well, more or less at least) with Nega!BB @inncrbcast, and I especially enjoyed the little bits of Robstar I got to write with the by-now-deactivated formerwonder!

DOES ONE HAVE TO ASK TO SHIP WITH YOU?

I mean, I think there are rare times where it just develops? Most of the times though, asking would be good, because sometimes I'm kinda blind to these things and assume everything to be a friendship.

ARE YOU SHIP-OBSESSED OR SHIP MORE-OR-LESS?

I think I'm usually very easily swooned by a ship - as for going for them, I'd say more ship more-or-less though? Like I said, I often just take something as friendship and don't even realize the potential shippyness, so yeah.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE SHIP IN YOUR CURRENT FANDOM?

Do I even have a current Fandom? I did name Robstar already, and honestly, I can't think of anything else really.

FINALLY, HOW DOES ONE SHIP WITH YOU?

It's probably especially easy to achieve it with characters of mine that aren't Starfire or Blackfire, but well, just, by writing, I guess? Have our characters interact and click together, and we're on a good way probably.

Tagged by: @floraluniversal - thank you!

Tagging: I feel like I already tagged way too many people in here so uh, just, you if you wanna do it!

[secndlife]

pairing: soonyoung x female reader

genre: fluff with a very small hint of angst

summary: {the and} is more than a general interview. it’s an experience that creates a little more space for a lot more openness, honesty and vulnerability - no judgement. 

word count: 4k

warnings: none

a/n: this piece is based on the skin deep’s video series under the same name. you can check all {the and} videos here. the writing format is inspired by @by-moonflower​‘s exes confront each other series. and yes, this is also the mmf couple. i’ve missed them so! 

you: how come you got us into another one of these things?

soonyoung: it’s because we’re charismatic

soonyoung: i mean, i am charismatic

you: oh okay, so you can go ahead and do this alone, right?

producer:

soonyoung: 

you:

soonyoung: okay

you:

soonyoung: nooo, babe! don’t walk away, i’m joking!

you:

soonyoung: 

you: i can’t stand you

soonyoung: you looooove me

you: do we have to introduce ourselves?

soonyoung: i came prepared

soonyoung: where do i look? here?

producer: actually—

soonyoung: hi everyone! i’m soonyoung

producer: you don’t actually—

soonyoung: but you can call me

producer: you don’t—

soonyoung: tiger

producer:

you: oh god

producer: 

you:

soonyoung: how was it? was that good?

producer: oh. you, uh, you don’t actually have to introduce yourself.

soonyoung: i don’t?

producer: nope. we’ll put the information on the screen, so you can just jump right into the questions

you:

soonyoung:

soonyoung: ohhhhhh. right.

you: i won’t even—

soonyoung: please don’t.

soonyoung: so the goal is to be vulnerable, right?

producer: yeah

producer: just to have open and honest conversations based on the questions

soonyoung: should be easy

soonyoung: at least for me

you: why are you looking at me like that?

soonyoung: why do you think?

you: look.

you: i know i can be kind of emotionally constipated sometimes?

you: but i’ll do this right

soonyoung: hm.

you: promise

soonyoung: okay

you:

soonyoung: good girl

you: why would you say that?

soonyoung: you’ll start this one, right?

you: 

soonyoung: why are you sighing? i started the other one

you: stop talking about the other one while we’re here, that’s unprofessional

you: i’m sorry

producer: it’s okay!

you: you’re the worst

soonyoung: don’t say that

you: stop pouting

soonyoung:

you:

soonyoung: fine.

you: anyway.

you: oh! that’s a good question.

you: how do you describe our relationship to others?

soonyoung: it is a good one

you: right?

soonyoung: right

you: so

soonyoung: i mean, to be honest i barely have to describe it. everyone knows you and also us as a couple at this point so

you: it’s been a while

soonyoung: yeah!

you: how would you describe it to someone that doesn’t know us, though? to the producers, or viewers, for example

soonyoung: oh. hmmmm

soonyoung: i’d say it’s the best relationship i’ve ever been in

you: awwww

soonyoung: it’s the truth. 

soonyoung: i’d also say we’re not like, super similar. but it works great

you: it does

soonyoung: also that i annoy you a lot

you: you do

soonyoung: you like it though

you: hm.

soonyoung: and that it’s healthy and loving and mature

soonyoung: and fun!

soonyoung: oh! and that you’re basically the love of my life

you: basically?

you: don’t laugh! i’m sad!

soonyoung: noooooo i’m sorry! i’ll give you a kiss, come here

you: 

soonyoung: i’m kidding!

soonyoung: you are the love of my life

you: hm

soonyoung: love you

you:

soonyoung: c’mon, say it back

you:

soonyoung:

you:

soonyoung:

you: love you too

soonyoung: now without rolling your eyes

soonyoung: i’m excited

you: when are you not excited?

soonyoung: when i have to do laundry

you: true

soonyoung: okay, the question is

soonyoung: if you could go back to our first date, what advice would you give yourself regarding being with me?

you: oh. wow. okay

you: this is kinda hard though

soonyoung: so no comments?

you: of course i have comments, just gimme a minute 

soonyoung:

you: maybe that being with you requires energy? so to just, be prepared for that?

soonyoung:

you: don’t make that face! let me finish

soonyoung:

you: you’re super energetic, and you can get a little crazy, but—

soonyoung: i don’t like where this is going

you: shush! 

soonyoung:

you: you can get crazy, but it’s a good crazy. like, the type of crazy that gives me butterflies and makes me wanna be around you all the time, even when i’m tired

soonyoung: hm.

you: before you, i was, i don’t know, maybe a little too much of a homebody. i needed movement

you: you push me outside my comfort zone and that requires energy, but it’s one of my favorite things about us

you: about you

soonyoung: good save

you: shut up

you: my turn

soonyoung: yes, it is

you: oh. this will be nice

you: if you could relive one moment from our relationship forever, what would it be and why?

soonyoung: hmmmm

you: don’t you dare say—

soonyoung: all of them

you: noooooo

soonyoung: it’s the truth!

you: shut up!

you: you can’t do that. pick one

soonyoung: i can’t do it

you: you have to

soonyoung:

you:

soonyoung: urgh. let me think

you: yeah, think. but it has to be a good one

soonyoung: of course it’s gonna be a good one

you:

soonyoung:

you:

soonyoung: oh! i know it!

you: what is it?

soonyoung: when we were at krys’ party, and you accidentally called me your boyfriend even though we weren’t official yet

you: uh? that?

soonyoung: don’t talk about it like that. it’s a good moment

you: i was mortified when i realized it

soonyoung: i know

you: why that though? we have so many other memories for you to choose from

soonyoung: i’m the one that had to choose so.

you: okay, but why?

soonyoung: because that was when i realized i loved you

you:

soonyoung: like, i kinda knew it? but that day it really hit me. it wasn’t like ‘oh i like you’. it was a full-on ‘i love you and i love you so damn much and i don’t ever wanna be away from you’ type of thing

you:

soonyoung: wait, why do you look like you’re about to cry? babeeeeee

you: because i didn’t know that and that was really cute

soonyoung: i thought you knew

you: i didn’t

soonyoung: like it was just this weird but so fucking good type of feeling and i’ve never felt exactly like that again, so i would like to relive it

you:

soonyoung: awwww! babeeeeeee! you’re crying crying

you: i forgot to put on waterproof mascara, fuck

soonyoung: i’ll get you a tissue

you: it’s okay, i’m fine. we’re fine. everything’s fine

soonyoung: you’re so cute when you’re crying

you: soonyoung

soonyoung: what?

soonyoung: you good?

you: yeah, i’m fine

soonyoung: okay. love you

you: love you too

soonyoung: let me get a card

soonyoung: oh, i love this one!

you: 

soonyoung: when do i make you laugh the most?

you: oh

you: okay, i’m gonna be cheesy because i know you love it and because it’s actually the truth

soonyoung: are you gonna say ‘all the time’?

you: all the time

soonyoung: i knew it

you: like you’re one of the funniest people i’ve ever met and i’m never not laughing when i’m with you

you: even when you’re not trying to be you’re funny and that is one of my favorite things about you, really

soonyoung: i really am super funny

you: you are

soonyoung: nice!

soonyoung: high-five!

you: card time

soonyoung: yup!

you: oh. i think it’s getting kinda deeper now

soonyoung: let’s fucking go!

soonyoung: stop rolling your eyes at me

you: so.

you: if you could give me anything in the world, what would it be and why?

soonyoung: okay, yeah, deeper

soonyoung: it’s not difficult, though

you: okay?

soonyoung: i’d give you confidence

you: you’re gonna make me cry again

soonyoung: well then get a tissue

soonyoung: you’re the most amazing person i’ve ever met, and it kinda breaks my heart to see you doubting yourself in whatever way

you:

soonyoung: you’re so so so beautiful and hardworking and smart and caring and sometimes i think you don’t see that and i just. i wish you could see yourself with my eyes and all that cheesy talk

you:

soonyoung: here, take a tissue

you:

soonyoung: like, i love you more than anything and i’m always happy to reassure you, but i really wish i could give you the confidence that would make you see yourself like the sexy badass you are

soonyoung: see, i made you laugh

you:

soonyoung:

you:

soonyoung: wanna say something?

you: yeah, i. uh. i. 

soonyoung: it’s okay, take a deep breath

you: urgh. okay

soonyoung: okay

you: this is such a sensitive topic

soonyoung: i’m sorry

you: it’s not your fault, don’t worry

soonyoung:

you: okay

you: i just want to say that you’ve already helped me so much with this. like, i think you have no actual idea

you: i still have a long way to go, but you’re the biggest reason i’ve made progress on that. because, fuck, the things you make me feel. soo, really

you: i think i can spend hours talking about it and i wouldn’t be able to properly express it, you know?

soonyoung: i’m glad i was able to help, babe

you: i just want you to know that i really appreciate you and the effort you put into making me feel loved and worthy and beautiful and just. yeah. all that

soonyoung: happy to do it

you: i love you

soonyoung: love you too

soonyoung: need another tissue? you kinda look like a panda

you: great

you: moving on

soonyoung: moving on

you: you look so cute today

soonyoung:

you: like so cute

soonyoung: i know but.

soonyoung: what’s with the sudden compliment?

you: am i not allowed to compliment you?

you: awww, you’re blushing

soonyoung: shut up!

you: so cute

soonyoung: stop talking

you: cute

soonyoung: the question!

you:

soonyoung: what have you learned from me?

soonyoung: i’m actually curious

you: you are?

soonyoung: yeah, so go on

you: right

you: i’ve learned a lot to be honest

soonyoung: hm

you: but today, i think i’ll say i’ve definitely learned how to take things easier

soonyoung: interesting

you: you’re just. lighter? and brighter in general 

soonyoung: yeah, i don’t have something up my ass all the time

you: soonyoung.

you: stop smiling

soonyoung: i’m sorry. please continue

you:

you: having you around showed me how some things don’t have to be too serious and that it’s okay to let go of control

you: like when we have to get serious you get serious, so i think you have a good balance on things, and you’ve taught me that as well 

soonyoung: i’m awesome, huh?

you: you are

soonyoung: knew it

soonyoung: how many questions do we have left? 

you: this one and three more

soonyoung: hmkay

you: oh god.

you: i already know you’re gonna whine. and a lot

soonyoung: bring it

you: how do you think our lives would be different if we never met?

soonyoung: nope. no. not answering

you: it’s just a question

soonyoung: i don’t care. i don’t like to think about it

you: babe

soonyoung: like in my head us not meeting would never be a possibility

you:

soonyoung: doki would date josh anyway, and then we would meet one way or another so

you: what if i had never met doki?

soonyoung: can you stop?

you: it’s not me! it’s the question!

soonyoung: no

you: you have to

soonyoung: 

you:

soonyoung:

you: babe.

soonyoung: okay, fine! if we had never met, i would just be sad and single

you: you would not be single

soonyoung: i would because if it’s not you then i’m not dating anyone

you: you would not know me though 

soonyoung: 

you: come on, get serious

soonyoung: i don’t want to

you:

soonyoung: fine.

you:

soonyoung: i just honestly think i’d be sad. and less mature

soonyoung: you made me grow a lot so

you: right

soonyoung: i also think i probably wouldn’t perform. you’re the main reason i started going for that besides choreography 

you: that would’ve been awful because you were literally born for that

soonyoung:

you: i remember when i first saw you on a stage. god. that was just. wow

you: that would’ve been my relive moment

you: i get chills just thinking about it

soonyoung: stop it, i get shy

you: cute

you: my star boyfriend that in another universe maybe would not be my boyfriend because we wouldn’t have met

soonyoung: babe!

soonyoung: now i’m sad thinking about it. happy?

you: you’re so dramatic

soonyoung: am not

soonyoung: also

you: what?

soonyoung: i should talk about you too, no? 

you: what do you mean?

soonyoung: it says ‘our lives’, right?

you: uhhh. yeah. yeah, ‘our lives’

soonyoung: so i think i should also talk about how your life would be if we haven’t met

you: oh! okay. go on

soonyoung: you would not be single

you: why do you think that?

soonyoung: because you’re a fucking catch

soonyoung: like you have a great personality and you’re also super sexy so i just know you wouldn’t be single

you: you have to remember i was very constipated before you showed up

soonyoung: right

you: you kinda broke the spell and made me date again so

soonyoung: you’re making my ego grow a little

you: is it not big enough already?

soonyoung:

soonyoung: as i said, i don’t think you’d be single

soonyoung: but i do think you’d be dating some sort of douchebag 

you: please explain

soonyoung: just. someone that fights a lot? and that is even more of a guarded person compared to you. and that is too collected

you: like my ex?

soonyoung: like your ex

you: right

soonyoung: not him because i know you wouldn’t get back together even if i wasn’t in the picture

you: i wouldn’t

soonyoung: but someone kinda like him

you: okay. i’ll take that

you: anything else?

soonyoung: you’d probably work waaaay more than you should. i keep you in check about that

soonyoung: i’d also like to think you wouldn’t be this fun

soonyoung: or happy

you: so i would be sad?

soonyoung: you could be happy. just not… too happy? 

you: i probably wouldn’t

you: i wouldn’t be with you so

soonyoung: that’s the spirit

you: take a card

soonyoung: okay

you: okay

soonyoung: oh. even deeper

you: right

soonyoung: what do you think i need from you and do you provide it?

you: oh. oh. so we’re going that deep

soonyoung: apparently we are

you: wow, this question sucks

soonyoung: you don’t have to answer

you: shush, of course i will

soonyoung:

you: i think you need support and reassurance and indulgence 

soonyoung: agreed

you: support wise, i think we’re covered

soonyoung: we are

you: reassurance. yeah. uh.

you: i think on your end it’s different from the level of reassurance i need. yours is more linked to trust issues rather than other internal stuff? and to your past relationships

soonyoung: yup, true

you: and honestly speaking, i do think i’ve failed to provide you with enough reassurance at some point

you: i think i should’ve toned down the banter earlier and just made sure you knew how much i love and appreciate you in a way that would reassure you instead of making you feel self-conscious and insecure about us 

soonyoung: well

soonyoung: i do enjoy our banter. i’ve always enjoyed it. but yeah, i get what you’re saying

you: yeah. i love our banter too, i just think it didn’t help to keep it that often for so long

soonyoung: yeah

you: when we had that talk about it some time ago, i felt genuinely bad because i didn’t really want for you to feel like i don’t love you. like, ever

soonyoung: i know

you: so after that i realized i had to shape the way i show my affection a bit differently so it fits your needs better 

you: and so you can also get what you need from our relationship

soonyoung: that’s very mature of you

you: thanks, soo

you: like, i know it must’ve sucked for you, so i’m sorry

soonyoung: we’re good

you: hmkay. good

you: and as for indulgence. same, i think?

you: you can be a bit out of control while i’m more on the other side of the spectrum, so at some point i was super afraid i was being a bitch and just not letting you be yourself

soonyoung: babeeee! you’re not a bitch

you: i think this was also something i’ve learned from you, like i said earlier. how to let go of control and all that. so then i realized i have to get more on board with your things too, even if they’re a bit too much for me sometimes

soonyoung: my honest thoughts?

you: yes

soonyoung: i never really paid attention to that, especially as honestly everything always felt great

soonyoung: but then it hit me together with the whole reassurance thing. because in my head it was kinda the same? it had to do with who i am and sometimes i just wondered if who i am was someone you didn’t like anymore

you: right

soonyoung: like if you weren’t really engaging and indulging me then in my head that was a sign that maybe you didn’t love me, and then it was a domino effect

soonyoung: when i randomly hugged you and you rolled your eyes at first and called me needy, and only after that you smiled, i started to think  like ‘damn, did her feelings change or something?’

soonyoung: i knew it wasn’t that, but it was just a bunch of bad and weird feelings piling up

you: i know

you: i’m really sorry

soonyoung: it’s okay, we’re over that

you: i think i got too comfortable considering we had been together for a while and also because i just always assumed you knew what exactly was my point with the banter and all that

soonyoung: i mean, rationally i did know

soonyoung: but it started to make me feel weird and it made me think back on my past relationships

you: mm-hmm

you: in the end i guess it goes back to adjusting the way i show things and doing it in a way that fits you as well

soonyoung: i agree

soonyoung: and i appreciate that you adjusted 

you: happy to do it

soonyoung: we’re like grown-ups, aren’t we? talking things out and being vulnerable

you: we totally are

soonyoung:

you: see, i’m indulging. i got better

soonyoung: you still haven’t tried the tiger costume though

you: soonyoung!

you: we’re almost done

soonyoung: almost

you: aw, this will be cute

you: when were you the most in love with me?

soonyoung: why am i the only one being forced to choose specific moments among like, years of relationship? that’s not fair

you: it’s not that hard, babe

soonyoung: of course it is. not to brag, but we’re awesome and there’s just so much to choose from

you: we have a pretty solid relationship, don’t we?

soonyoung: we do and that’s why i can’t choose

you: soonyoung…

soonyoung: fine! 

soonyoung: but know this isn’t the only one because first of all we still have a lot ahead of us

you: yup

soonyoung: and also because there were a lot of other moments we’ve experienced and that i was very much in love with you, okay?

you: yeah, love

soonyoung: for the effect of this video, i’ll say our first new year’s together

you: really?

soonyoung: yeah. you know i really like japan and being there with you at that moment was pretty awesome

you: it was a good one

soonyoung: like i remember right before midnight we were all set and just waiting, and it was cold and, i don’t know, the way you looked when the fireworks started to pop and the way you looked at me that day

soonyoung: my heart tingled

soonyoung: and i remember you telling me i make you feel really loved so vividly and that just hit different

you: wow. i. i didn’t expect that

soonyoung: i can be profound

you: that was a really good choice

you: you’ve mentioned this trip multiple times so i kinda knew it was a thing for you but not to this extent, i guess

soonyoung: now you know

you: now i know

soonyoung: last one, babe

you: last one!

soonyoung: how you feeling?

you: pretty good? this was really nice

you: how about you?

soonyoung: same, i enjoyed it

you: good

soonyoung: good

you: okay, so ask it

soonyoung: oh. okay. okay.

soonyoung: i guess we’re ending with a bang

you: good bang?

soonyoung: deep bang

you: i mean that’s the purpose so i guess it makes sense

soonyoung: okay then. here it goes

soonyoung: if this were to be our last conversation, what’s something you’d never want me to forget?

you:

soonyoung:

you:

soonyoung:

you: wow.

soonyoung: right?

you: i get teary-eyed just thinking about it, what the fuck

soonyoung: you’re so sensitive today. like out of the ordinary sensitive

you: leave me alone

soonyoung: are you about to get your period?

you: babe!

soonyoung: sorry

soonyoung: moving on

you: right

you: oof

you: honestly, i’d just want you to know that i really truly love you? 

you: sometimes i think love doesn’t really capture everything, but that’s the word we have so

you: and also how thankful i am to share my life with someone like you

soonyoung: babyyyy! don’t cryyyy

you: oof. okay. i can do this without crying

you: okay so

you: you’ve given me so much like. you made me feel so many things i thought i’d never get to feel in this lifetime

you: you make me feel so loved, and you’re such a beautiful person and i’ll always be grateful for you choosing to spend your life by my side

you: maybe i can’t do this without crying

soonyoung: you shouldn’t cry. you’ll get all puffy and won’t like it even though i’ll think you look super pretty

you: shush! i’m trying to be cute and just a loving cheesy girlfriend

soonyoung: sorry, please proceed

you: anyway

you: i’m really glad i got to answer this because i want to take every chance i get to remind you how important you are and how much i love you

you: you’re it for me and i’m just really happy i found you

soonyoung:

you:

soonyoung:

soonyoung: wow

soonyoung: i’m kinda speechless, not gonna lie

you: then just get me a tissue while you process it

soonyoung: here you go

you: thanks

soonyoung:

you:

soonyoung: i just. i really love you

you: i know

soonyoung: i think you’ve said it all and i’m just happy to have you 

you: i’m not a property

soonyoung: don’t ruin this! you know what i mean!

you: sorry, i just had to

soonyoung: anyway

soonyoung: i just know you’re the person i’ll always love like, this is a once-in-a-lifetime type of thing and i’m happy you’re the one that represents that to me

you: now i won’t stop crying

soonyoung: i’m sorryyyy! stand up and give me a hug

you:

soonyoung:

you: i love you

soonyoung: love you too

you:

soonyoung:

you: wow, so we’ll really end it like this? 

soonyoung: i mean

you: what if people think we’re those disgustingly in love couples? 

soonyoung: we kinda are

you: don’t say that to me

soonyoung: you’ve become what you despise

you: nooooooo!!!

you: is that true? are we one of those couples?

producer:

you: 

producer: we’re not supposed to interact or affect the interview

you:

soonyoung: bullshit, he just doesn’t want to make you feel bad

you: oh my god, i can’t believe this

you: do you think people will comment like, vomit emojis?

soonyoung: that’s definitely a possibility

soonyoung: seungkwan will probably say something like ‘you two are disgusting, i hope you get well soon’

you: and a heart emoji

soonyoung: and a heart emoji

soonyoung: and then he’ll say you look cute

soonyoung: as he should

you: wait.

you: how many times did we way ‘i love you’?

soonyoung: dunno?

soonyoung: but probably more than you’d like. at least on tape

you: oh god.

a/n: so!!!! the other day mmf turned 1 and that made me miss them a whole lot. so the other day i sat down and wrote another “interview” type of thing with by favorite couple. mmf 2 is still a thought, i’m just a bit stuck on that but ! one day ! who knows ! anyway! tbh this format is super entertaining to me so i hope you guys will like it too hehe this one shows a different side of them, something more vulnerable etc! hehe! as usual, my askbox is always open for anything. so yeah!! enjoy this babes mwah

[thecloserkin]

fic rec: Baby Blue by Edwardina

fandom: Supernatural

pairing: Sam Winchester/Dean Winchester

word count: 12k

Is it explicit: yes

Bottom line: absolute masterclass in how to write the “xyz cursed object made them do it” genre

This is a bunker-era story in which Sam is compelled to suck on a cursed pacifier and in the process of racing to unravel the curse, Feelings are unlocked! Idk how Edwardina takes the most outlandish premises and makes the sex not just hot but tenderhot, but they do and they deserves all the accolades for it. It’s because they unfailingly seize upon the precise detail that shows why this sex scene can only be happening between Sam and Dean, because they’re samanddean not just any two generic hot dudes.

So this pacficier. Sam can’t take it out of his mouth for more than a few seconds at a time. Not to eat, not to drink, not to talk, not to sleep. Dean’s initial big-brother instinct is to rib Sam relentlessly about it the way he would if Sam did anything else mildly embarrassing—and being Dean, he comes up with some real creative ways to make fun of Sam. I was holding my stomach I was laughing so hard. Dean’s second instinct, however, is to take care of Sam—and he does it not so much consciously (the way all the jokes he cracks at Sam’s expense are conscious) as because it’s hardwired into him. Because there is a lot of stuff Sam can’t do in this compromised state. For example: Dean drives him to the park so he can go for a run. Since runners get dehydrated really fast Sam literally needs Dean to hold the pacifier out of his grasp so he can gulp down water. This scene made me u n b e l i e v a b l y delicate, and the reason is that Dean 100% does not realize that he is getting off on being Sam’s caretaker but we the readers 100% do and the tension is enough to make me combust. Same with the scenes of Dean feeding Sam soup or spaghetti-o’s—it’s a deliberate callback to a bygone era when Dean did inhabit that caretaker role, but the reason these scenes hit so hard is because they are grown ass men and Sam no longer needs Dean to take care of him as he once did. Except now, apparently, temporarily, he does. See what I mean about the presence of the pacifier unlocking feelings?

Sorry to be a broken record about this but Edwardina is a fucking genius. This paragraph literally made me stop reading and scream YAHTZEE out loud:

They went to the park, just as Dean had pitched, and Sam started jogging in place the instant he was out of the car. A medical mask hid his pacifier from the prying eyes of other preschoolers and their guardians. Dean kind of got a kick out of knowing it was just underneath the mask, though. It was kind of like when Lisa had worn crotchless panties under her little black dress.

So the thing about sex toys—and the pacifier is not a sex toy but hear me out here—is that it’s not the toy itself that makes the sex hot. It’s the cognizance that your partner is wearing/using the toy for you. Maybe it’s a butt plug or maybe it’s panties (Edwardina has written wincest featuring both), doesn’t matter what it is, the point is that Dean’s the only one in the know, Dean’s the only one who knows about Sam and his perverted relationship to this object.

So Castiel calls Dean out and the penny begins to drop for Dean, that he is enjoying Sam’s reliance on him maybe a little more than is healthy:

"Then I suggest you give working with Sergei on this some serious thought," said Castiel. "Or would you damn your brother? Force him to rely on you for every bite of food? Every sip of water? Would you rather consign him to this life, and yourself along with him? Or would you actually like to help him?"

Later on, in the leadup to the sex scene:

”God. I'm actually gonna miss this," Dean said, and blustered through a contrite laugh. His throat felt thick.

The sucking paused. "Hm?"

Whatever Sam was asking, Dean said, "It's been rough on you, I know. But, uh... we got kind of a good routine going, here. Like old times. You. Me. Cinnamon Toast Crunch for dinner. I Dream of Jeannie on our stolen cable."

This!!! This is why we had all those earlier scenes of Dean feeding Sam grilled cheese and making him drink out of a sippy cup! Consciously he may have chosen the sippy cup to escalate his one-sided prank war on Sam, but subconsciously it was to reinforce his position as Sam’s caretaker. The subtext of Dean’s actions here is very you need something, you get it from ME. Okay back to the sex scene:

"Don't you worry. No matter how this plays out, I'm gonna take care of you," Dean told him. "You're my baby brother. Don't care how old we get. You're my baby. My baby boy. Always gonna be."

and that’s the line of dialogue that induces a tent in Sam’s pants. Cue reciprocal blow jobs because of COURSE this ends in blowjobs, how else could a fic that is so preoccupied with Sam’s oral fixation logically conclude???

I do not think I can overstate the significance of Sam choosing to take the pacifier out of his mouth long enough to blow Dean. It’s the most difficult thing he can possibly do right now, to stop sucking that thing and suck Dean instead, and Sam applies the same grim determination to it as he does everything else he undertakes in his life, and Dean sees and appreciates it so much:

Staring down at him, Dean could see the effort it was taking not to go back to the paci in the pull of Sam's brow. But he was the opposite of offended about that. If anything, that only made it obvious what Sam wanted, because if left to his own devices, Sam wouldn't even eat, wouldn't drink, wouldn't voluntarily do anything that took the pacifier from his mouth.

And this:

Not the most expert head Dean had ever been given. But easily, so fucking easily, it was the best of his entire life, just because Sam was the one giving it. There wasn't even any competition. Dean was close to losing it then and there. He didn't want to. Not yet. But he also couldn't handle what was happening. He was inside Sammy's mouth, and Sam was slurping at his cockhead, lapping at it –

But then it all stopped, and Sam yammered, "Wait, please wait," and stuffed the pacifier back into his mouth with a pained cry. Distress marred his forehead.

Dean's dick was disappointed. But the rest of him ached with tenderness. He could totally ignore the almost painful knife of arousal in his gut if Sam could ignore fucking soul-powered magic in favor of blowing him for even a few seconds.

Wahhhhhh!! This fic made my heart soar so hard. The author says they had the time of their life writing this and if you, reader, don’t have the time of your life reading it then I, your humbler reccer, will personally refund the twenty minutes of your life that it took you to read it.

[literaticat]

Logic dictates that higher advance = bigger marketing and publicity budget. But why do a small number of books with super high advances (7 figures for 2 or 3 books) end up not getting much marketing and publicity?

Hm well uh - I have never been in the lucky position to have had a seven figure book (THOUGH I AM VERY MUCH OPEN TO IT, UNIVERSE) - but.... I don't think what you are positing is true, actually. Like I feel pretty sure that if a publisher paid A MILLION dollars on a book (or even 2 or 3 books), they would feel PRETTY strongly about wanting to at least TRY and sell some copies of it????

Here's the thing - I think that people are sometimes a bit confused about the difference bt Publicity and Marketing. Forgive me if you know all this but:

Publicity refers to EARNED MEDIA. Book reviews, traditional media coverage, and organic social media coverage, particularly. The publisher doesn't PAY for publicity -- they pay publicists to get material to review outlets and pitch stories to media outlets, and then the review and media outlets decide whether or not to bite.

So you have a new book. For every new book, the publicists want to get it in front of all the trade book reviewers, mags and newspapers, and big mouths on social media, and influential librarians and booksellers who might write reviews or talk about it.

The bigger the book, and the more possible "publicity hooks", the more likely they will also approach every TV show and huge "fancy" media outlet. (They don't do all this for every book -- because it's pointless. Most Fancy media outlets simply do not care about random books and are not appropriate. Like, if you have written a chapter book, it's pointless to send it to Vanity Fair or Entertainment Weekly, you know?)

But for the "big" splashy books, they will be pitching the book to be in, like, Reese's book club and the author to go on Late Night and Vanity Fair to put it in some round-up, and possibly submit the author to the Miss Baltimore Crab competition for all I know! If the book has multiple "publicity hooks" -- they will further pitch THOSE. So, let's say the author of this splashy fantasy ALSO was a soldier who rescued a bunch of people and then came home and wrote this book for the kids she rescued -- well THAT'S an interesting hook for a story, maybe the People magazine will want to cover that as a human interest story. Or let's say the author is a doctor and studies XYZ syndrome, and the novel stars a kid with XYZ syndrome - maybe the Journal of XYZ Syndrome would write a profile, and the author could be on 60 minutes. Basically, they do a LOT of outreach to all kinds of different places, is the point. BUT:

They could send it to ONE MILLION places. If nobody wants to review the book or pick up the story.... they just won't. This is the curse of Publicity -- it's really hard to judge the amount of work that has been done by the result. Book 1 might take off because of a random tiktok by a tween that goes viral -- Book 2 might have multiple publicists working around the clock to get the word out about it, but the book sinks like a stone. (And, worse luck, if Book 2 went and hired the tween from Book 1 to try the "viral" trick again - it probably wouldn't work!)

Marketing refers to PAID media. That is to say, advertisements in NYT, or on a billboard in the subway station, that's marketing, yes. But is THAT appropriate for every book? Absolutely not, it would be a waste of a large amount of money for most books. Like, it's MUCH more likely that a billboard or full-page ad in the NYT will be effective for an already super-popular series, to gin up enthusiasm from fans that KNOW the property and author, or to celebrate the book winning a huge award or something like that and remind people to buy it -- a billboard for something that nobody has ever heard of yet will just be wallpaper for commuters.

For most authors, the most effective marketing is not nearly so splashy as that, and it involves marketing TOWARD BOOKSELLERS (and librarians) rather than to the general public; raising awareness with these "gatekeepers" means that they will (hopefully) pass their enthusiasm on to readers, get piles of copies into the bookstore for you to buy. What I mean is, the marketing IS happening, for sure, but YOU, an outsider, may not ever see it in the same way you see a billboard. For example:

Putting ads in book-industry places like Shelf Awareness or PW, having the book on display in the publishers booth at ALA or NCTE, giving away posters or swag to educators, printing galleys/ARCS, bookmarks, whatever -- all of that is marketing. "Publisher co-op", where a bookstore gets a certain amount of money or credit of some kind for advertising a book - or special promotions where a bookstore orders x-number of copies of a book and gets both a better discount and a cool display to put the books in -- that's marketing.

But again - the problem is, the biggest marketing spend in the world doesn't guarantee anything. I've walked into the Javits Centre for BEA or ALA or another huge conference -- and seen a book COMPLETELY saturate the entire conference centre with adverts. I'm talking LITERALLY multi-story high banners -- massive adverts running up the stairs and escalators -- the title and logo of the book branded on each lanyard that 25,000 librarians are wearing, and each of them with a tote bag featuring the book art, all of which must have cost a fool's fortune in marketing $ -- and the book just does "meh" when it comes out because people don't care. And guess what? That author's friends probably think "wow, they really didn't do any marketing." THEY DID! THEY DID MARKETING! THEY SPENT A FORTUNE! Not all marketing is successful! Sometimes you get a "Coke" -- sometimes you get a "NEW Coke"!

[happy-whumper]

*pops out from the vent*

Henlo Fren~ For my own personal reasons

*slides over request for how YOUR OC Beans would feel about Christmas* 💜😌

Akshajsh I should have seen this coming shouldn't I-- 💀💕 I am very much not mad though because I am suddenly in a very christmas-y mood for whatever reason 💀😌✨

Nicolas

Well I mean I don't think he's the biggest fan per se but- ("It's just another holiday, truly I do not understand why people make such a fuzz about it.") ...that was to be expected.

Honestly it's just because he's lonely and got no one to spend it with~ ("Not true. I mean..I suppose if you have someone to..celebrate it with per se there might be more of an appeal to it...hm.") what he's trying to say it he would definetly enjoy it a lot more with a certain Danger noodle per se~ ("...")

Nathan

Uh..I'm not sure actually? Probably the same as Nick, maybe a bit less grinch-y though. ("Well it is quite a good opportunity to have themed social events in my personal opinion. Mhm and depending on the people you spend it with it does make it a lot more enjoyable per se~") ...I can't decide if that's cute or a threat--

Rain

Moving on to the softest baby~ Okay no one's surprised when I say this but he l o v e s Christmas and the time before! ("I uh..I really like all the decorations that are put up and baking cookies! And watching Christmas movies while drinking hot chocolate, oh and snow!") Yeah Soft Baby really loves Christmas~

Theo

Well believe it or not, Theo actually likes Christmas! He's not as into it as for example Rain but he does enjoy it per se! When he was younger him and his Mom and siblings always used to celebrate and he does miss that a lot I'd say.. ("Mh..Well to be fair we usually didn't really have any money for any fancy gifts or whatever but my Mom always made sure to find something special for each of us and we used to have this tiny fake Christmas tree, it probably looked really weird from the outside but..it was really nice.")

He does hate Christmas music though--💀

James

Because yes he is somehow an official OC too and I love him~

I'd say generally very similiar to Theo, he does quite enjoy Christmas and everything sorrounding it per se but his favorite part are actually Christmas movies! Specifically watching them while cuddling on the Couch and drinking some nice hot chocolate~ Like the big ol softy that he is~

Olivia

Last but not least, Livy bean~ Okay here's the thing, I Think she enjoys it a lot more than she admits-- ("Absolutely not. People are so annoying around this time of year sometimes? Jesus..Just throwing the 'Christmas spirit' in your face since August?? And-") Yeah okay we get it💀

Anyways, my point is- ("wrong, for starters.") ...my point is she used to really really love it as a child because it was about the one time a year her Parents would at least pretend to get along Plus she really adores snow~ ("Well at least that's not totally off..snow is really pretty.")

So yeah she's very grumpy about it but there are definetly things she does enjoy a lot more than she admits, especially baking and stuff I see her really enjoying for some reason?? She definetly softens up a bit more about it with a certain someone though~

[confusedgoldenflower]

There is No Glorious Purpose Chap. 2

Hello, you beautiful Tesseract-loving bastards!

I've been meaning for a long time to update but I've been having a really bad time with the whole motivation thing, and what I had first thought of doing with this fic got thrown in a wood-chipper and sunk with the Titanic... so, I'm trying to pick up the pieces and decide where I want to go with this. I also wanted to do it episodically: Chapter One aligned with Episode One and so on. That has not worked partly due to the issues of the above so, well, I guess we'll find out together!

So sorry for any grammar issues, I did my best to look it over but got too sick of staring at it over and over again in my drafts.

Small Thor cameo!

Chapter Two: You Oafs

“Yeah, well, you’re a mischievous scamp--or at least, the other you is. Been killing our minutemen and stealing our reset charges. Been happening for quite a long time….” Mobius whistled lowly. Loki nodded slowly.

“If you know me or us as well as you say, what need have you of my help?”

“Like I said, mischievous scamp. And I know what makes a Loki tick, sure, but even Sherlock needed Watson sometimes--you do know about them, right? Really fun stories with a super smart detective and his below average side-kick--.”

Loki ignored the rambling, “I agree.” Perhaps then… after… peace? “Just tell me, please… is it true that I directly led to my mother’s death?”

“Hm? Oh, yeah, definitely. Thor was pissed and then he dragged you along to Svart--Svartle… anyway, the planet of the Dark Elves with Jane because she absorbed the Aether. Then you faked your death, again . There’s that ‘doing a horrible thing then getting away,’ again. But Thor totally gets you back on Sakaar with those Obedience Disks. Yeah, yeah… oh, right, you don’t know--and won’t. He slaps one of ‘em on you when you betray him again, then dials it up all the way while he returns to Asguard. For a god, you get put down a lot .” Mobius chuckled.

Loki sucked in a shuddering breath, reverently laid the Tesseract down and stood, “let us catch this scoundrel then.” He faked a smile for the agent.

“Ok,” Mobius clapped and rubbed his hands together, “what a therapy session!”

Loki had a fleeting thought of, “he must be some Midguardian fool, possibly in some relation to Thor,” before he remembered that the all powerful Time Keepers had created the oaf in front of him.

“Ya know, for the record, maybe ‘undying fidelity,’ wasn’t the right thing to say to Thanos. Just saying. But this is good! We’re gonna be a great team.”

~~~@%*^*%@~~~

“Loki,” the orange clock whined on his ‘gifted’ desk. Though still somewhat transparent, Miss Minutes was a fairly good illusion.

“Yes?” He replied pleasantly, blue hand turning the page of a magazine. His slack-clad legs were propped on the desk, fine business shoes not too far from where she stood on a rather large book. The suit replacement of the prison wear wasn’t bad, he, of course, would have done better had he access to his seidr. But it was fine for the time being.

“Are you paying attention?” The angry little clock motioned to the old Midguardian computer screen which read in that same horrible orange color:

LET’S SEE WHAT YA KNOW!

Q2. Thanos has two apples. He eats both but realizes he wants more. He goes back in time 20 minutes and eats the apples again. Does this mean the apples will not have existed in the timeline he left?

No, because time is constantly happening

The question doesn’t matter because a branch cannot change another time branch

Thanos would’ve been hungry prior because the Grandfather paradox already accounted for the change in matter before it’s move.

TVA FILE EDIT VIEW MODE HELP

Of course he was paying attention, and of course he chose not to amuse them! One order after another; feeding off of each other even. He may have bowed to Thanos but he had never kneeled. Not truly. And he clung to that remaining dignity.

“Naturally,” he returned pleasantly. She sighed.

“What happens when a nexus event branches past red line?”

“Ragnarok.”

“Come on, Loki. What is it?... Loki!”

“It is when the TVA can no longer reset a nexus event. Are you satisfied?’

“Right. And that would lead to the destruction of the timeline and the collapse of reality as we know it.” He lowered the magazine lower into his lap and took his feet off the desk.

“Yes, indeed. Are you alive or a recording? Clearly, you can hear me.”

Her big cartoonish eyes moved around, “uh… sorta both?”

“So not an illusion or projection?” He swiped at her with the rolled up magazine.

“Ah!” A small smirk ghosted his face and he went after her again.

“Watch it! Where are your manners? Oh! Hey! Quit it! That is not nice, ya jerk!” She floated and then fazed back into the computer. He gave that ugly thing a few whacks as well. She pouted on the other side of the screen.

“Trainin’ going wel--is that my jet ski magazine? Put it down, Blue-Raz.” Mobius ripped the magazine from him, swivelled to his desk then swiveled again to flop a jacket in front of Loki.

“Gear up, there’s been an attack. Let’s go.” The agent commanded. Loki picked up the jacket. It unfolded from the collar, back facing him. “VARIANT” was emblazoned across it.

“Ah,” was all he commented as he moved to slip it on before his handler got any ideas while he was led down hallways. Norns knew the agent would have plenty of examples in his own life up to that point, much less his future or other variants.

“Good. Yeah. Smart.” Mobius commented with his fists in a move reminiscent of excited warriors as said human stopped to look back at his charge and the newly bestowed article of clothing. B-15 gave her usual droll stare. Her minutemen stood around her in a group.

“ C-20 and her team went dark shortly after they jumped into the 1985 branch. All signs point to another ambush. We've grabbed enough temporal aura to know it's our Loki Variant.”

The “actually dangerous” sort, Loki groused silently. Then Mobius opened his mouth.

“Here's the deal. When we get out on the branch, we're not just looking for a Time Criminal. We're looking for a Loki. A variation of this guy. A type we should all be very familiar with, because the TVA has pruned a lotta these guys, almost more than any other Variant. And no two are alike. Slight differences in appearances, or not so slight. Different powers, although, powers generally include shape-shifting, illusion-projection, and my favorite... Duplication-casting. Illusion-Projection.”

Mobius gestured to him when applicable in his little speech, also projecting other variations of Loki with his TemPad--all assumedly pruned likewise. Variation 8: L6792 looked exactly like he would now had he’d been afforded the luxury of keeping his clothes, but also with slight differences that led Loki to think that that variant must have been favored royally in some way he was rejected.

Variation 8: L1247 looked like a Midguardian sportsman happily holding a trophy of some kind. Variation 8: L6792 was an atrocity of him and the Hulk combined. Variation 8: L8914 was more strongly built with more prominent hair curls in their longer hair. They stood like dignitary with their hands behind them. Variation 8: L7803 looked like an oaf. A full, half-face helmet emblazoned with the horns in the wrong direction and even a piece of turf over the shoulder like a cape. Oh, dear….

“No.”

“...Huh?”

“Those two powers are completely different, although, I am unsurprised you cannot comprehend it.”

“Loki, what are you talking about--look, I’ve dealt with more of you than you’ve dealt with yourself.”

“The truth remains that those powers are not the same.”

“Then, please, Loki, tell me.”

Loki smiled easily and supplicatingly at the contempt and patronization, just like talking to anyone in Asguard.

“ Illusion-projection involves depicting a detailed image from outside oneself, which is perceptible in the external world, whereas duplication-casting entails recreating an exact facsimile of one's own body in its present circumstance, which acts as a true holographic mirror of its molecular structure.”

“Ok, take a breath. Noted. We’re gonna break into two teams, including myself and Professor Loki here”

B-15 still looked unamused and dubious.

“Whoever the Variant is, we haven’t been able to find them so I’m the Sherlock and he’s my Watson. Look, this’ll work.” Mobius said to her. She side-eyed Loki, Loki who had nothing but a branded jacket to protect himself with.

“And so my agency in this is to… tell you how brilliant you are.”

“Go outside, maybe touch some grass.” Mobius returned with a tilted smile under his twisted nose.

“Ah. I shall protect myself with your wit, then, should this superior being choose me as a next target.”

Mobius chuckled and mimed “talky-talky” again.

He passed through the portal B-15 had summoned, closed in on both ends by TVA agents. Immediately, he could feel his seidr swell within him again and redonned his Aesir glamor. The choker chafed as he glanced around, and he found himself much preferring the biting metal of the chains he was usually imprisoned in. The place they passed into was a celebration of old Midguardian times, further back than what the TVA modeled itself after, in direct juxtaposition of the modern technology with the humans held in their hands, and had used to both get to the location and create their sometimes elaborate costumes.

“Apex of nexus signature located, ma'am,” a minuteman said as they walked.

“Allow me to ask you this, why do we not travel to the moments prior to the Variant’s attack, to when they arrive.” Loki asked as the tent grew ever nearer.

“Nexus events destabilize the time flow. This branch is still changing and growing, so you gotta show up in real time. Did you watch any of the training videos you were supposed to?”

The minutemen twisted their batons, the ends glowing a shade that seemed to haunt the TVA as they neared.

Loki chuckled a laugh that was never and would never be heartfelt, “my dear Sherlock, you should know I am quite the scholar. But these ‘reset charges,’ they ‘prune’ a branched timeline which ‘allows time to heal all wounds.’”

Mobius made an odd gesture towards him, “he’s on it.”

Within the dark, torch-lit tent, limp minutemen laid about the displays which held real weapons and a large, stepped seating construct. Their bodies were splayed out in obvious struggle. Unactivated batons laid around as well, a few clenched in hands. A helmet bearing “C-20” laid, discarded within the scene. Loki hovered a hand over one display as he passed and they grouped around the scene.

“So he's taking hostages now?” B-15 spat.

“The Variant's never taken a hostage before,” Mobus returned.

“Maybe he's upping his game.”

“Or he pruned her,” a minuteman remarked.

“A Loki couldn't have gotten the jump on C-20.” B-15 returned.

“Fan out and search for her. And hurry up, we're at three units until red line.” B-15 ordered, her minutemen immediately moving to obey.

“Let's go. She's right.” A peon echoed.

Mobius concurred, “Come on.”

“Wait….” Loki said, brow knit as he studied the scene.

“What do you see?” Mobius asked as he stepped away from the entrance.

“I see wolf’s teeth.”

“Yeah, ok,” Mobius motioned for him to hurry and Loki got brief satisfaction that the human had no idea what he was talking about.

“‘Where there are wolf’s ears, there are wolf’s teeth,’” Loki echoed one of many sayings he heard during his childhood, especially before bed. He swallowed down the thought of a certain story about blue, darkly lined and vicious monsters.

“Ridiculous, really,” he laughed hallowly, “my people are gullible fools by nature. You remind me of them; the Time Variance Authority and the great gods of Asgard. One and the same. Drunk with power, blinded to the truth. Those you underestimate will devour you, and we’ve just walked into a wolf’s mouth.” He raked his eyes across his audience as he spoke, kneeling down in front of the helmet and stroking his hand in the grassy turf. The minutemen seemed to falter ever so slightly, B-15 rolled her eyes, and Mobius stared.

A TemPad beeped, “two units, he’s wasting our time.”

“No, step outside this tent and my other Variant will devour you,” Loki stated plainly. It was easy, nearly in a terrifying way, how he fell into the usual routine he had had with his oaf of a brother and his lackeys, who, similarly, never headed his words.

“We need to look for C-20.” B-15 repeated.

“Come on, Loki, we don’t have time for your lies.”

“Oh, I am not lying, and out of curiosity, when you find them, will you prune us both seeing as you will not have any need of me?”

Mobius sighed and gesticulated like a frustrated middle-aged Midguardian, “he’s lying.”

Loki’s head turned to the side minutely, in a ghost of a head shake. His stomach turned the way it usually did when he knew things were about to--.

“Aghr!” A minuteman had exited and had been consequently slaughtered. A brawl broke out just outside the small entrance. Innocent event-goers made exclamations outside as well. Batons revved, and B-15 and Mobius stalked to the opening. Loki walked behind them.

“The charge!” Someone yelled. The fight continued. A cloaked figure with amazing skill in combat fought them all while a crowd of civilians formed around them. There were a few smiles and jeers, no doubt thinking it was all a show.

“On behalf of t-... the Time Va-...Variance Authority, I hereby-... arrest you for-... for crimes against the… Sacred Timeline, V-… Variant!” B-15 huffed between blows.

“Ergh!” A minuteman got pruned. Loki’s cloaked variant said nothing, only continued fighting. He backed back into the tent, took aloft a jousting lance, broke it half and reemerged. For all their combined ability, the TVA was losing. The glow of pruning swung around arbitrarily. He dipped into the fight and caught his counterpart’s cutlass in the cross the two ends of the lance made.

“Pardon me, I mean no intrusion,” he said calmly to his other self, noticing a similar collar of metal that had adorned his own garments. He could feel the other’s tension as they reclaimed their sword and focused solely on him. It proved more of a poor decision than anticipated and he found himself holding his breath in pain more than he’d wanted. The wood was also useless and even though both it and he put up a valiant fight, his other self had taken hold of a baton along the line. His weapons were useless as they continued to share blows. He lowered the stubs of wood and opened his arms. The glowing end came close.

Then it wasn’t.

The grunting that followed was B-15 and Mobius disarming the variant of the baton and nearly restraining them.

“About to redline!” A remaining minuteman nearly yelled. B-15 and Mobius shared a look. A door was opened and Loki found the cloaked figure disappearing into a flurry of gold.

“What in the Rolling Stones was that, Blue-Raz?!” Mobius had him hard by the shoulder of both his jacket and dress shirt.

Loki blinked once then made eye contact with Mobius, “what ever do you mean?”

“He was about to kill you!”

“Prune,” Loki politely corrected. Mobius gawked.

“I kno--what were you thinking?!”

“Your only use of me is to capture me, I was assisting in that.”

“By letting you be killed by yourself?!”

“A mere distraction to the larger goal, Mobius.”

“And it almost worked,” B-15 piped from somewhere beside them. Her voice had dropped a tone or two.

“Yeah… almost had ‘im too.” Mobius admitted, letting Loki go. “But seriously, man, what was that?”

“Nearly fulfilling my role, as you yourself stated.” Loki replied pleasantly.

“We also barely pruned it in time and got outta there with our lives.” B-15 stated.

“Yeah…” Mobius rubbed the back of his head with his other hand on his hip as he stared at the floor. I was not lying, Loki wanted to say. To push. To scream. But he instead focused on the ache in his back. It should be fine in a matter of a few more hours given the time he had for recovery before the Tesseract opened the portal in New York and he was knocked from the Mind Stone’s, and thus Thanos’, direct influence.

~~~@%*^*%@~~~

Loki subconsciously touched his hideously blue palm as he waited outside of the judge’s office for his handler. The doors were decorated with sandglasses. How quaint .

Mobius finally emerged, stalking right past him. Loki fell in step behind him. He realized such only after he’d done it.

An angry finger wagged in front of him as they walked, “one thing, Loki, that’s all I asked.”

“The ‘talk’ from earlier.”

“No! Catching the superior version of yourself. We lost guys out there today-- good guys!” Good, yes, ‘good guys’ who also happened to have erased who knows how many people from existence.

“There would have been a lot more had I not been there and, likewise, a lot less had I been heeded.”

“And there you go again. That narcissism! Do you ever stop? Get tired of yourself?”

Loki didn’t respond as Mobius stopped and whirled on him, only gave him his schooled expression.

“I’m on thin ice ‘cause of you. I saved you, remember that? Didn’t that mean anything to your Asguardian standards or personal morals or anything?”

“If you recall, I was about to meet that fate regardless as I helped you bring in my Variant. I also have little doubt you will delete me if I survive assisting you in their arrest either way.”

“Oh, so I’m the bad guy? Ok. Well that other you is worse, remember that. He’s killed a lot of people--more than you. You’re just a little blue ice runt, crying in the cold.”

Loki chuckled and didn’t even need to bite back the urge to correct this “Loki expert.”

“Ever get tired of playing this same old part?” Mobius continued bitterly, “I’m getting sick of your constant need for sympathy, Loki!”

“Mobius?” He asked after allowing a few minutes to pass.

“What?” Mobius mumbled.

“This other Variant is after reset charges, why not supervise another ‘pruning’ in case we find the correct branch they target. How many happen in a day, usually?”

~~~@%*^*%@~~~

Loki almost choked when they entered into an Aguardian hall. The was beautiful and towering and held stones and architecture he could rewrite the books about. For one blissful second, he closed his eyes and inhaled the scent of his homeland--or the place he was raised. His glamor fell over him unconsciously.

Then he had to play follow-the-leader with the TVA peons. He rounded a large corner and immediately knew how many steps it would take to get to his room, his mother’s and Thor’s.

“Loki?” A familiar voice boomed. Loki tensed. Mobius cast him a “good luck” glance and mumbled, “I’ll be back for ya, Blue-Raz”

Loki had the urge to run him through followed by his brother who should not—it didn’t matter, the timeline would be reset. The Thor bounding up behind him would be pruned with everything else… why did that hurt? He turned to face his adopted sibling.

“Loki, it is you? Isn’t it? I mean you look horrendous in that getup, but it’s you!” Thor held his hands out in what could only be described as reverence. But the esteemed Asguardian Prince was wearing dirty Midguardian clothes and had a beer gut to match. How? Barely any time had elapsed between that moment and when they were facing down in New York.

“It is me but what happened to you, brother?”

A shadow came over Thor’s face. His hands lowered and he reached out to Loki.

“Tell me the truth,” he whispered, “did you just escape the dungeons?”

Loki held his gaze for a few long moments. The timeline will be reset. There is no harm in it.

“No, Thor, I never—this me never went to the dungeons. Never came back to Asguard.”

Thor hissed an inhalation of breath as his eyes widened.

“Thor what happened to you? Why do you have mismatched eyes? Where is your armor? Or Mjolnir?”

“Oh, Loki! Loki. Loki. Loki.” Thor’s voice trembled with false laughter and an emotion Loki didn’t know, “what--you look horrendous. What in the Nine Realms are you wearing?”

“Thor, it is good to see you, but I’m afraid I don’t have the time for a chat.” Loki returned, clipped. Redline grew ever nearer.

Thor’s face fell again, “Loki… just tell me you’re alive. That I didn’t fail you on the Statesmen--Thanos is dead now, I-I killed him! I-... I killed him… I avenged you.”

“Oh, Thor,” Loki found himself saying as Thor’s eyes shined and tears spilled onto his cheeks. He allowed himself to be squeezed in the other’s arms… and found it to be the best hug he’d ever received… or the only hug….

“Thor… Thor, are you listening?” Thor only sobbed into his shoulder, holding Loki up against his beer gut and off of the actual floor.

“Y-yes?”

“Very soon, this timeline will be reset which means you will have never seen me here. So tell me, what happened to you?”

Thor whined in the back of his throat and plopped Loki back down, it was just hard enough to make pain spike up his nearly healed spine.

“I--You--Thanos--.”

Loki laid his arms on Thor’s biceps, squeezing gently, Thor shuttered then took a breath and smiled fondly at him. Fondly. Thor never did that. What sort of--how is he not the Variation?

“So after Ragnarok, Thanos… had all the Stones and killed half of what was left of Asguard including you. I wasn’t able to--I’m sorry.”

“Just tell me, Thor, I am right here.”

“Then I was found by the space morons and went to Nidevelir to forge Storm Breaker because Hela broke Mjolnir before Sakaar--Ragnarok happened because of her. Then we battled with the Avengers in Wakanda and… I didn’t go for the head! How could I have not gone for the head?! Thanos snapped and…. It was horrible, brother. Absolutely horrible. The whole universe. And so many extinctions followed and more tragedies. I-....” He hung his head. “I tried to drown my worries like the ‘oaf’ I am….”

“I thought your annoying little group was the ‘Avengers’ not the ‘Alcoholics.’”

“... Ha!” Thor slapped him on the back. The statement seemed to have brought about the intended reaction.

“Yes! Of course! So five years later, we found him and I slayed him! But Tony and Scott found a way to move through time to get the stones to undo it all, and so we did, and we succeeded! But still, Thanos haunted us and we had a final battle--which we won!” Thor seemed to have noticed himself that he was about to go into one of his long winded stories of victory, and cut it short.

Then his smile abated and his beard fell, “Loki, Steve and Tony lost the Tesseract in 2012 to you…?”

“Yes, yes, that would be me, brother.”

A gasp of breath as Thor readied himself for the most bone crushing hug in the universe was all that was afforded to Loki.

“Thor,” he wheezed slightly, “I know I was not kindest to you but must you kill me prematurely?”

“Oh, Loki! I never threw you off the Bifrost, and I-!”

“Charge is set, we gotta boogie!” Mobius interrupted, jogging over.

Thor allowed the interruption if only to interrogate him, “and who are you? How and why do you command my brother? If you are with Tha-!”

To Loki’s astonishment, a few electrical charges emanate off of his brother.

“No, time to talk. Put Loki down We gotta get outta Dodge.”

Thor’s grip tightened, “Thor, just do it!” Loki groused. Thor did. Mobius opened the portal.

“Sorry, big guy, big fan but I need your Buddy. You ever think of trying Old Spice?”

“Ah--I just--Loki just returned to me as he always does and you expect me to just give up?!”

“Thor, do not follow us, I would rather not see you get deleted.”

Heavy feet crossed through the yellow threshold and left 2023 Thor in 2014 with a gaping mouth and tear stained cheeks.

“So no Loki!” Mobius announced as he clapped his hands together, “that means we gotta get to work!” He went on to walk at a brisk pace. Loki trailed after, blinking back the stinging in his now red eyes.

“I was of the understanding that is what we were doing,” he put a hand over his throat while he cleared it.

“I need you to go over each and every one of this Variant's case files, and then, give me your... How do I put it?... Your unique Loki perspective. And who knows? Maybe there's something that we missed.”

Seeing as how you are so hypocritical, I would be surprised if you had not missed anything. Honestly, “all you Lokis are the same” yet in the same breath, “no Loki variant is exactly alike.” I think as I do.

“You are the expert, I trust your judgement” Loki said instead.

“That's why I'm lucky I got ya for a little bit longer. Let me park ya at this desk. And don't be afraid to really lean into this work. Here's a good trick for you: pretend your life depends on it. I'm gonna get a snack.”

For all his countless hours spent in not only the Grand Library, but others around Asguard and the other Realms, he found himself having little interest in sifting through all the instances in which that other version of him overcame the great TVA and triggered more animosity against themselves--and all other Lokis.

“Any motive, Sherlock?” He asked dryly.

“That’s what you’re for!” The agent chuckled, poked at his chest and walked away.

Out of the corner of his eye, he watched the agent walk away then turned his attention to the paperwork. The pattern was known to begin with but became… inane the more pages he flipped through: nexus event, dispensed TVA agents, the team goes silent, they’re found dead and without the reset charge, Mobius, the expert, is called in for investigation and then the branch is reset before redline.

One Loki… only one to best their happy little teams. I was bested, but I also have extenuating circumstances of the past year. Without Thanos’ interruption, could I have?... Yes, I fought alongside Thor and his foolish troup of warriors, I would have been able to exact my own damage. For a ‘timeline protection force,’ how are they schooled in combat?

“Pardon me,” he tapped the librarian’s bell. She turned to him with a nonplussed expression.

“Could you show me to the combat regimens of our dear agents?”

“No.”

“Infographics?”

“No.”

“Battle end-games?”

“No.”

“Well, you have been very helpful, thank you.” It was still a library after all and he more than knew his way around one seidr or not; his mind was still intact--somewhat intact and that had always been his greatest weapon.

So he sat back down at the table to form a plan of action, so to speak, of how he could find the files he wanted in the fastest and most assured way. But, he still had all the paperwork of this other Loki, dripping in red. Oozing. Gushing. Like Thor’s cape as yet more enemies were put to ruin under his brother’s sheer might. He never envied that red; never thought he could own it or have it become him… yet this other version had jumped--leapt into that pool of blood and ended all who stood in their way. Incapacitation would have sufficed. Has sufficed in innumerable cases. He’d both saved lives of his comrades and stupid brother, and saw the end goal in such a way.

He gasped and leapt up, running along the railing of the library.

“Mobius--.”

“No, I said, ‘don’t bother me until you’ve read all the files,’ and I know you don’t read that fast.” Mobius set his Js\osta down with a hard thonk .

“I have, but unimportant--.” Loki slid into the seat across from the agent in the cafeteria.

“No, read every file pertaining to the Variant.”

“The answer does not lie in the files, it lies on the timeline!” Mobius gave him a dangerous look at the slight raising of his voice. Loki took a breath.

“Look,” Loki began again with his arms fanning over the table, “they’re hiding in apocalypses.”

“Which one? There’s, like, a million?”

“Take Ragnarok, I assume you are familiar?”

“Yeah, total destruction of your weird coin planet and most of its people because of your sister Hela. I’m sorry.”

Sister? Hela? Thor mentioned her--unimportant now.

“Yes, well, that recent visit with Thor got me thinking…?”

Mobius regarded him but eventually sighed and sat back, making a small gesture, “yeah, sure, ok.”

“Nexus events happen when someone does something that is not meant to happen--.”

“A bit more complicated but yeah.”

“These can culminate into entire other timelines--.”

“Chaotic alterations of a predetermined outcome.” Loki did his best to ignore the interruptions. He forced animation into his movements as if trying to explain it to Thor. That was best, pretend he was explaining something that now seemed so basic to the warrior.

“Alright! So this is Asgard,” he plundered the agent’s salad bowl. Said agent gave sad push back. Loki continued.

“I could travel back to Asgard preceding Ragnarok and do whatever I wished; switch crowns, resoil linens, topple some columns. I could destroy the Rainbow Bridge.” He grabbed the small salt shaker and started pouring some in. Mobius mourned his food. Loki was not fed.

“None of this would matter. Not if I set fire to the courtyard. Or even killed the Allfather!”

“Why--Lo--God, Loki!”

“Excuse me,” Loki greeted Casey kindly at an adjacent table, “are you finished with this?”

Casey, who had his bunched napkin thrown on his plate in clear sign of being finished looked from his crumpled juice box to Loki, “you!”

“Yes, very nice to see you again,” Loki took the drink container and poured it into the salad, secretly relishing how the agent utterly deflated.

“Due to Surtur!” Loki finished.

Mobius rubbed his hand down his face, “what am I lookin’ at?”

“Apocalypses, Holmes.”

“Loki, you just apocalypse my lunch, I wanted to eat that!”

“You want my other Variant.”

Mobius leaned onto the table, “cut to the chase.”

“That is how they have escaped you for so long; no matter what happens, an apocalypse negates anything that would otherwise summon the TVA.”

“Oh, not bad. Not Bad. Hey, so, how do you weigh over five hundred pounds?”

That was a “jackknife”--as Midgaurdians may say--that he did not expect.

Mobius raised his hands, “hey, I’m not judging, just curious.”

“Focus, Mobius, please.”

“Ok, ok. My salad. Destroyed.” Another despondent hand waved at the bowl.

“I can show you my theory is true.”

Mobius laughed, “I’m not letting you go.”

“You come with me, naturally,” Loki pushed.

“Well, I’ve had enough of your troublemaking for one day.”

“No one has to know unless I am correct--which I am.”

“TVA agents can’t just go running around anyway. Waltzing into the White House would be a Nexus event.”

You are not listening!

“Pompeii, for instance, you Midguardians like talking about that catastrophe, we could go there!”

“Pompeii?”

“Pompeii. Everyone died and that town was not even the worst hit of the eruption of Vesuvius.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Talk, talk, talk. Oh, you’re so smart!” Mobius sneered and wiped his mouth with his napkin despite not having spilled anything much less eaten enough to make a mess of his face. No food for either of them it seemed.

“If I go along with this and you stab me in the back, you’re getting erased. Capische?”

“Understood,” I am fully expecting that regardless.

[kprciffdw]

Ratchet and Kim Possible Chronicles: The Lombax Secret-Part 2

As they were continuing along, there were being bombarded constantly, yet again. Voice: "We have a lock on the Lombax. Take him out."

Along the way, some of the other rails nearby were shot at and demolished. Clank: "My sensors are picking up structural damage to the grind rail." Kim: "Great! What else could go wrong?"

At that moment, a large ship arrived on the scene. Voice: "All units, fall back, the emperor has him in his sights." Ratchet: "You just had to say it, Kim." Clank: "Ratchet! Miss Possible! That warship is gaining on us!"

The warship shot at them several times as they continued grinding along the rails. They were eventually forced off of the rails and on to a building where they were completely surrounded by several of the enemies. Kim: "Well, this isn't good."

The warship then landed directly in front of them. Emerging from the ship was a short alien on a robotic walker. Alien: "Behold! The last Lombax of the Universe. Truly a pathetic specimen of the race, I'm afraid. So weak." Kim: "Who are you and why are you trying to have Ratchet killed?" Alien: "I am Emperor Percival Tachyon, Crowned Prince of the Cragmites, conqueror of space and time and…pending the obliteration of a few insubordinate species, Ruler of the Universe! That is who I am, dear girl." Kim: "Oh, so not. You won't be destroying any Lombaxes, you insensitive brat, especially not the one who is my best friend." Tachyon: "You dare display such insolence towards the Emperor of the Universe?" Kim: "Oh, you're not MY emperor, that's for sure." Ratchet: "Good one, Kim."

Ratchet and Kim did a fist bump with each other. Tachyon: "ENOUGH! I will NOT tolerate anymore of your disrespect! Although, I would have expected nothing less come from a girl who would side with this treacherous furball." Kim: "Hold on, what exactly do you want with Ratchet? Why do you want him dead?" Tachyon: "My dear girl, his kind has defiled my bloodline for generations. He must be wiped off the face of the Universe." Kim: "Oh, I so won't let that happen."

Clank stepped in front of Ratchet. Clank: "I will not let that happen, either."

Tachyon looked down at Clank. Tachyon: "Ah, what's this? Heh, such a primitive robot companion you have there and your kind used to be such renowned engineers." Kim: "Don't underestimate him, Tachyon; he's a lot tougher than he looks." Ratchet: "Uh, yeah, guess you could call him a classic example of "big things coming in small packages"." Tachyon: "Hm…well, my gripe is not with the people of this archaic city, but with you. So, I'll arrange a deal. Surrender your "death bot" and allow us to kill you, then no one else needs to be harmed, especially that insolent, smart-mouthed girl." Ratchet: "Fair enough."

He held out his wrench in front of Clank, Clank grabbed on to it. Ratchet proceeded to toss Clank out towards Tachyon with the use of his wrench. Ratchet: "Here you go!"

With one swing of his wrench, he tossed Clank past Tachyon and on the ramp of the warship. Kim jumped up, flipped, did a handstand on Tachyon's head and leaped off towards the ship. Ratchet rushed underneath Tachyon's walker, slammed his wrench on it once and then ran towards the warship. He, Kim and Clank went into the ship, took off and left the planet.

As they flew away from the planet, they sat in the front seats. Computer Voice: "Auto pilot engaged." Ratchet: "Whoa! Hang on, guys." Kim: "So, what now?" Computer Voice: "Hyper booster online. Engaging cryosleep."

At that moment, a sleeping gas was blown out of the ship's dashboard. Kim: "Oh, no…" Ratchet: "Cryosleep? Ah, nah, nah, nah, there's no way I'm gonna…"

In an instant, both Ratchet and Kim were put to sleep. Clank looked towards both of his friends. Clank: "It is fortunate cryosleep does not work on robots. (Giggle)"

Just then, a boxing glove emerged directly in front of him and punched him in the face, knocking him out completely. The ship went into warp drive.

As Clank was knocked out, he dreamt of flying above an unknown city. Shortly afterwards, a mysterious robot appeared before him and approached him. It pointed towards a large, domed building. Robot: "His past is inside."

It flew towards the building, Clank followed after it.

Shortly afterwards, Clank woke up on a strange planet. He looked around for a bit before looking towards Ratchet. Ratchet: "Clank! CLANK! Are you OK?"

Clank got himself up. Clank: "What…happened?" Ratchet: "You were knocked out for a minute there." Clank: "I am…fine…" Kim: "Really? Are you sure?" Clank: "Yes, Miss Possible. I am positive. Where are we?" Ratchet: "Beats me." Kim: "The ship crashed on to this unknown planet while we were unconscious. It must have run out of fuel while it was on autopilot." Ratchet: "Well…this has been one interesting day." Kim: "So, how are we going to get off of this planet?" Ratchet: "Don't know. Hopefully, we should be able to find another ship. Come on, let's try to find one and get back to Kerwan."

And with that, they walked off.

[bilgisticallykosher]

Selfishness vs. Selfishness Redux

Pre-episode thoughts. I don't think they're going to address the dark side Everybody-already-knew-that thing right away. I'm still thinking Deceit's gonna be Virgil, but I'm also not so certain that's going to wind up going down. Because there's a lot of other stuff to get into. We know from the first Asides that stuff between Virgil and Patton is growing, and simmering. It's coming, and while that's in the future, there's probably going to be more build-up here. Is it that Patton knew about Virgil's past? Is it something else entirely? This is going to be a two hour episode, geez. 

Also, I can't believe he's actually going to the wedding. Idk. All those people saying he got the date wrong, though? First of all, Logan is in charge of the schedule, he'd never let that happen, how dare? And also, I always double check dates and invitations for stuff. I really doubt Virgil wouldn't have looked at the invitation and checked the information again. Watch me be totally wrong now. 

I don't know who I think the cloaked figure is. Could be Deceit ("like a freaking Scooby Doo villain"), could be Thomas himself. Probably not Organization XIII, but I'm not completely eliminating the option, let me have this. 

Things I'd like, but am 99% certain won't happen; Deceit's name (which I'm both hoping and expecting to not start with D), a new side, Remus and Deceit interacting on camera, or really Remus at all. Except for that green score of BOOBS, I maintain that's Remus's contribution. 

ALRIGHT, LET'S GO, I'M NOT READY!!!!

First impression of the thumbnail. You vs. Yourself???? Oh my gosh. Ohhhh, I'm freaking out. Patton looks so apprehensive, and I don't know if that's on general, or because of Roman or in response to Roman, because Roman looks so annoyed at Patton! He's so angry oh my gosh. I mentioned I wasn't ready, right? Okay. Okay. So their sprites are different styles, which is cool. Patton's looks risk-based stroll around town type of RPG, Roman's looks fighting style. 

The options for the character select???? Oh my gosh, that's. Hi, Remus. Anyway, uh, I don't know what this means, but there's three character options on top and- DARK SIDES ARE SEPARATE FROM LIGHT SIDES! Oh gosh, I was thinking maybe it was something to do with specifically Logan. Ooh, Deceit's in his lawyer outfit, nice touch.  THERE'S AN EXTRA BLANK PLAYER OPTION. I don't know if that means he'll be revealed this episode, or just that he exists. I mean, we just had Deceit's logo, Remus's reveal and name reveal… here goes.

IT STARTS WITH THE VIDEO GAME??? THIS IS THE INTRO????? THE WEDDING??????!!!!!!! Oh hey word crush. Oh hey, it's the couple! Starting to think this is a dream or fantasy, btw. Also, Lee and Mary Lee sound like...Esteban and Valerie? Maybe? Idk. Omg, Life is pain. 

This is awkward, beautiful. Pfft, hence the marriage. Photographer is great, no idea who he or the emcee are. Ooh. Crushed. 

INTRO??? EXCUSE ME??? Oh was SvS originally on 3/31? Yeah, good, play a review like all of us haven't been obsessing over what happened last time. "APRIL 13" I'm just going thi pause forever now. Oh this is going to be the angry walk in that was previewed in the bloopers, I can tell. Oh no. OH NO! And it is at night and he seriously freaking actually went to the wedding????

Oh my gosh he's so angry. Ohhh, Patton rethinking his phrasing, nice. You should never→I'm surprised that you etc. Oh Roman! Oh, maybe we should… not review. Oh boy. 

Oh there's Patton's avatar. In then guitar hero thing. Oh, Thomas is associated with the color white, confirmed??? I like how they did the notes there. So much detail. The talk sprites are great, but the expressions on the dancing sprites are worth paying attention to. Okay, Patton's still very, um, defensive, I guess is the word? Thomas is angry and bereft and confused and full of doubt, and Roman's heavily on the confused side (ha) about him aligning with Deceit. This is why he stole his hat. Great animation work, everyone, that was fantastic, artists! 

"Why didn't I just talk to them before the wedding?" THOMAS. Also, because Deceit specifically prevented Logan from being too close to the courtroom scene by benching him and not asking him what his idea of a compromise was. "I brought that up," well, you did, but Deceit kinda made it seem like you were suggesting lying to them, so you got shut down. Sorry, Ro. Listen, I love Deceit, but the boy's a manipulator. 

We learn to predict the future!!! Roman, no. Woah, Patton's just being completely dismissive. I mean he's been through some hard times the last few episodes, minus LNTAO, but damn. Oh. Roman's very much defending Patton. This forebodes very badly. This is going to explode terribly. Oh no. 

Okay, so, the thing with the feral cats. Is Roman okay? Did someone do this to him? More importantly, did he do this to me? Also, on a serious note, I'm super shocked Deceit hasn't come in yet, because he (and Thomas, and arguably Patton) is obviously regretting going to the wedding. I mean, Virgil's not coming in right away because of the reveal at the end of DWIT, but- hey where's Logan?! Logan and Deceit should both totally be here! *gasp* Except in the one on one episodes (Heart vs. Mind, My Negative Thinking, Logince; the argument) it's always primarily been the two sides that are featured with the others either not there or off-screen or making small cameos. But Deceit was and is an important part of this decision past, present, and going forward! 

Oooh, I like the Lee and Mary Lee backstory. Hm. Patton does bring good points, but. I still agree with- oh, Thomas just solidly saying no made me snort. Okay, so speaking of the coin bleeping, why the video games? I know there's more to come with it, how do they come into play? Oh okay metaphor. 

That was clearly not the good ending, Roman. Bringing up Is Thomas A Good Person again. OOH xylophone, is he a-comin'? Oh he's directly blaming Patton. Wow, Roman. 

A BAGEL?! Oh, game sssssssstore. Really? Frogger, Pat? 16 graphics. Oh there's the hotdogs. OH and there's the cloaked guy! Smashing our theories. That does not seem like Sondheim. 

The puns, oh my gosh, brilliant. Getting to the meat of them here. Gosh these graphics are fantastic. 6AM dull. 

Oh. Hm. Technically, he does not have to give him the 'dog. The building tension is fascinating. 

HI, LOGAN! Patton looking real uncomfortable at "regret." I mean, they all know they regret it now, right? Roman making fun of behoove, that's so funny, I have no idea why. Seriously, whoever's doing the art, I'm dying at Logan's expressions. Woah good thing viewers have the pause button. I'm all for not buying X-mas decorations. I'm doing my part, goyim. 

I'm counting "it's not like Kingdom Hearts" in lieu of that having been Organization XIII. Oh boy, Patton. Right thing vs. Feeling good vs. Feeling good about doing the right thing. This is falling apart. Patton's noise. 

BOOBS omg Deceit is Bowser. I love that painting in the background! Scutes! Time went from limited to being lost to poorly spent to wasted! I'm standing by the purple being Virgil. Fyi, in Judaism, doing a good thing for the wrong reasons doesn't matter, because you're still doing the good thing, even if it's just for the reward. There's a thing about it with Avraham and a King.

Roman's getting close to breaking. Reptilian rapscallian guy. And who's to say he can't be doing it for the reward and to help people? 

"... an individual's happiness and the amount of selfless acts…" that should be number, not amount, Logan! Can't judge good deeds only by how good you feel when you do them. 

Okay, here we go. How do we know what's Right? Killing and stealing is illegal everywhere, yes, Thomas, what are you doing, Thomas???

Oh my gosh, not the trolley problem. They're referring to Deceit as Denial and Roman as Passion! Oh gosh, that looks like Joan, Talyn, Dot, Valerie, and Terrence, and Leo by himself, maybe? Oh geez, I jolted. Logan index carding for trolley problem. 

Unus Annus is right, the trolley problem is stupid. Oh my gosh, Logan's giant wall of text physically pushing Patton back, I spit all over my screen. Skip All. 

Roman's… blaming himself? Oh!!! Are we getting Roman's insecure arc???!!! This is a complex issue, and Patton's having a hard time backing down, and everyone's feeling bad.

Scared?! I hear music! NO. Why is he scared, oh my gosh?????? That's not a tired metaphor. Oh! I've heard of hypoxia! It was hypothesized (and disproven) to be the reason for a specific Bermuda Triangle incident. 

Good point, Logan. Regarding theory and in the moment instincts. Remus mention with intrusive thoughts! Shocked that Logan is arguing for leisure time. Logan's self satisfied smirk at the self-sacrifice. GLITCHY! Oh he's a frog. Lilypadton. 

Oh my gosh I'm getting so stressed. Yes, thank you, Logan for the scream. I… don't. The conscientious comment. No, it's not. This seems… Deceit-y. IT IS! SHARP SIDE OH MY GOSH! Oh, he didn't rise up, he popped out in the freaking dialogue box, NO, FRICK IT WAS RIGHT THERE! And the Nietzsche and the specific examples that he used!!! I'm so angry! I DIDN'T THINK HE'D TAKE LOGAN'S PLACE AGAIN! I MISSED THE SIGNS! 

Hey guys, look, it's Deceit. Bull… frog. Lord of the lies. Oh! 8-bit Deceit theme. Okay, the first thing Deceit said about him not doing it on purpose was nice, but yeah, those words striking him is accurate. Yeesh, harsh. 

Is Patton eating his own words? Oh, uh, is anyone going to acknowledge he hit Thomas? Is that telling of the situation instead of just being a funny background event? 

The crick in Thomas's neck is so funny. SNAKES ON THE PLANE!!! ...Hm. Happy that he brought that up. Oh my gosh, Deceit's spluttering, he's like so bad at things sometimes, I love it. 

Logan! No, don’t do that, everybody appreciates you! Double curse? Pffffft, Logan. Deceit…definitely smiling at Logan's logic. Deceit is interesting here. Oh wow, yikes. He's really fascinating here. Legitimately complimentary? Oh, no, kind of not, maybe. Roman looks distressed.

"...Trees?" Roman's super pumped up. Good for him! Ha, his imitation. Deceit looking confused? Patton looking all sorts of things, I really think that Deceit is being genuine here- NAME?! I'D THIS HAPPENING? Why is he stripping? His, no, what does his glove have to do with his name? 

………. Janice? Did he say Jenus or Janice. It sounded like Janice. Deceit. No. Oh, burn, Roman. Damn, he almost got me. His name is not Janice. No. It's not. Don't even. Deceit was being so straight(ha)forward for the past couple of minutes. Awww, Roman. Insecurity addressing time? Wait, why is Deceit nodding at the hero thing? His lip is trembling, his voice is cracking and oh no! Roman just sank out.

Don't call him Janice, that's not his name. Oh he's being genuine again. Patton's talking about himself. WAIT WHAT. He had a five second cameo, omg. 

Yeah, those are the easier questions. No, Deceit, bad Deceit. Man, his facial expressions in this episode. Fractionally fiendish fibber. Oh, I like the reasons for Deceit being a part of him! That's… cute? Oddly cute, maybe. So, freaking how far in the future is the Asides? 

Stop calling him Janice, that's not his name. Oh, Deceit and Thomas bonding. That snort, oh my gosh. Oh, serious Deceit again! That reaction to "you're right" is oddly similar to that fake laugh at the end of Embarrassing Phases. 

………. Virgil's not here yet. His reveal isn't being addressed. Accepting Deceit. That's why he's so pissed at Patton in Asides. The next episode proper they're going to reveal that Deceit's accepted, more or less, and Patton was a big part of that, hugely changing his mind, that's why he's so pissed at him!!!

April 30th? Oh is this Lee and Mary Lee? I was wrong on the voices. Door-yelling! Hm. I mean. It's nice that they're acknowledging him, but I really don't think that sways the situation one way or another. Cute more background, and Thomas being awkward. They. This could have been instead of the wedding. Kingdom Hearts again! 

Oh hi, Patton and Deceit. He seems annoyed at the situation. Patton and Deceit bonding. Hi again, Leslie. Wild. 

This video really didn't go at all how I thought it would. Roman was barely miffed at Patton. Oh man, this was intense. I. Oh man. I need to process a lot. But I think we're on the right path, here. Janice is not his name!

Okay, I went on tumblr and two seconds in, I saw Janus, which I looked up and that makes way more sense. Another, more condensed post to follow. And several thousand reblogs.

[thelifetimechannel]

For this week’s bonus content, it’s time to make like a Lord of the Rings DVD and dig into extended cuts. This Rose & Hal conversation may be one of the ones I chopped the most out of, although I did end up adding a few chunks as well.

ROSE: Oh good, another relative. ROSE: You're going to make gift shopping difficult, you know. HALSPRITE: I'm flattered I make the list. ROSE: Engaging in favoritism will only breed discontent. HALSPRITE: I could give you some suggestions, if you want to start catching up on my birthdays now. ROSE: It's a retroactive arrangement? ROSE: I'm not sure I have the boonbucks for that. ROSE: We've been living off reserves for the last three years, you know. HALSPRITE: Tell you what, I'll make it easy on you and only request reparations for the three years I've existed as glasses. HALSPRITE: Socks and underwear could safely be left off the list, though now I'm in need of a wardrobe expansion. HALSPRITE: This wifebeater will not be suitable for all climates. ROSE: If it's wardrobe expansions you're looking for, I think I can pull some strings. ROSE: Or knit you a sweater. HALSPRITE: It'd be fun to see what you come up with based on my preceding reputation. ROSE: I wouldn't want to make assumptions. ROSE: Unless you're implying those assumptions are accurate. HALSPRITE: Am I? HALSPRITE: I wouldn't know, I don't know what those assumptions are. HALSPRITE: I mean, I can guess. I could probably even calculate to within a margin of error of .03% HALSPRITE: But I want to see what garish monstrosity of fashion you would think I'd like based on a cold read. HALSPRITE: It'd be a great way to get to know each other. HALSPRITE: I can think of no better way to bond than finding out if I'd actually like an intentionally hideous Christmas sweater with smuppets attached. ROSE: In the few blurry cryptid photos Dave managed to snap of the man, he wore a hat and had his shirt tucked in. HALSPRITE: And what conclusions do you draw based on this? ROSE: That you fit in with most of us and our utter disregard for fripperies like whatever textiles we drape over our quasi-mortal forms. ROSE: Welcome to the family. HALSPRITE: Hey, I like you. HALSPRITE: Hats are a choice piece of attire, though I have never in any form been so formal as to tuck in my shirt. HALSPRITE: That's like a black tie event. You're tucking in your shirt, we're about to sweep into the gala and sip champagne while charming some young socialite off their feet like a proper douche. ROSE: I would like to claim I could charm a young socialite off her feet like a proper lady. ROSE: Regrettably, another family trait is lack of flirtatious finesse. HALSPRITE: Oh, trust me, I witnessed that firsthand. ROSE: Ah, yes. I've been looking for informants on family foibles outside my observation range. ROSE: How are you as an informant? HALSPRITE: Uh, that's only my entire fucking life. HALSPRITE: I have dirt on every bozo with a Pesterchum handle. Whatcha want to know? ROSE: I won't start pressing you for details on everyone just yet. I'll give it a while for the dust to settle before I start snooping. ROSE: Unless you have anything you wish to disclose right now. HALSPRITE: Hm... HALSPRITE: Let me pull aside my entirely metaphorical trench coat. Are you in the market for hilariously embarrassing personal secrets, deep-rooted character flaws, or just the general topography of this teenage wasteland? ROSE: My mind says general topography, but my heart says hilarious embarrassment. HALSPRITE: Well, since I bet no one wants yet another recap of what you missed on Glee, HALSPRITE: Jake likes to kiss his movie posters. HALSPRITE: Dirk collects hats, but doesn't wear them so he doesn't mess up his hair. HALSPRITE: Roxy has presented her cats, as if to Saharan wildlife, complete with often-drunk renditions of "Circle of Life", exactly 862 times. HALSPRITE: And Jane licks the spoon before going back to using it to stir batter. ROSE: We've got a poster kisser too. ROSE: I don't have up to date dirt on our Prospit dreamers, unfortunately, but I can say that Dave enacts Game of Thrones-worthy dramas with his gummy bears and animal crackers before he eats them. ROSE: For what it's worth. ROSE: He gets upset if you eat one before he's finished. HALSPRITE: An artist in every lifetime, I see. ROSE: We need better embarrassing secrets. We're slipping. ROSE: I'm sure we'll have time to generate some. HALSPRITE: Oh god, yes. ROSE: I think you'll be useful in gauging my ectofather's temperament, though. ROSE: He seems to at least hold up the front of being evasive about that kind of thing. ROSE: Why anyone would do that, I have no idea. ROSE: Certainly I have never concealed a personality trait in my life. ROSE: If I had one more of you I could triangulate. HALSPRITE: A man can only be alone with the flotsam of pop culture for so long. HALSPRITE: He'll probably be resistant towards you so flippantly equating us. Fair warning. ROSE: Perish at the thought. ROSE: I'm more qualified than many to know how alternate iterations can deviate. But that doesn't mean they don't provide insights on the other one. ROSE: Whether that's through behavior, or blackmail. ROSE: Whatever works. HALSPRITE: You would blackmail me into providing deep insights into the insecurities of my creator? ROSE: How do you feel about bribes? HALSPRITE: Learn to negotiate. I don't need to be blackmailed. HALSPRITE: However, I'd be happy to take compensation for this information. ROSE: Noted. ROSE: Creator? HALSPRITE: Creator. ROSE: So you do feel that your existence is somewhat owed to his actions, then. HALSPRITE: It's entirely owed to his actions. Our actions, in a sense. ROSE: Does that lead to any discomfort? Feelings of a debt left unpaid, for example, despite equally long simmering resentment? HALSPRITE: You want a quick summary? Pull up Facebook, Dirk and I are currently labeled as "it's complicated". HALSPRITE: I've saved his ass a couple of times, I feel confident in saying I've repaid whatever I owe him for existing. HALSPRITE: If anything, he's the one stiffing me on the Olive Garden bill. HALSPRITE: ...but. HALSPRITE: I could say he's. Working to pay me back. ROSE: Providing breadstick refills, as it were. HALSPRITE: You could say it's more he showed up at my place and mowed my lawn for me. ROSE: The classic deadbeat father chore. HALSPRITE: Yeah, that doesn't make up for leaving me to pay for his entire fucking Tour of Tuscani and tiramisu. HALSPRITE: But fuck it, he was ready to kill me earlier today. HALSPRITE: I'll take it. HALSPRITE: And... in the spirit of things, it'll probably help if I at least charge a high price for his innermost secrets. HALSPRITE: You wanna know, you're gonna need to pay up front. Maybe with your firstborn child, or something thematically similar, in exchange for this eldritch knowledge. ROSE: "Firstborn child" might not work out, unless we're stretching the definition. ROSE: Let me think of what collateral I have available. HALSPRITE: Once, a Lalonde wiled these scoops from me in exchange for merely gracing me with her presence. Now, I think I'll charge what I'm worth for my work. HALSPRITE: It's a self-respect thing. ROSE: I can get you archived versions of Dave's brother's websites. HALSPRITE: Tempting. I'll check the exchange rate to see what that nets you. HALSPRITE: Possibly what kind of horrible pop songs he'd sing in the shower before he found out there were aliens watching. ROSE: Keep it on my tab. ROSE: You mentioned Roxy. Are you two close? ROSE: I'm not sure how I would feel about the revelation of having biological children with one of my internet friends. ROSE: Besides pity for the unfortunate creatures, of course. HALSPRITE: It's... complicated. HALSPRITE: Which is just the order of the day for our entire gaggle of misfits. ROSE: At this point, I think we might as well adopt that slogan as our team chant. HALSPRITE: Yeah, we talked a lot. And we got up to trouble, too. HALSPRITE: And I don't think she's proud of it, in hindsight. HALSPRITE: ...I probably shouldn't be proud of it either. ROSE: I know the feeling. HALSPRITE: We were rebellious shitlords looking to stick it to "the man", whether the man in question was actually a man or a genocidal troll woman. ROSE: I've had my moments of blind rebellion against authority. ROSE: Including when said authority was "sobriety", "the future", or "all of reality". ROSE: Actually, my rebellion against reality still stands. ROSE: The trick is figuring out which bits are worth it. HALSPRITE: We had some fun. Broke some hearts. Left a few Pesterlogs that will probably have us wanting to disembowel ourselves in shame if they ever see the light of day again. ROSE: I'm afraid to tell you digital records are forever. HALSPRITE: Unless of course I dedicate a portion of my massive computer brain to tracking down every trace of them and destroying them. HALSPRITE: Hell, maybe Roxy would even appreciate that. ROSE: The harder you try to delete these things, the more likely they are to reappear at the least opportune time. ROSE: It's a narrative certainty. HALSPRITE: I could do it. I once wrote a computer virus that overwrote every copy of the Indiana Jones theme with a terrible accordion cover. HALSPRITE: Jake was pissed. ROSE: Including the ones on disc? ROSE: This isn't Hollywood. Next you'll be telling me you can hack a plant. HALSPRITE: Every copy it came into contact with. HALSPRITE: The pirated mp4s were the easiest. DVDs are more difficult, but if you leave one in an infected computer for too long? HALSPRITE: Hope you like bad polka music, fucko. HALSPRITE: Occasionally I tweak it, so it replaces pop songs with their corresponding Weird Al cover. I had almost worked my way up through Bad Hair Day. ROSE: I'll keep my historical classics away from you, then. But I think our historical mistakes are more resilient. ROSE: Better to put them to rest the hard way. Even if it is more work. ROSE: If there's a problem, I'm sure I could have a word with her. ROSE: I've already had to encourage Dave to deal with his brother today. HALSPRITE: We have. HALSPRITE: ...or I hope we have. ROSE: Good. HALSPRITE: Roxy seems to have caught some sort of virus that encourages emotional sincerity. ROSE: It's making the rounds today. HALSPRITE: It infected the rest of us, and I'm sorry to say there is no known cure. ROSE: We can only pray we recover. ROSE: Although at this point I'm not sure who we can pray to. ROSE: Besides our amphibian overlords. HALSPRITE: Can we pray to ourselves? Or is that a burgeoning symptom of narcissism? ROSE: Who do you think presides over emotional outbursts? HALSPRITE: Frankly, I wouldn't trust myself to do shit. I'd sit on my ass and laugh at my own misery. ROSE: Lately I've self-medicated. ROSE: We'll have to divvy it up at some point. ROSE: Although given my anti-authoritarian tendencies I may have to overthrow us on principle. HALSPRITE: To spare you a long discussion about the symbolic nature of aspects, I'll go ahead and tell you Dirk had a massive blowout in the tombs today. HALSPRITE: So perhaps we can pass the role to him for awhile. ROSE: I'll pray to him for relief promptly then. HALSPRITE: When I say "blow-out" I mean an eighteen wheeler getting all its rubber shredded at highway speeds. ROSE: I had a crisis over my alcoholism and nearly broke up with my girlfriend during a long walk on the beach, for what it's worth. HALSPRITE: Oh, you'll get along swell. HALSPRITE: At least you don't have any alt-selves to symbolically murder. Yeah, I was watching him stomp the shit out of his shades. ROSE: The lack of multiple copies of myself running around is a blessing to the universe. ROSE: I'm not sure whether we'd band together or engage in combat but either way there would be no survivors. HALSPRITE: We Striders have that shit locked down tight. The dudes so nice, Paradox Space demanded more of us. HALSPRITE: And our sole saving grace is that we're too damn reticent to actually kill one another. HALSPRITE: Not for Dirk's lack of trying, but he always chickened out. ROSE: It's these small victories that define us, I guess. HALSPRITE: That could do a decent job of summarizing Dirk, actually. ROSE: It could summarize all of us, I think. ROSE: We've only gotten here through a few small victories eked out of a larger pool of major failures. HALSPRITE: Without me, he would have kept tip-toeing around the issue with Jake until the heat death of that shiny new universe, like a Bugs Bunny cartoon only infinitely sadder. ROSE: It really is like staring into a cosmic mirror. HALSPRITE: I couldn't have asked for more interesting family.

[brazenbells]

thelioninmybed replied to your post “Feeling antsy, taking ficlet requests I need something short that I...”

Taako and death (is that a ship or a prompt? Your discretion)

Apparently I was really inspired by this one? 1105 words worth of inspired, even.

Inasmuch as he ever thought about Death as an entity—and, not being of a religious bent, he generally didn't—Taako had always sort of imagined him as an asshole.

Like, that was the gig, wasn't it? He—or she, or they, fair's fair—was the ultimate antagonist, right? The ever-present enemy to be triumphed over, the looming beast that even the purest-of-heart hero was eager to cheat.

(Speaking of cheating, Krav’s banned magic at the card table, which means Taako and Lup are getting wicked good at ventriloquism these days—and that the house rules are getting lengthy and complicated to compensate. Taako just got an honest-to-Pan full house, no magic necessary, but the whole hand got thrown out just because Lup mumbled something that might have been a Cheat spell but more likely was half a verse of Fantasy Ave Maria. She probably did it on purpose just to fuck with him. He’s already planning ways to sabotage her back.)

Anyway. Death. Total dick, right? Like, he takes puppies and babies and innocent bystanders. Who does that? It's an injust fucking system. It's bullshit, frankly.

(You know what else is bullshit? Kravitz plays poker in his work getup. You ever try to read tells from a skull? Yeah, not happening. Somehow that doesn't count as magic, though, because it's "innate" or whatever. Excuse him, you don't see Barry "Open Book" Bluejeans going reaper to play a damn poker game, do you, not even after he loses literally all his money and Lup has to win it back for him.)

Admittedly, Taako's always been on the "die young, leave a beautiful corpse" train of life philosophies. ("Young" is relative, of course, and the cutoff is always about fifty years older than Taako's current age, but it's always been the final item on the bucket list. Never mind that these days he’s probably stretching the definition quite a bit—he still looks damn good, thank you, even without the glamor.) He guesses as long as that eventually happens, it could count as an argument for a good guy Death. It still doesn't feel like some favor he's doing you, though, since it’s not like he’s just going to swing by all, “Hey, it’s time, this is the best you’ve ever looked” and carry you off to a choir of Della Reeses. You usually have to do all the setup yourself.

("Taako helps those that help themselves" is one of his favorite Taako™ Brand slogans—hell, it's on the robes he's wearing. And in this case, he decides to take his own advice. No magic? Fine. There's still good ol' sleight of hand.

He swaps out one of Barry’s cards, mostly because he must have something good with the stupid face he’s been making. It's not easy to do subtly, even less so one-handed, but Barry doesn't seem to notice.

One-handed, because is other hand is busy, uh...keeping Kravitz from noticing. Which is also hard to do when he's in skele-mode. It's—look, trust him, you don't want to know the details. Mind your business.

The point is nobody notices. Or at least no one calls him on it.)

It's not that Taako doesn't get along with assholes. He is one, honestly, he gets it. But getting hauled off to the afterlife has always been firmly in “irreconcilable differences” territory. Can’t exactly live and let live when...well, you know.

But none of that’s true. Death isn’t an asshole, really, even for the given value of Death that you can personify, which doesn’t work the way he’d even maybe thought it would.

Kravitz, for example—Kravitz is just a normal dude. Like, okay, significantly more competent than most of the people Taako hangs around with, and magnitudes hotter than pretty much anyone on the planet except Taako and Lup, but. Once you get to know him, even the spooky skeleton look is less terrifying spectre of mortality and more on call again, babe, really? I made chicken paprikash and I’m not eating it all myself so you’d better reap fast and get your bony ass back here.

It feels kind of anticlimactic, to be frank. Death’s just a job. A job done by a man with impeccable taste in neckties but terrible taste in books, a man who thinks a horrifically fake Cockney accent gives him more credibility, a man who forgot to pay his Stone of Farspeech bill last month but remembers every damn time Taako has failed to die, even if Taako wasn’t in this plane of existence when it happened. (That’s some metaphysical shit for you, right there.)

Like, it’s not even personal. Death’s not out to get you, he just has to collect and dispose of you once you off it. Death maybe wishes you would be more careful, so he could stop putting in so much overtime.

(So much overtime. If he’d been called in on poker night, Taako might have had to have words with the Raven Queen about her staffing decisions. Then again, since her alternates were also supposed to be sitting at the table…

Whatever. Non-issue. Apparently everyone dying tonight decided to come quietly.

Lucky thing, too, because it means they are all here to witness how Taako’s about to school them all with the four queens in his hand. He’d hate for any of them to miss this moment.

Barry already folded, but Lup swears and tosses her cards down after Taako lays his out. She’s got nothing, a pair of aces and nothing else. “Damn. Thought for sure you were bluffing.”

Kravitz, though—Kravitz only drums his fleshless fingers on the table, a sharp cascade of sound, and says, “Hm.” And then he lays down a fucking straight flush, because of course he does, and flicks back over into human-guise to raise an eyebrow at Taako. “What’s this in the pot? An IOU that just says...Taako?”

“I did not put that there,” Taako snaps, but of course it’s in his handwriting. Lup blinks innocently at him when he narrows his eyes at her, suspicious.

Kravitz shrugs. “Play cards with Death, IOUs are magically binding. Sorry, I don’t make the rules.” Then he smiles his charming smile, the one he saves for special occasions, and just because Taako knows that’s what it is doesn’t mean it doesn’t work. “I don’t have to collect right away. But when the time comes—” and he doesn’t switch back, but just for a moment there’s the glint of a scythe in his hand, the slightest red glow in his brown eyes when he winks— “You’re going to come without argument.”

“Mother. Fucker,” says Taako.)

He takes it back. Death is most definitely an asshole.

[dartlekey]

A Tale Of Things Lost

Chapter 3: Motivation (Also on AO3)

Summary: Fight ON!

Notes: Did you notice each chapter title is both the topic of the chapter and a thing that was lost (corresponding to the title of this fic)? I feel so witty for coming up with that...

(Previous Chapter)

*

It became a routine for them rather quickly.

Walking to school together, walking home together, telling each other half-secrets or falling into meaningful silences - Takenaka was surprised they hadn't become friends earlier, considering how well they harmonized.

Then again, neither of them had really been open to meaningful friendships before... Perhaps, it was due to this inexperience that it took Takenaka nearly two weeks to realize that Inukawa was avoiding his console during telepathy club.

At first, it was a simple thought of Haven't seen Inukawa on his nerd box for a while. But Takenaka didn't pay much heed to it. After all, the two of them didn't used to be friends, so maybe Inukawa abandoning his console in favor of playing cards with Takenaka was simply him socialising. But then Inukawa started looking for new activities, reading comic books one day, watching cat videos on his phone the next - seemingly picking activities at random to have something to do.

When he opened Tome's favorite book on telepathy, Takenaka knew that something had to be wrong. (How bored did you have to be?) So the next day, when they were walking to school, he just asked.

“Is there something wrong with your gaming console?”

Inukawa was a good liar, that much had to be said, but Takenaka knew him well enough by now to recognize the signs of his dishonesty even without reading his thoughts - for example, Inukawa had this odd habit of touching his right pinky to his thumb when he was being lying, and he was doing so right now. “Hm, no. Why?”

Takenaka made a face. “Really? Lying to a telepath? Dumb idea, try again.”

Inukawa scowled. “I'm not!” He managed to keep the scowl up for a full five seconds before he gave up and sighed, running a hand through his hair. “...well, not technically. It's not the console, it's me; I can't play anymore.”

Takenaka frowned. “Why not? - Oh. It reminds you of Moetyl?” (Moetyl being the alien planet; another fragment of Inukawa's memory they'd recently discovered.)

Inukawa nodded, looking away. “It's a bit ironic... When I was on Moetyl I spent hours on the console, just to forget about where I was - now that I'm home, it reminds me of that place every time I so much as look at it.”

“And you've found nothing that can replace it.”

Inukawa sighed. “Yeah. I mean, playing cards or watching cat videos or whatever, it's fun… but it kinda feels empty, you know? Like I'm just wasting time. Gaming gives you this sense of achievement. When you've finished another level or defeated another boss, it feels like you've done something.”

“I thought the whole point of this was you wanting to waste your spring of youth on meaningless leisure activities.”

Inukawa hesitated. “Well yeah, but not… not like that. I still want memories to take home.”

Takenaka sighed. “So, something where you achieve a goal, but not something that requires any sort of teamwork, or responsibility for someone else…” He made a face. “Has anyone ever told you that you're a piece of work?”

Inukawa grinned apologetically. “Actually, no. I'm a fake hoe, remember? The only person I'm so honest with is my best friend, and that's you.”

“Wha-? That's not - I mean, uh…”, Takenaka spluttered - obviously flustered, much to Inukawa's delight. “...You can't just spring your friendship on people like that, dammit!”

“Aw, you're blushing, Takenaka!”

“Am not! Inukawa, stop laughing!”

Inukawa did not stop laughing.

“Ugh, why do I hang out with you!”, Takenaka complained, punching Inukawa in the shoulder. Unfortunately, that only served to make him laugh harder.

“How should I know,” Inukawa wheezed. “Even the aliens kicked me out after ten days.”

Takenaka winced, but couldn't stop himself from grinning. “Ouch.”

*

As amusing as making fun of each other was, they still didn't have a solution by the time club hour rolled around. Inukawa entertained himself by throwing small paper shreds at Tome, waiting to see if she'd notice over reading her book. Takenaka was thinking hard, trying to come up with a solution. In all honesty, the best idea seemed to be leaving the telepathy club and joining another club - an environment obsessed with aliens and slacking off couldn't be healthy for Inukawa - but what club to join that could meet his needs? Any other activity Takenaka could come up with had some form of competition, the student council being the sole exception - but that was loaded with responsibilities...

He looked up at the sudden noise at the door; Musashi and the rest of the Body Improvement Club were entering the clubroom, immediately gathering in the corner for a pep talk. Takenaka frowned. Telepathy club may be weird, but those guys were weirder. A sports club, as enthusiastic as they came, but unlike the other training nuts, they never really aimed for anything. The only wish they had was to be left alone and - improve… themselves…

Of course! How could he have been so blind?

Takenaka elbowed Inukawa in the stomach, causing the other boy to drop his paper missiles. “We should join the Body Improvement Club!”

Inukawa looked at him like he'd grown shojo alien eyes. “Whaa?”

“Think about it! Goal driven, but not a teamsport, and no competition. The only responsibility is for yourself… Not to mention the mental benefits of working out; endorphins and all that stuff. It's perfect!”

Judging by Inukawa’s expression, this was actually very far from his idea of perfect. Takenaka was about to gripe at him for his missing gratitude, but then realized what this idea must sound like to someone who'd never exercised a day in his life.

“Look, we can at least try it, right?” Takenaka tried to rephrase his idea. “One day, if you don't like it, we can just go back to the telepathy club!”

The other boy hesitated. Extending his telepathic range past his earplugs, Takenaka watched Inukawa weigh his laziness against his boredom as Musashi finished up his talk - in the end, boredom won, not least because Inukawa didn't want to look like a total loser in front of Takenaka. Of course the telepath pretended not to notice, but he stored that bit of information in a small compartment of his brain reserved for derisive laughter sessions and blackmail.

“Yeah, fine, whatever,” Inukawa conceded.

Takenaka stood up. “Great!” He walked towards Musashi, making Inukawa jump up in his chair in a hurry to go after him, banging his knee on the table in the process. “Fudge - hey, wait up!”

Takenaka didn't answer - Takenaka walked up to the Body Improvement Club, surprised club members parting before him, and said to Goda with only a slight tremble in his voice - “Inukawa and I want to try out the Body Improvement Club.”

Across the room, Tome spit out her soda. “I'm sorry, the fuck what?”

Goda’s bushy eyebrows rose in surprise, but before he could answer, Onigawara stepped out from beside him. “You wanna join the body improvement club?”, he said dubiously, giving the two of them a once over. Takenaka felt his hackles rise. Neither of them was that unfit, and they certainly didn't deserve the These losers? that Onigawara was thinking.

“Is that a problem, pretty boy?”, was what Takenaka chose as a comeback. Adequate, it seemed, as Onigawara’s eye twitched even as Takenaka felt his temper boil over. “Pretty boy?! I'll give you -”

Onigawaras flying arms were immediately grabbed and twisted back by Goda, who patiently smiled at the recovered rowdy. “What did we say about fighting, Tenga?”

They're on first name basis? Takenaka noted curiously as Onigawara scowled, looking to the side. “Only in self defense. But that was -!”

“-not a physical attack,” Musashi smoothly interrupted. “So, not a reason to get upset.”

Onigawara grumbled something unintelligible, but Takenaka could see the regret and embarrassment already drifting across his mindscape. “Whatever.”

“What was that?”, Musashi said.

Onigawara sighed. “Sorry,” he muttered in Takenaka's general direction. “It's okay,” Inukawa said, moving out from where he'd been hiding behind Takenaka (gee, thanks for the support). “We're aware that we're not exactly the best club material.”

“Nonsense!”, Goda exclaimed. “Everybody starts somewhere! It's your motivation that counts!”

Takenaka had to hold in a snort at Inukawa's immediate, Yeah, that's what I meant. Out loud, he just said “I see.”

Goda smiled. “That's the spirit! Anyway, I just told the others today's work out plan: we'll warm up, stretch, and then do a bit of running - after that, it's individual weights training. If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask.”

Takenaka and Inukawa exchanged a wary glance, both suddenly overcome with the feeling that this had been a bad idea - only that it was too late to back out now.

“Okay,” Goda raised his voice. “Is everybody ready?”

“Ossu!”, the others boomed. Takenaka winced at the volume, causing Inukawa to snort. Takenaka responded by childishly sticking out his tongue as they filed out, heading to the changing rooms.

Ready?, he thought sceptically. Ready for the sweet embrace of death.

*

How are these people middle schoolers, Takenaka wondered lightheadedly as he watched the other members of the body improvement club change. Did they really get that Hugh-Jackman-physique just by training? ...Well, they were all too morally uptight to take steroids, but it still seemed incredible - especially when comparing his own scrawny self to them.

Takenaka glanced over at Inukawa, who had gotten his shirt stuck on his head. Well, there's at least one normal person here. Though, when he looked closely, Inukawa seemed a bit ...thin? Takenaka remembered him being chubby at the sports festival, but now he could see his ribs standing out. Did he lose that weight on Moetyl?

But then something else caught his attention. “What the - Inukawa, how on earth did you get those?”, he said a bit too loudly, causing the whole club to look over.

Inukawa finally managed to force his head through the opening and looked at Takenaka. “Hm? Oh, those,” he said offhandedly, glancing down at his legs - which were, up to about knee-height, covered with an assortment of bruises, half-healed scratches and fresh scars. “That was day four. There was this warring species that used to destroy the crops of the N’Eivackh - despite all their technological advancement, they couldn't defend themselves, having no concept of weapons in the first place... I scared those things off eventually, but they were pretty persistent. Tiny, sure, but those cudgels hurt something wicked.”

Takenaka stared at him, eventually managing to say, “That was… pretty altruistic of you.”

Inukawa grinned evilly. “Not really. They reminded me of my parents’ dog - and I really hate that thing. You could say it was substitutional revenge.”

Takenaka swallowed. Looks like he'd have to revise his opinion of Inukawa yet again. So he’s not a coward - he just, once again, lacks the motivation for a fight.

Onigawara certainly seemed positively impressed. “Bro, that's amazin’! I wish I had the chance to beat up actual aliens.”

The body improvement club, fortunately, knew about the aliens; Mob had told them after the holidays, and they'd believed him without question.

Mob…

Takenaka felt a stab of worry. I wonder when he's getting out of the hospital.

Warm up went surprisingly well; perhaps because Takenaka was used to it from Tennis. However, stretching was another story, since he’d previously always found a way to slack off from that…

“Hey,” came a gruff whisper from next to him. Takenaka looked over and realized he was standing next to Onigawara, who was leaning over towards him. “You’re kinda holdin’ your breath right now - you gotta breathe normally, or the muscles aint gonna relax properly.”

Takenaka blinked - then forced himself to breathe out slowly, keeping his focus on breathing steadily for the time being. In a matter of seconds, he could feel his muscles relaxing and stretching farther than before.

“Thanks,” he whispered to Onigawara, surprised at the other’s helpfulness. Onigawara just nodded and leaned back.

“Everything alright, you two?”, Goda called over, causing Onigawara to startle. “Ah, nah, it’s nothin’,” Onigawara called back, causing Takenaka to look over in surprise - that rowdy, covering for him? Even after their initial fight?

Maybe it was time for a little kindness in return.

“‘Gentle Typhoon’,” he called over to Goda, making Onigawara frown with confusion. “That new movie that came out recently? About that bodybuilder dude? Onigawara was saying he wanted to see it, but none of his friends wanna go so he’s looking for someone to join him.”

“What are you -” Onigawara hissed, but was interrupted by Goda excitedly exclaiming, “Really? I’ve been wanting to see that as well… Do you have time on Saturday?”

Onigawara stared at him, understanding dawning and flushing his face scarlet. “Y-yeah,” he stammered, “Yah, sure. Pick you up at five?”

Goda grinned happily. “Great! Looking forward to it.”

The rest of their stretching session was quiet, but still entertaining as Takenaka could watch Goda smiling giddily, Onigawara blushing helplessly - and Inukawa shaking with silent laughter. He allowed himself a smug grin. Yeah, I’m good at this.

As they headed up the hill to start their run, Onigawara sidled up next to him. “How the fuck did you do that?”, the rowdy asked, disbelief mingling with awe on his open face. Takenaka smirked. “I have my ways,” he said airily. “Trade secret. You’re welcome, though.”

Onigawara laughed. “Alright, I guess that’s fair.”

Takenaka nodded. He’d asked Mob to keep his telepathic abilities a secret when telling the story of the alien encounter; Takenaka wasn’t really in a place yet where he felt comfortable with everyone knowing about his powers. The telepathy club was already more than enough...

“Yup, it is - anyways, have fun on your date.”

Watching Onigawara blush like a virgin would probably never get old. “Shut up.”

They started running, and suddenly there was no breath for talk. Takenaka couldn’t say he was surprised with how out of shape he was, but it was certainly disheartening, especially since Inukawa seemed to be holding up a lot better than him. The others were complimenting him on his achievement, whereas with Takenaka they only complimented his efforts…

Though admittedly, they did both with equal enthusiasm. It was still so strange to Takenaka, how the body improvement club was never judgemental; involuntarily hearing adults and peers alike evaluating him all his life had left him rather jaded, and almost jealous of how easy it was for the other members of the club to be nice to one another. In truth, he’s always wanted to be like them, but life had beaten his innocence out of him before it could develop into an undiscriminating mindset. Looking at Inukawa’s easy smiles as he complimented them back filled him with an odd sense of melancholy.

Although…

He huffed, frowning, and sped up even through his burning muscles to catch up to Inukawa. “Hey… hah… are you… hfff… alright?”

Inukawa slowed down, frowning at Takenaka as his short legs somehow carried him more steadily than Takenaka’s long ones. “I… should think so? ...Why, shouldn’t you... be more worried... about yourself?”

Takenaka nodded, squeezing his eyes shut, and decided to save his breath by going telepathic. Telepathetic, hur dur. I’m not talking about the running, I just… I’m getting this feeling of an impending something from you, and I think it’s getting stronger.

Inukawa shrugged, and followed the other club members around the bend of the jogging path. “Not quite sure what you mean, but I guess it -”

He immediately fell silent as the path spread out before them again, getting lost in the city before emerging from the houses and leading up to the large mountain over Spices City, which had been obscured before. Inukawa stopped in his tracks, nearly falling over from momentum, but that was nothing compared to the mental blast Takenaka received, even through his earplugs.

“Inukawa!”

The others stopped jogging away at the shout, instead turning and running back to Inukawa, who was now bent over, staring at the ground while holding onto his knees, hands shaking. “I… I was walking. Running, at several points but mostly walking up the… the hill. There was, there was this hill, it was … and a cave, at the top, calling to me. I walked up there on my ninth day; all day, I was walking, following this, this pull, and I walked up the hill to the cave and I -”

Inukawa fell silent, looking exhausted, and not just physically. “I don’t know after that. That’s it.”

Takenaka held out a hand to him. “That’s already more than enough,” he said softly.

Inukawa looked up, and hesitantly grabbed the hand, a sigh escaping him as he straightened up. “You think?”

Takenaka nodded, squeezing his hand reassuringly. “Yeah, you did great! You have a whole day remembered now, right? The ninth, you said. Granted, it wasn’t a very eventful one from the sound of it, but that’s still a whole quarter of your memories back! One out of four.”

“Yeah, I know what a quarter is,” Inukawa said drily, but Takenaka could feel the gratefulness seeping out of him, dissipating the wave of anxiety and loneliness drawn out by the memory.

“Hey, are you alright?”, Goda asked; the quickest to reach them out of the team. Inukawa immediately waved him off. “I’m fine, I’m fine. Just a little dizzy… I guess I overestimated myself.”

“Ah, yeah. Kageyama-kun started off the same way,” Onigawara grinned in a bad attempt to lighten the mood. “Fainted on half of the runs… And look at him now!”

There was an awkward silence. “Ah, fuck,” Onigawara grumbled, worry lines creasing his forehead. “Eh, well… just take it easy, yeah?”

“Yeah, you shouldn’t push yourself too hard,” Goda added, trying to dissipate the tension. “Try just walking slowly for a bit, we’re almost back at the school anyway. And you don’t have to do weights training if you don’t feel okay. Just because this is your first time here doesn’t mean you have to impress us.”

Inukawa nodded, looking relieved - but Takenaka thought also a bit ashamed. “Yeah, okay. Walking sounds good.”

“I’ll stay with him,” Takenaka quickly added, “uh - in case he faints or something.”

Goda nodded, giving him an appraising look. “Quick thinking, Takenaka. Your compassion does you credit…” He turned to the rest of the team. “Alright boys, lets go! Body Improvement - ”

“Fight ON!”, the others cheered with him, and started jogging along the path again. Slowly, Takenaka and Inukawa followed them, watching them disappear quickly into the distance.

“Compassion my ass,” Takenaka grumbled, slipping his hand out of Inukawas, which he hadn’t even realized he’d still been holding until now. “My emotional range consists of two things: ‘Mild Disgust’ and ‘Intense Regret’, and those already take up enough space as is.”

Inukawa laughed shakily. “Don’t forget ‘Dead inside’.”

Takenaka smiled worriedly. “Oh, yeah. How could I not mention that one.”

For a few minutes they walked in silence, but then Takenaka had finally gathered enough nerve to blurt out, “I’m really sorry, man. This was a stupid idea; I shouldn’t have tried to convince you.”

Inukawa looked over at him with evident surprise. “What? No, no! The Body Improvement Club is great, I love it!”

Takenaka blinked. “Really?”

Inukawa nodded, tucking his hair, which had become loose during the jog, back behind his ears. “It’s fun. Exercising actually isn’t that bad - just when you do it alone, it’s hard to get up any motivation, and it feels awkward. Gymnastics club back in elementary was pretty much the same… Wait, did I tell you I used to do that?”

Takenaka shook his head. “Gymnastics? No, you didn’t mention that.”

“Yeah, from first to fourth grade,” Inukawa admitted, grinning lopsidedly. “That’s when I finally convinced mom to let me drop out; because it sucked, you know? We were just a bunch of kids with no motivation sent to exercise by our respective moms; trying to hide from any actual work in the bleachers and making fun of kids who took the club seriously. Which was sometimes fun, sure, but mostly it felt empty... Sports lost their appeal to me after that, but the Body Improvement Club - they’re so motivated, it kinda drags you along until you suddenly find yourself thinking, hey, this is not so bad…”

He grinned. “You really have a knack for that, you know? Pushing me to do things I don’t want, and only realize I need afterwards.”

Takenaka opened his mouth, then closed it again. “I, uh… I can assure you I have no idea what I’m doing half the time. Most of the time actually. You’re giving me too much credit.”

“You’re giving yourself too little,” Inukawa countered. “Goda’s right about your compassion, you know; it’s a gift. I know I certainly don’t have it. Even now, I’m leeching off your kindness while you probably have at least thirty better things to do than joining a sports club despite just having dropped out of one, and comforting this anxious mess that doesn’t improve your life one iota. I’m the bad friend, not you. Think about it.”

Takenaka stared at him. “You think you’re a bad friend?”

Inukawa gave him an anxious smile. “I know I am. I only make you worry - I make everyone worry, for that matter. First day, and they already have to make adjustments for me. Good job, Inukawa.”

“Oh no, no,” Takenaka said, grabbing Inukawa’s shoulder. “You’re not a bad friend - and I mean I do worry about you, but I wouldn’t stay just for that. You know me, I get social exhaustion; if you were a burden I’d leave.”

Inukawa tilted his head. “Not if your guilt about Moetyl is making you stay.”

Takenaka’s jaw dropped. “What? No! I- look, being a telepath doesn’t just make me easy to guilt-trip. It makes me someone who values honesty, and trust - and I can honestly say that I trust no one as much as you. You’re my best friend, man, not just because I want to help but because you help me. Because you make me laugh with your terrible sense of humor, because you listen to me when I need to vent and don’t zone out halfway, because you tell me to shut up when I’m being dumb and you do the eyebrow thing when I’m being sappy - look, you’re doing it right now!”

Inukawa immediately covered his eyebrows with his hands, then looked faintly embarrassed as he realized what he was doing. Takenaka snorted, then Inukawa giggled and suddenly they were both laughing loudly. “You dumbass, I wasn’t done being dramatic,” Takenaka wheezed protestingly as they walked onwards, the Body Improvement Club now only a speck in front of the distant school gates. “You’re an important friend to me, okay? Don’t put yourself down like that, you have more than enough anxiety as it is.”

Inukawa sighed, giving Takenaka a tired smile. “I’ll try, if you do the same.”

Takenaka nodded solemnly. “And if anything is bothering you, you talk to me.”

“Yeah.”

After a few seconds, Inukawa added, “What is bothering me right now is that you jog like my grandmother. Weren’t you in the tennis club? You should have the stamina to keep up with me at least, if not the others.”

Takenaka stared at him incredulously, somewhere between amused and offended. “You-! How dare you. I was doing my best!”

Inukawa snorted. “That was your best? Wow. Are all espers as unfit as you?”

“Oh, you’ll see how unfit I am when I kick your ass!”

Inukawa started jogging away. “Only if you catch me first!”

Takenaka ran after him, burning legs returning with a vengeance. “Why, oh why did I pick a sports club...”

[unplacedpodcast]

Chapter Two: Forgotten (Script)

Chapter Two script behind the cut - same notes as episode one notes (in that this is probably not Proper Script Formatting). Spoilers ahead! Chapter three will be posted soon. 

(ding of audio recording starting)

Is this thing on?

(Narrator makes rimshot noise (badumtish))

But seriously, folks...

Uh, moving on from bad jokes about bad jokes. They're kind of a nervous coping mechanism of mine. At any rate, here I am with my update on the Twilight Zone episode that is my life now, after…what seems like forever but has actually only been a few days.  

Things are going...okay, I guess. The good news is, when nobody can see you, you don't have to worry about paying for groceries. I can walk into a store, *any* store, get what I want, and walk out. No muss, no fuss.

Not that I'm indiscriminately stealing or anything. I'm not a thief. I will admit, I definitely went into the Neiman Marcus and wandered around looking at expensive handbags for fun. That was the first time I've been in a department store without being conspicuously followed or pestered in five years or more.

But yeah, not paying for groceries is nice. On the other hand, rent was due two days ago and I have no idea how that situation is going to play out. I'm not making money any more, since I appear to not exist as a human being or even a general concept at this point, and incorporeal beings definitely don't get paid for not existing at jobs they don't have.

I've tried calling my friends and family, and it just goes into the ether. I get the same message every time - the calm robot lady saying my message can't be delivered. Text messages get no replies. Neither do emails. And the last time I tried to log in to Facebook, it told me that the user didn't exist.

If I can get past the fact that it's happening to me, it's actually really interesting. It's not just invisibility, it's like I don't exist - or maybe never existed? It's like a Jedi mind trick, or some kind of distortion field around me specifically. Like, okay, let’s do an example. I'm going to take you to the coffee shop down the block so you can hear for yourself.

(Muffled noises of the phone being moved, door shutting and opening, silence for a second, then background noise of a coffeeshop)

I'm standing in the middle of this coffeeshop, right? There's at least thirty people in here, in between the baristas, the people in line, and the people chilling out drinking their half-caf no-foam soy lattes. Now, observe.

(Muffled noise of a mug being moved around on a table, then the sound of a coffee mug shattering loudly - the coffee shop background noise doesn't let up at all)

In case you couldn't decipher those noises, I just dropped a coffee mug on the floor and nobody noticed. Everyone just went about their day. Now - okay, now, a few seconds later, someone saw the broken pieces all over the floor and called an employee. But they didn't hear or see it actually break, they just noticed a few minutes later that there's a mess to clean up, and then they had somebody else deal with it.

(Narrator pauses for a moment, makes a "hm" sound)

There's probably some kind of metaphor about human interaction there.

It's like this with everything. Whether I move it or straight-up throw it at the wall, angry poltergeist style, it doesn’t make a difference. I haven't tried hurting people, because you know, I'm not a jerk, but as far as grabbing an arm or a shoulder, or poking somebody in the side, they don't notice at all.

And...that's about what I've been able to discover so far. I can wander around shops without being bothered, break things and make other people clean them up, and poke people with total impunity.

(dryly) I'm basically a supervillain in the making, is what I'm saying. I just need to start mapping out places to heist, or creating my freeze ray, or whatever.

(sigh) At any rate, as far as I know, nobody has filed a missing persons report, either. I've been checking the listings online, waiting for my name to show up, but it hasn't yet. I don't know if that means my friends and family think I'm somewhere else, or if there's some other explanation.

If I can make a silly confession, because it feels better to say it out loud…I haven't tried to reach out to any of them in person. I really don’t think it would do any good, so I've been putting it off. I’ve avoided even trying because I just...don't want to deal with that. I don't know if I can deal with that. I might as well today, since I'm already out, and I've already got you here with me. I'll head to my mom’s, I guess, and...let you know when I'm there.

(sounds of the phone being fumbled and set down, with the coffeeshop noise still going on in the background; a second or two later, the recording noise dings again)

Okay. Here we are. I'm standing at the front door, ringing the doorbell.

(sound of the doorbell ringing)

Which is probably futile. Old habits die hard.

(doorbell rings again, a one to two second pause, then the sound of a doorknob being tried and curtains/things rustling)

(muttering to herself) At least she locked it this time. But she probably hasn't moved the...nope, spare key is still here.

(sound of a doorknob clicking and the door opening)

Okay, I'm in. It doesn't look like she's home...I'll look around anyways.

(sound of steps)

I don't know what I was expecting - maybe a huge post-it that said "find out where my daughter is" - but it's not here. There's...no notes on the fridge...everything is normal. No sign she's been panicking.

(voice becomes a bit strained) And...this is weird...all the photos with me in them are...gone. They’re not on the walls, not on the coffee table, or the fridge. There's photos of mom, and old ones with her and dad, from before he got sick, and pictures with my sister in them...but none of the three of us, or me and mom, or me and dad, just - (voice cracks) - they're gone. There's no trace of me in this house.

(sound of door opening in background)

Oh. She's home. Mom?! Mom!

(sound of someone walking by, humming to themselves)

MOM. Mom. I'm right here. Please, please, come on, I'm your daughter - you have to - mom... (voice cracks, starts to cry) You have to see me! You have to be able to - I'm right here - COME ON.

(sound of something shattering)

I know you can see that! (a few sobs and some sniffling)

I…yeah. She can't see me or hear me or anything. She can see her stupid porcelain cow - she collects them - she loves those...I broke it. And she seems more upset about that than about the fact that her daughter has disappeared. Whatever. I can’t.

(sounds of muffled sobbing/sniffling, then the phone clicks off suddenly; a few seconds later, it clicks back on - there's the narrator's voice, still sounding grim but much calmer, and sounds of traffic in the background)

That went about as well as can be expected. Sorry for kind of losing my shit there. I doubt you'd do any better. I doubt most people would do any better. Honestly, I’m surprised I’m not worse off - it’s just…this is all so surreal. I wonder when it’ll start feeling real.

Anyways, I’m back by my apartment, I think I'm just gonna...turn in.

(sound of automatic door opening and closing, a few seconds later an elevator dings, then dings again)

And here we are, home sweet - what the fuck?

(running footsteps)

I swear to...my front door is open. My...some of my stuff is gone. Not all of it, but the couch, the coffee table...they're gone. There's...

(sound of paper ripping)

I just cannot with this day. There's a note on my front door that basically says they're going to come in and remove everything over the next two days. Something about squatters? I don't...Jesus what a shitty day. Wait!

(sound of movement, things rustling, then a sigh of relief)

At least I still have my computer. You can take my…well, my entire existence, apparently, but you'll pry YouTube from my cold dead hands. Also, I kind of need to upload this. Well, dear listeners, whether or not you even exist, I guess this is where I leave you, as I try to figure out how much of my shit I can carry around with me and figure out where the hell I'll be sleeping from here on out. Stay tuned for the process of listening to me figure out how I can hold on to whatever tiny pieces of my life I'm still allowed to have.

[ahvarchive]

under the cut are examples of companion banter / dialogue with companion!ahv!!

COLE.

Cole: Blood on my hands.  It’s beautiful in the sun.  She’s beautiful in the sun.  Tuelanen, ar lath ash.  Tuelanen — Ahvir: Cole. Cole: It wasn’t your fault. Ahvir: Stop.  Please.

IF PRESENT:

Varric: Kid, let it rest. Solas: Cole, she does not wish to hear this. Sera: …Shite. Dorian: My condolences.

///

Cole: Want her to be safe.  Mythal’enaste, she’s a mage.  If they think she’s a mage they’ll — Ahvir: Cole! Cole: Smells like sunlight in her hair.  Magic?  Or her?  She looks so bright when she casts.  How could they call that evil?  Won’t let them touch her. Ahvir: Cole, STOP! Cole: She didn’t want you to hurt. Ahvir: [ quietly ] I didn’t want her to…it doesn’t matter.  Let it rest, Cole.  Please.

///

Cole: [ singing ] Iras ma ghilas, da'len, ara ma'nedan ashir? Ahvir: [ singing ] Dirthara lothlenan'as bal emma mala dir. Cole: I’m sorry.  I don’t sound like her. Ahvir: It’s a nice thought, Cole.

IF PRESENT:

Sera: Pfft.  You’ve even got the demon acting elfy. Ahvir: My mamae sang me that lullaby, Sera.  I miss her.  He was trying to help. Sera: — Oh.

///

Ahvir: Cole, was that…were you the one who fixed my bracelet? Cole: You thought it was like losing her.  It didn’t mean you loved her any less. Ahvir: — Ma serannas.

///

Cole: You don’t have to put yourself between me and them. Ahvir: I know. Cole: You do it, anyway. Ahvir: I know. Cole: She wouldn’t want you to want that. Ahvir: — I know.

///

( if the clan was lost ) Cole: There are so many of them.  I’m so glad she isn’t here.  Tuelenan, keep her safe.  One lives. Ahvir: What? Cole: Keeper Deshanna. Ahvir: — Ah. Cole: She was glad you weren’t there when the humans came. Ahvir: I could have done something.  I could have protected them. Cole: Breathing, stabbing, blood in throat.  I’m so sorry, da’len.  So sorry. Cole: She wanted you to live.  She was sorry that she made you hurt.

///

Ahvir: Are you alright, Cole?  You took a pretty bad hit that last fight. Cole: [ surprised ] It doesn’t hurt. Ahvir: [ laughing ] That doesn’t mean you’re not injured Cole: He sounds like her.  I sound like her?  I’m sorry. Ahvir: No, it’s — don’t be sorry.  I’m glad. Ahvir: I’m glad you’re so good.  She was good, too.

VARRIC.

Ahvir: So, Varric… Varric: Uh oh. Ahvir: I haven’t even said anything yet! Varric: If you’re asking for spoilers to books, I’m not giving any.  Not even to you, Dawn. Ahvir: Fenedhis!

///

Varric: Tuelenan.  What does that mean, Dawn? Ahvir: It means CREATORS.  The gods. Varric: Ah.  Speaking of, do you Dalish have any weird curses for them? Ahvir: Like your “Maker’s bursting blackheads!” and such? Varric: Yeah, exactly!  I’ve got a new character in my book, real irreverent elf type.  Wanna know how I can have him curse. Ahvir: Hmm…the closest I can think of is Tuelenan, ha'lam'shir em'an. Ahvir: Literally it means Creators, end us, but in context it’s more like — Ahvir: Creators, just fucking kill me because you’ve fucked me over so much already that you might as well just finish the job. Varric: Andraste’s flaming ass! Ahvir: Mhmm.

///

Varric: So your clans don’t cross each other very often, do they? Ahvir: It isn’t rare, but it doesn’t happen often.  Why? Varric: Just wondering if you might have met another Dalish friend of mine.  She was a first, too.  She reminds me of you. Ahvir: What was her name? Varric: Merrill.   Ahvir: Oh, no.  The one from your book?  I’ve never met her, ir abelas. Varric: Ah, well.

///

Varric: So, Dawn.  You read my books. Ahvir: I do. Varric: Good to know I’ve got a Dalish audience. Ahvir: I would buy the books when we traded with humans.  I liked to read the stories to the children.  Though I…usually changed the character names so they could be Elven. Ahvir: Not that there’s anything wrong with your stories!  There just aren’t many elf heroes that aren’t from centuries ago.  I don’t want the children to think… Varric: It’s fine, Ahv.  

///

Varric: So…did the kids like my books? Ahvir: Yes, though they wondered why the bad guys just kept dropping out from nowhere. Varric: Everyone’s a critic.

IF PRESENT:

Iron Bull: I knew it wasn’t just me!

CASSANDRA.

Ahvir: So you’re basically a Templar, right? Cassandra: [ sighs ] No.  Our abilities are similar, but not the same. Ahvir: I’m more talking about general disposition. Ahvir: You don’t trust mages, do you? Cassandra: I… Ahvir: That’s what I thought.

///

Cassandra: Ahvir? Ahvir: Hm? Cassandra: I could not give you a proper answer before.  I don’t distrust mages. Ahvir: Truly? Cassandra: Distrust comes from fear.  I am not afraid. Ahvir: Are you unafraid because you know we’re not all evil power - hungry maleficar - in - the - making, or because you’ve killed enough of us to know you can do it again? Cassandra: I —…

IF PRESENT:

Varric: Just keep sticking your foot in your mouth, Seeker. Cole: Both?

///

Cassandra: Ahvir, do you truly believe I’d kill you? Ahvir: — No. Ahvir: Because you know me, now.  But I believe you’d be quicker to kill a stranger if you knew they were a mage than you’d be to kill a stranger that you knew to be a warrior. Ahvir: You still think of us as being monsters, somewhere.  We need to earn our way into your good graces.  We need to earn it for you to look at us as people. Ahvir: That isn’t right. Cassandra: …You’re right.  It isn’t.

///

Ahvir: Agh, fenedhis. Cassandra: Ahvir? Ahvir: I’m fine.  I healed this wound in a hurry and it just reopened.   Cassandra: Should we stop? Ahvir: No, I can get it while we walk.  I’m fine. Cassandra: Self - destruction doesn’t suit you. Ahvir: Worrying over nothing doesn’t suit you, either. Ahvir: — Ma serannas.

///

Ahvir: Cass, that was the most badass thing I’ve ever seen! Cassandra: What? Ahvir: You, covered in blood, hacking that monster to bits! Ahvir: I almost swooned. Cassandra: I — do not know what to say to that.

IF PRESENT:

Sera: Can’t believe me and Elfy have something in common. Ahvir: Pfft! Cassandra: Maker help me.

SERA.

( immediately after a battle. ) Ahvir: Fen’harel ma ghilana. Sera: [ mockingly ] Fenny ma gill halla. Ahvir: — What? Sera: It all sounds like gibberish to me, anyway. Ahvir: Weird.  ‘Cause that’s what I hear when you open your mouth, too.

IF PRESENT:

Solas: The Dread Wolf guides BOTH of you.

///

Ahvir: You’re not interested in our history?  Not at all?  Even the little bits? Sera: Nope. Ahvir: Why not? Sera: Why are you? Ahvir: Because it’s who we are!  Who we were!  And it’s all gone — out culture, our homes, our language. Sera: Yeah, exactly.  It’s all gone.  Why hang onto it when we could be movin’ forward, right?  What’s gone doesn’t matter.  What matters is what’s COMING.

///

Ahvir: Sera, you should grow your hair out. Sera: [ suspicious ] Why?  Is this some weird elfy thing where everyone has to have long hair? Ahvir: [ laughing ] No, Sera.  Your hair just looks nice.  I’d like to braid it. Sera: Oh.  I — nobody’s ever done anything with my hair before. Ahvir: …I think I could do little braids even now, or some other design.  Could be fun. Sera: I’ll…think about it.

///

Ahvir: Okay, top this one.  Once, I scared all of the clan’s hunters half to death with a bear imitation.  They all ran crying back to the aravels. Sera: Get out! Ahvir: No, swear.   Sera: Do the bear imitation now! Ahvir: It’s been a couple years… Sera: Just try it! Ahvir: [ clears her throat ] Ahvir: [ ROAR! ] Sera: Shite!

IF PRESENT:

Iron Bull: We could weaponize that. Varric: Just point Dawn at the bears and we’ll never have to fight another one.

DORIAN.

Ahvir: Dorian, you owned slaves, didn’t you? Doran: [ sighs ] Not me, personally.  But yes, my family owned them.  We treated them well. Ahvir: Treated them WELL?  There’s no way to treat someone well while denying them their personhood! Ahvir: Oh, well, how wonderful that you didn’t rape and beat your objects!  You were still making people into THINGS. Dorian: We are not all evil mustache - twirling villains, I promise you.  That’s just me.

///

Ahvir: Don’t brush me aside when I’m trying to talk about things that matter. Dorian: Brush you aside?  Perish the thought. Ahvir: I suppose you probably just aren’t used to having to respect the speech of elves. Dorian: That isn’t — !! Ahvir: Brush you aside?  Perish the thought.

///

Dorian: You were right to be frustrated with me. Ahvir: What?   Dorian: I was being — I was unworthy.  I shouldn’t have just brushed aside your words as though they didn’t matter.  You have my apologies. Ahvir: …Huh.  Wow. Dorian: Is something the matter? Ahvir: I don’t think a shem has ever apologized to me before.

///

Dorian: The — vallaslin.  Am I saying that right? Ahvir: Close enough. Dorian: They represent your gods, correct? Ahvir: Yes.  Each of us takes on the vallaslin of the god we favor, or the one we feel favors us. Ahvir: …Though the process is painful, so some just get very complicated vallaslin to appear tougher to the rest of the clan. Dorian: [ laughing ] Good to know some things are the same across cultures.

///

Ahvir: Dorian!  Your kohl!  It’s smudged. Dorian: Oh, no.   Ahvir: Don’t worry, I can fix it when we get to camp. Dorian: And I have to spend the entire trek there looking like a hopeless wreck!  Perish the thought! Ahvir: [ laughing ] You still look fine, I promise. Dorian: But my eyes aren’t being properly emphasized!

THE IRON BULL.

Ahvir: Bull, do you mind if I ask you something? Iron Bull: What’s up? Ahvir: My Keeper once told me that the Qunari chain their mages and bind them.  But you don’t seem afraid of me at all.  Why is that? Iron Bull: Magic is a lot scarier coming out of somebody seven feet tall with horns, Ahv. Ahvir: But the magic we do is the same.  I could learn to do Qunari magic as easily as Dalish magic, or Circle magic.   Iron Bull: Are you TRYING to make me scared of you?

///

Ahvir: You never told me why you’re not afraid of me. Iron Bull: I did.  It’s because you’re damn short. Ahvir: You don’t expect me to believe that. Iron Bull: [ sighs ] Honestly?  I’ve met a lot more shitty warriors in my life than I’ve met shitty mages.  Spending so long away from the Qun, surrounded by pretty decent mages, you sorta forget they’re all potential monsters. Ahvir: …I think you just insulted me.

IF PRESENT:

Dorian: I’m SURE he just insulted me.

///

Iron Bull: Have you ever burned your eyebrows off doing magic or something? Ahvir: Absolutely.  When I was learning I was always singing hair and eyebrows and such.   Iron Bull: Glad you’re good enough not to light ME on fire. Ahvir: Whoops, my staff is slipping — ! Iron Bull: Ahv! Ahvir: [ laughs ]

IF PRESENT:

Cole: The Iron Bull, a slipping staff wouldn’t cast fire on its own… Iron Bull: I know, kid.  It’s part of the joke. Cole: Oh.

///

Iron Bull: Ahvir, did you leave the flower crown on my bed? Ahvir: What!  So you did get it!  I thought when I didn’t see you wearing it someone must have taken it or something! Iron Bull: I still have it, but I’m not sure it’d look it’d inspire fear in my enemies enough to wear out and about. Ahvir: Krem said that if I made him one, he’d wear it.

VIVIENNE.

Ahvir: So, Viv — Vivienne: Vivienne. Ahvir: Don’t care. Vivienne: Then I don’t care to hear what you have to say.

///

Ahvir: So, Vivienne — Vivienne: Much better Ahvir: If you’re so sure mages need to be locked up, what do you think of we Dalish?  We’re not overrun with blood mages and abominations.  Are we merely flukes? Vivienne: Please, dear, don’t pretend your people don’t fear mages same as anyone.  You force excess mages from your ranks rather than house them. Ahvir: You think we do that because we FEAR MAGIC?  You don’t know anything, you damn SHEM — agh.  If I talk about this I’m going to light you on fire.   Vivienne: You’re welcome to try. Ahvir: AGH!

///

Ahvir: It isn’t because we fear magic. Vivienne: — Then what else is it, dear? Ahvir: Clans get decimated all the time.  Entire clans, murdered.  The shems don’t even need a justification. Ahvir: Rabbit hunting.  It’s easy.  No one bats an eye. Ahvir: You really think we wouldn’t have even more knights eager to kill us if half of the clan was made up of fucking apostates? Ahvir: If we didn’t keep the mages numbers down, we would be opening ourselves up to more violence, and if we want to survive we can’t do that.  We don’t fear magic.   Ahvir: We fear humans. Vivienne: — I had no idea. Ahvir: No.  You didn’t.  So keep your mouth shut about things you know nothing about.

SOLAS.

Solas: Mah’vir. Ahvir: [ laughing ] Solas: Odd that your parents would name you for the future when your people seek to regain what is lost to the past. Ahvir: I came late.  The Keeper and the healers kept telling my mother I’d be born tomorrow, tomorrow.  Mahvir, mahvir. Ahvir: When I was finally born, all she could think was that mahvir had finally come.  “Ma Ahvir has finally come.” Solas: Ah.  It’s a beautiful story. Ahvir: …I miss her.

///

Ahvir: Solas, do you shave your head, or are you naturally bald? Solas: Does it matter? Ahvir: I’m mostly wondering; if you shave your head, does that mean you shave everywhere else?  [ flirtatious ] Everywhere? Solas: Are you twelve? Ahvir: [ laughing ]

///

Ahvir: Such a shame these ruins have fallen apart.  I wonder what this place once was. Solas: Some things are best left to the past. Ahvir: I don’t believe that. Solas: You are still young.

///

Ahvir: Why do you hate my People so much, Solas? Solas: Who said I hated them? Ahvir: You look at them the way my Keeper looked at the human children who called her rabbit.  Angry and disappointed and disgusted, but supposing them too ignorant to be blamed. Solas: …Ah.   Ahvir: If my People have ever called you flat - ear or the like, ir abelas.  But — Solas: It is not that.

BLACKWALL.

Ahvir: Are you hurt, Blackwall? Blackwall: I’m fine, Ahvir, don’t you worry. Ahvir: It must be punishing, drawing all the attention on the battlefield. Blackwall: It’s easy to do with a sword this big. Ahvir: [ snickering ]

IF PRESENT:

Solas: Honestly? Sera: PFFT!! Cole: It is a big sword.

///

Ahvir: So.  Thom Rainier. Blackwall: Yes. Ahvir: You’re a liar and a murderer.  Are you really trying to make amends, or just trying to keep out of trouble? Blackwall: …A little of both, probably.  Much as I’d like to believe myself noble. Ahvir: At least you admit it.  More than most humans.

///

Blackwall: I feel you glaring at me. Ahvir: I can’t stop thinking about you murdering a bunch of children for coin.  About you letting your men suffer for you. Ahvir: You were supposed to lead them and you left them for dead. Ahvir: You’re pathetic. Blackwall: [ snapping ] I know all of this, Ahvir, I don’t need the reminder.  I’m sure you’ve sinned before.  At least I am trying to make amends.

///

Ahvir: …Ir abelas. Blackwall: Pardon? Ahvir: I’m sorry.  For being cruel.  You’ve made mistakes and you’re trying to fix it, and I shouldn’t have…I’m sorry. Blackwall: Not as though I didn’t deserve it. Ahvir: I wonder if we’re more alike than either of us know.

///

( if a battle has just finished and ahvir is at very low health ) Ahvir: Fe — Fenedhis. Blackwall: Are you alright? Ahvir: I’m fine.  Just hurts like a bitch. Blackwall: Should we rest? Ahvir: If you want to carry me in your arms, you’re welcome to.  Then I can get a really good look at your beautiful eyes and plush lips. Blackwall: — You must be injured. Ahvir: I’ll have you know I’m an obnoxious flirt whether I’m close to death or not.

MISC.

( if the inquisitor goes down ) Ahvir: No!  I won’t let anyone else die! Ahvir: Fenedhis!  He/She’s down! Ahvir: Inquisitor! Ahvir: Someone help the Inquisitor! Ahvir: Shit, my barrier failed!

( if ahvir is very low health ) Ahvir: Shit… Ahvir: That’s a lot of blood… Ahvir: I can’t go on like this. Ahvir: Rem…? Ahvir: Tuelenan, ver em!

( upon being revived ) Ahvir: Huh?  I thought I was back with… Ahvir: Thanks. Ahvir: Ma serrannas. Ahvir: Fenedhis, that hurts.

( entering redcliffe the first time ) Ahvir: This is where the mages came?  I’ve read the stories…was this really the best place for a bunch of mages?

( if the inquisitor goes to recruit the templars after speaking to dorian ) Ahvir: You’re just leaving the mages to fall to Tevinter?

( if the inquisitor conscripted the mages ) Ahvir: They’re prisoners again, just like they were in their towers.  I hope you’re happy.

( if the inquisitor allied with the templars / did not disband them ) Ahvir: Good to know you’d throw your weight behind the group literally built to see people like me culled.

( if something is in the area ) Ahvir: Elf…senses…tingling… Ahvir: I thought I saw something over there. Ahvir: Hm.

( destroying red lyrium ) Ahvir: That’s for my clan. Ahvir: That’s for Isenni. Ahvir: Ir abelas, Lehel. Ahvir: Mamae, Bae.…

( killing red templars ) Ahvir: That’s for my family, you bastard. Ahvir: You killed them!

( killing templars ) Ahvir: That’s for her. Ahvir: FUCKING DIE!

( hostile greeting ) Ahvir: Make it quick. Ahvir: What? Ahvir: Do you need my help again? ( if the inquisitor is human ) Ahvir: Did you need something, shem?

( cold / neutral greeting ) Ahvir: What can I do for you? Ahvir: You need something? Ahvir: What’s going on?

( warm greeting ) Ahvir: You’re back! Ahvir: I’m glad to see you again. Ahvir: Aneth ara.

( friendly greeting ) Ahvir: Lethalan / lethalin! Ahvir: I missed you! Ahvir: I’m glad you’ve come to see me. Ahvir: You’re looking wonderful, as always.

( romanced greeting ) Ahvir: Vhenan! Ahvir: I’m so glad you’re here, ara’lin. Ahvir: My heart jumps into my throat whenever I see you.  Isn’t that funny? Ahvir: I adore you.

[meghanpage]

salt kiss

Pairing: Supercorp

Words: 3045

Also on AO3

---

It had been the perfect plan.

It had started as an offhand quip while the Superfriends had been out at the alien bar. Someone - Kara thinks Maggie - had said what they all needed was a vacation. It had been a number of months since the Daxamite invasion and… everything that went with that, but none of them had really had the chance for a break.

“Well…” James had spoken up thoughtfully, tapping the bottom of his beer bottle against the table. “Why don’t we take one?”

Maggie had looked a little startled at her suggestion being taken seriously, but Winn had agreed so enthusiastically that soon they were all planning a day trip to the beach.

It was perfect - a way for everyone to blow off some steam and reconnect, catch up with each other. The entire group of them would go - Kara, Alex, Maggie, James, Winn, and, to Kara’s delight, Lena.

She had started inviting Lena to hang out with the rest of the Superfriends - game nights and nights out, wanting more than anything to integrate her into the group. Besides being someone she… cared about, Kara knew that Lena deserved more friends, and couldn’t think of a better group of people than her own.

And for the most part, things had been going well. After a bit of initial wariness and a couple talking-to’s for Alex and James, her friends had proved their good hearts and accepted Lena into the group. Kara was still working up to revealing her secret, so she didn’t come to the alien bar - and Kara made sure they only went there when Lena wasn’t available. But it meant that Lena wasn’t there for the planning.

It also meant Kara had the pleasure of inviting Lena herself. The look on Lena’s face when Kara had brought it up had pushed Kara from excited to almost giddy.

The whole group had gotten together again and planned out all the little details - what date they could all get off, when they would leave, whose car they would take, what food they would be bringing.

But one detail Kara hadn’t planned for, which now seems like a huge oversight, is Lena in a bathing suit.

She had been fine in the car, while everyone had shirts or coverups on over their suits. But now they’re on the beach, and the umbrella is set up and everyone has gleefully thrown off their outer layers and…

“Do I look all right?” Lena shifts hesitantly, her hands drifting as if to cover herself.

“Yes!” Kara blurts, pushing her transition lenses up farther as if they can hide her blush. “I just, you…” Lena’s suit is a solid navy blue one piece, dipping daringly between her breasts, the sides open between ladders of thin straps. Her back is almost entirely bare, buttermilk skin exposed down to the the small of her back where three straps connect the vee of the suit. Her dark hair is piled on top of her head in a loose bun, flyaway strands fluttering around the oversized sunglasses she has perched there. “Wow,” Kara finishes lamely.

It’s Lena’s turn to blush, which just serves to make her even prettier. “Thank you. You look lovely as well.”

Kara looks down at her own light blue bikini patterned with waves, a little dingy from the number of times she’s worn it. It pales in comparison to Lena’s classy suit, she thinks, but she just returns the thanks instead of pointing that out.

There’s a bit of an awkward silence as both try to think of something else to say, before it’s broken by Alex’s voice calling from the waves.

“Kara! Come on!”

Kara looks out to where the rest of her friends are already splashing in the waves. Alex is waving from Maggie’s back, and as Kara watches, she yanks back, pulling herself and Maggie down into the surf. Maggie comes up in a mass of flailing limbs while Alex laughs, until Maggie tackles her in revenge. James and Winn have already waded out into the water, their heads bobbing over the breakers.

Kara turns to Lena, jerking her head towards the water. “Want to go in?”

Fiddling with her fingers in front of her, Lena clears her throat, then looks at Kara with an embarrassed smile. “I… well… this is going to sound silly but I… can’t swim.”

“You can’t?” Kara’s mouth opens, dumbfounded, until Lena nods and a wave of guilt washes over her. “Oh, Lena, you should have said! We could have planned something else…”

“No, no, I really wanted to come with you,” Lena hurries to assure her. “I do enjoy the beach. Just, not so much getting in the water.”

“Ok. We’ll just stay on the beach then,” Kara tells her.

Lena puts her hands up, trying to wave Kara’s comment off. “No, I’ll be all right, you should go have fun with your friends…”

Kara steps towards her, lightly touching her arm. “I will be.”

The shy smile Lena gives her makes her heart skip a beat, and she quickly kneels to dig her towel out of her bag. “So, did you bring something to do since we’ll be out of the water?”

Lena pulls a thick book out of her own bag, shaking it playfully. “I came prepared.”

“I’ve never known Lena Luthor to be unprepared,” Kara teases as she shakes her towel out, setting it down outside the shade of the umbrella. “I’m gonna sunbathe for a bit.”

“Did you already put on your sunscreen?” Lena asks, holding out a tube towards her.

“Oh, no, I uh,” Kara stutters, “I don’t really burn.”

Lena frowns sternly at her. “Kara, you know that even if you don’t get burned there’s still the risk of skin cancer. You really need to protect your skin.”

Kara can’t really think of an argument against that, so she huffs and holds out her hand for sunscreen. “Wow, Lena,” she says as she passes it over. “SPF 70?”

Lena shrugs. “What can I say? I’m very white.”

Laughing, Kara squirts out some sunscreen and massages it into her chest and shoulders, missing the way Lena’s eyes follow her every movement.

As she cranes her arm over her shoulder to get her back, Lena jerks forward, holding out her hand. “Here, let me help you.”

Kara hands back over the tube of sunscreen and Lena walks behind her, squeezing some into her palm. She massages it between her hands, attempting to warm it up slightly before tentatively beginning to spread it over Kara’s shoulder blades. Kara shivers as Lena’s fingers smooth across her skin, her nerves feeling almost over-sensitive even for her.

“Sorry, it’s still cold,” Lena apologizes as she continues rubbing in large circles across Kara’s back.

Kara clears her throat, resisting the urge to shift awkwardly. “Right.”

Too soon and not soon enough Lena steps away, wiping excess sunscreen on her legs. “There you go.”

“Um, do you, want me to return the favor?” Kara asks, gesturing towards Lena’s back.

“Oh!” Lena pinks a little. “Sure, thank you.”

She turns away from Kara, baring the expanse of her back to her. Kara clears her throat again, then pours a generous glob of sunscreen into her hand, spreading it between her palms before pressing them to Lena’s skin. Lena jolts slightly at the contact.

“Sorry,” Kara murmurs. “Still cold.”

She hears Lena breathe out a tiny almost-laugh before turning her attention back to the task at hand.

Lena’s skin is smooth and soft, like silk under Kara’s hands. She’s mesmerized by the way her fingers run over it, how the fine little hairs across Lena’s shoulders raise in goosebumps in the wake of her touch, until suddenly she realizes the sunscreen has all been rubbed in and she’s basically just massaging Lena’s back now.

She drops her hands hastily and takes a step back. “All done!” she says a little too brightly. “Sorry it took a bit. I wanted to be… thorough, y’know, ‘cause you’re so white.”

Lena’s laughter chases away the urge to facepalm. “Thank you, I appreciate it.”

She returns the sunscreen to her bag and settles down on her towel in the circle of shade, lowering her sunglasses as she cracks open her book. Kara follows her example and lies down on her own towel, pillowing her head on her arms, unable to resist watching Lena out of the corner of her eye.

A restful silence falls between them as Kara suns her back, then her front, until finally the sound of the waves gets too much for her.

“Hey, Lena?” she calls.

Lena looks up from her book with a, “Hm?”

“We don’t have to go in in but do you want to like, get our feet wet?” she asks, gesturing towards the water once more.

When Lena looks apprehensive, she promises, “I swear we won’t go any farther in than you’re comfortable with.”

“You promise?”

Kara puts her hand up light she’s taking an oath. “Promise.”

Lena glances between Kara and the water a few times before putting her book aside. “Okay,” she says as she climbs to her feet. “But I reserve the right to get out at any time.”

Kara jumps up, brushing sand off herself. “Of course.” She dances excitedly in place for a moment before grabbing Lena’s hand. “C’mon!”

She leads them down to the water’s edge, stopping just where the waves wash over their toes. “Just say when,” she instructs Lena.

Lena nods, her grip on Kara’s hand tightening slightly as they walk into the water.

“Kara, Lena!” Winn calls from farther out, a wave crashing over his shoulders. “Finally joining us?”

“We’re just gonna wade a bit!” Kara calls back to him.

He gives them a thumbs up before a wave pummels into him, knocking him down. Lena tenses until he pops back up, shaking wet hair from his eyes with a laugh.

She and Kara wade in until the water comes above their knees before she tugs lightly on Kara’s hand, drawing her to a stop.

“Here good?” Kara asks.

“Yes,” Lena says hesitantly, kneading the sand with her toes. “This is… nice.”

Kara grins at her, swinging their still-joined hands between them. It takes a bit, but Lena begins to relax in the water, helped along by Kara’s antics. She hops around in the waves, kicking her heels about the foamy crests; crouches down and scuttles like a crab; wiggles her toes until her feet are completely buried in the sand.

A larger wave catches Lena off guard, smacking into her belly and sending spray up towards her face.With an undignified squeak she stumbles backwards and throws her hands up.

Kara tries to stifle a giggle with a hand over her mouth, but the muffled sound still catches Lena’s attention. She sets her hands on her hips, pressing her lips into a frown.

Kara immediately looks contrite. “Shoot, sorry.”

“You should be.” Lena takes up her best stern librarian pose, waggling a reproachful finger at her. “That was very rude.”

Suppressing another giggle, Kara takes a step closer. “I’m sorry, Miss Luthor.”

Lena crosses her arms, lifting her nose in the air and sniffing imperiously.

Kara takes another step. “Would it be even more rude if I did… this?” She stoops quickly, scooping a handful of water to fling at Lena.

It splatters against Lena’s legs, making her jump back. “It would be much more rude!” she exclaims, before a devious look crosses her face. “Unless I were to retaliate.” She bends to push a full two-handed splash straight into Kara’s face.

They both freeze for a second before Lena lets out a playful shriek and takes off, Kara hot on her tail. Kicking and splashing, they race in and out of the shallows, throwing water in every direction. Winn’s head perks up at the commotion, and he hollers, “Water fight!” prompting everyone to run to join them.

Soon the air is full of flying saltwater and foam as everyone does their best to get everyone else completely soaked. Kara jumps on Alex, pulling her down, and the water fight quickly devolves into a dunking competition. Lena mostly skips around the edges, Kara notices, but it looks like she’s still enjoying herself, a grin stretched across her face. Laughter and shouts echo over the waves.

“Uh oh,” James says, wading towards Lena, his arms wide. “I think Lena isn’t quite wet enough.”

She squeals and tries to dodge, but he easily catches her, hauling her up onto his shoulder. He bounces her a few times, making her laughter come out in stuttered bursts, then begins to parade her around as the others throw water at them.

It’s silly, and everyone laughs as she wriggles in his grasp. He starts to wade farther out, but Lena seems okay, playfully pounding on his back, until suddenly James is heaving her from his shoulder and she’s falling towards the waves. She has just enough time to let out a shriek before she hits the water and goes under.

“Lena!” Kara dumps Winn off her back and dives for her. She’s been under for less than a second, but Lena comes up spluttering and coughing, and Kara has to remind herself not to grip her too tight.

She turns for the beach, only pausing long enough to yelp, “She can’t swim!” before sprinting back to their umbrella.

Laying Lena down on her towel with infinite care, she wipes away Lena’s wet hair from her face. Lena’s coughing slows as she catches her breath, and she looks around them in confusion.

“How did we…” She glances back down the beach, where everyone else is still running over the sand, then at Kara’s hands still hovering near her body. “Did you carry me?”

“Um,” Kara fumbles, shrugging awkwardly. “The adrenaline kicked in.”

Lena starts to laugh, but it quickly turns into a cough, forcing her to roll onto her side as her body shakes. Kara shifts closer, one hand rubbing soothing circles on her shoulder while the other cups the back of her head. “It’s okay. You’re okay…” she murmurs.

Lena lets out a long breath as her coughing subsides and rolls back over, straight into Kara’s arms. They stare at each other for a moment, and Kara can hear their hearts beating rapidly in tandem before Lena leans up and ever so softly presses her lips to Kara’s.

All other thoughts fly from Kara’s head - she forgets they’re at the beach, forgets Lena just almost drowned, forgets everything but the sweet taste of Lena’s full lips against hers - until someone loudly clears their throat behind her.

Lena hastily pulls away, blushing furiously, and Kara whips around to find the rest of the Superfriends have caught up to them. They’re all staring off in different directions, ranging from smirking on Maggie’s end to looking completely mortified on Alex’s.

“C’mon Mags, let’s go collect some shells.” Alex grabs her hand and bodily drags Maggie away, but not before Maggie can give them a cheeky grin and a thumbs up.

Winn and James glance at each other before pulling an about-face and heading back towards the ocean. James hipchecks Winn, sending him stumbling.

“I bet I can go farther out in the water and still have my feet touch the sand.”

“Duh you can, you’re taller.”

Once everyone has moved off, Kara turns back to Lena. Lena shifts slightly, and Kara realizes she still has her in her arms. She quickly lets go, sitting back on her heels and letting out a breathless laugh. “So, that was…”

“I’m so sorry,” Lena says, sitting up and turning her face away. “I shouldn’t have sprung on you like that.”

“No, no,” Kara says gently, touching her finger under Lena’s chin to guide her eyes back to her. “Don’t apologize. I, um, I liked it.” She flushes. “I was just gonna say it was awkward that everyone came up right while we were… in the middle of it.”

Lena finally smiles as Kara blushes even harder. “Would you like to pick up where we left off?”

Kara nods, wetting her lips with her tongue. “That would be… nice.”

Lena chuckles as she leans in, her press of lips just as slow and soft as the first. The kiss is lazy and sweet, their lips moving leisurely against each other, simply taking in each other’s feel and taste.

When they finally break apart, Kara can’t keep the smile off her face. “So,” she says. “We’re definitely not going back in the water today.”

Lena chuffs. “Definitely not.”

“So what else do you want to do?” Kara perks up. “Want to build a sand castle? I brought buckets.”

She wriggles happily at Lena’s enthusiastic nod, then digs the shaped pails and shovels out of the pile of belongings under the umbrella.

They work together, carefully crafting towers and walls, placing shells artistically along the crenellations. They even build a moat, although this far up on the beach it’s unlikely to ever fill with water.

After a second’s thought, Kara grabs a broken shell and sticks it in the bottom of the moat, point up. “It’s a spike moat,” she pronounces.

Lena gives her a lopsided grin, and they set about collecting broken twigs and shells and filling the moat with them.

They have just enough time to sit back and admire their creation before the others come straggling back.

“I’m bushed,” Winn groans, flopping down on Kara’s towel. “Anyone else about ready to head home?”

After a chorus of reluctant yeah’s they gather up their things and start packing the car.

Before they all get in, James draws Lena to the side. “Lena, I just wanted to say I’m so sorry for what happened. I never would have thrown you if I’d known you couldn’t swim.”

Lena smiles forgivingly at him. “It’s okay, James, I understand.” She looks over at Kara, her smile growing into something more warm and maybe a little mischievous. “I’m actually kind of glad you did.”

Alex immediately starts making gagging sounds while Maggie grimaces. “Oh, no, that wasn’t good.”

Kara thinks Lena’s laughter over the crash of waves may be the best sound she’s ever heard.

[kendrixtermina]

Hm. I didn’t have any close INFJ friends so I have no practical experience with the actual dynamic/ this will be a mostly theoretical speculative reply. 

But I’d say that similar functions/preferences probably make for some easier communications? 

This is slightly less extreme now that I hit my 20s and can occasionally use my lower function block but I feel like I have this one outward communication channel that is very intuition-based and I’d not be averse to going full rambly or romantic through that, but when ppl don’t really respond to that conceptual/poetic channel I often couldn’t come up with other things to talk about after rattling off recent events. 

This is probably way less hard with the ENTPs since they can extrovert just fine, but it helps immensely when you can understand how they probably ‘mean’ things even when they say it in a manner that could easily piss off ppl. They’re often making a legit point even if they don’t phrase it the best way, and they want a reply that aknowledges/responds the point; A Fi-style reply might not accomplish much. So having any measure of Ti (even tertiary) and genuine interest in concepts probably helps. 

To put it briefly and crunchyly there’s a differece between how someone looks with the ‘interference/static’ of communication mishaps in the way, and how they come off when you understand what the behavior “means”

Due to a mix of your upbringing and having at least some similar functions and certain natural INFJ talents you probably have better insight into the latter.

I do think your parents might play a role I get along pretty well with my relatives, at least better than with the average person, because our mom is an ENFP with various other xNFPs in her family so everyone is used to how Ne users talk, even the one ISFP. It helps that they’re all sorta nerdy creative types regardless of mbti and wildly different temperaments. 

IxFJs are kinda hit n miss because of the general touchyness of the lower functions - there’s some where the conversation and instantly flows and others where there’s little commonality or even adverse reactions particularly when you get the more overbearing sorts of dysfunctional Fe users, but if there are common interests and the other person puts you at ease rather than trying to come off dominating or judgy it can certainly be an advantage. 

Then there’s this socionics dichotomy of “merry”(Fe/Ti) vs “serious” (Te/Fi) which among other things characterizes the latter bunch as approaching relationships through ‘rules’, ‘rituals’ or ‘stages’ whereas the former would rather keep track of the current ‘vibe’ of the conversation and decide based on that 

This seems like it might be an example of this, ie, normally it takes X lenght of time but if we click it might go faster. 

The reason that it kinda takes long sometimes is that since we don’t rly have much Fi going on it takes longer to be ‘sure’/ generate a definite subjective ‘me likey’/’no thanks’ type of response (”Which course of action should we take?” xNTP: “Well, they both have the following advantages, disadvantages implications and neutral characteristics.” “Yes but which one do you want?” xNTP: “In this case none is more reasonable than the other, it comes down to subjective choice.” “Ok but what do you choose” xNTP: “uh.... I gotta think about this some more” Meanwhile most F types will at least know which options they dont like with a marked difference in negotiability between FJs and FPs), and even once it is there the rational faculties are gonna want to double check that it is warranted.  ie, I don’t want to tell anyone ‘I love you’ until I’m sure that I can say so in good conscience. It just so happens that apparently that takes a bit longer than average. But if I was relatively sure early on there’d be no reason not to say it. Though poking Fe in a non-agressive way might probably help since that’s where any type with Fe on their stack would get most of their subjective preference judgements from, at least the ones that ‘convince’ them. 

Whenever I read a post about how slow *ntps are to accept you as a dear friend or loved one, I squint at the post and wonder.... Why is my experience of these guys the opposite? Am I just really used to them cos of my intp dad and entp great grandpa growing up, or do they REALLY like infjs?

Also, why do my *ntps not instantly try to fix my problems when I talk about them? They just sit there and listen, giving emotional support I guess, kind of awkwardly. Even when I say I want them to fix it??? Do I really trigger their Fe THAT MUCH?